Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 21, 2022 22:18:43 GMT -5
*We open on Lord Dominicus polishing the hood of the DominiCruiser, his racing vehicle in the aptly named CAR. He stops and looks at the camera.*
LD: Oh hey there, I’m just engaging in a little self-polishing session. Though I’m sure the Bastards or any other of the CWA holdouts that plague W:UK know all about that.
*He shooter-gun fingers at the camera. He’s probably winking too but the mask prevents that from being seen.*
LD: I want to make sure I keep my car looking nice, I want it looking pristine. So pristine that when I bolt the W:UK World Championship to its hood as a bug-catcher that the hood underneath will be spotless. After all that’s the best usage for this company’s strap.
*A DominiShrug follows as LD puts down his sponge to get more comfortable.*
LD: Anyway, why I called you all here today. Aside from some of the other pathetic outings for the Battle of Britain I noticed that Anthony Jordan, representing Kalmin Watts, dropped a nice campaign ad. By all means if Mr. Watts would like to work with me until we stab each other in the back in classic evil partnership fashion during the match? I’m totally down.
*He holds up a finger.*
LD: Buuuuuut- I’d like to say something about your level of information on me. I mean it’s obviously clear you’re watching Spike Kane promos. You’re right, I’m not the original Lord Dominicus. I’m proud of that fact. Do you know why? Because the original sucked.
*A quick chuckle and a shrug follows.*
LD: I mean, I guess if you like bestiality and incest maybe you’d prefer the original. It’s not like he’s any more built than me, he’s just a gross-out loser. Me though? I am the REAL Lord Dominicus. I am the concept given full flesh, without all the unnecessary “edgy”-
*He does air quotes.*
LD: Kind of content that some of W:UK’s fans fought so hard to be able to see more of. Sorry guys, I have EVIL to do, and WINNING to partake in. I’d rather not be known as the Lord Dominicus that has sex with farm animals and eye-humps his own daughter- you want that Lord Dominicus then by all means campaign for the original to come to the XHF Network. It shouldn’t be that hard as he’s a pariah almost everywhere else.
*Lord Dominicus stretches and leans back on the car with a yawn.*
LD: But alas, you’re not getting my beta attempt. You’re getting the REAL Lord Dominicus. The one who’s DARK ESSENCE covers the entire Network, including your little corner of things. But…
*Dominicus tries to choose his next words carefully, pausing and thinking before speaking.*
LD: But here’s the thing- if people prefer the original Lord Dominicus then they should support me in the Battle of Britain anyway. Why? Well Wrestle:UK is often compared to Northern Pro Wrestling. If W:UK is the new NPW and if haters thing the original is always better than by extension the original roster is also better yes?
*He leans in and points to himself with his thumb.*
LD: That’s me, Jack. I’m an NPW original. Their former ONLY singles champion- twice. Their ONLY Triple Crown Champion, a concept that didn’t exist except for me holding everything together by myself. So here’s hoping Gus Arnold is in the stands cheering for his greatest champion, right?
*There’s a pause.*
LD: I’m winking, by the way. But here’s the deal, no matter how you slice it- if your values are consistent then Lord Dominicus is the way to go. If you like the original, I’m THE original NPW star. If you like the new I’m the REAL- though slightly newer- Lord Dominicus. I’m like Schrödinger’s Dominicus, appealing to all, appalling to all. Well, unless your fandom is exclusive to W:UK- but if that’s the case then you’re in a very massive minority anyway.
*Dominicus files his fingernails on his shirt and blows on them.*
LD: My name is Lord Dominicus. I am the REAL Lord Dominicus because the original sucked so much they needed a better version. You can pretend to like Myspace better than Facebook but that doesn’t mean jack at the end of the day. I’m here in W:UK for one reason and one reason only: I have come to take your world title and bolt it to my car and drive away.
*He walks right up to the camera.*
LD: Come and stop me or prove me right.
*Click, darkness.*
LD: Oh hey there, I’m just engaging in a little self-polishing session. Though I’m sure the Bastards or any other of the CWA holdouts that plague W:UK know all about that.
*He shooter-gun fingers at the camera. He’s probably winking too but the mask prevents that from being seen.*
LD: I want to make sure I keep my car looking nice, I want it looking pristine. So pristine that when I bolt the W:UK World Championship to its hood as a bug-catcher that the hood underneath will be spotless. After all that’s the best usage for this company’s strap.
*A DominiShrug follows as LD puts down his sponge to get more comfortable.*
LD: Anyway, why I called you all here today. Aside from some of the other pathetic outings for the Battle of Britain I noticed that Anthony Jordan, representing Kalmin Watts, dropped a nice campaign ad. By all means if Mr. Watts would like to work with me until we stab each other in the back in classic evil partnership fashion during the match? I’m totally down.
*He holds up a finger.*
LD: Buuuuuut- I’d like to say something about your level of information on me. I mean it’s obviously clear you’re watching Spike Kane promos. You’re right, I’m not the original Lord Dominicus. I’m proud of that fact. Do you know why? Because the original sucked.
*A quick chuckle and a shrug follows.*
LD: I mean, I guess if you like bestiality and incest maybe you’d prefer the original. It’s not like he’s any more built than me, he’s just a gross-out loser. Me though? I am the REAL Lord Dominicus. I am the concept given full flesh, without all the unnecessary “edgy”-
*He does air quotes.*
LD: Kind of content that some of W:UK’s fans fought so hard to be able to see more of. Sorry guys, I have EVIL to do, and WINNING to partake in. I’d rather not be known as the Lord Dominicus that has sex with farm animals and eye-humps his own daughter- you want that Lord Dominicus then by all means campaign for the original to come to the XHF Network. It shouldn’t be that hard as he’s a pariah almost everywhere else.
*Lord Dominicus stretches and leans back on the car with a yawn.*
LD: But alas, you’re not getting my beta attempt. You’re getting the REAL Lord Dominicus. The one who’s DARK ESSENCE covers the entire Network, including your little corner of things. But…
*Dominicus tries to choose his next words carefully, pausing and thinking before speaking.*
LD: But here’s the thing- if people prefer the original Lord Dominicus then they should support me in the Battle of Britain anyway. Why? Well Wrestle:UK is often compared to Northern Pro Wrestling. If W:UK is the new NPW and if haters thing the original is always better than by extension the original roster is also better yes?
*He leans in and points to himself with his thumb.*
LD: That’s me, Jack. I’m an NPW original. Their former ONLY singles champion- twice. Their ONLY Triple Crown Champion, a concept that didn’t exist except for me holding everything together by myself. So here’s hoping Gus Arnold is in the stands cheering for his greatest champion, right?
*There’s a pause.*
LD: I’m winking, by the way. But here’s the deal, no matter how you slice it- if your values are consistent then Lord Dominicus is the way to go. If you like the original, I’m THE original NPW star. If you like the new I’m the REAL- though slightly newer- Lord Dominicus. I’m like Schrödinger’s Dominicus, appealing to all, appalling to all. Well, unless your fandom is exclusive to W:UK- but if that’s the case then you’re in a very massive minority anyway.
*Dominicus files his fingernails on his shirt and blows on them.*
LD: My name is Lord Dominicus. I am the REAL Lord Dominicus because the original sucked so much they needed a better version. You can pretend to like Myspace better than Facebook but that doesn’t mean jack at the end of the day. I’m here in W:UK for one reason and one reason only: I have come to take your world title and bolt it to my car and drive away.
*He walks right up to the camera.*
LD: Come and stop me or prove me right.
*Click, darkness.*
