GUN Show Season Two: Episode COVID-19 (Four)
Mar 18, 2020 22:56:56 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 3 more like this
Post by jamesmueller on Mar 18, 2020 22:56:56 GMT -5
Atlanta, GA
Present day
We open up outside of Venom's gym in Atlanta the home of the Guns. A taxi pulls up and MCCW star Kris Quake steps out with a look of disgust on his face.
Quake: This corona, covid, super flu shit is ruining everything. I was supposed to have an hour lay over here in Atlanta and now it's 30 hours and the hotels aren't taking anyone. Good thing I know someone in town.
The camera follows Quake as he walks towards the doors of the gym, but he is stopped by what looks like a homeless man in a new t-shirt that reads "staff" stops him.
Staff: Ticket sir.
Quake: What do you mean ticket?
Staff: The Gun Show, you need a ticket to enter, and you need to put on protection, you know, from the coronas.
Quake: The Gun Shows are still going on? With Venom an the boys dead?
Staff: I don't know those people. I just know the very generous Magnus has hired me to check tickets.
Quake: Well I'm talent. So I'll just go in and talk to the boss about what I'm doing.
The staff member nods and lets him in. Security is weak to say the least and we cut.
Gastro
November 4, 2004
*You're now tuned into the muh'fuckin greatest
Turn the music up in the headphones
Venom, you can go and brush your shoulder off ****
I got you, yeah
Xtreme-Tron the word "Venom" is shown small and growing bigger until it fills the Xtreme-Tron. As the verse ends black spiders fill the Xtreme-Tron until the screen is completely black, then one spider leaps towards the screen and leaves bite holes in the screen and at the spider bits the screen blue flaming pyros shoot from the stage. As the Chorus hits the Pyros die down and Venom comes from behind them walking down the ramp.
If you feelin like a pimp ****, go and brush your shoulders off
Ladies is pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off
****z is crazy baby, don't forget that boy told you
Get, that, dirt off your shoulder
Venom puases in front of the ring and brushes off his shoulder before running and slideing in the ring as the second verse hits. Venom then gets to his feet and jumps around in a circle in the center of the ring. As the Chorus hits again he pulls off the hood of his trench vest and runs to the top turnbuckle taunting out to the crowd. He then runs across the other side of the ring and repeats the routine. As the song becomes slow again Venom stands in his corner and takes off his vest as the song ends.*
GQ: This Young Gun has gotten into a very bad predicament.
Wombat: Let’s hope he fares better than his partner earlier.
The lights go completely out, many of the fans have lighters, lazer pens, etc and now have them on. Suddenly the screen turns on with a sea of static. The beginning of Burn to Burn by Static-X hits the speakers. The music takes a pause as nothing but a deep, slow voice is heard reciting the beginning of the song.
"Static in sound...
Uncurable
You plant the seed...
You feel the need"
A loud and booming scream is heard as pyro goes off at the top of the ramp, the ball of fire followed by the billowing smoke....but nobody comes out? The attraction comes to a halt and there is silence in the arena as they start the music again and still nothing.
Wombat: What the heck is going on? Where’s Reeshi?
GQ: Maybe he headed Mr. X’s words and decided to retire?
*The beginning guitar riffs and drum beats of "Fuck This World" by Slipknot plays over the speakers. At the singer's first scream, two red pyros go off on the stage forming an X...but he doesn't come out either. There is an eerie feeling throughout the arena when suddenly Reeshi is seen bursting through the curtains, rolling down the ramp backwards! Mr. X then steps through the curtains and stalks him back down the ramp! These two started the match in the back! Unfortunately we have no idea who started it so the referee doesn't call for a forfeit on either contender instead urges them into the ring. Mr. X reaches the bottom and grabs Reeshi, turning and tossing him into the steel steps. Reeshi is crawling around the outside of the ring until Mr.X snatches up the back of his pants. Reeshi pulls himself up but before either man can do anything Venom has leaped onto the top rope and comes crashing down on both men with a body attack! Venom is up while the other two men are down. He picks up Reeshi and throws him into the ring, and then does the same to X as he steps onto the apron. He springboards himself back into the ring with a leg drop across the throat of Mr.X and this match is now officially under way with all three men in the ring.
GQ: Well, I guess Reeshi is still here, and so is X.
Wombat: This match got brutal before it even started! Hold me.
GQ: Get away from me freak!
