Battleground #39 : Off The Hook! (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Andrew Fulton : Welcome back folks. Where the hell have you been? Who told you you could go anywhere? Sit through the adverts you fool this is a live show. You could miss something epic whilst you make a cup of tea. You can make tea anytime…

Jeremy Tucker : Take it easy Andrew. I think Andrew has had one too many coffees ladies and gentlemen, but rest assured you really are welcome back from the break....

Andrew Fulton : Sorry folks… I am just so into this event that I can’t believe anyone would find time to do anything else but sit down and watch. KGB ; Armand von Krauss, Frostbite & Joanne Canelli take on Pequeno Dinosauro, Union Jack & Lucky Linda La Fey… And you risk missing a second of that? Why?

Jeremy Tucker : The Bandits did what they do in Cleveland retaining the Tag Team belts from The Hellhounds and after losing Dane they’ve replaced him with The Founder. Paul Soutter. Pequeno and Jack have no love lost for them, neither does Lucky Linda and the three of them unite to settle old scores in this battle for the ages.

Andrew Fulton : Tornado Six Man Tag Team… Chaos incarnate… And you’d risk missing the entrance of these guys for… Tea and biscuits?

“Linger,” by the Cranberries hits and Lucky Linda makes her way down the ramp way, high fiving the fans.

Frank Salazar : The following contest is a Tornado Six Man Tag Team matched scheduled for ONE fall! Introducing first, in the red corner, hailing from Dublin, Ireland. Coming in at 5’5 and 130 pounds .... LUCKY LINDA LA FEY!!!

Andrew Fulton : You see how quickly she got to the ring? You almost missed that. I almost missed it and I’m sat in commentary… Think on viewers. Think on.

Jeremy Tucker : Andrew would you like a cup of tea… to take your Xanax with?

Andrew Fulton : I’m alright Jerry. I’m fine.

Andrew pops a pill with a glass of water on the table and gives a big sigh as the cameras switch back to the entranceway. A booming voice from nowhere fills the arena, like an excited chihuahua with no social filter, the unseen speaker tries to sound tough despite the like a childlike inflection to his voice.

Lil' MC: "You Ready for this, bitch?! We 'bout to have a mother fuckin' Picnic, Yo!"

The arena is plunged into silent darkness for several moments. From the darkness, the sound of police sirens and distant gunfire rings out. After a moment or two, it seems the sound is gradually moving closer. The expected red and blue flashing of strobing beacon lights fills the stage, silhouetting a lone figure standing in the darkness. As the noise builds, the figure raises its arms out to the sides; a flowing cape obscures the shape further… Then a sudden drop of heavy rock completely drowns out the sound effects and the entire arena is filled with music, flashing red and blue lights and a sense of urgency. The near screamed lyrics from “The Bear” by Green Jelly booms over the PA System.

The figure on stage throws the bear skin trimmed union flag cape back, revealing his Union Flag Bear mask and blue singlet. He thrashes rhythmically to the music, his cape billowing behind him. A shorter Man-Bear bursts through the curtain and runs excitedly around on the stage, looping around our gyrating star. The small bear drops to his knees and skids across the stage stopping right in front of the ramp before the Luchador. He pops up to his feet and starts furiously strumming the plastic penis that hangs from the front of his costume, the sound of the little bell amplified by the megaphone he is holding close to his crotch.

Lil' MC: "You darn fool, you darn fool, can't you plainly see? Hey!"

Union Jack rushes forward and leaps over Lil' MC in a split leg jump.

Lil' MC: "The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. Hey!"

The bemused crowd give a mixed reaction as the two men peel off in different directions, Jack veering right, Lil' MC heading left.

Lil' MC: “The other side of the mountain was all that he could see, so!"

Both men move to opposite sides of the ring and dive under the bottom rope, sliding into the ring.

Lil' MC: "He went back over the mountain to see what he could see. Hey!"

Jack pops up to his feet and stands with his arms spread wide in the center of the ring, while Lil' MC poses on one knee in front, furiously strumming his penis as the houselights settle and the music fades off.

Frank Salazar : And also in the red corner, at 6’1” and 220 pounds, from Norwich, England … UNION JACK!

Andrew Fulton : Did he say “Norich”? There’s a W in the middle there according to his profile here.

Jeremy Tucker : And I see plenty of W’s in this guy’s future Andrew. And Frank Salazar, being a consummate professional, pronounced that just right.

Andrew Fulton : That was the cheesiest thing you’ve said all night… But it was clever, so here’s a biscuit.

Jeremy Tucker : Thanks. The W is silent. Like we wish you were sometimes.

Frank Salazar : And lastly for this team we introduce, weighing in at one hundred and fifty-five pounds ... Pequeno… Dinosaurio!!!!

’Walk the Dinosaur’ by Was Not Was starts to play, fans, especially the younger ones, begin clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song. Pequeno bounds out to the top of the ramp in dramatic fashion, he enjoys his music for a moment then begins to jog down to the ring, the fans giving him a great reception. Dark green scaled boots lead to a slight fade to light green as his tights approach his waist. His scaled costume complete with cape giving him the look of a pterodactyl. He stops halfway to the ring, takes in the view of the social distanced capacity crowd, claps the crowd for being there for him and continues his jog to the ring, high fiving the fans.

Jeremy Tucker : Former TV Champion and clearly a fan favourite here…

Andrew Fulton : Former reptile house janitor, insane asylum resident and SWAT lunch box sales sensation, the kids love him.

