One Last Bang! (Rumble 2)
Apr 15, 2023 19:00:19 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Apr 15, 2023 19:00:19 GMT -5
🎼THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!!!!🎼
The soothing voice of Montell Jordan plays over the P.A system of the jam packed arena. The flashing lights and waving spotlights keep the audience pumped up and ready to watch the next fight.
Two more Slap Fight competitors walk onstage as commentators weigh in on the situation.
Commentator 1: Now Rex Fender, in the black ICP t-shirt, has won the coin toss to go first. He’s been lucky enough to win the last five of his coin tosses and has finished each opponent after one slap.
Commentator 2: Well that’s just the way she goes in Slap Fight! Not many people realize this but in a sport where people take turns slapping each in the head unprotected, you’re gonna wanna try and go first in that turn order.
Then some idiot slaps another idiot and they fall down unconscious and stiff on the floor. Everyone cheers in excitement except Steve Awesome. He didn’t even like this stupid sport, but this is where Todd Lerr insisted on meeting.
Todd Lerr: So, today is destruction day….have you made a decision?
Todd asked Steve as they sat in their usual seats up in the nosebleed section.
Todd Lerr: You can have everything you ever wanted and more on Intergalactic Planet 97. You’d practically be royalty, Steve.
Steve sighs.
“You drive a hard bargain, Todd. I mean, having everything I ever wanted is literally all I ever wanted.”
“…and then you add the “and more” part in there and it’s just like…”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes and gestures at just how amazing it all sounds.
“How could I say no?”
Todd starts to feel the good news coming in and he smiles and laughs alongside Steve.
“But I’m going to say no.”
Todd Lerr: “What!? Why!?”
“Well as much as I like the idea of being royalty, I low key kinda like the Earth. Plus I still have tons of things to do here like win an Oscar and win the Rumble. And most importantly, I’m still pissed I didnt win that Oscar in the first place and this way you don’t get to have me as your big star on your stupid planet!”
Todd facepalms. His tiny hands on his giant forehead. It was Kinda cute.
Todd Lerr: oh Steve. Don’t start thinking you are irreplaceable. I could have another struggling actor at my beck and call in an instant. Fine. You want to blow up with these fools on this throw away planet then fine. But it happens tonight!
Steve smiles and shakes his head.
“Ehhh welll maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t?”
Todd glares at Steve suspiciously.
Todd Lerr: What do you have planned?
“Let’s just say “ I have a Bangin plan Bro!”
Steve felt extra cryptic and mysterious as he leaned back in his seat.
Todd Lerr: You got the Bang Bros didn’t you.
Steve’s eyes widen with shock. He couldn’t believe Todd cracked his secret so quickly.
“I…no…you…..DAMMIT!”
Steve suddenly runs away and out of the arena leaving Todd Lerr alone. Todd presses a button on his fisher price evil alien telecommunicator watch.
Todd Lerr: “Be sure to upgrade our security level to the highest level. Square. I don’t want any interruptions tonight…..
Todd grumbles.
Todd Lerr: YES! THAT IS THE ONE THAT GOES IN THE SQUARE HOLE! GRRR!!!
And with that Todd storms off in the other direction.
~
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
“Now, you may think that I’m too busy saving the world from aliens and stuff but trust me when I say that I haven’t lost focus on the Rumble and winning the XCrown. After a twenty plus career in professional wrestling I’ve learned how to do some multi tasking.”
“That’s right, not only can I handle the pressure and responsibilities of being a hero, but I’m also making sure I’m getting my training reps in.”
The camera pans out from his pretty face to find him in the garbage dump. He quickly grabs two trash bags by there tie strings and flips them unceremoniously over some ropes and into a nearby dumpster.
“That’s right I’ve tossed so many giant sacks of trash over these ropes I could probably win four rumbles in a row. That’s what most of the bodies in this match represents to me. Giant sacks of trash. Of course there are some more classy entrants in this rumble but really all they are is “rubbish” in the bin to me anyways.”
Steve glares into the camera as he side kicks a crumpled up piece of paper into a wastebasket nearby.
