.:The XHF Network Presents: End of Days-Forces of Nature!:.

[Mongo the Destroyer]

The XHF Network Proudly Presents: END OF DAYS: FORCES OF NATURE!
Date: October 30, 2021
Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 18,000
Theme Song: Eye of the Storm by Godsmack

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As Godsmack’s “Eye of the Storm” video plays we shoot around the arena showing the screaming 18,000 fans.

Hawke: Tonight we gather at the culmination of a month long tournament.
Randy: Four different events took place to get us to this point.
Hawke: Where the two tournament winners.
Randy: Los BANG! Hermanos and Zoran Sainovic.
Hawke: Challenge the champions.
Randy: Top of the Class and Steve Awesome.
Hawke: To headline this stacked eve…Magnus?
Magnus: Scoot over guys I’m squeezing in to class up the joint.
Randy: Man, they made me stay sober to practice this intro!
Hawke: Well fans, we’ve been joined at the announce position by Magnus, which can only mean one thing-
Randy: And I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Why are you here, Magnus?
Magnus: It’s time for the Phoenix title match. GUNS Phoenix title! Being defended by a CAR mechanic against a CAR mascot. Someone needed to make sure that GUNS was represented here!
Hawke: Weren’t you the one who made it CAR versus CAR?
Magnus: Let Bones eat that Tinto-kid... I hope he gets heartburn. Better to thin out the CAR numbers than sacrifice one of my employees to that freak.

At Doom’s Gate plays over the PA system. After a few moments, JUNIOR The Car is raised up on the stage on a lift. Behind the driver seat is Norman Krabbe and Tinto dressed as the Spider Mastermind. The child’s homemade DOOM costume looks more like Baby Yoda than the game he hopes to emulate. The fact that he seems confused by his theme music suggests that Tinto isn’t actually familiar with his obsession. The crowd cheer as Norman and the little boy make their way down the aisle.

Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the XHF PHOENIX CHAMPIONSHIP! Entering first- the challenger- standing at 3’6” and weighing in at 48 pounds… really Magnus?

Magnus: What?

Bonnie Jenkins: Ugh. Please give a WARM WELCOME to Mother the Car’s TINTO!

The crowd cheer. The little boy holds a sack for people to give him stuff. They toss in candy. He was hoping for video games or money. It takes the little boy’s tiny legs a lot longer to get down the aisle, so the announcers kill time.

Hawke: Challenger entering the ring, and who is this we have behind us-
Randy: Why are you in the audience, Gebin?

Gebin: This child so intent on embracing the void? How could I not get a front row seat to witness such contempt for life? Before his death, I’m tempted to make Tinto into an honorary Nihilist.

Magnus: OH NO, it’s bad enough we have to deal with CAR – I’m not having SCCW stars compete for our belt!

Gebin: The fear you feel for a title loss is so utterly pointless...

Magnus: Yeah, cause I know when it comes to tag wrestling The GUNS can wipe the floor with The Nihi-

Before Magnus can accidentally put his foot in his mouth to ignite a war with SCCW as well, Billy Joel’s “You’re Only Human” (Second Wind) starts to play over the PA system. In the ring, Bonnie begins introductions but has to move a few times to avoid Tinto who is running around in circles like an airplane. The Dracolich, accompanied by his elderly cowboy manager – make their way out of the back to massive jeers.

Bonnie Jenkins: And the champion, representing Bad to the Bone racing-

There is no tongue to lick his lips as he stares at Tinto, but Dinosaur Bones uses tiny arms to rub the area where his belly would be. Tonight, he feasts- what the hell?

Hawke: DUCK!

The announce crew dive out of the way of their table, as Dinosaur Bones knocks it over, trying to chomp on Gebin.

---

XHF PHOENIX CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
One Fall Match
Tinto the Orphan vs. Dinosaur Bones (c)

---

Tinto just stands in the ring, wanting to climb down from the apron but worrying he might fall. Bonnie Jenkins returns to the safety of the timekeeper’s table, who in turn rings the bell – signalling that the match is starting.

DING! DING! DING!

The massive beast almost breaks the guardrail trying to lean over for a snack. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! The agile Gebin manages to avoid the gapping maw – but on the forth strike, brings up a folding chair to defend himself. SMACK! SMACK! CHOMP! SMACK! CHOMP! SMACK! DING! CHOMP! CRACK! SLURP! The chair shots just seem to work the dracolich into a feeding frenzy.

KA-THUNK!

Running out of space to backpedal, Gebin finally brings the chair up as a shield – ramming it into Bones’ mouth. Trying to pull it away, as Gebin holds onto the steel, sees a pull of war that sends the highflyer a solid twenty feet up in the air – going from the audience to the ring apron. Bones tries to remove the chair from his mouth, but his tiny arms make reaching it impossible. As DB turns from the announce position back to ringside, Gebin dives off the apron with some flying head scissors that take the beast over. The force of both hitting the concrete floor is enough to dislodge the chair from Bones’ mouth – which he spits up into the crowd.

Hawke: Can you hear me?

The announcers return to their commentary table.

Magnus: Those CAR performers are out of control. I tell you, at GUNS I never have to hide under the announce table...
Randy: What about that time when-
Magnus: You know I could have you challenge the Phoenix next, Randy.
Randy: ...nevermind.

At ringside, Bones fights his way up to his feet biting away, while Gebin sidesteps, hops, and generally leaps out of the way of the various chomps. In between dodging, the smaller athlete peppers away with elbow shots and hip attacks.

Hawke: I think we were all expecting this match to last three seconds, but instead SCCW’s Gebin is taking the fight to Bones, while challenger Tinto watches from the ring.
Magnus: Why hasn’t the referee disqualified Tinto yet?
Randy: This defence isn’t going to end until Bones eats someone – and if it isn’t Tinto it’ll be the ref!

Getting under a spinning heel kick, Bones launches Gebin up in the air with a HUGE backdrop. Grabbing the top rope, Gebin manages to right himself – hops over to the far turnbuckle, then dives off to the floor with a missile dropkick!  Only for Bones to catch Gebin’s foot with his teeth, and nail a release Bite-suplex that sends the tag legend crashing into the ring.

Randy: Bones finally in the ring, but still focused on Gebin- seems to have a hate on for that Nihilist.
Hawke: Well anyone who watched the first year of Fireside remembers the epic battles that the dracolich had with Gebin and his partner, Esmur. Gebin might have been here like everyone else, to watch Tinto die, but when The Dread Lord saw him? It was 2020 all over again.

In the ring, Gebin continues to use a series of handsprings, cartwheels, leapfrogs, and dives to avoid the hulking beast – putting off an incredible athletic show while chipping away at the brute with a series of elbow strikes.

Hawke: There’s a SPANISH FLY- NO, Bones swatting Gebin away with a tail whip.
Magnus: Gebin certainly the only reason that Tinto isn’t a DracoBite.
Randy: I don’t even think that’s intentional-
Hawke: Nah, Gebin didn’t come here to save Tinto, even if that’s what he’s doing, he thought the child wanted to commit suicide. That is dark.
Randy: You should try talking to Esmur...

Tinto follows the Dinosaur around shoving, hitting, and punching its ankles. Dinosaur Bones doesn’t actually register Tinto’s existence, ignoring the child to try and feast on Gebin.

Hawke: Tinto continues to show more bravery than common sense.
Randy: I don’t even think Bones knows he’s there.
Magnus: Yeah, wrong stomp from Bones and that’s one less CAR worker trying to poach my belts!
Hawke: Norman Krabbe trying to get the little boy to stop, but there’s no reasoning with the child.

Gebin dives into the ropes before coming off with a springboard moonsault – only for Bones to catch him with a big boot to the gut. Pouncing on Gebin with a double stomp, Bones then drags him up for a scoop slam! Standing triumphant over his dinner, it is only when he can finally eat Gebin in peace that one of Tinto’s kicks prompts The Dread Lord to turn around with a growl.

Randy: Now he’s done it-
Hawke: DINOSAUR BONES ABOUT TO DEVOUR TINTO-
Magnus: HERE HE COMES-
Hawke: Bones stopped inches from biting down on Tinto; Gebin has the dracolich by the tail!

Growling, Bones swings his tail wildly, sending Gebin airborne – which is when he’s at his best. Twisting his body to get ahead of the swirling beast, Gebin nails a-

Hawke: CLAYMORE!
Randy: Bones’ manager Bill Stokes up on the apron, but Gebin knocks him off with a dropkick!

Checking to see if Dinosaur Bones is alive, Tinto pokes him with a stick. Which gets the beast to sit up, and try to eat him.

Hawke: Bones again going for the meal, but Gebin takes him down with the Contemplation! GOOD NIGHT! The champion’s final rival putting Tinto on top of Bones-

ONE!

TWO!

THREE-

Before the three count, Bones moves a foot down – just enough for Tinto to roll off, breaking the pin. Outside the ring, Lord Dominicus and Big Bone have yanked on their larger partner’s tail to interrupt the cover.

Hawke: Bad to the Bone make the save!
Randy: Well they do travel in packs.

While BB and LD struggle with DB’s weight in an effort to pull him out of the ring, Gebin charges into the ropes – then leaps over them with a-

Hawke: TOPE CON HILO takes out the rest of the Bone crew!

The three men roll around the floor in pain, while inside the ring – Tinto pokes Dinosaur Bones with a stick again to make sure he’s really dead this time. The dracolich rises, giving Tinto a hangry stare.

Hawke: Outside Lord Dominicus tries to get back up to his feet, but Gebin is on him with a shining wizard!
Randy: Norman Krabbe climbing up on the apron, trying to save Tinto – A TAIL SWIPE KNOCKS HIM INTO THE FIFTH ROW!
Magnus: Ha, stick to cars!
Randy: With Krabbe out, and Gebin distracted out there, there is NO ONE standing between The Dread Lord and a Baby Yoda looking treat-

Gebin runs back peppering both CAR athletes with elbow shots, before Big Bone finally pulls him into a bear hug. Gebin kicks and headbutts in a desperate bid to break the hold, but it isn’t long before Lord Dominicus starts working away with a double axe-handle. A few well placed shots nearly knocking him out. Once again in control, LD and BB use their numbers advantage to rough Gebin up. Steel chairs come into play.

Hawke: Bad to the Bone double teaming Gebin on the outside-
Randy: AND INSIDE THE RING, LORD DOMINICUS GOING FOR THE KILL!
Magnus: Better a CAR child than a GUNS man!

The crowd scream in rage as Dinosaur Bones eats Tinto- Before the referee can register this as a definitive finish, Dinosaur Bones looks out to the floor- ...And finds Big Bone starring up at him... What? Nothing to see here! Dinosaur Bones acts all innocent, but despite this act, Big Bone keeps starring at him...  Really? Damn it. The dracolich opens his mouth, where Tinto has yet to be swallowed, or even register that he’s in the beast’s mouth – continuing to ineffectively kick away.  Under Big Bone’s judgemental gaze, Bones lowers his head, and spits the child out onto the canvas. When he finishes rolling, Tinto recollects his bearings and starts kicking the ankle again.