Jeremy Tucker : What?

Andrew Fulton : Sorry, most of that wasn’t true, probably, apart from the lunch box bit; this guy’s merchandise sales are through the roof. I think I will have that Xanax now if that’s still an option?

[”Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing as Armand von Krauss walks out from the back. He looks around at the crowd with an arrogant smirk before lighting up an Egyptian cigarette. Frostbite and Joanne Canelli join Armand at either elbow in a similar confident manor. Armand walks down to the ring while smoking his cigarette, soaking in the boos from the crowd. Once he gets down to the ring, he flicks the cigarette butt into the crowd. He steps through the ropes and leans in his corner. Frostbite sits on the middle rope to make Joanne Canelli’s entry to the ring easier. Canelli nods her gratitude and enters the ring regally. Frostbite steps into the ring and runs the ropes a couple of times before stopping, flexing his biceps and throwing his arms up for appreciation and only gets boos.]

Frank Salazar : Introducing now… In the blue corner… hailing from Cologne, Germany… one half of the SWAT World Tag Team Champions… Coming in at 6’2 and 245 pounds …. Representing the KGB! ARMAND… VON… KRAUSS!!!

And his tag partner, hailing from Boulder, Colorado… Coming in at 6’2 and 225 pounds..... The Cold Hearted Bastard... FROSTBITE!!!

Frank Salazar: And last but not least, hailing from The Jersey Shore, standing in at 5'11", weighing 135 pounds... "THE DON" herself….. JOOOOOOOAAAAAANNNNNNNEEEEEEEE CAAAAAANELLLLIIIIIIIIII!!!

Andrew Fulton : The referee has demanded that Lil MC go to the backstage. This type of match gets hectic enough without managers, mascots or whatever his is being caught up in the mix…

Jeremy Tucker : The bell has rung and Linda sprints straight between Armand and Frostbite and ducks their attempted double clothesline and spears Canelli to the floor and throws some furious punches on the downed Canelli, until Frostbite recovers his balance and boots Linda savagely in the ribs…

Andrew Fulton : Jack and Dino arrive and lay in chops on Armand and Frostbite and they have them staggered… Jack and Dino take Armand and Frostbite to opposite sets of ropes and Irish whip the Tag champs at each other! …but Armand shouts something in German and throws his head down… Frostbite responds by rolling smartly over Armand’s back and clotheslining Jack to the outside over the top rope! …Armand stands up proud of himself for the quick thinking and Dino hits him with a devastating superkick… Armand rolls to the outside clutching his chin and trying to get his bearings… Frostbite and Dino face off in the middle of the ring… Dino coils back and pushes Frostbite full in the chest and rocks him back a step or two… Frostbite comes straight back and pushes Dino in the same way and Dino falls backwards under the force but rolls backwards and stylishly regains his feet… It looks like there’s going to a straight up blazing fist fight between the two men… but out of nowhere Linda hits Frostbite with a springboard bulldog and Canelli hits Dino with a one hand sit out bulldog of her own! This is pandemonium and I love it!

Jeremy Tucker : Armand and Jack have found each other on the outside and are exchanging punches… Jack hits Armand with a sweet European uppercut, but as he begins to fall backwards under the force of the blow Armand reaches out and thumbs Jack in the eye as he falls to the floor holding his jaw... Canelli and Linda are in a clinch... Canelli breaks the grapple off in a vicious eye rake and Linda recoils away clasping the ropes in her temporary sightless state… Dino is back up and crosses over to kick Canelli for her dirty tactics?! But Frostbite is there to kick Dino’s standing foot out from under him and the kick on Canelli doesn’t connect… Dino clutches his leg and Frostbit begins to stamp on the seemingly injured leg… Canelli grabs Linda by the hair and pounds her head off the nearest turnbuckle… Canelli laughs at Linda and goes to bounce her head off of the top turnbuckle again, but Linda throws up a boot to the second turnbuckle to block the move… Linda stuns Canelli with a stiff heart punch…

Andrew Fulton : Right between those lovely breasts…

Jeremy Tucker : Indeed… And Linda follows up by pounding Canelli’s head off the top turnbuckle 3 times and Canelli falls to the floor… Linda stomps on the downed Canelli until Canelli rolls to the outside to avoid the stinging kicks from Linda…

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite has Dino in a legbar and is leaning into the hold for all he’s worth… Linda crosses over bleary eyed and sliding dropkicks Frostbite in the face… Frostbite drops the hold and frees himself from the tangled legs as Linda gets back up and stomps in Frostbite’s chest…Frostbite is clearly feeling the blows, but he forces himself back to his feet through the blows… Linda gets in a couple of punches that rock Frostbite onto his heels… but Frostbite throws out a mighty hand and grabs Linda by the throat… Linda clasps at Frostbite’s iron grip and gasps for air… Frostbite is still stunned from the punches but holds onto his grasp of Linda’s throat, if nothing else but to keep her at arm’s length as he shakes out the cobwebs... Linda judo chops Frostbite’s wrist but he won’t let her loose… Frostbite lifts Linda off her feet by the throat in a huge feat of strength… but Dino is back up and clips Frostbite off his feet from behind with a vicious chop block and Frostbite has finally let Linda go… Linda slumps into the nearest corner gasping for breath…

Jeremy Tucker : Meanwhile on the outside… Jack has recovered from his thumb in the eye and after weathering some punches from Armand, drops back a couple of paces, sprints at Armand, leaps and headscissors Armand and spins around sending Armand tumbling face first into the nearest ring guard rail! Jack goes to follow up but Canelli blindsides him with a flying forearm to the back of the head! Canelli stomps on Jack as Armand wipes a bead of blood from his nose and struggles to get up using the guard rail…Canelli and Armand stand over Jack and stomp on him… but out of the blue Linda arrives in a huge suicide dive from the top rope to the outside!!!!

