Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 30, 2021 22:14:44 GMT -5
*We open up in the familiar setting of Aiden Merric’s hunting cabin. How does he keep getting back here? AWF isn’t like Fireside, holed up in one city. Maybe that’s a mystery for the rumble … sitting on the lounge chair in the middle of the room and using the computer connected to the flat screen TV as a monitor is Tucker Bernard. He seems to be diving deep into some research. Into the room walks Aiden Merric, he is mostly naked except for a towel that is clearly years old. It is wrapped around his waist as steam emits from the room behind him. His mullet is plastered to his skin from the shower he clearly just took. His face is beaming like a million bucks.*
Merric: I tell ya Tuck, victory makes everything nicer. The hot water seems more luxurious. The homemade shampoo cleans better. The post shower jer- …are you looking up strippers on my computer?
Tucker: Nah, I’m trying to find information about your latest match. This is what came up when I entered your partner.
Merric: HAHAHAHAHA!
*a hearty belly laugh as Aiden nearly drops the towel but recovers it. He walks across the room behind a kitchenette which is roughly belly high and whips off the towel to dry his sopping wet mop of hair.*
Merric: Tuck your google-fu is failing you! See a real hunter uses his instincts.
Tucker: And what do your instincts tell you about this Webb kid?
Merric: I still ain’t pleased they keep making me into some child beater. I may be a bad man but I ain’t no child abuser! It’s like they’re trying to play up stereotypes about uber violence and such, Tuck.
*He tosses the towel into a hamper and looks out the window and sees a squirrel. He grabs a crossbow and fires a bolt out the window then grumbles as he clearly missed.*
Tucker: Riiiiiight. Wouldn’t wanna bloody peg you as one o’ dem violent types, would we Merric?
Merric: *spitting in the sink* Damn straight!
*He grabs a Bastard Brew out of the fridge. One swift motion later he’s popped the tab and foam is bubbling out of the opening as he pours half the can down his throat.*
Merric: Still. This Webb kid isn’t as helpless as I once *BEEEEEEELCH!!!* thought… And yet the thought of having to once again beat a child senseless has my stomach turning. I thought maybe Felix and Steele had seen the error of their ways but no. They just throw the kid into a title match. He gets to win the title I made valuable while feeling up some hot blonde.
Tucker: I mean you go to feel up that tattooed lady.
Merric: Not just that I made her tap. I got her to tap out, something that Sanders bloke probably never does.
Tucker: He is the world champion now…
*Merric stares daggers at his friend*
Tucker: Yeah I know, shouldn’t oughtta’ve said that. It’s bloody true though Merric.
Merric: And I will soon be the X*Crown champion. The finest hunt of all. A right turtle’s nest of competitors all out to be the best. I let the Sanders goof get past me. I won’t let it happen again. I took down his broad. Now it’s time I took down his mentor. Showed him just how worthless he is. It’ll do the kid some good!
*Merric gulps down the rest of the beer and crushes the can in his hand before tossing it in the recycling. He’s NOT A MONSTER FOLKS …*
Merric: And I’ll get to come face to face with the bastard one more time. The man may smell like a skunk’s arsehole but he knows how to make a right addictive can of piss.
Tucker: You’d drink bilge water and be happy Aiden.
*Aiden turns back to his friend, who shields his eyes by diving back into his research to avoid the obvious center of attention, which remains hidden from the camera.*
Merric: Right, so I build a bit of momentum again, show that bitch what for. She loses her title because of the spanking I gave her. And they turn around and try to prep me for the rumble with … Frankie Webb and Xiaolong … fine. If that’s what they see as money, top advertising for their future X*Crown Champion, I’ll be stuffed. But I’ll give them what they are clearly after. A massacre.
Tucker: Xiaolong is one of the longest tenured wrestlers in AWF. Former Phoenix Champ. And Webb is the current champ!
Merric: And I am CLEARLY on another level to these two! They’re trying to make a quid on the dregs of the company, playing their lanes. But me? I’m the ridgy-didge top tier talent AWF has been trying to grow for as long as I’ve been aware of them. Who do you call when Seth Dillinger gets Mavericked by Maverick? Who do you call when Card gets Crossed up and can’t be at the top of the bill? Who can save the company when your top tier champion isn’t known as “EXCITING ADAM!” or “AMAZING ADAM!” but as … “Awkward … Adam”? You call the workhorse of the AWF. You bring in the contract for hire, thriller and killer, Aiden Merric.
Tucker: … How long did you rehearse that in the mirror?
