Post by vastrix on May 21, 2018 7:09:52 GMT -5
JOSEPH GREER: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to see whether or not the Soothsayer puts up, or gets shut the fuck up.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jeez, Greer. Sounds like you don't care for the guy.
JOSEPH GREER: Let's just say these Alexandrian fans' voices are rather welcoming to the guy compared to how I'm feeling.
BOB MOONEY: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring, hailing from (looks at card oddly) God Knows Where, Milky Way Galaxy...weighing in at 235 lbs...The SOOOOTHSAYER!
(Music plays, resounding boos)
Soothsayer emerges from the back, wearing a red robe that looks like something all felty and out of a Tolkien novel. In large, gold letters on the back are the letters SMH. He shakes his head, seeming to follow the instruction, and makes his way to the ring, eyes focused, stroking his beard. Suddenly, he stops, and looks at one large man standing on the sidelines behind the guardrail. The man is holding a large sign that has SOOTHSAYER SHOULD SHUT UP scrawled on it. Soothsayer smiles at the man, and hands him a pamphlet that he withdraws from his robe. The man laughs, then looks at it. After a few moments, he slowly lowers the hateful sign, his face turning serious. He looks back up at Soothsayer and gives the man a nodding, approving look. Soothsayer returns the nod, then continues on toward the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Did he just...enlighten someone?
JOSEPH GREER: The only way I think he could turn anyone that fast is by handing them a large check.
TOMMY ONIONS: No. No, there's something magical about this man. I can...feel it.
JOSEPH GREER: Why don't you have him over for dinner, then? That is, IF the Legacy Champion doesn't utterly destroy him.
Soothsayer gets to the ring, and slowly removes his robe. Underneath is a red outfit with black flames. He climbs in the ring, and heads to the corner, where he casually leans against the top turnbuckle, one arm over the rope.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...
The RioTron suddenly comes to life with a barrage of colors and lightning motifs, and the word ZEPP races across the large screen, followed by the words THE ALL-SEEING. The crowd leaps collectively to its feet as the dynamic-looking Legacy Champion bursts from the back, the strap shining brightly around his waist. The shrieking guitar from the song “Governed by Contagions” by At the Drive-In, and a bright white light flashes all around the arena, as Soothsayer frowns and shields his eyes. Zepp wears a dark hoodie that seems to share the opinion of much of the crowd, with the words STFU in gold letters on the back, almost an answer of sorts to Soothsayer's SMH on his own robe. Zepp is also adorned in pleather pants, one leg colored white, the other a dark violet.
He makes his way to the ring, waving a warning finger at a smiling Soothsayer all the way. Soothsayer makes a show of mock-picking his nose and flicking an imaginary booger toward the Legacy Champion. When Zepp reaches the ring, he rolls in fluidly, leaps to his feet and removes the hoodie, flinging it to the outside and raising a fist in the air as the crowd gives him another enormous pop. Soothsayer rolls his eyes, and finally pushes himself from his comfy spot against the turnbuckles.
DING DING DING
Mooney gives the traditional go-to-it signal, and the two men approach each other and stand almost toe-to-toe.
JOSEPH GREER: And the Champion, here, seeming to have an exchange of ideas with Soothsayer.
SOOTHSAYER: You and I should be spirits of the kindred variety, you realize.
ISAIAH ZEPP: With an NRA-supporting asshole like you?? I'd be more “kindred” to Aleister Crowley.
SOOTHSAYER: How do you know whom I support? Maybe I support none of these groups your indoctrinated little mind places so much importance on.
ISAIAH ZEPP: You gonna fight, dickhead, or you gonna preach? 'Cause I've heard enough to know you're never gonna turn me to the Dark Side, Vader.
SOOTHSAYER: I don't blame you, Zepp. You're just not fully awake yet. Unfortunately, by the end of this match, you'll be asleep. In the literal---
POW!! Zepp sends a lightning-quick right to the side of Soothsayer's jaw, making the man stumble backward and land on his ass.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Why don't you do me a favor, and zip it.
Soothsayer stands up, rubbing his jaw.
SOOTHSAYER: Shame. I was beginning to think you had the ability to listen and learn. (Shrugs) Now, I'm just gonna knock your goddamn block off.
With that, he swings, but Zepp ducks, and fires another jab into the man's face. Again, Soothsayer stumbles backwards, clutching his jaw and this time, flops down on his back. Zepp starts toward him, but he rolls from the ring, a chorus of boos meeting him as his feet hit the arena floor.
JOSEPH GREER: And Zepp with a couple of fists to the jaw that I'm sure he wishes to stop running. Soothsayer goes to the outside to regroup, and Shawna Savante begins a tentative count.
Soothsayer shakes his head and paces back and forth for a few, then rolls his shoulders, gathers himself and rolls back inside. He gets right to his feet, and points at Zepp.
SOOTHSAYER: You should be more welcoming. Remember I'm still new here.
ZEPP: Maybe if you'd shut your dick licker. This is a match, not a town hall meeting.