“See, I’ve already claimed that I’m going to win this rumble. And I’m sure as hell not going to let any greasy ass trash stand in the way between me and MY XCrown Championship. People like AVB, Rattys son, and also my stablemate in the Anointed over in HardKore World. Represent!”
Steve sighs.
“Look man, it’s not really your fault, but you are trash. Like you could be alright but trash is in your genes, kid. Your daddy and whatever struggling truck stop hooker he banged to make you genetically pass down a collective sixty years plus of being trash human beings and you have no other choice in the matter but to inherit it all.”
“But you know what? I like ya kid. I don’t trust you at all because you were made by a trash rat but other than that glaring flaw, I kinda like ya. And now that the Anointed finally has someone they can look up to on the team I’m willing to help mold you and guide you to be your best self.
I can probably get you from human feces to tolerable in small doses….but I’m not a miracle worker.”
Steve launches a few more garbage bags into the dumpster with ease.
“Speaking of garbage let’s talk about Yuki Sakaraba!!”
Steve glares into the camera.
“She thinks she can enter the rumble and not worry about my wrath? She screwed me over when she was a baby and then kicked me out of J-Rok for almost three years before they had to take me back as Hardcore Champion.”
“If I run into Yuki Sakaraba in this Rumble I will grab her by the both ankles and whip her scene stealing ass out the rumble and show that piece of garbage that Steve Awesome gets his revenge! Even if it is like three or four years later.”
“And there is the giant six foot whatever complete waste that is Jesse Jamester. Check this out. Incredible potential right? Cool look. He’s got the Murder lizard thing going for him. He could do it all.
Steve chuckles and shakes his head.
“Nope, he goes and gets mind controlled by Donzig.”
Steve laughs.
“Donzig can barely control his own mind and he managed to brainwash the mighty murder lizard?”
“Oh man. It’s a shame he had all that size and muscle but he seemed to never work out his brain. What a giant murder Waste! If I run into Jamester at the Rumble I’m going to knock him right out for trying to screw me over back in REIGN and if that power rangers villain reject tries to get tough I’ll slap dumb dumb lizard in the head with his own heat rock. Then when he’s lying on the floor, I’ll toss Donzigs dumb ass out there with him so the big idiot can ask his boss what he should do next.”
“I was going to make a cuck joke at Bloodied Fox but I stopped myself when I started to wonder exactly how many things King Edmund has Mutt do for him….”
Steve throws a few more garbage bags into the dumpster.
“And if EVK, perhaps the greasiest and most trashy of them all, decides to bring her trash water crotch towards me I won’t hesitate to knock her out too…
Steve pounds a fist into his palm.
“I’m coming to wreck fools and become the next three time XCrown Champion and I’m not letting any of you sad, bloated, sack of scum step in my way of taking what’s mine!”
Crotch Chop
Fade.
~
Toddlerian Base
Somewhere In Hollywood.
It’s nightfall. Our Trio of Bros, Steve Awesome, Kanyon in a wheelchair and the soul of Spike Kane possessing a plaid handkerchief make their way through the forestry wilderness outside the base.
“….what about Encino Man?”
Kanyon: That movie was bad because of Pauly Shore.
Hanky Spike: Yeah you really can’t fault Brendan Fraiser for that. He did a great job with what he was given.
“You’re kidding me? You really think…”
Kanyon: Holdup. I see some Toddlerian Guards up ahead. Let’s hide!
Steve stuffs Hanky Spike into his shirt pocket and ducks behind a tree. Kanyon is left just sitting in the trail.
Kanyon: Umm…hide me too.”
“Oh right.”
Steve runs out and drags Kanyon and his wheelchair behind the tree. Just then two of the cutest little alien baby creatures in precious little guard outfits come walking by.
Guard 1: You’d think the boss would just set it to explode already.
Guard 2: Yeah but you know evil bosses. They just gotta set a timer and be dramatic. First step toward their downfall.
Just then Steve pushes Kanyon and he goes wheeling out from the cover and completely annihilates the first guard by running over him and Steve follows up with a big stick and clubs the second guard over the head. The trio look ahead at the sleek metal base crawling with baby guards on multiple levels ahead of them.
