Zeze Taborda is Stupid Too
Sept 11, 2020 19:47:49 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Venom đź•·, and 4 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Sept 11, 2020 19:47:49 GMT -5
*The camera opens in an arena of indeterminable size; the spotlights are entirely focused on a wrestling ring in the middle so it’s hard to tell anything beyond that. In the middle of the ring is Lord Dominicus holding one of those drop-down mics in his hand. His raspy, Starscream/Cobra Commander-like voice rips through the air*
LD: LAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEEEEEN! Tonight you will be witness to a brutal contest between MAN AND BEAST! But before that…
*He points to the camera and walks towards it, pulling the microphone with him*
LD: I have some words for one of my opponents, Zeze Taborda. Now Zeze in his IGNORANT INNOCENCE does not understand the nature of inter-species wrestling. But I know when to give people credit, he is half right about something. Zeze tried to suggest that human vs creature features such as wrestling a bear are unfair, and it is- to the human. Bears specifically are dangerous and are natural wrestlers. Ask the inspiration for Rocky, Chuck Wepner, who BARBARICALLY BATTLED Victor the Wrestling Bear TWICE! …And lost both times….even though the URSINE OPPONENT was nearly blind and declawed- because bears are natural wrestlers.
*He points at his head.*
LD: See, such matches are not a match of the physical, but of the mental- something that explains why you’d be afraid of a fair affair- because you’d lose. I’m saying you’re dumb, in case you didn’t catch that. It’s all about mind over matter, that’s why they become fair because theoretically humans are smarter- as your demonstration was supposed to show. And yet…
*Dominicus wanders around the ring and the camera changes to follow him.*
LD: Context is key- and it’s pretty clear Zeze, that you haven’t researched any of the stipulations and matches you mocked. Take the two bears who wrestle for the XHF Network; they are special cases- even though bears are INHERENT GRAPPLERS. Triple B has somehow gained the intelligence of a human- making him doubly dangerous since he’s now stronger and smarter than you, specifically. And Goldbear II was trained to wrestle by one of the XHF’s biggest legends. These are not just bears off the streets, they’re bears who have chosen wrestling as a profession and use their knowledge and their strength to overcome us humans. Very dangerous foes indeed.
*He makes claws with his hands at the camera. Then chuckles*
LD: Now the cat? You are WAY OFF BASE with that one. It’s clear you didn’t actually watch All That Glitters- the show where your partner tapped out to Mistress Discipline and lost his mind because of it. Talk about missing context there, haha….hahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*An evil belly laugh comes from the LORD OF DARKNESS*
LD: Some partner you are. Here I thought maybe you’d be a good henchman- I mean you’ve got the…
*Dominicus tries to gesture blankly of what Taborda’s body looks like*
LD: …Henchman flair. But if you’re too SLOW-WITTED to even know what it is you’re talking about then maybe you’re not good enough to hench with the GREAT AND AMAZING DOMINICUS! Because you see, THICK-HEADED TABORDA, Charles isn’t even a real cat! Nausicaa won the XHF Tag-Team Championships with a stuffed animal as her partner! This is an even bigger feat because it means she beat both members of Desolation essentially by herself! But it shows that mind can triumph over matter. She used her SUPERIOR SKILL over their BRUTE FORCE just as I- THE XHF NETWORK’S DARK FOREBODING BLACKNESS- and Danu….
*He puts his hand up.*
LD: No no, I spend time memorizing this- Danu…waana…lhi- will overcome the surprisingly fat Timeless and yourself using our TOP-QUALITIY TECHNIQUES over whatever garbage you guys whip up. And so a woman beat two scary dudes just like Discipline made Timeless tap out- but without the whining attached to it.
*Another movement leads to another camera angle change*
LD: And the pig who won the X*Crown? Give her some respect. THOB was a pig in armor that didn’t move- but her contract stipulated every match she wrestled in was No Disqualification- which allowed her manager to come into the ring and fight her battles. That’s a psychology trick that apparently got past a MEAT-HEAD like yourself. But for somebody as UNRELENTINGLY IGNORANT as yourself, words probably don’t mean much. And so I’ve rented this ring for tonight’s MAIN EVENT!
*He’s in full announcer mode now.*
LD: IN MY CORNER! THE ULTIMATE EVIL IN THIS WORLD, THE EWF SUPERIOR CHAMPION, AND THE SMARTEST MAN IT WOULD SEEM IN NPW, LOOOOORD DOMINICUS! And the challengers….
*He points to the corner opposite him, which has suddenly bee populated by…*
LD: A HERD OF WILD CORGIS!
*They look especially playful. Dominicus tosses the microphone which is quickly pulled back into the rafters as the ring bell sounds. He squares up and approaches the docile looking dogs. And he.....begins to pet them.*
LD: Who’s a vicious bloodthirsty killer? You are! Yes you are! You too! And you!
*He kneels down to pet them easier as they swarm around him looking for pats. Dominicus laughs as he strokes the friendly puppies. The dogs jump on him in love and soon Dominicus is on his back giggling while petting the pack of corgis. Suddenly a ref slides into the ring!*
LD: WHAT!?- hahahahaha- NO!
*He should sit up but the cuteness of the world’s most photogenic dogs overpowers him and the ref counts the 1-2-3, the bell rings. Dominicus finally gets up and dusts himself off.*
LD: There, is that so shameful? Of course not! I just got pinned by the most VICIOUS AND WILY animal, the MIGHTY CORGI!
*One of them is licking his own butthole*
LD: And you, Zeze Taborda and your stupid partner Timeless too shall feel my CORGI-LIKE MIGHT at the September sixteenth show. And then YOU SHALL BE OVERCOME! ALL SHALL BOW TO DOMINICUS….AND OTHER GUY!
