Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 15, 2022 5:15:11 GMT -5
("Sober" by Tool plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 15 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout...Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below...Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura...Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill...Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick...Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver...Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes...Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber...Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick...Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones..."Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke...Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex...Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop...Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver...Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X...Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago...Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb...Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero..."Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface...Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car...Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair...The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex...Cobryn gives Robert Hunglestien III The Answer 2005...Lonewolf McNeely gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Big Bad Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope...Lucifer Jones gives Devon Stevens a London Air Raid off the top rope through a table on the floor...Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa backflips off the cage, catching Brandi on the top turnbuckle on the way down with a inverted FireBird DDT...Death Gojira dumps Cobryn into the back of a jetta and backs the car into a wall over & over then it fades into a graphic that reads "Hardkore America". The shot then fades out to Hardkore Hall where the audience is cheering and holding up signs like "I'm part of The Black EXperience", "Why Can't Cyrus Walk Out Again?", "Phil Misses Ned", "Triple B, Twice The Wrestler of Triple H, Half The Stroke", "Blak Lung Fan Klubb", "Gojira Sure Can Draw", "Cobryn Sucks", "Judge Death Will You Marry Me?", "Lucifer Jones Fears The Strap", "I Came To See Sexy Anj...Literally")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Welcome back to the hottest place in the World besides Lindsey Lohan's taint, Palm Springs, California!! It's 105 outside but about to get hotter with tonight's Hardkore action. Alot of it to come from tonight's ladder match between Cobryn & Death Gojira. I wondered aloud after their last match if Jonnie Valentine was gonna put them in a barbed wire or cage match to keep all the intereference out, but instead, he decided to just make them have to climb more.
Phil Blauer: For a sport that attracts mostly failed athletes from other sports with blown knees, it really does require alot of climbing and running. At any rate, Cobryn and Gojira did their best to kill one another, Gojira bouncing Cobryn's head off the concrete at The Cox Arena so many times, he had to be re-introduced to each member of his family. In fact, they destroyed Yolanda's brand new Volkswagen jetta chick car.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You had insurance, right?
Yolanda Ando: Not after I watched the last "Doctor" Phil Blauer show called "Car Insurance, A Sucker's Bet".
Phil Blauer: Bite your tongue, that peice won a Daytime Emmy! This peice of shit hasn't even won a Peabody!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You can have a ride home with me.
Yolanda Ando: Last time your mother just played Weezer on the radio the whole ride home to show how hip she is.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Veronica's driving me tonight. She said that guys that ride with their mother, while sweet, really decrease their chances of getting blowjobs while they drive.
Phil Blauer: She does it while she drives?? That's talent! What hand does she use to put on make-up while doing all that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Plus tonight fans, we will crown the Hardkore World Champion. A title that has been around since 1989, will go to either Cyrus Williams or Big Bad Bill. Bill went through "Nasty" Ned Chambers...
Phil Blauer: I miss Ned.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know you do, Phil...
Phil Blauer: Did you see the sign?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I saw the sign. But Bill went through, Ned, Death Gojira, and Lucifer Jones to get here while Cyrus Williams plowed through "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, "Your Canadian Hero" Nick Knight, and Syberus. Both are battle tested. Cyrus has defeated all the greats put in front of him, and is well suited for this type of high pressure match. But Big Bad Bill is obsessive in studying his opponent, finding their weakness and exploiting it. That preperation was what led to him being the only man to make Cobryn submit. Also, we'll see Syberus take on Hardkore West Coast Champion The Shootfighter in Syberus' first title defense for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
Phil Blauer: Syberus looking to jumpstart the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight division like Kentaro Korose, Wasp Man, Tuxedo Mask and Ace Kilcannon before him. But unlike Wasp Man, he'll have to do it without dressing like a big wasp.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true. It will be tough to do against The Shootfighter, one of the toughest guy in the locker room. He's the guy you want on your side when things get rough.
Phil Blauer: Then why didn't he help me when there was that misunderstanding about my hotel bill at the Radisson?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Because that was a woman asking you to pay your bill. You could have just paid it.
Phil Blauer: Not with all that porn I ordered. Who do you think pays me, Turner?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then comes the threeway dance between three of the top teams right now. High Maintenance comes to us from SWAT in one of our biggest free agency pick ups of the new year. They join The Black Experience, the six man tag team champions, who many say should have beaten The Miracle Violence Combination II in their cage match in San Diego.
Phil Blauer: Good news is I found my wallet and keys after the show in San Diego. However, I had harrowing experience when I thought Bruno and his homies were following me home. Turned out to be a police officer, I had neglected to take the gas pump out of my fuel filler and had been dragging it down the I-10 for miles. Still, I'll have my eye on those two, believe you me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one's taking your $8, Phil. Speaking of steel cages and rematches, Horror Girl puts her newly won Hardkore World Women's Championship up against the woman she won it from Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa.
Phil Blauer: With a 15 foot high steel cage locking these two ladies in, there can be no help from their massive entourages. Plus coffee is tough to throw through steel mesh, which explains my outfit at Starbucks when I go trolling for chicks.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we have the biggest grudge match in Hardkore America. It all started when Lucifer Jones began when a man began attacking him using his dead father's red mask. After one of these attacks, Jones was ready for him and tore the mask off, revealing it to be "The Punisher" Dan Stein. After costing one another their chance in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament, they begged for tonight's match. Stein asked for a leather strap match, but Jones upped the ante with a spike studded strap.
Phil Blauer: They had to dip into my personal collection for that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then an intiguing encounter between Vagabond & Tamara Sanchez. When Vagabond first debuted in Hardkore America, it was in a tag team match with "Sexy" Anjanette Turner against Tamara Sanchez & Brandi in Seattle. Sanchez & Brandi brutalized both ladies, hitting their finishers on Turner & Vagabond on the concrete. Turner has been out of wrestling since, but makes her return tonight to be the special referee in the match pitting Vagabond against Tammy. Tammy looked as though she was there to help Vagabond in her San Diego match against Brandi, but wound up attacking her as well, once again hitting her with The 7 Year Inch with the help of a ladder.
Phil Blauer: Get out the milk and sausage, there's gonna be a cat fight!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You feed your cats milk and sausage?
Phil Blauer: Actually, my cats eat with me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: On the table?
Phil Blauer: No silly, on the floor.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Plus we have Hardkore World's first Hall of Fame induction ceremony in it's 18 year history. We will honor John "Catman" Wilder, one of the first real superstars of Hardkore World. He never won many titles, besides the six man title, but was one of the most entertaining superstars we had to start out. The Badd B Boys, former tag team juggernauts, three time champion Matthew X, the incomprable Rated X and Jamaican strongman, Tosh Marley.
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Jeremiah Vastrix steps through the curtain and is blown back by the screams of the Palm Springs ladies and gay men. Lucius Morgan follows behind him in a three piece suit, while Tarrasque drools behind him, chewing on a turkey leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix about to have his first singles match since a match in Denver with Kilroy Evans in December. He won the six man tag team titles...
Phil Blauer: Again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yes, The Warhammer Corporation will be inducted in to the Hardkore Hall of Fame no doubt for their domination of the six man tag team scene for the last decade.
(Jeremiah walks past Tony Thunder's skateboard ramp and poses for some photos with women, while he signs their breasts. He gets to a shirtless man and decides it's time to wrestle)
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix is wearing a form fitting purple & pink bodysuit.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Palm Springs Convention Center or better known as...HARDKORE HALL!!"
(The Palm Springs fans chant "HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World present tonight's bill of wrestling action. Tonight's first match is scheduled for one fall and a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Tarrasque and his manager, Lucius Morgan; From Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
(The crowd jeers and boos, then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays. The fans leap to their feet, as Tony Thunder skates down the ramp with a Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt slung over his shoulder. DKahuna then walks out to a loud ovation as his nephew skates up the ramp and lands in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder got a little help from his Uncle DKahuna in his Hardkore West Coast title match with The Shootfighter and now he looks to do the same tonight.
Phil Blauer: So is DKahuna his first name...or his last? Is it D...Kahuna?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a question for the angels, Phil. These two have a little history with one another, as Thunder and his boys The Black Experience won the six man titles off of Vastrix, Tarrasque, and The Shootfighter. Plus DKahuna and Vastrix are old friends from CWF Germany.
Phil Blauer: (pulls the string of The Shootfighter doll) "I not to dishonor myself, Judge Dread. Now let us retire to our pretend courthouse."
Yolanda Ando: Thunder wearing a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with with blue elbow and knee pads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by DKahuna; Hailing from Malibu, California; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds; He is One Third of The HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!!!"
(Hardkore Hall gives him a huge ovation, and Tony Thunder tosses his shirt to the fans. Meanwhile, Jeremiah runs at the corner, springs off of it to about the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix springboards off to come at Thunder from an unexpected direction with a Monkey's Kick of the Western Sigil!!
Phil Blauer: Now I'm not the only guy in Hardkore who's had a monkey kick.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Last time these two men were in this building, they got pretty messy. Vastrix won the six man titles in an electrified barbed wire match, and Thunder was in the barbed wire battle royal. Vastrix irish whips Thunder into the ropes and presses him up, then drops his stomach down onto his shoulder with a Stock Market Crash!
(Vastrix stomps Thunder in the mouth. Thunder clutches his mouth, and gets to one knee. He grabs Vastrix by the arm and takes him over into a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder scoops Vastrix up on his shoulder, and runs across the ring into a shoulderbreaker! He applies an abdominal stretch.
(The male audience shouts out encouragement for The Extremist while the ladies urge Vastrix to roll out of it. Vastrix hiptosses Thunder, prompting squeals throughout Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix with a high uppercut kick! He knife edge chops Thunder in the throat, then rolls him up into a small package!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men getting to their feet, and Vastrix hits him square in the chest with a heart uppercut punch. Tony blocks a second palm strike, and responds with a monkey flip across the ring!
(Tony Thunder grabs Vastrix by the neck and t-bone suplexes him on to his head! He irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and gives him a huracanrana with a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder waistlocks him and german suplexes him, but Vastrix flips behind him on his feet. He grabs Thunder by his long black hair and pulls the back of his head down across his knee!
(Jeremiah brings both of Tony Thunder's arms to his back in a double chicken wing. He then holds both hands with one hand and trips Thunder face first to the mat while holding the back of his head for that extra ooomph as his face hits the canvas)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sage's Slam of the Ancient Ring"!
Phil Blauer: It sure beats The Bruno Slam.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah lifts Thunder up in a suplex, and spins around before dropping him to the mat.
(Vastrix springs to his feet and poses, as flashbulbs go off around Hardkore Hall from the ladies. Jeremiah headlocks him and runs across the ring and then drops his stomach on his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix irish whips him into the ropes and tiltawhirls him but Thunder rolls over into a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix slides his arm out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder pulls Vastrix up on his shoulder and drives him into the mat with a tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder belly to back suplexes him and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He flips off into a swanton bomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder scoops him up but on the way Vastrix inside cradles him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix rolls on top of Thunder and begins choking him. He knife edge chops him in the floating ribs. Jeremiah pulls him up and shows that power of his and presses him over his head. He drops him in an ace crusher!
(Vastrix wraps Thunder's leg up in a spinning toe hold and shakes his ass for the ladies. Squeals from women and effeminate men fill Hardkore Hall. Vastrix smiles at Dkahuna from underneath his porclain mask, then stomps on Thunder's ankle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix picks Thunder up in a side suplex but Tony rolls up and takes him over into a flying headscissors! He pulls him up on his shoulder and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder steps up on to the second turnbuckle. His legs hit the top rope and backflips into a split legged leg drop!! He covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder irish whips him into the ropes and flips him across the ring with a belly to belly suplex!
(The audience cheers, while Vastrix begs off. DKahuna yells "Stay on him, Tony!" Thunder grabs him and dragon sleepers him. Vastrix scratches & claws to get out, but Thunder clamps down on his neck & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix kicking out his legs, trying to struggle enough to get free, but Thunder bridges back. Vastrix finally finds his face, and rakes his eyes. God's Gift hits Thunder with a palm strike to his nose. Vastrix lifts him by the legs into a wheelbarrow but just punt kicks him in the groin!
(The fans boo, and Thunder rolls around the mat in unbearable agony. DKahuna gets into an argument with Ron Reid on the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix is busy climbing to the top turnbuckle. He moonsaults into a double ax handle smash to Thunder's face!! He covers him and calls Reid over!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle again, but Thunder springs to the the second turnbuckle to meet him. The Extremist slugs him across the face and then Thunder bombs him off the top rope!!
(Fans leap to their feet while Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes and rolls into a rolling thunder leg drop! He pulls Vastrix by the hair and tosses him over the top rope!
(Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle, while Lucius Morgan and Tarrasque help Vastrix to his feet. Thunder jumps off with a suicide dive taking out The Warhammer Corporation!! The crowd celebrates, as all four men lay out on the floor. DKahuna helps Thunder to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder pulls Vastrix up to his feet and presses him over his head, but before he can drop his throat on the railing a few earringed men start throwing their cups and food at him!
Phil Blauer: Wow, Vastrix's sexuality exceeds anything...you can get lost in his eyes...try it sometime, Guillermo.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Thunder and irish whips him into Jeremiah and Vastrix who kicks his feet out so that he falls facefirst into the steel steps!!
(Vastrix rolls Thunder into the ring, he enters and inverted facelocks The Extremist. He steps on the back of his knee and applies a vertical STF. The men boo Vastrix, while Thunder struggles for air. DKahuna pounds on the mat, giving his nephew advice on how to break it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Trap of the One Thousand Purgatories"! Vastrix stands on the back of Thunder's knee and pulls back on his inverted facelocked head. Thunder reaches up under Vastrix's mask and scratches his eyes, to loosen the...Trap of the thousand...shit, where's my index card?
Phil Blauer: (lifts his zima) Oh, sorry. I was using it as a coaster.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder drops back in to a bridged german suplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder applies a cobra clutch to Vastrix! Jeremiah is fading fast, so Lucius Morgan hops on to the apron, distracting Ron Reid. DKahuna jumps up there and slugs Lucius Morgan!!
(Hardkore Hall erupts in cheers, and Morgan begs DKahuna for mercy, as Thunder continues to whip Vastrix from side to side. DKahuna winds back to hit Morgan but Tarrasque spears him into the apron!! The crowd winces at the sound it makes, and Vastrix is almost completely out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid not looking at the unconcious Vastrix, worried about the chaos going on outside the ring. Thunder tosses Vastrix to the ground and goes over to have a word with the distracted ref.
(Tarrasque slides into the ring with the timekeeper's bell and wakes Vastrix up. He hands Jeremiah the bell and pulls him to his feet. The Palm Springs fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: God's Gift comes at Thunder with the timekeeper's bell but The Extremist catches him with a spinebuster!!
(Hardkore Hall celebrates while Thunder floats over into a pinning position. Ron Reid slides in to make the count)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder puts the ring bell over Vastrix's face, then climbs to the top turnbuckle. He comes off with a leg drop but Vastrix rolls out of the way and Thunder's leg comes down on the bell!!
(The crowd boos as Thunder rolls around clutching his knee. Jeremiah catches his breath, then pulls Thunder up to his feet. He irish whips him into the ropes, then on the return dropkicks him in his hurting knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls him up by the arm and twists it, twice. He then back kicks Thunder's knee again! Vastrix then applies an STF in the center of the ring!!
Phil Blauer: Vastrix using Thunder's own Extreme Pain on him, trying to humiliate him with his own finisher. Ron Reid in position if Thunder decides to tap out.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix clamps down on Thunder's neck and wrenches his knee.
(DKahuna pounds on the apron, trying to keep Thunder awake. "Get to the rope!" he cries repeatedly. Vastrix releases The Extreme Pain, then presses him over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix drops him in a Bottom Line ace crusher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix fireman's carries Thunder onto his shoulders, then drops his groin on the top turnbuckle. Vastrix climbs to the second rope and pulls him up into a piledriver, but Thunder rolls up into a spinning super rana!! Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle and backflips into a shooting star press!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
(The crowd goes wild, as DKahuna beams with pride. Tony Thunder irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and then hits him upside the head with his superkick!! Hardkore Hall erupts)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder Kick!! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a 900 splash, but Vastrix rolls out of the way! Vastrix lifts him up into a vertical suplex, then drops him headfirst on his knee!! The Uber Knee Lift!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("Your Body's Callin" by R. Kelly plays and Hardkore Hall boos. Vastrix rolls out of the ring, exhausted. The fans jeer him as he celebrates by picking two ladies out of the audience and takes them to the locker room with him. DKahuna holds up his nephew's arm in victory)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes 37 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder next goes to Belfast, Northern Ireland for Irish Rage in Belfast on pay-per-view. He'll wrestle former IWA Commonwealth Champion "The Straightshooter" Andrew Sinclair in his return match after being away from the ring for over a year. Jeremiah Vastrix has some momentum going into Belfast where he will wrestle the winner of tonight's match between The Shootfighter & Syberus for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
(Tony Thunder is consoled by some fans in the aisleway, as DKahuna pats him on the back)
**commerical**
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Sitting, staring, and thinking about those days when I don't feel myself.
(Shootfighter asks Blak Lung if he's up for a game of tennis. Sadly, Blak Lung must decline.)
Blak Lung: When the horror overtakes you, try Serenitee. Serenitee is the natural way to defeat PMS in your monthly strap match. And for bloating try Serenitee Plus, because sometimes a woman like you needs extra relief.
**commerical**
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up next we have a match between two of the hottest stars in Hardkore World right now. Tamara Sanchez returns to Hardkore World to wrestle the undefeated Vagabond.
Phil Blauer: Where do I rank among the hottest stars in Hardkore World?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (checks his notes) Right smack dab in between Judge Death and DKahuna.
Phil Blauer: With a bullet!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond’s debut in Hardkore was a tag team match with “Sexy” Anjanette Turner in Seattle where Tamara Sanchez and her partner, Brandi attacked them both before the match in the aisleway. That left Anjanette Turner to fend for herself against two former World Champions, a battle she ultimately lost. Then in San Diego, Tammy attacked Vagabond with a chair. Then she hit her finisher, The 7 Year Inch with Vagabond lying on a ladder. Now tonight, Sanchez returns with her new look to take on the woman who has yet to be pinned on the West Coast. But to keep order will be Vagabond’s partner in that match, three time Hardkore World Women’s Champion “Sexy” Anjanette Turner.
(“GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and “Sexy” Anjanette Turner walks out in jeans and a sexy tied off referee’s shirt. The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly and line up to slap her hand as she walks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! Your supposed to slap her hand!
Phil Blauer: (calls out after Anj) Sorry bout that!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner has had some memories in this building...
(Video package plays of Anjanette’s classic moments in Hardkore Hall. This one is dated 1997. Ms. Alexandria Macabre clotheslines Turner with Sadiopath’s dog collar chain)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ms. Alexandria Macabre chokes out Turner with that chain while Sadiopath reacts with glee on the outside!
“Sweet Dick” Willie Brown: Someone clean up after him!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Macabre cradle suplexes him!
Referee David Grey: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Macabre climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Turner staggers to her feet and slugs her in the stomach. She climbs to the second rope to meet Alexandria and piledrives her from the second turnbuckle!!
Referee David Grey: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs audience celebrates as Turner is handed the her first World Championship. Then it fades to a match dated 1998)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tornado DDT on Velvet!
(The video fades to Palm Springs Punishment 1999, she lifts Makoto Jupiter on to her shoulders. She runs across the ring and hits a running powerbomb! The force of it is so hard Jupiter rolls out of the ring)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope...dropkick off the top rope sending Jupiter crashing into the railing!!
Phil Blauer: The champion Anjanette Turner is fearless!
(The package dissolves into Palm Springs Punishment 2000, Turner sits on Makoto Jupiter’s back, pulling back on a scorpion deathlock)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sexy Anj has been working the back all night and is now trying to cash in her chips with that scorpion!!
Phil Blauer: The entire Cupcake Crew urging Jupiter not to submit and give up her chance at regaining the Hardkore World Championship. But is a guy in a tuxedo and one that thinks he’s godzilla enough to overcome the unbearable pain?
(Fades back to present day Hardkore Hall, where the fans are chanting “ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!” Then “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf plays in the background as the curtains part and Vagabond walks out with her hands up for the crowd. The audience gives her a big ovation as she walks to the ring with her long legs and a little smile. She climbs up into the ring and smiles at Anjanette Turner, who nods back)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both ladies seemingly trying to figure out the other’s intention.
Phil Blauer: You can basically say that anytime.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lil ole Vagabond is undefeated here in Hardkore World but has been unable thus far to win a championship on the West Coast or in Extreme World Wrestling. Defeating former Hardkore World Champion Tamara Sanchez would definately propel her to wrestling the winner of tonight’s match against Horror Girl and “Sexy” Anjanette Turner. Turner could use this match to handpick her next contender, should she walk out the cage as champion tonight.
Phil Blauer: That is devious. Stop, your blowin my mind!
Yolanda Ando: Vagabond is wearing a green tank top and stretch pants. Stretch pants, their not just for your mother-in-law anymore.
“Wild” Bill Kasal: “The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is "Sexy" Anjanette Turner!! Featuring first, from Bethany Beach, Delaware; Standing 5 feet; Weighing 102 pounds...VAGABOND!!!”
(The audience gives Vagabond a huge pop and she seems a little taken aback. She smiles and waves back at them. Then the lights in the Hardkore Hall start to flicker, the pyros explode and “Alive” by Saliva hits. A red spotlight points on the entrance showing a Tamara Sanchez who’s not moving. She lifts her head presenting the two crosses painted under her eyes. Slowly she walks down the ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez is responsible for some of the most action packed Hardkore matches, female or otherwise, of the past year. Then when her leg was broken by Brandi in April, many were afraid her career would be over.
Phil Blauer: Jonnie Valentine was unloading Tammy Sanchez baby tees at half price!
Guillermo O'Bannon: But now she's back with a new atttitude, a new look, but the same old devastating arsenal of death defying moves.
Yolanda Ando: Tamara Sanchez is working that new look consisting of ripped jeans, a black shirt saying “fuck me” on the front and “fuck you” on the back. She’s dyed her blonde hair black and tied it up into dreadlocks.
“Wild” Bill Kasal: “And her opponent; from New York City; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!”
(The Palm Springs fans boo and Sanchez sneers back at them. Anjanette Turner signals for the bell and Vagabond & Sanchez lock up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez twists Vagabond’s arm. She wrenches her wrist a second time to send Vagabond down to one knee. Tammy is six inches taller than Vagabond and is using that height difference to her adavantage right now by cranking her arm up higher to increase the pressure. Anjanette checks in to see if she wants to submit.
Phil Blauer: Somehow, that’s a lot hotter than when Ron Reid does it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy uses Vagabond’s twisted arm to shoot her into the ropes, and when she comes back she takes her over into a flying headscissors! Vagabond kips back up and comes at Sanchez, but Tammy catches her in a hiptoss.
(Vagabond comes at her a second time and this time takes her down in a thez press)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fair count there by Turner, but Sanchez doesn’t think so and argues with her about a fast one. Sexy Anj pushes Vagabond uses the distraction to spear Tammy!
(The audience comes alive! Vagabond pulls Tammy up by her different darker hair, and swats her with a tornado punch. She goes for a left but Sanchez ducks behind her and atomic drops her into the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez presses her over head and then drops her face on the top turnbuckles. She front facelocks her then runs up the ropes into a tornado DDT!! Sanchez makes the cover!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez now arguing with Turner about a slow count. Vagabond staggers to her feet and swats Tammy across the face with a buzzsaw kick!
(The audience gasps and applauds the sound her boots make on Sanchez’s head. Vagabond grabs Tammy’s foot and applies an ankle lock. Sanchez cries out in pain as a smiling Turner checks in to see if she wants to tap out. Tammy spits back obscenities at Sexy Anj)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond standing high above Tammy, wrenching her ankle from side to side. Tammy works her way to one foot, hopping, so Vagabond releases her leg and bulldogs her into the mat!
(Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle. She comes off with a flying splash, but Tammy puts her knees up into Vagabond’s stomach!! The crowd boos and the former champion quickly regains her bearings)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy scoops her up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker. She grabs one of Vagabond’s feet and turns her over into a single leg boston crab.
Phil Blauer: Tammy trying to take out one of the high flyer’s wheels.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No one’s been able to do it yet.
Phil Blauer: She wouldn’t even let me take her out for coffee. I even pretended to have a lost puppy. That shit always works.
(Tammy pulls back on the canadian maple leaf while Anjanette Turner asks Vagabond if she wants to give up. She refuses, so Sanchez cranks back on her trapped leg. Sanchez then turns it into an STF! The booing in Hardkore Hall gets louder)
Phil Blauer: Tamara Sanchez has gone from choking the resources from CWF Germany’s investors to choking the life out of Bethany Beach’s biggest star.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez really making her pay for taking that risk up top. She clamps down on Vagabond’s windpipe and pulls up on her head. But she won’t tap out to Sexy Anj, so Tammy releases her and pulls her up into a fireman’s carry. She samoan drops Vagabond near the corner!
(Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle and does a stance with her arms out, before tipping over into a flying headbutt to Vagabond’s face!! The crowd jeers and Sanchez hooks her leg)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy gut wrenches her up but Vagabond turns it into a huracanrana!! She runs into the ropes, hops onto the middle of the second, and backflips into a lionsault!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top rope and comes off with a frog splash, this time hitting it!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond applies a crippler crossface! She links her fingers together on Tammy’s face and pulls up on her head. Sanchez pounds the mat in frustration, and Turner almost signals for the bell but Tammy calls after her that it wasn’t tapping out.
Phil Blauer: Mmm, a judgement call.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Like that shirt.
Phil Blauer: Hey, it was the only clean one that matched my jacket.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But the jacket’s dirty.
Phil Blauer: Everything has to be just so with you.
Yolanda Ando: You sure you two aren’t gay?
Phil Blauer: Not me, in fact, to a fault. Guillermo?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I finally had sex the other night...with a woman! After alot of begging and self-degradation, plus agreeing to share a portion of all future earnings; Veronica finally made me a man. I was so nervous!
Yolanda Ando: (pats his hand) First time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times. It was wonderful, there was a little pain and bleeding, but I’ve been told that’s natural.
Yolanda Ando: Uh, Guillermo, I don’t think Veronica wants people to know about that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Veronica? I was talking about me. She was fine.
(Vagabond continues to crank up on Tammy’s head & arm, while Anjanette Turner checks in to see if she taps. Suddenly, Tammy rolls her over into a cradle)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez irish whips her into the ropes and knocks her down to the mat with a shoulderblock. She scoops her up and slams her to the mat.
(Tamara Sanchez steps through the ropes, pulls herself up to middle of the top rope and springboard bulldogs Vagabond!! The audience applauds the move)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for Vagabond to get to her feet. When she does, she flying spears her in the guts!!
(Crowd winces at the sound of all of Vagabond’s air leaving her body, and boo Tammy. Vagabond staggers around, clutching her stomach, and Tammy x factors her facefirst into the canvas)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips off into a swanton bomb, but Vagabond has the good sense to move out of the way!! Now it’s Vagabond on the attack! She DDTs Tamara Sanchez’s skull into the mat!
(The Palm Springs audience cheers while Vagabond scales to the top turnbuckle. She front flips into a 450 splash and the crowd gets louder)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond irish whips her into the ropes and hurls her across the ring with a spinning Mexican armdrag! She tosses her into the ropes again, but this time follows her in with a savate kick that sends Sanchez tumbling over the ropes to the Hardkore Hall floor!
(Crowd cheers, and Vagabond runs into the ropes. She baseball slide kicks Sanchez in the face, sending her into the guardrail. Vagabond steps through the ropes out on to the apron, and hops onto the middle of the second rope)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond backflips into an asai moonsault that Tammy avoids, so Vagabond just hits the railing with her ribs!! Ugh, her face is a mask of pain, as she hangs halfway over the guardrail.
Phil Blauer: How about just calling her Vaggy for short?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Phil. Tamara Sanchez is back in the ring, waiting for Vagabond to get to her feet. She does, and Tammy baseball slides under the ropes into a helicopter rana on the concrete floor!!
(Palm Springs fans applaud that move, but Tammy flips them off and it turns back to boos. Sanchez hops onto the middle rope and asai moonsaults her into the railing!! The fans pop again, chanting “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” Meanwhile, Tamara is busy setting up a table on the floor)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy picks Vagabond up and rolls her onto the table. She stands up on the table, waiting for her opponent to get to her feet. Sanchez boots her in the stomach and DDTs her though the wooden table!!!
(Hardkore Hall continues to chant “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” Sanchez then gets a blank look on her face and climbs up onto the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez gets a running start and backflips into her 7 Year Inch but Vagabond rolls out of the way and she just hits pavement!!! The crowd is on their feet, as Vagabond struggles to get to hers!
(Vagabond rolls into the ring and slowly climbs up to the top turnbuckle. The audience buzzes with anticipation, when she leaps off and hits a tope suicida)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond dives on to Tammy from the top rope! She takes a chair and tosses it inside the ring. She rolls Sanchez on to the apron, and slides into the ring. She pulls Tammy to her feet and turns her around, facing the audience. Vagabond folds the legs of the chair underneath her arms, and pulls up her legs...it a chair tarantula!!
(Hardkore Hall roars at the sight of Sanchez wrapped up in a chair, screaming in pain. Vagabond pulls up on Tammy’s legs as the chair presses into her back & arms. A small chant of “Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!!”)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner asking Tammy if she wants to submit, using her own discretion to wether that’s an illegal move or not.
Phil Blauer: Turner lost a title match to Sanchez. Believe me, it’s all legal to her.
(Vagabond lets Sanchez drop to the floor, and tosses the chair over her shoulder into the ring. She climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond comes off the top rope with a corkscrew moonsault!! Both women lying, dazed, on the Hardkore Hall floor!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center chants “VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!!” Vagabond is the first to her feet and rolls into the ring. Sanchez follows later, but Vagabond stops her at the apron with as volley of right hands)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez gets tagged with a right hand and goes down to one knee. Tammy rams her shoulder into Vagabond’s exposed stomach, then slingshots over her with a sunset flip!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond claps her legs together on Tammy’s head)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez lifts her up into a fireman’s carries and drops her headfirst on the steel chair with an FU!! She rolls her over into a pin!
Referee: Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez pulls a dazed Vagabond up by the green tanktop and irish whips her into the ropes. She tiltawhirls her up onto her shoulder, then powerslams her hard onto the chair!!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...thr- (Vagabond kicks out)
(Hardkore Hall applauds what a great match this has been so far. Tamara Sanchez catches her breath in the corner, trying to figure out her next move)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez grabs Vagabond’s leg and turns her over into another canadian maple leaf but armlcoks her arm as well, turning it into a tequila sunrise!
Phil Blauer: A combination that NAFTA can be proud of.
(Vagabond cries out in pain as Sanchez wrenches both her arm and leg. Anjanette Turner checks in to see if she wants to tap out. Vagabond grunts as she struggles to get to the ropes)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond gets far enough over to grab hold of the bottom rope, and Anjanette Turner calls for a break.
Phil Blauer: She may be a callin, but Tammy ain’t a breakin.
(Anjanette Turner orders Tammy to break the tequila sunrise but Sanchez acts like she isn’t even there. Sexy Anj starts in with the five count)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner gets to five, but Tamara Sanchez refuses to break the tequila sunrise. Turner loses her temper and begins laying the boots to Sanchez!
(Hardkore Hall erupts as Anjanette stomps and kicks Sanchez until she breaks the tequila sunrise on Vagabond. Anjanette Turner pulls him up into a waistlock)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Turner belly to belly brainbusters Sanchez’s head into the canvas!!
(The crowd chants “ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!” while Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner comes off the top with a super rana off the top rope!! Vagabond follows right after her with her Butterfly Dive senton!!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...thr- (Horror Girl stomps the back of Turner’s head)
Phil Blauer: Guillermo, get your mother out of the ring!
Yolanda Ando: Seriously, Guillermo.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Not cool dude, not cool.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s Horror Girl! She’s getting a peice of Sexy Anj a little early and just saved Tammy’s hide. Horror Girl inverted facelocks her and lifts her up high in the air with a reverse suplex, then an Oh, The Horror flapjacked reversed acecrusher on the chair!!! Another Oh, The Horror on the chair!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo as Horror Girl stands over her prey, snarling at both Sanchez & Vagabond. She then begins laying into Sexy Anj with short punches while crouching over top of her)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Horror Girl applies a double toe hold with a sleeper hold on Sexy Anjanette Turner! Meanwhile, Vagabond is climbing to the top rope. But Sanchez gets to her feet, and shakes the ropes! Sanchez crotches her on the top turnbuckle. She belly to back superplexes the back of her head into the steel chair!! She cradles the leg, and official Mike Peters slides into the ring.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(“Alive” by Saliva plays and Tamara Sanchez rolls out of the ring, exhausted. Peters raises her arm in the aisleway as she backs away from the carnage inside the ring)
“Wild” Bill Kasal:"At 15 minutes 57 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(The audience boos, while Horror Girl continues to rock back & forth with Anjanette Turner's head. Vagabond still hasn't moved since having the back of her head dropped on the chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond has suffered her first loss here in Hardkore America at the hands of former Hardkore World, ICW, & UCW Women's Champion Tamara Sanchez. She's finally getting to her feet, with rubbery legs.
(Vagabond picks up the chair and brains Horror Girl in the head with it!! The Palm Springs crowd cheers as the champion collapses to the mat. Mr. Fame & Bernice Biggs run down to the ring and collect their client)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond using any means neccesary to pry Horror Girl off of "Sexy" Anjanette Turner there, and now trying to get her some medical attention...
(Once Horror Girl is dragged past the curtain “So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays over the loudspeakers of Hardkore Hall)
Phil Blauer: Oooh, oooh, goody....new theme music! Who do you think it is, Guillermo? You think it's someone with "Smooth" in their name? Like "Smooth" Steve Rogers or something? Maybe Santana's the link...could it be Tito??
(A 5’11” woman with short brown hair with red highlights comes walking out with a microphone)
Phil Blauer: That's not Tito!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Who is it?
Woman: "Hold on there Vagabond."
(Vagabond recognizes the woman who enters and has a shocked look on her face)
Woman: "That’s right honey, I bet you didn’t expect to see me again any time soon. Well guess what, when you move in on my territory, there are repercussions. They say that while the cat’s away, the mice will play? Well guess what, the cat is back, and she’s pissed! You know damn well that Triple B is mine!"
(Shocked reaction from the crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What??
Phil Blauer: And that ain't his baby neither!
Vagabond (grabbing a microphone from Bill Kasal): "No Ashley, it’s not like that. You don’t understand..."
Ashley: "You and I have some business to discuss, and we’ll do it in that ring!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Ashley! She used to manage Big Bad Bill in Extreme World Wrestling and they eventually became lovers.
Phil Blauer: That Triple B is Triple Pimp! What is it?? The trenchcoat? The darkness? It's gotta be the trenchcoat...
(Ashley walks down the entrance ramp and makes it halfway to the ring when “Negasonic Teenage Warhead” by Monster Magnet plays over the loud speakers)
Phil Blauer: I don't even want to venture a guess as to who this could be with that song title.
(Ashley turns around in surprise and Vagabond mouths the word “unbelievable”. A 5’4” woman with shoulder length black hair and a pentagram necklace walks out on the ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Could it be??
Other woman: "Well I guess that this can be called the reunion episode, because what would a ladies feud be without Alley? That’s right Ashley, because as far as I’m concerned, Triple B is fair game now, not like I ever needed a reason to move in on your man."
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is! It's Alley, she used to have a thing for the former Hardkore West Coast Champion as well and feuded with Ashley! Big Bad Bill thought he had problems before, now he has three women fighting over him.
Phil Blauer: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes...who would wish that on their worst enemy??
(All three women stare daggers at each other as the show goes to commercial)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up is a match that has been brewing for months and recently had a sickening match to light this powder keg.
Phil Blauer: Hey! Your cross methaphoring!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones took this entire thing way past anything resembling a wrestling feud when he broke into Dan Stein's manager Domino's house and sexually assaulted her. This has sent Dan Stien, understandably, over the deep end and he is...
(The lights in the arena turn a deep shade of red and "Homicidal" by The Bad Luck 13, immediately drawing a huge roar of boo's from the audience. A deluge of thrown trash pelts the entrance curtain, even BEFORE Lucifer Jones appears)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I guess Lucifer Jones has decided now is the time for his match to start.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, Carl our sound guy is such a push over. Just tell him he can come to the afterparty and he'll play your theme whenever. I could tell him Vagabond thinks he's cute to get him to play the Phil Rap over Cobryn's No Quarter.
(Lucifer Jones bursts through the curtain with a huge smile on his face, one hand swatting away the trash being thrown at him. The camera zooms into a fan's sign that says, "Lucy Jones {No Means No} My Grandma!". As the fans start booing loudly and cursing his name, Lucifer Jones singles out one of them and walks up to the man seated near the security barrier. Jones starts insulting him and the man throws up a middle finger right in his face, the arena audience cheering loudly for him. Jones just shrugs him off and starts to walk towards the ring, then suddenly the brave fan throws a full cup of soda at Jones, dousing his head in soda)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously, our fans are assholes.
Yolanda Ando: One of them has my hair!!
Phil Blauer: Here, I have some scissors.
Yolanda Ando: Thanks, Phil. (cuts her hair out of fans' fingers while giving her fashion report) Lucifer Jones is wearing snake skin leather pants tucked into a pair of well worn combat boots. He's shirtless and his ripped frame is covered in various tattoos, most notably "Pro-Pain" tattooed across his stomach and "HARD KORE" on his knuckles. His hair is buzzed tight to his skull and most of his teeth are capped with gold. A long nasty scar wraps around his throat.
(Lucifer Jones turns around slowly with a look of murderous rage, and leaps over the barrier, tackling the man and laying fists into his face! Before security can break it up, Jones bashes the poor fan's face into the steel guard rail, splitting him open! Finally, 8 security guards pull them apart, and before a riot can break out in the arena, Jones pushes them off of him, leaps over the railing, and slides into the ring, motioning for a microphone.)
Lucifer Jones: "Cut my bloody music!"
Phil Blauer: Yeah, Carl.
(The boo's of the audience almost drown him out, and more trash begins to be thrown at him.)
Lucifer Jones: "That's right, that's right. Keep booing, ya lousy bastards! It only serves to further my cause. You think I give two flying fucks what you mealy mouthed little bitches think about me!? Just sit there like the stupid lazy American sheep you are and shut your bloody traps!"
Phil Blauer: And he wonders why his Lucifer Jones fake mohawks don't move at the concession stand.
(A chant of "FUCK YOU LUCY, FUCK YOU!!!" erupts from the audience. Lucifer Jones leans back into a corner and rolls his eyes.)
Lucifer Jones: "Yeah...real fucking cute, folks. But I'll tell you one thing that's NOT gonna be cute, in fact, if you're squeamish or faint of heart, I suggest you leave right now. Because simply put, this ring is going to look like the floor of a slaughterhouse in a few short minutes. That spiked leather strap is going strip the flesh off of my opponent, and when it's all said and done, I'M the one thats going to be left standing right here in the middle of this ring! ME!"
(More boos from the crowd.)
Lucifer Jones: "SHUT THE FUCK UP! Just shut the bloody hell up! PUNISHER!!! I know you can't wait to get down here and try to exact some payback for what I did to sweet, sweet Domino. Mmmmmmm...god she smelled so good. Heheheheh, but you see Danny Boy, YOU'RE the one who brought all this upon her. YOU! Don't you get it, ya stupid fucking twap? The moment you attacked me a few months back for NO BLOODY REASON AT ALL! That moment threw the natural balance off in the universe. YOU'RE supposed be the quote unquote 'Good Guy', ya daft prick ye'. What the shit did you expect, mate? That I was just gonna lay down and take it like Domino did for me that special night? I was just tryin' to restore the natural balance of things in the universe, mate."
(At this point, the crowd is now rabid and calling for Lucifer Jone's blood. A fan of "Punisher" Dan Stein's tries to jump the barricade but security swiftly stomps him a new asshole and pepper sprays him. Jones just laughs out loud and shakes his head.)
Phil Blauer: Come out and enjoy the show, folks.
