Disney City Shinjuku (Mouse Party)

[Donzig]

DISNEY CITY SHINJUKU
or
Fear and Loathing in the Happiest Place on Earth


‘My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, And every tongue brings in a several tale, And every tale condemns me for a villain.’ ~ Shakespeare, Richard the Third

It was a bright and sunny day in the happiest place on earth, and Hardcore City Shinjuku showed up.

Donzig frowned at them from beneath the hood of his sweatshirt, casting a glance up at the sun. Then he turned back to them, of course everyone was happy to here.

Well, not everyone.

Captain Anarchy scowled back at him, clearly annoyed as he raked his fingers through his hair. Donzig grunted.

‘What’s your deal?’

‘This place is a fucking fairy tale, bro.’

A brown arched, and Donzig shoved back the hood.

‘And? It’s fucking Disney. It is all bastardized, sanitized, and sugar coated fairy tales. That is it’s whole schtick.’

Anarchy shook his head.

‘No, it’s the fairy tale of capitalism. These dudes have turned happiness into a product, they have mass marketed it. This place pretends to be about nostalgia and making memories? It’s just a business, man.’

Saito considered this, and Ace Albany rolled his eyes. Donzig tugged at his beard, looking around before he snorted.

‘Kid, everything is a business. Anyone who tells you anything else is selling something. Ain’t nothing free in this world.’

Donzig was a mercenary at heart, no matter what face he wore. He was quite realistic about that, everything came with a price he knew. Money made the world go around in his experience, but to each their own. He shrugged, and reached for his pocket where he kept his cigars.

Of course, he had left them at the hotel.

Why the fuck was he even here? He had been a little surprised when the envelope arrived with four tickets for Donzig and friends to a party held by Disney’s Marty Donovan. And of course a match. The Scourge had started to stir in his mind as soon as read the note, hissing and snarling about how much he would love to throttle that insipid Marty. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Donzig had assembled the boys and taken off.

Viper had claimed he was not allowed at Disney, which brought up a lot of questions. But since Viper for some reason agitated the angry voice? He didn’t ask any questions.

Shin had just said he had seen more happy places than Disney, and it represented the worst of earth culture.

So there they were.

Donzig sighed, giving up his quest for a cigar before he turned his attention back to the three members of Hardcore City Shinjuku. Saito was like a kid in a candy store, Ace Albany was almost as bad, and Anarchy was as tiresome as always. He looked away again, and blinked as he saw a small group of men dressed like Pirates walking his way. Was that guy supposed to be Jack Sparrow? Fuck, dude didn’t even look like Johnny Depp.

‘This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate so brave on the seven seas.’

A laugh.

But then the pirate captain looked up, eyes narrowed as he met Donzig’s look. Then a voice hissed in mind, and the man seemed to sing. The voice cold and mocking, slightly off key and hissing as he walked closer.

‘The king and his men stole the queen from her bed
And bound her in her bones
The seas be ours and by the powers
Where we will, we'll roam…’

Donzig shook his head, a hand lifting to his temple before he stepped closer. The Jack Sparrow was gone, moving away with a confused look at the suddenly agitated Donzig. A hand fell on his arm, and he jerked it away as he turned to glare at Ace Albany.

‘You okay, man?’

‘What?’

‘We were thinking of heading over to Star Wars.’

Donzig glared at the three, he was distracted now. He could feel that cold brooding presence in the back of his mind. The Scourge was clawing at the walls of his prison, and Donzig looked down to see his hand balled into a fist. He took a deep breath, and stepped back.

‘I’m good, I don’t like Star Wars fans.’

Ace nodded, and Saito shrugged. Anarchy clapped him on the shoulder, nodding.

‘Right? All artistic value has been mined from that shit in the name of corporate greed.’

‘Then why are you going?’

‘I fucking love Star Wars.’

Donzig rolled his eyes, muttering as the three walked off. He was more of a Star Trek man himself, always had been. He grunted, and started down the path before he jerked to a halt as a black robed figure burst from the hedges near him.

The dark faerie, Maleficent, towered over him suddenly. But her eyes blazed with cold fury, and she leveled a finger as the voice of the Great Dark came from her.

‘Forgot to invite someone to this party, eh? You and that fucker Marty! Well, we will just see about that won’t we! Armand steals what is mine, and you take from me! I am going to teach you a lesson, Donzig! You think you can walk into this match and dodge me? Oh, no! No! No! No!’

Donzig snarled, and stared up at the apparition.

‘What are you going to do? Curse a spinning wheel?’

The Scourge Faerie sputtered, and then disappeared.

A thought crept into his mind unbidden, and he grunted.

‘Who the hell is Majesty?’

