NLW Masquerade 2022 | Saturday, February 19th, 2022 | LIVE

[Kris]

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Next Level Wrestling Presents

MASQUERADE 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, February 19th, 2022

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'Bad Habits' blares out over the Smoothie King Arena as multi-colored lights swirl over the crowd, a series of pyros going off along the stage that drives the cheers of the crowd all the louder. Signs for various members of the NLW roster can be seen once the camera pans over the crowd, a few different angles captured before the camera cuts to the announce desk. Dan Simmons and Tommy West are both dressed to the nines and smiling before they get down to business.

Dan Simmons: Welcome, everyone... to Masquerade! This is Dan Simmons with Tommy West, and tonight will be an action-packed night that is all but dripping in gold!

Tommy West: Yes indeed, Simmo! Out of the five matches we have on the schedule for tonight, four of them have championships up for grabs--and to whet the appetite of everyone here in attendance and at home, we're opening with a strange bedfellows tag team match that features four of NLW's up-and-coming stars!

Dan Simmons: That's right! We've got Wild Wolf and Willie Steen teaming up to take on the team of Razor Blade and El Chico Promedio. Management is going to have a close eye on this one!

Tommy West: After that, we've got back-to-back tag team championship matches. First up is the XHF Tag Team Championships which will be defended by the Crinkly Bottom Boys in a Caddyshack Match! The New Age Killers are going to have their hands full, that's for sure--and considering how successful the reigning champions were the last time they defended the belts on NLW pay-per-view, the pressure is on for both sides!

Dan Simmons: Speaking of pressure, NLW's own Tag Team Championships will be defended by Tilted Cartridges in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs triple threat! The End is all but chomping at the bit to regain their gold, and the Academy wants nothing more than to add the tag belts to their prestigious history! Who will come out on top?

Tommy West: That's the question of the night for the NLW Southern States Championship as well, Simmo! The Thespian has been unstoppable since he took the title from Lazarus Arjen, but the challenger has a history of putting an end to streaks like that. I speak, of course, of Tommy Kelly. Can he turn things around?

Dan Simmons: And then... there is our main event where opposites collide. On one hand, the challenger's career is a long and storied one, but he's struggled to find and keep success here in NLW. On the other, the champion is a rabid dog that has ripped and torn his way up the ranks, coming from nothing to reach the top of NLW's mountain. It's Chris Sanderson taking on Nathan Cage for the NLW Heavyweight Championship. Can Sanderson put the Rabid Dog down, or will he be the newest victim of Death By Cage?

Tommy West: So many questions... and one way to answer them. Let's get this show on the road!

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The opening riff to “Put in the Work” by Raphael Lake hits. Willie Steen and Wild Wolf walk out onto the stage. Steen stands and surveys the crowd momentarily. As the beat drops, he throws his arms out in a crucifix pose as his pyro goes off behind him.

Marty Watts: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is our opening strange bedfellows tag team match! Introducing first, weighing in at four hundred ninety-four pounds… they are WILD WOLF AND WILLIE STEEN!!

Tommy West: Well, we know about Steen. Wild Wolf however is making his debut here tonight.

Dan Simmons: Well, if we are to believe him, he’s the richest competitor in the entire XHF Network. Might have to see if we can compare some bank accounts to compare those numbers.

Tommy West: So he might turn around and buy the company. Lovely.

Steen makes his way down to the ring posturing for the crowd with Wolf right behind him. Once at ringside, Steen leaps up on the apron. He leans casually against the ropes and stares out at the crowd for a moment before entering through the second rope. He climbs onto the top turnbuckle and poses for the crowd. With very little fanfare, the downtempo strumming and kickdrum beat of "Everyday Normal Guy" hits the PA system. The lights don't change, or do anything special. The house lights just stay on. The trons don't even change much... they just shift to a white background with black Times New Roman font on it that says "El Chico Promedio".



I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
Nothin' special 'bout me motherfucker
I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
When I go to the clubs, I wait in line motherfucker

Chico sort of just strolls out onto stage and the crowd seems to meet him with... apathy? There's just not much reaction, but the people who do give a reaction seem to cheer and clap. Chico shrugs at the response and just casually strolls down the ramp towards the ring.

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
I got six hundred dollars in the bank motherfucker
I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
And my sexual performances are average

Chico hops up and rolls under the ropes into the ring, where he promptly goes to the corner to lean against the ropes and wait for the match to begin.

Marty Watts: And their opponents, weighing in at combined weight of four hundred twenty-nine pounds, EL CHICO PROMEDIO AND RAZOR BLADE!!



When Cult in personality hit's Razor Blade comes out from back and steps out in front of fans and stands on the stage and kneels down on one knee and shouts out Clobbering -time and pounds his fist down in mid air and walks straight down towards the steel steps in climbs on the top rope and raise both hands in the air and gets down and circle around inside of the ring and waits for his Opponent.

Tommy West: This duo is fairly new but at least we have a small sample on them.

Dan Simmons: Hey, El Chico just won a match against Nathan Parker last Ascendancy! And Razor Blade has beaten Big Richard Energy.

Tommy West: That night, he was the one who had BIG DICK ENERGY, right?!

Dan Simmons: Exactly!!

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MATCH ONE
STRANGE BEDFELLOWS TAG TEAM MATCH
Wild Wolf & Willie Steen vs. Razor Blade & El Chico Promedio

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The bell rings and this match is underway and no sooner does it start, Razor Blade runs at Wild Wolf and catches him with a running knee which forces him into a neutral corner. Blade keeps on him and delivers a series of forearms and hard knee strikes. The Best in the World tries to whip Wolf into the opposite corner, but it's reversed, sending Razor Blade crashing into the corner. Wolf charges into the corner roaring looking for a big elbow crush, but Razor Blade rolls out of the way and Wild Wolf crashes back first into the turnbuckle! Razor Blade charges into the corner with intent but Wild Wolf erupts out of the corner with a shoulder block and Blade slams back first to the canvas with authority.

Dan Simmons: Wild Wolf means business!!

Tommy West: Considering the limited information we have on him, that's unsurprising. He's a businessman!

Wild Wolf doesn't hang around and pounds on Razor with a flurry of punches and whilst Blade covers up, damage is still being done until the referee is finally in there to put a halt to the closed fists, Wolf gets up and argues with the referee, which allows Razor Blade to shake out the cobwebs, hops up top the second rope and whistles at Wild Wolf to get his attention.... Wild Wolf turns to face Razor Blade as he launches out of the corner and hits a cross body, he stays on for the cover...1...2...kick out from Wolf.

Tommy West: And a kickoff by Wolf! But Razor Blade has firm control of the match!

Dan Simmons: I guess you'd say he has the edge right now.

Wild Wolf throws Blade off him and gets back to his feet, he charges at Razor Blade to hit a clothesline, but Blade shows great awareness to not only avoid it, but grab the arm, take Wolf down and apply a koji clutch! This worries Willie Steen enough to come into the ring to make the break, but El Chico isn't going to play bystander either, and he sprints over and dropkicks Steen down! Steen gets back to his feet through a tirade of kicks from Chico, Steen throws some punches back at him, and the referee leaves the scene of the submission to halt the second battle and tell the pair that they're not legal, and they need to get out, Steen tries to ignore him, blowing past him to again break the submission, but El Chico again hits a dropkick which sends Steen face first out of the ring.

Tommy West: What a dropkick by El Chico Promedio to the Hollywood Dream!

Dan Simmons: Willie Steen took a trip to the floor seats the hard way.

Wild Wolf on the other hand has been slowly crawling to the ropes and gets his hand on it, breaking the submission. Wild Wolf rolls and rolls away until he finds himself on the by the bottom rope, shaking out the pain in his arm and trying to get his composure back. He gets back to his feet but Razor is waiting for him, and drops him with a scoop slam! Blade goes to pick up Wild Wolf but is met with a thumb to the eye, much to the annoyance of the fans as well as the referee. Wolf doesn't care, Razor did however and came back at Wolf, but gets a kick in the abdomen for his trouble, followed by a brainbuster. Wild Wolf drags Razor Blade up and in a show of power he gut-busters Razor Blade with conviction... Wild Wolf looks for the tag and Willie Steen has just arrived back at his corner after Chico's dropkick winded him moments ago to make the tag.

Dan Simmons: And Wolf finally gets the tag to Steen!

Tommy West: Here comes the Hollywood Dream!

Willie Steen drags Razor Blade back to his feet and tomahawk chops Razor Blade right between the eyes and stuns him, he then winds back and hits Razor Blade with a huge chop and Blade is barely staying on his feet. Steen ups the ante with a standing dropkick and Razor Blade falls back into a neutral corner. Willie Steen heads for El Chico stood in his corner calling out for Blade to make the tag, Steen hops to the second rope to try and hit a springboard dropkick but El Chico drops to the arena floor to avoid the blow, Steen smirks regardless, and let's Chico know he has his number. Steen goes back to Blade, who has recovered enough to swing a big right hand at him, but Steen ducks it and as Blade spins around he grabs a waist lock from behind and launches him with a release German suplex. He makes the cover, 1...2... Chico dives in to make the save.

Tommy West: So close but no cigar! El Chico was JUST able to keep the match going!

The referee argues with El Chico about the interference in the count but Chico largely ignores him and heads back to his corner. Razor Blade is back on his feet and looks set on making the tag, knowing he's in trouble, Steen tries to stop Razor Blade with a quick kick and a chop to the chest. Steen then goes for a spinning wheel kick, but Blade rolls under and makes a diving tag to El Chico. Chico hits the ropes and hits a springboard lariat to Willie Steen to make his arrival (legally) in the match. El Chico puts Willie Steen in a half Boston Crab which causes him all sorts of pain, hitting the mat in frustration. Steen tries to edge towards the ropes, but it isn't looking great and Wild Wolf dives in and makes the save with a big boot to Chico's face to make sure. The referee is unimpressed and tells Wild Wolf to get back to his corner, he does so, but not before taking a swipe at the fans on his way out. Chico and Steen are both back to their feet and both hit the ropes take each other out with a double clothesline! Both shake themselves back into movement, crawling over to their corners and tag in Wild Wolf and Razor Blade!

Tommy West: There's the hot tag!!

Dan Simmons: Blade and Wolf are in!! It's like a brand new match!

Razor Blade and Wild Wolf exchange punches in the centre of the ring until Razor Blade ducks a punch boots Wolf in the gut and hits a double underhook backbreaker. He then nods to El Chico who heads to the top rope but Willie Steen sprinted over, hopped up onto the second rope and kicked Chico off the top rope and he fell all the way to the arena floor! Blade sees this hits a superkick that sends Steen out of the ring, over the top rope! Blade turns back around but is met by Wild Wolf, who kicks him in the midsection and hits the Market Crash (twist of fate). He makes the cover 1....2....kick out!

Dan Simmons: I can't believe Razor Blade kicked out of that! How did he do it?!

Tommy West: The Straight Edge Society member is showing some fight!!

Wolf gets back to his feet and stalks Blade, and when Blade staggers up he hoists him on his shoulder, and looks for a power slam, Blade drops behind and pushes him into the turnbuckle, he bounces off the corner and turns back into the Razor GTS! Chico is back on his feet and has climbed to the apron, he tags him in and Chico goes straight back to the top rope, he hits a frog splash and makes the cover. As he does Razor sees Steen getting up and stops him from interfering with a suicide dive, meanwhile the pin is in.

Tommy West: He hit the Chapoteo Promedio!! This could be it!!

1...2......3!

[Winners: Razor Blade and El Chico Promedio via Chapoteo Promedio at 10:01]

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"HOOOOOOOOOOOOWL"

"All rise fore the king of all wolves now arrives."

The voice of James Earl Mother Fucking Jones echos over the speakers. How did he get James Earl Jones to say that? It wasn't a Cameo I'll tell you that and it cost a pretty penny. Shortly after James Earl Jones speaks Big Sean's "Wolves" begins to play. The stage lights up with a spotlight and smoke fills the stage. Two men dressed as royal guards walk out and produce swords. They turn and point them into the air touching near the tips and El Rey walks out wearing a crown with the BDDWF Ultimate Championship side plate front and center in the middle of the Crown. Waving in the breeze from fans under the stage is a red cape with the side plates of the other 22 championships that comprise the X*Crown sewn in. El Rey looks around at the booing audience before lifting his head raising his nose in the air showing his superiority over everyone in the audience. He walks under the two swords and makes his way to the ring. He walks up the stairs and steps into the ring. He demands a mic and the ring announcer reluctantly hands it over.

El Rey: Ah it sure is, something, to be back here in New Orleans. I walked through the backstage and all those familiar faces I used to work with, they all gave me their best fake smiles and told me they were happy for me. A few even went so far as to say they were proud of me. Of course I know it is all bold faced lies, but I still enjoy hearing it. Not because I need my ego stroked, no, but because I love that they're forced to admit they were wrong.

The young champion begins to pace the ring looking out at the crowd as he does.

