Normal (King Edmund IV / EoD)
Sept 25, 2023 19:11:29 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 4 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Sept 25, 2023 19:11:29 GMT -5
The promo fades in from black where King Edmund IV and Mutt sit across the desk from a man that they know as Benadryl Cumhersnatch, a defector from the totalitarian country of Supremia. However, he now goes by Jacob Friedman, and will - of course - be referred to as such.
Cumhersnatch: The reason why we got you here today is to let you know that we got you in the End of Days Tournament.
King Edmund IV: PERFECT! I WILL TURN THIS BLACKMAIL TO MY ADVANTAGE! NOW THIS WILL BE MY PERFECT CHANCE AT SUPREMACY!
Cumhersnatch: No, that’s in January. Listen, I know what you want, but if you’re going to win this and be a champion, you’re going to have to play the part.
King Edmund IV: What in the fallen ashes of Queen Elizabeth II are you talking about!?
Cumhersnatch: See? That right there is why no one can take you as a champion! You’re loud, boisterous and… well, weird!
King Edmund IV: ME? WEIRD?! I fit right into Supremian society!
Cumhersnatch: And that’s what they find weird. Yes, it may be xenophobic and elitist, but if you want to be able to fit into the main event scene and go far, you must be able to talk the talk and walk the walk.
King Edmund IV: Why? Can’t I just crush them INTO OBLIVION?
Cumhersnatch: They don’t find you intimidating. If you want to find them intimidating, act normal. They’ll know something is different about you and start to go mad, wondering what it really is about you that has got you so confident. If all goes well, you might just walk out of the ring one step closer to winning the End of Days tournament and getting the X*Crown Championship.
King Edmund IV: Very well!
Cumhersnatch: Now let’s practice. Tell me you’re going to win and this time, do it like a normal person.
King Edmund IV rises to his feet, gets into a battle stance and shouts at the camera.
King Edmund IV: PLEBIANS! THIS IS YOUR KING, KING EDM-
Cumhersnatch: NORMAL!
King Edmund IV: …I will unleash the MIGHT AND FURY OF SUPR-
Cumhersnatch: …NORMAL!
King Edmund IV: I will joust every foe that dares to step into the ring with me-
Cumhersnatch: More normal!
King Edmund IV: And at the end of the night, I will stand victorious and…
While talking, King Edmund IV side-eyes Cumhersnatch, who nods approvingly.
King Edmund IV: …win the End of Days tournament!
Cumhersnatch: Very good! I think you got it!
King Edmund IV: And if you don’t, I will bring my Supremian wood and beat you with it!
Cumhersnatch: …oh, so close. King Edmund, I know that you’re referring to the Supremian Royal Cane, made of the Supremian Hardwood Tree, but it doesn’t translate like that outside of the country!
King Edmund IV: But I…
Cumhersnatch: You’re going to the arena tomorrow, and you’re going alone. If you go without Mutt, that’ll err an increased sense of confidence in you that others will see. And remember, be normal.
A black town car arrives to the employee entrance.The back door opens and out walks King Edmund IV, dressing… a bit different than normally.
He heads into the building and immediately finds an elevator. By the time the elevator opens, a prim and proper woman in her forties stands next to him. They both go into the elevator. She presses the button for the fourth floor.
King Edmund IV: OI, SLAG-
King Edmund IV catches himself and adjusts.
King Edmund IV: I meant, dear miss. Would you mind pressing the button for the third floor? That’s the one for the talent within the XHF Network.
She obliges.
Woman: Oh, you’re with the XHF Network too? I’m with marketing. The name’s Alice. Pleasure to meet you.
King Edmund IV shakes her hand.
King Edmund IV: And I am KING E- Ahem… I am Edmund. The pleasure is all mine.
King Edmund IV goes even farther and kisses Alice’s hand. A bit strange, but she doesn’t react negatively. The elevator door opens shortly after.
King Edmund IV: Well, this is my floor. As you can see, I am most definitely NOT strange.
Her opinion of him immediately changes. Before he leaves, he passes wind and fans the wind closer to her. As she turns green, he winks.
