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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:11:51 GMT -5
The smoke of New Year has cleared. Sad, discarded, rotting Christmas trees have long since been thrown out and collected by refuse desposal people. Outside the world is cold. It's wet. It's miserable. The tattered remnants of New Year's hope lay broken at the feet of equally broken New Year's resolutions. It's grim out there. We've got to get away from it. And we are....to Singapore! The never ending Anarchy World Tour rattles on into the Far East with a scorcher of a card, as the longest World Heavyweight Championship Tournament in professional wrestling history screeches towards its tantric climax - highlighted by a particularly tasty looking clash between 2017's Rookie of the Year Dan Rosen, and the veteran enigma known only as 'D'. Frank Windsor straps his boots back on and goes on on one with Shane Mitchell in a contest that both men specifically asked for. This is the first time the two former RSW World Heavyweight Champions have battled in the ring, and it's sure to be a mat classic. Or a bloodbath. One or the other. The monstrous Garmr finds himself faced with Nob Kerfuffle. We hope the last remaining Hooligan has his financial affair in order, and a will drawn up. Billy Fowler faces a familiar foe in Dylan Erickson; two men who have been circling around each other since the Days of Empire. More Tournament matches account for the majority of the undercard, aside from RSW debuts for Vincent Augustine and Gus Wolf. And there's a nasty, persistent rumour that nobody has seen RSW founder Rob Riot since the climax of AnarChristmas IV. As always, we suspect something or someone else will appear and grab the attention of the world on the night. This is Riot Star Wrestling. It usually does...  |
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:12:12 GMT -5
The lights in the arena go out and “Ladies and Gentlemen” by Saliva begins to play as fireworks go off at the ring and videos begin playing on the RioTron.
The camera pans around the crowd where we can see a number of different signs being flashed about.
“End the Tournament”
“Crown me as World Champion”
“Only I can defeat Garmr”
“What is Oscar’s name really?”
“Jakie are you single?”
“Onion Sauce right here!!!!!”
The last sign is being waved by a couple of topless women that are quickly covered and escorted from the arena by security.
TOMMY ONIONS: Hey! Get digits from those girls before sending them out of the arena!
JOSEPH GREER: You don’t need to use security to get you more sexual partners.
TOMMY ONIONS: No. I can always call upon your ex-wife.
JOSEPH GREER: What about your own ex-wife?
TOMMY ONIONS: Which one? The last one has been busy with Fabio, her Yoga instructor.
JOSEPH GREER: We have a great show planned for you tonight! The never-ending World championship tournament continues in the never-ending World tour. I think an end of the tour is in sight.
TOMMY ONIONS: Really?
JOSEPH GREER: Sure...we’re planned out until AnarChristmas Five, but we could go home after that.
TOMMY ONIONS: Grrrreeeeeaaaaat. Where is home anyway? I heard that we moved to New York City from Manchester to office buddy with the Krimson Kharnival. I heard rumors that the Kharnival is leaving New York City and that Armand von Krauss may have sold his shares in Olympus.
JOSEPH GREER: That is certainly frightening news. If we are not to be based in New York City or Manchester...I have no idea where we would call home. Hopefully, we’ll be someplace nice.
TOMMY ONIONS: I would like to place a vote for Rio! Because Rio women are extra hot!
JOSEPH GREER: We could do that. Vote for what city to call home after we get done with the tour at AnarChristmas Five. We should round up some nominees!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:12:32 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: The following contest is the opening bout of the evening. Featuring first the challenger...Vincent Augustine!
No music plays as Vincent Augustine walks out from the back to a silent crowd. A few people cheer (likely family) and a few people boo (just to be assholes) as Vincent makes his way down to the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Another debut that I could give two fucks about…not.
JOSEPH GREER: You never know. He could be the next Rob Riot in the making!
TOMMY ONIONS: Then he would have chosen some fucking entrance music. I bet we don’t even fucking have notes on how he wrestlers. What, do we fucking make up names when he pulls off a move?
JOSEPH GREER: Kayfabe!
TOMMY ONIONS: Kay why jelly your asshole, Greer! I bet he’s facing some asshole who hates long winded promos and also hasn’t chosen music despite being a mother fucking veteran of the sport.
JOSEPH GREER: Tommy…
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...Gus Wolf!
There is no theme music as Gus Wolf walks out from the back to an equally silent crowd. He makes his way down to the ring with a cagey smile on his face.
TOMMY ONIONS: Fuck me. Someone get me a mother fucking beer!
Someone from the crowd hands Tommy Onions a large bottle of Brewerkz XIPA. Tommy takes a large swig of it and gasps for air.
TOMMY ONIONS: Harsh, but tropical! Fucking love it!
JOSEPH GREER: I don’t know that. The match has begun!
Vincent starts the match with a body slam to Gus, who flops around on the mat like it was the strongest bodyslam ever.
TOMMY ONIONS: Look! Vincent starting the match with the ole vertical lift and horizontal drop! See? I can make up some fucking names!
Vincent reaches down to grab Gus, but is pulled into a small package for the pinfall!
One!
Two!
Thre-Vincent kicks out!
JOSEPH GREER: Gus Wolf almost with the three second win!
Gus kneels up, but catches a fist to the jaw from the laying Vincent. Gus flies backwards, grasping at his face like his jaw has been broken.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh for fucks sake. He acted like he was killed with the fucking bodyslam. Now, his jaw is broken. Is this Glass Joe or Gus Wolf?