Venom vs Reeshi vs Mr. X
Venom takes a look at the two big men who are down inside the ring. He stands over Reeshi who is looking to get up as he runs back into the ropes and comes back, flipping himself over Reeshi and snapping his neck forward into a sitting position. The whiplash effect has Reeshi back down as X is to his knees. Venom turns and striks Mr. X in the gut a few times forcing him back into the corner. Venom takes off into the far corner and then comes back with a cross body! Venom has X staggering and trapped in the corner and tries to go pound for pound with the big man now striking with some chops and some right hands to the face and chest of Mr. X. Mr. X blocks one of the right hands and strikes with an open hand uppercut to the throat of Venom that sends the junior heavyweight back a few steps. X comes moving in, looking for the big boot but Venom ducks it. He scales the turnbuckle and comes back with a bulldog to X! He stays on for the cover but X powers out after one, that prematch affair with Reeshi doesn't seem to have effected X as much as it is Reeshi here suggesting that Reeshi got the worse of it. Meanwhile X has sat right back up.
GQ: That X just won’t stay down.
Wombat: He is too scary. I try to stay as far away from him as possible when I’m hanging out with Mongo.
Venom moves in searching for another right hand but again it’s blocked and X connects with another open hand uppercut. This time Venom turns right into Reeshi he scoops the big man up and drops him with a ring rattling spine buster! Reeshi pops right back and stares a whole through Mr. X. Mr. X walks forward and the two are staring each other dead in the eyes over the fallen body of Venom. Reeshi pointing down and motioning with his hands the entire way what he is mouthing to X. "Let's break him, and then it's just you and me..." Mr. X nods and Reeshi backs up, keeping his eyes on Mr. X and then proceeds to pick up Venom. Reeshi picks up Venom and holds him there for X. Venom trying to get loose, squirm his way out of it but Reeshi shoves him forward, X sets him up, DDX connects! Reeshi picks up Venom once again, they aren't done! He sets him up between his legs, Mr. X holding him steady and then bam! Coral Reesh from Reeshi! Venom dominated early when these two were divided, taking the fight to the big men early but the combined force of the two seems to be too much for Venom to handle.
Wombat: X and Reeshi working together! I never thought I’d see it!
GQ: Wow, just shows how much damage they could do if the teamed up. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Reeshi then gets up and stares down at Venom as X sees his opportunity and strikes hard with a boot to the face! Reeshi goes down to one knee as X picks up Reeshi in the press position and then drops him squarely on his stomach, the power of Mr. X on display now. Mr. X then stalks Reeshi before Reeshi uses X to pull himself to his feet. X tries to strike early with a right hand but Reeshi springs up to his feet and blocks it! There's still fight left in Reeshi who is now challenging X with right hands of his own. Mr. X doesn't respond and Reeshi sends him across to the far ropes catching him with a powerslam! Reeshi stays on him in a mounted position, leaning the head of Mr. X forward and striking with some vicious rights to the forehead of X!
Wombat: Simply vicious!
GQ: Simply xtreme brotha!
The crowd gets up as they see Venom beginning to stir again on the far side. Reeshi is picking up X when suddenly he's sent sprawling forward, a dropkick from Venom to Reeshi! There's still fight left in Venom as well, what resilience, what tough spirit being displayed by Venom now as Reeshi is in the corner and turns himself around to face his attack and Venom connects with another one that drops Reeshi to his knees! Before Venom can go any further though, X spins him around and Venom turns it into a wheel kick sending X back a few steps himself! There's fire in the heart of Venom as Reeshi sees his chance to get out of the corner he slowly walks across the side ropes, a little hunched feeling the effects of this match as X charges forward on Venom. X goes for another big boot his third of the contest and this is the second one that misses! Venom ducks it but X strikes Reeshi and sends him over the top and to the outside!
GQ: Reeshi’ll be pissed. Well, more pissed than usual.
Wombat: That Venom is so courageous, it inspires me!
GQ: Shut up.
Wombat: NO! You shut up!
GQ: *Gasp* Did you just tell me to shut up?!
Wombat: Yeah, and I’ll do it again if you don’t pipe down!
Mr. X staggers back, possible stretching his leg a little there in the second miss with that big boot tonight and walks right into Venom. Venom hooks him looking for the Xed out but he can't lift him! X lets go and gives it a few forearms to the back followed by some kicks to the back of the knee of Mr. X and then tries it again, this time he connects! Xed Out to Mr. X! Venom rolls over for the cover, he could do it here, 1, 2, X kicks out! And Venom can't believe it! He thought he had it as well. A quick pound with his right hand onto the mat in frustration before he realizes he needs to get back to work here. He gets up and takes a look wondering what he could do next from here when suddenly from behind he's crushed in the back of the head by J.L and his XHF Championship belt! Venom goes down holding the back of his head and this match has been thrown out.
Winner: Draw, match is thrown out via outside interference at 9:29
Wombat: Why JL why!
GQ: Well, because he--
Wombat: I SAID SHUT UP!
