Elect Zoran Sainovic for a Better Tomorrow [ZS MLK X 01]

[mosler]

Black ink strikes down another name.

A white page features hundreds of names, all with lines through them. The penmanship is refined enough that it looks like the work of a master calligrapher, yet for the quality of the presentation – it is hard to make out any one name due to the shaky nature of the camera’s close-up. Legibility is further compromised as the paper is crumpled up. A single powerful hand contorts its palm to ball up the page, while simultaneously fingers play with a gold lighter. When the paper is finally compacted enough, the thumb flicks the lid open on the lighter, and sets it on fire. Leaning over, the figure places the burning paper in a fireplace, next to a new log. The paper starts to open, as crushed angles are reduced to cinder. Before the flame can eat it, the top of the page can be read...

Enemies List.

Does this indicate that old business has finally been taken care of? Maybe the writer just committed them to memory, and didn’t want a piece of physical evidence exploring his motives? Or perhaps the owner of this list has decided to give up on vengeance, embracing forgiveness for the New Year? What a nice thought. As the flames jump off the page to the waiting log, notions of closure soon give way to the realization that it was simply used for kindling.

This fireplace runs on hate.

Yet sometimes hate isn’t enough. The powerful hand fans the flames. Bark starts to curl under the heat. Grabbing a poker, the hand prods the log. Viewers can’t help but admire the firm grasp, like wielding a blunt metal object was second nature to the unseen fire stoker.

“Fireside...”

The camera pans slightly, stepping out of a first person perspective to create a medium shot of the X*Crown Champion looming over the fire place. Recent defences have further eaten away at his proud figure. The flickering light of the fire illuminates the damage, wavering shadows highlighting some of the nastier scar tissue. Zoran Sainovic now sports an eye patch, along with the arm in a sling, it appears that half of the man is weathered. For the multitude of battle trophies, The Final Boss cleans up well – concealer hiding the thousand cuts recently given to him by Off the Wagon. Rather than turn his good eye to the camera, Sainovic remains focused on the blaze.

Zoran Sainovic:

Ze sparks for zat dumpster fire started on my watch... ze incendiary moments zat became rallying points for ze self-serving fool may have occurred with my successors, but striped away of its opportunistic moral high ground? You’ll find ze actual seeds, ze foundation for zat federation, grounded in my run in management.  A malcontent who was indignant zat he wasn’t immediately headlining a federation, expecting to be rewarded for stooping to zeir level.

Knocking away some ashes from a previous fire, Zoran tries to tease some embers onto another log.

Zoran Sainovic:

Of course... by ze end, I hated ze federation I was running far more zan Caffrey did. Mind you, I had far more legitimate reasons. Why... If Fireside were run by anyone other zan Caffrey, I might have joined Valentine in supporting it. Sadly Caffrey did, so I didn’t. Outside of a promotional cameo for zeir final show, I never stepped foot in zat dive. My opponent, on ze other hand, became ze ONLY reason to watch ze passion project of zat high-strung hypocrite. And how did zey zank Kanyon for providing entertaining windows in zat oppressive void? He didn’t become zeir champion until AFTER ze federation closed right?

Content with the burn, The Final Boss puts the poker down.

Zoran Sainovic:

My point is simply zat we both have history with Fireside, Kanyon. Mine is just so much more pertinent to ze matter at hand…

With a sigh, Zoran finally turns his head to address the camera. 

Zoran Sainovic:

You might have been ze president, but I’m ze politician...

The corners of his mouth twisting into a fiendish grin, The Final Boss turns his focus back to the fireplace to partially mask his pleasure.  

Zoran Sainovic:

Looking at ze shit show zat was ze final Fireside program, it was obvious zat Anthony Caffrey HATED ze idea of his championship being joined to ze crown. Why I would say ze zought irked him, ALMOST AS MUCH as ze rest of us hated how often his company enjoyed ze X collection. So he gave ze world a non-finish with so many straps left up in ze air, zat no XHF admin in zeir right mind would go after his world championship. Ze way zings were left... Vodka Fizz had ze strap. I was X*Crown champion back zen too. Let’s be honest, putting ze Fireside world title into MY collection by having a unification match with Fizz? It would have been like taking candy from a baby. I’m better zan zat. Ze X*Crown is better zan zat. More importantly... anyone who watched Blaze of Glory wanted you to finally win ZAT strap, Kanyon. Before ze barbecue...