King Edmund IV: It’s a kind gesture in Supremia.
The elevator door closes and there’s the sound of the GI tract in reverse unloads. King Edmund doesn’t recognizing the sound of vomiting as a signal of disgust in his actions, likely mistaking it for a positive Supremian gesture of some kind. He looks into the camera.
King Edmund IV: Is this what has become of Supremian culture? Are we becoming ERASED in order to appease the United Statesian people!? It’s DISGUSTING how this would happen to us all! And it’s happening to only Supremian people! All cultures in the United States live in harmony, but once you’re a SUPREMIAN, you are FORCED to assimilate!
As King Edmund IV walks by, several others who he walks by both raise their heads… and their eyebrows. This includes Middle Eastern and American Indian people.
King Edmund IV: My opponents in this match never have to face the struggles I have faced. Death Trap, Layla Lavoie, and Jack Diamond. They’ve never had the decks stacked against them! They’ve never faced an audience that forced them to be a certain way. They’ve never had an image shoved into their face and told them who they should be. That’s life for us at the majestic land of Supremia. We are a very poor country and we do what we can to survive, but then ALL OF YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE BETTER!
King Edmund IV remembers the words of Benadryl Cumhersnatch and forces himself to recompose himself. Before he continues, a stagehand comes from behind.
Stagehand: Mr. Edmund sir?
King Edmund IV jumps up, startled.
King Edmund IV: HOW DARE YOU STARTLE YOUR KIN- I mean… Yes?
Stagehand: We wanted to welcome you to the Delta Arena, and wanted to make sure you have everything you need? Could I get you a cup of Joe?
King Edmund IV: I do not know who this Joe is, but it would be quite rude of me to refuse such an offer. Yes, I will take Joe on.
The stagehand leads King Edmund IV to a cafe area.
Stagehand: What kind would you like?
King Edmund IV: I’d like to have a Dark Roast Supremian Brew, made from the crippling hard work generated from every Supremian sla… err, worker, and with milk that has been nursed from the teet of my personal concubine!
A moment of silence.
Stagehand: I’ll… I'll see what I can do.
The stagehand turns around and walks out of the room. King Edmund IV takes a seat and pulls out his Supremian to American Regional Dictionary handbook.
King Edmund IV: Ah. I see that concubine takes on a different meaning in the United States. It looks like the word that they use here is…
He flips through the pages. As he does so, a hefty woman walks by.
King Edmund IV: Cow!
Hefty Woman: Well I never!
King Edmund IV: No, I meant no offense! This was all just a mistake. Your American skills are much better. You really like…
King Edmund IV quickly rushes through the idiom section.
King Edmund IV: A piece of cake!
The woman stops and turns to King Edmund IV, who mistakenly shares a genuine smile.
She then turns away and walks off. King Edmund IV recovers then resumes flipping through the pages.
King Edmund IV: According to the book, a slap after a contentious exchange during a sporting event often means “Good Game!”, which translates to Supremian as, “Get out of my office!” Nice! Professional wrestling is indeed a sport, so I see that I’m doing well! Cumhersnatch’s plan is working!
The stagehand returns with a cup of coffee and presents it to the Supremian king.
Stagehand: Here you are. I hope you enjo- Oh… Are you OK? It looks like you hurt yourself?
The stagehand points to King Edmund’s cheek, which is now adorned with a handprint.
King Edmund IV: Ah, yes. One of your colleagues and I have introduced ourselves to each other. Rather sweet lass. She has the stature of Dreadvan and the passion of King Edmund IV, two of my favorite wrestlers in the XHF Network.
Stagehand: …
He says nothing further as he just walks out of the room, leaving the King with nothing except for his drink. He gingerly takes a sip and laments over it for a quick moment before spitting it out in a fit of anger.
King Edmund IV: This tastes NOTHING like Supremian coffee! What is this made out of? COFFEE BEANS!?
Several other XHF Network employees turn to him, forcing King Edmund IV to smile.
King Edmund IV: Greetings! It is I, King Edmund IV, your soon-to-be End of Days champion! Would any of you like an autograph?
