Wing Man [Sainovic & Son promo]
Oct 13, 2023 22:58:29 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by mosler on Oct 13, 2023 22:58:29 GMT -5
Wingstop.
Sitting down at a corner booth to avoid all the autograph hounds that he DEFINITELY has to deal with on a daily bases, El Rey starts to look over the menu. Now ER isn't in the habit of eavesdropping, but its fairly obvious the waitresses are digging him, and he doesn't want to ask out just one if there's a shot at all three being game.
"You'd think he hadn't eaten in months."
"We're going to have to close early at this rate."
"That wrestler really isn't very considerate."
El Rey (throwing down menu):
I have feelings too!
I have feelings too!
The wait staff seem taken aback by this interruption.
Waitress #3:
Oh, are you a wrestler too?
Oh, are you a wrestler too?
Am I a wrestler too? Do they hire special needs on the weekend to let them feel productive? This woman is clearly slow. And to think, Rey was going to do her the favour of letting her be the plus three. Not anymore! After a few minutes of fighting in his head, El Rey realizes that they were referring to a different wrestler with an enormous appetite.
El Rey:
Oh no.
Oh no.
Only one name springs to mind.
How many YELP reviews did Rey have to write to get out of defending his X against that monster?
Rising from his booth, Rey starts to V-line for the backdoor. Best to exit through the backdoor, then get engaged in a conversation with DINOSAUR BO-
"Rey, my boy!"
Damn.
Rey freezes in his tracks.
"I zought zat was you."
No wait, the voice has less base, and a hint of a Serbian accent. What do Serbians sound like again?
"Pull up a chair-"
Turning, El Rey finds his mentor, Zoran Sainovic, consuming a few farms worth of chicken wings. A red silk handkerchief tucked into his lapel, The Final Bossconsumes like a gentleman - but doesn't trust the few hundred Bonesfrom falling on his Armani suit like a morbid JENGA game. The old man will definitely cramp his style with the remaining waitresses, but having made eye contact - El Rey is forced to greet the evil monster. Like an Old Testament God, it's important to stay on Sainovic's good side-
El Rey:
Oh hey Zoran, didn't see you behind the chicken cemetery-
Oh hey Zoran, didn't see you behind the chicken cemetery-
Zoran Sainovic (downing some red wine to wash back more meat):
I have very little time to put my muscle back on, if we're going to win ze Annihilator-
I have very little time to put my muscle back on, if we're going to win ze Annihilator-
Yanking a chair away from a nearby table, El Rey joins his mentor - only regretting the decision to be polite when he notices the nine foot dracolich sitting on the other side of the booth.
El Rey:
What is IT doing here?
What is IT doing here?
Dinosaur Bones:
PRESERVING THE DELICATE ECOSYSTEM. IF NOT FOR MY TRIBUTE FEAST, THE SUPERIOR FOWLS WOULD ENSLAVE YOU DISGUSTING APES.
PRESERVING THE DELICATE ECOSYSTEM. IF NOT FOR MY TRIBUTE FEAST, THE SUPERIOR FOWLS WOULD ENSLAVE YOU DISGUSTING APES.
El Rey has PTSD over some of those YELP reviews, and does not look happy as he finally sits.
Zoran Sainovic (speaking in between shovelling chicken wigs in his mouth):
Along with eating him under ze table-
Along with eating him under ze table-
Dinosaur Bones (frequently forgets to chew and just eats the bones as well):
THE NIGHT IS YOUNG!
THE NIGHT IS YOUNG!
Zoran Sainovic:
-we're just finalizing ze details on October's Junior title defence.
-we're just finalizing ze details on October's Junior title defence.
El Rey:
Oh, well I don't want to intrude-
Oh, well I don't want to intrude-
The JHW champion starts to leave, any excuse for a quick retread, when he remembers that he's the JHW champion.
El Rey:
Hang on- shouldn't I be involved in this?
Hang on- shouldn't I be involved in this?
Zoran Sainovic:
Oh, most of zis was set into motion before your title win. Bones is ze next federation in line, so you would be defending against his federation anyway, what I set-up is just more interesting...
Oh, most of zis was set into motion before your title win. Bones is ze next federation in line, so you would be defending against his federation anyway, what I set-up is just more interesting...
El Rey:
So he's a federation?
So he's a federation?
Dinosaur Bones:
INDEED.
INDEED.