El Rey: You see, I left this place because not a single person back there believed in me. They all told me I had the talent, but I could hear them all whispering. They said my match at Hedgemony was a fluke. I didn't earn that spot at Supremacy last year I just got lucky. They said the same thing about my victory over Dylan Black. They said I'd never beat him again, and then when I lost to Dylan in the King of Hokkaido they all felt vindicated. It didn't matter how well I did in the tournament or that Dylan HAD to beat me to get to the finals, it only mattered that I lost. They thought they were talking behind my back, but I heard it all. Then it went a step further and my bookings were suddenly few and far between. That's when I left. That's when I went somewhere that my talents were appreciated, and I continued to train.

He stops pacing, turns, and looks directly into the hard cam.

El Rey: Now I'm back, not for good don't get your hopes up, to rub their fucking noses in how wrong they were.

The crowd rains boos down. They were willing to let the champion have his say, but now their triggered.

El Rey: Oh what, upset because you all were wrong too? You idiots had your chance to back me, to bet on the winning horse. Instead you put your faith behind guys like Felix whom I knocked out of the running at Battle for Hedgemony. Women like Eli who does nothing but flirt and play mind games. Guys like those losers from the Academy whose only redeeming quality are that they're associated with a straight killer like Rob Arnold. Rob chose the wrong talented teen to back, though. He should've picked me...

"You give me something to talk about (something to talk about), HEY."

Dan Simmons: Rob Arnold is here! 

Tommy West: What is this guy, Candyman? Say his name and poof, he appears?

Rob Arnold runs out on stage to huge cheers from the crowd, suited up and flashing a broad smile, he heads down the ramp and fist bumps a couple young fans as he makes a beeline for the ring. The champion watches his every move, he doesn't seem to bothered about the interruption. Rob collects a microphone and heads up the steel steps and into the ring. The music quickly dies out, the crowd are buzzing for the former X*Crown Champion, who simply smiles at El Rey. The champion doesn't seem too surprised to see him out here, given that he just insulted The Academy.

Rob Arnold: Well, well, well! Look who finally came back to rub our noses in his success! El Rey! I've missed you, man...you know, in the way that when a high pitched whine finally leaves your life, you realise that you were quite used to it.

El Rey rolls his eyes and Rob places a hand up in an apologetic manner.

Rob Arnold: Okay, maybe that was unfair. And listen, congratulations are in order, you won the big one! And no sooner do you win it, you're back here in NLW, I wonder why?

The sarcasm button has been pushed, Arnold's smirk is not doing anything to hide it either.

Rob Arnold: Like you said, you want to tell everybody how wrong they were, and why not? You've earned that right, fair play to you!

El Rey's turn to smile.

Rob Arnold: And hey, I get it, in your eyes we all did you wrong here, we forced you to quit and better yourself. It was probably the shot in the arm you needed to get those titles, but your version of history is a little different from the truth. Are you not forgetting the support you had here? You turned your back on Scorpion, my friend, your mentor. I even told you that if you pulled your head out of your ass, you could be apart of The Academy, but you said no, you went and found your New Money friends instead.

Arnold shrugs.

Rob Arnold: I wanted to back both of you, but you? You couldn't accept sharing the stage with Riley I guess. You've always had it in for him, especially since you've never beaten him either.

Arnold grins, El Rey on the other hand begins to frown.

Rob Arnold: I always said it would be his attitude that would see him succeed over you. But here you are, you're now the man with the top title, but kid, proving people wrong to win a title is one thing, but now you've got to keep it. There's sharks in these waters and the bloods starting drip and get their attention. With that in mind, do you think it's such a good idea to come here and antagonise one of the biggest sharks in the XHF?

El Rey: Oh, is Anthony Caffrey here?

The crowd boos once again, Rob just laughs.

El Rey: You're washed old man. You're not a shark anymore, you're a minnow. You couldn't beat me in your prime.

Arnold laughs again.

Rob Arnold: As fun as it would be for me to make some history and become a three time champion, I've got other plans on the go, but I'd happily give Leon Chant, Trixie Mars or Riley Richards a crack at you. I'd say tell me which one you want, but I already know the answer. You don't know who Trixie Mars is, well she's the latest talent tearing it up at UP Wrestling, and you're going to be seeing a lot more of her soon. Still, she's not on your radar, so you'll pass on her. You're too afraid to face Leon Chant, I don't blame you for that. But even if you weren't, we both know you want that elusive win over Riley. Your spiteful little brain can't get past it, can it?

El Rey doesn't give anything away, Arnold turns his back on him to address the crowd.

Rob Arnold: So look, you decide on the when, and I'll give you Riley Richards, it can be here, it can be on a GUN Show, hell, we'll go to Japan, Philly or Vegas if you so wish, because I know these people and I would love nothing more than see Riley Richards as the new-

Arnold doesn't say anything else as El Rey snaps, hitting him with a low blow. He goes to work on Rob much to the crowds chagrin, mounting him and laying punch after punch down on him.

Dan Simmons: The X*Crown Champion has snapped!

Tommy West: He provoked him!

Dan Simmons: We all know Arnold doesn't mince his words, but that was hardly a reason to do this!

Rey rolls off and grabs the crown that came off his head pretty quickly from the attack, he screams at Arnold to get up, he looks primed and ready to hit him with it...

Dan Simmons: Wait a minute! It's Riley Richards!

Richards comes sprinting out from the back, and El Rey sees him coming and smirks, he slides out of the ring as Richards slides in. The champion keeps his eyes on Richards, who is helping his mentor back up, and tells him "not today".

Tommy West: I get the feeling that tis one isn't over, Simmo.

Dan Simmons: You and me both partner, Richards can't get too distracted though, he's got a match later for the NLW Tag Team Titles!

We have a further shot of El Rey as he backs up the ramp, looking pretty pleased with himself before we cut to a commercial for the XHF Network.

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The scene cuts back to ringside, and in addition to the normal stuff, like announce positions and the ring itself, there are fully nine minigolf greens set up around the outside of the ring, three on each non-ramp side of the ring. The side of the ring facing the ramp has no greens, but a fully decked out golf cart. There are also golf bags hanging from the steel bars connecting the turnbuckles in all four corners to their respective ring posts. After a long shot to establish this, the scene cuts to the announce table with Dan and Tommy.

Dan Simmons: It’s just about time for the XHF Tag Team Championships to be defended, and while this set-up is not quite as dramatic as the one from Homecoming, it’s still a sight to behold.

Tommy West: Hopefully they leave everything in place for a minute, it’d be a nice relaxing romp to hit the links after what is sure to be a violent match.

Dan Simmons: That seems unlikely, Tommy, but if you want to be the one to delay matches with Tommy Kelly, The End, and Nathan Cage in them, be my guest.

Tommy West: Uh....hey Marty, I think it’s your turn!

Dan Simmons: ....artfully dodged, Tommy.

The camera cuts up to Marty, waiting in the ring.

Marty Watts: The following contest is the Caddyshack Match! It’s scheduled for one fall, and it is for the XHF Tag Team Championship!

The heavy beats of "No Love" by Death Grips hits the speakers as the house lights shine down to the drumming beat over the speakers. Flashes of Jason Long and James Raymond with their respective singles championship gold appears on the Tron with each beat that passes.

"How the trip
Never stops
On and on
It's beyond insane
Why I set
Myself up
In a raging sea of flames?"

The instrumental pours through the P.A. System as the lights come to life and flash down onto the stage, the New Age Killers logo filling the Tron as fans within the arena bang their heads to the beat of the song. The house light spiraled around the arena as the Tron flashes the team work of both Jason Long and James Raymond as a team.

"You're fit ta learn the proper meaning of a beatdown
Madness chaos in the brain
Let my blood flow, make my blood flow through you mane
You got no business questioning a thang"

Once the lyrics hit the speakers, the curtain flies open and The New Age Killers slowly walkthrough, making their presence known with each step they take before stopping at the top of the ramp and looking out to the sold-out arena in front of them. Jason looks out to the crowd, James crouches down and brushes his hand along the steel floor below. Jason taps James on the shoulder as he rises up to his feet and they both look at one another, smiling before looking out to the crowd once more.

Marty Watts: Introducing first, the challengers, at a combined weight of 397 pounds, they are the team of James Raymond and “The King” Jason Long...the New Age Killers!

“Never not on it, leanin' so hard you're ashamed
You can't dismiss this sick transmission huffs your brain
Exhale your will and forget I ever knew you
Fuck do you do?
Fuck a man wit hips for hulu”

They soon fist bump and make their way down to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and leaping up onto the turnbuckles, on opposite sides of one another, as they stand there and soak in the crowd’s positive reactions for both men. They both drop down from the ropes and stand in their respected corner, waiting for their opponents to enter the arena with a dead serious look to their eyes.

Dan Simmons: That’s two men on a mission, there. Jason Long in particular has made no secret of his feelings surrounding how important this match is.

Tommy West: We wouldn’t even be having it, except they somehow tied an over-the-railing ocean deathmatch at Supremacy. Mongo was not happy that there was not a definitive winner, and while I don’t think this match is quite as bullshit as Noel Edmonds wanted, one thing is certain. You can only win by pin or submission, so there definitely, one hundred percent will be a winner.

A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 'Mr Blobby' by Mr Blobby resonates across the venue. 

Stepping out from behind the curtain, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge to a mixed reaction. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange. 

Marty Watts: Their opponents, at a combined weight, they are the current XHF Tag Team Champions, the team of Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby....the Crinkly Bottom Boys!

As they walk down the aisle, Noel Edmonds looks focused or maybe just irritated at how his career turned out. Mr Blobby follows him, he snaps open a Sherbert dib-dab and snorts it before dropping the wrapper on the floor. Edmonds leans into the aisle camera.

Edmonds: All you are is energy, remember that!

Blobby however, has got distracted, silly Blobby! He's handing out his hotel room number to a gaggle of 5 out of 10s who came with their children to the event! Edmonds looks behind to see his partner not focusing on the match and grabs an ear guard to pull him down the aisle to the ring. He points towards the ring and watches as Blobby looks to roll under the ropes but finds he is simply too large to fit. The Pink and Yellow Peril realises his mistake and stands up and shakes his head before leapfrogging the top rope.

Edmonds rolls under the bottom rope and rips off his trackies and Dad shirt to reveal a wrestling singlet that is patterned with boxes from Deal or No Deal. They head to their corner as they await the bell.

Dan Simmons: As Tommy alluded a minute ago, Noel Edmonds is not a fan of this match stipulation, but Mr. Blobby seems game.

Tommy West: Blobby has kept him in championship gold up to now. If I were him, I’d not look a gift....alien? in the mouth and let Blobby do his thing.

Bafflingly for a tag team match in a hardcore setting, the teams are not doing it with Tornado Tag rules. One suspects Noel Edmonds campaigned heavily against such things. He also makes absolutely no pretense about being the one to start on the apron and have Blobby start the match, even going so far as to take the bag of golf implements hanging from their corner and put it over his shoulder in the style of a caddy. Blobby, for his part, seems eager to start and stands in that peculiarly Blobby way, with his arms behind his spherical back, to wait to see who the New Age Killers start. After a bit of conferring, Jason Long steps forward and Raymond steps out onto the apron (notably, he does not turn himself into a caddy), allowing the official to start the match.

Dan Simmons: I think Noel might have missed his calling, Tommy!

Tommy West: Your sarcasm is noted. Two men who have not missed their calling are the New Age Killers, and if Noel doesn’t start taking things seriously, he’ll find out why they call themselves that.

---

MATCH TWO
XHF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - CADDYSHACK MATCH
The Crinkly Bottom Boys (C) vs. The New Age Killers

---

DING DING DING

Long is not a small man, but he looks it next to Mr. Blobby. Blobby seems totally willing to mix it up, though, and when Long opens with a palm strike--because who can properly lock up with a resident of Blobbyland?--Blobby fires one right back. Long recoils a surprising amount, unless you'd seen them fight at Supremacy anyway--but Long knows what to expect and just fires one right back. Blobby vibrates visibly and tries to throw right back, but Long ducks under it, runs the ropes, and flips off of them with a handspring Enzuigiri! He can't quite make it to Blobby's head, but he still gets the message. His response is to vibrate even more violently, then grab Long and run him into a neutral corner with a big shoulder thrust that shakes the bag that's hanging on the buckles outside the ring. Blobby does several shoulder thrusts then whips Long into the opposite ropes, and in a tremendous feat for one so bulbous, he does a running handspring into a back elbow that sandwiches Long against the buckles!

Dan Simmons: He might not look the part, but there is no denying that Mr. Blobby is a gifted athlete!

Tommy West: How much of that is from training and how much of that is his dabs is up for debate, but you can't deny the results!

Blobby looks over to his corner for approval, but Noel is trying to hand him a seven iron.

Noel Edmonds: C'mon, Blob, a seven iron never misses!

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!

