Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 15, 2022 4:40:33 GMT -5
("Sober" by Tool plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 15 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout...Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below...Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura...Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill...Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick...Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver...Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes...Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber, Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick...Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones..."Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke...Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex...Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop...Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver...Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X...Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago...Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb...Death Gojira hits Sniff the Borax on "Lightning" Leon Jones...Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero..."Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface...Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car...Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair...The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex...Cobryn gives Robert Hunglestien III hits a slo-mo The Answer 2005 and then it fades out to graphic that reads "Palm Springs Punishment")
Guillermo O'Bannon: All the time for talkin is done...
Phil Blauer: Then what the hell am I doing here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You test well with our 35-50 former TV anchor market.
Phil Blauer: The numbers don't lie!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Palm Springs Punishment is Hardkore World's biggest show all year and we definately have the star power to make it the best. Our main event is Cobryn defending his newly won Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship against former champion Robert Hunglestien III.
Phil Blauer: Even with a broken arm, Cobryn was able to defeat Robert Hunglestien 3-1 in our first ever 60 minute marathon match. My ass was in that seat so long, I have to leave $100 rent on it!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously? I was kidding about that.
Phil Blauer: Then why did the landlord take it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Was the "landlord" carrying a box full of sticks of cotton candy?
Phil Blauer: Sure did. That guy must love that stuff, there had to be like 25 of em!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn clearly came out of that match looking like the big winner, and Robert Hunglestien III can not let that be. He clearly is looking not only to regain his championship but to prove to Cobryn he is the better wrestler. Then we have a very exciting first ever Falls Count Anywhere Last Woman Standing match for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Tamara Sanchez and Xyrynth hook it up again. Tammy beat Xyrynth in Xyrynth's first match in Pheonix, then right here in this very building Xyrynth defeated Tammy, Phoenix, & Darlene for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. But it was Tammy that later defeated Xyrynth for that title in Denver. Now it's time for their big rematch, but this time they have to knock one another completely unconcious and it can happen anywhere in Hardkore Hall.
Phil Blauer: As long as it doesn't happen anywhere within 25 feet of me. I still have court orders.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's the culmination of the three month Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Tournament. Eight teams started out, looking to hold one of the most prestigious tag team titles on the planet.
Phil Blauer: A title so prominant that a tag team by the name of The Hillbillies were able to procure them.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fat guys in coveralls were over back in '87, Phil. What do you want? Out of those eight teams, The Miracle Violence Combination II and The Cupcake Crew are left. Now they face off in a Spin-The-Wheel-Make-The-Deal Match with the titles on the line. This match has a little bit of history to it, with Death Gojira and Kilroy Evans on opposing sides of the ring again.
Phil Blauer: I'm still trying to get blood out of three different suits from that feud.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Don't blame the feud. Speaking of blood, there will be alot of it when Big Bad Bill puts his Hardkore West Coast title on the line against Lonewolf McNeely in a Taipei Glass Fist match.
Phil Blauer: These two sure are a couple of fisters.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Er, I guess. Lonewolf McNeely won the title shot in a battle royal in LA, and proved he was willing to bleed for it during that horrific battle with Blak Lung in San Francisco.
Phil Blauer: You know, when I cover my hands in glue and stick broken glass on them, I'm "going through a phase". They do it, and suddenly it's on pay-per-view. What about my idea?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rubber cement fists with fiberglass on it isn't gonna put asses in seats.
Phil Blauer: Just try it, that's all I'm asking. That shit's irritating! Ever got it on you? People can relate to that. Who's been punched in the face with glue & glass, besides me in that Dominican prison?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then as if that wasn't blood soaked enough, The Shioda Clan and their mentor, Mr. Shioda will put their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles on the line against one of the strangest tandem's I've ever seen.
Phil Blauer: Trick Daddy and Chris Matheson?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation and the man they've vowed to destroy for the past ten years, The Shootfighter. Aahz the Destroyer, Cyan Komar, The Shocktroopers, Takeda Yokosuda, Tarrasque, and now Jeremiah Vastrix. The Shootfighter took em all on, as long as they were wearing that Warhammer Corporation insignia, The Shootfighter spilt their blood. Now it all comes to an end so that they can go after a common goal of winning the six man titles.
Phil Blauer: I gotta think this is just cause Lucius Morgan is in need of a third to try and win the belts an unprecedented fourth time!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It was unprecedented when they won them a second time.
Phil Blauer: I think I don't know what unprecedented means. Does that mean cold?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The titles will be on the line in an electrified barbed wire 2/3 falls match with a few other stipulations I'm sure I forgot. In San Francisco, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner prevented Horror Girl from causing Xyrynth serious injury during their Bodybag Match. So during her losing bid to win the Hardkore World Women's Championship from Tamara Sanchez, Horror Girl came down to the ring to cause a little serious injury of her own to both competitors. So Anjanette has grown fed up with this newcomer and has challenged her to a match where they will be connected with a long chain by their necks...a Cat Collar Match.
Phil Blauer: Ah, I get it. Cause their cats, right?
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, because their women.
Phil Blauer: (raises his fist) I hear ya sister.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we got some more barbed wire, this time 10 of the top wrestlers in the World, wrestlers like former Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Stan Wilson, 3 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Rally Jackson, "The Punisher" Dan Stien, Syberus, Carpenter, Bruno, Tony Thunder, Marty Bower, along with newcomers R.C. and Nick Knight. All tearing each other to ribbons on that barbed wire and around Hardkore Hall to claim a spot in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phil Blauer: Wow, Death Gojira had it alot easier. He had to just beat The Microshocker on a house show in Reno. I gotta get his agent. Ronnie?
Referee Ron Reid: Yeah?
Phil Blauer: Your fired.
Referee Ron Reid: Okey doke.
(Ron Reid waddles over to the ring and gets ready for the first match. "Strutter" by KISS plays and a spotlight follows Brandi as she steps through the curtain. The crowd gives her some whistles and cat calls as she struts past them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And so begins our first match of the night. Brandi confused alot of people in San Francisco when she seemed to help the champion keep her title, while also attacking Horror Girl. But when she went to hug Tammy, Sanchez didn't seem so happy to see her.
Phil Blauer: I know. I didn't see Sanchez so uncomfortable being hugged by Brandi since...well, since I hugged her.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That probably stems from their feud in Germany and UCW. Still Brandi claims to have some feelings for the champion that have made her feel protective of her.
Phil Blauer: That's hot. Is it ok to make this pantless match?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We have enough gimmick matches tonight, Phil.
Phil Blauer: I meant for me.
(She enters the ring and stands in the middle of it with the same spotlight on her as she hangs her head back and basks in the spotlight on her. She slowly and seductively eyes Ron Reid up and down as she backs to the corner)
Yolanda Ando: Brandi wears black spandex shorts with "Brandi" across them and a white sports bra.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Palm Springs Convention Center. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World present Palm Springs Punishment!!"
(Hardkore Hall stands up and cheers, a small "Hard-kore World!" chant starts up in small pockets)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Standing at 5 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing...'None of Your Damn Business'...BRANDI!!!"
(Crowd whistles and woos at her, she preens and poses for them then blows the fans a kiss. “Before I’m Dead” by The Kidneytheives plays and KJ "Dracon" Xanathos walks out with El Gallo & Ayame “Phoenix” Tokugawa walking behind him. Tokugawa is carrying a bag with her. The fans boo her and one fan tries to wave a U.S. flag in her face as she walks by)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And Tokugawa makes her return to the West Coast. She went to a draw with Keiko Nakamura in Hardkore Nippon and lost a few matches to Xyrynth here in Hardkore America. She also upset alot of fans with her anti-American comments. So she went back to Japan to refine her skills with Dracon Xanathos to make sure she can back up those statements. Now she has a veteran opponent in Brandi to see how she did.
Yolanda Ando: Phoenix wears some sexy black leather pants with white stripes on the side with crimson Japanese characters. She also wears a leather belly free tank top. Over that she wears a kimono.
(Tokugawa bends over the top rope backwards and flips into the ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager, KJ "Dracon" Xanathos. From Kyoto, Japan; Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 133 pounds...AYAME 'PHOENIX' TOKUGAWA!!!"
(The Palm Springs audience boos Ayame. She hands the bag to Brandi, who hesitantly opens it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi opens that bag up and it's...a frisbee?
Phil Blauer: I get it...cause she's a dog.
(Ayame laughs hysterically as Bill Kasal and Xanathos leave the ring. Ron Reid signals for Ron De La O to ring the bell for the first match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa walks up to a redfaced Brandi and slaps her right in the face!
Phil Blauer: That's for all the smack she was talking. I speak from experience.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi rubs her face and answers with a knife edge chop to Ayame's throat. She scoops her up and bodyslams her hard to the mat.
(Brandi pulls Ayame up by her black & blone hair and irish whips her into the turnbuckles. She smashes her in the face with a few forearm smashes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi drives her knee into Tokugawa's stomach a few times. She headlocks her and runs out of the corner with a bulldog!
(Palm Springs audience applauds Brandi. Brandi pulls Tokugawa up into a waistlock, but Ayame back elbows her in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tokugawa snapmares Brandi over and then standing dropkicks the back of her neck. Ayame pulls her up by the arm and twists it.
(Tokugawa back hook kicks Brandi, flooring her. She runs into the ropes, when Brandi gets to her feet Ayame takes her over in a head scissors takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa irish whips Brandi into the turnbuckles chest first, and follows her in with a dropkick to the back.
(Tokugawa cradles Brandi and rests her feet on the second rope for illegal leverage)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Ron Reid spies Tokugawa's feet on the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame gets caught redhanded, but Ron Reid is getting an earful from Xanathos. Tokugawa irish whips Brandi into the ropes and dips down for a backdrop, but Brandi reverses it with a swinging neckbreaker!
Phil Blauer: That was gonna be the name of my lounge act, "The Swinging Neckbreaker."
Guillermo O'Bannon: What happened?
Phil Blauer: I can't sing.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Didn't stop Ashlee Simpson.
Phil Blauer: That's what I told them!
(Brandi scoops Tokugawa up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker. She grabs Ayame's leg and twists her over into a single leg boston crab. Hardkore Hall showers her with cheers as she tries to make the Japanese star tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi trying to pull Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa's leg right off her body, but she's hanging on. Tokugawa twists around and pushes Brandi off of her with her boot.
(Tokugawa springs up, but Brandi ducks under a right hand and turns it into a german suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ayame Tokugawa rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulls her up by the hair and shoots her into the ropes. Ayame Tokugawa comes back with a flying cross body!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tokugawa dragon screws Brandi to the mat by her leg and turns her over into a grapevine leglock!
(The fans boo and jeer Ayame as she sneers in their direction, wrenching Brandi's leg in defiance. Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap but Brandi refuses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa continues to apply pressure to Brandi's leg, getting a little retribution from Brandi for that single leg boston crab. Brandi crawls over and is finally able to grab hold of the bottom rope.
(Ron Reid forces Ayame to break the leglock. Tokugawa lets her get up only to drop her back to the mat with an inverted orton backbreaker. She then climbs to the top turnbuckle, then tightrope walks the top rope, causing the audience to applaud her balance)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa walks the rope and hits a Pheonix Huracanrana!!
(Crowd applauds Tokugawa's move, but she ignores them and pulls her up on to her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame drops Brandi headfirst in a samurai driver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame backflips into a standing moonsault but just hits Brandi's knees. She gets up and DDTs Tokugawa!
(Brandi climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring. She backflips into a moonsault! Hardkore Hall cheers and Brandi hooks Ayame's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ayame Tokugawa kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi gut wrench suplexes Ayame. She steps over Tokugawa and sits on her face.
Phil Blauer: Yes!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi grinding her private no-no places into Ayame Tokugawa, and there's not a mouthwash strong enough to kill those germs.
Phil Blauer: I'd be willing to try anyway.
(Brandi gives Tokugawa a couple more pumps with her crotch and then lets her up. Ayame gets to her feet, wiping her face trying to get her bearings back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi whacks Tokugawa upside the head with a savatte kick! She pulls Tokugawa's head into her legs, but Ayame blocks The Date {No Means No} Piledriver and backdrops her!
(Ayame Tokugawa runs to the ropes and hops onto the middle of the top rope. She backflips into a springboard moonsault reverse DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fire Bird DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa irish whops Brandi into the ropes and smacks her with a flying spinning heel kick! She runs back into the ropes with a rolling thunder leg drop!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa climbs to the top rope and waits for Brandi to rise...she does and Tokugawa flips her asshole over elbows with a flying lariot!!
(Tokugawa pulls Brandi up and goes for a suplex, but Ayame blocks it. She reverses it with a stalling hanging suplex. The Palm Springs audience applauds with Brandi's show of strength)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi finally drops Tokugawa! She applies a dragon sleeper to Ayame that she calls The Seduction!
Phil Blauer: Wow, this chick is slutty. She makes Tammy look like a prude.
(Brandi tries to squeeze all the air out of her, while Ron Ried checks in to see if Ayame wants to tap. Ayame tries to find a way out of the Seduction but is out of luck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulls up in the inverted facelock and drops the back of her head on her knee! She pulls her up and butterflies her arms and then flips her over into a double underhook suplex!
(Brandi gut wrenches Ayame Tokugawa up on to her shoulder and then drops her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulling out an old inside suplex from Iron Sheik's repitoire.
Phil Blauer: I think she's growing the mustache too.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi fireman's carries Tokugawa on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. She climbs to the second rope but Tokugawa slaps her across the face!
(Brandi falls back to the mat and Tokugawa stands up on the top turnbuckle. She comes off with a dragonrana!!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa quickly makes the pin with a handful of Brandi's tights!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd boos and “Before I’m Dead” by The Kidneytheives plays. Ayame Tokugawa rolls out of the ring into the arms of KJ "Dracon" Xanathos)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 13 minutes 58 seconds...THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...AYAME 'PHEONIX' TOKUGAWA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both women showed alot of mettle here tonight, but Ayame Tokugawa was able to cheat her way to victory here tonight!
Phil Blauer: Plus she got a lap dance from Brandi, it's win-win!
(The Shootfighter is warming up in his lockerroom loosening up for the six-man title match with The Warhammer Corp. He is wearing his black knee length wrestling tights and black wrestling boots his long chest length dark hair is tied in a pony tail. Matt
Boone enters the lockerroom.)
Matt Boone: "Shootfighter can I have a moment of your time."
The Shootfighter: "I'm loosening up unless you haven't noticed."
Matt Boone: "Yeah."
The Shootfighter: "Then why are you standing there like an idiot or do you think you got the wrong Shootfighter."
Matt Boone: "Is everything alright between the Warhammer Corp. and yourself."
(The Shootfighter stops and gives him an angry look.)
The Shootfighter: "Everything has been ironed out between The Warhammer Corp. and myself. So the subject has been dropped. Is that all you came to ask me about?! If it is I suggest you leave this moment!"
Matt Boone: "Actually I was wondering how prepared you are."
The Shootfighter: "I've been watching the tapes of all their matches and they are quite tough. Shioda has trained them well, but that doesn't mean they are going to hold their own against The Warhammer Corp. and myself. Yes they are quite athletic and have some good moves. They showed it when they went far into the Hardkore America tag title tournament. They lost to the Powers That Be, but they showed lots of heart and guts. However, it's not going to help them against the ruthlessness of the Warhammer Corp. and myself."
Matt Boone: "Well they beat one of the best six-man teams to win the titles."
The Shootfighter: "Luck was on their side, because nobody knew them or their abilities. However, everyone knows what to expect from The Tengu Clan and shall be prepared for them when the time comes to face them. This time they are the ones to expect a lesson from The Warhammer Corp. and myself. They may have Gozo Shioda, one of the most revered and experienced mentors on their side. However, the tag team experience goes to the Warhammer Corp. and myself."
Matt Boone: "What would happen if you fail to win the titles."
The Shootfighter: "Go back to killing each other. What do you think? Now if there's anything else this interview is over."
Matt Boone: "Okay. Okay."
(He leaves as The Shootfighter continues with his warm ups. Fade out to Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now coming up we have the barbed wire battle royal. One man must wade through 10 others to advancing to the Quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament.
Phil Blauer: 10 guys? Tamara goes through that in a night.
("Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays and the Palm Springs fans boo, Blak Lung, followed by The Shootfighter & Judge Death. He snarls at the fans while The Shootfighter menaces them with his stainless steel singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung was a late addition to the event as insurance for if R.C. didn't show up.
Phil Blauer: (listens to his IFB earpiece) I've just got word that R.C. is in the building...(nods, getting another message) As well as Diet Snapple. And that there may be heat in the locker room on Matt Boone for drinking Andrew Karnage's clean sample, thinking it was Mello Yello.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surpluss jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is an 11 man Barbed Wire Falls Count Anywhere Battle Royal. The winner will advance to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament. Featuring first...
(The Shootfighter yells at Bill Kasal, while Blak Lung stands proudly in the middle of the ring. Bill Kasal shakes his head and The Shootfighter threatens him with his cane. Kasal cowers away and then agrees)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, The Shootfighter requests that you all rise and show the utmost respect for Blak Lung, who will sing the Ghana National Anthem."
(Hardkore Hall boos and The Shootfighter & Judge Death stand at either side of Blak Lung, saluting)
Blak Lung: "God bless our homeland Ghana
And make our nation great and strong,
Bold to defend forever
The cause of Freedom and of Right;
Fill our hearts with true humility,
Make us cherish fearless honesty,
And help us to resist oppressors' rule
With all our will and might evermore..."
(Crowd drowns out Blak Lung's singing, making him pause)
Phil Blauer: (stops cabbage patching) Hey?!? What gives??!
(The Shootfighter and Judge Death Stand on the second turnbuckles, demanding that the fans shut up)
Blak Lung: "Hail to thy name, O Ghana,
To thee we make our solemn vow:
Steadfast to build together
A nation strong in Unity;
With our gifts of mind and strength of arm,
Whether night or day, in the midst of storm,
In ev'ry need, whate'er the call may be,
To serve thee, Ghana, now and evermore."
Phil Blauer: Ya gotta admit, Guillermo. It's got zing! We just clean up his vocals and put a little electric piano behind it, get a reality show before the album comes out...I think we could have the next Ashliee.
Blak Lung: "Raise high the flag of Ghana
And one with Africa advance;
Black star of hope and honor
To all who thirst for liberty;
Where the banner of Ghana free flies,
May the way to freedom truly lie;
Arise, arise, O sons of Ghanaland,
And under God march on for evermore!"
(Blak Lung tosses down the microphone, and hollers at the booing fans. Bill Kasal carefully picks up the mic)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Accompanied to the ring by The Shootfighter & Judge Death; From Accra in the Republic of Ghana; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Hardkore Hall jeers and boos Blak Lung. Then some red pyros go off and "The Champ is Here" by Judakiss plays. The crowd cheers Bruno as he steps out and flexes those giant muscles. He slaps a few fans hands on the way down to the ring, then carefully slides under the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno nearly won the last big battle royal in Los Angeles, and is a favorite to win this one as well. But this time, there's another giant for him to worry about, former Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Stan "The Tank" Wilson.
Phil Blauer: It's like King Kong vs. Godzilla, except that they're both bad breaker uppers.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears black tights & boots...and nothing else. (growls)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Compton, California; Standing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd gives Bruno a great ovation as he shows off his impressive physique. Then "Raining Blood" by Slayer hits, the drums pounding lightly in the backdrop of the sound of a thunderstorm for a half minute, and then lightning hits the top of the HardkoreTron and the screen "explodes" as the guitars jam, revealing the name "Carpenter" written in dripping blood. The curtain parts as two burly male 'nurses' wheel out an electric chair, with Carpenter firmly strapped down and struggling)
Phil Blauer: And here comes Carpie's "traveling companions".
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phoenix's brother & HPWA superstar makes another tour of the West Coast. His last tour was quite successful until a hand injury forced him to cancel appearences.
(The nurses wheel Carpenter onto the stage and stop, undo his hand restraints and turn, running backstage. He undoes the chest buckle then frees his feet and gets up, moving towards the ring, eyes glaring as he looks around. As he gets halfway down the ramp he pulls his mask off of his belt, revealing two large brass knucks, and pulls the mask over his bandaged face)
Yolanda Ando: Carpenter wears black leather and bandages. He has a white metal hockey mask.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...CARPENTER!!!"
(The Palm Springs fans jeer and boo him, and then the lights in Hardkore Hall goes out and a white skull appears on the HardkoreTron. “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie starts up. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising his Peacemaker in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval. His manager, Domino, stands in front of Stein, and leads him to the ring area)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes another big free agent pick up for Hardkore World, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. He's a former HHA Hardcore champion, a two time IPW Tag Team Champion with former Hardkore World wrestler ”Magnificent” Ron Lauren, IPW Heavyweight champion, CPW East Coast Champion, a two time CPW Heavyweight champion, CPW World champion, ARW World Heavyweight Champion. He's also not a stranger to fans in nearby Nevada as the AWE champion. He's amazed audience all over the States, Japan, and Australia; now we got em here on the West Coast.
Phil Blauer: His manager Domino wrestled in Japan as well. They're like Chris Candido & Tammy Sytch without the motel room standoffs with police.
Yolanda Ando: Dan Stein wears a black leather duster with a simple tight black t-shirt underneath with plain black shorts. He wears black leather wrestling boots & black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And accompanied to the ring by his manager, Domino; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Audience applauds Dan Stien, a veteran of many ring wars around the globe. "Hallelujah" plays over the Palm Springs Convention Center sound system. "Minister" Marty Bower walks down to the ring hand-in-hand with Jesus. Of course, the crowd can't see Jesus. Then, when Bower gets to the ring, he leaps up on the apron, and opens the barbed wire so Jesus can get through)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower recently successful in a six man match in San Francisco with The Warhammer Corporation against The Shootfighter, Moondog Dook, & "Giant" Baba O'Reilly.
Yolanda Ando: Bower is wearing a priest's robe, underneath, as I suspect with many other priests, are white spandex shorts, with a black cross on each side. On the back, "Bower" with a golden cross for the "t".
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And escorted to the ring by the Greatest Martyr, Jesus; Hailing from Massena, Quebec City, Canada; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 194 pounds..'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(The audience boos Bower, as he opens the barbed wire again so his invisible manager can get out. Then "Warrior Part 2" by Eminem, Lloyd Banks, Nate Dogg, and 50 Cent plays. During the intro, white and red lasers just keep hitting the Palm Springs Convention Center while a maple leaf is shown on the HardkoreTron followed by the words "Your", "Canadian", "Hero". Once the actual song starts, a big water mark of a maple leaf is cast upon the ramp and Nick Knight slowly makes his way to the ring waving a big Canadian Flag in his hand. He gets in the ring and perches the middle rope while placing his right hand on his chest and screaming "Oh Canada")
Guillermo O'Bannon: And from Canada, SWAT, and a whole lotta heartbreak comes, "Your Canadian Hero" Nick Knight.
Phil Blauer: These fans don't know what to make of Mr. Knight, they're still recovering from Five for Fighting.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 252 pounds...'YOUR CANADIAN HERO' NICK KNIGHT!!!"
(Knight gets a mixed reaction from the jaded Palm Springs audience. Then "Mein Teil" by Rammstein plays and R.C. comes down to the ring. The fans boo R.C., but he ignores them and slides into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. actually pulled out of this event, only to have a change of heart.
Phil Blauer: Jonnie showing his soft side there. "Homicide: Life on the Street" has less chances than this guy.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 221 pounds...R.C.!!!"
(The audience boos R.C. as he tries to find a spot to stand among the crowded ring. "Block Rockin Beats" by The Chemical Brothers plays and "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson walks down to the ring, talking on his cell phone)
Phil Blauer: I was reading last week in US Weekly that Paul E. Dangerously was the second most ripped off gimmick in the independents.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Second only to Shawn Michaels, I know, I read that. It was the issue where they asked celebrities "At what point would you want your feeding tube removed?"
Phil Blauer: I'm with Patrick Swayze, who said if his cheekbones were irreparably harmed. What's the point of living like you?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, there's the masturbation. And the occasional crush on the girl at Denny's. Rally knows what I'm talking about. But he's gotta put it all out of his head and try and win this. He's been in more of these kind of matches than anyone else in the ring right now, so he does have the advantage.
Yolanda Ando: Rally Jackson wears a a green capoeira gui with yellow trim.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Rio De Janiero, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!!!"
(Audience boos Rally Jackson, who finishes up his phone call. "Just For" by Nickelback plays and the crowd boos some more. Syberus walks out and sneers back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes the man that has the most to gain in this match. If he wins, he goes straight on to the Semi-Finals. And with his mat skills, he has to be considered a favorite in any match where mobility is limited due to barbed wire.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus is wearing dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. Black elbow and knee pads, and black boots with white kickpads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from The united Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 230 pounds...SYBERUS!!!"
(The audience boos Syberus and then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays and they jump to their feet. Big Stan returns to Hardkore World to a thunderous roar from the crowd. He nods and seems genuinely moved by their reaction. He nods and mouths "Thank You.", then walks to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The last time Stan was in a wrestling ring, Death Gojira burned his face and left him for dead. A lot of fans cheered when that happened, because of Death Gojira's popularity...
Phil Blauer: I was one of them. In fact I had a picture taken with what a ring attendant assured me was Stan's eyelid but turned out to be an old starburst.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I'm sure it's good to hear cheers from those very same fans today.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON!!!"
(The crowd gives Stan a huge pop and some "Welcome Back!" chants pop up from pockets of the audience. The ring crew wheels a skateboard ramp up to the ring, and then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays. The fans cheer as "The Extremist" Tony Thunder skateboards down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder skates up the ramp into the ring, and Nick Knight gets out of the ring just in time, but Stan Wilson clotheslines him off the skateboard!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers wildly, and referees Ron Reid & Mike Peters signal for the bell. "Minister" Marty Bower sneaks up on Blak Lung and waistlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Ministry" Marty Bower german suplexes Blak Lung!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Phil Blauer: Like a thief in the night!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno goes to punch Tony Thunder but Thunder avoids it and applies an abdominal stretch. Stan Wilson irish whips R.C. but R.C. reverses it and sends Stan "The Tank" Wilson into the barbed wire!!
(Stan Wilson cries out in pain, and tries to peel his arms out of the barbed wire but Carpenter splashes him into the barbed wire farther!! The Palm Springs audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder continues to pull back with an abdominal stretch on Bruno, and R.C. gets a running start, dropkicking Bruno in his exposed face!
(Syberus karate chops Nick Knight's chest over & over, leaving large red welts. Dan Stien comes up to Knight and smashes him in the chest with a heart punch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson ducks a forearm smash and german suplexes Marty Bower, he pulls him up into a hammerlock half nelson and tiger suplexes him!!
(Jackson doesn't keep the bridge and pulls Bower up in a full nelson, and then dragon suplexes him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Marty Bower rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung takes that wire hanger out of his beltline and wraps it around Tony Thunder!! Thunder trying to get his fingers underneath the wire, but failing. Bruno comes over and slugs Thunder in the stomach. He pulls Thunder's head into his legs and Brunobombs him!!
(R.C. signals over to Stan Wilson, and pulls Carpenter up. He irish whips Carpenter, but Carpenter reverses it and sends R.C. into Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson nearly takes R.C.'s head with a big boot! In the corner, Nick Knight has taken one too many karate chops from Syberus and fire back with his own! A flurry of karate chops has backed Syberus up into Marty Bower who belly to belly suplexes him!
(Tony Thunder comes up from behind Carpenter and applies a cobra clutch! Dan Stien whips Marty Bower around in a neckbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter starting to fade in that cobra clutch there, while Rally Jackson cartwheels over into a tidal wave kick to Carpenter's face!! Nick Knight runs across the ring and whacks Marty Bower with a roundhouse kick!
(Blak Lung walks over to Bruno and digs his rusty coat hanger into Bruno's bicep, making the giant yelp in pain. With Bruno bent over, R.C. is able to apply another abdominal stretch to him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter gets to his feet and puts his two brass knuckles on his hands. He comes over to Bruno and slugs him across the face with those knucks while he's helpless in that abdominal stretch. R.C. lets him drop to the mat, but Carpenter nails him with the brass knuckles as well!
(Bruno bleeds from a cut over his eye lid from that brass knuckle shot. Stan pulls a woozy Bruno up)
Phil Blauer: Stan is anxious to see who will win the battle of the old Hardkore giant vs. the new Hardkore giant.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter irish whips Bruno into Stan who flapjacks Bruno on the barbed wire!!
(The crowd groans at Bruno hitting the barbed wire. Bruno is quickly becoming a bloody mess, bleeding down his front. Syberus knees Rally Jackson in the stomach and Tony Thunder pulls Tigerheart into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Extremist" Tony Thunder running powerbombs Rally Jackson!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Rally Jackson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower crossface chicken wing releases suplexes Dan Stien!!
(Bruno grabs Blak Lung by the throat, and the crowd comes to life. Blak Lung begs Bruno to reconsider, but Bruno chokeslams Blak Lung on to the barbed wire!! The Palm Springs fans chant "BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!!" Bruno grabs Blak Lung by the leg and flips him over the barbed wire onto the concrete floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. arm drags Carpenter over into an armbar. He sticks his knee into the ball of the madman's shoulder. Meanwhile, Tony Thunder has climbed to the top turnbuckle and leaps off into a flying headbutt to Blak Lung on the floor!!
(Crowd cheers Thunder's agility while both men lie motionless at ringside. Inside the ring, Nick Knight has a bloody Stan Wilson in an inverted facelock, while standing on the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nick Knight rolls forward into a Canadian Diamond Dust.
Phil Blauer: What's a Canadian diamond like?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Probably smells like Molson. Dan Stien scoops Syberus up and runs into the center of the ring, powerslamming the English star!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Marty Bower and flips him over into a gory special, then drops it into a piledriver!!
(Bruno walks over and picks Marty Bower up and lifts him up in a hanging suplex. The 7 footer holds the 190 pound Bower up like it's nothing, then drops him on the top of his head with a brainbuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno hits The Brunobuster on Marty Bower and then applies a kataha-jime he calls The Brunomission!! Bower trying to hang on but it's not looking good for the man of the cloth!
(On the floor, The Shootfighter pulls Tony Thunder on to the apron and Blak Lung climbs up to join him. Lung pulls Tony Thunder into his legs and does the cut throat gesture)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung piledrives Thunder off the apron onto the concrete!! The audience is shocked into silence!
(Bruno continues to squeeze back on Bower's head while choking him and squeezing the life out of him with his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rolls onto his back and gets so much leverage, Marty Bower is forced to tap out!!
(Ron Reid eliminates Bower and Bruno releases the Brunomission. Thunder has a cut from the piledriver on the concrete. Blak Lung goes to ram his face into the concrete but Thunder blocks it and rams his face into the railing)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 32 seconds, 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter works his way back up to his feet with R.C. still hanging on to that arm bar. Carpenter reverses it into a fireman's carry and then F5's his face onto the barbed wire!!
(The audience cheers as blood runs through R.C.'s fingers from his face. Tony Thunder climbs up to the top rope and shooting star presses Blak Lung on the floor!!! The audience cheers and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Stan Wilson steps over the barbed wire on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson gets a running start and elbow drops all 325 pounds onto Blak Lung from the apron!!!
(Audience keeps cheering, changing their chants to "STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!!" Inside the ring, Rally Jackson swats Bruno in the face with a shining wizard, Tony Thunder slides under the barbed wire back in to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder t-bone suplexes Rally Jackson! R.C. jumps on Rally's back and applies an STF!!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Rally submits, but he refuses. Carpenter grabs Nick Knight and monkey flips his back into the barbed wire!! The audience cheers the Canadian's predicament)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson scoops Blak Lung up and powerslams his head into the cornerpost!! Inside the ring, R.C. releases the STF and Syberus northern lights suplexes Rally Jackson!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno measures Dan Stien and spears him into the barbed wire!!
(The crowd applauds, and Dan Stien bounces out of the barbed wire, bleeding from his arm & hip. R.C. drops Stien with a huracanrana)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Outside the ring, Blak Lung rakes that coat hanger across Big Stan's eyes! Carpenter gut wrenches Syberus up into a powerbomb)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder & Nick Knight double superkicks Bruno upside his head and knock him into the corner!!
(Big Stan grabs hold of Blak Lung's wire hanger and jabs it into his forehead. Wilson then grabs hold of Blak Lung's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson chokeslams Blak Lung on the naked concrete!!!
(Crowd roars, and Wilson places his arm on Blak Lung's chest. Mike Peters makes the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 20 minutes 49 seconds; BLAK LUNG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
(Rally Jackson shooting star sentons Stan Wilson off the top rope into the railing!! Audience continues to cheer, chanting "RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!!" Syberus waits for a path to clear to Bruno)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rushes Syberus, and Syberus takes him down into a drop toe hold facefirst into the barbed wire!!
(The crowd boos and Syberus rolls it over into a single leg boston crab. Blood runs down Bruno's face as he refuses to submit to Ron Reid)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein goes to spinebuster R.C., but R.C. reverses it into a spinning DDT!! Syberus now turns the single leg boston crab into a texas cloverleaf on Bruno!
(Bruno cries out in pain, as Syberus tries to hang on to his giant legs. Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder flips forward into a senton to Bruno's back while Syberus has him in a texas cloverleaf!! Carpenter headbutts Nick Knight in the face.
(Carpenter gets blood on his metal mask from Knight's face, and Dan Stein pulls him into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stien powerbombs Knight on to the barbed wire!!
(Palm Springs fans cheer wildly, as Knight clutches all the new cuts on his back and flips on to the floor. Thunder hops on to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder backflips into a moonsault press but Bruno catches him and powerslams him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out on the floor, Big Stan measures Nick Knight and then smashes him with a running big boot that smacks Knight's head into the cornerpost!!
(Bruno presses Tony Thunder over his head, but Thunder falls behind him. He runs Bruno's head into the barbed wire!! Thunder sets Bruno's throat on the barbed wire and climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder comes off the top with a guillotine leg drop on the barbed wire!!
Phil Blauer: But Bruno's album drops April 23rd!!
(Audience gasps, and Bruno back peddles with blood running from his neck & hands! Rally Jackson climbs up to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson backflips into a kick to Big Stan's face from the apron! Inside the ring, R.C. goes to kick Carpenter but Carpenter catches his boot. R.C. responds with an enzuigiri!
(R.C. sits Carpenter on the top turnbuckle, but Carpenter grabs him by the head and tornado DDTs him off the second rope!! Nick Knight climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Your blood drenched Canadian Hero jumps off the top rope and huracanranas Stan Wilson onto the concrete floor!!
(Dan Stien scoops R.C. up and drops him on to his head with a michinoku driver!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(R.C. kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Tony Thunder comes off the top turnbuckle with a flying headbutt Bruno, but Bruno rolls out of the way!! Bruno capitalizes with an unprettier!! He rolls Thunder over and hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 26 minutes 36 seconds, 'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we have to take a break!
Phil Blauer: Why? It's a pay-per-view, there's no commercials?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Reguardless, you can't ask people to watch anything for a half hour without a piss break.
Phil Blauer: Then I guess I already took mine...
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Mar 23, 2005#6
Phil Blauer: ...so I said, "Look I don't care if she is your Grandmother. Phil's table is Phil's table, and maybe she shouldn't have been so lippy." You know what he says to me?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, we're back...