Vincent stands up, celebrating to the crowd over his victory. He turns around to see Gus Wolf standing in front of him. Gus seizes Vincent and hits a running powerslam! He hooks a leg for the cover!
One!
Two!
Three!
JOSEPH GREER: Hounds Unchained! Gus with a quick win tonight!
TOMMY ONIONS: It has to be a quick win or Vincent may accidentally break every fucking bone in his body by burping in his general direction!
JOSEPH GREER: I don’t think that he’s that fragile.
Gus Wolf makes his way to the backstage with his arms in the air. Bob Mooney steps into the ring with a piece of pink paper in his hand.
BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match via pinfall...Gus Wolf!
Bob drops the paper onto Vincent’s chest with the camera zooming in to be able to read “Notice of Employment Termination”.
TOMMY ONIONS: Ain’t no lie. Baby, bye, bye, bye!
JOSEPH GREER: Awful harsh isn’t it?
TOMMY ONIONS: Fuck him. He can try to get rehired if he wants to try for employment.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:12:47 GMT -5
“Psychosocial” By Slipknot suddenly hits and the lights begin to flash violently to the beat. The ramp starts to flood with smoke as red lasers begin to strobe around the arena. Havok starts to walk down the ramp. He appears to be in a more pissed of mood than normal.
JOSEPH GREER: What is he doing out here?
He comes to the end of the ramp he looks around before he begins to circle the ring. He slowly climbs up the steel steps. He climbs through the ropes.
TOMMY ONIONS: I am surprised that he has turned up
JOSEPH GREER: He wasn't scheduled to be here
TOMMY ONIONS: After the beating he took from Ragnar, I am surprised that he's walking.
He walks over to the farthest turnbuckle and climbs up. He looks out across the crowd. He raises both arms above his head, while holding his Tag title. As his music dies down as Havok requests for a microphone.
HAVOK: How long have I been here, in RSW?
TOMMY ONIONS: What does that have to do with anything.
Crowd reacts with a mixture of cheers and boos
JOSEPH GREER: Must be about eighteen months or so.
HAVOK: During that time how many shows have I missed or not been part of?
JOSEPH GREER: I don't think he has missed a show yet.
CROWD: Overrated! Overrated!
Due to the crowd's reaction Havok take a moment before raising the mic once more.
HAVOK: So as most of you know, at the last show. I was scheduled to defend my title against that Viking, Ragnar.
TOMMY ONIONS:I agree with the crowd, he is overrated.
HAVOK: It is true that I lost this match. I was given my re-match for the title. However, it wasn’t on A RSW show. No, the match took place on the XHF Supremacy show.
JOSEPH GREER: I heard about that show. All of the talent on that card
HAVOK: So as you can see, I haven’t come out here with the Legacy title draped over my shoulder. The match didn’t go to plan in Minneapolis, MN.
TOMMY ONIONS: So not only did he lose the title to the big guy, but he lost the rematch as well.
HAVOK: Me and Ragnar still have unfinished business. For now my main concern is the tournament. As the Bracket stages start to draw to an end. It seems that Bracket D doesn't have a clear winner at the moment.
Music starts to play, Havok turns towards the entrance ramp in disbelief that he has been interrupted.
Havok throws the mic down and exits the ring at near the announcers' table and slowly moves around the side of the ring.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:13:04 GMT -5
“Defiance” by Neverwake begins playing as Scotty Adams runs down the aisle to the ring. He points at Havok at ringside.
TOMMY ONIONS: Adams have something to say?
JOSEPH GREER: Would assume so.
Scotty is given a mic as he keeps his eyes on Havok.
SCOTTY ADAMS: Get away from the ring, Blahvok!
Havok rolls into the ring instead where he begins brawling with Scotty Adams! Rhys Kade begins running down to the ring to join the fight.
JOSEPH GREER: This is turning into a chaotic brawl real quick!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yay! It’s turning into something!
Havok wins the advantage and gets Scotty up for a suplex before dumping him over the ring to land on his head on the concrete floor! He hits a back elbow to Rhys Kade to stun him. He follows up with a ‘rana that sends Rhys into the corner where Kade strikes the ring post!
JOSEPH GREER: Havok down here demolishing everyone in the ring!
TOMMY ONIONS: What a petulant ass!
JOSEPH GREER: Petulant? Such big words that you use!
The ref just shakes his head and signals for the bell to be rung. Havok flattens him with a moonsault cross body block from the top rope!
JOSEPH GREER: That was uncalled for!
TOMMY ONIONS: Someone is going to find themself in time out!
Satisfied that everyone has been dealt with, Havok makes his way to the back. EMTs come to try to help people out.
BOB MOONEY: Due to the interference by Havok, this match has been declared a no contest!
Scotty Adams protests as he allows EMTs to help him.
TOMMY ONIONS: The Purveyor of Perfection is mad that he didn’t get to show off his skills.
JOSEPH GREER: Ok...you can stop now.
TOMMY ONIONS: I’m just saying that Scotty be cryin’ that he didn’t get to have a match.
JOSEPH GREER: Right.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:13:19 GMT -5
Coming back from commercial for RSWshop.com, Joseph Greer and Tommy Onions are shown at the announce table before an electric Singapore crowd.
JOSEPH GREER: Welcome back to Anarchy Thirty Four! We’re still early in the night but it already been an exciting night of RSW action with much more yet to come!
Shifting to backstage, a long black Hummer limousine is seen as it comes to a stop.
JOSEPH GREER: What do we have here?