The Barbecue. The BANG Bros gathering before Overheated in which an outrageous number of guest stars gave Steve Awesome pointers on how to effective Beat The Boss for the X*Crown. A strategy that proved effective for Steve, even if Zoran was left feeling ganged up on by half the Network. It is clearly still a sore subject for the champion.

Zoran Sainovic:
Yes, before ze barbecue... I had nothing but good will for you, Kanyon... despite ze company you kept. You already were ze Fireside world champion to many of us; you at least deserved to officially be acknowledged as it once. ...I’m glad I was able to give zat to you. So I let you have ze sitting duck zat was Vodka, knowing we would eventually get our chance at unification. It took a little longer zan I expected, but here we are...

See ze only zing zat Caff despised more zan ze idea of his Fireside world title being part of ze X*Crown, was ze thought of you, Kanyon, as world champion. You must have really rubbed him ze wrong way. I can’t zink of a person zat would upset him more zan YOU being ze one to bring HIS world title into ze crown...

...oh wait...

Me.

I can honestly say, nothing would piss Caff off more zan knowing zat it was Zoran Sainovic zat unified his championship.

You’ve met him, Kanyon. You know.

Frankly, given how hard he made you work for ze belt, I’m surprised you’re putting up a fight at all. Ze last laugh for all ze hoops he made you jump zrough? Letting me take it. You should WANT me to WIN, Kanyon. To piss off Caff... everyone else wants me to win for zat reason.

Enough of the log has burnt, that it collapses, crushing the ashes that used to be the enemies list.

Zoran Sainovic:

During ze End of Days tournament, I made a conscious decision to bury as many hatchets as possible before calling it a career. I’ve been running zrough every person who ever looked at me ze wrong way. I’m happy to say zat ze scales have almost balanced, but zere is one big name on zat list zat remains elusive. Anthony Caffrey cost me my first X*Crown, and created a federation zat was dedicated to ruining my corporate legacy by pointing out what a shit show I had been employed by. He has retired. How ze hell am I supposed to get even with zat prick?  "OH, Zoran but didn't you set him up to lose the crown to your son, Death Trap?  Wasn't that revenge enough?"  PLEASE.  Trap would have easily beaten him anyway, no, I still owe Caff... but how to settle the score?

Subjugating his world is my only option.

So you see, Kanyon, I need zis win. You want a feel good BANG Bro moment for one last crown victory? See me in February, but for my peace of mind, ze history books need to show zat I beat you to bring Fireside under heel zis Martin Luther King day.

Besides... as long as you come to ze crown wearing zat strap, you come as a Fireside talent. Speaking for ze entire XHF, let me say, Fireside had a few too many names attached to my crown’s roll call... MYŌJIN, Kid Valentine, your boy Spike, Constantine twice... zey had five champions over ze course of six months... so I hope you understand why for ze sake of TAP OUT, HARDKORE WORLD, WRESLE: UK, UOW, AND EVEN FUCKING CAR... to just name ze active ones... for all ze many deserving federations zat haven’t enjoyed a single reign with ze crown... 

...Zat it’ll be a cold day in hell before we see YET ANOTHER Fireside X*Crown champion.

The champion appears to be in one of his stabbing moods.

“Fire going?”

A singsong voice snaps him out of it. Rose enters the living room from the kitchen. Zoran turns to his wife with a smile.

Zoran Sainovic:

Dinner smells delicious.

Rose:

The fish will be finished in twenty. Guests should be here shortly.

Zoran Sainovic:

Can I help with anything?

Rose:

Just double check the washroom, make sure Oliver didn’t leave any toys out...

Zoran Sainovic:

On it-

Rose:

And Jim, this isn’t a work function. Put that camera away.

