Preparing for the Feast [ZS CF]

[mosler]

The overture of Rossini’s La Gaza Ladra plays as a slow fade takes us from a black screen into the distressed eye of a fish. Iridescent pigments covering the ocular area make its pupil sparkle like the night sky, suggesting that this aquatic life form is of the Tetraodontidae family. A hand reaches down, gripping the fish just below the gills – and lifts it out from a grey bin. The ride is brief.

SMACK.

A tight close-up on the fish soon cuts to a long shot, as The Final Boss slams it down on a Calacatta marble island. The Sainovic’s stately home has the kind of kitchen that suggests that Zoran is serious about his food. Even if the XHF Devil wasn’t wearing a satanic red uniform that makes him look like a sinister Iron Chef, there is the fact that he is preparing a tiger pufferfish. That usually requires some degree of skill.

Reaching across the counter, Sainovic picks up a fuguhiki – a slender knife used for preparing blowfish sashimi. The overhead lights glisten off the blade, as its prey struggles to breath.

Zoran Sainovic:

Cruiserfest...

A faint smile creeps across Sainovic’s thin lips, as eyes far colder than the fish’s stare into the camera.

Zoran Sainovic:

Ze Rumble. End of Days. Seems like Cruiserfest is ze only XHF singles event zat I have yet to add to my resume... and as luck would have it, zis year... (eyes narrow) I actually made weight.

Running a tap on his meal, Sainovic rinses it down – distracting the pufferfish from the straight cut through the top of its head. The killing blow.

Zoran Sainovic:

You see... (gestures with the knife around his own midsection) I am normally categorized as a heavyweight. Apparently a rare breed. One of ze few titans in zese parts, as ze vast majority of Network talent falls into ze lighter weight class. (arches brow) Almost makes you wonder why we’re celebrating cruisers like zey were a specialization, when zey actually represent ze status quo. ...Of course, ZIS HEAVYWEIGHT has spent ze past year dominating ze X*Crown scene... so perhaps I HAVE relegated smaller athletes to ze kiddie table?

Chuckling at the thought of justifying an event, even as he makes a mockery of it – Zoran Sainovic slashes off the pectoral fins with a precision worthy of food porn.

Zoran Sainovic:

By all accounts, zis event should be a cakewalk for me... ze only problem is... ze cake part. I enjoy eating. Not just chewing scenery, chomping zrough future prospects, and spitting out ze competition – but actual cuisine ...worthy of my time. So even zough it would be an impressive distinction to be ze ONLY MAN with ze BIG ZREE events under his belt... do I really want to tighten my belt? Yes, I am a cruiserweight zis month – but do I want to remain in zis lesser state? If I won cruiserfest, and ze championship, I’d be forced to really reign in my appetite for as long as I held ze title.  Ze cost of some victories is too high...

The dorsal fin, then anal fin go next.

Zoran Sainovic:

Now I could run down ze list of competitors – come up with some snarky comment to make you zink even less of Noel Edmonds zan you already do... but zat seems like more of an Eli Dresden approach. With zat many bodies in ze ring, zere is a very good chance I will never trade blows with Yuki Sakaraba – so why bother insulting ze quality of her acting? Utterly pointless. Yes, zeoretically everyone involved in zis match is my opponent – but let’s be honest, zere are only two other participants zat concern me. My fellow champions.

A swift slice, flicks away the caudal fin.

Zoran Sainovic:

Now I hear you asking: “Mister Sainovic – if you have no intention of winning cruiserfest, why are you wasting your precious time on it?” A valid concern.

With the fins removed, Zoran stops his deliberate pace – and begins to methodically slice away. Though his menacing gaze is fixed on the camera, his knife continues to dance – carving away at the pufferfish.