TOMMY ONIONS: It’s called a limo Joey, get some class for fuck sake…
The driver is at the door almost immediately. The male portion of the crowd erupts as a long pair of nylon’d legs are seen.
Helping the dark haired beauty step into view she’s stunning but says nothing.
JOSEPH GREER: Who is that?!
TOMMY ONIONS: The future ex Mrs. Onions Joey. I’m in love…
The driver isn’t done, a second holler bursts forward from the men of Singapore as a second gorgeous brunets steps from the limo.
TOMMY ONIONS: Twins?! I can’t….*thud*
JOSEPH ONIONS: Tommy? Tommy?
Joseph falls silent as he checks on his feinted partner.
The pair of black party dressed beauties soon reveal their true purpose as a groan escapes while they help a battered man emerge.
The camera pans up the black on black suit clad man. Long brown hair is swept back and immediately an unmistakable black eye patch covering the left eye reveals…
JOSEPH GREER: Chris Parsons is here Tommy! Oh…right…ladies and gentlemen, Parsons certainly seems to be showing the effects of his AnarChristmas war with Armand Von Krauss.
Each slipping under an arm, Parsons ‘crutches’ soon help him walk toward the backstage area.
JOSEPH GREER: And what a war it was, brutal and bloody, both men gave the other more than they had expected…until the RSW owner mysteriously walked away, albeit likely in part to Nob Kurfuffle and the possibly rifle packing, Oscar…
The crowd cheers as things shift back to Joseph and a freshly woken Tommy Onions.
TOMMY ONIONS: Huh…what happened? Where’d they go?
JOSEPH GREER: Nice of you to join us Tommy, and to answer your question. Well, turns out they’re with Parsons so I’m sure they’ll be out here front and center when he, no doubt, comes out to gloat about his big ‘win’ at AnarChristmas.
TOMMY ONIONS: What does that have to do with the four of them?
JOSEPH GREER: Four of them? There were two…
TOMMY ONIONS: …on each of them, yes, I know Joey…
JOSEPH GREER: Anyway folks, before Tommy passes out again, let go to Bob Mooney and our next contest. Both of these men are mathematically eliminated from advancing, but no doubt looking to turn their fortunes around as Devin Stone takes on Andre Mitchell next!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:13:35 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: We regret to tell you that Devon Stone versus Andre Mitchell has been canceled. The wounds that Devon Stone received at the hands of Ruby Walsh and her Devoted have prevented him from travel to Singapore. Thank you.
TOMMY ONIONS: This is because the Devoted tried to murder Stone in the match while Ruby wasn’t looking!
JOSEPH GREER: Something should have really been done about the Devoted and their attempt to claim a life on live television.
TOMMY ONIONS: Like Armand von Krauss and his involvement in the death of Allen Anderson? Like Reverend Shane Mitchell and his involvement in the death of PT Merciless? Like Rob Riot’s involvement in the death of RB Cardone? Like those people?
JOSEPH GREER: Fine. Point made. There is no justice in RSW. Let’s just move on.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:13:51 GMT -5
SINGAPORE AIRPORT
The airport is teeming with all walks of life, with people frantically scrambling to find their terminals. Cameras focus on the customs line, particularly on Isaiah Zepp, who is making his way through the metal detectors.
CUSTOMS GUARD: (Stopping Zepp by the arm) Sir, you come with me.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Tha’ fuck? Every goddamn time…
CUSTOMS GUARD: You wanted for questioning. Something found in suitcase, so you come to room over here.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Are you sure this is necessary? My flight was delayed, and I am running late for an important engagement.
The customs guard blows a small whistle, calling down two large men. They each grab one of Zepp’s arm and drag him into a small interrogation room. The men leave Zepp sitting at small table, as the camera pans across the table to reveal Jakie Wentzel. Zepp is confounded that the brawny Amishman, now dressed in black, would be in a Singapore interrogation room.
JAKIE WENTZEL: I know this probably seems quite queer tah yah, Herr Zepp. I am forhootzed myself that tha Bishop Weaver was able tah bring yah here, but I haff faith in him ant his helpers, naw. I hope yer flight was pleasant, ain’t naw?
ISAIAH ZEPP: (standing) Cut the small talk. What do you want with me?
JAKIE WENTZEL: Calm down naw, won’t yah? I neet tah speak yah naw about joining forces. I haff been listening tah what you haff been sayin’ over tha last few months. I think we are both lookin’ tah do tha same thinks in tha tourney. Dan Rosen iss not tha person yah neet tah show the roster who yah really are…
ISAIAH ZEPP: You are a good man, Jakie. Unfortunately your morals are compromised. Do I want revenge against the forces of destruction? Yes, but not with some newcomer who can be swayed by anyone who speaks of your “God” in a positive light.
JAKIE WENTZEL: I am his messenger. Tha Lort iss never wrong, just mysterious. All will be revealed in time.
ISAIAH ZEPP: I don’t think it is the right way to go. I am no misguided religious warrior, and sorry to say it...neither are you Jakie. And now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to get to the arena so I can win my block…
JAKIE WENTZEL: At least think upon it, onst. I never thought I woult ask a suspected terrorist fer help either. But times haff changed.
Zepp begins to walk out the door slamming it open so hard that the guards fall over in surprise.
ISAIAH ZEPP: The event started awhile ago, better get moving young man...and seriously fuck you assholes.
He spits on the guards and runs off, leaving Jakie standing by himself.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:14:10 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: This next match is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first-
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing and the fans begin to boo right away as Armand von Krauss walks out from the back, a trail of smoke behind him from his Egyptian cigarette.