Phil Blauer: "This is Wendy's." Like I can't have a table at Wendy's?! Phil's a man of the people...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter climbs to the top rope and corkscrews into a dropkick on Syberus!!
(Hardkore Hall applauds that move, and Stan Wilson steps back over the barbed wire into the ring. Stan presses Syberus over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson drops Syberus into a spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1..2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrew splashes Nick Knight on the floor, knocking him into the railing!!
(Rally Jackson lifts Knight up and drives his face into the concrete with a styles clash on the floor!! Inside the ring, Dan Stien running bulldogs Bruno's face into the canvas. Rally Jackson rolls back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. picks up a chair and swings for the fences, but Nick Knight ducks underneath and releases german suplexes R.C.'s stomach on to the railing!
(Carpenter climbs to the top turnbuckle and flying body presses Bruno, but Bruno catches him in mid-air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brunobreaker! On the outside, Dan Stein catches Nick Knight from behind with a hangman's neckbreaker!
(R.C. pulls Knight into his legs, and The Punisher climbs up to the apron. R.C. & Stein spike piledrive Nick Knight on the concrete!! Stien covers Knight on the floor and hooks the leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nick Knight kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter double underhook DDTs Syberus into the canvas!! Carpenter stands up and is blindsided with a lariot by Stan Wilson!
(Rally Jackson drops Carpenter with a wrist clutch exploder! A bloody Nick Knight rolls into the ring, Syberus full nelsons Carpenter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knight batters Carpenter with a few punches and then Syberus slams him assfirst into the canvas with a full nelson bomb!
(On the floor, Dan Stien russian leg sweeps the back of R.C.'s head into the railing! Stein rolls R.C. under the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno lift's R.C. up on to his shoulders and human torture racks him! Bruno is gonna pass out soon from blood loss, but if he has R.C. up there much longer he'll eliminate him!
(R.C. lands behind Bruno and drops him with a reverse DDT!! He turns around into a flatliner by Nick Knight)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knighthood Stripped!!
Phil Blauer: What the hell does that mean?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It means it's over for R.C.!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 32 minutes 9 seconds; R.C. HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter comes up behind Syberus with a cobra clutch. Carpenter uses his own arm to drop Syberus on his head in a brainbuster!
(Bruno DDTs Stan Wilson! Bruno waits for Big Stan to get up, but Wilson catches him with a black hole slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter comes at Syberus with a clothesline but he ducks and counters with a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Carpenter rolls under the barbed wire to the floor, clutching his neck. Rally Jackson tosses Nick Knight across the ring with a head & arms buster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein presses Carpenter over his head and drops his throat on the railing! Inside the ring, Bruno moves out of the way just in time to avoid Stan's shoulderblock!
(Stan runs into the barbed wire, and falls backward like a sequoia. Bruno elbow drops Wilson, and hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein gets a running start off the apron and goes for a head scissors but Carpenter drops it into a powerbomb on the concrete floor!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Dan Stien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A blood drenched Bruno double underhooks Stan's arms but Wilson back body drops the 355 pounder!! Stan steps on Bruno's throat, and chokes him out with his boot.
(Nick Knight stands on the second turnbuckle and waits for Stan to turn around, but Syberus catches him unawares with a Hightlight Cutter off the second rope)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Nick Knight kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Syberus and flips him on to his face with a burning hammer!!
(Dan Stein rolls into the ring, and smashes Rally Jackson in the face with a headbutt. He applies a stomach claw, while Nick Knight applies a dragon clutch to Syberus)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus refusing to submit, but there are no ropes to grab to get out of this one. Carpenter slips his brass knuckles back on and takes a swing at Bruno, but Bruno ducks and german suplexes him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Carpenter rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein irish whips Carpenter into Bruno who tiltawhirls him, but Carpenter reverses it into a flying head scissors! Carpenter climbs to the top turnbuckle and backflips into a moonsault on the bloody Bruno!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 37 minutes 39 seconds, BRUNO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
(Syberus chicken wings Stan Wilson, and Nick Knight cartwheels into a handspring into a clothesline to Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson waistlocks Carpenter and then pitches him backwards into a backdrop driver!!
(Syberus turns around into a diamond cutter by Dan Stein!! Rally Jackson climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Nick Knight trips him, facing the audience)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter yanks Jackson off the top turnbuckle with a Little off the Top neckbreaker!!
(Stan Wilson pulls Syberus into his legs and lifts him up on to his shoulder, Wilson runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him!! The audience cheers)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson lifts Syberus up in a suplex but Syberus falls behind him and runs Wilson into the barbed wire again!! Syberus cradles him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nick Knight DDTs Dan Stein! Stan Wilson gets up, only to be dropkicked back into the barbed wire by Rally Jackson!
(Stan Wilson falls to the canvas, a bloody wreck. Carpenter comes off the top turnbuckle with a headbutt with the metal mask!! He exhaustedly drapes his arm over Wilson)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter pulls Wilson up and irish whips him but Stan reverses it and shoots Carpie into the turnbuckles. Carpenter bounces out and Stan scoops him up and powerslams him into the barbed wire!!
(Audience cheers as Carpenter hangs upside down, bleeding from his back & legs. Syberus pulls him off the barbed wire and begins karate chopping the lacerations on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson runs and rolls into a koppo kick to Nick Knight's face. Dan Stein double underhooks Knight's arms and butterfly suplexes him.
(Syberus pulls Knight up by the legs and goes for a wheelbarrow powerbomb but Knight rolls up and hits a diamond cutter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter pulls Syberus up on to his shoulder with a argentinean backbreaker!! Carpenter attempting to break the Englishman's back for all the things he said about his brother!
(Nick Knight irish whips Dan Stein into Stan Wilson who bubbaslams him across his knee! Ron Reid checks in with Syberus who refuses to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Nick Knight's legs and lifts him up into an electric chair, then drops him facefirst on the barbed wire!!
(Crowd roars as Knight rolls around clutching his face. Dan Stein, holds his back, as he staggers behind Carpenter and hits a low blow)
Phil Blauer: What's he doing? The limey was gonna quit!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein leg scissors Carpenter's head, and applies a standing head vice! Carpenter has the metal mask, but that doesn't protect his temples from being crushed in. Meanwhile, Stan measures Knight and goes for an elbow drop but Knight rolls out of the way.
(Nick Knight full nelsons Syberus and falls back into a dragon suplex with a bridge)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knight pulls Syberus up but Rally just walks by and pops him in the groin with a kawada kick! Syberus single underhook implant DDTs Knight for The Pure Confidence!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 45 minutes 6 seconds; 'YOUR CANADIAN HERO' NICK KNIGHT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
(Carpenter backdrops Dan Stein over to get out of that head vice. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and drops an elbow across Stein's face! He covers Stein)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Dan Stein kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson bearhugs Rally Jackson. The giant is trying to squeeze the life out of the Brazilian!
Phil Blauer: Can't squeeze blood from a stone.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, he's squeezing a lot of that out of him to. Syberus rolls Carpenter up in a small package!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Carpenter kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein & Stan team up to give Rally Jackson a hart attack!
(Carpenter applies an ankle lock to Syberus, wrenching his foot back & forth. Syberus cries out in pain, but refuses to submit to Reid. Stan Wilson runs over and clotheslines both Dan Stein & Rally Jackson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And then Stan teams up with himself to take out both The Punisher & Tigerheart! Meanwhile, Carpenter trying to inflict as much pain as he can on Syberus. Dan Stien jams his fingers into Stan's windpipe, making him drop to one knee.
(Rally Jackson strikes like a cobra and applies a cattle mutilation to Stan's head & arms. Stan bleeds down his front, as Ron Reid has alternate asking him and Syberus if they wanna tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter releases the ankle lock, and pulls him up by the hair. He applies a kataha-jime in preperation for his Death Row but before he can drop down, Syberus backs him into the barbed wire!! Syberus wraps him up and drops him over his shoulder in The Vertical Exploder!! He covers Carpenter!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 50 minutes 35 seconds; CARPENTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: After 50 minutes, we're down to four wrestlers! Stan Wilson, Rally Jackson, Dan Stein, and Syberus.
Phil Blauer: Where's Marty Bower?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He was the first one eliminated?
Phil Blauer: When?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A while ago.
Phil Blauer: Damn, he was my ride to the hotel. Oh well, at least I don't have to listen to Pat Boone and sit in the backseat cause "Jesus" likes to sit up front.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter not taking his elimination well, he just slugged Syberus across the face with those brass knuckles! Dan Stein takes advantage and chicken wing suplexes Syberus!
(Rally continues to try and force a tap out from Stan Wilson with the cattle mutilation, rocking back & forth. Carpenter walks out of Hardkore Hall under a rain of boos & trash. Dan lifts Syberus up into another chicken wing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein going for another hammerlock, but Haven reaches underneath and takes Stein's leg out from under him. Syberus suplexes him up and drops him in a brainbuster! He covers The Punisher!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Dan Stein kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally releases the cattle mutilation and readjusts it into a dragon clutch!! Jackson has been working down the head & neck of the big man and hoping it'll pay off with a submission!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out, but before he can, Syberus smashes Jackson on the back of the head with a forearm smash)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus breaks up the dragon clutch, and Dan Stein grabs Rally and drops a twist of fate!!
(Stan Wilson ties Rally Jackson's legs up with an indian deathlock! Rally pushes up from the mat with blood running down his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein puts Syberus in another standing head vice, and applies a figure four armlock!!
Phil Blauer: Late in the match, the barbed wire hell has turned into the octogon!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson gives up on the indian deathlock and walks over to Stein, and clubs him in the back of the head! He pulls Dan Stein, and lifts him up onto his shoulder, and then flips him forward into a dominator!!
(Rally Jackson flips Stein up on to his shoulder and then drops him in a widow's peak! Syberus shakily climbs to the top turnbuckle, hesitant)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus takes Stan Wilson down with a flying clothesline! He pulls Wilson into his legs, and asks Rally for some help with a piledriver?
Rally Jackson; "Are you nuts??"
(Wilson reverses it into an alabama slammer, pounding Syberus on to the back of his head!! Rally Jackson hops off the second rope and hops on Wilson's back with a piggyback kataha-jime)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The three wrestlers seem to have elected to try and eliminate the big man, Stan Wilson. Wilson beginning to waver and is now down on one knee!
(Dan Stein comes up behind Rally Jackson and drops a reverse neckbreaker! He quickly hooks both legs)
Phil Blauer: Dan Stein is the master of the neckbreaker and that Twilight Hammer is sure a good one!! Right?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It sure is, and Stein pumphandles Rally up and drops him into a sit-out Reckoning slam!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 56 minutes 56 seconds, 'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow! This match has raged on for nearly an hour, and we still have three wrestlers left. Stan Wilson full nelsons Syberus and allows Dan Stein to take some shots at him.
(Wilson drops Syberus' ass in to the mat. Dan Stein lifts Syberus up in a vertical suplex and lets him hang up there)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drops Syberus in a jackhammer!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein takes a swing but Wilson ducks under and backdrop drivers him!!
(Stan wipes some blood out of his eyes and drops a knee across Stien's chest. Syberus gets on Dan Stein's back and applies a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulling back on Stein's head as hard as he can, while Stan lays in some kicks to his face.
(Syberus releases the camel clutch and picks Stein up. Syberus & Stan Wilson double suplex him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson drops a 325 pound leg drop across Dan's face!
Phil Blauer: Amazing he keeps that much weight in his leg. Must be glandular.
(Syberus kicks Stan in the ass. The audience laughs and Stan gets up, glaring at him)
Phil Blauer: If Syberus' plan was to piss the giant off into making a mistake. He definately got the first part done.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson grabs a laughing Englishman by the throat, something I've always wanted to do, and lifts him up by the throat...but Dan Stein comes up from behind and chicken wings his arm!
(Stan drops Syberus, and Syberus comes around and chicken wings Wilson's other arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus and Dan Stein lift Stan up in a double flying chicken wing!! Wilson is screaming bloody murder as his own weight is helping break both his arms!
(Stein & Syberus double chicken wing suplex the giant! Dan Stien then rolls Syberus up into a small package)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein full nelsons Syberus, using those powerful arms to push his head into his chest.
Phil Blauer: I think we've seen more full nelsons in this hour than all of the 90's. So for the remainder of this move I will wear Billy Jack Haynes' trademark hat.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein swinging Syberus' arms around, not allowing him balance enough to escape.
Billy Jack Blauer: Guillermo, would you be a dear and write "Oregon" on my ass? (bends over in Guillermo's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, Phil...Hey, it's already there.
Billy Jack Blauer: Still? Wow.
(While Stein holds Syberus, Stan rushes up and boots Syberus in the face. Wilson stomps Syberus' knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson attempts an indian deathlock, but Stein rolls over him into a la majistral!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 1 hour 3 minutes 21 seconds, STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson has wrestled over an hour, but is eliminated when he least expects it...and he's not happy. Stan grabs both men by their throats...and double chokeslam!!
(Hardkore Hall roars and begins chanting "STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!!" Stan tosses chairs and fans as he walks out of the building)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men lying there, exhausted after wrestling for an hour. Stein struggles to his feet first, beating Syberus...and drives his face into the mat with a facebuster!
(Stein scoops Syberus up and pitches him into the barbed wire with a fallaway slam!! The audience cheers and small chants of "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" start up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans getting behind Big Pun here, and he's charging himself up. He lifts the blood covered Syberus up by the throat with both arms and throttles the life out of him.
(Syberus lands on his feet and loses it, chopping and punching Stein. He gets a running start and thez presses Stein's back into the barbed wire)
Phil Blauer: Syberus has wrestled in a barbed wire hell for over an hour, and if he can just eliminate Stein, he will go straight to the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Women's tourney!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Something like that, Syberus sits down in front of Stein on his legs and applies a seated dragon sleeper!!
(Audience begins chanting "Pun!! Pun!! Pun!! Pun!! Pun!!" trying to root Dan Stein on. Stein pumps his fist, but Syberus clamps down on his head and The Punisher's arms drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulls Stein up in the front facelock, but Stein blocks a DDT and back body drops him!
(Stein pulls Syberus into his legs and powerbombs him onto the barbed wire!! Syberus bounces off and collapses to the mat, Stein covers him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd leaps to their feet and “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays throughout Hardkore Hall. Stein collapses in exhaustion, as Ron Reid lifts his limp arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein outlasted 10 other men, and wrestled an hour in barbed wire, to advance to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Tournament!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 1 hour 6 minutes 54 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE QUARTERFINALS OF THE HARDKORE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Fans cheer and continue to chant "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" while Syberus gingerly leaves the barbed wire, clutching his back which is bleeding profusely)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What a debut! Dan Stein has taken these fans and Hardkore World by storm!
(Dan Stein is finally helped to his feet by referees Mike Peters & Ron Reid, bleeding all over their nice white ref shirts. Stein raises his arms in victory)
(The ring crew lowers a steel cage down to the ring, securing it as fast as they can. The rest of the ring crew busily unravels the barbed wire from the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In San Francisco, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner had about her fill of Horror Girl's interference. Horror Girl is also fed up with Anjanette's warm blood and...well Horror Girl's just into hurting people. Now these two get to tear into one another in a steel cage, attached by an 8 foot cat collar chain.
("Candy Shop" by 50 Cent plays and the audience gets up and cheers. Anjanette Turner walks out tenatively, a little nervous to be facing the cannibalistic Horror Girl. She slaps a few familiar fans hands and enters through the cage door)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner told me backstage that one of her greatest thrills is coming back to Palm Springs and meeting with old fans and friends of hers. This was the building where she defeated Ms. Alexandria Macabre for her first Hardkore World Championship and had that classic with Makoto Jupiter at Palm Springs Punishment in 2000.
Phil Blauer: Turner didn't talk to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ok, I hid in a stall in the ladies room and heard her talking to Xyrynth.
Phil Blauer: Ah, Blauer Journalism 101. Be lucky you left before Horror Girl had to go. I passed out and fell into the wall where "Here I sit, bored & broken hearted..." got tattooed into my face.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner is wearing a red two peice bathing suit and red boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Cat Collar Steel Cage Match scheduled for one fall with a 30 Minute Time Limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing at 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(The Palm Springs crowd gives her a huge ovation which she's a little taken back by. Then "Haunted" by Evanescence plays and the cheers turn to jeers. Horror Girl appears with her end of the cat collar already attached. Mr.Fame & Bernice push their way past her for their pop and just get a few uninterested boos. Horror Girl cautiously walks down the runway, and then pauses to tilt her head towards a camera. When Horror Girl gets into the cage, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at Turner)
Phil Blauer: Has Mr.Fame ever wrestled here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: How the fuck should I know? Horror Girl has spilled more blood on the West Coast then any female wrestler in history.
Phil Blauer: True, but her bra & panties matches have been attrocious.
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl is wearing tightly fitted mummy wrappings around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs. Her skin is a pale blue and her hair is tinted a slight grayish purple. Her eyes are a very, very light blue. It's so light it looks whited out. Lastly, she has the classic zombie darkness around her eyes.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager Mr. Fame and his assistant, Bernice; from Parts Unknown; Standing at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 138 pounds...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos. Mr.Fame tries to cover Horror Girl's ears but she almost bites his hands off. Mr. Fame & Bernice run out of the ring and Mike Peters hands Anjanette Turner her end of the cat collar to put around her neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner gets the collar latched and Horror Girl uses the chain to yank her down to the ground! The bell sounds and we are underway!
(Horror Girl comes up behind Anjanette Turner on her knees and wraps the chain around Turner's eyes! Turner shrieks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl tightening that steel chain around Turner's eyes and temples! Turner digging her nails into Horror Girl's arms but that's not doing much to the seemingly impervious deadwoman.
(Horror Girl wraps her legs around Turner's waist. She wraps the chain around Turner's throat and falls back. Turner's eyes bug out from lack of oxygen, while Horror Girl squeezes the life out of her with her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl arches her back as far back as she can with that chain in her hand. Mike Peters checks in to see if she submits, even this move is illegal in this match!
(Turner refuses and Horror Girl unlatches her legs and gets to her feet. She unravels the chain from Anjanette's neck and then pulls her up by her hair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running smashes Turner's face into the cage as hard as she can! She puts the chain in between Turner's legs and uses it to pull her up into a pumphandle shoulderbreaker!
(Anjanette Turner clutches her shoulder, and flops around the mat. Horror Girl wraps the chain around Turner's face and then uses the chain to fling her into the steel cage!! The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running dropkicks Anjanette Turner's face into the cage again! Turner is easy pickens for a gut wrench but Turner turns it into a huracanrana!!
(Anjanette Turner waistlocks her in front of the ropes and belly to back suplexes the back of her head into the steel cage! The crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner flips over into a senton splash onto Horror Girl's back! Turner wraps the chain around his fist and slugs Horror Girl in the face!!
(Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat & neck and double chicken wings her arms! Horror Girl coughs & gags, while Turner wrenches up on both of her hammerlocked arms)
Phil Blauer: She's the first person I've seen that could make Horror Girl gag!
(Mike Peters checks in while Turner pulls harder on the chain around Horror Girl's throat. She then rams Horror Girl's unprotected face into the steel cage! The crowd pops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl into her legs and pulls her up into a powerbomb! She hangs on to her arms & legs and pulls her into a second powerbomb!!
(The Palm Springs audience roars as Turner slams the back of Horror Gir's head into the mat with a third rolling powerbomb!! She stands up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl rolls out of the way of Turner's leg drop off the second turnbuckle! Horror Girl butterflies Anjanette's arms and then flips her over into a double underhook suplex!
(Horror Girl wraps the chain around her fist and fistdrops Turner in the temple with it. She lifts Anjanette up into an inverted crucifix then runs towards the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl inverted crucifix flapjacks Turner's face into the steel cage! She strings the chain in between Turner's legs and pumphandle german suplexes her with it!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl tosses Turner over the top rope, to the apron between the cage & ropes. She waits for Turner to get to her feet and then spears her into the cage!
Phil Blauer: In between a rock and a hard place!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs two handfuls of hair and pulls Turner back into the ring. She facelocks Turner and climbs to the second rope. Horror Girl whips around into a tornado DDT!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps the chain around her fist and goes to punch Turner, but Turner blocks it with her forearm. She fires a couple rights but Horror Girl catches her kick...enzuigiri by Sexy Anj!
(Anjanette Turner spins Horror Girl's leg over into a figure four leglock. Horror Girl sits up and pain, while Turner pushes herself up for better leverage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner works down Horror Girl's knee with that figure four. Mike Peters checks in but isn't getting any response from the grimacing Horror Girl.
(Turner gut wrenches Horror Girl up on to her shoulder and then spinning powerbombs her!! She scoops Horror Girl up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner falcon arrows Horror Girl!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat a couple times and arm scissors her arm! Horror Girl kicks her feet into the ropes, unable to breathe!
(Turner squeezes Horror Girl's arm and gives the chain around her throat. Mike Peters checks in to see if Horror Girl wants to submit. But Horror Girl gets to her feet and pulls Turner up with her legs still wrapped around her arm. The audience applauds Horror Girl's show of strength)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Turner up on to her shoulder and drops her backwards! Horror Girl applies an armbar to the same arm she dropped with that pumphandle shoulderbreaker.
(Horror Girl begins chomping and chewing on Anjanette's hand & fingers! She also pops her knee into the ball of her shoulder)
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl chewing on Anjanette Turner like a chimp without a birthday cake!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pulls Turner up by her armbarred arm. She turns it into a single arm DDT!!
(Horror Girl wraps the chain around Turner's face and then headlocks her head and squeezes the chain into her head. Turner cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner turns it into a belly to back suplex! Turner steps next to Horror Girl and backflips onto her!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner scoops Horror Girl up and corkscrew tombstones her!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat and applies a half nelson!! She spins Horror Girl around, squeezing the life out of her, so she can't get her bearings.
(Mike Peters checks in to see if she wants to give it up. Horror Girl grabs her by the head and flips her over into a snap mare. She takes a few moments to catch her breath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl facelocks Anjanette Turner and runs up the turnbuckles into a spinning neckbreaker!!
(Horror Girl scoops Anjanette up and slams her hard on to the mat. The force is so hard it sends Turner sitting up in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running dropkicks Turner in the chest! She wraps that chain around Turner's throat and lifts her up into the air...she flips her over into a powerslam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps that chain around Turner's throat. She runs Turner to the ropes and throws her over the top, hanging her with that chain!!
(Anjanette Turner kicks her feet against the cage, struggling unsuccessfully to breathe. Horror Girl braces her foot against Turner's back and pulls back on that chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl releases the chain a little bit and smashes Turner's face into the cage!! She sinks her teeth into Turner's shoulder!
(Anjanette Turner screams in pain, but is trapped between the ropes and the cage wall. Horror Girl pulls Turner back through the ropes back into the ring. She gut wrenches her up onto her shoulder into a tiger driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Gut Rot Driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner wraps that chain around her fist and bashes Horror Girl in the jaw. She hits Horror Girl with a roundhouse kick!
(Turner runs Horror Girl's face into the steel cage and rolls her up into a backroll press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: She lifts Horror Girl up in an inverted crucifix and drops her onto her face with a reverse tigerdriver!!
(Anjanette Turner gets to her feet, but Horror Girl yanks the steel chain between Anjanette's legs, flipping her over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps the chain around Anjanette Turner's neck and then lifts her up in an inverted suplex...she drops an Oh, The Horror ace crusher!!!
(Audience boos, and Horror Girl crawls over to Anjanette Turner's prone body)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos and "Haunted" By Evanescence plays. Horror Girl unlatches her dog collar and ties it to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl has defeated three time Hardkore World Women's Champion in the biggest pay-per-view of the year. The winner of tonight's Tamara Sanchez vs. Xyrynth match has got to worry about this violent woman.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 34 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(Horror Girl demands a chair be given to her through the cage door by Mr.Fame. He complies)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl has Anjanette Turner tied to the ropes by that dog collar and cracks her in the head with that chair!!
(The sound of the chair shot ring through the Palm Springs Convention Center. The audience boos as Horror Girl holds the chair up and walks out of the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continues her reign of unprecedented havoc on the Hardkore World women's division!
(The steel cage has finished rising back up to the ceiling of the Palm Springs Convention Center. The ring crew is wrapping barbed wire around the ropes. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine oversees the operation. One comes up to Jonnie and grumbles that they could have just kept the barbed wire on from the battle royal and had those matches back to back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hardkore Jonnie Valentine has just fired one of the ring workers, and is now forcing former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone to replace him.
Phil Blauer: The sweat pouring out of our pudgy promo peice is enough to make the ring a very dangerous place for the six man tag team champions.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporations have been at war with The Shootfighter ever since...jeez, do you even remember how that started?
Phil Blauer: That was before my time. That was back when you had that pornographer sitting here. That's why I still place a towel down
whenever I sit next to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The bad feelings I believe started in Texas in the old UWA back in 1991, and spilled over onto the West Coast for all these years. Most Palm Springs Punishments have been headlined with those two fighting, now their joining up for one time to take on the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champions.
("Bump-n-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Lucius Morgan and Judge Death lead Tarrasque, Jeremiah Vastrix, and The Shootfighter down to the ring. Vastrix signs some autographs for female fans. Tarrasque is gnawing on a raw steak, and drooling all over himself. The Shootfighter slowly walks to the ring with his stainless steel singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter and The Warhammer Corporation slip under that barbed wire. Lucius Morgan catches his suit jacket on the barbed wire, and doesn't look happy.
Phil Blauer: Now he's gotta go back to Walmart and get a new one!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's absolutely surreal to see The Shootfighter on the same side of the ring as Jeremiah Vastrix & Tarrasque.
Phil Blauer: I know, I'm about to freak out, man!
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix is wearing a red form fitting bodysuit with a porcelain mask. Tarrasque has on some black biohazard trunks. The Shootfighter wears some knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is an Electrified Barbed Wire Best of Three Falls Match for the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, the challengers. Accompanied to the ring by their managers, Judge Death & Lucius Morgan. First from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!! And from Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!! And their partner, from Arkham Asylum; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds...TARRASQUE!!"
(Hardkore Hall showers these men with boos, but a few applaud the amazing sight of seeing these three men together. The Shootfighter crosses his arms and glares at the entranceway. Then "BirdSong" by Tomahawk plays and the crowd cheers. The lights go dim, and a dazzling light show of red, blue, yellow, and purple lights flash over the entranceway. Gozo Shioda bursts through the entrance way curtain pumping up the crowd, pointing to the ring and drawing his thumb across his throat. The Tengu Clan follow behind him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Tengu Clan won the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles from The Un-Stable in their debut match. Mr. Shioda is a well decorated champion in Japan, The Carribean, Mexico, and The States. The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter couldn't have picked a more capable team to join up against.
Phil Blauer: They're like The Freebirds, without puke matted in their hair and chasing a nude Buddy Roberts around the Super 8 pool area.
Yolanda Ando: Gozo Shioda is dressed in red tabis, a blood red pair of silky, baggy ninja pants with gold fancy trim going up the sides, and a long black sash is wrapped around his waist. Kisama Bokuden wears red taping on his feet and ankles, cut off baggy black, red, and grey camo shorts, a spiked belt, and wears the same cut off "Tengu Clan" shirt that Bakemono wears, but it's cut poncho style and he leaves on it during the match. His hands and wrists are taped up with red tape as well. Bakemono is wearing black combat boots, grey military style cargo pants tucked into the boots, and red taping around his hands and forearms. He wears a sleeveless, red t-shirt emblazoned with the words "Tengu Clan" in japanese on the back and japanese style cartoon of all three members on the front, which he takes off in the ring and throws it into the crowd.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, from Tokyo, Japan; First, standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 279 pounds...BAKEMONO BOKUDEN!! Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...KISAMA BOKUDEN!! They are THE TENGU CLAN!! And their partner, Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 237 pounds...GOZO SHIODA!!"
(The Palm Springs crowd cheers for The Tengu Clan and Mr. Shioda! Referee Ron Reid signals for the bell, and the ring crew charges the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: All six men converge on one another and Lucius Morgan & Judge Death head for the hills!
(Judge Death catches himself on the electrified barbed wire and jolts out of the ring. He clutches the laceration on his leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden irish whips Jeremiah Vastrix into Gozo Shioda who tiltawhirls him into a ganso bomb!!
(The crowd cheers. Kisama tries to pick Tarrasque up for a powerbomb, but Tarrasque turns it into a huracanrana!! The Shootfighter hammers the back of Kisama's neck with those studded forearm pads)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden comes up from behind Shootfighter with a chop block to the back of his knee. Shootfighter staggers around, limping. Mr.Shioda cracks Shootfighter upside the head with a thrust kick!
(Bakemono Bokuden runs at Jeremiah Vastrix but God's Gift baseball slide kicks Bakemono's feet from underneath him, sending him facefirst into the barbed wire!! The crowd reacts with disgust as Bokuden clutches his face, as blood runs through his fingers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden fell into that electrified barbed wire! Tarrasque sits Bakemono onto the top turnbuckle. Tarrasque gets a running start and tackles him to the floor!!!
(The crowd applauds as the two men fall down to the floor. Kisama Bokuden gets a running start and pops The Shootfighter in the face with a spinning elbow smash)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix karate chops Gozo Shioda in the throat. Shioda covers his throat and Vastrix small packages him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Kisama Bokuden stomps the back of Vastrix's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque gets a running start and The Shootfighter backdrops him over the electrified barbed wire and he smashes Bakemono in the face with a flying headbutt!!
(The Shootfighter russian sickles Kisama Bokuden with that studded forearm pad! He covers Kisama)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Shioda butterflies Jeremiah Vastrix's arms and lifts him up on his shoulder, then drops him down into a tigerdriver '91!!
(Shioda & Kisama Bokuden both grab a leg and turn Jeremiah Vastrix over into a double crab!! Vastrix cries out in agony)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Outside the ring, Tarrasque smashes Bakemono Bokuden's face into the cornerpost!
(Kisama & Gozo continue to pull back on both of Jeremiah Vastrix's legs as Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. Tarrasque bounces Bakemono's head off the ringpost again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter muy thai kicks Kisama Bokuden and Mr. Shioda in the lower back to break the double crab. The Shootfighter snap suplexes Mr.Shioda.
(Kisama Bokuden boots Jeremiah Vastrix in the stomach and hits a brainbuster DDT!! Kisama covers Vastrix and hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter muy thai kicks Kisama in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter presses Kisama Bokuden over his head, and Jeremiah Vastrix catches him by the head and drops him with an ace crusher!! Vastrix covers Kisama!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque rushes Bakemono Bokuden on the floor but he grabs Tarrasque and flapjacks his face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(The crowd goes wild as Tarrasque flops backwards with a fresh new cut along his cheek. Mr.Shioda comes up from behind Jeremiah Vastrix)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shioda delivers a wrist clutch exploder on Vastrix!! The Shootfighter hits Kisama Bokuden in the ribs with a muy thai kick, but Kisama answers with a dropkick to his knee.
(Shootfighter hops on one leg, and then charges Kisama Bokuden, but Kisama back body drops him and Shioda catches him with a brainbuster DDT!! The audience pops)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps the back of Shioda's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque presses Bakemono Bokuden over his head and drops his throat on railing! He slides back underneath the barbed wire to help out his cronies!
(Mr.Shioda gets up and catches a leaping roundhouse kick to the face by Jeremiah Vastrix. Tarrasque goes to kick Kisama Bokuden but Kisama catches his boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden leg capture suplexes Tarrasque! The Shootfighter grabs Shioda by the ponytail and tosses his face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(The Shootfighter applies a cobra clutch with a bodyvice to Shioda, as Shioda bleeds down his front. Mike Peters checks in to see if Shioda submits but he refuses. Jeremiah Vastrix double chicken wings Kisama Bokuden's arms)
Guilermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix pushes Kisama Bokuden's face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(Kisama shoots back into the center of the ring covering his lacerated & zapped face. The Shootfighter continues to roll Shioda around the ring attempting to make him tap out to The ShootClutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque applies a brain claw to Kisama Bokuden making him bloodier. Kisama gets to his feet , but Tarrasque scoops him up and slams him to the mat.
(Bakemono Bokuden comes up from behind Tarrasque and sets up a russian leg sweep but he rolls forward for the cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tarrasque kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden waistlocks Tarrasque and release german suplexes him into the electrified barbed wire!!
(Crowd roars and Tarrasque rocks involuntarily out of the charged wire! Bakemono then turns towards "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and dropkicks him in the knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono applies a standing figure four leglock and an extremely bloody Kisama Bokuden applies a dragon sleeper. The Tengu Clan lift Vastrix up into their Oni-breaker!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers as Vastrix is nearly drawn & quartered. Tarrasque is busy bleeding in the corner, and The Shootfighter is still applying The ShootClutch to Gozo Shioda)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix taps out to The Oni-breaker and Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan take the first fall!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 43 seconds, Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan Have Won The First Fall!"
(The crowd goes ballstic! A bloody Bakemono & Kisama stomp The Shootfighter until he breaks The ShootClutch. They pull up their mentor and celebrate winning the first fall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda celebrates by lifting The Shootfighter up onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry.
Phil Blauer: I usually celebrate with a six pac of Zima and some tapes of Maury.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shioda surprises Shootfighter with a death valley driver with a cradle!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden comes up from behind The Shootfighter and inverted hiptosses him over into a DDT!!
(The crowd pops big for that move, and Judge Death covers his eyes. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Tarrasque lifts Gozo Shioda up by the throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque chokeslams a bloody Gozo Shioda over the electrified barbed wire to the concrete floor below!!!
(Audience pops for the chokeslam, and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Inside the ring, Bakemono Bokuden chicken wing half nelson Hanya-Plexes The Shootfighter!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks Bakemono in his exposed stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix bulldogs Bakemono's midsection onto The Shootfighter's knee! The Shootfighter applies a triangle choke on Bakemono Bokuden!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo at the predicament The Shootfighter has Bakemono Bokuden in. Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. On the other side of the ring, his brother Kisama has Jeremiah Vastrix's arms butterflied)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden double underhook suplexes Vastrix! He floats over into a full nelson camel clutch!!
(Ron Reid has to take turns asking Bakemono if he submits to The Shootfighter's triangle choke, and Vastrix if he wants to tap out to the full nelson camel clutch. Meanwhile Gozo Shioda and Tarrasque are exchanging punches on the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr.Shioda suplexes Tarrasque up and then piledrives him off the apron on to the concrete!!
(Palm Springs fans chant "SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!!" as Tarrasque & Gozo lie on top of one another, bleeding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda climbs back up to his feet with help from that railing, and headlocks Tarrasque up to his feet. Tarrasque pushes him off into the corner post!!
(Back inside the ring, Kisama Bokuden releases the full nelson camel clutch on Jeremiah Vastrix. He walks over to The Shootfighter and screws his bare heel across his face to entice him to break triangle choke. Bokuden pulls Shootfighter up and applies an inverted facelock, then wraps their legs together)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden hits a Liquid Cocaine inverted DDT legsweep on The Shootfighter!!
