What a reality show of a world (Rat Rumble #11)

[RattyMcDaddy]

We fade in on Rat Bastard sitting in front of what appears to be a nice beach setting, his mullet back hair is blowing in a slight breeze. He reaches across what appears to be a coffee table and grabs a night tasty looking frozen drink. The umbrella and customary plastic sword through the cherry look exquisite, the bendy straw bent at a perfect angle to hit his lips as he lifts it. Slowly he takes a sip, the Orange colored frozen concoction flows through the straw quickly.

Ahhhhh, now that's a tasty, nonalcoholic, beverage if I do say so myself. Plus, this location, man it's no wonder why Chris Card does what he does, amirite? I mean to quote Jack Diamond, the great AWF philosopher, "living fast, and spending cash". It must be great to do this all the time Card. To just jet set off to some secluded beach, or fly off to someplace warm when it gets cold. The life you must lead, buckaroo! I mean the life you have lead too, Ya know? Like when you used to be a real wrestler and not such a fuck, what do the cool kids now days call them, social media influencers? You're like the AWF version of a Kardashian, man. 

Rat picks the orange frozen drink up and sips it again.

I just can't put my finger on what Kardashian you are though, Ya know? I mean your bossy, plastic and fake, like Kim. Yet, you parade around like Kendal does in her Instagram feed, in your promos, giving off that living your best life vibe. Maybe your Chris Jenner, being that behind the scenes bossy bitch, or Bruce.....well, I think you get the idea there. In any case though, your promos are like watching a once bright star fade into obscurity on a shit scene of a  reality show. You're the damn Fyre festival of the XHF, Card. Your advertisements are glitz and glamor, models and high-class food, your accommodations are top tier.......

Rat stands up and rips down the fake backdrop behind him. He then walks slightly to the left of that and turns off a fan that was causing his hair to blow in the wind. Rat calmly sits back down and reaches for his drink again taking a sip.

But then it comes to you in the actual ring, it's a letdown. No models, no glitz, no glamor. Just a fucking slice of processed cheese between two pieces of wheat bread. A shit storm of false advertisements with a pinch of flare and bravado. No world-class accommodations, just a weathered and beaten man hiding behind his latest next big thing and boy toy. One thing you are right about, Card, if that I am ingrained in XHF history. I've seen blowhards like you come and go throughout the years. But just like the Fyre Festival, Card, your only as good as your line up. What are you gonna do once Recoba sees through your bullshit, when he wakes up one day and realizes that he is the finance, and you're, you're just high, Card? High on trying to live that good life, high on trying to be that big shot, high on talking down to people like your the man on top of the world. All this jet setting and Cross cuddling has made you a shell of your former self, and soft and squishy like a cup of jello. You say you aren't trying to win the Rumble, if you do then so be it if not, you're there to ruin someone's day. Spoken like a true wash up, boat shoes wearing, cardigan tied around the waist, pink popped collar polo wearing douche bag. 

Rat reaches over and takes another sip of his frozen drink.

Speaking of douche bags, there is Seth Dillion. Mr. Keep My Name Out Your Mouth Himself. I mean you don't normally worry yourself about vermin scurrying about, but you made an exception for me Seth? How honored I am, geez, I mean the Joe Exotic of the AWF noticed me, of all people. I mean I'm not impressed with your accomplishments, but it seems to me that all it takes to turn Ryan to the other team is the Prestige Title and a shirtless tickling match, instead of Tigers and Meth, huh? Your right tho, buddy, I wasn't good enough at Prestige 50 to take the Phoenix Title from Merrick, but I'm sure you know what it's like to not be good enough a bit more then I do, I mean with the way this whole Dennis thing is playing out and all, so if I got a little heartburn over not winning against Merrick, you would be the guy to talk to about not being good enough, right? No? To soon?

Rat finishes his frozen drink. Obnoxiously slurping the last little bit from the bottom of the glass like a kid with a Slurpee.

I think maybe you may need to focus more on the relationships you have and your mental health, more then you need to focus on me and Storm. Have you been taking your meds, pal? You're so up and down and up and down, it's almost like your Recoba on Cards man parts. You superkick your " teammate", then wish that he wins the Rumble, then say you're giving him a shot at the Prestige Title, then snidely remarked him on the way out the door. If this isn't Lindsey Lohan, in a little nerd weird white man's body, I have no idea what it is. All the while this is going on, the one person with common sense in the group, Bloody Fox, is getting treated like a COVID victim by both you and Ryan. Ya know man, I don't even have to trash talk this situation, I'll let it stand alone on its own bipolar merits. You're a dysfunctional piece of shit Seth, and you're not only breaking Ryans' heart, making Fox a fool for still trying, your costing your faction, your team, your family everything they have worked for. You don't have to worry about Cross and Card coming for the tag titles, your doing a good enough job of giving them away before they get a chance to take them from you. People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks, Seth. Now get your non-Rumble participant ass back to glaring aimlessly at your phone and waiting for Dennis to text you. 

Rat stands up, dusts himself off for a second and walks off camera before sticking his head back into the frame.

Oh, yeah, and keep my name out of your mouth. 

Rat winks and makes a clicking sound with his mouth as the scene fades to black.