Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 8, 2018 2:57:31 GMT -5
Nelly: YOU DID WHAT!?
*We open on Nelly Angel, clearly surprised and maybe a little unhappy as he stands across from his brother in some nondescript XHF HQ room.*
Randy: As I just told you, I entered you into the Legends Showcase match at End of Days: Witching Hour- live on the XHF Network this Sunday!
*Randy turns to the camera and gives it a thumbs up.*
Nelly: Hey! Stop shamelessly promoting this match, I’m angry! Why would you do that? I’m not even a legend!
Randy: Um….yeah you are. You’re like a twenty time champ or something
Nelly: No I’m not.
Randy: Oh, well then I need to cancel a whole line of shirts; good thing you told me now. Anyway, they accepted your entry.
Nelly: THEY DID- wait, what?
*Randy reaches into the breast pocket of his suit and pulls out a phone. He unscrews the cap on top of it and takes a swig, rescrews it, and then turns on the phone- yes, Randy has a flask phone cover- don’t even look surprised.*
Randy: Totes bro, they even have a boss graphic for it
*The elder Angel tries to show Nelly but Nelly pushes it away and grabs his nose bridge.*
Nelly: So this Sunday, after taking an extended break, you have me facing XHF Legends?
Randy: Yeah, rockin, right?
Nelly: *Sigh* No not rockin. Sure I might count as a legend based on having been an XHF wrestler- technically- but these guys are probably top guys. You know, TOP GUYS.
Randy: Oh they totes are, and you’re gonna beat them down supes hard.
Nelly: What? Did you just say- it doesn’t matter. So who am I up against? Lemme guess, Reeshi?
Randy: I don’t even know who that is. But I’m gonna take the safe answer and say no. Reeshi doesn’t wear a hat all the time does he?
*Nelly thinks.*
Nelly: No….
*Randy looks at the totally boss graphic:
And thinks to himself.*
Randy: Well, one of these guys- the only one I don’t know- he’s wearing a sweet hat.
Nelly: A legend in a hat? Former champs are probably in this match……Death Trap?
Randy: Maybe?
Nelly: Huh……well that’s weird. Death Trap shouldn’t really be wrestling in his condition; I’m not sure how he keeps getting a wrestling license.
Randy: Dude I don’t even know how I have a wrestling license, that’s just straight-up negligent letting a guy like me in the ring.
Nelly: Wait, if you know that then why do you wrestle?
*Randy shrugs.*
Randy: Fun? An excuse to hang around with you and my totally cool friends?
Nelly: You don’t have any friends besides Mongo’s cat
Randy: I DO TOO HAVE FRIENDS! Death Trap is my friend!
Nelly: You didn’t even know who he was!
Randy: I don’t know who a lot of guys are, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!
Nelly: That’s….an oddly kind statement.
Randy: Haha, suck on that one, Nell.
Nelly: Ok, so there’s Death Trap- which again, I think is probably not good for his health. Who else is there?
Randy: Oh just one President of the United States of America.
Nelly: Kanyon? That’s….that’s ok, he’s a good wrestler. A dangerous wrestler, but a good one. They really think I’m as good as the president?
Randy: Clearly, you probably should be president once this wrestling gig is over. I’ll be your manager.
Nelly: I don’t think presidents have managers.
Randy: Um, I’m pretty sure they do- you know, stands behind a podium, greets the reporters he openly hates, cuts promos for the president.
Nelly: The press secretary?
Randy: Yeah, but with a less girly title than that. It’s weird though, I’m friends with like EVERYONE in this match.
Nelly: You’re not friends with Death-
Randy: Totes friends with Death Trap. AND I went to Kanyon’s Christmas party. That’s like best friend level closeness right there.
Nelly: Is that it then?
Randy: Hardly, one of my best friends and partners (non-sexual) is in the match!
Nelly: I know I’m in the match, you entered me.
Randy: I meant Kris Quake.
Nelly: ……he’s not your friend.
Randy: Well he’s certainly one of my top friends, but probably not my best
Nelly: No, I mean he doesn’t like you.
Randy: Pfft, that’s just his way. When he went crazy and tried to hold everyone down he didn’t mean it literally.
Nelly: I’m pretty sure he meant it literally when he said you were holding him down.
Randy: Oh whatever, we’ve been meeting up for nearly a decade
Nelly: AT AA MEETINGS! Where you usually cause him to fall off the wagon!
Randy: Look, the guy likes fun, I like fun
Nelly: Your friendship with Quake is a sham
Randy: Your face is a sham
Nelly: Your career is a sham
Randy: Your mom is a sham
Nelly: MY MOM IS YOUR MOM!