Andrew Fulton : Armand and Canelli are sent sprawling, Canelli into the nearby ring steps and poor Armand face first back into that same section of guard rail!!! Jack seemed fortuitously placed to break the worst of Linda’s remaining fall after hitting Armand and Canelli.

Jeremy Tucker : Fortuitously? Haven’t heard you use that word before.

Andrew Fulton : Yeah it’s a big word for this late in a show. That Xanax is starting to work.

Jeremy Tucker : In the ring Dino has Frostbite in a Figure Four Leg Lock! …Frostbite is struggling… That chop block seems to have done some damage and Frostbite looks in a bad place…

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite is trying to turn this thing over… Frostbite is brute forcing his way over even with Dino leaning into the hold and trying to keep Frostbite down… Frostbite has turned it over! …Now the pressure is on Dino’s injured leg and he’s the one suffering…

Jeremy Tucker : The referee is asking Dino if he submits…

Andrew Fulton : I’d forgotten we had a referee… I guess there are no weapons being thrown around yet, so I guess he’s doing a passable job…

Jeremy Tucker : Dino is trying to turn the Figure Four back over… Dino pounds on the mat with his fist asking for support from the crowd

Andrew Fulton : No he’s tapping out… ring the bell…

Jeremy Tucker : Would you quit it? He’s clearly not submitting…

Andrew Fulton : Pounding… tapping… it’s semantic …ring the damned bell?!

Jeremy Tucker : The fans are getting behind Dino as Frostbite yells out a mighty “shut up” to the crowd… Dino is feeding on their energy and has gradually and painfully turned the Figure Four back over and Frostbite is beside himself with pain… The referee is asking him if he submits… Frostbite grabs a fist full of the referee’s shirt and pushes him forcefully away as his answer…

Andrew Fulton : Linda and Jack have just done a double suplex on Armand out on the ramp! …but that also means that they’ve lost track of Canelli …Canelli rolls into the ring and kicks Dino in the face… Canelli fights with the tangle of their legs and frees Frostbite from the hold…

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite looks less than appreciative; I think I heard him say “what took you so long”…

Andrew Fulton : That’s just the pain talking, I’m sure he’s thankful deep down…

Jeremy Tucker : Linda and Jack are headed back to the ring to help Dino… Armand looked to be in immense pain with his back on the ramp, but as Dino goes to head back to the ring Armand stumbles up behind him and slips a swift forearm low blow that floors Jack in the aisle… Linda runs on, unsighted to what happened to Jack, and dives into the ring to confront Canelli…

Andrew Fulton : Armand caresses the small of his back as he looks around the floor for something… Armand has found one of the power cables running alongside the ramp and gathered up a big length of it and is strangling Jack with it!

Jeremy Tucker : Linda and Canelli are exchanging blows in the middle of the ring as Frostbite and Dino drag themselves up in their corners trying to get the blood flowing in their pain ridden legs…

Andrew Fulton : Dino looks like he’s going to head after Frostbite, but swerves to break up the fight between Linda and Canelli… He spins Canelli around and Moonsault axe kick!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Canelli is sent tumbling to the nearest turnbuckles and looks practically KOed… Dino is left clutching his leg on the floor though… the strain of that kick has only made his injury worse…

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite big boots Linda and sends her reeling into the turnbuckles where she slumps and tries to gather herself…

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbites drags up Dino… Sends him up into the vertical… SNOWSTORM!!! ( a front brainbuster)

Andrew Fulton : But what’s this? Linda is on the top rope… As Frostbite is about to get back up from delivering the Snowstorm, Linda has timed her jump perfectly and… LUCKY DIP (450 top rope splash)

Jeremy Tucker : The timing was amazing!!! A second later and she would have been eating mat, a second earlier and she would probably have hit a falling Dinosaurio... Linda hooks a leg and covers…

… … 1

… … 2

And Canelli makes the last ditch diving save…

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite is still down and clutching his chest… Dino has rolled to the edge of the ring and dropped to the arena floor in the hopes of buying himself some recovery time…

Jeremy Tucker : Out on the floor the referee has been too busy to realise that a weapon has been in play practically this whole time… Armand has throttled Jack until he is unconscious!

Andrew Fulton : He’s still breathing… quit being a drama queen about it…

Jeremy Tucker : Armand struggles to dead lift Jack up onto the apron and rolls Jack into the ring… Linda can’t work out what’s happened to Jack but she steps through the ropes and kicks Armand in the face and sends him sprawling… Linda crosses over to Jack and tries to wake him… Canelli interrupts this with a running knee to the side of Linda’s head and the impact knocks Linda through the ropes and down to the outside…

Andrew Fulton : Armand and Linda face off and Linda blocks a punch and standing dropkicks Armand down… Canelli has left the ring also and sneaks in behind Linda… Linda goes to follow up on Armand when she is spun around by Canelli and… Reverse Tombstone Piledriver! On the OUTSIDE!!!

Jeremy Tucker : What are we left with here?! It’s chaos!