Soothsayer nods, and then charges, attempting a quick clothesline, which Zepp ducks, then turns to meet Soothsayer as he turns as well, and sends another fist to the man's face. This time, Soothsayer stumbles back but uses the ropes to bounce off and flings himself at the Legacy Champion, attempting a cross body. Zepp drops to his stomach and Soothsayer lands on the mat. He rolls to his feet, and Zepp jumps to his feet as well. Now both men head for opposite sets of ropes and barrel toward each other. A double clothesline later, and both men are on their backs.
JOSEPH GREER: HUGE impact there, folks!
TOMMY ONIONS: Come on, Sooth!
JOSEPH GREER: All right, I'm making a rule right now. NOBODY call this guy “Sooth.” Ever.
Soothsayer begins to stir on the mat, as Zepp sits up and shakes his head. Some cobwebs fly free and he reaches over and grabs Soothsayer by the beard and “helps” the man to his feet. Once both men are vertical, Zepp wraps himself around Soothsayer in an Abdominal Stretch, and the newcomer howls in sudden shock.
JOSEPH GREER: And Zepp adding one more pretzel to the snack stand, ladies and gentlemen! I hope Soothsayer limbered himself up going in to this thing. The Legacy Champion has a tendency to stretch people like rubber bands.
Zepp tightens the hold perfectly, and the ref checks on Soothsayer, who smiles, shaking his head. Zepp tightens it some more, and the enlightened one winces, but holds his own. Finally, after a full three minutes, he hip-tosses the Champ with a grand effort. Zepp rolls a few feet, and gets back to his feet, then jumps with a close-range clothesline, which catches Soothsayer across the throat. Soothsayer goes down hard on his back, and Zepp gives a little rub to his elbow before dropping it across the man's chest. He hooks the leg, and gets a two-count before a stunned Soothsayer kicks free. Zepp reaches for the downed man again, but gets a thumb jabbed into his eye for the trouble. Soothsayer sits up, shakes his head and gets to one knee. Zepp reaches again, one hand clasped over his eye now, and Soothsayer smiles and thumb-jabs the other one. Now Zepp flops onto his back, and the cultist gets to his feet and again shakes some cobwebs out. He then goes off the ropes and lands three quick elbow drops to the Legacy titleholder. Zepp continues to writhe on the mat, blinded temporarily.
SOOTHSAYER: You like to...stretch things, do you? Fond of...that myself...
He grabs Zepp's legs and picks them up, getting ready to lock on a Boston Crab, but Zepp uses the might of his long lower limbs to kick free of the his opponent's grasp and shove him backwards with his feet. With one eye still shut, Zepp gets awkwardly to his feet as Soothsayer tries staying on his own. The Legacy Champion ruins his efforts by nailing him with a hard Harlem Side Kick.
JOSEPH GREER: OHH!
TOMMY ONIONS: Cheater!!
JOSEPH GREER: What the hell are you talking about? That was a perfectly legal move!
TOMMY ONIONS: Huh? No, I'm texting with my girlfriend. Or should I say, EX-girlfriend.
JOSEPH GREER: Why do they keep paying you, anyway?
In the ring, Soothsayer is flat on his back again, and Zepp walks over and reaches down to grab the man's hair.
ISAIAH ZEPP: The only thing YOU know how to stretch is the fuckin' truth...
He brings Soothsayer to his feet, and claps both hands against the man's ears.
TOMMY ONIONS: CHEATER!!
JOSEPH GREER: Are you still texting?
TOMMY ONIONS: No, I'm talking about Zepp! That was totally uncalled for.
JOSEPH GREER: If you'd been watching the match, you'd know Soothsayer just gave both Zepp's eyes the thumb treatment. I'd say he had that coming.
TOMMY ONIONS: And I had your ex-wife com---
JOSEPH GREER: Don't you fucking DARE, Onions.
Soothsayer starts to vertically collapse like one of the Twin Towers, but Zepp catches him and bodyslams him to the mat. The Champ follows this up with a leg drop, and goes for another pin. After just a one-count, Soothsayer grabs the bottom rope. Zepp slaps his own head, as if to say DERP! And drags Soothsayer away from the ropes and more toward the center of the ring. He gets down for another pin, but Soothsayer sends a straight fist right into the man's forehead, knocking him off. The Enlightened One gets to his knees and fires another fist, this one directly into the family jewels of the Legacy Champion. Zepp's eyes close and he clutches the appropriate area, sinking to his knees and now on Soothsayer's level. Soothsayer grabs him by the hair and fires three fists into the man's jaw. Shawna Savante comes over with quite a few words of warning, but Soothsayer gives her a dismissive wave and issues a suggestion for the woman to make him a sandwich. He then stands up and grabs Zepp's legs again, but instead of a Boston Crab, he monkey-flips the man over his head, and Shawna is forced to hop to her right to avoid being struck. Soothsayer sneers as he walks over and lands a hard elbow across Zepp's spine.
