Bastards

[Dave D-Flipz]

: "BORK BORF!"

: "Yes, Buttons, I agree. It’s getting a bit crowded here isn’t it? How unfortunate."

*Primal and Buttons are sitting in a park somewhere in Canada. And the crowd is bustling. There are groups of people all over. All avoiding the big, burly, hairy, masked Beast of the North … and his Killer Corgi.*

: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"

: "Now now, no need to make a scene boy. These are not the targets for us. After all, at least half of them are wearing my hand crafted merchandise!"

*Primal stands up and begins to scout the crowd to find the best path through it to avoid people. The Beast of the North was not exactly what you would call a people person. And it seems he is quite put out by the sudden influx of worthless humanity. Both in the park and his new Network home.*

: "Northern Pro Wrestling. You used to be a quaint, homey little place. A place a reclusive man like myself could find some time to … think … relax … avoid attracting attention to actions some might call illegal … make a living selling high quality merchandise. But lately it’s more like a subway in Boston. Everyone is hopping aboard, nobody’s wearing protection, and it’s loud and smelly. And that’s just Greg Adkins."

*Primal smirks as Buttons hops around in the flowers around him. Buttons bounds ahead to chase a squirrel. His reputation preceeds him as the rodent is absolutely killing itself to get out of his way. The dog settles at the base of the squirrel’s tree and begins to paw at it to try and get up there and catch the critter.*

: "How fitting. See NPW has been overflowing with new talent. And at first I was happy. More competition for Timeless and myself to assert dominance over. A few of them even had a similar mindset to me. Not … perfect … mind you … but close enough that you’d expect me to find some reason to enjoy this. But … HO BOY would you be wrong about me. See I am feeling a bit … cramped … by all these interlopers. All of them with these delusions of grandeur. All of them so recalcitrant towards their superiors. None of them showing an ounce of respect for the most dominant tag team in the history of NPW, Prime Time. It’d be sad if it wasn’t so damn predictable."

*He shrugs and starts to walk through the crowd. Most people move out of the way of the large hairy beast. Some get bumped away and make repulsive faces as they see what touched them. A smaller minority seem to take offense to the man splitting the throng.*

: "WOOF WOOF!"

*The angry folks see the dog with the blood stained muzzle and decide to walk away, the better part of valor is knowing when to walk away*

: "First the ReVenants come in and disrespect me by interfering in my war with Alex Turner. Robbed me of my victory. And in doing so they pushed us to do what had to be done to ensure the fed realized who the top of the top is. Keith Williams and his cronies are the reason you all get to experience the domination of Prime Time. Then the KGB decide to come over from SWAT and take possession of Gus Arnold’s new tinker toys that he and Mongo assembled. OK … fine. Armand is a man I can almost respect. No hesitation in doing what he has to. And if you watched the latest SWAT show, he gives in to his primal animal urges just like a good human should! I’m sure EVK won’t mind, after all, she does it on the reg. And with Steve Awesome and D! Two more interlopers. If you ask me, you made out better Armand."

*Primal now looks right into the camera, menace in his face, teeth bared.*

: "And now we get these pathetic fools. The Bastards. The Galactic Sex Pirates. A MOCKERY of wrestling. What are you? Hormonal teenagers? I mean I’m sure the syphilitic swiss cheese brain that Adkins has had some influence. But Rob Riot? Frank Windsor? The extra 200 pounds of Frank that is new to Frank these days? Kintaru? These are supposed to be “legendary” names. Wrestlers with clout. And they chose a name that a ten year old playing wrestling management sims would choose! It’s up there with the Viking Experience. And they want me, the most powerful man in Canada, to respect them?"

*He spits on the ground*

: "No no no. I am one half of the Imperial Crown tag champs. I am the highest selling NPW wrestler in terms of merch. I am the most in demand superstar in the world. Fireside wants me, NLW wants me. They can’t have me. I am having too much fun ruling the roost. And you want me to take a man like Andrew Morgan seriously? He is lucky I am deciding he needs a good manhandling to understand just what he and his buddies have walked into."

*He gestures wildly*

: "Pathetic. Fool! Mourning the lost. An emotional wreck. He is not fit to fight me. But that’s fine, an example must be made. I have some residual anger to work through after that bitch in Fireside tricked me with her demands. The Atlantic isn’t big enough to contain the monstrosity I will enact on this poor man. But then again, maybe what I’m doing is a mercy. You can finally have all the time you need to rest … and see your family. HAHAHAHAHA!"

*He walks away as the crowd stares at the horror of Primal*