Remember Who You Are (Copycat/Supremacy) [#5]
Jan 27, 2023 23:44:26 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Jan 27, 2023 23:44:26 GMT -5
The scene fades to Copycat and Tommy from Ring Crew in Copycat’s new sedan. Tommy’s sure to hit every single pothole on the way over so that this car can take as much damage as his mental wellbeing is by spending this amount of time with Copycat.
Copycat: You’re driving fast.
Tommy: Oh… Just want to make sure you’re not late.
Copycat points to his belly that’s protruding far past the seatbelt.
Copycat: I mean, we’re like a half mile away from the office and it doesn’t even start for another half hour.
Tommy: Well, you can never be too sure.
Tommy swerves around a car that’s driving too close to him. That’s when blue lights are flashing from behind them.
Copycat: Uh oh.
Tommy: Dude, what the FUCK?
Tommy from Ring Crew pulls over to the side of the road.
Copycat: Wait, I just realized. You can’t use my license to drive.
Tommy: Yeah, no shit!
Copycat: That means that you might get arrested and we can’t help me out during my appointment!
Tommy: It fucking su- …wait, what?
Copycat: Yeah, I was going to have you hold my hand when they look inside my butt to check on the baby. I’m not sure how pregnancy checkup appointments work on guys, but I imagine that’s how it starts.
Tommy: …You’re fucking with me.
Copycat: Now I don’t know what’s going to happen! If you’re arrested, what am I going to do?
Tommy actually starts to smile as an idea pops into his head. The cop arrives at the stopped car, outside of Tommy’s window.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Copycat: Officer, I’m soooooooooooo sorry! It was a mistake! See, my friend was trying to drive me to my doctor’s appointment because I’m pregnant and-
Tommy: I sped, circled around others, changed lanes without signaling, and probably a shit ton of other laws. You’re probably going to have to arrest me.
Officer: OK, I don’t know what that bald kid said but I’m going to have to just ignore that nonsense. As for an arrest, don’t worry. That looks like it’ll be a ticket at most, but don’t get ahead of yourself. If your friend has some sort of emergency situation, a warning may be necessary. License and registration, please.
Tommy hands the officer the required documents. The officer heads back to his cruiser in order to run the records through the computer.
Copycat: Hear that? Might be some good news! All you need to do is pretend like you’re my baby daddy!
Tommy: Copycat, I’m not doing that.
Copycat: Maybe in order to prove to them that you’re my baby daddy, you need to passionately kiss me. That’ll show them.
Tommy: That’s DISGUSTING. Maybe I’ll get arrested a different way. Maybe I have coke in my pockets somewhere.
Tommy from Ring Crew starts reaching into his pockets.
Copycat: I’m not sure that you can bribe an officer with soda. They usually prefer money. Anyways, you’re right. You’re right. I went a bit too far with my idea. How about this? If they ask if we’re sexually intimate, just say no and that we are saving ourselves for marriage.
Tommy: Can you please STOP?!
Copycat: No, you’re right. That doesn’t make sense. Because, y’know, pregnancy. Alright, so what we’ll need to do is.
Officer: Sir?
Tommy turns his head and finds the Officer standing there, having come back from the record search.
Officer: Yeah so we ran your license and it says here that it’s suspended.
Tommy leans over to the window and leans his wrists into the opened window.
Tommy: Yeah, I get how this works. I’m under arrest. I have the right to remain silent. Everything I say can be used against me in a court of law. Blah blah bl-.
Officer: But in light of this medical situation with your partner and everything, I’m going to let you go with a warning. Maybe they could drive the car if they’re feeling alri-
The officer is cut off as Tommy reaches over and punches the cop in the face. Tommy then gets out of the car and puts his hands behind his back. The cop quickly recovers and begins putting him into handcuffs. Copycat flinches.
Copycat: Oh wow! That’s more surprising than the time Dylan Black when he wasn’t seeing Terry Bradshaw having sex with Shang Tsung, his blow-up doll, but said that he was in hell just because he was playing with goblins and gargoyles and… wait, that’s not fair. How come Dylan has millions of dollars in his budget for his promos when I travel for XHF Network events, I don’t even get to have a plane ticket and I have to be stowed away with the luggage? Or does he pay for this out of pocket. Maybe he uses his paychecks to fund this gargantuan ask for his promos. That’d certainly explain why he still lives at home with his mom. Man, I wish I could live at home with my parents again. Lucky kid.
At this point, the cop finally got Tommy from Ring Crew fully handcuffed, onto his feet and pressed against the cop car. He’s searching Tommy and was already in the middle of his Miranda warning speech.
Officer: -you can’t afford an attorney, one will be provided to you.
Copycat: Oh! Ask for Larry! He’s my best budd-
Tommy: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! FOR ONCE, JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!
Copycat: Oh. Okay then.
