The Casting Crunch (???)
Feb 15, 2023 16:48:23 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 6 more like this
Post by mosler on Feb 15, 2023 16:48:23 GMT -5
Have you ever noticed how much less new blood has been coming to the XHF in recent years?
It seems impossible to break out of the indies, and get onto the Network these days. At least that's the perspective of Marmaduke Matters. A shredded hamstring kept Marmaduke from going state, but that competitive drive forced him to pursue other athletic outlets. Finding a second passion in professional wrestler Marmaduke has spent the last four years working the Michigan circuit with an oracle gimmick. Under this guise he has the prerogative ability to predict abdominal stretches- and God help the opponents that tried to sneak one past his psychic prediction. It's a solid bit, but those winter road trips are hell - and even if they weren't an icy death sentence, Marmaduke still wants to take his abdominal stretch avoiding skill to the next level... to a national stage. So you can only imagine how fast he filled out an application when an advertisement in the back of The Squared Circle Observatory announced the XHF was looking to hire local talent. Approaching a fly-by-night studio space with a paper taped to the door reading "AUDITIONS" - the former quarterback has butterflies in his stomach, and wonders what misadventures the insects are having in there.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
"COME IN."
The door sheepishly opens into a closet space that has somehow managed to set up a table, and what suspiciously looks like a casting couch. The recruiter is wearing a cardigan and red barret, and is puffing away at a fume-cigerette to give that Cruella Deville look. The amount of smoke in the small room makes it impossible to tell the ladies' age, but her giant black eyes practically sparkle at the younger man's appearance - and she masters an impossibly toothy smile.
Marmaduke Matters: HI, not sure if this is the right place - I'm auditioning for the XHF. I have an appointment at 3-
Recruiter: DUKE, THANKS FOR COMING - LOVE THE ALLITERATION. M N M - LIKE THE HARD SHELLED CANDY.
Marmaduke Matters: ...or rapper...
Recruiter: DEFINITELY THE CANDY.
Marmaduke Matters: I'm surprised you don't have a ring-
Recruiter: WE ALREADY HAVE TAPE OF YOUR IN-RING WORK DUKE, THIS IS MORE TO MAKE SURE YOU WOULD BE THE RIGHT FIT FOR THE XTREME FAMILY.
Marmaduke Matters: oh, I, understand, of course-
Recruiter: WE'RE GOING TO START BY CHECKING YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS...
A boney hand holds out a pink scarf.
Recruiter: USE THIS AS A BLINDFOLD.
Marmaduke Matters: Wh... um... alright.
The oracle wraps the scarf around his forehead.
Recruiter: NOW... HOW MANY PLANTS ARE IN THIS FIFEDOM...
Marmaduke Matters: I'm sorry, what do you mean by fifedo-
#CRUNCH#
If only it was an abdominal stretch he would have seen it coming.
There is a searing pain, then nothing. No. The sense of falling. Hair flying as air whips past - gusts strong enough to rip the pink blindfold loose. Marmaduke Matters is plummeting down a dark cave...
#SHATTER#
Still alive. Something breaks Matter's fall, but what? So dark. More cracking sounds as he tries to sit upright. Eventually one of the breaks seems to distrupt a mass of fireflies. What little light shines through illuminates Marmaduke's salvation - his grim bed.
Skeletons as far as the eye can see - most wearing pink blindfolds.
How long has Dinosaur Bones been holding auditions?
It seems impossible to break out of the indies, and get onto the Network these days. At least that's the perspective of Marmaduke Matters. A shredded hamstring kept Marmaduke from going state, but that competitive drive forced him to pursue other athletic outlets. Finding a second passion in professional wrestler Marmaduke has spent the last four years working the Michigan circuit with an oracle gimmick. Under this guise he has the prerogative ability to predict abdominal stretches- and God help the opponents that tried to sneak one past his psychic prediction. It's a solid bit, but those winter road trips are hell - and even if they weren't an icy death sentence, Marmaduke still wants to take his abdominal stretch avoiding skill to the next level... to a national stage. So you can only imagine how fast he filled out an application when an advertisement in the back of The Squared Circle Observatory announced the XHF was looking to hire local talent. Approaching a fly-by-night studio space with a paper taped to the door reading "AUDITIONS" - the former quarterback has butterflies in his stomach, and wonders what misadventures the insects are having in there.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
"COME IN."
The door sheepishly opens into a closet space that has somehow managed to set up a table, and what suspiciously looks like a casting couch. The recruiter is wearing a cardigan and red barret, and is puffing away at a fume-cigerette to give that Cruella Deville look. The amount of smoke in the small room makes it impossible to tell the ladies' age, but her giant black eyes practically sparkle at the younger man's appearance - and she masters an impossibly toothy smile.
Marmaduke Matters: HI, not sure if this is the right place - I'm auditioning for the XHF. I have an appointment at 3-
Recruiter: DUKE, THANKS FOR COMING - LOVE THE ALLITERATION. M N M - LIKE THE HARD SHELLED CANDY.
Marmaduke Matters: ...or rapper...
Recruiter: DEFINITELY THE CANDY.
Marmaduke Matters: I'm surprised you don't have a ring-
Recruiter: WE ALREADY HAVE TAPE OF YOUR IN-RING WORK DUKE, THIS IS MORE TO MAKE SURE YOU WOULD BE THE RIGHT FIT FOR THE XTREME FAMILY.
Marmaduke Matters: oh, I, understand, of course-
Recruiter: WE'RE GOING TO START BY CHECKING YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS...
A boney hand holds out a pink scarf.
Recruiter: USE THIS AS A BLINDFOLD.
Marmaduke Matters: Wh... um... alright.
The oracle wraps the scarf around his forehead.
Recruiter: NOW... HOW MANY PLANTS ARE IN THIS FIFEDOM...
Marmaduke Matters: I'm sorry, what do you mean by fifedo-
#CRUNCH#
If only it was an abdominal stretch he would have seen it coming.
There is a searing pain, then nothing. No. The sense of falling. Hair flying as air whips past - gusts strong enough to rip the pink blindfold loose. Marmaduke Matters is plummeting down a dark cave...
#SHATTER#
Still alive. Something breaks Matter's fall, but what? So dark. More cracking sounds as he tries to sit upright. Eventually one of the breaks seems to distrupt a mass of fireflies. What little light shines through illuminates Marmaduke's salvation - his grim bed.
Skeletons as far as the eye can see - most wearing pink blindfolds.
How long has Dinosaur Bones been holding auditions?