Randy: Your my mo- wait- ok, solid point.
Nelly: So that’s it then? Death Trap, the President, and Kris Quake. Haha, one of these things is not like the oth-
Randy: And my best friend, Michael Storm.
Nelly: …er. Oh, well from what I’ve heard from you that friendship is pretty legit.
Randy: I know, right? We’re totes besties.
Nelly: Why are you talking like a middle school girl?
Randy: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Nelly: You’ve said totes like 4 times now- also, isn’t Michael Storm in a pretty serious coma?
Randy: Not to worry, I’ve got it taken care of. Also, for the record you should check your privilege because I'm actually keeping up with modern trends and lingo
*Suddenly Nelly’s phone beeps, he takes it out and looks at an alert he’s gotten.*
Nelly: ….Oh my gosh you kidnapped Michael Storm.
Randy: I like to use the term, “liberate.” We liberated Michael Storm so he can continue living his dream.
*Now Nelly is getting a headache.*
Nelly: Oh wow….ok, so I could be implicated in a crime. Did you say "we?" I don't want to know. Great. You’ve really outdone yourself this time.
Randy: I know right! I got all my friends and my brother into this sweet match where they can “Call of Destiny” each other whatever that means.
Nelly: You really don’t understand the seriousness of all this do you?
Randy: Serious ratings because apparently Mongo signed off on it all.
Nelly: That’s crazy
Randy: That’s XHF
Nelly: ……
*He considers*
Nelly: That’s…..XHF. You’re actually right
Randy: I’m always right
Nelly: You’re rarely right
Randy: Well who’s keeping score anyway?
*Nelly sighs.*
Nelly: Anyway, I’m up against a lawsuit timebomb, the sitting president, your drinking “buddy,” and a man who’s literally in a coma.
Randy: Just another day at the office. It’s gonna rock when you beat them- or get beaten by them, they’re all my friends too after all.
Nelly: Except Death Trap.
Randy: I thought we already covered that we’re close friends.
Nelly: Have you even met Death-
Randy: Also I may have let a beaver into our apartment. I can’t be sure but the markings on the furniture and the dam made of table legs strongly suggest a beaver.
*There’s a pause as Nelly lets that one sink in.*
Nelly: YOU DID WHAT!?
*Fade out*
*We open on Nelly Angel, clearly surprised and maybe a little unhappy as he stands across from his brother in some nondescript XHF HQ room.*
Randy: As I just told you, I entered you into the Legends Showcase match at End of Days: Witching Hour- live on the XHF Network this Sunday!
*Randy turns to the camera and gives it a thumbs up.*
Nelly: Hey! Stop shamelessly promoting this match, I’m angry! Why would you do that? I’m not even a legend!
Randy: Um….yeah you are. You’re like a twenty time champ or something
Nelly: No I’m not.
Randy: Oh, well then I need to cancel a whole line of shirts; good thing you told me now. Anyway, they accepted your entry.
Nelly: THEY DID- wait, what?
*Randy reaches into the breast pocket of his suit and pulls out a phone. He unscrews the cap on top of it and takes a swig, rescrews it, and then turns on the phone- yes, Randy has a flask phone cover- don’t even look surprised.*
Randy: Totes bro, they even have a boss graphic for it
*The elder Angel tries to show Nelly but Nelly pushes it away and grabs his nose bridge.*
Nelly: So this Sunday, after taking an extended break, you have me facing XHF Legends?
Randy: Yeah, rockin, right?
Nelly: *Sigh* No not rockin. Sure I might count as a legend based on having been an XHF wrestler- technically- but these guys are probably top guys. You know, TOP GUYS.
Randy: Oh they totes are, and you’re gonna beat them down supes hard.
Nelly: What? Did you just say- it doesn’t matter. So who am I up against? Lemme guess, Reeshi?
Randy: I don’t even know who that is. But I’m gonna take the safe answer and say no. Reeshi doesn’t wear a hat all the time does he?
*Nelly thinks.*
Nelly: No….
*Randy looks at the totally boss graphic:
And thinks to himself.*
Randy: Well, one of these guys- the only one I don’t know- he’s wearing a sweet hat.
Nelly: A legend in a hat? Former champs are probably in this match……Death Trap?
Randy: Maybe?
Nelly: Huh……well that’s weird. Death Trap shouldn’t really be wrestling in his condition; I’m not sure how he keeps getting a wrestling license.
Randy: Dude I don’t even know how I have a wrestling license, that’s just straight-up negligent letting a guy like me in the ring.