Steve and Kanyon do their best to fight through all the toddler sized guards throughout the base without getting seen. After a few quick battles the Bang Bros make it to the center of the base. They get stopped however by the door that houses the bomb. Steve glares at the door that is sealed tight.
“So you mean to tell me……you guys actually liked Dudley Do Right? Or George of the Jungle!?”
Kanyon is attempting to use a gadget to scan the keypad for its code to get inside.
Kanyon: Steve, I really don’t think now is a good time to talk about that but yes, I liked those movies. They have their charm.
Hanky Spike: I agree. You really need to stop hating on Brendan Fraser. He’s a good actor and has made way more good movies than bad ones.
“I just dont see it man. I don’t think he’s that good and-“
Guard: HEY!
They were spotted. The guard was about to call it in when suddenly Hanky Spike leaped into action.
Hanky Spike: I got this! KI-YAHHHH!!!
Hanky Spike wrapped his 12 by 12 inch cloth body around the alien guards mouth and started to suffocate him, effectively stopping him from calling for backup. Steve quickly searches the guard and he finds the key card for the bomb shelter.
The bros quickly enter the shelter. There in the middle of the shelter, slightly underground but still big enough to go up two stories was the bomb that would destroy the Earth. The bros enter on the second floor. Steve quickly dispatches the guards and Kanyon immediately goes to work on the control panel with plans to deactivate.
Kanyon: Okay, I think I got it disconnected.
Hanky Spike: But the timer is still counting down!
Kanyon: That’s why I said “I think.” I just need a little more time.
Suddenly Todd Lerr and some guards come running into the shelter on the other side. In Todd’s tiny hands looked to be a detonation switch.
Todd Lerr: Not so fast Bang Bros! One wrong move and I will blow up this bomb early.
“With all of us inside? Even you!?”
Todd Lerr: MUAH HA HA HA! Yes with all of you inside! MUAH HA HA HA HAAA! Even me…..wait…”
Todd Lerr huddles with his group for a moment.
Todd Lerr: okay good point.
Todd hands the switch to a guard.
Todd Lerr: Okay if anyone moves, this guard will blow up the bomb. After I’ve left and had time to escape the planet.
Guard: Um sir I don’t really want to blow myself up. Let Jerry do it.
The first guard hands the switch to another guard and a small amount of bickering amongst the guards starts to take place.
Kanyon: Okay. It’s time.
Kanyon stated. Whispering to his fellow bros.
Kanyon: It’s time for one final Bang! Give me a running start.
Steve glanced down at Hanky Spike and then pushed Kanyon in his wheelchair as fast as he could toward the bomb and the edge of the corridor they were standing on. Right at the last possible second, Kanyon leaped from his chair and flung his prone injured body across the gap, over the bomb, and BANGED like ten or twelve babies in the process!
The detonation switch goes flying across the room.
“That was absolutely majestic. Brendan Fraser could never.”
Hanky Spike: Now is not the time! The bomb is ready to explode!
“We gotta get K-Dawg and dip, NOW!”
Steve and Hanky Spike scramble but then the bomb explodes!!!! A big burst of fire engulfs the entire compound and the scene fades.
~
“Sir! Sir! Are you alright?”
We open up in the rubble. Some Toddlerian guards help to pull Todd Lerr out and to safety. Todd has ash and soot all over him and he coughs.
Todd Lerr: I’ll be okay. And what of the Bang Bros!!
The guard slowly shakes his head.
Guard: There was no sign of the Bros. Either they escaped or they are buried even deeper with the rubble.
Todd makes a tiny fist.
Todd Lerr: Curse the Bang Bros and curse STEVE Awesome!!! It’s time to bring in the REPLACEMENT!
The guard looks shocked but nods and sends the message via headset. A research lab nearby receives the message. The Toddlerian scientists look scared and worried but they do as they are told. They press a few buttons and a pair of thick metal doors slide open.
All you see is a trail of Fresh Prints as the scene ends.
