Post by gmaybury on Apr 11, 2021 15:25:09 GMT -5
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(Gaz Maybury is near his tent, face like thunder, hitting a tree with an axe like Ike did Tina)
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Gaz: Fucking Whezl. Fat cunt.
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Gaz: Fucking Mayberry? Cheeky bastard!
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Gaz: Maybury! Like I May Bury his fucking corpse. Mouthy shithouse
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Gaz: Pseudo intellectual tithead. Hanging around with some bloody lad wearing more leather than the bastard biker from the Village People.
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Gaz: Colossus? He's nothing but a lanky streak of piss. Colossus. He'll be tiny after I kick him in the bollocks. Full pelt. Toe poke right in the pills. Scott fucking Steel. Bollocks. That's all he is. He has a porn star's name and dresses like a bloody gimp.
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(A van turns up. Parks. And out comes an old face)
Gaz: Fucking hell. The things you see when you haven't got a gun. Violent Dave!
(Yes, it's Violent Dave McCreadie. Former Tag Team partner of Gaz Maybury)
VD: Get in the Van.
Gaz: Go fuck.
VD: Listen. I've rented this pissing van from fucking Avis. And it wasn't cheap.
Gaz: I'd rather shit in my hands an clap.
(A woman's voice appears from the van)
Woman's voice: GET THE FUCK IN!
Gaz: Bollocks, if I listened to women I'd be far less divorced.
(The woman gets out of the van. One of the finest wrestlers of all time, Gemma Lockhart)
Gemma: You've always been a prick.
Gaz: And that's why you love me.
(Gaz runs over for a hug, which is returned)
Gaz: How about a snog?
(Gemma knees Gaz full pelt in the bollocks. He doubles over and dry retches)
Gemma: I love you platonically. Keep your cock in your strides.
VD: Get in the fucking van Maybury!
Gaz: Fuck me sideways. Fine then.
(The three enter the van. Dave drives, and Gaz and Gemma sit on the front passenger two seater. It pulls away)
Gemma: Get your fucking hand off my lap.
Gaz: Sorry.
VD: Anyway. We're going to drive you to Toronto. As we want a word.
Gaz: A word?
VD: Aye, a word. You're talking to a fucking invisible dog. And, quite frankly, you're shite.
Gaz: What do you mean shite?
VD: Below Par, dump, you can ruin a wet dream at the moment.
Gaz: Eh?
VD: Fucks sakes Maybury. Nobody wants to see you going insane you fat prick. They want to see you in a very tight pair of red trunks. No-one wants to here you moan and act hard. People know you're hard.
Gaz: I'm I'm always hard when-
Gemma: Don't even try it.
VD: Look. People want to see you fall into rivers, be obsessed with tennis, drink 16 pints and get lost on the way to the arena.
Gaz: Well I disag-
VD: Disagree bollocks. Remember years ago? When you tried to be a fucking rum old tough guy? Gazz TNT Maybury? AS YOU'LL EXPLODE! It was embarrassing mate. What saved your career?
Gaz: We were thrown together an-
VD: Yup, we were thrown together as a tag team after I beat you the week before, and we went all the way in a tournament to the final. We lost the final, fair enough, but we made it that far. And what took us that far?
Gaz: Well if I rem-
VD: “If I remember”, bollocks. Listen to yourself. We went out. We drank 20 pints, and you stopped being such an earnest bastard. Gazz TNT Maybury fucking died! However, Mr Great? Mr Great didn't give a toss.
Gemma: I've seen this Scott Steel. He may look like and act like a sex offender, but he's not a sex offender. He's a fucking brute. And you being a mopey tosser has no chance against him.
VD: What day is it today?
Gaz: It's the 11th of April! It's my birthday.
VD: And do you know what your present is from me? A bit of fucking info. That lanky dominatrix dressed arseless chaps mullet boy's going to twat Gareth Maybury and his fucking magical dog. However, Mr Great would get twatted by him too, but Mr Great would take that beating like a Salvation Army drum and still win. Mr Great has defeated the finest in the industry. Gaz Maybury is a moaning fucker who's beaten nothing but a bloody egg.
Gemma: Put on those old, almost obscene red trunks you used to wear.
VD: Come out to the Wild Rover. And in the words of my d...
Mr Great: Words of your dad? Listen Dave you absolute dole thief. I've heard some shite in my time, I speak most of it, but coming from a man like your self who's got cultured society living in the crack of his arse as he's a stranger to the bath, I take bloody affront., And You, Lockhart. One of the finest wrestlers of all time, be it male, female or bloody any old thing and, well do you fancy a shag? I mean I'm not so much desperate but you'd be doing me a favour.
Gemma: You are fucking abhorrent. Welcome back.
Mr Great: If my back's welcome, my front should get the keys to the fucking mansion. And Scott Steel. Sodding Alliterative bellend, just like his good mate Bellend Bendal, or Cheesy Cockend or whatever it is. And he thinks he's big just because he's big. Bollocks. Every morning when I drop anchor in the shithouse I've expunged bigger, more dangerous, and certainly more fierce. Scott Steel, Scott Steel, more like he needs to steal some soap, as when he drops with dodgy leather stuff the whiff from under his farmers hat beneath his cheap boxer shorts would wipe out a nation. And yes, I am accussing you of having a smelly dick. Because that's the level that MR GREAT operates at.
BOLLOCKS. FUCK IT ALL!!!!