Officer: Do you have any weapons or narcotics on you at all?
Tommy: Dude, just put me into the back of this car and take me away.
Officer: Well I gotta keep searching you still.
The officer continues the search. He keeps going with nothing of note until he stops at a suspicious bulge in his right pocket.
Officer: What’s this? Is this a…
The officer pulls the item out.
Officer: …A can of Coca Cola?
Tommy looks up at Copycat, who playfully winks at him.[
Copycat: I know you were talking about coke the other day so I decided to surprise you! When you weren’t looking, I put it into your pocket. You know I got you, buddy!
Tommy: …
That’s when Tommy from Ring Crew lunges at Copycat at full speed. However, with the handcuffs and the police officer being right there, he doesn’t get very far before being tackled down by the police officer.
Officer: Alright, enough of this crap! You’re going to jail, buddy!
The officer turns toward Copycat.
Officer: Sir, if I were you, I’d just head out.of here.
Copycat nods. He switches to the driver’s side and heads off.
Copycat: Speaking of Dylan, I thank him kindness, but I think he thinks that I think I’m an idiot. …Wait, did I say that right?
He pauses.
Copycat: Anyways, he’s talking about how I’M the most dangerous person in the match. Then he immediately tries to butter me up. Dang it, Dylan. How am I supposed to concentrate when you’re trying to be best buddies with me! First Zoran, now you! I really appreciate you trying to spread the love here, especially when you’re talking about how everyone’s trying to kill each other! …Weirdly, most of the killing involves Steve Awesome on one end or the other. Funny how that goes.
Copycat strokes his chin for a moment, until he realizes he’s in the middle of the road with no hands on the wheel and he’s veering out of his lane. He corrects himself.
Copycat: But don’t think that just because you say a couple of nice things that you’re suddenly my best buddy. I won’t betray my REAL best buddy, Larry! We go way back - and our friendship is FLOURISHING! Why just a couple of days ago, I met his wife and we hung out too! But hey, maybe I’m being a jerk here. Look, if you’d like, you can totally hang out with me after the match. With Tommy from Ring Crew being out for a bit, we totally are going to have a free seat at the poker table of La Casa de Gato de Copiar! That means Copycat’s House, in case you didn’t know. But let’s start doing it after the match ends, shall we? I don’t want our friendship to get in the way of our match.
Copycat negligently parks like this as he gets into the parking lot.
He continues across the parking lot, nearly wobbling while holding his stomach.
Copycat: But, of course, you’ll have to apologize for one thing before we truly hang out and that’s your crazy claim that I’d let Mr. Bradshaw just HAVE my belt! Who do you think I am? Some kind of PUSHOVER?
Silence. If it was nice, crickets would be chirping.
Copycat: OK. I understand how silly what I just said sounded, but like’ COME ON! On the VERY FIRST MATCH OF AWF’S PRESTIGE, I got STABBED with a shiv that used to be part of a flagpole because I wouldn’t just hand the belt over to Mr. Bradshaw! So why would I just give the belt away!? If I walk out of Supremacy with the X*Crown Championship, I will ensure that I remain champion! After all, I would have earned it! This would have symbolized everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve suffered for and everything I’ve sacrificed for over six years! Heck, I’ve been a member of the XHF Network for almost twenty years and my greatest achievement was being in the quickest match in XHF Network history!
Copycat walks in through the doors of the building and walks up to the front desk.
Receptionist: Hello, can I help you?
Copycat: But let’s be honest, Dylan. You don’t need this belt. You’ve already had the belt twice before! I need this belt! I’ve had the X*Crown Championship how many times? Right, none! How about a world belt? Like the AWF Prestige Championship belt? Never! Maybe the AXW Undisputed Championship? The Tapout Openweight Championship? None! Perhaps I’d have a middle of the road belt. Like the AWF Midwest Championship, right? WRONG.
Receptionist: Uhhh… So do you have an appointment or…?
That’s when a second receptionist approaches the first.
Receptionist #2: Yeah, that’s the weird XHF Network wrestling guys I told you about.
Receptionist: Oh… Uh, sir. You can have a seat. Someone will be with you shortly.
Copycat walks over to his seat and sits down while still monologuing.
Copycat: Need this belt? To what - pad those numbers? I’m here to prove something, Dylan! I’m here to show that I’m not the joke everyone thinks I am! I’m here to keep fighting and find a way to validate myself and my life! I have my child, Copycat. And as you can see from my big ol’ belly over here, I’m also going to have a second child, so for me to be able to look them in the eyes and say, “I didn’t go through all of this suffering for nothing” means something! For me to be able to have a teachable moment when they’re facing something difficult and be the shining example to say, “Yeah, things are tough right now but I’m living proof that with great hard work comes great reward” is something that can be passed onto the next generation!
A nurse walks out with a clipboard.
Nurse: I’m looking for a… Copycat?