Merric: ’Bout as long as it took Coach to completely change his character on Frankie. *he snaps his fingers* That coach didn’t prepare the kid for the storm that is coming. Even after I came out on top last time AND WENT EASY ON HIM! What kind of coach is he anyhow? Ted Dansen could teach HIM a thing or two!
Tucker: We get it, yer an old man!
*Aiden laughs again, clearly amused by his own games, though nobody else is. Least of all the sideburns of Tarrasque on the mantle which seem to somehow droop in shame at this conversation*
Merric: Coach, you should be preparing your child protégé to be rooted. Because this time I ain’t gonna be satisfied with stealing a win after softening up someone and letting the kid get some exercise in. Frankie is now holding a title I hold near and dear. And I aims to prove he isn’t worthy to carry it. He is not going to be the next legendary Phoenix Champion, Aiden Merric! I am the reason that title is so desired. Not Natasha, not New Jimmy Carner, not Betsy the Muppet Murderer … need to talk to her about gimmick infringement for that trophy wall … and ESPECIALLY not the tiny dragon wannabe your minor annoyance is teamed with. Me! They might as well nickname that flying bird title the Aiden Merric Classic.
Tucker: That’s a bloody awful idea Aiden.
*Aiden considers this in a pose that is now commonly referred to as Dominithinking.*
Merric: Maybe. Look. Frankie. You gotta wake up pretty early to get one over on ol’ Aiden. See I have seen a lot of shite in my day. And I wake up with the sparrows fart every morning to prepare myself. I am not about to let you grow that ego and make a mockery of my title the way those ReVenants did. If you are gonna hold that title you need to learn what it means to be a champion. Either you’ll learn to swim with the sharks like me, and maybe luck into a win … or I’ll eat you for breakfast without any milk.
*What an … odd … flex …*
Merric: Ya did something impressive and put chivalry on the back shelf to bitch slap that bitch back to the Walker Dungeon with the rest of Beverly Hills 9021OMG. Now prove it wasn’t a fluke. You have a chance here to prove that I really did just steal YOUR win. Then again you could just prove I am the most savvy wrestler in the company. And don’t expect that twerp in the dragon mask to do you any favors. We’ve all seen the way he talks to his friends and allies. And we all saw how needy he was. I’m pretty sure Bloodied Fox still can’t help but cringe and check around every corner for his rabid stalker whenever someone mentions Little Dragon. He may seem like he wants to teach ya something. But that’s not the case at all. After all, as green as you are, that task is a piece of piss. He’s either out to ride yer coattails or steal that belt from you. After all, that Phoenix title is basically Xiaolong’s whole world… and his only real accomplishment. And I made it look like a drop in the pan.
*Aiden shrugs his muscular shoulders, showing off every scar on his chest in the light of his cabin as he does so. He laughs and then puts a foot on the counter and … cuts his toenails with kitchen shears from the cutlery drawer … on the counter where he cooks … he … he does know the camera is on yes?*
Tucker: This entire concept was a cock up. Now I’M gonna chunder.
Merric: Oh zip it ya twit.
Tucker: Just … just stop doing that and get back to giving the dragon a bollocking.
Merric: With pleasure. Xiao, face it. I am everything you wish you could have been. Two time champion, featured presence on the show, known more for beating down the roster than making them look good. The LONGEST reigning Phoenix Champ of all time. And … a future X*Crown Champ. Soak it in, I get it. I’m impressive. You wish you could be me. After all, Bloodied Fox doesn’t hate me like he does you! … yet … might need to take HIS new shiny trophy too …
Tucker: One task at a time Merric.
Merric: And to top it off, you two got screwed even harder by management this week. You get the toughest SOB in the biz AND a mad dog. I may not know him, but with a nickname like that he has to be a savage animal in the ring. Wonder if we could trade secrets on how to mangle people in the ring. Put simply, you all are in for some sheer brutality. You should have let mad dogs lie, but instead you reawoke this crazed hound from his slumber!
Tucker: Uh … *looking at the biography of Mad Dog Smith* Merric?
Merric: I can’t wait to see the animal that earned that nickname. Wonder if he’s got more callouses on his fists than I do? Probably not but hey I can wonder.
Tucker: Aiden, I think you need to see this.
Merric: Tuck I don’t need to see words. I have a sixth sense for manly men like this. They clearly saw money in two beasts in the ring and tagged us together. I bet he’s got a mountain man beard and a wall of muscle.
Tucker: Prepare to be surprised.
Merric: It’s a video of some pretty boy girly man? And a sumo and a horrific stereotype? Tuck I thought you were helping me out?
Tucker: That’s Smith.
Merric: I find it hard to believe that boy has worked with his hands on anything other than his own rod.