J.L stomps away on Venom until his back up onto his feet and in the corner. J.L comes charging towards the corner looking to drive his shoulder into the sternum of Venom but he moves out of the way. J.L strikes the turnbuckle padding and the DDT sends J.L to the mat. Venom turns around to see Reeshi on his feet now on the outside with his back to him. Venom charges looking for a suicide dive when Reeshi spins and cracks a steel chair over the skull of Venom! Oh my what a shot! The momentum, the sickening thud is heard through the arena as Venom had no time to brace for impact! He hits the floor and appears to be out cold as would be expected after such a chair shot. Reeshi tosses the chair into the ring and then follows it in. He goes to pick it up but Mr. X has stepped on that chair. Reeshi peers up to see the big man staring down on him when suddenly J.L has a pipe in hand and strikes it across the back of the knee of X! Where he got that pipe from nobody knows but it allows Reeshi to sweep the chair out from under the foot of Mr. X drive it into his gut, leaving him hunched over. He drops the chair beneath him and sets him up, Coral Reesh on top of the chair!
Wombat: Why are they, hey waitaminute? Didn’t JL kind of help Reeshi at the PPV.
GQ: Now that I think about it, he did! Could this mean--
Wombat: No time for that, the show is ending. Keep it xtreme everyone!
GQ: Hey, that’s my line!
Wombat: I SAID SHUT UP!
Reeshi remains where he is on his knees peering down at Mr. X a two on one post match attack here but J.L and Reeshi. J.L comes up behind Reeshi and pats him on his back as Reeshi stands up onto his feet. J.L then raises the arm of Reeshi right there in the middle of the ring. J.L in his free hand is holding up the title to the crowd while still raising the hand of Reeshi. The free hand is later used for a point as he shouts what appears to be praise out to everyone listening. J.L and Reeshi's hands come down as J.L moves to the outside to a lifeless Venom and shoves the title in the face letting him know who the champ is and that's as close as he was gonna get. Reeshi at the same time gets in the face of X claiming that this isn't over. Reeshi rolls out of the ring and begins to back up the ramp as J.L follows and catches up to him. Once at the top of the ramp Reeshi stops and takes a look at J.L giving it a nod and then a slight slap onto the chest of J.L before raising the hand of the champion himself! Gastro goes off the air, taking a glance into the ring at X and to the outside at Venom before finishing with Reeshi and J.L standing on top of the ramp with both arms in the air as the copy write logo appears and the show fades out.
Pyro
November 8, 2004
Welcome to your PYRO main event. This is a recreation of the Gastro because all footage has been lost. Playing the part of Rat Bastard will be Magnus in a really terrible Rat Bastard mask because we could not convince Rat to lose to Mueller again. Playing the part of Mueller will be Goldbear II in Mueller’s tights because Mueller refused to work with Magnus in ring and wanted to force Magnus back in the ring with the bear.
A ring master stands on a stage. There, behind him, total chaos in a circus setting. Funky music can be heard, as midgets and animals playing around. A man swallows a sword down his throat. Another man blows huge flames into the air. A Big thunderous voice can be heard from the big man on the center stage... making an announcement...
"Step Right up... Step right up Everyone..
Weither you're good or bad... Happy or Sad...
Weither you are an emotional wreck...
or a Blissful Speck in this blackhole of an existence... we call life.
Step right up and witness something you will be soon to never forget...
Feast your eyes on the most furocious fighter that has ever been created...
Built for you by the creator of life and death...
Built for you for you to fulfill the pleasures of pain and suffering...
Step right up... and take a look at the Future... Take a look at The Present...
Take a look.... at James Mueller..."
*The intro to "Minerva" by the Deftones begin, and some small white lights blink according to the beats of the song. Then the chorus kicks in, and white lights shoot out and just brighten the Xtreme Tron, as well as some white falling pyros fall from the ceiling onto the stage (Well, it would if this was actual footage, but we’re in Venom’s gym in Atlanta so none of this actually happens). The crowd gets up and doesn’t cheer (because there is no crowd), but they do know who's coming out. The beat drops for a second, and as it does the pyros and lights stop (Again, no actual pyro), and the arena is in total darkness (someone turned off the lights).. Then the song continues on the chorus, and then on cue a huge explosion erupts from the middle of the stage (no way), in front of the curtain. The falling pyros from the ceiling fall again (ha), and the white lights shine brightly. One huge light shooting from the middle of the stage is covered by the smoke of the explosion, and as the smoke clears away, James Mueller (AKA Goldbear II) is exposed with his arms out and his back towards the crowd as the white spotlight makes Mueller stand out even more. James then turns towards the crowd, and isn't welcomed very politely (Fake ‘boos’ are played). He begins to walk down the ramp as some of the audience yells profanic language at him. Mueller just has his grin on his face, and runs up to the ring steps. He spins around on the apron, and bounces on the rope and faces the crowd. More boos against him. Mueller just shakes his head, still grinning, and he enters the ring. He walks towards one turnbuckle, then stops. He just shakes his head, and flips off that section of the crowd. He begins to jump around, and awaits the match to start.
Venom: James Muller is the best.
Mueller: He’s simply amazing.