Andrew Fulton : Linda is down and clutching her neck… Canelli and Armand are sore but still in this fight… Union Jack is only now showing signs of moving again after being choked out cold… Frostbite is still down after the Luck Dip from Linda and his long spell in that Figure Four earlier... And Dinosaurio? Where’s he going?!

Jeremy Tucker : Dino has managed to get himself together, going to the top rope for the 5 Star Pterodactyl Splash? That jump’s too far from where he is… He’ll never make it…

Andrew Fulton : Whilst Canelli and Armand stamp on the downed Linda La Fey, Dino takes his chance and leaps! That hang time is bloody ridiculous… You were wrong. He’s going to make it…

Jeremy Tucker : but Frostbite got his knees up in time!!!! Dino lands painfully on those knees and rolls to the outside holding his ribs and guts… Frostbite rolls to the outside after him and gingerly lays in some boots on Dino…

Andrew Fulton : Armand and Canelli leave Linda struggling at ringside and try to get the win here… Canelli drags Jack part way back to his feet but he collapses… The referee can’t make out what happened to Jack… Looks like he’s considering just calling the match as a technical knockout…

Jeremy Tucker : Canelli drags Jack up again and looks like she’s going to help get him into the Drilltip?

Andrew Fulton : This is madness. They should just pin him. Why does Armand need to finish him with his favourite move? Union Jack has been through enough.

Jeremy Tucker : I guess they want to send a message.

Andrew Fulton : That they don’t know how close out a win… Great going…Message received…

Jeremy Tucker : Well the KGB should feel confident on the win now… Frostbite just lifted up a battered Dino and scoop slammed him down next to the ring steps, Dino’s trailing legs crashing painfully off the steps…

Andrew Fulton : Well they’re still a three count short of a win by my count… I think that Xanax is already wearing off…

Jeremy Tucker : Armand goes to accept Jack into his grasp but suddenly Jack throws his head back with a crack on Canelli and she staggers away nursing a split lip… Jack lashes out with a kick in Armand’s crotch, underhooks him and BEARBUSTER!!! (lifting Double Underhook Sitout Facebuster)

Andrew Fulton : What in the world? Armand isn’t moving… Was Jack playing possum the whole time?

Jeremy Tucker : Maybe not… Jack looks still too weak to follow up… And Canelli is still in this fight…

Andrew Fulton : Hold that thought… Linda is back up on the outside, reaches into the ring and whips Canelli’s legs out from under her and drags her to the outside…

Jeremy Tucker : Jack rolls over; forces Armand onto his back and throws an arm over for the cover…

… … 1

… … 2

… … But Frostbite has rolled in and makes the last ditch diving save…

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite drags up Jack… Sends him up into the vertical… SNOWSTORM!!! (a front brainbuster)

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite drags a semi-conscious Armand onto the floored Union Jack and Frostbite tells the referee to count… The referee doesn’t like his tone and takes his time to get in position…

Andrew Fulton : Linda just performed a suplex on Canelli on the outside… Linda has heard the action in the ring and goes to try make the save, but Canelli grabs her around the ankles to prevent her getting back in the ring…

Jeremy Tucker : Jack is being covered, but look at this… Frostbite is even holding down his feet to make sure he can’t kick out! The referee is unsighted to this and begins the three count

… … 1

… … 2

Dino has rolled into the ring with the last of his energy but he’s too late…

… … 3!!!

Andrew Fulton : KGB get the 1, 2, 3… Dino drags Jack out from under Armand and pulls him to the outside… Linda has freed herself from Canelli’s grip and stamps on her then joins Dino helping the battered Union Jack towards the ramp... Frostbite has rolled into the ring and bought Armand around, helped him up and held his hand aloft to celebrate the win…

Frank Salazar : And your winners by pinfall…. Frostbite, Joanne Canelli and Armand Von Kraus… THE KGB!!!

Jeremy Tucker : The crowd don’t like this… They saw Union Jack throttled half to death and still come back with his finisher, but only to lose the match in the end…

Andrew Fulton : The crowd will always boo a KGB win… This booing won’t faze Armand and Frostbite… It will be a different discipline of tag wrestling at the Anzac Cup, no tornado tag action in the tourney of the year… but they’ll be happy to chalk up yet another win

Jeremy Tucker : Regardless of the nature of the win?

Andrew Fulton : A win is a win is a win…

Jeremy Tucker : We’ll be back with you after this commercial break… Stay tuned. Goth versus Eddie for the World belt coming UP!

[Donzig]

Katie Moss licked her lips, looking around nervously as there was alot of banging and screaming echoing down the hallway. And she paused before the familiar battered looking door as another loud crash echoed down the hall, and she knocked once. The door banged open, and Sinclair Godfrey stepped out with an incredulous stare before she yanked the door shut. Another round of screaming, and she glared at Moss. 'You again! Don't you take a hint?'


Katie Moss forced a smile, and she lifted the mic as she met Sinclair's angry glare. 'I was hoping to get a few words with--'


Both of them fell silent as the door was ripped open again with a squeal of hinges, and Donzig stepped into the hall. Katie stepped back as Donzig was clearly in a foul mood, panting under his skull mask as he stared down at her. Sinclair drew back, shaking her head as she looked away from the pair. And Donzig's head tilted, empty eyes of the mask staring down at Katie Moss. She swallowed, and licked her lips before she spoke up. 'We were hoping to get a few words with you.'


