Cuppa Changes (xcrown supremacy rp2)
Jan 24, 2023 2:40:15 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 2 more like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Jan 24, 2023 2:40:15 GMT -5
“So Mister Lerr. What did you think of the Kitchen Chaos movie?”
They both sat inside Todd Lerr’s office. He’s got a stern look on his face between spoonfuls of his lunch being fed to him by his assistant.
“Well I’ll be honest and say I didn’t like it.”
Todd Lerr takes another spoonful.
“Mmm peas and carrots. Love it.”
Steve thought this was a little strange. But he figured if he didn’t draw attention to it, he could avoid offending the man helping him.
“But I also didn’t hate it. I think with just a few tiny changes that I’ve suggested, we can really boost up your film and get it on the Oscar level.”
Steve is handed a sheet of paper with the proposed changes to his film. Steve raised a hesitant eyebrow as he read.
“Are you sure about these?”
“Steve, you said you were willing to do anything to win that Oscar. Some of this stuff isn’t even that hard. You gotta learn to trust me. I’m going to make you into the Hollywood player you’ve always dreamed of.”
“Nope! I don’t like these changes one bit!”
Spike said sternly. We fade into the Kitchen Force studio, Spike, dressed in his The Toaster costume walks over and stands next to El Combatiente and Javier who were also in costume. Curtis walks up, rubbing his fake goatee.
“What gives anyway? I thought we wrapped up shooting, already. Now we’re back doing these changes?”
Javier listened to EC and nodded in agreement.
“El Combatiente wants to know “what happened to going by the script?”
Steve holds his arms up and steps back.
“I know, I know. It’s not really my style to go back and reshoot. But these are just some simple changes that have been suggested to me that can’t help turn this movie into an Oscar winner!”
The others glance at each other.
“Honestly, I don’t think some of the changes are that bad.”
Spike shook his head.
“You can honestly look at that terrible cgi abomination and tell me it’s not so bad!?”
Spike points directly at the brand new “cute mascot” of Kitchen Force. MAYONNAISE! A half dog, half alien, half phallic creature that can turn itself into the kitchen condiment at will. The white gooey dog smiles with human teeth.
Mayonnaise: MEESA GONNA SELLA MERCHANDISE! WOOOOWWWWWWWW!”
Spike instantly lunges for the thing to kill it but EC and Javier hold him back!
“Okay, so some things will take some getting used to. But I’m telling you guys, Mr. Lerr has a track record a mile wide. He’s got plenty of awards himself and can call the next big movies months in advance. He knows his stuff.”
Is this guy for real? Or is this going to be another Rat Bastard situation all over again? I told you so, by the way.
Steve pointed at him.
“That’s it, you used up both your I told ya so’s.”
Kanyon snapped his fingers.
“Damn it! I had a good idea for mine! I should have saved it!
Steve sighs.
“I know it’s a bit weird. But I’ve never won any movie awards for any of my movies before. Maybe just adding a few of these changes could be the reason I actually got nominated. Or even more, win one!”
“Besides…”
Steve looks down and glances at the new mascot. For a creature made of mayonnaise it sure had some weird places to have fur on it.
“It’s kinda cute….ya know….if you don’t look at it for too long….”
Steve looks away from the terrible cgi Pokémon from hell and shudders. Spike walks up and puts his arm around Steve.
“Well I’m with you, bro. Whatever you want to do, it’s your movie.
"Me too, A-Dawg!"
Yo también mi amigo.
Just…don’t ever put me in a scene with that ungodly nightmare!”
Spike points at Mayonnaise who looks up, smiles and shouts his catchphrase.
“WOOKIE BOOKIE BOOOOOO!”
It takes all three Bros, Javier and the entire movie crew to pull Spike away from utterly destroying Mayonnaise!
Fade.
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
Steve sings.
🎼COPYCAT, CO-PY-CAT🎼
🎼What are they telling you?🎼
Steve is strumming an acoustic guitar.
🎼COPYCAT, You can’t win!🎼
Steve leans into the microphone to finish his musical number.
🎼Cuz your dumb as shiiiit!”🎼
Steve bows his head and sets the guitar down.
“Thank you, thank you. That song was called “delivering bad news to a dear friend” . It's from my emo album “Bleeding Red Blood” and it’s dedicated to a person who I consider a friend. Yeah, I mean not a best friend or anything or someone I’d want to hang out with or really seen together in public or anywhere really but I’m okay with letting people know I know him. Anyway, it’s Copycat.”