Copycat follows.
Copycat: So for you to say you need this belt, it’s something I need for you to apologize for. Because you may as well be Jeff Bezos who owns ten houses. You may as well be him, looking at a house and thinking, “I need that house!” when there are guys like me who spent over half a decade living in a cardboard box and eating ketchup packets for dinner!
Copycat sits down in the office and not too long later, the doctor walks in.
Copycat: Dylan, let’s be friends. I like you. We can chat more and have a good hug after the match and after we get past this little snafu. You know me. I think there’s too much animosity in wrestling. I think people all hate each other for no reason. We see each other as enemies, when we are merely opponents. Perhaps even rivals. Instead of trying to push each other down, we should help each other up. We can do that. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to help my baby.
Copycat turns towards the doctor.
Copycat: Heya! I’m Copycat and I’m having a baby! Let’s reach on in and see how the little fellais doing!
The scene fades to black.
Copycat walks out of the doctor’s office. His disposition has taken a 180. He hangs his head down and his smile has completely disappeared. He walks a couple of feet before looking up, where he notices the camera. He continues towards his car, outside.
Copycat: Oh… Hey. Didn’t quite see you there. Yeah, baby’s doing OK. …I suppose. I guess. I guess the issue is that wrestling is an inherently dangerous situation. They don’t want me doing it. And the more and more I think about it, maybe… Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m just what everyone’s saying. Maybe I’m a loser. Maybe I’m a waste of time. Maybe I’m that uncharming, unfunny bag of stale farts that couldn’t win if my fairy godparent stumbled in and had pumpkin …or whatever Mr. Awesome was talking about.
Copycat walks into his car. He turns the key.
Copycat: Alright, I suppose I’ll walk.
He slowly walks down the curb and drags his feet.
Copycat: I can’t keep Dylan, Raiden, Zoran or Steve from winning the match. All I can do is keep the people that I really care about from me. I couldn’t keep Larry around. When I showed up to his house, turns out he doesn’t live there anymore. I think his wife kicked him out for some reason. He changed his number too so I couldn’t reach him. And something tells me that Larry from Ring Crew may have gotten arrested on purpose just so he wouldn’t hang around me. It seems like after all of this, the only person who cares about me is… Well, no one. Because right now, even I don’t think I care all that much about me. Maybe the only reason I’m alive right now is that God doesn’t want me. Maybe the devil would think that if I end up there, I’d take his job for being the ultimate tormenter for all of eternity. Either way, no one wants me.
That’s when a car pulls over. It looks like…
The window opens and we see…
Bradshaw: I care, Copycat. I care.
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, how… Were you listening to every single word I just said? How is that possible?
Bradshaw: Easy.
Terry Bradshaw points to a television from the inside of his vehicle with the monitor showing the camera that’s currently pointing at Copycat.
Bradshaw: Copycat, my boy. Have I taught you nothing?
Copycat: Huh?
Bradshaw: What have I been saying for years now?
Copycat: That you’ve always wanted to bang Bobby Barratt’s dead wife, Jenny?
Bradshaw: That’s right. This time, you’re Terry Bradshaw and your opponents. They’re Jenny.
Copycat: This is such a weird analogy, I can’t-
Bradshaw: COME ON, COPYCAT! YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME!?
Copycat: I mean, that analogy sounds like a really bad jok-
Bradshaw: Copycat, you’re worth more than you know. And I can prove it!
Copycat: Tell me, Mr. Bradshaw. Give me a name. One name. One person. Who believes in me? Tell me!
Bradshaw: I’ll tell you more than just a name. I’ll tell you an entire group of people who believe in you. Car.
Copycat: …Like the car we’re sitting in? Cars are inanimate, Mr. Bradsha-
Bradshaw: No. CAR. Competitive Auto Racing.
Copycat: …Oh. They’d send anyone.
Bradshaw: Oh really? CAR, the company, would send just anyone? Is that why out of the dozen automotive teams who perform there, they’d choose YOU?
Copycat: Well, look at me. I mean, if we’re going to be honest with one another, my car doesn’t even have a combustible engine. I honestly make all those engine sounds.
Bradshaw: Yes, Copycat. We all know. You’re not fooling a single person with those sounds. Yes, you’re the only one without an engine, but have you ever won a race with the Copycorvette?
Copycat: I mean… Technically, I guess, but…
Bradshaw: But what? You think Mother The Car was just LETTING you win? Did you think the Angry Mad Chemists FORGOT how to science? Or was it Bad to the Bone with Lord Dominicus? Did you think that his heart suddenly grew three sizes and just gave you a win WITH THE KINDNESS OF HIS OWN HEART!?
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, you’re yellin-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts him with a slap across the face.
Bradshaw: You can do this, Copycat! You are the best that CAR has to offer! You are the high octane, oil-burning, trail-blazing son of a gun and all you need to do is SWITCH YOUR GEARS!