Blobby refuses to take it, instead turning back to Long, but the distraction was enough to let "The King" recover, hitting a spinning back kick to stagger Blobby, his arms flailing. Long hops up onto the second rope, but he never hits what he was looking for because Noel storms over with the club in hand and whacks him in the stomach from the apron. Raymond doesn't take this well, and as soon as Noel sees him coming, he yelps, drops the bag, and runs for the golf cart. Raymond is faster, but Noel is closer, and just as Raymond is about to reach him, the golf cart peels out, with Raymond close behind. (Golf carts don't go that fast.) Blobby focuses on Long, and while he's confused why he's down, he wants to press the attack, so he leaps at him, arms back, and lands a diving headbutt on Jason's stomach, right next to where he got blasted.

Dan Simmons: Noel Edmonds has abandoned his partner!

Tommy West: He hasn't abandoned his partner, Simmo! He's led one of their opponents off to leave Jason Long in Mr. Blobby's pink, sticky clutches!

At the top of the stage, Raymond loses interest in chasing a vehicle and starts coming back to the match. Noel doesn't follow immediately. Raymond slides right into the ring as Blobby starts setting up for one of his big moves and taps him on the shoulder. Blobby turns right into a short-distance lariat! He then drags Long over to their corner as the ref chastises him. We don't hear what he says, but his body language is a lot of "What are you going to do, disqualify me?" and the ref clearly has no answer to that, so Raymond just drags Long the rest of the way, then tags himself in. Blobby has gotten back up by now, but Raymond just charges in with a hesitation dropkick that pushes Blobby back. Then he grabs the ropes to launch himself higher for a Gamengiri that actually gets Blobby in his literal dome and knocks Blobby into the New Age Killers corner. Raymond fishes out a bag of balls. You know the kind, it's kind of mesh so you see all the balls inside of it? And he's whipping it around his head before blasting Blobby in the head with it like a multi-faceted blackjack. Not the most sportsmanlike, perhaps, but wholly legal, and afterwards, Raymond drops into the first attempt at a cover in the match.

One...

Two...

Blobby kicks out, and despite it not surprising Raymond at all, Jason seems to have gotten caught up in the moment and looks crestfallen that the match is continuing.

Dan Simmons: Long's fear of not being able to take advantage of this opportunity is shining through. He had better be careful that it doesn't rule over him!

Tommy West: That's the problem with finding a conscience, Simmo. You can't just ever find it by itself. It brings all the other emotions along with it!

Raymond starts struggling to pick Blobby up, then gets a different idea and moves to the legs, signaling for Jason to start climbing the ropes. The ref tries to insist on the legal man structure, but again, what can he do? So Raymond tries his best to find Blobby's equilibrium to pick him up in an inverted wheelbarrow lift. He's about got it, and Long is perched on the top rope when Noel revs the engine of the golf cart and careens down the ramp. He tries to hit the breaks but doesn't do it fast enough, hitting the ring with the cart! Long was not standing up fully, but still gets crotched on the unforgiving steel buckles, and Raymond loses his grip, falling backward against the ropes as Blobby drops back to the canvas. Blobby starts stirring as Noel storms over to the ring, passes Blobby a Dib Dab and the seven iron that he found near where he dropped the clubs.

Noel Edmonds: Are you going to let that Welsh bastard do this to us?

Mr. Blobby: Blobby blobby blob....

Noel Edmonds: Don't lie to me, Shib Ouya isn't a real thing, it's just in cartoons. That Dib Dab should be hitting pretty soon, go get him Blob!

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!

True to Noel's word, Blobby shoots up to his feet, despite the literal car(t) crash and the blackjacking. He has the seven iron in his hand, though he seems to have almost forgotten about it, and as the New Age Killers try to get close enough to attack, Blobby just spins around in a circle and whacks Raymond and Long in the side of their heads with the iconic club! He spins several more times than necessary and looks winded, dropping the club.

Noel Edmonds: PIN THE BASTARD!

Raymond is the legal man, so Blobby goes over and places himself upon Raymond.

One...

Two...

Thr--no! Just at the last moment, a loopy Jason Long flies onto Blobby, breaking the fall! After the fall is broken, Long rolls off of Blobby, hands in his hair as he pants, looking up at the lights.

Dan Simmons: This match has devolved into chaos!

Tommy West: Devolved? It's been chaos from the start--and Noel Edmonds is in prime position to take advantage!

Noel Edmonds is the only upright member of this match, so he gets a little bold. Not bold enough to tag in, but enough to take a new club from the bag, which turns out to be a putter, and slide into the ring. He lifts the club high and tries to bash James Raymond's brains in, but Raymond rolls out of the way. Noel gets much more timid as Raymond is pushing himself up. He screws himself up and goes for a sideways swing, but Raymond is quicker and blasts him with a big Question Mark kick that drops Noel in one hit! Luckily for the Crinkly Bottom Boys, Noel is not legal, so he just rolls sluggishly back to the outside, still clutching the putter to his chest. Raymond growls, then turns to Blobby, who has gotten up in the meantime. The two collide in the middle of the ring and just start blasting each other with elbow strikes. Raymond's strikes can only reach where Blobby's collarbone would be, assuming he has one, but it's enough to make himself known to the Pink and Yellow Peril. Blobby's size advantage does eventually win out (and also natural padding?), and he gets the upper hand. He whips Raymond around and looks like he's going for Blobby #2, but as he runs under the arm and starts flipping backwards, Raymond lunges for the ropes. This throws Blobby off balance, which makes it amazing that he still manages to land on his feet, but Long comes barreling into the ropes, then bounces off with a vicious Pumping Bomber Lariat that knocks Blobby off his feet! Long gets Raymond's attention to pin Blobby, then lays on top of him to double up!

One...

Two...

WHACK! A putter comes into shot and clatters against the shoulders of both Long and Raymond, breaking the count!

Dan Simmons: That was a swing that would do Happy Gilmore proud!

Tommy West: Who is gonna get that reference? Get with the times!

We see a gassed Noel leaning through the bottom ropes, arms forward as he clearly threw the putter in desperation. It didn't hit as hard as he'd like, but it got the ref to stop counting. He tries to escape again, but both New Age Killers slip out of the ring on opposite sides, meaning Noel is quickly caught in a pincer. He does his best to negotiate his way out of this situation. (We can't hear what he says but he points to the Deal or No Deal boxes on his singlet so we assume bribery is involved.) Jason charges first, making Noel run away in fear, but he runs right into James Raymond who lifts him up in a Fireman's Carry, turning him a bit to emphasize how helpless he is before throwing him into a pump knee strike! Noel falls face down on one of the novelty putting greens and doesn't move.

Dan Simmons: Noel Edmonds is out cold!

Tommy West: That's not good news for the Crinkly Bottom Boys! Quick. Blobby--get another dab!

Blobby has started stirring, and either hasn't noticed or isn't super perturbed by the utter destruction of Noel Edmonds. Raymond slips into the ring, then tags Long in to be legal, though they both get into the ring at once. Blobby also doesn't seem upset by this, doing lots of turning and vibrating as though to say Just Bring It, but all the crowd hears is

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!

The New Age Killers oblige and they both charge in. Raymond lands an elbow smash, but Blob rebuts with a headbutt that sends Raymond reeling. But in the opening, Long flies in with his own hesitation dropkick that pushes Blobby back. He rushes in to try a leaping cutter, but Blobby blasts him with a clothesline to the back of his head in midair, making him fall to the ground. While Long's contemplating the complexities of nuclear disarmament and modern day political struggles, Raymond goes for a Reverse STO, but it's hard to get his arms around Blobby, and even if he does, there's no neck to really lock into, which gives Blobby the opening to shove Raymond away, and when he comes back, he lands a left handed punch. Then a second one. Then a third one. Then he starts doing a dance that is probably sexy in Blobby Land but is absolutely incomprehensible to humans. He then goes for the big right hook to finish Blooby #3, but Raymond ducks it and heaves Blobby over with a Northern Lights suplex! He doesn't bridge it, as he can't really wrap his arms around Blobby's great girth, but he does start helping Long up, since he's the legal one.

Dan Simmons: The New Age Killers have got to seize this opportunity before Noel recovers!

Tommy West: I, ah... I don't think that's happening. Look!

Quick look to check on Noel? He's still dead. EMTs are checking on him to make sure he is not literally dead, but he's not a factor anymore. Blobby is starting to get up already, but the New Age Killers are not deterred. They circle Blobby, trying to find the angle to go in on. Raymond breaks in first, so Blobby turns to him and starts beating him back, but Long takes the opening to duck underneath. Blobby's crotch region is not well defined, so it's hard to find the proper balancing point, but eventually Blobby starts rising into the air. He flails is arms and shouts incoherently, but Long remains steadfast. As he lifts him to his full height, Raymond waits for the moment. He climbs the ropes, with his back to them so he can watch for his moment, and as Long spins slowly, reaching up, Raymond flies in with a dropkick to the back of Blobby's spherical head that propels him forward into an Electric Chair Piledriver! Long can't stick the landing on the strangely shaped foe, so he desperately scrambles into a cover.

One...

Two...

Three! Long flips off of Blobby, hands immediately over his face as the bell rings!

[WINNERS: The New Age Killers via Psycho Killer II at 19:43]

Marty Watts: Here are your winners and the NEW XHF Tag Team Champions....the New Age Killers!

Jason Long's obviously emotional at the win he and his partner secured and once James Raymond helps his partner to his feet? The referee is joining the new champions, handing each of them one half of the XHF Tag Team Championships before raising their hands! A tear escapes the corner of Long's eye as Blobby kneels down next to the still unmoving Noel Edmonds while EMTs try gamely to push him away. It's hard to do the kind of work they do when a big bubble man is pushing into their space.

Dan Simmons: The New Age Killers have captured the gold, Tommy! That's another notch for Raymond, but the real story is that the King has reinforced his throne.

Tommy West: You don't call yourself The King unless you can back it up, Simmo, and the New Age Killers are officially the Kings of Tag Team Wrestling. Now hopefully they can get a challenge from a team that's from this reality.

Long and Raymond continue to stand, victorious and verklempt, in the ring until the scene cuts away.

---

(Former UWA Mid-South Champion Jonnie Valentine who defended that belt in New Orleans every month in the early 90's appears on screen backstage in front of the NLW banner. The older fans and people who grew up on his title defenses jump to their feet and blow the roof off the arena with a nostalgic pop! The camera pans out and he's next to former Hardkore World Champion Syberus, Together they form The Hot Tag Express)

Jonnie Valentine: Hey kids! It's your old pal Uncle Jonnie Valentine here with the cheese to my macaroni, Syberus. We are The Hot Tag Express. You know, when I got my last quarterly, I noticed that my action figures sales were way down.

Syberus: You should all feel sick about yourselves for disappointing this man...

Jonnie Valentine: No, it's ok, Syberus. I talked to Ronnie, my merch guy, and he said "Kids don't play with action figures no more. Dey play with video games." Then he stuck his cigar back in his mouth.

Syberus: Rotting your brain with video games instead of using the imagination God gave ya...

Jonnie Valentine: Which is WHY we are releasing Making Towns with The Hot Tag Express video game!

(Fade to video game cutscenes and gameplay while Jonnie and Syberus voice it over)

Jonnie Valentine: "With realistic gameplay that puts you in the real world of professional wrestling, like dealing with rental cars!"

Video Game Avis Lady: I'm sorry sir, we're unfortunately all out of the Toyota Rav 4's you reserved. Would you take a compact that has no heat?

Syberus: "Then put your driving skills to the test as you try and make the show before bell time in Fighting Traffic Mode."

Jonnie Valentine: "Now it's time to wrestle, right?"

Syberus: "Wrong. Your character must find every single man and woman in the locker room and shake their hand."

Jonnie Valentine: "Don't forget someone or your locker room heat meter will go off the chart!"

(The heat meter reaches critical and then flashes "Locker Room Poison: Leak your side of the story to Meltzer to lower heat immediately!")

Syberus: "Now it's time to wrestle."

Jonnie Valentine: "Not so fast. First you have to hide your bag so that none of the locker room bullies can shit in it."

(A wrestler is in stealth mode, sneaking around corners, with his gym bag clutched tightly in his arms. Two laughing local mid-carders in the background have their backs turn to him)

Jonnie Valentine: "Great news, now it's time to wrestle."

Syberus: "It would be, if the promoter hadn't just come to you to tell you he can't make your guarantee."

Video Game Promoter: Sorry kid, the house is a little light. But since you already drove out here...

Syberus: "And now it's time to wrestle. Terribly."

Jonnie Valentine: "That's right, Making Towns with The Hot Tag Express video game allows you to kill the town with a match so bad, that promoter will never waste your time again!"

Syberus: "Then let your imagination go as you design your own motel room! That's right, you're in the driver's seat. You decide whether it's two twin beds, or a king size with a large slump in the middle. What art from an abandoned Arby's will be on the wall? Making Towns with The Hot Tag Express also gives you a choice of countless local newscasts to give your neighbor to have turned all the way up all night."