Lucifer Jones: "What!? She was asking for it, people! That bitch is into some crazy shite, let me tell ya'. I never met a chick who got off by being smacked around that hard, by god. Maybe if Danny Boy wasn't so obsessed with getting rid of poor ol' Lucifer Jones, none of this would have happened. But hey, you dance with the Devil, Danny Boy, you better be prepared to get burned. Unlike you and most of the pathetic chimps in the back, Lucifer Jone's doesn't NEED another person or a stable to get the job done! I stand alone, because I KNOW I'M THAT DAMN GOOD! So get your fat ass down here, Stein, before I come back there and crack your fucking skull in with me boot!"
(Lucifer Jones drops the mic and starts to jump up and down, warming up for the match. Bill Kasal timidly walks over and picks up the microphone)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Studded Leather Strap, the winner is the first man to tag all four corners. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from White Chapel, England; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(The Hardkore Hall rocks with boos and then the arena falls abruptly dark. Overhead, on the tron, three symbols flash in and fade out slowly to the sound of a heartbeat)
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<The Punisher skull>
(Over the sound system, “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie is heard starting to play. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising the spiked leather strap in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval. Stein gives Jones an intense look, then swings it around and around over his head. He then gives Lucifer a garish look while simulating a throat slash with his thumb. Stein quickly swings the leather studded strap, to demonstrate his deftness with it)
Phil Blauer: Lucifer Jones looking a little concerned about that leather strap and telling Mike Peters to watch him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein is completely obsessed with seeing Lucifer Jones' blood since March, but now with the horrors he committed on his best friend I'm not sure if we'll ever have the old Dan back.
Yolanda Ando: Dan Stein wears a simple tight black t-shirt, and plain black shorts, with black leather wrestling boots. Stein also wears black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Stein gets in the ring and Mike Peters attaches them at the wrist. Stein doesn't wait for the bell to start, but Jones ducks under a clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones kicks Dan square in the balls, then wraps the strap around Stein's neck. Jones runs at the ropes, leaps onto the middle of the top rope, then does a perfect somersault flip down to the floor, landing on his feet, and wrenching the neck of Dan Stein, choking him with the strap!!
(Stein falls into the ropes, trying his hardest to loosen up the strap around his neck, but Jones tugs hard on the strap. Stein's eyes start bugging out as he kicks his feet into the mat, struggling for air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones jumps up onto the apron, and DDT's Stein over the rope and onto the concrete floor below!!!
Phil Blauer: That's it. Match over. Our next match fans is that steel cage match we told you about between Horror Girl and "Sexy" Anjanette Turner. Horror Girl attacked Anj earlier tonight...
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think we still have a ways to go, Phil. Jones wraps that strap around his fist and bludgeons him with rapid fire punches. He grabs a bottle out of the health nuts in the front row's hand.
Phil Blauer: Good, who brings V8 to a wrestling show anyway? (drinks his Juicy Juice out of his sippee cup)
(Lucifer Jones bashes Dan Stein in the head with the V8 bottle! It doesn't break, so he hits him a second time and this time it shatters on the top of his head. Lucifer Jones atomic drops him crotchfirst into the cornerpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones german suplexes the back of Dan Stein's head onto the railing!! The Punisher's head really taking a beating already.
Phil Blauer: Looks like he doesn't have to worry about the emotional recovery to Domino's trauma, he's not gonna remember anything after this.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones lifts him up in another atomic drop, but Stein bulldogs his throat on the railing! Stein wraps the leather strap around Jones throat and russian leg sweeps the back of his head into the apron!
(The audience cheers, as Jones rubs the back of his head. Stein rolls Jones back into the ring. Stein lifts Jones up in a hanging suplex, Lucifer demands to be put down. Flashbulbs go off all over Palm Springs Convention Center)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drops Jones hard onto the mat with that hanging suplex! Jones begs for Stein to re-think his position, and during a moment of weakness, he hits him low!
(Lucifer Jones give Stein a running soccer kick right into his nuts! The fans boo him as he uses the spiked leather strap to whip Stein's stomach and chest! Finally, Jones laughs out loud, spits on Stein, then gives him one good hard whip straight into his groin)
Phil Blauer: Thus far this has been a relentless assault on Stein's balls and brains! I'm having trouble figuring out which he'll miss more.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones sits on Stein's back and wraps the leather strap around his face & inside of his mouth. He pulls back on The Punisher's face and blood begins to run down the leather!
(Dan Stein growling in a mixture of pain & pure rage, while The White Chapel Horror delights in inflicting torture on him. Jones releases it and walks over to the ropes to argue with some fans in the front row)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein pulls the strap up between Jones' legs and flips him over! He wraps the strap around Lucifer Jones' neck a few times, and applies a full nelson! He uses that leather strap to both choke and press down on the back of his neck.
(Stein bashes Jones' unprotected face into the turnbuckle over & over! Then he slams him ass first into the canvas! Dan Stein gut wrench suplexes him, then waits for him to get up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein runs at him but Lucifer Jones drop toe holds him and begins punching him in the back of the head with that belt wrapped around his fist! He applies a buffalo sleeper with the strap wrapped around The Punisher's neck!
(The Palm Springs fans boo & jeer while Jones yanks back on Stein's head. Mike Peters looks on powerlessly as The White Chapel Horror uses that strap to strangle The Punisher. A small chant of "Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun!" tries to root him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones releases the Bloke Choke and goes for a powerbomb but Stein powers out of it and back body drops Jones up and over onto his shoulder!
(A bloody Stein does the cut throat sign, and the crowd cheers, but Jones quickly loops the strap around Stein's neck again, flips off his shoulders to his feet, and quickly gives Stein a modified Yankee Cracker...not being strong enough to lift up Stein, he instead swings it down into a facebuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones proving not to be strong enough to lift the 6'7 bohemoth but still doing some damage with that modified Yankee Cracker! He wraps the strap around Stein's wrists.
Phil Blauer: Let's hope he's strong enough to drag him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones begins to drag Stein but The Punisher puts the brakes on. Lucifer Jones lays the boots to him, cursing and spitting at him. He wraps the studded strap around his fist and slugs him!
(With Stein subdued, Lucifer Jones begins dragging Stein to the first turnbuckle and tags it)
Referee Mike Powers: 1!!!
Phil Blauer: Well, that's one down.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones drags the 285 pound strongman over to the second corner and tags that one as well.
Referee Mike Powers: 2!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones takes a deep breath and continues to drag Stein, but he stops it all and they begin playing a tug of war with the strap.
Phil Blauer: Somehow I don't see that british stick winning this one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein pulls the strap so hard that he pulls Jones towards him and powerslams him hard into the mat!
(The crowd comes alive and cheers Stein, as he tries to regain his composure. He walks over to Jones and rakes the spikes of the strap across his eyes till he sees blood! The audience sees the blood and pops loud)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He wraps the spiked strap around his fist and drives those studs into Jones' chest with a heart punch!! He wraps the belt around Jones throat and brings him down into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Dan Stein pulls Stein up by his now bloody mowhawk, and the punker backhands him with a big bitch slap, hate burns through Stein's eyes when he looks back at Lucifer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones spits in his face and before he can retaliate, Jones low blows them with a kick to the nuts! He wraps the studded strap around his fist, grabs Stein by the hair, measures him then punches him in the face with it.
(Jones jumps up onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into a twisting DDT!! The audience applauds the manuever, while Jones climbs to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones comes off the second rope with a leg drop to Stein's neck! He pulls Stein up and gets underneath his legs, but Stein's too heavy for him to electric chair up on his shoulders. Dan Stein punches Jones...again...again...another jab.
Phil Blauer: It's the old Dusty Rhodes jab combination!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein jabs a rubbery legged Jones again, twirls his fist, pulls up on his groin, then wraps the studded strap around his elbow...bionic elbow!!
(The fans pop for that old Rhodes homage, and Dan Stein presses a begging Lucifer Jones over his head. He drops Jones throat first on the top rope, sending a gasping Lucifer gasping for air! The crowd gets louder, and Stein wraps the strap around Jones' neck, with the spikes on the inside)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein continuing to try and choke the life out of Lucifer Jones, fans, we got to go to commercial.
Phil Blauer: $10 says Jones dies of aspyxiation by the time we get back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hmm...you're on.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I want some of that action.
Yolanda Ando: Can I pay you guys on payday?
Phil Blauer: You still kind of owe us from the Michael Jackson case.
Yolanda Ando: Who knew the jury was gonna give a shit about evidence? The Scott Peterson jury didn't!
***commercial***
(Fade up on the sharp seas, a small tugboat tries to brave the water. A faint heartbeat is heard in the distance)
Dramatic voiceover: Coming this summer, a film from the director of Erin Brockovich, Traffic, and of course, Ocean's Twelve; Steven Soderbergh. One man must try and save the child he loves as his own... While trying to stop the woman he loves from marrying another... They may have the strength... They may have the numbers... But he has one thing they don't...
(Robert Deniro walks up on the deck of the tugboat in a sailor suit with huge forearms, smoking a pipe)
Dramatic voiceover: They don't have his Spinach.
Robert Deniro: I am...what I am.
Dramatic voiceover: This July...Robert Deniro IS...Popeye!!
(Wimpy carries Sweet Pea off of Popeye's ship, running past a crowd on the docks)
Robert Deniro as Popeye: (calling after them) SWEET PEA!!! (cries, just like he laughs) Uh-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug...
Dramatic voiceover: Starring William H. Macy as Wimpy....
(William H. Macy approaches Olive Oyl's brother, Castor)
William H. Macy as Wimpy: I'd gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today.
Castor Oyl: Sorry, Wimpy. I...
William H. Macy as Wimpy: (grabs him by the shirt & shakes him) JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKIN HAMBURGER!!!
Dramatic voiceover: And Hilary Swank in another oscar winning performance, as Olive Oyl...
Hilary Swank as Olive Oyl: Oh, Popeye...
Dramatic voiceover: And introducing Bill Goldberg as Bluto...
(Popeye catches Bluto running off with Olive Oyl in his arms)
Robert Deniro as Popeye: BLUTO!! (chuckles) Uh-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug...
Dramatic voiceover: Joel Siegal raves "The greatest film of our time and any other. And I'm not just saying that to get my name in the trailer!" The John Quincy Adams Middle School Paper, The Tiger Times says "This movie waz good." And US Weekly beams "Robert Deniro saves this film from being a total disaster." If you see one film this year, make it...Popeye!
(Fade out on an edgy looking graphic of the outline of Popeye's head. The pipe blows smoke out with an ominous "toot toot")
***commercial***
(Fade back to Dan Stein strangling Lucifer Jones with the spiked leather strap in Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein closing off Lucifer Jones' airway with those studds sinking into his throat and neck! Blood runs freely down Lucifer's face, as he struggles for ropes, Stein's eyes, Mike Peters' shirt; any means of escape!
Phil Blauer: I'd shy away from Peters' shirt. His wife left for her sister's a year ago and that was the last time they did laundry. You can see a dried Apple Jack on his shirt pocket.
(Stein pulls him down by the strap and then power punches Jones in the balls! Jones' eyes roll into the back of his head. Stein grabs a big handful of testicals)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein yanking on Lucifer's balls, making him pay for his crimes!
Phil Blauer: Get used to that Guillermo, you have a whole lot of that un your future with Veronica.
(Jones begs for mercy while Stein continues to try and yank his balls right off his body. He lifts him up to his feet by his testicals, then drops him with a stunner! Hardkore Hall chants "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" Stein wraps the leather strap around Jones throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drags Lucifer Jones by the neck like a wild horse over to the first corner and tags it!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!!!
(Jones tries to put the brakes on but isn't strong enough to stop him)
Phil Blauer: He's got the second one!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones is dragged to his third corner and Stein tags that one as well!
Referee Mike Peters: (the crowd counts along) 3!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: One more to go, and Stein wins it. He drags Lucifer Jones over, he reaches out...but Jones comes up from behind him with a low blow!
Phil Blauer: I'd say that was revenge but you need a score card for all the nut shots in this match. Both these guys seemingly being trained for this match by The Warhammer Corporation.
Guillermo O'Bannon: So close, and yet so far. Jones flapjacks him up on his shoulder then drives him headfirst into the mat with an emerald frosion!!
(Hardkore Hall erupts with boos. Lucifer Jones hooks him by the leg and drops him headfirst into the mat with a fisherman's buster! He chains it into a butterfly lock, sitting on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones pulling back on Dan Stein's arms & head...wait, a woman is coming out of the crowd!
Phil Blauer: It's not your mother again, is it Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Domino! She has The Peacemaker in her hands! She gets inside the ring, unbeknownst to Lucifer Jones. She winds back and swings for the fences with that Peacemaker into the back of Jones' skull!!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center cheers wildly, and Jones tips over to the mat, unconcious. Domino lifts The Peacemaker over her head a second time and brings it down on his balls! That wakes him up, and he sits up Taker style)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein wraps the strap around Jones' neck and whips him around into a swinging neckbreaker! He front facelocks him and drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
(A blood spot remains where Jones skull hit the mat. Domino screams obscenities at a prone, Lucifer Jones. He wraps the belt around Jones neck and then lifts him up by the throat with both hands)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein throttles Jones by the throat, choking the very life out of him! He tosses him across the ring, with the strap yanking him back a little!
("The Punisher" Dan Stein drags Jones over to the apron, so his head is hanging off. Stein walks out onto the apron, and gives Jones a running soccer kick right into the side of his face! As Stein gets down and tries to grab a chair, the camera zooms into Jone's face and unbelievably, Jones is smiling, blood pouring out of his mouth)
Phil Blauer: Look at that, he's smiling!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein holds the chair up to the cheering crowd and attempts to pull off Lucifer Jones own move with it, but Jones quickly throws a fireball into the face and chest of a charging Stein!! The leather strap catches fire!!
(Domino screams in horror, and pulls the leather strap so it snaps off from Jones. Lucifer Jones quickly rolls out onto the floor. Stein is flailing about blindly clutching his face in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones grabs the a length of the now burning leather strap and whips Stein cruelly in the face with it! Wait...who is this now??
(Three men in Lucifer Jones' red masks run out from the audience and jump Lucifer Jones! One of them hits a diamond cutter on the arena floor on Jones)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Three men are attacking Lucifer Jones in his father's old mask! One of em irish whips Jones into the ropes and then comes at him with a hard clothesline!
(A third guy pulls Jones' head into his legs, butterflies his arms and then drives his face into the mat with a sit-out pedigree!! Jones is not moving)
Phil Blauer: This must be the cast of characters who have been jumping Lucifer Jones all these months! God, I hope Ned's one of them. I'd even settle for Kid Styles.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Domino takes the big Peacemaker stick and drives it into Lucifer Jones' head one more time!
(The first man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Andrew Karnage...what does he have against Lucifer Jones??
(Second man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans?? Why would The Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, The Miracle Violence Combination II want to attack Lucifer Jones and help out Dan Stein??
(Third man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III!!! The former Hardkore America Champion has returned! The Un-Stable has apparantly reformed!
Phil Blauer: The most dominant force in Hardkore World in 2004 is back to presumably do the same in 2005!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And "The Punisher" Dan Stein is apparantly the new member.
Phil Blauer: He's the new Hero? Definately an upgrade. That's like when the Horsemen ditched Ole Anderson's beer farts & old man smell for Lex Luger.
(Robert Hunglestien III gets the house mic)
Robert Hunglestein III: "What’d you think? Did you think I’d seriously just go away… No big bang, no fireworks, no nothing? You should all be so lucky…See you all almost got what you wanted. You almost got rid of me, AND the Un~Stable. Almost. Unfortunately you couldn’t give me my fair due. And that’s something that’s going to cost Hardkore World more than any of you could ever imagine. I didn’t want much, never really asked for a lot…
(Kilroy taps Hunglestein on his shoulder)
Kilroy Evans: "Actually, you did."
Robert Hunglestein III: "Ok, fine maybe I did. But I never asked for more than I deserved. I EARNED every thing I ever asked for. I mean seriously was I asking a lot? Quality opponents to test myself against? I don’t think that’s asking much… But I get hacks like Cobryn, who damn near end my career from their sloppy maneuvering. From their lack of ring leadership. I think at this point I shouldn’t be stuck feuding these kinds of guys, yet I’m still stuck with them… Then when it looked like my career was finished, all I asked for was a proper send off. Just 45 minutes of the next show to pay proper respect to a legend. A farewell fit for someone of my stature. Cyrus would’ve got it, and that piece of trash has gotten by on little more than attacking me from behind for most of the last half of his career. So yeah, I think I deserve a proper farewell, but what did I get?
(The rest of the Un~Stable are already shaking their heads, knowing where this is going)
Robert Hunglestien III: "Exactly, not a thing. NOTHING… And I’m sorry, that’s just unacceptable. Then I try and help Hardkore World, and the business by starting a region. And what does Jonnie send me to fill my roster? Phoenix? Yeah, like I could really make that work… Like I could really get him to look past himself for long enough to put on a decent match…"
(Karnage leans in)
Andrew Karnage: "Well, he does make a point there…"
Robert Hunglestein III: "You’re damn right. I didn’t even have to job him before he started bitching about he and Tanner being better than a first round match. What the fuck was I to do? I had ten guys… Honestly Tanner really didn’t deserve it, but shit someone had to get an easy opening round so it may as well have been Adrian… So then that goes belly up, thanks to all the whiners, and moaners Jonnies sent me…Meanwhile Jonnie announces this “Legends Night” you know to induct some new Hall of Famers and I’m checking my mailbox, and I’m checking my voicemail because if anyone fits the bill for being a “legend” it’s me… And you know what happened? Nothing that’s what. No invite, not message from Jonnie saying I need to be there, no plane ticket… NOTHING. So then I get a second, and a third opinion on my back, and it turns out I can come back… I tell Jonnie, and what should’ve happened is I should’ve been wrestling for the World Title tonight… You know, on account of the fact that I won my first round match, and I wasn’t beaten in the tourney. I mean Cyrus wasn’t beaten in the tourney and what’s he doing tonight? BBB wasn’t beaten in the tourney, and what’s he doing tonight? I wasn’t beat in the tourney either, but what am I doing tonight? Exactly."
Guillermo O'Bannon: He also didn't beat anyone other than The Shootfighter in the first round!
Kilroy Evans: "It should be noted that Rob retired a week after the tourney started. But hey, why harp on details?"
Phil Blauer: See, Kilroy's got ya.
Hunglestein: "Let’s not then… So then....."
(Kilroy snatches Robs mic. The crowd reflexively cheers the move, which makes Kilroy even happier. RH3 leans in)
Robert Hunglestein III: "You could've just gotten your own mic."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Great, now everyone's gonna start wanting their own mics.
Kilroy Evans: "I could've. And with that, the anger and bitterness levels have been properly restored around here. I don't know about the rest of these people, but I've been missing this kind of thing. No one shakes up the crowds quite like the men in this ring, and after a couple of misfires, it's set to happen again. It's time once again for a band of people to hang together, lest we hang separately. Nothing is safe when we turn our attention to it and there's no one immune to our methods! It's time for the Empire to strike back. We will be violent, angry, thugs...happy to cause the mayhem we need to achieve our goals, and then some! Look at who we've got: Robert Hunglestein III. A lot of people still question why I'm good friends with him. 'How can I remain in good confidence with a boorish, egomaniacal, and dangerously obsessed individual?,' they ask."
(Hunglestein tries to snatch the mic while yelling at Kilroy)
Phil Blauer: These guys are done for if they can't even figure out who's promo time it is.
Kilroy Evans: "What do you mean 'they' who? People! The reason is simple: he's a dick and I've made peace with it. Andrew Karnage and I continue the role we naturally assume: the glass ceiling of the tag team division, and now we've got another trump card. Dan Stein. With a focus and determination that so many lack, Stein...uh, well I'll be honest. Stein pounds everything in his path into a bloody pulp. But he does it with a perfect amount of panache! Don't take my word for it, though."
(Kilroy respectfully hands the microphone to Stein, who takes it with a gleam in his eye)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're gonna hear our first words from the new Dan Stein, Un-Stable member.
"The Punisher" Dan Stein: "A lot has happened to me in the past few weeks, and it has gotten me to think about how things need to change for me. Everything. To get ahead, one must think a step ahead, and I have decided to do just that."
(Stein spreads his arms wide open)
Dan Stein: "And that starts with associating myself with the finest group of wrestlers assembled today. Like family, they helped me with a problem, and now I will do everything in my power to return that favor tenfold."
(Stein points the Peacemaker at the camera)
Dan Stein: "Now that the Punisher has been added into the mix, all of Hardkore World is now going to witness what the Un~Stable is truly capable of."
(Stein smiles, perhaps for the first time in over a month. Then he points at the bloody, beaten Lucifer Jones)
"The Punisher" Dan Stein: "Lucifer Jones, you were just the beginning. With the World Tag Team champions on one side of me, and the one and only Robert Hunglestein III on the other, the Un~Stable will own Hardkore World, and Cobryn will become what everyone pretty much knows he should be- an afterthought. Watch closely folks, you will be watching history in the making. It’s time to usher in the era of The Un-Stable."
(The audience cheers and then Stein hands the mic over to Karnage)
Andrew Karnage: "It's time for the Un-Stable once again you miserable pukes in the back, listen up, give us an orange and we'll make a clockwork. Give us some lip we'll bloody yours, put one of ours in the hospital?"
(Karnage looks to Hunglestein, smiling wickedly)
Andrew Karnage: "We do like Arn said, and put one of yours in the morgue. LuJo, Coby-san, The Black Experience, CupCake Crew... the notice is out, the Boys are Back in town and the rent is past due, you each owe a pound of flesh and we are going to get paid in full, capiche?"
(Kilroy laughs, and Stein nods. Robert tries to get the mic away from Andrew, but he turns expertly to face another part of the crowd)
Andrew Karnage: "Necks will be broken, bones shattered, blood will flow like a river in arena after arena, dreams of grandeur get ground to dust under our heels, violence will beget violence will beget violence and there will be no survivors when the Un-Stable 747 crashes down on your house, call Auntie Em and tell them guests are comin' over."
(Kilroy sing-songs "Auntie Em, Auntie Em" over Karnage's shoulder. Stein chuckles some at that)
Andrew Karnage: "This is our house now, we repossessed it from the likes of Tony Thunder, The Shootfighter, Nick Knight and whoever else is the back room that can give you a run-down of the Attitude Era in the WWE, but can't tell you who in the hell Stan Hansen is. The only rules are keep your feet of the couch, and don't touch the fridge, the cable is free as long as you take your medicine. And Kilroy what is their medicine?"
Kilroy Evans: "A Bad Touch twice a day, chased with the High Life."
Robert Hunglestein III: "Can I have the mic now?"
(Karnage offers the mic, to Robert who reaches for it, only to have it pulled back by Da Mang)
Andrew Karnage: "No."
(The crowd pops at the diss, and RHIII looks slightly perturbed)
Andrew Karnage: "A dose of KCB, and little Reckoning will make you right as the rain in Spain that falls mainly in the plain. Gone are the days of slip-shod mat work, gone are the days when a fireman's carry slam can get over as a finisher. There be no shelter here, and hells coming, and hell, my friends is Un-Stable."
(Karnage tosses the mic in the air, watching it spin slightly, then he catches it and hands it back to Robert Hunglestein the Third)
Robert Hunglestein III: "So, boys as my friends have said we’re here to collect all that is owed to us.. Whether you want to pay willingly, or whether you are forced to pay unwillingly you can be assured that you WILL all pay in the end…"
(The Un-Stable begins battering Lucifer Jones some more. Dan Stein lifts him up and wraps the strap around his throat. He stands back to back with him and then hangs him over his back, holding on to the burned leather strap around his neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein applying The Final Solution with that strap!
Phil Blauer: Never thought I'd see a guy named Stein using a move called The Final Solution. And you told me it was a bad idea to name my new skin cream that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Do what you want Phil, but I still think naming an acne medication after the extermination of millions is a bad first step. Kilroy Evans going to work on Jones' exposed abdomen while Stein continues to choke him with that strap!
(Another man in Lucifer Jones' old red mask comes down to the ring, to the cheers of the fans)
Phil Blauer: Jonnie's officially out of ideas when he dusts off the Doink angle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: A fifth Lucifer Jones' masked man makes his way down to the ring, Mike Peters attempts to stop him and the masked man rams the ref's face into the railing!
(Stein sees the masked man enter the ring, and drops Lucifer Jones. The masked man pulls a bloody Jones up into a rude awakening and then flips him over on to his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The masked man gives Lucifer Jones his own Yankee Cracker!! Andrew Karnage gets his turn and lifts Jones up in a back suplex then drops him into a Karnage Crush Bomb!!
(The audience cheers, chanting "MVC!! MVC!! MVC!! MVC!! MVC!!" Kilroy Evans pulls a woozy Lucifer Jones up onto his shoulder with a back suplex but spins him over into a piledriver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans hits his new finisher, No Remorse!! The masked man now applies a double chicken wing suplex on Lucifer Jones!!
(The Un-Stable: Robert Hunglestien III, Andrew Karnage, Kilroy Evans, and their newest member "The Punisher" Dan Stein hold up their arms as the Palm Springs audience cheers the reformation of one of their favorite crews. Suddenly the masked man picks up The Peacemaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That masked man just brained Hunglestien in the head with that giant stick!! He cracks Andrew Karnage in the face with it before he can react!!
(Kilroy Evans slugs the man and roundhouse kicks him!! The Peacemaker goes flying in the air, coming down into Kilroy's hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy winds back with The Peacemaker!! Wait...Dan Stein catches him from behind with a full nelson suplex no bridge!!
(Crowd boos, and the masked man stands over Hunglestien. He pulls mask off)
Phil Blauer: I don't believe it...
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Cobryn!!
(Dan Stein stands over Kilroy, confused at the boos and jeers from the Hardkore Hall crowd. Domino puts her hands over his ears. Cobryn grabs Hunglestien with an inverted facelock and lifts him up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Answer!! Cobryn has gotten to The Punisher!
Phil Blauer: But why??
Guillermo O'Bannon: I've told you I think what Lucifer Jones did to Domino drove Dan Stein one sandwhich short of a picnic. Well, I think it may have changed Dan for the worse. He picks up The Peacemaker and walks over to Lucifer Jones.
(Cobryn stops him and asks if he can do it. Stein hesitates, then hands him the stick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn winds back and comes down hard on Lucifer Jones' arm!! My god! His screams are bloodcurdling!
(Robert Hunglestien III comes up from behind and blue thunder bombs Cobryn!! The audience comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage Nightmare Lariots Dan Stein!! Domino gets out while the gettins good. Dan Stein & Cobryn roll out of the ring as well!
(As they both back away, Cobryn hides behind the 6'7 Dan Stein while pointing back at The Un-Stable, threatening them. Robert Hunglestien III kicks the ropes in frustration & rage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that Cobryn steals The Un-Stable's #1 Draft Pick and seems to have injured Lucifer Jones' arm!!
Phil Blauer: Still, I'm pissed it wasn't Ned. That would have been perfect.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, Ned's like seven feet tall. Still, though, Jones and Stein have yet to settle their difference. So I'm being told that they will have a rematch on pay-per-view at Irish Rage in Belfast in Northern Ireland in a Blue Bar Steel Cage Match!!
Phil Blauer: Much like Northern Ireland itself, the only way to win is to escape.
(The Shootfighter is in the Hardkore Hall locker room warming up for his light-heavyweight title match with Syberus. He is wearing black knee length wrestling tights, black wrestling boots and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back his long chest length dark hair is tied in a pony tail.)
The Shootfighter: "Syberus after all that trash talking you did behind my back! After all the insults you called me thinking I'm going to take it and keep respecting you! Think again!"
(He does a split legged drop to the floor and continues stretching.)
The Shootfighter: "You think those little mind games your pushing claiming to be so great and calling me supposedly fat and overweight is going to get to me! Wrong! You see this is The Shootfighter you are making fun of! This is one of the most dangerous individuals that you have ever faced! You know what they say about people actually believing their own words if they keep repeating it over and over again!"
(The Shootfighter springs up finished warming up.)
The Shootfighter: "They begin to really believe what they are saying is true! Beware Syberus because The Shootfighter is going to come at you repeatedly making you regret every word you have ever said about me! You are going to pay for all those insults that you believed are the truth!"
(The Shootfighter's expression becomes a mask of hate, rage and fury. He picks up a map of the EU.)
The Shootfighter: "You see this map of the EU?! Imagine your own home continent can't agree on anything! Not even a set of laws, rules and regulations! They add new memebers without their main laws and main head of state in place!"
(He rips off each country in the EU slowly.)
The Shootfighter: "Each and everyone of these countries helped make your proud continent fall apart slowly!"
(He continues until he gets to Syberus's home country.)
The Shootfighter: "This is your country isn't it?! They tabled their resolution just to make sure it
doesn't get voted down and create great shame and humiliation! Imagine then how humiliating it's going to be as I tear you apart bit by bit! I don't care how much pain you suffer from it's going to be quite satisfactory!"
(The Shootfighter gets closer to the camera his eyes burning.)
The Shootfighter: "You see Syberus I'm going to be so relentless that even you won't have any chance to overcome the pain that I shall inflict upon you! Believe me Syberus you shall feel what it's like to insult someone at a price! 'Do something about it.' you say?! Believe me Syberus I shall do something about it! I shall do something about it my way! The Shootfighter way which is filled with pain! You shall regret everything you said!"
(He backs away from the camera a bit.)
The Shootfighter: "The light-heavyweight title is going to be the price you pay! You see I'm not as nice as Lucifer Jones, whom you defeated by some stroke of luck! You got interference from Stein! This time you won't be so lucky against me! You see I shall show you how much of a paper tiger champion you really are! After this match in Hardkore Hall you Syberus shall be in the ICU for a long time! So prepare for the beating of a lifetime Syberus! Prepare for the lesson you never learned! Prepare for Mortal Kombat!"
(The shot fades to the ring crew furiously working on the steel cage as it lowers from the top of the building)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What a show so far! Wow! Now we continue a fight that began earlier tonight. Horror Girl attacked "Sexy" Anjanette Turner earlier tonight when she refereed the match between Vagabond and Tamara Sanchez. Now they meet in a cage for the title Anjanette has held three times now since 1997, the Hardkore World Women's Championship.
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the Palm Springs fans cheer once again. Anjanette Turner walks out, rubbing the back of her neck. Behind her walks "Magnificent" Ron Lauren)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner was given two Oh, The Horrors on a chair and locked in a sleeper double toe hold only twenty minutes ago, in the match before this one. Obviously her neck is bothering her. So it looks as though her good friend, 300 pound former Hardkore America Tag Team Champion Ron Lauren is here to make sure everything goes down the right way.
Phil Blauer: Her neck? What about mine? That little pillow they give you in first class gave me a crimp you wouldn't believe. Would you rub it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: No way.
Phil Blauer: Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: Been there, done that.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I got it, sir. (rubs Phil's shoulder) Jeepers, you weren't kidding, you are tense.
Phil Blauer: It was all those swerves in the strap match that got me.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner is wearing a red two peice bathing suit, red boots, and her hair in a pony tail.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Steel Cage Match scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP ! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Accompanied to the ring by 'Magnificent' Ron Lauren; from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(Anjanette Turner gets one of the biggest pops of the night as she gingerly enters the cage. Ron Lauren wishes her luck and then takes his place in the corner. Then "Haunted" by Evanescence begins and the crowd boos. Bernice Biggs and Mr. Fame lead Horror Girl down to the ring. Mr. Fame holds her Hardkore World Women's Championship over his head, while the champ pauses peroidically tilting her head towards a jeering fan or nearbye camera)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl was originally slated to wrestle former champion Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa in a rematch tonight. But Horror Girl injured Tokugawa's shoulder so badly, she was forced to pull out of tonight's match. She was replaced by Anjanette Turner, and Jonnie pulled her out of the special referee duties she was supposed to perform for Vagabond & Sanchez. But Turner demanded to be put back into that match and may now be paying the price. They've tangled before in a cage in this very building, at Palm Springs Punishment in the first ever "Cat Collar Match". Horror Girl won that one, and hopes to successfully defend her title in this one as well.
Phil Blauer: You think something like that can "hope"?
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl wears some tightly fitted mummy wrappings around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs. But due to the chair attack earlier tonight, she has some on her head as well. Her skin is a pale blue and her hair is tinted a slight grayish purple. Her eyes are a very, very light blue. It's so light it looks whited out. Lastly, she has the classic zombie darkness around her eyes.
(When Horror Girl gets into the cage, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at "Sexy" Anjanette Turner)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent is accompanied to the ring by Bernice Biggs and her manager, Mr. Fame; From Parts Unknown; Standing 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 135 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(The Palm Springs fans boo, and Horror Girl snarls back at them. Bernice Biggs, Bill Kasal, and Mr. Fame leave the ring, leaving just Ron Reid, Turner, & the champion)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl runs at Anjanette, guns' a blazin, but Turner ducks and rams her face into the cage, rolling her up into a backroll press!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner half nelsons Horror Girl and applies a crossface for a standing kataha-jime! Horror Girl spins Turner round & round, and then slams her face into the cage!!
(Horror Girl begins bleeding, and the audience cheers. She topples over, and Anjanette Turner grabs her by the leg and spins her around into a toe hold, then drops down into a figure four leglock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner clamps down on Horror Girl's twisted legs! Horror Girl's ungodly shrieks fill Hardkore Hall!
Phil Blauer: I've never heard anything like that...(turns around to Boone) Who told you to stop rubbing?
(Horror Girl sits up, grabbing her hair with both hands. She finally lashes out at Turner's eyes. She gets her legs free and then digs her nails into Anj's face, and shrieks some more. Mr. Fame hands Phil a note with $100 bill paper clipped to it)
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl is the official wrestler of George A. Romero's Day of the Dead. In Theatres Now.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl bites Anj's neck, blood runs from her mouth. She grabs her by the ponytail and swings her facefirst into the cage!
(Horror Girl gets under her legs and lifts her up into an electric chair. She rams her facefirst into the cage several times, then drops back with an ocean cyclone suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl rolls Turner up to her feet with a t-bone suplex! She front facelocks her and climbs to the second turnbuckle. She tornado DDTs her, but Turner reverses it into a spinebuster!
(The audience cheers while Ron Lauren applauds his friend's comeback. Anjanette checks her neck, sees blood on her hand, then lifts Horror Girl up in a standing vertical suplex. She jumps up into a falcon arrow)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a roundhouse kick! Turner waistlocks her and drops her back into a backdrop driver!!
(Horror Girl sits up, with her whited out eyes, looking dazed. Turner pulls her up into a powerbomb, but Horror Girl whips her around into a huracanrana!! The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wristlocks Turner, and then lifts him up by her armbarred arm! What strength.
Phil Blauer: That's the trade off about being undead. On one hand, your immortal soul is damned to burn for eternity. On the other, you can pick up heavy things like chick wrestlers. I saw Horror Girl lift up two gallons of milk over her head like it was nothing!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl then front facelocks her in midair and drives her down into the mat with a DDT!! She turns her over and makes the cover.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl gut wrenches her up into a tigerdriver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl bounces off the ropes, but Turner catches her on the comeup with an emerald frosion!! Anjanette climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a spinning rana into a cradle!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner grabs Horror Girl's legs and turns her over into a texas cloverleaf! She bridges backwards and catches her head into a reverse chinlock.
Phil Blauer: What flexibility! That gives me ideas...
Yolanda Ando: Please...it wouldn't matter if she could scratch her ear with her heel, you couldn't please her.
Phil Blauer: That's probably not true.
(Turner bridges back & forth while Ron Reid checks to see if she wants to tap out. Ron Lauren pumps the fans up so they cheer louder & louder in support of Anjanette. A bleeding Horror Girl reaches up and grabs Anj's ponytail. Turner plays through the pain, and arches her back farther)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner releases the bridging cloverleaf, and atomic drops her on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience and cage. She steps up to the second turnbuckle, waistlocks Horror Girl, and belly to back superplexes her!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle, gets to the cage, but Horror Girl climbs to the top rope behind her and punches her in the stomach. That stops her right in her tracks. She grabs her arms, and sticks her foot in her back. Inverted monkey flip off the second rope!!!
(Turner lands chest first on the canvas from the top turnbuckle. The fans boo, and Horror Girl headlocks Turner with the rope along the cut on her neck. She runs her neck along the top rope making the cut gush blood. She then tosses her headfirst into the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pumphandles Anjanette Turner up onto her shoulder then drops down to one knee with a shoulderbreaker! Horror Girl runs into the ropes, and spears her into a short spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs her foot and applies an ankle lock. Turner doesn't allow her to lock it in and gets to one foot. She swings around with an enzuigiri to the side of her head! Turner steps over into a toehold, with a chinlock and armlock.
(Turner pulls up on Horror Girl's head & arm, clamping her arm against HG's windpipe. Ron Reid checks in to see if Horror Girl wants to tap out. Mr. Fame and Bernice Biggs shake the cage, trying to get the crowd to root on Horror Girl, but they just boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner double underhooks Horror Girl up, and runs across the the ring into a gourdbuster!! She rolls her over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner scoops her up and corkscrew tombstone piledrivers her! She climbs up to the top rope, but Bernice Biggs smashes the cage wall & Anj's fingers as she climbs to the top!
(Anj drops to the mat, clutching her hands. Ron Lauren snatches the chair out of Bernice's hands, and she shrieks. Biggs runs into the safety of the other side of the ringside area. Meanwhile inside the cage, Turner's face down on the floor, Horror Girl sits down upon Anj's back and hooks her arm under Turner's arm and under her neck. Then, she hooks Turner's leg with her other arm. After clasping her hands together, she lifts her up off the mat and racks Anjanette over her back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zombiosis!! When Horror Girl locks her hands together, this puts tremendous presson on the Sexy Anj's back, neck, shoulder and leg! This match has been different than the one they had in Palm Springs last time with alot more submission moves.
Phil Blauer: Plus, I seem to be cuter.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I was about to say the same thing, sir.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continuing to bend Anjanette Turner over her back, trying to force her to give up her dreams of becoming the first ever four time Hardkore World Champion!
(Ron Reid asks Turner if she wants to submit but she refuses. Horror Girl loses her grip a little and drops her, but maintains the arm, applying an armbar. She sticks her knee into the ball of Turner's shoulder, and pulls back on her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continuing to work on the arm of Turner with that armbar. She bites Turner's fingers! Turner tries to escape by getting to her feet, but Horror Girl grabs a handful of her hair and drops back her back to the mat.
(Horror Girl goes for an elbow drop, but Turner rolls out of the way. Turner gets behind her and back cradle suplexes her with a bridge)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner fireman's carries her over to the corner and sits her down on the top turnbuckle. She climbs up to the second rope and gut wrench superplexes Horror Girl!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer, Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and somersaults off into a leg drop!! The fans get louder and Anjanette makes the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle, up to the cage, but Bernice Biggs climbs up to the top of the cage as well! When Anj's head pops up over the cage, Bernice diamond cutters Turner throatfirst on the top of the cage!!
(Bernice falls down to the floor but Mr.Fame catches her. Ron Lauren glares at them, and they take off up the aisleway in terror. Horror Girl climbs to the top turnbuckle with a dazed Turner, and butterflies her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl double underhook superplexes her!! She rolls over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
Phil Blauer: Bernice has had it in for Anj ever since Anj attacked her a few months back. Women never forget.
Yolanda Ando: It was in March!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl picks Anjanette Turner up by the throat and chokes her with both hands. When she's got her pretty much out of air, she spins her over into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl scoops Turner up but Anj falls behind her in an inverted facelock. She spins it around into a test drive!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope, then looks up and climbs to the top of the cage, facing us!!
Phil Blauer: Get down from there!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner moonsaults off the top of the cage onto Horror Girl!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Horror Girl kicks out)
(Audience groans at the close call. Anjanette Turner applies a reverse double chicken wing full nelson. Horror Girl screams out refusals to submit, while Turner tries to break both arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls Girl up to her feet in the double chicken wing full nelson, then begins ramming her head into the cage over & over!! She gut wrenches Horror Girl up onto her shoulder, and helicopters her around & round!
