A Brit, Two Guns & A Goldbear
Jan 23, 2018 19:35:00 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 2 more like this
Post by Robbie A on Jan 23, 2018 19:35:00 GMT -5
Welcome to the XHF Network
Your Video is Loading…
We open to Rob Arnold, standing in a corridor within the XHF spiritual home, The XHF Arena. He looks down towards the floor, playing on his phone, not noticing the camera. His concentration is suddenly broken by a large noise echoing down the hall.
“Rawwwwwr”
Arnold looks up and to the camera’s right, his expression a mix of concern and shock. His eyes fixed on the direction of the noise, he waits and listens. Nothing. He returns to his phone.
“No...can’t be... just don’t think about it.” He mutters to himself, and returns to phone, eyes locked on the screen.
As he does so, two figures appear from the direction of the previous noise, the camera turns towards them, and it becomes clear very quickly that it is James Mueller and Venom, the GUNS. Moving quietly, they haven’t caught the attention of Rob Arnold and as they get close to him Mueller holds an arm out in front of Venom, halting them both. They look at Arnold, and then each other, exchanging a smirk and then looking back at Arnold.
“I can’t believe my eyes, that’s Rob Arnold that is, James!” Exclaims Venom in an over the top Dick Van Dyke style British accent.
“I do believe it is, V! Pip pip and a how do you do Mr. Arnold!” Follows Mueller, again in an overly laboured accent.
Arnold looks up slowly, more determined to finish his text or e-mail which he does fairly quickly. He raises his eyebrows at both the GUNS.
“Mueller, V, good to see you boys, it’s been a while.” Arnold’s tone is very plain and deliberately emotionless.
“Reckon it’s been almost ten years it has!” Venom continues the accent.
“W...why are you both sounding like you should be in West London up somebody’s chimney?”
“Hehe, up somebody’s chimney, sounds dirty...I mean, I dunno what you mean guvnor! Don’t sound any different to you we don’t!” Pipes up Mueller. Arnold remains unimpressed.
“Well last time I checked I didn’t come from London, I came from the south west of England where traditionally people sound more like a farmer, luckily for me I’ve been able to keep a generally crisp accent, more James Bond than Oliver Twist.” Arnold retorts, The GUNS look at each other blankly.
“Really?” Questions Venom, back in his normal voice.
“Yeah I don’t get it either, they all sound the same to me.” Replies Mueller, and they both shrug before turning back to Arnold. “Yeah we don’t see it.”
Arnold sighs. “No, clearly not!”
“Hey now, why so glum, chum?” Asks Venom, the XHF Tag Team Champions move either side of Arnold, who remains leaning against the corridor wall where he’s been form the beginning of this video.
“Glum? I think you’re looking at the wrong guy, I’m just fine. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m home, well, spiritually. I would never want to live in Minnesota.” Arnold smirks.
“No I think you’re right, he’s glum, V.” Mueller looks across Rob and at Venom. “In fact, we know you’re glum, we’ve heard that you’re not too happy about our friend being in your match this Sunday.”
Rob chuckles to himself. “Well it’s not exactly a secret being kept in dark circles chaps. The video got leaked, so it’s all over the internet. That’s fine, there’s no point me trying to hide a lie. It’s just a blip though chaps, you know me, I’m pretty meticulous in my planning, and for almost everybody in that match at Supremacy. That being said, I really cannot believe you’ve managed to co-opt an actual bear into this match.”
The GUNS just look smug in response.
“But still, call me old fashioned, call me crazy-”
“Call me maybe?” Venom teases.
“But when we were all last together,” Arnold continues, ignoring the interruption, “the craziest things we had to deal with was Curtis Kanyon wearing a wig, or the Trons and Borgs running riot. Suddenly I come back and we have a pig as champion-”
“Tragedy.” Mueller this time the one to talk over Arnold.
“We then get an actual pig as champion.”
“Like what you did there.”
“At the same time we have people calling other wrestlers out on smartphones from their cars.”
“Ugly ass people at that.”
“And now you boys want to brings a freaking bear into the ring to potentially maim me and others and become the X*Crown Champion.”
“Woah now!” Venom takes a step back.