Jim Smalls:

Yes, sorry Rose.

Rose:

My friend Helen has been looking forward to meeting you. She’ll be here soon, get out from behind the camera.

Jim Smalls:

We were just...

The Final Boss shoots his long suffering videographer a look, which is enough to get the image to lower down to hip level.

Zoran Sainovic:

Is something burning?

Rose:

My sauce!

As Rose hurries back to the kitchen, The Final Boss starts climbing the stairs to the second floor. The camera shakes, as Bill begins to turn it off.

Zoran Sainovic:

Keep it running-

Jim Smalls:

But Rose said-

Zoran Sainovic:

You zink I want to be recording a whole new promotional piece? Zis is my private time. I try to make clear divisions between my public and private lives, unlike a certain former president I could mention. Unfortunately it turns out zat election where I only received 21.43 percent of ze vote isn’t considered canon. I blame the BORGS.  If it was all just a stupid dream, why not make ze results closer I ask you? Give me my dignity against Kanyon!  So now we edit out zat segment, and we’ll replace references to it before ze other guests arrive – keep shooting. Now-

“VOTE FOR MEEEE. I’D VOTE FOR YOU!”

Tripping, Zoran face plants on the stairs, almost breaking his neck.

Zoran Sainovic:

Fu-

Turning, he uses his working hand to rub his throbbing ankle. What did he just step on?

“VOTING IS FUN, VOTE TWICE FOR MEEEEE!”

Reaching down, Zoran picks up a talking Curtis plushy. A toy that Oliver left on the stairs. It is a good thing that Zoran almost killed himself on it instead of a dinner guest. Imagine the lawsuit. Oh well, beats the hell out of LEGO. Placing the doll under his arm, Sainovic limps up the last of the stairs.

Zoran Sainovic:

You know Curtis... while my bad blood is with ze other members of your little faction... I always saw you as ze closest zing I had to a rival in ze XHF. As industry trends started courting smaller athletes, ze two of us stood tall as ze last true heavyweights. Ze physicality of our styles focused more on results zan flash. More zan zat, we carried ourselves with a certain dignity zat was clearly lacking elsewhere...

Rounding a banister, Sainovic inspects the guest washroom for any signs of toys.

Zoran Sainovic:

Not to mention ze nature of our... professional status.

Happy that the rest of the home looks fit for company, Sainovic wanders further down the hallway with the lonesome plush toy in hand.

Zoran Sainovic:

Our business of choice enjoys prominently featuring authority figures. From referees, managers, owners, Network administrators... all ze way down to commissioners. It’s a constant pissing contest, defining oneself based on authority only to have to bow to ze wishes of seven other guys who are higher on ze corporate ladder. Ze XHF has more of zese paper pushing warriors zan most... yet no matter what ze job title... regardless of ze power, perceived or otherwise... 

...We would all come up short to a President.

Opening his son’s door, Zoran Sainovic steps into the room.

It is chalk full of more President Curtis Kanyon merchandise than anyone knew existed. There are still some Steve Awesome action figures and posters, Oliver’s previous obsession – but now they mainly function in a tag team capacity with the Presidential merch.

Zoran Sainovic:

How was I supposed to compete with zat?

Sighing. Clearly depressed entering his son’s shrine to the hated BANG brains. Body language agonized far worse than any physical abuse he’s recently suffered, a slumped over Final Boss shuffles across his boy’s domicile – and comes to a rest on the bed. So depressed he can barely sit upright, Zoran stares down at the Pollin’ Curtis D. Kanyon Plush Doll – squeezing it for a response.

Pollin Curtis D.:

“Don’t be a dope, register to vote – for meeeee.”

Zoran Sainovic:

As sweet as it would be to upset Caffrey one last time... and bring smiles to ze faces of ze entire XHF zat desperately want to see zat? I find myself conflicted. Beating you, Kanyon, will disappoint my boy. He thinks quite highly of you. I don’t get it either, but it puts me in an uncomfortable situation. When you have kids you’ll understand, Kanyon. Zeir happiness means everything.