JOSEPH GREER: Soothsayer telling Savante exactly how he feels about a female referee.
TOMMY ONIONS: I'm telling you, I'm liking this due more and more. Did you know the government actually funded the women's movement back in the---
JOSEPH GREER: Yes, yes, we all heard the shit. Just concentrate on the match.
TOMMY ONIONS: I'd rather concentrate on Shawna's titties.
Soothsayer, now standing over Zepp who's damn near beneath the bottom rope, grabs the top rope for leverage and jumps up, bringing down a knee into the small of Zepp's back, twice. Zepp howls in pain, and finally just kind of drops to the outside. Soothsayer smiles and starts to climb through the ropes, and then sneers as he looks at Savante and gives a command.
SOOTHSAYER: Go ahead and start your ten-count.
SHAWNA SAVANTE: I will. As soon as YOU get out there.
SOOTHSAYER: Okay. Be a cunt.
He hops down to the floor and approaches Zepp, who clutches his back and hangs on to the apron, trying to get up from his current one-knee position. Soothsayer bends down and decides to browbeat the man.
SOOTHSAYER: Let's establish something, Zepp. You're neither smarter than me, nor superior as an athlete. If you require more of a less---ULKK!!
In an instant, Zepp fires a very direct, very forceful throat thrust with his fingers right into the Adam's Apple of the Soothsayer. The Enlightened One clutches his throat and trips backward, his back striking the iron guardrail with a loud rattling clang. Zepp gets himself upright and grabs the man with both hands by his long, blonde hair and fires a headbutt into his forehead. He then scoops him up with a bodyslam and drops him unceremoniously across the guardrail. Soothsayer bends in half and crumples to the floor, the ravenous fans mocking and seemingly on the verge of coating him in spit. Then they do just that, several men and even a couple women in the front row above him giving Soothsayer an impromptu shower.
TOMMY ONIONS: Disgusting! I knew these Africans weren't the least bit civilized.
JOSEPH GREER: This from the guy who gave his own mother midget porn for Christmas.
TOMMY ONIONS: I told you, her present got mixed up with my Aunt Ester's!
Soothsayer, hurt in both pride and body, gets to his feet and glares hatefully at the fans who just assaulted him, and rears back a fist, forgetting his actual opponent for the moment. Zepp capitalizes on this by grabbing him by the back of the head, ramming his kisser into the guardrail and then flinging him back inside the ring. Soothsayer rolls in like a rag doll, now busted wide open, and Zepp fist-bumps one tall Egyptian fan before jumping up onto the apron and climbing into the ring, just as Shawna reaches the count of 8.
Zepp stands over the dazed Enlightened One and then looks around at the crowd, gaining full approval to go ahead and hit Soothsayer with whatever finisher of the day. Zepp rolls his shoulders, cracks his knuckles, and seats himself atop Soothsayer's back, getting comfy, and starts to apply the Vermicide. Blood runs freely down Soothsayer's face, being caught by his beard.
TOMMY ONIONS: Shit! I hope Soothsayer has a stronger jaw than he has a forehead.
JOSEPH GREER: He should, he runs it enough.
Zepp locks the submission hold on, and Soothsayer immediately screams out in pain and shock. Savante gets down on one knee, expecting this finish to be quick. But Soothsayer continues to hold on for several minutes.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus, I should have taken a bathroom break.
JOSEPH GREER: I do have to give it to the Soothsayer. He has shown quite the level of stamina tonight against the Legacy Champion.
Zepp continues to hold the finisher on, but eventually starts to loosen his grip from sheer fatigue. Soothsayer starts to writhe and wriggle like a worm, and Zepp tries to redouble his efforts and cinch the hold on as tight as before. In a miraculous stroke of luck for the challenger, one of Zepp's arms slips from sheer sweat slick and one of Soothsayer's arms falls free. The cult leader immediately uses that arm to push up, and Zepp's ass partially slides off his back. Another forceful thrust, and Soothsayer manages to heave the Legacy Champion off of him.
JOSEPH GREER: My GOD, I don't believe it. Nobody gets out of a hold like that! Soothsayer just got some divine intervention, and this match will continue!
Soothsayer rolls onto his back, as Zepp clumsily falls onto his ass. Soothsayer sends a hard boot right into the side of Zepp's head, knocking him flat. The Legacy Champ rubs his jaw and pants, exhausted for holding the Vermicide on for far longer than he'd expected to. Soothsayer gets to his feet and points down at the man.
SOOTHSAYER: I...tried...to get...through to you...
He heads for the ropes, and climbs to the top, where he perches like a vulture. Zepp finally gets to his feet, and turns to find Soothsayer launching himself at him, a Flying Clothesline on the way. Zepp reacts with barely a moment to spare and sidesteps, jumping up and bringing a hard axe kick down, knocking Soothsayer out of the air and straight down onto his face as if swatting a fly in mid-air. Zepp makes a “clean-up” motion with his hands and nudges the downed man with the toe of his boot, rolling him on to his back. He covers!
