Rick Owen Cup

[SWAT Team]

[Camera pans into a table overstuffed with food, victuals pilled high upon victuals! We see a big hambone, we see beer, we see fries and we even see a bear. A bear? Why it can only be the American Freebear himself, preparing to host the Freebear's Big Beef right before showtime! We listen to the big Floridian between two stuff-fulls of nourishment.]

Freebear: Good evening Texas!!! Freebear's Big Beef is up and about and you know what my beef is tonight? Dishonesty. Now there's all sorts of dishonesty in this world, but the one that get's me the most hot under the collar is that of dishonesty towards oneself. I'm talking about about people lyin' to themselves here. I'm talkin' about Frostbite in particular!!!

[Freebear eats a big chunk of honey-glazed ham as he does his speech: getting his strength up for the battle at hand!]

Freebear: Frostbite, who for no good reason in particular, is CONVINCED that the Freebear is on his last legs. Now I once thought that Frostbite was a medium-like intelligent wrestler, but now I gotta doubt myself. For the past few months (man this match took it's sweet little time getting built up), Frostbite has been determined I'll be losing my title despite evidence that I clearly beat him with my powerbomb, clearly kicked out of his sleeper hold and beat him up one-two-three WITHOUT ANY CONTROVERSY.

[He looks straight into the camera, beer dripping off his beard.]

Freebear: Frostbite: you don't know what you're talking about.

[Then finishes his ham.]

Freebear: That ain't confidence, boy. That's delusion. You're mad, boy! You're insane in the membrane! Are you thinking that just because you lost last match you'll win this one just like that? YOU'RE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! Don't work that way anyhow! I mean, I might have believed you if you had something to offer but... Are we seriously supposed to take "Human blogging machine" as an enviable trait in a professional wrestler? Is that what you offer the fans instead of a flying bear? BLOGS????

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH YOUR BLOGS?????

I SHIT ON THE INTERNET CONNECTION LEADING TO YOUR BLOGS, THAT'S HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOUR BLOGGING CAPABILITIES!!! I DON'T CARE HOW STALE YOU FIND MY ACT, YOUR ACT IS BLOGGING. I REPEAT: YOUR ACT IS BLOGGING.

BLOGGING!!!!

[He shouts that last word, his anger filling out the entire stadium!!!]

Freebear: Let me tell you about one thing, Frostbite. I ain't going into any so-called "hibernation" as long as a serial blogger threatens the fair people of Mid-South!!! I'll stay up all winter if I need to: my fans aren't going to be blogged to repeatedly by some nine-fingered ebil former ski instructor that's convinced for some reason he'll take over the wrestling world!!!

I am not afraid of goddamn winter. I am not afraid of a nine-fingered evil former ski instructor that thinks he represents winter for some cocamany reason. There is only one person I fear in this world, and I call him dad. Frostbite, you are not my daddy! Just like I ate right through this ham, I'm gonna eat right through you and shit you right OUT of Mid-South!! And I can say this with confidence... Because I know I can defeat you.

[The giant bear-man smiles sinisterly, getting up from his equally huge table, now depleted from all foodstuffs. A loud burp serves as exclamation point to the entire speech you just heard. Filled up on energy, the American Freebear is ready for battle.]

[SWAT Team]

CA: Wrestling fans, the following non-title match is scheduled for one fall and is the final North-East WarGames qualifier!

["Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty begins to play over the PA, and soon after, Miles Washburn walks out and stands at the entrance, taking in the spectacle of his life's dream being a reality. He then shakes himself loose, and walks down the ramp toward the ring, shaking the extended hands of fans along the way. He reaches the ring and rolls in, before getting up and stretching as he waits for his opponent. The crowd cheers and claps for Washburn.]

CA: Introducing first, from Albany, New York, weighing in at 216 pounds... MILES WASHBURN!

JT: Miles Washburn impressed a lot of people with his debut win over Travis Daniels, and an impressive outing against Jay Williams in Portland, and now he gets a golden opportunity against the SWAT North-East champion. This is a non-title bout, but you’ve got to figure if Washburn wins he’ll be first in line for a title shot.

AF: Who is this guy? I don’t remember seeing any of his promos...

JT: Washburn has stayed silent in the lead-up to this match, focusing on training and watching his opponent. That could actually give him the psychological edge tonight.

[The arena goes dark and then “Burn in Hell” by Dimmu Borgir plays. A red and blue light flash intermittently and smoke fills the stage. Suddenly, instead of the customary two figures, one figure appears and stands there. At 1 minute, 13 seconds Burn in Hell sounds, and the figure makes his way to the ring. Troy Poole, North-East Heavyweight belt around his waist, runs at the ring, and slides in the ring and stares at the ramp. He then removes his jacket while waiting on his opponent.]

CA: And his opponent... from Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, weighing in tonight at 235 pounds... he is the SWAT North-East Heavyweight Champion, “THE GREAT ONE” TROY POOLE.

[Poole basks in the jeers of the crowd.]

JT: Troy Poole won the title of Marcus Lankston in June and has reigned, albeit unimpressively, ever since.

AF: Unimpressive? He’s the champ!

JT: Staredown in centre ring here... I don’t know if these two have any grudge, but they sure look ready to beat the piss out of each other.

[The bell rings and Miles immediately shoots in, arms aroud Poole’s hips, trying for an amateur-style takedown. Troy Poole backpedals until he reaches the safety of the ropes. Washburn breaks without being asked, but leaves Troy with a chop across the chest as payment.]

AF: What’s this Rugburn kid’s problem?

JT: That’s Washburn, and he’s full of energy tonight, trying to put on the career-making performance he needs to beat a veteran in Poole.

[Poole slowly approaches his opponent and raises his arms, asking for a tie-up. Washburn complies and aggressively jockeys with Poole in the clinch. Poole steps sideways into a twisting armringer, but Miles flips Troy over his bent arm, and slaps on a chinlock. Troy reaches up and grabs onto Washburn’s brown hair, pulling it down to snap his chin against Poole’s shoulder.]

JT: Troy Poole is already cutting corners with that hair-pulling.

AF: Hey, he was applying a Peruvian hairlock! Don’t you know anything about wrestling?

[Troy Poole delivers a fistdrop to the stomach of Washburn. He pulls Miles up and bulldogs him face-first into the mat. Poole turns him over and leans across his body, ordering referee Tom Evanson to count.]

1...

JT: Washburn kicks out easily, and it’s going to take a lot more than that to beat him.

[“The Great One” hoists Washburn up onto his shoulders and drops him down chestfirst onto the ropes. He then steps out to the aprons and connects with a running dropkick to the head of Washburn! Miles Washburn flops over the ropes and to the floor, clutching his ribs. Poole slides down to continue the fight, and meets the hard elbow of his opponent.]

JT: Washburn goes over, but he’s okay, as he shows quite violently to Troy Poole. Hooks the head... DDT on the floor! And those pads don’t help much.

AF: Foul! Unnecessary roughness!

JT: Give me a break.

[Miles Washburn rolls Troy in. The champion is still holding his head as Miles steps between the ropes and hits him with a kick to the stomach. Washburn drives a double axehandle into the neck of Troy Poole, sending his head bouncing down to the canvas. Miles Washburn shoots into a cover, hooking the leg.]

1...

2...

JT: Troy Poole kicks out, but I think he’s just been put on notice.

[Washburn lifts Poole up and whips him into a turnbuckle. The crowd starts clapping and chanting for Washburn, as a dazed Poole turns around. Feeding off the crowd support, Miles charges in... only for Poole to duck down and let him collide with the ringpost hard. Washburn stumbles out of the corner, clutching at his nose. Red drops drip from between his fingers.]

JT: Washburn collides face-first with that steel ring post. That’s got to smart.

AF: I think his nose is busted. He looks like a kid that just fell off the monkey bars!

[Poole brings Washburn to the mat with a Russian legsweep. He then climbs over into a mount position and starts battering Miles with fists directed at the head. They catch Washburn square on the busted nose and cause the young upstart to cover up. Grinning, Poole rears up on his arms and delivers a hard descending knee right to the ribs.]

JT: Hard grounded knee... banned in the UFC, legal here in SWAT. Poole is definitely applying sort of a mixed martial arts style here tonight.

AF: When you need to hit a guy in the face, what better style is there?

JT: Washburn manages to get his foot on the ropes and forces the break. And as he stands up, we can definitely see that the nose is broken. It’s a painful injury, but not enough for Washburn to quit in this vital match.

[Poole runs at Washburn, arm outstretched for a clothesline. Miles ducks it and goes for a backdrop, but Troy flips him over into a sunset flip. The referee drops down for the count.]

1...

2...

[The instant Washburn’s shoulders lift off the canvas, Poole steps over and stomps down viciously on the bridge of his nose. Blood spills across the canvas.]

JT: Vicious, absolutely vicious stomp to the face. Troy is abandoning his pretensions to sophistication here tonight... he knows that he’s facing a tough opponent now and, if he wins, War Games later tonight, and he’s relying on animal brutality to get him through.

[Washburn tries for some sort of leg lock from the bottom, but Poole pulls out of it. He sits Miles up forcibly and then drags him up, belly to back. Troy Poole then drives Miles Washburn down into the mat face-first with a crushing front suplex. From the back he reaches forward and draws Washburn into a STF.]

JT: Poole is working over the face of Washburn hard, and that STF is only going to make matters worse.

AF: This is a good position for Poole, on his opponent’s back with him flattened out, because Washburn can’t do much to attack him and can’t really see where Poole’s attacks are coming from.

JT: That was surprisingly astute analysis.

AF: It’s what they pay me the big bucks for.

[Miles tries to push up, but when he does the STF only digs into his chin deeper. Frustrated, he throws his hands up, and his fingers find the eyes of the champion. Poole immediately shoots up and yells at the referee to disqualify Washburn right now. Tom Evanson looks at him skeptically and merely warns Washburn.]

AF: Oh come on! What are you, blind ref?

JT: You should watch what Troy is doing sometime.

[Poole postures up on the back of Washburn and starts raining down blows on his vulnerable head. Washburn manages to posture up to his knees, but Poole continues beating on him. Miles manages to grab on one arm and start twisting it around his shoulder.]

JT: Kimura! Poole stands up, he’s trying to get up to it... armbar! Washburn has transitioned to an armbar.

AF: Kids today and their fancy jiu jitsu holds. In my day we had headlocks and camel clutches and we liked it.

[Poole goes for another stomp from the armbar position, but the bloody Washburn manages to swing out of the way, twisting over so that he’s on his front, twisting Troy Poole’s arm with all his strength. Troy Poole grabs onto a nearby rope and forces a break.]

JT: Poole gets up, but Washburn is right on him, throwing punches like there’s no tomorrow. Poole clinches desperately... belly-to-belly suplex!

[Troy snaps his hips nicely for the belly-to-belly, driving Washburn’s head down to the canvas. He then rolls it around and hits a double-arm facebuster, further bloodying the face of Miles Washburn. Poole pulls Miles up by the hair and drags him to the nearest turnbuckle. He smashes Washburn’s face into the buckle over and over again, counting along as he does so, though Poole’s count isn’t audible over the heavy jeers.]

AF: Six, seven, eight...

JT: This is just savage! What does Troy Poole think he has to prove tonight?

AF: That he’s the best, of course.

[The referee finally manages to get Poole to stop. Troy snaps Washburn down to the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker and covers.]

1...

2...

3?

JT: No! Despite all the blunt trauma to the head, Miles Washburn is still able to get that shoulder up.

AF: Just give up, kid! You’re not doing anything other than hurting yourself more.

[Poole drags up Washburn again and goes to bash him into the turnbuckle for another barrage. At this point Miles’ face is a bloody mess, covered in a beard of blood from the nose down. It’s hard to make out what’s left of his nose. Troy goes to smash his opponent’s face again, but this time Miles Washburn is ready. Washburn steps behind Poole and applies a full nelson. As Troy tries to struggle out, Miles pops his hips and starts to lift...]

JT: No... he wouldn’t...

[HUGE POP!]

JT: DRAGON SUPLEX! We don't usually see that out of Washburn, but he pulled it out in a desperate situation. That might have been a one-hit KO!

AF: Yeah, on both guys.

[Both Washburn and Poole are lying prone on the ground, trying to recover from the beating they’ve taken thus far in the match. The crowd begins to chant to try and revive them, and it works. They struggle to their feet, Troy Poole getting there a second sooner. He hooks the head of Washburn, but whatever he was planning is countered into a jawbreaker. Miles throws elbows straight to the jaw of Troy Poole.]

JT: Washburn smashes Poole’s face into the turnbuckle, and turnabout’s fair play! He follows it up with a fisherman’s suplex, surprisingly crisp for a man who’s lost about a quart of blood here tonight. Cover!

1...

2...

[Troy Poole kicks out. Miles Washburn scoops him up on his shoulders, but Troy slips off and retaliates with a vicious spin kick to the face! Washburn collapses backwards and Poole scramble for the pin.]

1...

2...

JT: Washburn kicks out of that hard spin kick. He’s showing some real grit tonight. Poole going up top, looking for that missile dropkick... crotched on the top rope by Washburn! Miles has the champ up on his shoulders.... Austin’s Slam! Could this be it?

1...

2...

[Poole kicks out at two and a half. Washburn looks incredulous, but slowly, showing the beating his body’s taken, he rolls Poole over and applies the Endgame Clutch. The crowd instantly pops, then begins chanting.]

“TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP!”

AF: Well that’s not very supportive!

JT: The Endgame Clutch is locked in tight, and after months of seeing Poole get lucky breaks, take shortcuts, and try to take out his opponents for good, everyone in this building wants to see him tap out just to see him shut up.

[Poole’s face is tight, obviously in a lot of pain from the half-nelson chicken-wing combo. His hand hovers out, twitching over the mat, giving fans encouragement... but he pulls on, crawling closer towards the ropes, dragging Washburn’s body weight along with him. Miles Washburn cranks back on his trademark hold, blood dripping from his face to Poole’s back. Troy Poole hesitates, looking pained...

...and, propelled as through pure spite, pulls himself to the ropes! The crowd noise deflates.]

AF: Hah! Even that wasn’t enough to stop Troy Poole.

JT: Well, it obviously took a lot out of him, as he’s rolling to the outside right now.

[Poole staggers over to the timekeeper’s table and picks up his platinum North-East Heavyweight belt, looking into it like it has some cosmic answer.]

AF: Troy Poole taking a look at his belt, obviously trying to motivate himself to go in there and finish Washburn off.

JT: Something tells me Poole has more than motivational purposes in mind.

[Washburn steps out to the apron, drawing a new round of cheers. Miles rushes off, looking for a diving clothesline on Poole...]

*SMACK!*

“OHHHHHH!”

JT: Good lord!

[As Washburn flew towards Poole, Troy thrust forward his belt, and Miles collided facefirst into the metal with all his force behind him. Washburn flops down to the hardwood floor, useless.]

AF: I think I saw some of Washburn’s teeth fly out there!

JT: An absolutely brutal hit suffered by Miles Washburn, and I don’t think the referee saw that. Washburn’s own body was blocking his line of sight.

[Troy Poole rolls Washburn into the ring and hits his signature powerslam for good measure. He drops down for an easy pinfall.]

JT: That Damn Good... that’s the name of the move, not how I feel. And the cover, but this one is obvious.

1...

2...

3.

AF: Count to a hundred, Miles Washburn isn’t getting up from that.

[The Texas crowd boos and throws trash in the ring, but it doesn’t seem to bother Troy Poole, standing triumphant over his still-out opponent. “Burn in Hell” plays, but the sound is hard to hear over the crowd noise. Poole hoists his title, blood smeared across its face, into the air.]

JT: Your North-East champion,folks.

AF: Great victory for Troy Poole here tonight. Let’s take a look at the final North-East team for War Games:

WAR GAMES MAIN EVENT
SWAT North East
Terry Masters
Jay Williams
The House of Pain
Troy Poole

VS

SWAT Mid South
Jason Birmingham
Brock Sisson
The Alley Cats 1&2
?

AF: It looks like the North-East has got a pretty solid team!

JT: Other than Jay Williams didn’t they all basically cheat their way into the match?

AF: You could argue that.

JT: This also means that whether Freebear or Frostbite comes out ahead in the final qualifying match, the North-East champion and the Mid-South champion will be squaring off as part of this match-up. That’s definitely got me excited for our main event.