Hawke: Bones almost had this match won, but knew there was NO WAY that Big Bone would let him eat a child.
Randy: I swear Big Bone is the heart and soul of that team. Lord Dominicus just looks embarrassed for all of them. At least I assume he does under that mask.

This momentary distraction allows Gebin to catch Lord Dominicus with a mule kick. Focus returning to their double team, Big Bone plants Gebin on the concrete with a belly-to-belly suplex, before him and Lord Dominicus start stomping a hole in the tag specialist.

Magnus: If he’s such a goody two shoes, why is he involved in a gang beating?
Hawke: Big Bone is just taking out the illegal man, making sure that this stays a one on one match...
Magnus: Between a dinosaur and a child-
Hawke: Whose fault is that?

The crowd cheer as out of the back run Unboxed Ken and Los Authentico Wombat.

Magnus: WOW! Finally, some GUNS workers in a match for a GUNS title... about time!
Hawke: We last saw these men involved in a six-man-tag at REIGN’s Cruising for Gold – where these four specifically took an immediate dislike to one another.
Randy: Ken and Wombat V-lining straight for Bone crew. Gebin is out on the floor, but his attackers are now brawling with the newcomers into the crowd!
Hawke: Many people believed GUNS could have gotten that victory on the cruise, if not for interference by a mysterious masked man...
Magnus: What? People are blaming the masked man? There were SO many reasons for that loss.
Hawke: You seem quick to defend him, after he cost your company a victory-
Magnus: I’m not defending anyone. I’m just saying, let’s not put it all on that run-in...

As Magnus gets uncomfortable in a way that suggests he might have been responsible for bombing GUNS chances in that interpromotional match, Wombat and Lord Dominicus trade wristlocks until they’re on the other side of the guardrail. Neat trick. Way ahead of them, Big Bone and Unboxed Ken trade haymakers on the stairs, every punch moving the action four steps up, then two steps back.

Hawke: Gebin is out, The GUNS Regular Army moving the Bad to the Bone crew away from ringside, and that just leaves the in-ring action.
Randy: Tinto holding the tail for all he’s worth, as Dinosaur Bones chases his own tail, so close he can practically taste it.

Finally the circles are enough to make Tinto dizzy enough to let go, the little boy rolls across the canvas, too tired to ineffectively defend himself. Dinosaur Bones checks to make sure Big Bone is distracted. In between trading wristlocks with Wombat, Lord Dominicus gives the beast a thumbs up. Smiling, like a skeleton can do anything else, the dracolich charges in for the kill.

Magnus: HERE WE GO!
Hawke: I can’t watch-

“GET OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Right before the jaws can clamp shut on the boy, a kunai attached to a rope, lassos the beast’s mouth shut.

Hawke: ZORAN SAINOVIC MAKES THE SAVE!

The crowd pop surprisingly hard for The XHF Devil – who stands on the outside of the ring, with his one arm holding the rope. Enraged, Bones starts to pull away, forcing an almost fishing contest with Sainovic trying to reel him in away from the boy. Using a ring post as a counter weight to keep Bones in place, Sainovic wraps the end of the rope around his shoulder – then stomps over to the announce position.

Magnus: What are you trying to pull-

The crowd POP harder as Zoran Sainovic punches Magnus with enough force to knock the GUNS co-founder off his feet.

Zoran Sainovic: It’s a child, Magnus! What ze hell is wrong with you?

Magnus (wiping blood from his lips): OH SURE, you can start a WAR with CAR, but you’re not tough enough to make the DIFFICULT bookings-

Before the GUNS commissioner can debate this, the rope pulls tight – and he’s pulled up into the air – dragged into the ring, and the waiting mouth of Dinosaur Bones.  An Armani suit is shredded, as the dracolich’s razor sharp teeth tear into Sainovic’s midsection. The taste of blood exciting him, Bones shakes the End of Days winner around like a ragdoll.

Hawke: After everything he’s been through this month, Sainovic was barely being held together for Steve later tonight – and right now it doesn’t look like there will be anything left!
Randy: I thought Zoran was responsible for this trainwreck, but you did it Magnus?
Magnus: He’s been distracted with End of Days; it was time for a REAL booker to take the reins...

Perhaps it was last week’s oil basing that isn’t too his taste, but after chewing on the jerky that is Zoran Sainovic, Dinosaur Bones decides he wants a more tender ape. Spitting the old man out, Zoran hits the top rope before awkwardly landing outside on the apron. Bones then turns his attention back to the little boy who is trying to shove him over.

Hawke: Bones back to the official entrée of the evening-

A whistle distracts him again.

Dinosaur Bones: WHAT N-

Using the top rope with his one good hand, Sainovic slingshots himself into the ring, flipping in midair to hit a hellacious bicycle kneestrike which catches the giant monster square on the nose. If Bones had eyes, they would roll into the back of his head.

Magnus: Ugh.
Hawke: That’s why he’s THE FINAL BOSS!
Randy: Get a room.
Hawke: Zoran grabbing Tinto to make the pin- wait what?
Randy: That’ll teach you all to trust him – couldn’t last a month without swerving us.

There is a generally confused reaction from the crowd, as Zoran gently forces Tinto’s back down on the canvas, and places Bones’ tail on top of him. Tinto fights, trying to bite and scratch, but can’t get his shoulders up.

Hawke: WHAT IS HE DOING? ZORAN HOLDING TINTO DOWN FOR THE PIN-

ONE!

TWO!

THREE?

Disney’s Flynn from the popular movie Tangled, smashes a giant diorama of the “It’s a Small World” ride across the back of Zoran’s head. If the statue was made out of papier-mâché it doesn’t explain Sainovic’s head gushing blood.

Magnus: Another CAR guy... or is it Hardkore World... how many feds do I have to fight?
Hawke: MARTY DONOVAN WITH THE SAVE! Why is he dressed like that?
Randy: He told everyone he was done with global events, so that costume is a clever workaround to remain a man of his word.
Hawke: I just hope Zoran doesn’t figure out who is under that Flynn costume when he comes too. As it stands, Sainovic is out, Bones is out, and Marty is encouraging Tinto to make the cover.

Bones is so big it’s hard for Tinto to climb on it, so Flynn helps the child up for the pin.

Hawke: Here we go-

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING! DING! DING!

Bonnie Jenkins: Really?

Flynn snatches the Phoenix title away from the referee, and starts to wrap it around Baby Yoda’s waist. He couldn’t let Baby Yoda down twice! The belt is too big, so Flynn just settles for resting it on Tinto’s shoulder. The little boy jumps up and down with his prize, knowing he can trade it for a copy of DOOM VR. It’s a really touching moment, I swear.

Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match and NEW XHF Phoenix champion... CAR's TINTO!

As Zoran begins to get up, Flynn abandons the child, running halfway up the entrance.

Zoran Sainovic (removing a clump of bloody hair from the back of his head): MARTY YOU STUPID SON OF A-

Flynn (safely half way up the aisle): There are no Marty’s here!

Zoran Sainovic: He’s just a child, Marty. Now zat he HAS ze title, he’s going to have to defend it. YOU JUST KEPT HIM IN DANGER!

Flynn’s victory dance starts to slow down. Realizing that Zoran was completely in the right, and that Marty Donovan just contributed to serious child endangerment, they turn on the Disney mascot – pelting him with garbage.

Hawke: As Marty Donovan beats a hasty retreat, the damage is done. Tinto is the new Phoenix champion-
Magnus: I hope CAR enjoys it while it lasts- because TOMORROW NIGHT on the GUNS SEASON FOUR PREMIER – that small child is going to defend the Phoenix title against most of the GUNS roster in a Jack-O-Lantern death match!
Hawke: I don’t like Tinto’s odds against the entire GUNS roster...
Randy: Isn’t that taking a page out of J-RoK’s book, where you risk having everyone losing to one star?
Magnus: That’ll be the day.

In the ring, Dinosaur Bones comes too – and spotting his dinner escaping up the aisle, sees red. Pouncing on the distracted Sainovic, Bones once again starts biting away at the bloody midsection.

Hawke: The former champion livid at the result, whether he knows he had a title or not-
Randy: Timekeeper ringing the bell to signal an end of action. Don’t know what that’s supposed to do for Bones? I imagine that rotten lizard brain sees it as a dinner bell.
Hawke: Security coming out in droves, trying to wrangle the dracolich off of Sainovic who is in a bad way.
Randy: Paramedics coming out to work on Zoran- can’t see him putting up much of a fight against Steve.
Magnus: Ha! And when he loses, that’s the end of Zoran in GUNS.

---

Bonnie Jenkins: This match is an Empty Quarter Death Match and can only be one via knockout or ten counts and is for the XHF Hardcore Championship! Introducing first, Representing Hardkore World, standing in at 6'0 and weighing in at 235 pounds... from The Empty Quarter, Arabia... He is The Sheik!

"Season's in the Abyss" plays as The Sheik walks out accompanied by Malcolm Xavier Graves. He limps down behind his client, lashing his cane out at unsuspecting people in the crowd. The Sheik makes his way to the structure that the ring is on, silently inspecting the spikes and the scorpions surrounding where he will be fighting soon.

Randy: The first challenger to Dylan Black's reign as Hardcore Champion is going to be a tough one. This kind of match plays into the Sheik's hands!
Hawke: That's right, but Sheik has one tall mountain to climb if he wants to beat Black. He's been on a roll in J-ROK for a while.

The heavy strums of a guitar play as the lights dim and swirl around the arena.

You say I need psychotherapy
Now you're making me mad
I say you quit trying to fix me
Or this is gonna get bad

All the spotlights convene on the stage where a figure rises from the stage. He slowly spins with his arm outstretched, the hand just slightly crackling with electricity.

If you want a battle, I'll give you a war
Think you control me, don't know what you're in for
Keep coming at me, keep coming, you'll see
Keep pushing, keep pushing, pushing on me

IF YOU WANT CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!
I'LL GIVE YOU PSYCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dylan flips his hair back as the lights come up with the chorus. Pausing at the top of the stage to the boos from the crowd, he offers no more than a smirk before walking down the ramp, a few ballsy fans pelting him with some trash as he makes sure to savor every second of this. He gets to where the ramp meets the ringside area and pauses, bouncing on the balls of his feet before walking to the steps. He gets up them and gets into the ring, standing in the center. Antonio Katō stands on the apron, microphone in hand as the music dies down.

Antonio Katō: And now in the ring at this time... HE STANDS AT SIX-FEET-THREE-INCHES TALL, and weighed in tonight at a slim TWO-HUNDRED-AND-SEVEN-POUNDS, he is the SUPREME PILLAR OF VIOLENCE, the BOSTON CYBORG MANIAC, and you all know him as the GREATEST X*CROWN CHAMPION OF THE XHF NETWORK ERA! THE REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION! THE DAAAAAAAAAEMON! OF MAAAAAAAYHEM! DYLAAAAAAAAAAAN! BLAAAAAAAAAACK!

