Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Mar 27, 2023 23:01:21 GMT -5
*Thunk thunk thunk thunk. The camera fades into a forest. Parked next to a tree is the DominiCruiser, the racing vehicle of Lord Dominicus. Unsurprisingly, a figure dressed in black who looks like the owner of said vehicle is facing away from the camera while he nails something to the tree. After finishing he turns around.*
LD: Ah, yes, right on time. GREETINGS PEONS OF THE XHF NETWORK! I was just taking it upon myself to do something I’ve been meaning to do for MONTHS!
*He gestures to the paper he’s nailed to the tree. It appears to be a list.*
LD: You may be wondering what the contents of my parchment are. By all means, DominiZoom in and find out!
*The camera does and it finds…*
*Dominicus grabs the camera and pulls it away before it can pan down the list more.*
LD: You don’t need to waste airtime looking at everyone on the list. Do those names seem familiar to you? They should. I wrote this list up months ago when it turned out that WUK did not vote me as their best guest appearance.
*He shakes his head.*
LD: Can you imagine that? The SHINING BLACK HOLE of NPW, the ONLY TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION the only ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION the greatest name from one of WUK’s precursors GRACED that company. But who did they pick? Marty Stupid Donovan. Terrible.
*He shakes his head again as the camera pulls back to a more normal position. Dominicus leans on the tree.*
LD: Originally I had planned to get my revenge on each and every one of WUK’s roster- hence the list. But I thought to myself, “Why waste months and months of work on a company that refuses to appreciate me?” Instead I opted to wait until the Rumble, then I could ruin all their dreams in one swoop. That’s because I’m an EVIL GENIUS and not some slob like what you’d find in WUK.
*The DARK LORD OF CAR DominiPoints to his head.*
LD: But as the names started pouring in for the Rumble I noticed something was…missing. Something wasn’t there. On closer inspection it turned out to be that ALL of Wrestling: United Kingdom are cowards- minus Donzig.
*He nods.*
LD: That’s right, Blood, I just called everyone in your fed cowards. What are you going to do about it? Oh that’s right, nothing, because only Donzig is in the Rumble and I don’t think you’d risk your hide in a CAR race.
*Dominicus puts his hands up defensively.*
LD: Now, before you all get bent out of shape I should note that maybe most of the roster is right not to join. I mean, if they’re afraid of having the odds stacked against them against BETTER WRESTLERS who clearly have MORE GUTS than the entirety of EVERYONE IN WUK- aside from Donzig- maybe they aren’t up to snuff.
*He leans in.*
LD: Maybe- maybe everyone in WUK realizes that they’re inferior wrestlers. Maybe they have finally come to terms with the fact that from day one none of them could cut the mustard on the global stage because they simply lack the skill and experience to be top-level names.
*A closer lean in.*
LD: MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, all of that company realizes how much they suck when compared with the likes of Pepsiman and his ilk. Rumble competition too stiff? I understand, cowards, I do.
*Lord Dominicus nods while holding his hands thoughtfully.*
LD: I mean, after all; almost all of you lost to the Bastards already. So the whole roster aside from them has been proven to be second rate. So go ahead, WUK losers, stay away from global events, don’t embarrass your company any more than you already have. So-
*Defensive hands.*
LD: SO…I’ll be fair.
*He rips the bottom off of the paper, so that only the names of the Bastards are left.*
LD: You see the Bastards are the real cowards. They KNOW they have beaten everyone in their company. So much so that now we get the “honor…”
*Air quotes*
LD: ...of watching “I’m Gonna Steal the X*Crown For CWA” Rob Riot take on “Serious Body Dysmorphia Problems” Frank Windsor. Oh boy, what a banner match folks! Maybe you should rename the fed W:BF- Wrestle: Bastards and Friends. Or maybe just “The Coward Company”- TCC. Because that’s all I see.
*Lord Dominicus dusts his fingernails on his shirt and blows on them.*
LD: Don’t like what I have to say? Well what are you gonna do about it? Nothing, that’s what. You’re gonna sit in your own private Texas yelling DON’T TREAD ON ME while still being part of the XHF Union. Right? Talk about how WUK is the GREATEST OF ALL THE FEDS-
*He makes a marquee with his hands.*
LD: -Aaaaand do nothing to prove it. Nope, just keep hiding in your holes. Avoiding global events because then you’d actually have to stand up to competition. Show the world what cowards you are by hiding away from the Rumble- a one-shot directly at the X*Crown. The best chance you all had to win.
*The marquee hands go back up*
LD: WUK- FED FOR COWARDS! Come join us and have fun facing Psychotic Goth every three episodes and enjoy losing to the Bastards! And you wonder why you don’t get a lot of guests.
*He puts his hands down.*
LD: Anyway, have fun with whatever you’re doing for Rumble season. Probably sitting on your hands as always, jerking off each other in a match you already had. Meanwhile I’m going to mix it up with the likes of Dylan Black, Death Trap, and Steve Awesome- actual champions. And even people you might not know as well like Wildcat Capone, Mike Dexter, and The Thespian. But remember this-
*We get real close to Lord Dominicus’ mask.*
LD: Each and every one of those people, who I GLORIOUSLY ELIMINATE on my way to victory this year, is a hundred times the bigger person than anyone in Wrestle: United Kingdom- except Donzig. Because at least they had the fortitude to try. They’re not cowards.
*He walks over to the DominiCruiser and starts to get in.*
LD: See you all at the Rumble- oh wait, no I won’t.