[Poole stands on the entrance ramp, pointing to the belt around his waist, still getting a ton of flack from the crowd. Jay Williams walks past him and rolls into the ring to help Washburn up. Poole just glares at Williams, then turns around and disappears into the curtains.]

[SWAT Team]

[ And yes once again for the final time, maybe it is time to listen to what the Cold Hearted Bastard has to say before he enters into the square circle and takes on American Freebear and becomes the new SWAT Mid-South Champion. I bet that stings there Freebear knowing full well that the big bad bear is about to lose the title to what he certainly fears the most and that is the dead of winter, and who else could bring that to him then the nine fingered evil ski instructor himself. So Freebear why don't you go crawl in some cave somewhere and go take a long ass nap, and let a real champion take over and show you how to get the job done. Nobody wants to hear from you anymore. Nobody wants to listen to you talk about how much food that you can eat at a local Golden Correl. Or listen to you babble on about being a flying bear that swings with the greatness of ease. It is getting old there Freebear. The South needs something new and exciting and I, can bring that to the dance.]

Frostbite has just closed his door to the locker room as he takes that long walk around backstage, as he heads toward the curtain that leads out to the entrance. The camera zooms in, on that intense look in his blue eyes as Frostbite appears to be more focus than ever as he is out to prove to not only Freebear to the rest of the wrestling world that Freebear victory over him the first time around was a fluke. A silly bear could not be the evil bastard like that, not without some type of mishappenings in their first encounter. Freebear we both know that you just got out of that match with a fluke.

[ Frostbite wearing a brand new blue t-shirt that has the picture of American Freebear on it, but with an big "X" sign going right across it. But on the back of the shirt it says in White letters it says FREEBEAR FEARS THE COLD!! Frostbite has on long blue tights and blue and black boots. Backstage hand see Frostbite quite focus to the point that they move out of his way because they know what he just might do to them if they break his focus.]

Frostbite: Mere minutes there Freebear. The time for talking is over.

[ Frostbite puts his nose up in the air.]

Frostbite: Smell it Freebear. I smell fear in the air today here in Texas. You can't hide from yoyr fears any longer. You fear the cold and we both know it. You know that it was the Cold Hearted Bastard himself that took Freebear to his very limits and that scared you didn't it there Freebear. You didn't want to have to get back into the ring with me. You were hoping that Soutter would get the job done and stop me, but he didn't do it. Your boss couldn't get the job done. What makes you think this time around that you can stop me. You can't and that is eating away at you. That is probably why you are eating more now than ever. The stress is killing you, knowing that in moments you will have to hand the title over to me.

[ Frostbite takes a few more steps towards the black curtain.]

Frostbite: What else is there left to say Freebear. Your make me sick, you just can't come face to face with the facts that there is a new champion in town. The south that you say you had a grip on all this time is all falling down around you. There comes in time when you need to step aside and let someone else take over. I will not fail anything Freebear. You better hope by some act of God that a bolt of liightning takes me out, because you aren't going to do so.

[ Frostbite spots.]

Frostbite: The ground is shaking beneath my feet, not because of your big feet there Freebear, because you are stomping toward that ring. The ground is shaking because it is these people chanting and cheering and stomping there feet as they cheer on there new warriror to victory. And it isn't you, why it is there new Champion. Freebear our little war of words was quite fun while it lastest, but it is time to get out to that ring and for Frostbite to put down the bear once and for all. All bears, fear the cold and you aren't any different.

[ Frostbite gets close to the curtain.]

Frostbite: The new King of the South.

[ He puts his ear to the curtain.]

Frostbite: Listen to that Freebear. They are begging for someone to rip a new on in you. They want a new champion here in the South. Well have no fear, because the Cold Hearted Bastard is here.

[ Frostbite pushes back the curtain as he makes his way out as the scene fades out.]

[SWAT Team]

SWAT Mid South National Heavyweight title match


Main theme from the movie "The One" starts as An ominous looking dragon appears slowly on the tron and roars as it spews fire as pyrotechnics explode and Dragon Belt & Dragonatrix appear at ringside. They storm ringside through the pyrotechnics. Dragon Belt leaps onto the ring apron and does a somersault shoulder roll into the ring while. He proceeds to perform a breathtaking martial arts exhibition while Dragonatrix poses Chyna like with her fists on her hips. Both snap their heads either towards the ring entrance or towards opponent glaring as he places his fist in his palm.

Chester: This next event is set for 1 fall and it is for the SWAT Mid South National Heavyweight title!! Introducing first the challenger..He comes to us from Hong Kong, he weighs in at 225lbs.. He is a former World Bunkhouse Champion and a former ACE Nippon tag team champion, accompanied Accompanied by Dragonatrix, he is Dragon Belt!!!

Tucker: Dragon Belt looking to make the most of his shot at Herrera and the National Belt.



Marker in the Sand by Pearl Jam starts to play as the crowd begins to stand up in anticipation. On the titan tron we see an image of Eric standing in an open field in the desert is shown, Eric is seen looking down at the ground. As the lyrics start you see the wind at his surrounding begin getting more violent and him staring into the camera with a smirk on his face. Right after that set of lyrics the camera pulls back to show him walking out to the stage. Right as he walks out the tron switches to videos of him in action over his four years as an active competitor. He stands at the entrance ramp and does Jeff Hardy's guns taunt as pyro shoots up at each side of him. He walks down the ramp normally shaking hands with fans along the way down. He gets on the top turnbuckle and does the guns taunt once again. He then leans on the ropes and starts stretching while watching Dragon across the ring

Chester: And his opponent and the current champion..He comes to us from El Centro, California. He weighs in at 225 lbs. He is the Mid South National Heavyweight champion..he is The Sensational Eric Herrera!!!

Fulton: Im taking Eric and the over/under here. Seriously though Dragons looking to unseat the champion, who became the new champion last month when the former champion left SWAT unexpectedly. Theres the bell as referee Mike Rakes says we're ready.

Tucker: Both men shake hands as Dragonatrix takes a place in the corner at ringside. Eric and Dragon lock up, Dragon backs Eric to the corner, where the ref asks for a clean break and Dragon complies. Eric with a look of caution as Dragon backs away slowly. Again both men tie up, Eric backs Dragon to the corner, Dragon quickly spins Eric around and scores a pair of kicks to the midsection, Dragon whips Eric to the far corner, Dragon charges in after the champion..Eric caught with a side kick to the head, Dragon quickly covers..

Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....


Fulton: Eric escapes quickly and takes Dragon over with a T Bone Suplex. Eric taking control here as Dragon finds himself on the defensive early. Eric grabbing the legs, tries to turn Dragon over into possibly a Boston Crab, however the challenger uses his leg strength to shove the champion into the corner, Eric bounces back and is taken over with a monkey flip by Dragon. Eric gets to his feet and walks right into a Dragon Strike to the side of the head!!

Tucker: Erics running lights have been dimmed here, The champion stunned as Dragon brings him to his feet and sends him to the ropes, Eric comes off and ducks a Kick, Eric rebounds off the ropes and again ducks a clothesline, Herrera hooking Dragons waist however and takes him over with a German Suplex..Dragon rolls to the outside to slow the momentum. Eric follows him out as Dragonatrix stays clear of the area. Dragon catches Eric as he charges, backdrop on the floor!!

Fulton: Dragon doing some real damage to the champion there with that backdrop. Eric slow to get up as Dragon goes to work here..dragon claw strikes to the throat and chest, Eric down on the floor as Dragon rolls back inside the ring. Referee Rakes telling Dragonatrix to stay away from the champion here, Eric slowly gets to his feet and rolls back inside the ring. Dragon catching him coming in, Dragon right back to work with those vicious Kung Fu kicks, Eric unable to get to his feet, after being met with this barrage of kicks from the champion.

Tucker: Dragonatrix getting behind her man, shouting to him from the corner, Dragon connecting with a Flying double chop off the ropes, Dragon covers.....

Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....


Fulton: Eric escapes again as Dragon is unable to hold him for the pin. Eric still with plenty of fight left in him. Dragon brings him to his feet, Dragon off the ropes, Flying scissors kick, Eric sidesteps him..Dragon loses his balance as he comes down, Eric with a Reverse DDT, Dragons down..Eric with a knee drop to the head, Eric quick as a cat up to the 2nd rope, no he's going to the top..Dragon gets to his knees, Top Rope Elbow Drop across the back of Dragons neck, Eric has the momentum here, Eric quickly going back up..Top Rope Leg Drop connects!! Cover...

Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....
2.....


Tucker: Dragon gets a foot under the bottom rope. Eric coming right back with a flurry of offense, Dragon seems to be favoring the knee a little, he might have hyper extended it when he missed that Flying scissors kick earlier. The champ definitely going on the attack from that point, Eric with a basement dropkick to the very same knee Dragon was favoring a few seconds ago. Eric taking a point of balance away from the dangerous challenger here.

Fulton: Dragon still getting to his feet, Eric quickly goes for a single leg take down, Dragon maintains his balance on his good leg, Eric unable to take him off..WOW!! Dragon connects big time with a Dragon Strike to the side of Herreras head..Eric went down like he had been shot!! Dragon may have the match won if he can get a cover..Dragon rolls across Eric, hooks the leg..

Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....
2.....
2.3
2.5

Fulton: No!! Eric manages to escape, Dragon thought he had the match won, but the champ digging down to find something left. Eric being brought to his feet here, he's VERY wobbly, that kick to the head might have done more damage than we thought. Dragon staying on the attack,
Multiple Kung Fu punches to the champs lower back, Eric drops to his knees, the challenger follows up with a very sharp kick to the chest, the sound of Dragons boot impacting with Erics chest echoes all over the arena, Eric is in real legitimate trouble here.

Tucker: Definitely the turning point here was when Dragon connected with that awesome kick to the side of the champs skull, Eric hasnt been quite right since that point. Dragon caught with an elbow to the face by Herrera, Eric still in this, sends Dragon to the ropes, Dragon spots the champ setting up for a backdrop, Dragon turns and does a back flip over the champs back, Eric quickly upright, Dragon hooks the arms..Dragon Buster takes Eric over...Dragon bridges up..

Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....
2.....
2.3
2.5
2.7

Fulton: Eric escapes again!!! The crowd thought it was over and so did I actually. Eric refusing to quit however, Dragon also refusing to let up here. Right back to the attack, Dragon lifting the champion up..hes got Eric up, he might be gooing for the Dragon's Revenge, Hererra kicking his feet and legs, Dragon losing his balance as Eric grabs the ropes, Eric reaching down and pulling the ropes, pulling himself AND Dragon over the ropes to the floor..Eric falling all the way down, but Dragon landing on the apron. Herrera taking a nasty fall out on the floor.

Tucker: Eric got the short end of the stick there for sure, Dragon having the presence of mind to grab the ropes as he went over, landing on the apron, a lot better than the concrete where the champ wound up. Eric slowly getting to his feet, Dragon off the apron hitting the champion with a Springboard suicidal moonsault dive I guess you would call it..nonetheless Eric caught the full effect of it. Dragons up again as quick as a cat, hes senses victory, quickly rolls Eric back inside, and follows. Dragon climbing all the way to the top rope..Erics not moving very much, Dragons on the top rope..Senton Bomb connects!! Dragon connected beautifully..hes not done though. Hes climbing the corner, hes turning to get an idea of where Eric is, the champ SOMEHOW trying to get to his feet..Dragon off the ropes with a Dragon Press..connects..HEY!!! Eric rolls through,


Referee Mike Rakes:
1.....
2.....
3 !!

Fulton: Dragon got his foot on the bottom rope..Eric quickly knocks it off!! Referee Rakes missed it!! Eric grabbing a golden opportunity here and takes advantage of it!!

Chester: Here is your winner and STILL SWAT Mid South National Heavyweight Champion...Eric Herrera!!!

[SWAT Team]

[On the eve of what may be the greatest battle of his life, we see the immense, the indomitable, the unconquerable American Freebear... Celebrating! He's tooting on a streamer, he's got his party hat on, confetti blasters are blastin' at full firepower!!! But why? Why is the American Freebear partying so hard, before his main event battle against Frostbite?]

Freebear: Because Frostbite said this is the last time we'd hear him talk tonight!

## CELEBRATE THE NIGHT, C'MON!!!! CELEBRATION! ##

[And thus the American Freebear has good reason to celebrate the night away, even if he hasn't wrestled yet. Indeed, never having to hear from Frostbite for the two more months remaining to this event (or so it appears) gives EVERYBODY a cause to celebrate. Except for one little detail.]

Freebear: Oh come on, don't be a party pooper! I mean, we're all glad enough never to hear from the evil nine-fingered former ski instructor and current blogging machine moonlighting as a professional wrestler! Because I swear, once I'm through with him tonight, we ain't ever gonna hear of the Cold Hearted Bastard ever again! There'll be nothing left of him to speak with!

[The deal is... It wasn't technically Frostbite who said that, it was his narrator...]

Freebear: What? Oh come on...

[And Frostbite's narrator said a lot of evil mean things about you too! Same refrain from Frostbite himself, but his narrator sure is talking smack about you!]

Freebear: Ah no way! Well you know something Frostbite's narrator; after I take care of Frostbite himself, give him the big ol' Bear Force One and make him reconsider his life priorities from blogging to actually making A MAN of himself, I'm coming after you, brother! The American Freebear is the only bear that flies, and he don't make no distinction or discrimination between pro-wrestler or narrator: it just means an extra-thick paste at the end when the boom drops and the big bad bear crushes you all in the end!!! It's gonna be Freebear vs Frostbite, then Freebear vs Frostbite's narrator, then Freebear leading his team of Mid-South nasties vs the combined forces of... Terry Masters? Do I got that right? Troy... Poodle? WHO MAKES UP THOSE NAMES???

[Break it down!]

Freebear: High five!

[The American Freebear high-fives *THIS* narrator, much cooler then that other narrator that does nothing more then speak for Frostbite!]

Freebear: Frostbite, if you want my belt so much, *you* bring it. Not anyone else, you do the deed by yourself, with your own words, with your own actions. Right now all I've heard from you was the ol' same ol'-same ol' that get's pretty tired, pretty quick. Damn right I'm celebrating never hearing from you again, and I bet plenty others out there are cheerin' too! But to make this sweet deal permanent, I got a put a little of myself into it too! And just a little bit of myself goes a long way when you consider that the Flyin' Ursine can utterly destroy you at a moments notice! You felt the pain before, but chose to ignore it while convicing yourself you'd win your rematch. Frostbite, you're hubris will leave you in debris as the Freebear does the thing he does best: and that's squashin' icicles into little puddles of water! BOOGIE DOWN!

[Fade out to.... Alacazar, Google tells me.]

[SWAT Team]

SWAT Mid South Heavyweight title match



The lights in the arena go dark for a few seconds as the crowd begins to get whipped up in a frenzy.

# BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From what we can see in the dark a blue streak of light zips through the arena. The lights suddenly come back on, but their is a blue light that surrounds the entire building.

# SWOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A cold wind is heard over the sound system, and the crowd in attendace and suddenly feels a cold breeze come over them as our cameras zoom into the crowd as it is soon discoverd that a few have goose bumps on their arms or legs as it feels as though it has possible dropped a few degrees inside the arena.

# BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue pryo shoots upward from all four corner post as our cameras focus on the top of the arena, it appears that if snow is fallen all around us. The crowd looks in a slight bit of confusing not knowing what to think. It can't be snowing inside, but it certainly appears to be the case.

# BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More blue pryo shoot outward and upward through the entrance and ramp way, as smoke quickly fills up. The snow that is falling appears to have picked up a little bit.

The first few words from "King of Kings" by Motorhead begins to blast over the sound system.
Frostbite steps through the smoke as a mix of cheers and boos are heared among this crowd. Frostbite looks into the crowd as he quickly flips them the double bird.

Frostbite makes his way down to the ring. Frostbite is wearing a blue t-shirt that says written in big white letters on the front $500,OOO RICHER!! He has on long blue tights with black boots. His short blonde hair glistening off the blue lights. Frostbite with a cold and intense stare in his blue eyes as he gets to ringside.

Frostbite looks up to the arena as he sticks his tongue out to let a snowflake drop on the tip of his tongue. He looks toward the ring with a wicked smile on his face as he climbs the steps and he jumps over the top ropes. Frostbite removes his t-shirt and throws it into the crowd, as he goes to a corner and adjust his boots and looks up with even more intense stare as he gets ready for action.