*Some of the corgis bark.*
LD: Yes! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*The camera fades as he leans down to play/laugh with them*
LD: LAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEEEEEN! Tonight you will be witness to a brutal contest between MAN AND BEAST! But before that…
*He points to the camera and walks towards it, pulling the microphone with him*
LD: I have some words for one of my opponents, Zeze Taborda. Now Zeze in his IGNORANT INNOCENCE does not understand the nature of inter-species wrestling. But I know when to give people credit, he is half right about something. Zeze tried to suggest that human vs creature features such as wrestling a bear are unfair, and it is- to the human. Bears specifically are dangerous and are natural wrestlers. Ask the inspiration for Rocky, Chuck Wepner, who BARBARICALLY BATTLED Victor the Wrestling Bear TWICE! …And lost both times….even though the URSINE OPPONENT was nearly blind and declawed- because bears are natural wrestlers.
*He points at his head.*
LD: See, such matches are not a match of the physical, but of the mental- something that explains why you’d be afraid of a fair affair- because you’d lose. I’m saying you’re dumb, in case you didn’t catch that. It’s all about mind over matter, that’s why they become fair because theoretically humans are smarter- as your demonstration was supposed to show. And yet…
*Dominicus wanders around the ring and the camera changes to follow him.*
LD: Context is key- and it’s pretty clear Zeze, that you haven’t researched any of the stipulations and matches you mocked. Take the two bears who wrestle for the XHF Network; they are special cases- even though bears are INHERENT GRAPPLERS. Triple B has somehow gained the intelligence of a human- making him doubly dangerous since he’s now stronger and smarter than you, specifically. And Goldbear II was trained to wrestle by one of the XHF’s biggest legends. These are not just bears off the streets, they’re bears who have chosen wrestling as a profession and use their knowledge and their strength to overcome us humans. Very dangerous foes indeed.
*He makes claws with his hands at the camera. Then chuckles*
LD: Now the cat? You are WAY OFF BASE with that one. It’s clear you didn’t actually watch All That Glitters- the show where your partner tapped out to Mistress Discipline and lost his mind because of it. Talk about missing context there, haha….hahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*An evil belly laugh comes from the LORD OF DARKNESS*
LD: Some partner you are. Here I thought maybe you’d be a good henchman- I mean you’ve got the…
*Dominicus tries to gesture blankly of what Taborda’s body looks like*
LD: …Henchman flair. But if you’re too SLOW-WITTED to even know what it is you’re talking about then maybe you’re not good enough to hench with the GREAT AND AMAZING DOMINICUS! Because you see, THICK-HEADED TABORDA, Charles isn’t even a real cat! Nausicaa won the XHF Tag-Team Championships with a stuffed animal as her partner! This is an even bigger feat because it means she beat both members of Desolation essentially by herself! But it shows that mind can triumph over matter. She used her SUPERIOR SKILL over their BRUTE FORCE just as I- THE XHF NETWORK’S DARK FOREBODING BLACKNESS- and Danu….
*He puts his hand up.*
LD: No no, I spend time memorizing this- Danu…waana…lhi- will overcome the surprisingly fat Timeless and yourself using our TOP-QUALITIY TECHNIQUES over whatever garbage you guys whip up. And so a woman beat two scary dudes just like Discipline made Timeless tap out- but without the whining attached to it.
*Another movement leads to another camera angle change*
LD: And the pig who won the X*Crown? Give her some respect. THOB was a pig in armor that didn’t move- but her contract stipulated every match she wrestled in was No Disqualification- which allowed her manager to come into the ring and fight her battles. That’s a psychology trick that apparently got past a MEAT-HEAD like yourself. But for somebody as UNRELENTINGLY IGNORANT as yourself, words probably don’t mean much. And so I’ve rented this ring for tonight’s MAIN EVENT!
*He’s in full announcer mode now.*
LD: IN MY CORNER! THE ULTIMATE EVIL IN THIS WORLD, THE EWF SUPERIOR CHAMPION, AND THE SMARTEST MAN IT WOULD SEEM IN NPW, LOOOOORD DOMINICUS! And the challengers….
*He points to the corner opposite him, which has suddenly bee populated by…*
LD: A HERD OF WILD CORGIS!
*They look especially playful. Dominicus tosses the microphone which is quickly pulled back into the rafters as the ring bell sounds. He squares up and approaches the docile looking dogs. And he.....begins to pet them.*
LD: Who’s a vicious bloodthirsty killer? You are! Yes you are! You too! And you!
*He kneels down to pet them easier as they swarm around him looking for pats. Dominicus laughs as he strokes the friendly puppies. The dogs jump on him in love and soon Dominicus is on his back giggling while petting the pack of corgis. Suddenly a ref slides into the ring!*
LD: WHAT!?- hahahahaha- NO!
*He should sit up but the cuteness of the world’s most photogenic dogs overpowers him and the ref counts the 1-2-3, the bell rings. Dominicus finally gets up and dusts himself off.*
LD: There, is that so shameful? Of course not! I just got pinned by the most VICIOUS AND WILY animal, the MIGHTY CORGI!
*One of them is licking his own butthole*
LD: And you, Zeze Taborda and your stupid partner Timeless too shall feel my CORGI-LIKE MIGHT at the September sixteenth show. And then YOU SHALL BE OVERCOME! ALL SHALL BOW TO DOMINICUS….AND OTHER GUY!
*Some of the corgis bark.*
LD: Yes! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*The camera fades as he leans down to play/laugh with them*