Tucker: Mad Dog Smith … your tag team partner.
*Aiden’s eyes loo confused, then they go wide with realization.*
Merric: Oh … well … um … fuck me I guess.
*Tuck glances at Aiden … who is still naked with his parts just off camera*
Tucker: …I mean … he might?
*Fade out*
Merric: I tell ya Tuck, victory makes everything nicer. The hot water seems more luxurious. The homemade shampoo cleans better. The post shower jer- …are you looking up strippers on my computer?
Tucker: Nah, I’m trying to find information about your latest match. This is what came up when I entered your partner.
Merric: HAHAHAHAHA!
*a hearty belly laugh as Aiden nearly drops the towel but recovers it. He walks across the room behind a kitchenette which is roughly belly high and whips off the towel to dry his sopping wet mop of hair.*
Merric: Tuck your google-fu is failing you! See a real hunter uses his instincts.
Tucker: And what do your instincts tell you about this Webb kid?
Merric: I still ain’t pleased they keep making me into some child beater. I may be a bad man but I ain’t no child abuser! It’s like they’re trying to play up stereotypes about uber violence and such, Tuck.
*He tosses the towel into a hamper and looks out the window and sees a squirrel. He grabs a crossbow and fires a bolt out the window then grumbles as he clearly missed.*
Tucker: Riiiiiight. Wouldn’t wanna bloody peg you as one o’ dem violent types, would we Merric?
Merric: *spitting in the sink* Damn straight!
*He grabs a Bastard Brew out of the fridge. One swift motion later he’s popped the tab and foam is bubbling out of the opening as he pours half the can down his throat.*
Merric: Still. This Webb kid isn’t as helpless as I once *BEEEEEEELCH!!!* thought… And yet the thought of having to once again beat a child senseless has my stomach turning. I thought maybe Felix and Steele had seen the error of their ways but no. They just throw the kid into a title match. He gets to win the title I made valuable while feeling up some hot blonde.
Tucker: I mean you go to feel up that tattooed lady.
Merric: Not just that I made her tap. I got her to tap out, something that Sanders bloke probably never does.
Tucker: He is the world champion now…
*Merric stares daggers at his friend*
Tucker: Yeah I know, shouldn’t oughtta’ve said that. It’s bloody true though Merric.
Merric: And I will soon be the X*Crown champion. The finest hunt of all. A right turtle’s nest of competitors all out to be the best. I let the Sanders goof get past me. I won’t let it happen again. I took down his broad. Now it’s time I took down his mentor. Showed him just how worthless he is. It’ll do the kid some good!
*Merric gulps down the rest of the beer and crushes the can in his hand before tossing it in the recycling. He’s NOT A MONSTER FOLKS …*
Merric: And I’ll get to come face to face with the bastard one more time. The man may smell like a skunk’s arsehole but he knows how to make a right addictive can of piss.
Tucker: You’d drink bilge water and be happy Aiden.
*Aiden turns back to his friend, who shields his eyes by diving back into his research to avoid the obvious center of attention, which remains hidden from the camera.*
Merric: Right, so I build a bit of momentum again, show that bitch what for. She loses her title because of the spanking I gave her. And they turn around and try to prep me for the rumble with … Frankie Webb and Xiaolong … fine. If that’s what they see as money, top advertising for their future X*Crown Champion, I’ll be stuffed. But I’ll give them what they are clearly after. A massacre.
Tucker: Xiaolong is one of the longest tenured wrestlers in AWF. Former Phoenix Champ. And Webb is the current champ!
Merric: And I am CLEARLY on another level to these two! They’re trying to make a quid on the dregs of the company, playing their lanes. But me? I’m the ridgy-didge top tier talent AWF has been trying to grow for as long as I’ve been aware of them. Who do you call when Seth Dillinger gets Mavericked by Maverick? Who do you call when Card gets Crossed up and can’t be at the top of the bill? Who can save the company when your top tier champion isn’t known as “EXCITING ADAM!” or “AMAZING ADAM!” but as … “Awkward … Adam”? You call the workhorse of the AWF. You bring in the contract for hire, thriller and killer, Aiden Merric.
Tucker: … How long did you rehearse that in the mirror?
Merric: ’Bout as long as it took Coach to completely change his character on Frankie. *he snaps his fingers* That coach didn’t prepare the kid for the storm that is coming. Even after I came out on top last time AND WENT EASY ON HIM! What kind of coach is he anyhow? Ted Dansen could teach HIM a thing or two!
Tucker: We get it, yer an old man!