Dylan raises his arm in the air, a fist in the pose of E.V.E. He turns to his corner, leaning into it while waiting for the match to start. Completely ignoring MXG and the Sheik.

Hawke: Dylan's gone through two tournaments in these past few months. He's gone to war with Jack Gaines to win this belt, losing his eye in the process. He took Zoran to the limits in the EOD finals. And now? Now he has to defend his XHF Hardcore Championship in this one-of-a-kind match-up!
Randy: Nothing he's not familiar with Joey. Fighting in weird and stupid matches is a regular Saturday night for those in J-ROK.

---

XHF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Empty Quarter Death Match
The Shiek vs. Dylan Black (c)

---

The bell rings and the two men start off cautious. Trying to not get poked by the spikes or fall into the pit of scorpions. They start off with each swinging their respective weapons. Dylan with the metallic bat. Sheik with his schmitar. It looks like a sword fight or a battle from Prince of Persia more so than a wrestling match. Both men knock their weapons out of each other's hands in a struggle and they fly outside of the pit. being left to their own devices they start punching the shit out of each other.

Hawke: And we're starting off with violence!
Randy: Wooo! J-ROK isn't going to disappoint on that front!

Lefts and rights (from Sheik) and lefts again (from Dylan since he only has one arm lol) Back and forth action. Sheik gets Dylan down with a tackle. He mounts him and punches some more. Grabbing his neck and trying to choke him out early on in this vicious matchup. Dylan uses his robotic hand to break free. He kicks Sheik away and he stumbles back close to the edge.

Hawke: Much like the XHF Phoenix Championship, the XHF Hardcore Championship has a very long lineage with a lot of title holders.
Randy: So are you saying that haters need to not hate on how they're booked?
Hawke: I'm saying the champs should shake it off. Shake it off.
Randy: Good, because this is a marquee match right now.

Dylan waits for him to get up so he can hit that bicycle knee on him, but what's this?

Hawke: SAND IN THE EYE!

Dylan's blinded by the sandy attack and starts swinging. Sheik ducks the blows and hits him with a big boot. He starts stomping on him afterward trying to beat him down long enough. Sheik tries pushing him into the pit. He gets him over, but Dylan grabs one of the spikes and uses them like a ladder to get up high.

Hawke: Dylan is one of the greatest X*Crown Champions the XHF Network has ever had, Sheik should know it's going to take darn-near killing him to slow him down.
Randy: Especially since Dylan is very good at dealing with strange situations and responding quickly.

He dives off the top of the pit and hits a very high headstrong hurricarana. Sheik rolls to the edge before getting back to his feet. He goes for a lariat, but it's ducked. Dylan hits him with the disaster piece before going for a powerbomb toward the spikes. Sheik reverses and sends Black into the spikes! Dylan gets his leg stuck in one with the spike going through the back of his robotic shin.

Randy: YOW! Somebody get that man a drink!

Sheik gets him low again, grabs a rock, and starts trying to bash it into Dylan's face. He dodges the blow and throws sand in the Sheik's eyes. a little payback from earlier. He hits Sheik with another disaster piece. This time with the leg that has the spike sticking through it. Sheik's torso is punctured and blood spurts everywhere. He gets hit again in the shoulder as he's knocked back into the pit of scorpions. They surround him and sting him, forcing an end to this matchup.

Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match and STILL XHF Hardcore Champion... Dylan Black!

Hawke: Hopefully we can get some medical help here as quickly as possible.
Randy: What a hardcore bout!

---

The cameras click to life in the medical area of the arena. We check in on the 2022 End of Days Winner, Zoran Sainovic, as he sits on a table being treated for his grievous Dinosaur Bones bite wounds.

Zoran Sainovic: I seriously need to stop meeting you all like zis…

Ever one to put on a bravado, Zoran chats with the XHF medical crew, who have basically been gluing the XHF Devil together before and after each End of Days show. The Final Boss is distracted from his pro level medical staff trolling by a pair of silhouettes walking by the medical room on route to the gorilla position.

Voice 1: I am not worried. I think all this panda nonsense is just meant to distract from our defeating the BANG! Hermanos.

Voice 2: As if the former president needed another excuse to justify losing to me.

Zoran waves off the medical crew and gingerly hops to his feet. He walks to the door and smiles a smile that … well it is just as likely to be entirely false as it is to be genuine giddy glee from too many painkillers. What it is, is an unusually saccharine greeting from the visage of hell itself.

Zoran Sainovic: AH! If it isn’t the favourite biological fruit of my loins!

Death Trap and Mistress Discipline pause as DT slowly turns back to face the medical room, and stare into the eyes of his one-time tormentor.

Death Trap: I’d say it’s good to see you … but then we’d both be liars.

Zoran Sainovic: I'm wounded son. And here I was just hoping to give you both my warmest wishes on your... nuptials.......

Mistress Discipline: That was a tag team unification ceremony.

Zoran Sainovic: A long time coming, I'm sure. So was zat white dress also a metapho-

Death Trap: Are you really going to criticize me, now? Don’t you have more important things to worry about? Blood loss, injury, Steve Awesome, Magnus, your ACTUAL son who really could have done better than dressing himself or you up as Steve Awesome.

Zoran Sainovic: Kids like what zey like. Who am I to impose my will on ze lad? Besides, zey were all out of bowler hats at ze costume shop.

Mistress Discipline: … Probably for the best …

DT looks at her with mock shock and pain.

Zoran Sainovic: You should expect such barbs from someone who so closely and willingly associates with a person on the payroll of zat HATED BRIDE OF LUCIFER, Grandma Mary…

Mistress blinks a few times in disbelief

Mistress Discipline: I … I do not know how to react to the fact that someone would actually try and pick a fight with an old lady who runs a racing league.

Zoran Sainovic: Correction, pick a fight with an old lady, and WIN zat fight! ...I’m just saying, my flesh and blood did not NEED to settle, but I’m sure you are a good partner, no offense intended.

DT crosses his arms

Death Trap: Did you have anything to say other than dressing down my partner and questioning my life choices … which I remind you have me holding this global title belt?

Zoran puts his hands up defensively

Zoran Sainovic: You're right of course. I'm sorry. I was a little cranky at not being invited to the wedding. Especially when you let those charlatans in-

Death Trap: My actual parents-

Zoran Sainovic: Semantics! I hope you're not as narrow minded as zat walking corpse Steve, who believes zat genetic code is what defines family? Disgusting. (raises his working hand before he gets a response) My point of course, is zat while I am salty about ze wedding... it made me realize, I had NO RIGHT to expect an invitation. Of course, you had your reasons... I've given you both plenty of reasons not to want me zere. Just as I'm sure I'll give you more!

Mistress Discipline: I am unsure if denigrating the man you are trying to play nice with is a wise strategy. I certainly am not moved to feel any better about you by this interaction.

Death Trap: Actually this is probably the most pleasant he’s been around me since he got to watch me actively beat up Paul Soutter.

Zoran Sainovic: You appearing in zat horrible federation was a knife zrough my heart. I left zat dive after ze way Timeless carried on about Mistress, here...

Death Trap: It didn't have anything to do with faking your own death to steal their payroll.

Zoran Sainovic: Not being able to tell you I was really alive, no doubt further strained our relationship. Zat's also on me too, boy. Don't blame yourself. (raises hand to again stop a protest) But no, even if we've had our disagreements, zose bastards were out of line, I respect Mistress here as a competitor. So I look at your union not so much as losing a son...

Death Trap: Don't-

Zoran Sainovic: ...But as gaining a daughter!

Death Trap: You really are the wor-

Ignoring his fake son's admonishments, Sainovic uses his one working arm to reach into his coat pocket. He struggles, but pulls out a FAT envelope.

Zoran Sainovic: I'm glad I was able to catch you two... I just wanted to congratulate you. I am SO HAPPY for US. From what I could see of ze ceremony, you made very beautiful ...tag partners. I wish you luck with your future... tagging. And wanted to give you a gift-

Death Trap: We're not int-

Mistress stops him. The envelope is stuffed with enough cash to pay for the ceremony, and a few more.

Zoran Sainovic: Smart money isn't on me later tonight, kids. But if I do somehow win... I hope you'll let me defend it against you in REIGN. Not as estranged father and son... but as friendly rivals.

Nodding sadly, Zoran leaves Top of the Class to their gift, holding the bloody tooth marks on his side as he shuffles back to the paramedics.

Zoran Sainovic (yelling back): NOW GET ME SOME GRANDCHILDREN!

There's the cringe.

Death Trap: Well this is a new feeling. I almost feel like I could root for him to win tonight without vomiting. … Almost.

Mistress Discipline: Perhaps it was the pain meds.

Death Trap (looking at the stack of bills): Well if we win tonight, I guess dinner is on Zoran.

The two head to the gorilla position to defend their titles.

---

Hawke: Hello fans worldwide! We are back to the action here at our End of Days 2022 tour. Up next we’ll be going to the Tag Team division for our next bout.
Randy: I still don’t know how El Combatiente or Kanyon are walking following that Flame On match last week. El Combatiente nearly committed suicide executing the spanish fly he hit.
Hawke: I can’t answer that one either, but they are alive and I’m told they are ready to compete tonight.
Randy: More guts than brains, these two.
Hawke: Like you have room to talk.

Bonnie Jenkins: The next bout is scheduled for ONE FALL and will be sanctioned under the Panda Palace rules! All competitors are allowed to use the bamboo shoots at ringside during the course of this match, however ANY other weapon use will result in a disqualification. A winner will be decided when one team scores the pinfall or submission!

The camera pans over the ring as we see Pagnus get escorted down the ramp of the Toyota Center by his handlers. Pagnus has been around for some time, and while not ancient, the Panda was old for its species. The gray in his facial fur was a sign of father time catching up with Pagnus. Once at ringside, Pagnus is given a slew of bamboo that is dumped out of new trash cans and left for Pagnus to eat.

Hawke: A legend of the XHF in many ways, Pagnus was here way back in the original run of XHF. To keep tradition, Pagnus joins us tonight in what I imagine will be a memorable match.
Randy: But wait, who’s that coming down the ramp then?

Shifting focus to the ramp, the camera crew see a smaller but still large Panda being escorted down to ringside by a different group of handlers. These handlers all wear the face of the panda on the back of their attire, with the letter ‘B’ next to it.

Hawke: I am being told this is Banjo, the son of Pagnus. What a full circle to see Pagnus and Banjo here tonight! Total surprise for me.
Randy: Banjo? Who names these things… pffft.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, the challengers! They are the winners of the End of Days Annihilator Tag Team Tournament! They weighed in tonight at 489 pounds! Former XHF Tag Team Champions, I give you, BANG! HERMANOS – CURTIS KANYON and EL COMBATIENTE!