Steve cleared his throat and looked into the camera.
“That song was dedicated to Copycat.”
He sighs and nods.
“Now Copycat, you know I have your best interests in mind, right? It’s why we got that totally fair and legit deal where if you were to miraculously win the XCrown Championship you’d grant me part ownership. I’ll just be champion and you could totally just go fuck off somewhere and nobody would miss ya!”
Steve smiles and gives the camera a thumbs up.
“Not a care in the world, while your old buddy did all the work. And if I win, I’ll let you touch the belt or something. I don’t know, I haven’t thought it out all the way, but I think you better take that deal and sit back and watch as I win the Crown for a third time. I mean, being able to get some free touches in is probably the best you're gonna do, Copycat.”
Steve smirked.
“Because let’s face it man, you aren’t going to win. No way. Not a chance.”
He shook his head vehemently.
“Don’t believe the internet, don’t believe the hype. Don’t get carried away by the rumors and the crazy people thinking that someone like you could ever possibly pull off some kind of Cinderella underdog victory.”
Steve laughs, shakes his head and waves his arms back and forth.
“As your buddy, Copycat, I’m here to tell you those people are fucking morons, bro. Look at you…”
Steve held back his laughter.
“You couldn’t pull off a Cinderella underdog victory even if your fairy godmother stumbled in shit faced and turned everyone into pumpkins half way through the match.”
Steve sighs.
“I mean no offense or anything, I’m only telling you this because I care about you, Copycat, but take it from me…”
He counts off his fingers.
“You're not funny.”
One.
“You’re not charming.”
Two.
“There is absolutely no way there is a mass of people rallying behind you, hoping to see you do the unthinkable. You are just imagining that, bro.”
Three.
“You smell like stale farts.”
Four.
“Nobody really likes you, except for me,.... kinda.”
Five.
“I could go on but I think you get the point. So just stop it.”
Steve cuts through the air with his hand.
“There isn’t gonna be an upset. You may as well stay asleep because that’s the only way you're going to see your dreams. You are going to go home empty handed and you are going to realize you were in over your head. You are going to realize what I already know. Jokes like you don’t win championships.”
He slowly shook his head.
“Besides,”
He smirks and points to himself.
“Everyone knows that I’M the funny one, anyway.”
Steve runs a palm through his hair and blows off his fingernails.
“Your jokes are weak. They don’t even measure up to my punchlines. I’m like Kevin Hart and you are like Kevin James.”
Steve nods his head.
“And most importantly Copycat, I’m coming to the Ball Arena with every single intention of ripping through everyone that gets in my way! If you even think about entertaining that stupid idea you have of scoring an upset I will shove a Turkey baster so far up your pee hole, it will take three doctors just to find it!”
Steve glares into the camera.
“I will leave you laying in a pile of your own wretched filth!”
Steve stepped forward, he slowly removed his sunglasses. He had that crazy look in his eye.
“I will throw you a birthday party, invite no one and then blow out your birthday candles on your cake before you get a chance!”
Steve slowly nods his head.
“You don’t want that smoke, Copycat. Your fragile sweet little heart couldn’t take it. I’d do anything to win the XCrown Championship and that includes stuffing your hand in the garbage disposal and turning it on.”
Steve nods.
“I’m just telling you all this as your buddy.
“You are in over your head, Copycat. And next weekend at the Ball, I’m gonna kick it right off your shoulders.”
Crotch chop.
Fade into a seedy bar somewhere in Hollywood. Steve Awesome was sitting with Todd Lerr at a table near the wall. The server walks up to the table.
“Excuse me sir, you aren’t allowed to bring your chi-oh Todd Lerr! My apologies sir! I’ll grab the usual for the table!”
Todd gives the server a nod. It definitely made Steve feel better to see other people treat Todd with respect. It made Steve feel odd that Todd insisted on sitting in a booster chair, but he just ignored it and kept things moving.
“You may not believe me, but there are plenty of members of the Academy in this very bar.”
Steve glances around. None of the patrons seemed like a movie buff in this bar.
“You wouldn’t recognize them even if you knew. They gotta stay hidden so people won’t try to sway their votes.”
Steve nodded his head. Made sense.
“But more importantly Steve, the Academy doesn’t know you.”
Steve’s jaw drops.
“They don’t!? I thought I was getting a lot of traction in the indie scene!”
Todd shook his oversized head.
“Nope. As a matter of fact, I looked into it and it turns out you're generally an asshole and borderline unlikable.”