Copycat: Why are you yelling!? Stop tha-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts Copycat once more with another, even HARDER slap across the face.
Copycat: WHY DO YOU KEEP SLAPPING ME!?
Bradshaw: Because you’re selfish!
Copycat: HOW AM I SELFISH!?
Bradshaw: Zoran was right about you! Everything he said about you was right! Do you know how much CAR is gambling sending you out here? They sent out the single least-respected wrestler in the entire HISTORY of the XHF Network because they have THAT much faith in you! And how about the other wrestlers out there? They’re just aching for a chance for the X*Crown Championship to go to CAR for the first time ever! They sent you. YOU. They sent you because they believe that you’re the pregnant man for the job and instead of knowing your worth - the worth that no one else can see, you’re kicking rocks and feeling sorry for yourself! Don't prove Zoran right! You aren't here to be at the same level as him. You're here to be BETTER! You're here to be the BEST!
Copycat: But what about my baby, Mr. Bradshaw? What about my baby?!
Bradshaw: It’s a chance you got to take. If you back out now, the child you already have will think that you’re the same loser you always have been. If you back out, the match that you already WON would be for NO REASON. You competing has no guarantees. You aren’t guaranteed a win. You only have a guaranteed result when you choose to give up. You can go out there. And you can fight. And you can still have your baby, but first thing’s first, you need to FIGHT because if you don’t fight, you have NOTHING.
Terry Bradshaw parks the car.
Bradshaw: Get out.
Copycat: We are at…
Bradshaw: The Ball Arena. All of your CAR buddies are there. Your opponents, rivals, comrades, training partners. They’re all here and they’re here for you to give them assurance. They’re here so that they know that their faith in you is not misplaced.
Tears begins to well up in Copycat’s eyes,
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw…
Bradshaw: Go. Give hope to your people.
As Copycat opens the door, the the following song starts off at the tempo change:
Copycat immediately rushes in, bursting through the doors and finding random members from CAR. The first person he finds is Marty Donovan of Reedy Creek Wrestling. He grabs him by the shoulders and looks into his eyes.
Copycat: Hey, Marty! My name is Copycat, and I’m going to be your champion!
Marty: "Save me, Ollie! I'm being attacked by a meth zombie! Please don't eat my face. I'm still a couple episodes behind on Willow."
Copycat: No! No! Good things are happening! Don’t you worry! You can run through all the willows you want!
Copycat continues on until he finds the next CAR-friendly face. That is Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz of The Angry Mad Chemists. He holds him still with an excited embrace.
Copycat: Hey there, doctor! My name is Copycat and after Supremacy, I’m going to be your champion!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: "Aaaahhhh oh my what a weird... wait. MY champion??? Oh the day has finally come. A champion of my own just for me!!! Look at me now Roger! Yes my champion... incidentally how are you at exterminating secret agent platypi?"
Copycat: I don’t know what any of that means, but I’m very excited for your support! Thanks, doctor!
Copycat rushes forward. He finds himself slowing down from pain in the back due to the added weight that he’s carrying, but he grits his teeth and pushes forward. He finds the one and only Lord Dominicus from Bad to the Bone Racing. He catches him off-guard with a genuinely friendly hug.
Copycat: Hey there! My name is Copycat and at Supremacy, I’m going to be your champion!
Lord Dominicus is curt with his response.
Lord Dominicus: "HOW DARE YOU ASSUME TO CHAMPION ME! I am the DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK! If anything I should be YOUR champion! BEGONE lumpy peon and dare not trifle with me again!"
Copycat: Ahah! Oh you, Dom! Can I call you Dom? I think that’s a great name. Anyways, you would make a great rival! Let’s chat after I become the X*Crown Champion!
Copycat jogs off to find one more CAR performer. It’s Armbishi of the Esoteric Order of Driving!
Copycat: Hey there, Armbi… Ambish… Hey there, pal! My name is Copycat and I’m happy to represent you as the CAR representative for this match. I will make you proud when I win the X*Crown Championship!
Armbishi, who had been scrolling Furaffinity on his phone, is startled at being spun around and yelled at. However, there comes a glimmer of recognition in his eyes and he smiles.
Armbishi: Well we are the only two pregnant men to have competed in the XHF, so that would be pretty nice representation UwU!
He pats Copycat affectionately on the head and then wanders off towards catering. As he does so, Copycat uses the surging waves of adrenaline flowing through his veins. He continues forward up and down various flights of states until he’s in the main arena portion. There, he continues down the several flights of the final sets of stairs until he’s right there in the center of the action, where on Sunday January 29th, he will perform for the X*Crown Championship. He lets out a primal scream that shakes him to the very foundations of his core.
Copycat: MY NAME IS COPYCAT AND ON SUNDAY, I WILL BE YOUR CHAMPION!