Ooohhhh what does that mean? Did our hero’s save the world or did they just make things worse? Find out next time!
The soothing voice of Montell Jordan plays over the P.A system of the jam packed arena. The flashing lights and waving spotlights keep the audience pumped up and ready to watch the next fight.
Two more Slap Fight competitors walk onstage as commentators weigh in on the situation.
Commentator 1: Now Rex Fender, in the black ICP t-shirt, has won the coin toss to go first. He’s been lucky enough to win the last five of his coin tosses and has finished each opponent after one slap.
Commentator 2: Well that’s just the way she goes in Slap Fight! Not many people realize this but in a sport where people take turns slapping each in the head unprotected, you’re gonna wanna try and go first in that turn order.
Then some idiot slaps another idiot and they fall down unconscious and stiff on the floor. Everyone cheers in excitement except Steve Awesome. He didn’t even like this stupid sport, but this is where Todd Lerr insisted on meeting.
Todd Lerr: So, today is destruction day….have you made a decision?
Todd asked Steve as they sat in their usual seats up in the nosebleed section.
Todd Lerr: You can have everything you ever wanted and more on Intergalactic Planet 97. You’d practically be royalty, Steve.
Steve sighs.
“You drive a hard bargain, Todd. I mean, having everything I ever wanted is literally all I ever wanted.”
“…and then you add the “and more” part in there and it’s just like…”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes and gestures at just how amazing it all sounds.
“How could I say no?”
Todd starts to feel the good news coming in and he smiles and laughs alongside Steve.
“But I’m going to say no.”
Todd Lerr: “What!? Why!?”
“Well as much as I like the idea of being royalty, I low key kinda like the Earth. Plus I still have tons of things to do here like win an Oscar and win the Rumble. And most importantly, I’m still pissed I didnt win that Oscar in the first place and this way you don’t get to have me as your big star on your stupid planet!”
Todd facepalms. His tiny hands on his giant forehead. It was Kinda cute.
Todd Lerr: oh Steve. Don’t start thinking you are irreplaceable. I could have another struggling actor at my beck and call in an instant. Fine. You want to blow up with these fools on this throw away planet then fine. But it happens tonight!
Steve smiles and shakes his head.
“Ehhh welll maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t?”
Todd glares at Steve suspiciously.
Todd Lerr: What do you have planned?
“Let’s just say “ I have a Bangin plan Bro!”
Steve felt extra cryptic and mysterious as he leaned back in his seat.
Todd Lerr: You got the Bang Bros didn’t you.
Steve’s eyes widen with shock. He couldn’t believe Todd cracked his secret so quickly.
“I…no…you…..DAMMIT!”
Steve suddenly runs away and out of the arena leaving Todd Lerr alone. Todd presses a button on his fisher price evil alien telecommunicator watch.
Todd Lerr: “Be sure to upgrade our security level to the highest level. Square. I don’t want any interruptions tonight…..
Todd grumbles.
Todd Lerr: YES! THAT IS THE ONE THAT GOES IN THE SQUARE HOLE! GRRR!!!
And with that Todd storms off in the other direction.
~
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
“Now, you may think that I’m too busy saving the world from aliens and stuff but trust me when I say that I haven’t lost focus on the Rumble and winning the XCrown. After a twenty plus career in professional wrestling I’ve learned how to do some multi tasking.”
“That’s right, not only can I handle the pressure and responsibilities of being a hero, but I’m also making sure I’m getting my training reps in.”
The camera pans out from his pretty face to find him in the garbage dump. He quickly grabs two trash bags by there tie strings and flips them unceremoniously over some ropes and into a nearby dumpster.
“That’s right I’ve tossed so many giant sacks of trash over these ropes I could probably win four rumbles in a row. That’s what most of the bodies in this match represents to me. Giant sacks of trash. Of course there are some more classy entrants in this rumble but really all they are is “rubbish” in the bin to me anyways.”
Steve glares into the camera as he side kicks a crumpled up piece of paper into a wastebasket nearby.