The arena in plungged into complete darkness (Again someone turned off the lights) as the opening cord to Drowning Pools Tear Away hit the P.A. system
I'm tearing away
Pieces are falling I can't seem to make them stay
You run away
Faster and faster you can't seem to get away
BREAKKKKKKKKK
Suddenly huge strobe cannons go off (nope) and fill the arena full of light (Someone flipped the switch).
Hope there's a reason
For questions unanswered I just don't see everything
Yes I'm inside you
Tell me how does it feel to feel like this
Just like I do
As the blinding light begins to disapate a shadow can be seen on the ramp as Rat Bastard (Magnus) stands glareing out at the crowd
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
Do I really want this
Sometimes I scare myself I just can't let it go
Can you believe it
Everything happens for reasons I just don't know
Rat gives a smirk and pulls a switch blade comb from his pocket, flipping it out he begins to drag it through his greasy black hair as he walks towards the ring.
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything but me
Damn I love me
Rat climbs into the apron of the ring gazeing out at the fans as a set of red lights above the ring cover him in there glow.
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
Rat slowly stalks about the ring until he notices his opponent and then begins to tremble in fear.
Main Event
Rat Bastard X*Crown Champion (Magnus) vs James Mueller (Goldbear II)
The bell rings and Mueller hits Rat with both hands (paws) in the chest. Rat is bleeding and out of self defense falls to the floor playing dead. Mueller lets out a monsterous growl while the ref makes the 10 count and declares Rat unable to recover.
Winner and NEW X*Crown Champion: James Mueller
Venom: I don’t remember that being in the script.
Mueller: Yeah, I’m pretty sure you and Velez were supposed to come out and impact the ending there.
Venom: That’s how I remember it.
Mueller: Oh well, close enough.
{It’s a regular day at Venom’s Gym. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, there was panic induced screaming about a crippling disease in the streets. Actual humans fist fight with other humans for paper to wipe their asses with. Inside, the patrons of the gym worked out on the fancy equipment. They did their best to avoid the shenanigans outside but it didn’t help that they didn’t lock the door so anyone could walk in at any time.}
???: Stupid Coronavirus,screwing up my trip home. I didn’t even care about it until it affected me personally.
{Suddenly, XHF legend, and current IWF World Champion; Steve Awesome comes walking into the gym. He is the type of guy that wears sunglasses indoors and world championship titles at all times. Behind him was a dark haired man with an, IWF t-shirt and credential tags on a lanyard around his neck.}
Eddy D: Hey come on. I think it’s a big deal. Look at all the things they are canceling. I mean seriously, do you really think the American people would just freak out like this over nothing?
{The whole gym goes silent for a few moments.}
Eddy D: The virus is serious. People could die! I can’t wait for this travel issue to be fixed and I can get myself home into self quarantine!
{The IWF World Champion; Steve Awesome, just sighs and shakes his head. He picks his world title and raises it above his head. Revealing his black shirt with white lettering that reads “I Don’t Wash My Hands”. Available now.}
Steve Awesome: I don’t care. I am the world champion. I’m not afraid of a little flu. But if you piss me off enough I’ll go cough on your grandma right now! Maybe next time she won’t take so long buying lottery tickets!
Eddy D: Okay, fine. Fine. I want to get home as bad as you do, no need to bring my grandmother into this. Just talk to this “Venom” guy you know and let’s get out of here. I definitely do not think you’re supposed to be on this show.
Steve Awesome: How many do I have to tell you, in the Champion of the world. I can do what I want. No contract and no pandemic can stop me.”
{Suddenly, Quake steps up to the champion.}
Quake: Hey you horse’s arse. You like throwing that title around? Are you man enough to put it on the line here TONIGHT!?
{Steve Awesome smirks.}
Eddy D: No way. Not gonna happen. You work for two different companies. We’d get sued so hard and IWF upper management would have my head. I won’t allow it.
{Steve shoves Ed to the side.}
Steve Awesome: You’re on. I have no problem stepping up and showing the world how great I am.
{Steve extends his arm for a handshake.}
Quake: I’m goning to prove I'm the best in the world, and take your pretty little belt.
{Quake accepts the handshake, reads Steve’s shirt and looks a bit disgusted.}
We fade open to a couple of shirtless men, Ryan and Christopher Velez, scrambling through boxes and equipment in a utility closet at Venom’s Gymnasium in Atlanta, GA. Present Day. Chris tosses an empty cardboard box out of the way as he looks through some paper stacks and office supplies. Ryan knocks over some boxes himself as he digs through various office items. Ryan grabs one thing in particular and holds it up to show Chris.
Ryan: What’s this?
Chris: I think that’s the XHF Network award they won last year.
Ryan: What’s it doing in here with all this other garbage?
Chris: I think you just answered your own question, bud.