Copycat lifts his arms up in the air. There's an eery silence filling the air, but Copycat is undeterred. Copycat has remembered who he is.
Fade out.
Copycat: You’re driving fast.
Tommy: Oh… Just want to make sure you’re not late.
Copycat points to his belly that’s protruding far past the seatbelt.
Copycat: I mean, we’re like a half mile away from the office and it doesn’t even start for another half hour.
Tommy: Well, you can never be too sure.
Tommy swerves around a car that’s driving too close to him. That’s when blue lights are flashing from behind them.
Copycat: Uh oh.
Tommy: Dude, what the FUCK?
Tommy from Ring Crew pulls over to the side of the road.
Copycat: Wait, I just realized. You can’t use my license to drive.
Tommy: Yeah, no shit!
Copycat: That means that you might get arrested and we can’t help me out during my appointment!
Tommy: It fucking su- …wait, what?
Copycat: Yeah, I was going to have you hold my hand when they look inside my butt to check on the baby. I’m not sure how pregnancy checkup appointments work on guys, but I imagine that’s how it starts.
Tommy: …You’re fucking with me.
Copycat: Now I don’t know what’s going to happen! If you’re arrested, what am I going to do?
Tommy actually starts to smile as an idea pops into his head. The cop arrives at the stopped car, outside of Tommy’s window.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Copycat: Officer, I’m soooooooooooo sorry! It was a mistake! See, my friend was trying to drive me to my doctor’s appointment because I’m pregnant and-
Tommy: I sped, circled around others, changed lanes without signaling, and probably a shit ton of other laws. You’re probably going to have to arrest me.
Officer: OK, I don’t know what that bald kid said but I’m going to have to just ignore that nonsense. As for an arrest, don’t worry. That looks like it’ll be a ticket at most, but don’t get ahead of yourself. If your friend has some sort of emergency situation, a warning may be necessary. License and registration, please.
Tommy hands the officer the required documents. The officer heads back to his cruiser in order to run the records through the computer.
Copycat: Hear that? Might be some good news! All you need to do is pretend like you’re my baby daddy!
Tommy: Copycat, I’m not doing that.
Copycat: Maybe in order to prove to them that you’re my baby daddy, you need to passionately kiss me. That’ll show them.
Tommy: That’s DISGUSTING. Maybe I’ll get arrested a different way. Maybe I have coke in my pockets somewhere.
Tommy from Ring Crew starts reaching into his pockets.
Copycat: I’m not sure that you can bribe an officer with soda. They usually prefer money. Anyways, you’re right. You’re right. I went a bit too far with my idea. How about this? If they ask if we’re sexually intimate, just say no and that we are saving ourselves for marriage.
Tommy: Can you please STOP?!
Copycat: No, you’re right. That doesn’t make sense. Because, y’know, pregnancy. Alright, so what we’ll need to do is.
Officer: Sir?
Tommy turns his head and finds the Officer standing there, having come back from the record search.
Officer: Yeah so we ran your license and it says here that it’s suspended.
Tommy leans over to the window and leans his wrists into the opened window.
Tommy: Yeah, I get how this works. I’m under arrest. I have the right to remain silent. Everything I say can be used against me in a court of law. Blah blah bl-.
Officer: But in light of this medical situation with your partner and everything, I’m going to let you go with a warning. Maybe they could drive the car if they’re feeling alri-
The officer is cut off as Tommy reaches over and punches the cop in the face. Tommy then gets out of the car and puts his hands behind his back. The cop quickly recovers and begins putting him into handcuffs. Copycat flinches.
Copycat: Oh wow! That’s more surprising than the time Dylan Black when he wasn’t seeing Terry Bradshaw having sex with Shang Tsung, his blow-up doll, but said that he was in hell just because he was playing with goblins and gargoyles and… wait, that’s not fair. How come Dylan has millions of dollars in his budget for his promos when I travel for XHF Network events, I don’t even get to have a plane ticket and I have to be stowed away with the luggage? Or does he pay for this out of pocket. Maybe he uses his paychecks to fund this gargantuan ask for his promos. That’d certainly explain why he still lives at home with his mom. Man, I wish I could live at home with my parents again. Lucky kid.
At this point, the cop finally got Tommy from Ring Crew fully handcuffed, onto his feet and pressed against the cop car. He’s searching Tommy and was already in the middle of his Miranda warning speech.
Officer: -you can’t afford an attorney, one will be provided to you.
Copycat: Oh! Ask for Larry! He’s my best budd-
Tommy: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! FOR ONCE, JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!
Copycat: Oh. Okay then.
Officer: Do you have any weapons or narcotics on you at all?
Tommy: Dude, just put me into the back of this car and take me away.
Officer: Well I gotta keep searching you still.
The officer continues the search. He keeps going with nothing of note until he stops at a suspicious bulge in his right pocket.