JOSEPH GREER: I’m guessing that Armand is not coming down here to be special guest announcer for the match or wrestling.
TOMMY ONIONS: How do you know? Did you see what he did to Parsons at AnarChristmas? That man is lucky to be alive! He could eat both Jakie and Gibson for lunch!
Armand makes his way down to the ring with a smile as the fans boo at him. He’s dressed like he was the 5th Doctor Who as played by Peter Davidson.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: The contest in this competing ring that features Jakie Wentzel against Christopher Gibson will not be taking place tonight. Why? I need to speak out tonight. I need to send a message and make it very clear what my intentions are.
TOMMY ONIONS: Is he going to talk about Garmr?
JOSEPH GREER: Maybe he will speak on Riot, the Koreshes, or D?
Armand paces the ring with the microphone in one hand and his dwindling Egyptian cigarette in the other.
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: I know that you will be watching this show. You know that you messed up things most dearly. I have sent one of my pit fighters to you so that my displeasure can be felt directly since I must handle business here.
JOSEPH GREER: Who is he talking about? Pit fighter being sent someplace else? Do you think he might be talking about XCW?
TOMMY ONIONS: Ain’t anyone talking about that place. I heard that they paid their employees in promissory notes for the last two shows.
JOSEPH GREER: Then who could it be?
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: Duke Kosloff, you will regret selling your company, FireStorm Wrestling Alliance, to Leon Savage instead of myself. As a matter of fact, Leon Savage will get the chance to know my wrath as well.
JOSEPH GREER: So the rumors are true! Armand was trying to buy another company to add to RSW!
TOMMY ONIONS: That is the craziest plan that I have ever heard of!
ARMAND VON KRAUSS: If anyone from RSW would like to join my pit fighter, Skullblade the Insane, in the newly reminted Rampage Wrestling Alliance...I would be most grateful.
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing again as Armand crushes out his cigarette into his own hand and begins heading to the back.
TOMMY ONIONS: Maybe I should head over there. I wouldn’t mind Armand owing me one.
JOSEPH GREER: And get crushed by the competition there? RWA isn’t XCW!
TOMMY ONIONS: A-fucking-men!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:14:36 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: The following contest is scheduled for one fall…Introducing first…
The stage goes black, no video package airs. ‘Believer" by Imagine Dragons starts…
First things first, I'ma say all the words inside my head
I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh ooh
The way that things have been, oh ooh
Second thing, Second, don't you tell me what you think that I can be
I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, oh ooh
The master of my sea, oh ooh
I was broken from a young age
Taking my soul into the masses
Write down my poems for the few
That looked at me, took to me, shook to me, feeling me
Singing from heart ache, from the pain
Take up my message from the veins
Speaking my lesson from the brain
Seeing the beauty through the...
****PAIN****
A huge bass drop again rocks the arena as the RioTron bursts into life, giant yellow font on a black background draws a pop from the Singapore crowd...
*******BELIEVE*******
**********IN***********
******PARSONS******
JOSEPH GREER: Here comes the Minority RSW shareholder, a position he often abuses to interrupt the show…
TOMMY ONIONS: Quit hatin’, those have to be the best crutches ever!
****PAIN****
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain...)
***WRESTLING’S***
*******VIAGRA*******
You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer
****PAIN****
JOSEPH GREER: As Parsons is helped to the ring by these lovely ladies, I’m going to give the devil his due. Being able to walk at all after the beating he received at the hands of RSW majority owner Armand Von Krauss, we always knew Parsons was tough, but that was a brutal match.
TOMMY ONIONS: Until Armand just walked the fuck away.
JOSEPH GREER: My partner’s words, though colourful, are true. Armand Von Krauss lost the match on a technicality after he simply walked away.
****PATENT****
****PENDING***
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My luck, my love, my God, they came from…
****PAIN****
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer!
********I’M********
******STILL******
*******NOT*******
****FINISHED****
As the lights come up, Tommy's description proves correct as Parsons stands atop the stage, albeit he is helped by the twin beauties from earlier. Nevertheless, Parsons smiles taking in the cheers of the crowd!
His suit is black on black, down to the tie, his shaggy hair is wet and hangs about his face.
JOSEPH GREER: Regardless, we have to wonder just what is going through the mind of ‘The Nightmare’ as he finally makes his way to the ring.
Stepping into the ring, Parsons stays with the twin to his right, while the left retrieves a microphone becoming the world’s hottest microphone stand.
Running his free hand back through his hair, Parsons takes a long breath.
CHRIS PARSONS: At AnarChristmas, I came this close to getting my revenge.
Holding his left hand out in the classic thumb and index finger sign, Parsons clearly isn’t happy. Catching himself, he takes a second deep breath before running his hand through his hair once again, he growls.
CHRIS PARSONS: This close! But that’s how it’s always been for me here. This close!
Holding his thumb and finger out again, Parsons look around at the stunned crowd, they had expected him to call out Armand perhaps, maybe complain about the way the match ended, but this?
JOSEPH GREER: I’m not sure I get where this is going.
TOMMY ONIONS: Then shut up…
Looking around the arena with his one remaining eye, he smirks, shaking his head before pushing forward.
CHRIS PARSONS: At the first show, this close…at the first ever Riot Rules Ladder Match…this close…
CROWD: What!
CHRIS PARSONS: Rampage Champion…
CROWD: What!