Donzig twitched, and rolled his shoulders before he spoke. 'You want a few words, eh? Fine! I have been good to Devon D'Andre, I have been very generous with Devon D'Andre! I went out there and I gave that man a rebirth! I gave him a fucking renaissance, and put the fire back in his eyes! And how does he thank me, Katie? How the fuck does he say thank you, Donzig? Yeah?'


Katie blinked, and lifted the mic with a pretty smile. 'Ah, he has thanked you a few times.'


'Yet he saw fit to get into my business didn't he? He saw fit to come out there and stop from teaching Yoon a lesson! Didn't he?'


Katie blinked, and ignored a quick slashing motion from Sinclair. Who threw up her hands in frustration as Katie plowed on. 'He thanked you after he won the Universal Sin title, but I think he's changing--'

'What?'

Katie took a step back, looking around the hall nervously as the word had come out a whisper. And even though Donzig was a newcomer, everyone knew what happened when Donzig whispered. She tried to smile, and Donzig stared at her. Sinclair moved forward, shaking her head as her hand reached for Donzig's shoulder before he drew away. And then he started to yell, the voice rising to a shriek. 'The Universal Sin Champion? THE FUCKING UNIVERSAL SIN CHAMPION? Are you serious? That man sticks his nose in my business, interferes in my match, and he wins a GODDAMNED TITLE! THIS WILL NOT STAND!'


Katie winced, and Sinclair grabbed at his shoulder as she pressed close. Trying to get his attention, but Donzig shook her off as he waved a hand angrily. 'You and your Anzac Cup partner think you've escaped my attention, eh? Is that it? That I am going to take your little fucking thank you and let you insult me? Is that it? Well, oh no, oh no! I am declaring myself for the Anzac Cup with my partner, the Baroness Sinclair Godfrey! And we'll see who fucking saves you!'


Sinclair blinked, and Donzig stormed off again pushing his way back into the room. And she cast an angry glare at Katie Moss before following after him, the door slammed shut behind them. 

[SWAT Team]

[’Peel their Caps Back’ Ice T blares though the arena as the Bandit Mobile makes its way down the ramp way, Soutter and Bruno standing in the back. It drives down to ringside and they make their way into the ring.]

[On the SWAT Tron we see doctored footage of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the couch imposed in the ring. Then more doctored footage showing Rick James/Dave Chappelle on his back stamping his feet on the couch. FUCK_ YO_ COUCH. Now a shot of Heidi giving Suit a lap dance on the couch on the SWAT Tron.]

Soutter : WELCOME TO SUITS SUITE!!!

How about that tables match! Let’s give it up for Blaze Freya! What a trooper!

[Crowd boo’s the insincerity.]

Yeah. You’re right. She didn’t really earn your cheers tonight. Maybe next show?

Things are happening here at SWAT! As they always do. Next week is the Anzac Cup and the Bandits are about to take out the Call To Arms and coming up next in the main event THE Big Deal Eddie D is going to the forefront and show the whole network what we have always known here at SWAT, that he is THE MAN!

Tonight though, we have a sad announcement to make. We all know this is a grueling and challenging business. It takes its toll on our bodies, week in week out, year in year out. Some can hang and tough it out, others …. Let’s just say it effects some more than others.

On that, lets bring out our guest for tonight, who made a special request after multiple visits with his doctors to come out and see all you fans on the Suite tonight.

Death Trap! Come on DOWN!!!



[The haunting vocal intro for "The Hard Sell" by Coheed and Cambria hits the speakers and the lights dim and blue and gold spotlights strobe around the arena. The video screen lights up with a familiar theme as it reads, "And now … SWAT presents … its MAIN ATTRACTION!" A foot shatters the screen and we cut to images from DT's matches in MCCW against the likes of Nelly Angel, Weaselpop, and Eichi Yamaguchi. The first verse sets in as the screen shows DT tapping out Jason Justice and being handed the MCCW World title for the second time.]

"I'm paranoid, and sick of this world's misconception of things I did. My language poured across this wrist in a metaphoric disaster."

[DT slowly walks into a red spotlight on the stage with his head down hidden under a hoodie. It's black and has his custom interlocking DT logo with an Italian flag and mariners compass on it on the back. Underneath he has on jeans, how peculiar. He stands in the spotlight and slowly looks up showing off his signature bowler hat and sunglasses under the hood. The screen shows images of his victories over Alexis Grace, Duke Kosloff, Ai Moe, and Jeremiah Vastrix all split screen one per corner all in his signature 'Death Trap' Dragon Clutch finisher. It then flashes to him holding the EOD 2019 briefcase over his head. It quickly transforms into him getting three pinfalls over Anthony Caffrey and being handed the X*Crown facemask before wiping into an image of DT posing with his custom X*Crown belt, the ECF title with a big bad X on it.]

"My guess, I'm missing out the punchline, unless this hanging noose is fitted to be all mine. I stood by everything I loved, while you never understood me much..."

[He flips the hood back and throws his hands up into a cross over his head before dropping them into his signature pose (the Orton one, you know it.). The strobe blue and gold spotlights move faster around the arena as he soaks in the adoration of fans from two generations.]

"Cuz there's only one ... of me. And too many of you, fighting over nothing. There's never enough cool for everyone and before you know it you're selling out to be in."

[DT strolls down the ramp and rolls into the ring. He stares a hole right into the eyes of the founder and looks around as if expecting shenanigans. He slowly walks to the center of the ring and is tossed a microphone as the music dies.]

Death Trap: Paul … *he straightens his hoodie and hat* … I’d say it was good to see you but I’m not a man known for dishonesty.