Jonnie Valentine: "If you kids can figure out the parental block on your PS4, you can even design your own ring rat. You can select from Sure Thing all the way to Fell Asleep Watching That Show Mom Before Saying "'This Is So Me And My Mom."

(Cut back to Syberus and Jonnie Valentine backstage)

Jonnie Valentine: That's Making Towns with The Hot Tag Express! Pre-sales are available now, make sure you get your copy before they're gone!

Coming Soon...The Hot Tag Express with Jonnie Valentine and Syberus

---

The feed cuts back to the ring, which is now surrounded by stacks of closed tables with chairs sitting atop of them. The barricade around ringside has horizontal ladders laying along them. Along the entrance ramp is a set ladder and table on each side.

Marty Watts: The following contest is our tables, ladders, and CHAIRS match for the Next Level Wrestling Tag Team Championship!! Introducing first...

"Fresh Start Fever" by You Me At Six Begins to play and The Academy comes out onto the stage, Riley Richards is first out, running to the edge to survey the crowd. Leon Chant slowly, but purposefully comes second, by comparison he's all business.

"Everybody loves the original, everybody's got time to be cynical
Old enough to know better by now, it's the greatest joke don't go letting me down
Hold my drink, this just got physical, I'm on a new wave, it's getting visceral
Going toe to toe to see how you go, I'm in pain. So, yes, it is painful"

Finally, Rob Arnold walks out and stands to the side of Leon, Richards trots back to now put Rob in the centre, Richards and Chant fist bump before being told "let's go" by Arnold, and they start to walk down the ramp. As Chant reaches the bottom of the ramp, Riley Richards pauses a bit as he looks at one of the ladders nearby.

Marty Watts: Accompanied by Rob Arnold, weighing at four hundred eighty pounds, they are Riley Richards and Leon Chant... THE ACADEMY!!

Dan Simmons: When you consider the sum of the parts with the Academy, you have to take them seriously as a threat to leave this match with the NLW Tag Team Championship.

Tommy West: With Rob Arnold acting as your advocate, anything is possible. But this is a team of a two-time NLW Heavyweight Champion and the reigning XHF European Champion. The Academy definitely has to be taken credibly in this match. And you have to think the other four members of this match knows that Riley Richards will be challenging for the X*Crown soon.

"Oh, heart of mine, sing a sad song, sing a sad song
Warning you, oh, heart of mine, sing a sad song"

Richards practically floats down the ramp, acknowledging a number of the crowd on the way, as Chant and Arnold keep formation. As Riley slides into the ring, Arnold puts a hand on Chant's shoulder, one final word, before Chant marches up the steps and into the ring.

"And it's a fresh start fever, who wouldn't want to be here?
Welcome to the future, dream a little bigger"

With both men in the ring, they head to a corner and raise their arms to the crowd whilst Arnold watches on at ringside, a small smirk flashing across his face as his charges drop back down and head to their corner. The lights in the building go out. The screen shows the official 'The End x MachoDrag' logo, which you can purchase on a t-shirt, 8x10, or large poster.

"Slow we go, slow we rise
Hold the course, the stormy isle."

Lights flash as singular bass note rings out.

"Dark aboard, batter my sails.
Waves are strong, clouds roll in."

A cold mist pours out onto the stage, and two shadowy figures make their way out.

Marty Watts: Secondly, weighing in at four hundred forty-five pounds, they are Mehrunes Smith and Scott Fargo... THE END!!

Tommy West: And here are the inaugural champions!

Dan Simmons: I quite enjoy the power they seem to weld over one of the champions. I don't understand why their jeans are tucked into their boots though.

"Steady on, Load your gun.
Steady on, End Will Come."

With the last line, the lights in the building flicker on revealing Mehrunes Smith and Scott Fargo stood on the stage. Mehrunes takes time to look around at the crowd as well as all the weapons surrounding the ring and ramp, as Fargo runs through various boxing combinations before rolling his shoulders and bouncing on the spot. Soon after, both men make their way down to the ring. Mehrunes Smith with a calm aura about him as he saunters toward the ring, whereas his partner, Scott Fargo, marches behind him full of intensity and purpose. Both men make their way into the ring, Fargo rolls straight in and bounces to his feet, as Mehrunes calmly walks up the steps and climbs in between the ropes. As Mehrunes slowly starts to remove his octopus mask, he locks eyes with Leon Chant, who is on the apron and not blinking to show he won't back down to the End. The staredown is interrupted by the sound of Powerglove's "Blasting the Hornet" to introduce the NLW Tag Team Champions.

Marty Watts: And finally, weighing in at four hundred fifty-seven pounds, they are the Next Level Wrestling Tag Team Champions, Cheez and Wellington Dunne, TILTED CARTRIDGES!!

Wellington Dunne appears on the ramp with Cheez riding on his shoulders. Wellington Dunne has his tag team championship around his waist while Cheez holds his on his shoulder. While Dunne makes his way down to the ring, Cheez's eyes are fixed on the top of one of the ladders that's set up beside the entrance ramp. As soon as the champions enter the ring, the referee takes the championships from Cheez and Dunne so they can suspend the belts above the ring for the match. All six competitors watch the belts hang above the ring as the bell rings to start the match.

---

MATCH THREE
NLW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - TLC TRIPLE THREAT
Tilted Cartridges (C) vs. The End vs. The Academy

---

DING DING DING!

Scott Fargo takes one second towards Cheez before the combination of Leon Chant and Wellington Dunne stop him dead in his tracks with a double hop toss. But his tag team partner, Mehrunes Smith, wastes no time in tossing Riley Richards to the outside of the ring. Cheez backs into the corner of the ring as he watches Chant and Dunne start exchanging lefts and rights.

Tommy West: This is a reminder that, in this match, there are no pinfalls, no submissions, no count outs, no disqualifications. The match can only end when someone retrieves the championship belts from above the ring.

Dan Simmons: Presumably from climbing a ladder. But I expect lots of bodies to hit the floor on the way to that ending!

Tommy West: Highly likely.

Mehrunes sends Riley into the steps of the ring before grabbing a chair from atop the stack of tables that was near him. Before Riley could react to the chair being picked up, Mehrunes slings it at Richards; the seat collides with the European Champion’s face in almost an instant. The sound of the chair echoing off Riley’s skull catches the attention of Leon Chant, who drops Wellington Dunne with a sidewalk slam and exits the ring immediately.

Dan Simmons: If anyone took Mehrunes Smith yeeting a chair at someone as one of the prop bets on this match, I had good news for you.

Tommy West: I don’t think Smith is going to like what happens after that though. Leon Chant has his eyes on Mehrunes for messing with little brother.

Dan Simmons: Chant has to be aware that there are six wrestlers in this match.

As soon as Chant heads to Mehrunes, Scott Fargo slams another chair into the back of Leon Chant. While Leon Chant looks like he might be able to shrug that off, the second chair shot was doubly painful for the two-time Heavyweight Champion.

Dan Simmons: Con-chair-to by the End on the former Heavyweight Champion!

Tommy West: The most effective way to probably neutralize Leon Chant.

Dan Simmons: I figured you’d disapprove of these tactics.

Tommy West: Well, in a tables, ladders, and chairs match, it’s not exactly something I can criticize. But they may want to keep an eye on Tilted Cartridges.

Before the End can celebrate dropping Leon Chant to the mat, Wellington Dunne tosses Cheez over the top rope to crossbody Scott Fargo. Even more impressively, Dunne slings himself over the top rope and dropkicks Mehrunes Smith, who flies back into one of the ladders that’s leaning against the barricade.

Tommy West: The champions just reminded everyone that they are still in this match and very much a threat!

Dan Simmons: I’m trying to determine if that dropkick makes Mehrunes the prop bet on first to be hit with a ladder.

Tommy West: I wouldn’t count that. There will be a real ladder shot at some point. But you might be getting a prop bet soon as Wellington Dunne is setting up one of the tables.

As West was pointing out, Wellington slid one of the tables off the stacks and opens up the legs to set the table up. He yanks Scott Fargo up with the intent of probably putting him through said table, but Fargo has the wherewithal to strike Dunne with a low blow. As soon as he does that, he realizes Cheez was only a couple of feet from, who notices his partner go down. Cheez darts away from Fargo, who takes off after him. Fargo doesn’t make it far before running into a lariat from Leon Chant. Cheez jumps in celebration of Chant taking down Fargo until Cheez gets a grim reminder that Chant isn’t on his team with a belly-to-belly suplex into the ring steps. As soon as Leon lifts Scott Fargo in the air, he notices what’s happening on the opposite end of ringside.

Dan Simmons: Mehrunes Smith has Riley Richards in powerbomb position. And he’s standing awfully close to that table Dunne set up.

Tommy West: He’s telling Chant to put down Fargo or Richards is going to get it. What he’s going to do to Fargo won’t be anything like Riley going through that table.

Dan Simmons: Chant knows Smith isn’t the type to bluff either.

Chant realizes the commentary team was right and sets Fargo down on the floor outside the ring. Mehrunes Smith nods his head and looks pleased… before powerbombing Riley Richards through the table anyway. As he sees Riley’s lifeless body in the wreckage of the table, Leon Chant’s blood boils and fists clench hard enough to reveal some of the veins in his wrists.

Tommy West: Perhaps Mehrunes didn’t quite have a plan after putting poor Riley Richards through that table. Because… well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do about a rampaging Leon Chant.

Dan Simmons: He can rampage all he wants. For all intents and purposes, the Academy is down to one person.

Leon Chant quickly scoops Fargo back up and slams him into the ring apron. Mehrunes quickly dashes around the ring to get the Chant and Fargo and by the time he turns the corner, Scott Fargo’s body crashes into him.

Tommy West: Leon Chant just chucked Scott Fargo at Mehrunes Smith.

Dan Simmons: Tag team partner projectile!

While all of this is going on, Cheez slowly tries to place one of the ladders into the edge of the ring, trying to make as little noise as possible to not get noticed by any of his opponents. Leon Chant sets up two tables, presumably intended for each member of the End. He doesn’t notice Cheez roll back into the ring and trying to plan where the ladder needs to be placed for him to grab the tag belts. Leon Chant has both members of the End in a headlock, looking to suplex both of them through the tables set up behind him.

Tommy West: Leon Chant looks like he wants to punish the End for what they did to Riley Richards but Cheez looks like he is trying to escape the match with a quick retain.

Dan Simmons: Bad news for Leon Chant. The End is fighting back!

Just as Simmons predicted, a few elbows and punches from both Smith and Fargo gets Leon Chant to release the headlocks. After a bit of a struggle, the End starts to finally lift Leon Chant off the ground and suplex him through the table furthest from the ring.

Dan Simmons: And down goes Leon Chant! Both members of the Academy are out of action!!

Tommy West: Yeah, but while the End is celebrating putting both members of the Academy through tables, Cheez has set up the ladder in the center of the ring. And here comes Wellington Dunne!

Cheez begins to make his ascent to the top of the ladder as Dunne clotheslines Scott Fargo. DDT onto Smith. Snap suplex onto Fargo.

Tommy West: KEEP CLIMBING, CHEEZ!! WIN THIS MATCH!!

Dan Simmons: Wellington Dunne can hold off the End for a little bit but not forever!

A few more steps for Cheez before he makes the ultimate mistake… he looked down. Cheez is two-thirds of the way up the ladder and freezes. Wellington yells for Cheez to keep climbing and to get the belts as he tosses Scott Fargo over the barricade but Mehrunes Smith is up and ready to deal with Dunne. Cheez does nothing more but look on as Mehrunes and Wellington start exchanging lefts and rights.

Tommy West: Snap out of it, Cheez!!

Dan Simmons: He could have won the match by now had he just kept going!

Tommy West: It’s not too late if he just gets a hold of himself and gets up there. Dunne is doing everything he can to stop the End!

Dan Simmons: If he’s afraid of heights, then he’s afraid of heights. And unfortunately for Tilted Cartridges, a liability in this match.

Cheez shakes his head as Mehrunes starts to get the upper hand on Dunne and drops him with a hook kick. Dunne drops to the floor but grabs onto Mehrunes’s right foot to try to slow him down. A couple of stomps later, there is nothing between Mehrunes and the frozen Cheez. He rolls into the ring as Cheez closes his eyes as he feels Mehrunes grab him. Smith didn’t gently drop Cheez, but decides to drill Cheez into the mat with a ladder-assisted Call of the Deep (Psycho driver) on the younger NLW Tag Team Champion. The fans shower the ring with boos as the only man standing is Mehrunes Smith.

Tommy West: Mehrunes Smith dropped Cheez on his head with his finishing move! This is not good for the defending champions!

Dan Simmons: The only person other than Smith showing some signs of life is Scott Fargo. Climb the ladder and win your belts back, Mehrunes!

Mehrunes begins to climb as Scott Fargo starts to place Wellington Dunne on the remaining table at ringside, throwing as many strikes as he can onto the tag team champion. Mehrunes Smith gets to the top of the ladder and reaches up… BUT IN SLIDES RILEY RICHARDS!!