Donzig walked on, and he rubbed at his beard before he stopped to get a drink. He sipped at it, looking around as he leaned against the wall with an absent nod to a passing family who looked confused as he stood there. He glanced up, shrugging before he turned to see of all things Captain Hook mocking him.

Then the voice of the Scourge came from the man as he gestured with his hook.

‘You think you are so fucking great don’t you! But facts are you are as doomed as Captain Hook here! Tick, tock, tick, tock! Which alligator will get the great Donzig first, eh? Spike? SKY Force? Maybe even Fox? You’re on borrowed time, and every day they come closer and closer! So you think you and your boys can just fuck off to JROK like it’s never never land?’

Donzig’s grabbed the man by his frills, lifting him as he spun him around against the wall. His eyes blazed with fury as he leaned closer, his fingers twisting and clawing as the man flailed with his hook before trying to push him back.

Donzig stared, and shoved him away.

‘Sorry, man. Thought you were someone else, wrestling thing.’

‘Happened alot this week.’ Captain Hook muttered as he adjusted his coat, before touching his mask as he quickly backed away. Donzig swore, a hand pulling at his beard as he started away from the place. He was cracking up, he knew it. The Scourge wouldn’t rest, and he knew it as that voice purred in his mind.

He headed through the park, muttering to himself as he ducked into what appeared to be the Hall of Presidents. He shouldered his way through the crowd, staring at the animatronic puppets as he took a ragged breath.

Then President Trump stared at him, and it hissed.

‘Anyone who thinks my story is anywhere near over is sadly mistaken.’

Donzig swore, and Trump cackled.

‘I have the best lines, the best lines! Everyone knows, everyone says so! The best! And Marty? Marty had tiny hands! Tiny Hands Marty!’

Donzig stepped back, grumbling before he leveled a finger.

‘Are you fucking serious? Have you no shame!’

‘Oh, get off of it! No one, and I mean no one has ever accused either one of us of having too much shame! Now give me what I want!’

Donzig slammed a hand down on the rail.

‘Fuck off! What’s next want to start an insurrection to overthrow the results of the Rumble?’

Trump’s head tilted oddly, cocking to one side with a grinding of gears and straining of servos. It was clearly not made to tilt that way. It’s eyes blinked and then it purred.

‘Would that work you think? Was Spike even in the Rumble? Can you be eliminated by someone not officially in? We could say Fox was an illegitimate champion!’

Donzig gaped.

‘Do you fucking hear yourself? You’re insane!’

Trump’s head twisted, something breaking as the voice grated.

‘I’m insane! I am you! Just give up! No one wants sad, broken down, drinking Donzig! They want me! Me! Me! Me!’

‘You’re a disease!’

‘A disease? Don’t you wish you could inject some bleach and get rid of me? Or maybe some ultraviolet light, eh?’

Donzig swore, and one of the people in the crowd touched his arm.

‘It’s okay! The Trump one upsets a lot of us. I liked the next guy better.’

Donzig grunted, following the pointing finger. And he saw an empty spot, and a brow lifted before he looked around. The lady shrugged.

‘They took down President Kanyon because of some wrestling thing. Afraid it would be damaged?’

‘Really? That’s wild I always rather liked Kanyon.’

‘Me too.’ Grated Trump.

Donzig stomped off, shaking his head as he ran a hand across it. The rest of the crowd gave him an odd look, one man sneering in disgust.

‘Snowflake!’

The Biden statue flared to life suddenly, and stared hard after the retreating Donzig.

‘XHF is a company that can be defined in a single word: Asufutimaehaehfutbw.’

Donzig sighed.

He staggered down the hall of a castle, whose castle was it? Pick a princess, man. I don’t care there are like twenty, I am on the clock.

Donzig tugged at his beard, grumbling as he leaned against the stone wall as he looked around. There was no sign of him at least, for now.

It was a joke in XHF circles that Donzig was everywhere, and he had always laughed at that until today. Facts were? He was everywhere. Suddenly a bent over robes figure appeared beside him, cackling as it held up a shiny apple. Donzig blinked and jerked away as he saw a skull like mask staring from under the hood.

‘Can’t you give it a rest!’

‘We are determined. So fucking determined.’

‘Great, that will pop the three guys who watched BWA. This is what the great and wonderful Scourge does? Cheap heat?’

The Scourge hissed, a hand pressed to those ragged robes. He tossed the apple to Donzig, and jabbed a finger as he leaned closer.

‘You know what will make you feel better? You can kill Marty! Seriously, you’ll be doing him a favor! Who wouldn’t want to die at Disney!’

Donzig blinked.

‘I don’t think you can legally die at Disney I read it on the internet.’

The witch that was the Scourge cocked it’s head.

‘Ah, that is why Zoran hasn’t shown up. Just as well, more Marty for us to murder! Won’t that get his goat!’

Donzig leaned forward, scowling.

‘Is that why we are here? You want to fucking kill Marty?’