Soutter : Nor am I my friend. Nor am I. And I can honestly say that nothing saddens me more than the circumstances in which you are here with us tonight.

[The insincerity is appalling.]

Death Trap: Look it’s clear you’re here to celebrate what you think is about to happen so before we get to that let me ask YOU something.

[The Founder looks taken aback at the gall this man has. Him and his goofy hat.]

Soutter : Ask away, pal.

Death Trap: I am only here … because I was called to help … YOU. Radu called in a favor to help … YOU. You could just as easily have let me walk out of SWAT after that and be done with me if this was your end game. But you didn’t. You booked me, you let me get the fans back in the seats. You used me. And then you stood by while Armand systematically tried to cripple me AND my compatriots who DO NOT WORK FOR YOU. You had an easy answer. And now that I know this was always the plan, it has me seeing the truth. You let Radu do it. You knew you could get a major boost to SWAT with me here and then make sure nobody else ever did again. You wanted to end my career the way you allowed the Society and KGB to do to you biggest draw in history. The way you let Timeless try to do to Caffrey. Not that Caff didn’t EARN that at the time. But still…

[The Founder has a sick smirk at his genius being revealed]

Death Trap: Why? Why waste all this time and effort? Why have me out here now to give an update you clearly know is coming? It’s obvious. I’m going to turn and look at the ramp behind me and there is going to be two minion clowns, an eight foot monster clown, and a monocle wearing clownhole coming down the ramp to try and attack a man not cleared to wrestle who is here for … why did you think I was here?

Soutter : The reason why is a simple one. Because i felt like it. Because I am the King of the swerve. You can bring up Caff and Radu and any other turkey who’s walked thru them doors and then walked back out, but let me tell you something, after they walk back out, nothing changes. We still roll on!

This is a game of attrition. Only the strong survive.

The rest, they fade away, into retirement. There is no shame in that. Knowing you were bested by a better man. You can hold your head high and know that you gave it your best and just weren’t up to the task.

[Sure enough behind DT come Hehehe, Hahaha, Sir Monocle, and Sticky the Clown]

Death Trap: You’d take a guy who is supposedly retiring and too injured to be cleared … and have him attacked? That’s just sick. It’d be sad if you weren’t so mistaken.

Soutter : Mistaken? Its a farewell party. Everyone loves a party. Clowns most especially.

Death Trap: Oh you didn’t get the memo did you? I cleared it with Valentine but you were too busy having him beaten. I’m not retiring. The real doctors got the notes to Mongo and I am fully cleared to wrestle. Not only that. I’m winning the Anzac Cup.

Soutter : Hahaha cleared? Then you expected this and still wore that suit?

Death Trap: Oh uh, these? These aren’t jeans.

[He tears away the fake jeans and reveals his wrestling tights. He unzips the hoodie and tosses it and the hat at the ground as Hehehe, Sticky and Sir Monocle hit the 3 sides of the ring and Hahaha guards the side where the ramp is.]

Soutter :*visibly stepping away from DT who is stretching out* I see. And you found a partner? To work with you? El Combatiente and Radu are long gone. There’s nobody in SWAT who will help you against the KGB.

[As Suit steps through the ropes and lets the three clowns around the ring leap up as he talks to Hahaha at the ramp giving instructions.]

Death Trap: Man for a host you didn’t do your research on your guests. You should know I have a partner. Just not in SWAT. Did I mention I brought her here tonight?

[From nowhere Mistress Discipline comes barreling down the ramp as Soutter dives out of the way. She cleans Hahaha out with a Final Bell bicycle knee strike then whips him into the barricade for good measure as DT charges and knocks Sir Monocle off the apron. Sticky and Hehehe enter the ring as Mistress rolls into the ring and Top of the Class begins an all-out brawl with the two clowns left standing. DT absorbs some strikes from Hehehe in order to get a double Irish Whip into the corner on Sticky. The massive clown bounces out and Top of the Class grab Hehehe and whip him into the corner too where he bounces off Sticky. Mistress catches him with a pop-up sitout powerbomb. Sir Monocle slides into the ring and DT doesn’t even let him stand before stomping him into the ground and then kicking him back out of the ring.]

Death Trap: You want some Suit? Or are you gonna let us have your show for the night?

[Sticky shakes off the cobwebs and attacks. The larger clown is much harder to take out as he clubs both of MD and DT. They manage to hold him back long enough for Mistress to land a kick square in his family jewels. DT hooks the clown as he drools his black goo and drops him with his Cradle DDT - the Main Attraction.]

Death Trap: The Anzac Cup just became lesson time Paul. Throw the KGB at us and watch us knock them down. Class is in session.

[He tosses the microphone and the two soak in the adoration of the crowd as the clowns make their escape and Soutter just scowls. After all, he’ll get them next time.]

[SWAT Team]

Frank Salazar: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the main event of the evening. It is for the SWAT World chapionship! Featuring the challenger from the KGB...Eddie D!

Eddie D walks out with a black and white montage video playing on the screens of him weight training and hitting his favorite moves on people, flashing up in negative to the beat of the music. He stops at a particularly rude fan and insults him, threatening to backhand him before moving on down to the ring. He steps into the ring and raises his hands to accept his praise from the fans, but is booed instead. He looks unhappy at the boos, but walks over to his corner to finish preparing himself for the match.

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie D finally getting the World title shot that he won back in the SWAT Rumble.