“Freaking bear?” As does Mueller.
“Don’t let him hear you call him that whatever you do.”
“Yeah he’s really sensitive about how he’s spoken to.”
“It’s either Goldbear II…”
“...Or Mr Bear.”
Arnold’s head follows the conversation either side of him, his face one of utter disbelief.
“Mr…Mr Bear.” Arnold confirms very reluctantly.
“Now you’re getting it!” Beams Venom. “Hey, why don’t you come meet him? Maybe that would make you feel a bit better about having him in the match this Sunday?”
Arnold shakes his head. “I’m not too sure that’s-”
“Yeah, let’s do that, we’ve only left him down the corridor anyway.” Mueller agrees with his tag partner.
“So that actually was Goldbear II I heard a few minutes back, I wasn’t just going mad?”
“Well you may be going mad, but yes, you did hear him, come on, let’s go see him!”
The GUNS grab an arm each of Arnold and begin leading him around the corridor, which the camera follows not too far behind.
“Guys you really don’t have to do this.” Rob suggests.
“No it’s totally fine man.”
“Besides, we need to check that we tied the chain up correctly.”
“You what? You didn’t check?” Rob’s voice turns to worry.
“Yeah but we’ve only got it wrong five times in the last week, so odds are is that’s fine.”
“Well I suddenly feel much better.” Deadpans Arnold, the GUNS choose to ignore him. The three don’t take any longer to reach a larger area and they all stop. The camera pans out to the right to reveal Goldbear II, sat quite contently with his hind legs in front of him, looking somewhat humanised in his position. Quite spectacularly, Goldbear II’s dignity has been kept intact at this camera angle by the fortunate inclusion of a production box, a box that is curiously labelled “junk”.
“There he is!” Smiles Mueller.
“He’s...he’s huge.” Arnold eventually says, still being reluctantly closer to Goldbear II.
“What are you referring to? Because if it’s his penis, he gets very self-conscious about that.”
“No I’m referring to the fact that he’s a giant bear, a very giant bear.” Arnold sighs. The three of them get about two yards from Goldbear II and come to a halt. Goldbear II doesn’t seem too bothered, he’s been sorting out a scratch behind his ear and hasn’t really worried about the three men in front of him until now.
“He’s going to kill me, isn’t he?” Arnold sighs again, this time with an air of inevitability.
“Don’t be stupid, he won’t hurt you as long as you’re with us.” Venom quips.
“Yeah, Supremacy though, we can’t hide you from that.”
“Wow, you really know how to make a guy feel better.” Is Arnold’s dry response.
“We’ve been told!” Smiles Mueller.
They all then pause as Goldbear II has finished his ear scratch and looks down at the trio. He leans forward slightly to face Rob, and sniffs him before letting out what can only be described as a happy growl.
“See? He’s just a big ol’ softie, just like you!” Venom grabs Arnold’s cheek playfully.
“Clearly!” Rob attempts to be as light hearted, though it’s not at all believable. “So anyway, why the hell did you leave him here?”
Without hesitation both GUNS point at the door to the left of Goldbear II. Arnold looks, and the camera zooms in slightly, the door reads “Mongo the Destroyer’s Office”.
“Yeah totally get it now.” Arnold says without hesitation. Goldbear II follows the fingers and looks at the door.
“Raaaaawr!”
Arnold takes a step back in shock, Mueller and Venom don’t move, instead they smile and watch as Goldbear II swings a claw at the door, leaving a mark on the door. Venom looks back over his shoulder at Rob.
“Yeah we told him to do that. He’s under strict instruction to eat whoever comes out of that office.”
“Makes sense.” Arnold folds his arms and takes a moment to admire the set up.
“Venom! Mueller! I know you’re out there!” Comes the voice of Mongo the Destroyer from behind the door, causing Goldbear II to growl. “Take the bear away! This is not funny! Joey Hawke is in here and I can actually hear his knees knocking, you’re frightening a poor old man!”
Arnold folds his arms and nods again “Nice touch guys, really nice touch.”
“Is that Rob Arnold? Don’t think I’m happy with you either! I heard what you said about my balls, I am in full faculty of my balls I will have you know!”
