Write this shit down.
Dec 5, 2020 2:00:46 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by Justin on Dec 5, 2020 2:00:46 GMT -5
PSYWRE101
ATTN: Students, Teacher’s Assistants
Class is in session.
Everyone simmer down, please.
I’m sure you’re familiar with your Professor of Wrestling Psychology, a former multiple time everything in an alphabet soup of places that he can’t be bothered to list and you don’t care about. Now sit down, shut up, put your stupid fucking phones on silent, and write this shit down.
It’s all going to be on the test.
Everybody paying attention then? Fantastic.
First thing’s first, as I feel like this bears not only mentioning, but repeating, and as I’ve already indicated, write this shit down:
Professional Wrestling is not now, nor has it ever been, an athletic exhibition of fairness where men (and women! Inclusion motherfucker!) vie for supremacy through honorable combat and then share in the effervescent spray of sportsmanship whenever possible. That shit is a fucking myth and whoever you people allowed to fuck that lie into your cortexes is absolutely not your friend. As a matter of fact, anybody spouting that bullshit is a verifiable nitwit and will not receive a passing grade in this course.
Now, to save myself the time and anguish of engaging with any of you nimrods on a personal level I’m going to go ahead and give you the answers right now. No studying, no homework, no dissertations. All you have to do is write this shit down and remember it! That way I can wash my hands of you people and anybody that flunks the test will have done so of their own willfully ignorant accord.
Now, here we go:
The Three Tenets of Professional Wrestling
1. Money
In which he who makes the most, wins. On the flipside, he who wins, makes the most. See how that works? To that point, whoever ends up the top earner tends to make the most for everyone else too solely based on good ol’ fashioned trickle down economics. For those of you still confused, that means that I draw the money so that you assholes in the back can collect a paycheck. Figure it out.
2. Eyes on the Product
That is to say, if nobody is watching what you’re doing, then what’s the point? This is a spectator sport, after all, and just because the pandemic has fucked that all up doesn’t change the facts. We may not presently be selling many tickets, but without television ratings, pay-per-view buys, and live-stream subscriptions the business, the XHF Network, and even Northern Pro would all cease to exist. What does this mean to you? Well, it should be obvious but I can tell by your blank faces it isn’t so I’ll spell it out for you. Try to be entertaining, maybe even relevant, carrying you people is starting to affect my posture.
3. Championships
Title belts. Tournament trophies. Year End awards. Giant popularity contest Top 100 lists. A win is a fucking win and isn’t that the entire point? To put yourself at the top of your chosen profession should always be number one on your To-Do Lists, get it? If it isn’t, seriously, why are you here? Go sling hot indigestion at Taco Bell or something if you’re not going to focus your efforts on getting to and staying on the top of the mountain.
There you have it, children, in the most pedestrian way that I can put it.
Wrap it all up into a neat little package and what do you have?
Status, people. The measure of success isn’t whether or not your opponent shook your hand at the end of the match or if the idiots in the crowd gave you a bunch of “This is Awesome” or “Fight Forever” chants. The entire point is to acquire the most of all three tenets, more than your friends and especially more than your enemies! It’s how many people paid to see you win! It’s how many hundred dollar bills that Gus stuffs in that little envelope for you at the end of the night! It’s how many fucking trophies you can display at home in a glass case.
That I have to repeat this lesson until I’m blue in the face is likely the reason that I've got a gut full of ulcers and have been dying my hair for the better part of a decade.
So there you go, the next time you’re asking yourself what’s wrong with Eric Dane the answer is I fell off the deep end after smashing my head against a concrete wall trying to help bring you young bucks along and make something out of you. To be fair, this is likely my own fault for trying. I can’t help myself though, I was raised in this business to leave it better than I found it and I can tell you people one thing above all else…
You are neither as good as nor are you better than your predecessors.
None of you.
You don’t get to just say whatever ignorant drivel that bubbles up in the drainage ditch that you people call brains and all of a sudden it’s spoken into truth. At best it’s bullshit, and at worst it’s the kind of fake news that turned this country orange for four years. So do me, and more importantly yourselves a favor when it comes test time on the 17th. Please, bring your notes because of course you’ve written this all down, and try to actually apply some of it to your examination.
And kids, please remember.
I’ll be administering this exam personally.
Before you ask, no, I do not grade on a curve.
Before one of you fuckwits gets the stupid idea that I've singled you out, please understand that I haven't. Consider the proceeding as a free lesson to everyone involved. TA’s included, every last one of you at the very least needs a refresher. Some of you daft pricks need a fucking remedial course, but that shit’s so far below my pay grade that I’m not even going to consider it.
With that, class is dismissed.