A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway under the XtremeTron. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier is nowhere to be found tonight. They look around soaking up their surroundings here in the Toyota Center. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente nods to his partner, taking his time recognizing the team effort it took to get this point tonight. El Combatiente breaks into a sprint and rushes for the ring. Curtis makes his way down shortly after, letting El Combatiente stretch in the ring preparing for the match. Kanyon reaches the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, before he points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"

Randy: Kanyon and El Combatiente look like someone stole their lunch money.
Hawke: Wouldn’t you if you had survived a Flame On match?
Randy: I suppose.

BANG! Hermanos are focused on the two pandas ringside. While attempting to get the bamboo shoots from the trash can hanging off the one corner post, Banjo the Panda begins to smack it and El Combatiente puts his hands up and backs off, showing he wants nothing to do with the son of Pagnus.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introduce next… They are the reigning, defending XHF Tag Team Champions! Weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 460 pounds! I give you, THE TOP OF THE CLASS – DEATH TRAP and MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!

The lights dim down and the Tron shows "Top of the Class" in big gold letters with sparkles. It then cuts to images of Death Trap and Mistress Discipline winning the XHF Global Tag Team Championships from New Age Killers with DT pinning Jason Long and their hands being raised. "2285 Entr'acte" by Dream Theater plays over the speakers.

Hawke: A team that has shown they are the cream of the crop with their XHF Tag title reign here in XHF.
Randy: I don’t think it matters how long they held them, if they want to prove it - they have to win tonight.
Hawke: True words from the great Randy here. I admit, any given XHF event, you never know what will happen.

Blue and Gold lights strobe the arena as the stage and ramp light up again and Death Trap and Mistress Discipline hit the stage. Mistress straightens her collar and her title belt around her waist and begins marching to the ring. She gets ten steps away and looks back to see DT still doing his signature pose at the top of the stage, hoodie open showing off his tag team title belt. She marches back and grabs his arm and forcibly pulls him down the ramp to the ring as DT high fives fans with his free hand. Mistress rolls into the ring and steps to the center while DT goes up the steps and looks out at the crowd as he steps through the ropes. He leaps to the closest corner and poses again as gold sparks shower from the ceiling. Discipline looks around quite unimpressed by all this hoopla. DT jumps down and the two hand over their titles to the referee as the lights return to normal.

Hawke: Both teams are in the ring, as the referee gives them the rundown on the rules.
Randy: Survive the Pandas, pin your opponents, boom! What else is there to explain?
Hawke: The big one is that no weapons outside of the bamboo shoots at ringside are allowed to be used. Any other weapon will force a disqualification. Fans would not be happy if that were the outcome here tonight.

---

XHF GLOBAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Panda Palace Match (Featuring Pagnus!)
BANG! Hermanos vs. Top of the Class (c)

---

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Without warning El Combatiente rushes at Mistress Discipline, she’s able to side-step him as he goes at her. EC stops himself before running into the corner featuring Death Trap. Not that he’d notice, DT is distracted by fellow legend Pagnus on the outside. He appears to be fascinated by him. During Combatiente’s brief pause to slow himself down, MD is able to drop him with a reverse neckbreaker. The ring shakes a little from their impact, though Banjo doesn’t seem bothered as he is more concerned with getting some of that sweet sweet bamboo.

Hawke: There are way too many pandas in this match.
Randy: Blame Mongo for promising to bring Pagnus.
Hawke: Texas loves legends.

The Mistress leans down to tie Combatiente up but is quickly rolled up by EC! The referee dives in for a not-even-one count. MD rolls to her corner to get her wits about her. Combatiente, the element of surprise lost, goes to his corner as well and tags in former president Curtis Kanyon. AND KANYON IS FIRED UP!

Randy: Oh wow! Kanyon came to fight!
Hawke: Yes he di- oh…

Joey Hawke’s disappointment becomes clear when it’s clear that Kanyon’s fire wasn’t aimed at Mistress Discipline but at Banjo the panda. The former president rushes the younger panda in the corner, getting close but not too close. He angrily tells the monochrome mammal that he’s keeping his eyes on him. Banjo seems largely unconcerned as he paws away at some of the bamboo. Mistress, meanwhile, has tagged in Death Trap- at least twice. He’s slowly climbing into the ring while not taking his eyes off of Pagnus, who appears to be too old to care about anything at ringside.

Hawke: The heavier members of their respective teams seem to be more concerned with the pandas than they are with each other!

Slowly the two back away from the object of their ire until the bump into each other’s backs in the middle of the ring! Death Trap and Kanyon spin around in shock only to find each other. At first they seem relieved, laughing off their clear issues with the pandas AND THEN THEY LIGHT UP! Back and forth bombs are being traded by the former X*Crown Champions as they live up to their reputations. Kanyon sends DT to the ropes. DT bounces off but spins around a waiting forearm and turns it into a drop toe hold somehow!

Hawke: That was actually kind of impressive.
Randy: That was practically ballet, maybe being partnered with a more disciplined worker is paying off.

Meanwhile the erstwhile missing Javier has sneaked out from the back and is slowly and carefully making his way towards Pagnus on the outside. DT jumps onto Kanyon’s back with one of those MMA holds that look kind of like a choke but legally isn’t. The ref dives down to check for a submission- but then starts counting because Kanyon has rolled on top of DT putting his shoulders to the ground.

1!

Death Trap releases the hold and kicks out. Javier has managed to sneak a shoot of bamboo away from Pagnus’ pile. While Kanyon and Death Trap once again trade blows, Javier throws the bamboo to El Combatiente- who then throws it back to Javier, noting that he doesn’t want to use a weapon. Javier throws the bamboo back to his client, reminding him it’s not cheating. Combatiente throws it back.

Hawke: Well this is an interesting development.
Randy: It looks like everyone has become distracted by the juggling act!

Indeed, even Kanyon and DT have slowed down their punches to watch. El Combatiente and his manager seem to be very frustrated as they throw the bamboo shoot back and forth. DT elbows Kanyon deep in the gut, doubling him over and runs to the BANG corner, plucking the bamboo shoot out of the air and stopping the back-and-forth. Everyone gasps as Death Trap holds the shoot up defiantly. That wasn’t why they were gasping though…PANDA CLOTHESLINE OVER THE TOP ROPE!

Randy: Banjo is angry at the bamboo abuse!
Hawke: Just remember folks, bears are natural wrestlers. We wouldn’t knowingly let superstars get killed.
Randy: Just uh, don’t pay attention to the rest of End of Days so far.
Hawke: Movie magic, I’m pretty sure Zoran explained it to his family.

Kanyon looks at Banjo, slowly a wide smile covers his face.

Kanyon: Yeah broooo!

The former president raises his hand for a high five and slow-motion runs towards Banjo. Banjo raises his arms and slow-motion runs to Kanyon. The two of them come closer and closer as time slows down more and more until it suddenly speeds up and…

Randy: BEAR!
Hawke: What?
Randy: That’s what I’m calling it when a bear BANGS somebody.

Kanyon has been tackled by the panda! Everyone looks on in horror as Curtis tries to hold the monstrous animal back from killing him as it lays on top of him! El Combatiente gestures wildly at the referee who gets in Banjo’s face and starts a five count.

Hawke: Ugh, it’s quickly becoming one of those matches again.
Randy: Do bears respect the five count?
Hawke: ...No.

Indeed Banjo has no care for a five count and continues to try to maul the former X*Crown champion who is fighting him off. After a few moments, though, Banjo is distracted by some shuffling bamboo in his corner and goes to check it out.

Hawke: Javier with the save for his clients and our legal team by shaking some of the panda’s bamboo stash.
Randy: Not all heroes wear capes.

After the harrowing experience Kanyon is more than happy to tag in El Combatiente, who flips over the top rope fresh. Everyone looks over at Mistress Discipline, who is waiting to be tagged in. The referee waves her in since Death Trap isn’t in his line of sight. The two meet in the middle of the ring and lock up! MD is able to get EC into a wrist lock but he starts to flip out of it.

Hawke: Death Trap is finally making his way back onto the apron.
Randy: What was he doing, taking a nap?
Hawke: I mean he did get hit pretty hard.

EC jumps up for a hurricanrana but before he can swing down Mistress Discipline drops to her knees, turning it almost into a powerbomb but not quite. Combatiente rolls off of her shoulders and kips back up, still fresh. As MD stands up, EC whips her to the ropes, on the return the ref dives in!

Hawke: Wait, what’s going on?

The referee gets in Mistress Disciplines face and claps his hands. He saw a blind tag from her partner. Mistress Discipline looks in her corner, then back at the ref, then back in her corner. She shakes her head at the ref. The referee claps his hands again to signal the blind tag. El Combatiente taps his foot impatiently waiting for Mistress to let Death Trap into the ring- as does everyone else.

Randy: What’s the hold up!?

Mistress Discipline sighs, then walks to her corner and flicks the bowler hat off of her partner to reveal…

Randy: IT WAS PAGNUS!?
Hawke: He must have climbed up onto the apron out of curiosity.
Randy: But the hat!

Everyone is shocked. He had the hat! With that mystery solved, El Combatiente takes a run at Mistress and jumps on her shoulders! Well, that was the plan anyway. Actually MD side-stepped and EC landed on the shoulders of Pagnus! The old panda doesn’t know how to respond anymore at his age and doesn’t hold up El Combatiente who immediately drops to the mat!

Randy: Did Pagnus just sort of powerbomb El Combatiente?
Hawke: This End of Days, man…

Meanwhile on the other side of the ring a strange muscular non-hatted man- oh it’s Death Trap- yells at Kanyon on the apron. Kanyon turns around and Death Trap throws a bamboo-clutching Javier at him! The former president catches El Combatiente’s manager while his partner is arm-dragged by Mistress Discipline! But he doesn’t let go and when he gets up, El Cobatiente arm drags her back!

Hawke: I think we’re entering arm drag city!

So as not to be distracted, Kanyon hands Javier off to the referee. Too bad the referee is too busy focusing on a recovering MD armdragging EC! But EC is up and has armdragged Mistress! Wait, if the referee is over there then…

Randy: Did Kanyon just hand Javier off to Banjo?
Hawke: Why can’t we just have a normal match?

What an arm drag from Mistress Discipline to El Combatiente! The usually verbose and sneaky Javier has gone motionless in fear of upsetting his new caretaker. Banjo carries the manager to his bamboo corner and lays down with him, curling his black paws around El Combatiente’s translator. EC has whipped MD to the ropes and on the return he hits an armdrag!

Randy: Hey, what’s Death Trap doing?

Over in his own corner, Death Trap is now calling to Pagnus, who is still standing on the apron. He shakes a six pack of beer at the old panda. This…actually seems to work and gets the bear’s attention as it begins to climb down.

Randy: What…what am I even looking at right now?
Hawke: Ugh, a dark chapter of the XHF. Pagnus used to be a part of No Warning Shot, an XHF stable that really liked to party. I think this answers pretty much every animal rights group over whether or not Pagnus was included in that partying.
Randy: Yeah, but beer? That panda should be drinking a lot…more responsibly!
Hawke: (audible groan)

With Pagnus back on the floor attacking the six pack, Death Trap has been able to get back in his corner and end the arm-drag-a-thon by arm-dragging his partner out of the ring and onto the apron. The ref decides to allow it and counts it as a tag. Death Trap climbs in as Curtis Kanyon is tagged in.

