Deep Purple (Tag Title Match)
Aug 17, 2024 3:05:32 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604 and "The High Roller" Wesley Crane like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 17, 2024 3:05:32 GMT -5
*We open in a dark garage. All that can be seen is a bit of light from an upper window flowing in catching the dust in the air. On one side of the garage is the gleam of a BEAUTIFUL BLACK car, near it a shady amorphous blob. It speaks.*
Blob: So uh, what’s with the cloak and dagger stuff?
*A quick whirl around reveals the actual star of this. Well, reveal is the wrong word because it’s still pretty dark in the garage; in fact our protagonist is currently fumbling around a table. A table in the garage? Ah, this must be the Bad to the Bone compound. Anyway his voice is pretty easy to catch.*
LD: Oh oh, sorry about that. Yeah, no, I have another dinosaur in my life and I don’t want him to feel bad. Also, do you think you could do the voice? I mean what’s the point of wearing the costume if you’re not going to do the voice?
Blob: I’m still not sure why you had me wear the costume. Also I didn’t actually do the voice, Bob West did.
LD: Can you fake it or something?
*There’s a sigh.*
Blob: HI KIDS! TODAY WE’RE GONNA HELP OUR FRIEND LORD DOMINICUS!
LD: Not bad but its fine, you can use your real voice. I invited you here, as well, HIM, so that I could get some advice. I need to know how to love those under me as I rule them with an iron fist.
Blob: Oook?
LD: I mean you were swarmed with children at all times back when you were on TV. So you know how to deal with being that are clearly inferior, but like in a loving way.
Blob: I think I am starting to get it.
LD: See, my partner- my NON-ROMANTIC partner in this was coaching me on being kind and loving in order that I could continue to be evil.
Blob: ...And you’re starting to lose me again. Also you know you could change the status of that relationship if you tried giving her a nice tantric massage…
LD: What? No she left.
Blob: Oh, well have you tried offering her a tantric massage?
*I’m gonna be honest, the DARK LORD OF CHAMPIONSHIPS doesn’t know what tantric massage is. He tries to process this but eventually gives up. You can just barely make out his outline as he shakes his head.*
LD: Um, anyway she’ll be back after the reality show or whatever is done at GUNS. I’m pretty confident since she’s a parasite without anywhere else to live- kind of like Baby Bop was for you, I guess.
Blob: You realize I was playing a-
LD: ANYWAY, how the heck am I even supposed to counter the idiocy I’m up against? I tried to be nice to them and offer them some respect but do you know what I got back in return?
Blob: Considering your demeanor I’m going to guess it wasn’t tantric touch?
LD: It was not. No, instead stupid Preston Anton Reese- I think I got that right- cut a promo about how he’s more successful than me. Which is perfectly fine in wrestling EXCEPT for one little problem.
Blob: He hasn’t done anything, has he?
LD: NOT A THING! He listed off his stablemates’ successes as though they were his. AND WORSE, he’s one of those guys who since he’s never tasted real success he just thinks that money, women, and cars somehow are a symbol of success. He tried to show off his expensive car in a promo- has it won a race?
Blob: No?
LD: OF COURSE IT HASN’T! It’s just expensive, there’s no other value to it at all! But dumb dumb PAR thinks that money is everything. I HAVE THE KEY TO MISSISSAUGA! The only thing he has is the key to his stupid car.
Blob: And women’s bedrooms. I wonder if he does tantric…
LD: The point is, how am I supposed to love and support him evilly if he’s so brain-dead and useless that he doesn’t even recognize greatness when it’s in front of him!?
Blob: Well back on the show even the least talented kids had something to bring to the table.
LD: I’m pretty sure that Reese’s only talent is standing in the back looking like an idiot.
Blob: Oh, like BJ.
LD: YES! EXACTLY! And stupid Wesley Crane is just as infuriating. I tried to confront him with his weird belt fetish-
Blob: Belt fetish? Like leather?
*There’s a bit of fumbling from the Dominicus shadow and you can see the reflection of IMMACULATE GOLD as he holds up his own title.*
LD: No, Championships. He names them after women. He also constantly hit on women. Ipso facto he’s probably having sex with the titles. In fact I’m pretty sure he had sex with the Wrestle United Kingdom World Championship, that’s weird, right?
Blob: Oh yeah, totally weird. Was it at least tantric?
LD: I have no idea. And now he wants to have sex with my other title-
*More shuffling, more BEAUTIFUL SHIMMERING*
LD: -the Wrestle United Kingdom Tag Team Championship AND share it with his subPAR friend.
Blob: Ah, double-teaming, I understand that. One time backsta-
LD: Ew, anyway I’m trying to not just call them out on their BS and be nice and all but what am I supposed to do with stupidity like this?!
Blob: Did you try the song?
*Instead of getting the answer we instead cut to outside of the garage (inside the house, not outside). Big Bone is peaking in on the conversation taking place as a large shadow comes up behind him.*
DB: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE? CAN I SEE?
