Welcome to Earf (Rumble rp 3)
Apr 16, 2023 0:21:29 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Jack Diamond, and 3 more like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Apr 16, 2023 0:21:29 GMT -5
Kanyons Krib
“WELCOME BACK TO SLAP FIGHT!”
Hanky Spike is glued to the big tv screen in Kanyons backyard. After a job well done in saving the world, Kanyon decided to have the boys over for some quality fights.
Hanky Spike: This is great. It’s like turn based combat and nobody has any defense stats.
Kanyon: I’m glad your having a good time, bro.
Kanyon said, turning his wheelchair to look at Steve who was just stirring his ice cream around in his cup with his spoon.
Kanyon: What’s wrong Steve? We just saved the world, Slap Fights is on, I don’t think anything will top my last bang…and you have plenty of time to focus solely on The Rumble.you should be ecstatic!
Steve nods but it certainly looked lackluster.
“I know, I know. I mean I am happy, but I just can’t shake this vibe that we are forgetting or overlooking something. I mean we apparently “beat the bad guys” but this is only the third roleplay….things can’t be wrapped up that early.”
Hanky Spike: Hey we were all in there. We just barely escaped with our lives in that explosion. There is no way Todd Lerr and his crew survived. And even if he did…the Earth wasn’t blown up. I think that’s as much of a win as we can ask for.”
Kanyon: Yeah. So eat your ice cream, be happy, and watch these dudes slap the shit out of each other!
He’d rather not watch that trash. But maybe they were right. Maybe everything is wrapped up? Maybe they didn’t have anything to worry about anymore? Maybe it’s okay to be done after three solid roleplays? They do say quality over quantity…..
All of a sudden Steve heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. Steve’s heart stopped as his head jerked toward that direction. He didn’t take another breath until he was sure there was no one there.
Or maybe not?
The bros partied and celebrated into the night. After they were done, Hanky Spike and Steve left Kanyons house to head back to Steve’s hotel room.
Steve felt like he was being watched…
~
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
“Of course I’m not so arrogant that I think I’m going to be able to walk through just everyone in the rumble. While there are the lowest of the lows, there are also some people that I’m looking forward to meeting up with, some for the first time ever.”
Fade in on Steve Awesome as he faces the camera.
“Take Cross Recoba. I don’t think I’ve ever had a match against him. But look at this guy….he’s like a pretty boy business exec. He’s what would happen if they mashed up Wolf of Wallstreet with the Barbie Movie.”
Steve shrugs.
“But he’s good. He went and won the HardKore World Title from my buddy Marty. And that sucks for Marty but rest assured his friend Steve Awesome is going to take that title back for him sooner or later. This is the rumble, this is the Global scene. This is where I thrive. And Cross, you can sit behind your desk and crunch the numbers on why that is all you want but for someone like you they will never add up because you're not on my level!”
So Cross Recoba can suck it.”
Crotch chop.
“Then there is Natasha. Big time spooky witch lady that can cast spells. Not going to lie, that kind of worries me. I really want to win the Rumble but I’m not trying to have cast a spooky spell where I puke up poop and poop out puke. That’s literally one of my biggest fears….”
Steve shudders at the thought.
“So I have Tuna Meltzer attempting to track down some kind of relic that can make me immune to witches. As of right now, if I end up in the ring with Natasha I’m just going to put a ring of salt around me and throw water at her and just really hope for the best.”
Steve rubs his chin as thinks.
“Maybe I can convince Copycat to take the bullet for me and then when Natasha isn’t paying attention boom I toss her witch ass over the top rope. Because at the end of the day she can’t contend with the magic that happens when Awesome-Mania goes running wild!”
So both Natasha AND Copycat can suck it!”
Two more crotch chops.
“How about Lord Dominicus? To be honest I probably mixed things up with this guy way back in like two thousand eight or nine. But lately we have been to different shows and in different places. And we generally just don’t get put against each other.
“And it’s hard to believe that I’ve known Lord Dominicus for as long as I have. It’s crazy to be that after at least fifteen years this man is still out there….
“….wearing that stupid cape and those god awful kick pads.”
Steve just laughs.
“Like you gotta stop and really think about the fact that Lord Dominicus is at least pushing forty and he’s still out here prancing around in black tights and calling himself a super villain.”
The prettiest player in the game laughed and ran a palm through his luscious hair.
“If I run across the evil super villain in this rumble I’m going to kick him in his dick so hard he goes from Vantablack to Vanna White and then I’m going to give him the power of flight when I send his “Dork Lord” looking ass flying over the top rope!”
“You know what Lord Dominicus can do? Oh yeah that’s right he can suck it!”
A really super evil crotch chop from the Face of the Franchise.