Zoran Sainovic:
Sort of. More of a shell game. See on ze off chance Bones were to eat a wrestler... rather zan acknowledge zat Mongo was employing a homicidal maniac - no offence-
Sort of. More of a shell game. See on ze off chance Bones were to eat a wrestler... rather zan acknowledge zat Mongo was employing a homicidal maniac - no offence-
Dinosaur Bones:
NONE TAKEN.
NONE TAKEN.
Zoran Sainovic:
Instead of saying "Bones kills X" instead zey say "X joined Bones." Like his victims were on some sort of magical adventure inside him. So while Bones could never be considered a junior for ze defence-
Instead of saying "Bones kills X" instead zey say "X joined Bones." Like his victims were on some sort of magical adventure inside him. So while Bones could never be considered a junior for ze defence-
Dinosaur Bones:
I'M VERY DAINTY.
I'M VERY DAINTY.
Zoran Sainovic:
A number of his victims meet ze criteria. So I picked a dozen to act as challengers-
A number of his victims meet ze criteria. So I picked a dozen to act as challengers-
El Rey:
A dozen is fine for you, but its my title now, and I'd rather-
A dozen is fine for you, but its my title now, and I'd rather-
Zoran Sainovic (raising hand):
Don't worry my boy... ze number is fictional.
Don't worry my boy... ze number is fictional.
Dinosaur Bones:
HM?
HM?
Zoran Sainovic (turning to explain):
He zought it was real.
He zought it was real.
Dinosaur Bones:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Zoran Sainovic:
Heh heh heh heh heh-
Heh heh heh heh heh-
Not wanting to be left out, and certainly seeing the humour in it if he doesn't have to wrestle a dozen people - El Rey joins in.
El Rey:
Ha, ha, ha-
Dinosaur Bones (wiping away the tears like he has eyeballs):
YOU APES ARE TOO MUCH.
YOU APES ARE TOO MUCH.
Zoran Sainovic:
Ha- no, Rey, it looks like zat on paper - but you'll only have one opponent.
Ha- no, Rey, it looks like zat on paper - but you'll only have one opponent.
The laughter continues.
El Rey:
ha, ha, ha, and who is that?
ha, ha, ha, and who is that?
The two ghouls slowly stop laughing.
Dinosaur Bones (whispering aside):
HE'S KIND OF SLOW ON THE UPTAKE.
HE'S KIND OF SLOW ON THE UPTAKE.
El Rey (pointing at Bones):
Screw this! There is no way he's a junior!
Screw this! There is no way he's a junior!
Zoran Sainovic (raising hand):
But his victims are - so it's all perfectly legal. I was rather looking forward to ze challenge myself...
But his victims are - so it's all perfectly legal. I was rather looking forward to ze challenge myself...
The monsters continuing eating, seeing who can eat more wings faster. Bones would normally win hands down, but Zoran has had a lean few months.
El Rey:
YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FEED ME TO HIM, BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY I WON THE TITLE!
YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FEED ME TO HIM, BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY I WON THE TITLE!
Zoran Sainovic:
No, Bones can't eat you. It's going to be a Tar Pit match. If he eats you, he loses. ...And all you have to do is zrow him in a tar pit.
No, Bones can't eat you. It's going to be a Tar Pit match. If he eats you, he loses. ...And all you have to do is zrow him in a tar pit.
Dinosaur Bones:
YOU WOULD BE SENDING ME HOME.
YOU WOULD BE SENDING ME HOME.
Zoran Sainovic:
Exactly, so you can show Bones ze same kindness... same freedom... zat you showed me. Make you suffer for winning ze belt? Do I look like I'm suffering?
Exactly, so you can show Bones ze same kindness... same freedom... zat you showed me. Make you suffer for winning ze belt? Do I look like I'm suffering?
The Final Boss continues to shove chicken wings in his mouth.
Zoran Sainovic:
Now, since we WILL win ze Annihilator, zat means you'll be pulling double duty on ze End of Days finals. As we'll have a date with ze tag team champions, Bones here has promised not to cripple you.
Now, since we WILL win ze Annihilator, zat means you'll be pulling double duty on ze End of Days finals. As we'll have a date with ze tag team champions, Bones here has promised not to cripple you.
Dinosaur Bones:
I AM NOTHING IF NOT A HOMOSAPIEN OF MY WORD.
I AM NOTHING IF NOT A HOMOSAPIEN OF MY WORD.
