Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 30, 2021 21:01:46 GMT -5
*We open up in a surprisingly spacious office. There’s large windows facing out into the bullpen area, but the blinds have been drawn. Entering said office is NPW’s North American Double Crown Champion, Lord Dominicus. He looks at the camera*
LD: You wanted to see me chief?
Police Chief (Offscreen): I should ask for your gun and your badge right now, you know that?
LD: I don’t have either of those, and if I had acquired them somehow I wouldn’t tell you. Not that I did…..yet.
*The sound of a desk being pounded on startles Dominicus*
Chief: DANG IT DOMINICUS! YOUR ANTICS COULD BRING THIS WHOLE UNIT DOWN! YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON!
LD: Is that one “n” or two? Because I thought my stuff has been pretty easy to follow so far.
*He Dominithinks while talking.*
LD: I mean yes, there is a bit of carryover from promo to promo that requires you to watch the whole series but I’ve also had several one-offs or soft reboots. It’s not like the Dark Stars and/or Novas who introduce something completely new and unfathomable every single episo…
*The DARK LORD OF NPW trails off looking ahead.*
LD: Sir….are you ok?
*He is answered by a sigh.*
Chief: Did you know that our whole department is under investigation?
LD: What for?
Chief: Oh I don’t know, maybe employing a psychopath in a mask!
*Dominicus is taken aback*
LD: Donzig works HERE too!? My goodness he's everywhere!
Chief: I MEANT YOU, YOU JACKASS!
LD: Ah…
*He waves his finger*
LD: That’s solved easily enough because I don’t actually work here! In fact my entire continued presence is predicated initially upon a farce and a falsehood…..and also being useful. Did you know I have the Key to-
Chief: -Mississauga, yes I know, you insert it into every conversation. Also to your point, you crossed into an active crime scene by pretending to be a police officer- that’s a very serious crime.
*Dominicus holds up dual fingers in his defense. The NPW NA DC title gleams around his waist*
LD: Ah! But you see, I wasn’t impersonating an officer, I was impersonating a consultant, which is probably not a crime.
Chief: …..
LD: But you know what is a crime? Impersonating a human, and a Canadian and/or American when you’re actually from space….and the future!
Chief: Yes yes, we’ve all heard about your issues with Niko leading up to yo-
LD: But fear not Chief! I’m on the case!
Chief: You’re not a cop!
LD: That is a technicality. But I’m IMMENSELY SKILLED at technical wrestling so this is my wheelhouse! You see Chief; I’ve got a real edge here. First of all, despite being from the future and space, somehow all of this…
*Domincius gestures around the office*
LD: Is unbelievable to Niko. So it’ll be a big surprise when I pull out a little “souvenir” to help me retain the NPW North American Double Crown Championship against him!
*He pulls out a pair of handcuffs.*
Chief: Stealing police property is also a crime.
LD: I was going to give them back.
Chief: Were you?
*There’s a pause. Then Dominicus sighs, walks up to the camera and sets the cuffs down on the desk. He then returns to his original position*
LD: ANYWAY, the point is, I’m already more real than he can handle. That means he fears me, Chief. I’ve got this perp right where I want him and assuming that the local, state, national, or international governments haven’t acted on his non-visa’d gang by August 4th then I’ll take him down!
Chief: I really don-
LD: Don’t worry Chief, I’ve got this completely under control. If all things go to plan you won’t have to worry about me getting down and dirty and things getting to fisticuffs and title defenses and whatnot, because Niko and his gang of time-jumpers- not THE Time Jumpers, mind you- will already be in some sort of secret government complex or deported or however they deal with these situations in Canada.
*He points to the camera*
LD: BUT IF THEY DO avoid arrest, let me tell you sir, I’m gonna loose Niko’s canon so hard he’ll think twice before not registering as a legal alien….time traveler.
Chief: Nobody-
LD: -Knows how I’m going to do it. I understand. I mean have you seen Niko’s training regimen? The dude works out for days and or weeks at a time! Now I may be THE UNDISPUTED KING OF NPW but I’m still only human! I need time for rest, and ice cream, and whatever we do here…
*He gestures vaguely around the office*
Chief: Solve crimes?
LD: Sure, whatever. So I’m trying to do all these things and this guy isn’t restrained by the same kind of fleshy body as me, nor is he bound by time! Imagine if he tries to use one of his devices to cheat- I wouldn’t put it past him considering he already RUINED EVERYTHING BY MESSING UP MY LAST TITLE DEFENSE- then what am I going to do. So Chief, I know you’re worried, but hopefully none of these worries will come to pass and the authorities will take care of this before August on the Atlantic.
*Dominicus puts up defensive hands*
LD: But if I HAVE TO defend my last two crowns against him, I’ll give him my best for truth, justice, EVIL, and liberty- wait, maybe not liberty because this is Canada and I’m not sure if that applies here too. Anyway, it’ll be my toughest battle yet but by gosh I’ll do my best to represent the force, sir!
*All we hear is a sigh*
Chief: Anyway, Dominicus, I’m giving you a new partner-
LD: I didn’t have a partner previously
Chief: Well that was probably part of the problem. The point is, if you can’t rein it in a bit, you’re off the force.
LD: Again, not a cop, or pretending to be a cop. I see through your ruse.
Chief: Shut up for five seconds, would you?
*There’s a few clicks of a phone.*
Chief: Yeah, come in and meet your new partner until this Holiday Horror case is solved.