How about Jack Diamond?”
Steve sneers at the name.
“The golden wrestler. I’ve read the dirt sheets. Jack Diamond always has a five star match. Six stars if it happens in Vegas. I’m so sick of hearing how many stars Jack Diamond gets and how great his matches are because other then that, my dude is boring. My man literally has two different personalities and neither of them have any charisma whatsoever.”
Steve rolls his eyes, obviously a little jealous of Jack Diamond.
“If I meet Jack Diamond in the middle of this rumble I’m going to slap him in his stupid face for every freakin star he has in those stupid dirt sheets. Then I’m going to give a five star flight right out of MY rumble!”
“Jack Diamond…..SUCKIT!”
Crotch chop for the Tapout Champion.
“Thespian? Suck it.”
“Random McCologne or whatever there name is…..roll the dice…”
Steve does a very lude hand gesture near his genitals that could be considered him pantomiming the rolling of dice. He then launches into the screen.
“Ohhhh that’s a critical on Suck it.”
Death Trap….him and his hat can suck it.
Bloodied Fox. Le Suck it.
Cheez…..well actually Cheez is like my twenty third or twenty fourth favorite wrestler. So I’m going to get his little autograph on an eight by ten and then I’m going to send his dumb ass over the top rope!
He hits another crotch chop.
“SUCK IT!!!!”
“It doesn’t matter who steps in my way at the rumble. I’m going to toss them out of the rumble. Because I’m going to be the one to take the XCrown Title from Dylan Black! I’m going to outlast them all!”
Fade out on his confident eyes.
~
But it wasn’t until morning that something happened!
His hotel room was ransacked. Hanky Spike was nowhere to be found and a note was left. “Come to the studio or else your friend gets it”
Steve bolted out the door.
Steve ran up to the studio where he shot his films. He walked inside and to his surprise he was met with an ambush right off the bat. Steve was able to shake off the baby sized aliens and take off down the hall.
Steve turns a corner quickly, barely dodging some ray gun blasts! Steve can see down the hall that the other exits are also guarded so he takes another quick turn before the small legged creatures could catch up and see which way he went.
Steve found himself running through a hallway with empty dressing rooms. Suddenly he saw one that was occupied. As he got closer to it, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The name on the door said “Brendan Fraser”.
Steve knocked on the door but no one answered.
“Look, Brendan. It’s Steve Awesome. If you’re in there man I need you to open the door and help me bro!”
Steve looks around and doesn’t see his assailants just yet.
“I know I haven’t said some very nice things about you in the press ever since you won my-uh-ever since you won the Oscar. But the Earth may be at stake….”
Steve glances down the hall again and to his right he sees a group of guards come running toward him!
“And between me and you….I really did like the Whale.”
Steve wiped away a tear.
“It was beautiful.”
The guards continue to get closer.
“So Brendan Fraser If your in there please open this door and help me. With this alien problem and with my acting. Help me become a true Oscar winner….”
Steve stepped back and hoped that the door would open. He waited even as the guards continued to run down the long, long, very long hallway.
But nothing….
So Steve ran left and soon he was met with a group of guards coming to the left. Steve was surrounded. Todd Lerr stepped forward, pointing a ray gun at Steve.
“Where’s Spike?”
Todd Lerr flashed an evil smile. He reached inside his pockets and pulled out a handful of torn and tattered plaid handkerchief scraps. The float down like confetti to the floor and Steve drops to his knees and grips the lifeless scraps in his hand and cries.
“Nooooo! Spike! Your dead!…. Again….for like the fifth time…it never gets any easier, brother…”
Steve glances up, pulls his sunglasses off and glares at Todd Lerr with eyes full of teary rage.
“You just fucked up worse then you could have ever fucked up, Todd. Im going to kick the shit out of each and every one of you. Ray Blasters be damned. You can’t win this fight.”
Todd shrugged his shoulders.
Todd Lerr: I'm not the one fighting. Your replacement is.”
Todd Lerr pointed to something behind Steve. Steve slowly turned around and much to his shock he spotted none other than WILL SMITH!
Will Smith: Welcome to Earth!
And with that Will Smith punched Steve out and the Face of the Franchise fell to the ground in a haze.
Steve’s vision was blurry but he could still hear.
Will Smith: Thanks for giving me this chance, Todd. I’ll do anything to get back into the good graces of the academy.
Todd Lerr: That’s why we love you, Will. Now let’s take this idiot back to Intergalactic Planet 97 so he can’t ruin my plans to blow up his stupid planet.
Todd smashes Steve with the butt of his gun as the Steve slowly fades to black.