(The fans cheer at Horror Girl being spin around, then Turner jumping tigerbombs her down in the center of the ring)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pulls herself up by the ropes, and Turner charges her. HG back body drops her into the cage! She runs into the ropes and running dropkicks her into the sternum!
(Horror Girl grabs her by the ponytail and swings her facefirst into the cage! She climbs to the top turnbuckle, then evily looks up at the cage)
Phil Blauer: That sure was an evil look. She's climbing to the top of the cage as well!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl missle dropkicks "Sexy" Anj off the top of the cage!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner kicks out)
(Hardkore Hall cheers that Turner was able to kick out! Horror Girl takes off the bandages from her arms and wraps it around Anj's face like reins on a horse. Pressing her boot to the back of Anj's head into the steel cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Fame and Bernice come around and take turns smacking her face with a steel chair!!
Phil Blauer: Ugh, the sound of steel smacking steel is deafening!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Lauren has had enough and smashes Mr. Fame facefirst into the cage!!
(The crowd cheers and Lauren atomic drops Mr. Fame into the cage wall a second time!! Inside the cage, a horribly bleeding Horror Girl climbs up to the second rope, and front facelocks Anj. She tornado DDTs Turner!! She rolls over on top of her!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pumphandles her up but Turner falls behind her her. Turner straightjackets her arms and german suplexes her!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl gets her arm free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette runs into the ropes, handsprings over into a backflip splash!!
(Audience applauds)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl's head into her legs and lifts her up into a powerbomb!! She hangs onto her arms and legs and drops her into a second powerbomb!!
(Turner pulls her up into a third and final powerbomb with extra stink on it!! She goes to pin her but Horror Girl bites down on her cheek! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette trying to get free from Horror Girl's teeth, Horror Girl smashes her in the teeth with a few headbutts to the cheek. Horror Girl lifts her up into a crucifix. She carries Anj in a crusifix bomb & runs to the ropes. Horror Girl then runs up the ropes and flip over Anj's back, dropping her with an inverted Acid Drop!!!
Phil Blauer: I don't believe what I just saw!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner kicks out)
(Horror Girl takes the mummy wrap and ties it around Turner's neck. She throws her over the top rope into the cage! She then braces her foot against Turner's back and hangs her with the mummy wrap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner kicking her feet against the cage, struggling for air. Horror Girl tightening that noose! When she's satisfied with the lack of struggle from Turner, she releases it. Horror Girl pulls Turner up to the top turnbuckle and lifts her up into a standing suplex on the top turnbuckle!!
(Flashbulbs go off all over Hardkore Hall as Horror Girl holds her up in the hanging suplex on the top turnbuckle. She drops Turner into a rock bottom off the top rope but Anj hangs on to her neck and hits a flatliner from the top turnbuckle!!! The crowd goes wild, and Turner hooks both Horror Girl's legs)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it!! We've witnessed history!!
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the fans celebrate in the stands. Ron Reid requests the belt from Ron De La O and then hands it to Anjanette Turner)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 40 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, FOR AN UNPRECEDENTED FOURTH TIME; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner reversed Horror Girl's "Screaming Horror" and won herself her fourth Hardkore World Women's Championship!
(Anjanette Turner climbs to the top of the cage with the World Championship in her hand and holds it up for her cheering fans. The crowd chants "ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: She wasn't even supposed to wrestle tonight, filling in for an injured Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa. And in the same building she won her first championship, she's won her latest. In front of her favorite fans in the World, Palm Springs fans!
(Tears stream down Turner's bruised and bloody cheeks. She slings the title over her shoulder and points back at the fans, clapping for them. Horror Girl is dragged back to the locker room by a busted open Mr. Fame & Bernice Biggs, undoubtably to trash it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In San Diego, The Miracle Violence Combination II barely escaped The Cox Arena with the titles. The giants in The Black Experience bounced them from one wall of the cage to the other. Now The Black Experience gets another shot, this time with SWAT superstars High Maintence in the match as well.
("Get Down" by Everlast plays and the crowd cheers. Gavin Slater leads "New Sensation" Nathan Slater & "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Trained by Paul Soutter in Australia, these two say they have come to the West Coast to bring back tag team wrestling. They did all they could do in SWAT but now that they are here to try and break the glass ceiling of tag team wrestling, Miracle Violence Combination II.
Phil Blauer: That's gonna be hard. 15 teams tried the same thing...twice.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following threeway dance will be a 30 minute time limit for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by their manager, Gavin Slater; Both hailing from Melbourne, Australia; First standing 6 feet even; Weighing 222 pounds..."New Sensation" Nathan Slater!! His partner; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 290 pounds..."Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards!! They are HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
(The crowd cheers, as Gavin Slater pumps them up. Then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays. As Stan Wilson makes his entrance, he usually jogs lightly in place in order to warm up. Bruno steps out and does a few bodybuilder poses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience hasn't really been heard from much lately, in preperation for this match. Bruno & Stan have instead focused their attention at working on their teamwork, the thing that almost defeated The Miracle Violence Combination II.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears some red tights with the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship belt around his waist. Stan wears black leather trunks with the words "Big Tank" embroided on the back, and an image of a small tank on the front. The Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt is strapped around his waist. A black elbow pad, as well as black wrist tape on the left arm. Black hand and wrist tape on The Chokeslam Hand. Black kneepads, with ankle length black leather boots to complete the outfit.
(As Stan steps over the top rope, he raises his fist in the air as a sign of respect between him and the fans)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Compton, California; Standing 7 feet even; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!! His partner is from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON!! They are One Third of the HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE BLACK EXPERIENCE!!!"
(The crowd cheers as Bruno & Stan Wilson do their respective poses. Then "Spider Bait" by Black Betty plays. They both rub their heads from the Peacemaker shots they took earlier in the evening. The Hardkore World Tag Team belts are around their waists. The fans cheer as Kilroy waves back at them, while Andrew Karnage threatens both teams in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II made headlines tonight as they reformed The Un-Stable with Robert Hunglestien III & "The Punisher" Dan Stein. That didn't go so well, as an unexpected visitor by the name of Cobryn made an appearence and took The Un-Stable's #1 draft pick with them.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, that was scary. And the only thing that scares me...is Gargamel. (shudders)
Yolanda Ando: (pats his hand) I know, Phil. Kilroy Evans wears a black "The Tick" t-shirt, blue jeans, gray and navy blue sneakers, brown belt & red, white, and blue wristbands. The Hardkore World Tag Team Championship is slung over his shoulder. Andrew Karnage is wearing some black knee length basketball shorts with AK-47 down the outsides of each leg in dark red. Dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow. The tag team title belt is strapped around his firm waist.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson recently made a post-post show rant at the San Diego show about Andrew Karnage's natural physique.
Phil Blauer: That's gotta be weighing on his mind about as much as what Kilroy's gonna have to drink with his post-match meal. Usually it's stew.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The meal?
Phil Blauer: No, the drink.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! His partner is from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are The Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(The crowd cheers and the bell rings. The men decide who will start off first)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage, Bruno, and "New Sensation" Nathan Slater will start it off here. Slater armdrags Andrew Karnage. Bruno scoops Karnage up and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater DDTs Bruno! Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a high yakuza kick. Karnage grabs Slater from behind and t-bone suplexes him on his head!
(Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans, and they double irish whip Nathan Slater into the ropes. When he comes back they delivered a double superkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II hits the X Mark! Bruno comes up from behind Kilroy Evans and drops him face first into the canvas with an unprettier!
(Bruno presses Nathan Slater over his head then drops him facefirst! He tags in Stan "The Tank" Wilson, who steps over the top rope into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience double scoop Kilroy Evans up on their shoulders and deliver a double snow plow!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Lane comes off the ropes and gets high enough to spinning heel kick Stan in the face! He tags in the big man of the group, "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards. Richards headbutts Kilroy Evans, but Kilroy grabs him by the arms and batters him in the face with repeated headbutts of his own!
(The audience cheers, and Kilroy backs Richards in the corner. Stan then drives his shoulder into Richards stomach over & over. Evans blasts Jonathan in the face with a roundhouse kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson picks Richards up and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans comes off the top turnbuckles with a flying elbow, but Richards rolls out of the way! He pulls Kilroy up and irish whips him into the ropes. He rushes in and hits a hard clothesline!
(Richards points at Andrew Karnage, mocking him. Karnage tries to enter the ring but Mike Peters cuts him off. Richards begins battering Stan with some forearms, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan comes back off the ropes with a flying shoulderblock! Kilroy Evans tags out to Andrew Karnage, who enters the ring with Richards in his site. He grabs Richards and chokeslams him up in the air...and drops him on Wilson's outstretched knee!!
(Karnage takes a swing at Wilson, but The Tank ducks underneath it and back suplexes the AK-47! He tags in Bruno)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan irish whips Karnage into the ropes and then flapjacks him up in the air, as Bruno leaps up into a hangman's neckbreaker!! Bruno rolls him over into a pin.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Before Bruno can get up, Richards smacks him with a shining wizard to the face! He irish whips Bruno into the ropes and takes him down with a drop toe hold, and Andrew Karnage comes off the top turnbuckle with a headbutt to the back of his head!
(Richards tags in Nathan Slater. Karnage catches him coming in with an exploder '98! Bruno staggers to his feet and pulls Slater up on to his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno spins Slater around into an F5!! He turns his attention over to Andrew Karnage. Karnage is ready for him with some right hands, but Bruno ducks under one of them and german suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
(Slater climbs to the top turnbuckle but Stan Wilson shakes the ropes and trips him. Andrew Karnage climbs to the second turnbuckle and pulls Slater's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes off the second rope with a black tiger bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Slater up and attempts to apply an abdominal stretch, but Slater hiptosses him out of it. He irish whips Karnage into the ropes and gives him a high back body drop!
(Karnage rolls over and tags out to Kilroy Evans. Slater doesn't realize it, and goes for a DDT, but Karnage reverses it into a fireman's carry on his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy comes off the ropes and plucks Slater off his shoulders into a swinging neckbreaker as Karnage samoan drops him!! Kilroy makes the pin on Nathan.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno pulls Kilroy Evans up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno DDTs Evans head into the canvas! He pulls Nathan Slater up and irish whips him into the ropes, taking him out with the big boot!
(Bruno pulls Kilroy Evans up by his Tick t-shirt, and waistlocks him but Kilroy bites Bruno on the nose! He bearhugs Bruno, trying to squeeze all the strength out of him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans drops him down into a spinebuster! He hooks his leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy gets to his feet but Slater comes off the ropes behind him with a flying bulldog! He climbs to the top turnbuckle, and waits for Bruno to get to his feet. He comes off with a flying body press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rolls over and tags in Stan "The Tank" who climbs to the top turnbuckle. He comes off with a flying lariot to Kilroy Evans!!
Phil Blauer: Since when could Tanks fly??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan's on fire, irish whipping Slater into the ropes and dropping him with a flapjack!!
(Slater rolls away and tags in Jonathan Richards. Kilroy Evans comes up from behind Stan, sticking both his fingers in Wilson's eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards catches Stan with a diamond cutter! Kilroy Evans grabs an unaware Richards and drives his head into the mat with a double arm DDT!!
(Kilroy tags in Andrew Karnage. Karnage locks a full nelson on Jonathan Richards. Kilroy comes in and lays into Richards with kicks and punches, and then Karnage hits a sit-out full nelson slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson grabs Andrew Karnage and irish whips him into the ropes. Wilson catches him with a black hole slam!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan walks over and pulls up Richards up into a mlitary press! He drops the big man into a powerslam!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
(Stan climbs to the top rope again, but Kilroy shakes the ropes and crotches him! "New Sensation" Nathan Lane climbs to the top rope and he & Stan are both perched face to face on the top rope. Slater hooks him in an inverted headlock, and Richards jumps onto the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards hooks Stan with a belly to back superplex, as "New Sensation" Nathan Slater flies down with them, drilling Stan with an inverted bulldog from the top rope!!! Silver Lining!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance eliminate The Black Experience!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 9 seconds; THE BLACK EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
(Bruno curses, and then helps Stan roll out of the ring. Gavin Slater is estatic at ringside, yelling "See what I told you??" Andrew Karnage breaks up the lovefest by scooping Richards up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage swings him around into a catatonic backbreaker!! He makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
(Andrew Karnage hops on his back and applies an STF. Karnage pulls up on Richards' head, while Rolls Royce tries to reach out for the ropes. Mike Peters asks Richards if he wants to tap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage pulling up on Richards' throat but the big Aussie refusing to tap. Nathan Slater runs into the ring and stomps the back of Andrew's head to break up the STF!
Phil Blauer: Peters shoos him back to his corner, but like the news of critics being barred from War of the Worlds' premiere for fear they'll let it slip that the film sucks, the damage has been done.
(Richards scoops Karnage up and drops him on his knee with a shoulderbreaker. He lifts Karnage up in a suplex but drops him headfirst with a brainbuster! The crowd boos, while Richards makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Like Undertaker in 94 & 95, Andrew Karnage has mostly been wrestling larger opponents than himself this year. So we haven't seen much of his powerbased attack, he's had to stick to mat wrestling & submission holds.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards scoops Karnage up, but The AK-47 falls behind him and german suplexes him! He holds on to the waistlock and pulls him back up to his feet. Karnage full nelsons him and drops back into a dragon suplex!! He lifts him up a third time with both arms straightjacketed to complete The Pride Cycle, this time with a bridge!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
(Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans. Evans butterflies Richards' arms, while Karnage climbs to the top turnbuckle. Karnage shouldertackles Kilroy to add extra impact when he drops another double underhook DDT!! The crowd cheers again, and Kilroy rolls him over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Richards into the ropes and hits a sidewalk slam! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, and this time hits the flying elbow drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes. Richards ducks under the clothesline, and Kilroy bounces into the other side. Richards lifts him up high by the throat and drops him into a lo-down!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards presses Kilroy Evans over his head!Jonathan presses Kilroy up & down, showing off & gaining the fans' ire. He finally drops him gutfirst on his knee.
Phil Blauer: That's a pretty big target.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards pulls Kilroy up over his head in a crucifix then powerbombs him on the back of his head!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
(Jonathan Richards tags in Nathan Slater. Slater inverted atomic drops Kilroy Evans then climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater comes off with another flying body press but Kilroy catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Slater up in a suplex, then just drops him facefirst! Evans waistlocks him and german suplexes him, but Slater lands on his feet behind him! He superkicks Evans upside the head!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
(Slater waves at the fans, mocking Evans' mannerisms and catches some more boos from the Palm Springs crowd. He pulls Kilroy up by the shirt, but Evans rams two fingers in Nathan's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls him upside down, and lets him think about it before he piledrives him!!
(Kilroy tags in Andrew Karnage, and then double irish whip him into the ropes. They both catch him by the neck and give him a double uranage slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: East Side Slam!!
(Andrew Karnage & Kilroy Evans bump fists, then shake hands then switch to an armwrestler grip and pretend to sword fight. The Miracle Violence Combination II then drop a double elbow onto Slater's chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Pretty Fly Handshake O'Doom!
Phil Blauer: Little known fact. That's one of the only Irish moves since they invented that whip.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage double underhooks Slater's arms and lifts him up into a Tiger Buster!! He fireman's carries the man from down under up onto his shoulders but Slater falls behind him. Andrew turns around into a gorgeous standing dropkick!
(Slater goes for a piledriver but Karnage blocks it and alabama slams Slater on to the back of his head! He pulls Slater up by his hair, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage dips down for a back drop, but Slater catches him looking with a corkscrew neckbreaker!
(Both men lie next to one another, exhausted. Referee Mike Peters starts the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both Andrew Karnage and "New Sensation" Nathan Slater exhausted after wrestling for twenty two minutes. The first man to their feet has the advantage.
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Phil Blauer: One of the drawbacks to being on the gas is you tire easily. He should look in to being undead like Horror Girl, that seems to work for her.
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
("Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards, Kilroy Evans, Gavin Slater and all 2000 people in the Palm Springs Convention Center cheer on Karnage & Slater to get to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
Referee Mike Peters: 9...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage is the first to his feet, and runs into the ropes...but Gavin Slater trips him!
Phil Blauer: Karnage hits the mat, but luckily his face broke his fall. Nathan Lane comes off the top rope with a leg drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
(Nathan Slater tags in Jonathan Richards. He scoops Karnage up and swings him around into a uranage!! He covers Karnage)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards grabs Karnage by the legs and spins him around & around in a spinning wheelbarrow. When he gets him up high enough, he deposits him over his back into a slam!
(Audience applauds that show of strength. He pulls Karnage's head into his legs, but Karnage back body drops him over his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gut wrenches Richards up onto his shoulder and runs into the center of the ring...ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage lifts him up on to his shoulder in a back suplex, then drops him into a Karnage Crush Bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Nathan Slater kicks Karnage in the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater saves the match there! Richards lifts Karnage up into an inverted crucifix and drops him facefirst!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining."
(Slater dropkicks Evans off the apron! Meanwhile Richards atomic drops Karnage on the top turnbuckle. Slater climbs up there with him and inverted facelocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards climbs to the second rope and waistlocks him. He pulls him back into a german superplex into while Slater rides him down with an inverted bulldog!! Silver Lining!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd gasps, as "Get Down" by Everlast plays through Hardkore Hall. Gavin Slater grabs the title belts off of Ron De La O's table and comes into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it!! High Maintenance has upset The Miracle Violence Combination II for the Hardkore World Tag Team Titles!!
Phil Blauer: Soutter must be watching up from above, smiling down on them.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Soutter's not dead, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Where's he been then?
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 25 minutes 33 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: What an upset! Slater & Richards come from out of nowhere to defeat the tag team legends! They'll head over to Northern Ireland as the champions.
(Richards & Slater strap their title belts around their waists and hug Gavin Slater. Some in the audience applaud their performance in this nearly half hour long match, while the rest boo the new champions)
Guillermo O'Bannon: SWAT's loss is Hardkore World's gain!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now it's time to get to one of my favorite divisions, the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight division. Syberus won the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title in April, but has yet to defend the title until tonight. His first title defense is against Hardkore West Coast Champion The Shootfighter.
("Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays and the audience cheers. The Shootfighter stalks ringside followed by Judge Death)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has been wrestling for eleven years in CWA, GPWF Mexico, Hardkore Far East, and Hardkore America. He's a veteran of legendary wars with The Warhammer Corporation, Rad Thunder, The Microshocker, and Soutter.
Phil Blauer: He most impressed me during his battles with Xyrynth.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That was Tammy.
Phil Blauer: Who's this?
Yolanda Ando: The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. The Hardkore West Coast Championship is strapped around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit and is for HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Judge Death; He is from Bangkok, Thailanda; Standing 5 feet 11 inches; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The Shootfighter gets into the ring, takes off his robes slowly and glares at the entrance way with intense hate, rage and fury. Then he crosses his arms as he continues to glare at the curtain. Then "This Celluloid Dream" by AFI plays and the audience boos. Syberus walks out with his arms up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus has been around less than half the time that Shootfighter has but has racked up a score of impressive titles. He's been SWAT World Tag Team Champion, SWAT Caribbean Heavyweight Champion, HPWA World Heavyweight Champion, UCW World Heavyweight Champion, mEw World Heavyweight Champion, Ring Syndicate World Cruiserweight Champion, IWA Television Champion, IWA Commonwealth Champion, WMW Heartland (Jnr Heavyweight) Champion, and CWA Canadian Heavyweight Champion. But it's his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title that's on the line right now, and the only thing on Shootfighter's mind.
Phil Blauer: That and the diners that Syberus eats at.
Guillermo O'Bannon: One person who's watching this match with great interest is "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix. He has the winner of this match at the Irish Rage in Belfast PPV.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus wears dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. The Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title is proudly strapped around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is from The Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 232 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
(Hardkore Hall boos, while Syberus and The Shootfighter hand their respective titles to Ron Reid. While Shootfighter is turned around, Syberus pearl harbors him with a knee in the kidneys)
Phil Blauer: Up, now he's done it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You don't want to trade knees with Shootfighter. He begins battering Shootfighter across the back with those forearms. He irish whips Shootfighter into the ropes, and back body drops him high in the air!
(Shootfighter gets back to his feet and sweeps Syberus’ feet with a muy thai kick to his ankle. He grabs on to the ropes and muy thai kicks him in the back of the thigh. Shootfighter then applies an inverted indian deathlock. Syberus does a push up, screaming in pain)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ron Reid asks Syberus if he wants to give it up already. Shootfighter applies a double nerve hold to Syberus’ carotid arteries, to make The Shootfighter Leglock more painful. He squeezes on Syberus’ sensitive pressure points while clamping down on his twisted legs.
(The audience applauds Syberus’ predictament. Syberus reaches out and grabs the bottom rope, and Ron Reid asks him to break The Shootfighter Leglock. Shootfighter dutifullly breaks it, and pulls Syberus up by the hair)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus fires an elbow in Shootfighter’s gut then straightens him up with an uppercut. He applies an abdominal stretch. Syberus sticks his foot an leans back as far as possible.
(While the Ron Reid asks Shootfighter if he submits, Syberus reaches back and holds on to the top rope. The World Light Heavyweight Champion uses the rope for leverage, and really cinces in the abdominal stretch. Judge Death hops on the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Judge Death clobbers Syberus in the back of the head with his gavel!! Shootfighter reverses the abdominal stretch into a human torture rack. He spins Syberus around & around, stretching his back against his shoulders!
(Shootfighter drops him down into a samoan drop! He lifts him up into a snap suplex. He hangs on to him, twists his legs, and rolls them both up to their feet. Shootfighter hits a second snap suplex)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter tumbles up into a third snap suplex. Shootfighter applies an ankle lock.
Phil Blauer: He’s picked a leg on Syberus and begun to work it down. He wrenches it from side to side trying to weaken the ankle.
(Syberus yelps out in pain. Ron Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out, and Shootfighter falls back to the mat. He reapplies the ankle lock from a new angle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pushes up and works his way back up to one leg. He comes around with the other with an enzuigiri kick! He irish whips Shootfighter into the ropes and dropkicks the West Coast Champion!
(The Palm Springs fans boo. Syberus shakes his leg a little to try and get the blood flowing back there. He waits for Shootfighter to get back up then clotheslines him)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus bounces into the ropes and hits Shootfighter with a second clothesline! Shootfighter won’t stay down, and Syberus hits him with a third that sends him to his knees. Syberus boots him in the face, then applies an armbar.
(Syberus clamps down on his arm, sticking his knee into Shootfighter’s shoulder. He then sticks his knee on the back of Shootfighter’s head, and pulls up on his locked arm. Judge Death yells out instructions while Ron Reid attempts to talk over him)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter rolls onto his back, then is able to get to his feet with Syberus still attached to his arm. Syberus pulls back on his hair, unbenknownst to Reid, dropping him back down into his armbar!
(The crowd boos again. Judge Death cinstructs Shootfighter, and he arm drags Syberus over with his trapped arm. Shootfighter then applies an armbar of his own. The fans applaud. Syberus growls in frustration, and grabs a handful of Shootfighter’s long black hair. Ron Reid sees it this time and counts until Syberus lets go)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter stands up and twists Syberus’ keylocked arm. He winds back and muy thai kicks him in the elbow. He grabs Syberus by the ankle and twists him around & down into a figure four leglock!!
(“Wooo!!” rings out from fans all over Hardkore Hall. Syberus sits up, grabbing the sides of his hair in pain. Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. Shootfighter rolls over on one side to apply it a different way)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter trying to cash in on the knee he’s been working the past six minutes. Shootfighter squeezes Syberus’ legs with that side figure four, but Syberus it able to roll over into a inverted reverse indian deathlock!!
Phil Blauer: Not only is that painful, but it’s a double negative!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter gets loose, and hits Syberus before he can straighten up with a muy thai kick to his kidneys. He whacks him again under the armpit. He then blasts him with a knife edge chop. Another. Syberus answers back with a chop of his own. Shootfighter volleys another knife edge!
(The fans continue to “Wooo!!” with each blistering chop. Syberus gets the better of the exchange and then blasts him with a series of hard chops until Shootfighter is back in the corner. Syberus grabs two handfuls of the West Coast Champion’s long hair and drops to his knees, shooting the top of his head through Shootfighter’s jaw! Syberus then sits a dazed Shootfighter on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus climbs to the second rope and drops Shootfighter behind him with a superplex!! He rolls on top of Shootfighter into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Shootfighter kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus gets behind a kneeling Shootfighter, then holds both of his arms in keylocks from this position! Syberus playing the same game as his opponent, picking the arm instead. He leans back with both of Shootfighter’s arm keylocked.
(Shootfighter growls out refusals to submit to Reid. He then sticks his knees and judo flips Syberus over his head with his keylocked arms. He whacks Syberus across the face with a muy thai strike. He punches him a second time in the nose)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter tattoos him in the back of the head with a forearm. He holds his head with one arm and then cracks him in the back of the neck with a forearm smash! He german suplexes Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter wraps his legs around Syberus’ waist and clamps down on his neck with a tri-corner choke!! The crowd is on their feet! Syberus frantically trying to reach the ropes, but Shootfighter rolls him away! Their in the center of the ring!
(Syberus shakes his head to Ron Reid, trying to hang on. He rolls onto his stomach, and bends down so that Shootfighter’s head is pressed into the mat. He then slips out from underneath Shootfighter and applies a double chicken wing, pulling him up to his knees)
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two putting on a clinic not seen since Shootfighter wrestled Big Bad Bill the first time. Syberus pulls up on both of his wrists, while trying to get a much needed breather. He lets go of one arm to reach is arm around his head into a dragon sleeper. He wraps his other arm around Shootfighter’s own neck. Syberus wrenches back as hard as he can, trying to end this match here and now!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he submits but Shootfighter refuses. The crowd boos. Syberus leans back as far as he can with his arm & head, and commands Reid to ask him again. Syberus grows frustrated and releases his head, applying another keylock to his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus surely working down Shootfighter’s arm, trying to take away his hard strikes.
Phil Blauer: Smart. Not “Asking A Man on a Date To Buy His Date A Rose” smart, but pretty smart.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I hate those people. They come up to you with that basket of roses and pressure you to buy one of those overpriced empty gestures. I’d rather just hand her the $20. Let’s cut out the middle man!
Yolanda Ando: Wow, that’d be great. It’d be like a tip for listening to your stupid stories.
(Syberus drops to the mat and yanks up on Shootfighter’s aching arm. He then wraps his legs around Shootfighter’s head into a head scissors. He applies an udi-garami double armlock with his arms)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies this painful manuever he calls St. George Double Hold. He squeezes Shootfighter’s head while figure fouring that hurting arm of his. Ron Reid pleading with Shootfighter to submit, but he’s trying to hang on. Syberus pins his shoulders to the mat with his legs around Shootfighter’s head!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter slips his head out of Syberus’ legs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter drops to his knees and low blows Syberus when he approaches! He flips Syberus head over heels with a russian sickle, but I think Shootfighter did more damage to his arm with that!
(Shootfighter rolls over to Judge Death and yells that he’s hurt. Judge Death quickly goes to work with a roll of sports tape. He tapes Shootfighter’s arm to his chest, to immobilize it)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter’s arm obviously injured, he’s had a reoccuring injury there from his matches with Big Bad Bill in Seattle and Denver. He muy thai kicks Syberus in the back. Again, but Syberus catches his leg and dragon screws him!
Phil Blauer: I don’t know what your watching, but Syberus tossed him by the leg. A dragon screw is the reason why Teddy Long will remember his trip to Thailand everytime he applies the topical cream.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs him by the legs and spinebusters him hard into the mat!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (The Shootfighter gets his shoulder up)
(Shootfighter clutches his elbow, kicking his feet into the mat. The audience roots him on. Syberus tears away the taped sling of Shootfighter, and the Palm Springs fans thunder with boos. Syberus half nelsons him, hammerlocks his injured arm, pressing his face into the mat)
Guillermo O’Bannon: It may be over here. Syberus applying the European Three Quarter Nelson to Shootfighter’s injured arm! The Palm Springs Convention Center is silent except for Shootfighter’s haunting screams.
Phil Blauer: Chilling...it’s like the time we left Boone in here with the lights out.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (shudders) I’m in my safe warm place... I’m in my safe warm place... I’m in my safe warm place...
(Syberus grinds Shootfighter’s face into the mat, while pulling up on his neck & arm! Shootfighter cries out refusals to submit. He then pulls Shootfighter up & double underhooks his arms. He rams his knee into Shootfighter’s stomach then drops down to one knee, bending Shootfighter over with his arms butterflied)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sunday Morning!! Syberus’ has that broken arm locked in that painful rocking submission manuever! Ron Reid right in position if Shootfighter wants to submit.
(Shootfighter tries to slide out of it, but Syberus gets the advantage and pulls him back up into the full bridge. Syberus rocks down on Shootfighter’s arms & head. Syberus pulls it up into diamond cutter, but Shootfighter pushes him off into Ron Reid. Syberus & Ron Reid’s head collide and Ron Reid collapses to the mat, busted open)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Judge Death tosses Shootfighter his stainless steel singapore cane! Syberus turns around and gets cracked in the head with that staff!! Now Syberus is busted open!!
(The crowd is on their feet. Shootfighter steps through Syberus’ legs and turns him over into a one armed scorpion deathlock! The Palm Springs fans pop as he pulls back on Syberus’s legs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter has Syberus in a sharpshooter but there’s no ref wait...another masked man?? There’s another masked man in the ring!
(The audience buzzes with confusion as the masked man stares at Shootfighter while he plants his foot and leans back on the sharpshooter. Suddenly the masked man whacks Shootfighter in the elbow with a shining wizard kick!! Shootfighter collapses to the mat, clutching his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whoever that is just took an incredibly cheap shot to Shootfighter’s injured arm!
(A bleeding Syberus gets to his feet and looks at the man with a confused look. The masked man escapes into the audience. Syberus shrugs and then single underhooks Shootfighter’s arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus drills his head into the mat with his Pure Confidence DDT!! He rolls over into a pinning position!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo, and Syberus rolls over with his arm raised. “This Celluloid Dream” by AFI plays on The Hardkore Hall PA system. Mike Peters hands him his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship title belt)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 1 second; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH; AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: We've had alot of masked guys running into the ring tonight, it's getting to be kind of a theme. But this one seemed to have some kind of heat with Shootfighter. Syberus took advantage of it with The Pure Confidence to successfully retain his title.
(A busted open Syberus leaves the arena with his belt held high up in the air. Judge Death hands Shootfighter his West Coast title belt while EMTs attend to his injured elbow. The audience give both men a standing ovation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus now goes on to Belfast, Northern Ireland to wrestle "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title. Also in Northern Ireland, Shootfighter will defend his West Coast title in a threeway dance with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & whoever that masked man was...Syberus comes bouncing out of the entrance curtain! Tarrasque is attacking him!
(The audience boos as Tarrasque lays the boots to Syberus on the floor. "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix comes out with Blak Lung)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix getting an early jump on that title match, or at least his bodyguard is. Tarrasque defeated Syberus by countout by brutalizing him this exact same way. He spears Syberus into the railing!!
(The fans boo even louder at the sound of Syberus while Blak Lung hooks her up for a cradle suplex. He lifts him up and fisherman's busters him on the aisleway floor!! The fans boo as Vastrix poses over Syberus)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix presses Syberus over his head and drops his throat on the railing! He hooks Syberus' arm and gives him The Pure Confidence on the aisleway floor!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with jeers and obscenities directed towards The Warhammer Corporation & Blak Lung. The EMTs rush from Shootfighter's side to tend to Syberus on the entrance ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix giving notice to the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion. But given the bad blood between The Warhammer Corporation & Irish fans, is that the best place to take on a man like Syberus after nearly killing him with his own finisher?
(The Hardkore America Championship hangs over the ring with a large ladder underneath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now part of our double main event, Cobryn defends his Hardkore America Championship title against Death Gojira, a former Hardkore America Champion himself, in a rematch of their wild falls count anywhere match in San Diego. In that match, The Miracle Violence Combination II attacked both men so brutally that neither could continue.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, like they did tonight with Dan Stein & Lucifer Jones.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah, I guess.
Phil Blauer: That could be their new team name. No Contest! Boone!!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (furiously scribbling away on a t-shirt) I'm on it, sir!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn got a measure of revenge tonight by snatching the newest member of The Un-Stable, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. But he has to try and put all that behind him and focus on the most important thing in his life right now. Walking out of Hardkore Hall as American Champion.
(The lights begin to flicker as thunderous footsteps are heard echoing from the PA system. Fans rise to their feet and begin to cheer loudly as suddenly the lights go off and Godzilla's roar booms across the arena, causing several sparks to go off from the ceiling. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube begins to play as a giant pyro in the shape of a mushroom cloud explodes near the entrance ramp. When the smoke clears, Death Gojira appears, letting loose an defiant SKREEOOOORNGHK! Eerie Von, Makoto Jupiter and Tuxedo Mask follow behind them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira walks out with nuclear fire in his eyes, looking to regain the title he lost to Robert Hunglestien III in Denver in December. He thought he had Cobryn in San Diego, but The Miracle Violence Combination II ended that match before he could. Now he's hoping he can fly to Belfast with the Hardkore America title belt in his overhead compartment.
Phil Blauer: If he can get me in first class, that'd be great. Actually if he can get me on any international flight that would be better. Ever since the "misunderstanding" I had on a recent trip with Southwestern.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, I told you that Twilight Zone "there's something on the wing of this plane" joke isn't funny since 9/11. The last time Death Gojira was in this building, it was with his Cupcake Crew buddies, taking on The Un-Stable in an LA Freeway match.
Yolanda Ando: Ever since Big Bad Bill set him on fire in Albuquerque, Gojira now covers his shame with tightly wrapped bandages around his face, chest and arms. The only place we do get to see a part of Gojira is his eyes, which are now maroon, serpentine, and terrifying! Aside from his wrappings, Gojira wears a Haori Japanese Vest over his chest with long black shorts and boots. On the back of his Haori is the symbol for Godzilla, with the Japanese characters for "Hageshiimaru" encircling it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Ladder Match for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by The Cupcake Crew; from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(The Palm Springs audience roars, and Gojira lets out a huge "Ree-ornk"! Then "No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and the crowd boos. Ali and Brain walk behind Cobryn holding his cape, Johnny Lee Harley swings a cowbell around, cursing at the booing fans)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's funny?
Phil Blauer: Funny ha-ha? Or Mad TV funny?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn usually isn't hanging out with a large crew since not alot of people can stomach him.
Phil Blauer: Where the hell's Ron Reid? Doesn't he usually do these matches?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonnie gave him the rest of the night off since he got hurt working Syberus vs. The Shootfighter.
Phil Blauer: Jip! What about all the heartburn I got from my buffalo wings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those were mine.
Phil Blauer: Than get em spicer next time. Pussy.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anyway, it could be for protection. Cobryn seems to be edgier than the smarmy guy we're used to. He has Cyrus on the horizon, The Un-Stable howling for his blood, Lucifer Jones looking for payback, and Death Gojira gunning for his title.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from The Florida Keys; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
(The audience boos, and Cobryn sheds his cape. Mike Peters signals for the bell, but Cobryn demands that Gojira be checked for foreign object)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What is this?
Phil Blauer: Cobryn just making sure this is a fair ladder match, with no foreign objects.
(Death Gojira just pushes past, Mike Peters and goes to kick Cobryn, but Cobryn catches his leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn short leg clotheslines Gojira! He applies a standing reverse figure four leg lock with ankle lock to Gojira's legs!!
Phil Blauer: Cobryn attempting to do whatever he can to slow down Gojira. He looks like he's going to work on one of the legs attempting to get him to the point in which he can't climb a ladder.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's very insightful, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, I have my 6 month review with Jonnie last week and I need something positive to bring up if he mentions when I farted in the punch bowl at last year's 4th of July picnic.
Yolanda Ando: I hate this place...I thought that funny taste was rum.
Phil Blauer: Hey, Stan dared me to.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn wrenches on Gojira's legs! He realizes a tap out won't help him here. He irish whips Gojira into the corner so hard he flips over into a tree of woe. Cobryn takes the ladder over and places it from the outside between the middle turnbuckle and Gojira's legs and the top turnbuckle. Cobryn jumps off the apron, slamming the seesaw like ladder into Gojira's prone leg!!
(The audience boos, as Gojira clutches his leg. Cobryn jumps off again, smacking the ladder into his leg again! Cobryn gets up for another strike, turning around to mock the audience, but Gojira rolls off the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira steps outside and leaps on the ladder, see-sawing the ladder into Cobryn's face!! He grabs hold of Cobryn's hair and rams him facefirst into the cornerpost!
(Gojira double underhook DDTs Cobryn's face into the concrete!! Gojira rolls a busted open Cobryn into the ring. He rolls in as well, then stands the ladder up. Gojira irish whips Cobryn into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Cobryn up for a spinebuster, but instead of dropping him on his knee, he throws Cobryn forward into the standing ladder where his legs slip through the spaces and hits his groin on the steps!!
Phil Blauer: Ouch!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Cobryn up onto his shoulders and F5's his face on to the ladder!!
(Death Gojira pulls Cobryn up into a powerbomb but Cobryn rolls forward onto his feet in front of Gojira. Cobryn drops to his knees and low blows him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Gojira up on his shoulder and then runs across the ring and ligerbombs him!!
(Cobryn closes the ladder around Gojira's legs. He climbs to the second turnbuckle, and then jumps off the second rope stomping the ladder shut across the prone legs of Gojira!! Gojira sits up, clutching his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn climbs to the second turnbuckle again, and hops off a second time on to that ladder!!
Phil Blauer: Jesus! Cobryn grabs the ladder and jams the top of it into Death Gojira's legs!!
(Cobryn sets up the ladder and climbs up to the top and reaches up for the belt. Death Gojira limps up the ladder on the other side. He pulls Cobryn by the hair and pulls him over the top, hanging him upside down)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hops off the middle of the ladder with a rude awakening!!
(The crowd comes alive chanting "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira knocks the ladder down on to the mat. He hooks Cobryn in a cradle suplex position, then lifts him up only to tigerbomb his back on the ladder!! The Palm Springs fans continue to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" while Cobryn writhes around clutching his back)
Phil Blauer: Gojira turning Cobryn into his superball on that ladder.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sets up the ladder underneath the belt, and begins limps up to the three quarter point. Cobryn staggers to his feet, and grabs hold of the ladder. Gojira feels the ladder shaking, and backflips into an asai moonsault DDT!!
(Hardkore Hall leaps to their feet, continuing to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira knocks the ladder down and slides it over to the corner. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and front facelocks Cobryn)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira spins off with a tornado DDT but Cobryn pushes him off into the ladder! Cobryn goes right back to that leg, applying an inverted indian deathlock then racheting it up his leg so that he can stand.
(The fans boo while Cobryn clamps down on his twisted legs. Gojira does a push-up but Cobryn continues with the hold. Mike Peters can do nothing else but look on. The crowd begins to chant at Johnny Lee Harley "Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn continuing to come out of left field, treating this ladder match, at times, like an I Quit Match.
Yolanda Ando: I'm not wearing any panties.
Phil Blauer: Me neither.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases the nagata lock, and electric chairs him up on his shoulders. He bends him back into a gory special, then drops him facefirst into the ladder!!
(Gojira clutches his forehead and kicks his feet into the mat. Cobryn drops him back into a wrist clutch exploder! He bounces into the ropes and hits him with a double kneelift to the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn double underhooks Gojira up, but he reverses it with a huracanrana!
(Palm Springs fans cheer wildly. Gojira points towards the members of the Cupcake Crew and throws the ladder to the outside of the ring. While Tuxedo Mask and Makoto Jupiter prop the ladder onto two chairs, so it's standing horizontal, Eerie picks up the steel steps and slides it into the corner of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira turns around to see Cobryn ready to club him with the Goji-Chair but he's able to duck the swing! Gojira kicks Cobryn in the stomach then tucks his head between his legs. With one great roar, Gojira lifts up Cobryn onto his shoulders and limps towards the steps. He hobbles up the steps and leaps off the top turnbuckle with a spinning powerbomb right onto the ladder!!!
Phil Blauer: I can't believe what we just saw!!
