I've got a dream (Mouse Party)

[Spike Kane]

I’ve never been one to bask in happiness, it’s a state of being that almost always seems to escape me. I tried to cultivate that with family, many years ago when I thought I’d found my sister, when my brother Brad emerged from the wilderness that is the United States of America…

…how wrong was I?

I tried again with the broken relationships I’ve had over the years. Tanya Bird way back in my first stint in the XHF…and our son, my poor son, who inherited my horrible heart condition and it took his life. The first child I lost.

Xander was a different story….I’ll never forgive her for bringing a gun into our household.

Even now, with my two grown children running around IWF….there was never happiness with them. They’ve grown to hate me as much as anyone in this business does, and I’m not able to escape the blame there either. I’ve done some horrible things over the span of my career, I’ve hurt a lot of people….and I’ve ended careers.

But I always did it within the confines of the squared circle.

I never tried to run someone down because I wasn’t capable of beating them in the middle of the ring, like a coward.

So no…happiness….it’s not a friend of mine, and now we’re venturing into the happiest place on planet Earth. Huh….well, I’m gonna rock up to this Mouse Party, and I’m going to carve a little piece of happiness for myself.

Just like I did at the Rumble.

Just like I did before Night of Champions.

I’ll ruin Donzigs night, and that…

Well that does make me happy.

—

We open up on the small cottage amidst the marijuana farm often shared by Spike and his tag team partner PRICE. The two are sat on the porch, as PRICE pulls out a bag of the stuff.

PRICE: So, I found this while you were “away”

Spike: Oh shit, is that Dax’s stuff?

PRICE: Yeah I was savin’ it, didn’t feel right smoking on my own.

Spike: Aww you’re so precious. Let’s light this shit up, it’s powerful stuff man. From some place he called the “Feywild” whatever the fuck that means

We comically cut to a sped up scene of PRICE rolling joints, and the two of them smoking before the screen begins to get all wavy. Suddenly, PRICE and Spike, as well as the scene around them, become animated. Their eyes (though red) become fairly large and cute, as inside the cottage, which is now much larger than it has every right to be, music begins to play. Inside we see the BANG! Bros, Steve Awesome, Curtis Kanyon (in a wheelchair) and El Combatiente, as well as Spike’s old friends, the Giant Turtle/Tortle Dax, and the chaotic Red Panda, Tomo.

Without warning, Dax bursts into song.

Dax: I'm malicious, mean and scary
My sneer could curdle dairy
And violence wise, my hands are not the cleanest

Tomo points to a weapons rack, with several axes stained with blood. There’s a sign above that reads “Dax’s Paint Sticks”

Dax: But despite my evil look
And my temper, and my hook
I've always yearned to be a concert pianist!

The BANG! Bros, PRICE, and Spike all begin to dance around the room in a clearly well choreographed dance.

Dax: Can't ya see me on the stage performin' Mozart
Ticklin' the ivories 'til they gleam?
Yep, I'd rather be called deadly
For my killer show tune medley
'Cause way down deep inside

Now the BANG! Bros join in the chorus

Dax: I've got a dream

BANG! Bros: He's got a dream! He's got a dream!

PRICE leans in with Dax, to take over.

PRICE: See, I ain't as cruel and vicious as I seem
Though I do like breaking femurs
You can count me with the dreamers
Like everybody else! I've got a dream!

Kanyon: I've got scars and lumps and bruises
Plus something here that oozes

He points to one of his legs.

Kanyon: And let's not even mention my complexion
But despite my extra toes
And my goiter, and my nose
I really wanna make a love connection!

Steve begins to wheel Kanyon around the room, while the rest dance around them.

Kanyon: Can't you see me with a special little lady
Rowing in a rowboat down the stream?
Though I'm one disgusting blighter
I'm a lover, not a fighter
'Cause way down deep inside
I've got a dream!

Dax: I've got a dream

BANG! Bros: He's got a dream

Dax: I've got a dream

BANG! Bros: He's got a dream

Kanyon: And I know one day, romance will reign supreme
Though my face leaves people screaming
There's a child behind it, dreaming
Like everybody else! I've got a dream

Dax: Tomo would like to quit and be a florist
EC does interior design
Steve is into mime
PRICE’s cupcakes are sublime
Spike knits, Kanyon sews
Hope does little puppet shows
And Mongo collects ceramic uniiiiicorrrrrns!