Hoooo doggy. Where are they taking Steve? I can’t believe they got Will Smith! How will our hero overcome this one? Find out a next time!!!
“WELCOME BACK TO SLAP FIGHT!”
Hanky Spike is glued to the big tv screen in Kanyons backyard. After a job well done in saving the world, Kanyon decided to have the boys over for some quality fights.
Hanky Spike: This is great. It’s like turn based combat and nobody has any defense stats.
Kanyon: I’m glad your having a good time, bro.
Kanyon said, turning his wheelchair to look at Steve who was just stirring his ice cream around in his cup with his spoon.
Kanyon: What’s wrong Steve? We just saved the world, Slap Fights is on, I don’t think anything will top my last bang…and you have plenty of time to focus solely on The Rumble.you should be ecstatic!
Steve nods but it certainly looked lackluster.
“I know, I know. I mean I am happy, but I just can’t shake this vibe that we are forgetting or overlooking something. I mean we apparently “beat the bad guys” but this is only the third roleplay….things can’t be wrapped up that early.”
Hanky Spike: Hey we were all in there. We just barely escaped with our lives in that explosion. There is no way Todd Lerr and his crew survived. And even if he did…the Earth wasn’t blown up. I think that’s as much of a win as we can ask for.”
Kanyon: Yeah. So eat your ice cream, be happy, and watch these dudes slap the shit out of each other!
He’d rather not watch that trash. But maybe they were right. Maybe everything is wrapped up? Maybe they didn’t have anything to worry about anymore? Maybe it’s okay to be done after three solid roleplays? They do say quality over quantity…..
All of a sudden Steve heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. Steve’s heart stopped as his head jerked toward that direction. He didn’t take another breath until he was sure there was no one there.
Or maybe not?
The bros partied and celebrated into the night. After they were done, Hanky Spike and Steve left Kanyons house to head back to Steve’s hotel room.
Steve felt like he was being watched…
~
STEVE AWESOME
FACE OF THE FRANCHISE
“Of course I’m not so arrogant that I think I’m going to be able to walk through just everyone in the rumble. While there are the lowest of the lows, there are also some people that I’m looking forward to meeting up with, some for the first time ever.”
Fade in on Steve Awesome as he faces the camera.
“Take Cross Recoba. I don’t think I’ve ever had a match against him. But look at this guy….he’s like a pretty boy business exec. He’s what would happen if they mashed up Wolf of Wallstreet with the Barbie Movie.”
Steve shrugs.
“But he’s good. He went and won the HardKore World Title from my buddy Marty. And that sucks for Marty but rest assured his friend Steve Awesome is going to take that title back for him sooner or later. This is the rumble, this is the Global scene. This is where I thrive. And Cross, you can sit behind your desk and crunch the numbers on why that is all you want but for someone like you they will never add up because you're not on my level!”
So Cross Recoba can suck it.”
Crotch chop.
“Then there is Natasha. Big time spooky witch lady that can cast spells. Not going to lie, that kind of worries me. I really want to win the Rumble but I’m not trying to have cast a spooky spell where I puke up poop and poop out puke. That’s literally one of my biggest fears….”
Steve shudders at the thought.
“So I have Tuna Meltzer attempting to track down some kind of relic that can make me immune to witches. As of right now, if I end up in the ring with Natasha I’m just going to put a ring of salt around me and throw water at her and just really hope for the best.”
Steve rubs his chin as thinks.
“Maybe I can convince Copycat to take the bullet for me and then when Natasha isn’t paying attention boom I toss her witch ass over the top rope. Because at the end of the day she can’t contend with the magic that happens when Awesome-Mania goes running wild!”
So both Natasha AND Copycat can suck it!”
Two more crotch chops.
“How about Lord Dominicus? To be honest I probably mixed things up with this guy way back in like two thousand eight or nine. But lately we have been to different shows and in different places. And we generally just don’t get put against each other.
“And it’s hard to believe that I’ve known Lord Dominicus for as long as I have. It’s crazy to be that after at least fifteen years this man is still out there….
“….wearing that stupid cape and those god awful kick pads.”
Steve just laughs.
“Like you gotta stop and really think about the fact that Lord Dominicus is at least pushing forty and he’s still out here prancing around in black tights and calling himself a super villain.”
The prettiest player in the game laughed and ran a palm through his luscious hair.
“If I run across the evil super villain in this rumble I’m going to kick him in his dick so hard he goes from Vantablack to Vanna White and then I’m going to give him the power of flight when I send his “Dork Lord” looking ass flying over the top rope!”
“You know what Lord Dominicus can do? Oh yeah that’s right he can suck it!”
A really super evil crotch chop from the Face of the Franchise.
How about Jack Diamond?”
Steve sneers at the name.