There’s a moment of silence before the employees turn back, doing whatever they were doing before. King Edmund IV goes back to mouthing off at the camera, again completely oblivious to everyone else just trying to take some time away from the tiring action that it takes to make XHF Network magic a reality.
King Edmund IV: The world would write KING EDMUND THE FOURTH off of this match. Why wouldn’t they? The world has done the same with Supremia. YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE IT IN MAPS NOWADAYS. LOOK!
King Edmund IV pulls out a map and shows a map of the British Isles. Where Supremia should pop up east of Scotland and England, instead is nothing.
King Edmund IV: The only reason that Nazi Germany didn’t take us over in World War II was because they forgot that we existed! SUPREMIA DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS! And it must start somewhere! Well I say it starts here! TONIGHT! AT END OF DAYS!
A random worker calls out from the other side of the room.
Worker: Actually, the first night doesn’t begin until Sunda-
King Edmund IV walks up to the person and literally FLIPS the table over! Kind of like this.
King Edmund IV: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Worker: Woah, guy. Relax. I was just on my fifteen.
King Edmund IV: Fifteen!? These numbers mean NOTHING to Supremia! If you’re a fifteen, I’m one hundred! At End of Days, I will take down Death Trap and Jack Diamond! And the other one too! I will march down to their houses and CLAIM IT FOR SUPREMIA! NOW WHO’S WITH ME?
Silence.
King Edmund IV: I said… WHO’S WITH ME!?
The silence has become even more silent, as impossible as that may seem.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! SUPREMIA! SUPREMIA!
King Edmund IV marches out of the room, chanting Supremia over and over again. As he walks out, Jacob Friedman walks into view from the other side of the room. He slowly shakes his head.
Cumhersnatch: I’ll give him credit. He lasted a lot longer than I expected.
The camera cuts to an office. In front of a rather specific looking man is a plaque entitled,
King Edmund IV slams the door behind him.
King Edmund IV: Listen here, commoner! My name is King Edmund the FOURTH! I HAVE DEMANDS!
Brandom: How dare you speak to me like that. Get out of my office!
King Edmund IV: Why yes. This will be a good game, indeed.
King Edmund VI offers a wink back. Harry cocks his head in his confused rage.
Cumhersnatch: The reason why we got you here today is to let you know that we got you in the End of Days Tournament.
King Edmund IV: PERFECT! I WILL TURN THIS BLACKMAIL TO MY ADVANTAGE! NOW THIS WILL BE MY PERFECT CHANCE AT SUPREMACY!
Cumhersnatch: No, that’s in January. Listen, I know what you want, but if you’re going to win this and be a champion, you’re going to have to play the part.
King Edmund IV: What in the fallen ashes of Queen Elizabeth II are you talking about!?
Cumhersnatch: See? That right there is why no one can take you as a champion! You’re loud, boisterous and… well, weird!
King Edmund IV: ME? WEIRD?! I fit right into Supremian society!
Cumhersnatch: And that’s what they find weird. Yes, it may be xenophobic and elitist, but if you want to be able to fit into the main event scene and go far, you must be able to talk the talk and walk the walk.
King Edmund IV: Why? Can’t I just crush them INTO OBLIVION?
Cumhersnatch: They don’t find you intimidating. If you want to find them intimidating, act normal. They’ll know something is different about you and start to go mad, wondering what it really is about you that has got you so confident. If all goes well, you might just walk out of the ring one step closer to winning the End of Days tournament and getting the X*Crown Championship.
King Edmund IV: Very well!
Cumhersnatch: Now let’s practice. Tell me you’re going to win and this time, do it like a normal person.
King Edmund IV rises to his feet, gets into a battle stance and shouts at the camera.
King Edmund IV: PLEBIANS! THIS IS YOUR KING, KING EDM-
Cumhersnatch: NORMAL!
King Edmund IV: …I will unleash the MIGHT AND FURY OF SUPR-
Cumhersnatch: …NORMAL!
King Edmund IV: I will joust every foe that dares to step into the ring with me-
Cumhersnatch: More normal!
King Edmund IV: And at the end of the night, I will stand victorious and…
While talking, King Edmund IV side-eyes Cumhersnatch, who nods approvingly.
