Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 15, 2022 5:23:59 GMT -5
("Sober" by Tool plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 18 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout...Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below...Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura...Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill...Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick...Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver...Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes...Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber...Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick...Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones..."Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke...Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex...Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop...Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver...Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X...Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago...Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb...Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero..."Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface...Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car...Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair...The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex...Cobryn gives Robert Hunglestien III The Answer 2005...Lonewolf McNeely gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Big Bad Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope...Lucifer Jones gives Devon Stevens a London Air Raid off the top rope through a table on the floor...Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa backflips off the cage, catching Brandi on the top turnbuckle on the way down with a inverted FireBird DDT...Death Gojira puts the ladder over Cobryn's head in the corner with his chest in the turnbuckle, then jumps off the top turnbuckle on the long end, see sawing him into the audience....then it fades into a graphic that reads "Hardkore America". The shot then fades out to Hardkore Hall where the audience is cheering and holding up signs like "Ireland Loves Syberus", "Cobryn Will B a Q-Ball", "Reee-ornk", "Marry Me Tammy", "The Un-Stable's 1000 Year Reign of Terror", "Black Xperience", "Allen Anderson Must Die" "Syberus, tag me in!!" and "Honorary Cupcake Crew Member")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Erin go brah, everybody and welcome to Northern Ireland, a land that's rightfully Ireland's but was taken by England for it's rich textile based economy. It's like Diet America! I'm Guillermo O'Bannon, back in the motherland...and next to me is my partner, my zima drinkin buddy, Phil Blauer.
Phil Blauer: Anything's better than roasting in 112 degrees in Palm Springs, but does this place have any other weather system other than "drizzlin shits"?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We've had great pay-per-views on this island before, take a look.
("Back from the Dead" by House of the Pain plays as "Superstar" Joe Jeffries backflipped into a Nazi slam off the second rope to pin Thrash and win a barbed wire battle royal...In a double hell match, Matthew X, The Necrologist and Wasp Man toss all three Darkstar Brothers on to the C4 explosive strapped platform at the same time causing a giant explosion..."Golden Boy" Johnny Vision makes Gorgeous Greg tap to a figure four leglock...Da Bomb scoops up the 450 pound Big Brute ACE and powerslams him to shock the world and win the Hardkore America TV title...Velvet makes Ms. Alexandria Macabre tap to The Velvet Rope camel clutch to win the Hardkore World Women's title..."The Brain" Allen Anderson nearly causes a riot when he comes out to the ring with The Warhammer Corporation dressed as a leprechaun throwing lucky charms at the fans....Omega spinebusters Beast and Alpha comes off the top turnbuckle with a sommersault leg drop to win the Hardkore World Tag Team title)
Guillermo O'Bannon: But tonight's action could top them all. We have a Double Hell Match match between Kilroy Evans & Death Gojira. These two have tore through the West Coast in barbed wire matches, bomb matches, LA Freeway matches, and dog collar matches. In Palm Springs, Death Gojira defeated Cobryn in one of his greatest victories of his career. But he didn't have long to celebrate before The Un-Stable attacked him, most of all Kilroy Evans. Now tonight they engage in a match that the Irish fans are all too familiar with, The Double Hell match. A match thought up by Matthew X to end his feud with Jonathan Darkstar and his brothers, we take the ropes down and string barbed wire along two sides. The other two you can just fall out, on one side it's a razor wire slanted platform that you slide all the way down. On the other is a giant platform rigged with C4 explosive.
Phil Blauer: There's gonna be a winner...and a dead guy.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Also tonight, The Un-Stable shuffles up their order a little bit in a rematch from Palm Springs upset loss to High Maintenance.
Phil Blauer: I was blown away...BLOWN...when I saw that.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Phil, there's little shamrock cookies in the backstage area.