Andrew Fulton: With the might of the KGB at his back, in spirit of course, he can’t go wrong. Goth will crumble tonight!

Evil green mist bellows out of the ring entrance as a woman screams and Psychotic Goth laughing maniacally as "Welcome To Your Death" by Annihilator plays and Vampira leads Psychotic Goth to ringside in chains while holding Psychotic Goth's homemade weapon. He ignores the ringsiders and stops at the ring for Vampira to unlock the chains and Psychotic Goth rubs his wrists hard as he climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring and stands in his corner. He slowly takes off his trenchcoat and jewelry before he lowers his head and raises his arms before throwing his head back revealing his pale handsome gothlike looks looking and snarling like a demonic maniac crazed and intimidating as he is given his homemade weapon and he caresses it before placing it in his corner for Vampira to hold until it's time for Psychotic Goth to use it. He hands his World title belt to the ref to present to the crowd before handing off to the timekeeper.

Frank Salazar: Introducing now, hailing from The Depths of Hell. Coming in at 6’5 and 235 pounds ....accompanied by Vampira .....The King of Goths .... He is the SWAT World champion, PSYCHOTIC GOTH!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Psychotic Goth has come a long way from being the official door greeter to SWAT to becoming the World champion.

Andrew Fulton: And once he loses the belt tonight, I’m sure he will be back in his greeter position again.

Jeremy Tucker: The bell sounds to start the match and Eddie D gets right in there to begin attacking Goth with lefts and rights, but Goth begins to fire back!

Andrew Fulton: Goth backs Eddie up a few steps with the chaotic flurry of punches, but Eddie absorbs a number of punches unfazed and returns with an elbow of his own to the side of the head that knocks Goth a few steps to the side as he works to regain his balance.

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie grabs Goth by the arm and hits a strong lariat that sends Goth to the mat with authority!

Andrew Fulton: Eddie D is likely the strongest guy in SWAT right now. When he hits you with a lariat, you feel it the next day!

Jeremy Tucker: I would argue that maybe Sticky the Clown is the strongest in SWAT, but I would also make the argument that Sticky isn’t really human so he doesn’t really count.

Andrew Fulton: Oh Sticky the Clown counts! You should hear him counting balloons for the kids before he pops them all!

Jeremy Tucker: That’s monstrous!

Andrew Fulton: Goth gets back up quickly enough, but gets caught in a front face lock by Eddie D! This could turn into, it does! DDT!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie pulls Goth up and hits a scoop slam. He goes to follow this up with a standing elbow drop, but Goth rolls out of the way!

Andrew Fulton: Both Goth and Eddie are quick to get up. Goth hits a russian legsweep and floats over for the pinfall!

Jeremy Tucker: One, two, kick out by Eddie!

Andrew Fulton: Goth puts his shin to Eddie’s throat to hold him back down and demands the ref make the pinfall, but the ref does not. Instead, he demands that Goth get off and begins counting to five.

Jeremy Tucker: Goth releases Eddie and pulls him to his feet. He whips Eddie into the ropes and follows, clotheslining the both of them over the top rope and to the floor.

Andrew Fulton: Psychotic Goth gets to his feet and grabs Eddie D from behind, positioning themselves right in front of this table. No! Do not German suplex him here!

Jeremy Tucker: Goth goes to hit the German suplex through the table, but gets elbowed in the side of the head by Eddie hard enough to break the hold. Eddie turns around, grabs Goth, and whips him chest first into the ring apron!

Andrew Fulton: Goth gets turned around for Eddie to slam a shoulder into his gut and lift him up. Why isn’t the ref counting them both out?

Jeremy Tucker: Cause it’s a world title match?

Andrew Fulton: I suppose. Eddie sets Goth onto the ring apron, grabs him under the arm, and hip tosses Goth face first into the security railing!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie D grabs the top of the railing and begins mercilessly kicking Goth over and over while he’s downed.

Andrew Fulton: Kick him while he’s down! That’s the best tactic ever!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie pulls Goth up and tosses him over the top rope and back into the ring, showing off his impressive strength!

Andrew Fulton: Armand knew what he was recruiting when he signed Eddie D to the KGB!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie rolls into the ring and turns to grab Goth for the stunner, but Goth gets a leg up to catch Eddie in the family jewels from behind to stop that.

Andrew Fulton: Goth goes for the schoolboy pinfall with a handful of tights to make sure that Eddie stays down! Does he retain his title?

Jeremy Tucker: One. Two. Thr-NO! Eddie D kicks out!

Andrew Fulton: Psychotic Goth stands up and stands over Eddie, blood from a cut gained when he hit the ring railing dripping onto Eddie.

Jeremy Tucker: Goth goes to the top rope. What’s he doing up there? Is he insane?

Andrew Fulton: Goth waits for Eddie to get up and goes for a diving shoulder tackle, but NO! Eddie D catches Goth and hurls him across the ring like a spear where Goth spears the ringpost between the top and middle turnbuckles.

Jeremy Tucker: Jeeze, I think the ring shifted about six inches with that impact! I wouldn’t be surprised if Goth has a broken shoulder or collar bone with that!

Andrew Fulton: Eddie D walks across the ring with purpose, grabbing Goth by the waist and ripping him from the corner. He pulls Goth up as if for an atomic drop, but puts him onto the top rope where he follows.

Jeremy Tucker: I don’t think I recall Eddie going to the top rope very much. This could be bad.