King Edmund IV: …win the End of Days tournament!
Cumhersnatch: Very good! I think you got it!
King Edmund IV: And if you don’t, I will bring my Supremian wood and beat you with it!
Cumhersnatch: …oh, so close. King Edmund, I know that you’re referring to the Supremian Royal Cane, made of the Supremian Hardwood Tree, but it doesn’t translate like that outside of the country!
King Edmund IV: But I…
Cumhersnatch: You’re going to the arena tomorrow, and you’re going alone. If you go without Mutt, that’ll err an increased sense of confidence in you that others will see. And remember, be normal.
~The Next Day~
Delta Center
Salt Lake City, NV
Delta Center
Salt Lake City, NV
A black town car arrives to the employee entrance.The back door opens and out walks King Edmund IV, dressing… a bit different than normally.
He heads into the building and immediately finds an elevator. By the time the elevator opens, a prim and proper woman in her forties stands next to him. They both go into the elevator. She presses the button for the fourth floor.
King Edmund IV: OI, SLAG-
King Edmund IV catches himself and adjusts.
King Edmund IV: I meant, dear miss. Would you mind pressing the button for the third floor? That’s the one for the talent within the XHF Network.
She obliges.
Woman: Oh, you’re with the XHF Network too? I’m with marketing. The name’s Alice. Pleasure to meet you.
King Edmund IV shakes her hand.
King Edmund IV: And I am KING E- Ahem… I am Edmund. The pleasure is all mine.
King Edmund IV goes even farther and kisses Alice’s hand. A bit strange, but she doesn’t react negatively. The elevator door opens shortly after.
King Edmund IV: Well, this is my floor. As you can see, I am most definitely NOT strange.
Her opinion of him immediately changes. Before he leaves, he passes wind and fans the wind closer to her. As she turns green, he winks.
King Edmund IV: It’s a kind gesture in Supremia.
The elevator door closes and there’s the sound of the GI tract in reverse unloads. King Edmund doesn’t recognizing the sound of vomiting as a signal of disgust in his actions, likely mistaking it for a positive Supremian gesture of some kind. He looks into the camera.
King Edmund IV: Is this what has become of Supremian culture? Are we becoming ERASED in order to appease the United Statesian people!? It’s DISGUSTING how this would happen to us all! And it’s happening to only Supremian people! All cultures in the United States live in harmony, but once you’re a SUPREMIAN, you are FORCED to assimilate!
As King Edmund IV walks by, several others who he walks by both raise their heads… and their eyebrows. This includes Middle Eastern and American Indian people.
King Edmund IV: My opponents in this match never have to face the struggles I have faced. Death Trap, Layla Lavoie, and Jack Diamond. They’ve never had the decks stacked against them! They’ve never faced an audience that forced them to be a certain way. They’ve never had an image shoved into their face and told them who they should be. That’s life for us at the majestic land of Supremia. We are a very poor country and we do what we can to survive, but then ALL OF YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE BETTER!
King Edmund IV remembers the words of Benadryl Cumhersnatch and forces himself to recompose himself. Before he continues, a stagehand comes from behind.
Stagehand: Mr. Edmund sir?
King Edmund IV jumps up, startled.
King Edmund IV: HOW DARE YOU STARTLE YOUR KIN- I mean… Yes?
Stagehand: We wanted to welcome you to the Delta Arena, and wanted to make sure you have everything you need? Could I get you a cup of Joe?
King Edmund IV: I do not know who this Joe is, but it would be quite rude of me to refuse such an offer. Yes, I will take Joe on.
The stagehand leads King Edmund IV to a cafe area.
Stagehand: What kind would you like?
King Edmund IV: I’d like to have a Dark Roast Supremian Brew, made from the crippling hard work generated from every Supremian sla… err, worker, and with milk that has been nursed from the teet of my personal concubine!
A moment of silence.
Stagehand: I’ll… I'll see what I can do.
The stagehand turns around and walks out of the room. King Edmund IV takes a seat and pulls out his Supremian to American Regional Dictionary handbook.