Steve’s jaw drops even further.
“Who me!?”
Todd nods his head.
“Yeah you. But it’s okay, because you got me on your side and I can help fix that issue. You just have to trust me, okay?”
“Okay. I trust you.”
“Good. Now go punch that special needs kid over there in the face.”
“What!? Why!? How will that make anyone like me!?”
“Don’t ask questions and just do it! Show me how far you are willing to take things to be the best.”
Steve sighs and walks slowly toward the table where the innocent special needs child was sitting. Steve sighs and tries to justify it in his head!
“It’s just like punching Copycat! It’s just like punching Copycat!
Steve repeatedly told himself. As Steve approached the young child looked at him with awe in his eyes.
“Woah it’s Steve Awesome! My favorite wrestler! My mom said I’d never meet you in person. But she also said I wouldn’t live past the new year but here I am.”
The special needs kid laughs and then falls into a terrible coughing fit. Steve looks back at Todd who gives him a thumbs up. Steve sighs and briefly reflects on the type of person he was inside and how important it was for him to win an Oscar.
Then he drills that poor child right between the eyes!
The kid tips over in his chair and collapses to the floor! Suddenly a gun comes spilling out of his shirt! A server screams!
“He’s got a gun!!”
All of a sudden the other person that was at the table starts shooting! It was some type of blaster gun and it was blowing large holes in the wall centimeters away from where Steve was as he ran through the bar!
“What the fuck! I’m being shot at! Don't kill me, I'm important to wrestling!
ZIIIING!!!!!
ZIIIING!!!!!
Steve narrowly dodges, having his head laser gun’d off and flies behind a table where Todd Lerr is sitting. The strange baby man is eating his dinosaur shaped nuggets and clutching a glowing necklace in his other hand.
“What the hell is going on!? You didn’t tell me those guys had weapons!”
Todd Lerr giggles.
“It’s okay Steve! You are doing just fine! Relax.”
“RELAX!?”
Steve says as he starts to feel the panic set it.
“Those dudes are shooting LASER GUNS at me and you are telling me to relax!?”
“Trust me, Steve! You are doing just fine! Now quickly throw this fork at the guy with the gun and then read this quote off this piece of paper.”
Todd tucks the glowing necklace into his adorable little suit and then hands Steve a fork and a folded up piece of paper!
“This is for the Oscar, Steve!”
Steve decides he’s already gone too far into this not to throw the fork. Steve quickly pops up from behind the table and chucks the fork! Somehow, the handle of the fork gets itself wedged into the barrel of the laser gun! The gunman staggered back and before he could help himself the laser gun backfired and exploded in his face! The gun falls to the ground in a fiery chunk and the gunman screams and claws at his burning face! He staggers back in immense pain and collapses into a motionless husk. That’s when the fork comes falling down and impales itself into the side of his face.
Steve and everyone else just stands there. Eyes wide on terror at what they’ve all just witnessed. Nobody knows what to say at this moment but suddenly Steve feels Todd Lerr tug on his shirt.
“The paper, Steve. Say the line!”
Steve pulls the paper out of his pocket, opens it up, and reads the words out loud.
“Stick a fork in him….he’s dead.”
Suddenly everyone in the bar started laughing hysterically. Steve seemed mortified as he turned and looked at Todd Lerr.
“What in the fuck just happened?”
Todd Lerr shrugged and laughed along with the crowd.
“Who cares, kid, you're a hit!”
Steve looked around the room. The laughing people. He turned to see some people clapping . He panned the room to see them all smiling and nodding and giving them his approval. He turned to see Todd giving him the thumbs up. Maybe this wasn’t so bad? Maybe he was overthinking things? Maybe Todd knew what he was talking about? Steve turned again.
Oh right the flaming carcass.
What the fuck, bro!?
Fade.
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
“Raiden Ishimori.”
Steve smirks into the camera and then shakes his head.
“Don’t worry man, I’m not going to go the obvious route and say you're boring. Talk about how you have no soul or personality to speak of. I’m not going to be an asshole like the other people in this match and say you are a black hole for charisma. People become physically older after watching your promos.”
Steve shakes his head again.
“I’m not going to go that route because it’s honestly not fair to Raiden. It’s not his fault he doesn’t have a personality. What he lacks in sports entertainment value, he brings it back double in a rockin ass move set.”
Steve gives him the thumbs up.
“I dig it. A bunch of flippy dip ways to eventually drop the guy on their head with a ddt. I’m into it. I like the way you're wasting everyone’s time and stuff. Very nice.”