Chester: Fans, this event is set for 1 fall, and it is the final qualifying match to determine the final Mid South representative in tonights War Games main event. It is ALSO..for the SWAT Mid South Heavyweight title!!! Introducing first the challenger..he comes to us from Boulder, Colorado. He weighs in at 230 pounds. He is known the world over as 1 of the very best wrestlers to ever lace the boots. He is Cold Hearted Bastard Frostbite!!!

Tucker: Andrew, this is what these 2 men have traveled their respective paths to get to. Frostbite came into SWAT, recruited by SWAT officials, there was a rumor that he might NEVER sign with the company. Then he did and he went as far as to threaten legal action against the company. We know what the result of that was, and now here he stands..challenging for the SWAT Mid South Heavyweight title.

*LOUD* bear roar rings throughout the arena as the opening chords of Lynard Skynard's classic "Freebird" plays through the loudspeakers. A big tall man makes himself known to the crowd, crouching low near the entrance ramp with both fists touching the ground; before rising up to his full height shouting a thunderous bellow!

Chester: From Jacksonville, Florida! Standing in at 6' 2" and weighing THREE HUNDRED and TWENTY-EIGHT pounds.... He is known as the Flyin' Ursine, he is the one of a kind...he is the SWAT Mid South Heavyweight Champion.. AMERICAN FREEBEAR!

The American Freebear marches towards the ring, bringing up his huge hand as he walks or slapping a few fan's hands as he passes them by. STOMPS up the ring steps before removing his jeweled jacket and promises to the crowd that tonight... they shall see the Freebear fly!]

Physical description: American Freebear is a wild-eyed, heavy set individual with wide shoulders and huge massive arms for smashing. His arms are hairy, his chest is hairy, his eyebrows are bushy and his head looks like a goddamn follicle explosion; imagine Claudio Sanchez from Coheed and Cambria and you have an idea, add a mid-length beard running all along the jaw (no mustache) and you start having a picture of him. Thighs are huge and unweildy for kicks, but effective for all other purposes. Has purple flame tatoos running along both biceps.


Tucker: This is a whole lot of man to have to handle Fulton. I'm not so sure Frostbite can handle it. I think Freebears gonna melt the Cold Hearted Bastard here. Referee Mike Micheals holds the title belt high as the bell rings and away we go!!

Fulton: Both men carefully eye each other. Theres a ton on the line here. The Mid South title,PLUS the final spot for War Games later. Freebear strikes first!! Right hand to the side of Frostbites face, Frostbite fires back!! Both men trading punches, this didnt stay friendly long!!
Freebear with an elbow to the top of the head, staggers the challenger. Freebear sends Frosty to the far side, Frosty rebounds out..Freebear meets him with a Flying back elbow, Frostbite down hard. Freebear drops a HUGE leg drop!!

Tucker: Freebear using a few aerial moves, kinda surprising to see that this early on. Freebear not going for the pin, instead brings Frosty to his feet, scoop slam that shakes the ring. Freebear pulls him to the corner, Freebear climbs to the 2nd turnbuckle, drops an elbow, but Frostbite rolls away!! The champion hitting the mat, favoring the elbow as Frostbite gathers his wits and catches the champ as he gets up, neckbreaker with authority. The champ slower to get up this time as Frosty drives the boot to the small of the back. The champion now in a defensive mode, Frosty dropping an elbow of his own across the lower back. Freebear tries to roll away but the challenger catches him on the side of the head. Frostbite covers his man....

Referee Mike Micheals:
1.....

Fulton: Freebear quickly out at the count of 1. Freebear drives a headbutt to the stomach of Frostbite, doubles the challenger over. Freebear connects with a solid right to the side of the head, staggers the challenger. Freebear lands one of those huge Bear Claw Swipes, knocking Frostbite back into the corner, the champion charges in, leaps..Frostbite sidesteps and avoids a diving headbutt, Freebear strikes the corner and stumbles back..Frostbite grabs him from behind and drops him with a reverse DDT!! Frostbite with an opening here, rolls the champion to his stomach, he might be going for the High Pressure System, which is actually his version of the camel clutch, but Freebear wisely turns to his side. Thus preventing the hold from being applied. Frostbite instead comes crashing down with a leg drop to the ribs, taking the wind out of the champion here.

Tucker: Frostbite lifting the champion to his feet, Irish whip to the ropes, Freebear comes off, ducks a back heel kick and connects with a vicious clothesline that cuts Frostbite a flip!! WOW!!1
Freebear nearly tore his head right off with that clothesline, Frostbite down and in a world of trouble as Freebear really laying the boots in here. The champion lifts Frostbite to is feet, quickly goes behind and waist locks him, Belly-to-back suplex launches the challenger across the ring!! Frostbite flies across the ring and lands on the back of his head, hes VERY slow to get up as Freebear quickly follows up. He lifts a stunned Frostbite up onto the top turnbuckle, sits him on top as he climbs to the 2nd rope, wait..no..hes climbing UP to the TOP rope here. Whats he going to try...Frostbite very woozy after landing on the back of his head, Freebears calling for something here..Grizzly Hammer!!

Fulton: I dont BELIEVE it!! Freebear risking injury to himself, but he executed the Grizzly Hammer to perfection!! Frostbite is done for, Freebear catching his breath, that was a 300 pound PLUS man that just did a Frankensteiner off the top rope..WOW!! The crowd here is standing, theyre going wild as both men try to collect themselves!!! If Freebear can get a cover, he just may have this thing in the bag, the champion VERY slow to recover, as he tries to catch his breath after a DEVASTATING Grizzly Hammer!! Freebear slowly up to his knees, crawls over and covers Frostbite..

Referee Mike Micheals:
1.....
2.....
2.3
2.5

Tucker: Kick out!! The challenger isnt dead yet!! Freebear reacts right along with the crowd, even I thought it was over with. Frostbite digging down after being nearly devastated by Freebears Grizzly Hammer!! Freebear not slowing down here, he knows he has to do whatever he can to put the Cold Hearted Bastard down, Freebear waits as Frostbite pulls himself up by the ropes, Freebear charges, Frostbite lifts him..Storm Warning !! Frostbite somehow manages to use the champions momentum against him and drop him throat first across the top rope!! Frostbite usually tries to follow up with a bulldog or something similar, but not on this occasion. Freebear down as he tries to shake the cobwebs away after that Storm Warning from Frostbite. The challenger slowly getting to his feet here, Frostbite quickly from behind as Freebear gets up..Blizzard like Conditions, dropping him straight backwards spine first across the knees!! Freebear favoring the back as Frostbite covers..

Referee Mike Micheals:
1.....
2.....


Fulton:Freebear REFUSES to stay down here!! Hes gonna take everything Frostbite has and maybe more before he's letting him walk away with that Mid South title!! Freebear grabbing Frostbite by the hair, drives his head and face into the mat, Freebear wrapping that massive arm around the face, no doubt trying to cut off the oxygen as he applies the worlds biggest headlock here. Freebear squeezing as hard as he can, Frostbites face is nearly completely covered here. Frostbite trying to force the arm away, but the champion has a decided advantage, both strength wise and leverage wise. Freebear leaning forward, forcing Frostbite to support an extra 300 plus pounds, as the challenger drops to the mat.

Tucker: Frostbite may be fading away here, the champion smothering him with all that weight, the ref raises Frostbites arm..it drops..thats one!! He lifts it again..thats two!! One more and this is..Frostbite manages to land a pair of wild punches, hes literally punching in the blind so to speak, hes throwing those fists above and behind his head, but theyre landing across the face of Freebear. Freebear catching a couple of shots to the eye, he loosens his grip as he tries to shake off the effects of those stinging punches, Frostbite almost in a desperate attempt, grabs for the bottom rope, forcing a break.

Fulton: Frostbite showing great ring presence there, he was able to force the champion to let up for just a minute and he used the opportunity to grab the bottom rope. Freebear not breaking completely clean however, as he stands and then drops straight down across the challengers back. Frostbite taking some punishment to the back and lower spine, Freebear has done his homework here as he is well aware that Frostbite likes to take the battle to the top rope, and for him to execute some of those tactics against a man the size of Freebear, thats gonna require a strong back. Freebear off the ropes, Tumbling Bear..almost crushing the challenger, again he comes off the near ropes this time. Frostbite being steamrolled by the larger champion. Frostbite quickly rolls to the side to avoid a 3rd attack, but the champion able to quickly get to his feet and lift the challenger to his feet, whips him to the ropes..Samoan drop as Frostbite comes off. Freebear really in complete control here. The champion proving to be a bit much for the challenger to overcome, Freebear gets to his feet, waits for Frostbite to get to a vertical base, Freebear around behind him...charges in..Frostbite..nope, too much weight. Frostbite appeared to be going for The Ice Pick, but he was unable to hold the bigger man up.

Tucker: Frostbite rolls to the outside, trying perhaps to put some distance between he and his adversary. Freebear having none of it, runs across the ring, Bear Raid Crash...Frostbite quickly yanks the apron out, trapping Freebear..Freebear hung up inside the apron, Frostbite throwing those rights and lefts, hes got the champion in a predicament here. Freebear trapped inside the apron..Frostbite has a steel chair...WOW!! Frostbite just HAMMERED the champion!!! Again!! Frostbite has Freebear trapped and is really working him over!! Shots to the head and over the shoulders!! The ref isnt calling the bell, obviously this is under SWAT Mid South rules, where there are no DQ's or countouts, Frostbite has definitely evened things up here as Freebear slumps to the floor, still halfway inside the apron, as Frostbite gets a much needed second wind. He pulls Freebear from the apron, positions him, lifts him for a piledriver on the floor!! Frostbite plants the champion!!

Fulton: Frostbite dropping the big man on the floor out here, Freebear had things well in hand before that miscue followed by those heinous chair shots!! Frostbite quickly rolling Freebear back inside and pulls him to the middle of the ring. Frostbite clamps on the Cold As Ice sleeper, Freebears in the center of the ring here. Frostbites got it locked on..Freebears trying to get to the ropes, but he cant reach em!! The fans are standing here..Freebears arm drops once..twice...
Thats a third..WAIT..Frostbite released it!! Jerry..Frostbite thinks hes won..the refs not calling for the bell..I dont think the champs arm hit the mat for the 3rd time!! Referee Micheals is telling Frostbite hes NOT the winner..Frostbite looks like hes seen a ghost here!!

Tucker: Frostbite released the hold too soon..I dont believe it!! Freebears shaking his head, getting the blood going..Frostbites looking at the ref like he doesnt believe..WHOA!! Freebear from behind with a crushing splash!! Frostbite sandwiched between the corner and the champion..Freebears not wasting a moment!! Hes climbing the corner..the bears about to fly here...this might...Wait Andrew..Look..Frostbite is back up..hes got Freebear hung up on the turnbuckle...WOW!! Mile High!! Both men crash to the mat..Referee Micheals counts..

Referee Mike Micheals:
1.....
2.....
3 !!!!

Fulton: Frostbite got a shoulder up!! Frostbite was able to get up just in time to stop Freebear from executing his Bear Force One moonsault, he quickly got between the legs and used the champions own weight against him!! The ref has the belt...Frostbites the new champion!!!

Chester: Here is your winner, advancing to the War Games main event...and...NEW SWAT Mid South Heavyweight champion..The Cold Hearted Bastard...FROSTBITE!!!

Tucker: I will be damned!! Frostbite did it!! He and Freebear beat the hell out of each other and just when it looked like he had made a fatal mistake, he turned the advantage back around and stole the pin!! Freebear eyeing the new champion, whose made his way to the floor, Freebear obviously dejected over the loss, but slowly nodding at the champion in a show of respect here.
You can believe Freebear WILL be back to claim his rematch. This ISNT over!!
And now..not only do we have a new Mid South champion, we now have the sides for the War Games Main Event.

WAR GAMES MAIN EVENT
SWAT North East
Terry Masters
Jay Williams
The House of Pain
Troy Poole

VS

SWAT Mid South
Jason Birmingham
Brock Sisson
The Alley Cats 1&2
Frostbite

[SWAT Team]

[ Just as Frostbite is handed the SWAT Mid-South title by the ref. He quickly drops to the floor as he looks right into the eyes of Freebear who is in disbelief that he has just lost the Mid-South title. Frostbite points to Freebear as he holds up the title and then points right back to him.]

Frostbite: I told you your reign was coming to an end. You celebrated way too earlier there Freebear. I told you from day one that I was going to win this thing and I did. There is no ref you screwed this one up. I am the new king around here. Why don't you go and hibernate for the winter there Freebear.

[ Frostbite walks back up the ramp, as he gets a mixture of cheers and boos from the great fans here in Texas. Frostbite stopping about midway and putting the title around his waist.]

Frostbite: No time for the new champ to rest. I step into war games and show the North East that the Mid-South is certainly the best in SWAT.

[ He looks back into the ring as Freebear still in shock.]

Frostbite: Well, the big bad bear is lost without the title. Freebear, you know understand what I have been telling the wrestling world since the ball dropped and the new year approached and that was this was going to be the year of the Cold Hearted Bastard. And it has certainly been to this point, but I am not done. There is more work to be done.

[ Frostbite gets to the top of the entrance.]

Frostbite: Tonight hell has just frozen over. Allow us to rush in the new era here in SWAT, and my friends it is a mighty cold one.

[ Frostbite disappears behind the curtain as he quickly tries to prepare for war games.]

[SWAT Team]

We return to the packed out Kyle Field Stadium, the camera zooms around taking in the rabid fans hooting and hollering as random signs are thrust up towards the camera's.

The view switches to the announcers table and SWAT's number one team, Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton

Tucker: Welcome back Folks, up next we have a grudge match of heavyweight proportions, as the Chairman of the board Paul Soutter takes on The Hawaiian horror Kota. This ones been building towards this for a while Andy, even before Kota's attack during Suits encounter with Frostbite. Suit feels, quite rightly, that he helped push the House of Pain to the next level. His reward was betrayal!!

Fulton: Oh wah, wah, poor Soutter. That's a big cup of crap Tucker, The House of Pain didn't need Soutter, why would they then kick him to the kerb if he was that important to them. It's the ego of Soutter that's the problem here Jerry, he can't face being out of the spotlight.

Tucker: Well we all have our opinons Andy, some of us just base them on the facts at hand, not what Reginald P Packer might have to say. Lets get to Chester Rakes with the introductions.....

The camera turns ringside, Chester Rakes, mic in hand, stands in the centre of the ring

Chester: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is

The mighty PA system of Kyle Field bursts into life, making Rakes jump in shock.

"Big night out" by The Fun Lovin Criminals echoes around the Stadium

Tucker: What the hell is going on now?

Fulton: For once Jerry, you got me, this isn't anyone's music!

The lights around the entrance dim, as a figure strides out, the light getting brighter and brighter as it reveals to the Stadium the presence of........

Tucker: It's Fondell!! Sly Fondell has returned to SWAT!!

Fulton: I don't believe it, The Ace is here!! I had a good feeling about tonight Tucker, but never anything like this!!

Fondell, dressed in a deep charcoal custom Sartoria Domenico Caraceni suit with brilliant pearl white shirt and gold silk tie, slowly makes his way ringside, The SWAT World Heavyweight title slung over one enormous shoulder. The all to familiar arrogant smirk breaks out on that so so handsome face, as the crowd start a chorus of jeering as they realise who has just interrupted the introductions.

Fulton: This is great, this is better than great, Fondell is back Jerry!!

Tucker: Lets hope it's a fleeting visit, he hasn't shown his face here for over two years, some Champion! SWAT has got on just fine without him and can continue to do so, if you want my opinion!!

Sly climbs up the steps and gracefully enters the ring, he straightens his tie and smoothes down his beautiful long blond hair, grabs the microphone from Chester and orders him from the ring. The fan's abuse rises in volume

Fulton: Jesus, look at the size of Sly, he bigger than ever!!!

Tucker: Don't start with the gushing Fulton, my stomach can't take it.

Sly: The model of male perfection has returned..........................Live and in the flesh baby!!!!!!!

Fulton: Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The crowd answer with a deafening chorus of booing.

Fondell gives the packed Stadium another trademark arrogant smirk

Sly: Your Worlds Heavyweight Champion stands before you, once again you can all witness what true greatness looks like. This here is the definition of the word Champion!