(The Palm Springs fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" as Cobryn lies limp, folded over himself. Eerie Von and Tuxedo Mask help Gojira back up to his feet He lets out a mighty "Reee-ornk")
Phil Blauer: Cobryn's bled with Kilroy Evans & Andrew Karnage, but he's never endured punishment like this before meeting Death Gojira!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sticks that ladder over Cobryn's head and grabs his Goji-Chair. He smacks Cobryn's gallowed head with the barbed wire chair!!
(The crowd pops at the sound it makes! Gojira sticks Cobryn's head through the rungs again and electric chairs him up onto his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira drops Cobryn onto the railing with the ladder around his head, the guardrail smacks the ladder into Cobryn's face!!!
(Hardkore Hall continues to rock with "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" so loud you can't hear yourself think. He rolls Cobryn back into the ring, and Eerie Von slides the ladder in as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira backdrops Cobryn, but catches his arms and drops a gory driver on the ladder!!! He pulls the ladder up and sets it up underneath the Hardkore America title.
(The fans are on their feet as Death Gojira begins climbing the ladder. As he gets three quarters of the way up, he reaches up for the belt. Meanwhile, a horribly bloody Cobryn is climbing up to the top of the ladder from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn meets him at the top and bludgeons him with short jabs to the face. He hooks Gojira and brainbusters him from off the ladder!!!
(A small contingent fans cheer Cobryn but they are drowned out by the majority of Palm Springs. Cobryn and Gojira lie down next to one another exhausted. During the pause in action, a fan starts a rally cry with his airhorn. Cobryn to his feet first and fireman's carries Gojira on to the top turnbuckle, facing the ring. He tosses the ladder out of the ring, then steps on to the apron. He hooks the top of the ladder under Gojira's chin and pulls back on the ladder from the ring)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn performing the Florida Surfing manuever on Death Gojira with a never before seen chair edition!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn yanking down on that chair as Gojira's back is being speared by the top of the ringpost! He pulls it down to the ground and walks up on the ladder, pulling Gojira nearly in half!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo as a blood drenched Cobryn poses on the ladder, while Gojira cries out in pain. Cobryn then steps down and slides the ladder into the ring. Cobryn enters the ring and picks up the ladder. But Gojira hops off the top turnbuckle and grabs the ladder too. A struggle ensues )
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Gojira are fighting over the ladder. Fustrated with this tug of war, Gojira pushes the ladder forward into Cobryn's face! While Cobryn staggers back holding his face, Death Gojira takes the ladder and slips Cobryn's head between the legs of the ladder. He holds the legs far out wide, then suddenly slams them together, cracking Cobryn's skull like a nut!!
(The crowd roars at the sound of Cobryn's skull making with the ladder. Death Gojira sets the ladder up and begins slowly climbing the ladder with one foot. Cobryn stops him by grabbing him by the wrist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hops off the ladder, arm dragging Cobryn across the ring! He butterflys his arms and lifts him up onto the shoulder, Gojira then flips him forward into a facefirst tigerdriver!!
(Eerie Von passes Gojira a bottle of lighter fluid. The audience buzzes with anticipation, while Gojira takes a big swig of it. He takes out his zippo lighter but Brain runs into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn's lackey runs into the ring and grabs the zippo lighter out of Gojira's hand!
Phil Blauer: And Gojira without Amazing Taylor. Oh, the one moment to be without your toadie! Onwei!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira spits out the lighter fluid and stalks a nervous Brain. Johnny Lee Harley blindsides him with a lariot! Cobryn pulls Gojira up into a stalling suplex. Johnny Lee Harley knocks the ladder over, and Cobryn drops Gojira's feet on the top rope and slingshot suplexes his back across the ladder!!
(Gojira sits up with his arm arches back in agony. Cobryn drops an elbow on to Gojira dropping back on the ladder! Cobryn slaps his arm and drops a second elbow on him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn scoops Gojira up, he then drops his right hand down from Gojira’s thigh to his right knee, and hooks it before lifting up his own left leg and dropping down and to his left, spiking Gojira down!! Cobryn sets up the ladder!
(Cobryn climbs to the top of the ladder and grabs his Hardkore America Heavyweight title but Gojira climbs up to the top from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pokes Cobryn in the eye! He swings around onto Cobryn's side then puts him in a torture rack. Gojira jumps off, hitting him with a Torture shock!!!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira atomic drops Cobryn on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook, facing the audience. Gojira lies the ladder down in the corner, then steps up behind him on the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira t-bone superplexes Cobryn on to the ladder!!! He hangs onto his arms and pulls him up in a full nelson, then bubbabombs his ass onto the metal rungs!!
(The crowd laughs at Cobryn clutching his ass, and continue to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira sets up the ladder and begins climbing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn backs into the ladder, plucking Gojira off the halfway point in a crucifix. He drops him and catches him on the way down with a DDT!!
(The audience gives this match a standing ovation that lasts nearly 30 seconds, while both men lie exhausted next to one another. Cobryn pulls Gojira up and lifts the ladder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn returns the favor by nutcracking the ladder on his head!! Again! He gets behind a staggering Gojira, and straightjacket german suplexes him!
(The Palm Springs fans boo Cobryn. Makoto Jupiter runs over and rolls a can of Borax to Gojira. When Cobryn leans down to pick up Death Gojira, Gojira smashes the can into Cobryn's face! A cloud of borax explodes, engulfing Cobryn's face with the stinging touch of desanitation! The crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira slips Cobryn's head and arms through the top space of the ladder, then props the other side over the corner post. Gojira hops onto the top of the turnbuckle and waves to the audience to get out of the way before he leaps down onto the ladder and catapults Cobryn head first into the audience's empty seats!!!
(The crowd chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Cobryn lies unconcious in the front row among a sea of fans, and overturned chairs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Death Gojira having a classic match here! Cobryn was launched over the turnbuckle, vaulting into the audience!
(Fans continue to crowd around Cobryn, chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Death Gojira fireman's carries Cobryn over the railing into the ringside area)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira airplane spins the side of Cobryn's head into the cornerpost! Eerie Von slides the ladder into the ring. Gojira rolls Cobryn in then climbs into the ring. Gojira pulls Cobryn up by the arm, but Cobryn pulls him in to a shortarm clothesline!
(Cobryn lifts him up into an inverted crucifix, then drops him facefirst on to the ladder!! Hardkore Hall boos him, as a blood soaked Cobryn tries to catch his breath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gut wrenches Gojira up onto his shoulder then gansobombs him!! He lies the ladder down in the center of the ring, then shoots Gojira off into the ropes. He spinning spinebusters The King of the Fuckin Monsters on the ladder!!
(Cobryn gets up and applauds for himself, gaining the ire of the fans. He sets up the ladder and climbs up to the top. Robert Hunglestien III, Kilroy Evans, and Andrew Karnage run into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable are in the ring, and Robert Hunglestien III climbs to the middle of the ladder on the other side and implant DDTs him off the ladder!!!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly, and "The Punisher" Dan Stein runs down to the ring. Andrew Karnage picks Cobryn up and kataha-jime suplexes him. Johnny Lee Harley jumps into the ring and butterflies Kilroy's arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley double underhook DDTs Kilroy!! Dan Stein runs into the ring and clotheslines Robert Hunglestien III! He scoops up Kilroy Evans and fallaway slams him across the ring!
(Death Gojira comes up from behind Dan Stein and ocean cyclone suplexes him! He grabs the Goji-Chair chair and unfolds it. Robert Hunglestien III & Eerie Von start working over Johnny Lee Harley. Bleeding and worn out, Cobryn begins to sneak up the ladder amid the chaos. Suddenly, Death Gojira unleashes an undefeated roar so earsplittingly loud that it makes Cobryn turn around only to see Death Gojira already up and between his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Before Cobryn has a chance to react, Death Gojira hits him with Sniff the Borax right on the Goji-Chair!!! Cobryn's face splits the wooden chair in half!!
(The crowd goes wild, and The Un-Stable & The Cupcake Crew work over Johnny Lee Harley & Dan Stein. Gojira climbs up the ladder and snatches the title, claiming victory!!! He drops to the mat and the bell rings, the crowd roars in celebration)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira has done it! He's won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Title again!!
("Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and Death Gojira lofts the Hardkore America title belt high in the air. Dan Stein & Johnny Lee Harley drag Cobryn out of the ring. The Un-Stable & The Cupcake Crew loft Death Gojira up on their shoulders, and he slings the title belt over his shoulder as the fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III requesting the microphone...
Robert Hunglestien III: "I bet you didn't see that coming Undisputed King of the Swerve. You thought of everything except for if we got Death Gojira to join The Un-Stable!!"
(Death Gojira, still on Eerie Von & Andrew Karnage's shoulders, motions for the mic)
Death Gojira: "Wait a minute, I'm not a part of The Un-Stable..."
Robert Hunglestien III: "Oh, that's right..."
(Kilroy Evans leaps in the air and diamond cutters Gojira off of Karnage & Von's shoulders!! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable turns on Eerie Von & Tuxedo Mask! Karnage nails Tuxedo Mask with a running death valley driver!
(Robert Hunglestien III waistlocks Eerie Von and Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot, so Hunglestien can german suplex him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable Shotgun Suplexes Eerie Von!! Kilroy Evans climbs up the ladder while Hunglestien lays the America title over his face. Evans hops off the top of the ladder and elbow drops the belt into Gojira's face!!
(Hardkore Hall boos The Un-Stable as they hold up their arms, walking out of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable has ruined the ending of one of the best matches of Hardkore World this year. Death Gojira will head into Northern Ireland with the American title, but a huge target on his back!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now it's time for an event designed to honor the men that have given us their blood, sweat, and tears since 1987. The first inductees of Hardkore World's Hall of Fame. Five wrestlers tonight will be honored for their contribution to the greatest wrestling action on the planet tonight. Without any ado, lets go to our first presenter.
("Dazzling" Danny Adams stands in the ring in a tuxedo with the five honorees behind him)
"Dazzling" Danny Adams: "Thank you. It is so good to be back in this ring, in this city, where I have spent so many of my finest evenings."
Phil Blauer: He's drunk again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That wouldn't be a first, "Dazzling" Danny Adams warred with John "Catman" Wilder over the television and tag team titles for years. His gimmick was to come to the ring stewed out of his mind and work the neck.
"Dazzling" Danny Adams: "Tonight, I've come to pay tribute to a man that I have wrestled and has saved my hide numerous times. John "Catman" Wilder was one of our first superstars, plus the leader of our first dominating group in the tradition of crews like The Russian Family, The Warhammer Corporation, and The Thorn Cult. His superplex terrorized the likes of Butch "The Anvil" Brooks, Major Rager, and Maniac. Then when he got hurt, he became one of our best referees, officiating main events for Palm Springs Punishment, Irish Rage in Belfast, and Hardkore Helloween. Let's hear one last pop, for The Catman."
(The audience cheers as John "Catman" Wilder raises his hand, waving towards the audience. He hugs Danny Adams, and then takes the microphone)
Phil Blauer: Wow, John looks good. Ever since the incident...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil...
Phil Blauer: I know, I know. I was only gonna say that he looks good, because for a while there...
Guillermo O'Bannon: This is supposed to be a happy time. The courts sorted that whole thing out, and he's ready to move on.
Phil Blauer: I heard the youngest girl they pulled out of his crawlspace was 14.
John "Catman" Wilder: "I'm honored to be the first inductee of Hardkore World Hall of Fame. This Hall of Fame induction isn't just for me, it's for all of you that have been on my side all these years, since 1987. Whether you booed me or cheered me, I appreciate you going on the journey with me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."
(Hardkore Hall pops, and Wilder waves back at them. A lone tear goes down his cheek. Roscoe Law then steps up to the mic)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law, a CWF & UWA legend feuded with Matt Creamers's Creamer Dynasty in Chicago in the late 80's. When they both moved over to UWA, they joined forces to dominate UWA, winning the World Championship, US title, and Light Heavyweight titles. They opened up their own promotion out of Wisconsin, Creamer Championship Wrestling. They ran giant events like Roscoe Law's Barroom Brawl. When their group closed they both came over to Hardkore America.
Roscoe Law: "Our next nominee is the template that the rest of us have based our careers on ever since. Matthew X started showing us how it was done in 1988 in CWF Chicago. He won the CWF World Championship and ran pretty unopposed until he lost the title for cursing too much...seriously. Next up for the World's most successful anarchist was UWA, where he dominated the UWA Northeast in 1990. He terrorized the Eastern seaboard with the flaming thumper heart punch until there was no one left to give a heart attack to. Because of contractual problems, Matthew X donned a mask and came over to the West Coast in 1992. There he won the Hardkore World title tournament in his first appearence, defeating previously undefeated Tosh Marley in the final. He held the title three times, winning his wars with The Darkstar Brothers, Rad Thunder, the religious zealot Benyok Kentot, and "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers. Matthew X is one of the most important wrestlers that has ever happened, and I think that is the best way to put it. Ladies and gentleman, the one, the only, the anarchist...Matthew X!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers Matthew X as the mohawked brute, walks up and takes the plaque. He flips off the fans, but they cheer anyway. He decides not to make a speech. Big Daddy Coltrane steps forward in a tuxedo and a mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes a legend in his own right, Big Daddy Coltrane. Big Daddy won the Hardkore America Television title and held the title for nearly two years. In 1992 he won a tournament between Hardkore World & Philadelphia's CPW to crown the Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion between the two groups.
Phil Blauer: How'd that go?
Guillermo O'Bannon: CPW closed the next month.
Big Daddy Coltrane: "Thank you everyone. (does his classic opening line) 'Hello, this is Big Daddy Coltrane.'"
(Palm Springs Convention Center pops)
Big Daddy Coltrane: "You all remember me. I led the Real Four Horsemen to dominate the Hardkore South region. But enough about me, we're here on the West Coast. And on the West Coast, Tosh Marley and his brothers Ras-I & Duck were king. In this very building, they defeated The Russian Bloc for the Hardkore Six Man Tag Team Titles. But as much fun as he had with his brothers, he was the nucleus of that group and soon he had to break away from them to gain singles glory. So his brothers jumped Hardkore World Champion Vance Davis and injured him. Tosh went to Hyogo, Japan to enter the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament at Amagasaki Park Gym, defeating Matthew X over here.
(Matthew X snarls)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Matthew X was able to win the title back from Tosh in their Miami rematch.
Big Daddy Coltrane: "He went on to wrestle in the main event for years, giving us some classic matches. Let me introduce to you younger fans, Tosh Marley!"
(Hardkore Hall cheers)
Tosh Marley: "Lord haff mercy! Tank you everybodie. Everything I haff I leave in dis ring, mon. I want to tank all the fans, all the boombakah mon that I wrestle, for giving me much more than I can ever hope for. Buck! Buck!"
(Fans pop for Tosh Marley, he bumps his fist and points at the sky)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tosh giving props to his brother Ras-I who passed away for unknown reasons in a Tampa motel room last year.
("Block Rockin' Beats" by the Chemical Brothers kicks in over the pa system and Rally Jackson comes out with the Hall of Fame plaque. He is dressed nice in a business suit as any presenter should and he has an evil grin across his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson coming out to induct The Badd B Boys, the tag team icons of the mid 90's.
Phil Blauer: Why?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We didn't really have a spot for him anywhere else. "Sexy" Anj refused to let him take her special ref gig.
Rally Jackson: "I am here to induct the Badd B Boys into the Hall of Fame. But the question is why? They totally suck. And they quit Hardkore World to "run," and I use that term loosely, NWA Virginia. nwavirginia.com/ Check that out for a good chuckle."
Guillermo O'Bannon: You know, Danny Adams just handed Wilder the plaque. No music...
Rally Jackson: "These guys don't deserve to get inducted. I truthfully don't know what they did. They probably won the tag titles or some shit. But know what? So did Scotty Hartman and Harvey Lynch yet you don't see them on the list. Bottom line is, I'm not in control of who gets these things. We all know who should've. So since I am not in any control over it, there is nothing I can do about it."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law just handed Matthew X the plaque...
Rally Jackson: "The only thing I can do is NOT read this script they gave me praising these B Badd Boys. ::rips his paper as he says this:: I am not going to list for you there accomplishments. I am going to bring them out here and plant their fucking award right over their fucking head. This will not be the Badd B Girls fifteen minutes in the spotlight on the count of me. I can honestly say that not one of you fans out there gives a shit what the Big Badd Boys did ten years ago. I highly doubt you heard of anyone up here tonight."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Daddy Coltrane just handed Tosh Marley the plaque...
Rally Jackson: "So instead of giving the (I've been a) Badd Badd Boys the heart warming speech that Jonnie wants me to give them, I am going to go on a tirade about those weapons of mass desctruction that Andrew Karnage is harboring!! I am going to find those Andy!! Big arms, no more!!!
I'd like you to all take a look at the Hardkore tron."
[On the screen you see a picture of Karnage's brand new Lexus.]
Rally Jackson: "My sources have told me that Karnage may or may not be harboring some of those chemicals that produce his weapon's of mass destruction in the trunk of his car. A fairly obvious place, but we are going to check out that lead."
[Tito appears on the screen.]
Tito: "Want me to pop this trunk?"
Rally Jackson: "No vice-president Tito. Destroy his trunk with a sledge hammer. It's the only way to do it."
[Tito pulls out a sledge hammer and starts wailing away on his trunk.]
Rally Jackson: "You think you can get away with illegal chemicals? We will find you!! We will steal your gym bag. We will break into your trunk. There is nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide."
[Tito absolutely obliterates the trunk.]
Tito: "There's nothing in here. Cept a pair of lifting gloves."
Rally Jackson: "Lifiting gloves I'm sure he puts on after injecting himself with illegal chemicals!! Which means we have a lead!! Tito!! Break inton the front of the car!!"
Tito: "The door is unlocked."
Rally Jackson: "I don't care!! Smash it in with your sledge hammer!!"
[Tito goes to town all over the car with the sledge hammer.]
Tito: "I don't see anything, Rally. Just looks like some stuff in the back seat here for a newborn baby."
Rally Jackson: ::wiping his brow:: "Damn, he must've been tipped off about the search and relocated the chemicals. That's enough for today, Vice-president Tito. I have to present these loser fucks their award.
And without further Adieu.... THE BADD B BOYS!!!"
[Rally rolls his eyes as the B Boys music hit and he awaits for them to come up. But instead... Out runs Andrew Karnage]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage runs out and before Rally can turn around and see who it is, he is mowed over by a Nightmare Lariat!
(Rally gets knocking into the air in almost a twisting three sixty and lands flat on his face. The Palm Springs crowd pops, and Rated X, Matthew X, Tosh Marley, and John Wilder flee the ring. Andrew Walks over to his limp body and lays in ultra stiff shots to the face)
Phil Blauer: Security runs out to stop this, but since it's Rally catching the beat down they take an extra long time getting over there.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I can dig that. Just before security reaches them, Karnage hits a huge Karnage Bomb onto the hard stage and Rally is folded up like an accordian. Security finally detains him.
Phil Blauer: Wait, they let him go and he puts the stomp to Rally a little more.
(They detain him again, but security is smiling a little bit. One member of security thinks no one is looking and gives Rally a swift kicks to the ribs himself. Karnage is ushered to the back)
Phil Blauer: I think it's safe to say Rally blew the one thing Jonnie gave him to do tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not only that but he ruined what was supposed to be a momentus occasion.
Phil Blauer: Little word of advice. If your gonna have anything in a wrestling ring, wether it be a bikini contest, pose down, contract signing or Hall of Fame ceremony; someone will ruin it.
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Jun 30, 2005#30
Guillermo O'Bannon: And now fans we crown the next Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. A title surviving since 1987, with great champions like Kentaro Korose, Matthew X, Rally Jackson, Rated X, Adrian Faust, and one of the men wrestling tonight, Cyrus Williams. He takes on a former Ring Syndicate Australia champion, MWA Heavyweight Champion and Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill tonight in the final of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament.
Phil Blauer: That thing ain't over yet?? Back when we started it Dido was still on the radio.
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Cyrus' cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back step through the curtains and get greeted with some boos.. Blaze, Bludd, and Charleston all carry large towels while Arakawa & Maxwell sport a can of cold spray and a bucket of ice respectively. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in a business suit. Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[Finally, Cyrus Williams steps out into the arena, through the pyros. He wears a long black and grey ring robe with a hood, which he flips up once he's completely out in the arena. Cyrus scans the arena for his supporters, the few that exist. He closes his eyes and soaks in the atmosphere.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus looking to not only become a three time Hardkore World Champion but the first man to do it three times without losing.
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
Phil Blauer: How did he manage to accomplish that?
[Cyrus calmly begins to walk down the aisle, his cocky smile never fading from his face. Before he hits the ringside area, he spots a fan with a sign reading "CYRUS WILLIAMS IS PRO WRESTLING" and points it out to the camera.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well he got stripped of the title twice.
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
Phil Blauer: Steve Austin must have broken that record three times over now.
[Cyrus makes it to the ring as the song breaks down. He climbs the ring steps as he steps in, with Lux, and the cornermen following him. When he enters the ring, Cyrus goes to the center of the ring and does a victory pose, with his entourage doing it's best to deflect the garbage being pelted at him.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Tom Lux grabs the microphone from Bill Kasal.]
Tom Lux: "Ladies and gentlemen, due to Paul Mannetti's untimely accident, I will be taking over ring introductions for your future world champion."
[Boos for that.]
Tom Lux: "Tonight, you fans are about to witness history. For the first time in Hardkore World history, you will see a man crowned a three time world champion, without ever losing that title. You will also see the complete and utter trouncing of a man that isn't even fit to lick my client's boots clean. Tonight, in Palm Springs, CA, in the 'Hardkore Hall', pro-wrestling will prevail over sports entertainment. Athleticism will prevail over character. Mark tonight's date down on your calendar: much like November '97 in Montreal spawned the Attitude era, much like July '96 gave us the nWo, much like August of '94 gave us the dawn of extreme...tonight, when my client destroys Triple B, there will be a new era born. When the dust clears, the blood sheds, and the bell rings, the rightful champion will ascend to his throne and all will be right in the world."
[The crowd is all over Lux, trying to interrupt his speech.]
Tom Lux: "From coast to coast, from sea to shining sea, through seven continents, over five oceans, people the world over have watched him win titles, lose titles, bleed, talk, brawl, and entertain. He has been a consummate performer for nearly 15 years as a professional wrestler, going above and beyond the call of duty in the name of professional wrestling. He has held titles the world over, and is certainly one of the most decorated athletes to ever exist in the business. He is a living legend, worthy enough to have his name alongside those like Inoki, Thesz, Gotch, Fujinami, Maeda, Tenryu, The Funks, Hansen, The Briscoes, Backlund, Sammartino, and Tsuruta. Hailing from Palm Springs, CA by way of Chicago, IL and Providence, RI, he weighs in tonight at 242 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, the savior of professional wrestling, your personal Jesus, and the GOD of Hardkore World.....CYRUS WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Phil Blauer: That sure is alot of exclamation points, Bill would never have used that many.
[Cyrus' ring seconds toss in streamers as fast as they can. Some fans of Cyrus' in the crowd respond with their own streamers. Cyrus takes off his ring robe and begins to stretch. Suddenly a black glow radiates from the Valen-tron, and a dreadful moaning in the form of a chant is heard in the background. Smoke begins to build on the floor, and the purple strobe lights flashing on either side of the entrance curtain reflect prominently off the fog. The chanting has been replaced by a steady guitar riff; dark, yet melodic]
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill finally getting high enough on the card to demand smoke machines! Next thing you know he'll pop out of trap door platform.
(Words flash large on the screen, and then fade away to be replaced by others:
ALPHA
alpha
OMEGA
omega
TRIPLE B
TRIPLE B
triple b
Fireworks explode from the floor and make their way up to the ceiling. From the smoke, a shape becomes apparent. Tall, dark, his hands stretched only a few inches from his sides, and a long trench coat that ripples with the effort. The crowd buzzes to life as one of the finalists for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship makes his presence known)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill, trying to put those three women fighting over him earlier in the evening out of his head, and focus on the task at hand.
(Triple B storms forward through the billowing smoke and walks down the entrance ramp. Scenes from his career flash on the screen: Skitzo screaming at the receiving end of the Dis-locator; Mike Stryker and Lo King staring in disbelief as Big Bad Bill pins Bobby Collins in a four-corners/ four-champions match; Shawn McWhirter looks on in horror as Triple B kicks out of his Scottish-shock Syndrome; and one of Bill winning the American Title from Sean Powers. Triple B holding the MWA Struggle-to-Survive Tournament trophy in the air. Triple B holding the MWA Heavyweight Title over his head after beating Bobby Collins. Triple B winning Rally Jackson’s WWWK2 Tag-Team Tournament… all by himself.
Blackie Lawless’ lyrics to “The Headless Children” by WASP reverberate off the walls as more scenes are displayed from five plus years of a professional wrestling career: Triple B powers out of the New York Cloverleaf as panic sets in the eyes of Mike Stryker. Insane Wayne pounds mercilessly on Bill’s head and shoulders until a long arm reaches up to grab him by the throat and launches Wayne into the barb-wire ropes, breaking the wire and leaving a lacerated Wayne writhing on the floor. Fade taps furiously to the Dis-locator. Jihad struggles desperately to escape the Dis-locator as Alley taunts him. Pagan reaches out and grabs Ashley by the hair when the center of the ring is torn open and Triple B emerges from within, grabbing Pagan and pulling him under with him. Big Bad Bill standing triumphant as the defeated Christian Demonstone hands him the EWA Heavyweight Title.
Scenes from Triple B’s time in MWA, RAW-Carolina, EWA, EWW, IWA, CWA, HKW, and recently S.W.A.T. are shown on the screen as Triple B walks out and gazes over the cheering crowd. The music cuts and he stares right through Cyrus Williams with pure vehemence. The two stare holes into each other when Triple B snaps a finger up… and smiles.
Cyrus looks perplexed at Triple B, who only points behind him. Cyrus turns and sees the Valen-tron ripple back to life as red word appear on the screen:
“The most annoying sound to the ears of a scholar is the braying of an ass.”
--Holy Qur’an
Cyrus shakes his head at the quote, saying that talk is over. Then an image appears on the screen:
www.geocities.com/mwatripleb/cyrus-donkey.jpg
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus claps his hands in mock applause and turns to regard Triple B, who is waiting with a spinning heel kick to Williams!! Our match is underway!
(Mike Peters signals for the bell! Bill punches Cyrus with a few combination punches to soften him up. Then he waistlocks him and drops him behind him in a northern lights suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill doesn't bridge and lifts him up into a second northern lights suplex, this time holding him for the pin!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Cyrus Williams rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill hangs onto him and hits a third rolling northern lights suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1....(Cyrus Williams gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus gets to his feet and fires at him with an enzuigiri kick to the back of Bill's head! He grabs his arm and drops down to the mat in a jujigatame!
(The audience boos Cyrus, and he pulls up on Bill's whammybarred arm. Tom Lux, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Tatsuya Arakawa, Bludd, and Joe Charleston all pound on the apron, rooting him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters checks in to see if Bill wants to tap out already but I doubt it. Cyrus keeps hold of Bill's arm and rolls him over into a uma plata with a crossface. He wrenches on Bill's arm bent behind his knee and clamps down on his neck. Cyrus rolls him over into a cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Big Bad Bill gets his arm free)
(Cyrus goes for a right hand punch; Triple B grabs the arm and rests the elbow over his left shoulder. Triple B spins to his right, forcing Cyrus to follow or break his own elbow at the joint. When a full 360 degree spin is reached, Triple B abruptly changes direction with a short-armed clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill straightjackets Cyrus Williams' arms and cross-armed brain busters him on the back of his head!!
(The Palm Springs fans pop. Big Bad Bill whips around with a wheel kick to Cyrus' face that backs him up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill spins around into another kick to Williams' chin! He spins around for a third, but Cyrus ducks underneath. He answers with a high roundhouse kick that sends Bill to his knees!
(Williams knees Bill in the face to send him to the mat. He pulls Cyrus up into a half nelson, then suplexes him onto the back of his head! Cyrus then applies an abdominal stretch and drops down to the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill locked up in a giant octopus on the mat. Both of these men are submission masters, so I'm sure we'll see alot of this jockeying.
Phil Blauer: Speaking of octopus, you know I have a bit part in that new Popeye remake we advertised earlier.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Really, as who?
Phil Blauer: The Zany Spinach Salesman. I had this great scene where I keep trying to sell Popeye some spinach but he "don't like no spinach". Eventually he beats the crap out of me with my own fist. Everyone else got a stunt double but Deniro demanded that he be allowed to "work without a net with this one". But my scene wound up on the cutting room floor. Donald Sutherland, who played Poopdeck Pappy, didn't like it when I mistook his wife for an asian whore I used to frequent. I saw her at craft services and decided to surprise her with our old game. I put the dog collar around her neck and started yelling for her to eat her food off the ground. Turns out she was Mexican to begin with, so I apologized but I think the damage was done.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think Francine Racette is French Canadian...Cyrus rolls Bill onto his shoulders in another cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill kips up and hits Cyrus with a spinning sweep kick that sends Cyrus on his ass. Cyrus gets up and gets sent with another spin kick to his ankle. Bill to grabs Cyrus’ kick pads and steps on his other foot to take him down. Triple B twists his leg, then flips over with his leg in his hands.
(He grinds Cyrus’ knee into that unbearable pain that knee joints can cause. He then turns him over into an inverted indian deathlock. He clamps down on his legs, and Cyrus cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus reaching out for the ropes, and Bludd pushes the bottom rope out to make it easier for him to reach.
Phil Blauer: That's nice of him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pushes up from off the mat to get better leverage on Cyrus' legs. Cyrus is finally able to reach out and grab on to the ropes. Mike Peters calls for the break. Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle, then front flips into a butterfly suicida!!
(Crowd cheers, and Big Bad Bill pulls him up. He irish whips him, but Cyrus reverses it and sends him into the corner so hard that he falls on his ass. Cyrus rakes his boot across the Bill’s face over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams runs to the ropes opposite the corner, bounces off, and obliterates Big Bad Bill with a hard running kick! Cyrus scoops Bill up and tombstone piledrives him into the canvas by the corner!
(Cyrus Williams climbs to the top rope and hops off with a double ribbreaker stomp to his stomach! The Palm Springs fans boo, while Cyrus pulls a gasping Bill up by the hair. He holds Bill by the hair and proceeds to kick him across the face about five times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams rears back one final time and blasts him with a kawada kick! He sits on Bill's back and pulls back with a butterfly lock. He rocks back with Bill's arm & head clasped between his hands.
(Mike Peters asks if he wants to tap out, but Bill shakes his head "no". Small pockets chant "Bill!" to root him on. Cyrus releases it and allows Big Bad Bill to get up to his knees. He runs into the ropes and penalty kicks Bill, but Bill catches his foot, hugs it to his body, absorbing the impact. He wrenches his leg to the side, taking Cyrus off his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill hits the ropes and catches Cyrus under the chin with a flying elbow. He climbs to the top turnbuckle, and comes off with a flying rana!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2....(Cyrus Williams kicks out)
(Triple B stands back-to-back with Cyrus. With his right arm, Bill pulls Cyrus’ head backwards so his neck is resting on Bill’s right shoulder. Bill then grabs Cyrus’ left wrist with his left hand and uses it to spin both of them around and land a DDT! The fans pop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle and spins off with a roundhouse feliner kick! Bill scoops Cyrus up, but Cyrus falls behind him. He pops Bill two times in the face with a flurry of right jabs. Cyrus runs into the ropes and roaring elbows him!!
(The crowd jeers & boos. He full nelsons Big Bad Bill and drops him back into a dragon suplex)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams applies a choke sleeper with a body scissors. He squeezes all the air out of Bill's body with those powerful legs while not allowing him to get any new oxygen with that tight choke. When Bill gets to close to the ropes he rolls him over on to the other side.
(Cyrus Williams releases the body scissors and lifts Bill up in a hanging suplex. Before he can hit the Christopher Reeve Driver, Bill floats behind him and bicycle kicks him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill pops Cyrus with some chops to the chest, then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop!! He rolls Cyrus over and covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cyrus Williams kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill climbing to the top rope again coming down with a stiff fistdrop!
Phil Blauer: I believe he's trying to bring back "strong style" with that one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill bounces off the ropes with a leg drop. He comes off the ropes with a knee drop but Cyrus rolls out of the way of that one. He waistlocks Bill and hits him a backdrop driver!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus sits next to him, applying a top wristlock. He puts one of his hands around Bill's neck, then bridges himself back, choking Bill while applying pressure to his wrist. The Williams Restraint Lock!!
(Mike Peters checks in with Bill, while Cyrus attempts to make his forehead meet the mat. The fans clap to root Bill on not to give up. Cyrus shakes his head to the crowd that "he ain't goin nowhere")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus pulls him up to his feet and hits him with a release german suplex! He grabs Bill's leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab. He yanks back on Bill's leg, once again trying to make the dark poet tap out.
Phil Blauer: This is the man who won the When We Were Kings Tag Team Tournament...by himself!
(The Palm Springs fans continue to boo, while Cyrus sticks his boot on the back of Bill's head and stands on it. Meanwhile Jinn Blaze and Michael Maxwell set up a table outside. Cyrus releases the single leg crab and pulls Bill up into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus lifts Bill up in a powerbomb but Bill rolls through it on to his feet in front of Cyrus. Big Bad Bill spin kicks Williams in the belly. He pulls Cyrus' head into his legs, positions himself by the ropes, holds onto the top rope...he delivers a canadian destroyer over the top rope through that table outside!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with "BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!!" while Cyrus barely moves in the rubble. Triple B double underhooks Williams' arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill Enso DDTs Williams' face into the broken table!! Cyrus rolls over with a large gash over his right eye now. Bill climbs up to the apron waiting for Cyrus to get up. Tom Lux warns Cyrus and he ducks under a roundhouse kick from the apron!
(The crowd boos and Cyrus fires at him with a european uppercut, followed by an another enzuigiri kick that knocks Big Bad Bill to one knee on the Hardkore Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody warrior Cyrus smacks Bill with a shining wizard but Bill stays kneeling! Cyrus backs up and cracks Bill in the face with a yakuza kick!
(Cyrus backs up again, and finally a nails Triple B with a rolling koppo kick. Cyrus staggers up, and spits on Bill. The crowd boos even louder. He grabs Bill by the hair and drags his face along the broken wood & plastic of the table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus holds Bill face down on the concrete floor and begins ramming some Hatefuck knees into the back of his head, caving in his face like when Ric Flair did to Ricky Steamboat & Eddie Gilbert.
Phil Blauer: His isn't so pleasant either. He looks like a coked out lizard.
(Cyrus pulls Big Bad Bill up and he's bleeding as well. He rolls Bill back into the ring and then gets some work on his cut from cornerman Jinn Blaze)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus enters the ring and scoops Bill up, northern light bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Big Bad Bill gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus front facelocks Bill and drops down into a DDT, but Bill somersaults out of it and is waiting for Cyrus when he sits up with a shining wizard! The fans love it! He shoots Cyrus into the ropes and lays him out with a Inazuma leg lariot!
(The crowd is on their feet, hoping for the upset. He grabs Cyrus by the hair and monkey flips him across the ring, getting another big pop. Cyrus staggers up but avoids an axe kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus deposits Bill behind him with a wristclutch exploder suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams applies a triangle choke. Blood runs down from Bill's face down to Cyrus's face as he clamps his tattooed arm across Bill's throat! He arches his back backwards trying to choke Bill out!
(The audience cheers Bill on, but Bill is fading fast. Cyrus Williams quickly applies an inverted indian deathlock and grabs Bill by the arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls his boot up and stomps the back of Bill's head, smashing his bloody face into the canvas over & over! He scoops Bill up for another tombstone but Bill takes him over in a head scissors. Before he gets up he brings his leg down across Cyrus' face!
(Big Bad Bill pulls Cyrus' head into his legs and powerbombs his back on the top rope, to get some height then swings him over into a slingshot powerbomb)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Cyrus Williams gets his boot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill takes that leg & ankle he's been working on and spins it around into a spinning toe hold. But before he drops down he sits on Cyrus' twisted legs for The Jailhouse Lock!!
Phil Blauer: The Jailhouse Lock is when two Mexicans are holding your arms for their buddy while you stick your face in the pillow trying to go to your happy place....but I'll play along.
(A bloody Cyrus sits up, with his fists balled up in pain. Cyrus' entourage pound on the mat trying to support their mealticket. Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap out but he shakes his head "no", getting blood on the ref's shirt)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus finally able to slide over far enough to grab the ropes, and Peters forces Big Bad Bill to release The Jailhouse Lock. He irish whips Cyrus into the corner, then follows him in, hopping on to the middle of the second rope. Bill hops backwards into a DDT!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers again, while Bill rolls him up for the pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cyrus Williams kicks out again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus ducks under a discus punch and applies a cobra clutch to Big Bad Bill. He spins him around & round until he gets him high enough to spike him on his head with the Dangerous Cobra Driver!!!
(Palm Springs gasps, and Cyrus maintains the cobra clutch. Mike Peters asks Bill if he wants to submit but Bill is barely cogniscent of his surroundings. Vagabond makes her way down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Now what the hell is she doing here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What the hell is Tom Lux doing here?
Phil Blauer: Women don't belong anywhere near a ring!
Yolanda Ando: Hey!
Phil Blauer: You know what I mean, Yo Yo. Real women.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond coming down to the ring, trying to wake Bill up, pounding on the apron and getting the fans to clap in unison. Cyrus applies an inverted facelock. Bill knows what's coming and tries to wiggle out by Cyrus is too strong.
(Bill manages to get his arm & in between his head & Cyrus' arm when Cyrus lifts him up. Bill rolls over into The Dis-Locator!! The crowd leaps to their feet while Vagabond screams with joy)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill has Cyrus in The Dis-Locator and is pushing him down towards the mat by his hammerlocked arms! Blood runs from Cyrus' face into a small pool underneath him. Mike Peters in position if Cyrus wants to submit, while he screams in agony!
(Cyrus' entourage springs into action. Bill has to release Cyrus arms so he can be ready. He hits Bludd with a yakuza kick and he goes down like a sack of hammers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill had something for the former Hardkore Canada & World Tag Team Champion! He smashes Tom Lux's face into the mat with an x factor!
(Michael Maxwell grabs Bill from behind while Jinn Blaze runs off the ropes with a clothesline, but Bill ducks and he hits Maxwell! Bill pops Maxwell in the shins with a low kick, then blasts him upside the head with a superkick! The fans roar)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill judo tosses Michael Maxwell over the ropes but Tatsuya Arakawa grabs him from behind. Cyrus Williams comes off the ropes with a penalty kick to Cyrus' stomach.
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos & jeers. Cyrus sneers back at them and wipes some blood out of his eyes. He inverted facelocks Big Bad Bill and lifts him up again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn slides into the ring out of nowhere and clips Cyrus Williams' knee from behind!
(Crowd gasps again and Cobryn slides out of the ring. Tatsuya Arakawa clubs Cobryn and rams his face into the cornerpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill lifts Cyrus up into a human torture rack, then spins him around into a belly to back piledriver!!! Cross the T Dot the I!!
(The crowd jumps up in celebration while Bill makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs fans leap to their feet as "Headless Children" by WASP plays on the Hardkore Hall PA system. Arakawa is kicking Cobryn on the floor, when Johnny Lee Harley leaps out of the crowd and clubs him with the branding iron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley knocks Arakawa out with that branding iron and collects Cobryn. They retreat back to the locker room together. But at any rate, Big Bad Bill has won the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!!
(Vagabond runs into the ring with the Hardkore World Championship belt, and joyfully hands it to an exhausted and bloody Big Bad Bill)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 27 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
("Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, Tito, Ashley, Jonathan Richards, Alley, Nathan Slater, Gavin Slater, and Vagabond enter the ring and pull Big Bad Bill up on his shoulders. He straps the title around his waist and holds his arms up in victory)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill joins great names like Rated X, Matthew X, Kentaro Korose, and his partner Rally Jackson as the legends that have held the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. He has studied Cyrus Williams' matches for years and tonight it paid off!