*Dominicus’ tag partner turns around and quietly closes the door.*
BB: Um…negativa.
DB: I CAN’T DO ANYTHING THESE DAYS!
*The dracolich stomps off. BB turns to return to his voyeurism as we fade to black.*
Blob: So uh, what’s with the cloak and dagger stuff?
*A quick whirl around reveals the actual star of this. Well, reveal is the wrong word because it’s still pretty dark in the garage; in fact our protagonist is currently fumbling around a table. A table in the garage? Ah, this must be the Bad to the Bone compound. Anyway his voice is pretty easy to catch.*
LD: Oh oh, sorry about that. Yeah, no, I have another dinosaur in my life and I don’t want him to feel bad. Also, do you think you could do the voice? I mean what’s the point of wearing the costume if you’re not going to do the voice?
Blob: I’m still not sure why you had me wear the costume. Also I didn’t actually do the voice, Bob West did.
LD: Can you fake it or something?
*There’s a sigh.*
Blob: HI KIDS! TODAY WE’RE GONNA HELP OUR FRIEND LORD DOMINICUS!
LD: Not bad but its fine, you can use your real voice. I invited you here, as well, HIM, so that I could get some advice. I need to know how to love those under me as I rule them with an iron fist.
Blob: Oook?
LD: I mean you were swarmed with children at all times back when you were on TV. So you know how to deal with being that are clearly inferior, but like in a loving way.
Blob: I think I am starting to get it.
LD: See, my partner- my NON-ROMANTIC partner in this was coaching me on being kind and loving in order that I could continue to be evil.
Blob: ...And you’re starting to lose me again. Also you know you could change the status of that relationship if you tried giving her a nice tantric massage…
LD: What? No she left.
Blob: Oh, well have you tried offering her a tantric massage?
*I’m gonna be honest, the DARK LORD OF CHAMPIONSHIPS doesn’t know what tantric massage is. He tries to process this but eventually gives up. You can just barely make out his outline as he shakes his head.*
LD: Um, anyway she’ll be back after the reality show or whatever is done at GUNS. I’m pretty confident since she’s a parasite without anywhere else to live- kind of like Baby Bop was for you, I guess.
Blob: You realize I was playing a-
LD: ANYWAY, how the heck am I even supposed to counter the idiocy I’m up against? I tried to be nice to them and offer them some respect but do you know what I got back in return?
Blob: Considering your demeanor I’m going to guess it wasn’t tantric touch?
LD: It was not. No, instead stupid Preston Anton Reese- I think I got that right- cut a promo about how he’s more successful than me. Which is perfectly fine in wrestling EXCEPT for one little problem.
Blob: He hasn’t done anything, has he?
LD: NOT A THING! He listed off his stablemates’ successes as though they were his. AND WORSE, he’s one of those guys who since he’s never tasted real success he just thinks that money, women, and cars somehow are a symbol of success. He tried to show off his expensive car in a promo- has it won a race?
Blob: No?
LD: OF COURSE IT HASN’T! It’s just expensive, there’s no other value to it at all! But dumb dumb PAR thinks that money is everything. I HAVE THE KEY TO MISSISSAUGA! The only thing he has is the key to his stupid car.
Blob: And women’s bedrooms. I wonder if he does tantric…
LD: The point is, how am I supposed to love and support him evilly if he’s so brain-dead and useless that he doesn’t even recognize greatness when it’s in front of him!?
Blob: Well back on the show even the least talented kids had something to bring to the table.
LD: I’m pretty sure that Reese’s only talent is standing in the back looking like an idiot.
Blob: Oh, like BJ.
LD: YES! EXACTLY! And stupid Wesley Crane is just as infuriating. I tried to confront him with his weird belt fetish-
Blob: Belt fetish? Like leather?
*There’s a bit of fumbling from the Dominicus shadow and you can see the reflection of IMMACULATE GOLD as he holds up his own title.*
LD: No, Championships. He names them after women. He also constantly hit on women. Ipso facto he’s probably having sex with the titles. In fact I’m pretty sure he had sex with the Wrestle United Kingdom World Championship, that’s weird, right?
Blob: Oh yeah, totally weird. Was it at least tantric?
LD: I have no idea. And now he wants to have sex with my other title-
*More shuffling, more BEAUTIFUL SHIMMERING*
LD: -the Wrestle United Kingdom Tag Team Championship AND share it with his subPAR friend.
Blob: Ah, double-teaming, I understand that. One time backsta-
LD: Ew, anyway I’m trying to not just call them out on their BS and be nice and all but what am I supposed to do with stupidity like this?!
Blob: Did you try the song?
*Instead of getting the answer we instead cut to outside of the garage (inside the house, not outside). Big Bone is peaking in on the conversation taking place as a large shadow comes up behind him.*
DB: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE? CAN I SEE?
*Dominicus’ tag partner turns around and quietly closes the door.*
BB: Um…negativa.
DB: I CAN’T DO ANYTHING THESE DAYS!
*The dracolich stomps off. BB turns to return to his voyeurism as we fade to black.*