Steve rolled his eyes from behind his sunglasses and then shrugged.
“But hey, what do I know? Those back breakers have won him titles. He’s held on strong with the SCCW Double Down Titles. Maybe those yabba dabba ddts of his aren’t so bad since it got him here in the first place. Raiden Ishimori doesn’t need to have any personality because he’s all about business.”
Steve shrugs and nods.
“And business is pretty good if ya ask me.”
He shrugs again.
“I mean it’s not bad.”
“But the odds are against you to win, even less than Copycat and he’s an idiot.”
He breathes in through his teeth.
“You were the only guy on our team to get eliminated.”
He breathes in through his teeth even harder.
“And to be perfectly honest Raiden, a lot of people think you don’t have any business being in this match?”
Steve smiles and slaps his knee.
“Did you see what I did there? Man, I'm hilarious.”
He clears his throat.
“Ahem anyway, Raiden, I know you have your precious dream of finally becoming XCrown Champion but you should probably just give right up in that for Supremacy. This Kitchen Chaos match, it’s not a match for dreamers Raiden. It’s for doers.”
“I know you remember me from a main event I was in a couple years ago. But notice how nowadays you remember me from every main event!.”
He points to himself.
“That’s because I’m a doer.”
He nods his head.
“I don’t have dreams, I have Goals, Raiden. And I go out on every show and I achieve them. I don’t go around waiting for years, fading in and out of obscurity waiting for a chance to fall into my lap. That’s why I’m The Face of the Franchise and you are just another fancy wrestler in Vegas. You are going to realize that when I beat you and win the title from the weak link.”
He shrugs.
“You are a dreamer, Raiden.”
He points to himself again.
“I'm a “doer”. And if you don’t believe me….”
He pulled his shades down to the tip of his nose and winked over the rim.
“Ask Mama Ishimori. She’ll tell ya.”
He crotch chops.
Fade.
KITCHEN FORCE!!!!!!!!!!
AND MAYONNAISE
Fade into the end sequence where Knife pushes some buttons and checks radar mode while he’s inside the Knife Blockcopter.
Knife: Getting a read near you El Spatula.
El Spatula is seen flipping his way up a fire escape to get a better look.
El Spatula: ¡Tengo ojos en el perpetrador!
El Spatula looks again in shock.
El Spatula: ¡MAYONESA! ¡No! ¿¡Qué estás haciendo!?
Mayonnaise is seen running into a room right where the evil Carry Out was standing.
Mayonnaise: MEESA GONNA HELPA MY FRIENDS! NARF!!
Carry Out stands on his perch laughing maniacally.
Carry Out: ALLLLLLRIGHTY THEN!
Carry Out (being played this time by Jim Carrey ladies and gentlemen) puts a slice of pizza on his hilarious face.
Carry Out: Look at me, I’m pizza face!
He flails his limbs around and runs into the room that Mayonnaise was in.
Carry Out: what is this strange white goo? Is that? Is this mayo?
All of sudden Kitchen Force arrives and captures Carry Out. Cut to him tied up with the police nearby.
Carry Out: I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for Kitchen Force and that meddling dog Mayonnaise!
The gooey CGI dog smiles it’s creepy human grin and shouts it's catchphrase.
Mayonnaise: “WOOKIE BOOKIE BOOOOOO!”
The team and the cops explode into terribly forced laughter and the credits roll.
The End.
We fade into Steve Awesome handing one of Todd Lerrs assistants the newest reel with the changes made to his movie.
All they were supposed to do was that transfer but Steve was just too curious. He had to ask.
“Todd, what the hell happened back in that bar!? The guy, the fork….did you know what was going to happen?”
Todd laughed and shook his head.
“Listen Steve. I had no idea! But I’ll tell you this. You wanted to really get involved in what really goes down in Hollywood. That was just a glimpse.”
“But that guy had a laser gun. And I don’t think he is going to make it after what happened!”
This is Hollywood, Steve! People don’t care about stuff like that unless they can make money or good publicity on it. That guy was a nobody so it doesn’t matter here! But don’t worry. You did really well Steve. The members of the Academy really liked what they saw that night. Keep up the good work and we will be talking Oscar in no time.”
The window rolled up and the limo Todd was in drove off.
Steve had no idea what the hell happened at that bar or what to think about anything.
But at least he’s making progress toward an Oscar and going to whip ass and become XCrown Champ at Supremacy.
That’s still pretty good….