“The golden wrestler. I’ve read the dirt sheets. Jack Diamond always has a five star match. Six stars if it happens in Vegas. I’m so sick of hearing how many stars Jack Diamond gets and how great his matches are because other then that, my dude is boring. My man literally has two different personalities and neither of them have any charisma whatsoever.”
Steve rolls his eyes, obviously a little jealous of Jack Diamond.
“If I meet Jack Diamond in the middle of this rumble I’m going to slap him in his stupid face for every freakin star he has in those stupid dirt sheets. Then I’m going to give a five star flight right out of MY rumble!”
“Jack Diamond…..SUCKIT!”
Crotch chop for the Tapout Champion.
“Thespian? Suck it.”
“Random McCologne or whatever there name is…..roll the dice…”
Steve does a very lude hand gesture near his genitals that could be considered him pantomiming the rolling of dice. He then launches into the screen.
“Ohhhh that’s a critical on Suck it.”
Death Trap….him and his hat can suck it.
Bloodied Fox. Le Suck it.
Cheez…..well actually Cheez is like my twenty third or twenty fourth favorite wrestler. So I’m going to get his little autograph on an eight by ten and then I’m going to send his dumb ass over the top rope!
He hits another crotch chop.
“SUCK IT!!!!”
“It doesn’t matter who steps in my way at the rumble. I’m going to toss them out of the rumble. Because I’m going to be the one to take the XCrown Title from Dylan Black! I’m going to outlast them all!”
Fade out on his confident eyes.
~
But it wasn’t until morning that something happened!
His hotel room was ransacked. Hanky Spike was nowhere to be found and a note was left. “Come to the studio or else your friend gets it”
Steve bolted out the door.
Steve ran up to the studio where he shot his films. He walked inside and to his surprise he was met with an ambush right off the bat. Steve was able to shake off the baby sized aliens and take off down the hall.
Steve turns a corner quickly, barely dodging some ray gun blasts! Steve can see down the hall that the other exits are also guarded so he takes another quick turn before the small legged creatures could catch up and see which way he went.
Steve found himself running through a hallway with empty dressing rooms. Suddenly he saw one that was occupied. As he got closer to it, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The name on the door said “Brendan Fraser”.
Steve knocked on the door but no one answered.
“Look, Brendan. It’s Steve Awesome. If you’re in there man I need you to open the door and help me bro!”
Steve looks around and doesn’t see his assailants just yet.
“I know I haven’t said some very nice things about you in the press ever since you won my-uh-ever since you won the Oscar. But the Earth may be at stake….”
Steve glances down the hall again and to his right he sees a group of guards come running toward him!
“And between me and you….I really did like the Whale.”
Steve wiped away a tear.
“It was beautiful.”
The guards continue to get closer.
“So Brendan Fraser If your in there please open this door and help me. With this alien problem and with my acting. Help me become a true Oscar winner….”
Steve stepped back and hoped that the door would open. He waited even as the guards continued to run down the long, long, very long hallway.
But nothing….
So Steve ran left and soon he was met with a group of guards coming to the left. Steve was surrounded. Todd Lerr stepped forward, pointing a ray gun at Steve.
“Where’s Spike?”
Todd Lerr flashed an evil smile. He reached inside his pockets and pulled out a handful of torn and tattered plaid handkerchief scraps. The float down like confetti to the floor and Steve drops to his knees and grips the lifeless scraps in his hand and cries.
“Nooooo! Spike! Your dead!…. Again….for like the fifth time…it never gets any easier, brother…”
Steve glances up, pulls his sunglasses off and glares at Todd Lerr with eyes full of teary rage.
“You just fucked up worse then you could have ever fucked up, Todd. Im going to kick the shit out of each and every one of you. Ray Blasters be damned. You can’t win this fight.”
Todd shrugged his shoulders.
Todd Lerr: I'm not the one fighting. Your replacement is.”
Todd Lerr pointed to something behind Steve. Steve slowly turned around and much to his shock he spotted none other than WILL SMITH!
Will Smith: Welcome to Earth!
And with that Will Smith punched Steve out and the Face of the Franchise fell to the ground in a haze.
Steve’s vision was blurry but he could still hear.
Will Smith: Thanks for giving me this chance, Todd. I’ll do anything to get back into the good graces of the academy.
Todd Lerr: That’s why we love you, Will. Now let’s take this idiot back to Intergalactic Planet 97 so he can’t ruin my plans to blow up his stupid planet.
Todd smashes Steve with the butt of his gun as the Steve slowly fades to black.
Hoooo doggy. Where are they taking Steve? I can’t believe they got Will Smith! How will our hero overcome this one? Find out a next time!!!