‘I’d settle for ruining his birthday, but I think that little twit Tinto beat me to it! So let’s just with Plan B!’

He sputtered.

‘Plan B is murder?’

‘Well, I think this is Florida.’

The pair paused, staring at the camera before they continued.

‘I am not killing Marty! He invited you? Wait is that why he sent three tickets? He was letting you bring your henchmen!’

The Scourge shrugged, glancing around the hall as he tugged on his hood. A shrug and cackled that weird laugh.

‘Of course he did. As I recall it was Sinclair, it is hard to tell the Baroness no. I think everyone is a little in love with her. She’s pretty, and oddly terrifying.’

Donzig snorted.

‘Maybe you should try telling her that, and we would all be happier!’

The Scourge’s head snapped upward, a growl escaping that mask as he stepped closer. He cocked his head, jabbing a finger as he spat.

‘Oh, you got jokes!’

Donzig smirked, that one had gotten his dark half’s attention. He tugged at his beard, and laughed before the Scourge glared.

‘Little sensitive about Sinclair are we?’

The Scourge jabbed a finger at a mirror nearby.

‘Mirror, mirror on the wall! Who is the greatest wrestler of them all!’

The mirror flared to life, a swirling green before a distinctly German voice answered. Was that Armand?

‘Oh, Dylan Black?’

The Scourge snarled.

‘What? He’s retired!’

‘Oh, Spike maybe? Fox?’

Donzig laughed as the Scourge jerked away from the mirror. That masked face glared from behind the hood, fingers clenching as Donzig shrugged.

‘So much for the Great Dark, eh?’

‘I hope Spike kills you! You know he is here for your ass do you not? You think he gives two fucks about Marty’s goddamned party? He wants to throttle the life from you! I can not wait! If you and Marty both left here in pieces—‘

‘Maybe he’s mad because someone hit him with a truck!’

The Scourge laughed, a horrible grating and rasping hiss that sounded like a machine dying.

‘I don’t know why you are laughing, if anything has been proven today it is that you are as big a Disney nerd as Marty. Pretty shocking for a cosmic terror.’

The Scourge’s laughter stopped, and he disappeared with a cloud of acrid smoke.

Some time later, he was not sure how long. It could have been minutes or hours, it was hard to say. Time was off today, he grumbled to himself as he sipped at a soda as he walked down the streets of the Happiest Place on Earth.

He wondered why.

‘Because time has no meaning for me, for us, we exist in an endless now.’

Donzig looked up, eyes narrowed on the hedges that seemed to shift and twist. He took a deep breath, and waved the commerative Disney’s Marty’s Mouse Party souvenir cup. He took grim amusement that the Scourge’s picture was on the fucker.

‘Listen, I need you to go away. You’re a monster, and I am done being one.’

‘I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
To this…’

The hedges waved a few branches towards Donzig.

‘True? Yes.
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed…..’

‘Pathetic.’

The hedges froze.

‘What?’

‘Ursula? You want us to believe you’ve changed so you do Urula’s song? Do you really think everyone can be this stupid.’

A hiss.

‘Yes?’

‘Right.’

‘What you meant to say was thank you.’

‘Thank you?’

‘You’re welcome!’

Donzig rolled his eyes, and started to walk off before the hedges seemed to move again.

‘Okay, okay, I see what's happening here
You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's adorable
Well, it's nice to see that mortals never change…’

Donzig lowered the cup, actually stunned.

‘Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's Donzig
Breathe it in
I know it's a lot
The hair, the bod
When you're staring at a demi-god…’

‘What fresh hell is this?’

Donzig trudged on the hedge swaying beside him as the Scourge continued to sing. He needed a drink, a real fucking drink. He needed to escape this subconscious monstrosity’s warped sense of humor.

A pause.

‘Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I could go on and on
I could explain every XHF phenomenon
The X Crown, SWAT, Fireside burning down
Oh, that was Donzig just messing around
I killed a bastard
I buried its guts
Sprouted a fed, now you got wrestle UK
What's the lesson?
What is the take-away?
Don't mess with Donzig when he's on a break-away…’

Donzig glared, and he stopped to look at the contorted face in the hedges. And he jabbed a finger, tossing the cup away.

‘A medley? We’re doing a fucking medley? Are you for real.’

‘Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch I ever met
But you can bet before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man out of you’

Donzig rubbed his temples, muttering under his breath before he stomped off.

‘This is absurd! I have a match I could be winning a shot at the XHF hardcore Championship which by the way I should have already won! But instead of focusing on that I have to deal with this!’

He waved a hand.

‘Some sort of thing from my mind trying to take over! Seriously!’

‘As if you could beat Steve Awesome! As if you can even survive Spike without me! You need to just let me handle this! Me! Me! Me! I am the Wonder and Terror of this Age!’