Steve Awesome now takes center stage.

Steve: I have dreams like you, no, really
Just much less touchy feely
They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny
On an island that I own
Tanned and rested and alone
Surrounded by enormous piles of money!

Spike now steps forwards, as he sums up the courage to join in.

Spike: I've got a dream

Everyone Else: He's got a dream

Spike: I've got a dream

Everyone Else: He's got a dream

Spike: I just wanna see the blood from Donzig gleam!
And with every passing hour, I'm so glad I left my (hell) tower
Like all you bunch of cunts, I've got a dream!

Everyone now begins to sing together, back and forth.

He's got a dream (he's got a dream)
They've got a dream, we've got a dream

El Combatiente: So our differences ain't really that extreme
We're one big team
Call us brutal, sick, sadistic
And grotesquely optimistic
'Cause way down deep inside
We've got a dream!

They all come together for the big finally.

Everyone: Yes, way down deep inside
I've got a dreeeeeaaaaam

Just like that, without warning, the music finishes and everyone just begins milling about, before the scene goes wavy again and PRICE and Spike are sat on their porch, both of them humming the tune.

PRICE: So what is your dream?

Spike: ….I want to make Donzig suffer.

PRICE: Dope.

….and we fade, but not quite as faded as those two are.

___

I know this isn’t going to do me any favours, I’m only even entering this thing out of pure spite, but the thing is? Since I debuted in this business way back in 1996? I’ve built quite the career, purely out of spite.

I’ve been held down, told I can’t do this, or I can’t do that. I’ve been labelled as “just a hardcore wrestler” and I’ve had every insult you can ever think of thrown at me, just because people look at me and they see an angry Irishman. They don’t see the passion, the drive, and the skills that burn within me. I’ve travelled the world, and I’ve beaten people in almost every continent. I’ve made my name, time and time again, from federation to federation, but somehow, someway, I always find myself back here ... .with the XHF.

Since my early days, it’s nothing like it was. Nowadays the XHF Network has the greatest talent from all across the world, in every type of situation you can think of. Whether it’s deadly racing teams, or the world's most over bears, there’s a flavour for every choice.

But weirdly enough, I’ve never been to Disney World.

I guess it’s time to change that.

I don’t harbour any ill will against pretty much everyone involved in this….just Donzig. I have a single focus, and that is to beat him within an inch of his life….let him recover, and do it again. And again. And again.

Am I making my point yet?

I don’t want to get pulled into more drama, and I don’t want to get weighed down by people holding grudges against me because I stepped on their dreams. So I’m going to make this as crystal clear as I possibly can. Stay out of my way, and leave Donzig for me.

I don’t care if he enters first, or last, that son of a bitch is mine, and I’ll drown every single one of you in the lake if I have to just to get to him. I’m not making idle threats, and I’m not trying to boast, you’re all aware of my career, you’ve seen the things I’ve done, and you should know the levels I’m prepared to go to to get my goal.

If you don’t?

Well, you’re a fucking idiot.

There’s a reason people want me on their rosters, there's a reason people want me on their shows, and there is a reason that fat bastard Mongo made a deal with the devil to get me out of hell. Yeah sure, I went on a little adventure when Donzig ran me over, and I had a little trouble getting back….

I’ll never forgive you Donzig….

Do you know how long I had to spend possessing Steve’s used jock strap?

No amount of therapy will help me recover from that.

But punching your face repeatedly will help.

….see that’s my point I’m trying to make. Year after year people have always tried to downplay my skills. Downplay my achievements. I’m nothing, I’m an old man, I’m a remnant of the past….whatever these fucking dickheads come out with to try and make themselves feel better about the absolute fucking carnage coming their way…

But they are always wrong, aren’t they?

I always deliver. I always bring what I promise.

I’ve won championships everywhere, and I’ve left a blood trail of carnage and chaos in my wake…

So heed my warning. Get out of dodge, and don’t get in my way. I’ll happily climb over the ropes and eliminate myself as long as you fuckers listen to me and let me get my hands on Donzig.

Now it’s time to bring this chaos to the happiest place on earth.

And I can’t fucking wait.