Ryan tosses the trophy over his shoulder and goes back through the supplies. They both seem to be a bit agitated.
Chris: Where are they?
Ryan: There’s no way they don’t have any…
Chris: I’ve seen the box, it’s… OH! It’s up here!
Chris turns to his right and points to the top of the shelf. A cardboard box sits, a bent in corner sits over the edge, and written on the side, “PURELL.”
Ryan: There it is! Hand sanitizer!
Chris and Ryan scramble over boxes and supplies to the shelves and start to climb up. Chris stretches out his arm as much as he can and finally knocks off the box from the shelf. It tumbles off over the heads of Chris and Ryan and to the floor below them.
Ryan: Shit!
Chris jumps after the box and lands on top of it, flattening it beneath him. He lets out a loud “OOF” as he compresses the cardboard, but then a single personal use of hand sanitizer shoots out of the box underneath him. It slides across the floor and stops at a pair of sneakers. Chris notices the hand sanitizer on the floor and quickly scrambles as Ryan hops off the shelves himself. Chris puts a hand on the hand sanitizer only to be met with a large hand as well. Chris looks up at who else is making a claim to the hand sanitizer, and it’s none other than…
Ryan: Beef.
Random Guy in the Background: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!
It’s BEEF! BEEF pulls the hand sanitizer up, along with Chris off the ground. The two lock eyes as Chris’ expression goes from surprised to anger. Ryan jumps on to the box again and digs through it, but then looks at Chris and BEEF.
Ryan: That’s the last one...
Chris: This is OURS, Beef. It’s the last one!
BEEF: I don’t think so, Chris.
Ryan: Let it go, Beef!
Chris: This is ours! We need it!
Ryan: I can’t get sick, Beef! It’s almost tank top season!
Chris: Beef! This belongs to US!
Ryan: I’ll lose muscle mass if I get sick, Beef!
Chris: Give it up Beef, this is OURS!!!
BEEF: Mmm… No.
BEEF tightens his hold on the hand sanitizer… In fact, the pressure begins to move the nozzle a little and Chris notices.
Chris: Beef, no! You’re going to break what belongs to US!
Ryan: I DONT WANT TO DIE of embarrassment, Beef!
BEEF: You don’t need this, Chris. YOU don’t need this, Ryan.
Ryan: Wha?!
BEEF: I don’t need this… The elderly need this… The kids need this… The PEOPLE NEED THIS!
Chris: We’re people!
Random Guy Again: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!
Ryan: Yeah! We’re people too, you know! And we found it first!
BEEF: And you can be GOOD people if you’d just give it to people that actually need it more than you.
Magnus: Hey hey hey, h-waat’s goin on in here-aah?
Magnus walks into frame to a live studio audiences applause.
Chris: Beef is trying to steal the last of the hand sanitizer.
Ryan: THAT HAND SANITIZER BELONGS TO US!
BEEF: These boys think they can hoard vital supplies from those who need it.
Chris: Not true!
Ryan: That’s OURS!!!
BEEF: I bet these are the guys that took all of the toilet paper out of the rest rooms as well.
Magnus kind of gives a disgusted sniff…
Magnus: Yeah I was… uh… wondering about that…
Ryan: OURS!!
Magnus: Tell you what, boys. Since I’m in charge around here, let’s have us a good ol’ fashioned… wrestling match.
Chris: What??
BEEF: You know there’s a six-foot buffer rule in effect right now, right?
Magnus: I know there’s a bottle of hand sanitizer in there, but you guys are currently holding each other’s hands...
Chris’ eyes widen in shock and he pulls his hand away, without the bottle.
Chris: Oh my God… I might have it now…
Ryan: DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE, CHRIS!
Chris Velez’s eyes begin to twitch as he struggles to avoid touching his face.
Magnus: The way I see it, you both are probably already infected… and therefore dead…
Ryan: Gasp!
Magnus: But for this last bottle of hand sanitizer… as payment in lew of pay… I think we can have ourselves a wrestling match. I’ll get a referee ready and you boys can determine who really deserves this last bottle…
BEEF hands the bottle of Magnus, and Magnus smiles in between them as the camera focuses on the three… And stays there…
Magnus: ...o...ok we can cut now-
Magnus: To me! Okay, so I’m not sure how this works or who actually decides on matches, but we got the IWF World Champion; Steve Awesome defending his world championship against MCCW superstar Kris Quake, live here on this special Saint Patty’s Day/Coronavirus edition of the GUN SHOW!!!
{The camera scans the crowd to find a sea of orange hazmat suits. Everyone is prepared for the worst but having the best time!}
Magnus: This crowd looks pumped!
{Outsiders by Eric Church hits the speakers and Kris Quake steps out to the stage, getting some cheers from the crowd. He walks down to the ring in his shiny loose pants.}
Magnus: Kris Quake is multi time XHF champion in his own right. Tag titles and Junior Heavyweight. This guy is a credible champ in his own right.