“From where I’m standing Mongo, your balls are pretty much in the claws of Goldbear II right now, so I’m going to have to disagree.” Is Arnold’s smug reply, clearly getting more at ease.
“Mongo we’re going to go get some lunch, we’re leaving Goldbear II here to keep an eye on you.” Chimes Mueller.
“You’re welcome to leave at any point though!” Venom adds and they turn away, Rob also turns and the three of them begin to walk away from the scene.
“You know, when he’s sat there like that boxing in Mongo, all I can think of is that he is one charming bear.” Arnold muses.
“He is, but don’t think that he’s going to go easy on you Sunday.” Venom replies.
“Yeah honestly we kinda have a fifty percent attack ratio when we introduce people to him like we just did with you, so expect the other fifty percent come Sunday.”
Arnold’s face just falls flat.
“But look, we like you, honestly if we could pick one guy to win Sunday that isn’t Goldbear II, it would be you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah really! You show contempt for pretty much everybody, especially Mongo, you’re also a really scary dude who breaks people’s arms!”
“Yeah we saw that, that even made Goldbear II wince.”
“And hey, should you somehow win, we’d love to have you on the GUN Show!”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea actually, I think the Borgs aren’t in too much of a hurry to come back after what happened to their mecha-bear.”
“Well gentlemen, I can honestly say that if I do win the X*Crown, I’ll certainly be taking you up on that offer. If I do win, I’ll be offering up a different class of champion, a better class of champion. Something we can all appreciate. A bit like how you’ve got the Tag Titles sewn up.”
All three look at each other and nod. Now back to where we started, the GUNS suddenly stop again.
“Shit, V...we forgot to check those chains.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine...”
Venom’s voice trails off as suddenly a louder “RAWWWWWWWWWWWR” is heard than before, followed by “Oh my god there’s a bear on the loose!” Venom and Mueller look at each other and then back at Rob.
“Yeah...we need to go, good talk!” Venom quickly exits back towards Goldbear II.
“Toodle pip!” Mueller taps Arnold on the shoulder before hastily following. Arnold stands there and looks around momentarily before running his hands through his hair, looking up to the ceiling.
“What the actual fuck just happened? And I thought AXW was bonkers...”
Fade out.
Your Video is Loading…
We open to Rob Arnold, standing in a corridor within the XHF spiritual home, The XHF Arena. He looks down towards the floor, playing on his phone, not noticing the camera. His concentration is suddenly broken by a large noise echoing down the hall.
“Rawwwwwr”
Arnold looks up and to the camera’s right, his expression a mix of concern and shock. His eyes fixed on the direction of the noise, he waits and listens. Nothing. He returns to his phone.
“No...can’t be... just don’t think about it.” He mutters to himself, and returns to phone, eyes locked on the screen.
As he does so, two figures appear from the direction of the previous noise, the camera turns towards them, and it becomes clear very quickly that it is James Mueller and Venom, the GUNS. Moving quietly, they haven’t caught the attention of Rob Arnold and as they get close to him Mueller holds an arm out in front of Venom, halting them both. They look at Arnold, and then each other, exchanging a smirk and then looking back at Arnold.
“I can’t believe my eyes, that’s Rob Arnold that is, James!” Exclaims Venom in an over the top Dick Van Dyke style British accent.
“I do believe it is, V! Pip pip and a how do you do Mr. Arnold!” Follows Mueller, again in an overly laboured accent.
Arnold looks up slowly, more determined to finish his text or e-mail which he does fairly quickly. He raises his eyebrows at both the GUNS.
“Mueller, V, good to see you boys, it’s been a while.” Arnold’s tone is very plain and deliberately emotionless.
“Reckon it’s been almost ten years it has!” Venom continues the accent.
“W...why are you both sounding like you should be in West London up somebody’s chimney?”
“Hehe, up somebody’s chimney, sounds dirty...I mean, I dunno what you mean guvnor! Don’t sound any different to you we don’t!” Pipes up Mueller. Arnold remains unimpressed.
“Well last time I checked I didn’t come from London, I came from the south west of England where traditionally people sound more like a farmer, luckily for me I’ve been able to keep a generally crisp accent, more James Bond than Oliver Twist.” Arnold retorts, The GUNS look at each other blankly.