Tommy West: Here comes the European Champion!! Mehrunes is in trouble!!

Riley does the simplest thing he could: pushing the ladder. Mehrunes doesn’t realize what is happening until he realizes he is getting further and further away from the belts and no longer vertical. Mehrunes’s flight path seems to be headed for the table at ringside and Wellington Dunne has just enough awareness to roll out of the way as Smith crashes through it. The ladder is closed and leans against the ropes vertically. Despite pushing the ladder, Riley drops to his knees, still hurting from being put through the table earlier in the match.

Dan Simmons: Riley Richards doesn’t have enough in him to start climbing.

Tommy West: Either way, that match would have been over without him.

Scott Fargo emerges with yet another steel chair. Once Wellington Dunne is back upright, Fargo swings the chair into Dunne’s skull, dropping the tag team champion to the floor. Before Fargo could do anything more, Riley Richards pushes the bottom of the ladder to make the top connect to the back of Fargo’s head. Richards exits the ring and lays the ladder across the ringside area, with one end on the apron and the other on the barricade. Riley attempts to backdrop Scott Fargo into the ladder but doesn’t have the strength to do so… but someone else gets to their feet who can.

Dan Simmons: Uh oh… I think Leon Chant wants to get some measure of revenge on Scott Fargo.

Tommy West: Well that ladder won’t be useful for climbing anymore.

Chant motions for Riley to let him do it. While this is happening, Riley Richards places yet another ladder into the ring but as soon as he does, he has the ladder dropkicked into his face by Cheez. Blood is trickling down the face of the European Champion. As soon as Leon Chant notices this, he tosses Fargo aside and turns his attention to Cheez. Leon leaps onto the apron impressively enough that Cheez falls backward. Cheez rolls out of the ring opposite Leon Chant and jogs onto the entrance ramp, not far from the two tables and ladders. Before Chant can pursue Cheez, Dunne rolls into the ring with the chair that was being used by Scott Fargo earlier. As Chant is looking in the direction of Cheez, Dunne strikes him in the back and then again in the head. Seeing the ladder in the ring, Dunne decides to start climbing the ladder.

Dan Simmons: I think Wellington Dunne underestimated Leon Chant’s resiliency.

Tommy West: I think most people likely did. How could you expect to be pulling himself up so quickly.

While Leon Chant is on his feet, Mehrunes Smith shows his first signs of life in awhile by rolling toward the barricade to try to pull himself up. Riley is still down and bleeding. Fargo is still down. Leon Chant climbs the opposite end of the ladder from Dunne. The two power guys start exchanging lefts and rights until Chant slams Dunne’s face into the top of the ladder, causing the Glasgow Bull to fall off the ladder and land on his back in the ring. Smith slides into the ring and replaces Dunne on that side of the ladder. Leon Chant reaches up for the belts but Mehrunes Smith keeps him from doing so with a few chest strikes. Chant throws a left as well before both men realize the ladder is being tipped over…

Tommy West: CHEEZ!!

Dan Simmons: Cheez just sent Leon Chant and Mehrunes Smith tumbling down outside the ring!

Cheez starts to jump for joy for taking out a member of each rival team and turns around to see the smirking face of Scott Fargo.

​​Dan Simmons: No more running for you, Cheez!!

Cheez tries to run away but Fargo has a handful of his hair. Fargo knees him in the back a couple of times before hitting a release German Suplex that send Cheez outside the ring near the ramp. Fargo stays in pursuit, slamming Cheez’s face into the table. All of this culminates in a Deadend Brainbuster from Fargo, putting Cheez through the table. The young streamer goes limp in the wreckage. Fargo grabs the other table by the ramp and pulls it closer to the ring before seeing Wellington Dunne running towards him. Dunne’s baseball slide out of the ring drop Fargo to the floor. Dunne remains on the table after it, catching his breath while no one seems to notice who was atop one of the ladders by the ramp…

Dan Simmons: Riley Richards is HIGH up!!

Tommy West: And what goes up… must come down!!

Riley leaps and drives both his feet into Wellington Dunne with Bristol’s Finest (Coup de Grace) before rolling onto the mat for the landing. Dunne’s spine breaks the table upon impact. For the moment, all six competitors are down.

Dan Simmons: So many broken tables!! Let’s see, we started with Riley going through one, then Leon, then Mehrunes, then Cheez, and now Wellington Dunne!

Tommy West: Only person who hasn’t gone through a table tonight is Scott Fargo, who is the first competitor to show some sign of life.

Dan Simmons: Leon Chant and Mehrunes Smith are moving a little bit too.

Fargo pulls himself up and notices the same thing as Dan Simmons before making his way towards the duo. They aren’t far from the horizontally set ladder and the first thing Fargo does is slam Leon Chant’s face into the ladder. Fargo tells Mehrunes to start setting up three tables in a pyramid stack for them to put Chant through. While Smith does that, Chant shows some fight back with a few strikes on Fargo, which is eventually interrupted by Mehrunes throwing a steel chair at Chant’s head. The End double team to hit a suplex on Chant onto the ladder, snapping it in half.

Dan Simmons: Well, they aren’t climbing that ladder for this match. If they do that to enough ladders, do we have more in the back after that?

Tommy West: Might have to do a table stack like Mehrunes with. Which… why are they doing that? They could perhaps go for the win?

As soon as the stack is complete, Mehrunes actually points at all the downed bodies and the ladder in the middle of the ring to Fargo. Both members of the End slide into the ring. Scott Fargo starts climbing while Mehrunes looks on, keeping his eyes on Leon Chant. As soon as Fargo is on the second-to-last step, Riley Richards slips behind Smith, dropping him with the Homage (The Stroke). Fargo doesn’t see this and thinks it’s still safe to keep reaching for the belts but Riley Richards pushes the ladder once more, sending Scott Fargo into the giant stack of tables that he told Mehrunes to set up.

Tommy West: Holy shit!!

Dan Simmons: Scott Fargo just went through THREE tables!! Jesus Christ!!

Tommy West: And as of that crash, all six competitors have gone through tables but that last one… oh my GOD!! We’re going to need medical attention for Scott Fargo now!

Dan Simmons: And Riley just realized he’s the only man standing!

Riley Richards pulls the ladder back up and centers it again. He climbs and climbs and reaches the top before realizing someone else was below him. Riley looks at the person standing at the base of the ladder and realizes who it is…

Tommy West: IT’S LEON CHANT!! Cheez is down! Smith is down! Dunne is down!!

Dan Simmons: And Fargo will be done for a long time.

Tommy West: Riley is reaching for the belts and… HE’S DONE IT!!

Riley Richards grabs one belt for himself and drops the other one to Leon Chant below him as the bell sounds.

DING DING DING!!

Marty Watts: Here are your winners… AND THE NEW NEXT LEVEL WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! Riley Richards and Leon Chant… THE ACADEMY!!

Riley safely reaches the ground and drops to his knees with the belt on his lap. Leon Chant proudly claps his hands.

Dan Simmons: All the carnage. All the broken bodies. So many splinters of wood surrounding the ring and ringside.

Tommy West: But in the end, it is Riley Richards who captures the championship for his team! The youngster now has the XHF European Championship, the NLW Tag Team Championship, and coming up soon… a chance for the XHF X*Crown Championship. Whether you saw it coming or not, this could very well be the year of Riley Richards!

[WINNER AND NEW NLW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Academy via belt retrieval at 33:15]

---

The screen begins to glitch out as we see different clips of octopi, walruses, monkies, blue jays, black birds, bulldogs, and raccoons doing different things. They start off as cute and innocent, but turn into something bizarre and disturbing. Before it gets too much worse, the screen begins to show white noise.

Then with octopus tentacles, a message begins to show.

THE WORLD IS LOST. JUST LIKE YOU. THERE IS NO LOVE IN YOUR LIFE. THERE IS NO HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. BUT THERE CAN BE. JUST REPLY WITH THOSE WORDS. THOSE SIMPLE, SIMPLE WORDS. "SAVE ME"...

The words begin to wiggle and move about like octopus tentacles. The words change into something different as the message continues.

I WILL SAVE YOU, MY FRIEND. I WILL GIVE YOU A MEANING TO LIFE. I WILL GIVE YOU HAPPINESS AND LOVE. FOR I AM HE IS AND YOU ARE HE AS YOU ARE ME AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER. TOGETHER LIKE LUCEY IN THE SKY. LET US ALL COME TOGETHER AND LET US BRING PEACE AND LOVE TO THIS WORLD.

The words begin to change again as we see eggs roll across the screen. On them, there's faces of multiple people, but you can't really tell who's who or what's what.

BUT FOR THOSE WHO WILL NOT JOIN ME...

The music begins to become a jumbled mess of noise. We begin to hear screams of terror and pain as it fades in and out.

THE RAIN WILL POUR AND WHEN THE RAIN BEGINS TO POUR YOU WILL BE DEAD.

A being with an octopus head, walrus tusks and a mop top can be seen in a suit, it begins to speak, not that you'll be able to understand much of what it says anyways.

I̴̜̅ ̸̰̽ǎ̴̝m̸͕͆ ̵̝̚c̸͔͘ò̵̞m̶̝͊ì̶̳n̵̔͜g̶͖͋ ̴̋͜Ẋ̵̟Ḧ̶̲F̵̮͂.̶̜͌ ̸̖̔Ḯ̷̡ ̷͙̀â̵̺m̶͎͌ ̵͍̅c̶͍̐ǒ̴̭m̶͉̋í̴̭n̷̳̕ġ̶͇ ̵̥͠s̵̻͝ö̴͚ȯ̶̹n̶͕̈́ ̴͚́ä̵̠́n̵͎̈́d̷̢̕ ̵͔̌ö̶̥́h̵̻͂,̶̮̍ ̴̺̒ẃ̷̨ḧ̴͔́e̸͋ͅn̶͆ͅ ̴̜̑i̷̝͒ ̵̗͐ċ̷͚o̸͕͗m̵͉͂e̸̙͌ ̴̪͂ṱ̴́h̴̛̠ẽ̴͉r̷̫͛e̷̺̚ ̴͍̇ẁ̷̜ì̵̘l̶͉̓l̶̨̋ ̵̺̓b̷͓̕e̵̬͆ ̸̛͍n̵̺̂ò̷̞ ̸͉̒h̸̯̓e̸̜͝ĺ̶̲p̴̠͠ ̷̞̓f̵͈͝ō̷͉r̴̩͊ ̵̧̆y̸̳͆o̷̖̔u̸͐͜.̵͍͛ ̸̘͋B̶́ͅe̷̡͝c̶̻̍a̴̙̔u̵̜̽s̴̪̋ė̷̖ ̶̦͋ḷ̶̃o̸͍͛v̴̻̂e̶̫͐ ̸̟̈́ẉ̴̈i̴̛͕l̴̜͂l̶̦̈́ ̴̗̑f̴͈̈ĭ̸̻n̵͖̿d̵̻̀ ̵̝͂ą̸̊ ̵͓̓ẁ̷̩ą̶́y̵̫̔.̴̟͒ ̸͔̍Ạ̸̏n̴̬̓d̶͉͐ ̵̲̈l̴̤̋o̷̭͂v̸̩̿ë̴̬́ ̶̻̍w̵̎ͅi̴̜͌l̸̙͋ĺ̵̩ ̵̡͑b̵̩̅e̴͙͗ǎ̵̮ṭ̴́ ̸̹́ā̶̡l̷̛͔l̴̙͝.̸̢̿

---

Dan Simmons: After a night of hot tag-team action, it's time for us to shift gears as we go into one of two singles title defenses of the evening... and we're starting off with a doozy, aren't we Tommy?

Tommy West: We sure are, Simmo! The Thespian has been seemingly unstoppable as the Southern States Champion, and he's made his feelings about not having a true challenger well-known in the past... but he's never faced someone with the same level of success in the past as Tommy Kelly.

Dan Simmons: Tommy Kelly's a former NLW World Champion--and that's not even touching on his accomplishments elsewhere. And while the Thespian's real identity is a mystery, I can only assume that he has his own storied history from his time before NLW.

Tommy West: No matter how you slice it, this is gonna be a match for the ages. Let's get it going, ladies and gents!

Marty Watts: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.. and it is for the NLW Southern States Championship!

As the opening chords of RATM hits the speakers, the fans cheer for the fan favourite as he makes his way to the stage. The arena lights dim down as the music plays, changing quickly to a spotlight on stage revealing Tommy Kelly with his back to the ramp and arms outstretched. He spins around and cheers back to the fans, very alive and hyped up.

Marty Watts: Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 202 pounds, from Limerick, Ireland... TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMY KEEEEEEEEEEEELLY!

Making his way down the ramp he tags and high-fives fans along the way, breaking into a run to slide into the ring at the end. He keeps moving and mounts the far turnbuckle, again posing for the fans with his arms outstretched. He hops down to the mat and makes his way over to his corner.

Dan Simmons: Tommy Kelly's saga in NLW has been a story of breathtaking highs... and rock bottom lows. If the Storm Crow has anything to say about it, then he's going to be soaring tonight!