“See, I’ve already claimed that I’m going to win this rumble. And I’m sure as hell not going to let any greasy ass trash stand in the way between me and MY XCrown Championship. People like AVB, Rattys son, and also my stablemate in the Anointed over in HardKore World. Represent!”
Steve sighs.
“Look man, it’s not really your fault, but you are trash. Like you could be alright but trash is in your genes, kid. Your daddy and whatever struggling truck stop hooker he banged to make you genetically pass down a collective sixty years plus of being trash human beings and you have no other choice in the matter but to inherit it all.”
“But you know what? I like ya kid. I don’t trust you at all because you were made by a trash rat but other than that glaring flaw, I kinda like ya. And now that the Anointed finally has someone they can look up to on the team I’m willing to help mold you and guide you to be your best self.
I can probably get you from human feces to tolerable in small doses….but I’m not a miracle worker.”
Steve launches a few more garbage bags into the dumpster with ease.
“Speaking of garbage let’s talk about Yuki Sakaraba!!”
Steve glares into the camera.
“She thinks she can enter the rumble and not worry about my wrath? She screwed me over when she was a baby and then kicked me out of J-Rok for almost three years before they had to take me back as Hardcore Champion.”
“If I run into Yuki Sakaraba in this Rumble I will grab her by the both ankles and whip her scene stealing ass out the rumble and show that piece of garbage that Steve Awesome gets his revenge! Even if it is like three or four years later.”
“And there is the giant six foot whatever complete waste that is Jesse Jamester. Check this out. Incredible potential right? Cool look. He’s got the Murder lizard thing going for him. He could do it all.
Steve chuckles and shakes his head.
“Nope, he goes and gets mind controlled by Donzig.”
Steve laughs.
“Donzig can barely control his own mind and he managed to brainwash the mighty murder lizard?”
“Oh man. It’s a shame he had all that size and muscle but he seemed to never work out his brain. What a giant murder Waste! If I run into Jamester at the Rumble I’m going to knock him right out for trying to screw me over back in REIGN and if that power rangers villain reject tries to get tough I’ll slap dumb dumb lizard in the head with his own heat rock. Then when he’s lying on the floor, I’ll toss Donzigs dumb ass out there with him so the big idiot can ask his boss what he should do next.”
“I was going to make a cuck joke at Bloodied Fox but I stopped myself when I started to wonder exactly how many things King Edmund has Mutt do for him….”
Steve throws a few more garbage bags into the dumpster.
“And if EVK, perhaps the greasiest and most trashy of them all, decides to bring her trash water crotch towards me I won’t hesitate to knock her out too…
Steve pounds a fist into his palm.
“I’m coming to wreck fools and become the next three time XCrown Champion and I’m not letting any of you sad, bloated, sack of scum step in my way of taking what’s mine!”
Crotch Chop
Fade.
~
Toddlerian Base
Somewhere In Hollywood.
It’s nightfall. Our Trio of Bros, Steve Awesome, Kanyon in a wheelchair and the soul of Spike Kane possessing a plaid handkerchief make their way through the forestry wilderness outside the base.
“….what about Encino Man?”
Kanyon: That movie was bad because of Pauly Shore.
Hanky Spike: Yeah you really can’t fault Brendan Fraiser for that. He did a great job with what he was given.
“You’re kidding me? You really think…”
Kanyon: Holdup. I see some Toddlerian Guards up ahead. Let’s hide!
Steve stuffs Hanky Spike into his shirt pocket and ducks behind a tree. Kanyon is left just sitting in the trail.
Kanyon: Umm…hide me too.”
“Oh right.”
Steve runs out and drags Kanyon and his wheelchair behind the tree. Just then two of the cutest little alien baby creatures in precious little guard outfits come walking by.
Guard 1: You’d think the boss would just set it to explode already.
Guard 2: Yeah but you know evil bosses. They just gotta set a timer and be dramatic. First step toward their downfall.
Just then Steve pushes Kanyon and he goes wheeling out from the cover and completely annihilates the first guard by running over him and Steve follows up with a big stick and clubs the second guard over the head. The trio look ahead at the sleek metal base crawling with baby guards on multiple levels ahead of them.