Randy: Big meaty men!

The two waste no time in…putting each other in rest holds! Kanyon has a strong waist hold locked in as he tries to drain Death Trap’s air by squeezing his midsection! Death Trap has locked on a modified headlock onto the former president that looks exactly like a normal headlock and seems to have similar effects to one! Both men take large laborious breaths as they squeeze the life out of each other! As they sink closer and closer to the ground they realize they are not making progress and let each other go. The two of them square back up and look at each other. Kanyon runs at Death Trap!

Randy: BAN-
Hawke: No!

Death Trap side-stepped and Kanyon saw it coming. What he didn’t see coming though was that he almost charged right into panda corner featuring Banjo and Javier in a warm and fuzzy embrace as they sleep among the bamboo. Kanyon just barely is able to slam the breaks on before all chaos was forced loose. Oh but then Death Trap mma-kicked Kanyon into the corner anyway.

Randy: Oh no, Banjo looks pissed!
Hawke: The panda takes a swipe at Kanyon!

Having enough of this crap and having already done one of these matches already Kanyon angrily swats the panda’s paw away. The large black and white bear is shocked by Kanyon’s mighty rage and is momentarily frozen in response. Kanyon grabs a bamboo shoot, glares at Banjo, and then cracks Death Trap hard in the back of the head! DT stumbles into his corner where Mistress Discipline tags herself in! Kanyon runs at her and swings!

CRACK!

Hawke: And knee meets skull with the Final Bell bicycle knee strike!

Kanyon is rocked by the impact and turns around into a cutter from AN ANGRY BANJO!

Hawke: BEAR SCHOOL IS OUT!

Mistress Discipline dives for the cover. The ref starts counting…

1…

El Combatiente jumps to the top rope and dives off!

2…

He’s been caught by DT who throws him to the corner with his cowering manager!

3…

Bonnie Jenkins: Your winners and STILL XHF Tag-Team Champions……THE TOP OF THE CLASS!

Hawke: What an ending!
Randy: Now if you excuse me I have to go explain to an old panda about a superior way to drink.
Hawke: DON’T GIVE PAGNUS SAKE!

Randy doesn’t listen. In the ring the champs are celebrating. Death Trap hugs Mistress Discipline. Mistress Discipline hugs death trap. Banjo hugs Mistress Discipline. The ref hugs Banjo. Death Trap hugs Banjo. Kanyon hugs El Combatiente. El Combatiente hugs Kanyon. Jaiver hugs bamboo. Pagnus hugs his new friend Randy Angel. Randy Angel hugs alcoholism. What a beautiful night for wrestling.

---

The ringside area is now home to two of those fancy ski chalet snow machines. They are pumping out a steady blast of manmade snow creating a constant flurry in the ring. The ring itself has a one inch coating of the white fluffy stuff and it is making it very chilly even in the middle of a packed arena in the middle of Texas. On the right side of the ring is a rack of skis and ski poles. On the left side of the ring is a table with hot cocoa in Styrofoam cups, a big industrial thermos to refill the chocolate delight, and some mini marshmallows. Littered around the ring are snow drifts, snowmen, piles of premade snowballs, a few large snow boulders, and next to the bottom of the ramp is a pair of igloos.

Hawke: Well here we are Randy, our first Winter Wonderland match!
Randy: Hot Toddy for everyone!

Both men are wearing winter weather fur lined hats and parkas. Randy is sipping from one of thirty steaming flasks in front of him. Into the ring steps Bonnie Jenkins, wearing a cute snow hat with a pom pom. She also has some warm knit mittens and ski clothing on, very nice.

Bonnie Jenkins: The following match is a Winter Wonderland match, any of the snow related items at ringside are legal to use as weapons, everything else is a DQ. The only way to win is by pinfall or submission. And this match is for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship!

The arena lights dim as a synth bassline of Physical by Dua Lipa begins to play, the foggy neon on the tron becoming the main source of light. The tension in the song starts to pick up, and upon reaching the climax, the first verse begins and the arena lights flash briefly before returning to a dim glow, now with the same neon colors as the tron. The fans cheer when Sam Sawyer walks out onto the stage, their face calm and focused. They are wearing a pair of snow gloves and no skin but the face is uncovered due to the snowy condition of the ring. On their way down they slap the hand of every fan who offers, with a faint smile of gratitude. They climb the steps and enter the ring, now focused entirely on the match ahead.

Bonnie Jenkins: Entering the ring first and representing TAPOUT wrestling: standing 5’6” and 160 pounds, fighting out of … HOUSTON, TEXAS …

Massive pop from the crowd

Bonnie Jenkins: they are … SAM SAWYER

Hawke: Local hero Sam Sawyer getting to wrestle in front of the home crowd. I wonder if they imagined it being on a ring covered in snow … in Texas …

“The Wicked” by Stone Sour hits the speakers and onto the stage steps Diago Arakawa. He pats the title belt on his waist and pulls his snow gloves tight. He is wearing a long sleeve version of his usual ring attire as he jaws at the crowd and approaches the ring. He leaps into the ring and taunts with his title before handing it to the timekeeper over the ropes.

Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponent, representing SCCW and the current reigning XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, from Kitamoto, Saitama, Japan and standing at 5’ 8” and 192 pounds … The Chaos Tiger, one of the SCCW Double Down Champions the Harbingers … DAIGO ARAKAWA!

Hawke: Daigo coming off a spectacular defense in REIGN last month against null in a lucha rules match.
Randy: How well versed is he with the cold? Does he know the value of liquor??

---

XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winter Wonderland Match
Sam Sawyer vs. Daigo Arakawa (c)

---

DING DING DING!!!

The bell rings and the two fighters begin to circle each other. They grapple in the center of the ring and begin to push each other back and forth. Eventually Daigo pulls Sawyer in with a hard knee to the gut. Sam responds with a knee lift of their own. Arakawa unloads a stiff kick to the ribs. The hometown hero responds with a kick of their own. The champ lunges in and begins to reign in a flurry of forearm shots backing the challenger up into the corner before whipping them across to the opposite corner. The TAPOUT standout climbs up to the middle rope and backflips over the oncoming chaos tiger. A brutal roaring elbow puts the champ to the mat as he pushes himself out of the corner.

Hawke: An interesting clash of styles here. Both of them are well-versed in strikes, both using stiff shots to inflict fast damage.
Randy: The difference may come down to endurance and reversals. Or snow. Lots of snow. I made you a snowcone Joey!
Hawke: … Why is it yellow Randy?
Randy: … Lemon? *zips his fly*

Sawyer wastes little time pulling the champ to his feet and sending him back down to the snow with a thump of a thrust kick. Sam goes off the ropes and looks for a running senton, but Daigo rolls away and makes a snow angel before kipping up. Sawyer kips up as well and the two roar back together in the middle of the ring. A collar and elbow tie up is broken by a savage headbutt from the Japanese mega star. The crowd erupts in boos as their hometown favorite falls to the snow holding their nose. A stiff kick to the kidneys sends snow flying into the air, and Sam rolling under the bottom rope. Arakawa leaps up to the middle rope and comes down with a stomp to the gut. Sawyer rolls to the floor. A quick pull on the top rope and the champ slingshots over and lands with a crash on top of the young challenger with a plancha. A quick tiger roar to the crowd earns a chorus of boos and a laugh from the Junior Heavyweight champ. The young Texan begins to pull up to their feet using the ring apron, trying not to slip on the snowy ground. Their opponent revs up and runs at the barricade, leaping up and vaulting off of it to gain momentum back at the challenger. Thinking quickly, Sawyer slides to the side on the snow and kicks hard at the right knee of Daigo, sending him skidding face first into the ring post and steel stairs.

Randy: Oof, Daigo’s head is going to be spinning more than mine after that!
Hawke: A brilliant counter to the relentless assault by the champion.

Taking the opportunity to recover, the young Texan steps back to the barricade to be patted on the back by fans. The “Sawyer” chants ring out as the object of the fans’ affections approaches their quarry. A stiff shoot kick bounces the back of the champ’s head off the steps. As the steps skid away from their normal location on the snow, the champ crashes to the ground holding his head in agony. Sawyer hooks the arms of the chaos tiger and hauls him up before dropping him with a snap dragon suplex. Wasting little time and movement, Sam follows the crawling Daigo and stomps on his spine a few times. He keeps crawling until he reaches a snow drift. Reaching a hand in, he rolls over to avoid another stomp and pulls Sawyer’s head down with his right arm on the shirt, only to slam a handful of icy snow into the eyes of the challenger, who recoils and stumbles back, blinded. This buys the champ some time to recover and stretch out his back and neck.

Randy: Ooooh, dirty tactics! What fun!
Hawke: Snow in the eyes is not fun, that is some cold stuff Randy.
Randy: I prefer my snow with liquor. *sips another hot toddy*

Stalking the challenger as they try frantically to rub their eyes to remove the sharp ice crystals and warm them up, the champion charges with a running shotgun dropkick, sending Sam flying into a snow drift. Vanishing into the snow face first, Sawyer is sure to have more ice in the face to worry about. Daigo approaches the pile but a hand emerges and whips a snowball at breakneck speed right into the jaw of the champion. The Japanese star flinches and wipes his beard. He then keeps moving in. The second snowball hits him right in the jewels. He grabs his crotch in pain and drops to a knee. More snowballs come from the pile and pelt the champion until enough snow is gone that Sawyer can see out of the pile.

Hawke: Well that had to hurt. Wait, Randy where did you go? Why are you behind the desk?
Randy: Should not have broken the seal …
Hawke: Can you focus? … Why does it say Randy in the snow?

Sam emerges from the snow pile and brushes the snow off their body. Arakawa is now in his hands and knees in the snow nearby and coughing in pain. As Sam approaches, Daigo lashes out with a series of right hands to the gut. When the teenager hunches over, he grabs their head and forces a handful of snow down the throat of the poor challenger. Spitting up the snow and coughing, the challenger suddenly grabs their temples in pain.

Randy: This may be the first instance of brain freeze as a weapon in a wrestling match.
Hawke: Arakawa is nothing if not inventive. Where are your pants?
Randy: EMBRACE THE CHAOS JOEY! *Keeps peeing in the snow … off camera of course*

Arakawa drops the double axe handle to the neck of Sawyer and grabs their arm before whipping them so hard he falls on his face. Sam cannot stop the momentum as they skid on the snow while trying to stop before crashing into the rack of skis. Some of the winter athletic equipment spills back on the ground where Sam skidded from, some remain in the rack as they topple the rack over and land on top of it. Rolling off the rack and into the snow, Sawyer pushes up to their feet only to get a ski to the back. Back arched, the young challenger shouts in pain. Another shot from the ski. Daigo is not holding anything back as he just wails on his opponent with reckless abandon. Sam eventually dives head first into a snow drift to evade attack and cool the swelling on their spine. Laughing with insane glee, Arakawa embraces the chaotic nature of the match and charges in with the ski like a lance! The ski juts out the other side of the snow bank but no Sawyer. Suddenly the ski is jerked from his hand and sent out the other side of the snow drift. Daigo simply charges in and dropkicks into the snow. A thud is heard and Sawyer’s head comes out the other side and to the ground.