(Kisama Bokuden climbs up to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring, careful not to touch the electrified barbed wire. Bakemono Bokuden waistlocks The Shootfighter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono german suplexes The Shootfighter up so Kisama can hart attack clothesline him off the top rope!!!
(Crowd roars, and a blood drenched Bakemono Bokuden hooks The Shootfighter's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps Bakemono on the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix grabs Bakemono by the legs and lifts him up into a wheelbarrow, but then punt kicks him in the balls!!
(Hardkore Hall turns ugly, tossing garbage and beer at Jeremiah Vastrix. The porcelain mask shields alot of it. Bakemono rolls around, clutching his jewels. On the floor, a bloody Tarrasque scoops Gozo Shioda up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque drops Shioda's back on that steel guard railing and Shioda slides down into the front row!! Tarrasque rolls underneath the electrified barbed wire back into the ring.
(Tarrasque rushes Bakemono with a spear but Bokuden leapfrogs over him. Tarrasque hits the electrified barbed wire!! The audience pops huge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden running knees Tarrasque back into the electrified barbed wire!!
Phil Blauer: Tarrasque is like Oprah. Detroit found out when Oprah battled Mothra that although she is a monster she can only take so many electricial shocks before she retreats back into the ocean.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden smashes Tarrasque with a shining wizard! Mr. Shioda has slid back into the ring and backdrops Tarrasque over into a belly to back piledriver!!
(The audience gives Shioda another round of applause and chants of "SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!!" break out. Judge Death slides Shootfighter's stainless steel singapore cane under the wire, and The Shhotfighter picks it up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks Kisama Bokuden in the head with the metal cane!! Bakemono can barely turn around before he recieves a head shot as well!!
(The crowd boos at Mr. Shioda & The Tengu Clan be felled by Shootfighter's cane. Shioda is smacked in the temple by Shootfighter with samurai like precision)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix strikes a dazed Bakemono Bokuden with an uppercut knife edge chop. Tarrasque lifts Bakemono up by the throat and chokeslams him into the electrified barbed wire!!
(A crackling is head, and the Palm Springs audience gasps. Bakemono staggers out of the barbed wire and Jeremiah Vastrix cradled him with a handful of his cargo pants)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The fans gasp again and Hardkore Hall is eerily silent. Lucius Morgan demands Tarrasque exit the ring so he can try and stop Tarrasque's massive bleeding. The Shootfighter applies an ankle lock to Bakemono Bokuden's ankle)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 55 seconds, The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter have scored a fall."
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter twists Bakemono's ankle from side to side trying to force a submission. He wraps his legs around Bakemono's leg and drops down to the mat in an ankle lock submission on the mat.
(Kisama Bokuden gets a running start and Mr.Shioda back body drops him over the electrified barbed wire. Kisama somersaults into a swinging DDT suicida on Tarrasque!! The crowd applauds and begins a chant of "KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda belly to belly suplexes Jeremiah Vastrix over the electrified barbed wire!! He walks over to The Shootfighter and punt kicks him in the face to break The Shootfighter Anklelock!
(Mr.Shioda sits on The Shootfighter's back and applies a full nelson camel clutch. On the outside of the ring, Jeremiah Vastrix is pulled up by the hair by Kisama Bokuden, but Vastrix surprises him with an open handed strike to Kisama's nose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody & fried Bakemono Bokuden runs off the ropes and punt kicks Shootfighter in his exposed face while Shioda full nelson camel clutches him. Meanwhile on the floor, Tarrasque has lifted Kisama up in a hanging suplex.
(Tarrasque gourdbusters Kisama crotch first into the cornerpost! Inside the ring, Bakemono Bokuden pulls The Shootfighter up by his hair, then power whips him into the electrified barbed wire!! The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And The Shootfighter gets another zap from that sharp and charged weapon surrounding the ring.
Phil Blauer: My ears are burning.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're not talking about you, Phil.
Phil Blauer: No, they really are.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then wash em, for god sakes! Gozo Shioda pulls a jolted Shootfighter into his legs and lifts him up onto his shoulder. Mr.Shioda runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter rolls his shoulder up)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed, 5 Minutes Remaining."
(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls into the ring, and hits Mr.Shioda in the ribs with a knife edge chop. The Shootfighter belly to belly suplexes him into the electrified barbed wire!! The audience boos as Shioda staggers out, shocked & bloody)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque pulls Kisama Bokuden up into a powerbomb but Bokuden spins around into an inverted Kisama-rana on the floor!!
(Bakemono Bokuden ducks underneath a open handed strike by Vastrix and waistlocks Jeremiah from behind. Bakemono wheelbarrow facefirst powerbombs Jeremiah Vastrix with an elbow into the small of his back)'
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden hits "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix with the Snap, Crackle, & Pop, but he turns around into a heart punch from The Shootfighter. Out on the floor, Kisama Bokuden climbs to the apron, but Lucius Morgan pulls his foot out from under him and he falls to the floor. Tarrasque positions him near us...
Phil Blauer: I bet he's about to sing Happy Birthday to me. Oh god, this is so embarrassing. Who sent you? Matt Boone? Phoenix?
(Tarrasque pulls Kisama Bokuden into his legs and flips him up on to his shoulder, then flips him forwardinto a facefirst powerbomb through Guillermo & Phil's announce table!! The table liquifies and Phil & Guillermo scatter like roaches with the light on. Gozo Shioda pulls the porcelain mask off and applies a sleeper on Jeremiah Vastrix. The Shootfighter applies a claw to Bakemono Bokuden and blood squeezes out of his fingers, Shootfighter latches a second claw to Bakemono's heart. Gozo Shioda sleeperhold suplexes Jeremiah Vastrix!! The audience pops at the sight of Vastrix landing on his head. Out on the floor, Tarrasque pulls Kisama up onto the apron. He stands up on the apron, and pulls Kisama's head into his legs)
Phil Blauer: Hello, are we on? How's my hair?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque goes for a piledriver but Kisama Bokuden reverses it into a huracanrana off the apron on to the floor!!
(The Palm Springs audience goes wild as Lucius Morgan & Judge Death attend to Tarrasque, trying to wake him up. Kisama Bokuden slides back under the electrified barbed wire into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter t-bone suplexes Gozo Shioda into the electrified barbed wire!! Shioda staggers out of the barbed wire and Jeremiah Vastrix smacks him upside the head with a superkick!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kneedrops the back of Vastrix's head)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Nine Minutes Have Elapsed. 1 Minute Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannoon: Bakemono Bokuden spins Jeremiah Vastrix's leg around into a crooked figure four leglock!!
(Audience cheers and Kisama Bokuden climbs to the top rope. Lucius Morgan steps up on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucius Morgan shakes the top rope, and it crotches Kisama Bokuden! Tarrasque climbs to the second rope and brainbuster suplexes Bokuden!!
(Gozo Shioda charges Tarrasque and Tarrasque catches him and powerslams him into the electrified barbed wire!! The wire shocks both men and they fall next to one another unconcious)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Shootfighter muy thai kicks Bakemono Bokuden in the face to break the crooked figure four leglock! He pulls Bakemono up into a butterfly position and then double underhooks Bokuden up & down across his knee with his ShootBreaker!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Hardkore Hall boos as "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays. Judge Death and Lucius Morgan grab the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Ron De La O: Fuck uuuuuuuuuuuu Man!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has ended a 10 year drought and won a Hardkore World title tonight!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 29 minutes and 49 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The crowd throws soda cups and other debris into the ring, while Lucius Morgan & Judge Death strap the title belts around Vastrix, Tarrasque, & The Shootfighter's waists. Mr. Shioda pulls the Bakemono brothers out of the ring, both of whom want to continue the match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation has feuded with The Shootfighter for a decade, the same amount of time as Tommy Rich & Buzz Sawyer in Georgia. Now they share the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Titles!
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Mar 26, 2005#17
(The ring crew works furiously trying to take down the barbed wire and string the ropes back along the corner posts)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It all started in San Diego...
Phil Blauer: Ok, let me explain. First, "don't touch the dancers" can be interpreted in a number of ways. Second, it was part of her kick to ride in the trunk. The duct tape could have gotten on her mouth from rolling around in the trunk there...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans and Death Gojira battled to a draw in San Diego in a barbed wire match. From there, they bled all over the West Coast in dog collar matches, LA Freeway Matches, and a barbed wire bomb match for the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship. Now they appear on opposing teams in the final for the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament.
("Spiderbait" by The NESkimos plays and the audience cheers. Kilroy Evans and Andrew Karnage walk down to the ring, slapping hands amongst the fans craning over the guardrail. Kilroy Evans slides underneath the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: If they win, this would be the second Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament they would have won. They also won the IPW World Tag Team titles in January 2003, making them the more polished of the two teams in title matches.
Phil Blauer: I'd really like to see Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask go head to head in a doughnut eat-a-thon.
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's that?
Phil Blauer: Nowhere you'd like to be with a gram of coke and a suspended license.
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans is wearing a black Bloodhound Gang t-shirt, blue jeans, brown belt, and grey sneakers. Andrew Karnage is wearing some black knee length basketball shorts with "AK-47" down the outsides of each leg in dark red. On his knees are dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Spin-the-Wheel, Make-the-Deal match and is the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament Final! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! And his partner, hailing from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Audience cheers Karnage and Kilroy waves back. Then "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and the audience gets even louder. Death Gojira, Makoto Jupiter, Eerie Von, and Tuxedo Mask walk out through the curtain and begin walking down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask struggling with his weight since his depression following the closing of Hardkore Nippon.
Phil Blauer: Ireland has had struggles, Tuxedo Mask has got something completely different.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira looking forward to hooking up with Kilroy Evans again. But he has to be careful, Andrew Karnage is in the ring as well. Kilroy and Karnage have molded better than any team here in Hardkore World.
Yolanda Ando:Tuxedo Mask is wearing a top hat and tuxedo with a black tie and tails, and white gloves. His face is covered by a ballroom mask. Death Gojira is wearing black shorts and boots, kneepads, taped up knuckles, godzilla spikes tattooed down along his spine. "King of Fucking Monsters" is written along the sides of the boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Makoto Jupiter and their bodyguard, Eerie Von; first from Monster Island, Japan; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!! And his partner, from Tokushima, Japan; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 230 pounds...TUXEDO MASK!! They are THE CUPCAKE CREW!!!"
(The audience gives Gojira & Tuxedo Mask a huge pop. Referee Ron Reid gives the wheel a spin, and it lands on FIRE MATCH! Tuxedo Mask begins running out of the ring but Death Gojira holds on to him by the back of his tuxedo pants)
Phil Blauer: A fire match?!?! What's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Something we haven't had for a long time. Carribean Cool's father Carlos Colon invented them for his feud with Abdullah the Butcher in Puerto Rico. I think it was only brought back for Carlos' feud with the late "Hotstuff" Eddie Gilbert.
Phil Blauer: I like when he eats the apple and spits.
(The ring crew wraps gasoline soaked rags around the ropes, one on each rope near the turnbuckle. The man in charge of lighting them can't get his butane torch lighted)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira walks over and offers the ring crew member his zippo lighter with the radioactive symbol on it. They light the rags and this match is ready to go!
(Andrew Karnage rushes Gojira but Gojira pokes him in the eye! The bell rings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pumphandles Andrew Karnage up but he falls behind Gojira and hits a sambo suplex!!
(Tuxedo Mask sees that and tries to punch Kilroy Evans but he catches the fist. Tuxedo hopes to follow up with his left, but Evans catches that one as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans has both Tux's arms trapped and begins battering his face with headbutts, knocking off his ballroom mask!
(Kilroy releases Tuxedo Mask and runs into the ropes, and Andrew Karnage does the same. Andrew Karnage hits Tux with a Nightmare Lariot while Kilroy Evans flips him over with a knee clip)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Three Car Pile-up!!! Karnage hooks Tuxedo Mask's leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Death Gojira stomps the back of Karnage's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans waistlocks Gojira and drops him backwards into a german suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage electric chairs Tux up on to his shoulders, but Tux flips backwards behind Karnage and runs him facefirst into that fire!!!
(Tuxedo Mask backroll presses a burned Andrew Karnage)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans clotheslines Tuxedo Mask, causing Karnage to involuntarily roll on top of Tux in the backroll press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Andrew Karnage up and twists it into a reverse DDT!! He hooks the leg.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Tuxedo Mask up, but Tux slaps him right in the face!
(Palm Springs audience "Oooooh"s as Kilroy rubs his face. His eyes flash with anger and he slaps Tux back a hell of a lot harder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask doesn't like that and tries to kick Kilroy, but Evans catches his boot. Tux with an enzuigiri kick! Kilroy Evans was the first person to kick out of Cobryn's finisher, The Answer. I bet he would bring that up alot at The Un-Stable company picnics.
Phil Blauer: I miss them, whatever happened to them?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Andrew Karnage up in a hanging suplex, and then swings it around into an ace crusher!!
(Tuxedo Mask carefully climbs to the top turnbuckle, trying to avoid the flaming rags. Death Gojira pulls Kilroy Evans into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Kilroy up for a powerbomb and Tux leapfrogs over Gojira and lands on Evans chest on the way down!!
(Crowd cheers wildly and Tux grabs both of Kilroy's legs for the pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans pulls Tux down in a sunset flip)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks Kilroy in the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes up behind Death Gojira and applies an octopus stretch. Karnage resting his tree like leg on Gojira's head, and Kilroy Evans comes over and hits some cheap shots to the trapped Gojira.
(Tuxedo Mask kicks Kilroy Evans in the gut and front face locks him. He hammerlocks Kilroy's arm and then spins him around into an inverted facelock. Tux drops a reverse hammerlock DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask hits The Masquerade DDT, and walks over to dropkick Andrew Karnage to break the octopus. He atomic drops Karnage's crotch on the rope! He gets a running start and enzuigiri kicks Karnage's face into the flames!!!
(Karnage clutches his face and falls to the floor! Death Gojira irish whips Kilroy Evans into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask backdrops Kilroy Evans and gets some real height on it! Death Gojira grabs Kilroy's legs and picks him up into an inverted tigerbomb!! As he does this, Tux climbs the ropes and hits Kilroy Evans with a moonsault butt drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Kilroy up and tombstone piledrives him! Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes and baseball slides underneath the ropes but misses Andrew Karnage.
(Tux kicks Karnage in the shins and Karnage tosses him into the railing with an exploder '98!! Death Gojira tries to push Kilroy's face into the flames but Kilroy is trying to put the brakes on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy scratching and clawing his nemesis to stay away from the fire. He chomps down on Death Gojira's nose to change his mind! Andrew Karnage overhead belly to belly suplexes Tuxedo Mask into the ropes and then backdown onto the floor!
(Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira into his legs and drill his skull into the canvas with a piledriver! Andrew Karnage rolls into the ring, while Kilroy grabs Gojira in a T-bone suplex position, and Karnage is standing behind him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans flips Death Gojira over in the t-bone, but Karnage catches him, and holds him as Kilroy drops down in a hangman’s neckbreaker!! The Attitude Adjustment!
(Crowd applauds, and Andrew Karnage covers a prone Death Gojira)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira up and sits him on the top turnbuckle. Andrew Karnage stands up on the second rope and grabs both of his arms and flips him over into a owendriver iconoclasm!!
Phil Blauer: He calls that The Grimstad Driver, a little dig on one of Death Gojira's good friends, 2000 Hardkore Helloween winner Vladimir Grimstad! He should watch it, Gojira doesn't have alot of friends.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, that's you.
(Kilroy Evans irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes and The Miracle Violence Combination II smack Gojira in the face with a double superkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The X Mark!! Kilroy Evans makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask corkscrew moonsault leg drops the back of Kilroy Evans' head)
(Crowd cheers and chants "TUX!! TUX!! TUX!! TUX!! TUX!!" Tux rolls Kilroy over for a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage breaks up the pin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gets behind Death Gojira and drops him with another t-bone suplex! Tuxedo Mask on the other side of the ring and bridges into a perfectplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage stomps Tux's exposed stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans sticks two fingers into Tux's eyes and his thumb in his mouth, and starts trying to push his face into the fire!
(The Palm Springs ladies, and some of the men, scream at the idea of a deformed Tux. Karnage irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai reverse DDT!! He hooks the leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans gives up on burning Tux, for now, and sets him up for a suplex. Tuxedo Mask blocks the suplex and lifts Kilroy into one of his own, he then turns it into a reverse powerbomb!!
(Death Gojira lifts Kilroy Evans up in a crucifix bomb, while Tux climbs the ropes. The audience buzzes in anticipation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask performs a guillotine leg drop as Kilroy Evans hits the mat in the crucifix bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top rope again and goes for a 450 corkscrew splash but it turns into more of a senton!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
(The Amazing Taylor enters the ring with the barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair. He tries to hand it to him, but Gojira grabs him by the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira tornado DDT's his toadie's head into Andrew Karnage's stomach. Tuxedo Mask applies a sleeper, and goes for a shinni-no-maki suplex but Kilroy Evans reverses it into a jawbreaker!
(Kilroy Evans kicks his feet into the mat a few times to load his boot. Death Gojira turns around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans smashes Gojira with a loaded kick! Andrew Karnage has gotten back to his feet, and checks that burn on his face. He scoops Tuxedo Mask up and hammerlocks his arm. He runs into the center of the ring and powerslams him on his chicken winged arm!!
(Andrew Karnage has Tuxedo Mask up in a standing fireman’s carry, and Kilroy bounces off the ropes and jumps up and hits a floating swinging neckbreaker as Karnage drops back in a samoan drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Three Mile Island!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans applies a crossface chicken wing on Tuxedo Mask! Andrew Karnage butterflies Tux's arms, and then double underhooks him up and drops his head in a Tiger Buster!!
(Tux cries out in pain as Kilroy Evans pushes up on his hammerlocked arm. Karnage goes for a DDT but Gojira reverses it into a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira airplane spins Karnage's face into the fire!!!
(Crowd reacts with concern, and Karnage rolls around the mat clutching his face. Kilroy sees what Death Gojira did to his friend, and pitches Tuxedo Mask into the fire!!! Tux beats out some flames on his tuxedo jacket, and Makoto Jupiter pulls it off of him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira and Kilroy Evans have both burned one another's friends and now they walk to the center of the ring and stand face to face.
Phil Blauer: I'd give anything to hear what they're saying to one another right now. I bet it's about me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy & Gojira get the same idea at the same time and are exchanging punches, lefts and rights. This has been a war that has simmered on the Hardkore World main event for a year now and there's no end in sight.
(Death Gojira gets the advantage and pitches Kilroy Evans face into the fire!!! Kilroy staggers out clutching his face and Death Gojira smashes him in the face with his barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, Moondog Dook has run into the ring!
Phil Blauer: That's our main event, boys! Be careful, that face has to sell alot of beer cozies!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He wraps that chain around his fist and smashes Death Gojira in the face!!
(Hardkore Hall boos reminicent of Nikita Koloff fucking up Sting & Lex Luger vs. The Stieners at SuperBrawl '91. He bashes Tuxedo Mask in the face with the chain as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes and Nightmare Lariots Tuxedo Mask head over heels!! He hooks Tux's leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II are now two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champions!
(The bell rings and "Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays. Eerie Von steps over the ropes and glares at Moondog Dook)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes 57 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN, HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook backs away, right into The Miracle Violence Combination II. They shove Dook back into Eerie Von and he C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-Ms him!!!
(The audience cheers wildly, and Moondog Dook slithers out of the ring. Kilroy Evans collects the title belts off of Ron De La O's table and hands Andrew Karnage his. The ring workers extinguish the flaming rags around the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II, with a little unwanted help from Moondog Dook, win the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. It seems they have reclaimed their place among the top tag teams in the world.
Phil Blauer: But with teams like The Tengu Clan, The Warhammer Corporation, & The Dark Ryderz Movement hanging around, this could be as shortlived as a Moondog shower.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It hasn't been a good night for Champions here in Palm Springs. The Tengu Clan lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championships to The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter earlier tonight.
Phil Blauer: Well, this building isn't a great place to be if your a champion. Of our titles still in recognition, Hardkore Hall has been where 6% of title changes have occured since 1989.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's an interesting fact, where'd you learn that, Phil?
Phil Blauer: Snapple cap. (opens another peach iced tea) Hey, did you know bats always turn left when they leave a cave?
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and the audience boos. Rain leads Lonewolf McNeely out to the ring. His fist has been dipped in glue with dozens of glass shards stuck on there. McNeely shadowboxes on the way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Like Dan Stein earlier in the evening, Lonewolf McNeely's first match in Hardkore World was a battle royal for a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title shot, which he won. Then when it was time for Big Bad Bill & Rally Jackson to try and advance to tonight's Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament final, it was Lonewolf McNeely who dashed Bill's hopes of being a double champion.
Phil Blauer: Typical. Indians are well known for breaking agreements.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's white people, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Name one?
Guillermo O'Bannon: At any rate, after that Lonewolf McNeely upped the ante and challenged Bill to the first ever Hardkore World Taipei Death match. Which is why Lonewolf has glass stuck to his hand.
Phil Blauer: Ooooh, that's why. I was wondering when we were gonna say something about all the Elmer's on his hand. I thought we were just trying to protect kayfabe.
Yolanda Ando: Lonewolf McNeely is wearing silver leather shorts with fangs on the rear, black boots with a wolf on the sides and black fringe hanging off the sides.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following Taipei Death Match is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Rain. From Montreal, Quebec, Canada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(Hardkore Hall boos, and he hooks & jabs with the glass fists. "Headless Children" by WASP plays and the audience cheers. Smoke fills the entrance ramp and black lights cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill appears through the smoke with his hands glued & glassed and walks towards the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill has had many contenders put in front of him, and put them all away with his obsessive research of his opponent and martial arts mastery.
Phil Blauer: Aha, all but The Shootfighter. I don't wanna catch any hell from him in a promo.
Guillermo O'Bannon: This match puts the onus on brawling skills, and I have to think Bill has the advantage here.
Phil Blauer: If only they had a Scalping Match for Lonewolf to excel at.
Yolanda Ando: The champ wears indigo cotton pants with black boots that go to mid-shin. A black belt hides underneath that Hardkore West Coast Championship title, with an indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, hailing from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
(The audience applauds and chants of "Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!!" bring a smile to the normally stoic West Coast Champion)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely blindsides Bill with about one of the most lethal sucker punches in creation!
Phil Blauer: That was worse than the one I caught from Joy Behar in The View green room. But to be fair, she warned me about eating her bear claw.
(Bill collapses to the mat, with a deep gushing wound on his cheek. Lonewolf takes the West Coast title belt off of him and whips him across the back a few times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill up and pops him with that glass fist again! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
(Audience sighs with relief and give Bill some applause. McNeely pulls Bill up by the hair, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely pounds Bill into the mat with a spinebuster and beautifully floats over into a pinning position!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely pumphandles Bill up into a spinning sit-out slam! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, but Bill rolls out of the way of a leg drop!!
(Palm Springs fans come to life, as Bill wipes some blood off his cheek. Bill shreds Lonewolf's face with a glass palm thrust!! Blood flows from a cut over the bridge of McNeely's nose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill chops Lonewolf across the chest, shredding the skin over his pectorals!! Again! Bill pushes Lonewolf into the corner, winds back and chops McNeely's chest, cutting it to ribbons!!
(The audience cheers as blood pours out of a dozen cuts on his chest. Bill hiptosses him out of the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill bounces out of the ropes and hits McNeely right between the eyes with a glass fistdrop!
(Lonewolf sits up with blood running down from the cut on the bridge of his nose, and a new one on his hairline. Bill wraps up both of McNeely's arms in a rings of saturn manuever)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely cries out in pain, as Bill squeezes his arm with his legs while grinding his armbarred arm with the other. Mike Peters checking in to see if he taps out, but McNeely doesn't even have an arm to do it with.
(Lonewolf grinds one of his glass fists into Bill's leg until he breaks the rings of saturn. McNeely flips Bill over in an exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely irish whips Bill into the ropes and drops him with a flipping dropkick!
(Bill staggers up with a bloody cheek, and Lonewolf jabs him twice with the glass fists. He spins around and drops him with a discus glass punch!! The Palm Springs fans boo, and blood runs freely from a spot under Bill's eye and on his forehead)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely runs into the ropes to build up some speed and then drops a glass fistdrop!!
(Blood now pours out of Bill's multiple lacerations, while the audience boos his predicament. Lonewolf McNeely climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf flips off into a corkscrew plancha, but Bill is ready for him with a spin kick to that lacerated chest!!
(The audience comes to life, and Lonewolf rolls around clutching his bloody chest. Bill straddles behind McNeely and pulls his hair out of the way)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill grinding his glass fist into McNeely's fist making blood run into a good ole crimson mask! Bill gets up and fistdrops McNeely's face again. And again!
(Lonewolf sits up, and Big Bad Bill glass punches the back of his neck!! McNeely stands up, clutching the back of his neck, with blood running through his fingers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pops McNeely in that horribly cut chest, with a combination hook to the jaw!! He follows it up with a glass punch underneath the left arm pit!!
(McNeely collapses, clutching his chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill learned that Flatline punch in the Army, which is able to cause a heart attack. He was asked to never use that on an American, and in Lonewolf's case he kept his promise.
Phil Blauer: Because he's Indian? I guess your right. Why don't they go back to where they came from?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He's Canadian, Ph-...Lonewolf ducks under a discus punch, and responds with a roundhouse glass punch to the temple!!
(Lonewolf stands over Bill, covered in his own blood, soaking in the jeers. Lonewolf sets Bill up for a cradle suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely with a fisherman's buster!! McNeely covers Big Bad Bill!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely armbars Bill's arm and drops down into a Nagata Lock II!! Bill bleeds all over his front, trying to hold on and not tap out!
(McNeely releases it and pulls Bill up onto his shoulders in a human torture rack. Bill's arms falls limply to his side, as McNeely bounces his spine across his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters checks Bill's arm, and despite this match being 10 minutes old, with all that blood, this match can't go on much longer.
Phil Blauer: Good, I'm double parked in front of an ambulance, so it's a good thing no one got hurt tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wha-...Lonewolf McNeely drops to his knees, jarring his shoulders through Bill's back! Bill sits up on his knees, and McNeely comes off the ropes with a shining wizard, but Bill punches the soft instep of Lonewolf's foot.
(McNeely hops around on one foot, as Bill gets back to his feet. He runs into the ropes and takes Lonewolf over into a flying headscissors takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely sits up, and Bill's waiting for him with a slug from that glass fist!!
(Bill concentrates and breaths deeply, as McNeely tries to crawl away from him. He then lets out a terrible yell and punches hard into Lonewolf's back! McNeely clutches the small of his back, which is now bleeding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill turns McNeely over and starts stabbing Lonewolf all over his body with those glass shards!! Lonewolf getting up...
Phil Blauer: More like escaping!
Guillermo O'Bannon: But the West Coast Champion hits him on the back of the head with an axe kick! He lies on top of Lonewolf's back and applies a front facelock on the mat.
(Big Bad Bill grinds the glass on his hand into McNeely's chin & cheeks, as McNeely kicks his feet into the mat in pain! Rain complains to Mike Peters but he shrugs and asks Lonewolf to give up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls McNeely up in the front facelock, as his blood drips down to the mat. Bill then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop with McNeely's face hitting that glass on his wrists!!
(The crowd leap to their feet and chant "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!" and Bill rolls McNeely and pins him, with his glass wrist pressed against McNeely's cheekbone. Lonewolf stomps his feet into the mat in agony)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely puts his shoulder up and tears his cheek)
Phil Blauer: Let me say that I would never kick out of that no matter what was at stake.
(Lonewolf holds his face as blood quickly coats his glass covered hand, staining the glue pink. Rain covers her mouth in horror, and weeps)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely making a huge sacrifice for the Hardkore West Coast title. Bill pulls McNeely up by the hair and tosses him across the ring with a judo toss!
(Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault, but Lonewolf climbs up to the second turnbuckle and hits him low with that glass fist! Bill falls on to the top turnbuckle steel cable hook)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely inverted facelocks Bill, squeezing that glass into Bill's ear till it bleeds! McNeely reverse superplexes him!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos, as a blood drenched Lonewolf collapses next to his victim. Mike Peters lays in the double count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
(Lonewolf McNeely gets to his feet along the ropes. Big Bad Bill staggers up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pops Bill underneath his chin with a superkick! He pulls Bill up in a waistlock and reverse german suplexes him!!
(Bill staggers up, his face a mask of blood. McNeely bashes him in the chest a couple times in the chest with some glass fists. He then runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely rolling elbows Bill in the face with that taipei fist!! Bill drops like a ton of bricks!
(The Palm Springs fans boo McNeely as he parades around the ring holding up his glass fist. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Lonewolf McNeely glass fistdrops Bill across the face from the top rope!! He covers Bill!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Big Bad Bill raises his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely irish whips Bill into the ropes and follows him into with a spinning heel kick!
(The force sends Big Bad Bill over the top rope to the floor. Bill soon bleeds a large pool of blood where his head rests. Lonewolf McNeely steps out on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely runs along the apron and backflips into a shooting star press on Big Bad Bill!!
(The crowd applauds Lonewolf's agility. Rain runs over to check on McNeely's wounds, especially the one on his cheek. Bill pulls a cooler out from underneath the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill has some cooler planted under the ring.
Phil Blauer: That better not be my ham & ketchup! We can split my oreos if he has something to trade.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a lead pipe, and a bottle of ice water?!
Phil Blauer: It's Tonya Harding's lunch! But where's the pack of smokes?
(Bill walks over to Rain & McNeely, and pours the water down Lonewolf's back. McNeely arches his back out from the cold)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill slams that lead pipe into Lonewolf's exposed throat!
(The audience cheers as Lonewolf rolls around the arena floor, clutching his windpipe. Bill climbs up to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill waits for McNeely to get to his feet and then runs off with a huracanrana off the apron!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers, and Bill rolls him back into the ring. The West Coast Champion climbs back into the ring himself. He takes aim and drops a glass fistdrop into McNeely's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill lays on Lonewolf's back and applies a kataha-jime, pressing that glass wrist into McNeely's face!! Lonewolf rolls around the mat, not being able to be anywhere long enough to escape.
(Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap out. Rain screams out "Hold on!" to her ex-husband. McNeely finally is able to grab on to the ropes and Peters forces Bill to release the glass tazmission)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill irish whips Lonewolf McNeely into the ropes, but McNeely hops on to the middle of the second rope. He backflips into an asai moonsault press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely inverted facelocks Bill and stands up the second turnbuckle, and front flips into a sands of time!! He maintains the inverted facelock into a dragon sleeper!
(McNeely digs some glass into Bill's ear again, making that side of his head even bloodier. Bill stomps his feet into the mat, growling out in pain. Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely releases the dragon sleeper and climbs to the top rope. Bill walks over and shakes the ropes until Lonewolf gets crotched on the top turnbuckle. Bill climbs up to the second rope, and wraps his legs around Lonewolf's head for a huracanrana, but McNeely hangs on to Bill...styles clash off the second rope!!
(The Palm Springs fans have to give it up for The Leader of the Pack! McNeely rolls him over)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill into his legs and lifts him up on his shoulder, he runs into center ring with a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill raises his shoulder)
(The audience applauds this incredible Match of the Year candidate. Both men lie next to one another gasping for air, and clutching their various injuries)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill up into a fireman's carry and drops him on to the top turnbuckle. McNeely climbs up to the second rope and spinning neckbreakers him!
(Lonewolf sits Bill on to the top turnbuckle again. He gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope!! The crowd goes wild chanting "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!")
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill pulls McNeely up by the hair but...McNeely blows a black mist in Bill and Mike Peters face! Their both blind!
Phil Blauer: I could have told you that after seeing Mike's wardrobe. He's the only one keeping Sergio Valente in business.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf presses Bill over his head but before he can hit the No Human Contact, but Bill falls behind him and atomic drops him!
(Big Bad Bill side steps McNeely and grabs his arms from behind in a reverse hammer-lock He then pushes Lonewolf forward, while placing his feet in front of him, so that he is forced to bend at a ninety-degree angle at the waist. Bill then slides McNeely's arms up into his elbows and push down on his back. The audience leaps to their feet and shakes Hardkore Hall with cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dis-Locator!!! Bill has the Dis-Locator locked in and a blood soaked
Lonewolf McNeely is in total agony! He's shaking his head, screaming that he submits, but Mike Peters is blind and can't see it.
Phil Blauer: Can't he hear it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The crowd noise is too loud. Bill sees what's going on and releases The Dis-Locator! He pulls McNeely's head into his legs and powerbombs him over the top rope into the railing!!!
(Fans cheer wildly, chanting "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!" as Lonewolf slides down the railing into the front row. Big Bad Bill takes rolls out of the ring and grabs that bottle of ice water)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pours that water into the ref's eyes, trying to rinse that black gunk out of his eyes. Peters takes the bottle out of his hand and pours some more into his eyes, trying to see.
(Bill rolls into the ring and pulls McNeely up by the hair. He rolls him back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely was able to get some of that blood out of his eyes out in the audience it looks like. Possibly was able to get some rest, while Bill tended to the ref.
Phil Blauer: It does look comfortable out there.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls McNeely up but Lonewolf quickly t-bone suplexes him!
(McNeely crouches over to Bill and butterflies his arms. He double underhooks Bill up into a backbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely wraps up both of Bill's legs and pins him with that glass fist across his cheek, and both feet on the second rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center rocks with boos, as "In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays. Rain grabs the Hardkore West Coast Championship title belt off of Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely has toppled the third longest Hardkore West Coast Champion next to Tarrasque & Stan "Mr.Space Mountain" Nickelson!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At minutes seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...AND NEW HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(The crowd boos and jeers some more, and Mike Peters raises his arm, still rubbing his eyes. He wipes away some blood from McNeely's face, and Rain pulls Lonewolf away)
Referee Mike Peters: "Hey!! Get over here!"
(Lonewolf shakes his head and tries to sneak off out of the ring, but walks right into a roundhouse kick from Big Bad Bill)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters wiping off Lonewolf's face and that blood is coming off rather easily...I don't think that's blood at all?!
(Peters takes the bottle of water and pours it on McNeely's face and all the "blood" comes off to reveal The Shootfighter!! The fans boo and chant "Bull-shit!" and "Fake Sting")
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's The Shootfighter! The Shootfighter is dressed as Lonewolf McNeely, and got those exact taipei fists...and he must have covered himself in fake blood. He had to have made a switch with Lonewolf somewhere during the match?
Phil Blauer: But when, Shaggy?
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Bill powerbombed the real McNeely into the crowd. The Shootfighter must have slipped in then.
Phil Blauer: I noticed he was 5 inches shorter when he got back into the ring, but I figured he just had osteoporosis.
(Mike Peters walks over and whispers in Bill Kasal's ear)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, Referee Mike Peters has reversed his decision. THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AS THE RESULT OF A DISQUALIFICATION...AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
(Hardkore Hall lets out a monster pop, and The Shootfighter & Rain lose it. A blood drenched Lonewolf McNeely runs back out from the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely and The Shootfighter begin double teaming Big Bad Bill, working him over with those glass fists!!