Officer: What’s this? Is this a…
The officer pulls the item out.
Officer: …A can of Coca Cola?
Tommy looks up at Copycat, who playfully winks at him.[
Copycat: I know you were talking about coke the other day so I decided to surprise you! When you weren’t looking, I put it into your pocket. You know I got you, buddy!
Tommy: …
That’s when Tommy from Ring Crew lunges at Copycat at full speed. However, with the handcuffs and the police officer being right there, he doesn’t get very far before being tackled down by the police officer.
Officer: Alright, enough of this crap! You’re going to jail, buddy!
The officer turns toward Copycat.
Officer: Sir, if I were you, I’d just head out.of here.
Copycat nods. He switches to the driver’s side and heads off.
Copycat: Speaking of Dylan, I thank him kindness, but I think he thinks that I think I’m an idiot. …Wait, did I say that right?
He pauses.
Copycat: Anyways, he’s talking about how I’M the most dangerous person in the match. Then he immediately tries to butter me up. Dang it, Dylan. How am I supposed to concentrate when you’re trying to be best buddies with me! First Zoran, now you! I really appreciate you trying to spread the love here, especially when you’re talking about how everyone’s trying to kill each other! …Weirdly, most of the killing involves Steve Awesome on one end or the other. Funny how that goes.
Copycat strokes his chin for a moment, until he realizes he’s in the middle of the road with no hands on the wheel and he’s veering out of his lane. He corrects himself.
Copycat: But don’t think that just because you say a couple of nice things that you’re suddenly my best buddy. I won’t betray my REAL best buddy, Larry! We go way back - and our friendship is FLOURISHING! Why just a couple of days ago, I met his wife and we hung out too! But hey, maybe I’m being a jerk here. Look, if you’d like, you can totally hang out with me after the match. With Tommy from Ring Crew being out for a bit, we totally are going to have a free seat at the poker table of La Casa de Gato de Copiar! That means Copycat’s House, in case you didn’t know. But let’s start doing it after the match ends, shall we? I don’t want our friendship to get in the way of our match.
Copycat negligently parks like this as he gets into the parking lot.
He continues across the parking lot, nearly wobbling while holding his stomach.
Copycat: But, of course, you’ll have to apologize for one thing before we truly hang out and that’s your crazy claim that I’d let Mr. Bradshaw just HAVE my belt! Who do you think I am? Some kind of PUSHOVER?
Silence. If it was nice, crickets would be chirping.
Copycat: OK. I understand how silly what I just said sounded, but like’ COME ON! On the VERY FIRST MATCH OF AWF’S PRESTIGE, I got STABBED with a shiv that used to be part of a flagpole because I wouldn’t just hand the belt over to Mr. Bradshaw! So why would I just give the belt away!? If I walk out of Supremacy with the X*Crown Championship, I will ensure that I remain champion! After all, I would have earned it! This would have symbolized everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve suffered for and everything I’ve sacrificed for over six years! Heck, I’ve been a member of the XHF Network for almost twenty years and my greatest achievement was being in the quickest match in XHF Network history!
Copycat walks in through the doors of the building and walks up to the front desk.
Receptionist: Hello, can I help you?
Copycat: But let’s be honest, Dylan. You don’t need this belt. You’ve already had the belt twice before! I need this belt! I’ve had the X*Crown Championship how many times? Right, none! How about a world belt? Like the AWF Prestige Championship belt? Never! Maybe the AXW Undisputed Championship? The Tapout Openweight Championship? None! Perhaps I’d have a middle of the road belt. Like the AWF Midwest Championship, right? WRONG.
Receptionist: Uhhh… So do you have an appointment or…?
That’s when a second receptionist approaches the first.
Receptionist #2: Yeah, that’s the weird XHF Network wrestling guys I told you about.
Receptionist: Oh… Uh, sir. You can have a seat. Someone will be with you shortly.
Copycat walks over to his seat and sits down while still monologuing.
Copycat: Need this belt? To what - pad those numbers? I’m here to prove something, Dylan! I’m here to show that I’m not the joke everyone thinks I am! I’m here to keep fighting and find a way to validate myself and my life! I have my child, Copycat. And as you can see from my big ol’ belly over here, I’m also going to have a second child, so for me to be able to look them in the eyes and say, “I didn’t go through all of this suffering for nothing” means something! For me to be able to have a teachable moment when they’re facing something difficult and be the shining example to say, “Yeah, things are tough right now but I’m living proof that with great hard work comes great reward” is something that can be passed onto the next generation!
A nurse walks out with a clipboard.
Nurse: I’m looking for a… Copycat?
Copycat follows.
Copycat: So for you to say you need this belt, it’s something I need for you to apologize for. Because you may as well be Jeff Bezos who owns ten houses. You may as well be him, looking at a house and thinking, “I need that house!” when there are guys like me who spent over half a decade living in a cardboard box and eating ketchup packets for dinner!