Fondell gestures to himself running his hands down his impeccably cut suit as the fan's abuse washes over him.

Sly: So it's only right that a real Champion graces The Rick Owen Cup, after all the old bastard deserves to have at least one legend grace this cluster fuck of a tribute. It's just a shame I forgot to bring my present for Rick, but I hear that he can't get his ass out of the retirement home he's locked away in to collect it anyway. I'm sure he will appreciate the thought though, after all, what octogenerian washed up has-been wouldn't want or even dream, about a gold zimmer frame?

The crowd again hurl abuse (and a few other things) ringside to Fondell, who stands there smiling.

Tucker: Some things never change, he's still an arrogant son of a bitch!

Fulton: Jerry!!!

Sly: But enough about that fossilised sack of shit, your Champion has something important to say, so be quiet, listen and try to allow what I say to sink into those country fuck brains. Put those thoughts of banging your Brother, Sister, Mama or Papa on hold, just for a while!

Tucker: This man is a disgrace to SWAT!

Fulton: Sly speaks the truth Tucker, sometimes the truth hurts!

Fondell grins at the crowd once again as the volume of vocal abuse rises to almost deafening level. He takes the 20 Lbs of SWAT World Heavyweight gold off his shoulder and holds up the title for all to see

Sly: Take a long hard fuckin look, this is the last time you will ever see this Belt again. Just like me, the SWAT Worlds Heavyweight Championship is retired!!!!

Fulton: What!!!!

Sly: You fucks don't deserve a Champion like me, this shit hole of a company doesn't deserve a Champion like me and those fuckin humps in the back can't handle a Champion like me. SWAT has nothing left to challenge me, I've got all I want right here.

Fondell pats the Heavyweight Championship belt.

Sly: This belt is mine. It belongs to me and from today SWAT will never have a World Heavyweight Champion again!!

Fulton: No!!!!

Tucker: He can't do that, he doesn't have the right!

Sly lifts up the mic again....................................

"Fame" by David Bowie days stops Fondell in his tracks as it blasts around the Stadium, the fans in unison starts cheering as The Big Bad Bustling Bandit himself strides angrily towards the ring, an intense look carved into the big man's face.

Tucker: Thank god for The Suit, now here's the man how decides the future of the World Championship

Fulton: This is terrible, Sly has retired!!!

Soutter steps into the ring and advances on Fondell, who greets him with a smile, offering him his hand.

Suit slowly shakes his head and grabs the mic from Sly's hand, the crowd pop, loud and hard!!

Soutter: Now listen up turkey, I don't know where you've been for the last two years, but last time I looked, Sly Fondell didn't make the decisions around here!

Big crowd pop!!!!!!!

Soutter: For two years

The Suit holds up two meaty fingers in Sly's face, who pushes the hand away with a look of disgust.

Soutter: For two years, you ignore the letters, the e-mails, the faxes, all asking that you return and defend that title, to be the Champion that such a belt demands!! But no, instead you live that Millionaire lifestyle you never seem to shut up about, what's wrong Sly, scared some one's going to take that shiny little belt off ya?

Fondell grabs the mic back, Suit holds on, both men stare, eye to eye, the crowd stand in anticipation.

Tucker: Looks like that hit a nerve with "The Champ", eh Andy?

Fulton:............................. Sly's retired!!!!

Suit lets go of the mic and takes a step back, he gestures for Sly to speak

Sly: I'll speak when I wanna you fat piece of shit! You think I'm scared of any of those fanooks in the back? You know all too well just what I can do in this ring Paulie, there is no man walking who can match my power, counter my thinking or take my suplexes, after all you couldn't, could you Tubs?

Suit takes an angry step forward, Sly holds up his hand and backs away

Sly: Now just wait on there Paulie, you got a match coming up. It's not fair that I kick your fat ass now, that's gonna take away Kota's fun.

Suit snatches the mic back again

Soutter: Okay Sly, be a wise ass I don't have the time, you wanna leave, you want to retire and live your life in the sleaze, that's fine with me, but that belt, it stays here. You got no right to hold onto what isn't yours Fondell, now give me that title or I'll break that pretty jaw, you prima-donna puck!

Fondell's handsome face breaks into a huge shit eatin grin as he grabs back the mic, this time The Suit allows him to take it without incident

Sly: I guess the bean counters neglected to mention to you that I bought this title, I own it baby!! When you last closed the doors of SWAT there was quite a few outstanding debts to pay off, including the huge buffet bills you had put on the company's expenses for years!!

A look of disbelief slowly followed by shock cover Suits expression as he stares hard at Fondell

Tucker: What a crock, don't fall for that Suit!

Sly: $150,000.00, that was for the belt and the rights and all legal ownership of not just the belt but everything attributed to it. You cannot legally have another World Champion in this company ever again Fat Boy, unless you want to pay me for the privilege, so not to waste your time, I'll give you my answer now.

Sly takes a step forward, again Fondell and Suit stand almost nose to nose

Sly: There will never be another World Heavyweight Champion in SWAT ever again...................................... and you can take that to the bank, fucko!!

Suit grabs hold of Fondell's suit lapels, then quickly lets go, Sly backs up, one hand held up in peace, the other holds on to his Worlds title.

Suit stares at Fondell, barely containing the overflow of anger, with a final disgusted look he turns his back on Fondell.

Sly steps forward and brings up the Heavy belt to dry gulch Suit.

As the crowd cry out a warning Suit turns, fists raised, Sly backpedals and trips over, he rolls out of the ring and lands in an undignified heap. Rising quickly Fondell backs off, trying to regain a little dignity, smoothing down his suit and straightening his tie, all, the while the crowd mock and jeer Sly as Suit burns a hole into him with an unblinking stare of hatred. Fondell backs off, holding up the Worlds title one last time.

Tucker: This can't be right, Fondell is lying, this is a bluff, isn't it?

Fulton:...................... Sly's retired!!!

Cuts to commercial as Suit stands centre ring staring at the entrance.

*****

The thirty second commercial for "SWAT's Greatest Tag team Matches DVD" ends and we cut back to Kyle Field.

Paul Soutter remains in the centre of the ring, staring back at the Stadium entrance to the ring, the entrance that Fondell ran through not one minute past.

Jeremy Tucker: Andy, I've known Paul Soutter a long, long time and I've never seen him so PO'D!!!

Andrew Fulton: Soutter's pissed, what about me? Fondell has announced his retirement!! This sucks!

Jeremy Tucker: Well one things for sure, The Suit is angry and lucky for Fondell, he has a match coming up, I wouldn't want to be in Kota's shoes now, not at all!!

Andrew Fulton: Lucky for The Fat man you mean, as for The Hawaiian Horror, well Tucker, that monster doesn't back down from anything, especially an egotistical power hungry maniac like Soutter!!

Jeremy Tucker: Fulton you....

God of Thunder by Kiss hits as a beautiful tranquil Island scene is seen on the screen. The lights go dim as suddenly the picture cuts to a destructive Volcano spewing hot lava down a mountain side. Images of Red hot scorching Lave plowing through small helpless island villages plays out. The images then cut to Kota in various stages of Battle. Kota is seen standing in the ring holding the SWAT Statewide title high in the air. He is then seen holding the Hardkore World 6 Man tag title over his head. Various images of Kota and Legacy double teaming opponents then plays as Kota makes his way down the aisle. Behind him walk Legacy, Brandi and a smiling Reginald P Packer.

Andrew Fulton: Well, well ,well. Looks like Suit is out manned and outgunned!!

Suit moves to the ropes and waves in The entire House of Pain

Kota hurls off his crown of thorns and climbs up the steps, Legacy, Brandi and Packer start to circle the ring.

Jeremy Tucker: The house of pain are like a pack of wolves, you can never expect a fair fight with this rabid pack!!! We only have to look at what this bunch of thugs did to Brian Sasso & Jake Christiansen earlier tonight!!

Andrew Fulton: Tucker, that's an assumption, nothing more. Show me the evidence or keep it shut!!!

Fame by David Bowie starts up, Kota halts on the steps as the other members of HOP turn to investigate

The entrance curtains part as The KGB bandit Mobile roars into view, two of the KGB 'hoe's' step out as James Fierce jumps onto the bonnet of the bandit mobile, he points a wooden ax handle at the members of HOP as the crowd pop wildly!!

Jeremy Tucker: It's Fierce, Suits running buddy is here to back him up. Look at Packers face, he's livid!!!

Andrew Fulton: Look, it was Fierce, he has the Ax Handle, not Legacy! I think the guilty party has just arrived!

Jeremy Tucker: Sigh.................

Packer shouts at Legacy who advances towards Fierce, The hillbilly assassin runs towards Legacy, Ax handle raised high. Legacy backs off towards Packer, whispering in his ear. Fierce moves around, he smiles at Suit who grins back, then gestures for Kota to come and get it on!!

Kota steps into the ring, referee Monty McFee slides in, shrugs his shoulders and calls for the bell!!

Andrew Fulton: Now it's on!!

Soutter and Kota crash into each other, Suit with a left right combo, Kota with a European uppercut followed by a headbutt that rocks the big Aussie

Fierce steps around the ring, pointing the ax handle at Packer warning him and his goons to stay where they are!!

Kota drops Suit with a huge clothesline, Kota measures Suit with an elbow but he rolls away, Suit cracks Kota across the head with the heel of his boot.

Both men rise, Suit ducks under a huge right hand, he unloads a series of devastating elbow shots that send Kota dizzy

Suit pumps up the crowd as he winds up a huge right hand that sends Kota straight to the mat.

Jeremy Tucker: How often is Kota outweighed in match Andy? I think this might be a first

Andrew Fulton: Yeah Soutter's fat alright.

Suit drags up Kota, an Irish whip sends him off the ropes and face first into an Aussie big boot. Kota spins around dazed.

Suit steps in and picks up the near 400 pounder and drills him into the canvas with a strong body slam.

Jeremy Tucker: What power shown by the Suit!!

Legacy jumps up on the apron, Fierce moves around swinging the Ax handle, Legacy steps down, holds up his hands and backs off towards Packer and Brandi, who are both shouting words of encouragement to the fallen Kota.

Suit drags up Kota, Kota with an elbow strike, Suit counters with one of his own, Suit blocks a right hand and drives a boot into Kota's huge gut.

The crowd pop loudly as Soutter takes over Kota with a vertical suplex, the ring mat shudders wildly

Jeremy Tucker: Let me tell you folks, that ring isn't no Trampoline, that's wood and steel out there!!

Suit powers up Kota, smiles at Fierce, winks then drops Kota with a DDT!!

Suit lands an elbow and covers for the pin

1

2

Kota powers out.

Soutter brings up Kota, who jabs a sausage like thumb into his eye

Andrew Fulton: Ah, the old equaliser!!

Kota drops Suit with a huge headbutt, then a falling headbutt, he starts to choke the Suit wildly.

Referee McFee tries to pull off the Huge Hawaiian, to no avail

Andrew Fulton: Look at that Tucker, a referee isn't there to put his hands on a wrestler!!

Referee McFee orders Kota to release the choke, Kota shakes his head wildly, the HOP cheers on Kota as Fierce starts the crowd on a "Let's go Soutter" chant.

Referee McFee starts a DQ count

1

2

3

4

Kota releases the choke, he then bites Soutter on the forehead!!

Jeremy Tucker: Kota's like a wild dog!!

Andrew Fulton: Ha, I thought Soutter was The Mad Dog!

The Suit is dragged up by his throat, Kota chops him across the neck, once, twice, thrice!! A neckbreaker takes Suit back to the mat.

Kota pulls up Suit in a front choke, then side steps into a Russian leg sweep.

The HOP cheer on Kota as he drops a leg across Suits throat.

Kota rolls in a pin.

1

2

Suit kicks out to a big crowd pop. Fierce waves the Ax handle wildly pumping up the already hot, packed out Stadium!

Kota demands a faster count from the ref as Packer jumps up, remonstrating that the count was slow!

Fierce jumps up, points the Ax handle at Packer and smiles menacingly, Packer jumps down, an angry look across his face.

Kota lays into Suit with heavy stomps, he drags him up by his hair, a vicious Irish whip hammers Suit into the turn buckled corner, Kota crashes in with a stinger splash.

Andrew Fulton: Air Kota!!!!

Suit staggers out into a powerslam, Kota covers.....

1

2

Suit rolls out!!

Jeremy Tucker: Don't count out 'The Chairman of the Board' just yet!!!

Kota bangs the mat in frustration, once again he starts the choke on Soutter!

Referee McFee tries to no avail to pull off the crazed Hawaiian, he shouts the DQ count at him.

1

2

3

4

Kota releases and drags up Suit pushing away the ref!

Andrew Fulton: Careful Kota, this referee is a Soutter pawn!!

Jeremy Tucker: No Andy, he just wants a clean, fair match up!

Kota tries an Irish whip, Suit counters sending Kota off the ropes, a big boot stuns Kota, Suit with a one, two combo, Kota sways drunkenly as the crowd once again pop crazy!!

Paul Soutter knocks down Kota with a short arm clothesline, Kota staggers back up, gets rocked with another combo, Suit runs off the ropes.

Legacy grabs Suits leg, he falls hard, face first, Kota drops a huge 390Lb legdrop across the back of the neck and head.

Jeremy Tucker: Legacy shows his class right there Andy, I think not!!!

Fierce starts to move around quickly, his Ax handle waving menacingly, the HOP move away, Packer smiling smugly over Legacy's shoulder.

Kota drags up Suit, he hits a stiff reverse underhook DDT!! Kota covers

Jeremy Tucker: Not like this....

1

2

2.7993 Suit slides out, the crowd lose it!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Now that's heart Fulton, that's the spirit that SWAT was built on!!

Andrew Fulton: That spirit is about to get squashed!!

Kota measures Suit, he drops an elbow across the upper chest and neck, then another, then another.

Suit gets dragged upright, Kota hammers a chop across the side of the neck followed by a series of Elbow smashes to the top of the head, Soutter sags into the turnbuckle.

Kota backs off, he charges in, Suit stops him with a big boot to the face, Kota stumbles back, then charges in again. A second boot spins the 390 pounder around. Summoning up what energy he has left, Suit flies from the corner, a huge shoulder tackle connects heavily with Kota as his dizzy spin brings him around.

The impact sends Kota hard to the canvas, the ring shudders in response, the crowd rise as one, a huge "lets go Soutter chant" starts once again.

Kota staggers to his feet, only to be dropped by a flying clothesline that almost beheads him!!

Jeremy Tucker: This great crowd are pumping up The Suit!!!

Andrew Fulton: What do you expect Tucker, these are Texans, therefore stupid!

Suit starts to drag himself up using the ropes. Packer and legacy start to cicle the ring, moving in opposite directions. Fierce moves to intercept Legacy, a wild swing with the ax handle almost takes off Legacy's head as backs way. Brandi jumps onto the apron distracting the referee.

Jeremy Tucker: Look at that sneaky SOB Packer!!

Packer grabs Suits hair and brings his throat down across the top rope, hotshotting him to the canvas, grabbing his already worked upon neck and throat!

Andrew Fulton: Now thats' smart, you divide, then conquer!!

Packer runs away from an advancing Fierce, then bangs the mat shouting at Kota.

Kota groggily gets to his feet, he drives a heavy kick into Suits ribs, followed by another. A fist full of hair brings up Suit, Kota headbutts him across the side of the neck, then drills him with a side walk slam.

Kota drags Suit into position, climbs to the 2nd turnbuckle, he drops his full 390 Lb mass down ala Big Van Vader!!

Andrew Fulton: Kota bomb, that's all she wrote for the fat man!!

Kota covers as the crowd scream for Suit to kick out

1

2

3 -NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Fierce sneakliy slides Suits boot onto the rope, the crowd go mental!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Fulton: That cheating hick!!!

Jeremy Tucker: What's good for the goose Fulton!!

Fierce beckons Legacy to come and get some, Packer holds him back as Kota screams at the ref!!

Kota brings up Suit, the crowd sends out a deafening chorus of suppport for Soutter, Kota swings a right hand, Suit blocks, huge crowd pop.

Kota swings again, Suit blocks, another huge crowd pop!!

This time Suit with a quick one-two jab combo, a kick to the huge gut of Koat doubles him over, Suit grabs Kota's head, knee lifts to the head, and groin and mid section send Kota crashing to the mat.

Suit stomps away at Kota then drags him upright.