(McNeely holds Bill as Shootfighter comes off the ropes with a smash to the face with that glass fist!! Blak Lung runs down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bandaged Blak Lung is in the ring now and has joined the fracas!
Phil Blauer: There's a fracas? It seems more like a melee.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter holds Bill in a bearhug as Blak Lung comes off the ropes with a clothesline with that coat hanger!
(Lonewolf McNeely fistdrops Bill with the glass fist, and suddenly Rally Jackson hits the ring with the lead pipe and smashes Shootfighter in the back of the head with it!! The audience comes to life with cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson chasing off Rain, Lonewolf, and The Shadows of the Night with that lead pipe! The West Coast Champion is still that, but what kind of condition will he be in when he wrestles The Shootfighter in a rematch in Seattle, Washington?
Phil Blauer: Where did you hear that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: In my earpeice.
Phil Blauer: Why didn't I hear it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Because that's an old Starburst in your ear.
(Fade up on backstage at the Palm Springs Convention Center, former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone is standing by with a microphone with a SWAT mic flag on it)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: There are rumors swirling around my head that Jonnie Valentine may or may not be bringing back the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title, a championship that saw such legends as Tuxedo Mask, Gozo Shioda, Tuxedo Mask, Ace Kilcannon, and of course, Tuxedo Mask. Those rumors were possibly confirmed when I heard Jonnie talking on his cell phone just moments ago. What he said, and bear with me as it's written on toilet paper since I was in the stall next to him, was this: "Well I can't help scratching it, it itches! How long does this cream take to to work? Wait, shut up I think's someone's listening." Rough translation of this could mean that at the next show at The Key Arena in Seattle, Washington there will be an elimination match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title involving Tuxedo Mask, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, Syberus, Carpenter, Gozo Shioda, "Minister" Marty Bower, R.C., "The White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones, and this man right here someone who held that title with pride in 1997 with wars against Bobby Nowa and Ace Kilcannon that rank as some of the best matches this company has ever seen. Devon Stevens!
(A roar is heard from outside in the audience as the camera pans over to Devon Stevens)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Devon Stevens! I can't believe it! He hasn't been in a Hardkore ring since Hardkore Helloween 2001!
Phil Blauer: That's also the last time I saw my daughter, sweet Chloe.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kevin.
Phil Blauer: Right, right. God how I miss my beautiful daughter.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Son.
Phil Blauer: Mm-hmm.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: So Devon, you've been out of wrestling for over four years, your best days could be behind you. The big question on everyone's mind has to be, where would you rate Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss on Greatest Matches of All Time?
Devon Stevens: Which match? There were at least two. But before you answer that, let’s change the subject to something else. Hardkore World, it’s great to be back. It’s been a long time. Let me make one thing straight- I am here to reclaim what was once mine- that light heavyweight title. I went through Hell to get that title. But I guess what’re you trying to say to me, Boone, is that that was then and this is now. Let me tell you something, I’m in the shape of my life right now. I’ve been wrestling all over the world, most recently in Japan, preparing myself for an eventual return to the Hardkore ring. My best days are yet to come.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: My grandfather went to Japan once. He came back with no fingernails and now he won't let me buy a Toyota.
Devon: That’s a travesty, Boone. Really. Toyotas are excellent cars. But… back to why I’m here. I look over the men I have to go through to get that title back in Seattle, and to the average man, the list is an intimidating one. Guys like Gozo Shioda, and yes, Tuxedo Mask. The names can be respected, or feared, or in some cases, unheard of. But what it comes down to is if they want the belt, if any of them want that belt, they’re going to have to go through me first. When I was in the chase for the belt the first time, nobody took me seriously. Times have changed. I return now as a man with his name already in the Hardkore World history books. Anyone who doesn’t take me seriously this time is digging his own grave.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Let's change the subject. There are rumors going around that you have heat with the
locker room for not attending my recent birthday party.
Devon Stevens: Well, happy birthday, I suppose. Would’ve made an attempt to stop by if I had the time or motivation. Training and such, you know how it goes.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I see, well you missed a good time till my stepdad got into an argument with the guy who owned the portable petting zoo over money and he stepped on the lamb's head. So it's been a while since you wrestled on the West Coast. Time's have changed from the days of The Asswhupper and The Microshocker. With this in mind, on Jeff Hardy's album there is a lyric where he says "Darkness walks alone." Do you think the darkness represents the anger that lives within us all or me in high school?
Devon Stevens: Thank God I never met you in high school, Boone, but I’ll tell you this. As stunned as I am that somebody listens to Jeff Hardy’s music, darkness isn’t the only thing alone this-
(Suddenly a commotion is heard off camera. The camera man swings around and sees Lucifer Jones being assaulted with a 2x4 by a red masked man)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones is being attacked by that man wearing that old Lucifer Jones mask again!
Phil Blauer: Assaulting yourself is so unhealthy. Someone needs to take one of my "Lay Off Yourself" retreats. Add a $50 upgrade charge and be "mistakenly" booked in the sexually submissives cabin.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I got in that cabin, and I didn't have to pay $50.
Phil Blauer: That was no mistake. You're a slut.
(The old masked Lucifer Jones weilds the 2x4 over his head again and then breaks it over the back of the new Lucifer Jones' back, knocking him out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones has once again been laid out by someone parading in his old ring attire!
Phil Blauer: It's a good thing they haven't went there with Raven, had someone following him around in that gay Scotty the Body bowtie or Johnny Polo hockey stick.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll be right back with the Hardkore World Women's Title Match after we get some help for Lucifer Jones...well, one of them.
(Fade out to Blak Lung in a four-cornered room staring at candles. A dripping noise is heard, and Blak Lung turns from his meditative posture to see a figure standing in the doorway. The figure steps forward into the candlelight, and it is revealed to be a bloody Triple B. Blak Lungs makes to stand and defend himself, but Triple B is all ready prepared and begins punching Blak Lung across the face. Blood sprays everywhere as Bill is still wearing the glass shard wrappings from his Taipei fight earlier. Lung, still hurt from his earlier match, too, can only raise his hands to protect his face and head, but Triple B grabs his wrists and monkey-flips Lung across the room. As Blak Lung makes to stand, Big Bad Bill grabs Lung’s hand and twists it upside down)
Big Bad Bill: (through clenched teeth) “I’m tired of hearing you backstage talking about me, and I’m tired of seeing you in my matches.”
(Black Lung can only balance himself on Bill’s leg, trying to relieve some pressure on his wrist)
Big Bad Bill: “I know I can’t stop you from interfering in my match with Shootfighter next month, but I can give you something to think about while you stare at your candles."
(Bill grabs Black Lung’s right index finger and twists it unnaturally backwards until a sickeningly loud ‘snap’ is heard. To Black Lungs credit, he refuses to yelp in pain as so many other men would)
Big Bad Bill: “Now you have something to be obsessed with me about.”
(With that said, Triple B grabs Lung’s arm and launches him across the room and into the candles. Bill walks out the room without looking back and Blak Lung’s room catches fire! The camera fades out to Guillermo & Phil, ringside at Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well apparantly we have to come back out here because a small fire has broken out at the Palm Springs Convention Center.
(The nearby fans panic)
Guillermo O'Bannon: (over his shoulder, to the fans) Not to fear everyone! We have a small volunteer fire department available for when these things happen.
(Referee Ron Reid, timekeeper Ron De La, and former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone show up with plastic fireman's hats on)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Uh, Mr. Phil?
Phil Blauer: Yeah?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: It's just that there's a fire, and you are the leader of the Hardkore volunteer fire department.
Phil Blauer: And?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Your the only one that's allowed to use the hose.
Phil Blauer: What part of 'And?' didn't you get? The only reason I agreed to be in it was to get me out of Guillermo's gay book club and to run red lights.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: We can't run red lights.
Phil Blauer: We can't?
Guillermo O'Bannon: My book club was gay?
Phil Blauer: Didn't you get it when Hero and Xyrynth were the only ones showing up?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's wrong with Xyrynth? She's battled with Tammy Sanchez in classic matches all over the West Coast for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Still, Sanchez has a stranglehold on the championship, retaining her title in controversial decisions against Horror Girl and "Sexy" Anjanette Turner as well as Xyrynth. Xyrynth recently lost a brutal match to Horror Girl, so one has to wonder if she's healed up sufficently from the bites and bruises from that monster.
Phil Blauer: I don't have to wonder. You're not the boss of me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Either way, this match will be a falls count anywhere match, and the only way to win is to knock your opponent out.
Phil Blauer: Easier said than done. The stuff I put in Xyrynth's drink was enough to kill a horse and I didn't even get so much as a cheap feel. Luckily, Tammy was still up.
("Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics plays and the audience pops as Xyrynth bursts through the curtain. Dr. Cliff Hawke follows behind her, as she slaps the fans hands who crane over the guardrail)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth is a former champion, with a proud reign before losing her title to Tammy in a threeway dance with Makoto Jupiter in this very building.
Phil Blauer: I need to apologize for that night, I made some rather racist, sexist, and other inappropriate comments.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You did?
Phil Blauer: Probably.
Yolanda Ando: Xyrynth is wearing some light weight jeans dyed deep purple with "Xyrynth" spelled in sea foam green vertically down her outer left leg. She has on a matching sea foam green tank top tucked into the pants. On her feet are black, sturdy, hiking boots with "Section 8" emblems on the outside ankles of each, and black knee
pads. Fingerless black leather gloves with the "Section 8" emblems on the backs, representing Xyrynth's membership of the Section 8 clique in Higher Power Wrestling Association.
Phil Blauer: Or Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: Uh, HPWA?
Phil Blauer: I taught her how to take the first letter of alot of words and then make em a short word. Old trade secret.
Yolanda: It's helped out loads, Phil. Oops. I'm sorry, I mean I.H.O.L., Phil. Anyway, Xyrynth's long brown hair is in a single French braid down her back to her waist, interwoven and tied with deep purple and sea foam green ribbons.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Falls Count Anywhere, Last Woman Standing Match for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Dr. Cliff Hawke. From Leitchfield, Kentucky; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 170 pounds...XYRYNTH!!!"
(Audience applauds, and she pumps her fist. Then the lights start to flicker, red and blue pyro explodes and "It’s My Life" by No Doubt hits and a spotlight points on Tamara Sanchez standing in the entrance. The spotlight drives up her body, past her Hardkore World Women's Championship while she performs the Clique sign. She runs down the ramp, sliding into the ring where she jumps up the top turnbuckle showing her championship to the crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl, Darlene, Ayame Tokugawa, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner, even Xyrynth have all gone down at the hands of the Hardkore World Women's Champion. She is one of the most dominant champions we've had since Makoto Jupiter, Ms.Alexandria Macabre, and Turner.
Phil Blauer: She even dominated me. I mistakenly parked in her space, and made my car keys a brand new peice of my anatomy. Still, it was nice to be noticed.
Yolanda Ando: The champion is wearing black hot pants and a red top with spaghetti sleeves & red boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, from New York City; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(The fans boo Sanchez and she flips them the middle finger. She hands her belt off to Ron Reid and he signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hiptosses Tamara Sanchez. Sanchez gets up and blocks a second, and reverses with a hiptoss of her own. Sanchez twists Xyrynth's arm.
(Xyrynth growls in pain, then whips her leg around into a spin kick. Tammy kips up and scoops Xyrynth up onto her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez bodyslams Xyrynth. She runs into the ropes, and Xyrynth drops to the mat, and Sanchez hops over her to the other side of the ropes. Sanchez comes back but Xyrynth drops her to the mat with a toe hold.
(Sanchez sits up rubbing her nose, and Xyrynth comes up from behind her with a neck snap. She irish whips Sanchez into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth tiltawhirls Sanchez around and then drops her stomach on to her knee.
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth giving Sanchez a little help with her bulimia.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth irish whips Tammy into the corner, she bounces out and Xyrynth shows some felxiblity with a big boot to the head!
(Crowd applauds, and Xyrynth sets her up for a back suplex but Tammy reverses it into a springboard bulldog! She pulls Xyrynth into her legs, and lifts her up into a powerbomb, but Xyrynth spins around on to her shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth takes Sanchez over the top rope in a reverse huracanrana to the floor below! She jumps back up to the apron and waits for Tammy to stand. Xyrynth backflips off the apron into a kick to the face!
(Xyrynth climbs to the top turnbuckle and points to the audience. She then leaps off with a flying body press that knocks Sanchez backfirst into the steel railing!! The audience pops and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth goes for a spinebuster but Tammy reverses it into a tornado DDT on the floor!!
(Crowd boos and jeers Tammy, who tries to regain her bearings. She rolls back into the ring, and runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slingshots herself over the top rope into a somersault senton on Xyrynth!!
(Fans have to applaud for that move, and Sanchez lifts Xyrynth up in a suplex and then drops her into a front slam on to the guardrail and the crowd!! Xyrynth's face strikes the cold steel of the railing and she bounces out into the lap of an overweight fan. His friend quickly swings around and takes a picture of his buddy's first contact with a female's ass)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy climbing up the table...OWWW!!! (gasping) Using my groin as a step to the top.
Phil Blauer: Red letter day for you.
(Sanchez gets a running start and leaps off the table, flipping over Xyrynth in the front row and sunset flipping the back of her head into the seat of a fan's chair!! The audience applauds and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Phil Blauer: Tammy kicked over my appletini doing that little act of death defying...now I gotta get Boone to make me another one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: But he's fighting the fire Big Bad Bill started.
Phil Blauer: The fire will still be there when he gets back. It's enormous!
(Ringside fans panic)
Phil Blauer: (over his shoulder) I mean, almost out.
(Fans sigh and relax. Tammy Sanchez front facelocks Xyrynth but she blocks it and fireman carries the champ up on to her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth F5's Sanchez's face on to the railing!! Xyrynth balances on the guardrail and dropkicks Tammy into the second & third rows!!
(Crowd cheers, and many fans follow Xyrynth as her savage punches send Tammy wandering through the masses of people, looking for an escape. When she hits the wall, literally, Xyrynth comes up from behind her with a full nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth spinning full nelsons Sanchez and her legs smack several fans away until they clear a ring for them! She drops Tammy assfirst into the concrete floor!
Phil Blauer: That thing is out of commission for a while. It's a dark day in the men's tennis circuit.
(Xyrynth grabs Sanchez by the legs and drops down to catapult Tammy facefirst into the East Wall of the Palm Springs Convention Center. Blood trickles out of Tammy's nose and she falls backwards, right across Xyrynth's upraised knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth pulls Tammy up and leans her up against the logo in front of the entrance. She backs up and gets a running start, but Sanchez mexican hiptosses Xyrynth into the Palm Springs Punishment glass & steel logo!!
(The Hardkore Hall fans boo & jeer Sanchez who wipes the blood from her nose & lip. She backs up and waits for her to get up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy spears Xyrynth into the Palm Springs Punishment logo!!
(All the air seems to go out of Xyrynth and she collapses to the entrance area floor. Sanchez pulls Xyrynth by the braid into the backstage area. The audience boos the fact they can't see anything and a "CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!!" chant starts)
Phil Blauer: There they go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think we have to wait for our backstage video team to catch up with our match. It seems they took lunch. So what are you doing this weekend?
Phil Blauer: Working on my escape tape, I got a lead that...
(Video feed picks up, backstage Tammy scoops up Xyrynth and slams her onto the craft services table! Powerade and veggie plates go everywhere)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy now pulling herself up on top of a crux of pillars that cross into an X shape. She backflips into a 7 Year Inch through the craft services table!!!
(Audience can be heard, booing outside. Tammy hooks Xyrynth's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
(Xyrynth tries to stand, but there's ranch dip all over her boot from the veggie plate, so she slips and falls on the floor)
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
(Xyrynth finally gets to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy grabs two handfuls of Xyrynth's hair and pulls her up. She pulls those brass knuckles out and takes a swing at Xyrynth, but Xyrynth ducks and pushes Tammy facefirst into the pillar!!
(Camera pulls out and you can see Death Gojira seated at a table, working on a house of cards. He's placing the last one on top)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy's face flushes red with anger and she charges Xyrynth, but she drop toe holds Tammy's face into Death Gojira's house of cards!!
(Gojira "Reee-Ornks!!!" He grabs his barbed wire wrapped Goji-Chair, and winds back to hit Tammy with)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira hesitates, possibly coming to his senses.
Phil Blauer: Possibly coming to the conclusion that Tammy's face sells a alot posters more than him.
(Gojira hands Xyrynth the Goji Chair, she lights up and bashes Tammy in the back of the head with the barbed wire wrapped chair!! She lifts the chair up high and brings it down across her back again! Gojira sets the chair up, as Xyrynth pulls Tammy's head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth facefirst powerbombs Tammy's face into the seat of that barbed wire wrapped wooden chair, smashing it to splinters!!
Phil Blauer: That's her own version of Death Gojira's famed Sniff the Borax!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
Referee Mike Peters: 9...
Referee Mike Peters: 10...
(The bell is rung outside in the ringside arena, and the audience can be heard cheering)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth has regained the Hardkore World Women's Championship!!
(Death Gojira, Tuxedo Mask, Eerie Von & The Amazing Taylor lift Xyrynth up on their shoulders around, carrying her out through the gorilla position back out to the entrance way. "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics is playing inside Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth is met halfway up the aisleway by Dr.Cliff Hawke who has the Hardkore World Women's Championship title belt in his hands.
(Dr. Cliff Hawke hands the belt up to Xyrynth and she lofts it high above her head as the audience cheers)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 9 minutes 7 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...XYRYNTH!!!"
(Xyrynth holds her championship title up but then shrieks with surprise as ice cold champagne is poured down her back by Lady Hawke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth celebrating with her friends for regaining the title, but she has a tough road ahead of her as she wrestles Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa in a ladder match at The Key Arena in Seattle, Washington!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, this upcoming match has changed a bit since we first started this show. Robert Hunglestien III has apparantly left Hardkore America, we're not sure why. With this short of notice, we had only a limited number of available wrestlers.
Phil Blauer: And when all of them turned us down, we got Moondog Dook.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yes, so if anyone is at all upset about the change up in main events, you can recieve the Seattle show for only $10.
Phil Blauer: Plus, upon verification of your cable bill, you will recieve a pair of "All About Blauer" white cotton panties. Free of charge. Actually, their a gimmick I was trying to talk Xyrynth into with a merchandising tie-in, but she Dr. Cockblocker told her to say no.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not to say this match will be bad. From the little we know about Moondog Dook, it could very well be a good match.
Phil Blauer: Yeah...I mean. His jeans are shredded. That's always a good sign. Means he's rough & tumble, or bad at laundry.
("Giant Baba O'Reilly" by The Who plays and the audience boos as "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks down to the ring with a cane, carrying a chain leash connected to Moondog Dook. Dook barks at fans and menaces them with his bag of thumbtacks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook is in the biggest match of his life with only two matches under his belt. One wonders what kind of advice, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly who has a light resume himself could have given him.
Phil Blauer: Well, he has alot to learn about getting along with the locker room. In his second match, half the locker room came out to break his leg. It was reminicent of our never aired "Phil Blauer's Salute to Black History Month" with my co-host Blak Lung. I barely got out of there alive.
Yolanda Ando: Moondog Dook is wearing torn up jeans and work boots, with a steel chain & dog collar around his neck.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is The Main Event of the Evening! It is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown, West Virginia; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds...MOONDOG DOOK!!!"
(Crowd boos, and Dook chews on the top rope. Then "Hate” by The Project Hate MCMXCIX plays and the roof of Hardkore Hall nearly blows off)
Phil Blauer: Led Zepplin's getting alot better!
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's not Led Zepplin's "No Quarter" that's actually the music Cyrus Williams used to use.
(The HardkoreTron begins to play old Cyrus Williams' clips: Cyrus Williams delivers a one armed Black Out on Ace Kilcannon in a high school gymnasium. In Japan, Cyrus ducks under the Nightmare Lariot and counters with The Black Out. Tarrasque is flapjacked onto a spiked casket by Cyrus in a Casket of Horrors match at Hardkore Helloween '97. Cyrus spinebusters Rated X through a flaming press table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: These are all old classic matches of Cyrus Williams...could he be in the building?
Phil Blauer: He does have a house out here. I lived in the same condominum complex as him until the Home Owner's Association...or HOMO Association, eh, Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Never gets old, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Anyway, they apparantly had a problem with my baby cobra farms I was selling on the internet...
(Cyrus Williams appears at the top of the rampway with his back to the audience soaking in the huge hometown pop from the Palm Springs crowd. A deafening chant of "WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!!")
Phil Blauer: Cyrus Williams has returned to Palm Springs on the biggest heterosexual, non-golf sporting event in the area!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams, after leaving under a cloud of controversy and being stripped of the Hardkore World title, is back in the city that built him up to the demi-god that he is...
(The mystery man in the Lucifer Jones mask jumps into the ring and smashes Moondog Dook in the head with the chair!! The audience boos and begins chanting "CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!!" asking Cyrus to help him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, if we can turn our attention towards the ring...the red masked man who attacked Lucifer Jones earlier in the evening, has attacked Moondog Dook! He takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's cane and breaks it over his broken leg!!
(The Palm Springs fans continue to chant "CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!!" and Cyrus crosses his middle fingers into an X over his head and turns around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Cobryn!! Cobryn is dressed in Cyrus' old attire!
(The Hardkore Hall boos the ruse. Cobryn walks slowly to the ring, taking his time as the red masked Lucifer Jones lookalike batters Moondog Dook with a chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn allowing that man in the Lucifer Jones mask to do his dirty work before he even gets in the ring. The masked man inverted facelocks Moondog Dook and hits The Dog's Bollocks!!
(Cobryn gets up on the apron, and wipes his feet off before entering the ring. The man in the Lucifer Jones mask sees Cobryn and leaves the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn puts a boot on Moondog Dook's chest and crosses his middle fingers into an "X" again.
Phil Blauer: I doubt he even knows where that came from.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Moondog Dook gets his shoulder up)
Phil Blauer: Wait, where did that come from?
Guillermo O'Bannon: That was from Cyrus' classic feud with Rated X. Cobryn pulls Dook up by that wild platinum mane of hair and t-bone suplexes him!
(Cobryn pulls Dook's head into his legs and pulls him up on to his shoulder, then runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn presses Moondog Dook over his head, and then drops him into a stone cold stunner!!
(Cobryn twists Moondog Dook's arm and wrings it. Dook howls in pain then Cobryn judo throws him on to his back and applies an armscissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gives a good yank on Dook's arm, releasing a leg occasionally to bash him in the face with a kick. Dook refusing to tap out, as "Giant" Baba O'Reilly screams drunken, obscenity laced encouragement from the outside.
(Cobryn pulls Dook up into a chicken wing, and then hammerlock suplexes him! Cobryn pulls Dook up into his head and lifts him up into a razor's edge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly uses those long arms to reach out and grab Cobryn's foot. Cobryn trips forward with Moondog Dook landing on top of him! Moondog Dook pulls Cobryn up and bashes him in the face with a headbutt.
(Moondog Dook bites Cobryn on the nose and then begins chewing on his face, with Cobryn running in place from the pain. Dook grabs his dog collar chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook wraps that chain around his neck, and tosses him over the top rope, hanging him!! Cobryn's eyes bugging out from lack of oxygen.
(Ron Reid implores Dook to stop, but the Moondog braces his knee against Cobryn's back and pulls back on the chain. Dook finally drops Cobryn to the floor of the Palm Springs Convention Center. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly limps over to the champion and holds his arms as Dook walks over with his chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook takes that chain and whips Cobryn hard across the back with it!! Again!! Over & over, Dook wraps that chain across Cobryn's back while O'Reilly holds his arms for him.
(Large red welts appear on Cobryn's shoulders & back. Dook headlocks Cobryn and running bulldogs his face on to the guardrail! Moondog Dook grabs the ring bell off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn punches Moondog Dook in that beer gut, and procures that timekeeper's bell. He bashes Dook in the face with it!!
(Cobryn grabs Dook by his wild half-fro and tells the front row fans to clear a way. Cobryn then rolls Dook back into the ring. The fans boo being tricked again)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn really able to mindfuck the typical overweight 14 year old...and their rides.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn enters the ring, and running double kneelifts Moondog Dook in the temple. Cobryn lifts Dook up into a face eraser powerbomb!!
(Cobryn pulls Dook up and straightjackets his arms then dumps him backwards into a german suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gets underneath Dook's legs and lifts him upside down into a gory special! He flips Dook forward into a face first slam!
Phil Blauer: Cobryn making a tactical error, working on the face. That works on guys like me, not someone who resembles a burn victim.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn sits on Moondog Dook's back and pulls his head back with both hands with that Cobryn Clutch.
Phil Blauer: And now the champ seems to be playing into Dook's hands. He's been dazzling him with all these "dang fangled" moves that are out of Dook's sphere of knowledge...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which is admittedly pretty thin.
Phil Blauer: Granted. But a camel clutch? That probably counts as one of Dook's high spots.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases it and lifts Dook up into a fireman's carry. He airplane spins Dook round & round, but Dook reverses it into a bulldog!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly tosses Dook his chain, and Moondog straightens it out. He makes a run at Cobryn and clotheslines him with it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly hands Dook his bag of thumbtacks, and Dook pours the bag out!
(Palm Springs crowd buzzes with anticipation, and Dook pulls Cobryn's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook powerbombs Cobryn on top of those tacks!!!
(Cobryn sits up with his arms, shoulders, and back covered in a rainbow of pushpins, screaming bloody murder. Dook runs off the ropes and splashes him back on to the tacks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook goes to pin Cobryn but "Giant" Baba O"Reilly demands that he hold Cobryn for him. O'Reilly having some trouble getting into the ring with that broken leg...
Phil Blauer: With all the knee injuries we have in this industry, where the hell are the ramps? We're gonna get sued!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the top rope and limps into the ropes a couple times, to build up speed)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly goes for an ill-advised My Left Foot with that cast, but Cobryn ducks and it smashes Dook in the face!!
(Cobryn hits O'Reilly low, and grabs Moondog Dook in an inverted facelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Dook up and then drops The Blackout onto those thumbtacks!! Cyrus' old finisher!! He covers Dook!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and Cobryn crosses his middle fingers into an X to the booing audience)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 7 minutes 13 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn got some thumbtacks for his effort but in the end he was able to withstand Dook's savagery and come out the winner.
(Death Gojira runs out with his flaming Goji Chair, and the audience cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Death Gojira, hear to give Moondog Dook & "Giant" Baba O'Reilly a reciept for costing him the Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
Phil Blauer: I thought that's why he helped Xyrynth win the Women's title.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, that was for fucking up his house of cards.
Phil Blauer: Oh, ok...wait?
(Gojira smashes O'Reilly in the face with that burning chair, Cobryn gets out while the gettin's good)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira brains Moondog Dook with that flaming Goji Chair!! He grabs the microphone from Bill Kasal!
Death Gojira: "REEE-ornk! Stan, your promos make me sad. You sound so lonely and alone. I think what you need is a friend. So I'm gonna make you one."
(Death Gojira takes a swig of lighter fluid and pulls out his zippo lighter with a radioactive symbol on it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira blows a giant fireball at Moondog Dook, it catches his hair on fire!!! Moondog Dook's wild mane of hair has been ignited!
Phil Blauer: Someone get that man a Pepsi!
(Mike Peters and Ron Reid rush into the ring with wet towels, covering Moondog Dook's burned scalp. So Gojira holds his flaming chair up, and the audience chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sending a message to Stan Wilson, possibly ending the career of Moondog Dook in the process!
(The cameras follow Cobryn back up the aisleway, laughing hysterically. He smacks various soda cups & bottles away as he walks through the curtain into the backstage area. Cobryn goes through the curtains and spots a group of people. Some are dressed in black athletic clothes, some in three piece suits)
Cobryn: "Are you guys the KESQ executives? Did you see that? Did you see what I just did?"
[The crowd of men turn around. The closest one to Cobryn smiles.]
Cobryn: "What in the....Paul? What are you doing here?"
[Paul Mannetti was the announcer for Ascendant Wrestling, as well as IWA's later days.]
Paul Mannetti: "Funny you should ask, really."
[Next, Tom Lux, ex-Ascendant Wrestling CEO stands up next to him.]
Tom Lux: "Hillarious, even."
[The men in the athletic suits surround them. Long time viewers will recognize them as Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Jinn Blaze, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston.]
Bludd: "Damn kid, that shit was wack!"
Paul Mannetti: "I don't think he pays you to speak."
Michael Maxwell: "Fucking dickhead."
Tom Lux: "You too. Nice seeing you Cobryn. Funny stuff. I always liked you."
Paul Mannetti: "Yeah, me too. But I guess that's all in the past."
[Finally, a man in a white suit steps behind Cobryn, carrying the
Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, and fashionably sporting a
white fedora, covering a mess of long hair. Cobryn turns around, and his eyes grow wide.]
Cobryn: "I don't believe this."
[The man in the suit smiles and walks away.]
Tom Lux: "Guess that's the cue. Bye Coby."
Cobryn: "Bye. I mean....wait, what? Huh?"
Paul Mannetti: "Don't touch that dial, Coby, you'll love this."
[Fade out.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it, Cyrus Williams is here in Hardkore Hall!
Phil Blauer: Wait, who just wrestled then?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: Huh? They aren't the same guy? And when did DJ Brandon start calling himself Bludd?
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Out of the curtain first is "The Voice of Pro Wrestling" Paul Mannetti, dressed in a sharp suit. Behind him comes the cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in an even sharper suit than Mannetti. Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[The man in the white suit parts the curtains and steps out, with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title on his shoulder. He takes off his hat and flips back his hair, revealing a familiar face. The crowd buzzes.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus carrying that World title belt that he left with, after refusing to wrestle a tag team match with Rally Jackson against The Brothers of the Swastika. That means about as much as the Million Dollar Belt.
Phil Blauer: But not as much as The Blauer World Championship.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Didn't Gozo Shioda win that off you by looking at you?
Phil Blauer: It's under review by the AWA Championship Committee. They have a 100% return rate for champions reviewing title losses!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I like Cyrus' suit though.
Phil Blauer: It's definitely a step up from his usual "stolen from a bum" getup.
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Cyrus starts to walk down the aisle, front row fans booing and jeering at him.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience seems to have gotten over their initial surprise of him returning, and have come to remember the cloud under which he left.
Phil Blauer: I'm still mad at Cobryn...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus.
Phil Blauer: I'm still mad at Cyrus too. He was supposed to be my wing man that night when we hit up Frances McDormand's Superbowl party. He always got the fat friend.
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Cyrus makes it to the ring as the song breaks down. He climbs the ring steps as he steps in, with Lux, Mannetti, and the cornermen following him. When he enters the ring, Cyrus goes to the center of the ring and poses with the heavyweight title. His entourage of wrestlers and ringboys stand on the ring floor, surrounding the ring.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Paul Mannetti procures a microphone, and begins to talk.]
Paul Mannetti: "I'd like to introduce myself to those of you in the audience who may not own a television, or pawned it to buy PCP. I am Paul Mannetti, the former voice of Hardkore Puerto Rico, Hardkore Scandinavia, Ascendant Wrestling, and the greatest play by play man in the history of the Internation Wrestling Alliance. In the ring tonight, lending their talents for seconding Mr. Williams are Michael Maxwell, Joe Charleston, Tatsuya Arakawa, Bludd, and Jinn Blaze, all accomplished athletes trained in the fine art of pro wrestling by your resident wrestling god, Mr. Williams himself."
[All of the seconds raise hands in the air, and get booed mercilessly by the crowd.]
Paul Mannetti: "Finally, Mr. Williams' publicist, manager, talent agent, and CEO of day to day operations at Cyrus Industries Incorporated, all rights reserved, the greatest mind in the history of professional wrestling, TOM LUX!"
[Lux takes an (un) deserved bow to the crowd.]
Paul Mannetti: "Ladies and gentlemen, after nearly one year removed from leaving Hardkore World, I am pleased to announce to you all that the prodigal son has returned home, and is extremely overjoyed to turn all of your frowns upside down. He needs no introduction, but will receive one anyway."
[Paul Mannetti pulls out a cue card from his breast pocket.]
Paul Mannetti: "He is a former Metal-Tanc Tag Team Champion, Immortal Wrestling Tag Team Champion, Total Championship Wrestling Tag Team Champion, each reign with Ryan Shaffer. He is a former Metal-Tanc Wrestling Hardcore Champion, a former two time Immortal Wrestling Restricted Champion, and the only man to ever hold the HFW World & American Heavyweight Championships simultaneously. May I add that he has also held the coveted UWA Nippon Grand Championship, Hardkore America, Australia, Far East, Great White North, and Rocky Mountains Heavyweight Champion, and Hardkore World Television Champion."
[Paul mimes a cough. Joe Charleston hands him a little bottle of water he sips from.]
Paul Mannetti: "He is a former IWA Triple Crown World Heavyweight Champion, and now into his 5th straight year of holding the undisputed HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....he is the king of Strong style, the king of bling bling, the international superstar, the fine wine connosieur, the stately gentleman...and your favorite wrestler..... CYRUS......WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[The ring seconds throw a ridiculous amount of black and grey streamers in the air, showering everyone in the ring. Cyrus Williams climbs to the top rope and points at the crowd, holding up his title belt. Tom Lux takes the microphone from Paul Mannetti.]
Tom Lux: "Thank you Paul, that brought a tear to this dry eye. And thank you fans for the warmest of the warm receptions. Last year, when Cyrus Williams was forced from this promotion in the most disrespectful of manners, the Williams Office was deluged with letters from around the globe. One of the most moving of letters was from Timmy White, a 6 year old cancer patient from Akron, OH. I was moved to tears when Timmy called Jonnie Valentine a "rotten cocksucker who didn't know how to book a promotion". The letter was, to put it in the most mild of ways, moving."
[The crowd begins a "Shut the fuck up" chant.]
Tom Lux: "It took some healing, but eventually, Cyrus came to forgive Jonnie Valentine for his indiscretions, and now, he is back, and better than ever. However, tonight, he's feeling a little hoarse, and will refrain from addressing his adoring fans. But I assure you, he will be back, and he will be defending the title he fought for so valiantly. And hey, remember one thing."
[Tom hands the mic back to Paul.]
Paul Mannetti: "Cyrus Williams is bigger than the devil. He's your personal Jesus."
[His theme starts.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[One of Cyrus' ringboys gets on all fours on the outside as Cyrus Williams steps onto the apron and uses the kid as a footstool to make his way to the back. His entourage in the ring follows.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: I believe our delusional meter just hit a code orange.
Phil Blauer: Does that mean we should start duct taping our windows?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You start, Phil. Seattle, just got a whole lot better now with Cyrus Williams back here in Hardkore World! Fans we'll see you in the Key Arena!
This show is dedicated to the memory of Johnny Cochran and the future memory of Terri Schiavo
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Thinking about my finger. Thinking about what Tropical B did you my finger. Now when the day's light leaves my hand and shines upon the day of another world you know when your time is up and my time is now and now when the day's light leaves my hand and shines upon the day of another world you will know when your time is up and my time is now. Now! Do you hear me? You were my mentor and you betrayed me. Betrayal is my best friend, my woman, your soul. You Seatle you will tase the breath from a black lung.
Guillermo O'Bannon: All the time for talkin is done...
