Battle of Los Angeles Press Conference
Feb 10, 2023 7:52:03 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by Visit Neom on Feb 10, 2023 7:52:03 GMT -5
(Grinning like an idiot, Marty Donovan confidently struts out onto the press conference stage. The champion has just showered and the wounds from the match with Sinclair have all been patched up. He once again wears his Dalmatian fur coat and rhinestone shades with Mickey ears above the lenses. He sits down and places his rose pink championship on the table.)
Marty: You guys are lucky, it has been months since I've been in this good of a mood! Feel free to ask whatever you want, nothing is off the table. One small request though, wrestling two matches in a single day has left me parched. I’m going to need a bigger bottle of water than this.
(Phil Blauer dressed as Ant-Man wanders into the room and puts a comically oversized water bottle on the table. No one laughs.)
Marty: Ant-Man and the Wasp find themselves exploring the Quantum Realm, interacting with strange new creatures and embarking on an adventure that pushes them beyond the limits of what they thought was possible. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, only in theaters on February 17th! Who has the first question?
(The hands shoot up and Marty points to someone.)
Brandon: Brandon McKay, If The Walls Could Talk. Leading up to the Hardkore World title match, it became quite contentious between you and Wesley Crane. There was a hug after your defense, but you didn’t come out and celebrate Wes’ win later. Where do things stand?
Marty: Don’t listen to the dirtsheets. Wesley Crane is my best friend in the entire world. He was put in an incredibly unfair position having to wrestle two title matches and travel in the same day. Sure, he failed to beat Marty Donovan, but who honestly can? Besides, winning a championship a few hours after fighting me is one of the most impressive feats in the history of our sport. I hope he has a hell of a party tonight. The High Roller has earned it.
Brandon: So you won’t be partying with him?
Marty: No, I have to race back to Port Canaveral for seven nights aboard The Fantasy. Explore what sets us apart! The Disney Cruise line, where magic meets the sea!
Brandon: Wesley did invite you out though?
Marty: We’re best friends. My invitation is a given, no need for words. You in the back.
Oliver: Hey, Marty. Oliver Davis, Wrestle Talk. Sinclair and Spike Kane require completely different game plans. Did you find the late change to be a challenge?
Marty: The only thing I found challenging was Johnnie Valentine’s betrayal. I’ve been making that guy money forever, since I was in high school. You would imagine he’d be sympathetic when Bloodied Fox said that heinous stuff about my girlfriend. Nope, still books me in this awful doubleheader. One week after a brutal parking lot brawl, I’m required to defend the championship. So much for loyalty. My contract ends in May and Johnnie better back up the Brink’s truck if he wants to keep his belt.
(Marty points to a reporter in the front.)
Fiona: Fiona Gabriel, Headlines and Headlocks. Do you feel that a showdown between you and Cross Recoba is inevitable? He implied as much earlier.
Marty: Look, I like Cross. He’s technically paying for my cruise with that generous “Move of the Night” bonus from Tap Out 9. By the way, I’m the only guest to ever win that. Let’s be real though. He’s a promoter that likes to play wrestler from time to time. Syberus’ weekend warrior equivalent. Recoba failed to get the W against Tuxedo fucking Mask. He is not even on my radar. You in the too tight shirt.
Tuna: Tuna Meltzer, The Tuna Report, Wrestling Monthly. Is it wise to go on a cruise when you have a title defense against The Sheik in a few weeks?
(Marty takes off his shades and glares at Tuna.)
Marty: Even a basement dwelling virgin like you must know about February 14th. What a stupid ass question. That match isn’t happening. He just went through a night of Sooner Squeezes and exploding barbed wire. That will require months to heal. I’ve already sent an email to the Oregon State Athletic Commission asking that they prevent Sheik from competing. I love my fellow wrestlers too much to let them ever risk their health over something as frivolous as a world title shot. Okay, the balding guy is next.
Phillippe: Philippe Auclair. The Guardian. Is it right for Bob Iger to fire 7,000 employees when he potentially could earn 26 million dollars worth of incentives this year?
(Marty gets really nervous and stands up.)