{All the lights in the arena die out and the fans in attendance start chanting
his name.}
"AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME!"
{Dramatic Pause.}
"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"
{The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat as Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped up chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones.}
Lonely nights/ and a whole lot of wasted time!
If you see her wont you tell her for me/
It's better this way to avoid all the misery
{The chorus plays again as Steve walks down to the ring. The guitar starts soloing and Steve hops into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket and then spins and drops into a kneel and he flexes his arms. He gets a slow motion effect as pyro sprays behind him.}
Magnus: And here is the IWF world champion. He has had his own success Steve has been dealing with people calling him old and washed up but now he is a world champion and he’s out to prove us all wrong. We will see what he’s all about.
{A referee explains the rules. Suddenly IWF official Eddy D shows up at ringside and he starts begging Steve not to fight in this match.}
Magnus: I still don’t know the logistics of this match. I'm sure IWF management isn’t happy their champion is competing on our show, but we are cutting edge here on the Gun Show.
{Steve shoves Eddy out of the way and the ref calls for the bell. Quake runs in with some stiff forearms to the IWF champion. Steve staggers back. Quake hits another hard forearm, a spinning back kick to the gut and an upward palm strike. Steve hits the mat but climbs back up to his feet and Kris runs the ropes and hits a stiff knee to the gut. Steve hunches over in pain and Quake runs the ropes again and hits a huge yakuza kick. He goes for a cover but the IWF Champ kicks out at two. He looks dazed but climbs to his feet and Quake hits a leg sweep into a front flip leg drop and he goes for another cover. Steve Awesome just barely gets his shoulder up. Eddy D looks like he’s about to have a heart attack. “DONT LOSE” he shouts.}
Magnus: Kris Quake giving the IWF champ a run for his money. If Kris Quake were to win this match, he’d be the new world champ of the IWF!
{Steve shakes off the cobwebs and he gets up and runs into a lock up with Quake. Steve ducks a strike and he goes behind looking for a cross face chicken wing. Steve looks to slow down the pace but Quake fights out so Steve adjusts and hits a cross face chicken suplex, and Quake lands hard on his head.}
Magnus: Ooh! That will certainly slow the first we junior heavyweight champion down.
{Steve goes for the pin and Quake gets the shoulder up just before three. Kris rolls over and holds his head in pain. Steve slaps at Kris and stomps at his head to add insult to injury. Steve yanks Quake up by the arm, twists it into a hammerlock and hits a hard backdrop. Steve spins around and pins him with a cocky pose and Quake kicks out again.}
Magnus: Steve Awesome really drilled Quake on his head with that cross face chicken wing suplex. And now he is showing that he is in control. But it still isn’t enough to put Kris Quake away. Now the IWF champion is signaling for the end. This sold out crowd is on fire for this match.
{Some of the crowd have bought hotdogs and beer and they are wondering how to eat and drink through the gas masks. Everyone else is definitely on their feet for this match. Steve Awesome loads up Kris Quake onto his shoulders for the SteveKO but Quake slips out the back, but Steve has a counter for the counter hits a drop toe hold and starts locking in the Min-knee bar! Quake frantically reaches for the ropes and manages to snatch the bottom rope before Steve could get the move all the way locked in.}
Magnus: Kris Quake barely escaped two of Steve Awesome’s trusty finishers. And then…..Oh wait!! Quake with a roll up! One!! He’s got it locked in tight!! Two!! Eddy D is biting his lip in fear! ThreOh no Steve just barely breaks free.
{Steve Awesome looks on at Quake in complete shock. He then turns and looks at Eddy in complete shock. The ref comes to check on Steve and Steve suddenly coughs in the refs face! The ref freaks and screams he is infected and while the ref and Quake are distracted Steve Awesome nails a huge kick to the groin and then Steve hits the the SteveKO! The ref, still with a sanitizer towel on his face, slides in for the count. 1…..
2……..
3!!!!!!}
Magnus: Ah that’s crap. Steve out here spreading viruses to win matches! What won’t that asshole do? The IWF Champion wins on here on The GUN SHOW!
{Steve Awesome and Eddy D celebrate up the ramp as Quake glares from the ring holding his head and groin.}
Somewhere in isolation
A QUICK UPDATE ON THE GUNS!
Mueller: We’re currently in quarantine.
Venom: God DAMN IT!
THAT WAS A QUICK UPDATE ON THE GUNS!
Present day
Magnus as Howard Finkel: Ladies and Gentlemen…
Magnus stands in the ring, wearing an oversized suit, but is surrounded by empty seats…
Magnus as Howard Finkel: This… is the HAND SANITIZER ON A POLE MATCH! Sponsored by Purrell!
