Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 25, 2023 18:11:37 GMT -5
*Head in the refrigerator of the Bad to the Bone compound, Lord Dominicus talks to himself.*
LD: How long has this been in here? Isn’t this what Dinosaur Bones is for?
*Lacking satisfaction he turns to the freezer section and seems equally appalled by the contents.*
LD: Are you kidding me? I think we had that our first night here….
*He continues to root around before finally finding something he’s interested. The DARK LORD OF WUK turns around with a gallon of ice cream in his hands, which he promptly puts on the nearby table and then he finally acknowledges the camera.*
LD: Ah, hello there, welcome to my humble abode.
*There’s a brief pause.*
LD: …Well, technically this is the garage, but for the last couple of years this was the most important place in the Bad to the Bone compound.
*Dominicus goes to a drawer and pulls out an ice cream scoop.*
LD: But we’re not here to discuss my long list of accolades. Today we’re here to talk about the borderline problematically named “Rising Sun” battle royal at the upcoming J-ROK vs WUK show. Because of course Wrestle: United Kingdom couldn’t be bothered to do anything remotely British.
*He shakes his head as he talks to himself again.*
LD: All that time studying My Fair Lady and it’s all for naught.
*Lord Dominicus grumbles in upper-class English- then returns his attention to the camera, and the ice cream as he starts to scoop.*
LD: Now everyone that they didn’t know what to do with on the show got thrown into this battle royal. We’re more-or-less the leftovers of the creative minds of Nausicaa Suzuki and Mr. Blood and…
*He scoops a little ice cream and then looks at it.*
LD: …That’s perfectly fine with me.
*Ice cream meets bowl as Dominicus talks.*
LD: Oh did you think I was going to complain? I hope that in my efforts to make WUK a remotely acceptable product as opposed to the somehow most southern mudshow on the Network that I came off as cantankerous. I’m simply a VANTABLACK SAVIOR on a mission- and this battle royal suits my mission.
*More ice cream scooping.*
LD: You see, by rounding up whatever was left over, including the likes of Johnny Sniper, Yuki Sakaraba, Spike Kane, Eron Hunter, and both Von Krauss……es the respective fed owners have piled together a wonderful mish-mash of colorful characters. None of that interests me though, no what interests me is the prize- a shot at any championship in either fed for a year.
*Ice cream bowl full, WUK’s self-proclaimed savior returns to the bucket to the freezer. He closes the freezer door and continues.*
LD: Now Mr. Blood thought he was being clever and is trying to woo my favor by giving me a shot at the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship early next month, but if I win this battle royal of leftover people who comprise both bigger stars than the rest of the card along with people I’ve never heard of then I’ll REALLY have him over a barrel.
*He sits down and gets a spoonful of the delicious frozen confection.*
LD: And that, peons, is true victory. “Oh but Lord Dominicius, what about the fact that you’re facing HUGE NAMES like Spike Kane and also other people like John Blade?” Ha! I’m glad you asked.
*But first a slow enjoyment of his bowl of ice cream. Mmmm, chocolate, the DARKEST OF ICE CREAMS. Where were we? Oh yes, promo.*
LD: You see I am a master of battle royals because I have the ultimate strategy.
*He calls the camera in closely and leans in as well. Once we’re in a super zoom-in he covers half his mouth and whispers.*
LD: The dick punch.
*With that settled the camera moves back out and he leans back in satisfaction.*
LD: Sure sure, there’s a few women in the match but I can let them ovary punch each other early on and just push them out as they are distracted by spooky-ass Jitterman or whatever. Look, the point is-
*A little more ice cream.*
LD: The point is that come August 29th, the ascension of Lord Dominicus starts as I begin to take everything this company has in order to mold it in my EVIL image. And- assuming stupid Sinclair doesn’t knock me out right away again- no fromage, second fiddle, son of a legend, wolf-person, or cat-person will get in my way. Now if you excuse me, this ice cream won’t eat itself.
*He takes another spoonful then looks at the camera, gesturing for it to go away.*
LD: Go on then, shoo! Shoo!