Marty: Sorry, guys. Ant-Man and I are needed in the Quantum Realm.
(Marty and Phil slowly descend behind the table as if they were on an elevator. They try to crawl off the stage unnoticed as the shot fades out.)
Marty: You guys are lucky, it has been months since I've been in this good of a mood! Feel free to ask whatever you want, nothing is off the table. One small request though, wrestling two matches in a single day has left me parched. I’m going to need a bigger bottle of water than this.
(Phil Blauer dressed as Ant-Man wanders into the room and puts a comically oversized water bottle on the table. No one laughs.)
Marty: Ant-Man and the Wasp find themselves exploring the Quantum Realm, interacting with strange new creatures and embarking on an adventure that pushes them beyond the limits of what they thought was possible. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, only in theaters on February 17th! Who has the first question?
(The hands shoot up and Marty points to someone.)
Brandon: Brandon McKay, If The Walls Could Talk. Leading up to the Hardkore World title match, it became quite contentious between you and Wesley Crane. There was a hug after your defense, but you didn’t come out and celebrate Wes’ win later. Where do things stand?
Marty: Don’t listen to the dirtsheets. Wesley Crane is my best friend in the entire world. He was put in an incredibly unfair position having to wrestle two title matches and travel in the same day. Sure, he failed to beat Marty Donovan, but who honestly can? Besides, winning a championship a few hours after fighting me is one of the most impressive feats in the history of our sport. I hope he has a hell of a party tonight. The High Roller has earned it.
Brandon: So you won’t be partying with him?
Marty: No, I have to race back to Port Canaveral for seven nights aboard The Fantasy. Explore what sets us apart! The Disney Cruise line, where magic meets the sea!
Brandon: Wesley did invite you out though?
Marty: We’re best friends. My invitation is a given, no need for words. You in the back.
Oliver: Hey, Marty. Oliver Davis, Wrestle Talk. Sinclair and Spike Kane require completely different game plans. Did you find the late change to be a challenge?
Marty: The only thing I found challenging was Johnnie Valentine’s betrayal. I’ve been making that guy money forever, since I was in high school. You would imagine he’d be sympathetic when Bloodied Fox said that heinous stuff about my girlfriend. Nope, still books me in this awful doubleheader. One week after a brutal parking lot brawl, I’m required to defend the championship. So much for loyalty. My contract ends in May and Johnnie better back up the Brink’s truck if he wants to keep his belt.
(Marty points to a reporter in the front.)
Fiona: Fiona Gabriel, Headlines and Headlocks. Do you feel that a showdown between you and Cross Recoba is inevitable? He implied as much earlier.
Marty: Look, I like Cross. He’s technically paying for my cruise with that generous “Move of the Night” bonus from Tap Out 9. By the way, I’m the only guest to ever win that. Let’s be real though. He’s a promoter that likes to play wrestler from time to time. Syberus’ weekend warrior equivalent. Recoba failed to get the W against Tuxedo fucking Mask. He is not even on my radar. You in the too tight shirt.
Tuna: Tuna Meltzer, The Tuna Report, Wrestling Monthly. Is it wise to go on a cruise when you have a title defense against The Sheik in a few weeks?
(Marty takes off his shades and glares at Tuna.)
Marty: Even a basement dwelling virgin like you must know about February 14th. What a stupid ass question. That match isn’t happening. He just went through a night of Sooner Squeezes and exploding barbed wire. That will require months to heal. I’ve already sent an email to the Oregon State Athletic Commission asking that they prevent Sheik from competing. I love my fellow wrestlers too much to let them ever risk their health over something as frivolous as a world title shot. Okay, the balding guy is next.
Phillippe: Philippe Auclair. The Guardian. Is it right for Bob Iger to fire 7,000 employees when he potentially could earn 26 million dollars worth of incentives this year?
(Marty gets really nervous and stands up.)
Marty: Sorry, guys. Ant-Man and I are needed in the Quantum Realm.
(Marty and Phil slowly descend behind the table as if they were on an elevator. They try to crawl off the stage unnoticed as the shot fades out.)