El Rey:
He is clearly lying.
He is clearly lying.
Zoran Sainovic:
Let him try and go back on his word. You're a champion, Rey. Even if one of ze dead names you'll be sully is a friend or relative... I know you'll rise to ze occasion. You won zat belt because you're good... not because I was incredibly hungry and looking for a way out, or trying to give you a touring schedule zat would hurt your Anointed relationship.
Let him try and go back on his word. You're a champion, Rey. Even if one of ze dead names you'll be sully is a friend or relative... I know you'll rise to ze occasion. You won zat belt because you're good... not because I was incredibly hungry and looking for a way out, or trying to give you a touring schedule zat would hurt your Anointed relationship.
El Rey:
I know!
I know!
Zoran Sainovic:
So don't let anyone suggest otherwise. ...Speaking of ze Anointed, even if you could maintain an HKW schedule with ze Junior tour, it'll be impossible when you have ze tag titles as well... so our upcoming contest will be goodbye to Steve and friends.
So don't let anyone suggest otherwise. ...Speaking of ze Anointed, even if you could maintain an HKW schedule with ze Junior tour, it'll be impossible when you have ze tag titles as well... so our upcoming contest will be goodbye to Steve and friends.
El Rey:
...
...
Zoran Sainovic:
It's a shame it couldn't be Steve Awesome and zat Crane punk... but I'll treat zeir B-Team like zey were Steve.
It's a shame it couldn't be Steve Awesome and zat Crane punk... but I'll treat zeir B-Team like zey were Steve.
Dinosaur Bones:
WHAT IS STOPPING THIS ONE FROM UNITING WITH HIS FRIENDS AGAINST YOU? IS HE PERHAPS (drooling) CHICKEN?
WHAT IS STOPPING THIS ONE FROM UNITING WITH HIS FRIENDS AGAINST YOU? IS HE PERHAPS (drooling) CHICKEN?
Zoran Sainovic:
Not at all. I am like a father to Rey. Our bond is stronger zan anything he might have with ze Anointed. Besides, he has a vested interested in winning ze XHF triple crown... we will do zat... he won't zrow away an opportunity like zat. (clasping hands) So here is ze plan, my boy... between AVB and Hasbullah, its pretty obvious who ze stronger member of ze team is. So I'm planning to just brutalize Hasbulla, but not go for a pin, I zink its important for ze Anointed to remember zat even when you leave zem high and dry, you were zeir best member. So you take it to AVB, and know zat Hasbulla will be tortured until you get around to pinning Blankenship. Feel free to take your time. I'm about done selling for Hardkore World talent.
Not at all. I am like a father to Rey. Our bond is stronger zan anything he might have with ze Anointed. Besides, he has a vested interested in winning ze XHF triple crown... we will do zat... he won't zrow away an opportunity like zat. (clasping hands) So here is ze plan, my boy... between AVB and Hasbullah, its pretty obvious who ze stronger member of ze team is. So I'm planning to just brutalize Hasbulla, but not go for a pin, I zink its important for ze Anointed to remember zat even when you leave zem high and dry, you were zeir best member. So you take it to AVB, and know zat Hasbulla will be tortured until you get around to pinning Blankenship. Feel free to take your time. I'm about done selling for Hardkore World talent.
The problem with making deals with the devil, is that it involves actually interacting with him. Sighing, El Rey pulls up a plate of wings. Even if you can beat them, join them-
El Rey:
That was always the plan...
The Final Boss snatches the wing away.
Zoran Sainovic:
Hey junior champ, you've got a figure to maintain.
El Rey (picking up another wing):
That's alright, I have a really good metabolism.
The champ starts to eat. Then stops himself. Zoran has killed men for pointing out less.
Zoran Sainovic (admiring steak knife):
Zere are other ways to cut weight.
Dinosaur Bones:
LEAVE THE HATCHLING ALONE, HE'S ALL SKIN AND BONES!
El Rey drops the wing.
El Rey:
But staying in the junior division is a lot of work...
Zoran is very paternal. ....but then again so was Abraham. El Rey looks longingly at the wings.
Zoran Sainovic:
Zat's ze spirit. Tough it out.
El Rey is pretty sure his mentor is going to starve him to death on principle, if he doesn't feed him to a dracolich.
...And Sainovic & Son are still the best tag team in the XHF.
The monsters gorge themselves as the video fades to black.