1....
2....
JOSEPH GREER: JESUS! And a kickout by the Soothsayer!!
Zepp looks surprised for a moment, but shakes it off and goes back to work, yanking the man up and slinging him with a very forceful Irish Whip into the turnbuckle. Soothsayer, barely conscious but hanging in there, slams against it and sags down, his triceps hitting the second turnbuckle as he kind of lolls there. Zepp comes over and grabs his head, firing three stiff open-palm shots into it, then turns him around. He grabs him by the back of the head now and sends his forehead thricely into the top turnbuckle. He then hoists the man up and places him with a grand effort on the top rope, facing out into the crowd. Zepp climbs the ropes, and locks on a reverse suplex formation, his bicep across Soothsayer's throat. He very briefly raises a fist as much of the crowd stands up, yelling encouragement. Zepp brings Soothsayer high up and then down to the mat below in a Reverse Superplex!
JOSEPH GREER: And the proverbial fork just got stuck, folks! No way is he kicking out of that one!
Savante slides down to her belly as Zepp turns Soothsayer over and covers him.
1...
2...
And a kickout again!!
Zepp now slaps the mat, but gets to one knee as he grabs Soothsayer's hair once more, getting them both to their feet. Now facing his foe, Zepp starts to apply a suplex, but suddenly the blood-gushing Soothsayer, who now resembles Ric Flair in any of a number of old matches, jabs a hard thumb into Zepp's eye for the third time tonight. Then, as Zepp instinctively clutches his face, the Enlightened One drops to his knees and brings up a hard forearm into Zepp's jewels in a Low Blow. Soothsayer, not done yet, turns Zepp around a performs a hard nail rake down the man's back with both hands, then backs up and jumps forward, sending a hard knee into the small of his back with a short charge. Isaiah stumbles forward and slams face-first into the turnbuckle, and Soothsayer backs up again and charges, jumping up and sending a flying back elbow into the back of the man's head. Zepp's face knocks into the turnbuckle once more, and Soothsayer now raises both arms and then slams a forearm into the small of Zepp's back. Zepp hollers out as the fans begin tossing foreign objects like cups and cheap souvenirs into the ring to express their rage.
JOSEPH GREER: Well, Soothsayer just ran down the entire cheapshot playbook.
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, and now who's running things in that ring? Someday, Greer, you'll learn that it's how bad you want it, not how polite you are doing it.
In the ring, Soothsayer lifts Zepp up on to the ropes in the very same position as he was in not long before. Once up there, he climbs up and whispers into Zepp's ear.
SOOTHSAYER: You like that move, hm? I told you, asshole...you and I are more kindred...than you think...I call this...the Awakening...
With that, Soothsayer repeats recent history by delivering an inverted superplex to Zepp as he received before. He rolls Zepp over for the pin, and Zepp reverses this, using his superior height, leverage and general wiriness to flip over on top of Soothsayer. Shawna gets down to count, and has to keep restarting her count as the two men go back and forth, rolling each other over three times. Finally, Zepp cuts this short by jabbing a thumb into Soothsayer's eye. He gets to his knees and shrugs.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Titty for tatty, motherfucker.
With that, he slams the back of Soothsayer's skull into the mat three times, blood from the busted-open man now coating much of the canvas, and quite a bit of Isaiah Zepp, as well. Zepp stands, triumphantly, and the crowd gets to its feet in huge response, calls for finishing the Enlightened One once and for all echoing through the arena.
JOSEPH GREER: I would definitely say that the Legacy Champion has this crowd in the palm of his hand, Tommy. Not to mention, the fate of the Soothsayer!
Zepp raises a fist, and the crowd pops big. He bends down and grabs the bleeding man's hair and yanks him to his feet. As Soothsayer kind of wobbles there, held up only by Zepp's hand on his shoulder, the Legacy Champion looks him in the face and smiles, just slightly.
ISAIAH ZEPP: I call this...The Asleepening. Dickhead.
Actually, it's called the Tao of Now, and Zepp performs it fluidly and forcefully, jumping up and delivering a hard roundhouse kick with his long lower limbs to the red-coated face of the Soothsayer. Soothsayer's neck snaps to the left, and his body crumples to the canvas. Zepp gets down and leaves nothing to chance, hooking the leg very tightly as Shawna Savante counts three.
1! 2! 3!!
DING DING DING!!
The crowd goes full apeshit as Isaiah Zepp gets to his feet, raising one fist solemnly into the air as his theme music busts in, a white flashing light zig-zagging around the arena.
JOSEPH GREER: And the Legacy Champion gets it done, ladies and gentlemen! What a match here in Alexandria!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, with a lot of cheating. PFF.
JOSEPH GREER: I will slap you. I will slap you hard.
Zepp stumbles and collapses backwards into the ropes, completely exhausted, as he soaks in the cheers of his adoring public. He gazes down in wonderment at the durability of Soothsayer, who remains prone on the mat, as we go to commercial again.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jeez, Greer. Sounds like you don't care for the guy.