*Fade out on THE DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK as he giddily eats ice cream by himself.*
LD: How long has this been in here? Isn’t this what Dinosaur Bones is for?
*Lacking satisfaction he turns to the freezer section and seems equally appalled by the contents.*
LD: Are you kidding me? I think we had that our first night here….
*He continues to root around before finally finding something he’s interested. The DARK LORD OF WUK turns around with a gallon of ice cream in his hands, which he promptly puts on the nearby table and then he finally acknowledges the camera.*
LD: Ah, hello there, welcome to my humble abode.
*There’s a brief pause.*
LD: …Well, technically this is the garage, but for the last couple of years this was the most important place in the Bad to the Bone compound.
*Dominicus goes to a drawer and pulls out an ice cream scoop.*
LD: But we’re not here to discuss my long list of accolades. Today we’re here to talk about the borderline problematically named “Rising Sun” battle royal at the upcoming J-ROK vs WUK show. Because of course Wrestle: United Kingdom couldn’t be bothered to do anything remotely British.
*He shakes his head as he talks to himself again.*
LD: All that time studying My Fair Lady and it’s all for naught.
*Lord Dominicus grumbles in upper-class English- then returns his attention to the camera, and the ice cream as he starts to scoop.*
LD: Now everyone that they didn’t know what to do with on the show got thrown into this battle royal. We’re more-or-less the leftovers of the creative minds of Nausicaa Suzuki and Mr. Blood and…
*He scoops a little ice cream and then looks at it.*
LD: …That’s perfectly fine with me.
*Ice cream meets bowl as Dominicus talks.*
LD: Oh did you think I was going to complain? I hope that in my efforts to make WUK a remotely acceptable product as opposed to the somehow most southern mudshow on the Network that I came off as cantankerous. I’m simply a VANTABLACK SAVIOR on a mission- and this battle royal suits my mission.
*More ice cream scooping.*
LD: You see, by rounding up whatever was left over, including the likes of Johnny Sniper, Yuki Sakaraba, Spike Kane, Eron Hunter, and both Von Krauss……es the respective fed owners have piled together a wonderful mish-mash of colorful characters. None of that interests me though, no what interests me is the prize- a shot at any championship in either fed for a year.
*Ice cream bowl full, WUK’s self-proclaimed savior returns to the bucket to the freezer. He closes the freezer door and continues.*
LD: Now Mr. Blood thought he was being clever and is trying to woo my favor by giving me a shot at the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship early next month, but if I win this battle royal of leftover people who comprise both bigger stars than the rest of the card along with people I’ve never heard of then I’ll REALLY have him over a barrel.
*He sits down and gets a spoonful of the delicious frozen confection.*
LD: And that, peons, is true victory. “Oh but Lord Dominicius, what about the fact that you’re facing HUGE NAMES like Spike Kane and also other people like John Blade?” Ha! I’m glad you asked.
*But first a slow enjoyment of his bowl of ice cream. Mmmm, chocolate, the DARKEST OF ICE CREAMS. Where were we? Oh yes, promo.*
LD: You see I am a master of battle royals because I have the ultimate strategy.
*He calls the camera in closely and leans in as well. Once we’re in a super zoom-in he covers half his mouth and whispers.*
LD: The dick punch.
*With that settled the camera moves back out and he leans back in satisfaction.*
LD: Sure sure, there’s a few women in the match but I can let them ovary punch each other early on and just push them out as they are distracted by spooky-ass Jitterman or whatever. Look, the point is-
*A little more ice cream.*
LD: The point is that come August 29th, the ascension of Lord Dominicus starts as I begin to take everything this company has in order to mold it in my EVIL image. And- assuming stupid Sinclair doesn’t knock me out right away again- no fromage, second fiddle, son of a legend, wolf-person, or cat-person will get in my way. Now if you excuse me, this ice cream won’t eat itself.
*He takes another spoonful then looks at the camera, gesturing for it to go away.*
LD: Go on then, shoo! Shoo!
*Fade out on THE DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK as he giddily eats ice cream by himself.*