Pollin Curtis D.:

“Down for the REEEEEEEEEEEEECOUNT!”

Zoran Sainovic:

See I still have some trauma as it relates to Overheated. My need to be a fighting champion is at odds with ze humiliation of losing ze crown right before ze big stage. For everything I accomplished zis year, not being a part of Night of Champions was a truly humiliating experience. One zat you played no small part in. A slight I would certainly like to rectify. Worse zan ze loss to Steve, worse zan ze submission, worse zan losing ze crown – was a network event less zan two weeks later, rubbing my face in ze defeat. Now on ze eve of Supremacy, I find myself placed in ze same situation. Much like ze Steve loss was ultimately at a date suggested by him, ze timing of zis defence has also been decided by yourself. You couldn’t wait for February. It was very important for you to get zis on ze books before ze BIG STAGE. Perhaps you didn’t trust me to successfully survive ze big night? Zat is fair. Or maybe, you expect Steve Awesome to beat me... and didn’t want ze feel bad taint of unifying ze strap at his expense.

Pollin Curtis D.:

“The Electoral College can suck my Deeeeeeeeeee!”

Kids like the dumbest shit.

Zoran Sainovic:

So you’ve put me in ze exact same situation as I was in at Overheated, Kanyon. Do I give all ze Curtis D. fans a feel good moment, even zough it will cause me ze kind of mental anguish zat is hard to come back from? Zat is a question.

Pollin Curtis D.:

“I feel like sleeping on the stairs, can you leave me thereeeeeeee?”

Jesus Christ. That is insidious. Where the hell did this toy come from? Taken aback, Zoran leaves the CHUCKYesque political plushy on his son’s pillow and rises.

Zoran Sainovic:

Like any good politician, I could roll with ze Steve loss. But zat barbecue beforehand? In which a dozen XHF superstars all helped Steve brainstorm ways to beat me? Dedicating an hour of Network television to zat drivel? Zat was pushing it. As ze brains behind ze BANG, it also had your fingerprints all over it, Kanyon. I figure I owe you something for zat...

Looking around at the mountain of Kanyon merchandise, Zoran calculates in his head the exact percentage of Curtis’ royalties that personally came out of The Final Boss’ pocket. He’ll add that to the receipt.

Zoran Sainovic:

Even after everything you did to me, I still WON ze Civil War Games for you... and how did you repay me? Tried to undermine my title defence with your Bear necessities shenanigans.

You can act hurt zat I helped Goldbear II – you can act indignant zat I appeared at your Bear Mitzvah, and complain how I didn’t see how much ze Bear Necessities division meant to you. Tell me zis, Curtis. Are you defending a human belt against a human belt? Zen you might just be a man. Not much of a man, mind you, but more human zan bear. Zere are many human championships. I am about to be ze proud protector of TWENTY ZREE of zem. Bears only have one championship to call zeir own.

What you were attempting to perpetrate was cultural misappropriation. Its generally frowned upon zese days, so it’s little wonder you were so horny for it. Goldbear II might live a charmed life consuming nothing but honey and children, when not defecating in ze forest – but he has less opportunities for professional wrestling advancement zan you or I... it’s true... and to try to take one of his few venues away from him? Zat was monstrous, Curtis.

...Look at me on zis soapbox... you got me sounding like Caff.

Zat’s low, you son of a bitch.

I could kill you for zat.

Crossing the room, Zoran turns out the light. Leaving the Kanyon shrine to re-enter the second floor hallway.

Zoran Sainovic:

So for BEARS everywhere, I’m going to make a man out of you. And I’m not going to plot how I take you down at a social gathering, Curtis. Not going to get a dozen XHF stars to all chime in on your weak points. I'm better zan zose brainstorms.  I hope I don’t see ze BANG Bros offering input on our match. Stand on your own two feet, Kanyon – for once in your miserable existence. Delegating to guest stars is cowardly. Same goes for our contest, ze minute one of your “boys” shows up – who cares about ze end result, because ...even in victory... unable to stand on your own two feet, like a bear, were you ever really champion?

DING DONG!