Phil Blauer: Then what the hell am I doing here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You test well with our 35-50 former TV anchor market.
Phil Blauer: The numbers don't lie!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Palm Springs Punishment is Hardkore World's biggest show all year and we definately have the star power to make it the best. Our main event is Cobryn defending his newly won Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship against former champion Robert Hunglestien III.
Phil Blauer: Even with a broken arm, Cobryn was able to defeat Robert Hunglestien 3-1 in our first ever 60 minute marathon match. My ass was in that seat so long, I have to leave $100 rent on it!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously? I was kidding about that.
Phil Blauer: Then why did the landlord take it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Was the "landlord" carrying a box full of sticks of cotton candy?
Phil Blauer: Sure did. That guy must love that stuff, there had to be like 25 of em!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn clearly came out of that match looking like the big winner, and Robert Hunglestien III can not let that be. He clearly is looking not only to regain his championship but to prove to Cobryn he is the better wrestler. Then we have a very exciting first ever Falls Count Anywhere Last Woman Standing match for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Tamara Sanchez and Xyrynth hook it up again. Tammy beat Xyrynth in Xyrynth's first match in Pheonix, then right here in this very building Xyrynth defeated Tammy, Phoenix, & Darlene for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. But it was Tammy that later defeated Xyrynth for that title in Denver. Now it's time for their big rematch, but this time they have to knock one another completely unconcious and it can happen anywhere in Hardkore Hall.
Phil Blauer: As long as it doesn't happen anywhere within 25 feet of me. I still have court orders.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's the culmination of the three month Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Tournament. Eight teams started out, looking to hold one of the most prestigious tag team titles on the planet.
Phil Blauer: A title so prominant that a tag team by the name of The Hillbillies were able to procure them.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fat guys in coveralls were over back in '87, Phil. What do you want? Out of those eight teams, The Miracle Violence Combination II and The Cupcake Crew are left. Now they face off in a Spin-The-Wheel-Make-The-Deal Match with the titles on the line. This match has a little bit of history to it, with Death Gojira and Kilroy Evans on opposing sides of the ring again.
Phil Blauer: I'm still trying to get blood out of three different suits from that feud.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Don't blame the feud. Speaking of blood, there will be alot of it when Big Bad Bill puts his Hardkore West Coast title on the line against Lonewolf McNeely in a Taipei Glass Fist match.
Phil Blauer: These two sure are a couple of fisters.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Er, I guess. Lonewolf McNeely won the title shot in a battle royal in LA, and proved he was willing to bleed for it during that horrific battle with Blak Lung in San Francisco.
Phil Blauer: You know, when I cover my hands in glue and stick broken glass on them, I'm "going through a phase". They do it, and suddenly it's on pay-per-view. What about my idea?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rubber cement fists with fiberglass on it isn't gonna put asses in seats.
Phil Blauer: Just try it, that's all I'm asking. That shit's irritating! Ever got it on you? People can relate to that. Who's been punched in the face with glue & glass, besides me in that Dominican prison?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then as if that wasn't blood soaked enough, The Shioda Clan and their mentor, Mr. Shioda will put their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles on the line against one of the strangest tandem's I've ever seen.
Phil Blauer: Trick Daddy and Chris Matheson?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation and the man they've vowed to destroy for the past ten years, The Shootfighter. Aahz the Destroyer, Cyan Komar, The Shocktroopers, Takeda Yokosuda, Tarrasque, and now Jeremiah Vastrix. The Shootfighter took em all on, as long as they were wearing that Warhammer Corporation insignia, The Shootfighter spilt their blood. Now it all comes to an end so that they can go after a common goal of winning the six man titles.
Phil Blauer: I gotta think this is just cause Lucius Morgan is in need of a third to try and win the belts an unprecedented fourth time!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It was unprecedented when they won them a second time.
Phil Blauer: I think I don't know what unprecedented means. Does that mean cold?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The titles will be on the line in an electrified barbed wire 2/3 falls match with a few other stipulations I'm sure I forgot. In San Francisco, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner prevented Horror Girl from causing Xyrynth serious injury during their Bodybag Match. So during her losing bid to win the Hardkore World Women's Championship from Tamara Sanchez, Horror Girl came down to the ring to cause a little serious injury of her own to both competitors. So Anjanette has grown fed up with this newcomer and has challenged her to a match where they will be connected with a long chain by their necks...a Cat Collar Match.
Phil Blauer: Ah, I get it. Cause their cats, right?
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, because their women.
Phil Blauer: (raises his fist) I hear ya sister.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we got some more barbed wire, this time 10 of the top wrestlers in the World, wrestlers like former Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Stan Wilson, 3 time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Rally Jackson, "The Punisher" Dan Stien, Syberus, Carpenter, Bruno, Tony Thunder, Marty Bower, along with newcomers R.C. and Nick Knight. All tearing each other to ribbons on that barbed wire and around Hardkore Hall to claim a spot in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship.
Phil Blauer: Wow, Death Gojira had it alot easier. He had to just beat The Microshocker on a house show in Reno. I gotta get his agent. Ronnie?
Referee Ron Reid: Yeah?
Phil Blauer: Your fired.
Referee Ron Reid: Okey doke.
(Ron Reid waddles over to the ring and gets ready for the first match. "Strutter" by KISS plays and a spotlight follows Brandi as she steps through the curtain. The crowd gives her some whistles and cat calls as she struts past them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And so begins our first match of the night. Brandi confused alot of people in San Francisco when she seemed to help the champion keep her title, while also attacking Horror Girl. But when she went to hug Tammy, Sanchez didn't seem so happy to see her.
Phil Blauer: I know. I didn't see Sanchez so uncomfortable being hugged by Brandi since...well, since I hugged her.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That probably stems from their feud in Germany and UCW. Still Brandi claims to have some feelings for the champion that have made her feel protective of her.
Phil Blauer: That's hot. Is it ok to make this pantless match?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We have enough gimmick matches tonight, Phil.
Phil Blauer: I meant for me.
(She enters the ring and stands in the middle of it with the same spotlight on her as she hangs her head back and basks in the spotlight on her. She slowly and seductively eyes Ron Reid up and down as she backs to the corner)
Yolanda Ando: Brandi wears black spandex shorts with "Brandi" across them and a white sports bra.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Palm Springs Convention Center. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World present Palm Springs Punishment!!"
(Hardkore Hall stands up and cheers, a small "Hard-kore World!" chant starts up in small pockets)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Standing at 5 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing...'None of Your Damn Business'...BRANDI!!!"
(Crowd whistles and woos at her, she preens and poses for them then blows the fans a kiss. “Before I’m Dead” by The Kidneytheives plays and KJ "Dracon" Xanathos walks out with El Gallo & Ayame “Phoenix” Tokugawa walking behind him. Tokugawa is carrying a bag with her. The fans boo her and one fan tries to wave a U.S. flag in her face as she walks by)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And Tokugawa makes her return to the West Coast. She went to a draw with Keiko Nakamura in Hardkore Nippon and lost a few matches to Xyrynth here in Hardkore America. She also upset alot of fans with her anti-American comments. So she went back to Japan to refine her skills with Dracon Xanathos to make sure she can back up those statements. Now she has a veteran opponent in Brandi to see how she did.
Yolanda Ando: Phoenix wears some sexy black leather pants with white stripes on the side with crimson Japanese characters. She also wears a leather belly free tank top. Over that she wears a kimono.
(Tokugawa bends over the top rope backwards and flips into the ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager, KJ "Dracon" Xanathos. From Kyoto, Japan; Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 133 pounds...AYAME 'PHOENIX' TOKUGAWA!!!"
(The Palm Springs audience boos Ayame. She hands the bag to Brandi, who hesitantly opens it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi opens that bag up and it's...a frisbee?
Phil Blauer: I get it...cause she's a dog.
(Ayame laughs hysterically as Bill Kasal and Xanathos leave the ring. Ron Reid signals for Ron De La O to ring the bell for the first match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa walks up to a redfaced Brandi and slaps her right in the face!
Phil Blauer: That's for all the smack she was talking. I speak from experience.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi rubs her face and answers with a knife edge chop to Ayame's throat. She scoops her up and bodyslams her hard to the mat.
(Brandi pulls Ayame up by her black & blone hair and irish whips her into the turnbuckles. She smashes her in the face with a few forearm smashes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi drives her knee into Tokugawa's stomach a few times. She headlocks her and runs out of the corner with a bulldog!
(Palm Springs audience applauds Brandi. Brandi pulls Tokugawa up into a waistlock, but Ayame back elbows her in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tokugawa snapmares Brandi over and then standing dropkicks the back of her neck. Ayame pulls her up by the arm and twists it.
(Tokugawa back hook kicks Brandi, flooring her. She runs into the ropes, when Brandi gets to her feet Ayame takes her over in a head scissors takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa irish whips Brandi into the turnbuckles chest first, and follows her in with a dropkick to the back.
(Tokugawa cradles Brandi and rests her feet on the second rope for illegal leverage)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Ron Reid spies Tokugawa's feet on the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame gets caught redhanded, but Ron Reid is getting an earful from Xanathos. Tokugawa irish whips Brandi into the ropes and dips down for a backdrop, but Brandi reverses it with a swinging neckbreaker!
Phil Blauer: That was gonna be the name of my lounge act, "The Swinging Neckbreaker."
Guillermo O'Bannon: What happened?
Phil Blauer: I can't sing.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Didn't stop Ashlee Simpson.
Phil Blauer: That's what I told them!
(Brandi scoops Tokugawa up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker. She grabs Ayame's leg and twists her over into a single leg boston crab. Hardkore Hall showers her with cheers as she tries to make the Japanese star tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi trying to pull Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa's leg right off her body, but she's hanging on. Tokugawa twists around and pushes Brandi off of her with her boot.
(Tokugawa springs up, but Brandi ducks under a right hand and turns it into a german suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ayame Tokugawa rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulls her up by the hair and shoots her into the ropes. Ayame Tokugawa comes back with a flying cross body!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tokugawa dragon screws Brandi to the mat by her leg and turns her over into a grapevine leglock!
(The fans boo and jeer Ayame as she sneers in their direction, wrenching Brandi's leg in defiance. Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap but Brandi refuses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa continues to apply pressure to Brandi's leg, getting a little retribution from Brandi for that single leg boston crab. Brandi crawls over and is finally able to grab hold of the bottom rope.
(Ron Reid forces Ayame to break the leglock. Tokugawa lets her get up only to drop her back to the mat with an inverted orton backbreaker. She then climbs to the top turnbuckle, then tightrope walks the top rope, causing the audience to applaud her balance)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa walks the rope and hits a Pheonix Huracanrana!!
(Crowd applauds Tokugawa's move, but she ignores them and pulls her up on to her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame drops Brandi headfirst in a samurai driver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame backflips into a standing moonsault but just hits Brandi's knees. She gets up and DDTs Tokugawa!
(Brandi climbs to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring. She backflips into a moonsault! Hardkore Hall cheers and Brandi hooks Ayame's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ayame Tokugawa kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi gut wrench suplexes Ayame. She steps over Tokugawa and sits on her face.
Phil Blauer: Yes!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi grinding her private no-no places into Ayame Tokugawa, and there's not a mouthwash strong enough to kill those germs.
Phil Blauer: I'd be willing to try anyway.
(Brandi gives Tokugawa a couple more pumps with her crotch and then lets her up. Ayame gets to her feet, wiping her face trying to get her bearings back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi whacks Tokugawa upside the head with a savatte kick! She pulls Tokugawa's head into her legs, but Ayame blocks The Date {No Means No} Piledriver and backdrops her!
(Ayame Tokugawa runs to the ropes and hops onto the middle of the top rope. She backflips into a springboard moonsault reverse DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fire Bird DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa irish whops Brandi into the ropes and smacks her with a flying spinning heel kick! She runs back into the ropes with a rolling thunder leg drop!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Brandi kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa climbs to the top rope and waits for Brandi to rise...she does and Tokugawa flips her asshole over elbows with a flying lariot!!
(Tokugawa pulls Brandi up and goes for a suplex, but Ayame blocks it. She reverses it with a stalling hanging suplex. The Palm Springs audience applauds with Brandi's show of strength)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi finally drops Tokugawa! She applies a dragon sleeper to Ayame that she calls The Seduction!
Phil Blauer: Wow, this chick is slutty. She makes Tammy look like a prude.
(Brandi tries to squeeze all the air out of her, while Ron Ried checks in to see if Ayame wants to tap. Ayame tries to find a way out of the Seduction but is out of luck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulls up in the inverted facelock and drops the back of her head on her knee! She pulls her up and butterflies her arms and then flips her over into a double underhook suplex!
(Brandi gut wrenches Ayame Tokugawa up on to her shoulder and then drops her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi pulling out an old inside suplex from Iron Sheik's repitoire.
Phil Blauer: I think she's growing the mustache too.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi fireman's carries Tokugawa on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. She climbs to the second rope but Tokugawa slaps her across the face!
(Brandi falls back to the mat and Tokugawa stands up on the top turnbuckle. She comes off with a dragonrana!!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ayame Tokugawa quickly makes the pin with a handful of Brandi's tights!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd boos and “Before I’m Dead” by The Kidneytheives plays. Ayame Tokugawa rolls out of the ring into the arms of KJ "Dracon" Xanathos)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 13 minutes 58 seconds...THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...AYAME 'PHEONIX' TOKUGAWA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both women showed alot of mettle here tonight, but Ayame Tokugawa was able to cheat her way to victory here tonight!
Phil Blauer: Plus she got a lap dance from Brandi, it's win-win!
(The Shootfighter is warming up in his lockerroom loosening up for the six-man title match with The Warhammer Corp. He is wearing his black knee length wrestling tights and black wrestling boots his long chest length dark hair is tied in a pony tail. Matt
Boone enters the lockerroom.)
Matt Boone: "Shootfighter can I have a moment of your time."
The Shootfighter: "I'm loosening up unless you haven't noticed."
Matt Boone: "Yeah."
The Shootfighter: "Then why are you standing there like an idiot or do you think you got the wrong Shootfighter."
Matt Boone: "Is everything alright between the Warhammer Corp. and yourself."
(The Shootfighter stops and gives him an angry look.)
The Shootfighter: "Everything has been ironed out between The Warhammer Corp. and myself. So the subject has been dropped. Is that all you came to ask me about?! If it is I suggest you leave this moment!"
Matt Boone: "Actually I was wondering how prepared you are."
The Shootfighter: "I've been watching the tapes of all their matches and they are quite tough. Shioda has trained them well, but that doesn't mean they are going to hold their own against The Warhammer Corp. and myself. Yes they are quite athletic and have some good moves. They showed it when they went far into the Hardkore America tag title tournament. They lost to the Powers That Be, but they showed lots of heart and guts. However, it's not going to help them against the ruthlessness of the Warhammer Corp. and myself."
Matt Boone: "Well they beat one of the best six-man teams to win the titles."
The Shootfighter: "Luck was on their side, because nobody knew them or their abilities. However, everyone knows what to expect from The Tengu Clan and shall be prepared for them when the time comes to face them. This time they are the ones to expect a lesson from The Warhammer Corp. and myself. They may have Gozo Shioda, one of the most revered and experienced mentors on their side. However, the tag team experience goes to the Warhammer Corp. and myself."
Matt Boone: "What would happen if you fail to win the titles."
The Shootfighter: "Go back to killing each other. What do you think? Now if there's anything else this interview is over."
Matt Boone: "Okay. Okay."
(He leaves as The Shootfighter continues with his warm ups. Fade out to Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now coming up we have the barbed wire battle royal. One man must wade through 10 others to advancing to the Quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament.
Phil Blauer: 10 guys? Tamara goes through that in a night.
("Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays and the Palm Springs fans boo, Blak Lung, followed by The Shootfighter & Judge Death. He snarls at the fans while The Shootfighter menaces them with his stainless steel singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung was a late addition to the event as insurance for if R.C. didn't show up.
Phil Blauer: (listens to his IFB earpiece) I've just got word that R.C. is in the building...(nods, getting another message) As well as Diet Snapple. And that there may be heat in the locker room on Matt Boone for drinking Andrew Karnage's clean sample, thinking it was Mello Yello.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surpluss jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is an 11 man Barbed Wire Falls Count Anywhere Battle Royal. The winner will advance to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament. Featuring first...
(The Shootfighter yells at Bill Kasal, while Blak Lung stands proudly in the middle of the ring. Bill Kasal shakes his head and The Shootfighter threatens him with his cane. Kasal cowers away and then agrees)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, The Shootfighter requests that you all rise and show the utmost respect for Blak Lung, who will sing the Ghana National Anthem."
(Hardkore Hall boos and The Shootfighter & Judge Death stand at either side of Blak Lung, saluting)
Blak Lung: "God bless our homeland Ghana
And make our nation great and strong,
Bold to defend forever
The cause of Freedom and of Right;
Fill our hearts with true humility,
Make us cherish fearless honesty,
And help us to resist oppressors' rule
With all our will and might evermore..."
(Crowd drowns out Blak Lung's singing, making him pause)
Phil Blauer: (stops cabbage patching) Hey?!? What gives??!
(The Shootfighter and Judge Death Stand on the second turnbuckles, demanding that the fans shut up)
Blak Lung: "Hail to thy name, O Ghana,
To thee we make our solemn vow:
Steadfast to build together
A nation strong in Unity;
With our gifts of mind and strength of arm,
Whether night or day, in the midst of storm,
In ev'ry need, whate'er the call may be,
To serve thee, Ghana, now and evermore."
Phil Blauer: Ya gotta admit, Guillermo. It's got zing! We just clean up his vocals and put a little electric piano behind it, get a reality show before the album comes out...I think we could have the next Ashliee.
Blak Lung: "Raise high the flag of Ghana
And one with Africa advance;
Black star of hope and honor
To all who thirst for liberty;
Where the banner of Ghana free flies,
May the way to freedom truly lie;
Arise, arise, O sons of Ghanaland,
And under God march on for evermore!"
(Blak Lung tosses down the microphone, and hollers at the booing fans. Bill Kasal carefully picks up the mic)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Accompanied to the ring by The Shootfighter & Judge Death; From Accra in the Republic of Ghana; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Hardkore Hall jeers and boos Blak Lung. Then some red pyros go off and "The Champ is Here" by Judakiss plays. The crowd cheers Bruno as he steps out and flexes those giant muscles. He slaps a few fans hands on the way down to the ring, then carefully slides under the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno nearly won the last big battle royal in Los Angeles, and is a favorite to win this one as well. But this time, there's another giant for him to worry about, former Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Stan "The Tank" Wilson.
Phil Blauer: It's like King Kong vs. Godzilla, except that they're both bad breaker uppers.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears black tights & boots...and nothing else. (growls)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Compton, California; Standing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd gives Bruno a great ovation as he shows off his impressive physique. Then "Raining Blood" by Slayer hits, the drums pounding lightly in the backdrop of the sound of a thunderstorm for a half minute, and then lightning hits the top of the HardkoreTron and the screen "explodes" as the guitars jam, revealing the name "Carpenter" written in dripping blood. The curtain parts as two burly male 'nurses' wheel out an electric chair, with Carpenter firmly strapped down and struggling)
Phil Blauer: And here comes Carpie's "traveling companions".
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phoenix's brother & HPWA superstar makes another tour of the West Coast. His last tour was quite successful until a hand injury forced him to cancel appearences.
(The nurses wheel Carpenter onto the stage and stop, undo his hand restraints and turn, running backstage. He undoes the chest buckle then frees his feet and gets up, moving towards the ring, eyes glaring as he looks around. As he gets halfway down the ramp he pulls his mask off of his belt, revealing two large brass knucks, and pulls the mask over his bandaged face)
Yolanda Ando: Carpenter wears black leather and bandages. He has a white metal hockey mask.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...CARPENTER!!!"
(The Palm Springs fans jeer and boo him, and then the lights in Hardkore Hall goes out and a white skull appears on the HardkoreTron. “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie starts up. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising his Peacemaker in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval. His manager, Domino, stands in front of Stein, and leads him to the ring area)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes another big free agent pick up for Hardkore World, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. He's a former HHA Hardcore champion, a two time IPW Tag Team Champion with former Hardkore World wrestler ”Magnificent” Ron Lauren, IPW Heavyweight champion, CPW East Coast Champion, a two time CPW Heavyweight champion, CPW World champion, ARW World Heavyweight Champion. He's also not a stranger to fans in nearby Nevada as the AWE champion. He's amazed audience all over the States, Japan, and Australia; now we got em here on the West Coast.
Phil Blauer: His manager Domino wrestled in Japan as well. They're like Chris Candido & Tammy Sytch without the motel room standoffs with police.
Yolanda Ando: Dan Stein wears a black leather duster with a simple tight black t-shirt underneath with plain black shorts. He wears black leather wrestling boots & black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And accompanied to the ring by his manager, Domino; From Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Audience applauds Dan Stien, a veteran of many ring wars around the globe. "Hallelujah" plays over the Palm Springs Convention Center sound system. "Minister" Marty Bower walks down to the ring hand-in-hand with Jesus. Of course, the crowd can't see Jesus. Then, when Bower gets to the ring, he leaps up on the apron, and opens the barbed wire so Jesus can get through)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower recently successful in a six man match in San Francisco with The Warhammer Corporation against The Shootfighter, Moondog Dook, & "Giant" Baba O'Reilly.
Yolanda Ando: Bower is wearing a priest's robe, underneath, as I suspect with many other priests, are white spandex shorts, with a black cross on each side. On the back, "Bower" with a golden cross for the "t".
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And escorted to the ring by the Greatest Martyr, Jesus; Hailing from Massena, Quebec City, Canada; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 194 pounds..'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(The audience boos Bower, as he opens the barbed wire again so his invisible manager can get out. Then "Warrior Part 2" by Eminem, Lloyd Banks, Nate Dogg, and 50 Cent plays. During the intro, white and red lasers just keep hitting the Palm Springs Convention Center while a maple leaf is shown on the HardkoreTron followed by the words "Your", "Canadian", "Hero". Once the actual song starts, a big water mark of a maple leaf is cast upon the ramp and Nick Knight slowly makes his way to the ring waving a big Canadian Flag in his hand. He gets in the ring and perches the middle rope while placing his right hand on his chest and screaming "Oh Canada")
Guillermo O'Bannon: And from Canada, SWAT, and a whole lotta heartbreak comes, "Your Canadian Hero" Nick Knight.
Phil Blauer: These fans don't know what to make of Mr. Knight, they're still recovering from Five for Fighting.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 252 pounds...'YOUR CANADIAN HERO' NICK KNIGHT!!!"
(Knight gets a mixed reaction from the jaded Palm Springs audience. Then "Mein Teil" by Rammstein plays and R.C. comes down to the ring. The fans boo R.C., but he ignores them and slides into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. actually pulled out of this event, only to have a change of heart.
Phil Blauer: Jonnie showing his soft side there. "Homicide: Life on the Street" has less chances than this guy.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 221 pounds...R.C.!!!"
(The audience boos R.C. as he tries to find a spot to stand among the crowded ring. "Block Rockin Beats" by The Chemical Brothers plays and "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson walks down to the ring, talking on his cell phone)
Phil Blauer: I was reading last week in US Weekly that Paul E. Dangerously was the second most ripped off gimmick in the independents.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Second only to Shawn Michaels, I know, I read that. It was the issue where they asked celebrities "At what point would you want your feeding tube removed?"
Phil Blauer: I'm with Patrick Swayze, who said if his cheekbones were irreparably harmed. What's the point of living like you?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, there's the masturbation. And the occasional crush on the girl at Denny's. Rally knows what I'm talking about. But he's gotta put it all out of his head and try and win this. He's been in more of these kind of matches than anyone else in the ring right now, so he does have the advantage.
Yolanda Ando: Rally Jackson wears a a green capoeira gui with yellow trim.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Rio De Janiero, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!!!"
(Audience boos Rally Jackson, who finishes up his phone call. "Just For" by Nickelback plays and the crowd boos some more. Syberus walks out and sneers back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes the man that has the most to gain in this match. If he wins, he goes straight on to the Semi-Finals. And with his mat skills, he has to be considered a favorite in any match where mobility is limited due to barbed wire.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus is wearing dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. Black elbow and knee pads, and black boots with white kickpads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from The united Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 230 pounds...SYBERUS!!!"
(The audience boos Syberus and then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays and they jump to their feet. Big Stan returns to Hardkore World to a thunderous roar from the crowd. He nods and seems genuinely moved by their reaction. He nods and mouths "Thank You.", then walks to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The last time Stan was in a wrestling ring, Death Gojira burned his face and left him for dead. A lot of fans cheered when that happened, because of Death Gojira's popularity...
Phil Blauer: I was one of them. In fact I had a picture taken with what a ring attendant assured me was Stan's eyelid but turned out to be an old starburst.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I'm sure it's good to hear cheers from those very same fans today.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON!!!"
(The crowd gives Stan a huge pop and some "Welcome Back!" chants pop up from pockets of the audience. The ring crew wheels a skateboard ramp up to the ring, and then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays. The fans cheer as "The Extremist" Tony Thunder skateboards down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder skates up the ramp into the ring, and Nick Knight gets out of the ring just in time, but Stan Wilson clotheslines him off the skateboard!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers wildly, and referees Ron Reid & Mike Peters signal for the bell. "Minister" Marty Bower sneaks up on Blak Lung and waistlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Ministry" Marty Bower german suplexes Blak Lung!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Phil Blauer: Like a thief in the night!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno goes to punch Tony Thunder but Thunder avoids it and applies an abdominal stretch. Stan Wilson irish whips R.C. but R.C. reverses it and sends Stan "The Tank" Wilson into the barbed wire!!
(Stan Wilson cries out in pain, and tries to peel his arms out of the barbed wire but Carpenter splashes him into the barbed wire farther!! The Palm Springs audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder continues to pull back with an abdominal stretch on Bruno, and R.C. gets a running start, dropkicking Bruno in his exposed face!
(Syberus karate chops Nick Knight's chest over & over, leaving large red welts. Dan Stien comes up to Knight and smashes him in the chest with a heart punch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson ducks a forearm smash and german suplexes Marty Bower, he pulls him up into a hammerlock half nelson and tiger suplexes him!!
(Jackson doesn't keep the bridge and pulls Bower up in a full nelson, and then dragon suplexes him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Marty Bower rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung takes that wire hanger out of his beltline and wraps it around Tony Thunder!! Thunder trying to get his fingers underneath the wire, but failing. Bruno comes over and slugs Thunder in the stomach. He pulls Thunder's head into his legs and Brunobombs him!!
(R.C. signals over to Stan Wilson, and pulls Carpenter up. He irish whips Carpenter, but Carpenter reverses it and sends R.C. into Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson nearly takes R.C.'s head with a big boot! In the corner, Nick Knight has taken one too many karate chops from Syberus and fire back with his own! A flurry of karate chops has backed Syberus up into Marty Bower who belly to belly suplexes him!
(Tony Thunder comes up from behind Carpenter and applies a cobra clutch! Dan Stien whips Marty Bower around in a neckbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter starting to fade in that cobra clutch there, while Rally Jackson cartwheels over into a tidal wave kick to Carpenter's face!! Nick Knight runs across the ring and whacks Marty Bower with a roundhouse kick!
(Blak Lung walks over to Bruno and digs his rusty coat hanger into Bruno's bicep, making the giant yelp in pain. With Bruno bent over, R.C. is able to apply another abdominal stretch to him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter gets to his feet and puts his two brass knuckles on his hands. He comes over to Bruno and slugs him across the face with those knucks while he's helpless in that abdominal stretch. R.C. lets him drop to the mat, but Carpenter nails him with the brass knuckles as well!
(Bruno bleeds from a cut over his eye lid from that brass knuckle shot. Stan pulls a woozy Bruno up)
Phil Blauer: Stan is anxious to see who will win the battle of the old Hardkore giant vs. the new Hardkore giant.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter irish whips Bruno into Stan who flapjacks Bruno on the barbed wire!!
(The crowd groans at Bruno hitting the barbed wire. Bruno is quickly becoming a bloody mess, bleeding down his front. Syberus knees Rally Jackson in the stomach and Tony Thunder pulls Tigerheart into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Extremist" Tony Thunder running powerbombs Rally Jackson!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Rally Jackson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower crossface chicken wing releases suplexes Dan Stien!!
(Bruno grabs Blak Lung by the throat, and the crowd comes to life. Blak Lung begs Bruno to reconsider, but Bruno chokeslams Blak Lung on to the barbed wire!! The Palm Springs fans chant "BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!!" Bruno grabs Blak Lung by the leg and flips him over the barbed wire onto the concrete floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. arm drags Carpenter over into an armbar. He sticks his knee into the ball of the madman's shoulder. Meanwhile, Tony Thunder has climbed to the top turnbuckle and leaps off into a flying headbutt to Blak Lung on the floor!!
(Crowd cheers Thunder's agility while both men lie motionless at ringside. Inside the ring, Nick Knight has a bloody Stan Wilson in an inverted facelock, while standing on the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nick Knight rolls forward into a Canadian Diamond Dust.
Phil Blauer: What's a Canadian diamond like?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Probably smells like Molson. Dan Stien scoops Syberus up and runs into the center of the ring, powerslamming the English star!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Marty Bower and flips him over into a gory special, then drops it into a piledriver!!
(Bruno walks over and picks Marty Bower up and lifts him up in a hanging suplex. The 7 footer holds the 190 pound Bower up like it's nothing, then drops him on the top of his head with a brainbuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno hits The Brunobuster on Marty Bower and then applies a kataha-jime he calls The Brunomission!! Bower trying to hang on but it's not looking good for the man of the cloth!
(On the floor, The Shootfighter pulls Tony Thunder on to the apron and Blak Lung climbs up to join him. Lung pulls Tony Thunder into his legs and does the cut throat gesture)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung piledrives Thunder off the apron onto the concrete!! The audience is shocked into silence!
(Bruno continues to squeeze back on Bower's head while choking him and squeezing the life out of him with his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rolls onto his back and gets so much leverage, Marty Bower is forced to tap out!!
(Ron Reid eliminates Bower and Bruno releases the Brunomission. Thunder has a cut from the piledriver on the concrete. Blak Lung goes to ram his face into the concrete but Thunder blocks it and rams his face into the railing)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 32 seconds, 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter works his way back up to his feet with R.C. still hanging on to that arm bar. Carpenter reverses it into a fireman's carry and then F5's his face onto the barbed wire!!
(The audience cheers as blood runs through R.C.'s fingers from his face. Tony Thunder climbs up to the top rope and shooting star presses Blak Lung on the floor!!! The audience cheers and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Stan Wilson steps over the barbed wire on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson gets a running start and elbow drops all 325 pounds onto Blak Lung from the apron!!!
(Audience keeps cheering, changing their chants to "STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!!" Inside the ring, Rally Jackson swats Bruno in the face with a shining wizard, Tony Thunder slides under the barbed wire back in to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder t-bone suplexes Rally Jackson! R.C. jumps on Rally's back and applies an STF!!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Rally submits, but he refuses. Carpenter grabs Nick Knight and monkey flips his back into the barbed wire!! The audience cheers the Canadian's predicament)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson scoops Blak Lung up and powerslams his head into the cornerpost!! Inside the ring, R.C. releases the STF and Syberus northern lights suplexes Rally Jackson!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno measures Dan Stien and spears him into the barbed wire!!
(The crowd applauds, and Dan Stien bounces out of the barbed wire, bleeding from his arm & hip. R.C. drops Stien with a huracanrana)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Outside the ring, Blak Lung rakes that coat hanger across Big Stan's eyes! Carpenter gut wrenches Syberus up into a powerbomb)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder & Nick Knight double superkicks Bruno upside his head and knock him into the corner!!
(Big Stan grabs hold of Blak Lung's wire hanger and jabs it into his forehead. Wilson then grabs hold of Blak Lung's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson chokeslams Blak Lung on the naked concrete!!!
(Crowd roars, and Wilson places his arm on Blak Lung's chest. Mike Peters makes the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 20 minutes 49 seconds; BLAK LUNG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
(Rally Jackson shooting star sentons Stan Wilson off the top rope into the railing!! Audience continues to cheer, chanting "RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!! RAL-LY!!" Syberus waits for a path to clear to Bruno)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rushes Syberus, and Syberus takes him down into a drop toe hold facefirst into the barbed wire!!
(The crowd boos and Syberus rolls it over into a single leg boston crab. Blood runs down Bruno's face as he refuses to submit to Ron Reid)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein goes to spinebuster R.C., but R.C. reverses it into a spinning DDT!! Syberus now turns the single leg boston crab into a texas cloverleaf on Bruno!
(Bruno cries out in pain, as Syberus tries to hang on to his giant legs. Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder flips forward into a senton to Bruno's back while Syberus has him in a texas cloverleaf!! Carpenter headbutts Nick Knight in the face.
(Carpenter gets blood on his metal mask from Knight's face, and Dan Stein pulls him into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stien powerbombs Knight on to the barbed wire!!
(Palm Springs fans cheer wildly, as Knight clutches all the new cuts on his back and flips on to the floor. Thunder hops on to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder backflips into a moonsault press but Bruno catches him and powerslams him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out on the floor, Big Stan measures Nick Knight and then smashes him with a running big boot that smacks Knight's head into the cornerpost!!
(Bruno presses Tony Thunder over his head, but Thunder falls behind him. He runs Bruno's head into the barbed wire!! Thunder sets Bruno's throat on the barbed wire and climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder comes off the top with a guillotine leg drop on the barbed wire!!
Phil Blauer: But Bruno's album drops April 23rd!!
(Audience gasps, and Bruno back peddles with blood running from his neck & hands! Rally Jackson climbs up to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson backflips into a kick to Big Stan's face from the apron! Inside the ring, R.C. goes to kick Carpenter but Carpenter catches his boot. R.C. responds with an enzuigiri!
(R.C. sits Carpenter on the top turnbuckle, but Carpenter grabs him by the head and tornado DDTs him off the second rope!! Nick Knight climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Your blood drenched Canadian Hero jumps off the top rope and huracanranas Stan Wilson onto the concrete floor!!
(Dan Stien scoops R.C. up and drops him on to his head with a michinoku driver!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(R.C. kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Tony Thunder comes off the top turnbuckle with a flying headbutt Bruno, but Bruno rolls out of the way!! Bruno capitalizes with an unprettier!! He rolls Thunder over and hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 26 minutes 36 seconds, 'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we have to take a break!
Phil Blauer: Why? It's a pay-per-view, there's no commercials?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Reguardless, you can't ask people to watch anything for a half hour without a piss break.
Phil Blauer: Then I guess I already took mine...
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Mar 23, 2005#6
Phil Blauer: ...so I said, "Look I don't care if she is your Grandmother. Phil's table is Phil's table, and maybe she shouldn't have been so lippy." You know what he says to me?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, we're back...
Phil Blauer: "This is Wendy's." Like I can't have a table at Wendy's?! Phil's a man of the people...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter climbs to the top rope and corkscrews into a dropkick on Syberus!!
(Hardkore Hall applauds that move, and Stan Wilson steps back over the barbed wire into the ring. Stan presses Syberus over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson drops Syberus into a spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1..2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrew splashes Nick Knight on the floor, knocking him into the railing!!