Phil Blauer: Plus he's got some threeway action coming from those ladies in the ring. Everything's Coming Up Milhouse!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Everyone join us in Northern Ireland, where we will have our first pay per view there in four years!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Welcome back to the hottest place in the World besides Lindsey Lohan's taint, Palm Springs, California!! It's 105 outside but about to get hotter with tonight's Hardkore action. Alot of it to come from tonight's ladder match between Cobryn & Death Gojira. I wondered aloud after their last match if Jonnie Valentine was gonna put them in a barbed wire or cage match to keep all the intereference out, but instead, he decided to just make them have to climb more.
Phil Blauer: For a sport that attracts mostly failed athletes from other sports with blown knees, it really does require alot of climbing and running. At any rate, Cobryn and Gojira did their best to kill one another, Gojira bouncing Cobryn's head off the concrete at The Cox Arena so many times, he had to be re-introduced to each member of his family. In fact, they destroyed Yolanda's brand new Volkswagen jetta chick car.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You had insurance, right?
Yolanda Ando: Not after I watched the last "Doctor" Phil Blauer show called "Car Insurance, A Sucker's Bet".
Phil Blauer: Bite your tongue, that peice won a Daytime Emmy! This peice of shit hasn't even won a Peabody!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You can have a ride home with me.
Yolanda Ando: Last time your mother just played Weezer on the radio the whole ride home to show how hip she is.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Veronica's driving me tonight. She said that guys that ride with their mother, while sweet, really decrease their chances of getting blowjobs while they drive.
Phil Blauer: She does it while she drives?? That's talent! What hand does she use to put on make-up while doing all that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Plus tonight fans, we will crown the Hardkore World Champion. A title that has been around since 1989, will go to either Cyrus Williams or Big Bad Bill. Bill went through "Nasty" Ned Chambers...
Phil Blauer: I miss Ned.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know you do, Phil...
Phil Blauer: Did you see the sign?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I saw the sign. But Bill went through, Ned, Death Gojira, and Lucifer Jones to get here while Cyrus Williams plowed through "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, "Your Canadian Hero" Nick Knight, and Syberus. Both are battle tested. Cyrus has defeated all the greats put in front of him, and is well suited for this type of high pressure match. But Big Bad Bill is obsessive in studying his opponent, finding their weakness and exploiting it. That preperation was what led to him being the only man to make Cobryn submit. Also, we'll see Syberus take on Hardkore West Coast Champion The Shootfighter in Syberus' first title defense for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
Phil Blauer: Syberus looking to jumpstart the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight division like Kentaro Korose, Wasp Man, Tuxedo Mask and Ace Kilcannon before him. But unlike Wasp Man, he'll have to do it without dressing like a big wasp.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true. It will be tough to do against The Shootfighter, one of the toughest guy in the locker room. He's the guy you want on your side when things get rough.
Phil Blauer: Then why didn't he help me when there was that misunderstanding about my hotel bill at the Radisson?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Because that was a woman asking you to pay your bill. You could have just paid it.
Phil Blauer: Not with all that porn I ordered. Who do you think pays me, Turner?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then comes the threeway dance between three of the top teams right now. High Maintenance comes to us from SWAT in one of our biggest free agency pick ups of the new year. They join The Black Experience, the six man tag team champions, who many say should have beaten The Miracle Violence Combination II in their cage match in San Diego.
Phil Blauer: Good news is I found my wallet and keys after the show in San Diego. However, I had harrowing experience when I thought Bruno and his homies were following me home. Turned out to be a police officer, I had neglected to take the gas pump out of my fuel filler and had been dragging it down the I-10 for miles. Still, I'll have my eye on those two, believe you me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one's taking your $8, Phil. Speaking of steel cages and rematches, Horror Girl puts her newly won Hardkore World Women's Championship up against the woman she won it from Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa.
Phil Blauer: With a 15 foot high steel cage locking these two ladies in, there can be no help from their massive entourages. Plus coffee is tough to throw through steel mesh, which explains my outfit at Starbucks when I go trolling for chicks.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we have the biggest grudge match in Hardkore America. It all started when Lucifer Jones began when a man began attacking him using his dead father's red mask. After one of these attacks, Jones was ready for him and tore the mask off, revealing it to be "The Punisher" Dan Stein. After costing one another their chance in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament, they begged for tonight's match. Stein asked for a leather strap match, but Jones upped the ante with a spike studded strap.
Phil Blauer: They had to dip into my personal collection for that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then an intiguing encounter between Vagabond & Tamara Sanchez. When Vagabond first debuted in Hardkore America, it was in a tag team match with "Sexy" Anjanette Turner against Tamara Sanchez & Brandi in Seattle. Sanchez & Brandi brutalized both ladies, hitting their finishers on Turner & Vagabond on the concrete. Turner has been out of wrestling since, but makes her return tonight to be the special referee in the match pitting Vagabond against Tammy. Tammy looked as though she was there to help Vagabond in her San Diego match against Brandi, but wound up attacking her as well, once again hitting her with The 7 Year Inch with the help of a ladder.
Phil Blauer: Get out the milk and sausage, there's gonna be a cat fight!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You feed your cats milk and sausage?
Phil Blauer: Actually, my cats eat with me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: On the table?
Phil Blauer: No silly, on the floor.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Plus we have Hardkore World's first Hall of Fame induction ceremony in it's 18 year history. We will honor John "Catman" Wilder, one of the first real superstars of Hardkore World. He never won many titles, besides the six man title, but was one of the most entertaining superstars we had to start out. The Badd B Boys, former tag team juggernauts, three time champion Matthew X, the incomprable Rated X and Jamaican strongman, Tosh Marley.
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Jeremiah Vastrix steps through the curtain and is blown back by the screams of the Palm Springs ladies and gay men. Lucius Morgan follows behind him in a three piece suit, while Tarrasque drools behind him, chewing on a turkey leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix about to have his first singles match since a match in Denver with Kilroy Evans in December. He won the six man tag team titles...
Phil Blauer: Again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yes, The Warhammer Corporation will be inducted in to the Hardkore Hall of Fame no doubt for their domination of the six man tag team scene for the last decade.
(Jeremiah walks past Tony Thunder's skateboard ramp and poses for some photos with women, while he signs their breasts. He gets to a shirtless man and decides it's time to wrestle)
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix is wearing a form fitting purple & pink bodysuit.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Palm Springs Convention Center or better known as...HARDKORE HALL!!"
(The Palm Springs fans chant "HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!! HARD-KORE HALL!!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World present tonight's bill of wrestling action. Tonight's first match is scheduled for one fall and a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Tarrasque and his manager, Lucius Morgan; From Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
(The crowd jeers and boos, then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays. The fans leap to their feet, as Tony Thunder skates down the ramp with a Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt slung over his shoulder. DKahuna then walks out to a loud ovation as his nephew skates up the ramp and lands in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder got a little help from his Uncle DKahuna in his Hardkore West Coast title match with The Shootfighter and now he looks to do the same tonight.
Phil Blauer: So is DKahuna his first name...or his last? Is it D...Kahuna?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a question for the angels, Phil. These two have a little history with one another, as Thunder and his boys The Black Experience won the six man titles off of Vastrix, Tarrasque, and The Shootfighter. Plus DKahuna and Vastrix are old friends from CWF Germany.
Phil Blauer: (pulls the string of The Shootfighter doll) "I not to dishonor myself, Judge Dread. Now let us retire to our pretend courthouse."
Yolanda Ando: Thunder wearing a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with with blue elbow and knee pads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by DKahuna; Hailing from Malibu, California; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds; He is One Third of The HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!!!"
(Hardkore Hall gives him a huge ovation, and Tony Thunder tosses his shirt to the fans. Meanwhile, Jeremiah runs at the corner, springs off of it to about the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix springboards off to come at Thunder from an unexpected direction with a Monkey's Kick of the Western Sigil!!
Phil Blauer: Now I'm not the only guy in Hardkore who's had a monkey kick.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Last time these two men were in this building, they got pretty messy. Vastrix won the six man titles in an electrified barbed wire match, and Thunder was in the barbed wire battle royal. Vastrix irish whips Thunder into the ropes and presses him up, then drops his stomach down onto his shoulder with a Stock Market Crash!
(Vastrix stomps Thunder in the mouth. Thunder clutches his mouth, and gets to one knee. He grabs Vastrix by the arm and takes him over into a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder scoops Vastrix up on his shoulder, and runs across the ring into a shoulderbreaker! He applies an abdominal stretch.
(The male audience shouts out encouragement for The Extremist while the ladies urge Vastrix to roll out of it. Vastrix hiptosses Thunder, prompting squeals throughout Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix with a high uppercut kick! He knife edge chops Thunder in the throat, then rolls him up into a small package!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men getting to their feet, and Vastrix hits him square in the chest with a heart uppercut punch. Tony blocks a second palm strike, and responds with a monkey flip across the ring!
(Tony Thunder grabs Vastrix by the neck and t-bone suplexes him on to his head! He irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and gives him a huracanrana with a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder waistlocks him and german suplexes him, but Vastrix flips behind him on his feet. He grabs Thunder by his long black hair and pulls the back of his head down across his knee!
(Jeremiah brings both of Tony Thunder's arms to his back in a double chicken wing. He then holds both hands with one hand and trips Thunder face first to the mat while holding the back of his head for that extra ooomph as his face hits the canvas)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sage's Slam of the Ancient Ring"!
Phil Blauer: It sure beats The Bruno Slam.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah lifts Thunder up in a suplex, and spins around before dropping him to the mat.
(Vastrix springs to his feet and poses, as flashbulbs go off around Hardkore Hall from the ladies. Jeremiah headlocks him and runs across the ring and then drops his stomach on his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix irish whips him into the ropes and tiltawhirls him but Thunder rolls over into a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix slides his arm out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder pulls Vastrix up on his shoulder and drives him into the mat with a tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder belly to back suplexes him and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He flips off into a swanton bomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder scoops him up but on the way Vastrix inside cradles him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix rolls on top of Thunder and begins choking him. He knife edge chops him in the floating ribs. Jeremiah pulls him up and shows that power of his and presses him over his head. He drops him in an ace crusher!
(Vastrix wraps Thunder's leg up in a spinning toe hold and shakes his ass for the ladies. Squeals from women and effeminate men fill Hardkore Hall. Vastrix smiles at Dkahuna from underneath his porclain mask, then stomps on Thunder's ankle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix picks Thunder up in a side suplex but Tony rolls up and takes him over into a flying headscissors! He pulls him up on his shoulder and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder steps up on to the second turnbuckle. His legs hit the top rope and backflips into a split legged leg drop!! He covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder irish whips him into the ropes and flips him across the ring with a belly to belly suplex!
(The audience cheers, while Vastrix begs off. DKahuna yells "Stay on him, Tony!" Thunder grabs him and dragon sleepers him. Vastrix scratches & claws to get out, but Thunder clamps down on his neck & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix kicking out his legs, trying to struggle enough to get free, but Thunder bridges back. Vastrix finally finds his face, and rakes his eyes. God's Gift hits Thunder with a palm strike to his nose. Vastrix lifts him by the legs into a wheelbarrow but just punt kicks him in the groin!
(The fans boo, and Thunder rolls around the mat in unbearable agony. DKahuna gets into an argument with Ron Reid on the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix is busy climbing to the top turnbuckle. He moonsaults into a double ax handle smash to Thunder's face!! He covers him and calls Reid over!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle again, but Thunder springs to the the second turnbuckle to meet him. The Extremist slugs him across the face and then Thunder bombs him off the top rope!!
(Fans leap to their feet while Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes and rolls into a rolling thunder leg drop! He pulls Vastrix by the hair and tosses him over the top rope!
(Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle, while Lucius Morgan and Tarrasque help Vastrix to his feet. Thunder jumps off with a suicide dive taking out The Warhammer Corporation!! The crowd celebrates, as all four men lay out on the floor. DKahuna helps Thunder to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder pulls Vastrix up to his feet and presses him over his head, but before he can drop his throat on the railing a few earringed men start throwing their cups and food at him!
Phil Blauer: Wow, Vastrix's sexuality exceeds anything...you can get lost in his eyes...try it sometime, Guillermo.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Thunder and irish whips him into Jeremiah and Vastrix who kicks his feet out so that he falls facefirst into the steel steps!!
(Vastrix rolls Thunder into the ring, he enters and inverted facelocks The Extremist. He steps on the back of his knee and applies a vertical STF. The men boo Vastrix, while Thunder struggles for air. DKahuna pounds on the mat, giving his nephew advice on how to break it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Trap of the One Thousand Purgatories"! Vastrix stands on the back of Thunder's knee and pulls back on his inverted facelocked head. Thunder reaches up under Vastrix's mask and scratches his eyes, to loosen the...Trap of the thousand...shit, where's my index card?
Phil Blauer: (lifts his zima) Oh, sorry. I was using it as a coaster.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder drops back in to a bridged german suplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder applies a cobra clutch to Vastrix! Jeremiah is fading fast, so Lucius Morgan hops on to the apron, distracting Ron Reid. DKahuna jumps up there and slugs Lucius Morgan!!
(Hardkore Hall erupts in cheers, and Morgan begs DKahuna for mercy, as Thunder continues to whip Vastrix from side to side. DKahuna winds back to hit Morgan but Tarrasque spears him into the apron!! The crowd winces at the sound it makes, and Vastrix is almost completely out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid not looking at the unconcious Vastrix, worried about the chaos going on outside the ring. Thunder tosses Vastrix to the ground and goes over to have a word with the distracted ref.
(Tarrasque slides into the ring with the timekeeper's bell and wakes Vastrix up. He hands Jeremiah the bell and pulls him to his feet. The Palm Springs fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: God's Gift comes at Thunder with the timekeeper's bell but The Extremist catches him with a spinebuster!!
(Hardkore Hall celebrates while Thunder floats over into a pinning position. Ron Reid slides in to make the count)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder puts the ring bell over Vastrix's face, then climbs to the top turnbuckle. He comes off with a leg drop but Vastrix rolls out of the way and Thunder's leg comes down on the bell!!
(The crowd boos as Thunder rolls around clutching his knee. Jeremiah catches his breath, then pulls Thunder up to his feet. He irish whips him into the ropes, then on the return dropkicks him in his hurting knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls him up by the arm and twists it, twice. He then back kicks Thunder's knee again! Vastrix then applies an STF in the center of the ring!!
Phil Blauer: Vastrix using Thunder's own Extreme Pain on him, trying to humiliate him with his own finisher. Ron Reid in position if Thunder decides to tap out.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix clamps down on Thunder's neck and wrenches his knee.
(DKahuna pounds on the apron, trying to keep Thunder awake. "Get to the rope!" he cries repeatedly. Vastrix releases The Extreme Pain, then presses him over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix drops him in a Bottom Line ace crusher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix fireman's carries Thunder onto his shoulders, then drops his groin on the top turnbuckle. Vastrix climbs to the second rope and pulls him up into a piledriver, but Thunder rolls up into a spinning super rana!! Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle and backflips into a shooting star press!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
(The crowd goes wild, as DKahuna beams with pride. Tony Thunder irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and then hits him upside the head with his superkick!! Hardkore Hall erupts)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder Kick!! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a 900 splash, but Vastrix rolls out of the way! Vastrix lifts him up into a vertical suplex, then drops him headfirst on his knee!! The Uber Knee Lift!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("Your Body's Callin" by R. Kelly plays and Hardkore Hall boos. Vastrix rolls out of the ring, exhausted. The fans jeer him as he celebrates by picking two ladies out of the audience and takes them to the locker room with him. DKahuna holds up his nephew's arm in victory)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes 37 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder next goes to Belfast, Northern Ireland for Irish Rage in Belfast on pay-per-view. He'll wrestle former IWA Commonwealth Champion "The Straightshooter" Andrew Sinclair in his return match after being away from the ring for over a year. Jeremiah Vastrix has some momentum going into Belfast where he will wrestle the winner of tonight's match between The Shootfighter & Syberus for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
(Tony Thunder is consoled by some fans in the aisleway, as DKahuna pats him on the back)
**commerical**
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Sitting, staring, and thinking about those days when I don't feel myself.
(Shootfighter asks Blak Lung if he's up for a game of tennis. Sadly, Blak Lung must decline.)
Blak Lung: When the horror overtakes you, try Serenitee. Serenitee is the natural way to defeat PMS in your monthly strap match. And for bloating try Serenitee Plus, because sometimes a woman like you needs extra relief.
**commerical**
Guillermo O’Bannon: Coming up next we have a match between two of the hottest stars in Hardkore World right now. Tamara Sanchez returns to Hardkore World to wrestle the undefeated Vagabond.
Phil Blauer: Where do I rank among the hottest stars in Hardkore World?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (checks his notes) Right smack dab in between Judge Death and DKahuna.
Phil Blauer: With a bullet!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond’s debut in Hardkore was a tag team match with “Sexy” Anjanette Turner in Seattle where Tamara Sanchez and her partner, Brandi attacked them both before the match in the aisleway. That left Anjanette Turner to fend for herself against two former World Champions, a battle she ultimately lost. Then in San Diego, Tammy attacked Vagabond with a chair. Then she hit her finisher, The 7 Year Inch with Vagabond lying on a ladder. Now tonight, Sanchez returns with her new look to take on the woman who has yet to be pinned on the West Coast. But to keep order will be Vagabond’s partner in that match, three time Hardkore World Women’s Champion “Sexy” Anjanette Turner.
(“GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and “Sexy” Anjanette Turner walks out in jeans and a sexy tied off referee’s shirt. The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly and line up to slap her hand as she walks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil! Your supposed to slap her hand!
Phil Blauer: (calls out after Anj) Sorry bout that!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner has had some memories in this building...
(Video package plays of Anjanette’s classic moments in Hardkore Hall. This one is dated 1997. Ms. Alexandria Macabre clotheslines Turner with Sadiopath’s dog collar chain)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ms. Alexandria Macabre chokes out Turner with that chain while Sadiopath reacts with glee on the outside!
“Sweet Dick” Willie Brown: Someone clean up after him!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Macabre cradle suplexes him!
Referee David Grey: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Macabre climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Turner staggers to her feet and slugs her in the stomach. She climbs to the second rope to meet Alexandria and piledrives her from the second turnbuckle!!
Referee David Grey: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs audience celebrates as Turner is handed the her first World Championship. Then it fades to a match dated 1998)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tornado DDT on Velvet!
(The video fades to Palm Springs Punishment 1999, she lifts Makoto Jupiter on to her shoulders. She runs across the ring and hits a running powerbomb! The force of it is so hard Jupiter rolls out of the ring)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope...dropkick off the top rope sending Jupiter crashing into the railing!!
Phil Blauer: The champion Anjanette Turner is fearless!
(The package dissolves into Palm Springs Punishment 2000, Turner sits on Makoto Jupiter’s back, pulling back on a scorpion deathlock)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sexy Anj has been working the back all night and is now trying to cash in her chips with that scorpion!!
Phil Blauer: The entire Cupcake Crew urging Jupiter not to submit and give up her chance at regaining the Hardkore World Championship. But is a guy in a tuxedo and one that thinks he’s godzilla enough to overcome the unbearable pain?
(Fades back to present day Hardkore Hall, where the fans are chanting “ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!” Then “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf plays in the background as the curtains part and Vagabond walks out with her hands up for the crowd. The audience gives her a big ovation as she walks to the ring with her long legs and a little smile. She climbs up into the ring and smiles at Anjanette Turner, who nods back)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Both ladies seemingly trying to figure out the other’s intention.
Phil Blauer: You can basically say that anytime.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Lil ole Vagabond is undefeated here in Hardkore World but has been unable thus far to win a championship on the West Coast or in Extreme World Wrestling. Defeating former Hardkore World Champion Tamara Sanchez would definately propel her to wrestling the winner of tonight’s match against Horror Girl and “Sexy” Anjanette Turner. Turner could use this match to handpick her next contender, should she walk out the cage as champion tonight.
Phil Blauer: That is devious. Stop, your blowin my mind!
Yolanda Ando: Vagabond is wearing a green tank top and stretch pants. Stretch pants, their not just for your mother-in-law anymore.
“Wild” Bill Kasal: “The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is "Sexy" Anjanette Turner!! Featuring first, from Bethany Beach, Delaware; Standing 5 feet; Weighing 102 pounds...VAGABOND!!!”
(The audience gives Vagabond a huge pop and she seems a little taken aback. She smiles and waves back at them. Then the lights in the Hardkore Hall start to flicker, the pyros explode and “Alive” by Saliva hits. A red spotlight points on the entrance showing a Tamara Sanchez who’s not moving. She lifts her head presenting the two crosses painted under her eyes. Slowly she walks down the ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez is responsible for some of the most action packed Hardkore matches, female or otherwise, of the past year. Then when her leg was broken by Brandi in April, many were afraid her career would be over.
Phil Blauer: Jonnie Valentine was unloading Tammy Sanchez baby tees at half price!
Guillermo O'Bannon: But now she's back with a new atttitude, a new look, but the same old devastating arsenal of death defying moves.
Yolanda Ando: Tamara Sanchez is working that new look consisting of ripped jeans, a black shirt saying “fuck me” on the front and “fuck you” on the back. She’s dyed her blonde hair black and tied it up into dreadlocks.
“Wild” Bill Kasal: “And her opponent; from New York City; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!”
(The Palm Springs fans boo and Sanchez sneers back at them. Anjanette Turner signals for the bell and Vagabond & Sanchez lock up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez twists Vagabond’s arm. She wrenches her wrist a second time to send Vagabond down to one knee. Tammy is six inches taller than Vagabond and is using that height difference to her adavantage right now by cranking her arm up higher to increase the pressure. Anjanette checks in to see if she wants to submit.
Phil Blauer: Somehow, that’s a lot hotter than when Ron Reid does it.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy uses Vagabond’s twisted arm to shoot her into the ropes, and when she comes back she takes her over into a flying headscissors! Vagabond kips back up and comes at Sanchez, but Tammy catches her in a hiptoss.
(Vagabond comes at her a second time and this time takes her down in a thez press)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Fair count there by Turner, but Sanchez doesn’t think so and argues with her about a fast one. Sexy Anj pushes Vagabond uses the distraction to spear Tammy!
(The audience comes alive! Vagabond pulls Tammy up by her different darker hair, and swats her with a tornado punch. She goes for a left but Sanchez ducks behind her and atomic drops her into the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez presses her over head and then drops her face on the top turnbuckles. She front facelocks her then runs up the ropes into a tornado DDT!! Sanchez makes the cover!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez now arguing with Turner about a slow count. Vagabond staggers to her feet and swats Tammy across the face with a buzzsaw kick!
(The audience gasps and applauds the sound her boots make on Sanchez’s head. Vagabond grabs Tammy’s foot and applies an ankle lock. Sanchez cries out in pain as a smiling Turner checks in to see if she wants to tap out. Tammy spits back obscenities at Sexy Anj)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond standing high above Tammy, wrenching her ankle from side to side. Tammy works her way to one foot, hopping, so Vagabond releases her leg and bulldogs her into the mat!
(Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle. She comes off with a flying splash, but Tammy puts her knees up into Vagabond’s stomach!! The crowd boos and the former champion quickly regains her bearings)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy scoops her up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker. She grabs one of Vagabond’s feet and turns her over into a single leg boston crab.
Phil Blauer: Tammy trying to take out one of the high flyer’s wheels.
Guillermo O’Bannon: No one’s been able to do it yet.
Phil Blauer: She wouldn’t even let me take her out for coffee. I even pretended to have a lost puppy. That shit always works.
(Tammy pulls back on the canadian maple leaf while Anjanette Turner asks Vagabond if she wants to give up. She refuses, so Sanchez cranks back on her trapped leg. Sanchez then turns it into an STF! The booing in Hardkore Hall gets louder)
Phil Blauer: Tamara Sanchez has gone from choking the resources from CWF Germany’s investors to choking the life out of Bethany Beach’s biggest star.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez really making her pay for taking that risk up top. She clamps down on Vagabond’s windpipe and pulls up on her head. But she won’t tap out to Sexy Anj, so Tammy releases her and pulls her up into a fireman’s carry. She samoan drops Vagabond near the corner!
(Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle and does a stance with her arms out, before tipping over into a flying headbutt to Vagabond’s face!! The crowd jeers and Sanchez hooks her leg)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy gut wrenches her up but Vagabond turns it into a huracanrana!! She runs into the ropes, hops onto the middle of the second, and backflips into a lionsault!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top rope and comes off with a frog splash, this time hitting it!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond applies a crippler crossface! She links her fingers together on Tammy’s face and pulls up on her head. Sanchez pounds the mat in frustration, and Turner almost signals for the bell but Tammy calls after her that it wasn’t tapping out.
Phil Blauer: Mmm, a judgement call.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Like that shirt.
Phil Blauer: Hey, it was the only clean one that matched my jacket.
Guillermo O’Bannon: But the jacket’s dirty.
Phil Blauer: Everything has to be just so with you.
Yolanda Ando: You sure you two aren’t gay?
Phil Blauer: Not me, in fact, to a fault. Guillermo?
Guillermo O’Bannon: I finally had sex the other night...with a woman! After alot of begging and self-degradation, plus agreeing to share a portion of all future earnings; Veronica finally made me a man. I was so nervous!
Yolanda Ando: (pats his hand) First time?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times. It was wonderful, there was a little pain and bleeding, but I’ve been told that’s natural.
Yolanda Ando: Uh, Guillermo, I don’t think Veronica wants people to know about that.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Veronica? I was talking about me. She was fine.
(Vagabond continues to crank up on Tammy’s head & arm, while Anjanette Turner checks in to see if she taps. Suddenly, Tammy rolls her over into a cradle)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez irish whips her into the ropes and knocks her down to the mat with a shoulderblock. She scoops her up and slams her to the mat.
(Tamara Sanchez steps through the ropes, pulls herself up to middle of the top rope and springboard bulldogs Vagabond!! The audience applauds the move)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for Vagabond to get to her feet. When she does, she flying spears her in the guts!!
(Crowd winces at the sound of all of Vagabond’s air leaving her body, and boo Tammy. Vagabond staggers around, clutching her stomach, and Tammy x factors her facefirst into the canvas)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips off into a swanton bomb, but Vagabond has the good sense to move out of the way!! Now it’s Vagabond on the attack! She DDTs Tamara Sanchez’s skull into the mat!
(The Palm Springs audience cheers while Vagabond scales to the top turnbuckle. She front flips into a 450 splash and the crowd gets louder)
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond irish whips her into the ropes and hurls her across the ring with a spinning Mexican armdrag! She tosses her into the ropes again, but this time follows her in with a savate kick that sends Sanchez tumbling over the ropes to the Hardkore Hall floor!
(Crowd cheers, and Vagabond runs into the ropes. She baseball slide kicks Sanchez in the face, sending her into the guardrail. Vagabond steps through the ropes out on to the apron, and hops onto the middle of the second rope)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond backflips into an asai moonsault that Tammy avoids, so Vagabond just hits the railing with her ribs!! Ugh, her face is a mask of pain, as she hangs halfway over the guardrail.
Phil Blauer: How about just calling her Vaggy for short?
Guillermo O’Bannon: No, Phil. Tamara Sanchez is back in the ring, waiting for Vagabond to get to her feet. She does, and Tammy baseball slides under the ropes into a helicopter rana on the concrete floor!!
(Palm Springs fans applaud that move, but Tammy flips them off and it turns back to boos. Sanchez hops onto the middle rope and asai moonsaults her into the railing!! The fans pop again, chanting “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” Meanwhile, Tamara is busy setting up a table on the floor)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tammy picks Vagabond up and rolls her onto the table. She stands up on the table, waiting for her opponent to get to her feet. Sanchez boots her in the stomach and DDTs her though the wooden table!!!
(Hardkore Hall continues to chant “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” Sanchez then gets a blank look on her face and climbs up onto the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez gets a running start and backflips into her 7 Year Inch but Vagabond rolls out of the way and she just hits pavement!!! The crowd is on their feet, as Vagabond struggles to get to hers!
(Vagabond rolls into the ring and slowly climbs up to the top turnbuckle. The audience buzzes with anticipation, when she leaps off and hits a tope suicida)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond dives on to Tammy from the top rope! She takes a chair and tosses it inside the ring. She rolls Sanchez on to the apron, and slides into the ring. She pulls Tammy to her feet and turns her around, facing the audience. Vagabond folds the legs of the chair underneath her arms, and pulls up her legs...it a chair tarantula!!
(Hardkore Hall roars at the sight of Sanchez wrapped up in a chair, screaming in pain. Vagabond pulls up on Tammy’s legs as the chair presses into her back & arms. A small chant of “Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!! Vag-a-bond!!”)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner asking Tammy if she wants to submit, using her own discretion to wether that’s an illegal move or not.
Phil Blauer: Turner lost a title match to Sanchez. Believe me, it’s all legal to her.
(Vagabond lets Sanchez drop to the floor, and tosses the chair over her shoulder into the ring. She climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond comes off the top rope with a corkscrew moonsault!! Both women lying, dazed, on the Hardkore Hall floor!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center chants “VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!! VAG-A-BOND!!!” Vagabond is the first to her feet and rolls into the ring. Sanchez follows later, but Vagabond stops her at the apron with as volley of right hands)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez gets tagged with a right hand and goes down to one knee. Tammy rams her shoulder into Vagabond’s exposed stomach, then slingshots over her with a sunset flip!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond claps her legs together on Tammy’s head)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez lifts her up into a fireman’s carries and drops her headfirst on the steel chair with an FU!! She rolls her over into a pin!
Referee: Anjanette Turner: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sanchez pulls a dazed Vagabond up by the green tanktop and irish whips her into the ropes. She tiltawhirls her up onto her shoulder, then powerslams her hard onto the chair!!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...thr- (Vagabond kicks out)
(Hardkore Hall applauds what a great match this has been so far. Tamara Sanchez catches her breath in the corner, trying to figure out her next move)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tamara Sanchez grabs Vagabond’s leg and turns her over into another canadian maple leaf but armlcoks her arm as well, turning it into a tequila sunrise!
Phil Blauer: A combination that NAFTA can be proud of.
(Vagabond cries out in pain as Sanchez wrenches both her arm and leg. Anjanette Turner checks in to see if she wants to tap out. Vagabond grunts as she struggles to get to the ropes)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vagabond gets far enough over to grab hold of the bottom rope, and Anjanette Turner calls for a break.
Phil Blauer: She may be a callin, but Tammy ain’t a breakin.
(Anjanette Turner orders Tammy to break the tequila sunrise but Sanchez acts like she isn’t even there. Sexy Anj starts in with the five count)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner gets to five, but Tamara Sanchez refuses to break the tequila sunrise. Turner loses her temper and begins laying the boots to Sanchez!
(Hardkore Hall erupts as Anjanette stomps and kicks Sanchez until she breaks the tequila sunrise on Vagabond. Anjanette Turner pulls him up into a waistlock)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Turner belly to belly brainbusters Sanchez’s head into the canvas!!
(The crowd chants “ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!” while Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner comes off the top with a super rana off the top rope!! Vagabond follows right after her with her Butterfly Dive senton!!!
Referee Anjanette Turner: 1...2...thr- (Horror Girl stomps the back of Turner’s head)
Phil Blauer: Guillermo, get your mother out of the ring!
Yolanda Ando: Seriously, Guillermo.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Not cool dude, not cool.
Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s Horror Girl! She’s getting a peice of Sexy Anj a little early and just saved Tammy’s hide. Horror Girl inverted facelocks her and lifts her up high in the air with a reverse suplex, then an Oh, The Horror flapjacked reversed acecrusher on the chair!!! Another Oh, The Horror on the chair!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo as Horror Girl stands over her prey, snarling at both Sanchez & Vagabond. She then begins laying into Sexy Anj with short punches while crouching over top of her)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Horror Girl applies a double toe hold with a sleeper hold on Sexy Anjanette Turner! Meanwhile, Vagabond is climbing to the top rope. But Sanchez gets to her feet, and shakes the ropes! Sanchez crotches her on the top turnbuckle. She belly to back superplexes the back of her head into the steel chair!! She cradles the leg, and official Mike Peters slides into the ring.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(“Alive” by Saliva plays and Tamara Sanchez rolls out of the ring, exhausted. Peters raises her arm in the aisleway as she backs away from the carnage inside the ring)
“Wild” Bill Kasal:"At 15 minutes 57 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(The audience boos, while Horror Girl continues to rock back & forth with Anjanette Turner's head. Vagabond still hasn't moved since having the back of her head dropped on the chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond has suffered her first loss here in Hardkore America at the hands of former Hardkore World, ICW, & UCW Women's Champion Tamara Sanchez. She's finally getting to her feet, with rubbery legs.
(Vagabond picks up the chair and brains Horror Girl in the head with it!! The Palm Springs crowd cheers as the champion collapses to the mat. Mr. Fame & Bernice Biggs run down to the ring and collect their client)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond using any means neccesary to pry Horror Girl off of "Sexy" Anjanette Turner there, and now trying to get her some medical attention...
(Once Horror Girl is dragged past the curtain “So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays over the loudspeakers of Hardkore Hall)
Phil Blauer: Oooh, oooh, goody....new theme music! Who do you think it is, Guillermo? You think it's someone with "Smooth" in their name? Like "Smooth" Steve Rogers or something? Maybe Santana's the link...could it be Tito??
(A 5’11” woman with short brown hair with red highlights comes walking out with a microphone)
Phil Blauer: That's not Tito!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Who is it?
Woman: "Hold on there Vagabond."
(Vagabond recognizes the woman who enters and has a shocked look on her face)
Woman: "That’s right honey, I bet you didn’t expect to see me again any time soon. Well guess what, when you move in on my territory, there are repercussions. They say that while the cat’s away, the mice will play? Well guess what, the cat is back, and she’s pissed! You know damn well that Triple B is mine!"
(Shocked reaction from the crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What??
Phil Blauer: And that ain't his baby neither!
Vagabond (grabbing a microphone from Bill Kasal): "No Ashley, it’s not like that. You don’t understand..."
Ashley: "You and I have some business to discuss, and we’ll do it in that ring!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Ashley! She used to manage Big Bad Bill in Extreme World Wrestling and they eventually became lovers.
Phil Blauer: That Triple B is Triple Pimp! What is it?? The trenchcoat? The darkness? It's gotta be the trenchcoat...
(Ashley walks down the entrance ramp and makes it halfway to the ring when “Negasonic Teenage Warhead” by Monster Magnet plays over the loud speakers)
Phil Blauer: I don't even want to venture a guess as to who this could be with that song title.
(Ashley turns around in surprise and Vagabond mouths the word “unbelievable”. A 5’4” woman with shoulder length black hair and a pentagram necklace walks out on the ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Could it be??
Other woman: "Well I guess that this can be called the reunion episode, because what would a ladies feud be without Alley? That’s right Ashley, because as far as I’m concerned, Triple B is fair game now, not like I ever needed a reason to move in on your man."
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is! It's Alley, she used to have a thing for the former Hardkore West Coast Champion as well and feuded with Ashley! Big Bad Bill thought he had problems before, now he has three women fighting over him.
Phil Blauer: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes...who would wish that on their worst enemy??
(All three women stare daggers at each other as the show goes to commercial)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up is a match that has been brewing for months and recently had a sickening match to light this powder keg.
Phil Blauer: Hey! Your cross methaphoring!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones took this entire thing way past anything resembling a wrestling feud when he broke into Dan Stein's manager Domino's house and sexually assaulted her. This has sent Dan Stien, understandably, over the deep end and he is...
(The lights in the arena turn a deep shade of red and "Homicidal" by The Bad Luck 13, immediately drawing a huge roar of boo's from the audience. A deluge of thrown trash pelts the entrance curtain, even BEFORE Lucifer Jones appears)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I guess Lucifer Jones has decided now is the time for his match to start.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, Carl our sound guy is such a push over. Just tell him he can come to the afterparty and he'll play your theme whenever. I could tell him Vagabond thinks he's cute to get him to play the Phil Rap over Cobryn's No Quarter.
(Lucifer Jones bursts through the curtain with a huge smile on his face, one hand swatting away the trash being thrown at him. The camera zooms into a fan's sign that says, "Lucy Jones {No Means No} My Grandma!". As the fans start booing loudly and cursing his name, Lucifer Jones singles out one of them and walks up to the man seated near the security barrier. Jones starts insulting him and the man throws up a middle finger right in his face, the arena audience cheering loudly for him. Jones just shrugs him off and starts to walk towards the ring, then suddenly the brave fan throws a full cup of soda at Jones, dousing his head in soda)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously, our fans are assholes.
Yolanda Ando: One of them has my hair!!
Phil Blauer: Here, I have some scissors.
Yolanda Ando: Thanks, Phil. (cuts her hair out of fans' fingers while giving her fashion report) Lucifer Jones is wearing snake skin leather pants tucked into a pair of well worn combat boots. He's shirtless and his ripped frame is covered in various tattoos, most notably "Pro-Pain" tattooed across his stomach and "HARD KORE" on his knuckles. His hair is buzzed tight to his skull and most of his teeth are capped with gold. A long nasty scar wraps around his throat.
(Lucifer Jones turns around slowly with a look of murderous rage, and leaps over the barrier, tackling the man and laying fists into his face! Before security can break it up, Jones bashes the poor fan's face into the steel guard rail, splitting him open! Finally, 8 security guards pull them apart, and before a riot can break out in the arena, Jones pushes them off of him, leaps over the railing, and slides into the ring, motioning for a microphone.)
Lucifer Jones: "Cut my bloody music!"
Phil Blauer: Yeah, Carl.
(The boo's of the audience almost drown him out, and more trash begins to be thrown at him.)
Lucifer Jones: "That's right, that's right. Keep booing, ya lousy bastards! It only serves to further my cause. You think I give two flying fucks what you mealy mouthed little bitches think about me!? Just sit there like the stupid lazy American sheep you are and shut your bloody traps!"
Phil Blauer: And he wonders why his Lucifer Jones fake mohawks don't move at the concession stand.
(A chant of "FUCK YOU LUCY, FUCK YOU!!!" erupts from the audience. Lucifer Jones leans back into a corner and rolls his eyes.)
Lucifer Jones: "Yeah...real fucking cute, folks. But I'll tell you one thing that's NOT gonna be cute, in fact, if you're squeamish or faint of heart, I suggest you leave right now. Because simply put, this ring is going to look like the floor of a slaughterhouse in a few short minutes. That spiked leather strap is going strip the flesh off of my opponent, and when it's all said and done, I'M the one thats going to be left standing right here in the middle of this ring! ME!"
(More boos from the crowd.)
Lucifer Jones: "SHUT THE FUCK UP! Just shut the bloody hell up! PUNISHER!!! I know you can't wait to get down here and try to exact some payback for what I did to sweet, sweet Domino. Mmmmmmm...god she smelled so good. Heheheheh, but you see Danny Boy, YOU'RE the one who brought all this upon her. YOU! Don't you get it, ya stupid fucking twap? The moment you attacked me a few months back for NO BLOODY REASON AT ALL! That moment threw the natural balance off in the universe. YOU'RE supposed be the quote unquote 'Good Guy', ya daft prick ye'. What the shit did you expect, mate? That I was just gonna lay down and take it like Domino did for me that special night? I was just tryin' to restore the natural balance of things in the universe, mate."
(At this point, the crowd is now rabid and calling for Lucifer Jone's blood. A fan of "Punisher" Dan Stein's tries to jump the barricade but security swiftly stomps him a new asshole and pepper sprays him. Jones just laughs out loud and shakes his head.)
Phil Blauer: Come out and enjoy the show, folks.
Lucifer Jones: "What!? She was asking for it, people! That bitch is into some crazy shite, let me tell ya'. I never met a chick who got off by being smacked around that hard, by god. Maybe if Danny Boy wasn't so obsessed with getting rid of poor ol' Lucifer Jones, none of this would have happened. But hey, you dance with the Devil, Danny Boy, you better be prepared to get burned. Unlike you and most of the pathetic chimps in the back, Lucifer Jone's doesn't NEED another person or a stable to get the job done! I stand alone, because I KNOW I'M THAT DAMN GOOD! So get your fat ass down here, Stein, before I come back there and crack your fucking skull in with me boot!"