The lights to the gym dim down and the audience begins to cheer for the upcoming match-up. MF DOOM's "Deep Fried Frenz" starts bumping the sound system as white and purple spotlights cycle through the gym and the stage. Out steps Marquise Lee from the back, in bright purple wrestling trunk shorts and a smirk on his face. The audience doesn’t exist for the giant man, nearly breaking 300 lbs and over 6'6. He takes his time down the ramp towards the ring, moving his body with the beat of the song. He gives a couple of non-existent fans fives on the way down. Marquise Beef stops in front of the ring, he turns to his left, places his index finger on the left side of his jaw and moves his head to face to his right. He winks to the camera and the empty seats, and then jumps up to the apron of the ring almost effortlessly. He climbs into the ring and struts to the middle. He lowers his head briefly before swinging his arms up and in to flex as he yells "BEEF!" He takes off his shirt, quickly wraps it into a ball and tosses it into the empty seats. Beef starts running the ropes, almost physically moving the ring with each bounce off of the ropes.
Magnus as Howard Finkel: First! Hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada… Weighing in at 300 pounds… Marquise Lee…… BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!
Magnus as Micheal Cole: Oh my! Look at this man! Here comes the BEEEEEEEF!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: OH MY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!
The New Deal hits the speakers as Chris and Ryan Velez make their way out. They’re both wearing surgical masks and maintaining a six foot separation from each other. Chris and Ryan both stop at the end of the walkway in front of the ring. Ryan points angrily at BEEF, shouting “THAT IS OURS!” while Chris just eyeballs BEEF.
Magnus as Howard Finkel: The Challenger! Accompanied by his brother Ryan Velez. Hailing from.. uh... the same town as Charlie Velez…
Chris: CHICAGO!
Magnus as Howard Finkel: Chicago, Illinois! Weighing in at… uh... less than 300 pounds… CHRISTOPHER… VELEZ!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: He’s jacked, baby! Look at him!
Magnus as Micheal Cole: Oh my!
Magnus as Howard Finkel: And introducing our special guest referee this evening… Magnus!
Magnus removes his suit to expose a referee uniform. He also pulls out the bottle of hand sanitizer that BEEF and Chris were fighting over earlier. Referee Magnus climbs a turnbuckle that has a pole attached to it, grabs the rope that is dangling from the top, and ties off the hand sanitizer to it. Magnus comes off the turnbuckle and then notices Chris and Ryan, still on the outside, and motions for Chris to get in the ring.
Chris: One second!
Referee Magnus: Get in this ring!
Ryan: HE SAID ONE SECOND!
Ryan digs into his jacket and pulls out a second hand sanitizer bottle. BEEF walks over from the opposite side of the ring and has to be held back by Referee Magnus.
BEEF: They already have one! They’re being selfish!
Ryan: Oh piss off, Beef, it’s OURS!
Chris: Hit me, Ryan!
Chris puts both his hands out for some hand sanitizer, and Ryan obliges with a few squirts from the bottle. Chris rubs his hands thoroughly and even rubs up his arms a little bit. Referee Magnus motions at him again to get in the ring and Chris motions fine. Chris climbs up the stairs and gets into the ring at the corner opposite of BEEF. The Referee motions to ask if both are good but Chris puts up his hands again.
Chris: Ryan! Hit me one more time…
Magnus as Vince McMahon: Oh! What a maneuver!
Ryan gives Chris a couple more squirts of hand sanitizer and BEEF stands there annoyed. Referee Magnus finally gets what he wants from both and he motions for the bell. No bell rings… Magnus reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small bell hammer and tosses it from the ring to the outside. It hits the bell and signals the start of the match.
HAND SANITIZER ON A POLE MATCH
“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF” MARQUISE LEE VS. CHRIS VELEZ W/ RYAN VELEZ
Magnus as Vince McMahon: Here we go!
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my!
BEEF and Chris take a step out of the corners but then start to think for a second… Neither really want to make contact with each other. However, Ryan runs up the corner with the pole from the outside and tries to snag the hand sanitizer! BEEF runs over to the corner and hits a stiff shoulder tackle to Ryan on the turnbuckle, sending Ryan flying over the ringside and into the empty seats!
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: What a maneuver!
Chris shockingly looks on as Ryan lays in a pile of chairs. Referee Magnus jumps out of the ring to check on Ryan Velez. Magnus removes his referee uniform to expose his ringside doctor uniform and tries to help Ryan out. Chris runs and jumps onto BEEF’s shoulders to put him in a headlock, but then quickly jumps off and tries to wipe away any germs from his arms. BEEF turns and tries to rush Chris, but Chris rolls out of the way to miss a shoulder tackle. BEEF continues running into the ropes and bounces back towards Chris. Chris Velez ducks under a leaping BEEF, who bounces off the opposite ropes and again steamrolls towards Chris. Chris hits a standing dropkick into BEEF, and while it stops him it doesn’t send him onto his back. BEEF wobbles a little bit and Chris jumps again for another dropkick. BEEF falls back into the ropes, still on his feet, and then bounces back into ANOTHER dropkick from Chris Velez, but he manages to swat the third dropkick away and it sends Chris to land on his chest on the mat instead.