Zoran Sainovic:

Why would I want to take zis career highlight away from ze defending champion? I don’t... frankly, zat sounds like something Venom might do. Deplorable. No, zis is El Rey’s match to win. Cruiserfest will be ze crowning achievement of my star pupil, and I for one could not be happier for ze boy. It would be nice if all of Rey’s family turned up for ze big occasion. Unfortunately, XHF Birthday Bash left Venom in a presumably vegetative state, due to some typical BANG Bros negligence. Realistically, Venom wouldn’t have made an appearance anyway – because he’s kind of a deadbeat. At zis point in his cruiser run, it’s important for El Rey’s psychology zat someone lives vicariously through him, so it’s only fitting zat ze champ enjoys a cheering section from his TRUE father figure. Trust me, even if it means degrading myself by standing within ten feet of Jayson Matthews - I have ensured zat I have ze best seat in ze house to witness Rey’s triumph. Ze fact zat holding onto ze belt gets Rey a step closer to officially burying Fox’s record? Zat’s just ze cherry on top.

A fiendish grin crosses Sainovic’s face at the thought of undermining Fox’s achievements, only for it to immediately fade at the mention of cherries. Approaching a more difficult portion of his meal prep, Sainovic finally looks down at his blade work – while continuing to speak.

Zoran Sainovic:

Dylan Black. My only equal. I see him facing Fox’s EX in zat Visual Kai sham, and I zink – surely, it has to be more dignified to no show? Dylan is better zan zat. Is it ze Night of Champions or night of sketchy interim champions? Disgusting. Watching Dylan have to degrade himself zat way genuinely makes me nauseous. Oh, Dylan could pick up Cruiserfest as a silver lining to ze evening's indignity – but what does zat prove? His superiority to Eron Hunter? What a shock. No, Dylan Black DESERVES a challenge zat is worthy of him... a REAL opponent. ...Shedding blood with my Super Frenemy is ze other reason I signed up for zis little encounter. Yes, XHF management can stick a dozen random wrestlers in a ring, but I will cut zrough ze impersonal personnel to find ze heart of ze matter. If viewers want to see real champions zat night, look past ze gold, and instead turn your attention to ze passion we show when brutalizing one another. Dylan Black. Zoran Sainovic. Fox and Awesome may be in ze main event, but zey won’t be able to follow us...

Having completely the last slash, Sainovic begins to arrange the cuts.

Zoran Sainovic:

So zere you have it. Have fun with Dylan, and enjoy Rey’s moment. Two perfectly valid reasons for me to participate in zis cruiserfest, without expecting to set another XHF milestone as ze only person to win all global singles events. Just as I can find other achievements, so too can ze rest of you.  You may not be half ze wrestler I am, or winners, but... (polite nod) you do have better metabolisms zan me.  Take pride in zem ...but don't boast.  Or I'll be forced to cut out your thyroid glands, and use zem as a garnish. (the smile doesn't lie) It’s nice to keep zings in perspective. For instance, I’m a big fish in a small pond. Having declared my intentions, it would be in ze best interest of all involved, if you don’t get between Dylan and me... or try to beat El Rey. ......Why if Rey was somehow removed from Cruiserfest, I’d have to win myself... and zat would incredibly dangerous.

The Final Boss holds up a strip of the pufferfish, even as he uses his blade to continue his arrangement.

Zoran Sainovic:

Zis is Fugu. A delicacy. Most of it is quite toxic, and potentially fatal. If not prepared perfectly, ze poison can result in death. Oh, zere are some farms zat are turning zem out in a less lethal state – but where is ze fun in zat? In zis match, in our small pond, zink of me as Fugu. (smile) All puffed up? (smile fades) No. I’m ze dangerous element zat is adding excitement to ze proceedings. You all just have to follow ze script I’ve laid out, recognize you probably are incapable of finding my inner goodness, and know zat even going near me is a DEADLY prospect...

Putting down his fuguhiki, The Final Boss finishes plating the sashimi he’s produced. Holding the porcelain dish up to the camera, the Fugu has been elaborately arranged into an exquisite flower.

The Final Boss is all heart.