VD: Welcome back.
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(Gaz Maybury is near his tent, face like thunder, hitting a tree with an axe like Ike did Tina)
CHOP
CHOP
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Gaz: Fucking Whezl. Fat cunt.
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
Gaz: Fucking Mayberry? Cheeky bastard!
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
Gaz: Maybury! Like I May Bury his fucking corpse. Mouthy shithouse
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
Gaz: Pseudo intellectual tithead. Hanging around with some bloody lad wearing more leather than the bastard biker from the Village People.
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
Gaz: Colossus? He's nothing but a lanky streak of piss. Colossus. He'll be tiny after I kick him in the bollocks. Full pelt. Toe poke right in the pills. Scott fucking Steel. Bollocks. That's all he is. He has a porn star's name and dresses like a bloody gimp.
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
(A van turns up. Parks. And out comes an old face)
Gaz: Fucking hell. The things you see when you haven't got a gun. Violent Dave!
(Yes, it's Violent Dave McCreadie. Former Tag Team partner of Gaz Maybury)
VD: Get in the Van.
Gaz: Go fuck.
VD: Listen. I've rented this pissing van from fucking Avis. And it wasn't cheap.
Gaz: I'd rather shit in my hands an clap.
(A woman's voice appears from the van)
Woman's voice: GET THE FUCK IN!
Gaz: Bollocks, if I listened to women I'd be far less divorced.
(The woman gets out of the van. One of the finest wrestlers of all time, Gemma Lockhart)
Gemma: You've always been a prick.
Gaz: And that's why you love me.
(Gaz runs over for a hug, which is returned)
Gaz: How about a snog?
(Gemma knees Gaz full pelt in the bollocks. He doubles over and dry retches)
Gemma: I love you platonically. Keep your cock in your strides.
VD: Get in the fucking van Maybury!
Gaz: Fuck me sideways. Fine then.
(The three enter the van. Dave drives, and Gaz and Gemma sit on the front passenger two seater. It pulls away)
Gemma: Get your fucking hand off my lap.
Gaz: Sorry.
VD: Anyway. We're going to drive you to Toronto. As we want a word.
Gaz: A word?
VD: Aye, a word. You're talking to a fucking invisible dog. And, quite frankly, you're shite.
Gaz: What do you mean shite?
VD: Below Par, dump, you can ruin a wet dream at the moment.
Gaz: Eh?
VD: Fucks sakes Maybury. Nobody wants to see you going insane you fat prick. They want to see you in a very tight pair of red trunks. No-one wants to here you moan and act hard. People know you're hard.
Gaz: I'm I'm always hard when-
Gemma: Don't even try it.
VD: Look. People want to see you fall into rivers, be obsessed with tennis, drink 16 pints and get lost on the way to the arena.
Gaz: Well I disag-
VD: Disagree bollocks. Remember years ago? When you tried to be a fucking rum old tough guy? Gazz TNT Maybury? AS YOU'LL EXPLODE! It was embarrassing mate. What saved your career?
Gaz: We were thrown together an-
VD: Yup, we were thrown together as a tag team after I beat you the week before, and we went all the way in a tournament to the final. We lost the final, fair enough, but we made it that far. And what took us that far?
Gaz: Well if I rem-
VD: “If I remember”, bollocks. Listen to yourself. We went out. We drank 20 pints, and you stopped being such an earnest bastard. Gazz TNT Maybury fucking died! However, Mr Great? Mr Great didn't give a toss.
Gemma: I've seen this Scott Steel. He may look like and act like a sex offender, but he's not a sex offender. He's a fucking brute. And you being a mopey tosser has no chance against him.
VD: What day is it today?
Gaz: It's the 11th of April! It's my birthday.
VD: And do you know what your present is from me? A bit of fucking info. That lanky dominatrix dressed arseless chaps mullet boy's going to twat Gareth Maybury and his fucking magical dog. However, Mr Great would get twatted by him too, but Mr Great would take that beating like a Salvation Army drum and still win. Mr Great has defeated the finest in the industry. Gaz Maybury is a moaning fucker who's beaten nothing but a bloody egg.
Gemma: Put on those old, almost obscene red trunks you used to wear.
VD: Come out to the Wild Rover. And in the words of my d...
Mr Great: Words of your dad? Listen Dave you absolute dole thief. I've heard some shite in my time, I speak most of it, but coming from a man like your self who's got cultured society living in the crack of his arse as he's a stranger to the bath, I take bloody affront., And You, Lockhart. One of the finest wrestlers of all time, be it male, female or bloody any old thing and, well do you fancy a shag? I mean I'm not so much desperate but you'd be doing me a favour.
Gemma: You are fucking abhorrent. Welcome back.
Mr Great: If my back's welcome, my front should get the keys to the fucking mansion. And Scott Steel. Sodding Alliterative bellend, just like his good mate Bellend Bendal, or Cheesy Cockend or whatever it is. And he thinks he's big just because he's big. Bollocks. Every morning when I drop anchor in the shithouse I've expunged bigger, more dangerous, and certainly more fierce. Scott Steel, Scott Steel, more like he needs to steal some soap, as when he drops with dodgy leather stuff the whiff from under his farmers hat beneath his cheap boxer shorts would wipe out a nation. And yes, I am accussing you of having a smelly dick. Because that's the level that MR GREAT operates at.
BOLLOCKS. FUCK IT ALL!!!!
VD: Welcome back.