Gun Show Season Two: Episode One
Sept 30, 2019 3:12:12 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 1 more like this
Post by Venom đ· on Sept 30, 2019 3:12:12 GMT -5
November 28, 2018
Inside the car, sitting in the back seat is James Mueller holding onto the inside sides of the front seats as he tries to sit in the middle of the bumpy ride, while also covered in someone elseâs blood. He downs an airplane bottle of Jack Daniels and takes a quick look behind them and through the dust at the police lights. Mueller turns to Venom, whoâs sitting in the passenger seat with one hand on the dash and another gripping his seat belt. He turns to the driver, Charlie Velez. Velez looks unsure as they zip past a giant national park sign...
APPROACHING GRAND CANYON
DRIVE SLOW
Velez: âShit, weâre gonna be trapped.â
Venom: âMaybe itâs time to give up.â
Mueller: âNo, we never give up. Iâve been studying new baseball statistics and Iâm sure I can figure out the speed and launch angle we need to make it across the canyon.â
Venom: âHow are you going to do that?â
Mueller: âHow does anyone do anything? Google mother fucker.â
Mueller whips out his phone, it too is somehow covered in hooker blood. He wipes it clean and begins stabbing at his screen with his finger.
Velez: âI hope you figure this out quick because weâre approaching fast.â
Mueller: âOkay, it looks like we need to do at least 90 miles per hour.â
Velez: âBeen doing that for at least 30 minutes now.â
Mueller: âAlright, to get that distance across we need a launch angle of....â
Venom: âQuick, weâre almost there!â
Mueller: âHit that boulder there, that should get us launched.â
Venom: âIs it the right angle?â
Mueller is silent as Velez hits the boulder and they launch in the air soaring high over the canyon. All three men are silent and holding their breath as the car drifts through the sky. The car continues to lift, and then begins to descend and Mueller breaks the silence.
Mueller: âProbably not.â
All three men begin to scream as the car picks up speed towards the bottom of the canyon and the camera angle changes to a birds eye view in time to see the car hit the bottom and blow up in a fiery explosion. A swarm of police cars slide to a stop at the rim before they could fall to their own fate of fire and twisted metal. The cops begin to emerge from their vehicles and run up to the rim to see the burning vehicle at the bottom of the canyon. Some of them pull out their pistols and begin to fire upon the burning vehicle, literally 4000 ft away and below at the bottom of the canyon. The cops stop firing and begin to celebrate the GUNS demise.
Summer 2004
The place is the XHF new talent and rehabilitation center. Itâs the place where rehabbing members of the main roster and young new hires work together to get better and improve. This is where we find two members of the Guns, Charlie Velez and Venom together.
Theyâre sitting outside of the center in the quad enjoying lunch.
Mueller: "Whatâs up dick heads."
From off camera walks in James Mueller. Heâs here for, well, no one is for certain because Jamesâ answer is suspect, but letâs let him explain.
Velez: "Whatâs up? James right?"
Mueller: "Yeah Chuck. Thatâs me. The nephew of the great Goldberg and the next great champion here in the X-H-F."
Venom: "Thatâs what they all say."
Mueller: "Yeah well Iâve already held the United States Championship and if I can ever get over Mongoâs bias against me Iâll shoot straight to the top."
Velez: "Bias against you?"
Mueller: "Yeah. He hates me and forced me to leave tour and come here because he wants me to take a full drug screen. Like I do drugs."
Venom and Velez look at each other. Venom rolls his eyes."
Mueller: "So thatâs what Iâm doing here, what the hell are you two doing here?"
Venom: "Well, Iâm returning from a special mission given to me by the guy you say is bias against you, and Iâm helping this jack wagon rehab since weâre going to be brother-in-lawâs soon."
Mueller: "Special mission huh?"
Venom: "Yeah, I went to Mongoâs rival fed and proved weâre just as good here as they think they are. Puts me, well us, in the good graces of Mongo."
Mueller: "Thatâs a good place to be in, but what do you mean us? You two an item."
Velez: "Yeah, we unfortunately have each been labeled as tag team specialists since I spent so much time working with my brother and his two runs with different partners, so now weâre teaming up."
Mueller: "Sounds like fun. I could use some back up when Mongo lets me back."
Velez: "Yeah, well, maybe focus on cleaning yourself up and then we can talk."
Mueller smirks and walks away leaving the two to finish their lunch.
November 28, 2018
Past the cop drunken fuck fest celebration, the smoke has already faded significantly from the burning car at the bottom. The fire still slightly burns, a soft glow of orange that can be seen from a great distance. At the bottom of the canyon, the car sits upside down, crumbled significantly, with its hood in the dirt and the trunk lifted above the ground. The fire approaches itâs own death inside the vehicle.