Copycat sits down in the office and not too long later, the doctor walks in.
Copycat: Dylan, let’s be friends. I like you. We can chat more and have a good hug after the match and after we get past this little snafu. You know me. I think there’s too much animosity in wrestling. I think people all hate each other for no reason. We see each other as enemies, when we are merely opponents. Perhaps even rivals. Instead of trying to push each other down, we should help each other up. We can do that. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to help my baby.
Copycat turns towards the doctor.
Copycat: Heya! I’m Copycat and I’m having a baby! Let’s reach on in and see how the little fellais doing!
The scene fades to black.
~Half an hour later~
Copycat walks out of the doctor’s office. His disposition has taken a 180. He hangs his head down and his smile has completely disappeared. He walks a couple of feet before looking up, where he notices the camera. He continues towards his car, outside.
Copycat: Oh… Hey. Didn’t quite see you there. Yeah, baby’s doing OK. …I suppose. I guess. I guess the issue is that wrestling is an inherently dangerous situation. They don’t want me doing it. And the more and more I think about it, maybe… Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m just what everyone’s saying. Maybe I’m a loser. Maybe I’m a waste of time. Maybe I’m that uncharming, unfunny bag of stale farts that couldn’t win if my fairy godparent stumbled in and had pumpkin …or whatever Mr. Awesome was talking about.
Copycat walks into his car. He turns the key.
Nothing.
Copycat: Alright, I suppose I’ll walk.
He slowly walks down the curb and drags his feet.
Copycat: I can’t keep Dylan, Raiden, Zoran or Steve from winning the match. All I can do is keep the people that I really care about from me. I couldn’t keep Larry around. When I showed up to his house, turns out he doesn’t live there anymore. I think his wife kicked him out for some reason. He changed his number too so I couldn’t reach him. And something tells me that Larry from Ring Crew may have gotten arrested on purpose just so he wouldn’t hang around me. It seems like after all of this, the only person who cares about me is… Well, no one. Because right now, even I don’t think I care all that much about me. Maybe the only reason I’m alive right now is that God doesn’t want me. Maybe the devil would think that if I end up there, I’d take his job for being the ultimate tormenter for all of eternity. Either way, no one wants me.
That’s when a car pulls over. It looks like…
The window opens and we see…
Bradshaw: I care, Copycat. I care.
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, how… Were you listening to every single word I just said? How is that possible?
Bradshaw: Easy.
Terry Bradshaw points to a television from the inside of his vehicle with the monitor showing the camera that’s currently pointing at Copycat.
Bradshaw: Copycat, my boy. Have I taught you nothing?
Copycat: Huh?
Bradshaw: What have I been saying for years now?
Copycat: That you’ve always wanted to bang Bobby Barratt’s dead wife, Jenny?
Bradshaw: That’s right. This time, you’re Terry Bradshaw and your opponents. They’re Jenny.
Copycat: This is such a weird analogy, I can’t-
Bradshaw: COME ON, COPYCAT! YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME!?
Copycat: I mean, that analogy sounds like a really bad jok-
Bradshaw: Copycat, you’re worth more than you know. And I can prove it!
Copycat: Tell me, Mr. Bradshaw. Give me a name. One name. One person. Who believes in me? Tell me!
Bradshaw: I’ll tell you more than just a name. I’ll tell you an entire group of people who believe in you. Car.
Copycat: …Like the car we’re sitting in? Cars are inanimate, Mr. Bradsha-
Bradshaw: No. CAR. Competitive Auto Racing.
Copycat: …Oh. They’d send anyone.
Bradshaw: Oh really? CAR, the company, would send just anyone? Is that why out of the dozen automotive teams who perform there, they’d choose YOU?
Copycat: Well, look at me. I mean, if we’re going to be honest with one another, my car doesn’t even have a combustible engine. I honestly make all those engine sounds.
Bradshaw: Yes, Copycat. We all know. You’re not fooling a single person with those sounds. Yes, you’re the only one without an engine, but have you ever won a race with the Copycorvette?
Copycat: I mean… Technically, I guess, but…
Bradshaw: But what? You think Mother The Car was just LETTING you win? Did you think the Angry Mad Chemists FORGOT how to science? Or was it Bad to the Bone with Lord Dominicus? Did you think that his heart suddenly grew three sizes and just gave you a win WITH THE KINDNESS OF HIS OWN HEART!?
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, you’re yellin-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts him with a slap across the face.
Bradshaw: You can do this, Copycat! You are the best that CAR has to offer! You are the high octane, oil-burning, trail-blazing son of a gun and all you need to do is SWITCH YOUR GEARS!
Copycat: Why are you yelling!? Stop tha-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts Copycat once more with another, even HARDER slap across the face.