*Aiden laughs again, clearly amused by his own games, though nobody else is. Least of all the sideburns of Tarrasque on the mantle which seem to somehow droop in shame at this conversation*
Merric: Coach, you should be preparing your child protégé to be rooted. Because this time I ain’t gonna be satisfied with stealing a win after softening up someone and letting the kid get some exercise in. Frankie is now holding a title I hold near and dear. And I aims to prove he isn’t worthy to carry it. He is not going to be the next legendary Phoenix Champion, Aiden Merric! I am the reason that title is so desired. Not Natasha, not New Jimmy Carner, not Betsy the Muppet Murderer … need to talk to her about gimmick infringement for that trophy wall … and ESPECIALLY not the tiny dragon wannabe your minor annoyance is teamed with. Me! They might as well nickname that flying bird title the Aiden Merric Classic.
Tucker: That’s a bloody awful idea Aiden.
*Aiden considers this in a pose that is now commonly referred to as Dominithinking.*
Merric: Maybe. Look. Frankie. You gotta wake up pretty early to get one over on ol’ Aiden. See I have seen a lot of shite in my day. And I wake up with the sparrows fart every morning to prepare myself. I am not about to let you grow that ego and make a mockery of my title the way those ReVenants did. If you are gonna hold that title you need to learn what it means to be a champion. Either you’ll learn to swim with the sharks like me, and maybe luck into a win … or I’ll eat you for breakfast without any milk.
*What an … odd … flex …*
Merric: Ya did something impressive and put chivalry on the back shelf to bitch slap that bitch back to the Walker Dungeon with the rest of Beverly Hills 9021OMG. Now prove it wasn’t a fluke. You have a chance here to prove that I really did just steal YOUR win. Then again you could just prove I am the most savvy wrestler in the company. And don’t expect that twerp in the dragon mask to do you any favors. We’ve all seen the way he talks to his friends and allies. And we all saw how needy he was. I’m pretty sure Bloodied Fox still can’t help but cringe and check around every corner for his rabid stalker whenever someone mentions Little Dragon. He may seem like he wants to teach ya something. But that’s not the case at all. After all, as green as you are, that task is a piece of piss. He’s either out to ride yer coattails or steal that belt from you. After all, that Phoenix title is basically Xiaolong’s whole world… and his only real accomplishment. And I made it look like a drop in the pan.
*Aiden shrugs his muscular shoulders, showing off every scar on his chest in the light of his cabin as he does so. He laughs and then puts a foot on the counter and … cuts his toenails with kitchen shears from the cutlery drawer … on the counter where he cooks … he … he does know the camera is on yes?*
Tucker: This entire concept was a cock up. Now I’M gonna chunder.
Merric: Oh zip it ya twit.
Tucker: Just … just stop doing that and get back to giving the dragon a bollocking.
Merric: With pleasure. Xiao, face it. I am everything you wish you could have been. Two time champion, featured presence on the show, known more for beating down the roster than making them look good. The LONGEST reigning Phoenix Champ of all time. And … a future X*Crown Champ. Soak it in, I get it. I’m impressive. You wish you could be me. After all, Bloodied Fox doesn’t hate me like he does you! … yet … might need to take HIS new shiny trophy too …
Tucker: One task at a time Merric.
Merric: And to top it off, you two got screwed even harder by management this week. You get the toughest SOB in the biz AND a mad dog. I may not know him, but with a nickname like that he has to be a savage animal in the ring. Wonder if we could trade secrets on how to mangle people in the ring. Put simply, you all are in for some sheer brutality. You should have let mad dogs lie, but instead you reawoke this crazed hound from his slumber!
Tucker: Uh … *looking at the biography of Mad Dog Smith* Merric?
Merric: I can’t wait to see the animal that earned that nickname. Wonder if he’s got more callouses on his fists than I do? Probably not but hey I can wonder.
Tucker: Aiden, I think you need to see this.
Merric: Tuck I don’t need to see words. I have a sixth sense for manly men like this. They clearly saw money in two beasts in the ring and tagged us together. I bet he’s got a mountain man beard and a wall of muscle.
Tucker: Prepare to be surprised.
Merric: It’s a video of some pretty boy girly man? And a sumo and a horrific stereotype? Tuck I thought you were helping me out?
Tucker: That’s Smith.
Merric: I find it hard to believe that boy has worked with his hands on anything other than his own rod.
Tucker: Mad Dog Smith … your tag team partner.
*Aiden’s eyes loo confused, then they go wide with realization.*
Merric: Oh … well … um … fuck me I guess.
*Tuck glances at Aiden … who is still naked with his parts just off camera*
Tucker: …I mean … he might?
*Fade out*