(Rally Jackson lifts Knight up and drives his face into the concrete with a styles clash on the floor!! Inside the ring, Dan Stien running bulldogs Bruno's face into the canvas. Rally Jackson rolls back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: R.C. picks up a chair and swings for the fences, but Nick Knight ducks underneath and releases german suplexes R.C.'s stomach on to the railing!
(Carpenter climbs to the top turnbuckle and flying body presses Bruno, but Bruno catches him in mid-air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brunobreaker! On the outside, Dan Stein catches Nick Knight from behind with a hangman's neckbreaker!
(R.C. pulls Knight into his legs, and The Punisher climbs up to the apron. R.C. & Stein spike piledrive Nick Knight on the concrete!! Stien covers Knight on the floor and hooks the leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nick Knight kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter double underhook DDTs Syberus into the canvas!! Carpenter stands up and is blindsided with a lariot by Stan Wilson!
(Rally Jackson drops Carpenter with a wrist clutch exploder! A bloody Nick Knight rolls into the ring, Syberus full nelsons Carpenter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knight batters Carpenter with a few punches and then Syberus slams him assfirst into the canvas with a full nelson bomb!
(On the floor, Dan Stien russian leg sweeps the back of R.C.'s head into the railing! Stein rolls R.C. under the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno lift's R.C. up on to his shoulders and human torture racks him! Bruno is gonna pass out soon from blood loss, but if he has R.C. up there much longer he'll eliminate him!
(R.C. lands behind Bruno and drops him with a reverse DDT!! He turns around into a flatliner by Nick Knight)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knighthood Stripped!!
Phil Blauer: What the hell does that mean?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It means it's over for R.C.!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 32 minutes 9 seconds; R.C. HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter comes up behind Syberus with a cobra clutch. Carpenter uses his own arm to drop Syberus on his head in a brainbuster!
(Bruno DDTs Stan Wilson! Bruno waits for Big Stan to get up, but Wilson catches him with a black hole slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter comes at Syberus with a clothesline but he ducks and counters with a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Carpenter rolls under the barbed wire to the floor, clutching his neck. Rally Jackson tosses Nick Knight across the ring with a head & arms buster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein presses Carpenter over his head and drops his throat on the railing! Inside the ring, Bruno moves out of the way just in time to avoid Stan's shoulderblock!
(Stan runs into the barbed wire, and falls backward like a sequoia. Bruno elbow drops Wilson, and hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein gets a running start off the apron and goes for a head scissors but Carpenter drops it into a powerbomb on the concrete floor!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Dan Stien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A blood drenched Bruno double underhooks Stan's arms but Wilson back body drops the 355 pounder!! Stan steps on Bruno's throat, and chokes him out with his boot.
(Nick Knight stands on the second turnbuckle and waits for Stan to turn around, but Syberus catches him unawares with a Hightlight Cutter off the second rope)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Nick Knight kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Syberus and flips him on to his face with a burning hammer!!
(Dan Stein rolls into the ring, and smashes Rally Jackson in the face with a headbutt. He applies a stomach claw, while Nick Knight applies a dragon clutch to Syberus)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus refusing to submit, but there are no ropes to grab to get out of this one. Carpenter slips his brass knuckles back on and takes a swing at Bruno, but Bruno ducks and german suplexes him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Carpenter rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein irish whips Carpenter into Bruno who tiltawhirls him, but Carpenter reverses it into a flying head scissors! Carpenter climbs to the top turnbuckle and backflips into a moonsault on the bloody Bruno!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 37 minutes 39 seconds, BRUNO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
(Syberus chicken wings Stan Wilson, and Nick Knight cartwheels into a handspring into a clothesline to Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson waistlocks Carpenter and then pitches him backwards into a backdrop driver!!
(Syberus turns around into a diamond cutter by Dan Stein!! Rally Jackson climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Nick Knight trips him, facing the audience)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter yanks Jackson off the top turnbuckle with a Little off the Top neckbreaker!!
(Stan Wilson pulls Syberus into his legs and lifts him up on to his shoulder, Wilson runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him!! The audience cheers)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson lifts Syberus up in a suplex but Syberus falls behind him and runs Wilson into the barbed wire again!! Syberus cradles him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nick Knight DDTs Dan Stein! Stan Wilson gets up, only to be dropkicked back into the barbed wire by Rally Jackson!
(Stan Wilson falls to the canvas, a bloody wreck. Carpenter comes off the top turnbuckle with a headbutt with the metal mask!! He exhaustedly drapes his arm over Wilson)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter pulls Wilson up and irish whips him but Stan reverses it and shoots Carpie into the turnbuckles. Carpenter bounces out and Stan scoops him up and powerslams him into the barbed wire!!
(Audience cheers as Carpenter hangs upside down, bleeding from his back & legs. Syberus pulls him off the barbed wire and begins karate chopping the lacerations on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson runs and rolls into a koppo kick to Nick Knight's face. Dan Stein double underhooks Knight's arms and butterfly suplexes him.
(Syberus pulls Knight up by the legs and goes for a wheelbarrow powerbomb but Knight rolls up and hits a diamond cutter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter pulls Syberus up on to his shoulder with a argentinean backbreaker!! Carpenter attempting to break the Englishman's back for all the things he said about his brother!
(Nick Knight irish whips Dan Stein into Stan Wilson who bubbaslams him across his knee! Ron Reid checks in with Syberus who refuses to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets underneath Nick Knight's legs and lifts him up into an electric chair, then drops him facefirst on the barbed wire!!
(Crowd roars as Knight rolls around clutching his face. Dan Stein, holds his back, as he staggers behind Carpenter and hits a low blow)
Phil Blauer: What's he doing? The limey was gonna quit!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein leg scissors Carpenter's head, and applies a standing head vice! Carpenter has the metal mask, but that doesn't protect his temples from being crushed in. Meanwhile, Stan measures Knight and goes for an elbow drop but Knight rolls out of the way.
(Nick Knight full nelsons Syberus and falls back into a dragon suplex with a bridge)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Knight pulls Syberus up but Rally just walks by and pops him in the groin with a kawada kick! Syberus single underhook implant DDTs Knight for The Pure Confidence!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 45 minutes 6 seconds; 'YOUR CANADIAN HERO' NICK KNIGHT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
(Carpenter backdrops Dan Stein over to get out of that head vice. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and drops an elbow across Stein's face! He covers Stein)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Dan Stein kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson bearhugs Rally Jackson. The giant is trying to squeeze the life out of the Brazilian!
Phil Blauer: Can't squeeze blood from a stone.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, he's squeezing a lot of that out of him to. Syberus rolls Carpenter up in a small package!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Carpenter kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein & Stan team up to give Rally Jackson a hart attack!
(Carpenter applies an ankle lock to Syberus, wrenching his foot back & forth. Syberus cries out in pain, but refuses to submit to Reid. Stan Wilson runs over and clotheslines both Dan Stein & Rally Jackson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And then Stan teams up with himself to take out both The Punisher & Tigerheart! Meanwhile, Carpenter trying to inflict as much pain as he can on Syberus. Dan Stien jams his fingers into Stan's windpipe, making him drop to one knee.
(Rally Jackson strikes like a cobra and applies a cattle mutilation to Stan's head & arms. Stan bleeds down his front, as Ron Reid has alternate asking him and Syberus if they wanna tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter releases the ankle lock, and pulls him up by the hair. He applies a kataha-jime in preperation for his Death Row but before he can drop down, Syberus backs him into the barbed wire!! Syberus wraps him up and drops him over his shoulder in The Vertical Exploder!! He covers Carpenter!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 50 minutes 35 seconds; CARPENTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: After 50 minutes, we're down to four wrestlers! Stan Wilson, Rally Jackson, Dan Stein, and Syberus.
Phil Blauer: Where's Marty Bower?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He was the first one eliminated?
Phil Blauer: When?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A while ago.
Phil Blauer: Damn, he was my ride to the hotel. Oh well, at least I don't have to listen to Pat Boone and sit in the backseat cause "Jesus" likes to sit up front.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Carpenter not taking his elimination well, he just slugged Syberus across the face with those brass knuckles! Dan Stein takes advantage and chicken wing suplexes Syberus!
(Rally continues to try and force a tap out from Stan Wilson with the cattle mutilation, rocking back & forth. Carpenter walks out of Hardkore Hall under a rain of boos & trash. Dan lifts Syberus up into another chicken wing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein going for another hammerlock, but Haven reaches underneath and takes Stein's leg out from under him. Syberus suplexes him up and drops him in a brainbuster! He covers The Punisher!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Dan Stein kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally releases the cattle mutilation and readjusts it into a dragon clutch!! Jackson has been working down the head & neck of the big man and hoping it'll pay off with a submission!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out, but before he can, Syberus smashes Jackson on the back of the head with a forearm smash)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus breaks up the dragon clutch, and Dan Stein grabs Rally and drops a twist of fate!!
(Stan Wilson ties Rally Jackson's legs up with an indian deathlock! Rally pushes up from the mat with blood running down his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein puts Syberus in another standing head vice, and applies a figure four armlock!!
Phil Blauer: Late in the match, the barbed wire hell has turned into the octogon!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson gives up on the indian deathlock and walks over to Stein, and clubs him in the back of the head! He pulls Dan Stein, and lifts him up onto his shoulder, and then flips him forward into a dominator!!
(Rally Jackson flips Stein up on to his shoulder and then drops him in a widow's peak! Syberus shakily climbs to the top turnbuckle, hesitant)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus takes Stan Wilson down with a flying clothesline! He pulls Wilson into his legs, and asks Rally for some help with a piledriver?
Rally Jackson; "Are you nuts??"
(Wilson reverses it into an alabama slammer, pounding Syberus on to the back of his head!! Rally Jackson hops off the second rope and hops on Wilson's back with a piggyback kataha-jime)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The three wrestlers seem to have elected to try and eliminate the big man, Stan Wilson. Wilson beginning to waver and is now down on one knee!
(Dan Stein comes up behind Rally Jackson and drops a reverse neckbreaker! He quickly hooks both legs)
Phil Blauer: Dan Stein is the master of the neckbreaker and that Twilight Hammer is sure a good one!! Right?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It sure is, and Stein pumphandles Rally up and drops him into a sit-out Reckoning slam!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 56 minutes 56 seconds, 'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow! This match has raged on for nearly an hour, and we still have three wrestlers left. Stan Wilson full nelsons Syberus and allows Dan Stein to take some shots at him.
(Wilson drops Syberus' ass in to the mat. Dan Stein lifts Syberus up in a vertical suplex and lets him hang up there)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drops Syberus in a jackhammer!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein takes a swing but Wilson ducks under and backdrop drivers him!!
(Stan wipes some blood out of his eyes and drops a knee across Stien's chest. Syberus gets on Dan Stein's back and applies a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulling back on Stein's head as hard as he can, while Stan lays in some kicks to his face.
(Syberus releases the camel clutch and picks Stein up. Syberus & Stan Wilson double suplex him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson drops a 325 pound leg drop across Dan's face!
Phil Blauer: Amazing he keeps that much weight in his leg. Must be glandular.
(Syberus kicks Stan in the ass. The audience laughs and Stan gets up, glaring at him)
Phil Blauer: If Syberus' plan was to piss the giant off into making a mistake. He definately got the first part done.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson grabs a laughing Englishman by the throat, something I've always wanted to do, and lifts him up by the throat...but Dan Stein comes up from behind and chicken wings his arm!
(Stan drops Syberus, and Syberus comes around and chicken wings Wilson's other arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus and Dan Stein lift Stan up in a double flying chicken wing!! Wilson is screaming bloody murder as his own weight is helping break both his arms!
(Stein & Syberus double chicken wing suplex the giant! Dan Stien then rolls Syberus up into a small package)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein full nelsons Syberus, using those powerful arms to push his head into his chest.
Phil Blauer: I think we've seen more full nelsons in this hour than all of the 90's. So for the remainder of this move I will wear Billy Jack Haynes' trademark hat.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein swinging Syberus' arms around, not allowing him balance enough to escape.
Billy Jack Blauer: Guillermo, would you be a dear and write "Oregon" on my ass? (bends over in Guillermo's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, Phil...Hey, it's already there.
Billy Jack Blauer: Still? Wow.
(While Stein holds Syberus, Stan rushes up and boots Syberus in the face. Wilson stomps Syberus' knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson attempts an indian deathlock, but Stein rolls over him into a la majistral!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 1 hour 3 minutes 21 seconds, STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson has wrestled over an hour, but is eliminated when he least expects it...and he's not happy. Stan grabs both men by their throats...and double chokeslam!!
(Hardkore Hall roars and begins chanting "STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!! STAN!!" Stan tosses chairs and fans as he walks out of the building)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men lying there, exhausted after wrestling for an hour. Stein struggles to his feet first, beating Syberus...and drives his face into the mat with a facebuster!
(Stein scoops Syberus up and pitches him into the barbed wire with a fallaway slam!! The audience cheers and small chants of "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" start up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans getting behind Big Pun here, and he's charging himself up. He lifts the blood covered Syberus up by the throat with both arms and throttles the life out of him.
(Syberus lands on his feet and loses it, chopping and punching Stein. He gets a running start and thez presses Stein's back into the barbed wire)
Phil Blauer: Syberus has wrestled in a barbed wire hell for over an hour, and if he can just eliminate Stein, he will go straight to the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Women's tourney!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Something like that, Syberus sits down in front of Stein on his legs and applies a seated dragon sleeper!!
(Audience begins chanting "Pun!! Pun!! Pun!! Pun!! Pun!!" trying to root Dan Stein on. Stein pumps his fist, but Syberus clamps down on his head and The Punisher's arms drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulls Stein up in the front facelock, but Stein blocks a DDT and back body drops him!
(Stein pulls Syberus into his legs and powerbombs him onto the barbed wire!! Syberus bounces off and collapses to the mat, Stein covers him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd leaps to their feet and “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie plays throughout Hardkore Hall. Stein collapses in exhaustion, as Ron Reid lifts his limp arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein outlasted 10 other men, and wrestled an hour in barbed wire, to advance to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Tournament!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 1 hour 6 minutes 54 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE QUARTERFINALS OF THE HARDKORE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Fans cheer and continue to chant "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" while Syberus gingerly leaves the barbed wire, clutching his back which is bleeding profusely)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What a debut! Dan Stein has taken these fans and Hardkore World by storm!
(Dan Stein is finally helped to his feet by referees Mike Peters & Ron Reid, bleeding all over their nice white ref shirts. Stein raises his arms in victory)
(The ring crew lowers a steel cage down to the ring, securing it as fast as they can. The rest of the ring crew busily unravels the barbed wire from the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In San Francisco, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner had about her fill of Horror Girl's interference. Horror Girl is also fed up with Anjanette's warm blood and...well Horror Girl's just into hurting people. Now these two get to tear into one another in a steel cage, attached by an 8 foot cat collar chain.
("Candy Shop" by 50 Cent plays and the audience gets up and cheers. Anjanette Turner walks out tenatively, a little nervous to be facing the cannibalistic Horror Girl. She slaps a few familiar fans hands and enters through the cage door)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner told me backstage that one of her greatest thrills is coming back to Palm Springs and meeting with old fans and friends of hers. This was the building where she defeated Ms. Alexandria Macabre for her first Hardkore World Championship and had that classic with Makoto Jupiter at Palm Springs Punishment in 2000.
Phil Blauer: Turner didn't talk to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ok, I hid in a stall in the ladies room and heard her talking to Xyrynth.
Phil Blauer: Ah, Blauer Journalism 101. Be lucky you left before Horror Girl had to go. I passed out and fell into the wall where "Here I sit, bored & broken hearted..." got tattooed into my face.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner is wearing a red two peice bathing suit and red boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Cat Collar Steel Cage Match scheduled for one fall with a 30 Minute Time Limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing at 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(The Palm Springs crowd gives her a huge ovation which she's a little taken back by. Then "Haunted" by Evanescence plays and the cheers turn to jeers. Horror Girl appears with her end of the cat collar already attached. Mr.Fame & Bernice push their way past her for their pop and just get a few uninterested boos. Horror Girl cautiously walks down the runway, and then pauses to tilt her head towards a camera. When Horror Girl gets into the cage, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at Turner)
Phil Blauer: Has Mr.Fame ever wrestled here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: How the fuck should I know? Horror Girl has spilled more blood on the West Coast then any female wrestler in history.
Phil Blauer: True, but her bra & panties matches have been attrocious.
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl is wearing tightly fitted mummy wrappings around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs. Her skin is a pale blue and her hair is tinted a slight grayish purple. Her eyes are a very, very light blue. It's so light it looks whited out. Lastly, she has the classic zombie darkness around her eyes.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager Mr. Fame and his assistant, Bernice; from Parts Unknown; Standing at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 138 pounds...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos. Mr.Fame tries to cover Horror Girl's ears but she almost bites his hands off. Mr. Fame & Bernice run out of the ring and Mike Peters hands Anjanette Turner her end of the cat collar to put around her neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner gets the collar latched and Horror Girl uses the chain to yank her down to the ground! The bell sounds and we are underway!
(Horror Girl comes up behind Anjanette Turner on her knees and wraps the chain around Turner's eyes! Turner shrieks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl tightening that steel chain around Turner's eyes and temples! Turner digging her nails into Horror Girl's arms but that's not doing much to the seemingly impervious deadwoman.
(Horror Girl wraps her legs around Turner's waist. She wraps the chain around Turner's throat and falls back. Turner's eyes bug out from lack of oxygen, while Horror Girl squeezes the life out of her with her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl arches her back as far back as she can with that chain in her hand. Mike Peters checks in to see if she submits, even this move is illegal in this match!
(Turner refuses and Horror Girl unlatches her legs and gets to her feet. She unravels the chain from Anjanette's neck and then pulls her up by her hair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running smashes Turner's face into the cage as hard as she can! She puts the chain in between Turner's legs and uses it to pull her up into a pumphandle shoulderbreaker!
(Anjanette Turner clutches her shoulder, and flops around the mat. Horror Girl wraps the chain around Turner's face and then uses the chain to fling her into the steel cage!! The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running dropkicks Anjanette Turner's face into the cage again! Turner is easy pickens for a gut wrench but Turner turns it into a huracanrana!!
(Anjanette Turner waistlocks her in front of the ropes and belly to back suplexes the back of her head into the steel cage! The crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner flips over into a senton splash onto Horror Girl's back! Turner wraps the chain around his fist and slugs Horror Girl in the face!!
(Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat & neck and double chicken wings her arms! Horror Girl coughs & gags, while Turner wrenches up on both of her hammerlocked arms)
Phil Blauer: She's the first person I've seen that could make Horror Girl gag!
(Mike Peters checks in while Turner pulls harder on the chain around Horror Girl's throat. She then rams Horror Girl's unprotected face into the steel cage! The crowd pops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl into her legs and pulls her up into a powerbomb! She hangs on to her arms & legs and pulls her into a second powerbomb!!
(The Palm Springs audience roars as Turner slams the back of Horror Gir's head into the mat with a third rolling powerbomb!! She stands up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl rolls out of the way of Turner's leg drop off the second turnbuckle! Horror Girl butterflies Anjanette's arms and then flips her over into a double underhook suplex!
(Horror Girl wraps the chain around her fist and fistdrops Turner in the temple with it. She lifts Anjanette up into an inverted crucifix then runs towards the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl inverted crucifix flapjacks Turner's face into the steel cage! She strings the chain in between Turner's legs and pumphandle german suplexes her with it!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl tosses Turner over the top rope, to the apron between the cage & ropes. She waits for Turner to get to her feet and then spears her into the cage!
Phil Blauer: In between a rock and a hard place!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs two handfuls of hair and pulls Turner back into the ring. She facelocks Turner and climbs to the second rope. Horror Girl whips around into a tornado DDT!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps the chain around her fist and goes to punch Turner, but Turner blocks it with her forearm. She fires a couple rights but Horror Girl catches her kick...enzuigiri by Sexy Anj!
(Anjanette Turner spins Horror Girl's leg over into a figure four leglock. Horror Girl sits up and pain, while Turner pushes herself up for better leverage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner works down Horror Girl's knee with that figure four. Mike Peters checks in but isn't getting any response from the grimacing Horror Girl.
(Turner gut wrenches Horror Girl up on to her shoulder and then spinning powerbombs her!! She scoops Horror Girl up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner falcon arrows Horror Girl!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat a couple times and arm scissors her arm! Horror Girl kicks her feet into the ropes, unable to breathe!
(Turner squeezes Horror Girl's arm and gives the chain around her throat. Mike Peters checks in to see if Horror Girl wants to submit. But Horror Girl gets to her feet and pulls Turner up with her legs still wrapped around her arm. The audience applauds Horror Girl's show of strength)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Turner up on to her shoulder and drops her backwards! Horror Girl applies an armbar to the same arm she dropped with that pumphandle shoulderbreaker.
(Horror Girl begins chomping and chewing on Anjanette's hand & fingers! She also pops her knee into the ball of her shoulder)
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl chewing on Anjanette Turner like a chimp without a birthday cake!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pulls Turner up by her armbarred arm. She turns it into a single arm DDT!!
(Horror Girl wraps the chain around Turner's face and then headlocks her head and squeezes the chain into her head. Turner cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner turns it into a belly to back suplex! Turner steps next to Horror Girl and backflips onto her!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner scoops Horror Girl up and corkscrew tombstones her!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner wraps the chain around Horror Girl's throat and applies a half nelson!! She spins Horror Girl around, squeezing the life out of her, so she can't get her bearings.
(Mike Peters checks in to see if she wants to give it up. Horror Girl grabs her by the head and flips her over into a snap mare. She takes a few moments to catch her breath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl facelocks Anjanette Turner and runs up the turnbuckles into a spinning neckbreaker!!
(Horror Girl scoops Anjanette up and slams her hard on to the mat. The force is so hard it sends Turner sitting up in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl running dropkicks Turner in the chest! She wraps that chain around Turner's throat and lifts her up into the air...she flips her over into a powerslam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps that chain around Turner's throat. She runs Turner to the ropes and throws her over the top, hanging her with that chain!!
(Anjanette Turner kicks her feet against the cage, struggling unsuccessfully to breathe. Horror Girl braces her foot against Turner's back and pulls back on that chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl releases the chain a little bit and smashes Turner's face into the cage!! She sinks her teeth into Turner's shoulder!
(Anjanette Turner screams in pain, but is trapped between the ropes and the cage wall. Horror Girl pulls Turner back through the ropes back into the ring. She gut wrenches her up onto her shoulder into a tiger driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Gut Rot Driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner wraps that chain around her fist and bashes Horror Girl in the jaw. She hits Horror Girl with a roundhouse kick!
(Turner runs Horror Girl's face into the steel cage and rolls her up into a backroll press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: She lifts Horror Girl up in an inverted crucifix and drops her onto her face with a reverse tigerdriver!!
(Anjanette Turner gets to her feet, but Horror Girl yanks the steel chain between Anjanette's legs, flipping her over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wraps the chain around Anjanette Turner's neck and then lifts her up in an inverted suplex...she drops an Oh, The Horror ace crusher!!!
(Audience boos, and Horror Girl crawls over to Anjanette Turner's prone body)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos and "Haunted" By Evanescence plays. Horror Girl unlatches her dog collar and ties it to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl has defeated three time Hardkore World Women's Champion in the biggest pay-per-view of the year. The winner of tonight's Tamara Sanchez vs. Xyrynth match has got to worry about this violent woman.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 34 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(Horror Girl demands a chair be given to her through the cage door by Mr.Fame. He complies)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl has Anjanette Turner tied to the ropes by that dog collar and cracks her in the head with that chair!!
(The sound of the chair shot ring through the Palm Springs Convention Center. The audience boos as Horror Girl holds the chair up and walks out of the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continues her reign of unprecedented havoc on the Hardkore World women's division!
(The steel cage has finished rising back up to the ceiling of the Palm Springs Convention Center. The ring crew is wrapping barbed wire around the ropes. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine oversees the operation. One comes up to Jonnie and grumbles that they could have just kept the barbed wire on from the battle royal and had those matches back to back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hardkore Jonnie Valentine has just fired one of the ring workers, and is now forcing former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone to replace him.
Phil Blauer: The sweat pouring out of our pudgy promo peice is enough to make the ring a very dangerous place for the six man tag team champions.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporations have been at war with The Shootfighter ever since...jeez, do you even remember how that started?
Phil Blauer: That was before my time. That was back when you had that pornographer sitting here. That's why I still place a towel down
whenever I sit next to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The bad feelings I believe started in Texas in the old UWA back in 1991, and spilled over onto the West Coast for all these years. Most Palm Springs Punishments have been headlined with those two fighting, now their joining up for one time to take on the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champions.
("Bump-n-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Lucius Morgan and Judge Death lead Tarrasque, Jeremiah Vastrix, and The Shootfighter down to the ring. Vastrix signs some autographs for female fans. Tarrasque is gnawing on a raw steak, and drooling all over himself. The Shootfighter slowly walks to the ring with his stainless steel singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter and The Warhammer Corporation slip under that barbed wire. Lucius Morgan catches his suit jacket on the barbed wire, and doesn't look happy.
Phil Blauer: Now he's gotta go back to Walmart and get a new one!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's absolutely surreal to see The Shootfighter on the same side of the ring as Jeremiah Vastrix & Tarrasque.
Phil Blauer: I know, I'm about to freak out, man!
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix is wearing a red form fitting bodysuit with a porcelain mask. Tarrasque has on some black biohazard trunks. The Shootfighter wears some knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is an Electrified Barbed Wire Best of Three Falls Match for the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, the challengers. Accompanied to the ring by their managers, Judge Death & Lucius Morgan. First from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!! And from Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!! And their partner, from Arkham Asylum; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds...TARRASQUE!!"
(Hardkore Hall showers these men with boos, but a few applaud the amazing sight of seeing these three men together. The Shootfighter crosses his arms and glares at the entranceway. Then "BirdSong" by Tomahawk plays and the crowd cheers. The lights go dim, and a dazzling light show of red, blue, yellow, and purple lights flash over the entranceway. Gozo Shioda bursts through the entrance way curtain pumping up the crowd, pointing to the ring and drawing his thumb across his throat. The Tengu Clan follow behind him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Tengu Clan won the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles from The Un-Stable in their debut match. Mr. Shioda is a well decorated champion in Japan, The Carribean, Mexico, and The States. The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter couldn't have picked a more capable team to join up against.
Phil Blauer: They're like The Freebirds, without puke matted in their hair and chasing a nude Buddy Roberts around the Super 8 pool area.
Yolanda Ando: Gozo Shioda is dressed in red tabis, a blood red pair of silky, baggy ninja pants with gold fancy trim going up the sides, and a long black sash is wrapped around his waist. Kisama Bokuden wears red taping on his feet and ankles, cut off baggy black, red, and grey camo shorts, a spiked belt, and wears the same cut off "Tengu Clan" shirt that Bakemono wears, but it's cut poncho style and he leaves on it during the match. His hands and wrists are taped up with red tape as well. Bakemono is wearing black combat boots, grey military style cargo pants tucked into the boots, and red taping around his hands and forearms. He wears a sleeveless, red t-shirt emblazoned with the words "Tengu Clan" in japanese on the back and japanese style cartoon of all three members on the front, which he takes off in the ring and throws it into the crowd.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, from Tokyo, Japan; First, standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 279 pounds...BAKEMONO BOKUDEN!! Standing 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...KISAMA BOKUDEN!! They are THE TENGU CLAN!! And their partner, Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 237 pounds...GOZO SHIODA!!"
(The Palm Springs crowd cheers for The Tengu Clan and Mr. Shioda! Referee Ron Reid signals for the bell, and the ring crew charges the barbed wire)
Guillermo O'Bannon: All six men converge on one another and Lucius Morgan & Judge Death head for the hills!
(Judge Death catches himself on the electrified barbed wire and jolts out of the ring. He clutches the laceration on his leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden irish whips Jeremiah Vastrix into Gozo Shioda who tiltawhirls him into a ganso bomb!!
(The crowd cheers. Kisama tries to pick Tarrasque up for a powerbomb, but Tarrasque turns it into a huracanrana!! The Shootfighter hammers the back of Kisama's neck with those studded forearm pads)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden comes up from behind Shootfighter with a chop block to the back of his knee. Shootfighter staggers around, limping. Mr.Shioda cracks Shootfighter upside the head with a thrust kick!
(Bakemono Bokuden runs at Jeremiah Vastrix but God's Gift baseball slide kicks Bakemono's feet from underneath him, sending him facefirst into the barbed wire!! The crowd reacts with disgust as Bokuden clutches his face, as blood runs through his fingers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden fell into that electrified barbed wire! Tarrasque sits Bakemono onto the top turnbuckle. Tarrasque gets a running start and tackles him to the floor!!!
(The crowd applauds as the two men fall down to the floor. Kisama Bokuden gets a running start and pops The Shootfighter in the face with a spinning elbow smash)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix karate chops Gozo Shioda in the throat. Shioda covers his throat and Vastrix small packages him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Kisama Bokuden stomps the back of Vastrix's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque gets a running start and The Shootfighter backdrops him over the electrified barbed wire and he smashes Bakemono in the face with a flying headbutt!!
(The Shootfighter russian sickles Kisama Bokuden with that studded forearm pad! He covers Kisama)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Shioda butterflies Jeremiah Vastrix's arms and lifts him up on his shoulder, then drops him down into a tigerdriver '91!!
(Shioda & Kisama Bokuden both grab a leg and turn Jeremiah Vastrix over into a double crab!! Vastrix cries out in agony)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Outside the ring, Tarrasque smashes Bakemono Bokuden's face into the cornerpost!
(Kisama & Gozo continue to pull back on both of Jeremiah Vastrix's legs as Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. Tarrasque bounces Bakemono's head off the ringpost again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter muy thai kicks Kisama Bokuden and Mr. Shioda in the lower back to break the double crab. The Shootfighter snap suplexes Mr.Shioda.
(Kisama Bokuden boots Jeremiah Vastrix in the stomach and hits a brainbuster DDT!! Kisama covers Vastrix and hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter muy thai kicks Kisama in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter presses Kisama Bokuden over his head, and Jeremiah Vastrix catches him by the head and drops him with an ace crusher!! Vastrix covers Kisama!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque rushes Bakemono Bokuden on the floor but he grabs Tarrasque and flapjacks his face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(The crowd goes wild as Tarrasque flops backwards with a fresh new cut along his cheek. Mr.Shioda comes up from behind Jeremiah Vastrix)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shioda delivers a wrist clutch exploder on Vastrix!! The Shootfighter hits Kisama Bokuden in the ribs with a muy thai kick, but Kisama answers with a dropkick to his knee.
(Shootfighter hops on one leg, and then charges Kisama Bokuden, but Kisama back body drops him and Shioda catches him with a brainbuster DDT!! The audience pops)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps the back of Shioda's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque presses Bakemono Bokuden over his head and drops his throat on railing! He slides back underneath the barbed wire to help out his cronies!
(Mr.Shioda gets up and catches a leaping roundhouse kick to the face by Jeremiah Vastrix. Tarrasque goes to kick Kisama Bokuden but Kisama catches his boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden leg capture suplexes Tarrasque! The Shootfighter grabs Shioda by the ponytail and tosses his face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(The Shootfighter applies a cobra clutch with a bodyvice to Shioda, as Shioda bleeds down his front. Mike Peters checks in to see if Shioda submits but he refuses. Jeremiah Vastrix double chicken wings Kisama Bokuden's arms)
Guilermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix pushes Kisama Bokuden's face into the electrified barbed wire!!
(Kisama shoots back into the center of the ring covering his lacerated & zapped face. The Shootfighter continues to roll Shioda around the ring attempting to make him tap out to The ShootClutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque applies a brain claw to Kisama Bokuden making him bloodier. Kisama gets to his feet , but Tarrasque scoops him up and slams him to the mat.
(Bakemono Bokuden comes up from behind Tarrasque and sets up a russian leg sweep but he rolls forward for the cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tarrasque kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden waistlocks Tarrasque and release german suplexes him into the electrified barbed wire!!
(Crowd roars and Tarrasque rocks involuntarily out of the charged wire! Bakemono then turns towards "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and dropkicks him in the knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono applies a standing figure four leglock and an extremely bloody Kisama Bokuden applies a dragon sleeper. The Tengu Clan lift Vastrix up into their Oni-breaker!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers as Vastrix is nearly drawn & quartered. Tarrasque is busy bleeding in the corner, and The Shootfighter is still applying The ShootClutch to Gozo Shioda)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix taps out to The Oni-breaker and Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan take the first fall!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 43 seconds, Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan Have Won The First Fall!"
(The crowd goes ballstic! A bloody Bakemono & Kisama stomp The Shootfighter until he breaks The ShootClutch. They pull up their mentor and celebrate winning the first fall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda celebrates by lifting The Shootfighter up onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry.
Phil Blauer: I usually celebrate with a six pac of Zima and some tapes of Maury.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shioda surprises Shootfighter with a death valley driver with a cradle!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden comes up from behind The Shootfighter and inverted hiptosses him over into a DDT!!
(The crowd pops big for that move, and Judge Death covers his eyes. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Tarrasque lifts Gozo Shioda up by the throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque chokeslams a bloody Gozo Shioda over the electrified barbed wire to the concrete floor below!!!
(Audience pops for the chokeslam, and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Inside the ring, Bakemono Bokuden chicken wing half nelson Hanya-Plexes The Shootfighter!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks Bakemono in his exposed stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix bulldogs Bakemono's midsection onto The Shootfighter's knee! The Shootfighter applies a triangle choke on Bakemono Bokuden!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo at the predicament The Shootfighter has Bakemono Bokuden in. Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. On the other side of the ring, his brother Kisama has Jeremiah Vastrix's arms butterflied)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden double underhook suplexes Vastrix! He floats over into a full nelson camel clutch!!
(Ron Reid has to take turns asking Bakemono if he submits to The Shootfighter's triangle choke, and Vastrix if he wants to tap out to the full nelson camel clutch. Meanwhile Gozo Shioda and Tarrasque are exchanging punches on the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr.Shioda suplexes Tarrasque up and then piledrives him off the apron on to the concrete!!
(Palm Springs fans chant "SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!!" as Tarrasque & Gozo lie on top of one another, bleeding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda climbs back up to his feet with help from that railing, and headlocks Tarrasque up to his feet. Tarrasque pushes him off into the corner post!!
(Back inside the ring, Kisama Bokuden releases the full nelson camel clutch on Jeremiah Vastrix. He walks over to The Shootfighter and screws his bare heel across his face to entice him to break triangle choke. Bokuden pulls Shootfighter up and applies an inverted facelock, then wraps their legs together)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden hits a Liquid Cocaine inverted DDT legsweep on The Shootfighter!!
(Kisama Bokuden climbs up to the top turnbuckle from inside the ring, careful not to touch the electrified barbed wire. Bakemono Bokuden waistlocks The Shootfighter)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono german suplexes The Shootfighter up so Kisama can hart attack clothesline him off the top rope!!!
(Crowd roars, and a blood drenched Bakemono Bokuden hooks The Shootfighter's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps Bakemono on the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix grabs Bakemono by the legs and lifts him up into a wheelbarrow, but then punt kicks him in the balls!!
