Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 3, 2024 19:32:53 GMT -5
*We open on a peaceful image. Lord Dominicus sits in a director’s chair while sipping on some sort of orange drink.*
LD: Hello there! Every since my last promo I’ve been getting tons of feedback from you- the fans- about me treating Takaru Matsui and the Wrestle: United Kingdom Heavyweight Champion Kasper van Zant as afterthoughts.
*A quick chuckle.*
LD: Actually that’s a lie. Nobody has written in because I’m right to do so.
*He lets that sink in with a sip of his juice.*
LD: Look don’t get me wrong, both of them are…wrestlers. And one even is champ! But Kasper- and I say this from a place of respect- you have a lot of growing left to do. Your main shtick is women’s empowerment- great, wonderful. But uh…that only works if your opponents are sexist. And our match? Well there’s me, and I’ve been supporting women wrestling for over a decade.
*Domincus adjusts his position because those chairs are weird to sit on.*
LD: In fact in THE YEAR OF INFAMY I had been continuing my EVIL fight against “Antiquated and Tasteless” Alex Turner after the year before he spouted his awful and stupid takes on women that his blow-up doll of a manager seemed to vehemently agree with, setting back women’s rights about fifty years every time she opened her mouth. And the best part was it all came about BECAUSE HE TAPPED TO A WOMAN. Where were you back then, huh? Because from the sound of it, I was doing your job for you back then.
*He looks as sharply as a man in a mask can at the camera.*
LD: And since you seem to be irresistibly attracted to canceling out Matsui then I’ll just have to do your job for you again and keep the title away from Psychotic Goth…by winning it myself. But let’s look at this deeper. Is Goth anti-feminism? Not at all! In fact I’d argue that his sometimes paramour has a stronger personality and is possibly more successful as well. So that’s two strikes against your “I can do this as a woman” promo already.
*The DARK LORD OF WUK looks up and spins his finger a bit, eventually letting it become three fingers up.*
LD: And clearly Takaru has no reason to say a woman can’t get the job done because neither can he! Three strikes, Miss Van Zant. So don’t take it personally when I tell you that I’m going to take your title. But if I can’t trust you to take out some guy who probably doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page then how can I expect you to defend the Network against Goth ruining everything again? I don’t look down on you because of your gender; I look down on you because of your impotence. Prove me wrong.
*A quick DominiThink.*
LD: Actually, don’t- I want to be champ. Now speaking of your other half…Takaru? I saw your most recent promo and…wow it’s like you agree with everything I’ve been saying. What even was that? “Oh your mask won’t protect you from my move.”
*THE DARKEST OF ALL EVILS makes Scott Hall-esq spooky fingers at the camera.*
LD: Ooh I’m real scared. It’s a cloth mask bro, it doesn’t protect me from anything except maybe you spitting at me.
*He takes a sip of his drink.*
LD: But WOW have you met your match- not in me obviously…or probably even Goth. But you and Kasper seem to be inseparable. Why not just drop the pretense and next time hold her until the match is declared a draw based on a time limit- or better yet do it outside the ring so you guys get counted out and it saves the viewers some time.
*Another sip and an under-the-breath “mmm” follows.*
LD: Am I wrong in how I’m interpreting this? Because it seems like you’re so smitten with Miss Van Zant that you can’t stop talking with her- and then when you finally get her in the ring you can’t bring yourself to beat her but your pride won’t let her beat you either. Just ask her out if that’s what you’re looking for, maybe she’s into oddly violent dudes.
*He shrugs off the idea.*
LD: The point is that I’m not putting my focus into either of you because you’re like the north and south sides of a magnet- you just attract to each other and don’t do anything beyond that. So I’m not sweating the two of you because I’m expecting you to do it again. Go ahead, work out your underlying sexual frustrations on each other- that’s what you’re in the match to do. As for me, I’ll take care of the REAL threat, Psychotic Goth…which shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for somebody like me.
*Dominicus takes another drink then leans forward.*
LD: I’ve been pretty open about my strategy for Dominion. So to beat me it just means that Takaru and Van Zant have to ignore each other- which they can’t, and for Psychotic Goth not to take time to show off his luscious hair- which he’s unable to do. While the three of you are distracted with your oddball obsessions I just have to walk up the ladder and claim my rightful place at the head of the company. Thanks for the title, guys!
*Before he can sign off the former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion walks in.*
Trekker: There you are! What do you think of my homemade juice?
*The man who’s been happily drinking now for a while looks down at it.*
LD: Oh it’s terrible, awful, the worst I’ve ever had. I’d pour it on the ground-
*Sip.*
LD: But I don’t want to-
*Another sip.*
LD: -ruin the carpet.
Trekker: The floor isn’t carpeted.
*Dominicus stares at her.*
LD: I’m blinking incredulously.
*He takes another sip.*
LD: Anyway the point is you better leave the rest to me; I don’t want poor Big Bones to have to suffer through this swill.