Nelly: Wait, if you know that then why do you wrestle?
*Randy shrugs.*
Randy: Fun? An excuse to hang around with you and my totally cool friends?
Nelly: You don’t have any friends besides Mongo’s cat
Randy: I DO TOO HAVE FRIENDS! Death Trap is my friend!
Nelly: You didn’t even know who he was!
Randy: I don’t know who a lot of guys are, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!
Nelly: That’s….an oddly kind statement.
Randy: Haha, suck on that one, Nell.
Nelly: Ok, so there’s Death Trap- which again, I think is probably not good for his health. Who else is there?
Randy: Oh just one President of the United States of America.
Nelly: Kanyon? That’s….that’s ok, he’s a good wrestler. A dangerous wrestler, but a good one. They really think I’m as good as the president?
Randy: Clearly, you probably should be president once this wrestling gig is over. I’ll be your manager.
Nelly: I don’t think presidents have managers.
Randy: Um, I’m pretty sure they do- you know, stands behind a podium, greets the reporters he openly hates, cuts promos for the president.
Nelly: The press secretary?
Randy: Yeah, but with a less girly title than that. It’s weird though, I’m friends with like EVERYONE in this match.
Nelly: You’re not friends with Death-
Randy: Totes friends with Death Trap. AND I went to Kanyon’s Christmas party. That’s like best friend level closeness right there.
Nelly: Is that it then?
Randy: Hardly, one of my best friends and partners (non-sexual) is in the match!
Nelly: I know I’m in the match, you entered me.
Randy: I meant Kris Quake.
Nelly: ……he’s not your friend.
Randy: Well he’s certainly one of my top friends, but probably not my best
Nelly: No, I mean he doesn’t like you.
Randy: Pfft, that’s just his way. When he went crazy and tried to hold everyone down he didn’t mean it literally.
Nelly: I’m pretty sure he meant it literally when he said you were holding him down.
Randy: Oh whatever, we’ve been meeting up for nearly a decade
Nelly: AT AA MEETINGS! Where you usually cause him to fall off the wagon!
Randy: Look, the guy likes fun, I like fun
Nelly: Your friendship with Quake is a sham
Randy: Your face is a sham
Nelly: Your career is a sham
Randy: Your mom is a sham
Nelly: MY MOM IS YOUR MOM!
Randy: Your my mo- wait- ok, solid point.
Nelly: So that’s it then? Death Trap, the President, and Kris Quake. Haha, one of these things is not like the oth-
Randy: And my best friend, Michael Storm.
Nelly: …er. Oh, well from what I’ve heard from you that friendship is pretty legit.
Randy: I know, right? We’re totes besties.
Nelly: Why are you talking like a middle school girl?
Randy: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Nelly: You’ve said totes like 4 times now- also, isn’t Michael Storm in a pretty serious coma?
Randy: Not to worry, I’ve got it taken care of. Also, for the record you should check your privilege because I'm actually keeping up with modern trends and lingo
*Suddenly Nelly’s phone beeps, he takes it out and looks at an alert he’s gotten.*
Nelly: ….Oh my gosh you kidnapped Michael Storm.
Randy: I like to use the term, “liberate.” We liberated Michael Storm so he can continue living his dream.
*Now Nelly is getting a headache.*
Nelly: Oh wow….ok, so I could be implicated in a crime. Did you say "we?" I don't want to know. Great. You’ve really outdone yourself this time.
Randy: I know right! I got all my friends and my brother into this sweet match where they can “Call of Destiny” each other whatever that means.
Nelly: You really don’t understand the seriousness of all this do you?
Randy: Serious ratings because apparently Mongo signed off on it all.
Nelly: That’s crazy
Randy: That’s XHF
Nelly: ……
*He considers*
Nelly: That’s…..XHF. You’re actually right
Randy: I’m always right
Nelly: You’re rarely right
Randy: Well who’s keeping score anyway?
*Nelly sighs.*
Nelly: Anyway, I’m up against a lawsuit timebomb, the sitting president, your drinking “buddy,” and a man who’s literally in a coma.
Randy: Just another day at the office. It’s gonna rock when you beat them- or get beaten by them, they’re all my friends too after all.
Nelly: Except Death Trap.
Randy: I thought we already covered that we’re close friends.
Nelly: Have you even met Death-
Randy: Also I may have let a beaver into our apartment. I can’t be sure but the markings on the furniture and the dam made of table legs strongly suggest a beaver.
*There’s a pause as Nelly lets that one sink in.*
Nelly: YOU DID WHAT!?
*Fade out*