JOSEPH GREER: Let's just say these Alexandrian fans' voices are rather welcoming to the guy compared to how I'm feeling.
BOB MOONEY: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring, hailing from (looks at card oddly) God Knows Where, Milky Way Galaxy...weighing in at 235 lbs...The SOOOOTHSAYER!
(Music plays, resounding boos)
Soothsayer emerges from the back, wearing a red robe that looks like something all felty and out of a Tolkien novel. In large, gold letters on the back are the letters SMH. He shakes his head, seeming to follow the instruction, and makes his way to the ring, eyes focused, stroking his beard. Suddenly, he stops, and looks at one large man standing on the sidelines behind the guardrail. The man is holding a large sign that has SOOTHSAYER SHOULD SHUT UP scrawled on it. Soothsayer smiles at the man, and hands him a pamphlet that he withdraws from his robe. The man laughs, then looks at it. After a few moments, he slowly lowers the hateful sign, his face turning serious. He looks back up at Soothsayer and gives the man a nodding, approving look. Soothsayer returns the nod, then continues on toward the ring.
TOMMY ONIONS: Did he just...enlighten someone?
JOSEPH GREER: The only way I think he could turn anyone that fast is by handing them a large check.
TOMMY ONIONS: No. No, there's something magical about this man. I can...feel it.
JOSEPH GREER: Why don't you have him over for dinner, then? That is, IF the Legacy Champion doesn't utterly destroy him.
Soothsayer gets to the ring, and slowly removes his robe. Underneath is a red outfit with black flames. He climbs in the ring, and heads to the corner, where he casually leans against the top turnbuckle, one arm over the rope.
BOB MOONEY: And his opponent...
The RioTron suddenly comes to life with a barrage of colors and lightning motifs, and the word ZEPP races across the large screen, followed by the words THE ALL-SEEING. The crowd leaps collectively to its feet as the dynamic-looking Legacy Champion bursts from the back, the strap shining brightly around his waist. The shrieking guitar from the song “Governed by Contagions” by At the Drive-In, and a bright white light flashes all around the arena, as Soothsayer frowns and shields his eyes. Zepp wears a dark hoodie that seems to share the opinion of much of the crowd, with the words STFU in gold letters on the back, almost an answer of sorts to Soothsayer's SMH on his own robe. Zepp is also adorned in pleather pants, one leg colored white, the other a dark violet.
He makes his way to the ring, waving a warning finger at a smiling Soothsayer all the way. Soothsayer makes a show of mock-picking his nose and flicking an imaginary booger toward the Legacy Champion. When Zepp reaches the ring, he rolls in fluidly, leaps to his feet and removes the hoodie, flinging it to the outside and raising a fist in the air as the crowd gives him another enormous pop. Soothsayer rolls his eyes, and finally pushes himself from his comfy spot against the turnbuckles.
DING DING DING
Mooney gives the traditional go-to-it signal, and the two men approach each other and stand almost toe-to-toe.
JOSEPH GREER: And the Champion, here, seeming to have an exchange of ideas with Soothsayer.
SOOTHSAYER: You and I should be spirits of the kindred variety, you realize.
ISAIAH ZEPP: With an NRA-supporting asshole like you?? I'd be more “kindred” to Aleister Crowley.
SOOTHSAYER: How do you know whom I support? Maybe I support none of these groups your indoctrinated little mind places so much importance on.
ISAIAH ZEPP: You gonna fight, dickhead, or you gonna preach? 'Cause I've heard enough to know you're never gonna turn me to the Dark Side, Vader.
SOOTHSAYER: I don't blame you, Zepp. You're just not fully awake yet. Unfortunately, by the end of this match, you'll be asleep. In the literal---
POW!! Zepp sends a lightning-quick right to the side of Soothsayer's jaw, making the man stumble backward and land on his ass.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Why don't you do me a favor, and zip it.
Soothsayer stands up, rubbing his jaw.
SOOTHSAYER: Shame. I was beginning to think you had the ability to listen and learn. (Shrugs) Now, I'm just gonna knock your goddamn block off.
With that, he swings, but Zepp ducks, and fires another jab into the man's face. Again, Soothsayer stumbles backwards, clutching his jaw and this time, flops down on his back. Zepp starts toward him, but he rolls from the ring, a chorus of boos meeting him as his feet hit the arena floor.
JOSEPH GREER: And Zepp with a couple of fists to the jaw that I'm sure he wishes to stop running. Soothsayer goes to the outside to regroup, and Shawna Savante begins a tentative count.
Soothsayer shakes his head and paces back and forth for a few, then rolls his shoulders, gathers himself and rolls back inside. He gets right to his feet, and points at Zepp.
SOOTHSAYER: You should be more welcoming. Remember I'm still new here.
ZEPP: Maybe if you'd shut your dick licker. This is a match, not a town hall meeting.