Tommy West: I don't know if he still uses that moniker or not, Simmo. It seems the man is changing what we're supposed to call him every time we turn around--but that's beside the point. He looks hungry for action!

The lights dim to darkness within the Smoothie King Arena. It hangs ominously on the air for a moment until a singular spotlight flashes to the staging area. "To Death We Dance" by Peter Gundry begins to play through the speakers as the Southern States Champion stands alone in the spotlight. His shoulder hikes up the belt as it rests over it. As the music plays, he waltzes alone towards the ring with a jaunty step. The hand that does not clutch over the championship gold begins to wave towards the fans in attendance... orchestrating a small symphonia as his fans begin to hum along with the music.

Marty Watts: His opponent and the defending NLW Southern States Champion, weighing in at 195 pounds, from the Theater... THE THEEEEEEEESPIIIIAAAAAAAAAAN!

The man climbs up the steps and slips into the ring through the middle rope as Chris Sanderson watches on. His hand continues to lead the audience along a bit more before swiping it shut. The music and the fans both stop immediately as normal lighting begins to fill the arena once more.

Dan Simmons: As for the Thespian... his posture suggests he looks composed, but there's a tension there that's just waiting to be released.

Tommy West: He's like a coiled spring for sure!

The official checks over the challenger first, Tommy Kelly allowing it with an impatient expression--and when the referee does the same to the Thespian, one can only guess at the look on the masked man's face. Deciding he's had enough waiting--and that he doesn't want to give his opponent the chance to strike first--Kelly rushes across the ring the millisecond that the referee begins to move out of the way!

Dan Simmons: LOOK OUT, THEO!

---

MATCH FOUR
NLW Southern States Championship Match
The Thespian (C) vs. Tommy Kelly

---

DING! DING! DING!

The bell ringing is a formality at this point, serendipity timing the sound to go off right as Tommy Kelly's forearm smashes into the face of the Thespian! A mixed reaction of cheers and boos ripple their way through the crowd as Kelly's aggressive offense drives Theo back into the turnbuckle, forearms and fists flying from the larger man as he tries to take control right from the jump--and even though the masked man does his best to cover up, there's only so much he can do. The referee is forced to shove his way between the two men to create distance, Tommy only allowing it when disqualification is threatened. The Thespian collapses against the turnbuckle behind him with his arms over the top ropes to hold himself up, sides heaving hard as he recovers.

Dan Simmons: One can only imagine the dazed look on the champion's face after that opening salvo from Kelly!

Tommy West: That aggression served him well when he took the NLW Heavyweight Championship from Eli Dresden, but Theo's a whole different beast. I get the feeling that Kelly's gonna pay for it!

As soon as the referee is out of the way, the challenger is right back at the champion. Kelly drills the Thespian in the face with a headbutt, and then another--but before a third can connect, Theo rakes Tommy's eyes, his displeasure at how the match began making itself clear! The crowd boos this show of unsportsmanlike behavior, made more impactful by how rare it is, but the champ ignores the boos and grabs Kelly, whose back is now to him as he tries to recover, and kicks him in the back of the knee. He backs into the ropes, leaps, spins, and grabs Kelly on the way by to drive his head into the mat with a big flying DDT. Hooking a leg, Theo goes for the first pinfall attempt of the match!

1!

2!-- Kelly kicks out right after two!

Sitting back on his heels, the champion's posture betrays his lack of surprise at this development. Kelly starts to get up on his own, but he soon finds himself helped up by Theo grabbing a handful of hair and pulling upward. Once both men are up to their feet, Thespian blasts Kelly with a European Uppercut.

Dan Simmons: That one looked like Theo was trying to punch the taste right out of Tommy's mouth!

Tommy West: Considering how the chip on the Southern States Champion's shoulder has been growing exponentially, I can't say I'm surprised. He's taken Kelly's aggressive beginning of the match as an insult, and he's making his opponent pay for it!

Kelly's head snaps back, then turns back to Thespian, a sinister look on it. Thespian responds by just uppercutting him a second time, then a third time to push him against the ropes. Kelly shoves Thespian back roughly, but when he charges in for a clothesline or something, he just gets caught with an STO by the Southern States champ. Thespian stands up, and while he can't say anything to be heard, his body language screams "Is this the man I had to team with before?" Kelly starts getting up, so Theo backs into the ropes, then flies at Kelly with an elbow smash that pushes him into a corner. Thespian gets back up and charges into the corner, bouncing off the ropes to give Kelly a corner enzuigiri, but Kelly blocks his leg, which means Thespian crotches himself on the top rope. The ref rushes over to get Thespian down off the ropes, and while he does, Kelly steps out of the corner, studying the situation. After a moment, as Thespian's feet return to canvas, Kelly shoves his hand into his pocket. He pulls out a flask and popping it open with his thumb before taking a swig...

Tommy West: Now's a strange time for a celebratory drink.

...and then spewing the alcohol in Theo's face, the bandages covering the actor's face soaking through instantly!

Dan Simmons: The Irish Kiss! The people who bet on that happening are gonna be happy, that's for sure--

Tommy West: But the ref isn't!

Indeed, the referee is having a bad day as in his flailing, one of Thespian's fists collides with the official's face, knocking them down. The blinded champion then stumbles over the fallen man's legs to fall himself, clutching at his face as he does. The Thespian is trying to claw his own mask off or at least move the bandages away from his face, his sides heaving as Tommy looks on with confusion... though that confusion doesn't last for long, not when the former NLW World Champion has a brain that keenly understands violence in all its forms. Smirking to beat the band, Tommy throws the flask aside and stalks the Thespian, watching and waiting for the right moment to strike.

Dan Simmons: I think--I think the champion's having trouble breathing through those soaked bandages!

Tommy West: I think you're right--and I know Tommy's gonna take advantage!

Theo manages to get to his feet as Tommy gets into position behind his opponent, and the moment that the Thespian has reclaimed a vertical base? Kelly is hooking his arm across the champion's throat from behind, dragging the smaller man into a hybrid neck/hip toss and right into a chokehold, RedRum locked in before the actor has a chance to escape! The fans cheer as Theo flails, trying to get a grip on the mat... but it's too wet to get any traction!

Dan Simmons: Drunk or sober, the Southern States Champion is bent on holding onto his reign until the bitter end... but if he can't get loose here, it might all be for naught!

Tommy West: I don't know if I like his chances, Simmo. We might be witnessing history here!

The Thespian continues to fight like Hell in an attempt to get free, but Kelly's only tightening the hold in response, the challenger clearly incensed! A gloved hand reaches for the nearest rope, trembling, straining... and then slamming into the mat rapidfire, Theo forced to submit!

[WINNER: Tommy Kelly via Irish Kiss/RedRum at 13:37]

DING DING DING!

Marty Watts: And here is your winner via pinfall, and NEW Southern States Champion... TOMMY KELLY!

Tommy Kelly receives the Southern States Title from the referee, the crowd is on their feet for him.

Dan Simmons: He's done it! Tommy Kelly has found gold here once again in NLW, the Crow has risen once more!

Kelly rolls out of the ring and backs up the ramp, holding the title aloft, Thespian meanwhile is being checked on by the referee.

Tommy West: What an incredible reign from Thespian, but now, it's a new era for the Southern States title!

Kelly reaches the top of the ramp, when suddenly the lights go out...

"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"

Dan Simmons: NO WAY.

Tommy West: That's....

Spike Kane is here in NLW and walks out onto the stage. Tommy Kelly turns around and faces the former X*Crown Champion, who is laser focused on the new champion. Kane walks over to Kelly and pats him on the chest, a show of respect. He leans in and tells Kelly that he'll "see him real soon, but congrats on the win". 

Dan Simmons: Spike Kane has just come out here and shown respect to Tommy Kelly, but he's also made sure we all know that he's here in NLW!

Kane steps away and smiles at Kelly again, before leaving him to celebrate once again, and we head to commercial.

---

The Lakefront Arena goes dark. The sold out crowd stirs with anticipation.

Suddenly, a spotlight appears on the left side of the stage, illuminating an impressively fit woman in a crop top. She twirls around, facing away from the camera and drawing our attention to the letter X plastered across the back of her booty shorts.

A few seconds later another spotlight appears, this time on a blonde-haired woman standing center stage. She abruptly spins around as well, showcasing a similarly located letter X.

Finally, a spotlight on the far right side of the stage, and a third woman to go along with it. Redhead for those keeping score. She turns away from the camera, completing the set with one last X.

The lights go out again, and the crowd erupts with a chorus of boos to fill the dark silence, knowing full well where this is headed...

The jumbotron surges to life, and the same three letters appear across the screen:

X                X                X

They dissolve, replaced with words and a picture that evoke even greater disdain from the New Orleans crowd:

TRIPLE-X CROWN

SEXTON LOVE

The self-proclaimed champion emerges from the tunnel, slowly walking backwards to showcase his own tremendously toned buttocks. As the beat drops he dramatically turns around, revealing his glistening, expertly-oiled pectorals... and the equally sparkling front plate of the Triple-X Crown Championship.

SEXTON (yelling at the camera): Uncrowned no more, babbeh!

He grinds his hips as he unhooks the belt, showcasing a perfectly replicated image of the plate airbrushed onto his tights. The crowd unleashes another round of boos as he raises the title up high.

SEXTON (yelling at the camera): SEX SELLS, BABBEH! GET USED TO IT!

To go along with the Triple-X Crown belt, the top of Sexton's head is adorned with a bejeweled golden circlet. a literal crown, with three X-shaped spikes at the front. It's even tackier than it sounds.

SEXTON (walking): Ohhhhh yeah! The King of the Road... and the King of the RATS, YA DIG?!?

The Monarch of the Mattress arrogantly struts down the ramp, jaw-jacking with some of the heavier fans in the front row. As he steps through the ropes, we hear the voice of his brand new personal ring announcer... a man that looks suspiciously like the personal musician he employed only a few months ago in his bitter feud with Eli Dresden.

ANNOUNCER: Making his way to the ring... from Toronto, Ontario, Canada... by way of INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

ANNOUNCER: Weighing in at 269 pounds... the reigning, defending, undisputed TRIPLE-X CROWN CHAMPIONNNNN... "The Sexecellence of Sexecution"... SEXTON LOOOOOOOOVE!

SEXTON (addressing the crowd): ON YOUR KNEES, BABBEH!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

SEXTON (cont'd): BOW DOWN TO THE KING! ...BOW DOWN TO THE CHAMP!

He raises the title again and flexes a bicep.

SEXTON: Hate it or Love it, Sexton Love is the best damn thing going. I'm the seXiest there is... seXiest there was... and seXiest there ever will be, babbeh... which means that I'm THE TRIPLE-X CROWN CHAMPION! Ohhhh yeahhhh.

FUCK YOU!

SEXTON (cont'd): ...And make no mistake about it... I am a fighting champion...

YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!

SEXTON (cont'd): So you can call this the Triple-X Triple Defense because right here tonight, LIVE ON THE XHF NETWORK, I'll be defending this belt against not one... not two... but THREE different opponents, babbeh! That's right! I'm issuing an open challenge to all of those beta males in the back. Line 'em up, and I'll put 'em down.

If you've got the BALLS... if you've got the JUICE... if you think you've got what it takes to fight the Last Alpha Male... then why don't you walk that aisle, daddeh, and I'll put this title on the line...

Sexton removes his crown and hands it to the ring announcer. He starts warming up, awaiting his first challenger.

As he bounces his pecs in the ring, a familiar guitar riff rocks the Lakefront Arena. The Vengeful One by Disturbed. The fans let out a collective groan as challenger #1 emerges, aggressively headbanging to his entrance theme. Lanky and pale, with poorly-dyed hair and a collection of terrible tattoos, the challenger attempts to fire up the increasingly hostile crowd.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It doesn't work.

ANNOUNCER: Introducing challenger #1, from West Memphis, Arkansas... standing 6 feet 8 inches tall... and somehow weighing in at a buck ninety-five...
B... J... WALKER!

---

MATCH #1: SEXTON LOVE © vs. B.J. WALKER FOR THE TRIPLE-X CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP

The self-proclaimed champion and his underwhelming opponent meet in the middle of the ring. The irresistible force and the easily movable object. Sexton holds up a hand, demanding a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. A test of strength. BJ obliges and is instantly overpowered, dropping to his knees in a manner befitting his name.

Walker tries to battle back, but Bodzilla lands a kick to the midsection, doubling him over again. WHAM! Sexton spikes him down on his head with the Impale-Her DDT. Keeping his hands locked around BJ's neck, Sexton rolls the challenger over onto his belly, then flips forward into a picture-perfect bridge, violently thrusting his pelvis in the air. The Love Lock is applied!

BJ taps out instantly.

---

ANNOUNCER: Here is your winner, by submission... and STILL the Triple-X Crown Champion... "The Man of A Thousand Hoes"... SEXTON LOOOOOOVE!