CHRIS PARSONS: Skirmish Champion…
CROWD: What!
CHRIS PARSONS: …hell people get retired by me and wrestle two events later…
CROWD: What!
CHRIS PARSONS: …always, this close. Not any more. Twenty eighteen will be the year I fulfill my destiny as the greatest heel in RSW history! Which brings me to….in two events my protégé Dan Rosen puts the championship tournament behind him and will join the tag team division…with this man as his partner!
Pointing to the screen, a pair of black boots lead to black leather pants. Black striking gloves are next…
JOSEPH GREER: Oh come on! It’s obviously…
TOMMY ONIONS: Shhh! You’ll ruin the surprise!
The feed dies as the camera shifts back to the ring.
CHRIS PARSONS: Surprise motherfuckers! It’s me!
As the crowd, and Joseph Greer, groans, Parsons’ smirk has grown to a full grin.
CHRIS PARSONS: That’s right motherfuckers! By virtue of my performance at AnarChristmas, the quacks that pass for RSW doctors have officially cleared me to return to the ring! The tournament ends for most everyone after Anarchy Thirty Five, so as soon as that train wreck is over, me and Dan are going to bring something to the tag team championships that no one else has…no favouritism, no politics…we’ll work our way to the top, one step at a time…we’ll be the first real RSW tag team champions! But first, there’s one little thing…
Taking a look around, it’s clear that whatever else is on ‘The Nightmare’s’ mind has been bothering him for some time now.
CHRIS PARSONS: For months now we’ve been made sit through the bullshit between D, a man who thinks hiding behind a mask has made him relevant again…and the single dumbest motherfucker on the roster…Jakie Wentzel.
Let me tell you all exactly just how dumb this motherfucker is…Jakie Wentzel is so dumb he actually went to his first movie and when he saw a sign that said ’17 and under not permitted’, he left to get seventeen friends…too bad there weren’t that many of them left…
The air seems to be sucked from the crowd at Parsons’ horrible joke at the expense of Jakie and the poor former residents of Intercourse, PA.
CHRIS PARSONS: Worse yet, this whole time that dumb motherfucker has been chasing down Garmr and anyone else he thinks could have the location of his precious little Mary…news flash dipshit…she’s right where I left her, safe and sound, something you couldn’t do.
The crowd turns instantly on Parsons, raining jeers down upon him with a refreshed vigor.
The arena goes dark as the RioTron cuts to static.The video monitor displays Intercourse, PA in shambles as “The Crowing” by Coheed and Cambria blares from the PA system. Burnt out buildings. Screams to God for mercy. Fields of slaughtered Amish citizens with blood soaked quilts on them. Vicious clowns sit on porches with smoking pipes in their mouths.
JOSEPH GREER: And at the mention of his name, Jakie Wentzel appears to be entering the arena.
TOMMY ONIONS: You gotta love the dude’s persistence though. The Onions Nation still roots for you, Jakie. Even though your chances of winning the tournament are over, you still remind us of that poor puppy dog we all remember having as a kid, until we all forgot to feed it on vacation and it died from starvation.
JOSEPH GREER: Pretty sure that was just you who did that, Onions.
Intermittent through the imagery are video clips of Jakie in a black v-neck t-shirt and torn designer blue jeans. The video ends with Jakie putting on a pair of brass knuckles as the video package ends with Jakie stepping through the curtain. He speaks to Parsons from the entrance ramp.
JOSEPH GREER: Now shut up and let the boy speak!
The crowd hushes as Jakie raises the microphone with a confidence he’s lacked since joined the world of the ‘English’.
JAKIE WENTZEL: You go ant talk yer yap about my life...well here I am. (pointing at Parsons) Naw, I haff been a faithful Mennonite all this time, but naw I haff lost my damn patience, onst. Yah can speak off me all yah want, but if yah know where my Mary iss yah better talk naw. Or maybe you woult prefer I come over there ant rip yer head into a new arsehole, yah bist me reckon?
Rather than being upset at the threat being cast his way, Parsons actually seems amused. Chuckling briefly, he turns cold suddenly.
CHRIS PARSONS: Reckon? Let me tell you something about reckonings son. For example, I reckon that if you take even one fucking step toward this ring, the next time you see your little backwards piece of ass, it'll be spread over the fields of Intercourse as part of my newest venture Flossy brand fertilizer.
JAKIE WENTZEL: Yah think I’m just some forhootz yoni, ain’t naw? But jes yah wait. I may have been late tah this wrassling match, but I still am ready tah demolish Herr Gibson. If he be a honorable man, he will fight me no less. Ant when I finish him...I am comin’ fer yah, yah flamin’ piece off caw shit. Return Mary tah me or else.
CHRIS PARSONS: You heard me farmboy, even one step and you’ll never see her again. I’m a man of my word.
‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons begins as Parsons drops the mic and the girl known only as ‘left’ regains her position escorting Parsons from the ring.
Seething in anger Jakie is forced to accept he doesn’t hold even cards to make a play right now and is forced to pass back through the curtain empty handed, leaving Parsons to be escorted back down the aisle.
JOSEPH GREER: Well, Parsons is officially cleared to compete Tommy and it looks like he and Dan Rosen will attempt to dethrone Nocturnal’s family enroute to the RSW tagteam Championships. Assuming a crazed Jakie Wentzel doesn’t kill him first!
TOMMY ONIONS: Rosen hasn’t exactly lit the ring on fire in the tournament. Maybe Parsons threw the kid to the wolves on purpose? Maybe Parsons needed Rosen to toughen up just so they’d have a chance in a division that was dominated by the Bastards?
