Nutrition and Assassination (Copycat/King Edmund Promo)
Apr 15, 2023 21:19:26 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Apr 15, 2023 21:19:26 GMT -5
The scene fades to a knock on the door. Copycat shouts from behind.
Copycat: Come in!
The door opens and in comes Zoran. As he walks in and looks over the couch, he finds Copycat on the floor.
Zoran: …Are you ok?
Copycat: Am I ok? Just check this out!
Copycat excitedly puts a piece of popcorn onto his stomach. He sucks in his stomach as much as he can before he pushes out his stomach, launching the popcorn toward his mouth. Unfortunately for him, the popcorn hits his nose and then falls to the floor.
Zoran: Zats… very interesting, Copyca-
Copycat: No, wait. That’s not it! It was supposed to go into my mouth! I did it just a second ago, right before you came in. I’ll try again!
Copycat tries the same thing once again, but this time, it bounces off his right cheek and falls down.
Zoran: Is zis how you’re preparing for ze Rumble?
Copycat: Pretty much! I think it’ll be a solid bet!
Zoran: I don’t zink I understand. What about our plan about exercising and training for your last match, when you were trying to win ze XHF Junior Heavyveight Championship?
Copycat: Well, I was thinking about it, and I figured, if exercising doesn’t get me to victory, maybe a different way will work.
Zoran: Four days. You exercised for only four days.
Copycat: Four whole days devoted to conditioning my body to the best that it could be and bringing myself to new limits. And it still wasn’t enough.
Zoran: Let me get zis straight. You lost your first match after preparing yourself physically for a physical competition, and instead of zinking zat you haven’t conditioned yourself enough, you zink ze problem is zat you… are too conditioned.
Copycat: Alright. Here’s the plan. When the bell rings, I hide underneath the ring.-
Zoran: Let me stop you right zere.
Copycat: Huh?
Zoran: So you want to eliminate yourself from ze ring immediately?
Copycat: Maybe I’ll leave the ring from under the ropes?
Zoran: So your music plays, everyone knows you’re coming and you think zat you can just hide under ze ring and hope everyone forgets about you?
Copycat: It’s worked so far!
Zoran: Zis is ze Rumble, Copycat. You need to be able to at ze very least blend in. Mongo doesn’t even zink zat you’re a wrestler and Joey Hawke is likely to go along with it if it means you’re going to go away. I don’t zink he finds you to be X*Crown material.
Copycat: Joey Hawke doesn’t like me? He doesn’t think I’m not X*Crown material? How could that be?!
And with that, Copycat launches another popcorn. He overshoots and smack-dabs hits him in the eye. He writhes around in pain for a good moment.
Zoran: …I haven’t ze slightest idea.
King Edmund IV: We almost got them! Full speed ahead!
The sky is bright. The sky is blue and… King Edmund is not actually aboard a mighty warship like he was in the last promo or like his language would suggest. Instead, King Edmund is actually on top of his lowly mute servant, Mutt, in a piggy-back fashion. The camera rotates behind him to find who Mutt is chasing It’s a husband and wife, both wearing rags and filthy.
Peasant: Please, my King! Show some mercy!
King Edmund IV: Mercy?! BAH! You have been caught red-handed trying to escape the GLORIOUS country of SUPREMIA! The punishment of which is…
King Edmund leans down to Mutt.
King Edmund IV: What’s the punishment for escape again?
Mutt: *huff*
King Edmund IV: Ah, yes. Thank you, Mutt.
King Edmund gives Mutt a carrot before scratching him before his ears and straightening his back. Mutt eagerly munches down on the carrot.
King Edmund IV: The punishment for ESCAPE is… *HUFF* …Wait. That’s not right. How dare you mislead me like that, Mutt! Give me that carrot back!
King Edmund shoves his hand straight into the mouth of Mutt and pulls out half a carrot and a seemingly liter’s worth of saliva. King Edmund furiously shakes the saliva off his hand. Mutt makes a low-toned groan. As he recovers, another member of the Supremian Guard arrives.