*Dominicus gets in, closes the door, and drives off (towards and past the camera) as we fade out.*
LD: Ah, yes, right on time. GREETINGS PEONS OF THE XHF NETWORK! I was just taking it upon myself to do something I’ve been meaning to do for MONTHS!
*He gestures to the paper he’s nailed to the tree. It appears to be a list.*
LD: You may be wondering what the contents of my parchment are. By all means, DominiZoom in and find out!
*The camera does and it finds…*
Frank Windsor
Rob Riot
Billy Fowler
Ronnie Long
Eddie Havok
Kalmin Watts
Psychotic Goth
….
Rob Riot
Billy Fowler
Ronnie Long
Eddie Havok
Kalmin Watts
Psychotic Goth
….
LD: You don’t need to waste airtime looking at everyone on the list. Do those names seem familiar to you? They should. I wrote this list up months ago when it turned out that WUK did not vote me as their best guest appearance.
*He shakes his head.*
LD: Can you imagine that? The SHINING BLACK HOLE of NPW, the ONLY TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION the only ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION the greatest name from one of WUK’s precursors GRACED that company. But who did they pick? Marty Stupid Donovan. Terrible.
*He shakes his head again as the camera pulls back to a more normal position. Dominicus leans on the tree.*
LD: Originally I had planned to get my revenge on each and every one of WUK’s roster- hence the list. But I thought to myself, “Why waste months and months of work on a company that refuses to appreciate me?” Instead I opted to wait until the Rumble, then I could ruin all their dreams in one swoop. That’s because I’m an EVIL GENIUS and not some slob like what you’d find in WUK.
*The DARK LORD OF CAR DominiPoints to his head.*
LD: But as the names started pouring in for the Rumble I noticed something was…missing. Something wasn’t there. On closer inspection it turned out to be that ALL of Wrestling: United Kingdom are cowards- minus Donzig.
*He nods.*
LD: That’s right, Blood, I just called everyone in your fed cowards. What are you going to do about it? Oh that’s right, nothing, because only Donzig is in the Rumble and I don’t think you’d risk your hide in a CAR race.
*Dominicus puts his hands up defensively.*
LD: Now, before you all get bent out of shape I should note that maybe most of the roster is right not to join. I mean, if they’re afraid of having the odds stacked against them against BETTER WRESTLERS who clearly have MORE GUTS than the entirety of EVERYONE IN WUK- aside from Donzig- maybe they aren’t up to snuff.
*He leans in.*
LD: Maybe- maybe everyone in WUK realizes that they’re inferior wrestlers. Maybe they have finally come to terms with the fact that from day one none of them could cut the mustard on the global stage because they simply lack the skill and experience to be top-level names.
*A closer lean in.*
LD: MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, all of that company realizes how much they suck when compared with the likes of Pepsiman and his ilk. Rumble competition too stiff? I understand, cowards, I do.
*Lord Dominicus nods while holding his hands thoughtfully.*
LD: I mean, after all; almost all of you lost to the Bastards already. So the whole roster aside from them has been proven to be second rate. So go ahead, WUK losers, stay away from global events, don’t embarrass your company any more than you already have. So-
*Defensive hands.*
LD: SO…I’ll be fair.
*He rips the bottom off of the paper, so that only the names of the Bastards are left.*
LD: You see the Bastards are the real cowards. They KNOW they have beaten everyone in their company. So much so that now we get the “honor…”
*Air quotes*
LD: ...of watching “I’m Gonna Steal the X*Crown For CWA” Rob Riot take on “Serious Body Dysmorphia Problems” Frank Windsor. Oh boy, what a banner match folks! Maybe you should rename the fed W:BF- Wrestle: Bastards and Friends. Or maybe just “The Coward Company”- TCC. Because that’s all I see.
*Lord Dominicus dusts his fingernails on his shirt and blows on them.*
LD: Don’t like what I have to say? Well what are you gonna do about it? Nothing, that’s what. You’re gonna sit in your own private Texas yelling DON’T TREAD ON ME while still being part of the XHF Union. Right? Talk about how WUK is the GREATEST OF ALL THE FEDS-
*He makes a marquee with his hands.*
LD: -Aaaaand do nothing to prove it. Nope, just keep hiding in your holes. Avoiding global events because then you’d actually have to stand up to competition. Show the world what cowards you are by hiding away from the Rumble- a one-shot directly at the X*Crown. The best chance you all had to win.
*The marquee hands go back up*
LD: WUK- FED FOR COWARDS! Come join us and have fun facing Psychotic Goth every three episodes and enjoy losing to the Bastards! And you wonder why you don’t get a lot of guests.
*He puts his hands down.*
LD: Anyway, have fun with whatever you’re doing for Rumble season. Probably sitting on your hands as always, jerking off each other in a match you already had. Meanwhile I’m going to mix it up with the likes of Dylan Black, Death Trap, and Steve Awesome- actual champions. And even people you might not know as well like Wildcat Capone, Mike Dexter, and The Thespian. But remember this-
*We get real close to Lord Dominicus’ mask.*
LD: Each and every one of those people, who I GLORIOUSLY ELIMINATE on my way to victory this year, is a hundred times the bigger person than anyone in Wrestle: United Kingdom- except Donzig. Because at least they had the fortitude to try. They’re not cowards.
*He walks over to the DominiCruiser and starts to get in.*
LD: See you all at the Rumble- oh wait, no I won’t.
*Dominicus gets in, closes the door, and drives off (towards and past the camera) as we fade out.*