*The door soon opens and it’s a familiar face if you’ve been following along….specifically, it’s Detective Teresa Beckett.*
Beckett: Hey Chief, where’s my new…
*She sees Lord Dominicus, and only Lord Dominicus*
Beckett: OH SON OF A-
LD: You wanted to see me chief?
Police Chief (Offscreen): I should ask for your gun and your badge right now, you know that?
LD: I don’t have either of those, and if I had acquired them somehow I wouldn’t tell you. Not that I did…..yet.
*The sound of a desk being pounded on startles Dominicus*
Chief: DANG IT DOMINICUS! YOUR ANTICS COULD BRING THIS WHOLE UNIT DOWN! YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON!
LD: Is that one “n” or two? Because I thought my stuff has been pretty easy to follow so far.
*He Dominithinks while talking.*
LD: I mean yes, there is a bit of carryover from promo to promo that requires you to watch the whole series but I’ve also had several one-offs or soft reboots. It’s not like the Dark Stars and/or Novas who introduce something completely new and unfathomable every single episo…
*The DARK LORD OF NPW trails off looking ahead.*
LD: Sir….are you ok?
*He is answered by a sigh.*
Chief: Did you know that our whole department is under investigation?
LD: What for?
Chief: Oh I don’t know, maybe employing a psychopath in a mask!
*Dominicus is taken aback*
LD: Donzig works HERE too!? My goodness he's everywhere!
Chief: I MEANT YOU, YOU JACKASS!
LD: Ah…
*He waves his finger*
LD: That’s solved easily enough because I don’t actually work here! In fact my entire continued presence is predicated initially upon a farce and a falsehood…..and also being useful. Did you know I have the Key to-
Chief: -Mississauga, yes I know, you insert it into every conversation. Also to your point, you crossed into an active crime scene by pretending to be a police officer- that’s a very serious crime.
*Dominicus holds up dual fingers in his defense. The NPW NA DC title gleams around his waist*
LD: Ah! But you see, I wasn’t impersonating an officer, I was impersonating a consultant, which is probably not a crime.
Chief: …..
LD: But you know what is a crime? Impersonating a human, and a Canadian and/or American when you’re actually from space….and the future!
Chief: Yes yes, we’ve all heard about your issues with Niko leading up to yo-
LD: But fear not Chief! I’m on the case!
Chief: You’re not a cop!
LD: That is a technicality. But I’m IMMENSELY SKILLED at technical wrestling so this is my wheelhouse! You see Chief; I’ve got a real edge here. First of all, despite being from the future and space, somehow all of this…
*Domincius gestures around the office*
LD: Is unbelievable to Niko. So it’ll be a big surprise when I pull out a little “souvenir” to help me retain the NPW North American Double Crown Championship against him!
*He pulls out a pair of handcuffs.*
Chief: Stealing police property is also a crime.
LD: I was going to give them back.
Chief: Were you?
*There’s a pause. Then Dominicus sighs, walks up to the camera and sets the cuffs down on the desk. He then returns to his original position*
LD: ANYWAY, the point is, I’m already more real than he can handle. That means he fears me, Chief. I’ve got this perp right where I want him and assuming that the local, state, national, or international governments haven’t acted on his non-visa’d gang by August 4th then I’ll take him down!
Chief: I really don-
LD: Don’t worry Chief, I’ve got this completely under control. If all things go to plan you won’t have to worry about me getting down and dirty and things getting to fisticuffs and title defenses and whatnot, because Niko and his gang of time-jumpers- not THE Time Jumpers, mind you- will already be in some sort of secret government complex or deported or however they deal with these situations in Canada.
*He points to the camera*
LD: BUT IF THEY DO avoid arrest, let me tell you sir, I’m gonna loose Niko’s canon so hard he’ll think twice before not registering as a legal alien….time traveler.
Chief: Nobody-
LD: -Knows how I’m going to do it. I understand. I mean have you seen Niko’s training regimen? The dude works out for days and or weeks at a time! Now I may be THE UNDISPUTED KING OF NPW but I’m still only human! I need time for rest, and ice cream, and whatever we do here…
*He gestures vaguely around the office*
Chief: Solve crimes?
LD: Sure, whatever. So I’m trying to do all these things and this guy isn’t restrained by the same kind of fleshy body as me, nor is he bound by time! Imagine if he tries to use one of his devices to cheat- I wouldn’t put it past him considering he already RUINED EVERYTHING BY MESSING UP MY LAST TITLE DEFENSE- then what am I going to do. So Chief, I know you’re worried, but hopefully none of these worries will come to pass and the authorities will take care of this before August on the Atlantic.
*Dominicus puts up defensive hands*
LD: But if I HAVE TO defend my last two crowns against him, I’ll give him my best for truth, justice, EVIL, and liberty- wait, maybe not liberty because this is Canada and I’m not sure if that applies here too. Anyway, it’ll be my toughest battle yet but by gosh I’ll do my best to represent the force, sir!
*All we hear is a sigh*
Chief: Anyway, Dominicus, I’m giving you a new partner-
LD: I didn’t have a partner previously
Chief: Well that was probably part of the problem. The point is, if you can’t rein it in a bit, you’re off the force.
LD: Again, not a cop, or pretending to be a cop. I see through your ruse.
Chief: Shut up for five seconds, would you?
*There’s a few clicks of a phone.*
Chief: Yeah, come in and meet your new partner until this Holiday Horror case is solved.
*The door soon opens and it’s a familiar face if you’ve been following along….specifically, it’s Detective Teresa Beckett.*
Beckett: Hey Chief, where’s my new…
*She sees Lord Dominicus, and only Lord Dominicus*
Beckett: OH SON OF A-