JOSEPH GREER: Wow Tommy, that was pretty insightful, do you really think Parsons has been grooming Rosen?
TOMMY ONIONS: Nah…it’s probably just that there was no one else left that would team with him. Logan Omari, Hunter Valentyne, Shane Mitchell, Vic Clarke, now Dan Rosen. Parsons has had almost as many tag partners as Chris Gibson’s had stables.
JOSEPH GREER: Wow Tommy…
TOMMY ONIONS: Parsons has had almost as many partners as Alyssa.
JOSEPH GREER: Ok Tommy, we get the point…Parsons apparently will take solace in his minor victory at AnarChristmas and looks to have set his sights on taking himself and his protégé to the top of the tagteam division! First he may need to start blessing himself as he’s now squarely in the sights of Jakie and the mysterious Bishop Weaver, but up next; we have Lil C taking on Eoin O’Rourke!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:14:55 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: This next match is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challenger to my left...Lil C!
Lil C raises a hand to the crowd, but quickly puts it back down when he’s greeted by a sullen silence.
TOMMY ONIONS: See? Don’t put down a theme music for the staff to play you in and you don’t earn a fuckin’ point with the crowd!
JOSEPH GREER: Chill!
TOMMY ONIONS: Where?
JOSEPH GREER: No, I mean you chill!
TOMMY ONIONS: I’m not Chill by Design! Have you seen me create a company to center it around myself?
JOSEPH GREER: That’s unfair and I mean for you to calm down. How could Lil C expect to choose a song when he’s busy getting high?
TOMMY ONIONS: Did you just-
BOB MOONEY: This isn’t a comedy act! And his opponent...Eoin O’Rourke!
Celtic music by Adrian von Ziegler begins playing as Eoin walks out onto the entrance stage with a look of confusion.
TOMMY ONIONS: What? I thought that if he was going to take his name full Celtic that his music should reflect that.
JOSEPH GREER: You talk about not having any music and then decide on your own to change someone else’s music? Why-
TOMMY ONIONS: Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to!
Eoin gets over his confusion and starts heading for the ring. He doesn’t get far before Lil C meets him halfway down, exchanging lefts and rights as they make their way to the ring.
JOSEPH GREER: Lil C anxious to get this match underway.
TOMMY ONIONS: He’s just wanting to get his ass kicking done with!
As the bell rings to start the match, Eoin wins the exchange and drops Lil C across the ring steps with an uppercut! He tosses Lil into the ring and follows up inside with a suplex and then a rear chin lock.
After a few minutes, Eoin pulls Lil C up to his feet, kicks him in the gut, and hits a gutwrench power bomb!
Eoin waits for Lil C to get to hi feet and takes him down with a running, spinning heel kick!
TOMMY ONIONS: I don’t get why Sean is calling himself Eoin now.
JOSEPH GREER: Eoin with the FellaKick and this one could be all finished!
TOMMY ONIONS: What? I’m not finished making fun of his name?
One
Two
Three!
JOSEPH GREER: Eoin is Sean in Celtic.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus Christ! First he changes his last name and now he changes his first name to be all Celtic warrior. Does he know this is Riot Star Wrestling and not one of those fantasy sci fi movies on the Chaos Destiny channel? Now, I am finished.
JOSEPH GREER: I love those shows.
TOMMY ONIONS: You would love that shit.
Eoin O’Rourke celebrates in the ring as Lil C makes his way to the back.
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:15:15 GMT -5
In the Hooligan locker room, Nob Kerfuffle sits in front of the vanity alone as he gets himself ready to face the monster known as Garmr in a tournament match.
He is alone because Oscar had snuck away to assassinate Garmr and had been picked up by Armand von Krauss and not returned.
Nob looks at himself in the vanity and snarls, sweeping the table clear of everything upon it to the floor.
NOB KERFUFFLE: That German fuck thinks that he can just steal my daughter…
There is a light knock at the door and Oscar herself walks into the room. She looks tearfully at Nob.
OSCAR: Hi, daddy.
Before she sees that he moves, Nob sweeps her up in a great hug.
NOB KERFUFFLE: He let you go? Good! I was gonna trounce him after kicking Garmr’s ass all around the damn ring!
OSCAR: Daddy! I need to breath!
Nob releases Oscar with a laugh.
NOB KERFUFFLE: I’m glad you’re back. I need advice on how to defeat Garmr. What do you think?
OSCAR: Just kick his ass. There’s no easy way to do it. Stay out of his reach and stick it to him! Also...I’m sorry. I just came to bring you inspiration from Armand. I...daddy…
NOB KERFUFFLE: What have you done?
The door to the locker room opens again and Finn Windbag is wheeled into the room. His legs are gone, but he smiles anyway as he enters the room.
FINN WINDBAG: Fuck that Garmr right in the pussy!
The man who wheeled in Finn leaves and wheels in Cedric Bek. The top of his head is heavily bandaged and rather dented in. He looks vacantly into space as he drools onto a towel.
CEDRIC BEK: Eeeeeeeehhhhhhh oooooooohhhhh!
Nob looks from Finn to Cedric in confusion.
NOB KERFUFFLE: What is this? Finn? Cedric?
OSCAR: They are reminders of failure. Daddy, you are the last of the Hooligans. To fail against Garmr would bring you this pain or worse. Win!
Nob nods, his gaze upon the mad, drooling form of Cedric Bek. A man who was the last public victim of Garmr.