Magnus as Vince McMahon: What a maneuver!
BEEF grabs Chris by the back of the head and gets him off the mat. Chris swats his hand away and goes diving out of the ring into the ring side on his own. He scrambles around looking for Ryan, who’s still being tended to by Referee Magnus. Chris hops the guard railing and tends to his brother. Sorta. Instead, Chris grabs the hand sanitizer that Ryan brought to the ring and uses it again. He drops the hand sanitizer back into Ryan’s jacket and slowly makes his way back to the ring, eyeing the hand sanitizer still attached to the pole. BEEF looks at the hand sanitizer still on the pole too and then quickly moves to the turnbuckle. Chris runs up from the outside and meets BEEF on the turnbuckle as well and the two begin to punch each other back and forth. BEEF overpowers Chris, however, and Chris begins to fade back, holding on to the rope with his free arm so he doesn’t fall back. BEEF however grabs him by the head and pulls him in close. BEEF hooks his arm around Chris’ legs and hoists him onto his shoulders. He then falls back off of the turnbuckle for a thunderous avalanche flapjack!
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: What a maneuver!
Chris has died. Or at least, is knocked out of it for the time being while BEEF slowly starts to move to his feet again. BEEF stumbles a bit, after having the wind knocked out of him, but he gets into the corner where the pole is. Ryan pulls himself over the guardrail and limps over to the same corner from the outside. Referee Magnus hops the guardrail as well and slides back into the ring. Ryan pulls out something else from his jacket, but this time it’s dish soap. He squirts the dish soap on the ropes before BEEF can use them. BEEF, however, does kick the bottle out of Ryan’s hands and deep into the empty audience seats. Ryan screams and hobbles back to the guard rail and pulls himself back into the empty seats in order to retrieve the dish soap.
Magnus as Vince McMahon: OH! Would you look at that!!
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my!
BEEF grabs the ropes in the corner and tries to climb them but his feet slip multiple times and he can’t seem to grip them. The dish soap has been successful in keeping BEEF from climbing the ropes! BEEF keeps trying to catch a grip with his boots on the ropes. Chris leaps from behind and onto BEEF’s back, but instead of trying to hit any offense on him, Chris is trying to use BEEF like a ladder to get to the hand sanitizer himself. He scrambles and swipes at BEEF’s face to daze him from defending himself. Chris’ fingers tip the hand sanitizer, but BEEF backs up away from the turnbuckle. Chris sits on the back of BEEF’s shoulders but BEEF spins him around so he sits up in a powerbomb position. Chris swings at BEEF’s head to free himself and manages to get off of BEEF’s shoulders on his own. Chris then hits a superkick to BEEF, but it doesn’t send him to the ground. Chris turns back to the turnbuckle with the hand sanitizer, and with a clear lane he decides to run for it. However, his feet slip as soon as he takes one step on the bottom rope and he slams his own chin into the top of the turnbuckle. He stumbles and turns back to BEEF. BEEF rips off Chris’ medical mask which causes Chris to panic and he bends down to try and get it back off the mat. BEEF uses this as an opportunity to pull in Chris for a powerbomb again. He lifts Chris off his feet and then slams Chris into the mat with a powerbomb.
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my! Powerbomb!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: What a maneuver!
BEEF makes his way back to the corner with the hand sanitizer on a pole. He rubs his feet on the ropes trying to desaturate the soap so he can get a grip, and manages to do so finally. He climbs the first rung, and then manages to get the second rung. Chris has rolled to his knees and he reaches for BEEF’s feet as BEEF reaches for the hand sanitizer, just inches away. Suddenly, a cough echoes throughout the gymnasium. Both men stop reaching, and BEEF and Chris both turn to behind them in the opposite side of the ring. Referee Magnus stands there, with his hand over his mouth, eyeing back at the competitors. He coughs again.
Magnus as Michael Cole: Oh my!
The studio lights to the gymnasium all turn on, brightening up the place. BEEF hops off the ropes and faces Referee Magnus. Chris is still on his knees but he hits up, full attention at Referee Magnus as well. Way in the background, in the seats, Ryan stands up with a bottle of dish soap in hand, also eyeing Magnus. Suddenly, the gymnasium doors bust open and the place is swatted by dozens of people in hazmat suits with “CDC” imprinted on their gear.
CDC: THIS PLACE IS UNDER QUARANTINE! SHUT OFF THE CAMERAS BEFORE THOSE AT HOME GET INFECTED!
Magnus as Vince McMahon: What a maneuver!
All four men are apprehended by the CDC as they also swarm the cameras and we cut to black.