(Lucifer Jones drops the mic and starts to jump up and down, warming up for the match. Bill Kasal timidly walks over and picks up the microphone)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Studded Leather Strap, the winner is the first man to tag all four corners. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from White Chapel, England; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(The Hardkore Hall rocks with boos and then the arena falls abruptly dark. Overhead, on the tron, three symbols flash in and fade out slowly to the sound of a heartbeat)
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<The Punisher skull>
(Over the sound system, “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie is heard starting to play. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising the spiked leather strap in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval. Stein gives Jones an intense look, then swings it around and around over his head. He then gives Lucifer a garish look while simulating a throat slash with his thumb. Stein quickly swings the leather studded strap, to demonstrate his deftness with it)
Phil Blauer: Lucifer Jones looking a little concerned about that leather strap and telling Mike Peters to watch him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein is completely obsessed with seeing Lucifer Jones' blood since March, but now with the horrors he committed on his best friend I'm not sure if we'll ever have the old Dan back.
Yolanda Ando: Dan Stein wears a simple tight black t-shirt, and plain black shorts, with black leather wrestling boots. Stein also wears black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Stein gets in the ring and Mike Peters attaches them at the wrist. Stein doesn't wait for the bell to start, but Jones ducks under a clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones kicks Dan square in the balls, then wraps the strap around Stein's neck. Jones runs at the ropes, leaps onto the middle of the top rope, then does a perfect somersault flip down to the floor, landing on his feet, and wrenching the neck of Dan Stein, choking him with the strap!!
(Stein falls into the ropes, trying his hardest to loosen up the strap around his neck, but Jones tugs hard on the strap. Stein's eyes start bugging out as he kicks his feet into the mat, struggling for air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones jumps up onto the apron, and DDT's Stein over the rope and onto the concrete floor below!!!
Phil Blauer: That's it. Match over. Our next match fans is that steel cage match we told you about between Horror Girl and "Sexy" Anjanette Turner. Horror Girl attacked Anj earlier tonight...
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think we still have a ways to go, Phil. Jones wraps that strap around his fist and bludgeons him with rapid fire punches. He grabs a bottle out of the health nuts in the front row's hand.
Phil Blauer: Good, who brings V8 to a wrestling show anyway? (drinks his Juicy Juice out of his sippee cup)
(Lucifer Jones bashes Dan Stein in the head with the V8 bottle! It doesn't break, so he hits him a second time and this time it shatters on the top of his head. Lucifer Jones atomic drops him crotchfirst into the cornerpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones german suplexes the back of Dan Stein's head onto the railing!! The Punisher's head really taking a beating already.
Phil Blauer: Looks like he doesn't have to worry about the emotional recovery to Domino's trauma, he's not gonna remember anything after this.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones lifts him up in another atomic drop, but Stein bulldogs his throat on the railing! Stein wraps the leather strap around Jones throat and russian leg sweeps the back of his head into the apron!
(The audience cheers, as Jones rubs the back of his head. Stein rolls Jones back into the ring. Stein lifts Jones up in a hanging suplex, Lucifer demands to be put down. Flashbulbs go off all over Palm Springs Convention Center)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drops Jones hard onto the mat with that hanging suplex! Jones begs for Stein to re-think his position, and during a moment of weakness, he hits him low!
(Lucifer Jones give Stein a running soccer kick right into his nuts! The fans boo him as he uses the spiked leather strap to whip Stein's stomach and chest! Finally, Jones laughs out loud, spits on Stein, then gives him one good hard whip straight into his groin)
Phil Blauer: Thus far this has been a relentless assault on Stein's balls and brains! I'm having trouble figuring out which he'll miss more.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones sits on Stein's back and wraps the leather strap around his face & inside of his mouth. He pulls back on The Punisher's face and blood begins to run down the leather!
(Dan Stein growling in a mixture of pain & pure rage, while The White Chapel Horror delights in inflicting torture on him. Jones releases it and walks over to the ropes to argue with some fans in the front row)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein pulls the strap up between Jones' legs and flips him over! He wraps the strap around Lucifer Jones' neck a few times, and applies a full nelson! He uses that leather strap to both choke and press down on the back of his neck.
(Stein bashes Jones' unprotected face into the turnbuckle over & over! Then he slams him ass first into the canvas! Dan Stein gut wrench suplexes him, then waits for him to get up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein runs at him but Lucifer Jones drop toe holds him and begins punching him in the back of the head with that belt wrapped around his fist! He applies a buffalo sleeper with the strap wrapped around The Punisher's neck!
(The Palm Springs fans boo & jeer while Jones yanks back on Stein's head. Mike Peters looks on powerlessly as The White Chapel Horror uses that strap to strangle The Punisher. A small chant of "Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun!" tries to root him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones releases the Bloke Choke and goes for a powerbomb but Stein powers out of it and back body drops Jones up and over onto his shoulder!
(A bloody Stein does the cut throat sign, and the crowd cheers, but Jones quickly loops the strap around Stein's neck again, flips off his shoulders to his feet, and quickly gives Stein a modified Yankee Cracker...not being strong enough to lift up Stein, he instead swings it down into a facebuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones proving not to be strong enough to lift the 6'7 bohemoth but still doing some damage with that modified Yankee Cracker! He wraps the strap around Stein's wrists.
Phil Blauer: Let's hope he's strong enough to drag him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones begins to drag Stein but The Punisher puts the brakes on. Lucifer Jones lays the boots to him, cursing and spitting at him. He wraps the studded strap around his fist and slugs him!
(With Stein subdued, Lucifer Jones begins dragging Stein to the first turnbuckle and tags it)
Referee Mike Powers: 1!!!
Phil Blauer: Well, that's one down.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones drags the 285 pound strongman over to the second corner and tags that one as well.
Referee Mike Powers: 2!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones takes a deep breath and continues to drag Stein, but he stops it all and they begin playing a tug of war with the strap.
Phil Blauer: Somehow I don't see that british stick winning this one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein pulls the strap so hard that he pulls Jones towards him and powerslams him hard into the mat!
(The crowd comes alive and cheers Stein, as he tries to regain his composure. He walks over to Jones and rakes the spikes of the strap across his eyes till he sees blood! The audience sees the blood and pops loud)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He wraps the spiked strap around his fist and drives those studs into Jones' chest with a heart punch!! He wraps the belt around Jones throat and brings him down into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Dan Stein pulls Stein up by his now bloody mowhawk, and the punker backhands him with a big bitch slap, hate burns through Stein's eyes when he looks back at Lucifer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones spits in his face and before he can retaliate, Jones low blows them with a kick to the nuts! He wraps the studded strap around his fist, grabs Stein by the hair, measures him then punches him in the face with it.
(Jones jumps up onto the middle of the second rope and backflips into a twisting DDT!! The audience applauds the manuever, while Jones climbs to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones comes off the second rope with a leg drop to Stein's neck! He pulls Stein up and gets underneath his legs, but Stein's too heavy for him to electric chair up on his shoulders. Dan Stein punches Jones...again...again...another jab.
Phil Blauer: It's the old Dusty Rhodes jab combination!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein jabs a rubbery legged Jones again, twirls his fist, pulls up on his groin, then wraps the studded strap around his elbow...bionic elbow!!
(The fans pop for that old Rhodes homage, and Dan Stein presses a begging Lucifer Jones over his head. He drops Jones throat first on the top rope, sending a gasping Lucifer gasping for air! The crowd gets louder, and Stein wraps the strap around Jones' neck, with the spikes on the inside)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein continuing to try and choke the life out of Lucifer Jones, fans, we got to go to commercial.
Phil Blauer: $10 says Jones dies of aspyxiation by the time we get back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hmm...you're on.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I want some of that action.
Yolanda Ando: Can I pay you guys on payday?
Phil Blauer: You still kind of owe us from the Michael Jackson case.
Yolanda Ando: Who knew the jury was gonna give a shit about evidence? The Scott Peterson jury didn't!
***commercial***
(Fade up on the sharp seas, a small tugboat tries to brave the water. A faint heartbeat is heard in the distance)
Dramatic voiceover: Coming this summer, a film from the director of Erin Brockovich, Traffic, and of course, Ocean's Twelve; Steven Soderbergh. One man must try and save the child he loves as his own... While trying to stop the woman he loves from marrying another... They may have the strength... They may have the numbers... But he has one thing they don't...
(Robert Deniro walks up on the deck of the tugboat in a sailor suit with huge forearms, smoking a pipe)
Dramatic voiceover: They don't have his Spinach.
Robert Deniro: I am...what I am.
Dramatic voiceover: This July...Robert Deniro IS...Popeye!!
(Wimpy carries Sweet Pea off of Popeye's ship, running past a crowd on the docks)
Robert Deniro as Popeye: (calling after them) SWEET PEA!!! (cries, just like he laughs) Uh-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug...
Dramatic voiceover: Starring William H. Macy as Wimpy....
(William H. Macy approaches Olive Oyl's brother, Castor)
William H. Macy as Wimpy: I'd gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today.
Castor Oyl: Sorry, Wimpy. I...
William H. Macy as Wimpy: (grabs him by the shirt & shakes him) JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKIN HAMBURGER!!!
Dramatic voiceover: And Hilary Swank in another oscar winning performance, as Olive Oyl...
Hilary Swank as Olive Oyl: Oh, Popeye...
Dramatic voiceover: And introducing Bill Goldberg as Bluto...
(Popeye catches Bluto running off with Olive Oyl in his arms)
Robert Deniro as Popeye: BLUTO!! (chuckles) Uh-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug...
Dramatic voiceover: Joel Siegal raves "The greatest film of our time and any other. And I'm not just saying that to get my name in the trailer!" The John Quincy Adams Middle School Paper, The Tiger Times says "This movie waz good." And US Weekly beams "Robert Deniro saves this film from being a total disaster." If you see one film this year, make it...Popeye!
(Fade out on an edgy looking graphic of the outline of Popeye's head. The pipe blows smoke out with an ominous "toot toot")
***commercial***
(Fade back to Dan Stein strangling Lucifer Jones with the spiked leather strap in Hardkore Hall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein closing off Lucifer Jones' airway with those studds sinking into his throat and neck! Blood runs freely down Lucifer's face, as he struggles for ropes, Stein's eyes, Mike Peters' shirt; any means of escape!
Phil Blauer: I'd shy away from Peters' shirt. His wife left for her sister's a year ago and that was the last time they did laundry. You can see a dried Apple Jack on his shirt pocket.
(Stein pulls him down by the strap and then power punches Jones in the balls! Jones' eyes roll into the back of his head. Stein grabs a big handful of testicals)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein yanking on Lucifer's balls, making him pay for his crimes!
Phil Blauer: Get used to that Guillermo, you have a whole lot of that un your future with Veronica.
(Jones begs for mercy while Stein continues to try and yank his balls right off his body. He lifts him up to his feet by his testicals, then drops him with a stunner! Hardkore Hall chants "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" Stein wraps the leather strap around Jones throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein drags Lucifer Jones by the neck like a wild horse over to the first corner and tags it!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!!!
(Jones tries to put the brakes on but isn't strong enough to stop him)
Phil Blauer: He's got the second one!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones is dragged to his third corner and Stein tags that one as well!
Referee Mike Peters: (the crowd counts along) 3!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: One more to go, and Stein wins it. He drags Lucifer Jones over, he reaches out...but Jones comes up from behind him with a low blow!
Phil Blauer: I'd say that was revenge but you need a score card for all the nut shots in this match. Both these guys seemingly being trained for this match by The Warhammer Corporation.
Guillermo O'Bannon: So close, and yet so far. Jones flapjacks him up on his shoulder then drives him headfirst into the mat with an emerald frosion!!
(Hardkore Hall erupts with boos. Lucifer Jones hooks him by the leg and drops him headfirst into the mat with a fisherman's buster! He chains it into a butterfly lock, sitting on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones pulling back on Dan Stein's arms & head...wait, a woman is coming out of the crowd!
Phil Blauer: It's not your mother again, is it Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Domino! She has The Peacemaker in her hands! She gets inside the ring, unbeknownst to Lucifer Jones. She winds back and swings for the fences with that Peacemaker into the back of Jones' skull!!
(The Palm Springs Convention Center cheers wildly, and Jones tips over to the mat, unconcious. Domino lifts The Peacemaker over her head a second time and brings it down on his balls! That wakes him up, and he sits up Taker style)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein wraps the strap around Jones' neck and whips him around into a swinging neckbreaker! He front facelocks him and drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
(A blood spot remains where Jones skull hit the mat. Domino screams obscenities at a prone, Lucifer Jones. He wraps the belt around Jones neck and then lifts him up by the throat with both hands)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein throttles Jones by the throat, choking the very life out of him! He tosses him across the ring, with the strap yanking him back a little!
("The Punisher" Dan Stein drags Jones over to the apron, so his head is hanging off. Stein walks out onto the apron, and gives Jones a running soccer kick right into the side of his face! As Stein gets down and tries to grab a chair, the camera zooms into Jone's face and unbelievably, Jones is smiling, blood pouring out of his mouth)
Phil Blauer: Look at that, he's smiling!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein holds the chair up to the cheering crowd and attempts to pull off Lucifer Jones own move with it, but Jones quickly throws a fireball into the face and chest of a charging Stein!! The leather strap catches fire!!
(Domino screams in horror, and pulls the leather strap so it snaps off from Jones. Lucifer Jones quickly rolls out onto the floor. Stein is flailing about blindly clutching his face in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones grabs the a length of the now burning leather strap and whips Stein cruelly in the face with it! Wait...who is this now??
(Three men in Lucifer Jones' red masks run out from the audience and jump Lucifer Jones! One of them hits a diamond cutter on the arena floor on Jones)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Three men are attacking Lucifer Jones in his father's old mask! One of em irish whips Jones into the ropes and then comes at him with a hard clothesline!
(A third guy pulls Jones' head into his legs, butterflies his arms and then drives his face into the mat with a sit-out pedigree!! Jones is not moving)
Phil Blauer: This must be the cast of characters who have been jumping Lucifer Jones all these months! God, I hope Ned's one of them. I'd even settle for Kid Styles.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Domino takes the big Peacemaker stick and drives it into Lucifer Jones' head one more time!
(The first man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Andrew Karnage...what does he have against Lucifer Jones??
(Second man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans?? Why would The Hardkore World Tag Team Champions, The Miracle Violence Combination II want to attack Lucifer Jones and help out Dan Stein??
(Third man takes his mask off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III!!! The former Hardkore America Champion has returned! The Un-Stable has apparantly reformed!
Phil Blauer: The most dominant force in Hardkore World in 2004 is back to presumably do the same in 2005!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And "The Punisher" Dan Stein is apparantly the new member.
Phil Blauer: He's the new Hero? Definately an upgrade. That's like when the Horsemen ditched Ole Anderson's beer farts & old man smell for Lex Luger.
(Robert Hunglestien III gets the house mic)
Robert Hunglestein III: "What’d you think? Did you think I’d seriously just go away… No big bang, no fireworks, no nothing? You should all be so lucky…See you all almost got what you wanted. You almost got rid of me, AND the Un~Stable. Almost. Unfortunately you couldn’t give me my fair due. And that’s something that’s going to cost Hardkore World more than any of you could ever imagine. I didn’t want much, never really asked for a lot…
(Kilroy taps Hunglestein on his shoulder)
Kilroy Evans: "Actually, you did."
Robert Hunglestein III: "Ok, fine maybe I did. But I never asked for more than I deserved. I EARNED every thing I ever asked for. I mean seriously was I asking a lot? Quality opponents to test myself against? I don’t think that’s asking much… But I get hacks like Cobryn, who damn near end my career from their sloppy maneuvering. From their lack of ring leadership. I think at this point I shouldn’t be stuck feuding these kinds of guys, yet I’m still stuck with them… Then when it looked like my career was finished, all I asked for was a proper send off. Just 45 minutes of the next show to pay proper respect to a legend. A farewell fit for someone of my stature. Cyrus would’ve got it, and that piece of trash has gotten by on little more than attacking me from behind for most of the last half of his career. So yeah, I think I deserve a proper farewell, but what did I get?
(The rest of the Un~Stable are already shaking their heads, knowing where this is going)
Robert Hunglestien III: "Exactly, not a thing. NOTHING… And I’m sorry, that’s just unacceptable. Then I try and help Hardkore World, and the business by starting a region. And what does Jonnie send me to fill my roster? Phoenix? Yeah, like I could really make that work… Like I could really get him to look past himself for long enough to put on a decent match…"
(Karnage leans in)
Andrew Karnage: "Well, he does make a point there…"
Robert Hunglestein III: "You’re damn right. I didn’t even have to job him before he started bitching about he and Tanner being better than a first round match. What the fuck was I to do? I had ten guys… Honestly Tanner really didn’t deserve it, but shit someone had to get an easy opening round so it may as well have been Adrian… So then that goes belly up, thanks to all the whiners, and moaners Jonnies sent me…Meanwhile Jonnie announces this “Legends Night” you know to induct some new Hall of Famers and I’m checking my mailbox, and I’m checking my voicemail because if anyone fits the bill for being a “legend” it’s me… And you know what happened? Nothing that’s what. No invite, not message from Jonnie saying I need to be there, no plane ticket… NOTHING. So then I get a second, and a third opinion on my back, and it turns out I can come back… I tell Jonnie, and what should’ve happened is I should’ve been wrestling for the World Title tonight… You know, on account of the fact that I won my first round match, and I wasn’t beaten in the tourney. I mean Cyrus wasn’t beaten in the tourney and what’s he doing tonight? BBB wasn’t beaten in the tourney, and what’s he doing tonight? I wasn’t beat in the tourney either, but what am I doing tonight? Exactly."
Guillermo O'Bannon: He also didn't beat anyone other than The Shootfighter in the first round!
Kilroy Evans: "It should be noted that Rob retired a week after the tourney started. But hey, why harp on details?"
Phil Blauer: See, Kilroy's got ya.
Hunglestein: "Let’s not then… So then....."
(Kilroy snatches Robs mic. The crowd reflexively cheers the move, which makes Kilroy even happier. RH3 leans in)
Robert Hunglestein III: "You could've just gotten your own mic."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Great, now everyone's gonna start wanting their own mics.
Kilroy Evans: "I could've. And with that, the anger and bitterness levels have been properly restored around here. I don't know about the rest of these people, but I've been missing this kind of thing. No one shakes up the crowds quite like the men in this ring, and after a couple of misfires, it's set to happen again. It's time once again for a band of people to hang together, lest we hang separately. Nothing is safe when we turn our attention to it and there's no one immune to our methods! It's time for the Empire to strike back. We will be violent, angry, thugs...happy to cause the mayhem we need to achieve our goals, and then some! Look at who we've got: Robert Hunglestein III. A lot of people still question why I'm good friends with him. 'How can I remain in good confidence with a boorish, egomaniacal, and dangerously obsessed individual?,' they ask."
(Hunglestein tries to snatch the mic while yelling at Kilroy)
Phil Blauer: These guys are done for if they can't even figure out who's promo time it is.
Kilroy Evans: "What do you mean 'they' who? People! The reason is simple: he's a dick and I've made peace with it. Andrew Karnage and I continue the role we naturally assume: the glass ceiling of the tag team division, and now we've got another trump card. Dan Stein. With a focus and determination that so many lack, Stein...uh, well I'll be honest. Stein pounds everything in his path into a bloody pulp. But he does it with a perfect amount of panache! Don't take my word for it, though."
(Kilroy respectfully hands the microphone to Stein, who takes it with a gleam in his eye)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're gonna hear our first words from the new Dan Stein, Un-Stable member.
"The Punisher" Dan Stein: "A lot has happened to me in the past few weeks, and it has gotten me to think about how things need to change for me. Everything. To get ahead, one must think a step ahead, and I have decided to do just that."
(Stein spreads his arms wide open)
Dan Stein: "And that starts with associating myself with the finest group of wrestlers assembled today. Like family, they helped me with a problem, and now I will do everything in my power to return that favor tenfold."
(Stein points the Peacemaker at the camera)
Dan Stein: "Now that the Punisher has been added into the mix, all of Hardkore World is now going to witness what the Un~Stable is truly capable of."
(Stein smiles, perhaps for the first time in over a month. Then he points at the bloody, beaten Lucifer Jones)
"The Punisher" Dan Stein: "Lucifer Jones, you were just the beginning. With the World Tag Team champions on one side of me, and the one and only Robert Hunglestein III on the other, the Un~Stable will own Hardkore World, and Cobryn will become what everyone pretty much knows he should be- an afterthought. Watch closely folks, you will be watching history in the making. It’s time to usher in the era of The Un-Stable."
(The audience cheers and then Stein hands the mic over to Karnage)
Andrew Karnage: "It's time for the Un-Stable once again you miserable pukes in the back, listen up, give us an orange and we'll make a clockwork. Give us some lip we'll bloody yours, put one of ours in the hospital?"
(Karnage looks to Hunglestein, smiling wickedly)
Andrew Karnage: "We do like Arn said, and put one of yours in the morgue. LuJo, Coby-san, The Black Experience, CupCake Crew... the notice is out, the Boys are Back in town and the rent is past due, you each owe a pound of flesh and we are going to get paid in full, capiche?"
(Kilroy laughs, and Stein nods. Robert tries to get the mic away from Andrew, but he turns expertly to face another part of the crowd)
Andrew Karnage: "Necks will be broken, bones shattered, blood will flow like a river in arena after arena, dreams of grandeur get ground to dust under our heels, violence will beget violence will beget violence and there will be no survivors when the Un-Stable 747 crashes down on your house, call Auntie Em and tell them guests are comin' over."
(Kilroy sing-songs "Auntie Em, Auntie Em" over Karnage's shoulder. Stein chuckles some at that)
Andrew Karnage: "This is our house now, we repossessed it from the likes of Tony Thunder, The Shootfighter, Nick Knight and whoever else is the back room that can give you a run-down of the Attitude Era in the WWE, but can't tell you who in the hell Stan Hansen is. The only rules are keep your feet of the couch, and don't touch the fridge, the cable is free as long as you take your medicine. And Kilroy what is their medicine?"
Kilroy Evans: "A Bad Touch twice a day, chased with the High Life."
Robert Hunglestein III: "Can I have the mic now?"
(Karnage offers the mic, to Robert who reaches for it, only to have it pulled back by Da Mang)
Andrew Karnage: "No."
(The crowd pops at the diss, and RHIII looks slightly perturbed)
Andrew Karnage: "A dose of KCB, and little Reckoning will make you right as the rain in Spain that falls mainly in the plain. Gone are the days of slip-shod mat work, gone are the days when a fireman's carry slam can get over as a finisher. There be no shelter here, and hells coming, and hell, my friends is Un-Stable."
(Karnage tosses the mic in the air, watching it spin slightly, then he catches it and hands it back to Robert Hunglestein the Third)
Robert Hunglestein III: "So, boys as my friends have said we’re here to collect all that is owed to us.. Whether you want to pay willingly, or whether you are forced to pay unwillingly you can be assured that you WILL all pay in the end…"
(The Un-Stable begins battering Lucifer Jones some more. Dan Stein lifts him up and wraps the strap around his throat. He stands back to back with him and then hangs him over his back, holding on to the burned leather strap around his neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein applying The Final Solution with that strap!
Phil Blauer: Never thought I'd see a guy named Stein using a move called The Final Solution. And you told me it was a bad idea to name my new skin cream that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Do what you want Phil, but I still think naming an acne medication after the extermination of millions is a bad first step. Kilroy Evans going to work on Jones' exposed abdomen while Stein continues to choke him with that strap!
(Another man in Lucifer Jones' old red mask comes down to the ring, to the cheers of the fans)
Phil Blauer: Jonnie's officially out of ideas when he dusts off the Doink angle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: A fifth Lucifer Jones' masked man makes his way down to the ring, Mike Peters attempts to stop him and the masked man rams the ref's face into the railing!
(Stein sees the masked man enter the ring, and drops Lucifer Jones. The masked man pulls a bloody Jones up into a rude awakening and then flips him over on to his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The masked man gives Lucifer Jones his own Yankee Cracker!! Andrew Karnage gets his turn and lifts Jones up in a back suplex then drops him into a Karnage Crush Bomb!!
(The audience cheers, chanting "MVC!! MVC!! MVC!! MVC!! MVC!!" Kilroy Evans pulls a woozy Lucifer Jones up onto his shoulder with a back suplex but spins him over into a piledriver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans hits his new finisher, No Remorse!! The masked man now applies a double chicken wing suplex on Lucifer Jones!!
(The Un-Stable: Robert Hunglestien III, Andrew Karnage, Kilroy Evans, and their newest member "The Punisher" Dan Stein hold up their arms as the Palm Springs audience cheers the reformation of one of their favorite crews. Suddenly the masked man picks up The Peacemaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That masked man just brained Hunglestien in the head with that giant stick!! He cracks Andrew Karnage in the face with it before he can react!!
(Kilroy Evans slugs the man and roundhouse kicks him!! The Peacemaker goes flying in the air, coming down into Kilroy's hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy winds back with The Peacemaker!! Wait...Dan Stein catches him from behind with a full nelson suplex no bridge!!
(Crowd boos, and the masked man stands over Hunglestien. He pulls mask off)
Phil Blauer: I don't believe it...
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Cobryn!!
(Dan Stein stands over Kilroy, confused at the boos and jeers from the Hardkore Hall crowd. Domino puts her hands over his ears. Cobryn grabs Hunglestien with an inverted facelock and lifts him up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Answer!! Cobryn has gotten to The Punisher!
Phil Blauer: But why??
Guillermo O'Bannon: I've told you I think what Lucifer Jones did to Domino drove Dan Stein one sandwhich short of a picnic. Well, I think it may have changed Dan for the worse. He picks up The Peacemaker and walks over to Lucifer Jones.
(Cobryn stops him and asks if he can do it. Stein hesitates, then hands him the stick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn winds back and comes down hard on Lucifer Jones' arm!! My god! His screams are bloodcurdling!
(Robert Hunglestien III comes up from behind and blue thunder bombs Cobryn!! The audience comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage Nightmare Lariots Dan Stein!! Domino gets out while the gettins good. Dan Stein & Cobryn roll out of the ring as well!
(As they both back away, Cobryn hides behind the 6'7 Dan Stein while pointing back at The Un-Stable, threatening them. Robert Hunglestien III kicks the ropes in frustration & rage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that Cobryn steals The Un-Stable's #1 Draft Pick and seems to have injured Lucifer Jones' arm!!
Phil Blauer: Still, I'm pissed it wasn't Ned. That would have been perfect.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, Ned's like seven feet tall. Still, though, Jones and Stein have yet to settle their difference. So I'm being told that they will have a rematch on pay-per-view at Irish Rage in Belfast in Northern Ireland in a Blue Bar Steel Cage Match!!
Phil Blauer: Much like Northern Ireland itself, the only way to win is to escape.
(The Shootfighter is in the Hardkore Hall locker room warming up for his light-heavyweight title match with Syberus. He is wearing black knee length wrestling tights, black wrestling boots and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back his long chest length dark hair is tied in a pony tail.)
The Shootfighter: "Syberus after all that trash talking you did behind my back! After all the insults you called me thinking I'm going to take it and keep respecting you! Think again!"
(He does a split legged drop to the floor and continues stretching.)
The Shootfighter: "You think those little mind games your pushing claiming to be so great and calling me supposedly fat and overweight is going to get to me! Wrong! You see this is The Shootfighter you are making fun of! This is one of the most dangerous individuals that you have ever faced! You know what they say about people actually believing their own words if they keep repeating it over and over again!"
(The Shootfighter springs up finished warming up.)
The Shootfighter: "They begin to really believe what they are saying is true! Beware Syberus because The Shootfighter is going to come at you repeatedly making you regret every word you have ever said about me! You are going to pay for all those insults that you believed are the truth!"
(The Shootfighter's expression becomes a mask of hate, rage and fury. He picks up a map of the EU.)
The Shootfighter: "You see this map of the EU?! Imagine your own home continent can't agree on anything! Not even a set of laws, rules and regulations! They add new memebers without their main laws and main head of state in place!"
(He rips off each country in the EU slowly.)
The Shootfighter: "Each and everyone of these countries helped make your proud continent fall apart slowly!"
(He continues until he gets to Syberus's home country.)
The Shootfighter: "This is your country isn't it?! They tabled their resolution just to make sure it
doesn't get voted down and create great shame and humiliation! Imagine then how humiliating it's going to be as I tear you apart bit by bit! I don't care how much pain you suffer from it's going to be quite satisfactory!"
(The Shootfighter gets closer to the camera his eyes burning.)
The Shootfighter: "You see Syberus I'm going to be so relentless that even you won't have any chance to overcome the pain that I shall inflict upon you! Believe me Syberus you shall feel what it's like to insult someone at a price! 'Do something about it.' you say?! Believe me Syberus I shall do something about it! I shall do something about it my way! The Shootfighter way which is filled with pain! You shall regret everything you said!"
(He backs away from the camera a bit.)
The Shootfighter: "The light-heavyweight title is going to be the price you pay! You see I'm not as nice as Lucifer Jones, whom you defeated by some stroke of luck! You got interference from Stein! This time you won't be so lucky against me! You see I shall show you how much of a paper tiger champion you really are! After this match in Hardkore Hall you Syberus shall be in the ICU for a long time! So prepare for the beating of a lifetime Syberus! Prepare for the lesson you never learned! Prepare for Mortal Kombat!"
(The shot fades to the ring crew furiously working on the steel cage as it lowers from the top of the building)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What a show so far! Wow! Now we continue a fight that began earlier tonight. Horror Girl attacked "Sexy" Anjanette Turner earlier tonight when she refereed the match between Vagabond and Tamara Sanchez. Now they meet in a cage for the title Anjanette has held three times now since 1997, the Hardkore World Women's Championship.
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the Palm Springs fans cheer once again. Anjanette Turner walks out, rubbing the back of her neck. Behind her walks "Magnificent" Ron Lauren)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner was given two Oh, The Horrors on a chair and locked in a sleeper double toe hold only twenty minutes ago, in the match before this one. Obviously her neck is bothering her. So it looks as though her good friend, 300 pound former Hardkore America Tag Team Champion Ron Lauren is here to make sure everything goes down the right way.
Phil Blauer: Her neck? What about mine? That little pillow they give you in first class gave me a crimp you wouldn't believe. Would you rub it?
Guillermo O'Bannon: No way.
Phil Blauer: Yolanda?
Yolanda Ando: Been there, done that.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I got it, sir. (rubs Phil's shoulder) Jeepers, you weren't kidding, you are tense.
Phil Blauer: It was all those swerves in the strap match that got me.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner is wearing a red two peice bathing suit, red boots, and her hair in a pony tail.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Steel Cage Match scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP ! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Accompanied to the ring by 'Magnificent' Ron Lauren; from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(Anjanette Turner gets one of the biggest pops of the night as she gingerly enters the cage. Ron Lauren wishes her luck and then takes his place in the corner. Then "Haunted" by Evanescence begins and the crowd boos. Bernice Biggs and Mr. Fame lead Horror Girl down to the ring. Mr. Fame holds her Hardkore World Women's Championship over his head, while the champ pauses peroidically tilting her head towards a jeering fan or nearbye camera)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl was originally slated to wrestle former champion Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa in a rematch tonight. But Horror Girl injured Tokugawa's shoulder so badly, she was forced to pull out of tonight's match. She was replaced by Anjanette Turner, and Jonnie pulled her out of the special referee duties she was supposed to perform for Vagabond & Sanchez. But Turner demanded to be put back into that match and may now be paying the price. They've tangled before in a cage in this very building, at Palm Springs Punishment in the first ever "Cat Collar Match". Horror Girl won that one, and hopes to successfully defend her title in this one as well.
Phil Blauer: You think something like that can "hope"?
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl wears some tightly fitted mummy wrappings around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs. But due to the chair attack earlier tonight, she has some on her head as well. Her skin is a pale blue and her hair is tinted a slight grayish purple. Her eyes are a very, very light blue. It's so light it looks whited out. Lastly, she has the classic zombie darkness around her eyes.
(When Horror Girl gets into the cage, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at "Sexy" Anjanette Turner)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent is accompanied to the ring by Bernice Biggs and her manager, Mr. Fame; From Parts Unknown; Standing 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 135 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(The Palm Springs fans boo, and Horror Girl snarls back at them. Bernice Biggs, Bill Kasal, and Mr. Fame leave the ring, leaving just Ron Reid, Turner, & the champion)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl runs at Anjanette, guns' a blazin, but Turner ducks and rams her face into the cage, rolling her up into a backroll press!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner half nelsons Horror Girl and applies a crossface for a standing kataha-jime! Horror Girl spins Turner round & round, and then slams her face into the cage!!
(Horror Girl begins bleeding, and the audience cheers. She topples over, and Anjanette Turner grabs her by the leg and spins her around into a toe hold, then drops down into a figure four leglock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner clamps down on Horror Girl's twisted legs! Horror Girl's ungodly shrieks fill Hardkore Hall!
Phil Blauer: I've never heard anything like that...(turns around to Boone) Who told you to stop rubbing?
(Horror Girl sits up, grabbing her hair with both hands. She finally lashes out at Turner's eyes. She gets her legs free and then digs her nails into Anj's face, and shrieks some more. Mr. Fame hands Phil a note with $100 bill paper clipped to it)
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl is the official wrestler of George A. Romero's Day of the Dead. In Theatres Now.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl bites Anj's neck, blood runs from her mouth. She grabs her by the ponytail and swings her facefirst into the cage!
(Horror Girl gets under her legs and lifts her up into an electric chair. She rams her facefirst into the cage several times, then drops back with an ocean cyclone suplex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl rolls Turner up to her feet with a t-bone suplex! She front facelocks her and climbs to the second turnbuckle. She tornado DDTs her, but Turner reverses it into a spinebuster!
(The audience cheers while Ron Lauren applauds his friend's comeback. Anjanette checks her neck, sees blood on her hand, then lifts Horror Girl up in a standing vertical suplex. She jumps up into a falcon arrow)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a roundhouse kick! Turner waistlocks her and drops her back into a backdrop driver!!
(Horror Girl sits up, with her whited out eyes, looking dazed. Turner pulls her up into a powerbomb, but Horror Girl whips her around into a huracanrana!! The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl wristlocks Turner, and then lifts him up by her armbarred arm! What strength.
Phil Blauer: That's the trade off about being undead. On one hand, your immortal soul is damned to burn for eternity. On the other, you can pick up heavy things like chick wrestlers. I saw Horror Girl lift up two gallons of milk over her head like it was nothing!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl then front facelocks her in midair and drives her down into the mat with a DDT!! She turns her over and makes the cover.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl gut wrenches her up into a tigerdriver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl bounces off the ropes, but Turner catches her on the comeup with an emerald frosion!! Anjanette climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a spinning rana into a cradle!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner grabs Horror Girl's legs and turns her over into a texas cloverleaf! She bridges backwards and catches her head into a reverse chinlock.
Phil Blauer: What flexibility! That gives me ideas...
Yolanda Ando: Please...it wouldn't matter if she could scratch her ear with her heel, you couldn't please her.
Phil Blauer: That's probably not true.
(Turner bridges back & forth while Ron Reid checks to see if she wants to tap out. Ron Lauren pumps the fans up so they cheer louder & louder in support of Anjanette. A bleeding Horror Girl reaches up and grabs Anj's ponytail. Turner plays through the pain, and arches her back farther)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner releases the bridging cloverleaf, and atomic drops her on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience and cage. She steps up to the second turnbuckle, waistlocks Horror Girl, and belly to back superplexes her!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle, gets to the cage, but Horror Girl climbs to the top rope behind her and punches her in the stomach. That stops her right in her tracks. She grabs her arms, and sticks her foot in her back. Inverted monkey flip off the second rope!!!
(Turner lands chest first on the canvas from the top turnbuckle. The fans boo, and Horror Girl headlocks Turner with the rope along the cut on her neck. She runs her neck along the top rope making the cut gush blood. She then tosses her headfirst into the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pumphandles Anjanette Turner up onto her shoulder then drops down to one knee with a shoulderbreaker! Horror Girl runs into the ropes, and spears her into a short spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs her foot and applies an ankle lock. Turner doesn't allow her to lock it in and gets to one foot. She swings around with an enzuigiri to the side of her head! Turner steps over into a toehold, with a chinlock and armlock.
(Turner pulls up on Horror Girl's head & arm, clamping her arm against HG's windpipe. Ron Reid checks in to see if Horror Girl wants to tap out. Mr. Fame and Bernice Biggs shake the cage, trying to get the crowd to root on Horror Girl, but they just boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner double underhooks Horror Girl up, and runs across the the ring into a gourdbuster!! She rolls her over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner scoops her up and corkscrew tombstone piledrivers her! She climbs up to the top rope, but Bernice Biggs smashes the cage wall & Anj's fingers as she climbs to the top!
(Anj drops to the mat, clutching her hands. Ron Lauren snatches the chair out of Bernice's hands, and she shrieks. Biggs runs into the safety of the other side of the ringside area. Meanwhile inside the cage, Turner's face down on the floor, Horror Girl sits down upon Anj's back and hooks her arm under Turner's arm and under her neck. Then, she hooks Turner's leg with her other arm. After clasping her hands together, she lifts her up off the mat and racks Anjanette over her back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zombiosis!! When Horror Girl locks her hands together, this puts tremendous presson on the Sexy Anj's back, neck, shoulder and leg! This match has been different than the one they had in Palm Springs last time with alot more submission moves.
Phil Blauer: Plus, I seem to be cuter.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I was about to say the same thing, sir.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continuing to bend Anjanette Turner over her back, trying to force her to give up her dreams of becoming the first ever four time Hardkore World Champion!
(Ron Reid asks Turner if she wants to submit but she refuses. Horror Girl loses her grip a little and drops her, but maintains the arm, applying an armbar. She sticks her knee into the ball of Turner's shoulder, and pulls back on her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl continuing to work on the arm of Turner with that armbar. She bites Turner's fingers! Turner tries to escape by getting to her feet, but Horror Girl grabs a handful of her hair and drops back her back to the mat.
(Horror Girl goes for an elbow drop, but Turner rolls out of the way. Turner gets behind her and back cradle suplexes her with a bridge)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner fireman's carries her over to the corner and sits her down on the top turnbuckle. She climbs up to the second rope and gut wrench superplexes Horror Girl!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer, Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and somersaults off into a leg drop!! The fans get louder and Anjanette makes the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle, up to the cage, but Bernice Biggs climbs up to the top of the cage as well! When Anj's head pops up over the cage, Bernice diamond cutters Turner throatfirst on the top of the cage!!
(Bernice falls down to the floor but Mr.Fame catches her. Ron Lauren glares at them, and they take off up the aisleway in terror. Horror Girl climbs to the top turnbuckle with a dazed Turner, and butterflies her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl double underhook superplexes her!! She rolls over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
Phil Blauer: Bernice has had it in for Anj ever since Anj attacked her a few months back. Women never forget.
Yolanda Ando: It was in March!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl picks Anjanette Turner up by the throat and chokes her with both hands. When she's got her pretty much out of air, she spins her over into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl scoops Turner up but Anj falls behind her in an inverted facelock. She spins it around into a test drive!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope, then looks up and climbs to the top of the cage, facing us!!
Phil Blauer: Get down from there!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner moonsaults off the top of the cage onto Horror Girl!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Horror Girl kicks out)
(Audience groans at the close call. Anjanette Turner applies a reverse double chicken wing full nelson. Horror Girl screams out refusals to submit, while Turner tries to break both arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls Girl up to her feet in the double chicken wing full nelson, then begins ramming her head into the cage over & over!! She gut wrenches Horror Girl up onto her shoulder, and helicopters her around & round!
(The fans cheer at Horror Girl being spin around, then Turner jumping tigerbombs her down in the center of the ring)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pulls herself up by the ropes, and Turner charges her. HG back body drops her into the cage! She runs into the ropes and running dropkicks her into the sternum!
(Horror Girl grabs her by the ponytail and swings her facefirst into the cage! She climbs to the top turnbuckle, then evily looks up at the cage)
Phil Blauer: That sure was an evil look. She's climbing to the top of the cage as well!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl missle dropkicks "Sexy" Anj off the top of the cage!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner kicks out)
(Hardkore Hall cheers that Turner was able to kick out! Horror Girl takes off the bandages from her arms and wraps it around Anj's face like reins on a horse. Pressing her boot to the back of Anj's head into the steel cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Fame and Bernice come around and take turns smacking her face with a steel chair!!