The doorbell.

Zoran Sainovic:

Now if you’ll excuse me, Kanyon, I’m having a dinner party. Unlike your BANG Bros barbecues, when I have social events – I don’t talk shop. I know ze concept must be foreign to you. Shocking isn’t it? Conversing with other people about zings other zan wrestling. See I can have friends without discussing ze finer nuances of how zey’ll circumvent reality to somehow beat zeir betters in a wrestling ring. You BANG Bros should try it sometime...

With that The Final Boss gestures for the camera to cut, and heads down the stairs. It takes a few minutes for Jim Smalls to play with the settings, and he’s about to power down when the door swings open.

“FEED ME!”

Something about the booming voice causes Smalls to pause. Bringing the camera back to the ready, the videographer marches down the stairs to find a certain dracolich trying to force his way through the front door, while Sainovic holds him back.

Zoran Sainovic:

Not a chance.

Dinosaur Bones:

GOOD EVENING FELLOW FLESHINGS, MIGHT I JOIN YOU THIS SUPPING HOUR? I HAVE BROUGHT LIBATIONS-

A tiny T-Rex arm thrusts out a dead squirrel, holding the neck like it was a bottle of fine wine.

Dinosaur Bones:

AND FOR THE LADY APE OF THE HOUSE-

The other tiny T-Rex arm trusts out a second dead squirrel, with its tail sticking up like flowers.

Zoran Sainovic:

Beat it. We’re having a dignified dinner party with decent people. I’m not going to have you drooling all over ze Goldsteins.

Dinosaur Bones:

GOLDSTEINS? COUPLE OF PRIMATES, HAIRY, WALKED ON THEIR HIND QUARTERS?

Zoran Sainovic:

Mark and Cynthia Goldstein, yes.

Dinosaur Bones (belch):

THEY WILL BE JOINING US IN AIR PARTICLE SPIRIT.

Zoran Sainovic:

Seriously Bones, fuck off before you upset my wife-

Jim Smalls:

Wait, this isn’t Helen is it?

Worst blind date ever.

Zoran Sainovic:

Of course not-

Dinosaur Bones:

DID SHE LOOK LIKE AN APE?

Jim Smalls:

I hope not.

Zoran Sainovic:

...yes.

Dinosaur Bones (drooling):

HELEN WILL NOT BE JOINING US.

Zoran Sainovic:

Please tell me you didn’t eat my whole god damned dinner party!

Dinosaur Bones:

WHO ELSE IS THERE?

With that, the massive dracolich pushes his way into the open concept Sainovic living room. Before Zoran can stop him, the beast lumbers over to the dining room table. The chair shatters under the beasts’ weight. Fortunately the skeletal tail props the Dread Lord upright. The splitting of wood is enough to get Rose out of the kitchen.

Rose:

Really?  Honey, you promised!

Zoran Sainovic:

I know- zis wasn’t expected-

Dinosaur Bones:

YOUR APE SPOUSE LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT.

Rose (choosing to ignore the dead T-rex):

You said, no wrestling tonight!

Zoran Sainovic:

I know, I know... give me a minute.

Dinosaur Bones:

FORGIVE THE INTRUSION MRS. APE; I WAS IN THE FIEFDOM WHEN THE SMELL OF YOUR COOKING BECKONED ME- LIKE THE BLOOD OF FIVE THOUSAND VIRGINS!

Zoran Sainovic:

You are not helping!

The Dread Lord offers Rose one of the dead squirrels. Probably the one for smelling and not drinking. As a fire alarm goes off, she races back to the kitchen.

Rose:

Five minutes.

Nodding, then starring daggers at his unwanted guest. The Final Boss pulls up a chair next to the monster, looking to mock a certain forth of july source of pain.

Dinosaur Bones:

SHALL WE ENGAGE IN THE RITUAL SMALL TALK BEFORE COMMENCING WITH THE TRADITIONAL KILLING FIELDS?

Jim Smalls:

I wouldn’t mind chatting instead of the death part...