Supremian Guard: My King, may I ask why you are dealing with this common criminal and not leaving this to your obedient guard?
King Edmund IV: Why yes, my dear soldier. You see, another Rumble is approaching.
The Supremian Guard cocks an eyebrow.
Supremian Guard: I don’t… understand, my King. You are alive and well. Are you voluntarily stepping down from your position as king?
King Edmund is so taken aback, Mutt has to reposition the weight so that he doesn’t topple over.
King Edmund IV: BAH! Absolutely not! I’m not talking about the Righteous Supremian Royalty Rumble that is designed to decide the new leader for Supremia, and must be described in such an expository way that those who were previously unfamiliar with the Rumble would understand by the way it was described! No, I’m talking about a different Rumble - the XHF Rumble!
Supremian Guard: Ah! My… My apologies, my King! So what does chasing down criminals have to do with this!?
King Edmund IV: It is simple. I will take down my opponents before the match even begins! I am now researching the most efficient ways to do that!
Supremian Guard: My King, if you leave it to our intelligence department, we can use the internet and find your enemies ourselves!
King Edmund’s face goes blank for a few moment before scrunching up in anger once again.
King Edmund IV: Pfft, I don’t need you to do that! I can find the net myself!
King Edmund IV turns to the deserters. He examines their means of escape, which consists of a dilapidated raft and a few other supplies. Among those is a net.
King Edmund IV: You there! What are you planning on doing with that net?!
Peasant: Well, we were planning on using it to catch fish to survive until we made it to the UK.
King Edmund IV: Well it’s now the property of Supremia! …Well, I suppose it always has been, but I’m taking it now! We will be using this net to find my enemies and DESTROY THEM!
Supremian Guard: My King, I think I might need to explain. I wasn’t talking about a net. I was talking about the internet, which is an interconnected series of-
King Edmund IV: SILENCE, GUARD! Do NOT try to contradict your KING! I know EXACTLY how to use this INTER NET to find my opponents, AND FIND THEM I WILL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?
The Supremian Guard starts to mutter a few times before forcing himself to comply with this ridiculous assertion from his king.
Supremian Guard: Yes… Yes, my King.
King Edmund IV: Good. Guard, you may detain her. And Mutt… LET’S GO DESTROY OUR ENEMIES!!!
Copycat is sitting on a table across from Zoran. Copycat frowns at the table’s plate filled with cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, and other healthy vegetables. Copycat unenthusiastically stabs a tree of broccoli with a fork and puts it in his mouth.
Zoran: I know you may not like zis, but I promise you if you treat your body right, it will also treat you right too.
Copycat: Uh huh… Maybe if I pretend this broccoli tastes like a creme brulee, it will go down easier.
Zoran: Sure. But remember zere was a time you had nothing to eat. You’d love to eat something like zis, wouldn’t you?
Copycat: OH, THAT’S RIGHT!
Immediately, Copycat starts shoveling down food. He continues going until the door bursts open!
Copycat: GAH!
Zoran: Who’s zere?!
Mutt grabs a trumpet and starts playing a royal tune.
King Edmund IV: Commoners, you have the honour of being conquered by Your Majesty, King Edmund IV! From henceforth, I decree this house to be the sovereign property of SUPREMIA! Mutt, capture them!
In his injured state, Zoran’s eyes widened. Mutt stampedes forward to Copycat, however. Copycat, cowers behind the table in fear.
Copycat: AH! PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!
Mutt stops dead in his tracks. He sees the leftover food from Copycat, full of fresh, crisp vegetables. He begins chomping on them in delight.
King Edmund IV: Bah! Mutt, you are USELESS! I guess the KING must do everything himself!
Zoran tries to end this confrontation without having to fight.
Zoran: Along with having a reputation for cutting folks... you may remember me from having won ze X*Crown Championship more zan once before.
King Edmund IV: Maybe so, but I will be the next person to win the X*Crown Championship at the XHF Rumble! In fact, I’ll be the LAST one to win the X*Crown Championship!