(Hardkore Hall turns ugly, tossing garbage and beer at Jeremiah Vastrix. The porcelain mask shields alot of it. Bakemono rolls around, clutching his jewels. On the floor, a bloody Tarrasque scoops Gozo Shioda up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque drops Shioda's back on that steel guard railing and Shioda slides down into the front row!! Tarrasque rolls underneath the electrified barbed wire back into the ring.
(Tarrasque rushes Bakemono with a spear but Bokuden leapfrogs over him. Tarrasque hits the electrified barbed wire!! The audience pops huge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden running knees Tarrasque back into the electrified barbed wire!!
Phil Blauer: Tarrasque is like Oprah. Detroit found out when Oprah battled Mothra that although she is a monster she can only take so many electricial shocks before she retreats back into the ocean.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kisama Bokuden smashes Tarrasque with a shining wizard! Mr. Shioda has slid back into the ring and backdrops Tarrasque over into a belly to back piledriver!!
(The audience gives Shioda another round of applause and chants of "SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!! SHI-O-DA!!" break out. Judge Death slides Shootfighter's stainless steel singapore cane under the wire, and The Shhotfighter picks it up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks Kisama Bokuden in the head with the metal cane!! Bakemono can barely turn around before he recieves a head shot as well!!
(The crowd boos at Mr. Shioda & The Tengu Clan be felled by Shootfighter's cane. Shioda is smacked in the temple by Shootfighter with samurai like precision)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix strikes a dazed Bakemono Bokuden with an uppercut knife edge chop. Tarrasque lifts Bakemono up by the throat and chokeslams him into the electrified barbed wire!!
(A crackling is head, and the Palm Springs audience gasps. Bakemono staggers out of the barbed wire and Jeremiah Vastrix cradled him with a handful of his cargo pants)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The fans gasp again and Hardkore Hall is eerily silent. Lucius Morgan demands Tarrasque exit the ring so he can try and stop Tarrasque's massive bleeding. The Shootfighter applies an ankle lock to Bakemono Bokuden's ankle)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 55 seconds, The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter have scored a fall."
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter twists Bakemono's ankle from side to side trying to force a submission. He wraps his legs around Bakemono's leg and drops down to the mat in an ankle lock submission on the mat.
(Kisama Bokuden gets a running start and Mr.Shioda back body drops him over the electrified barbed wire. Kisama somersaults into a swinging DDT suicida on Tarrasque!! The crowd applauds and begins a chant of "KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!! KI-SAM-A!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gozo Shioda belly to belly suplexes Jeremiah Vastrix over the electrified barbed wire!! He walks over to The Shootfighter and punt kicks him in the face to break The Shootfighter Anklelock!
(Mr.Shioda sits on The Shootfighter's back and applies a full nelson camel clutch. On the outside of the ring, Jeremiah Vastrix is pulled up by the hair by Kisama Bokuden, but Vastrix surprises him with an open handed strike to Kisama's nose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody & fried Bakemono Bokuden runs off the ropes and punt kicks Shootfighter in his exposed face while Shioda full nelson camel clutches him. Meanwhile on the floor, Tarrasque has lifted Kisama up in a hanging suplex.
(Tarrasque gourdbusters Kisama crotch first into the cornerpost! Inside the ring, Bakemono Bokuden pulls The Shootfighter up by his hair, then power whips him into the electrified barbed wire!! The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And The Shootfighter gets another zap from that sharp and charged weapon surrounding the ring.
Phil Blauer: My ears are burning.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're not talking about you, Phil.
Phil Blauer: No, they really are.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then wash em, for god sakes! Gozo Shioda pulls a jolted Shootfighter into his legs and lifts him up onto his shoulder. Mr.Shioda runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter rolls his shoulder up)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed, 5 Minutes Remaining."
(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls into the ring, and hits Mr.Shioda in the ribs with a knife edge chop. The Shootfighter belly to belly suplexes him into the electrified barbed wire!! The audience boos as Shioda staggers out, shocked & bloody)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque pulls Kisama Bokuden up into a powerbomb but Bokuden spins around into an inverted Kisama-rana on the floor!!
(Bakemono Bokuden ducks underneath a open handed strike by Vastrix and waistlocks Jeremiah from behind. Bakemono wheelbarrow facefirst powerbombs Jeremiah Vastrix with an elbow into the small of his back)'
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bakemono Bokuden hits "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix with the Snap, Crackle, & Pop, but he turns around into a heart punch from The Shootfighter. Out on the floor, Kisama Bokuden climbs to the apron, but Lucius Morgan pulls his foot out from under him and he falls to the floor. Tarrasque positions him near us...
Phil Blauer: I bet he's about to sing Happy Birthday to me. Oh god, this is so embarrassing. Who sent you? Matt Boone? Phoenix?
(Tarrasque pulls Kisama Bokuden into his legs and flips him up on to his shoulder, then flips him forwardinto a facefirst powerbomb through Guillermo & Phil's announce table!! The table liquifies and Phil & Guillermo scatter like roaches with the light on. Gozo Shioda pulls the porcelain mask off and applies a sleeper on Jeremiah Vastrix. The Shootfighter applies a claw to Bakemono Bokuden and blood squeezes out of his fingers, Shootfighter latches a second claw to Bakemono's heart. Gozo Shioda sleeperhold suplexes Jeremiah Vastrix!! The audience pops at the sight of Vastrix landing on his head. Out on the floor, Tarrasque pulls Kisama up onto the apron. He stands up on the apron, and pulls Kisama's head into his legs)
Phil Blauer: Hello, are we on? How's my hair?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque goes for a piledriver but Kisama Bokuden reverses it into a huracanrana off the apron on to the floor!!
(The Palm Springs audience goes wild as Lucius Morgan & Judge Death attend to Tarrasque, trying to wake him up. Kisama Bokuden slides back under the electrified barbed wire into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter t-bone suplexes Gozo Shioda into the electrified barbed wire!! Shioda staggers out of the barbed wire and Jeremiah Vastrix smacks him upside the head with a superkick!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kisama Bokuden kneedrops the back of Vastrix's head)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Nine Minutes Have Elapsed. 1 Minute Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannoon: Bakemono Bokuden spins Jeremiah Vastrix's leg around into a crooked figure four leglock!!
(Audience cheers and Kisama Bokuden climbs to the top rope. Lucius Morgan steps up on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucius Morgan shakes the top rope, and it crotches Kisama Bokuden! Tarrasque climbs to the second rope and brainbuster suplexes Bokuden!!
(Gozo Shioda charges Tarrasque and Tarrasque catches him and powerslams him into the electrified barbed wire!! The wire shocks both men and they fall next to one another unconcious)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Shootfighter muy thai kicks Bakemono Bokuden in the face to break the crooked figure four leglock! He pulls Bakemono up into a butterfly position and then double underhooks Bokuden up & down across his knee with his ShootBreaker!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(Hardkore Hall boos as "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays. Judge Death and Lucius Morgan grab the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Ron De La O: Fuck uuuuuuuuuuuu Man!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has ended a 10 year drought and won a Hardkore World title tonight!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 29 minutes and 49 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The crowd throws soda cups and other debris into the ring, while Lucius Morgan & Judge Death strap the title belts around Vastrix, Tarrasque, & The Shootfighter's waists. Mr. Shioda pulls the Bakemono brothers out of the ring, both of whom want to continue the match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation has feuded with The Shootfighter for a decade, the same amount of time as Tommy Rich & Buzz Sawyer in Georgia. Now they share the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Titles!
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Mar 26, 2005#17
(The ring crew works furiously trying to take down the barbed wire and string the ropes back along the corner posts)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It all started in San Diego...
Phil Blauer: Ok, let me explain. First, "don't touch the dancers" can be interpreted in a number of ways. Second, it was part of her kick to ride in the trunk. The duct tape could have gotten on her mouth from rolling around in the trunk there...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans and Death Gojira battled to a draw in San Diego in a barbed wire match. From there, they bled all over the West Coast in dog collar matches, LA Freeway Matches, and a barbed wire bomb match for the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship. Now they appear on opposing teams in the final for the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament.
("Spiderbait" by The NESkimos plays and the audience cheers. Kilroy Evans and Andrew Karnage walk down to the ring, slapping hands amongst the fans craning over the guardrail. Kilroy Evans slides underneath the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: If they win, this would be the second Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament they would have won. They also won the IPW World Tag Team titles in January 2003, making them the more polished of the two teams in title matches.
Phil Blauer: I'd really like to see Kilroy Evans and Tuxedo Mask go head to head in a doughnut eat-a-thon.
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's that?
Phil Blauer: Nowhere you'd like to be with a gram of coke and a suspended license.
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans is wearing a black Bloodhound Gang t-shirt, blue jeans, brown belt, and grey sneakers. Andrew Karnage is wearing some black knee length basketball shorts with "AK-47" down the outsides of each leg in dark red. On his knees are dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Spin-the-Wheel, Make-the-Deal match and is the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament Final! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! And his partner, hailing from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Audience cheers Karnage and Kilroy waves back. Then "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and the audience gets even louder. Death Gojira, Makoto Jupiter, Eerie Von, and Tuxedo Mask walk out through the curtain and begin walking down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask struggling with his weight since his depression following the closing of Hardkore Nippon.
Phil Blauer: Ireland has had struggles, Tuxedo Mask has got something completely different.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira looking forward to hooking up with Kilroy Evans again. But he has to be careful, Andrew Karnage is in the ring as well. Kilroy and Karnage have molded better than any team here in Hardkore World.
Yolanda Ando:Tuxedo Mask is wearing a top hat and tuxedo with a black tie and tails, and white gloves. His face is covered by a ballroom mask. Death Gojira is wearing black shorts and boots, kneepads, taped up knuckles, godzilla spikes tattooed down along his spine. "King of Fucking Monsters" is written along the sides of the boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Makoto Jupiter and their bodyguard, Eerie Von; first from Monster Island, Japan; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!! And his partner, from Tokushima, Japan; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 230 pounds...TUXEDO MASK!! They are THE CUPCAKE CREW!!!"
(The audience gives Gojira & Tuxedo Mask a huge pop. Referee Ron Reid gives the wheel a spin, and it lands on FIRE MATCH! Tuxedo Mask begins running out of the ring but Death Gojira holds on to him by the back of his tuxedo pants)
Phil Blauer: A fire match?!?! What's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Something we haven't had for a long time. Carribean Cool's father Carlos Colon invented them for his feud with Abdullah the Butcher in Puerto Rico. I think it was only brought back for Carlos' feud with the late "Hotstuff" Eddie Gilbert.
Phil Blauer: I like when he eats the apple and spits.
(The ring crew wraps gasoline soaked rags around the ropes, one on each rope near the turnbuckle. The man in charge of lighting them can't get his butane torch lighted)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira walks over and offers the ring crew member his zippo lighter with the radioactive symbol on it. They light the rags and this match is ready to go!
(Andrew Karnage rushes Gojira but Gojira pokes him in the eye! The bell rings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pumphandles Andrew Karnage up but he falls behind Gojira and hits a sambo suplex!!
(Tuxedo Mask sees that and tries to punch Kilroy Evans but he catches the fist. Tuxedo hopes to follow up with his left, but Evans catches that one as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans has both Tux's arms trapped and begins battering his face with headbutts, knocking off his ballroom mask!
(Kilroy releases Tuxedo Mask and runs into the ropes, and Andrew Karnage does the same. Andrew Karnage hits Tux with a Nightmare Lariot while Kilroy Evans flips him over with a knee clip)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Three Car Pile-up!!! Karnage hooks Tuxedo Mask's leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Death Gojira stomps the back of Karnage's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans waistlocks Gojira and drops him backwards into a german suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage electric chairs Tux up on to his shoulders, but Tux flips backwards behind Karnage and runs him facefirst into that fire!!!
(Tuxedo Mask backroll presses a burned Andrew Karnage)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans clotheslines Tuxedo Mask, causing Karnage to involuntarily roll on top of Tux in the backroll press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Andrew Karnage up and twists it into a reverse DDT!! He hooks the leg.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Tuxedo Mask up, but Tux slaps him right in the face!
(Palm Springs audience "Oooooh"s as Kilroy rubs his face. His eyes flash with anger and he slaps Tux back a hell of a lot harder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask doesn't like that and tries to kick Kilroy, but Evans catches his boot. Tux with an enzuigiri kick! Kilroy Evans was the first person to kick out of Cobryn's finisher, The Answer. I bet he would bring that up alot at The Un-Stable company picnics.
Phil Blauer: I miss them, whatever happened to them?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Andrew Karnage up in a hanging suplex, and then swings it around into an ace crusher!!
(Tuxedo Mask carefully climbs to the top turnbuckle, trying to avoid the flaming rags. Death Gojira pulls Kilroy Evans into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Kilroy up for a powerbomb and Tux leapfrogs over Gojira and lands on Evans chest on the way down!!
(Crowd cheers wildly and Tux grabs both of Kilroy's legs for the pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans pulls Tux down in a sunset flip)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks Kilroy in the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes up behind Death Gojira and applies an octopus stretch. Karnage resting his tree like leg on Gojira's head, and Kilroy Evans comes over and hits some cheap shots to the trapped Gojira.
(Tuxedo Mask kicks Kilroy Evans in the gut and front face locks him. He hammerlocks Kilroy's arm and then spins him around into an inverted facelock. Tux drops a reverse hammerlock DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask hits The Masquerade DDT, and walks over to dropkick Andrew Karnage to break the octopus. He atomic drops Karnage's crotch on the rope! He gets a running start and enzuigiri kicks Karnage's face into the flames!!!
(Karnage clutches his face and falls to the floor! Death Gojira irish whips Kilroy Evans into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask backdrops Kilroy Evans and gets some real height on it! Death Gojira grabs Kilroy's legs and picks him up into an inverted tigerbomb!! As he does this, Tux climbs the ropes and hits Kilroy Evans with a moonsault butt drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Kilroy up and tombstone piledrives him! Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes and baseball slides underneath the ropes but misses Andrew Karnage.
(Tux kicks Karnage in the shins and Karnage tosses him into the railing with an exploder '98!! Death Gojira tries to push Kilroy's face into the flames but Kilroy is trying to put the brakes on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy scratching and clawing his nemesis to stay away from the fire. He chomps down on Death Gojira's nose to change his mind! Andrew Karnage overhead belly to belly suplexes Tuxedo Mask into the ropes and then backdown onto the floor!
(Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira into his legs and drill his skull into the canvas with a piledriver! Andrew Karnage rolls into the ring, while Kilroy grabs Gojira in a T-bone suplex position, and Karnage is standing behind him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans flips Death Gojira over in the t-bone, but Karnage catches him, and holds him as Kilroy drops down in a hangman’s neckbreaker!! The Attitude Adjustment!
(Crowd applauds, and Andrew Karnage covers a prone Death Gojira)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira up and sits him on the top turnbuckle. Andrew Karnage stands up on the second rope and grabs both of his arms and flips him over into a owendriver iconoclasm!!
Phil Blauer: He calls that The Grimstad Driver, a little dig on one of Death Gojira's good friends, 2000 Hardkore Helloween winner Vladimir Grimstad! He should watch it, Gojira doesn't have alot of friends.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, that's you.
(Kilroy Evans irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes and The Miracle Violence Combination II smack Gojira in the face with a double superkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The X Mark!! Kilroy Evans makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask corkscrew moonsault leg drops the back of Kilroy Evans' head)
(Crowd cheers and chants "TUX!! TUX!! TUX!! TUX!! TUX!!" Tux rolls Kilroy over for a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage breaks up the pin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gets behind Death Gojira and drops him with another t-bone suplex! Tuxedo Mask on the other side of the ring and bridges into a perfectplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage stomps Tux's exposed stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans sticks two fingers into Tux's eyes and his thumb in his mouth, and starts trying to push his face into the fire!
(The Palm Springs ladies, and some of the men, scream at the idea of a deformed Tux. Karnage irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai reverse DDT!! He hooks the leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans gives up on burning Tux, for now, and sets him up for a suplex. Tuxedo Mask blocks the suplex and lifts Kilroy into one of his own, he then turns it into a reverse powerbomb!!
(Death Gojira lifts Kilroy Evans up in a crucifix bomb, while Tux climbs the ropes. The audience buzzes in anticipation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask performs a guillotine leg drop as Kilroy Evans hits the mat in the crucifix bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top rope again and goes for a 450 corkscrew splash but it turns into more of a senton!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
(The Amazing Taylor enters the ring with the barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair. He tries to hand it to him, but Gojira grabs him by the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira tornado DDT's his toadie's head into Andrew Karnage's stomach. Tuxedo Mask applies a sleeper, and goes for a shinni-no-maki suplex but Kilroy Evans reverses it into a jawbreaker!
(Kilroy Evans kicks his feet into the mat a few times to load his boot. Death Gojira turns around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans smashes Gojira with a loaded kick! Andrew Karnage has gotten back to his feet, and checks that burn on his face. He scoops Tuxedo Mask up and hammerlocks his arm. He runs into the center of the ring and powerslams him on his chicken winged arm!!
(Andrew Karnage has Tuxedo Mask up in a standing fireman’s carry, and Kilroy bounces off the ropes and jumps up and hits a floating swinging neckbreaker as Karnage drops back in a samoan drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Three Mile Island!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans applies a crossface chicken wing on Tuxedo Mask! Andrew Karnage butterflies Tux's arms, and then double underhooks him up and drops his head in a Tiger Buster!!
(Tux cries out in pain as Kilroy Evans pushes up on his hammerlocked arm. Karnage goes for a DDT but Gojira reverses it into a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira airplane spins Karnage's face into the fire!!!
(Crowd reacts with concern, and Karnage rolls around the mat clutching his face. Kilroy sees what Death Gojira did to his friend, and pitches Tuxedo Mask into the fire!!! Tux beats out some flames on his tuxedo jacket, and Makoto Jupiter pulls it off of him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira and Kilroy Evans have both burned one another's friends and now they walk to the center of the ring and stand face to face.
Phil Blauer: I'd give anything to hear what they're saying to one another right now. I bet it's about me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy & Gojira get the same idea at the same time and are exchanging punches, lefts and rights. This has been a war that has simmered on the Hardkore World main event for a year now and there's no end in sight.
(Death Gojira gets the advantage and pitches Kilroy Evans face into the fire!!! Kilroy staggers out clutching his face and Death Gojira smashes him in the face with his barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, Moondog Dook has run into the ring!
Phil Blauer: That's our main event, boys! Be careful, that face has to sell alot of beer cozies!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He wraps that chain around his fist and smashes Death Gojira in the face!!
(Hardkore Hall boos reminicent of Nikita Koloff fucking up Sting & Lex Luger vs. The Stieners at SuperBrawl '91. He bashes Tuxedo Mask in the face with the chain as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes and Nightmare Lariots Tuxedo Mask head over heels!! He hooks Tux's leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II are now two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champions!
(The bell rings and "Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays. Eerie Von steps over the ropes and glares at Moondog Dook)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes 57 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN, HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook backs away, right into The Miracle Violence Combination II. They shove Dook back into Eerie Von and he C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-Ms him!!!
(The audience cheers wildly, and Moondog Dook slithers out of the ring. Kilroy Evans collects the title belts off of Ron De La O's table and hands Andrew Karnage his. The ring workers extinguish the flaming rags around the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II, with a little unwanted help from Moondog Dook, win the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. It seems they have reclaimed their place among the top tag teams in the world.
Phil Blauer: But with teams like The Tengu Clan, The Warhammer Corporation, & The Dark Ryderz Movement hanging around, this could be as shortlived as a Moondog shower.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It hasn't been a good night for Champions here in Palm Springs. The Tengu Clan lost their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championships to The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter earlier tonight.
Phil Blauer: Well, this building isn't a great place to be if your a champion. Of our titles still in recognition, Hardkore Hall has been where 6% of title changes have occured since 1989.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's an interesting fact, where'd you learn that, Phil?
Phil Blauer: Snapple cap. (opens another peach iced tea) Hey, did you know bats always turn left when they leave a cave?
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and the audience boos. Rain leads Lonewolf McNeely out to the ring. His fist has been dipped in glue with dozens of glass shards stuck on there. McNeely shadowboxes on the way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Like Dan Stein earlier in the evening, Lonewolf McNeely's first match in Hardkore World was a battle royal for a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title shot, which he won. Then when it was time for Big Bad Bill & Rally Jackson to try and advance to tonight's Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament final, it was Lonewolf McNeely who dashed Bill's hopes of being a double champion.
Phil Blauer: Typical. Indians are well known for breaking agreements.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's white people, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Name one?
Guillermo O'Bannon: At any rate, after that Lonewolf McNeely upped the ante and challenged Bill to the first ever Hardkore World Taipei Death match. Which is why Lonewolf has glass stuck to his hand.
Phil Blauer: Ooooh, that's why. I was wondering when we were gonna say something about all the Elmer's on his hand. I thought we were just trying to protect kayfabe.
Yolanda Ando: Lonewolf McNeely is wearing silver leather shorts with fangs on the rear, black boots with a wolf on the sides and black fringe hanging off the sides.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following Taipei Death Match is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Rain. From Montreal, Quebec, Canada; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(Hardkore Hall boos, and he hooks & jabs with the glass fists. "Headless Children" by WASP plays and the audience cheers. Smoke fills the entrance ramp and black lights cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill appears through the smoke with his hands glued & glassed and walks towards the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill has had many contenders put in front of him, and put them all away with his obsessive research of his opponent and martial arts mastery.
Phil Blauer: Aha, all but The Shootfighter. I don't wanna catch any hell from him in a promo.
Guillermo O'Bannon: This match puts the onus on brawling skills, and I have to think Bill has the advantage here.
Phil Blauer: If only they had a Scalping Match for Lonewolf to excel at.
Yolanda Ando: The champ wears indigo cotton pants with black boots that go to mid-shin. A black belt hides underneath that Hardkore West Coast Championship title, with an indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, hailing from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
(The audience applauds and chants of "Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!! Bill!!" bring a smile to the normally stoic West Coast Champion)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely blindsides Bill with about one of the most lethal sucker punches in creation!
Phil Blauer: That was worse than the one I caught from Joy Behar in The View green room. But to be fair, she warned me about eating her bear claw.
(Bill collapses to the mat, with a deep gushing wound on his cheek. Lonewolf takes the West Coast title belt off of him and whips him across the back a few times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill up and pops him with that glass fist again! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
(Audience sighs with relief and give Bill some applause. McNeely pulls Bill up by the hair, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely pounds Bill into the mat with a spinebuster and beautifully floats over into a pinning position!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely pumphandles Bill up into a spinning sit-out slam! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, but Bill rolls out of the way of a leg drop!!
(Palm Springs fans come to life, as Bill wipes some blood off his cheek. Bill shreds Lonewolf's face with a glass palm thrust!! Blood flows from a cut over the bridge of McNeely's nose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill chops Lonewolf across the chest, shredding the skin over his pectorals!! Again! Bill pushes Lonewolf into the corner, winds back and chops McNeely's chest, cutting it to ribbons!!
(The audience cheers as blood pours out of a dozen cuts on his chest. Bill hiptosses him out of the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill bounces out of the ropes and hits McNeely right between the eyes with a glass fistdrop!
(Lonewolf sits up with blood running down from the cut on the bridge of his nose, and a new one on his hairline. Bill wraps up both of McNeely's arms in a rings of saturn manuever)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely cries out in pain, as Bill squeezes his arm with his legs while grinding his armbarred arm with the other. Mike Peters checking in to see if he taps out, but McNeely doesn't even have an arm to do it with.
(Lonewolf grinds one of his glass fists into Bill's leg until he breaks the rings of saturn. McNeely flips Bill over in an exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely irish whips Bill into the ropes and drops him with a flipping dropkick!
(Bill staggers up with a bloody cheek, and Lonewolf jabs him twice with the glass fists. He spins around and drops him with a discus glass punch!! The Palm Springs fans boo, and blood runs freely from a spot under Bill's eye and on his forehead)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely runs into the ropes to build up some speed and then drops a glass fistdrop!!
(Blood now pours out of Bill's multiple lacerations, while the audience boos his predicament. Lonewolf McNeely climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf flips off into a corkscrew plancha, but Bill is ready for him with a spin kick to that lacerated chest!!
(The audience comes to life, and Lonewolf rolls around clutching his bloody chest. Bill straddles behind McNeely and pulls his hair out of the way)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill grinding his glass fist into McNeely's fist making blood run into a good ole crimson mask! Bill gets up and fistdrops McNeely's face again. And again!
(Lonewolf sits up, and Big Bad Bill glass punches the back of his neck!! McNeely stands up, clutching the back of his neck, with blood running through his fingers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pops McNeely in that horribly cut chest, with a combination hook to the jaw!! He follows it up with a glass punch underneath the left arm pit!!
(McNeely collapses, clutching his chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill learned that Flatline punch in the Army, which is able to cause a heart attack. He was asked to never use that on an American, and in Lonewolf's case he kept his promise.
Phil Blauer: Because he's Indian? I guess your right. Why don't they go back to where they came from?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He's Canadian, Ph-...Lonewolf ducks under a discus punch, and responds with a roundhouse glass punch to the temple!!
(Lonewolf stands over Bill, covered in his own blood, soaking in the jeers. Lonewolf sets Bill up for a cradle suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely with a fisherman's buster!! McNeely covers Big Bad Bill!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely armbars Bill's arm and drops down into a Nagata Lock II!! Bill bleeds all over his front, trying to hold on and not tap out!
(McNeely releases it and pulls Bill up onto his shoulders in a human torture rack. Bill's arms falls limply to his side, as McNeely bounces his spine across his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters checks Bill's arm, and despite this match being 10 minutes old, with all that blood, this match can't go on much longer.
Phil Blauer: Good, I'm double parked in front of an ambulance, so it's a good thing no one got hurt tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wha-...Lonewolf McNeely drops to his knees, jarring his shoulders through Bill's back! Bill sits up on his knees, and McNeely comes off the ropes with a shining wizard, but Bill punches the soft instep of Lonewolf's foot.
(McNeely hops around on one foot, as Bill gets back to his feet. He runs into the ropes and takes Lonewolf over into a flying headscissors takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely sits up, and Bill's waiting for him with a slug from that glass fist!!
(Bill concentrates and breaths deeply, as McNeely tries to crawl away from him. He then lets out a terrible yell and punches hard into Lonewolf's back! McNeely clutches the small of his back, which is now bleeding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill turns McNeely over and starts stabbing Lonewolf all over his body with those glass shards!! Lonewolf getting up...
Phil Blauer: More like escaping!
Guillermo O'Bannon: But the West Coast Champion hits him on the back of the head with an axe kick! He lies on top of Lonewolf's back and applies a front facelock on the mat.
(Big Bad Bill grinds the glass on his hand into McNeely's chin & cheeks, as McNeely kicks his feet into the mat in pain! Rain complains to Mike Peters but he shrugs and asks Lonewolf to give up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls McNeely up in the front facelock, as his blood drips down to the mat. Bill then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop with McNeely's face hitting that glass on his wrists!!
(The crowd leap to their feet and chant "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!" and Bill rolls McNeely and pins him, with his glass wrist pressed against McNeely's cheekbone. Lonewolf stomps his feet into the mat in agony)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely puts his shoulder up and tears his cheek)
Phil Blauer: Let me say that I would never kick out of that no matter what was at stake.
(Lonewolf holds his face as blood quickly coats his glass covered hand, staining the glue pink. Rain covers her mouth in horror, and weeps)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely making a huge sacrifice for the Hardkore West Coast title. Bill pulls McNeely up by the hair and tosses him across the ring with a judo toss!
(Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault, but Lonewolf climbs up to the second turnbuckle and hits him low with that glass fist! Bill falls on to the top turnbuckle steel cable hook)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely inverted facelocks Bill, squeezing that glass into Bill's ear till it bleeds! McNeely reverse superplexes him!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos, as a blood drenched Lonewolf collapses next to his victim. Mike Peters lays in the double count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
(Lonewolf McNeely gets to his feet along the ropes. Big Bad Bill staggers up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pops Bill underneath his chin with a superkick! He pulls Bill up in a waistlock and reverse german suplexes him!!
(Bill staggers up, his face a mask of blood. McNeely bashes him in the chest a couple times in the chest with some glass fists. He then runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely rolling elbows Bill in the face with that taipei fist!! Bill drops like a ton of bricks!
(The Palm Springs fans boo McNeely as he parades around the ring holding up his glass fist. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Lonewolf McNeely glass fistdrops Bill across the face from the top rope!! He covers Bill!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Big Bad Bill raises his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely irish whips Bill into the ropes and follows him into with a spinning heel kick!
(The force sends Big Bad Bill over the top rope to the floor. Bill soon bleeds a large pool of blood where his head rests. Lonewolf McNeely steps out on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely runs along the apron and backflips into a shooting star press on Big Bad Bill!!
(The crowd applauds Lonewolf's agility. Rain runs over to check on McNeely's wounds, especially the one on his cheek. Bill pulls a cooler out from underneath the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill has some cooler planted under the ring.
Phil Blauer: That better not be my ham & ketchup! We can split my oreos if he has something to trade.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a lead pipe, and a bottle of ice water?!
Phil Blauer: It's Tonya Harding's lunch! But where's the pack of smokes?
(Bill walks over to Rain & McNeely, and pours the water down Lonewolf's back. McNeely arches his back out from the cold)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill slams that lead pipe into Lonewolf's exposed throat!
(The audience cheers as Lonewolf rolls around the arena floor, clutching his windpipe. Bill climbs up to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill waits for McNeely to get to his feet and then runs off with a huracanrana off the apron!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers, and Bill rolls him back into the ring. The West Coast Champion climbs back into the ring himself. He takes aim and drops a glass fistdrop into McNeely's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill lays on Lonewolf's back and applies a kataha-jime, pressing that glass wrist into McNeely's face!! Lonewolf rolls around the mat, not being able to be anywhere long enough to escape.
(Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap out. Rain screams out "Hold on!" to her ex-husband. McNeely finally is able to grab on to the ropes and Peters forces Bill to release the glass tazmission)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill irish whips Lonewolf McNeely into the ropes, but McNeely hops on to the middle of the second rope. He backflips into an asai moonsault press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely inverted facelocks Bill and stands up the second turnbuckle, and front flips into a sands of time!! He maintains the inverted facelock into a dragon sleeper!
(McNeely digs some glass into Bill's ear again, making that side of his head even bloodier. Bill stomps his feet into the mat, growling out in pain. Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely releases the dragon sleeper and climbs to the top rope. Bill walks over and shakes the ropes until Lonewolf gets crotched on the top turnbuckle. Bill climbs up to the second rope, and wraps his legs around Lonewolf's head for a huracanrana, but McNeely hangs on to Bill...styles clash off the second rope!!
(The Palm Springs fans have to give it up for The Leader of the Pack! McNeely rolls him over)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill into his legs and lifts him up on his shoulder, he runs into center ring with a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill raises his shoulder)
(The audience applauds this incredible Match of the Year candidate. Both men lie next to one another gasping for air, and clutching their various injuries)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Bill up into a fireman's carry and drops him on to the top turnbuckle. McNeely climbs up to the second rope and spinning neckbreakers him!
(Lonewolf sits Bill on to the top turnbuckle again. He gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope!! The crowd goes wild chanting "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!")
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill pulls McNeely up by the hair but...McNeely blows a black mist in Bill and Mike Peters face! Their both blind!
Phil Blauer: I could have told you that after seeing Mike's wardrobe. He's the only one keeping Sergio Valente in business.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf presses Bill over his head but before he can hit the No Human Contact, but Bill falls behind him and atomic drops him!
(Big Bad Bill side steps McNeely and grabs his arms from behind in a reverse hammer-lock He then pushes Lonewolf forward, while placing his feet in front of him, so that he is forced to bend at a ninety-degree angle at the waist. Bill then slides McNeely's arms up into his elbows and push down on his back. The audience leaps to their feet and shakes Hardkore Hall with cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dis-Locator!!! Bill has the Dis-Locator locked in and a blood soaked
Lonewolf McNeely is in total agony! He's shaking his head, screaming that he submits, but Mike Peters is blind and can't see it.
Phil Blauer: Can't he hear it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The crowd noise is too loud. Bill sees what's going on and releases The Dis-Locator! He pulls McNeely's head into his legs and powerbombs him over the top rope into the railing!!!
(Fans cheer wildly, chanting "BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!! BILL!!" as Lonewolf slides down the railing into the front row. Big Bad Bill takes rolls out of the ring and grabs that bottle of ice water)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pours that water into the ref's eyes, trying to rinse that black gunk out of his eyes. Peters takes the bottle out of his hand and pours some more into his eyes, trying to see.
(Bill rolls into the ring and pulls McNeely up by the hair. He rolls him back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely was able to get some of that blood out of his eyes out in the audience it looks like. Possibly was able to get some rest, while Bill tended to the ref.
Phil Blauer: It does look comfortable out there.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls McNeely up but Lonewolf quickly t-bone suplexes him!
(McNeely crouches over to Bill and butterflies his arms. He double underhooks Bill up into a backbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely wraps up both of Bill's legs and pins him with that glass fist across his cheek, and both feet on the second rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center rocks with boos, as "In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays. Rain grabs the Hardkore West Coast Championship title belt off of Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely has toppled the third longest Hardkore West Coast Champion next to Tarrasque & Stan "Mr.Space Mountain" Nickelson!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At minutes seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...AND NEW HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(The crowd boos and jeers some more, and Mike Peters raises his arm, still rubbing his eyes. He wipes away some blood from McNeely's face, and Rain pulls Lonewolf away)
Referee Mike Peters: "Hey!! Get over here!"
(Lonewolf shakes his head and tries to sneak off out of the ring, but walks right into a roundhouse kick from Big Bad Bill)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters wiping off Lonewolf's face and that blood is coming off rather easily...I don't think that's blood at all?!
(Peters takes the bottle of water and pours it on McNeely's face and all the "blood" comes off to reveal The Shootfighter!! The fans boo and chant "Bull-shit!" and "Fake Sting")
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's The Shootfighter! The Shootfighter is dressed as Lonewolf McNeely, and got those exact taipei fists...and he must have covered himself in fake blood. He had to have made a switch with Lonewolf somewhere during the match?
Phil Blauer: But when, Shaggy?
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Bill powerbombed the real McNeely into the crowd. The Shootfighter must have slipped in then.
Phil Blauer: I noticed he was 5 inches shorter when he got back into the ring, but I figured he just had osteoporosis.
(Mike Peters walks over and whispers in Bill Kasal's ear)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, Referee Mike Peters has reversed his decision. THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AS THE RESULT OF A DISQUALIFICATION...AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
(Hardkore Hall lets out a monster pop, and The Shootfighter & Rain lose it. A blood drenched Lonewolf McNeely runs back out from the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely and The Shootfighter begin double teaming Big Bad Bill, working him over with those glass fists!!
(McNeely holds Bill as Shootfighter comes off the ropes with a smash to the face with that glass fist!! Blak Lung runs down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bandaged Blak Lung is in the ring now and has joined the fracas!