Jeremy Tucker: It always amazes me how much damage Paul Soutter can take, he just keeps on going no matter what!

Andrew Fulton: He's just a cheat, without Fierce this match would be over!!

Soutter hammers Kota in the ribs, then a front face lock with clubbing blows to the back and knee's to the stomach, Suit then drills him hard with the Down Under Drop, the crowd explode!!

The effort leaves Suit down as well as a prone Kota.

Both the HOP and Fierce shout out encouragement as the crowd scream thier support for The Suit!

Suit crawls over to Kota and covers.............

1

2

3 -NOT QUITE!!!!!!

Suit shakes his head as he looks at Kota, with huge effort he drags him to his feet, he runs off the ropes

Jeremy Tucker: SOUTTER SPEAR!!!!!!!!!!

Packer jumps up to the ring as legacy runs around, Packer goes to step in, the ref moves to intercept. The crowd cheer as Fierce drags Packer out by his leg and drops him with a huge right hand!!!

Legacy steps into the ring, Suit meets him with a kick to the balls, then hurls him from the ring. Fierce moves around to grab Legacy, Brandi leaps on his back, going for the eyes. Referee McFee steps through the rops to order them to stop, Brandi's flying boot hits him across the head!!

Andrew Fulton: Ha!! Talk about justice!

Suit flattens Kota again with a clothesline.

Brandi gets hurled off Fierce's back, Fierce moves forward to legacy, who ducks from an ax handle swing, Legacy witha left right combo, the ax handle goes flying, Fierce responds as both men start to slug it out.

Suit moves to referee McFee, trying to bring him back to his senses, he rolls him back into the ring

The crowds cheering changes, going from a support to a shock to a warning.

Fierce and Legacy slug it out, Packer lies out for the count, Brandi holds her back in pain, Kota lies flat on his back.

Suit shakes the ref gentley, coaxing him back to reality, the crowd screams a warning at Soutter

Andrew Fulton: It's Fondell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sly Fondell quickly rolls under the bottom rope after leaping over the guard rails, SWAT Heavyweight championship in his hand!!

Jeremy Tucker: He came from the crowd, look out Paul!!!!

Soutter turns in response to the warning from the crowd, Sly greets him with a devastating crack to the skull with the SWAT World title.

Suit crashes into the canvas, Fondell drags Kota over and places his arm across a corpse like Soutter.

Jeremy Tucker: That dirty bastard!!!

Andrew Fulton: I knew it!!!!!

Sly holds up the World title to the baying crowd, Fierce and legacy still battle on, Legacy dragging Fierce down as he tries to get to help his fallen KGB comrade.

Sly rolls out of the rings and heads up to the entrance, all the while that arrogant smirk fills that oh-so handsome face as he holds up the World Championship mockingly to the crowd, before he disapeers backstage.

Referee McFee stirs and drags himself up using the ropes, he see Kota pinning Soutter, Legacy again drags down Fierce.

The referee moves for the count, slowly, oh so slowly. The crowd scream encouragement at Soutter!!

Andrew Fulton: It's all over baby!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Kick out Paul!!!!

1

2

3

Chester Rakes: The winner of the match, representing The House of Pain.....Kota!!!!!

The booing almost seems to send a ripple of sonic energy across the arena as the crowd vent thier disgust

Kota drunkenly gets to his feet, then falls again, Packer rolls into the ring holding hs Jaw, he helps out Kota, holding up his arm in Triumph but also confusion.

Fierce drops Legacy and rolls into the ring, a pool of blood surrounds the huge head of Paul Soutter, Fierce drops down beside him and calls for medical help!!

Packer and Kota stagger towards Brandi helping up Legacy, they all look to the ring and smile as they head to the back the fans chorus of booing washing over them.

Jeremy Tucker: We need some help ot here people, come on!! This is BS Andy, a full god damn truck full!!!

Andrew Fulton: You don't mess with Sly Tucker, everyone should remember that, especially Paul Soutter!!! This is great!!

Jeremy Tucker: You know Fulton, you are an ass!

The HOP pause at the entrance as a medical team and stretcher heasd toward the ring, Packer laughs as they move out of sight.

Jeremy Tucker: This has been a total disgrace fans, it sickens me, but you can bet your bottom dollar that Sly Fondell hasn't heard the last of this, that I can promise you!!

Andrew Fulton: Your scary when your mad Tucker.......Not!!!

The medics hit the ring and start to work on Suit as Fierce looks on concerned.

Jeremy Tucker: We'll keep you updated on The Suits condition folks, we gotta take a short break but we will be right back!

[SWAT Team]

Moments after Kotas win over Soutter, the locker room goes from a calm quiet setting to total chaos. The H.o.P. suddenly bursts through the doors, a mixture of happiness and anger fills the room.

Packer: Whoo!! Ya did it big man!! Ya took down Soutter like I KNEW you would!! Heh, cant say what or why Sly showed up, but a wins a win right??

Legacy is less than happy regarding the incident with Fierce

Legacy: Im gonna tell ya 1 thing right now..Fierce wants to stick that hillbilly nose of his in our business..he aint gotta look any further than me if he wants it knocked off!! After War Games is done and we DESTROY those hacks..Im going STRAIGHT to the NE jerks and get me a match with that....

Kota: Patience my friend. As history as shown, Mr Fierce and the H.o.P. are not strangers. Last time he and I faced, much hurt was administered. In time, as the days and weeks grow into months and years, our chance will again present itself. Then and only then shall we extract our revenge. The task at hand now is to decimate those from MS, those who stand in our way.

Packer: Youre damn right!! Im gonna go find Poole and the others. Its time we ALL got on the same page. Brandi..after we murder those assholes, youre gonna bring the Womens title home..right?

Brandi: Duhh...I got poor old, over the hill Lynn. I got the easiest fuck in Kaycee and then little miss stormy rain..or whatever she calls herself. Im gonna line those 3 up on their knees in front of me, and one by one..Im gonna hoist em up and jam their necks under their fucking spine with the Date {No Means No}..then..when they hand me MY Womens title, Im gonna FINISH whats left of em..after tonight..the Womens division will consist of 3 people. Me, Myself and I..HAHAHAHA!!!

[SWAT Team]

[The screen is black, but the sounds of a whirling wind can be heard. Suddenly the sound of the opening whistle of the classic western background track begins to play. A sthe music quietens down, a voice is heard.]

VOICE: I've been called lots of names in mah life.



Man: I've been called a redneck. I've been called a hick. But I will guaran-damn-tee you that you will soon call me somethin' a bit more important...

Ya'll will be callin' me the champ.

[The middle-aged man conitnues after a short pause for his words to sink in.]

Man: My name is Jake Evans. I'm not flashy and I don't care to be. I don't need no high flyin' to knock you on yer ass. I don't mix words and I tell ya exactly how I feel. Right now? I ain't exactly impressed.

[Jake leans over and spits a massive amount of tobacco juice out of his mouth.]

Evans: I come from North Carolina...Red Mountain, born and raised. I've been a wrassler in some fashion all my life. It is who I am. I've held titles and been around the world and now I'm coming to Texes State.

[Jake nods slowly to let that sink in as well.]

Evans: I've been watchin' all the talent SWAT has these days and I must say I'm still lookin' for the "real deal" 'round here. Where I come from, you walk to the ring actin' like some circus bear or a ski-geek and you get your ass kicked from here to the mountains! I keep hearing that you don't mess with Texas, but I'm goin' to lay a old-fashioned Carolina shit-kicking on anybody that tries ot get in mah way for that Texas State Title.

And the rest of you rope suckers out there that think you can beat this southern boy?

Get in line and find out what everybody learns after bein' in the ring with me...

Sooner of later, everybody fears Jake Evans.

[The screen goes black, Big -n- Rich's "Comin' to Your City" begins to play as the SWAT: Texas State logo covers the screen with the following words below the logo...

COMING SOON.....

[Fade to black.]

[SWAT Team]

Chester: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it’s for the SWAT North American Tag Team Championships!

The Happy Faces have a yellow golf cart, which they ride to the ring, waving to one and all.

Chester: Introducing first, from Happyland, USA weighing in at a combined weight of 526 pounds they are the reigning SWAT North American Tag Team Champions… the Happy Faces!

Tucker: After so much waiting, we finally have the rematch clause instituted by Hennigan and Reyes. Will they be successful in winning back their tag team championships?

Fulton: The Happy Faces can’t be overlooked either. They’ve won tag team gold all over the world. On that one fateful night, they proved to the world they’re worthy of wearing tag team gold. Hennigan and Reyes can make history if they win by becoming the first two-time North American Tag Team Champions but it’ll cost them and arm and a leg that’s for sure.

"Don't Stop Me Now" plays as "The Matador" Raymond Hernandez steps through the entranceway, to a big nostalgia pop. The Spanish veteran motions to the back and Shawn Reyes rushes out like a shot, slapping the outstretched hands of the audience. "Kaizer" Keith Hennigan follows at a more sedate pace, dutifully slapping a few hands. Hernandez steps up onto the apron and opens the ropes for his two protegees. Reyes and Hennigan step through and begin criss-crossing the ropes. Hernandez drops down to the floor and tosses up his red cape to the cheers of the crowd.

Chester: And introducing the challengers, from Los Angeles, California at a combined weight of 418 pounds… Keith Hennigan and Shawn Reyes!

Tucker: Listen to that reaction, Fulton… everyone in this arena wants to see the Happy Faces be dethroned in an already historic night.

Fulton: Well, all of them can go ahead and grab a ticket with the rest of the haters, pal, because success comes with a price. They will definitely learn what that is tonight with that precious rematch clause.

The bell rings and we’re underway as Keith and Happy Face #1 circle the ring looking for an opening. Keith takes the early advantage landing a headlock takedown, the ref rushes over to check on his condition. Happy Face #1 doesn’t take much time to shift his weight and slowly get to his feet while Keith transitions into a side headlock. Happy Face #1 pushes him towards the left side rope looking for a rope break. Once he gets it, he sneaks in a sucker punch dropping Keith down to the canvas. He lifts his shoulders up at the ref pretending he didn’t do anything, but he isn’t buying it.

Tucker: I knew it wouldn’t take long for the champs to find a shortcut.

Fulton: When you have the experience advantage, you don’t need any explanations.

Happy Face #1 turns around in time to receive a punch to the gut from Keith, who is on his knees at this point. With that punch he buys himself time to run backwards towards the ropes and land a diving shoulder block. He quickly runs towards the right side but is caught on the rebound with a monkey flip towards the left side by Happy Face #1. Happy Face #1 slowly gets to his feet in time to catch Keith with an inverted atomic drop. He quickly transitions into a double underhook suplex sending him back towards the middle and goes for a cover.

1

2

Tucker: The size advantage of Hennigan coming into play with that strong kick out. I told you it would cost them an arm and a leg.

Fulton: Thank you, captain obvious. Any title here in SWAT will cost you that. It’s what you do with it that sets you apart from the rest.

Strong kick out by Keith, which sends Happy Face #1 flying a couple of feet. He sits up looking shocked while Keith slowly gets to his feet trying to shake off the cobwebs. Happy Face #1 runs towards him going for a cross body block, but Keith catches him in mid air landing a fall away slam that sends him flying towards the left ropes. He bounces off them and uses them to get up only to receive a clothesline towards the outside. At the instant he does that, Shawn runs towards the right side ropes and baseball slides Happy Face #2’s feet making him face plant onto the apron in perfect synchrony with Keith hitting a slingshot cross body onto Happy Face #1 on the outside.

Tucker: Wow, great team work there by Hennigan and Reyes. The champs suddenly find themselves with their back against the wall.

Fulton: I still wouldn’t count em out yet. They’ve won tag titles all over the world, Hennigan and Reyes are just receiving their fifteen minutes of fame.

We pan out to see only Shawn Reyes standing out of the four competitors. He raises a fist to the air and lets out a war cry while Raymond Hernandez claps from a safe distance. Keith slowly gets to his feet and grabs Happy Face #1 by the hair, dragging his head towards the apron. He slams his head on the canvas five times with the fans counting each one. Right as he goes for the sixth, Happy Face #1 puts his right foot up and hits a back elbow to the face. With him distracted, Happy Face #1 grabs his neck and hits a stunner. He slowly makes his way towards the apron and stands there with his back turned waiting for Keith to get up. Once he does, he flies off landing an Asai Moonsault as the crowd begins chanting “Holy Shit!”

Tucker: Two can play it that way, the Happy Faces deliver with their own version of that surprise.

Fulton: This match has gotten crazy, folks. This is exactly what dreams are made of.

We pan back out to see Shawn Reyes and Happy Face #2 brawling on the right side. Happy Face #2 gains the upper hand by grabbing his legs and slingshotting him into the ringpost! The crowd showers him in boos as we see Shawn Reyes being busted open at the same time that both Happy Faces raise their fists to the air and let out a war cry of their own. The ref shouts at them to get in the ring, to which Happy Face #1 responds by grabbing Keith by the hair and tossing him into the ring with his head sticking out. He quickly gets onto the apron and runs forward landing a leg drop onto the exposed head as the crowd showers him in boos right after. He goes for the cover…

1

2

Tucker: What? The Happy Faces were one inch away from retaining their titles. You gotta admire the fight in Hennigan and Reyes. Even when their body can’t take any more damage, they find a way to survive.

Fulton: Damn, I really thought it was over right there. Nice heads up play by Reyes to grab that leg right on time.

Shawn Reyes pulls his leg to the outside! Right as he does, he’s blindsided by Happy Face #2 who hits a stiff clothesline flipping him over! Happy Face #1 rolls back under the ropes and goes to lift up Keith but is met with a jawbreaker sending him back a couple of steps. Happy Face #1 tries to retaliate by running forward with a clothesline but Keith ducks and hits a flapjack, quickly transitioning into a STF! The ref quickly rushes over to check on his condition while Happy Face #2 tries to get into the ring. Shawn grabs his leg and drags him back towards the outside letting Happy Face #2’s face bounce off the floor.

Tucker: Ouch, now that’ll turn those smiles upside down. Will this be enough for Hennigan and Reyes to regain their titles?

Fulton: Who knows… this match has delivered in so many ways, I’ve given up trying to pick a winner here, bud.

Shawn mounts him and starts landing lefts and rights, busting Happy Face #2 open in the process. At the same time, we see Happy Face #1 crawl towards the right set of ropes and drape an arm over the bottom rope causing the ref to call for a rope break. Keith reluctantly releases it and backs up towards the upper right corner to recollect his thoughts. He crouches and watches Happy Face #1 slowly get to his feet using the rope, a smirk slowly forms on his face. Once Happy Face #1 gets to a standing position, Keith runs off looking for his patented lariat only for him to duck and land a northern lights suplex onto the turnbuckle!

Tucker: Holy shit, did you see the hang time on that suplex? Keith musta been injured on that play.

Fulton: That’s the risk you pay by choosing such a dangerous business. No one ever said it was easy.

He quickly releases it and makes the dive tag towards Happy Face #2 who has barely made his way towards the corner. He drags Keith towards the center and tries to pick up the scraps with a pin attempt, but Shawn Reyes dives in with a double axe handle breaking the pin! He quickly rolls back out of the ring as Happy Face #2 slowly picks up Keith to a standing position. He goes to whip him towards the lower right corner, but Keith reverses to the upper left. He limps over towards the corner and makes the tag to Shawn who slowly climbs the turnbuckle from behind. The crowd cheers in anticipation as Keith catches Happy Face #1 with a spinebuster in the center. Shawn takes off and lands Rey del Cielo, quickly going for the cover.

1

2

3!

Chester: Here are your winners and NEW SWAT North American Tag Team Champions… Keith Hennigan and Shawn Reyes!

Tucker: History has been made, folks! We have our first set of two-time North American Tag Team Champions in Hennigan and Reyes!

Fulton: I’m speechless… Hennigan and Reyes just sacrificed their own health and managed to pull off the biggest victory of their career. It’s safe to say that after tonight, neither of these men will ever be the same again. The scars of war being present right now as Hennigan and Reyes limp out of the ring with a standing ovation.

[SWAT Team]

[Meanwhile... outside... it’s still raining.]



[The tree from Poltergeist has caught fire! Flaming branches swing blindly, trying to murder the men in the ring. Jonathan Smith leapfrogs over one branch, while LEFT Tentacle rolls under the other. The other flaming branch sweeps across the ring, LEFT Tentacle matrixes under it, while Jonathan Smith jumps into the ropes... rebounding with a dropkick to the trunk.]