King Edmund IV: Ah. I see that concubine takes on a different meaning in the United States. It looks like the word that they use here is…
He flips through the pages. As he does so, a hefty woman walks by.
King Edmund IV: Cow!
Hefty Woman: Well I never!
King Edmund IV: No, I meant no offense! This was all just a mistake. Your American skills are much better. You really like…
King Edmund IV quickly rushes through the idiom section.
King Edmund IV: A piece of cake!
The woman stops and turns to King Edmund IV, who mistakenly shares a genuine smile.
SLAP!
She then turns away and walks off. King Edmund IV recovers then resumes flipping through the pages.
King Edmund IV: According to the book, a slap after a contentious exchange during a sporting event often means “Good Game!”, which translates to Supremian as, “Get out of my office!” Nice! Professional wrestling is indeed a sport, so I see that I’m doing well! Cumhersnatch’s plan is working!
The stagehand returns with a cup of coffee and presents it to the Supremian king.
Stagehand: Here you are. I hope you enjo- Oh… Are you OK? It looks like you hurt yourself?
The stagehand points to King Edmund’s cheek, which is now adorned with a handprint.
King Edmund IV: Ah, yes. One of your colleagues and I have introduced ourselves to each other. Rather sweet lass. She has the stature of Dreadvan and the passion of King Edmund IV, two of my favorite wrestlers in the XHF Network.
Stagehand: …
He says nothing further as he just walks out of the room, leaving the King with nothing except for his drink. He gingerly takes a sip and laments over it for a quick moment before spitting it out in a fit of anger.
King Edmund IV: This tastes NOTHING like Supremian coffee! What is this made out of? COFFEE BEANS!?
Several other XHF Network employees turn to him, forcing King Edmund IV to smile.
King Edmund IV: Greetings! It is I, King Edmund IV, your soon-to-be End of Days champion! Would any of you like an autograph?
There’s a moment of silence before the employees turn back, doing whatever they were doing before. King Edmund IV goes back to mouthing off at the camera, again completely oblivious to everyone else just trying to take some time away from the tiring action that it takes to make XHF Network magic a reality.
King Edmund IV: The world would write KING EDMUND THE FOURTH off of this match. Why wouldn’t they? The world has done the same with Supremia. YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE IT IN MAPS NOWADAYS. LOOK!
King Edmund IV pulls out a map and shows a map of the British Isles. Where Supremia should pop up east of Scotland and England, instead is nothing.
King Edmund IV: The only reason that Nazi Germany didn’t take us over in World War II was because they forgot that we existed! SUPREMIA DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS! And it must start somewhere! Well I say it starts here! TONIGHT! AT END OF DAYS!
A random worker calls out from the other side of the room.
Worker: Actually, the first night doesn’t begin until Sunda-
King Edmund IV walks up to the person and literally FLIPS the table over! Kind of like this.
King Edmund IV: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Worker: Woah, guy. Relax. I was just on my fifteen.
King Edmund IV: Fifteen!? These numbers mean NOTHING to Supremia! If you’re a fifteen, I’m one hundred! At End of Days, I will take down Death Trap and Jack Diamond! And the other one too! I will march down to their houses and CLAIM IT FOR SUPREMIA! NOW WHO’S WITH ME?
Silence.
King Edmund IV: I said… WHO’S WITH ME!?
The silence has become even more silent, as impossible as that may seem.
King Edmund IV: SUPREMIA! SUPREMIA! SUPREMIA!
King Edmund IV marches out of the room, chanting Supremia over and over again. As he walks out, Jacob Friedman walks into view from the other side of the room. He slowly shakes his head.
Cumhersnatch: I’ll give him credit. He lasted a lot longer than I expected.
The camera cuts to an office. In front of a rather specific looking man is a plaque entitled,
Harry Brandom
Head of Logistics
King Edmund IV slams the door behind him.
King Edmund IV: Listen here, commoner! My name is King Edmund the FOURTH! I HAVE DEMANDS!
Brandom: How dare you speak to me like that. Get out of my office!
King Edmund IV: Why yes. This will be a good game, indeed.
King Edmund VI offers a wink back. Harry cocks his head in his confused rage.