BB (Off-camera): No, pelearé contigo por este jugo.
*DominiFade out!*
LD: Hello there! Every since my last promo I’ve been getting tons of feedback from you- the fans- about me treating Takaru Matsui and the Wrestle: United Kingdom Heavyweight Champion Kasper van Zant as afterthoughts.
*A quick chuckle.*
LD: Actually that’s a lie. Nobody has written in because I’m right to do so.
*He lets that sink in with a sip of his juice.*
LD: Look don’t get me wrong, both of them are…wrestlers. And one even is champ! But Kasper- and I say this from a place of respect- you have a lot of growing left to do. Your main shtick is women’s empowerment- great, wonderful. But uh…that only works if your opponents are sexist. And our match? Well there’s me, and I’ve been supporting women wrestling for over a decade.
*Domincus adjusts his position because those chairs are weird to sit on.*
LD: In fact in THE YEAR OF INFAMY I had been continuing my EVIL fight against “Antiquated and Tasteless” Alex Turner after the year before he spouted his awful and stupid takes on women that his blow-up doll of a manager seemed to vehemently agree with, setting back women’s rights about fifty years every time she opened her mouth. And the best part was it all came about BECAUSE HE TAPPED TO A WOMAN. Where were you back then, huh? Because from the sound of it, I was doing your job for you back then.
*He looks as sharply as a man in a mask can at the camera.*
LD: And since you seem to be irresistibly attracted to canceling out Matsui then I’ll just have to do your job for you again and keep the title away from Psychotic Goth…by winning it myself. But let’s look at this deeper. Is Goth anti-feminism? Not at all! In fact I’d argue that his sometimes paramour has a stronger personality and is possibly more successful as well. So that’s two strikes against your “I can do this as a woman” promo already.
*The DARK LORD OF WUK looks up and spins his finger a bit, eventually letting it become three fingers up.*
LD: And clearly Takaru has no reason to say a woman can’t get the job done because neither can he! Three strikes, Miss Van Zant. So don’t take it personally when I tell you that I’m going to take your title. But if I can’t trust you to take out some guy who probably doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page then how can I expect you to defend the Network against Goth ruining everything again? I don’t look down on you because of your gender; I look down on you because of your impotence. Prove me wrong.
*A quick DominiThink.*
LD: Actually, don’t- I want to be champ. Now speaking of your other half…Takaru? I saw your most recent promo and…wow it’s like you agree with everything I’ve been saying. What even was that? “Oh your mask won’t protect you from my move.”
*THE DARKEST OF ALL EVILS makes Scott Hall-esq spooky fingers at the camera.*
LD: Ooh I’m real scared. It’s a cloth mask bro, it doesn’t protect me from anything except maybe you spitting at me.
*He takes a sip of his drink.*
LD: But WOW have you met your match- not in me obviously…or probably even Goth. But you and Kasper seem to be inseparable. Why not just drop the pretense and next time hold her until the match is declared a draw based on a time limit- or better yet do it outside the ring so you guys get counted out and it saves the viewers some time.
*Another sip and an under-the-breath “mmm” follows.*
LD: Am I wrong in how I’m interpreting this? Because it seems like you’re so smitten with Miss Van Zant that you can’t stop talking with her- and then when you finally get her in the ring you can’t bring yourself to beat her but your pride won’t let her beat you either. Just ask her out if that’s what you’re looking for, maybe she’s into oddly violent dudes.
*He shrugs off the idea.*
LD: The point is that I’m not putting my focus into either of you because you’re like the north and south sides of a magnet- you just attract to each other and don’t do anything beyond that. So I’m not sweating the two of you because I’m expecting you to do it again. Go ahead, work out your underlying sexual frustrations on each other- that’s what you’re in the match to do. As for me, I’ll take care of the REAL threat, Psychotic Goth…which shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for somebody like me.
*Dominicus takes another drink then leans forward.*
LD: I’ve been pretty open about my strategy for Dominion. So to beat me it just means that Takaru and Van Zant have to ignore each other- which they can’t, and for Psychotic Goth not to take time to show off his luscious hair- which he’s unable to do. While the three of you are distracted with your oddball obsessions I just have to walk up the ladder and claim my rightful place at the head of the company. Thanks for the title, guys!
*Before he can sign off the former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion walks in.*
Trekker: There you are! What do you think of my homemade juice?
*The man who’s been happily drinking now for a while looks down at it.*
LD: Oh it’s terrible, awful, the worst I’ve ever had. I’d pour it on the ground-
*Sip.*
LD: But I don’t want to-
*Another sip.*
LD: -ruin the carpet.
Trekker: The floor isn’t carpeted.
*Dominicus stares at her.*
LD: I’m blinking incredulously.
*He takes another sip.*
LD: Anyway the point is you better leave the rest to me; I don’t want poor Big Bones to have to suffer through this swill.
BB (Off-camera): No, pelearé contigo por este jugo.
*DominiFade out!*