Marduk: The Panar Leopard Express have made short work out of the bulk of the participants, the former SWAT Twinstar champions utilizing impressive tag work to keep on top of the numbers... but the Tree from Poltergeist is just too big!

Henry: Would you say he’s ROOTED in the ring?

Marduk: That’s awful.

Henry: The Tree even more dangerous since being set on fire by “Obscene Octopus” Taka Kitano, currently cowering the corner. Can’t go wrong with that game plan...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



#45 – Foster’s Beer Man

Marduk: And here comes our twenty second entry, everyone’s favourite Aussie, Foster’s Beer Man! I don’t care for his promoting alcohol in this family entertainment format, but you can’t take away from his amazing talent.

Henry: Wanting no part of the giant flaming tree... <aside> It’s on fire, not gay... <back> Foster’s Beer man immediately goes after Taka Kitano.

Marduk: The Obscene Octopus using ALL of his eight arms to hang onto the top rope.

Henry: If you got ‘em, flaunt ‘em.

Marduk: TREE using some overhand Mongolian chops, bringing that flaming branch to the mat, but the Panar Leopards are on a mission! Amazing that LEFT Tentacle is still in this...

Henry: Foster’s Beer Man can’t pry Kitano off the ropes... now asking the audience for... beer, of course.

[Audience members throw Foster’s Beers to FBM, who happily opens the cans with his teeth before pouring the contents down into Kitano’s face. One. Two. Three. Four. As some beer pours up Kitano’s nose, he finally starts gasping for breathe... but he’s not letting go of those ropes. Still, mouth open, FBM starts pouring more beers down...]

Marduk: The Panar Leopard Express duck under a double FLAMING CLOSELINE!!! Into the ropes, springboard crossbody by Jonathan Smith, and the Bigamist knocks Tree back into the ropes... Tree leaning back...

[As Smith falls back into the ring, LEFT Tentacle grabs one of TREE’s roots... lifting... the tree flails its arms, leaning further out of the ring, but trying to stay in. Climbing up to the top rope, Jonathan Smith dives to the outside with a legdrop-----------------]

Marduk: Jonathan Smith to the outside.... legdrop... CATCHES TREE... Smith lands on the apron, and TREE SENT CRASHING TO THE---------------------

[The giant flaming tree falls into Marduk’s production Winnebago.]

Henry: MOTHERF***********

[The audio cuts out for a few seconds, before the flaming tree falls off the Winnebago to the ground. The rain is doing little to dampen the blaze. A few fires remain around the vehicle, a few dangerously close to cables, and generators...]

Marduk: We may have a few technical problems folks...

Henry: Jesus!

Marduk: Still, the Panar Leopard Express managing to eliminate the Tree from Poltergeist... still, a talented movie monster like that isn’t going to be hurting for work.



[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#46 – WereELEPHANT

[The audience start throwing trash, as the beast formerly known as Elephant’s HEAD charges out of the back. Trunk swinging from side to side, WereELEPHANT bats the garbage away with his tusks as he stomps down towards the ring.]

Marduk: ...A seventh beer gets Taka Kitano intoxicated enough to let go of those ropes, and the Panar Leopard Express trying to help Foster’s Beer Man to dump him... NO. Foster’s Beer Man knocking Jonathan Smith off of Kitano with a hard right.

Henry: Who can blame him? Once they get rid of Taka, who do you think the Panar Leopard Express are going after next?

Marduk: Flames rising, can we get a fire extinguisher or something? ...Maybe a paramedic for Tree?

[No sooner has Smith been knocked down; then LEFT Tentacle pounces on Foster’s Beer Man, the two trading shots. Taka Kitano slumps to the canvas, hiccupping in a drunken stupor. The two men are too wrapped up in brawling to notice the massive WereELEPHANT climb over the top rope...]

Marduk: LEFT Tentacle knocking Foster’s Beer Man down with a SUCKER punch. HERE COMES WERELEPHANT-------LOOK OUT TENTACLE!

[Werelephant comes barrelling forwards with the TUSK... when Jonathan Smith pushes his partner out of the way.]

Henry: TUSK! TUSK! TUSK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MONSTER HEEL POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: The Bigamist pushing his protégé out of the ring, but taking the full impact of that tusk, is sent FLYING out of the ring! Jonathan Smith HAS been eliminated!

Henry: There goes the Panar Leopard Express’s reign of terror. Good riddance.

[Without missing a beat, WereELPHANT stomps over to Taka Kitano, stomping the hell out of the inebriated star. The flames continue to crawl up the production home camper. A camera out in the crowd, finds Jonathan Smith a good thirty feet from the ring, clutching his bloody abdomen, punctured by that stupid TUSK. Having been pushed into Foster’s Beer Man, LEFT Tentacle now finds FBM choking him against the canvas...]

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]



#47 – “Mad” MAX Nolan!

Marduk: ...And here comes the third member of the Dingo Eating Babies! That Aussie sensation, Max Nolan, whose been setting the land down under on fire for years... if anyone from another country can win it, it’s this extremely talented, young man!

Henry: Having his partner in there is going to be a help as well...

Marduk: It didn’t hurt the Panar Leopards. It’ll definitely be an advantage...

[Foster’s Beer Man starts to pull LEFT Tentacle up to the feet, looking to toss the kid out... suddenly WereELEPHANT rams into him with another TUSK!]

Henry: Would have been...

Marduk: FOSTER’S BEER MAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Another vicious TUSK racks up another elimination for WereELEPHANT!

Marduk: Having been in the ring since the start, I don’t know where LEFT Tentacle is finding the energy from... but somehow managing to stay a few feet ahead of Elephant, as he runs away in terror.

Henry: Well his long night is almost over; WereELPHANT just needs to catch up.

[Reaching into his bloody costume, Foster’s Beer Man pulls out the autobot matrix... no... a bottle of Foster’s Beer. Taking it from his long suffering tag partner, “Mad” MAX opens the giant beer, before chugging it down. The crowd go nuts as “Mad” Max HULKS UP!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: MAX not letting his drinking problem get the better of him, vowing revenge! Here he comes...

“Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX”

“Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX”

“Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX” “Mad MAX”

[Leaping into the ring, the Aussie smashes the bottle over the giant Elephant’s HEAD--------]

#SMASH#

[Crowd: Oh no he didn’t POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: LEFT Tentacle saved by the bottle... but WereELEPHANT... just no sell the broken bottle!

Henry: Wait for it.... TUSK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[...crowd dies.]

Marduk: And “Mad” MAX Nolan sent tumbling out for elimination!

Henry: LEFT Tentacle looks like he’s going to cry...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



#48 – “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius Man

[WereELEPHANT has LEFT Tentacle lifted up with a gorilla press, when his eyes lock on Sirius Man.]

Henry: Elephant’s have a long memory...

Marduk: No love loss between WereELEPHANT and our next participant. Ever since Backyard started, these two have been at each other’s throats... Sirius Man blaming Elephant for being possessed by the spirit of the Sexy Cowboy, while Elephant holds Sirius responsible for his transformation. This might get ugly.

[Dropping LEFT Tentacle in the ring, WereELEPHANT pushes through the ropes, stepping out to the floor. Sirius Man grabs a chair from the crowd, before continuing down the ramp... WereELEPHANT starts to charge forwards looking to meet him halfway.]

Marduk: WereELEPHANT and Sirius Man brawling in the aisle, while a tired LEFT Tentacle and drunken Obscene Octopus leave little action in the ring.

Henry: TUSK!!! Sirius blocks with a chair... check out the dent on that thing.

Marduk: Another TUSK----blocked... Sirius bouncing the chair off of Elephant’s head... and Elephant going for a closeline, but Sirius ducks under... BOTH MEN falling into the crowd.

[Finally getting a fire extinguisher, Marduk starts to go to work on the little flames springing up around the camper. Members of the audience run for their lives, as WereELEPHANT stomps after Sirius Man trying to trample him. Barely able to move, an exhausted LEFT Tentacle pulls the Obscene Octopus into a sharpshooter. Worried about a fire slowly moving towards the VCR, Marduk nods towards Brandon who hits PLAY again...]

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



#49 – “Scarlet Bullet” Shinji Murakami

Henry: ...And here comes the other half of the Grave Diggers. A lot of tag wrestlers coming in here... I’m a singles star myself.

Marduk: ...very talented young man... <back to fire fighting>

Henry: ...God, I knew the roster was weak... especially without me... but so many tag wrestlers...

[Spotting the Scarlet Bullet, LEFT Tentacle lets go of the sharp shooter, dropping an elbow to Kitano, before scooping him up. LEFT Tentacle tries to take the delirious Kitano towards the ropes, looking to eliminate him before his partner arrives. Going to instincts the barely conscious Kitano grabs the top rope, smiling as he plays with it. Sliding into the ring, Shinji runs into LEFT Tentacle with an axe-handle chop, causing him to drop the Octopus.]

Henry: Jumping DDT drives LEFT Tentacle into the canvas...

Brandon: ...the Scarlet Bullet calling on his partner Kitano to help him with a double suplex... Kitano slowly getting up, hiccupping along his way... Double snap suplex... Kitano was pretty sloppy with it.

Henry: What are you doing here?

Brandon: I thought I’d give you a hand with the commentating while Marduk puts out the van...

Henry: A voice this perfect doesn’t commentate with just ANYONE, get your lackey ass back to the VCR!

Brandon: Sorry...

Henry: You should be. I’m surrounded by retards. I’m a professional god damn it... Sirius Man brawling with Elephant in the crowd, while the Grave Robbers double team LEFT Tentacle in the ring. We’ve almost reached our fiftieth entrant! Thank god our night is almost over.

[Calling for a doomsday device variation, Shinji places LEFT Tentacle on his shoulders, lifting the exhausted punk up in the air. The drunken Kitano stares at all this blankly. Scowling, Shinji curses at Kitano in Japanese, gesturing towards the corner post. Kitano slowly makes his way to the corner; this doesn’t seem like a good idea, smiling at nothing in particular, Kitano slowly climbs the corner post...]

Henry: Kitano going up top-------------

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Henry: ...and falls off. The Obscene Octopus has eliminated himself!

[Shinji Murakami looks appalled... then LEFT Tentacle falls forwards, Murakami tries to hang onto the legs, accidentally getting pulled over into a spike RANA. Holding his ribs in pain, LEFT Tentacle slowly gets up to his feet, dragging Murakami after him. The Scarlet Bullet starts to pull Tentacle into the BLOOD SHOT, only to have LEFT Tentacle turn it into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex... out to the floor!]

MONSTER POP!!!!!!!!!!!

Henry: ...Ugh. Left Tentacle accidentally eliminates the Grave Robbers, well on his way to being the luckiest jerk on the roster.

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The crowd go nuts, as an exhausted LEFT Tentacle stares up at the makeshift entrance... then slumps back against the ropes in horror.]

Henry: You’ve got to be shitting me.



# 50 – Zombie Adrian Tanner Jr.

[Suddenly the production van goes up in flames like a shrub in a biblical story!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

[MASSIVE FIREBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

[...the signal cuts out.]

[SWAT Team]

[5.... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BULL HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#297 Regan McNeil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Returning outside the backyard memorial ring has really filled up. We find the little girl from the exorcist slowly walking down the aisle, projectile vomiting at people in the ring. In the ring, the rest of the MONSTER ARMY – WereELEPHANT, Frankenberry, Farmer Vincent, are taking turns beating the crap out of their mortal enemy, “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius Man. HERBICIDE and Handy Andy take turns beating the undead crap out of Zombie Spud Boy. Death match veterans ARSENAL and SIX DEMON BAG take turns stabbing each other with exacto blades by the ropes. “The Perfect Gentleman” Edgar Caspian sits patiently in the far corner, looking for an opportunity, but enjoying a breather. Surprisingly LEFT Tentacle is still in it, lying in a slimy, bloody mess on the apron. “Handsome” Henry and Marduk the Magnificent stand in the burnt remains of a Winnebago still trying to do commentary on this awful match...]

Marduk: Not that the monster army needed anymore help, but here comes another. ...Regan McNeil... I hope one day she overcomes the spirit of Pazazu that has demonically possessed her... but until that day happens, she’s a very talented performer. If any small child can win this encounter, it’s that extraordinarily talented little girl!

Henry: Get a room!

Marduk: The worker class team of Herbicide and Handy Andy working over nemesis Spud Boy – double hiptoss – but Spud manages to hang onto the top rope... still, with two men shoving him it’s only a matter of time.

Henry: ARSENAL almost cutting Six Demon Bag’s mask off. I’m conflicted... I hate Six Demon and want to see him suffer, but the thought of what he looks like? I’d be puking harder than Regan!

Marduk: HERBICIDE AND HANDY ANDY FINALLY THROWING SPUD BOY OUT! Spud Boy has been eliminated!

[Standing up on the ropes to throw Zombie Spud Boy out, Herbicide becomes a perfect target for Regan.]

Marduk: REGAN catching Herbicide with projectile vomit, that’s degusting, knocking him off balance----- HERBICIDE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Henry: With his lower class sidekick gone, Handy Andy’s chances suddenly take a nose dive...

[Andy ducks behind the gang beating in the middle of the ring, trying to avoid vomit... but can’t help but turn to the commentators in irritation. Marduk & Henry are using bull horns five feet away... every comment is heard in the ring.]

Handy Andy: Dude, what’s your problem?

Henry: I paid you twenty bucks to paint my house!

Handy Andy: The cheque bounced.

[Distracted, Handy Andy becomes a perfect victim for a low blow from Edgar Caspian. Throwing Andy into the corner, Caspian starts to work him over with European uppercuts and kneelifts. Regan MacNeil finally enters the ring, joining the rest of the Monster Army in MURDERING “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius man.]

Marduk: Sirius Man in a bad way... this is just horrific. WereELEPHANT with another TUSK... and now Regan puking on him. Enough is enough...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: Finally another entrant... hopefully someone who can help Sirius!

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



#298 – Sadako

[The little girl from Ringu suddenly jumps out of the TV, giving Brandon a dirty look before ghost walking towards the ring. The audience boo, absolutely hating the wealth of lame Movie Monsters horrifically beating a man in the ring. Joining the circle of monsters, the little girl starts using her AMAZING psychic powers to throw the blood drenched Sirius Man all over the ring.]

Marduk: This is just repulsive! I didn’t sign up to commentate a beating like that... this is disgusting!

Henry: You just have to focus on the positive... my fellow Dirty Rotten Gentleman, Edgar Caspian is going to TOWN on that unreliable Handy Andy. I’m just saying, don’t give the man work.

Marduk: LEFT Tentacle still in the ring... though he might be in a coma.

Henry: If this is a success, we can hold another Memorial Cup in his honour. Wouldn’t that be great... a series of memorial cups, each one honouring the memory of someone who passed away in the last one?

Marduk: Well there are enough candidates. LEFT Tentacle and Sirius Man are complete write offs at this point, and the way ARSENAL and SIX DEMON BAG are going at each other... it won’t last long. On the Brightside, at least the rain has finally let up...

[“Chief’ John Razorback jumps out of the “backstage” curtains to do another rain dance.]

#THUNDERCLAP#

Marduk: ...damn it.

[As the rains start pelting the ring again, Caspian wraps Handy Andy in a cobra clutch, before suplexing Andy over the ropes. Feet landing on the apron, Andy drops down... pulling Caspian’s arms down on the ropes, forcing a break of the clutch. By the time Caspian has recovered, Andy has rolled back in. An unconscious Sirius Man is thrown into cheap shots by the various MONSTER ARMY members.]

Henry: Damn it.

Marduk: Caspian with a spinning elbow... no, Handy Andy brings up a big boot! Handy Andy pulls Caspian up into a-----OVERTIME!

[Six Demon Bag runs a sickle across ARSENAL’s back, doubling the death match legend over. Six Demon is sorry he did, as ARSENAL stabs him in the crotch with an exacto blade. The ring shakes as Handy Andy PLANTS Caspian with a HARD DAY’S WORK!]

Marduk: Handy Andy has Caspian on the ropes... and what are you doing?

[...Handy Andy THROWS Caspian out of the ring!!!!!!!!!!!]

MASSIVE FACE POP------------silence.