‘Don’t do it! Don’t you dare! I know you have as many ways as there to suffer, and as many victims as names, and Yada Yada Yada.’

The hedges twisted and writhed.

‘You’re afraid! There is much fear in you! Fear is the path to the Dark Side! Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate! Hate leads to the suffering!’

He jerked to a halt again.

‘Star Wars?’

‘Fine. You’re afraid. You want to destroy the ship and run away you’re a coward. Get off my bridge!’

Donzig sighed.

‘Can we not?’

‘Face it! You know all of these people are showing up, and they are expecting me! And what they will get? Is you. You can’t do the things I do, you can’t fight the way I fight! And they are going to eat you alive! Spike? Steve? You’d be lucky to even beat Mystery Contestant One!’

Donzig frowned.

‘I’ll be fine!’

‘I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared…’

Donzig threw up his hands, and he spat before he jerked as a hand touched his arm. He turned, eyes wide before his gaze settled on a Disney crew member. The girl blinked at him, glancing at the hedge before she turned back to him.

‘Sir are you okay?’

‘What?’

‘It’s Tigger, I mean I guess it needs to be trimmed.’

Donzig blinked, staring hard at the hedge as he nodded slowly. It was a Tigger, and a Tigger was a wonderful thing. He tugged at his beard, and he gestured absently.

‘Where is the closest bar?’

Donzig didn’t like the answer.

Inside a rather tame version of the Mos Eisley cantina, Saito leaned on the bar trying to flag down the tender. There was a crowd in the place, and it was rather busy. He waved a hand, and then turned to find himself face to face with the scowling monster known as Oni. Oni growled, a big hand driving a finger into his chest. Saito blinked as he said something, and he shrugged.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.’

Oni growled, and pushed him again as he wavered. Suddenly, MXG appeared at his shoulder alongside the Sheik. Graves smirked, leaning past Oni as he met the eyes of Saito.

‘He doesn't like you.’

‘I’m sorry?’

Graves grabbed his arm, jerking him around.

‘I don’t like you either.’

Saito glanced around the bar, and shrugged as he started to back away.

‘Don't insult us. You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence in twelve companies!’

‘I'll be careful than.’

‘You’ll be dead.’

The Sheik pushed aside Graves, and let out a howl which made everyone in the bar jerk away. They found somewhere else to be as the bartender held up his hands as the Sheik stepped closer. His eyes wild, as Graves grinned even as Oni lifted his hands.

Donzig steps forward, and he stares at the three with a cold empty stare before his lips twitch into a smile.

‘This little one isn't worth the effort. Come let me buy you something.’

Oni roared, tossing Saito across the room as the other two stepped closer. Then Donzig’s hand blurred into motion, and a steel chair cracked across the forehead of Oni. He staggered back, dropping against the bar before the chair spun again, delivering two quick blows across the shoulder of the Sheik which made him fall backwards grabbing at his arm.

Malcolm Xavier Graves gaped, stunned before the chair cracked across his head. He fell to the floor beside Oni, and Donzig tossed the chair aside with a sniff. Everyone was staring at him, and he wiped a hand across his mouth.

‘We’re with the wrestlers. The Marty thing?’

Everyone nodded, and they drifted away as Donzig grabbed a bottle from behind the bar. He walked over to a table, dropping down behind it with a shake of his head as he watched Anarchy and Albany help Saito to his feet.

He shrugs, and starts to rise before a shadow falls across the table. He looks up into the scowlin angry face of the God of Xtreme, Spike Kane. Spike frowned.

‘Going somewhere, Donzig?’

‘Spike.’

Donzig sat back down, and Spike sat down across from him with an evil smile curling his lip. They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Spike shrugged.

‘Running out of time, out of places to hide, it won’t be long now. I remember how much he loves battle royals, the chaos? The violence? And I will be there waiting.’

Donzig stared at him, taking a drink from the bottle.

‘Listen, I’m having a bad, bad day. If you take it personal that’s okay.’

Spike frowned.

‘Dreamworks?’

Donzig smirked, and he waved the bottle.

‘You think you’re so funny don’t you? That this is all a bloody joke! Well, I don’t think you’re funny!’

‘I am way funnier than the other one.’

Spike shook his head, and Donzig shrugged as he took another swallow from the bottle.

‘No.’

‘Oh, that’s right. You’re British, you probably do think he’s–’

Spike surged to his feet, snatching an empty bottle from the table. But Donzig was just as quick, smacking his own bottle across Spike’s head in a spray of glass and alcohol! Spike’s bottle smacked the table beside Donzig a second later. Spike staggered back, and Donzig flung the table before he hit a Stunner!

The crowd was scattering again, and the bartender gaped in stunned silence.

Donzig looked around, shrugging.

‘Sorry, about the mess.’