Dinosaur Bones:

I AM WELL VERSED IN FLESHING CONVERSATION SKILLS. …DON’T YOU HATE IT WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT IN SOMEONE’S TEETH?

Zoran Sainovic:

We were actually talking about... presidential assassination.

Dinosaur Bones:

A SUBJECT CLOSE TO MY HEART. THE FOOL. THAT IS NO EXIT.

Zoran Sainovic:

No presidents you have already consumed. Let’s say a former president... like Curtis D. Kanyon... how would you go about destroying him.

Dinosaur Bones:

HAVE YOU TRIED BASING HIM IN MARMALADE?

Zoran Sainovic:

He thinks he’s a bear, and would just eat it.

Dinosaur Bones:

IF HE IS A BEAR THAT MAKES IT MUCH EASIER. HE SHOULD JUST BE HIBERNATING AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. ASLEEP, THE FURRY CRITTER WON’T EVEN KNOW YOU’RE EATING IT. FAR LESS HAIR TO PICK OUT OF YOUR CRAW THAN THE APES THAT ROAM AROUND THIS TIME...

Jim Smalls:

I bet.

Zoran Sainovic:

I can't do it.  Insights from other stars. Man I hated zat fucking barbecue...

The Final Boss is still fighting in his head over it. The tone of the room getting grim, uncomfortable, Dinosaur Bones rises...

Dinosaur Bones:

PERHAPS YOUR WIFE NEEDS A HAND WITH THE HORDERVES-

Zoran’s one working eye flinches.

SMASH CUT.

An exterior shot of the majestic Sainovic estate – just as Dinosaur Bones is thrown through the front window.

Zoran Sainovic:

You’re really asking for it-

Climbing through the broken glass out onto his front lawn, Zoran Sainovic swings a large roast beef like it was a mace. Quickly back to its feet, the dracolich snaps away – only to be beaten back by the wall of tough meat. It could die happy this time.

Rose:

One nice dinner with friends...

Slapping the beast across the face with the roast a few more times, Sainovic notices how distressed his wife is – then hurls the meat across the yard like he was John Elway. Thinking only with its theoretical stomach, Dinosaur Bones chases after the meal. As the beast runs up the yard, Sainovic turns back to his wife.

Zoran Sainovic:

I’m so sorry hon.

Rose:

Was it too much to ask?

Zoran Sainovic (holding his wife’s hand):

We’re almost out dear. I promise, no more travelling, none of zis. We’re almost done. For now, let me get zat zing away from ze house.

Nodding, Rose heads back inside. 

The Final Boss doesn’t know how much longer he can go on disappointing his loved ones. Like the beast rolling around the lawn trying to swallow a whole roast without chewing, Zoran Sainvovic’s time passed long ago. His continued presence can be chalked up to trying to end things on his terms. Did those terms ever truly exist, or did he just make them up as an excuse to continue these misadventures? Feeling his wife’s pain, Zoran shakes his head.


Jim Smalls:
You holding up?

Zoran Sainovic:

I can’t keep zis up much longer. ...I’m trying to find an out. Burning ze candle at both ends, reasoning zat ze more broken down I get, ze more I can justify zat last exit.  Finding zat last opponent worthy of putting me down...

Kanyon.

No, Curtis. ...When I look at ze XHF, and ze guys who could convincingly beat me for ze crown... send me out on a competitive loss, where I could just walk away with my head held high, calling it a career without ze need for a violent reprisal... you are one of ze very few zat fits ze bill, Curtis.

In fact, I think I might like it if you defeat me for zis Crown...

...ze problem is...

...You already beat me for it...

………...You just wasted zat win on someone else.

It all comes back to the barbecue.  Overheated will not be repeated. Clearly blaming Kanyon for the BBQ roast that got Steve the winning strategy, the hatred is real. Fool me once. Sainovic will defend at Supremacy. 

With that Zoran gives the camera the kind of look that suggests he is planning to piss on Kanyon’s grave. Message delivered, The Final Boss turns his rage to the monster in his yard. Another defence. Another name to be crossed off the list. As Sainovic charges towards the creature, the camera fades to black.