[Henry catches Caspian before he hits the ground, tossing his tag partner back into the ring. The crowd boos the announcer’s participation; Handy Andy doesn’t look too pleased either. Andy starts to talk smack, when Henry throws a fistful of salt up in the oddjobber’s eyes.]

Marduk: You can’t get involved!

Henry: What? Everyone knows Caspian is going to win anyway...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


# 299 – HARDCORE HERO

[Racing down the aisle with a barbwire laced chair, Hero slides into the ring, immediately bringing the chair down over the head of Regan MacNeil. The violent attack on the little girl gets a surprisingly loud face pop from the crowd. Frankenberry then charges at Hero, swinging his arms like a windmill, only to take a chairshot to the gut for making General Mills cereal a laughing stock.]

Marduk: HARDCORE HERO coming down to Sirius rescue!

[Hardcore Hero starts to beat down Farmer Vincent. Regaining consciousness, LEFT Tentacle starts to crawl over to a safe corner, away from the action. Blinded, Handy Andy swings wild... an easy target for a recovering Edgar Caspian. Six Demon Bag runs a sickle across ARSENAL’s mask, the two men still trading SHARP shots against the ropes. Edgar Caspian starts to rise, looking to hook on a Gentleman Driver when Andy hiptosses him over the top rope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: Hardcore Hero really going to town on the Movie Monster Army!

[...Henry catches Caspian before his fellow Englishman’s feet can touch the ground, again tossing Caspian back in the ring.]

Henry <grunt>: Kind of busy here!

Marduk: Hero turning, about to go after WereELEPHANT with that chair... wait... no!

[“Sexy Cowboy” Sirius man jumps in the way, taking the chairshot for WereELEPHANT! Sadako continues to sulk with her hair in her face, like some annoying emo kid... but moves her hands around, seemingly controlling the unconscious Sirius Man.]

Marduk: Those monsters! Sirius Man doesn’t know what he’s doing... he’s unconscious... Sadako using her ESP to manipulate his body! Friend against Friend... Hardcore Hero doesn’t want to... but no choice, as The Sexy Cowboy is forced to throw a Sirius Shot!

[Handy Andy reaches through the ropes, trying to stop Henry from putting Caspian back in the ring... but eats an eye gouge for his troubles. As Andy recoils in pain, Caspian is once again saved from elimination.]

Marduk: Hardcore Hero ducks under a Sirius Shot... and another... Hero trying his best not to hurt his friend...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#300 – Junior, the mutant Baby from the Its Alive movies!

[One of the audience members throws a plastic baby into the ring, the toy representing the last member of the Monster Army.]

Marduk: Here comes Junior... now there’s face that only a mother could love, but if any murderous infants can win this rumble, it’s that talented, mutant baby!

[Hardcore Hero catches the baby doll in mid-air... ducks under a Sirius Man closeline, and then throws the baby as hard as he can at Sadako. The doll catches the little girl square in the head, knocking her out... someone didn’t think about the logistics of a small child falling out over the top rope, so when she climbs the ropes, to throw herself out, like it was the force of it... well... the visual looks kind of weird.]

MASSIVE FACE POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marduk: JUNIOR and SADAKO have been eliminated! What a blow to the Movie Monster Army... and... with Sadako unconscious... YES... Sirius Man has come back to normal!

[The crowd start chanting as Hardcore Hero and Sirius Man unite in the centre of the ring. The cheers are dampened, when WereELEPHANT, Vincent, Regan, and Frankenberry start beating the crap out of them again.]

Marduk: Six Demon Bag has ARSENAL on the ropes... now swinging that sickle... ARSENAL sidesteps, leaving nothing but rope. Watch the ropes! Those rings aren’t cheap.

Henry <turning away from Caspian, now stomping the hell out of Andy>: Don’t worry, with a target Bag’s size, ARSENAL isn’t going to miss.

Marduk: ARSENAL with a scalpel to Bag’s gut... and the TROUND... that’d do it! Arsenal has Six Demon Bag on the rope... elbow to the throat... trying to get the big man over...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#301 – Kid Old Man Jenkins

[The old man stomps out of the back to a chorus of boos, slowly making his way to the ring, Jenkins doesn’t like the Monster’s numbers... and rather than get brave, joins them in kicking the crap out of the Hardcore Hero.]

Marduk: Jenkins playing the numbers game... no surprise there. ARENSAL with a napalm strike to the throat, still trying to shove Six Demon over the top... can he get him?

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

#SNAP#

[OMG POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Marduk: The top rope on the far left corner snapped... ARSENAL and Six Demon Bag BOTH falling out to the floor! ...Referee racing over to check it out... Arsenal arguing his case. Well, technically they did go over the top rope... ARSENAL seems to be winning the referee over... NO! Six Demon Bag back up, and ramming ARSENAL into the corner. The two continuing their brawl outside the ring...

Henry: Good riddance.

Marduk: Two of the most decorated wrestlers in this; they had to be favourites to win this...

Henry: Let’s focus on the REAL talent, Edgar, who is just about to finish that loutish odd jobber.

Marduk: Well, Caspian is taking Andy apart... trying to lock on the Gentleman’s Prerogative...

Henry: Here we go!

Marduk: NO! Handy Andy reverses into the JOB WELL DONE!

Henry: ...shit.

Marduk: There’s the QUITTING TIME... and now Andy trying to throw Caspian over the top... not again.

[Racing back to the ring, Henry jumps up on the apron. Before Handy Andy can react, Henry fires off a STIFF European uppercut, catching Andy in the throat. Grabbing Andy’s neck, “Handsome” Henry falls backwards... dragging both Andy and Caspian over the top rope. Caspian lands on the apron, while Andy is sent crashing to the floor with a text-book suplex.]

Marduk: WILL YOU STOP THAT!

[Jumping back up to his feet, Henry shoves Caspian back under the bottom rope to save him from elimination, before turning back to the downed Handy Andy, kicking the crap out of him.]

Henry: Never!

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#302 – Feral Boy

Marduk: He was raised by wolves in the wild... but if anyone who acts like an animal can win this rumble, it’s that talented young man!

[No sooner has Edgar Caspian stood up, shaking off the effects of Handy Andy’s offense, then the feral boy starts biting his ankle! Leaning back against the ropes, Caspian starts to kick violently, trying to get the annoying creep off his boot! A particularly stiff kick knocks Caspian’s boot clean off, sending Edgar flying backwards over the top rope...]

Marduk: ...

[“Handsome” Henry is too caught up in beating up Handy Andy to catch his tag team partner. Caspian lands on top of Henry, knocking the announcer over, before his feet officially touch the floor.]

Marduk: FERAL BOY HAS ELIMINATED EDGAR CASPIAN!!!

“Handsome” Henry: God damn it!

Edgar Caspian: If anything, I eliminated myself!

“Handsome” Henry: What happened!?!

Edgar Caspian: God I hate this fed!

“Handsome” Henry: Don’t worry... I’ll put in a good world over at Midwest, I’m sure they’ll be happy to pick up your contract.

[Henry consoles his distraught tag team partner... while in the ring, the Movie Monster Army are finished toying with their broken victims. Farmer Vincent and Kid Old Man Jenkins lifts a battered Sirius Man to his feet, setting him up for a...]

Marduk: MEGA TUSK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Driving his tusks through Sirius’s midsection, the massive WereElephant throws his head back, tossing the Sexy Cowboy up in the air... as Sirius ragdoll body falls back down, WereELEPHANT puts out a knee, catching him in a backbreaker! The impact makes everyone cringe. “Sexy Cowboy” Sirius man starts to shake violently as a hush falls over the crowd...]

Marduk: Can we get the paramedics back out here?

[“Handsome” Henry rejoins Marduk in the announcers... burnt Winnebago headquarters. All eyes are on the Sirius as he has a seizure... then WereELEPHANT starts to shake... and Frankenberry... soon everyone in the ring is have a seizure...]

Marduk: What are we seeing?

Henry: This is embarrassing to watch.

[...]

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[Out of thin air, EVERYONE in the ring is suddenly wearing a white cowboy hat... like those Arby commericials, only less gay, but gay.]

Marduk: Are you seeing what I’m seeing...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Marduk: Everyone in the ring has been POSSESSED by the spirit of the Sexy Cowboy!

[“Sexy Cowboy” LEFT Tentacle tries desperately to pull the cowboy hat off his head. “Sexy Cowboy” Feral Boy gives “Sexy Cowboy” WereELEPHANT a dirty look. The sexy cowboys that aren’t freaking out, are involved in an old fashioned showdown... what with their cowboy roots.]

Marduk: ...Everyone... BUT... Sirius Man!!!!

MEGA FACE POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jumping up, Sirius Man turns to “Sexy Cowboy” WereELEPHANT... the only man not wearing a stupid cowboy hat.]

Marduk: Sirius Man has FINALLY gotten rid of the Sexy Cowboy curse... at the expense of everyone else... but he’s back to normal, and the fans are loving it!

Henry: ...idiots.

Marduk: Sirius Man charging into “Sexy Cowboy” WereELEPHANT with a spinning forearm!

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MASSIVE HEEL POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Henry: Did we need another cowboy? I feel like I’m at a fucking Rodeo. Why don’t I just sign up for SWAT Texas! Ha.


#303 – TYRANT Slim

[The ten foot cosmic cowboy starts to saunter towards the ring. Fans throw garbage at the tall stranger; he bats it aside with his tree trunk arm, not even phased by the jerks. The “Sexy Cowboys” in the ring all turn towards this outsider...]

Marduk: A number of non-SWAT ringers have been involved in this event; this has to be one of the last big names in it. Unlike the rest of them, Tyrant Slim is facing a half-dozen hostile locals.

Henry: All wearing {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} cowboy hats. ...God damned Texas.

Marduk: Well, all six men are focused on the massive invader in their midst. ...And I’d lay off the Texas bashing, considering what happened with Midwest...

Henry: What happened to Midwest? Aside from me becoming their world champion...

[Sirius Man jumps on WereELEPHANT with a dog star strike, then pushes the massive Elephant into the ropes with a headbutt. WereELEPHANT comes off with a TUSK, but Sirius sidesteps, locking on the Dog Star Locke. TYRANT Slim shows no emotions as he climbs up onto the apron, though all the participants stare at him in contempt...]

Marduk: Slim stepping over the top rope into the ring, and here charges “Sexy Cowboy” Frankenberry... eating a BIG BOOT to the face!

Henry: LEFT Tentacle shooting in, but Slim knocks him down with a kneelift. I forgot LEFT Tentacle was in this...

Marduk: Not as active now, but he has been in this match for... SEVEN HOURS!

[“Sexy Cowboy” Farmer Vincent hits TYRANT Slim with a short-arm closeline, only to see it no sold. Grabbing Vincent by his overalls, TYRANT Slim throws him into “Sexy Cowboy” Frankenberry. A palm strike knocks “Sexy Cowboy” Feral Boy to the canvas, which Slim then drops down with an elbow onto LEFT Tentacle, simultaneously ducking a dropkick attempt from “Sexy Cowboy” Hardcore Hero.]

Marduk: TYRANT Slim just taking the backyard crew apart... if the message of this rumble was that these brave stars were just as good as the rest of SWAT... well, that feel good sentiment is kind of being squashed right now.

Henry: Wait... was that the point? HAHAHAHAHahahahaha... I have to tell Edgar... he’ll be so happy he didn’t win.

Marduk: Sirius Man running into the ropes, and pulls WereELEPHANT with him... DOG STAR DRIVER! The rest of the Movie Monster army to busy getting destroyed by Slim to help Elephant!

[Henry pulls out his blackberry, calling the recently eliminated Edgar Caspian.]

Marduk: ...And a SECOND DOG STAR DRIVER!!! WereELEPHANT is out on his feet... and here comes Sirius... SHOOTING DOG STAR!!!!!!!!

[The force knocks WereELEPHANT over the second rope of the broken side of the ring, knocking the large beast out into the audience.]

MEGA POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marduk: SIRIUS MAN HAS ELIMINATED WEREELEPHANT... FINALLY TAKING OUT HIS GENERATION RIVAL!

Henry: Hey Edgar, cheer up... you’re going to love this... apparently this rumble was to show the rest of SWAT how good the Backyard roster was... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaa... I know... don’t you love it? HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaaaaaaaa... really dodged a bullet there buddy.

Marduk: Do you mind?

Henry: Gotta go buddy... the walls have ears.

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MEGA POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#304 – “Haemophiliac” Bill Johnson!

Marduk: Bill Johnson... after his last brush with death, he swore he wouldn’t participate... now coming out here, risking life and limb, to help his fellow Backyarders! If anyone can do it, it’s that brave, young, talented man with the haemoglobin disorder!

[The crowd cheer hard as Bill Johnson races down the aisle... in the ring, “Sexy Cowboy” Hardcore Hero charges at TYRANT Slim with his barbwire wrapped chair. A BIG BOOT knocks the chair back into Hardcore Hero’s face... the Haemophiliac arrives at ringside just in time to see his friend HERO bleeding heavily from the face.]

Marduk: Nasty shot to the Hardcore Hero... that barbwire is really stuck in his face...

[Johnson gives Hero one look before saying: “Fuck this.” Life is too short. Not even entering the ring, Johnson turns around, making his exit...]

Marduk: Round of applause for Bill Johnson, no one could blame him for not fighting given his medical condition. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.

[TYRANT Slim lifts “Sexy Cowboy” Hardcore Hero up in the air... “Sexy Cowboy” Regan O’Neill looks up, projectile vomiting at Slim... lowering Hero, Slim blocks the puke Hero’s body. Scowling, Slim throws Hero like a lawn dart, knocking O’Neill over...]

Marduk: Slim grabbing O’Neill by the ankle... just throws her out of the ring like a ragdoll! Regan O’Neill has been eliminated!

Henry: Did you see the way he manhandled her? I’m not going to lie; I’m becoming a fan...

Marduk: “Sexy Cowboy” Kid Old Man Jenkins using RAKE across the back of Slim---IT BROKE! Old Man Jenkins is beside himself...

Henry: Well, his only friend is dead... what are the odds of him making another? He’s going to die alone.

[Dropping to the canvas, SCKOMJenkins holds his broken rake, stifling back some tears. Reaching down the cosmic cowboy puts a hand on Jenkin’s back... he understands. Jenkins stares up and nods appreciatively, only to be grabbed by the throat...]

Marduk: CHOKESLAM to the outside of the ring, and TYRANT Slim has eliminated Old Man Jenkins... now kicking the remains of rake out of the ring. What a dick.

[Coming too on the outside, WereELEPHANT is livid about his elimination. Some referees tell WereELEPHANT to go to the back... or.... arena, but there is no talking to the pissed off pachyderm. Two referees eat TUSKS...]

Marduk: Sirius Man catching TYRANT Slim with a dropkick to the knee... no sold... and another... no sold... TYRANT Slim stalking after him... another dropkick... not slowing the giant down.

Henry: He doesn’t stand a chance.

Marduk: Sirius Man into the ropes, and... leap frogs over a BIG BOOT... still running... SHOOTING DOG STAR to the outside!!! Sirius just took out WereELEPHANT, but has eliminated himself in the processes!

Henry: What an idiot.

Marduk: He did save those referees...

Henry: What an idiot.

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#305 – “Genocide” Jack Barton

MASSIVE BOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marduk: The last of our prominent ringers has arrived...

[No sooner has Barton walked out into the parking lot, than a masked man hits him across the back of the legs with a baseball bat. A second shot sends Barton kneeling forwards, setting him up for a headshot. The boos stifle as the masked man – wearing a snakeskin suit – continues to pummel the invader to a bloody pulp.]

Marduk: Barton being violently assaulted! What’s going on here?

[Outside the ring, Sirius Man and WereELEPHANT once again brawl in the crowd, their never ending feud reaching no satisfying conclusion in this, the last Backyard match.]

Marduk: TYRANT Slim with a Quasar Bomb on LEFT Tentacle! The kid is broken in half... now looking to throw him out of the ring... NO... Slim stops, as “Sexy Cowboy” Feral Boy bits at his heel!

Henry: I hope he’s had all his shots...

Marduk: Slim letting go of Tentacle to yank Feral Boy off of him... GORILLA PRESS INTO THE CROWD!

Henry: Feral Boy eliminated! Serves the little beast right, Edgar will be lucky if he doesn’t have rabies.