Suddenly a figure limps into frame from the wall side of the canyon. Another figure emerges, holding their left arm in pain. A third figure walks in between them, rubbing his bald head. The three approach the car with the small fire slowly illuminating their faces. Velez continues to rub his head, glances at his hand for blood, and then turns to Venom holding his arm.
Velez: âHow the fuck⊠Did we survive that?â
Venom: â...I donât know.â
Mueller: âWas it⊠Was it God?â
Velez and Venom look skeptically at Mueller. Jamesâ shrugs.
Venom: âDonât be stupidâŠâ
Velez: âI was⊠Wearing my seatbelt⊠You?â
Venom: âYeah.â
Mueller: âYeah⊠But⊠This?â
Mueller motions his hands to the burnt out twisted charred wreck that was Charlie Velezâs rental car.
Venom: âI donât know⊠I donât fucking know.â
Velez puts his hands on his hips in disbelief. Venom turns to the canyon wall and looks up at the rim towards the commotion of moaning and drunks. Mueller approaches the driver side of the car and reaches in before pulling the keys out.
Velez: âWhat are you doing?â
Mueller: âWell, we werenât all wearing seat beltsâŠâ
Velez: âHuh?â
Mueller: âI was sort of⊠renting out the trunk of your car⊠Here, help me with this.â
Mueller and Velez approach the upside down trunk. Mueller inserts the key and unlocks the trunk. Both guys brace the top of the trunk, remember itâs upside down, with their arms and slowly drop it a bit. An arm rolls out.
I mean an arm completely rolls out and hits the ground at their feet. Venom hears and approaches. He takes a glance inside of the trunk.
Venom: â...Is that MGK?â
Mueller: â...Was.â
Velez: âWhy is he here?â
Mueller: âDoesnât matter, he agreed⊠Itâs canon.â
Velez: âWhat?â
A thin fluid stream starts splattering the ground behind them, interrupting the discovery of MGKâs body. Velez and Mueller push the trunk shut with MGKâs disgusting dead body still inside. The three look up and see a cop drunkenly peeing off the rim of the Grand Canyon towards them.
Venom: âWe better get going before someone spots us.â
Velez and Mueller nod and all three creep away from the car and further through the canyon. The drunk cop cocks his eyes a bit as he looks down to where his piss was landing⊠He seems confused and in disbeliefâŠ
Cop: â...those⊠fucking ghosts⊠Hey guys! This place is spooky!â
The cop turns back to the raging party of cops and forgets the whole thing.
September 3, 2004
Mueller: "Whatâs up boys."
Venom: "Our match just ended and weâre headed to cool down."
Velez: "So not much now."
Mueller: "Cool, cool. You guys looked good from what I saw."
Venom: "What you saw?"
Mueller: "Yeah. I was⊠training and I had one eye on the TV and one eye on the task at hand."
Velez: "Well thanks."
Mueller: "Yeah, I liked what I saw and Iâd still like to team up if youâve thought about it."
Venom: "We have, and honestly, weâre not quite sure yet."
Velez: "We will let you know when we figure it out."
Mueller: "Well let me know. I think we could do great things."
Mueller walks off as Venom and Velez look at each other. They start to take a step and then stop again as another person comes out of the room. She has her head covered to try and hide her identity. A pair of balled up panties are hanging out of her handbag as she scrambles out of the room. Venom and Velez give each other side glances and shake their heads.
Venom: "Was thatâŠ"
Velez: "I think it wasâŠ"
Venom: "Iâm not sure about having him around our wives if heâs doing shit like that."
Velez: "Me neither, but we could use someone to watch our backs. Everyone else seems to have someone."
Venom: "Yeah, we got each other, but thatâs likely not enough."
Velez: "So are we agreed."
Venom: "I think we should, but we donât need to rush yet."
The two walk away and drift off camera.
November 28, 2018
??: âWoooooo weee! Headshot!â
????: âGosh dang, Skeeter, you blew his head clean off!â
??: âPraise the Lord for my badass anti-deer artillery, wooooooooooo weeeeeeeeee!â
The light dims a bit and two large men in denim overalls and flannel emerge from behind the bright light and approach their four legged victim. The head of the deer is split apart like a pumpkin full of fruit jello and rotten strawberries, brains and blood polluting the forest floor at the two menâs feet.
????: âGosh dang, Skeeter, you killed that fuckin thing! What are we gonna do with it? Itâs so... beautiful.â
??: âNo, this was the Lordâs handy work, my friendâŠâ
A deer eyeball slides out from inside the extremely exposed skull of the deer.