Soothsayer nods, and then charges, attempting a quick clothesline, which Zepp ducks, then turns to meet Soothsayer as he turns as well, and sends another fist to the man's face. This time, Soothsayer stumbles back but uses the ropes to bounce off and flings himself at the Legacy Champion, attempting a cross body. Zepp drops to his stomach and Soothsayer lands on the mat. He rolls to his feet, and Zepp jumps to his feet as well. Now both men head for opposite sets of ropes and barrel toward each other. A double clothesline later, and both men are on their backs.
JOSEPH GREER: HUGE impact there, folks!
TOMMY ONIONS: Come on, Sooth!
JOSEPH GREER: All right, I'm making a rule right now. NOBODY call this guy “Sooth.” Ever.
Soothsayer begins to stir on the mat, as Zepp sits up and shakes his head. Some cobwebs fly free and he reaches over and grabs Soothsayer by the beard and “helps” the man to his feet. Once both men are vertical, Zepp wraps himself around Soothsayer in an Abdominal Stretch, and the newcomer howls in sudden shock.
JOSEPH GREER: And Zepp adding one more pretzel to the snack stand, ladies and gentlemen! I hope Soothsayer limbered himself up going in to this thing. The Legacy Champion has a tendency to stretch people like rubber bands.
Zepp tightens the hold perfectly, and the ref checks on Soothsayer, who smiles, shaking his head. Zepp tightens it some more, and the enlightened one winces, but holds his own. Finally, after a full three minutes, he hip-tosses the Champ with a grand effort. Zepp rolls a few feet, and gets back to his feet, then jumps with a close-range clothesline, which catches Soothsayer across the throat. Soothsayer goes down hard on his back, and Zepp gives a little rub to his elbow before dropping it across the man's chest. He hooks the leg, and gets a two-count before a stunned Soothsayer kicks free. Zepp reaches for the downed man again, but gets a thumb jabbed into his eye for the trouble. Soothsayer sits up, shakes his head and gets to one knee. Zepp reaches again, one hand clasped over his eye now, and Soothsayer smiles and thumb-jabs the other one. Now Zepp flops onto his back, and the cultist gets to his feet and again shakes some cobwebs out. He then goes off the ropes and lands three quick elbow drops to the Legacy titleholder. Zepp continues to writhe on the mat, blinded temporarily.
SOOTHSAYER: You like to...stretch things, do you? Fond of...that myself...
He grabs Zepp's legs and picks them up, getting ready to lock on a Boston Crab, but Zepp uses the might of his long lower limbs to kick free of the his opponent's grasp and shove him backwards with his feet. With one eye still shut, Zepp gets awkwardly to his feet as Soothsayer tries staying on his own. The Legacy Champion ruins his efforts by nailing him with a hard Harlem Side Kick.
JOSEPH GREER: OHH!
TOMMY ONIONS: Cheater!!
JOSEPH GREER: What the hell are you talking about? That was a perfectly legal move!
TOMMY ONIONS: Huh? No, I'm texting with my girlfriend. Or should I say, EX-girlfriend.
JOSEPH GREER: Why do they keep paying you, anyway?
In the ring, Soothsayer is flat on his back again, and Zepp walks over and reaches down to grab the man's hair.
ISAIAH ZEPP: The only thing YOU know how to stretch is the fuckin' truth...
He brings Soothsayer to his feet, and claps both hands against the man's ears.
TOMMY ONIONS: CHEATER!!
JOSEPH GREER: Are you still texting?
TOMMY ONIONS: No, I'm talking about Zepp! That was totally uncalled for.
JOSEPH GREER: If you'd been watching the match, you'd know Soothsayer just gave both Zepp's eyes the thumb treatment. I'd say he had that coming.
TOMMY ONIONS: And I had your ex-wife com---
JOSEPH GREER: Don't you fucking DARE, Onions.
Soothsayer starts to vertically collapse like one of the Twin Towers, but Zepp catches him and bodyslams him to the mat. The Champ follows this up with a leg drop, and goes for another pin. After just a one-count, Soothsayer grabs the bottom rope. Zepp slaps his own head, as if to say DERP! And drags Soothsayer away from the ropes and more toward the center of the ring. He gets down for another pin, but Soothsayer sends a straight fist right into the man's forehead, knocking him off. The Enlightened One gets to his knees and fires another fist, this one directly into the family jewels of the Legacy Champion. Zepp's eyes close and he clutches the appropriate area, sinking to his knees and now on Soothsayer's level. Soothsayer grabs him by the hair and fires three fists into the man's jaw. Shawna Savante comes over with quite a few words of warning, but Soothsayer gives her a dismissive wave and issues a suggestion for the woman to make him a sandwich. He then stands up and grabs Zepp's legs again, but instead of a Boston Crab, he monkey-flips the man over his head, and Shawna is forced to hop to her right to avoid being struck. Soothsayer sneers as he walks over and lands a hard elbow across Zepp's spine.
JOSEPH GREER: Soothsayer telling Savante exactly how he feels about a female referee.