Oh, and one other thing. I lied. Homework is due the 14th, bonus points for saying literally anything that I haven’t heard six times already this week.
ATTN: Students, Teacher’s Assistants
Class is in session.
Everyone simmer down, please.
I’m sure you’re familiar with your Professor of Wrestling Psychology, a former multiple time everything in an alphabet soup of places that he can’t be bothered to list and you don’t care about. Now sit down, shut up, put your stupid fucking phones on silent, and write this shit down.
It’s all going to be on the test.
Everybody paying attention then? Fantastic.
First thing’s first, as I feel like this bears not only mentioning, but repeating, and as I’ve already indicated, write this shit down:
Professional Wrestling is not now, nor has it ever been, an athletic exhibition of fairness where men (and women! Inclusion motherfucker!) vie for supremacy through honorable combat and then share in the effervescent spray of sportsmanship whenever possible. That shit is a fucking myth and whoever you people allowed to fuck that lie into your cortexes is absolutely not your friend. As a matter of fact, anybody spouting that bullshit is a verifiable nitwit and will not receive a passing grade in this course.
Now, to save myself the time and anguish of engaging with any of you nimrods on a personal level I’m going to go ahead and give you the answers right now. No studying, no homework, no dissertations. All you have to do is write this shit down and remember it! That way I can wash my hands of you people and anybody that flunks the test will have done so of their own willfully ignorant accord.
Now, here we go:
The Three Tenets of Professional Wrestling
1. Money
In which he who makes the most, wins. On the flipside, he who wins, makes the most. See how that works? To that point, whoever ends up the top earner tends to make the most for everyone else too solely based on good ol’ fashioned trickle down economics. For those of you still confused, that means that I draw the money so that you assholes in the back can collect a paycheck. Figure it out.
2. Eyes on the Product
That is to say, if nobody is watching what you’re doing, then what’s the point? This is a spectator sport, after all, and just because the pandemic has fucked that all up doesn’t change the facts. We may not presently be selling many tickets, but without television ratings, pay-per-view buys, and live-stream subscriptions the business, the XHF Network, and even Northern Pro would all cease to exist. What does this mean to you? Well, it should be obvious but I can tell by your blank faces it isn’t so I’ll spell it out for you. Try to be entertaining, maybe even relevant, carrying you people is starting to affect my posture.
3. Championships
Title belts. Tournament trophies. Year End awards. Giant popularity contest Top 100 lists. A win is a fucking win and isn’t that the entire point? To put yourself at the top of your chosen profession should always be number one on your To-Do Lists, get it? If it isn’t, seriously, why are you here? Go sling hot indigestion at Taco Bell or something if you’re not going to focus your efforts on getting to and staying on the top of the mountain.
There you have it, children, in the most pedestrian way that I can put it.
Wrap it all up into a neat little package and what do you have?
Status, people. The measure of success isn’t whether or not your opponent shook your hand at the end of the match or if the idiots in the crowd gave you a bunch of “This is Awesome” or “Fight Forever” chants. The entire point is to acquire the most of all three tenets, more than your friends and especially more than your enemies! It’s how many people paid to see you win! It’s how many hundred dollar bills that Gus stuffs in that little envelope for you at the end of the night! It’s how many fucking trophies you can display at home in a glass case.
That I have to repeat this lesson until I’m blue in the face is likely the reason that I've got a gut full of ulcers and have been dying my hair for the better part of a decade.
So there you go, the next time you’re asking yourself what’s wrong with Eric Dane the answer is I fell off the deep end after smashing my head against a concrete wall trying to help bring you young bucks along and make something out of you. To be fair, this is likely my own fault for trying. I can’t help myself though, I was raised in this business to leave it better than I found it and I can tell you people one thing above all else…
You are neither as good as nor are you better than your predecessors.
None of you.
You don’t get to just say whatever ignorant drivel that bubbles up in the drainage ditch that you people call brains and all of a sudden it’s spoken into truth. At best it’s bullshit, and at worst it’s the kind of fake news that turned this country orange for four years. So do me, and more importantly yourselves a favor when it comes test time on the 17th. Please, bring your notes because of course you’ve written this all down, and try to actually apply some of it to your examination.
And kids, please remember.
I’ll be administering this exam personally.
Before you ask, no, I do not grade on a curve.
Before one of you fuckwits gets the stupid idea that I've singled you out, please understand that I haven't. Consider the proceeding as a free lesson to everyone involved. TA’s included, every last one of you at the very least needs a refresher. Some of you daft pricks need a fucking remedial course, but that shit’s so far below my pay grade that I’m not even going to consider it.
With that, class is dismissed.
Oh, and one other thing. I lied. Homework is due the 14th, bonus points for saying literally anything that I haven’t heard six times already this week.