Randy: Arakawa took a guess and hit square in the chest of his challenger in the snow!
Hawke: He really is a unique talent isn’t he?

The face of the hometown hero disappears back into the snow bank and a kick into the snow lands with a thud on the hip. Daigo steps back and spears through the snow. The snow goes flying and Sawyer sprawls to the ground before diving into another snow bank. Arakawa again launches himself and shoulder tackles them out of the snow before landing in the snow himself. As he brushes himself off, Sam dives behind a snowman. Daigo charges with another spear through the snowman but is caught with a monkey flip. A carrot, some buttons, a corn cob pipe and two pieces of coal along with a bunch of snow land on the chest of Sam as Daigo lands on his back in a pile of spilled skis. Spinning to his feet, Arakawa unloads with a series of forearms and kicks to the helpless Texan. They manage to use a coal lump to throw into the face of Daigo, staining his nose black as he recoils. A quick dive behind another ball of snow. Charging in with a maniacal look on his face, Daigo dives headfirst … into a ball of solid ice and rock … a snow boulder. He crumples to the ground in obvious pain as Sam takes the chance to catch their breath and crawl away from the assault.

Hawke: OUCH! That reckless chaotic nature of the champ backfired on him here. Neither of them can win out here however.
Randy: A good nip of Super Sake will cure that bruise. Drink a lot … for your health … responsibly I guess.

Sawyer gets back to the ring apron and pulls up to their feet. As they attempt to climb into the ring, a ski pole flies at them and pins their sleeve to the ring! Sam looks behind and sees Daigo, bleeding from the nose and lips, murderous rage in his eyes, glaring at them and spinning another ski pole in his hands. He winds up and lets loose like a javelin. The horrified teenager manages to tear the sleeve and duck away from the thrown weapon. Arakawa grabs another ski pole, spins it in his hands and poses with it before raising it like a jousting lance and charging. Sam grabs one of the poles stuck in the apron and yanks it free, spins it around and uses it to bat the point of Daigo’s lance down at the ground before grabbing the shaft of Daigo’s ski pole and using it to vault the champ over their head and through the middle and top ropes into the ring. As they try to come into the ring, Daigo makes like a shovel with his gloved hands and shoves all the snow from that side of the ring that has been building up off the edge and avalanches it onto Sam, slowing their ascent. This allows him to hit a baseball slide knocking them into a pile of snowballs.

Hawke: Awww, I spent ten minutes making all of those.
Randy: *BUUUURP!* I used to do javelin joust pole vaulting back in grad school!
Hawke: … That isn’t a sport.
Randy: IT FRIGGIN’ SHOULD BE! *burp*

Sawyer pushes to their feet. Arakawa in the ring runs off the opposing ropes and charges back at them. Sam sees a chance and sprints to the ring and slides in as Daigo leaps over the ropes. He catches the top rope and uses it to land on the apron, spins, and springboards BACK into the ring with the Cave In on the rising Sawyer! He pins.

One!

Two!

Kickout by Sam.

Randy: Whoa he almost got the win with that surprise Claw Mark!
Hawke: Sam Sawyer is a resilient fighter. They made a name for themselves even at such a young age in Fireside doing things like this.

Daigo stomps on the chest of Sam as he vents his frustration. He poses in the falling snow for a moment to a chorus of boos from the Sam friendly crowd before wrenching the foe to their feet and hitting a stiff high kick to the head sending Sam stumbling. A charging spinning heel kick puts the Tapout upstart back to the mat. Pin!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout.

Daigo stays on the attack by sitting Sam up and locking in a dragon sleeper before releasing the headlock and raining down heavy elbows to the side of the neck. He shoves Sam back to the mat and pins.

ONE!

TWO!

He lifts their shoulder up and laughs.  More hammer and anvil elbows from Daigo and Sam is looking limp. He shoves them back down again.

ONE!

TWO!

Foot on the ropes. Daigo just laughs at this.

Hawke: I think he’s just going with the chaos of this.
Randy: I mean he should be frustrated but uh … he might be enjoying this.

Daigo reaches down and locks in a front chancery to haul his opponent back to their feet but Sam springs up and locks an inside cradle on the chaos tiger!

One!

Daigo rolls the pin

ONE!

Sam rolls the pin back.

ONE!

TWO!

Daigo breaks the pin with a kickout and rolls to his feet.  Sawyer manages to avoid a stomp to the face and grabs the feet of Daigo and trips him down before leaping over him with the jack knife pin.

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout by Arakawa.

In desperation Sam kips up to their feet and hits a huge shoot kick to the chest before hitting a snow assisted sliding lariat on the mat. They rise to their knees and pant, trying to catch their breath. Daigo rolls over and pushes to his hands and knees. Sawyer tries to get up but the chaos tiger pounces with a double leg takedown. Sawyer manages to get their knees to their chest and launch the SCCW star off of them. Both fighters rise to their feet and the champ is the first to act. He moves in with a stiff sol kick to the gut. He hooks the arm in a hammerlock and locks in the DDT grip. As he goes for the legsweep hammerlock DDT, Sawyer manage to pull backwards into a flatliner!

Randy: Hey! That’s Chris Kanyon’s old move!
Hawke: Yes but lots of fighters use it, shows the longevity of the man and the move. Sam Sawyer now has the advantage, let’s see how they manage to press it.

Sawyer stomps the spine of the champ before mounting and locking in a rear naked choke. The ref begins a five count and the young fan favorite releases at four before rolling to their feet. The champ manages to duck a buzzsaw kick and pop to his feet. He hits a snap suplex and rolls through looking to chain a second but Sawyer hook the leg with their own and then reverses into their own brainbuster! A pin.

ONE!

TWO!

TH-kickout by the champ.

Sawyer presses the advantage and puts the rising Daigo back to the mat with a snap DDT. Arakawa rolls through into a seated position and Sawyer comes running off the ropes with a shining wizard!

Hawke: Sam is really starting to fire up, the crowd is behind them 100% here. The champ is in trouble.
Randy: This match has to be exhausting for them. I know it is for me. And now my nipples could cut Jack Diamonds.
Hawke: Then put your pants and snow gear back on!
Randy: TIMEKEEPER! BRING OUT THE ST. BERNARD WITH THE BRANDY JUG ON ITS COLLAR!

Daigo manages to roll to the corner to avoid the pin. Sam comes charging in and hits a shotgun dropkick to the seated champion. The Harbinger rolls out of the corner and Sam leaps to the middle rope. A slight slip from the snow falling is enough time to allow Daigo to crawl out of range. Sawyer rethinks and drops from the ropes to the mat and begins to measure up the champion. The arms are hooked again in a full nelson, but the champ recognizes the snap dragon and manages to pull down with his arms and flip the challenger over his head to the mat. A stiff kick to the back sends Sawyer popping to their feet in agony. Daigo shoves them into the corner and looks for a Chaos Theory German Suplex but Sam manages to wrap their feet backwards around the waist like a wheelbarrow and roll forwards instead with a victory roll.

ONE!

TWO!

Arakawa kicks out.

The crowd is going nuts here with Sam chants as the challenger fires up. Daigo is slow to his feet and Sawyer meets him with a series of stiff forearms and chops. They force him back to the ropes and send the champ running with an Irish whip. Sam follows him in and catches him at the other ropes with a knee to the gut. Another Irish whip and this time they meet in the middle with a kitchen sink sending the chaos tiger sprawling onto his back. He rolls to his feet and the Texan grabs him and whips him to the ropes. He comes off the ropes and leapfrogs Sam. On the return, a running back elbow stuns the challenger and a whip sends THEM to the ropes where they grab onto the top rope to avoid the return. Arakawa charges with a shout and Sam drops down and back body drops Daigo over the top rope and he lands back first on a snowman, shattering it and landing in a pile of crumbled snow art.

Hawke: What a fantastic reversal by the challenger!
Randy: FROSTY! Someone find an old silk top hat. Grab Death Trap, he loves ugly out of date hats!

Sam backs up and charges for a suicide dive. Daigo stands up and eats the attack full force! Sam pops to their feet and pumps their fist to the crowd. Daigo grabs whatever weapon he can find. As Sam looks to keep on the attack … they are hit in the head with a carrot … which breaks. Daigo looks at his weapon in disbelief before sighing in annoyance as Sam headbutts him hard. Arakawa is pulled in for a DDT! The snow manages to cushion some of the impact however. Daigo manages to poke the eyes of the challenger as they haul him up and try to whip him to the ring to end this. He stumbles away from the hometown hero now and rests on a table at ringside. Sawyer shakes off the attack and charges in. A back body drop sends them over the table where they land on their feet and slide back under the table and kick out the legs of the champ, who as he falls pulls the table over sending marshmallows all over the floor.

Randy: Awww … now they’re all wet and dirty. How will we play chubby bunny now?
Hawke: Those are mini marshmallows, and as long as they’ve been in this snow storm at ringside they are probably rocks.

Arakawa tries to climb to his feet but slips on the small rock hard marshmallows and collapses back next to the other concessions table. Sam grabs him and drags him to his feet and looks to put a real dent into the champion with a Corrosion STO. But Daigo manages to prevent the attack and sends an entire mug of hot cocoa right into the face of the young superstar. They stumble back screaming as the scalding hot cocoa gets them right in the eyes. Daigo hits a Spanish Fly right through the cocoa table sending more hot beverage all over both of them and melting a good bit of the snow around the table.

Randy: BUTTERFLY SOARS!
Hawke: Yes but most of that scalding hot cocoa went onto Daigo’s back!

Both fighters stay down in the wreckage of the table and the hot beverage. The champ slowly gets to his hands and knees and crawls to the ring. His back has steam coming off his shirt and underneath his back is probably red and blistered. Sam’s eyes are swollen and their face is red as well. Sawyer slowly rolls to a prone position before joining in the crawl to the ring. Chaos Tiger is first to his feet and catches the crawling Sam and slides them into the ring. He slides in and gets caught in a small package!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE- He grabs the ropes.

Sam pants heavily as Daigo snaps to his feet in a rage with a second wind. He picks up his foe and slams them with a hard scoop slam then leaps to the top and hits a soaring senton bomb. Instead of pinning the resilient Tapout star, he picks them up and grabs their chin to yell in their face before paintbrushing the face. He maintains hold of the arm and ripcords Sawyer who ducks a forearm shot and then yanks on the arm and pulls Daigo into the huge standing lariat!!!

Hawke: FIRE WITH FIRE! THEY LANDED THE FIRE WITH FIRE!
Randy: But both fighters are down and out!

Sawyer is indeed still face down on the mat while Daigo has been flipped inside out and landed on his face as well. After a good solid eight count that the ref doesn’t make, Sawyer begins to crawl, uses their head to push Daigo into a supine position, then drapes the arm over the champion!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE-NO!