Phil Blauer: Ugh, the sound of steel smacking steel is deafening!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Lauren has had enough and smashes Mr. Fame facefirst into the cage!!
(The crowd cheers and Lauren atomic drops Mr. Fame into the cage wall a second time!! Inside the cage, a horribly bleeding Horror Girl climbs up to the second rope, and front facelocks Anj. She tornado DDTs Turner!! She rolls over on top of her!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl pumphandles her up but Turner falls behind her her. Turner straightjackets her arms and german suplexes her!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl gets her arm free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette runs into the ropes, handsprings over into a backflip splash!!
(Audience applauds)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl's head into her legs and lifts her up into a powerbomb!! She hangs onto her arms and legs and drops her into a second powerbomb!!
(Turner pulls her up into a third and final powerbomb with extra stink on it!! She goes to pin her but Horror Girl bites down on her cheek! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette trying to get free from Horror Girl's teeth, Horror Girl smashes her in the teeth with a few headbutts to the cheek. Horror Girl lifts her up into a crucifix. She carries Anj in a crusifix bomb & runs to the ropes. Horror Girl then runs up the ropes and flip over Anj's back, dropping her with an inverted Acid Drop!!!
Phil Blauer: I don't believe what I just saw!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Anjanette Turner kicks out)
(Horror Girl takes the mummy wrap and ties it around Turner's neck. She throws her over the top rope into the cage! She then braces her foot against Turner's back and hangs her with the mummy wrap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner kicking her feet against the cage, struggling for air. Horror Girl tightening that noose! When she's satisfied with the lack of struggle from Turner, she releases it. Horror Girl pulls Turner up to the top turnbuckle and lifts her up into a standing suplex on the top turnbuckle!!
(Flashbulbs go off all over Hardkore Hall as Horror Girl holds her up in the hanging suplex on the top turnbuckle. She drops Turner into a rock bottom off the top rope but Anj hangs on to her neck and hits a flatliner from the top turnbuckle!!! The crowd goes wild, and Turner hooks both Horror Girl's legs)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it!! We've witnessed history!!
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the fans celebrate in the stands. Ron Reid requests the belt from Ron De La O and then hands it to Anjanette Turner)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 40 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, FOR AN UNPRECEDENTED FOURTH TIME; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner reversed Horror Girl's "Screaming Horror" and won herself her fourth Hardkore World Women's Championship!
(Anjanette Turner climbs to the top of the cage with the World Championship in her hand and holds it up for her cheering fans. The crowd chants "ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!! ANJ!!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: She wasn't even supposed to wrestle tonight, filling in for an injured Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa. And in the same building she won her first championship, she's won her latest. In front of her favorite fans in the World, Palm Springs fans!
(Tears stream down Turner's bruised and bloody cheeks. She slings the title over her shoulder and points back at the fans, clapping for them. Horror Girl is dragged back to the locker room by a busted open Mr. Fame & Bernice Biggs, undoubtably to trash it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In San Diego, The Miracle Violence Combination II barely escaped The Cox Arena with the titles. The giants in The Black Experience bounced them from one wall of the cage to the other. Now The Black Experience gets another shot, this time with SWAT superstars High Maintence in the match as well.
("Get Down" by Everlast plays and the crowd cheers. Gavin Slater leads "New Sensation" Nathan Slater & "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Trained by Paul Soutter in Australia, these two say they have come to the West Coast to bring back tag team wrestling. They did all they could do in SWAT but now that they are here to try and break the glass ceiling of tag team wrestling, Miracle Violence Combination II.
Phil Blauer: That's gonna be hard. 15 teams tried the same thing...twice.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following threeway dance will be a 30 minute time limit for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by their manager, Gavin Slater; Both hailing from Melbourne, Australia; First standing 6 feet even; Weighing 222 pounds..."New Sensation" Nathan Slater!! His partner; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 290 pounds..."Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards!! They are HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
(The crowd cheers, as Gavin Slater pumps them up. Then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays. As Stan Wilson makes his entrance, he usually jogs lightly in place in order to warm up. Bruno steps out and does a few bodybuilder poses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience hasn't really been heard from much lately, in preperation for this match. Bruno & Stan have instead focused their attention at working on their teamwork, the thing that almost defeated The Miracle Violence Combination II.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears some red tights with the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship belt around his waist. Stan wears black leather trunks with the words "Big Tank" embroided on the back, and an image of a small tank on the front. The Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt is strapped around his waist. A black elbow pad, as well as black wrist tape on the left arm. Black hand and wrist tape on The Chokeslam Hand. Black kneepads, with ankle length black leather boots to complete the outfit.
(As Stan steps over the top rope, he raises his fist in the air as a sign of respect between him and the fans)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Compton, California; Standing 7 feet even; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!! His partner is from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...STAN 'THE TANK' WILSON!! They are One Third of the HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE BLACK EXPERIENCE!!!"
(The crowd cheers as Bruno & Stan Wilson do their respective poses. Then "Spider Bait" by Black Betty plays. They both rub their heads from the Peacemaker shots they took earlier in the evening. The Hardkore World Tag Team belts are around their waists. The fans cheer as Kilroy waves back at them, while Andrew Karnage threatens both teams in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II made headlines tonight as they reformed The Un-Stable with Robert Hunglestien III & "The Punisher" Dan Stein. That didn't go so well, as an unexpected visitor by the name of Cobryn made an appearence and took The Un-Stable's #1 draft pick with them.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, that was scary. And the only thing that scares me...is Gargamel. (shudders)
Yolanda Ando: (pats his hand) I know, Phil. Kilroy Evans wears a black "The Tick" t-shirt, blue jeans, gray and navy blue sneakers, brown belt & red, white, and blue wristbands. The Hardkore World Tag Team Championship is slung over his shoulder. Andrew Karnage is wearing some black knee length basketball shorts with AK-47 down the outsides of each leg in dark red. Dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow. The tag team title belt is strapped around his firm waist.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson recently made a post-post show rant at the San Diego show about Andrew Karnage's natural physique.
Phil Blauer: That's gotta be weighing on his mind about as much as what Kilroy's gonna have to drink with his post-match meal. Usually it's stew.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The meal?
Phil Blauer: No, the drink.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! His partner is from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are The Current HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(The crowd cheers and the bell rings. The men decide who will start off first)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage, Bruno, and "New Sensation" Nathan Slater will start it off here. Slater armdrags Andrew Karnage. Bruno scoops Karnage up and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater DDTs Bruno! Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a high yakuza kick. Karnage grabs Slater from behind and t-bone suplexes him on his head!
(Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans, and they double irish whip Nathan Slater into the ropes. When he comes back they delivered a double superkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II hits the X Mark! Bruno comes up from behind Kilroy Evans and drops him face first into the canvas with an unprettier!
(Bruno presses Nathan Slater over his head then drops him facefirst! He tags in Stan "The Tank" Wilson, who steps over the top rope into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience double scoop Kilroy Evans up on their shoulders and deliver a double snow plow!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Lane comes off the ropes and gets high enough to spinning heel kick Stan in the face! He tags in the big man of the group, "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards. Richards headbutts Kilroy Evans, but Kilroy grabs him by the arms and batters him in the face with repeated headbutts of his own!
(The audience cheers, and Kilroy backs Richards in the corner. Stan then drives his shoulder into Richards stomach over & over. Evans blasts Jonathan in the face with a roundhouse kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson picks Richards up and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans comes off the top turnbuckles with a flying elbow, but Richards rolls out of the way! He pulls Kilroy up and irish whips him into the ropes. He rushes in and hits a hard clothesline!
(Richards points at Andrew Karnage, mocking him. Karnage tries to enter the ring but Mike Peters cuts him off. Richards begins battering Stan with some forearms, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan comes back off the ropes with a flying shoulderblock! Kilroy Evans tags out to Andrew Karnage, who enters the ring with Richards in his site. He grabs Richards and chokeslams him up in the air...and drops him on Wilson's outstretched knee!!
(Karnage takes a swing at Wilson, but The Tank ducks underneath it and back suplexes the AK-47! He tags in Bruno)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan irish whips Karnage into the ropes and then flapjacks him up in the air, as Bruno leaps up into a hangman's neckbreaker!! Bruno rolls him over into a pin.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Before Bruno can get up, Richards smacks him with a shining wizard to the face! He irish whips Bruno into the ropes and takes him down with a drop toe hold, and Andrew Karnage comes off the top turnbuckle with a headbutt to the back of his head!
(Richards tags in Nathan Slater. Karnage catches him coming in with an exploder '98! Bruno staggers to his feet and pulls Slater up on to his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno spins Slater around into an F5!! He turns his attention over to Andrew Karnage. Karnage is ready for him with some right hands, but Bruno ducks under one of them and german suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
(Slater climbs to the top turnbuckle but Stan Wilson shakes the ropes and trips him. Andrew Karnage climbs to the second turnbuckle and pulls Slater's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage comes off the second rope with a black tiger bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Slater up and attempts to apply an abdominal stretch, but Slater hiptosses him out of it. He irish whips Karnage into the ropes and gives him a high back body drop!
(Karnage rolls over and tags out to Kilroy Evans. Slater doesn't realize it, and goes for a DDT, but Karnage reverses it into a fireman's carry on his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy comes off the ropes and plucks Slater off his shoulders into a swinging neckbreaker as Karnage samoan drops him!! Kilroy makes the pin on Nathan.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno pulls Kilroy Evans up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno DDTs Evans head into the canvas! He pulls Nathan Slater up and irish whips him into the ropes, taking him out with the big boot!
(Bruno pulls Kilroy Evans up by his Tick t-shirt, and waistlocks him but Kilroy bites Bruno on the nose! He bearhugs Bruno, trying to squeeze all the strength out of him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans drops him down into a spinebuster! He hooks his leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy gets to his feet but Slater comes off the ropes behind him with a flying bulldog! He climbs to the top turnbuckle, and waits for Bruno to get to his feet. He comes off with a flying body press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno rolls over and tags in Stan "The Tank" who climbs to the top turnbuckle. He comes off with a flying lariot to Kilroy Evans!!
Phil Blauer: Since when could Tanks fly??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan's on fire, irish whipping Slater into the ropes and dropping him with a flapjack!!
(Slater rolls away and tags in Jonathan Richards. Kilroy Evans comes up from behind Stan, sticking both his fingers in Wilson's eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards catches Stan with a diamond cutter! Kilroy Evans grabs an unaware Richards and drives his head into the mat with a double arm DDT!!
(Kilroy tags in Andrew Karnage. Karnage locks a full nelson on Jonathan Richards. Kilroy comes in and lays into Richards with kicks and punches, and then Karnage hits a sit-out full nelson slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson grabs Andrew Karnage and irish whips him into the ropes. Wilson catches him with a black hole slam!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan walks over and pulls up Richards up into a mlitary press! He drops the big man into a powerslam!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
(Stan climbs to the top rope again, but Kilroy shakes the ropes and crotches him! "New Sensation" Nathan Lane climbs to the top rope and he & Stan are both perched face to face on the top rope. Slater hooks him in an inverted headlock, and Richards jumps onto the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards hooks Stan with a belly to back superplex, as "New Sensation" Nathan Slater flies down with them, drilling Stan with an inverted bulldog from the top rope!!! Silver Lining!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance eliminate The Black Experience!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 9 seconds; THE BLACK EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
(Bruno curses, and then helps Stan roll out of the ring. Gavin Slater is estatic at ringside, yelling "See what I told you??" Andrew Karnage breaks up the lovefest by scooping Richards up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage swings him around into a catatonic backbreaker!! He makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
(Andrew Karnage hops on his back and applies an STF. Karnage pulls up on Richards' head, while Rolls Royce tries to reach out for the ropes. Mike Peters asks Richards if he wants to tap)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage pulling up on Richards' throat but the big Aussie refusing to tap. Nathan Slater runs into the ring and stomps the back of Andrew's head to break up the STF!
Phil Blauer: Peters shoos him back to his corner, but like the news of critics being barred from War of the Worlds' premiere for fear they'll let it slip that the film sucks, the damage has been done.
(Richards scoops Karnage up and drops him on his knee with a shoulderbreaker. He lifts Karnage up in a suplex but drops him headfirst with a brainbuster! The crowd boos, while Richards makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Like Undertaker in 94 & 95, Andrew Karnage has mostly been wrestling larger opponents than himself this year. So we haven't seen much of his powerbased attack, he's had to stick to mat wrestling & submission holds.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards scoops Karnage up, but The AK-47 falls behind him and german suplexes him! He holds on to the waistlock and pulls him back up to his feet. Karnage full nelsons him and drops back into a dragon suplex!! He lifts him up a third time with both arms straightjacketed to complete The Pride Cycle, this time with a bridge!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
(Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans. Evans butterflies Richards' arms, while Karnage climbs to the top turnbuckle. Karnage shouldertackles Kilroy to add extra impact when he drops another double underhook DDT!! The crowd cheers again, and Kilroy rolls him over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Richards into the ropes and hits a sidewalk slam! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, and this time hits the flying elbow drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes. Richards ducks under the clothesline, and Kilroy bounces into the other side. Richards lifts him up high by the throat and drops him into a lo-down!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards presses Kilroy Evans over his head!Jonathan presses Kilroy up & down, showing off & gaining the fans' ire. He finally drops him gutfirst on his knee.
Phil Blauer: That's a pretty big target.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards pulls Kilroy up over his head in a crucifix then powerbombs him on the back of his head!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
(Jonathan Richards tags in Nathan Slater. Slater inverted atomic drops Kilroy Evans then climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater comes off with another flying body press but Kilroy catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Slater up in a suplex, then just drops him facefirst! Evans waistlocks him and german suplexes him, but Slater lands on his feet behind him! He superkicks Evans upside the head!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
(Slater waves at the fans, mocking Evans' mannerisms and catches some more boos from the Palm Springs crowd. He pulls Kilroy up by the shirt, but Evans rams two fingers in Nathan's throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls him upside down, and lets him think about it before he piledrives him!!
(Kilroy tags in Andrew Karnage, and then double irish whip him into the ropes. They both catch him by the neck and give him a double uranage slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: East Side Slam!!
(Andrew Karnage & Kilroy Evans bump fists, then shake hands then switch to an armwrestler grip and pretend to sword fight. The Miracle Violence Combination II then drop a double elbow onto Slater's chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Pretty Fly Handshake O'Doom!
Phil Blauer: Little known fact. That's one of the only Irish moves since they invented that whip.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage double underhooks Slater's arms and lifts him up into a Tiger Buster!! He fireman's carries the man from down under up onto his shoulders but Slater falls behind him. Andrew turns around into a gorgeous standing dropkick!
(Slater goes for a piledriver but Karnage blocks it and alabama slams Slater on to the back of his head! He pulls Slater up by his hair, and irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage dips down for a back drop, but Slater catches him looking with a corkscrew neckbreaker!
(Both men lie next to one another, exhausted. Referee Mike Peters starts the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...
Referee Mike Peters: 2...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Both Andrew Karnage and "New Sensation" Nathan Slater exhausted after wrestling for twenty two minutes. The first man to their feet has the advantage.
Referee Mike Peters: 3...
Referee Mike Peters: 4...
Phil Blauer: One of the drawbacks to being on the gas is you tire easily. He should look in to being undead like Horror Girl, that seems to work for her.
Referee Mike Peters: 5...
Referee Mike Peters: 6...
("Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards, Kilroy Evans, Gavin Slater and all 2000 people in the Palm Springs Convention Center cheer on Karnage & Slater to get to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 7...
Referee Mike Peters: 8...
Referee Mike Peters: 9...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage is the first to his feet, and runs into the ropes...but Gavin Slater trips him!
Phil Blauer: Karnage hits the mat, but luckily his face broke his fall. Nathan Lane comes off the top rope with a leg drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
(Nathan Slater tags in Jonathan Richards. He scoops Karnage up and swings him around into a uranage!! He covers Karnage)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards grabs Karnage by the legs and spins him around & around in a spinning wheelbarrow. When he gets him up high enough, he deposits him over his back into a slam!
(Audience applauds that show of strength. He pulls Karnage's head into his legs, but Karnage back body drops him over his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gut wrenches Richards up onto his shoulder and runs into the center of the ring...ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage lifts him up on to his shoulder in a back suplex, then drops him into a Karnage Crush Bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Nathan Slater kicks Karnage in the back of the head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater saves the match there! Richards lifts Karnage up into an inverted crucifix and drops him facefirst!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining."
(Slater dropkicks Evans off the apron! Meanwhile Richards atomic drops Karnage on the top turnbuckle. Slater climbs up there with him and inverted facelocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards climbs to the second rope and waistlocks him. He pulls him back into a german superplex into while Slater rides him down with an inverted bulldog!! Silver Lining!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd gasps, as "Get Down" by Everlast plays through Hardkore Hall. Gavin Slater grabs the title belts off of Ron De La O's table and comes into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it!! High Maintenance has upset The Miracle Violence Combination II for the Hardkore World Tag Team Titles!!
Phil Blauer: Soutter must be watching up from above, smiling down on them.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Soutter's not dead, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Where's he been then?
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 25 minutes 33 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: What an upset! Slater & Richards come from out of nowhere to defeat the tag team legends! They'll head over to Northern Ireland as the champions.
(Richards & Slater strap their title belts around their waists and hug Gavin Slater. Some in the audience applaud their performance in this nearly half hour long match, while the rest boo the new champions)
Guillermo O'Bannon: SWAT's loss is Hardkore World's gain!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now it's time to get to one of my favorite divisions, the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight division. Syberus won the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title in April, but has yet to defend the title until tonight. His first title defense is against Hardkore West Coast Champion The Shootfighter.
("Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays and the audience cheers. The Shootfighter stalks ringside followed by Judge Death)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has been wrestling for eleven years in CWA, GPWF Mexico, Hardkore Far East, and Hardkore America. He's a veteran of legendary wars with The Warhammer Corporation, Rad Thunder, The Microshocker, and Soutter.
Phil Blauer: He most impressed me during his battles with Xyrynth.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That was Tammy.
Phil Blauer: Who's this?
Yolanda Ando: The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. The Hardkore West Coast Championship is strapped around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit and is for HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Judge Death; He is from Bangkok, Thailanda; Standing 5 feet 11 inches; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The Shootfighter gets into the ring, takes off his robes slowly and glares at the entrance way with intense hate, rage and fury. Then he crosses his arms as he continues to glare at the curtain. Then "This Celluloid Dream" by AFI plays and the audience boos. Syberus walks out with his arms up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus has been around less than half the time that Shootfighter has but has racked up a score of impressive titles. He's been SWAT World Tag Team Champion, SWAT Caribbean Heavyweight Champion, HPWA World Heavyweight Champion, UCW World Heavyweight Champion, mEw World Heavyweight Champion, Ring Syndicate World Cruiserweight Champion, IWA Television Champion, IWA Commonwealth Champion, WMW Heartland (Jnr Heavyweight) Champion, and CWA Canadian Heavyweight Champion. But it's his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title that's on the line right now, and the only thing on Shootfighter's mind.
Phil Blauer: That and the diners that Syberus eats at.
Guillermo O'Bannon: One person who's watching this match with great interest is "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix. He has the winner of this match at the Irish Rage in Belfast PPV.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus wears dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. The Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title is proudly strapped around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is from The Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet even; Weighing 232 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
(Hardkore Hall boos, while Syberus and The Shootfighter hand their respective titles to Ron Reid. While Shootfighter is turned around, Syberus pearl harbors him with a knee in the kidneys)
Phil Blauer: Up, now he's done it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You don't want to trade knees with Shootfighter. He begins battering Shootfighter across the back with those forearms. He irish whips Shootfighter into the ropes, and back body drops him high in the air!
(Shootfighter gets back to his feet and sweeps Syberus’ feet with a muy thai kick to his ankle. He grabs on to the ropes and muy thai kicks him in the back of the thigh. Shootfighter then applies an inverted indian deathlock. Syberus does a push up, screaming in pain)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Ron Reid asks Syberus if he wants to give it up already. Shootfighter applies a double nerve hold to Syberus’ carotid arteries, to make The Shootfighter Leglock more painful. He squeezes on Syberus’ sensitive pressure points while clamping down on his twisted legs.
(The audience applauds Syberus’ predictament. Syberus reaches out and grabs the bottom rope, and Ron Reid asks him to break The Shootfighter Leglock. Shootfighter dutifullly breaks it, and pulls Syberus up by the hair)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus fires an elbow in Shootfighter’s gut then straightens him up with an uppercut. He applies an abdominal stretch. Syberus sticks his foot an leans back as far as possible.
(While the Ron Reid asks Shootfighter if he submits, Syberus reaches back and holds on to the top rope. The World Light Heavyweight Champion uses the rope for leverage, and really cinces in the abdominal stretch. Judge Death hops on the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Judge Death clobbers Syberus in the back of the head with his gavel!! Shootfighter reverses the abdominal stretch into a human torture rack. He spins Syberus around & around, stretching his back against his shoulders!
(Shootfighter drops him down into a samoan drop! He lifts him up into a snap suplex. He hangs on to him, twists his legs, and rolls them both up to their feet. Shootfighter hits a second snap suplex)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter tumbles up into a third snap suplex. Shootfighter applies an ankle lock.
Phil Blauer: He’s picked a leg on Syberus and begun to work it down. He wrenches it from side to side trying to weaken the ankle.
(Syberus yelps out in pain. Ron Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out, and Shootfighter falls back to the mat. He reapplies the ankle lock from a new angle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pushes up and works his way back up to one leg. He comes around with the other with an enzuigiri kick! He irish whips Shootfighter into the ropes and dropkicks the West Coast Champion!
(The Palm Springs fans boo. Syberus shakes his leg a little to try and get the blood flowing back there. He waits for Shootfighter to get back up then clotheslines him)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus bounces into the ropes and hits Shootfighter with a second clothesline! Shootfighter won’t stay down, and Syberus hits him with a third that sends him to his knees. Syberus boots him in the face, then applies an armbar.
(Syberus clamps down on his arm, sticking his knee into Shootfighter’s shoulder. He then sticks his knee on the back of Shootfighter’s head, and pulls up on his locked arm. Judge Death yells out instructions while Ron Reid attempts to talk over him)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter rolls onto his back, then is able to get to his feet with Syberus still attached to his arm. Syberus pulls back on his hair, unbenknownst to Reid, dropping him back down into his armbar!
(The crowd boos again. Judge Death cinstructs Shootfighter, and he arm drags Syberus over with his trapped arm. Shootfighter then applies an armbar of his own. The fans applaud. Syberus growls in frustration, and grabs a handful of Shootfighter’s long black hair. Ron Reid sees it this time and counts until Syberus lets go)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter stands up and twists Syberus’ keylocked arm. He winds back and muy thai kicks him in the elbow. He grabs Syberus by the ankle and twists him around & down into a figure four leglock!!
(“Wooo!!” rings out from fans all over Hardkore Hall. Syberus sits up, grabbing the sides of his hair in pain. Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out. Shootfighter rolls over on one side to apply it a different way)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter trying to cash in on the knee he’s been working the past six minutes. Shootfighter squeezes Syberus’ legs with that side figure four, but Syberus it able to roll over into a inverted reverse indian deathlock!!
Phil Blauer: Not only is that painful, but it’s a double negative!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter gets loose, and hits Syberus before he can straighten up with a muy thai kick to his kidneys. He whacks him again under the armpit. He then blasts him with a knife edge chop. Another. Syberus answers back with a chop of his own. Shootfighter volleys another knife edge!
(The fans continue to “Wooo!!” with each blistering chop. Syberus gets the better of the exchange and then blasts him with a series of hard chops until Shootfighter is back in the corner. Syberus grabs two handfuls of the West Coast Champion’s long hair and drops to his knees, shooting the top of his head through Shootfighter’s jaw! Syberus then sits a dazed Shootfighter on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus climbs to the second rope and drops Shootfighter behind him with a superplex!! He rolls on top of Shootfighter into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Shootfighter kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus gets behind a kneeling Shootfighter, then holds both of his arms in keylocks from this position! Syberus playing the same game as his opponent, picking the arm instead. He leans back with both of Shootfighter’s arm keylocked.
(Shootfighter growls out refusals to submit to Reid. He then sticks his knees and judo flips Syberus over his head with his keylocked arms. He whacks Syberus across the face with a muy thai strike. He punches him a second time in the nose)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter tattoos him in the back of the head with a forearm. He holds his head with one arm and then cracks him in the back of the neck with a forearm smash! He german suplexes Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter wraps his legs around Syberus’ waist and clamps down on his neck with a tri-corner choke!! The crowd is on their feet! Syberus frantically trying to reach the ropes, but Shootfighter rolls him away! Their in the center of the ring!
(Syberus shakes his head to Ron Reid, trying to hang on. He rolls onto his stomach, and bends down so that Shootfighter’s head is pressed into the mat. He then slips out from underneath Shootfighter and applies a double chicken wing, pulling him up to his knees)
Guillermo O’Bannon: These two putting on a clinic not seen since Shootfighter wrestled Big Bad Bill the first time. Syberus pulls up on both of his wrists, while trying to get a much needed breather. He lets go of one arm to reach is arm around his head into a dragon sleeper. He wraps his other arm around Shootfighter’s own neck. Syberus wrenches back as hard as he can, trying to end this match here and now!
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he submits but Shootfighter refuses. The crowd boos. Syberus leans back as far as he can with his arm & head, and commands Reid to ask him again. Syberus grows frustrated and releases his head, applying another keylock to his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus surely working down Shootfighter’s arm, trying to take away his hard strikes.
Phil Blauer: Smart. Not “Asking A Man on a Date To Buy His Date A Rose” smart, but pretty smart.
Guillermo O’Bannon: I hate those people. They come up to you with that basket of roses and pressure you to buy one of those overpriced empty gestures. I’d rather just hand her the $20. Let’s cut out the middle man!
Yolanda Ando: Wow, that’d be great. It’d be like a tip for listening to your stupid stories.
(Syberus drops to the mat and yanks up on Shootfighter’s aching arm. He then wraps his legs around Shootfighter’s head into a head scissors. He applies an udi-garami double armlock with his arms)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus applies this painful manuever he calls St. George Double Hold. He squeezes Shootfighter’s head while figure fouring that hurting arm of his. Ron Reid pleading with Shootfighter to submit, but he’s trying to hang on. Syberus pins his shoulders to the mat with his legs around Shootfighter’s head!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter slips his head out of Syberus’ legs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter drops to his knees and low blows Syberus when he approaches! He flips Syberus head over heels with a russian sickle, but I think Shootfighter did more damage to his arm with that!
(Shootfighter rolls over to Judge Death and yells that he’s hurt. Judge Death quickly goes to work with a roll of sports tape. He tapes Shootfighter’s arm to his chest, to immobilize it)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter’s arm obviously injured, he’s had a reoccuring injury there from his matches with Big Bad Bill in Seattle and Denver. He muy thai kicks Syberus in the back. Again, but Syberus catches his leg and dragon screws him!
Phil Blauer: I don’t know what your watching, but Syberus tossed him by the leg. A dragon screw is the reason why Teddy Long will remember his trip to Thailand everytime he applies the topical cream.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs him by the legs and spinebusters him hard into the mat!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (The Shootfighter gets his shoulder up)
(Shootfighter clutches his elbow, kicking his feet into the mat. The audience roots him on. Syberus tears away the taped sling of Shootfighter, and the Palm Springs fans thunder with boos. Syberus half nelsons him, hammerlocks his injured arm, pressing his face into the mat)
Guillermo O’Bannon: It may be over here. Syberus applying the European Three Quarter Nelson to Shootfighter’s injured arm! The Palm Springs Convention Center is silent except for Shootfighter’s haunting screams.
Phil Blauer: Chilling...it’s like the time we left Boone in here with the lights out.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (shudders) I’m in my safe warm place... I’m in my safe warm place... I’m in my safe warm place...
(Syberus grinds Shootfighter’s face into the mat, while pulling up on his neck & arm! Shootfighter cries out refusals to submit. He then pulls Shootfighter up & double underhooks his arms. He rams his knee into Shootfighter’s stomach then drops down to one knee, bending Shootfighter over with his arms butterflied)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sunday Morning!! Syberus’ has that broken arm locked in that painful rocking submission manuever! Ron Reid right in position if Shootfighter wants to submit.
(Shootfighter tries to slide out of it, but Syberus gets the advantage and pulls him back up into the full bridge. Syberus rocks down on Shootfighter’s arms & head. Syberus pulls it up into diamond cutter, but Shootfighter pushes him off into Ron Reid. Syberus & Ron Reid’s head collide and Ron Reid collapses to the mat, busted open)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Judge Death tosses Shootfighter his stainless steel singapore cane! Syberus turns around and gets cracked in the head with that staff!! Now Syberus is busted open!!
(The crowd is on their feet. Shootfighter steps through Syberus’ legs and turns him over into a one armed scorpion deathlock! The Palm Springs fans pop as he pulls back on Syberus’s legs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Shootfighter has Syberus in a sharpshooter but there’s no ref wait...another masked man?? There’s another masked man in the ring!
(The audience buzzes with confusion as the masked man stares at Shootfighter while he plants his foot and leans back on the sharpshooter. Suddenly the masked man whacks Shootfighter in the elbow with a shining wizard kick!! Shootfighter collapses to the mat, clutching his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Whoever that is just took an incredibly cheap shot to Shootfighter’s injured arm!
(A bleeding Syberus gets to his feet and looks at the man with a confused look. The masked man escapes into the audience. Syberus shrugs and then single underhooks Shootfighter’s arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus drills his head into the mat with his Pure Confidence DDT!! He rolls over into a pinning position!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo, and Syberus rolls over with his arm raised. “This Celluloid Dream” by AFI plays on The Hardkore Hall PA system. Mike Peters hands him his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship title belt)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 1 second; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH; AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: We've had alot of masked guys running into the ring tonight, it's getting to be kind of a theme. But this one seemed to have some kind of heat with Shootfighter. Syberus took advantage of it with The Pure Confidence to successfully retain his title.
(A busted open Syberus leaves the arena with his belt held high up in the air. Judge Death hands Shootfighter his West Coast title belt while EMTs attend to his injured elbow. The audience give both men a standing ovation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus now goes on to Belfast, Northern Ireland to wrestle "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title. Also in Northern Ireland, Shootfighter will defend his West Coast title in a threeway dance with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & whoever that masked man was...Syberus comes bouncing out of the entrance curtain! Tarrasque is attacking him!
(The audience boos as Tarrasque lays the boots to Syberus on the floor. "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix comes out with Blak Lung)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix getting an early jump on that title match, or at least his bodyguard is. Tarrasque defeated Syberus by countout by brutalizing him this exact same way. He spears Syberus into the railing!!
(The fans boo even louder at the sound of Syberus while Blak Lung hooks her up for a cradle suplex. He lifts him up and fisherman's busters him on the aisleway floor!! The fans boo as Vastrix poses over Syberus)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix presses Syberus over his head and drops his throat on the railing! He hooks Syberus' arm and gives him The Pure Confidence on the aisleway floor!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with jeers and obscenities directed towards The Warhammer Corporation & Blak Lung. The EMTs rush from Shootfighter's side to tend to Syberus on the entrance ramp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix giving notice to the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion. But given the bad blood between The Warhammer Corporation & Irish fans, is that the best place to take on a man like Syberus after nearly killing him with his own finisher?
(The Hardkore America Championship hangs over the ring with a large ladder underneath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now part of our double main event, Cobryn defends his Hardkore America Championship title against Death Gojira, a former Hardkore America Champion himself, in a rematch of their wild falls count anywhere match in San Diego. In that match, The Miracle Violence Combination II attacked both men so brutally that neither could continue.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, like they did tonight with Dan Stein & Lucifer Jones.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah, I guess.
Phil Blauer: That could be their new team name. No Contest! Boone!!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (furiously scribbling away on a t-shirt) I'm on it, sir!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn got a measure of revenge tonight by snatching the newest member of The Un-Stable, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. But he has to try and put all that behind him and focus on the most important thing in his life right now. Walking out of Hardkore Hall as American Champion.
(The lights begin to flicker as thunderous footsteps are heard echoing from the PA system. Fans rise to their feet and begin to cheer loudly as suddenly the lights go off and Godzilla's roar booms across the arena, causing several sparks to go off from the ceiling. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube begins to play as a giant pyro in the shape of a mushroom cloud explodes near the entrance ramp. When the smoke clears, Death Gojira appears, letting loose an defiant SKREEOOOORNGHK! Eerie Von, Makoto Jupiter and Tuxedo Mask follow behind them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira walks out with nuclear fire in his eyes, looking to regain the title he lost to Robert Hunglestien III in Denver in December. He thought he had Cobryn in San Diego, but The Miracle Violence Combination II ended that match before he could. Now he's hoping he can fly to Belfast with the Hardkore America title belt in his overhead compartment.
Phil Blauer: If he can get me in first class, that'd be great. Actually if he can get me on any international flight that would be better. Ever since the "misunderstanding" I had on a recent trip with Southwestern.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, I told you that Twilight Zone "there's something on the wing of this plane" joke isn't funny since 9/11. The last time Death Gojira was in this building, it was with his Cupcake Crew buddies, taking on The Un-Stable in an LA Freeway match.
Yolanda Ando: Ever since Big Bad Bill set him on fire in Albuquerque, Gojira now covers his shame with tightly wrapped bandages around his face, chest and arms. The only place we do get to see a part of Gojira is his eyes, which are now maroon, serpentine, and terrifying! Aside from his wrappings, Gojira wears a Haori Japanese Vest over his chest with long black shorts and boots. On the back of his Haori is the symbol for Godzilla, with the Japanese characters for "Hageshiimaru" encircling it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Ladder Match for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by The Cupcake Crew; from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(The Palm Springs audience roars, and Gojira lets out a huge "Ree-ornk"! Then "No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and the crowd boos. Ali and Brain walk behind Cobryn holding his cape, Johnny Lee Harley swings a cowbell around, cursing at the booing fans)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's funny?
Phil Blauer: Funny ha-ha? Or Mad TV funny?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn usually isn't hanging out with a large crew since not alot of people can stomach him.
Phil Blauer: Where the hell's Ron Reid? Doesn't he usually do these matches?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonnie gave him the rest of the night off since he got hurt working Syberus vs. The Shootfighter.
Phil Blauer: Jip! What about all the heartburn I got from my buffalo wings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those were mine.
Phil Blauer: Than get em spicer next time. Pussy.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anyway, it could be for protection. Cobryn seems to be edgier than the smarmy guy we're used to. He has Cyrus on the horizon, The Un-Stable howling for his blood, Lucifer Jones looking for payback, and Death Gojira gunning for his title.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from The Florida Keys; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
(The audience boos, and Cobryn sheds his cape. Mike Peters signals for the bell, but Cobryn demands that Gojira be checked for foreign object)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What is this?
Phil Blauer: Cobryn just making sure this is a fair ladder match, with no foreign objects.
(Death Gojira just pushes past, Mike Peters and goes to kick Cobryn, but Cobryn catches his leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn short leg clotheslines Gojira! He applies a standing reverse figure four leg lock with ankle lock to Gojira's legs!!
Phil Blauer: Cobryn attempting to do whatever he can to slow down Gojira. He looks like he's going to work on one of the legs attempting to get him to the point in which he can't climb a ladder.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's very insightful, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, I have my 6 month review with Jonnie last week and I need something positive to bring up if he mentions when I farted in the punch bowl at last year's 4th of July picnic.
Yolanda Ando: I hate this place...I thought that funny taste was rum.
Phil Blauer: Hey, Stan dared me to.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn wrenches on Gojira's legs! He realizes a tap out won't help him here. He irish whips Gojira into the corner so hard he flips over into a tree of woe. Cobryn takes the ladder over and places it from the outside between the middle turnbuckle and Gojira's legs and the top turnbuckle. Cobryn jumps off the apron, slamming the seesaw like ladder into Gojira's prone leg!!
(The audience boos, as Gojira clutches his leg. Cobryn jumps off again, smacking the ladder into his leg again! Cobryn gets up for another strike, turning around to mock the audience, but Gojira rolls off the turnbuckles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira steps outside and leaps on the ladder, see-sawing the ladder into Cobryn's face!! He grabs hold of Cobryn's hair and rams him facefirst into the cornerpost!
(Gojira double underhook DDTs Cobryn's face into the concrete!! Gojira rolls a busted open Cobryn into the ring. He rolls in as well, then stands the ladder up. Gojira irish whips Cobryn into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Cobryn up for a spinebuster, but instead of dropping him on his knee, he throws Cobryn forward into the standing ladder where his legs slip through the spaces and hits his groin on the steps!!
Phil Blauer: Ouch!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Cobryn up onto his shoulders and F5's his face on to the ladder!!
(Death Gojira pulls Cobryn up into a powerbomb but Cobryn rolls forward onto his feet in front of Gojira. Cobryn drops to his knees and low blows him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Gojira up on his shoulder and then runs across the ring and ligerbombs him!!
(Cobryn closes the ladder around Gojira's legs. He climbs to the second turnbuckle, and then jumps off the second rope stomping the ladder shut across the prone legs of Gojira!! Gojira sits up, clutching his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn climbs to the second turnbuckle again, and hops off a second time on to that ladder!!
Phil Blauer: Jesus! Cobryn grabs the ladder and jams the top of it into Death Gojira's legs!!
(Cobryn sets up the ladder and climbs up to the top and reaches up for the belt. Death Gojira limps up the ladder on the other side. He pulls Cobryn by the hair and pulls him over the top, hanging him upside down)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hops off the middle of the ladder with a rude awakening!!
(The crowd comes alive chanting "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira knocks the ladder down on to the mat. He hooks Cobryn in a cradle suplex position, then lifts him up only to tigerbomb his back on the ladder!! The Palm Springs fans continue to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" while Cobryn writhes around clutching his back)
Phil Blauer: Gojira turning Cobryn into his superball on that ladder.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sets up the ladder underneath the belt, and begins limps up to the three quarter point. Cobryn staggers to his feet, and grabs hold of the ladder. Gojira feels the ladder shaking, and backflips into an asai moonsault DDT!!
(Hardkore Hall leaps to their feet, continuing to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira knocks the ladder down and slides it over to the corner. He climbs to the second turnbuckle and front facelocks Cobryn)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira spins off with a tornado DDT but Cobryn pushes him off into the ladder! Cobryn goes right back to that leg, applying an inverted indian deathlock then racheting it up his leg so that he can stand.
(The fans boo while Cobryn clamps down on his twisted legs. Gojira does a push-up but Cobryn continues with the hold. Mike Peters can do nothing else but look on. The crowd begins to chant at Johnny Lee Harley "Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck Your Sister *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn continuing to come out of left field, treating this ladder match, at times, like an I Quit Match.
Yolanda Ando: I'm not wearing any panties.
Phil Blauer: Me neither.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases the nagata lock, and electric chairs him up on his shoulders. He bends him back into a gory special, then drops him facefirst into the ladder!!
(Gojira clutches his forehead and kicks his feet into the mat. Cobryn drops him back into a wrist clutch exploder! He bounces into the ropes and hits him with a double kneelift to the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn double underhooks Gojira up, but he reverses it with a huracanrana!
(Palm Springs fans cheer wildly. Gojira points towards the members of the Cupcake Crew and throws the ladder to the outside of the ring. While Tuxedo Mask and Makoto Jupiter prop the ladder onto two chairs, so it's standing horizontal, Eerie picks up the steel steps and slides it into the corner of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira turns around to see Cobryn ready to club him with the Goji-Chair but he's able to duck the swing! Gojira kicks Cobryn in the stomach then tucks his head between his legs. With one great roar, Gojira lifts up Cobryn onto his shoulders and limps towards the steps. He hobbles up the steps and leaps off the top turnbuckle with a spinning powerbomb right onto the ladder!!!
Phil Blauer: I can't believe what we just saw!!
(The Palm Springs fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" as Cobryn lies limp, folded over himself. Eerie Von and Tuxedo Mask help Gojira back up to his feet He lets out a mighty "Reee-ornk")
Phil Blauer: Cobryn's bled with Kilroy Evans & Andrew Karnage, but he's never endured punishment like this before meeting Death Gojira!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira sticks that ladder over Cobryn's head and grabs his Goji-Chair. He smacks Cobryn's gallowed head with the barbed wire chair!!