??: âAnd everyone knows the Lord loves ravioli, so letâs make some deer ravioli. Grab the sled from the back of the truck and letâs get âem out of here before the fed-er-all gob-earn-ment comes and ruins everything.â
????: âGosh dang, Skeeter, thatâs a great idea!â
One of the men quickly hobbles back to behind the bright light and out of sight of the other man. The man left behind squats down and reaches out of the mess of torn and ripped flesh and grabs the tongue of the deer. He brings the tongue to his mouth, but not to eat⊠He closes his eyes and softly tongues the disattached deer tongue with his own. He lets out of a soft moan before heâs interrupted by the sound of metal getting hit coming from behind the bright light. The man quickly stuffs the tongue into his shirt pocket and stands up towards the light. He squints as he tries to look beyondâŠ
??: â...Mo.. Mohammed? Are you okay?...â
The man tries to block the light with his hand, shielding his face, until suddenly his hand explodes at the same time a gun is fired from behind the light. His pink is still intact, but his ring finger hangs from just the skin of his hand, his middle and index fingers are completely gone and the ridge between the two is ripped another two inches into his hand with bone and muscle exposed, and his thumb is halfway blown off as well. He starts screaming with an entire finger nail stuck to his forehead.
??: âAHHH OOOOOH FUCKING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GOD DAMN IT!â
The man falls to his knees and begins to go into shock, just staring at his exploded hand. The flood light turns off and heâs now kneeling in the dark, illuminated only by the moon. The man stops screaming, his eyes widen, and he begins to look absolutely horrified.
The man quickly raises his other hand and itâs caught immediately by the drooling jaws of Goldbear II! Goldbear II rips off most of the manâs hand, except for the thumb and the lower half going into the wrist. Goldbear II chews up the fingers, getting finger crumbs into his fur. The man starts screaming again until Goldbear II clamps his teeth into the manâs face, applies pressure, and crushes the cheeks and jaw of the man like a dozen eggs being stepped on.
Goldbear II roars as blood covers his face and his fur⊠and he looks up to the moonâŠ
Looking at the same moon hundreds of miles away is James Mueller, breathing hard on his hike with the rest of the gang in the middle of the night. Mueller, Venom and Velez reach the top of a steep hill, over looking just some of the vast valley in the Grand Canyon. All three are breathing a bit hard, as seen from the âfogâ coming from their mouths in the cold air. Theyâre also shivering a bit, rubbing their own arms, especially Charlie Velez who is partial to sleeveless hoodies.
Mueller: âWe need to sleep⊠Iâm so tired.â
Venom: âI agree⊠but weâre not going to survive out here if we stop now. Weâll freeze to death.â
Mueller: âCan we build a fire?â
Venom: âAfraid not⊠Weâll likely be spotted⊠We canât risk it.â
Mueller: â...Then weâre already dead.â
Velez: âHold on⊠I got an idea. I saw this in a movie once, three men just like us, lost the freezing desert just like us, needing to survive the night⊠We need to spoon each other.â
Venom: â...Excuse me?â
Mueller: â...I donât think I will.â
Velez: âYouâre going to have to trust me⊠It worked for Billy Crystal.â
The three men stare at each other for a minute⊠Barely movingâŠ
Mueller: â...Iâm not sleeping next to either of you⊠Iâm not ga-â
Present day
Magnus: "I don't know why, but today felt like the day to come back here. I was left the keys as the only surviving member. Why am I talking out loud?"
Just then, off camera, green lights flash and we here warping sounds. You know the sound. The camera pans over to reveal Evil Borg, Heavy Metal Borg, and Mecha Gold-Bear IV.
Mecha: "Teleportation complete."
Evil: "Ugh, I'll never get used to that. Warping between realities is a real... drag! BWA HA HA HA!"
Magnus: "I don't get it."
Heavy: "WOOOOP!"
Evil: "Yeah, you don't need to fool! But. You are exactly who we were looking for at exactly the right place! MWUA HA HA HA HA!"
Magnus: "Cool... I guess?"
Fade out.
November 29, 2018
Suddenly some human figure shadows appear from off camera, and an arm extends out with a six shooter aimed at James in the middle. A boot kicks James in the feet slightly, someone else does the same to Venom and another does so to Charlie Velez. All three begin to stirâŠ
Mueller: âYaawwwn⊠Youâre going to have to tell me what you use in your hair, VenomâŠâ
Venom is the first to notice a gun pointed at him, then Mueller. Both look caught off guard at the guys that are holding them at gun point.
Velez: â...five more minutesâŠâ
Charlie Velez closes his eyes to fall back asleep against Muellerâs back.
END...until next time.