NOB KERFUFFLE: Garmr will not find his way to the championship. I swear it!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:15:30 GMT -5
Riot Star Wrestling returns from a commercial break, the camera scans around the arena, stopping on various signs and focusing on various crowd members who jump up and down and possible gesture toward the camera, as they soak up every moment of their fifteen seconds of fame. We then move to the commentators, Joseph Greer and 'Sweet' Tommy Onions, who appears to be eating a sloppy hamburger. As he takes a bite with a mayo rung mouth, some of the burgers toppings fall out the other end. With a cocked brow, Greer looks at him and shakes his head, disgusted.
JOSEPH GREER: Do you really have to do that now?
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, man! I am hungry!
JOSEPH GREER: You could have at least waited until the commercial break.
TOMMY ONIONS: Come on, Greer. It's not like the camera is focused on us anyway!
Greer gestures to the camera. Onions smiles awkwardly and grabs a napkin as he wipes his mouth. Greer continues to shake his head.
JOSEPH GREER: Thank you! Now perhaps we shall turn our attention to the ring. Where it seems something rather large is draped by a red sort of fabric.
The camera does indeed move to the ring, where we see a large, round object. Though it is not perfectly circular, as it has bumps, two noticeable ones poking up. A few moments pass as the lights fade down and black lights perk up with some dark red thrown in, The arena as quiet as eight brown cloaked figures move two by two from backstage, six of them carry candles. While the two in front have only their arms hanging in front of their stomachs, clasped lightly. Once the group reaches the bottom of the ramp, they split off. Four to one side and four to the other.
The walk up the steel stairs and into the ring, as they circle the middle, red-clothed object in the ring. Candle wax drips to the ring. A few moments pass and then 'Goliath' By Karnivool plays. A healthy mixture of boos but, some cheers can be heard as Ruby 'Slaughter' Walsh makes her exit from backstage. Clad entirely in black, aside from her red, silk cape and hood and her baby doll mask, she walks slowly down the ramp. She looks up to those that have entered the ring, The Devoted and she tilts her head to the left.
She moves slowly to the left and then moves up the steel steps, she moves cautiously into the ring, The Devoted follow her every move. She looked at the red-clothed circle with intrigue. A few moments pass and then two of The Devoted step forward, the two without a candle. As they move back the sleeves, something shimmers in the little light that is available. Purple and red lights grow in volume as we can see now that what The Devoted had revealed were knives. Walsh looks at them for a moment and then looks to The Devoted, her body language reading as hesitation, she tilts her head.
It is then that the red cloth is lifted, only to reveal Gruzo and Insincere. They squirm and attempt to scream, though they are muffled. They are tied back to back, seated in wooden, aged chairs. Their ankles tied to the bottom of their chairs, their wrists connected, and a rope along their chests. They look around the arena frantic and to Walsh whose, body language reads as perplexed. The two candleless Devoted members step forward again and offer the knives to Walsh. They even kneel down before her. Like a knight offering a sword to the king.
She looks to both of them and moves to reach. Though she hesitates. She looks off into the distance, moving her head to the side, violently. She looks to Gruzo and Insincere. The squirm and muffle cry out again. She moves to them and walks around as if to study. The Devoted that had been surrounding them with candles move out of her way so that she has room to study and to move. She moves close up to Gruzo, he winces as she grabs his face, she get's closer. Like a dinosaur studying its prey.
He starts to move around more and violently. She lets him go as Walsh moves to the other side, Insincere. She repeats the actions she had before, as the two Devoted with the knives turn up behind her. Something that is she is surprised by. They offer her the knives in the same way that they had before. She moves back and away from them. Perplexed by this themselves, they look to one another. They move to her again but, she shakes her head and she looks to her escape. She moves through the ropes, as they move forward.
She jumps down and looks at them from the maps below. She shakes her head slowly but, noticeably. She heads back for the ramp and moves up it. She does not look back, leaving The Devoted in the ring, confused. The eight of them look back to Gruzo and Insincere then as they all jump them, knives and all. The lights come back up to full as referees, security, and paramedics rush the ring. They attempt to break up the ambush as the camera catches multiple cuts on various team members and even Gruzo and Insincere. Restoring order would be a chore for sure.
TOMMY ONIONS: Holy crap! What in the hell was that?!
JOSEPH GREER: I’m really not sure, Tommy!
TOMMY ONIONS: This was supposed to be a triple threat!
JOSEPH GREER: And instead it turned into some sort of almost what looked to be a ritual.
TOMMY ONIONS: Either way, at least now I can enjoy my burger with extra sweet onions, right?
JOSEPH GREER: No! The camera is still on us and order is still being sought in the ring! Get these guys out of here!
TOMMY ONIONS: Monks usually aren't known for violence, Greer.
JOSEPH GREER: I don't think these are monks!
TOMMY ONIONS: We'll be back with more action after this break!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:15:48 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: This next contest is scheduled for one fall and is a tournament match! Featuring first the challenger...Jakie Wentzel!
The arena goes dark as the RioTron cuts to static.The video monitor displays Intercourse, PA in shambles as “The Crowing” by Coheed and Cambria blares from the PA system. Burnt out buildings. Screams to God for mercy. Fields of slaughtered Amish citizens with blood soaked quilts on them. Vicious clowns sit on porches with smoking pipes in their mouths. Intermittent through the imagery are video clips of Jakie in a black v-neck t-shirt and torn designer blue jeans. The video ends with Jakie putting on a pair of brass knuckles as the video package ends with Jakie stepping through the curtain.