Daigo JUST gets the arm up.

Hawke: Oh no, the assault on the outside left Sawyer too weak to make the quick cover and that long delay was enough to let Daigo recover enough to kick out!

Sawyer however, is the first to their feet, using the ropes to pull to their feet. Daigo is woozy as he is pulled to his feet. Sam winds up another lariat but Daigo ducks and hooks them for another Butterfly Soars. But Sam sends elbows to the head and breaks it up. Hooked for a snap dragon suplex! Daigo runs up the ropes and flips behind with a sliced bread! Daigo takes a brief moment in this seated position before falling forward into a pin! The ref refuses to count as Sam’s leg is in the ropes already. Daigo huffs at the resilience of this young upstart who has really impressed the crowd, and to be fair, impressed Chaos Tiger as well.

Randy: This is anyone’s match but it’s clear they are both winded.

Daigo pulls Sam to their feet only to get a jaw breaker in response. He stumbles back as Sawyer slowly rises to their feet and pump their fist with the crowd. Daigo turns to face the charging Sawyer. LARIAT-NO! Reversed into the Butterfly Soars Spanish Fly! Daigo immediately pulls the tough teen to their feet and hits the swinging double underhook suplex he calls the Tip the Scales. A quick pull away from the ropes and a pin.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING!

Randy: HE DID IT! He retains the belt in the snow!

Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner and still the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion … Chaos Tiger … DAIGO ARAKAWA!!!!!

Hawke: But what a fantastic showing by Sam Sawyer! This young one has a huge career ahead of them.
Randy: And now the champ, Daigo will head over to Wrestle: UK for November’s defense, on a card which is already posted from what I’m being told!
Hawke: Stay tuned for more End of Days coming up next!

---

Hawke: The next match is one we have all been waiting to see.
Randy: Speak for yourself.
Hawke: Uh, well I know the fans are excited. The Final Boss takes on the Face of the Franchisez
Randy: for the richest title in all the land.
Hawke: The XHF X*Crown Championship!
Randy: That’s what I said. Geez Joey, are you getting Alzheimer’s already?

Bonnie Jenkins: The next contest is the MAIN EVENT of the night and will be for the XHF X*CROWN Championship! Sanctioned under Greenhouse match rules and can only be won by pinfall or submission. There is no time limit!

Randy: No time limit? I’m only scheduled for three hours.
Hawke: Your salary, you’ll be here until they let us leave.
Randy: Speak for yourself.
Hawke: It’s the most famous match stipulation known to XHF. The Greenhouse has history, and it has been the culprit of change for the alumni and legends of the XHF network.
Randy: The glass alone is soaking up this Texas sun and I can only imagine how that heat will affect these two.

Panning from above, a drone shows off the huge glass and metal structure that is the Greenhouse. The area is remote and setup the door to the Greenhouse is located on one side and no exit anywhere throughout. Filled with lush plants, sections separating specific plant types; some native to Texas and others indigenous.

A camera view appears of the entrance room then changes to a hanging plant room, a room full of giant plants, and a room lit with black lights that is shaded. The rest of the greenhouse is split up into quadrants separated by glass walls with metal frames that connect the sliding doors. Sensors have been removed as rooms will open throughout the match on a timer.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, the challenger! Hailing from Belgrade, Serbia! Standing six foot one inches tall and weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty nine pounds! Known as ‘the Final Boss’ — ZORAN SAINOVIC!

The Heavy's "Big Bad Wolf" blasts over the speakers in the Toyota Center.

"With Time Slipping Away

I Can't Say What I'll Do...

You Got Nothing To Saaaaaaaaaaaay

'Til I Tell You Who's Whoooooooooooooo

You Know Why?"

The Houston audience is plunged into darkness, before white spotlights search through the crowd - finally, appearing on the XtremeTron we see Zoran Sainovic. His slinged left arm was still injured but without the sling tonight. A gutsy call some would say. The Final Boss showed zero fear for what was about to be the fight of his life.

"Cos I'm The Big Bad Wolf

(What You Say)

I'm The Big Bad Wolf

(What You Say)

I'm The Big Bad Wolf"

The Texas audience has a mixed reaction to Zoran, who normally received jeers during his appearances. While fighting Brittney Beahr at the previous End of Days show, Zoran Sainovic had shown compassion, or mercy, as some would say. The resident CAR staffer was out of her element, and while Zoran was injured, he still had an advantage on her with his resume of accolades and lengthy career. Even in his forties, Zoran excelled, like a fine wine - he had only become better with age.

"And I'm Blowing Down Your Neighbourhood"

Drones fly overhead the Greenhouse as a group of eight camera men take to their positions inside. They are present to capture all the action as it happens. A job that nobody would sign up for voluntarily, and thus why XHF had to enforce their participation tonight with extra compensation. As always, with XHF, the guarantee of leaving an event the same way you came in – was near zero.

Hawke: Zoran started this by winning a qualifying four way in Tap Out Wrestling alongside Bloodied Fox. He would then go to week two’s quarterfinals and beat Fox in the main event.
Randy: Hell of a fight that was.
Hawke: In week three he would take on Brittney Beahr and win by the skin of his teeth to secure his spot in the finals.
Randy: And he did it with one arm. Quite a show from the Final Boss.
Hawke: Now the question is, does Zoran have enough left in the tank to conquer and regain the X*Crown championship?

Zoran stands in the Greenhouse, feeling the sweat already form on his forehead from the glass structure in the Texas heat. The screen shifts to a side-by-side as it shows Zoran on the left and Bonnie Jenkins on the right side, back in the Toyota Center. .

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing next, the champion! Hailing from Detroit, Michigan! He stands six foot two inches tall and weighs in tonight at two-hundred thirty eight pounds! The XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION, ‘the Face of the Franchise’ — STEVE AWESOME!

"Full of Regret" by Danko Jones begins playing throughout the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas. All the lights in the arena die out and the fans in attendance start chanting his name.

Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!
Half The Crowd: AWE-SOME
Other Half: SUCKS!

A dramatic pause leaves the arena silent for just a moment before –

"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"

The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat. Steve Awesome is seen riding up to the door in a tour bus with his latest movie poster plastered on the side and the movie’s quote in big bold letters next to his picture; it says “I’m Awesome, How Come You’re Not?”


The bus comes to a complete stop just a mere ten feet from the Greenhouse door. Walking out of it’s door, Steve Awesome sports the XHF X*Crown Championship around his waist. Usually this would be where he walks up to the fans, finds a beautiful lady, tells her he’s going to take her home with him after he wins – but tonight, it was a referee that met him at the door. Steve merely looks him up and down and shakes his head,

Awesome walks through the sliding doors to a display of LED lights queued up to his music. Here in the arena we hear the chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones.

"Lonely nights/ and a whole lot of wasted time!

If you see her wont you tell her for me

It's better this way to avoid all the misery"

The chorus plays again as Steve walks through the Greenhouse and takes in the surroundings. The guitar starts soloing and Steve slips the belt off of his waist, pointing to it as he raises it in the air a few feet from Zoran Sainovic. A word is shared that we miss, but we see the look in Zoran’s eyes, and he didn’t take it kindly.

Hawke: No love for these two men. Steve may not have had to go through the Singles tournament of End of Days, but he did compete in the Tag Team Annihilator tournament.
Randy: Equally as dangerous if not more so, since more people.
Hawke: The Awesome Bastards went through hell, literally, as they fought in a Flame On match last week in CAR only to come up short against BANG! Hermanos.
Randy: A sting I am sure Steve still feels.
Hawke: Probably for the best. If he won, he would have pulled double duty tonight.

The XtremeTron brightens as the Greenhouse cameras show the shot of Zoran from over his shoulder looking on at the XHF X*Crown Champion, Steve Awesome. The arena lights dim to allow the XtremeTron to be the focus as this match commences.

---

XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Greenhouse Match
"The Final Boss" Zoran Sainovic vs. "The Face of the Franchise" Steve Awesome (c)

---

Ding! Ding! Ding!


The Final Boss lets Awesome come to him and it’s a standoff at the very start. Like an old western, the gunslingers are in the street, staring down one another before they go for the draw. Steve Awesome smiles with that Hollywood smirk he is known for.

Steve Awesome: You want it? Come get it!

With his words said, Steve darts into the lush plant area to his left. The rustling of the leaves are the only designation of his location, until a cameraman catches him on the other side of the room where Steve appears from the greenery.

Hawke: The mind games right out of the gate from Steve Awesome.
Randy: When you have someone’s number, you just have it. Steve has Zoran’s, mark my words.
Hawke: I’m not sold that’s the case. Mine-you-me, Zoran is coming into this fight with a major disadvantage with his injuries. That said, this is the XHF 2022 Rumble winner we are talking about. Endurance is in his DNA! Don’t deny that he can go, injured or not.
Randy: Fine. (cracking of a can is heard)

Zoran finds his giant scythe and lifts it over his healthy shoulder, gripping it with his right arm as he uses his left, as much as he can - that is, to maneuver the blade and get it up in the air. Planting his feet, Zoran heaves the giant scythe in a giant circle motion! The scythe is so sharp it cuts plants, their roots, even a tree, and some pots - right through like butter. The Greenhouse was huge however, and clearing the room would expend a lot of energy, even for a person with a good bill of health.

Randy: Remind me to ask Zoran if he cuts grass.
Hawke: What?
Randy: I have some weeds in the backyard that are overgrown. He just reminded me.
Hawke: (shakes head) Yeah, I’m sure Zoran runs a lawn care business on the side.
Randy: Never know Joe.

Realizing the same thought the commentators mentioned, Zoran Sainovic leans the giant scythe against the glass wall behind him. Conserving the energy he had for the fight ahead. A whistle is heard from the lush foliage ahead of Zoran and suddenly plant pots are hurling towards him! Zoran ducks the first two, catching some dirt from one of the pots before it shatters on the Greenhouse floor. A barrage of pots come flying all about a second apart, before Zoran sees the hand of Steve Awesome and hurls himself into the green plants to tackle Awesome!

Randy: I didn’t know this was going to be one of those Chinese game shows! Get’em Steve!
Hawke: Chucking those clay pots, Awesome gave up his position and Zoran capitalized.
Randy: A temporary set back.

The Final Boss puts all of his good shoulder first, and hits Awesome in the abdomen and drives him backwards through the glass wall! Shattering noises are bountiful in a scientific symphony way. Zoran and Awesome evade the majority of the glass that falls. Zoran’s hockey check on the X*Crown champion had sent him into the next room where the whole room was covered in a moss substance. A slight humming chirps up.

Hawke: Zoran rolls over to his back after driving Awesome through a glass wall!
Randy: What is Awesome pointing at?

With one finger pointing up towards the glass ceiling that formed a pyramid in its structure. Millions of triangles sent the Texas heat down into the Greenhouse. A humming bird was drawn to the glow, and suddenly — POOF! Like a magnifying glass on an ant farm, the humming bird explodes.