Phil Blauer: There's a fracas? It seems more like a melee.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter holds Bill in a bearhug as Blak Lung comes off the ropes with a clothesline with that coat hanger!
(Lonewolf McNeely fistdrops Bill with the glass fist, and suddenly Rally Jackson hits the ring with the lead pipe and smashes Shootfighter in the back of the head with it!! The audience comes to life with cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson chasing off Rain, Lonewolf, and The Shadows of the Night with that lead pipe! The West Coast Champion is still that, but what kind of condition will he be in when he wrestles The Shootfighter in a rematch in Seattle, Washington?
Phil Blauer: Where did you hear that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: In my earpeice.
Phil Blauer: Why didn't I hear it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Because that's an old Starburst in your ear.
(Fade up on backstage at the Palm Springs Convention Center, former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone is standing by with a microphone with a SWAT mic flag on it)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: There are rumors swirling around my head that Jonnie Valentine may or may not be bringing back the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title, a championship that saw such legends as Tuxedo Mask, Gozo Shioda, Tuxedo Mask, Ace Kilcannon, and of course, Tuxedo Mask. Those rumors were possibly confirmed when I heard Jonnie talking on his cell phone just moments ago. What he said, and bear with me as it's written on toilet paper since I was in the stall next to him, was this: "Well I can't help scratching it, it itches! How long does this cream take to to work? Wait, shut up I think's someone's listening." Rough translation of this could mean that at the next show at The Key Arena in Seattle, Washington there will be an elimination match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title involving Tuxedo Mask, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, Syberus, Carpenter, Gozo Shioda, "Minister" Marty Bower, R.C., "The White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones, and this man right here someone who held that title with pride in 1997 with wars against Bobby Nowa and Ace Kilcannon that rank as some of the best matches this company has ever seen. Devon Stevens!
(A roar is heard from outside in the audience as the camera pans over to Devon Stevens)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Devon Stevens! I can't believe it! He hasn't been in a Hardkore ring since Hardkore Helloween 2001!
Phil Blauer: That's also the last time I saw my daughter, sweet Chloe.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kevin.
Phil Blauer: Right, right. God how I miss my beautiful daughter.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Son.
Phil Blauer: Mm-hmm.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: So Devon, you've been out of wrestling for over four years, your best days could be behind you. The big question on everyone's mind has to be, where would you rate Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss on Greatest Matches of All Time?
Devon Stevens: Which match? There were at least two. But before you answer that, let’s change the subject to something else. Hardkore World, it’s great to be back. It’s been a long time. Let me make one thing straight- I am here to reclaim what was once mine- that light heavyweight title. I went through Hell to get that title. But I guess what’re you trying to say to me, Boone, is that that was then and this is now. Let me tell you something, I’m in the shape of my life right now. I’ve been wrestling all over the world, most recently in Japan, preparing myself for an eventual return to the Hardkore ring. My best days are yet to come.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: My grandfather went to Japan once. He came back with no fingernails and now he won't let me buy a Toyota.
Devon: That’s a travesty, Boone. Really. Toyotas are excellent cars. But… back to why I’m here. I look over the men I have to go through to get that title back in Seattle, and to the average man, the list is an intimidating one. Guys like Gozo Shioda, and yes, Tuxedo Mask. The names can be respected, or feared, or in some cases, unheard of. But what it comes down to is if they want the belt, if any of them want that belt, they’re going to have to go through me first. When I was in the chase for the belt the first time, nobody took me seriously. Times have changed. I return now as a man with his name already in the Hardkore World history books. Anyone who doesn’t take me seriously this time is digging his own grave.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Let's change the subject. There are rumors going around that you have heat with the
locker room for not attending my recent birthday party.
Devon Stevens: Well, happy birthday, I suppose. Would’ve made an attempt to stop by if I had the time or motivation. Training and such, you know how it goes.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I see, well you missed a good time till my stepdad got into an argument with the guy who owned the portable petting zoo over money and he stepped on the lamb's head. So it's been a while since you wrestled on the West Coast. Time's have changed from the days of The Asswhupper and The Microshocker. With this in mind, on Jeff Hardy's album there is a lyric where he says "Darkness walks alone." Do you think the darkness represents the anger that lives within us all or me in high school?
Devon Stevens: Thank God I never met you in high school, Boone, but I’ll tell you this. As stunned as I am that somebody listens to Jeff Hardy’s music, darkness isn’t the only thing alone this-
(Suddenly a commotion is heard off camera. The camera man swings around and sees Lucifer Jones being assaulted with a 2x4 by a red masked man)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones is being attacked by that man wearing that old Lucifer Jones mask again!
Phil Blauer: Assaulting yourself is so unhealthy. Someone needs to take one of my "Lay Off Yourself" retreats. Add a $50 upgrade charge and be "mistakenly" booked in the sexually submissives cabin.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I got in that cabin, and I didn't have to pay $50.
Phil Blauer: That was no mistake. You're a slut.
(The old masked Lucifer Jones weilds the 2x4 over his head again and then breaks it over the back of the new Lucifer Jones' back, knocking him out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones has once again been laid out by someone parading in his old ring attire!
Phil Blauer: It's a good thing they haven't went there with Raven, had someone following him around in that gay Scotty the Body bowtie or Johnny Polo hockey stick.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll be right back with the Hardkore World Women's Title Match after we get some help for Lucifer Jones...well, one of them.
(Fade out to Blak Lung in a four-cornered room staring at candles. A dripping noise is heard, and Blak Lung turns from his meditative posture to see a figure standing in the doorway. The figure steps forward into the candlelight, and it is revealed to be a bloody Triple B. Blak Lungs makes to stand and defend himself, but Triple B is all ready prepared and begins punching Blak Lung across the face. Blood sprays everywhere as Bill is still wearing the glass shard wrappings from his Taipei fight earlier. Lung, still hurt from his earlier match, too, can only raise his hands to protect his face and head, but Triple B grabs his wrists and monkey-flips Lung across the room. As Blak Lung makes to stand, Big Bad Bill grabs Lung’s hand and twists it upside down)
Big Bad Bill: (through clenched teeth) “I’m tired of hearing you backstage talking about me, and I’m tired of seeing you in my matches.”
(Black Lung can only balance himself on Bill’s leg, trying to relieve some pressure on his wrist)
Big Bad Bill: “I know I can’t stop you from interfering in my match with Shootfighter next month, but I can give you something to think about while you stare at your candles."
(Bill grabs Black Lung’s right index finger and twists it unnaturally backwards until a sickeningly loud ‘snap’ is heard. To Black Lungs credit, he refuses to yelp in pain as so many other men would)
Big Bad Bill: “Now you have something to be obsessed with me about.”
(With that said, Triple B grabs Lung’s arm and launches him across the room and into the candles. Bill walks out the room without looking back and Blak Lung’s room catches fire! The camera fades out to Guillermo & Phil, ringside at Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well apparantly we have to come back out here because a small fire has broken out at the Palm Springs Convention Center.
(The nearby fans panic)
Guillermo O'Bannon: (over his shoulder, to the fans) Not to fear everyone! We have a small volunteer fire department available for when these things happen.
(Referee Ron Reid, timekeeper Ron De La, and former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone show up with plastic fireman's hats on)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Uh, Mr. Phil?
Phil Blauer: Yeah?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: It's just that there's a fire, and you are the leader of the Hardkore volunteer fire department.
Phil Blauer: And?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Your the only one that's allowed to use the hose.
Phil Blauer: What part of 'And?' didn't you get? The only reason I agreed to be in it was to get me out of Guillermo's gay book club and to run red lights.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: We can't run red lights.
Phil Blauer: We can't?
Guillermo O'Bannon: My book club was gay?
Phil Blauer: Didn't you get it when Hero and Xyrynth were the only ones showing up?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's wrong with Xyrynth? She's battled with Tammy Sanchez in classic matches all over the West Coast for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Still, Sanchez has a stranglehold on the championship, retaining her title in controversial decisions against Horror Girl and "Sexy" Anjanette Turner as well as Xyrynth. Xyrynth recently lost a brutal match to Horror Girl, so one has to wonder if she's healed up sufficently from the bites and bruises from that monster.
Phil Blauer: I don't have to wonder. You're not the boss of me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Either way, this match will be a falls count anywhere match, and the only way to win is to knock your opponent out.
Phil Blauer: Easier said than done. The stuff I put in Xyrynth's drink was enough to kill a horse and I didn't even get so much as a cheap feel. Luckily, Tammy was still up.
("Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics plays and the audience pops as Xyrynth bursts through the curtain. Dr. Cliff Hawke follows behind her, as she slaps the fans hands who crane over the guardrail)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth is a former champion, with a proud reign before losing her title to Tammy in a threeway dance with Makoto Jupiter in this very building.
Phil Blauer: I need to apologize for that night, I made some rather racist, sexist, and other inappropriate comments.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You did?
Phil Blauer: Probably.
Yolanda Ando: Xyrynth is wearing some light weight jeans dyed deep purple with "Xyrynth" spelled in sea foam green vertically down her outer left leg. She has on a matching sea foam green tank top tucked into the pants. On her feet are black, sturdy, hiking boots with "Section 8" emblems on the outside ankles of each, and black knee
pads. Fingerless black leather gloves with the "Section 8" emblems on the backs, representing Xyrynth's membership of the Section 8 clique in Higher Power Wrestling Association.
Phil Blauer: Or Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: Uh, HPWA?
Phil Blauer: I taught her how to take the first letter of alot of words and then make em a short word. Old trade secret.
Yolanda: It's helped out loads, Phil. Oops. I'm sorry, I mean I.H.O.L., Phil. Anyway, Xyrynth's long brown hair is in a single French braid down her back to her waist, interwoven and tied with deep purple and sea foam green ribbons.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Falls Count Anywhere, Last Woman Standing Match for the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Dr. Cliff Hawke. From Leitchfield, Kentucky; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 170 pounds...XYRYNTH!!!"
(Audience applauds, and she pumps her fist. Then the lights start to flicker, red and blue pyro explodes and "It’s My Life" by No Doubt hits and a spotlight points on Tamara Sanchez standing in the entrance. The spotlight drives up her body, past her Hardkore World Women's Championship while she performs the Clique sign. She runs down the ramp, sliding into the ring where she jumps up the top turnbuckle showing her championship to the crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl, Darlene, Ayame Tokugawa, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner, even Xyrynth have all gone down at the hands of the Hardkore World Women's Champion. She is one of the most dominant champions we've had since Makoto Jupiter, Ms.Alexandria Macabre, and Turner.
Phil Blauer: She even dominated me. I mistakenly parked in her space, and made my car keys a brand new peice of my anatomy. Still, it was nice to be noticed.
Yolanda Ando: The champion is wearing black hot pants and a red top with spaghetti sleeves & red boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, from New York City; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(The fans boo Sanchez and she flips them the middle finger. She hands her belt off to Ron Reid and he signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hiptosses Tamara Sanchez. Sanchez gets up and blocks a second, and reverses with a hiptoss of her own. Sanchez twists Xyrynth's arm.
(Xyrynth growls in pain, then whips her leg around into a spin kick. Tammy kips up and scoops Xyrynth up onto her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez bodyslams Xyrynth. She runs into the ropes, and Xyrynth drops to the mat, and Sanchez hops over her to the other side of the ropes. Sanchez comes back but Xyrynth drops her to the mat with a toe hold.
(Sanchez sits up rubbing her nose, and Xyrynth comes up from behind her with a neck snap. She irish whips Sanchez into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth tiltawhirls Sanchez around and then drops her stomach on to her knee.
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth giving Sanchez a little help with her bulimia.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth irish whips Tammy into the corner, she bounces out and Xyrynth shows some felxiblity with a big boot to the head!
(Crowd applauds, and Xyrynth sets her up for a back suplex but Tammy reverses it into a springboard bulldog! She pulls Xyrynth into her legs, and lifts her up into a powerbomb, but Xyrynth spins around on to her shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth takes Sanchez over the top rope in a reverse huracanrana to the floor below! She jumps back up to the apron and waits for Tammy to stand. Xyrynth backflips off the apron into a kick to the face!
(Xyrynth climbs to the top turnbuckle and points to the audience. She then leaps off with a flying body press that knocks Sanchez backfirst into the steel railing!! The audience pops and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth goes for a spinebuster but Tammy reverses it into a tornado DDT on the floor!!
(Crowd boos and jeers Tammy, who tries to regain her bearings. She rolls back into the ring, and runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slingshots herself over the top rope into a somersault senton on Xyrynth!!
(Fans have to applaud for that move, and Sanchez lifts Xyrynth up in a suplex and then drops her into a front slam on to the guardrail and the crowd!! Xyrynth's face strikes the cold steel of the railing and she bounces out into the lap of an overweight fan. His friend quickly swings around and takes a picture of his buddy's first contact with a female's ass)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy climbing up the table...OWWW!!! (gasping) Using my groin as a step to the top.
Phil Blauer: Red letter day for you.
(Sanchez gets a running start and leaps off the table, flipping over Xyrynth in the front row and sunset flipping the back of her head into the seat of a fan's chair!! The audience applauds and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Phil Blauer: Tammy kicked over my appletini doing that little act of death defying...now I gotta get Boone to make me another one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: But he's fighting the fire Big Bad Bill started.
Phil Blauer: The fire will still be there when he gets back. It's enormous!
(Ringside fans panic)
Phil Blauer: (over his shoulder) I mean, almost out.
(Fans sigh and relax. Tammy Sanchez front facelocks Xyrynth but she blocks it and fireman carries the champ up on to her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth F5's Sanchez's face on to the railing!! Xyrynth balances on the guardrail and dropkicks Tammy into the second & third rows!!
(Crowd cheers, and many fans follow Xyrynth as her savage punches send Tammy wandering through the masses of people, looking for an escape. When she hits the wall, literally, Xyrynth comes up from behind her with a full nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth spinning full nelsons Sanchez and her legs smack several fans away until they clear a ring for them! She drops Tammy assfirst into the concrete floor!
Phil Blauer: That thing is out of commission for a while. It's a dark day in the men's tennis circuit.
(Xyrynth grabs Sanchez by the legs and drops down to catapult Tammy facefirst into the East Wall of the Palm Springs Convention Center. Blood trickles out of Tammy's nose and she falls backwards, right across Xyrynth's upraised knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth pulls Tammy up and leans her up against the logo in front of the entrance. She backs up and gets a running start, but Sanchez mexican hiptosses Xyrynth into the Palm Springs Punishment glass & steel logo!!
(The Hardkore Hall fans boo & jeer Sanchez who wipes the blood from her nose & lip. She backs up and waits for her to get up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy spears Xyrynth into the Palm Springs Punishment logo!!
(All the air seems to go out of Xyrynth and she collapses to the entrance area floor. Sanchez pulls Xyrynth by the braid into the backstage area. The audience boos the fact they can't see anything and a "CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!! CAN'T SEE SHIT!!" chant starts)
Phil Blauer: There they go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think we have to wait for our backstage video team to catch up with our match. It seems they took lunch. So what are you doing this weekend?
Phil Blauer: Working on my escape tape, I got a lead that...
(Video feed picks up, backstage Tammy scoops up Xyrynth and slams her onto the craft services table! Powerade and veggie plates go everywhere)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy now pulling herself up on top of a crux of pillars that cross into an X shape. She backflips into a 7 Year Inch through the craft services table!!!
(Audience can be heard, booing outside. Tammy hooks Xyrynth's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
(Xyrynth tries to stand, but there's ranch dip all over her boot from the veggie plate, so she slips and falls on the floor)
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
(Xyrynth finally gets to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy grabs two handfuls of Xyrynth's hair and pulls her up. She pulls those brass knuckles out and takes a swing at Xyrynth, but Xyrynth ducks and pushes Tammy facefirst into the pillar!!
(Camera pulls out and you can see Death Gojira seated at a table, working on a house of cards. He's placing the last one on top)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy's face flushes red with anger and she charges Xyrynth, but she drop toe holds Tammy's face into Death Gojira's house of cards!!
(Gojira "Reee-Ornks!!!" He grabs his barbed wire wrapped Goji-Chair, and winds back to hit Tammy with)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira hesitates, possibly coming to his senses.
Phil Blauer: Possibly coming to the conclusion that Tammy's face sells a alot posters more than him.
(Gojira hands Xyrynth the Goji Chair, she lights up and bashes Tammy in the back of the head with the barbed wire wrapped chair!! She lifts the chair up high and brings it down across her back again! Gojira sets the chair up, as Xyrynth pulls Tammy's head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth facefirst powerbombs Tammy's face into the seat of that barbed wire wrapped wooden chair, smashing it to splinters!!
Phil Blauer: That's her own version of Death Gojira's famed Sniff the Borax!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
Referee Mike Peters: 9...
Referee Mike Peters: 10...
(The bell is rung outside in the ringside arena, and the audience can be heard cheering)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth has regained the Hardkore World Women's Championship!!
(Death Gojira, Tuxedo Mask, Eerie Von & The Amazing Taylor lift Xyrynth up on their shoulders around, carrying her out through the gorilla position back out to the entrance way. "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics is playing inside Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth is met halfway up the aisleway by Dr.Cliff Hawke who has the Hardkore World Women's Championship title belt in his hands.
(Dr. Cliff Hawke hands the belt up to Xyrynth and she lofts it high above her head as the audience cheers)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 9 minutes 7 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND ONCE AGAIN HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...XYRYNTH!!!"
(Xyrynth holds her championship title up but then shrieks with surprise as ice cold champagne is poured down her back by Lady Hawke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth celebrating with her friends for regaining the title, but she has a tough road ahead of her as she wrestles Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa in a ladder match at The Key Arena in Seattle, Washington!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, this upcoming match has changed a bit since we first started this show. Robert Hunglestien III has apparantly left Hardkore America, we're not sure why. With this short of notice, we had only a limited number of available wrestlers.
Phil Blauer: And when all of them turned us down, we got Moondog Dook.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yes, so if anyone is at all upset about the change up in main events, you can recieve the Seattle show for only $10.
Phil Blauer: Plus, upon verification of your cable bill, you will recieve a pair of "All About Blauer" white cotton panties. Free of charge. Actually, their a gimmick I was trying to talk Xyrynth into with a merchandising tie-in, but she Dr. Cockblocker told her to say no.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not to say this match will be bad. From the little we know about Moondog Dook, it could very well be a good match.
Phil Blauer: Yeah...I mean. His jeans are shredded. That's always a good sign. Means he's rough & tumble, or bad at laundry.
("Giant Baba O'Reilly" by The Who plays and the audience boos as "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks down to the ring with a cane, carrying a chain leash connected to Moondog Dook. Dook barks at fans and menaces them with his bag of thumbtacks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook is in the biggest match of his life with only two matches under his belt. One wonders what kind of advice, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly who has a light resume himself could have given him.
Phil Blauer: Well, he has alot to learn about getting along with the locker room. In his second match, half the locker room came out to break his leg. It was reminicent of our never aired "Phil Blauer's Salute to Black History Month" with my co-host Blak Lung. I barely got out of there alive.
Yolanda Ando: Moondog Dook is wearing torn up jeans and work boots, with a steel chain & dog collar around his neck.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is The Main Event of the Evening! It is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Parts Unknown, West Virginia; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 260 pounds...MOONDOG DOOK!!!"
(Crowd boos, and Dook chews on the top rope. Then "Hate” by The Project Hate MCMXCIX plays and the roof of Hardkore Hall nearly blows off)
Phil Blauer: Led Zepplin's getting alot better!
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's not Led Zepplin's "No Quarter" that's actually the music Cyrus Williams used to use.
(The HardkoreTron begins to play old Cyrus Williams' clips: Cyrus Williams delivers a one armed Black Out on Ace Kilcannon in a high school gymnasium. In Japan, Cyrus ducks under the Nightmare Lariot and counters with The Black Out. Tarrasque is flapjacked onto a spiked casket by Cyrus in a Casket of Horrors match at Hardkore Helloween '97. Cyrus spinebusters Rated X through a flaming press table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: These are all old classic matches of Cyrus Williams...could he be in the building?
Phil Blauer: He does have a house out here. I lived in the same condominum complex as him until the Home Owner's Association...or HOMO Association, eh, Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Never gets old, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Anyway, they apparantly had a problem with my baby cobra farms I was selling on the internet...
(Cyrus Williams appears at the top of the rampway with his back to the audience soaking in the huge hometown pop from the Palm Springs crowd. A deafening chant of "WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!! WEL-COME BACK!!!")
Phil Blauer: Cyrus Williams has returned to Palm Springs on the biggest heterosexual, non-golf sporting event in the area!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams, after leaving under a cloud of controversy and being stripped of the Hardkore World title, is back in the city that built him up to the demi-god that he is...
(The mystery man in the Lucifer Jones mask jumps into the ring and smashes Moondog Dook in the head with the chair!! The audience boos and begins chanting "CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!!" asking Cyrus to help him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, if we can turn our attention towards the ring...the red masked man who attacked Lucifer Jones earlier in the evening, has attacked Moondog Dook! He takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's cane and breaks it over his broken leg!!
(The Palm Springs fans continue to chant "CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!! CY-RUS!!" and Cyrus crosses his middle fingers into an X over his head and turns around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Cobryn!! Cobryn is dressed in Cyrus' old attire!
(The Hardkore Hall boos the ruse. Cobryn walks slowly to the ring, taking his time as the red masked Lucifer Jones lookalike batters Moondog Dook with a chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn allowing that man in the Lucifer Jones mask to do his dirty work before he even gets in the ring. The masked man inverted facelocks Moondog Dook and hits The Dog's Bollocks!!
(Cobryn gets up on the apron, and wipes his feet off before entering the ring. The man in the Lucifer Jones mask sees Cobryn and leaves the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn puts a boot on Moondog Dook's chest and crosses his middle fingers into an "X" again.
Phil Blauer: I doubt he even knows where that came from.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Moondog Dook gets his shoulder up)
Phil Blauer: Wait, where did that come from?
Guillermo O'Bannon: That was from Cyrus' classic feud with Rated X. Cobryn pulls Dook up by that wild platinum mane of hair and t-bone suplexes him!
(Cobryn pulls Dook's head into his legs and pulls him up on to his shoulder, then runs into the center of the ring and ligerbombs him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn presses Moondog Dook over his head, and then drops him into a stone cold stunner!!
(Cobryn twists Moondog Dook's arm and wrings it. Dook howls in pain then Cobryn judo throws him on to his back and applies an armscissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gives a good yank on Dook's arm, releasing a leg occasionally to bash him in the face with a kick. Dook refusing to tap out, as "Giant" Baba O'Reilly screams drunken, obscenity laced encouragement from the outside.
(Cobryn pulls Dook up into a chicken wing, and then hammerlock suplexes him! Cobryn pulls Dook up into his head and lifts him up into a razor's edge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly uses those long arms to reach out and grab Cobryn's foot. Cobryn trips forward with Moondog Dook landing on top of him! Moondog Dook pulls Cobryn up and bashes him in the face with a headbutt.
(Moondog Dook bites Cobryn on the nose and then begins chewing on his face, with Cobryn running in place from the pain. Dook grabs his dog collar chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook wraps that chain around his neck, and tosses him over the top rope, hanging him!! Cobryn's eyes bugging out from lack of oxygen.
(Ron Reid implores Dook to stop, but the Moondog braces his knee against Cobryn's back and pulls back on the chain. Dook finally drops Cobryn to the floor of the Palm Springs Convention Center. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly limps over to the champion and holds his arms as Dook walks over with his chain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook takes that chain and whips Cobryn hard across the back with it!! Again!! Over & over, Dook wraps that chain across Cobryn's back while O'Reilly holds his arms for him.
(Large red welts appear on Cobryn's shoulders & back. Dook headlocks Cobryn and running bulldogs his face on to the guardrail! Moondog Dook grabs the ring bell off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn punches Moondog Dook in that beer gut, and procures that timekeeper's bell. He bashes Dook in the face with it!!
(Cobryn grabs Dook by his wild half-fro and tells the front row fans to clear a way. Cobryn then rolls Dook back into the ring. The fans boo being tricked again)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn really able to mindfuck the typical overweight 14 year old...and their rides.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn enters the ring, and running double kneelifts Moondog Dook in the temple. Cobryn lifts Dook up into a face eraser powerbomb!!
(Cobryn pulls Dook up and straightjackets his arms then dumps him backwards into a german suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gets underneath Dook's legs and lifts him upside down into a gory special! He flips Dook forward into a face first slam!
Phil Blauer: Cobryn making a tactical error, working on the face. That works on guys like me, not someone who resembles a burn victim.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn sits on Moondog Dook's back and pulls his head back with both hands with that Cobryn Clutch.
Phil Blauer: And now the champ seems to be playing into Dook's hands. He's been dazzling him with all these "dang fangled" moves that are out of Dook's sphere of knowledge...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which is admittedly pretty thin.
Phil Blauer: Granted. But a camel clutch? That probably counts as one of Dook's high spots.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases it and lifts Dook up into a fireman's carry. He airplane spins Dook round & round, but Dook reverses it into a bulldog!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly tosses Dook his chain, and Moondog straightens it out. He makes a run at Cobryn and clotheslines him with it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly hands Dook his bag of thumbtacks, and Dook pours the bag out!
(Palm Springs crowd buzzes with anticipation, and Dook pulls Cobryn's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook powerbombs Cobryn on top of those tacks!!!
(Cobryn sits up with his arms, shoulders, and back covered in a rainbow of pushpins, screaming bloody murder. Dook runs off the ropes and splashes him back on to the tacks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook goes to pin Cobryn but "Giant" Baba O"Reilly demands that he hold Cobryn for him. O'Reilly having some trouble getting into the ring with that broken leg...
Phil Blauer: With all the knee injuries we have in this industry, where the hell are the ramps? We're gonna get sued!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the top rope and limps into the ropes a couple times, to build up speed)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly goes for an ill-advised My Left Foot with that cast, but Cobryn ducks and it smashes Dook in the face!!
(Cobryn hits O'Reilly low, and grabs Moondog Dook in an inverted facelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Dook up and then drops The Blackout onto those thumbtacks!! Cyrus' old finisher!! He covers Dook!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and Cobryn crosses his middle fingers into an X to the booing audience)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 7 minutes 13 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn got some thumbtacks for his effort but in the end he was able to withstand Dook's savagery and come out the winner.
(Death Gojira runs out with his flaming Goji Chair, and the audience cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Death Gojira, hear to give Moondog Dook & "Giant" Baba O'Reilly a reciept for costing him the Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
Phil Blauer: I thought that's why he helped Xyrynth win the Women's title.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, that was for fucking up his house of cards.
Phil Blauer: Oh, ok...wait?
(Gojira smashes O'Reilly in the face with that burning chair, Cobryn gets out while the gettin's good)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira brains Moondog Dook with that flaming Goji Chair!! He grabs the microphone from Bill Kasal!
Death Gojira: "REEE-ornk! Stan, your promos make me sad. You sound so lonely and alone. I think what you need is a friend. So I'm gonna make you one."
(Death Gojira takes a swig of lighter fluid and pulls out his zippo lighter with a radioactive symbol on it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira blows a giant fireball at Moondog Dook, it catches his hair on fire!!! Moondog Dook's wild mane of hair has been ignited!
Phil Blauer: Someone get that man a Pepsi!
(Mike Peters and Ron Reid rush into the ring with wet towels, covering Moondog Dook's burned scalp. So Gojira holds his flaming chair up, and the audience chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sending a message to Stan Wilson, possibly ending the career of Moondog Dook in the process!
(The cameras follow Cobryn back up the aisleway, laughing hysterically. He smacks various soda cups & bottles away as he walks through the curtain into the backstage area. Cobryn goes through the curtains and spots a group of people. Some are dressed in black athletic clothes, some in three piece suits)
Cobryn: "Are you guys the KESQ executives? Did you see that? Did you see what I just did?"
[The crowd of men turn around. The closest one to Cobryn smiles.]
Cobryn: "What in the....Paul? What are you doing here?"
[Paul Mannetti was the announcer for Ascendant Wrestling, as well as IWA's later days.]
Paul Mannetti: "Funny you should ask, really."
[Next, Tom Lux, ex-Ascendant Wrestling CEO stands up next to him.]
Tom Lux: "Hillarious, even."
[The men in the athletic suits surround them. Long time viewers will recognize them as Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Jinn Blaze, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston.]
Bludd: "Damn kid, that shit was wack!"
Paul Mannetti: "I don't think he pays you to speak."
Michael Maxwell: "Fucking dickhead."
Tom Lux: "You too. Nice seeing you Cobryn. Funny stuff. I always liked you."
Paul Mannetti: "Yeah, me too. But I guess that's all in the past."
[Finally, a man in a white suit steps behind Cobryn, carrying the
Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, and fashionably sporting a
white fedora, covering a mess of long hair. Cobryn turns around, and his eyes grow wide.]
Cobryn: "I don't believe this."
[The man in the suit smiles and walks away.]
Tom Lux: "Guess that's the cue. Bye Coby."
Cobryn: "Bye. I mean....wait, what? Huh?"
Paul Mannetti: "Don't touch that dial, Coby, you'll love this."
[Fade out.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it, Cyrus Williams is here in Hardkore Hall!
Phil Blauer: Wait, who just wrestled then?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: Huh? They aren't the same guy? And when did DJ Brandon start calling himself Bludd?
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Out of the curtain first is "The Voice of Pro Wrestling" Paul Mannetti, dressed in a sharp suit. Behind him comes the cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in an even sharper suit than Mannetti. Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[The man in the white suit parts the curtains and steps out, with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title on his shoulder. He takes off his hat and flips back his hair, revealing a familiar face. The crowd buzzes.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus carrying that World title belt that he left with, after refusing to wrestle a tag team match with Rally Jackson against The Brothers of the Swastika. That means about as much as the Million Dollar Belt.
Phil Blauer: But not as much as The Blauer World Championship.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Didn't Gozo Shioda win that off you by looking at you?
Phil Blauer: It's under review by the AWA Championship Committee. They have a 100% return rate for champions reviewing title losses!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I like Cyrus' suit though.
Phil Blauer: It's definitely a step up from his usual "stolen from a bum" getup.
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Cyrus starts to walk down the aisle, front row fans booing and jeering at him.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience seems to have gotten over their initial surprise of him returning, and have come to remember the cloud under which he left.
Phil Blauer: I'm still mad at Cobryn...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus.
Phil Blauer: I'm still mad at Cyrus too. He was supposed to be my wing man that night when we hit up Frances McDormand's Superbowl party. He always got the fat friend.
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Cyrus makes it to the ring as the song breaks down. He climbs the ring steps as he steps in, with Lux, Mannetti, and the cornermen following him. When he enters the ring, Cyrus goes to the center of the ring and poses with the heavyweight title. His entourage of wrestlers and ringboys stand on the ring floor, surrounding the ring.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Paul Mannetti procures a microphone, and begins to talk.]
Paul Mannetti: "I'd like to introduce myself to those of you in the audience who may not own a television, or pawned it to buy PCP. I am Paul Mannetti, the former voice of Hardkore Puerto Rico, Hardkore Scandinavia, Ascendant Wrestling, and the greatest play by play man in the history of the Internation Wrestling Alliance. In the ring tonight, lending their talents for seconding Mr. Williams are Michael Maxwell, Joe Charleston, Tatsuya Arakawa, Bludd, and Jinn Blaze, all accomplished athletes trained in the fine art of pro wrestling by your resident wrestling god, Mr. Williams himself."
[All of the seconds raise hands in the air, and get booed mercilessly by the crowd.]
Paul Mannetti: "Finally, Mr. Williams' publicist, manager, talent agent, and CEO of day to day operations at Cyrus Industries Incorporated, all rights reserved, the greatest mind in the history of professional wrestling, TOM LUX!"
[Lux takes an (un) deserved bow to the crowd.]
Paul Mannetti: "Ladies and gentlemen, after nearly one year removed from leaving Hardkore World, I am pleased to announce to you all that the prodigal son has returned home, and is extremely overjoyed to turn all of your frowns upside down. He needs no introduction, but will receive one anyway."
[Paul Mannetti pulls out a cue card from his breast pocket.]
Paul Mannetti: "He is a former Metal-Tanc Tag Team Champion, Immortal Wrestling Tag Team Champion, Total Championship Wrestling Tag Team Champion, each reign with Ryan Shaffer. He is a former Metal-Tanc Wrestling Hardcore Champion, a former two time Immortal Wrestling Restricted Champion, and the only man to ever hold the HFW World & American Heavyweight Championships simultaneously. May I add that he has also held the coveted UWA Nippon Grand Championship, Hardkore America, Australia, Far East, Great White North, and Rocky Mountains Heavyweight Champion, and Hardkore World Television Champion."
[Paul mimes a cough. Joe Charleston hands him a little bottle of water he sips from.]
Paul Mannetti: "He is a former IWA Triple Crown World Heavyweight Champion, and now into his 5th straight year of holding the undisputed HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....he is the king of Strong style, the king of bling bling, the international superstar, the fine wine connosieur, the stately gentleman...and your favorite wrestler..... CYRUS......WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[The ring seconds throw a ridiculous amount of black and grey streamers in the air, showering everyone in the ring. Cyrus Williams climbs to the top rope and points at the crowd, holding up his title belt. Tom Lux takes the microphone from Paul Mannetti.]
Tom Lux: "Thank you Paul, that brought a tear to this dry eye. And thank you fans for the warmest of the warm receptions. Last year, when Cyrus Williams was forced from this promotion in the most disrespectful of manners, the Williams Office was deluged with letters from around the globe. One of the most moving of letters was from Timmy White, a 6 year old cancer patient from Akron, OH. I was moved to tears when Timmy called Jonnie Valentine a "rotten cocksucker who didn't know how to book a promotion". The letter was, to put it in the most mild of ways, moving."
[The crowd begins a "Shut the fuck up" chant.]
Tom Lux: "It took some healing, but eventually, Cyrus came to forgive Jonnie Valentine for his indiscretions, and now, he is back, and better than ever. However, tonight, he's feeling a little hoarse, and will refrain from addressing his adoring fans. But I assure you, he will be back, and he will be defending the title he fought for so valiantly. And hey, remember one thing."
[Tom hands the mic back to Paul.]
Paul Mannetti: "Cyrus Williams is bigger than the devil. He's your personal Jesus."
[His theme starts.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[One of Cyrus' ringboys gets on all fours on the outside as Cyrus Williams steps onto the apron and uses the kid as a footstool to make his way to the back. His entourage in the ring follows.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: I believe our delusional meter just hit a code orange.
Phil Blauer: Does that mean we should start duct taping our windows?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You start, Phil. Seattle, just got a whole lot better now with Cyrus Williams back here in Hardkore World! Fans we'll see you in the Key Arena!
This show is dedicated to the memory of Johnny Cochran and the future memory of Terri Schiavo
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Thinking about my finger. Thinking about what Tropical B did you my finger. Now when the day's light leaves my hand and shines upon the day of another world you know when your time is up and my time is now and now when the day's light leaves my hand and shines upon the day of another world you will know when your time is up and my time is now. Now! Do you hear me? You were my mentor and you betrayed me. Betrayal is my best friend, my woman, your soul. You Seatle you will tase the breath from a black lung.