(The crowd pops at the sound it makes! Gojira sticks Cobryn's head through the rungs again and electric chairs him up onto his shoulders)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira drops Cobryn onto the railing with the ladder around his head, the guardrail smacks the ladder into Cobryn's face!!!
(Hardkore Hall continues to rock with "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" so loud you can't hear yourself think. He rolls Cobryn back into the ring, and Eerie Von slides the ladder in as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira backdrops Cobryn, but catches his arms and drops a gory driver on the ladder!!! He pulls the ladder up and sets it up underneath the Hardkore America title.
(The fans are on their feet as Death Gojira begins climbing the ladder. As he gets three quarters of the way up, he reaches up for the belt. Meanwhile, a horribly bloody Cobryn is climbing up to the top of the ladder from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn meets him at the top and bludgeons him with short jabs to the face. He hooks Gojira and brainbusters him from off the ladder!!!
(A small contingent fans cheer Cobryn but they are drowned out by the majority of Palm Springs. Cobryn and Gojira lie down next to one another exhausted. During the pause in action, a fan starts a rally cry with his airhorn. Cobryn to his feet first and fireman's carries Gojira on to the top turnbuckle, facing the ring. He tosses the ladder out of the ring, then steps on to the apron. He hooks the top of the ladder under Gojira's chin and pulls back on the ladder from the ring)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn performing the Florida Surfing manuever on Death Gojira with a never before seen chair edition!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn yanking down on that chair as Gojira's back is being speared by the top of the ringpost! He pulls it down to the ground and walks up on the ladder, pulling Gojira nearly in half!!
(The Palm Springs fans boo as a blood drenched Cobryn poses on the ladder, while Gojira cries out in pain. Cobryn then steps down and slides the ladder into the ring. Cobryn enters the ring and picks up the ladder. But Gojira hops off the top turnbuckle and grabs the ladder too. A struggle ensues )
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Gojira are fighting over the ladder. Fustrated with this tug of war, Gojira pushes the ladder forward into Cobryn's face! While Cobryn staggers back holding his face, Death Gojira takes the ladder and slips Cobryn's head between the legs of the ladder. He holds the legs far out wide, then suddenly slams them together, cracking Cobryn's skull like a nut!!
(The crowd roars at the sound of Cobryn's skull making with the ladder. Death Gojira sets the ladder up and begins slowly climbing the ladder with one foot. Cobryn stops him by grabbing him by the wrist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hops off the ladder, arm dragging Cobryn across the ring! He butterflys his arms and lifts him up onto the shoulder, Gojira then flips him forward into a facefirst tigerdriver!!
(Eerie Von passes Gojira a bottle of lighter fluid. The audience buzzes with anticipation, while Gojira takes a big swig of it. He takes out his zippo lighter but Brain runs into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn's lackey runs into the ring and grabs the zippo lighter out of Gojira's hand!
Phil Blauer: And Gojira without Amazing Taylor. Oh, the one moment to be without your toadie! Onwei!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira spits out the lighter fluid and stalks a nervous Brain. Johnny Lee Harley blindsides him with a lariot! Cobryn pulls Gojira up into a stalling suplex. Johnny Lee Harley knocks the ladder over, and Cobryn drops Gojira's feet on the top rope and slingshot suplexes his back across the ladder!!
(Gojira sits up with his arm arches back in agony. Cobryn drops an elbow on to Gojira dropping back on the ladder! Cobryn slaps his arm and drops a second elbow on him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn scoops Gojira up, he then drops his right hand down from Gojira’s thigh to his right knee, and hooks it before lifting up his own left leg and dropping down and to his left, spiking Gojira down!! Cobryn sets up the ladder!
(Cobryn climbs to the top of the ladder and grabs his Hardkore America Heavyweight title but Gojira climbs up to the top from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pokes Cobryn in the eye! He swings around onto Cobryn's side then puts him in a torture rack. Gojira jumps off, hitting him with a Torture shock!!!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira atomic drops Cobryn on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook, facing the audience. Gojira lies the ladder down in the corner, then steps up behind him on the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira t-bone superplexes Cobryn on to the ladder!!! He hangs onto his arms and pulls him up in a full nelson, then bubbabombs his ass onto the metal rungs!!
(The crowd laughs at Cobryn clutching his ass, and continue to chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira sets up the ladder and begins climbing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn backs into the ladder, plucking Gojira off the halfway point in a crucifix. He drops him and catches him on the way down with a DDT!!
(The audience gives this match a standing ovation that lasts nearly 30 seconds, while both men lie exhausted next to one another. Cobryn pulls Gojira up and lifts the ladder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn returns the favor by nutcracking the ladder on his head!! Again! He gets behind a staggering Gojira, and straightjacket german suplexes him!
(The Palm Springs fans boo Cobryn. Makoto Jupiter runs over and rolls a can of Borax to Gojira. When Cobryn leans down to pick up Death Gojira, Gojira smashes the can into Cobryn's face! A cloud of borax explodes, engulfing Cobryn's face with the stinging touch of desanitation! The crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira slips Cobryn's head and arms through the top space of the ladder, then props the other side over the corner post. Gojira hops onto the top of the turnbuckle and waves to the audience to get out of the way before he leaps down onto the ladder and catapults Cobryn head first into the audience's empty seats!!!
(The crowd chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Cobryn lies unconcious in the front row among a sea of fans, and overturned chairs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Death Gojira having a classic match here! Cobryn was launched over the turnbuckle, vaulting into the audience!
(Fans continue to crowd around Cobryn, chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Death Gojira fireman's carries Cobryn over the railing into the ringside area)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira airplane spins the side of Cobryn's head into the cornerpost! Eerie Von slides the ladder into the ring. Gojira rolls Cobryn in then climbs into the ring. Gojira pulls Cobryn up by the arm, but Cobryn pulls him in to a shortarm clothesline!
(Cobryn lifts him up into an inverted crucifix, then drops him facefirst on to the ladder!! Hardkore Hall boos him, as a blood soaked Cobryn tries to catch his breath)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn gut wrenches Gojira up onto his shoulder then gansobombs him!! He lies the ladder down in the center of the ring, then shoots Gojira off into the ropes. He spinning spinebusters The King of the Fuckin Monsters on the ladder!!
(Cobryn gets up and applauds for himself, gaining the ire of the fans. He sets up the ladder and climbs up to the top. Robert Hunglestien III, Kilroy Evans, and Andrew Karnage run into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable are in the ring, and Robert Hunglestien III climbs to the middle of the ladder on the other side and implant DDTs him off the ladder!!!
(The Palm Springs fans cheer wildly, and "The Punisher" Dan Stein runs down to the ring. Andrew Karnage picks Cobryn up and kataha-jime suplexes him. Johnny Lee Harley jumps into the ring and butterflies Kilroy's arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley double underhook DDTs Kilroy!! Dan Stein runs into the ring and clotheslines Robert Hunglestien III! He scoops up Kilroy Evans and fallaway slams him across the ring!
(Death Gojira comes up from behind Dan Stein and ocean cyclone suplexes him! He grabs the Goji-Chair chair and unfolds it. Robert Hunglestien III & Eerie Von start working over Johnny Lee Harley. Bleeding and worn out, Cobryn begins to sneak up the ladder amid the chaos. Suddenly, Death Gojira unleashes an undefeated roar so earsplittingly loud that it makes Cobryn turn around only to see Death Gojira already up and between his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Before Cobryn has a chance to react, Death Gojira hits him with Sniff the Borax right on the Goji-Chair!!! Cobryn's face splits the wooden chair in half!!
(The crowd goes wild, and The Un-Stable & The Cupcake Crew work over Johnny Lee Harley & Dan Stein. Gojira climbs up the ladder and snatches the title, claiming victory!!! He drops to the mat and the bell rings, the crowd roars in celebration)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira has done it! He's won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Title again!!
("Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and Death Gojira lofts the Hardkore America title belt high in the air. Dan Stein & Johnny Lee Harley drag Cobryn out of the ring. The Un-Stable & The Cupcake Crew loft Death Gojira up on their shoulders, and he slings the title belt over his shoulder as the fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III requesting the microphone...
Robert Hunglestien III: "I bet you didn't see that coming Undisputed King of the Swerve. You thought of everything except for if we got Death Gojira to join The Un-Stable!!"
(Death Gojira, still on Eerie Von & Andrew Karnage's shoulders, motions for the mic)
Death Gojira: "Wait a minute, I'm not a part of The Un-Stable..."
Robert Hunglestien III: "Oh, that's right..."
(Kilroy Evans leaps in the air and diamond cutters Gojira off of Karnage & Von's shoulders!! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable turns on Eerie Von & Tuxedo Mask! Karnage nails Tuxedo Mask with a running death valley driver!
(Robert Hunglestien III waistlocks Eerie Von and Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot, so Hunglestien can german suplex him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable Shotgun Suplexes Eerie Von!! Kilroy Evans climbs up the ladder while Hunglestien lays the America title over his face. Evans hops off the top of the ladder and elbow drops the belt into Gojira's face!!
(Hardkore Hall boos The Un-Stable as they hold up their arms, walking out of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable has ruined the ending of one of the best matches of Hardkore World this year. Death Gojira will head into Northern Ireland with the American title, but a huge target on his back!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now it's time for an event designed to honor the men that have given us their blood, sweat, and tears since 1987. The first inductees of Hardkore World's Hall of Fame. Five wrestlers tonight will be honored for their contribution to the greatest wrestling action on the planet tonight. Without any ado, lets go to our first presenter.
("Dazzling" Danny Adams stands in the ring in a tuxedo with the five honorees behind him)
"Dazzling" Danny Adams: "Thank you. It is so good to be back in this ring, in this city, where I have spent so many of my finest evenings."
Phil Blauer: He's drunk again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That wouldn't be a first, "Dazzling" Danny Adams warred with John "Catman" Wilder over the television and tag team titles for years. His gimmick was to come to the ring stewed out of his mind and work the neck.
"Dazzling" Danny Adams: "Tonight, I've come to pay tribute to a man that I have wrestled and has saved my hide numerous times. John "Catman" Wilder was one of our first superstars, plus the leader of our first dominating group in the tradition of crews like The Russian Family, The Warhammer Corporation, and The Thorn Cult. His superplex terrorized the likes of Butch "The Anvil" Brooks, Major Rager, and Maniac. Then when he got hurt, he became one of our best referees, officiating main events for Palm Springs Punishment, Irish Rage in Belfast, and Hardkore Helloween. Let's hear one last pop, for The Catman."
(The audience cheers as John "Catman" Wilder raises his hand, waving towards the audience. He hugs Danny Adams, and then takes the microphone)
Phil Blauer: Wow, John looks good. Ever since the incident...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil...
Phil Blauer: I know, I know. I was only gonna say that he looks good, because for a while there...
Guillermo O'Bannon: This is supposed to be a happy time. The courts sorted that whole thing out, and he's ready to move on.
Phil Blauer: I heard the youngest girl they pulled out of his crawlspace was 14.
John "Catman" Wilder: "I'm honored to be the first inductee of Hardkore World Hall of Fame. This Hall of Fame induction isn't just for me, it's for all of you that have been on my side all these years, since 1987. Whether you booed me or cheered me, I appreciate you going on the journey with me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."
(Hardkore Hall pops, and Wilder waves back at them. A lone tear goes down his cheek. Roscoe Law then steps up to the mic)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law, a CWF & UWA legend feuded with Matt Creamers's Creamer Dynasty in Chicago in the late 80's. When they both moved over to UWA, they joined forces to dominate UWA, winning the World Championship, US title, and Light Heavyweight titles. They opened up their own promotion out of Wisconsin, Creamer Championship Wrestling. They ran giant events like Roscoe Law's Barroom Brawl. When their group closed they both came over to Hardkore America.
Roscoe Law: "Our next nominee is the template that the rest of us have based our careers on ever since. Matthew X started showing us how it was done in 1988 in CWF Chicago. He won the CWF World Championship and ran pretty unopposed until he lost the title for cursing too much...seriously. Next up for the World's most successful anarchist was UWA, where he dominated the UWA Northeast in 1990. He terrorized the Eastern seaboard with the flaming thumper heart punch until there was no one left to give a heart attack to. Because of contractual problems, Matthew X donned a mask and came over to the West Coast in 1992. There he won the Hardkore World title tournament in his first appearence, defeating previously undefeated Tosh Marley in the final. He held the title three times, winning his wars with The Darkstar Brothers, Rad Thunder, the religious zealot Benyok Kentot, and "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers. Matthew X is one of the most important wrestlers that has ever happened, and I think that is the best way to put it. Ladies and gentleman, the one, the only, the anarchist...Matthew X!!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers Matthew X as the mohawked brute, walks up and takes the plaque. He flips off the fans, but they cheer anyway. He decides not to make a speech. Big Daddy Coltrane steps forward in a tuxedo and a mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes a legend in his own right, Big Daddy Coltrane. Big Daddy won the Hardkore America Television title and held the title for nearly two years. In 1992 he won a tournament between Hardkore World & Philadelphia's CPW to crown the Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion between the two groups.
Phil Blauer: How'd that go?
Guillermo O'Bannon: CPW closed the next month.
Big Daddy Coltrane: "Thank you everyone. (does his classic opening line) 'Hello, this is Big Daddy Coltrane.'"
(Palm Springs Convention Center pops)
Big Daddy Coltrane: "You all remember me. I led the Real Four Horsemen to dominate the Hardkore South region. But enough about me, we're here on the West Coast. And on the West Coast, Tosh Marley and his brothers Ras-I & Duck were king. In this very building, they defeated The Russian Bloc for the Hardkore Six Man Tag Team Titles. But as much fun as he had with his brothers, he was the nucleus of that group and soon he had to break away from them to gain singles glory. So his brothers jumped Hardkore World Champion Vance Davis and injured him. Tosh went to Hyogo, Japan to enter the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament at Amagasaki Park Gym, defeating Matthew X over here.
(Matthew X snarls)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Matthew X was able to win the title back from Tosh in their Miami rematch.
Big Daddy Coltrane: "He went on to wrestle in the main event for years, giving us some classic matches. Let me introduce to you younger fans, Tosh Marley!"
(Hardkore Hall cheers)
Tosh Marley: "Lord haff mercy! Tank you everybodie. Everything I haff I leave in dis ring, mon. I want to tank all the fans, all the boombakah mon that I wrestle, for giving me much more than I can ever hope for. Buck! Buck!"
(Fans pop for Tosh Marley, he bumps his fist and points at the sky)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tosh giving props to his brother Ras-I who passed away for unknown reasons in a Tampa motel room last year.
("Block Rockin' Beats" by the Chemical Brothers kicks in over the pa system and Rally Jackson comes out with the Hall of Fame plaque. He is dressed nice in a business suit as any presenter should and he has an evil grin across his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson coming out to induct The Badd B Boys, the tag team icons of the mid 90's.
Phil Blauer: Why?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We didn't really have a spot for him anywhere else. "Sexy" Anj refused to let him take her special ref gig.
Rally Jackson: "I am here to induct the Badd B Boys into the Hall of Fame. But the question is why? They totally suck. And they quit Hardkore World to "run," and I use that term loosely, NWA Virginia. nwavirginia.com/ Check that out for a good chuckle."
Guillermo O'Bannon: You know, Danny Adams just handed Wilder the plaque. No music...
Rally Jackson: "These guys don't deserve to get inducted. I truthfully don't know what they did. They probably won the tag titles or some shit. But know what? So did Scotty Hartman and Harvey Lynch yet you don't see them on the list. Bottom line is, I'm not in control of who gets these things. We all know who should've. So since I am not in any control over it, there is nothing I can do about it."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Roscoe Law just handed Matthew X the plaque...
Rally Jackson: "The only thing I can do is NOT read this script they gave me praising these B Badd Boys. ::rips his paper as he says this:: I am not going to list for you there accomplishments. I am going to bring them out here and plant their fucking award right over their fucking head. This will not be the Badd B Girls fifteen minutes in the spotlight on the count of me. I can honestly say that not one of you fans out there gives a shit what the Big Badd Boys did ten years ago. I highly doubt you heard of anyone up here tonight."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Daddy Coltrane just handed Tosh Marley the plaque...
Rally Jackson: "So instead of giving the (I've been a) Badd Badd Boys the heart warming speech that Jonnie wants me to give them, I am going to go on a tirade about those weapons of mass desctruction that Andrew Karnage is harboring!! I am going to find those Andy!! Big arms, no more!!!
I'd like you to all take a look at the Hardkore tron."
[On the screen you see a picture of Karnage's brand new Lexus.]
Rally Jackson: "My sources have told me that Karnage may or may not be harboring some of those chemicals that produce his weapon's of mass destruction in the trunk of his car. A fairly obvious place, but we are going to check out that lead."
[Tito appears on the screen.]
Tito: "Want me to pop this trunk?"
Rally Jackson: "No vice-president Tito. Destroy his trunk with a sledge hammer. It's the only way to do it."
[Tito pulls out a sledge hammer and starts wailing away on his trunk.]
Rally Jackson: "You think you can get away with illegal chemicals? We will find you!! We will steal your gym bag. We will break into your trunk. There is nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide."
[Tito absolutely obliterates the trunk.]
Tito: "There's nothing in here. Cept a pair of lifting gloves."
Rally Jackson: "Lifiting gloves I'm sure he puts on after injecting himself with illegal chemicals!! Which means we have a lead!! Tito!! Break inton the front of the car!!"
Tito: "The door is unlocked."
Rally Jackson: "I don't care!! Smash it in with your sledge hammer!!"
[Tito goes to town all over the car with the sledge hammer.]
Tito: "I don't see anything, Rally. Just looks like some stuff in the back seat here for a newborn baby."
Rally Jackson: ::wiping his brow:: "Damn, he must've been tipped off about the search and relocated the chemicals. That's enough for today, Vice-president Tito. I have to present these loser fucks their award.
And without further Adieu.... THE BADD B BOYS!!!"
[Rally rolls his eyes as the B Boys music hit and he awaits for them to come up. But instead... Out runs Andrew Karnage]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage runs out and before Rally can turn around and see who it is, he is mowed over by a Nightmare Lariat!
(Rally gets knocking into the air in almost a twisting three sixty and lands flat on his face. The Palm Springs crowd pops, and Rated X, Matthew X, Tosh Marley, and John Wilder flee the ring. Andrew Walks over to his limp body and lays in ultra stiff shots to the face)
Phil Blauer: Security runs out to stop this, but since it's Rally catching the beat down they take an extra long time getting over there.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I can dig that. Just before security reaches them, Karnage hits a huge Karnage Bomb onto the hard stage and Rally is folded up like an accordian. Security finally detains him.
Phil Blauer: Wait, they let him go and he puts the stomp to Rally a little more.
(They detain him again, but security is smiling a little bit. One member of security thinks no one is looking and gives Rally a swift kicks to the ribs himself. Karnage is ushered to the back)
Phil Blauer: I think it's safe to say Rally blew the one thing Jonnie gave him to do tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not only that but he ruined what was supposed to be a momentus occasion.
Phil Blauer: Little word of advice. If your gonna have anything in a wrestling ring, wether it be a bikini contest, pose down, contract signing or Hall of Fame ceremony; someone will ruin it.
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Jun 30, 2005#30
Guillermo O'Bannon: And now fans we crown the next Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion. A title surviving since 1987, with great champions like Kentaro Korose, Matthew X, Rally Jackson, Rated X, Adrian Faust, and one of the men wrestling tonight, Cyrus Williams. He takes on a former Ring Syndicate Australia champion, MWA Heavyweight Champion and Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill tonight in the final of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament.
Phil Blauer: That thing ain't over yet?? Back when we started it Dido was still on the radio.
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Cyrus' cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back step through the curtains and get greeted with some boos.. Blaze, Bludd, and Charleston all carry large towels while Arakawa & Maxwell sport a can of cold spray and a bucket of ice respectively. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in a business suit. Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[Finally, Cyrus Williams steps out into the arena, through the pyros. He wears a long black and grey ring robe with a hood, which he flips up once he's completely out in the arena. Cyrus scans the arena for his supporters, the few that exist. He closes his eyes and soaks in the atmosphere.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus looking to not only become a three time Hardkore World Champion but the first man to do it three times without losing.
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
Phil Blauer: How did he manage to accomplish that?
[Cyrus calmly begins to walk down the aisle, his cocky smile never fading from his face. Before he hits the ringside area, he spots a fan with a sign reading "CYRUS WILLIAMS IS PRO WRESTLING" and points it out to the camera.]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Well he got stripped of the title twice.
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
Phil Blauer: Steve Austin must have broken that record three times over now.
[Cyrus makes it to the ring as the song breaks down. He climbs the ring steps as he steps in, with Lux, and the cornermen following him. When he enters the ring, Cyrus goes to the center of the ring and does a victory pose, with his entourage doing it's best to deflect the garbage being pelted at him.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Tom Lux grabs the microphone from Bill Kasal.]
Tom Lux: "Ladies and gentlemen, due to Paul Mannetti's untimely accident, I will be taking over ring introductions for your future world champion."
[Boos for that.]
Tom Lux: "Tonight, you fans are about to witness history. For the first time in Hardkore World history, you will see a man crowned a three time world champion, without ever losing that title. You will also see the complete and utter trouncing of a man that isn't even fit to lick my client's boots clean. Tonight, in Palm Springs, CA, in the 'Hardkore Hall', pro-wrestling will prevail over sports entertainment. Athleticism will prevail over character. Mark tonight's date down on your calendar: much like November '97 in Montreal spawned the Attitude era, much like July '96 gave us the nWo, much like August of '94 gave us the dawn of extreme...tonight, when my client destroys Triple B, there will be a new era born. When the dust clears, the blood sheds, and the bell rings, the rightful champion will ascend to his throne and all will be right in the world."
[The crowd is all over Lux, trying to interrupt his speech.]
Tom Lux: "From coast to coast, from sea to shining sea, through seven continents, over five oceans, people the world over have watched him win titles, lose titles, bleed, talk, brawl, and entertain. He has been a consummate performer for nearly 15 years as a professional wrestler, going above and beyond the call of duty in the name of professional wrestling. He has held titles the world over, and is certainly one of the most decorated athletes to ever exist in the business. He is a living legend, worthy enough to have his name alongside those like Inoki, Thesz, Gotch, Fujinami, Maeda, Tenryu, The Funks, Hansen, The Briscoes, Backlund, Sammartino, and Tsuruta. Hailing from Palm Springs, CA by way of Chicago, IL and Providence, RI, he weighs in tonight at 242 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, the savior of professional wrestling, your personal Jesus, and the GOD of Hardkore World.....CYRUS WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Phil Blauer: That sure is alot of exclamation points, Bill would never have used that many.
[Cyrus' ring seconds toss in streamers as fast as they can. Some fans of Cyrus' in the crowd respond with their own streamers. Cyrus takes off his ring robe and begins to stretch. Suddenly a black glow radiates from the Valen-tron, and a dreadful moaning in the form of a chant is heard in the background. Smoke begins to build on the floor, and the purple strobe lights flashing on either side of the entrance curtain reflect prominently off the fog. The chanting has been replaced by a steady guitar riff; dark, yet melodic]
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill finally getting high enough on the card to demand smoke machines! Next thing you know he'll pop out of trap door platform.
(Words flash large on the screen, and then fade away to be replaced by others:
ALPHA
alpha
OMEGA
omega
TRIPLE B
TRIPLE B
triple b
Fireworks explode from the floor and make their way up to the ceiling. From the smoke, a shape becomes apparent. Tall, dark, his hands stretched only a few inches from his sides, and a long trench coat that ripples with the effort. The crowd buzzes to life as one of the finalists for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship makes his presence known)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill, trying to put those three women fighting over him earlier in the evening out of his head, and focus on the task at hand.
(Triple B storms forward through the billowing smoke and walks down the entrance ramp. Scenes from his career flash on the screen: Skitzo screaming at the receiving end of the Dis-locator; Mike Stryker and Lo King staring in disbelief as Big Bad Bill pins Bobby Collins in a four-corners/ four-champions match; Shawn McWhirter looks on in horror as Triple B kicks out of his Scottish-shock Syndrome; and one of Bill winning the American Title from Sean Powers. Triple B holding the MWA Struggle-to-Survive Tournament trophy in the air. Triple B holding the MWA Heavyweight Title over his head after beating Bobby Collins. Triple B winning Rally Jackson’s WWWK2 Tag-Team Tournament… all by himself.
Blackie Lawless’ lyrics to “The Headless Children” by WASP reverberate off the walls as more scenes are displayed from five plus years of a professional wrestling career: Triple B powers out of the New York Cloverleaf as panic sets in the eyes of Mike Stryker. Insane Wayne pounds mercilessly on Bill’s head and shoulders until a long arm reaches up to grab him by the throat and launches Wayne into the barb-wire ropes, breaking the wire and leaving a lacerated Wayne writhing on the floor. Fade taps furiously to the Dis-locator. Jihad struggles desperately to escape the Dis-locator as Alley taunts him. Pagan reaches out and grabs Ashley by the hair when the center of the ring is torn open and Triple B emerges from within, grabbing Pagan and pulling him under with him. Big Bad Bill standing triumphant as the defeated Christian Demonstone hands him the EWA Heavyweight Title.
Scenes from Triple B’s time in MWA, RAW-Carolina, EWA, EWW, IWA, CWA, HKW, and recently S.W.A.T. are shown on the screen as Triple B walks out and gazes over the cheering crowd. The music cuts and he stares right through Cyrus Williams with pure vehemence. The two stare holes into each other when Triple B snaps a finger up… and smiles.
Cyrus looks perplexed at Triple B, who only points behind him. Cyrus turns and sees the Valen-tron ripple back to life as red word appear on the screen:
“The most annoying sound to the ears of a scholar is the braying of an ass.”
--Holy Qur’an
Cyrus shakes his head at the quote, saying that talk is over. Then an image appears on the screen:
www.geocities.com/mwatripleb/cyrus-donkey.jpg
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus claps his hands in mock applause and turns to regard Triple B, who is waiting with a spinning heel kick to Williams!! Our match is underway!
(Mike Peters signals for the bell! Bill punches Cyrus with a few combination punches to soften him up. Then he waistlocks him and drops him behind him in a northern lights suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill doesn't bridge and lifts him up into a second northern lights suplex, this time holding him for the pin!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Cyrus Williams rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill hangs onto him and hits a third rolling northern lights suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1....(Cyrus Williams gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus gets to his feet and fires at him with an enzuigiri kick to the back of Bill's head! He grabs his arm and drops down to the mat in a jujigatame!
(The audience boos Cyrus, and he pulls up on Bill's whammybarred arm. Tom Lux, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Tatsuya Arakawa, Bludd, and Joe Charleston all pound on the apron, rooting him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters checks in to see if Bill wants to tap out already but I doubt it. Cyrus keeps hold of Bill's arm and rolls him over into a uma plata with a crossface. He wrenches on Bill's arm bent behind his knee and clamps down on his neck. Cyrus rolls him over into a cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Big Bad Bill gets his arm free)
(Cyrus goes for a right hand punch; Triple B grabs the arm and rests the elbow over his left shoulder. Triple B spins to his right, forcing Cyrus to follow or break his own elbow at the joint. When a full 360 degree spin is reached, Triple B abruptly changes direction with a short-armed clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill straightjackets Cyrus Williams' arms and cross-armed brain busters him on the back of his head!!
(The Palm Springs fans pop. Big Bad Bill whips around with a wheel kick to Cyrus' face that backs him up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill spins around into another kick to Williams' chin! He spins around for a third, but Cyrus ducks underneath. He answers with a high roundhouse kick that sends Bill to his knees!
(Williams knees Bill in the face to send him to the mat. He pulls Cyrus up into a half nelson, then suplexes him onto the back of his head! Cyrus then applies an abdominal stretch and drops down to the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill locked up in a giant octopus on the mat. Both of these men are submission masters, so I'm sure we'll see alot of this jockeying.
Phil Blauer: Speaking of octopus, you know I have a bit part in that new Popeye remake we advertised earlier.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Really, as who?
Phil Blauer: The Zany Spinach Salesman. I had this great scene where I keep trying to sell Popeye some spinach but he "don't like no spinach". Eventually he beats the crap out of me with my own fist. Everyone else got a stunt double but Deniro demanded that he be allowed to "work without a net with this one". But my scene wound up on the cutting room floor. Donald Sutherland, who played Poopdeck Pappy, didn't like it when I mistook his wife for an asian whore I used to frequent. I saw her at craft services and decided to surprise her with our old game. I put the dog collar around her neck and started yelling for her to eat her food off the ground. Turns out she was Mexican to begin with, so I apologized but I think the damage was done.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think Francine Racette is French Canadian...Cyrus rolls Bill onto his shoulders in another cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill kips up and hits Cyrus with a spinning sweep kick that sends Cyrus on his ass. Cyrus gets up and gets sent with another spin kick to his ankle. Bill to grabs Cyrus’ kick pads and steps on his other foot to take him down. Triple B twists his leg, then flips over with his leg in his hands.
(He grinds Cyrus’ knee into that unbearable pain that knee joints can cause. He then turns him over into an inverted indian deathlock. He clamps down on his legs, and Cyrus cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus reaching out for the ropes, and Bludd pushes the bottom rope out to make it easier for him to reach.
Phil Blauer: That's nice of him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pushes up from off the mat to get better leverage on Cyrus' legs. Cyrus is finally able to reach out and grab on to the ropes. Mike Peters calls for the break. Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle, then front flips into a butterfly suicida!!
(Crowd cheers, and Big Bad Bill pulls him up. He irish whips him, but Cyrus reverses it and sends him into the corner so hard that he falls on his ass. Cyrus rakes his boot across the Bill’s face over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams runs to the ropes opposite the corner, bounces off, and obliterates Big Bad Bill with a hard running kick! Cyrus scoops Bill up and tombstone piledrives him into the canvas by the corner!
(Cyrus Williams climbs to the top rope and hops off with a double ribbreaker stomp to his stomach! The Palm Springs fans boo, while Cyrus pulls a gasping Bill up by the hair. He holds Bill by the hair and proceeds to kick him across the face about five times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams rears back one final time and blasts him with a kawada kick! He sits on Bill's back and pulls back with a butterfly lock. He rocks back with Bill's arm & head clasped between his hands.
(Mike Peters asks if he wants to tap out, but Bill shakes his head "no". Small pockets chant "Bill!" to root him on. Cyrus releases it and allows Big Bad Bill to get up to his knees. He runs into the ropes and penalty kicks Bill, but Bill catches his foot, hugs it to his body, absorbing the impact. He wrenches his leg to the side, taking Cyrus off his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill hits the ropes and catches Cyrus under the chin with a flying elbow. He climbs to the top turnbuckle, and comes off with a flying rana!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2....(Cyrus Williams kicks out)
(Triple B stands back-to-back with Cyrus. With his right arm, Bill pulls Cyrus’ head backwards so his neck is resting on Bill’s right shoulder. Bill then grabs Cyrus’ left wrist with his left hand and uses it to spin both of them around and land a DDT! The fans pop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill climbs to the top turnbuckle and spins off with a roundhouse feliner kick! Bill scoops Cyrus up, but Cyrus falls behind him. He pops Bill two times in the face with a flurry of right jabs. Cyrus runs into the ropes and roaring elbows him!!
(The crowd jeers & boos. He full nelsons Big Bad Bill and drops him back into a dragon suplex)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams applies a choke sleeper with a body scissors. He squeezes all the air out of Bill's body with those powerful legs while not allowing him to get any new oxygen with that tight choke. When Bill gets to close to the ropes he rolls him over on to the other side.
(Cyrus Williams releases the body scissors and lifts Bill up in a hanging suplex. Before he can hit the Christopher Reeve Driver, Bill floats behind him and bicycle kicks him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill pops Cyrus with some chops to the chest, then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop!! He rolls Cyrus over and covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cyrus Williams kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill climbing to the top rope again coming down with a stiff fistdrop!
Phil Blauer: I believe he's trying to bring back "strong style" with that one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill bounces off the ropes with a leg drop. He comes off the ropes with a knee drop but Cyrus rolls out of the way of that one. He waistlocks Bill and hits him a backdrop driver!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus sits next to him, applying a top wristlock. He puts one of his hands around Bill's neck, then bridges himself back, choking Bill while applying pressure to his wrist. The Williams Restraint Lock!!
(Mike Peters checks in with Bill, while Cyrus attempts to make his forehead meet the mat. The fans clap to root Bill on not to give up. Cyrus shakes his head to the crowd that "he ain't goin nowhere")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus pulls him up to his feet and hits him with a release german suplex! He grabs Bill's leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab. He yanks back on Bill's leg, once again trying to make the dark poet tap out.
Phil Blauer: This is the man who won the When We Were Kings Tag Team Tournament...by himself!
(The Palm Springs fans continue to boo, while Cyrus sticks his boot on the back of Bill's head and stands on it. Meanwhile Jinn Blaze and Michael Maxwell set up a table outside. Cyrus releases the single leg crab and pulls Bill up into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus lifts Bill up in a powerbomb but Bill rolls through it on to his feet in front of Cyrus. Big Bad Bill spin kicks Williams in the belly. He pulls Cyrus' head into his legs, positions himself by the ropes, holds onto the top rope...he delivers a canadian destroyer over the top rope through that table outside!!!
(Hardkore Hall rocks with "BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!! BILL!!!" while Cyrus barely moves in the rubble. Triple B double underhooks Williams' arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill Enso DDTs Williams' face into the broken table!! Cyrus rolls over with a large gash over his right eye now. Bill climbs up to the apron waiting for Cyrus to get up. Tom Lux warns Cyrus and he ducks under a roundhouse kick from the apron!
(The crowd boos and Cyrus fires at him with a european uppercut, followed by an another enzuigiri kick that knocks Big Bad Bill to one knee on the Hardkore Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody warrior Cyrus smacks Bill with a shining wizard but Bill stays kneeling! Cyrus backs up and cracks Bill in the face with a yakuza kick!
(Cyrus backs up again, and finally a nails Triple B with a rolling koppo kick. Cyrus staggers up, and spits on Bill. The crowd boos even louder. He grabs Bill by the hair and drags his face along the broken wood & plastic of the table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus holds Bill face down on the concrete floor and begins ramming some Hatefuck knees into the back of his head, caving in his face like when Ric Flair did to Ricky Steamboat & Eddie Gilbert.
Phil Blauer: His isn't so pleasant either. He looks like a coked out lizard.
(Cyrus pulls Big Bad Bill up and he's bleeding as well. He rolls Bill back into the ring and then gets some work on his cut from cornerman Jinn Blaze)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus enters the ring and scoops Bill up, northern light bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Big Bad Bill gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus front facelocks Bill and drops down into a DDT, but Bill somersaults out of it and is waiting for Cyrus when he sits up with a shining wizard! The fans love it! He shoots Cyrus into the ropes and lays him out with a Inazuma leg lariot!
(The crowd is on their feet, hoping for the upset. He grabs Cyrus by the hair and monkey flips him across the ring, getting another big pop. Cyrus staggers up but avoids an axe kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus deposits Bill behind him with a wristclutch exploder suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams applies a triangle choke. Blood runs down from Bill's face down to Cyrus's face as he clamps his tattooed arm across Bill's throat! He arches his back backwards trying to choke Bill out!
(The audience cheers Bill on, but Bill is fading fast. Cyrus Williams quickly applies an inverted indian deathlock and grabs Bill by the arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls his boot up and stomps the back of Bill's head, smashing his bloody face into the canvas over & over! He scoops Bill up for another tombstone but Bill takes him over in a head scissors. Before he gets up he brings his leg down across Cyrus' face!
(Big Bad Bill pulls Cyrus' head into his legs and powerbombs his back on the top rope, to get some height then swings him over into a slingshot powerbomb)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Cyrus Williams gets his boot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill takes that leg & ankle he's been working on and spins it around into a spinning toe hold. But before he drops down he sits on Cyrus' twisted legs for The Jailhouse Lock!!
Phil Blauer: The Jailhouse Lock is when two Mexicans are holding your arms for their buddy while you stick your face in the pillow trying to go to your happy place....but I'll play along.
(A bloody Cyrus sits up, with his fists balled up in pain. Cyrus' entourage pound on the mat trying to support their mealticket. Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap out but he shakes his head "no", getting blood on the ref's shirt)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus finally able to slide over far enough to grab the ropes, and Peters forces Big Bad Bill to release The Jailhouse Lock. He irish whips Cyrus into the corner, then follows him in, hopping on to the middle of the second rope. Bill hops backwards into a DDT!!
(Hardkore Hall cheers again, while Bill rolls him up for the pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cyrus Williams kicks out again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus ducks under a discus punch and applies a cobra clutch to Big Bad Bill. He spins him around & round until he gets him high enough to spike him on his head with the Dangerous Cobra Driver!!!
(Palm Springs gasps, and Cyrus maintains the cobra clutch. Mike Peters asks Bill if he wants to submit but Bill is barely cogniscent of his surroundings. Vagabond makes her way down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Now what the hell is she doing here?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What the hell is Tom Lux doing here?
Phil Blauer: Women don't belong anywhere near a ring!
Yolanda Ando: Hey!
Phil Blauer: You know what I mean, Yo Yo. Real women.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond coming down to the ring, trying to wake Bill up, pounding on the apron and getting the fans to clap in unison. Cyrus applies an inverted facelock. Bill knows what's coming and tries to wiggle out by Cyrus is too strong.
(Bill manages to get his arm & in between his head & Cyrus' arm when Cyrus lifts him up. Bill rolls over into The Dis-Locator!! The crowd leaps to their feet while Vagabond screams with joy)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill has Cyrus in The Dis-Locator and is pushing him down towards the mat by his hammerlocked arms! Blood runs from Cyrus' face into a small pool underneath him. Mike Peters in position if Cyrus wants to submit, while he screams in agony!
(Cyrus' entourage springs into action. Bill has to release Cyrus arms so he can be ready. He hits Bludd with a yakuza kick and he goes down like a sack of hammers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill had something for the former Hardkore Canada & World Tag Team Champion! He smashes Tom Lux's face into the mat with an x factor!
(Michael Maxwell grabs Bill from behind while Jinn Blaze runs off the ropes with a clothesline, but Bill ducks and he hits Maxwell! Bill pops Maxwell in the shins with a low kick, then blasts him upside the head with a superkick! The fans roar)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill judo tosses Michael Maxwell over the ropes but Tatsuya Arakawa grabs him from behind. Cyrus Williams comes off the ropes with a penalty kick to Cyrus' stomach.
(Hardkore Hall rocks with boos & jeers. Cyrus sneers back at them and wipes some blood out of his eyes. He inverted facelocks Big Bad Bill and lifts him up again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn slides into the ring out of nowhere and clips Cyrus Williams' knee from behind!
(Crowd gasps again and Cobryn slides out of the ring. Tatsuya Arakawa clubs Cobryn and rams his face into the cornerpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill lifts Cyrus up into a human torture rack, then spins him around into a belly to back piledriver!!! Cross the T Dot the I!!
(The crowd jumps up in celebration while Bill makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Palm Springs fans leap to their feet as "Headless Children" by WASP plays on the Hardkore Hall PA system. Arakawa is kicking Cobryn on the floor, when Johnny Lee Harley leaps out of the crowd and clubs him with the branding iron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley knocks Arakawa out with that branding iron and collects Cobryn. They retreat back to the locker room together. But at any rate, Big Bad Bill has won the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!!
(Vagabond runs into the ring with the Hardkore World Championship belt, and joyfully hands it to an exhausted and bloody Big Bad Bill)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 27 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!!!"
("Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, Tito, Ashley, Jonathan Richards, Alley, Nathan Slater, Gavin Slater, and Vagabond enter the ring and pull Big Bad Bill up on his shoulders. He straps the title around his waist and holds his arms up in victory)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill joins great names like Rated X, Matthew X, Kentaro Korose, and his partner Rally Jackson as the legends that have held the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. He has studied Cyrus Williams' matches for years and tonight it paid off!
Phil Blauer: Plus he's got some threeway action coming from those ladies in the ring. Everything's Coming Up Milhouse!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Everyone join us in Northern Ireland, where we will have our first pay per view there in four years!