Copycat: WHY DO YOU KEEP SLAPPING ME!?
Bradshaw: Because you’re selfish!
Copycat: HOW AM I SELFISH!?
Bradshaw: Zoran was right about you! Everything he said about you was right! Do you know how much CAR is gambling sending you out here? They sent out the single least-respected wrestler in the entire HISTORY of the XHF Network because they have THAT much faith in you! And how about the other wrestlers out there? They’re just aching for a chance for the X*Crown Championship to go to CAR for the first time ever! They sent you. YOU. They sent you because they believe that you’re the pregnant man for the job and instead of knowing your worth - the worth that no one else can see, you’re kicking rocks and feeling sorry for yourself! Don't prove Zoran right! You aren't here to be at the same level as him. You're here to be BETTER! You're here to be the BEST!
Copycat: But what about my baby, Mr. Bradshaw? What about my baby?!
Bradshaw: It’s a chance you got to take. If you back out now, the child you already have will think that you’re the same loser you always have been. If you back out, the match that you already WON would be for NO REASON. You competing has no guarantees. You aren’t guaranteed a win. You only have a guaranteed result when you choose to give up. You can go out there. And you can fight. And you can still have your baby, but first thing’s first, you need to FIGHT because if you don’t fight, you have NOTHING.
Terry Bradshaw parks the car.
Bradshaw: Get out.
Copycat: We are at…
Bradshaw: The Ball Arena. All of your CAR buddies are there. Your opponents, rivals, comrades, training partners. They’re all here and they’re here for you to give them assurance. They’re here so that they know that their faith in you is not misplaced.
Tears begins to well up in Copycat’s eyes,
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw…
Bradshaw: Go. Give hope to your people.
As Copycat opens the door, the the following song starts off at the tempo change:
Copycat immediately rushes in, bursting through the doors and finding random members from CAR. The first person he finds is Marty Donovan of Reedy Creek Wrestling. He grabs him by the shoulders and looks into his eyes.
Copycat: Hey, Marty! My name is Copycat, and I’m going to be your champion!
Marty: "Save me, Ollie! I'm being attacked by a meth zombie! Please don't eat my face. I'm still a couple episodes behind on Willow."
Copycat: No! No! Good things are happening! Don’t you worry! You can run through all the willows you want!
Copycat continues on until he finds the next CAR-friendly face. That is Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz of The Angry Mad Chemists. He holds him still with an excited embrace.
Copycat: Hey there, doctor! My name is Copycat and after Supremacy, I’m going to be your champion!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: "Aaaahhhh oh my what a weird... wait. MY champion??? Oh the day has finally come. A champion of my own just for me!!! Look at me now Roger! Yes my champion... incidentally how are you at exterminating secret agent platypi?"
Copycat: I don’t know what any of that means, but I’m very excited for your support! Thanks, doctor!
Copycat rushes forward. He finds himself slowing down from pain in the back due to the added weight that he’s carrying, but he grits his teeth and pushes forward. He finds the one and only Lord Dominicus from Bad to the Bone Racing. He catches him off-guard with a genuinely friendly hug.
Copycat: Hey there! My name is Copycat and at Supremacy, I’m going to be your champion!
Lord Dominicus is curt with his response.
Lord Dominicus: "HOW DARE YOU ASSUME TO CHAMPION ME! I am the DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK! If anything I should be YOUR champion! BEGONE lumpy peon and dare not trifle with me again!"
Copycat: Ahah! Oh you, Dom! Can I call you Dom? I think that’s a great name. Anyways, you would make a great rival! Let’s chat after I become the X*Crown Champion!
Copycat jogs off to find one more CAR performer. It’s Armbishi of the Esoteric Order of Driving!
Copycat: Hey there, Armbi… Ambish… Hey there, pal! My name is Copycat and I’m happy to represent you as the CAR representative for this match. I will make you proud when I win the X*Crown Championship!
Armbishi, who had been scrolling Furaffinity on his phone, is startled at being spun around and yelled at. However, there comes a glimmer of recognition in his eyes and he smiles.
Armbishi: Well we are the only two pregnant men to have competed in the XHF, so that would be pretty nice representation UwU!
He pats Copycat affectionately on the head and then wanders off towards catering. As he does so, Copycat uses the surging waves of adrenaline flowing through his veins. He continues forward up and down various flights of states until he’s in the main arena portion. There, he continues down the several flights of the final sets of stairs until he’s right there in the center of the action, where on Sunday January 29th, he will perform for the X*Crown Championship. He lets out a primal scream that shakes him to the very foundations of his core.
Copycat: MY NAME IS COPYCAT AND ON SUNDAY, I WILL BE YOUR CHAMPION!
Copycat lifts his arms up in the air. There's an eery silence filling the air, but Copycat is undeterred. Copycat has remembered who he is.
Fade out.