Andrew Fulton: We can only hope. Eddie lifts Goth up high. Is he going for a super German suplex or...he shifts his grip and basically just dropped Goth onto the back of his head on those ringsteps from the TOP ROPE! Goth could be dead right now!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie D gets down from the top rope and rolls out of the ring. Psychotic Goth is laying there on the concrete floor, blood streaming from the back of his head as Vampira rushes to check on him.

Andrew Fulton: Is Vampira gonna get blasted? Could set Eddie back with the ladies!

Jeremy Tucker: No! Vampira sees Eddie D coming and backs away from Goth. Eddie picks the limp form of Goth up and rolls him into the ring.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie steps into the ring, but Vampira shouts something and grabs Goth by the leg! Was there a flash of violet light?

Jeremy Tucker: Looks like it.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie goes to lift Goth up, but gets brought back down into a jawbreaker! Psychotic Goth jumps to his feet. Is he not bleeding anymore? Did Vampira cast some kind of healing spell?

Jeremy Tucker: Sure seems like it. Eddie gets to his feet and is taken down with a lightning belly to belly suplex!

Andrew Fulton: Goth gets Eddie into a side headlock, running with him across the ring to deliver a bulldog! Goth rolls Eddie over to go for the pinfall!

Jeremy Tucker: One! Two! Thr-NO! Eddie kicks out!

Andrew Fulton: Goth pulls Eddie back to his feet and slips behind him to go for his trademark German suplexes, but Eddie elbows him in the side of the head again!

Jeremy Tucker: While Goth is stunned, Eddie slips behind him and hits a full nelson bomb! Now Eddie goes for the cover!

Andrew Fulton: One! Two! Thr-NO! Goth kicks out!

Jeremy Tucker: Both men get to their feet and Eddie grabs Goth, hurling him at the corner where Goth bounces and falls to a seated position against the corner.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie walks over, grabs the top ropes for leverage, and begins choking Goth out with his boot! The ref comes in quick to spoil the fun as usual, starting a count to five.

Jeremy Tucker: It’s an illegal hold? He’s supposed to count.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie breaks the choke hold and begins kicking Goth in the chest and face over and over again.

Jeremy Tucker: Such brutality! The ref gets in between Eddie and Goth to seperate them. Goth leans back in the corner, blood pouring from his mouth and nose. The ref checks to see if he can continue and Goth nods.

Andrew Fulton: I bet he thinks the ref is asking him if he wants to give it up.

Jeremy Tucker: Yeah, I highly doubt that.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie rips Goth out of the corner, whips him into the ropes, catches him on the rebound, and hits a massive spinebuster! Jeeze, I think he snapped Goth in half this time!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie gets Goth up into a suplex position and drops him into a brainbuster! He rolls the still bleeding Goth over and goes for the pinfall!

Andrew Fulton: One! Two! No! Goth kicks out!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie D stands up and waits for Goth to rise. Goth almost gets to his feet, but falls back down to his knees. Eddie goes to the ropes and comes back on the rebound, hitting Goth in the face with a running knee that sends out a splatter of blood and spittle while sending Goth through the ropes to the concrete floor!

Andrew Fulton: Vampira rushing to check on the bloody Psychotic Goth. Is she casting another spell on him?

Jeremy Tucker: Maybe it’s a cover for an injection of adrenaline?

Andrew Fulton: Goth jumps to his feet, no longer bleeding, and rolls into the ring. He blasts Eddie with a few forearms before grabbing him by the head and hitting a codebreaker!

Jeremy Tucker: Goth waits for Eddie to get up, seizes him up, and hits a running powerslam! He goes for the pinfall!

Andrew Fulton: One! Two! Thr-NO! Eddie kicks out!

Jeremy Tucker: Goth kneels up, glaring at the ref who flashes two fingers to let him know for certain that it was a two count.

Andrew Fulton: Goth pulls Eddie up and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound, Goth goes for the lariat, but gets caught up in a crushing bear hug! The ref checks to see if Goth will submit, but he refuses. What does it matter what Eddie does to Goth if Vampira can just undo it? And Eddie won’t strike down Vampira for fear of setting back his luck with the ladies another thousand years. He’s fucked!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie shakes Goth side to side viciously before tossing him across the ring like a rag doll.

Andrew Fulton: Eddie watches Goth get up, crosses the ring, kicks him in the gut, and hits a stunner! He goes for the pinfall!

Jeremy Tucker: One! Two! Three! He did it! He did it!

Andrew Fulton: Eddie D stands up and is handed the SWAT World championship belt. He raises it over his head as Psychotic Goth rolls out of the ring to head to the back with Vampira. The KGB is the dominant stable in the entire company! They have the World title AND the tag team titles!

Frank Salazar: Winner of the match and NEW SWAT World Heavyweight Champion...EDDIE D!

Jeremy Tucker: Eddie D is joined by Joanne Canneli, Frostbite, Paul Soutter, Armand von Krauss, and all his goons in celebration!

Andrew Fulton: Nothing will ever be the same now that Eddie D is the top star.

[Kyle]

Dismayed from the loss of his title, Keith Williams watches the show backstage from a monitor with a permanent frown on his face as the match between Psychotic Goth and Eddie D begins. As things conclude and The KGB fill the ring, that same frown that's been on KW's face the entire time steadily turns into a smile. Offering a slow clap of congratulations, the Ultimate Kingpin is clearly looking forward to his shot at the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship.

Keith Williams: "See you soon, sugar tits."