The "champ" gets back to his feet and tosses BJ aside like a well-worn condom, not that he'd ever use one personally. The failed challenger lands hard on the floor. Having barely broken a sweat, Bodzilla resumes his warm-up routine, awaiting the next opponent...

SEXTON (bouncing his pecs again): That's one down, babbeh! Keep 'em coming!

The crowd explodes as the sound of West Coast Smoker hits the speakers, anticipating the arrival of a former NLW World Champion. But the cheers quickly turn into another audible groan as the second challenger finally steps through the curtain, not quite measuring up to expectation.

He's black... he's jacked... and he's four and a half feet tall.

ANNOUNCER: Introducing challenger #2, from Bournemouth, England... standing over FOUR FEET TALL and weighing in at over ONE HUNDRED pounds...
"The Hired Gun"... WEE-ON CHANT!

---

MATCH #2: SEXTON LOVE © vs. WEE-ON CHANT FOR THE TRIPLE-X CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP

Once again, Sexton marches to the center of the ring and raises a hand, demanding a test of strength. The crowd laughs in spite of themselves. Wee-on attempts a knuckle lock... but Sexton's hand is well out of reach. The little man looks to the left... looks to the right... contemplates for a moment... then punches Sexton square in the nuts! Ding ding ding. The bell sounds, officially signaling the start of the match! Sexton goes down clutching his pearls, finding himself now face-to-face with his diminutive challenger as the match gets underway!

Wee-on lands several strikes, then takes off with deceptive speed, hitting the ropes for a (relatively) huge running crossbody. He slams into Sexton's chest at full speed... and bounces right off, doing a full 360 in the air before splatting down on the canvas. Not to be deterred, Wee-on scrambles to his feet again, attempting another crossbody... but this time Sexton has the wearwithal to catch the challenger mid-flight. Bodzilla gets up to a full vertical base and shakes out the cobwebs, still carrying the challenger in his arms. Wee-on struggles to free himself, but Sexton seems unconcerned.

SEXTON: Pec poppin' and dwarf tossin', babbeh.

Sexton flings the little man all the way across the ring with a fallaway slam, kips up, and adjusts his sack before striking a double bicep pose.

Now firmly in control, Sexton strolls over the semi-conscious challenger. He deadlifts him up into a powerbomb position, then repeatedly drives him down to the mat with a series of concussive slams.

The referree attempts to intervene, but the "champ" simply lifts Wee-on's tiny limp carcass up again, this time into a torture rack position. Sexton starts to spin around, completing ten full rotations before finally dropping his opponent down with a neckbreaker. The biggest (littlest?) Sexecutor in history.

One. Two. Three. Mercifully, it's over.

---

ANNOUNCER: Here is your winner, by pinfall... and STILL the Triple-X Crown Champion... "The Notorious B.O.D"... SEXTON LOOOOOOVE!

SEXTON (doing push-ups): That's TWO down, babbeh! One more to go...

The third and final challenger emerges from the entryway, shuffling himself sideways in order to fit through. Played down to the ring by a monotonous tuba melody, and with a physique rivaling that of a hot-air balloon, he's ready for battle. The audience has reached their breaking point.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

ANNOUNCER: Introducing challenger #3, from Kentucky, FC... weighing about as much as that big ol' broad in the front row... "The Notorious F.A.T"...
BIG BOBBY GANOUSH!

Sitting a few rows back from the action, Felix has finally had enough with this farce. He lets out a sigh before telling Maxwell what he's about to do, then hops the guardrail, earning a massive pop from the crowd. Felix waves Bobby down, saying that he's going to put an end to all of this. Bobby just shrugs, more content to head back to catering than deal with a fight. The Big Man makes his exit, and Felix goes to the ring in his place, staring hole right through the so-called champ. Felix snatches the mic from the announcer, sending him scurrying.

FELIX: You dare come out here with your fake belt, claiming to be a champion when you have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve it?

Felix gets right in Sexton's face, looking the "champ" up and down.

FELIX (cont'd): Trying to show you are so much better by fighting the dregs of the business, making them look foolish while making yourself look even worse... somehow.

Pop.

FELIX (cont'd): So if you want your accessory there to have any real weight... you'll fight me right here and now. This is supposed to be an open challenge right? Show me and the fans that you actually have some balls, Popcorn Shrimp.

Eyes bulging out of his head and veins bulging out of his neck, Sexton turns a furious shade of red as the New Orleans crowd launches into a thunderous chant of "POPCORN SHRIMP! POPCORN SHRIMP!"

SEXTON (enraged): You want a PIECE of the BEAST?!? You wanna DEAL with the Man of STEEL?!?

Sexton frantically looks around at the people, still seething.

POPCORN SHRIMP! POPCORN SHRIMP!

SEXTON (enraged): YOU'RE ON!

---

MATCH #3: SEXTON LOVE © vs. FELIX FOR THE TRIPLE-X CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP

The "Man of Steel" drops the mic and immediately throws a sucker punch...

Felix blocks it with ease.

SEXTON: Oh shit...

The Warrior unloads a flurry of blows, attacking the Lovely One from all angles. Forearm, uppercut, forearm, spinning back elbow. Sexton tries covering up his face, hoping to avoid another "Thespian incident," but Felix is relentless. He changes his focus, attacking with a vicious spin kick to the ribs, followed by a hard knee strike. Sexton grabs his lower body in pain, opening up from a rising knee strike square to the jaw that sends him flying backwards.

The Man of A Thousand Hoes begs off, hands outstretched as he's backed into the corner. Unphased, Felix shoves him into the buckle, then pounds on his midsection again with a combination of short palm strikes. Sexton tries to cover up again, but to no avail.

WOOOO! Knife edge chop.

WOOOO! Another one.

Sexton crawls out of the corner, clutching his muscular chest, which has now turned a shade of purple from the chops. With his opponent down on both knees, Felix hits a series of roundhouse kicks, alternating between the chest and back, before finally landing one to the head and knocking the champ unconscious.

By this point, the crowd has been whipped into a frenzy, overjoyed at the sight NLW's most notorious heel getting his comeuppance. Barely clinging to life, Sexton pulls himself up, spaghetti-legged, using the ropes as his only real support. The fans fully behind him, Felix charges towards the champ and hits a massive bicycle kick that sends him flying clear over the top rope!

Sexton lands on the floor, right beside BJ Walker. Not a great place to be.

Standing tall in the ring, Felix extends a single hand, like something straight out of a kung fu movie, and motions for Sexton to bring it.

Ding ding ding.

Suddenly, the bell rings, abruptly ending the match.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The wounded Sexton Love stumbles over to the timekeeper's area and grabs the Triple-X Crown belt.

---

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please...

The crowd boos even louder and Sexton starts to retreat up the ramp.

ANNOUNCER: The Triple-X Crown is contested under traditional professional wrestling rules. Which means that intentionally throwing an opponent over the top rope is STRICTLY PROHIBITED during a match...

BULLLLLSHIT! BULLLLLSHIT! BULLLLSHIT!

ANNOUNCER: Therefore... your WINNER by disqualification... and STILL the Triple-X Crown Championnnnn... SEXTON LOOOOOOVE!

Felix throws up his hands in frustration, appealing to the referee who merely shrugs. At the top of the ramp, Sexton clutches the title belt close to his reddened (but ample) pectorals, a smug look of satisfaction on his face.

---

Dan Simmons: Alright Tommy, we're here. The whole night has been building up to this.

Tommy West: A man that personifies the word "legacy" and a man that personifies "dynasty" will clash in a few minutes Simmo. Sanderson is definitely looking to create a legacy of his own and break away from that perception, but he has a tall task in front of him.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson has had a rocky run of it lately, but with the exception of a tag match where he wasn't part of the decision, Nathan Cage has gone completely unbeaten in NLW. He has ended or shortened countless careers, and like it or not, he is the NLW Heavyweight Champion.

Tommy West: And that's the wild thing, Dan. Some people really hate it....but some people really love it! Nathan Cage doesn't give two shits which one it is, but he has put all these asses in their seats, and before we're done, he'll take them back out again.

The arena goes dark, silence for a brief moment until the intro of "MIDDLE CHILD" by J. Cole begins to play. As the song continues to build up, the lights explode back on right at that magical moment.

"Wrestlers been countin' me out
I'm countin' my bullets, I'm loadin' my clips
I'm writin' down names, I'm makin' a list
I'm checkin' it twice and I'm gettin' 'em hit
The real ones been dyin', the fake ones is lit
The game is off balance, I'm back on my shit"

Standing in the entry way is Chris Sanderson with a hooded sweatshirt on, hood up, as he takes in the positive reaction from the crowd. The second generation talent takes a quick glance at the people on their feet before beginning his walk to the ring. In contrast to his normal demeanor, Sanderson does not interact with the front row fans along the rampway, simply walking forward, the epitome of focused intensity.

"To the OGs, I'm thankin' you now
Was watchin' you when you was pavin' the ground
I copied your cadence, I mirrored your style
I studied the greats, I'm the greatest right now
Fuck if you feel me, you ain't got a choice
Now I ain't do no promo, still made all that noise
This shit gon' be different, I set my intentions
I promise to slap all that hate out your voice"

Chris Sanderson reaches ringside and stops in front of the ring. He tosses his hood back and jumps up to the ring apron before hopping over the ropes. He makes his way to the closest turnbuckle, jumping up and continues to look out at the cheering fans, though he doesn't react as strongly as he might otherwise. He hops down and uses the ropes to stretch out. Chris unzips his jacket and tosses it off to ringside as the song begins to fade away.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson showing laser like focus on his way to the ring.

Tommy West: He's had lots of voices in his ear about how to go about this match, Dan. I'm curious what we'll see.



"WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

HE AIN'T MY BOY BUT THE BROTHA IS HEAVY!"

An explosion of guitar and pounding drum beats blast from the P.A as Cage throws back the entrance curtain and marches to the ring to a mixed, but profound reaction from the crowd. Cage's cracks his neck repeatedly and moves his body erratically, his eyes wide open, intense and frenzied towards the ring. The NLW Heavyweight Championship shifts on his waist with every dramatic tilt.

"CAUSE I GONE GURU CUT THE BALLYHOO!
ROCK THE TAMBOURINES AND THE DIDGERIDOO!
SET THE ANIMALS FREE FROM THE PIMPIN' ZOO!
AND I'LL ELEVATE YA MIND LIKE AIRPLANE GLUE!"

Cage slides into the ring and shoves the referee out of his way as he walks towards the ropes and frantically shakes them up and down while letting out a primal yell. Fired up, he moves towards the corner and repeatedly slams his fist into the turnbuckle before spinning round and leaning his body against it, the title belt's faceplate catching the light and flashing as he waits eagerly for the theatrics to end so the mayhem can begin.

Dan Simmons: The NLW Champion had some strong words for Sanderson as well, and I have to wonder how they affected him as he was preparing for this title bout.

Tommy West: That's probably going to be the key to this match. Sanderson has demonstrated the ability to take on the best and brightest, as well as the strangest and most unhinged in the XHF Network, and Cage certainly ticks those boxes. He's gotten a lot of shit for losing to a stuffie lately, but the Rabid Dog doesn't use chloroform. This match is going to come down to toughness. Physical toughness, and mental toughness.

Dan Simmons: I think you're right. It's not always a good phrase to throw around, but I think it fits in this case; whoever wants to win this match more, will.

Tommy West: Now let's get to Marty so we can watch these two tear each other apart.

The camera cuts to Marty in the middle of the ring, a referee waiting behind him as he does the pre-match announcements.

Marty Watts: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the NLW Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 208 pounds...Chris Sanderson!

There are cheers from the crowd, but Sanderson does not react to them in any way. He is staring daggers at Nathan Cage, who is just staring back at him.

Marty Watts: His opponent, from Flint, Michigan, weighing in at 230 pounds, he is the NLW Heavyweight Champion, the "Rabid Dog"....Nathan Cage!

Nathan Cage takes the NLW Heavyweight Championship from around his waist and holds it up in the air, but his eyes don't leave Sanderson's, even when the ref tentatively reaches for the title to fold and hold aloft, displaying the stakes for the coming match for all in the arena to see.

Dan Simmons: That's what it's all about, folks.

Tommy West: Normally. I think for these two, pride is pretty high up there as well.

The ref hands the belt off to the timekeeper as Marty gets the hell out of the ring. As soon as he is, Cage gets right in Sanderson's face, and Sanderson pushes right back. After about five seconds, the ref gets their foreheads separated, and feeling like that's the best he's gonna get, he signals for the bell and backs off quickly.