Steve and Kanyon do their best to fight through all the toddler sized guards throughout the base without getting seen. After a few quick battles the Bang Bros make it to the center of the base. They get stopped however by the door that houses the bomb. Steve glares at the door that is sealed tight.
“So you mean to tell me……you guys actually liked Dudley Do Right? Or George of the Jungle!?”
Kanyon is attempting to use a gadget to scan the keypad for its code to get inside.
Kanyon: Steve, I really don’t think now is a good time to talk about that but yes, I liked those movies. They have their charm.
Hanky Spike: I agree. You really need to stop hating on Brendan Fraser. He’s a good actor and has made way more good movies than bad ones.
“I just dont see it man. I don’t think he’s that good and-“
Guard: HEY!
They were spotted. The guard was about to call it in when suddenly Hanky Spike leaped into action.
Hanky Spike: I got this! KI-YAHHHH!!!
Hanky Spike wrapped his 12 by 12 inch cloth body around the alien guards mouth and started to suffocate him, effectively stopping him from calling for backup. Steve quickly searches the guard and he finds the key card for the bomb shelter.
The bros quickly enter the shelter. There in the middle of the shelter, slightly underground but still big enough to go up two stories was the bomb that would destroy the Earth. The bros enter on the second floor. Steve quickly dispatches the guards and Kanyon immediately goes to work on the control panel with plans to deactivate.
Kanyon: Okay, I think I got it disconnected.
Hanky Spike: But the timer is still counting down!
Kanyon: That’s why I said “I think.” I just need a little more time.
Suddenly Todd Lerr and some guards come running into the shelter on the other side. In Todd’s tiny hands looked to be a detonation switch.
Todd Lerr: Not so fast Bang Bros! One wrong move and I will blow up this bomb early.
“With all of us inside? Even you!?”
Todd Lerr: MUAH HA HA HA! Yes with all of you inside! MUAH HA HA HA HAAA! Even me…..wait…”
Todd Lerr huddles with his group for a moment.
Todd Lerr: okay good point.
Todd hands the switch to a guard.
Todd Lerr: Okay if anyone moves, this guard will blow up the bomb. After I’ve left and had time to escape the planet.
Guard: Um sir I don’t really want to blow myself up. Let Jerry do it.
The first guard hands the switch to another guard and a small amount of bickering amongst the guards starts to take place.
Kanyon: Okay. It’s time.
Kanyon stated. Whispering to his fellow bros.
Kanyon: It’s time for one final Bang! Give me a running start.
Steve glanced down at Hanky Spike and then pushed Kanyon in his wheelchair as fast as he could toward the bomb and the edge of the corridor they were standing on. Right at the last possible second, Kanyon leaped from his chair and flung his prone injured body across the gap, over the bomb, and BANGED like ten or twelve babies in the process!
The detonation switch goes flying across the room.
“That was absolutely majestic. Brendan Fraser could never.”
Hanky Spike: Now is not the time! The bomb is ready to explode!
“We gotta get K-Dawg and dip, NOW!”
Steve and Hanky Spike scramble but then the bomb explodes!!!! A big burst of fire engulfs the entire compound and the scene fades.
~
“Sir! Sir! Are you alright?”
We open up in the rubble. Some Toddlerian guards help to pull Todd Lerr out and to safety. Todd has ash and soot all over him and he coughs.
Todd Lerr: I’ll be okay. And what of the Bang Bros!!
The guard slowly shakes his head.
Guard: There was no sign of the Bros. Either they escaped or they are buried even deeper with the rubble.
Todd makes a tiny fist.
Todd Lerr: Curse the Bang Bros and curse STEVE Awesome!!! It’s time to bring in the REPLACEMENT!
The guard looks shocked but nods and sends the message via headset. A research lab nearby receives the message. The Toddlerian scientists look scared and worried but they do as they are told. They press a few buttons and a pair of thick metal doors slide open.
All you see is a trail of Fresh Prints as the scene ends.
Ooohhhh what does that mean? Did our hero’s save the world or did they just make things worse? Find out next time!