[The Snakeskin clad masked man finishes beating Barton down... there’s no way he’ll compete. Pleased with his work, the mystery man is about to leave, when TYRANT Slim sidewalk slams Farmer Vincent out of the ring. The Masked man stops to watch Slim boot Frankenberry in the gut, then powerbomb him over the top rope, on top of Farmer Vincent.]

Marduk: Frankenberry and Farmer Vincent sent spilling to the floor, as TYRANT Slim makes it look easy!

Henry: Serves them right, pretending to be REAL wrestlers...

Marduk: Jumping Piledriver----and LEFT Tentacle is DEAD! Tyrant Slim now lifting Tentacle up, NO! Hardcore Hero from behind with a knee to the back! Now going for a reverse DDT... but Slim puts the breaks on... hoisting Hero up for... fireman’s carry...

Henry: Hardcore Hero eliminated, fortunately his face broke his fall.

Marduk: ...And now Slim going after the unconscious LEFT Tentacle, and you have to believe---wait... here comes the Masked man! SATAN’S STRUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The crowd is delighted to see TYANT Slim taken down a peg, but less than enthusiastic at the masked mans appearance...]

Henry: Satan’s strut? CHRIST! Are you kidding me?

Marduk: ...rapid fire punches...

Henry: I mean, here we are over 300 hundreds competitors to HONOR his memory, and Vile “Vince” mother fucking Viper can’t even pretend to be dead for the whole rumble?

Marduk: It could be anyone under that mask.

[Vile Driver ’98! A hard irish whip sends TYRANT Slim crashing into the corner, where the Masked Man proceeds to handspring after him, before hitting another Satan’s Strut.]

Henry: I mean those moves... that snakeskin... Vile isn’t even pretending to be someone else. Why the hell would he compete in his own memorial?

Marduk: Well... I can probably cast some light on it, TYRANT Slim firing back with some forearm smashes of his own...see along with the contract, the winner of the rumble gets ALL the money that Vile owes them. Now for the few Backyard shows, a guy like LEFT Tentacle might be looking at a few hundred bucks... but old hands? Slim has worked for Viper before, as has Barton, he REALLY burned them... now if Slim were to win this rumble the money Vile owes him? Forget Death, my brother could NEVER retire.

Henry: Big kneelift takes the masked man down... still, for all the weapons the mystery man has on him; Slim is still beating him senseless. Good.

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#306 – Uncle Son of Sam

[The elderly man runs down the aisle, as TYRANT Slim stomps the masked man into a bloody hole. A kneelift almost takes the masked man’s head off. Turning, Slim turns his attention back to LEFT Tentacle, grabbing the kid by the sucker...]

Marduk: Uncle Sam and the Masked Man with a double low-blow causing Slim to drop Tentacle.

Henry: God I hate Sam... one of Viper’s sidekicks... a little convenient, no?

Marduk: The masked man and Sam with a double exploder suplex... rolling through... and again! Surprising team work from the two...

Henry: Please!

Marduk: Double leg lariat... no sold... and TYRANT Slim knocks the masked man off with an elbow... now grabbing Sam by the horns... and... big neckswing... UNCLE SON OF SAM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

[Reaching down, TYRANT Slim grabs LEFT Tentacle by the legs... the masked man runs over, trying to “protect” the kid, only to take a big boot to the face. Falling backwards, TYRANT Slim yanks LEFT Tentacle up in the air for a hotshot...]

Marduk: LEFT Tentacle over the top rope---------------!!!

Henry: Took them long enough...

Marduk: NO! LEFT Tentacle in the audience... the crowd HOLDING HIM UP... body surfing him!

Henry: Oh come on, he’s eliminated... and I think we’re all out of wrestlers...

Marduk: NO, he isn’t out of this until his feet touch the floor.

[Pulling out an international object, The Masked Man stabs TYRANT Slim in the back... turning to greet his attacker, Slim takes another dozen sharp shots to the gut. No selling everything but the bleeding, Slim knocks the masked man back with a clubbing forearm shot.]

Marduk: Slim and Vip---the masked man going shot for shot!

[Another shot sends the mystery man into the broken ropes. Grabbing one of the ropes, the Masked attacker ducks under a kneelift, rolling under Slim’s legs. Sidestepping an elbow shot, The Masked Man yanks the rope up, tying up Slim’s legs while low blowing him...]

Marduk: Vile... the mystery man using the ropes to cheap shot Slim... and springboard Satan’s strut!!! TYRANT SLIM AND THE MASKED MAN FALLING OUT OVER THE “TOP” ROPE!!!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

MEGA POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The cheering crowd start to bodysurf LEFT Tentacle back towards the ring, throwing him back in over the top rope. TYRANT Slim and the masked man continue to brawl around the sheep. As the chants start to go up, LEFT Tentacle slowly starts to come to, barely conscious but pleased that he’s still somehow in the ring...]

Marduk: Has he done it? After almost seven and a half hours... and over 300 wrestlers, has LEFT Tentacle won this thing?

Henry: I don’t see anyone else on roll call.

Marduk: Can we make this official? <to Brandon> Run the tape one last time...

[5... 4... 3... 2... 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

[...]

Marduk: I guess that’s it.

Henry: Well, I’d like to say this has been pleasant.

Marduk: Yeah, good luck with wherever you end up.

Henry: Oh, I’m suffering in SWAT Midwest, when I’m not suffering here.

Marduk: You know they closed, right?

Henry: They should close... they’ll close when I’m through with them. Haven’t run them out of business yet... sadly. But give me time.

Marduk: No, I mean they are actually closed. When was the last time SWAT Midwest ran a show?

Henry: “Ha.” Good one. When was the last time Notorious ran a show, smart guy?

[...]

[...something unpleasant has just dawned on the announce position.]

BLOW HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marduk: Huh?


#307 – “Registered Sex Offender” Frank Wilkes

[The former SWAT ULTIMATE champion steps out of the backstage to a tsunami of bad vibrations. Wilkes shutters, then makes his way down the aisle... it doesn’t matter how many times he repays his debt to society. There is no forgiveness in his future...]

Marduk: Talk about a surprise last minute entrant... Wilkes vacated the SWAT Ultimate title to sign a lucrative deal with Shootfire Pro Wrestling. The fans aren’t quick to forget the betrayal... though it looks like Shootfire was quick to let him out of his contract. Am I right, or am I... hey... what are you doing?

[In the ring, “Handsome” Henry breaks a steel chair over LEFT Tentacle’s head.]

Henry: I’m not about to get transferred to Texas!


SURPRISE Entrant # 308 – “Handsome” Henry

Marduk: Well fans... looks like my announce partner has decided to participate in the contest. While I question appearing at this last stage, when LEFT Tentacle is battered and can’t defend himself, you have to appreciate where he’s coming from. It’s a tough economy, and a contract with a steady wrestling federation would be nice... who am I kidding?


SURPRISE Entrant #309 – Marduk the Magnificent

[Marduk slides into the ring, just in time to get stomped on by “RSO” Frank Wilkes. “Handsome” Henry tries to shove LEFT Tentacle over the top rope... but his costume sticks, which is gross.]

Henry: ...I’ve actually been wanting to beat him up all night, can we switch?

[Dropping a knee to Marduk, Henry starts to pepper him with forearm shots. The larger Marduk shoves Henry off, only to have the Englishman immediately fall back down with another knee, this time to the crotch. Opposite, “RSO” Frank Wilkes stretches LEFT Tentacle with the “50 foot restraining order.” With the announcers joining the brawl, the professionals finally chirp in...]

Fulton: Is this crap over yet?

Tucker: Apparently not... but how many more people could they have join in?

[Marduk rolls away from a forearm shot, grabbing Henry’s arm, twists it into the scolding. Face down on the canvas; Henry taps out, wanting the agony to end. Out of the back runs a tired looking Edgar Caspian...]

Tucker: Oh, here comes another... no... Apparently this one not participating, just helping from outside.

[Caspian throws a handful of white powder in Marduk’s eyes. As Marduk recoils, Henry yanks his arm out of the hold. Holding it close, Henry tries to rub some feeling back in, while violently kicking the blinded Marduk. Brandon the master of the VHS player suddenly enters the ring...]

Brandon: I just realized Notorious...

[Before Brandon can realize his new job aspirations, Henry gouges his eyes, then grabbing a fistful of hair, tosses Brandon out of the ring. Caspian puts the boots to the technician, while Henry turns back to Marduk, greeted with a shoulder to the gut.]

Fulton: Frank Wilkes trying to throw LEFT Tentacle over the top rope... but the costumed clown hanging on for dear life.

Tucker: Wilkes with some headbutts trying to knock Tentacle off... the two former SWAT ultimate champions really going at it.

Fulton: Wilkes now choking Tentacle... I guess that’s his throat. Gouging the eyes, trying to do anything to get Tentacle to let go.

Tucker: Tentacle with a SUCKER PUNCH knocks Wilkes off of him.

[Tentacle falls off the ropes back into the ring, as Wilkes staggers off. Holding his jaw in pain, Wilkes charges forwards with a superkick, only to have Tentacle duck under it, jumping forwards into an improvised spinebuster.]

Tucker: Henry going for a belly-to-back suplex... reversed by Marduk... and SENDS Henry flying over the top rope...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: Henry caught by Caspian before he could be eliminated, and tossed back into the ring. Doesn’t seem quite fair...

Fulton: At this rate, it’ll NEVER end.

Tucker: Henry with a sunset flip----------Marduk headed out------------

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: NO! Marduk grabs the top rope... managing to avoid elimination... here comes Caspian on the outside, grabbing Marduk’s foot... but the Magnificent One knocks him off!

Fulton: Wilkes dragging... Tentacle... into a RegiSTARED...

[Marduk uses the ropes to slingshot back in with a shoulderblock, catching Henry in the chest; Marduk knocks the Handsome One backwards into Wilkes, knocking him over.]

Tucker: Big collision... and Wilkes shoving Henry off of him...

Fulton: Henry and Wilkes quickly up to their feet, and shoving a little... throwing punches...

Tucker: ...And...Marduk and LEFT Tentacle from behind...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: Marduk with the ReEntry Planet X sends HENRY flying... again caught by Caspian!

Fulton: UGH... can’t we force him out of here?

Tucker: ...AND LEFT Tentacle catches Frank Wilkes... SLIMEY CLUTCH!!!!!!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: And Frank Wilkes is eliminated!!!

Fulton: We’re down to our final three...

#TWACK#

Tucker: Caspian tossing Henry a chair... and Henry LEVELS Marduk with it. Now taking out LEFT Tentacle... and another shot... and another... just beating Marduk to a bloody pulp...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: LEFT Tentacle grabbing Henry’s legs... EVERYONE DIES GIANT SWING!!!!!!!!!!

Fulton: Here comes Caspian, actually entering the ring... no... knocked out with Henry’s body, and Tentacle showing no signs of stopping.

[Picking his chair back up in between swinging around the ring, Henry shifts his weight, nailing Tentacle across the head with the chair.]

Tucker: Henry breaks it with that chair... and another BIG chairshot sends LEFT TENTACLE TO THE FLOOR!

MASSIVE HEEL HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tucker: LEFT Tentacle going from start, to almost finish, but no match for Henry’s chair... and the audience giving him a standing ovation. I suspect a bright career in that young man’s future.

Fulton: Marduk finally back to his feet, staggering over to Henry...

Tucker: ANOTHER chairshot knocks Marduk back... and another...

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[Marduk stumbles backwards into the broken ropes... tripping back over the middle rope...]

Tucker: Marduk falling...

[Grabbing the broken top rope, Marduk pushes off against the apron, not touching the ground, Marduk swings along ringside, knocking Caspian down with a kick to the face.]

Tucker: NO! Marduk hangs on... SWINGING back onto the apron...

[Henry celebrates in the middle of the ring... completely unaware as Marduk re-enters the ring...]

Tucker: ...Here we go...

Fulton: HENRY behind you!

Tucker: Henry spins... BELLY-TO-BELLY RELEASE OVERHEAD SUPLEX!!!!!!!!!!!!

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Tucker: Marduk just sent Henry flying out of the ring, and Caspian is out... no one to catch him! “HANDSOME” HENRY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!

DING! DING!! DING!!!

“MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!”

“MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!”

“MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!” “MAR-DUK!”

Fulton: Just disgusting, he showed up at the very end, why would anyone be happy for him?

Tucker: Marduk has been here, calling the match since the start! I for one can’t think of a better person to win the VVV memorial cup than his long suffering half brother.

[In the ring, some orphans hand the muscular character some flowers. Backyard officials enter the ring with the SWAT Ultimate title, and giant novelty cheque for all the money Vile owed the Magnificent One. Marduk wipes away a few tears, as the crowd continue to chant his name. One of the officials straps the Ultimate title around his waist, while another raises his arm in the air... fireworks go off. Outside the ring, LEFT Tentacle smiles, signing autographs for a few fans, feeling like a real wrestler. “Handsome” Henry and Edgar Caspian argue and shove each other in the aisle...]

Tucker: And the golden lining?

Fulton: SWAT Backyard is finally over...

Tucker: SWAT Backyard will never be over.

Fulton: No. It touched us all... in worse places than Frank Wilkes, still, I’m sure there is enough alcohol in the world to kill whatever brain cells remember this.

Tucker: Or model glue.

[No one can rain on Marduk's parade. ..."Chief' John Razorback steps out of the back, doing a raindance. Motherfucker.]

[SWAT Team]

(Dragon Belt is in his lockerroom preparing for his match with Eric Herrera. He has finished warming up and is looking at the camera.)

Dragon Belt: "Tonight I get my big chance at the SWAT National Title. First I must battle Eric Herrera who holds this prestigious title. I have waited quite a while and trained quite hard for this shot at destiny. During that time I was watching tapes and working out to be a perfect hundred percent."

(He folds folds his arms.)

Dragon Belt: "They say some wrestlers come into a promotion just to win a title and boost their egos. Herrera and I are quite different. You see he holds the title with lots of pride and honor. I also believe in holding titles with pride and honor. Unlike other wrestlers who like to brag about how good they are. I like to go out and prove it in the ring."

(He sighs and shakes his head.)

Dragon Belt: I also noticed that some wrestlers like to do some rather stupid things. Why would marcus O'Malley interrupt the event for no apparent reason. Is it because of me
Marcus. I do not know. If you have a beef with me we can just settle it in the ring at a future time and at a future event and location."

(He sighs again and stares into the camera again.)

Dragon Belt: "However, back to you Eric Herrera. I do respect you quite a bit. You have
quite a lot of talent and you showed that size doesn't matter when you faced a big man like American Freebear. Believe me I had a choice to choose between two opponents after a three way I had. Yes I chose Devastation over Triple X not because he was bigger, but because he wanted to prove how good he was. I defeated twice and I shall be facing him again. Can a smaller wrestler defeat a bigger one three straight times."

(He simple shrugs.)

Dragon Belt: "I do not know. However, I do know one thing when it comes to our match Eric. It's going to be a great aerial war between us as well as a battle of skill. That's one of the things I respect about you Eric. We both are going to be flying around the ring and trying to outthink the other. Kind of like a chess game. Who's going to make the first mistake. We don't know but in a matter of moments we'll probably find out. It ashall be quite interesting. It shall be quite interesting. I wish you goodluck and let's put on the best show and the best title match SWAT has ever seen. I can't wait."

(The scene slowly fades to black.)

[SWAT Team]

Chester: This next event is a fatal 4 way set for one fall and is for the SWAT Women's Championship. Introducing the first challenger, weighing in at none of your damn concern, Brandi!

Hot Stuff by Donna Summer hits as a video of Brandi in the ring controlling various opponents plays. The images on screen cut back and forth between Brandi in the ring and in the gym in her Kick boxing workout. Brandi makes her way down the aisle, with a smug look on her face. She pauses to look along the security railing. She usually spots one of the more attractive females in the crowd and gives her a wink before making her way up the steps.

Chester: The next challenger, from Williston, North Dakota, weighing in at 210 pounds, Stormy Weather!

The way I mate by RedNex hits and a woman in beautiful dress on high heels, and hair in a bun comes off the ramp. Before entering the ring she takes pins out the hair, the high heels and dress off as she chooses to wrestle barefooted in a top & kneehigh pants.

Chester: The next challenger, from Tucson Arizona, weighing in at 146 pounds, The Best Kept Secret Of The Southwest, Kaycee Tanner!