TOMMY ONIONS: Why is this ass in the ring? His match was supposed to have been earlier.
JOSEPH GREER: I heard that he had some trouble getting to the arena. He’s here now and if they let him, we can have a match right now!
TOMMY ONIONS: Why was he late?
JOSEPH GREER: Let’s be honest. You don’t really care why he was late. You’re just looking for a reason to complain about him.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...Chris Gibson!
No music plays as “the One” Chris Gibson makes his way to the ring. He glares at Jakie Wentzel the entire way.
TOMMY ONIONS: I bet that Gibson is just pissy that Jakie was late to the arena and they didn’t just award him with the count out victory like they normally would.
JOSEPH GREER: I never agreed with that policy.
Gibson barely gets into the ring when he’s brought down to the mat with a big boot to the chest! When Gibson jumps back to his feet, Jakie lays into him with lefts and rights to back Gibson into the corner.
Jakie jumps onto the second ropes in the corner and begins laying into Gibson even more! The crowd counts along.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten!
Jakie backs away as the referee yells at him. Gibson takes a few steps from the corner and does a Flair Flop right onto the mat!
Gibson rises up a bit more slowly, but catches a big boot to the chest that sends him over the top rope to the concrete floor!
TOMMY ONIONS: What the heck? Gibson being owned here!
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie has a lot of anger over the trouble that had been inflicted upon him and his home.
Jakie rolls out of the ring, picks Gibson up into a press slam position, and drops him into a powerslam onto the ring steps! He rolls Gibson into the ring and makes the cover!
One
Two
Three!
JOSEPH GREER: Jakie with an effortless victory after a Farmyard Fling!
TOMMY ONIONS: Does that involve poop?
BOB MOONEY: The winner of this match...Jakie Wentzel!
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Post by vastrix on Feb 16, 2018 10:16:24 GMT -5
BOB MOONEY: This next match is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challenger to my left...Kevin Rouser!
Kevin Rouser raises his hands up into the air, garnering the cheers from the crowd.
TOMMY ONIONS: Rouser just seems to be getting weirder and weirder as time goes on.
JOSEPH GREER: Maybe you’re just becoming less tolerant of someone being different than you as you get older.
TOMMY ONIONS: Are you calling me old?
JOSEPH GREER: You aren’t getting younger.
TOMMY ONIONS: You twat! I’m younger than you are if we reverse our ages!
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent to my right...Isaiah Zepp!
TOMMY ONIONS: Why didn’t these guys get to come down to the ring to their intro music?
JOSEPH GREER: They did that during the commercial break.
TOMMY ONIONS: They did not! I would have hidden my bottle of vod-water. I would have hidden my bottle of water from that terrorist.
JOSEPH GREER: Shut up and go with it. Someone got lazy! I suspect Vastrix.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jeremiah Vastrix? He’s in that one upstart company that Rob Riot is always laughing about doing poorly in the ratings.
JOSEPH GREER: Nevermind.
TOMMY ONIONS: Oh my gawd! Rouser with the RKO right off the bat and this match is finished before it even got the chance to begin!
Both men are standing in the ring, looking down at Tommy Onions with expressions that almost certainly read WTF.
TOMMY ONIONS: What?
Action in the ring starts off with Kevin Rouser delivering a backhand chop to Isaiah Zepp and then bringing him down to the mat with a scoop slam. He continues the offensive with a quick knee drop, but Zepp rolls out of the way at the last moment.
Isaiah lunges up to the kneeling Kevin, bringing him backwards to the mat while he still kneels with a clothesline!
When both men get to their feet, Isaiah hits a knee to the gut before throwing Kevin over with a gutwrench suplex!
Zepp goes for the quick cover, pushing Rouser’s head to the side with an elbow.
One
Tw-Kevin kicks out!
Isaiah jumps up to his feet, but is quickly met by Rouser, who attacks with a right hand. Zepp sidesteps the attack, turns, grabs him, and turns him over with a snapmare. A quick stomp between the shoulder blades sends Rouser whiplashed to the mat!
JOSEPH GREER: Rouser began the fight, but Zepp is taking it right back to him!
TOMMY ONIONS: A punk kick to the back doesn’t really tell me anything. Rouser is a master comedian...in England.
JOSEPH GREER: Which means nothing to Americans?
TOMMY ONIONS: You said it, but AMEN!
Zepp pulls Rouser up, slips behind him, hits a straightjacket german suplex that he bridges up to hold for the pinfall!
One
Two
Thre-Rouser kicks out!
JOSEPH GREER: Zepp with the Exoskeletal Junction, but doesn’t quite finish Rouser off!
TOMMY ONIONS: The exowhosit whatsit? What fucking hippy name that move? Oh wait...the terrorist did it.
Isaiah kneels up, glaring at the ref. He doesn’t get to complain though as Kevin punches upward to strike Isaiah in the jaw. He rolls up, grabs Isaiah from behind and applies a cobra clutch.
The move doesn’t get held for very long as Zepp climbs up the turnbuckles with his feet and pushes off to land Rouser and himself backwards onto the mat. The clutch is still in place, but Rouser’s shoulders are on the mat!
One
Two
Three!!
BOB MOONEY: Winner of this match...Isaiah Zepp!
TOMMY ONIONS: This was a quick match. Can’t we just have cued the ref to not finish the match? Lazy!
JOSEPH GREER: Kayfaybe! Kayfaybe!
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