TOMMY ONIONS: I'm telling you, I'm liking this due more and more. Did you know the government actually funded the women's movement back in the---
JOSEPH GREER: Yes, yes, we all heard the shit. Just concentrate on the match.
TOMMY ONIONS: I'd rather concentrate on Shawna's titties.
Soothsayer, now standing over Zepp who's damn near beneath the bottom rope, grabs the top rope for leverage and jumps up, bringing down a knee into the small of Zepp's back, twice. Zepp howls in pain, and finally just kind of drops to the outside. Soothsayer smiles and starts to climb through the ropes, and then sneers as he looks at Savante and gives a command.
SOOTHSAYER: Go ahead and start your ten-count.
SHAWNA SAVANTE: I will. As soon as YOU get out there.
SOOTHSAYER: Okay. Be a cunt.
He hops down to the floor and approaches Zepp, who clutches his back and hangs on to the apron, trying to get up from his current one-knee position. Soothsayer bends down and decides to browbeat the man.
SOOTHSAYER: Let's establish something, Zepp. You're neither smarter than me, nor superior as an athlete. If you require more of a less---ULKK!!
In an instant, Zepp fires a very direct, very forceful throat thrust with his fingers right into the Adam's Apple of the Soothsayer. The Enlightened One clutches his throat and trips backward, his back striking the iron guardrail with a loud rattling clang. Zepp gets himself upright and grabs the man with both hands by his long, blonde hair and fires a headbutt into his forehead. He then scoops him up with a bodyslam and drops him unceremoniously across the guardrail. Soothsayer bends in half and crumples to the floor, the ravenous fans mocking and seemingly on the verge of coating him in spit. Then they do just that, several men and even a couple women in the front row above him giving Soothsayer an impromptu shower.
TOMMY ONIONS: Disgusting! I knew these Africans weren't the least bit civilized.
JOSEPH GREER: This from the guy who gave his own mother midget porn for Christmas.
TOMMY ONIONS: I told you, her present got mixed up with my Aunt Ester's!
Soothsayer, hurt in both pride and body, gets to his feet and glares hatefully at the fans who just assaulted him, and rears back a fist, forgetting his actual opponent for the moment. Zepp capitalizes on this by grabbing him by the back of the head, ramming his kisser into the guardrail and then flinging him back inside the ring. Soothsayer rolls in like a rag doll, now busted wide open, and Zepp fist-bumps one tall Egyptian fan before jumping up onto the apron and climbing into the ring, just as Shawna reaches the count of 8.
Zepp stands over the dazed Enlightened One and then looks around at the crowd, gaining full approval to go ahead and hit Soothsayer with whatever finisher of the day. Zepp rolls his shoulders, cracks his knuckles, and seats himself atop Soothsayer's back, getting comfy, and starts to apply the Vermicide. Blood runs freely down Soothsayer's face, being caught by his beard.
TOMMY ONIONS: Shit! I hope Soothsayer has a stronger jaw than he has a forehead.
JOSEPH GREER: He should, he runs it enough.
Zepp locks the submission hold on, and Soothsayer immediately screams out in pain and shock. Savante gets down on one knee, expecting this finish to be quick. But Soothsayer continues to hold on for several minutes.
TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus, I should have taken a bathroom break.
JOSEPH GREER: I do have to give it to the Soothsayer. He has shown quite the level of stamina tonight against the Legacy Champion.
Zepp continues to hold the finisher on, but eventually starts to loosen his grip from sheer fatigue. Soothsayer starts to writhe and wriggle like a worm, and Zepp tries to redouble his efforts and cinch the hold on as tight as before. In a miraculous stroke of luck for the challenger, one of Zepp's arms slips from sheer sweat slick and one of Soothsayer's arms falls free. The cult leader immediately uses that arm to push up, and Zepp's ass partially slides off his back. Another forceful thrust, and Soothsayer manages to heave the Legacy Champion off of him.
JOSEPH GREER: My GOD, I don't believe it. Nobody gets out of a hold like that! Soothsayer just got some divine intervention, and this match will continue!
Soothsayer rolls onto his back, as Zepp clumsily falls onto his ass. Soothsayer sends a hard boot right into the side of Zepp's head, knocking him flat. The Legacy Champ rubs his jaw and pants, exhausted for holding the Vermicide on for far longer than he'd expected to. Soothsayer gets to his feet and points down at the man.
SOOTHSAYER: I...tried...to get...through to you...
He heads for the ropes, and climbs to the top, where he perches like a vulture. Zepp finally gets to his feet, and turns to find Soothsayer launching himself at him, a Flying Clothesline on the way. Zepp reacts with barely a moment to spare and sidesteps, jumping up and bringing a hard axe kick down, knocking Soothsayer out of the air and straight down onto his face as if swatting a fly in mid-air. Zepp makes a “clean-up” motion with his hands and nudges the downed man with the toe of his boot, rolling him on to his back. He covers!
1....