Copycat: Excuse me, Mr. Edward sir, but I don’t know how that’s possible. You know, everything that has a beginning, has an end. I don’t know how you can be the champion for an infinite amount of ti-
King Edmund IV: SILENCE!
Copycat cowers in fear once more.
King Edmund IV: In fact, I’ve brought about the weapon that will stop you dead in your tracks! BEHOLD, THE INTER NET!
King Edmund pulls out… a fishing net.
Zoran: …Ze internet?
King Edmund IV grabs the net and throws it on Zoran, which… has no effect.
King Edmund IV: …WHAT!? WHY HAS THIS FAILED! THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE HAPPENED! MUTT! MUTT!
Mutt does not respond, for all of his attention is on the produce-filled plate in front of him. Copycat soon helps the net from over Zoran as King Edmund IV makes a tactical retreat.
Zoran: I don’t know what to make from all zis.
Copycat: I guess… after all this madness, there’s only one thing left to do.
Copycat: I feel it in my bones, Zoran! This is the moment!
The camera pans to a piece of popcorn on Copycat’s belly. He bounces it out, and the popcorn flies in the air. It lands in his mouth!
Copycat: I did it! I did i-ACK!
Immediately, Copycat begins choking. Zoran immediately kicks into action. Despite his injury, he helps Copycat get up off the ground and performs the heimlich maneuver onto him with one arm. Fortunately, the popcorn shoots out of Copycat’s mouth.
Zoran: Are you alright, my friend?
Copycat takes a moment to recompose himself.
Copycat: Yeah… Yeah, I am.
Zoran: Good. Let’s not try zat trick anymore. But it’z getting late. I better get home.
Copycat: Thank you so much for saving me.
With a smile, Zoran heads out. Copycat smiles and remembers the touch of Zoran’s hands on Copycat’s belly.
Copycat: That man… was my knight in shining armor. I’m just so blessed to have someone in my life who cares about me so much. He would be an amazing role model in my child’s life. My Zoran.
Copycat smiles longingly at the thought of Zoran, before taking the piece of popcorn that was expelled from his lungs and storing it in a box. Fade out.
Copycat: Come in!
The door opens and in comes Zoran. As he walks in and looks over the couch, he finds Copycat on the floor.
Zoran: …Are you ok?
Copycat: Am I ok? Just check this out!
Copycat excitedly puts a piece of popcorn onto his stomach. He sucks in his stomach as much as he can before he pushes out his stomach, launching the popcorn toward his mouth. Unfortunately for him, the popcorn hits his nose and then falls to the floor.
Zoran: Zats… very interesting, Copyca-
Copycat: No, wait. That’s not it! It was supposed to go into my mouth! I did it just a second ago, right before you came in. I’ll try again!
Copycat tries the same thing once again, but this time, it bounces off his right cheek and falls down.
Zoran: Is zis how you’re preparing for ze Rumble?
Copycat: Pretty much! I think it’ll be a solid bet!
Zoran: I don’t zink I understand. What about our plan about exercising and training for your last match, when you were trying to win ze XHF Junior Heavyveight Championship?
Copycat: Well, I was thinking about it, and I figured, if exercising doesn’t get me to victory, maybe a different way will work.
Zoran: Four days. You exercised for only four days.
Copycat: Four whole days devoted to conditioning my body to the best that it could be and bringing myself to new limits. And it still wasn’t enough.
Zoran: Let me get zis straight. You lost your first match after preparing yourself physically for a physical competition, and instead of zinking zat you haven’t conditioned yourself enough, you zink ze problem is zat you… are too conditioned.
Copycat: Alright. Here’s the plan. When the bell rings, I hide underneath the ring.-
Zoran: Let me stop you right zere.
Copycat: Huh?
Zoran: So you want to eliminate yourself from ze ring immediately?
Copycat: Maybe I’ll leave the ring from under the ropes?
Zoran: So your music plays, everyone knows you’re coming and you think zat you can just hide under ze ring and hope everyone forgets about you?
Copycat: It’s worked so far!