Randy: If this is a sign of the zombie apocalypse, I had nothing to do with it.
Hawke: UH-huh.

Hawke remarks after counting the empty beer cans under & around Randy’s chair and desk area. Awesome is being turned into a pretzel by Zoran as he uses leverage in a standing position, twisting the arm while stepping on the side of Awesome’s face with his boot.

Zoran: You will tap before the night is over Steve!

Stomping the face of the franchise literally into the dirt floor of the Greenhouse. Zoran grabs both arms and hits Awesome with a stomp to the chest!

Hawke: Zoran continues to pull the arms as he stomps the chest! Viciously repeating the process.
Randy: He owes him some lunch money, you bet. (Burp)


Zoran finally has to let go of the arms as he clutches his injured shoulder. The pain had finally caught up to him, through gritted teeth, but it was bound to happen. The human body can only withstand so much. Zoran’s body was telling him it was done. The shoulder was shot, he would have to go one-armed from here on out.  Zoran stomps Awesome with one more, for good measure. Snatching the hair of the movie star, Sainovic drags Steve through the glass that had just fallen from the ceiling above. A sickening noise of pain seeps from the lips of the Awesome as he suffers cuts to his back and arms. Steve breaks free of the one hand and loses an extension in the process. The Face of the Franchise jumps up and clutches his hair, a face of pure disbelief. He points at Zoran dramatically, waving his finger like a hulkamaniac before he walks right up to Zoran’s face and goes nose to nose, blow for blow, one armed or not Zoran was not missing a beat! Trading blows as the two shuffled back into the previous room, fighting through lush plants as they knock pots and other smaller plants over in their path. A rustling of a headlock by Awesome and a wrenching arm lock to the injured arm allows Awesome to gain the upper hand.

Randy: The smarts by Steve, typical.
Hawke: (side glance) Awesome works that injured shoulder. A sound strategy as Zoran would have anticipated.
Randy: Don’t come to a drinking party if you’re not able to throw.
Hawke: What my partner is trying to say is the whole, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Which, we are not advocating fighting — unless you do it professionally.

A knee to the side and Zoran drops to his hands and knees as Steve relinquishes the arm lock. Focusing on the ribs instead, the Face of the Franchise punt kicks Zoran in the left ribs!

Fans: “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!”

No remorse shown by the reigning XHF X*Crown champion Steve Awesome. Steve yanks Zoran to his feet and irish whips him towards a separating glass wall. Zoran is of sound and body enough to turn back to wall, absorbing less of the impact. Steve none so happy about this, goes for a superkick!

Hawke: DUCKED!
Randy: NO!
Hawke: Zoran rolls under the leg!
Randy: POW! Right in the kisser!

A springing uppercut right out of the roll! Zoran plants his injured arm into the exposed chin of the Franchise’s face! Awesome pops up, looks around dazed as his head shakes no, and face plants the floor. Zoran turns around, surveying the area before seeing a wheelbarrow leaning against the wall to his right. Doing his best with one arm, still wincing in agony at his recent attack consequences. Zoran has the wheelbarrow turned up right when he’s smashed with two elbows to his back! Steve had kipped up and launched himself in the air, using all his weight to sink the Final Boss face first in the wheelbarrow.

Hawke: Right as Zoran Sainovic finds his edge again, Steve Awesome shuts it down.
Randy: Zoran has already lost the match, he’s just making it harder on himself when he has to recover.
Hawke: This match has been going for nearly fifteen minutes now. The advantage the longer this goes, would be to Steve Awesome. Zoran’s injuries are already showing to be beyond his control, and staggering his offense.
Randy: Yet, he’s finding ways to surprise even me. That uppercut was brutal!

Zoran is carted off through the Greenhouse, shoveled on to a new room where Awesome dumps him in a fresh pile of manure. The room is humming with flies, all grateful of this farmer’s select buffet they were attracted to.

Randy: And I thought I had shitty days.
Hawke: Right in the manure goes Zoran Sainovic. I can remember the smell driving through Oklahoma. It’s not pleasant folks.
Randy: That sums up Ole’Okla-homa spot on Joey.

Awesome swiping the flies from his hair as they swarm the over hair-sprayed Champion. Zoran rolls over to catch a break; swift kick to the jewels of Awesome! Zoran had been hesitant all tournament with being the heel that he was known for, but with Steve he wouldn’t second guess himself. Sainovic knew Awesome would do anything to retain the X*Crown, and had shown that in spades his whole career. The menace of Awesome is that he was unpredictable, daff sure, but the element of surprise had its benefits.

Hawke: Zoran with a low blow!
Randy: What a cheap tactic by Zoran! No honor here I can see.
Hawke: Honor?! Steve Awesome could be given honor on a silver platter and he’d find a way to corrupt it.
Randy: He’s an actor. All actors are honorable.

Zoran hooks Awesome in a small package and the referee falls in the manure to make the count.

One!

Two!

Hawke: Awesome kicks out!

Everyone slips in the manure as they stand up, including the zebra. Awesome with an elbow to the injured shoulder of Sainovic. Rocking the Final Boss as he clenched his teeth and finds that fire that brought him to the fight! Zoran headbuttes Steve and grabs his hair with the good arm, using Awesome’s hair to repeatedly headbutt the X*Crown champion!

Randy: Stiffer than a Karen at the grocery checkout.
Hawke: Zoran uses his head, literally!
Randy: Can’t say that happens often.
Hawke: (smirks) Zoran backs Awesome up out of the manure room and back to the main hub. It looks like the temperatures are rising, as our camera man gets a shot of that thermometer.
Randy: ONE HUNDRED TWENTY THREE DEGREES!

Air thick as we see plants wilting with the ever growing heat. It’s not until we enter the middle of the room via a new cameraman’s view, that we see a giant potted plant eating the other plants around it. Unlike everything else in the room, this plant is thriving in the sun, and screams Little Shop of Horrors in its nature!

Randy: Razzle-Gluckin-dazzle! What the hell is that?
Hawke: Some monstrosity that you’ll only find here at the XHF Network Randy.

Awesome returns the favor with a kick at the jewels of Zoran! Knees block it! Zoran monkey flips Awesome backwards and slings him near the growing plant monstrosity that has appeared!

Randy: Save Steve! He’s too precious of a Hollywood actor to die in his prime!
Hawke: Aware of the plant monster now, Zoran is looking at Awesome funny.
Randy: He has that Jeffrey Dahmer look in his eyes.
Hawke: What the— (BLEEP) —!!

A moment of silence from the announcer’s booth as Zoran Sainovic walks towards Steve. The toll of the match showing for the Final Boss. His shoulder dislocated, visibly drooping from his body as he approached Awesome. Slumped up against the wall with his head looking down and hair hanging over his eyes, Steve goes for a throat punch on Zoran! Countered into an arm lock by Sainovic! Looking to the plant monster, Sainovic glances between it and his opponent.

Randy: Why did he look back at the plant like that? I don’t like it Joey!
Hawke: Zoran appears to disagree partner.

Zoran guides Awesome towards the plant monster as he looks to feed the Face of the Franchise as a final supper.


WHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!


Vines come sweeping the feet of both men! Zoran and Steve are wound up by the legs as the floor slithers with the monster plants tentacle like vines, binding the two to the ground as it drags them to its roots.

Randy: Don’t let a national treasure die today!
Hawke: We can’t lose both of these men to this thing! What would that say to the rest of the Network?
Randy: Enter at your own risk.
Hawke: (shakes head annoyed) We need some assistance in the Greenhouse main room!

Hawke’s voice trails off as the audio to the booth is cut out and the attention is solely on the XtremeTron in the Toyota Center here in Houston, Texas.  It takes the Greenhouse cameraman filming the action down as the plant begins to drag him towards Zoran and Awesome. The heat has turned up so much that the Greenhouse feels like a magnifying glass, and is beaming light at the Greenhouse floor as hot as a welder’s torch. It was causing the already wilted plants left in the greenhouse to catch fire!

Hawke: A Greenhouse of hell!
Randy: SO happy my request to be off site for this one went through.
Hawke: What is happening now?!
Randy: Uh, why are all the camera men now wearing white suits and have weird guns in their hands?
Hawke: They look like the Ghostbusters.
Randy: Here comes another lawsuit.

As explained by the announcers, the main room has been filled with all eight camera men, now dawning white suits and a black and red patch that shows a ghost being X’d out. Lifting their proton packs and pointing them to the plant monster. Multiple electric streams zap the plant monster simultaneously! A cameraman comes up and slides a canister in the dirt right in front of the monster, but it doesn’t open!

Hawke: Oh no!
Randy: What’s that mean?
Hawke: Nothing good.
Randy: Like anything in this match has been good.

As the electric surges from the proton packs, we see the vines disappear from Zoran Sainovic and Steve Awesome, both who are smart enough to clear the area as the camera men/ghost buster enthusiasts surround the Plant monster.

Camera Man #1: Let’s send this ugly thing back to where Mongo’s mother came from!
Camera Man #2: Did you really have to go there?
Camera Man #2: I was paid by someone to make it.
Camera Man #5: The plant is resisting guys—

All of the camera men end up in the air as the plant monster lifts them off their feet! The electric surging streams cross! Two men explode! The glass of the green house shatters down from all over as this XHF speciality match has gone fully off the rails!

Hawke: We will never financially recover from this.
Randy: To be honest, those guys weren’t referees, and lied to us. They deserve whatever they get.

As the plant monster devours four of the men, it is clear that there is no saving the cameramen as the plant monster’s rows of teeth shred them like pulled pork, with much more gruesome displays being acted out live. The drone goes to an overhead view where the lights of the proton packs start fading out and only the four remain.  They suddenly go off.  The camera cuts back inside the room where the canister that was stuck opens and explodes! All four of the remaining camera men are blown backwards and through one of the side glass walls that still remained! Michael Bay, we know you’re watching wink wink.

SWORD SCYTHE THROUGH THE PLANT MONSTER!

Hawke: Was it Zoran?
Randy: Of course it was. He’s the only one playing a psychopath in the XHF.
Hawke: That list is unusually larger than you’d realize.

The plant monster splits in half as we see Steve Awesome revealed behind it. The X*Crown champion smirks, flipping his hair over his shoulder as he sets the Scythe down sword first in the ground beside him.

DOINKKKKK!

Using the handle, Zoran jumps up with his good arm and uses the flat part of the blade as a slingshot, releasing the handle and sending the blade springing back into Awesome’s face! The Face of the Franchise sees his reflection up close and personal before being sent abruptly to the ground holding it. As Steve climbs to his feet, he gets his wits and it looks like S-KO!

Hawke: REVERSED!
Randy: NO WAY!

The Revolver by Zoran Sainovic and he goes for the cover!

One!

Two!

Three!

Randy: Hell has frozen over!
Hawke: Uh, what?
Randy: Here comes the XHF’s darkest days again.

Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of this match and NEEEEEEW XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION - ZORAN SAINOVIC!