2....
JOSEPH GREER: JESUS! And a kickout by the Soothsayer!!
Zepp looks surprised for a moment, but shakes it off and goes back to work, yanking the man up and slinging him with a very forceful Irish Whip into the turnbuckle. Soothsayer, barely conscious but hanging in there, slams against it and sags down, his triceps hitting the second turnbuckle as he kind of lolls there. Zepp comes over and grabs his head, firing three stiff open-palm shots into it, then turns him around. He grabs him by the back of the head now and sends his forehead thricely into the top turnbuckle. He then hoists the man up and places him with a grand effort on the top rope, facing out into the crowd. Zepp climbs the ropes, and locks on a reverse suplex formation, his bicep across Soothsayer's throat. He very briefly raises a fist as much of the crowd stands up, yelling encouragement. Zepp brings Soothsayer high up and then down to the mat below in a Reverse Superplex!
JOSEPH GREER: And the proverbial fork just got stuck, folks! No way is he kicking out of that one!
Savante slides down to her belly as Zepp turns Soothsayer over and covers him.
1...
2...
And a kickout again!!
Zepp now slaps the mat, but gets to one knee as he grabs Soothsayer's hair once more, getting them both to their feet. Now facing his foe, Zepp starts to apply a suplex, but suddenly the blood-gushing Soothsayer, who now resembles Ric Flair in any of a number of old matches, jabs a hard thumb into Zepp's eye for the third time tonight. Then, as Zepp instinctively clutches his face, the Enlightened One drops to his knees and brings up a hard forearm into Zepp's jewels in a Low Blow. Soothsayer, not done yet, turns Zepp around a performs a hard nail rake down the man's back with both hands, then backs up and jumps forward, sending a hard knee into the small of his back with a short charge. Isaiah stumbles forward and slams face-first into the turnbuckle, and Soothsayer backs up again and charges, jumping up and sending a flying back elbow into the back of the man's head. Zepp's face knocks into the turnbuckle once more, and Soothsayer now raises both arms and then slams a forearm into the small of Zepp's back. Zepp hollers out as the fans begin tossing foreign objects like cups and cheap souvenirs into the ring to express their rage.
JOSEPH GREER: Well, Soothsayer just ran down the entire cheapshot playbook.
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, and now who's running things in that ring? Someday, Greer, you'll learn that it's how bad you want it, not how polite you are doing it.
In the ring, Soothsayer lifts Zepp up on to the ropes in the very same position as he was in not long before. Once up there, he climbs up and whispers into Zepp's ear.
SOOTHSAYER: You like that move, hm? I told you, asshole...you and I are more kindred...than you think...I call this...the Awakening...
With that, Soothsayer repeats recent history by delivering an inverted superplex to Zepp as he received before. He rolls Zepp over for the pin, and Zepp reverses this, using his superior height, leverage and general wiriness to flip over on top of Soothsayer. Shawna gets down to count, and has to keep restarting her count as the two men go back and forth, rolling each other over three times. Finally, Zepp cuts this short by jabbing a thumb into Soothsayer's eye. He gets to his knees and shrugs.
ISAIAH ZEPP: Titty for tatty, motherfucker.
With that, he slams the back of Soothsayer's skull into the mat three times, blood from the busted-open man now coating much of the canvas, and quite a bit of Isaiah Zepp, as well. Zepp stands, triumphantly, and the crowd gets to its feet in huge response, calls for finishing the Enlightened One once and for all echoing through the arena.
JOSEPH GREER: I would definitely say that the Legacy Champion has this crowd in the palm of his hand, Tommy. Not to mention, the fate of the Soothsayer!
Zepp raises a fist, and the crowd pops big. He bends down and grabs the bleeding man's hair and yanks him to his feet. As Soothsayer kind of wobbles there, held up only by Zepp's hand on his shoulder, the Legacy Champion looks him in the face and smiles, just slightly.
ISAIAH ZEPP: I call this...The Asleepening. Dickhead.
Actually, it's called the Tao of Now, and Zepp performs it fluidly and forcefully, jumping up and delivering a hard roundhouse kick with his long lower limbs to the red-coated face of the Soothsayer. Soothsayer's neck snaps to the left, and his body crumples to the canvas. Zepp gets down and leaves nothing to chance, hooking the leg very tightly as Shawna Savante counts three.
1! 2! 3!!
DING DING DING!!
The crowd goes full apeshit as Isaiah Zepp gets to his feet, raising one fist solemnly into the air as his theme music busts in, a white flashing light zig-zagging around the arena.
JOSEPH GREER: And the Legacy Champion gets it done, ladies and gentlemen! What a match here in Alexandria!
TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, with a lot of cheating. PFF.
JOSEPH GREER: I will slap you. I will slap you hard.
Zepp stumbles and collapses backwards into the ropes, completely exhausted, as he soaks in the cheers of his adoring public. He gazes down in wonderment at the durability of Soothsayer, who remains prone on the mat, as we go to commercial again.