Zoran: Zis is ze Rumble, Copycat. You need to be able to at ze very least blend in. Mongo doesn’t even zink zat you’re a wrestler and Joey Hawke is likely to go along with it if it means you’re going to go away. I don’t zink he finds you to be X*Crown material.
Copycat: Joey Hawke doesn’t like me? He doesn’t think I’m not X*Crown material? How could that be?!
And with that, Copycat launches another popcorn. He overshoots and smack-dabs hits him in the eye. He writhes around in pain for a good moment.
Zoran: …I haven’t ze slightest idea.
~The scene cuts to…~
King Edmund IV: We almost got them! Full speed ahead!
The sky is bright. The sky is blue and… King Edmund is not actually aboard a mighty warship like he was in the last promo or like his language would suggest. Instead, King Edmund is actually on top of his lowly mute servant, Mutt, in a piggy-back fashion. The camera rotates behind him to find who Mutt is chasing It’s a husband and wife, both wearing rags and filthy.
Peasant: Please, my King! Show some mercy!
King Edmund IV: Mercy?! BAH! You have been caught red-handed trying to escape the GLORIOUS country of SUPREMIA! The punishment of which is…
King Edmund leans down to Mutt.
King Edmund IV: What’s the punishment for escape again?
Mutt: *huff*
King Edmund IV: Ah, yes. Thank you, Mutt.
King Edmund gives Mutt a carrot before scratching him before his ears and straightening his back. Mutt eagerly munches down on the carrot.
King Edmund IV: The punishment for ESCAPE is… *HUFF* …Wait. That’s not right. How dare you mislead me like that, Mutt! Give me that carrot back!
King Edmund shoves his hand straight into the mouth of Mutt and pulls out half a carrot and a seemingly liter’s worth of saliva. King Edmund furiously shakes the saliva off his hand. Mutt makes a low-toned groan. As he recovers, another member of the Supremian Guard arrives.
Supremian Guard: My King, may I ask why you are dealing with this common criminal and not leaving this to your obedient guard?
King Edmund IV: Why yes, my dear soldier. You see, another Rumble is approaching.
The Supremian Guard cocks an eyebrow.
Supremian Guard: I don’t… understand, my King. You are alive and well. Are you voluntarily stepping down from your position as king?
King Edmund is so taken aback, Mutt has to reposition the weight so that he doesn’t topple over.
King Edmund IV: BAH! Absolutely not! I’m not talking about the Righteous Supremian Royalty Rumble that is designed to decide the new leader for Supremia, and must be described in such an expository way that those who were previously unfamiliar with the Rumble would understand by the way it was described! No, I’m talking about a different Rumble - the XHF Rumble!
Supremian Guard: Ah! My… My apologies, my King! So what does chasing down criminals have to do with this!?
King Edmund IV: It is simple. I will take down my opponents before the match even begins! I am now researching the most efficient ways to do that!
Supremian Guard: My King, if you leave it to our intelligence department, we can use the internet and find your enemies ourselves!
King Edmund’s face goes blank for a few moment before scrunching up in anger once again.
King Edmund IV: Pfft, I don’t need you to do that! I can find the net myself!
King Edmund IV turns to the deserters. He examines their means of escape, which consists of a dilapidated raft and a few other supplies. Among those is a net.
King Edmund IV: You there! What are you planning on doing with that net?!
Peasant: Well, we were planning on using it to catch fish to survive until we made it to the UK.
King Edmund IV: Well it’s now the property of Supremia! …Well, I suppose it always has been, but I’m taking it now! We will be using this net to find my enemies and DESTROY THEM!
Supremian Guard: My King, I think I might need to explain. I wasn’t talking about a net. I was talking about the internet, which is an interconnected series of-
King Edmund IV: SILENCE, GUARD! Do NOT try to contradict your KING! I know EXACTLY how to use this INTER NET to find my opponents, AND FIND THEM I WILL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?
The Supremian Guard starts to mutter a few times before forcing himself to comply with this ridiculous assertion from his king.
Supremian Guard: Yes… Yes, my King.
