The High King [Dylan Rumble #1]

[Dylan]

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There is a large, floating, gold throne in the middle of the screen. Back facing the camera. Legs dangling from it. The legs are currently swinging, trying to get the chair to face the other way. Some grunting and muttering can be heard.

Come on, you stupid chair. Work with me!

The chair slowly rotates until the XHF X*Crown Champion, Dylan Black, can be seen, with the largest of grins upon his face. He adjusts the X*Crown Championship so the light bounces off the front plate just nice enough for e-fedders to not be able to get a solid picture of him in the chair with the title.

So the time has come when every Tom, Dick, and Hardcore Harry around the XHF Network steps out of their hobbit holes and trots to the ring to engage in a free-for-all for the biggest prize of the year. Forcing the High King of the XHF, Mr. XHF Network, to engage with you peasants. And it's been brought to my attention that several of you peons have been engaging with telling your fairy tale endings for the Rumble. But for every fairy tale you wish to tell, there is one big bad wolf waiting to blow your houses down. One evil stepmother who is going to lock you in your room so the prize can't find you. There's a villain waiting at the end of your story.

Dylan just grins.

How are any of you going to finish your story, when you're all so busy focusing on your individual petty squabbles? Lord Dominicus is hyper-fixated on making the former CWA comraderies look bad, which I'm in the same boat as you man. Frank Windsor has the balls to call me out but won't show up at a global show to face me like a man. And no way in hell am I going down to the UK to shut him up. The Bastards really are some of the biggest cowards in the XHF. But while Lord Dominicus is wasting breath on the Bastards, I'm spending time working around his very nice, very evil move set. Deconstructing the Domini-Lock. Buying a cup that perfectly cups my TOTALLY LARGE VERY HUGE GENITALIA. For every scheme that's in your book, I will have a counter for each. And after your time is over in this match, I want you to acknowledge the real evil of the XHF Network.

He jabs a thumb into his chest.

Bloodied Fox is another guy hyper-fixated on someone. Whenever he sees Zoran Sainovic he sees red and blacks out like when Jake Lockley comes out in Moon Knight. He becomes an efficient, professional wrestling machine. He actually gets good. But Zoran isn't even in this match, so the chances of Fox becoming any more than mediocrity? Slim to none. You can cry about things I allegedly did in Tokyo but those are exactly that, allegations. I haven't been charged with any terror-related things stemming from Tokyo and that's how it'll be. Because it wasn't me. And if you and your husband and his boyfriend want to keep that shit up? I'll take his titles, break their arms, then I'll break your neck and leave your love triangle in a hospital room to suffer.

And speaking of mediocrity, when is Cross going to stop picking on the little kids and come take a shot at someone who hits back? All I've heard is Cross carefully picking apart guys like Cheez, Devil's Reject, and Mike Dexter. He was even picking on Wildcat Capone, and I'm pretty sure you can take your boss to HR for that Capone. But notice how these names, no offense boys, have accomplished slim to nothing in the XHF? Why is Cross taking time out of his day to focus on these Joe Nobodies? It's not because he wants his bases covered. It's not because he knows anyone's a threat. He's scared of people with real talent. And Cross is a guy who knows real talent because he has a few good ones under his employ... Jack Diamond, NOMAD, and Thespian are all great wrestlers but when Cross comes to be a bully he picks on people well below his weight class. Fucking booker of the year right there.

But you know who's really irking me the most with their petty bullshit?

Dylan leans in, sneering at the camera.

That piece of crap, whiny reptile who thinks he's owed the world because he's got one-up on me.

Yeah, I'm talking about you Jesse "Donzig's Bitch" Jamester.

Led around on a leash like some lap dog. Or at least, you used to be. Did you get your balls back and tuck them underneath you for safe keeping?

Dylan sits back on his floating throne.

I sense a lot of disdain coming from you, Jesse. A lot of misplaced aggression that can be summed up with you being mad you weren't handed opportunities. Is that what this is all about? You weren't handed the opportunities you thought you deserved? Well, Jesse. You've been at this a lot longer than I have so I think I don't have to remind you that things like opportunities for the X*Crown? They have to be earned. And Spike earned his way with the BANG! Bros to the X*Crown, I earned my way through representing GUNS. Your entire XHF career can be wrapped up with a single quote - THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO DESERVE ANYTHING? You're perhaps the most undeserving ingrate of everyone in the Rumble. Because while the 28 other people have put the work in over the last year, Jesse would rather take a vacation masked as hiding in Donzig's basement and then bitch he gets no opportunities.

He slams his fist on the side of the throne, rocking it.

This is something I hear every time I work my way to a title shot - "Oh, Dylan used so and so to elevate himself." Or "Why is Dylan Black in the position he's in? Why can't it be me?" Let me make it very clear for every one of these cowards who talk this shit behind my back. I hear every word you've said. And the fact of the matter is none of you are as cutthroat as me! None of you are as malicious as me! You can't handle the position I put myself in, because I am on a level above EVERYONE else in the network Untouchable, unstoppable, and un-fucking-deniable! You pissants couldn't handle a fraction of my potential!

Beat.

But beneath the underlying squabbles, you all share one common goal- usurp the High King and usher in a new era of the XHF Network. The unfortunate truth? By the time I enter the ring a considerable amount of you will have already returned to the gorilla position and won't get to trade blows with me. And those who are left are going to be too tired to get the job done. The only story being told at the Rumble is the one I started at Supremacy. I am going to continue my story as the greatest X*Crown Champion of all time! And every single one of you who lose to me? You'll be left with nothing to do but acknowledge me.

Fin.

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