“Really?” Questions Venom, back in his normal voice.
“Yeah I don’t get it either, they all sound the same to me.” Replies Mueller, and they both shrug before turning back to Arnold. “Yeah we don’t see it.”
Arnold sighs. “No, clearly not!”
“Hey now, why so glum, chum?” Asks Venom, the XHF Tag Team Champions move either side of Arnold, who remains leaning against the corridor wall where he’s been form the beginning of this video.
“Glum? I think you’re looking at the wrong guy, I’m just fine. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m home, well, spiritually. I would never want to live in Minnesota.” Arnold smirks.
“No I think you’re right, he’s glum, V.” Mueller looks across Rob and at Venom. “In fact, we know you’re glum, we’ve heard that you’re not too happy about our friend being in your match this Sunday.”
Rob chuckles to himself. “Well it’s not exactly a secret being kept in dark circles chaps. The video got leaked, so it’s all over the internet. That’s fine, there’s no point me trying to hide a lie. It’s just a blip though chaps, you know me, I’m pretty meticulous in my planning, and for almost everybody in that match at Supremacy. That being said, I really cannot believe you’ve managed to co-opt an actual bear into this match.”
The GUNS just look smug in response.
“But still, call me old fashioned, call me crazy-”
“Call me maybe?” Venom teases.
“But when we were all last together,” Arnold continues, ignoring the interruption, “the craziest things we had to deal with was Curtis Kanyon wearing a wig, or the Trons and Borgs running riot. Suddenly I come back and we have a pig as champion-”
“Tragedy.” Mueller this time the one to talk over Arnold.
“We then get an actual pig as champion.”
“Like what you did there.”
“At the same time we have people calling other wrestlers out on smartphones from their cars.”
“Ugly ass people at that.”
“And now you boys want to brings a freaking bear into the ring to potentially maim me and others and become the X*Crown Champion.”
“Woah now!” Venom takes a step back.
“Freaking bear?” As does Mueller.
“Don’t let him hear you call him that whatever you do.”
“Yeah he’s really sensitive about how he’s spoken to.”
“It’s either Goldbear II…”
“...Or Mr Bear.”
Arnold’s head follows the conversation either side of him, his face one of utter disbelief.
“Mr…Mr Bear.” Arnold confirms very reluctantly.
“Now you’re getting it!” Beams Venom. “Hey, why don’t you come meet him? Maybe that would make you feel a bit better about having him in the match this Sunday?”
Arnold shakes his head. “I’m not too sure that’s-”
“Yeah, let’s do that, we’ve only left him down the corridor anyway.” Mueller agrees with his tag partner.
“So that actually was Goldbear II I heard a few minutes back, I wasn’t just going mad?”
“Well you may be going mad, but yes, you did hear him, come on, let’s go see him!”
The GUNS grab an arm each of Arnold and begin leading him around the corridor, which the camera follows not too far behind.
“Guys you really don’t have to do this.” Rob suggests.
“No it’s totally fine man.”
“Besides, we need to check that we tied the chain up correctly.”
“You what? You didn’t check?” Rob’s voice turns to worry.
“Yeah but we’ve only got it wrong five times in the last week, so odds are is that’s fine.”
“Well I suddenly feel much better.” Deadpans Arnold, the GUNS choose to ignore him. The three don’t take any longer to reach a larger area and they all stop. The camera pans out to the right to reveal Goldbear II, sat quite contently with his hind legs in front of him, looking somewhat humanised in his position. Quite spectacularly, Goldbear II’s dignity has been kept intact at this camera angle by the fortunate inclusion of a production box, a box that is curiously labelled “junk”.
“There he is!” Smiles Mueller.
“He’s...he’s huge.” Arnold eventually says, still being reluctantly closer to Goldbear II.
“What are you referring to? Because if it’s his penis, he gets very self-conscious about that.”
“No I’m referring to the fact that he’s a giant bear, a very giant bear.” Arnold sighs. The three of them get about two yards from Goldbear II and come to a halt. Goldbear II doesn’t seem too bothered, he’s been sorting out a scratch behind his ear and hasn’t really worried about the three men in front of him until now.