King Edmund IV: Good. Guard, you may detain her. And Mutt… LET’S GO DESTROY OUR ENEMIES!!!
~The scene cuts to…~
Copycat is sitting on a table across from Zoran. Copycat frowns at the table’s plate filled with cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, and other healthy vegetables. Copycat unenthusiastically stabs a tree of broccoli with a fork and puts it in his mouth.
Zoran: I know you may not like zis, but I promise you if you treat your body right, it will also treat you right too.
Copycat: Uh huh… Maybe if I pretend this broccoli tastes like a creme brulee, it will go down easier.
Zoran: Sure. But remember zere was a time you had nothing to eat. You’d love to eat something like zis, wouldn’t you?
Copycat: OH, THAT’S RIGHT!
Immediately, Copycat starts shoveling down food. He continues going until the door bursts open!
Copycat: GAH!
Zoran: Who’s zere?!
Mutt grabs a trumpet and starts playing a royal tune.
King Edmund IV: Commoners, you have the honour of being conquered by Your Majesty, King Edmund IV! From henceforth, I decree this house to be the sovereign property of SUPREMIA! Mutt, capture them!
In his injured state, Zoran’s eyes widened. Mutt stampedes forward to Copycat, however. Copycat, cowers behind the table in fear.
Copycat: AH! PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!
Mutt stops dead in his tracks. He sees the leftover food from Copycat, full of fresh, crisp vegetables. He begins chomping on them in delight.
King Edmund IV: Bah! Mutt, you are USELESS! I guess the KING must do everything himself!
Zoran tries to end this confrontation without having to fight.
Zoran: Along with having a reputation for cutting folks... you may remember me from having won ze X*Crown Championship more zan once before.
King Edmund IV: Maybe so, but I will be the next person to win the X*Crown Championship at the XHF Rumble! In fact, I’ll be the LAST one to win the X*Crown Championship!
Copycat: Excuse me, Mr. Edward sir, but I don’t know how that’s possible. You know, everything that has a beginning, has an end. I don’t know how you can be the champion for an infinite amount of ti-
King Edmund IV: SILENCE!
Copycat cowers in fear once more.
King Edmund IV: In fact, I’ve brought about the weapon that will stop you dead in your tracks! BEHOLD, THE INTER NET!
King Edmund pulls out… a fishing net.
Zoran: …Ze internet?
King Edmund IV grabs the net and throws it on Zoran, which… has no effect.
King Edmund IV: …WHAT!? WHY HAS THIS FAILED! THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE HAPPENED! MUTT! MUTT!
Mutt does not respond, for all of his attention is on the produce-filled plate in front of him. Copycat soon helps the net from over Zoran as King Edmund IV makes a tactical retreat.
Zoran: I don’t know what to make from all zis.
Copycat: I guess… after all this madness, there’s only one thing left to do.
~The scene cuts to…~
Copycat: I feel it in my bones, Zoran! This is the moment!
The camera pans to a piece of popcorn on Copycat’s belly. He bounces it out, and the popcorn flies in the air. It lands in his mouth!
Copycat: I did it! I did i-ACK!
Immediately, Copycat begins choking. Zoran immediately kicks into action. Despite his injury, he helps Copycat get up off the ground and performs the heimlich maneuver onto him with one arm. Fortunately, the popcorn shoots out of Copycat’s mouth.
Zoran: Are you alright, my friend?
Copycat takes a moment to recompose himself.
Copycat: Yeah… Yeah, I am.
Zoran: Good. Let’s not try zat trick anymore. But it’z getting late. I better get home.
Copycat: Thank you so much for saving me.
With a smile, Zoran heads out. Copycat smiles and remembers the touch of Zoran’s hands on Copycat’s belly.
Copycat: That man… was my knight in shining armor. I’m just so blessed to have someone in my life who cares about me so much. He would be an amazing role model in my child’s life. My Zoran.
Copycat smiles longingly at the thought of Zoran, before taking the piece of popcorn that was expelled from his lungs and storing it in a box. Fade out.