---

MATCH FIVE
MAIN EVENT
NLW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Nathan Cage (C) vs. Chris Sanderson

---

DING DING DING

Which is good, because as soon as the bell rings, both men skip any pretext of having a wrestling match and just start slugging each other. Cage is the bigger man, so it seems inevitable that he will win the exchange, but Sanderson sticks with him for a pretty long time. Five seconds turns to ten, then fifteen, of two men furiously punching each other. Just as Cage looks like he has the upper hand, Sanderson throws a European uppercut that staggers Cage, pushing him back a step. Sanderson gets an elbow smash in as well, but then Cage cuts him off with a knee to the midsection. Cage hits an elbow to the back of the head, then backs into the ropes for momentum on a lariat, but Sanderson sidesteps into a back elbow to bring the champion down. Where he might go for a quick cover, he instead just stomps on Cage's head and shoulders and chest until the ref has to bodily drag him away from the champion.

Dan Simmons: I'm impressed, and possibly a bit worried about the level of intensity that the challenger is bringing to this match. He's clearly got a message to make, but I don't know if trying to play Cage at his own game is a good call.

Tommy West: Well, Sanderson is the one that's on his feet right now, but it's still early doors.

Cage, for his part, is just laughing as he pushes himself to his feet, not even wanting to go to the ropes for help. Sanderson pushes past the ref and grabs Cage for a suplex, but Cage reverses and lands a snap suplex on Sanderson instead. Sanderson is quick to get up, but the Rabid Dog is on him like his namesake, hitting a knife edge chop, then a knee lift to push Sanderson against the ropes. He backs up a little and surges forward for a Cactus Clothesline, but Sanderson drags the top rope down and Cage spills to the outside. The ref moves to start counting, but Sanderson follows Cage to the outside to keep the pressure on, and now both men are getting counted out.

Dan Simmons: I know you need to keep pressure on the champ when you can, but this seems like a bad plan to me, Tommy.

Tommy West: I guess we're about to find out how far Sanderson is willing to go to make a name for himself.

One!

Cage is mostly to his feet before the second count, but that just lets Sanderson grab his arm and whip him with all his might into the barricade!

Two!

Cage's back hits the barrier, then arches in pain.

Three!

Dan Simmons: Sanderson has to be careful here. A countout means no belt for him.

Four!

Sanderson has closed the distance to Cage and grabs him by the head, jamming it into the top of the barricade and sending Cage stumbling back against the apron.

Five!

Tommy West: But Cage is on the back foot, so maybe he brought something he didn't expect.

Six!

Sanderson tries to slam Cage's head into the apron as well, but Cage is wise to it and blocks. He hits a side elbow to Sanderson's stomach to loosen his grip.

Seven!

Cage repays the favor and slams Sanderson face first into the edge of the apron, making him stagger backwards against the barricade. Cage slips into the ring, but before anyone can even think of accusing him of going for a countout defense, he's right back to the outside, happily ignoring the warnings of the ref that are going on instead of a fresh count.

Dan Simmons: I don't know if Cage expected this, but he's certainly accepted it.

Tommy West: Sanderson has to win this one in the ring, in more ways than one. The longer they stay out here, the more it benefits the champion.

Sanderson comes off the barricade to hit an uppercut on Cage, but Cage just takes it with a smile on his face, which makes Sanderson angrier. He grabs Cage's arm and throws him toward the ring steps, but Cage reverses and it's Sanderson's shoulder that crashes into the unforgiving steel. That reminds the ref what he's supposed to be doing and he practically screams.

ONE!

Cage pretends to (or maybe genuinely does) not hear that as he reaches for Sanderson to get him back up again.

Two!

Cage slams Sanderson's head on the apron again, and Sanderson stumbles backwards against the barricade, hooking his arms over the top to keep from falling in a total heap.

Three!

Cage turns his aggression to the ring steps, grabbing at the top half of the two-piece structure. They're heavy, and he's not the biggest guy ever, but after some jostling....

Four!

....he's able to get the top half separated, and he chucks that away, leaving the larger, bottom half at his feet.

Dan Simmons: Oh, I don't like where this is going.

Tommy West: Well, we heard a lot about killer instinct....I guess this is where the champ shows how it's done.

Five!

Sanderson has recovered enough to club Cage in the back, then grabs Cage and starts trying to set up for a Cobra Clutch.

Six!

Before he can even start thinking Untitled Finale, Cage backs Sanderson against the apron, driving the edge into his lower back and kidneys, which gets him to let go. The ref raises his hands for seven, but Cage does the slip in, roll out to break the count trick, and when the ref makes an audible noise of frustration at not being able to enforce the rule, Cage just flips him off without looking. Sanderson grabs at him, but Cage back elbows Sanderson to break his grip.

One!

Dan Simmons: Sanderson needs to figure out a way to break this cycle, because if he doesn't, something is going to happen that I don't know if he'll have a chance to regret.

Cage starts pulling Sanderson over to the stair set-up.

Two!

Cage pulls Sanderson down into piledriver position, and the crowd starts murmuring as they realize exactly what he's planning.

Tommy West: Oh man, this can only end in tragedy...

Three!

Cage starts trying to pull Sanderson up, but Sanderson struggles to get out. Cage does one last heave, but the lack of a good perch and Sanderson's resistance results in a big back body drop to the floor!

Four!

Sanderson leans on the steps for a bit before standing up and reaching for Cage.

Five!

Sanderson lifts Cage slowly off the thin pads before rolling him bodily into the ring, following shortly after. He goes for the match's first pin attempt.

One...

Two--kickout! Cage kicks out emphatically.

Dan Simmons: First pin attempt has been a long time coming, but a quick kickout from the champ.

Tommy West: Can't say I'm surprised. He got a few good shots in early, but most of the outside time was solid Cage territory. If Chris wants this, it's time to start wrestling.

Sanderson probably doesn't hear the commentary team, but as if he does, he responds to the kickout by lifting Cage's torso to sit him up for a rear chinlock. Cage growls, and Sanderson is careful not to let his grip get too loose, because he knows Cage is not afraid to get bitey. Cage does, indeed, try to break the grip this way, but Sanderson holds fast, so Cage has to take the hard way out and twist his body around, putting more pressure on his back. Sanderson wrenches the headlock as long as he can, but Cage backs him into the ropes so he can push him off. Sanderson bounds into the ropes, and Cage goes for the Cage Thesz Press, but Sanderson has it scouted and baseball slides under. Cage lands on his feet and whirls around, at which point Sanderson has popped up, flipped into the ropes, and leaps back into an Ace Crusher! The crowd pops for the unexpected sequence, and Sanderson is again covering Cage.

One...

Two...

Kickout! It's slower this time, but Cage is far from done.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson putting together a good sequence, but they don't call Cage a Rabid Dog for nothing.

Tommy West: But the longer he can keep control of the match, the likelier it looks for a Sanderson title reign.

Sanderson lifts Cage up again into a chinlock, which angers Cage more than the first time. He skips the bite tactic and just powers out, but this time, instead of trying to set up his Cage Thesz Press, he just powers Sanderson up and tries to break his tailbone on his knee with a big Atomic drop! Sanderson pops into the air, but lands on his feet, at which point Cage grabs his head and pulls him back, then hits an inverted headlock backbreaker on Sanderson. Then he holds Sanderson there to blast him in the head with elbow strikes, and when Sanderson rolls off of his knee, Cage just runs after him, flips him off, and drops the point of his elbow on Sanderson's forehead. Having given Sanderson the Big Fuck You, he goes for a cover of his own.

One...

Two...

Sanderson kicks out. Cage doesn't seem surprised, so he flips Sanderson over and starts trying to lock in the Solitary Confinement, but Sanderson also has that scouted and writhes and struggles his way to the ropes, so even when Cage gets control of his arms, his legs are in the ropes and Cage has to break the hold. Of course he doesn't, but he opts not to push his luck with the added biting as the ref counts him down.

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Cage releases and puts his arms up as Sanderson rolls fully under the bottom rope. Cage looks down at him recovering and just shakes his head.

Dan Simmons: Call me crazy, Tommy, but I don't think Cage thinks much of Sanderson's killer instinct.

Tommy West: I mean, even if it's there, it's hard to match the intensity of Nathan Cage. Many have tried, and none have yet succeeded.

Cage tries to continue the attack on Sanderson, but the ref puts himself between them. Cage snarls, scaring the ref out of his way. He starts pulling Sanderson toward the center of the ring. He starts pulling him up, already with a half-nelson as though he's looking for Death By Cage, but Sanderson pulls him down in a small package!

One...

Two...

Cage slips out just in time! He shoots up to his feet, eyes bulging even more than normal, and Sanderson just smirks at him, doing the forehead tap. Cage charges forward to clothesline Sanderson, but the challenger ducks and runs the ropes, spinning as he comes back to blast Cage with a Discus Big Boot! Cage goes down, and Sanderson flips Cage over to try and set up for the Omega Finale! Cage is out of it enough for Sanderson to lace the leg, but he starts struggling when Sanderson starts angling for the facelock part.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson looking to lock in the Omega Finale!

Tommy West: Nathan Cage has never tapped out, and honestly I don't know if he's capable of giving up. But Sanderson wants to find out!

Sanderson clubs Cage in the back of the head several times, shouting incoherently at him, before trying to lock in again. He manages to lock his hands and crank the submission. Cage cries out in pain, but despite Sanderson's best efforts, Cage starts pulling himself toward the ropes. Each inch he gets closer, his knee bends at a worse angle under Sanderson's leglace, but he ignores the pain, screaming it out as he lets it go. Eventually, he manages to get to the bottom rope and latch on, which means the ref has to start counting Sanderson out. And true to his word, Sanderson just glares up at the ref to force him to do so.

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

The ref is opening his mouth to shout five when Sanderson lets go of the facelock, though it takes a second more to let go of the leg. The ref takes Sanderson aside to tell him how close he just got to getting DQed. Sanderson doesn't look interested.

Dan Simmons: Cage got to the ropes and escaped a defeat there, but how much damage did he do to his knee to get there?

Tommy West: Honestly, I think even if he had no knee at all, Cage would still keep fighting.

It certainly seems to be true so far, as Cage is already trying to push himself up, fighting through the pain in his knee. Sanderson kicks at the knee a few times to exaggerate the pain. Cage shoves him away roughly, but Sanderson just uses the momentum to back into the ropes, but as he surges forward, Sanderson gets caught by the Cage Thesz Press! Cage grunts as he lands on his knee, then gives that pain to Sanderson in the form of a headbutt, and then another headbutt, and then a flurry of headbutts. Sanderson starts to bleed from the blows, and soon after, Cage is also bleeding, as both have taken a lot of shots to the head on the outside earlier. But Cage doesn't care, continuing to headbutt Sanderson until he loses steam and just lies on Sanderson. The ref starts counting.

One....

Two....

Thr--kickout! Sanderson doesn't do a strong kickout, but he's determined enough to fight through the haze

Dan Simmons: Cage hitting the Cage Thesz Press, but he normally doesn't finish with a tired pin at the end.

Tommy West: I don't know if it was the repeated head impacts or just the effect of the long match. But it's also possible it was to give himself a chance for his knee to recover.

Cage starts pulling himself up, this time using the ropes to help, clearly compensating for the damaged knee. Sanderson stirs slowly as well, feeling at the cut on his forehead. He pushes himself up without the ropes, a weird switch from earlier, and glares at Cage as he gets up. Cage comes forward, limping a bit, and grabs Sanderson, going for Death by Cage, but Sanderson elbows out of it. He grabs Cage, who starts struggling, and when he can't get the Cobra Clutch, Sanderson switches grips and tries for a reverse DDT, but instead he lifts. But he's too weak from the headbutts and blood loss and Cage drops back to the mat, twists in Sanderson's grip, pulls an arm down, and heaves Sanderson up, planting him on his head with Death by Cage! The ref slides into position...

One...

Two....

Three! Cage falls backward onto his back, rubbing his knee as the bell rings.

[WINNER: Nathan Cage via Death by Cage at 24:36]

Marty Watts: Here is your winner and STILL the NLW Heavyweight Champion...Nathan Cage!

The belt is handed in to the ring and the ref comes over to hand it to Cage, who just yanks the title away and waves the ref off. The ref does not argue, and both he and Marty leave the ring.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson did everything he could, including some things he probably shouldn't have done, but Cage emerges victorious in the end.

Tommy West: Just imagine how unbearable he's going to be now. Who can stop him?

Cage gets to his feet as Sanderson starts to stir. Cage holds the belt up in the air for the crowd to cheer, and some do, but then he looks down at Sanderson. He grins, then kneels down next to his defeated challenger.

Dan Simmons: Oh god, what is he going to do now?

As it turns out, "what he's going to do now" turns out to be look down at Sanderson for a few seconds, grin, pat his cheek in a way that could be consolatory or condescending--and which is the true meaning is between Cage and whatever higher power he believes in--before rolling out of the ring, title belt in hand.

Dan Simmons: Well, with that....strange display out of the way, Masquerade II comes to an end.

Tommy West: He was Double DS and I'm Tommy West, and come back for Ascendency Thirty-One if you want to know who the unlucky bastard is who has to try and unseat Nathan Cage next.

Dan Simmons: Good night, everybody!

The last shot of Masquerade 2022 is of Nathan Cage ascending the ramp, the NLW World Championship in hand.

---

[Adrien]

The show is live!!!