“He’s going to kill me, isn’t he?” Arnold sighs again, this time with an air of inevitability.
“Don’t be stupid, he won’t hurt you as long as you’re with us.” Venom quips.
“Yeah, Supremacy though, we can’t hide you from that.”
“Wow, you really know how to make a guy feel better.” Is Arnold’s dry response.
“We’ve been told!” Smiles Mueller.
They all then pause as Goldbear II has finished his ear scratch and looks down at the trio. He leans forward slightly to face Rob, and sniffs him before letting out what can only be described as a happy growl.
“See? He’s just a big ol’ softie, just like you!” Venom grabs Arnold’s cheek playfully.
“Clearly!” Rob attempts to be as light hearted, though it’s not at all believable. “So anyway, why the hell did you leave him here?”
Without hesitation both GUNS point at the door to the left of Goldbear II. Arnold looks, and the camera zooms in slightly, the door reads “Mongo the Destroyer’s Office”.
“Yeah totally get it now.” Arnold says without hesitation. Goldbear II follows the fingers and looks at the door.
“Raaaaawr!”
Arnold takes a step back in shock, Mueller and Venom don’t move, instead they smile and watch as Goldbear II swings a claw at the door, leaving a mark on the door. Venom looks back over his shoulder at Rob.
“Yeah we told him to do that. He’s under strict instruction to eat whoever comes out of that office.”
“Makes sense.” Arnold folds his arms and takes a moment to admire the set up.
“Venom! Mueller! I know you’re out there!” Comes the voice of Mongo the Destroyer from behind the door, causing Goldbear II to growl. “Take the bear away! This is not funny! Joey Hawke is in here and I can actually hear his knees knocking, you’re frightening a poor old man!”
Arnold folds his arms and nods again “Nice touch guys, really nice touch.”
“Is that Rob Arnold? Don’t think I’m happy with you either! I heard what you said about my balls, I am in full faculty of my balls I will have you know!”
“From where I’m standing Mongo, your balls are pretty much in the claws of Goldbear II right now, so I’m going to have to disagree.” Is Arnold’s smug reply, clearly getting more at ease.
“Mongo we’re going to go get some lunch, we’re leaving Goldbear II here to keep an eye on you.” Chimes Mueller.
“You’re welcome to leave at any point though!” Venom adds and they turn away, Rob also turns and the three of them begin to walk away from the scene.
“You know, when he’s sat there like that boxing in Mongo, all I can think of is that he is one charming bear.” Arnold muses.
“He is, but don’t think that he’s going to go easy on you Sunday.” Venom replies.
“Yeah honestly we kinda have a fifty percent attack ratio when we introduce people to him like we just did with you, so expect the other fifty percent come Sunday.”
Arnold’s face just falls flat.
“But look, we like you, honestly if we could pick one guy to win Sunday that isn’t Goldbear II, it would be you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah really! You show contempt for pretty much everybody, especially Mongo, you’re also a really scary dude who breaks people’s arms!”
“Yeah we saw that, that even made Goldbear II wince.”
“And hey, should you somehow win, we’d love to have you on the GUN Show!”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea actually, I think the Borgs aren’t in too much of a hurry to come back after what happened to their mecha-bear.”
“Well gentlemen, I can honestly say that if I do win the X*Crown, I’ll certainly be taking you up on that offer. If I do win, I’ll be offering up a different class of champion, a better class of champion. Something we can all appreciate. A bit like how you’ve got the Tag Titles sewn up.”
All three look at each other and nod. Now back to where we started, the GUNS suddenly stop again.
“Shit, V...we forgot to check those chains.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine...”
Venom’s voice trails off as suddenly a louder “RAWWWWWWWWWWWR” is heard than before, followed by “Oh my god there’s a bear on the loose!” Venom and Mueller look at each other and then back at Rob.
“Yeah...we need to go, good talk!” Venom quickly exits back towards Goldbear II.
“Toodle pip!” Mueller taps Arnold on the shoulder before hastily following. Arnold stands there and looks around momentarily before running his hands through his hair, looking up to the ceiling.
“What the actual fuck just happened? And I thought AXW was bonkers...”
Fade out.