Phil Blauer: I know, I was blown away...BLOWN...when I saw that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then, make sure to take your piss breaks from all the guinness early because Syberus and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix will be going a full hour. A sixty minute marathon match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title. At Hardkore Hall, Syberus wrestled a classic match with The Shootfighter and on his way back to the locker room to "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and his bodyguard, Tarrasque attacked him and gave him his own Pure Confidence DDT on the arena floor. Now the two veterans will wrestle for an hour to see who is the better wrestler.
Phil Blauer: Vastrix is going to have to put these 1850 fans all howling for his Warhammer blood out of his head, and focus on bringing his first Hardkore World singles title back home. But can he do it without the leprechaun suit that have brought this stable so much luck?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's time to see another big rematch, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner puts her newly one World Championship on the line against Tamara Sanchez. In Palm Springs, Anjanette refereed a match between Tammy and Vagabond. When Tammy refused to break the tequila sunrise, Anj got into a shoving match with her that eventually led to a beating from Turner that nearly cost Sanchez the match. Later that evening, Anj won a steel cage match with Horror Girl that she wasn't even supposed to be in to get her unprecedented fourth Hardkore World Women's title. She also tied The Warhammer Corporation for the record of holding a title the most times.
Phil Blauer: The past meets the present when Tamara Sanchez tries to win the title she lost in April at Palm Springs Punishment.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then the fan favorites, The Black Experience & Tony Thunder defend those Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles against The Dark Ryderz Movement with The Microshocker. The Microshocker has had some infamously bad losses here on this island, but will tonight be any different? The Black Experience & Tony Thunder have taken the fans hearts but will The Dark Ryderz Movement take their titles?
Phil Blauer: No? Or was that rhetorical? Then it's time for The Shootfighter to put his Hardkore West Coast title on the line against mystery man and local "Giant" Baba O'Reilly.
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly's from Dublin.
Phil Blauer: So?
Guillermo O'Bannon: So he's not from here.
Phil Blauer: What's the difference?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a different country for one.
Phil Blauer: You guys are never gonna get over that, are you? Look at it like this, the English gave us everything but Canada at the end of the Revolution. You don't see us car bombing Quizno's to get that back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, it's...(calms down) point taken. The Shootfighter must try and figure out who this masked mystery man is if he'll hope to come out of Northern Ireland with the title. So far his best guesses are that he's Tony Thunder, Rally Jackson, or Nick Knight.
Phil Blauer: I hope it's Ned.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know you do, Phil. Then we get international when Cyrus Williams teams up with Hardkore Nippon's Tatsuya Arakawa to take on Cobryn and SWAT's Johnny Lee Harley. Cobryn kidnapped Cobryn's personal ring announcer Paul Mannetti and may have cost Cyrus his shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title in Palm Springs. Now it's time to pay the piper, and what's at stake? Their hair!
Phil Blauer: That's a fate worse than death. (pets his hair and soothes it) It's ok, he wasn't talking about you. I love you too...
Yolanda Ando: That's creepy. Right, Matt?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (petting his hand) ....and later on, I'm gonna take you home. I'm gonna lay you down and love you like you deserve to be loved. Huh? No, you nasty.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we dust off that blue bar steel cage we bought at Vince's tag sale to continue the bloody feud between Lucifer Jones and Cobryn's newest insurance policy, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. The Un-Stable interrupted their studded strap match at Hardkore Hall, so tonight they settle it. Also, a threeway dance between three of Hardkore World's newest female wrestlers. Ashley, Vagabond, and Alley will wrestle not only for the next title shot against "Sexy" Anjanette Turner & Tamara Sanchez but also to settle who deserves to be Big Bad Bill's "friend".
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Can I be his friend?
Phil Blauer: I don't think he mean's that kind of friend, Boone.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (shrugs) Whatever.
("Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays and the audience gives Blak Lung a mixed reaction. Blak Lung walks out with Judge Death. Judge Death waves his gavel around while Blak Lung sneers towards the audience, threatening them with the back of his hand)
Phil Blauer: Blak Lung was the winner of the first ever Hardkore contest with his commercial about Serenitee. Roll that beautiful bean footage!
**commerical**
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Sitting, staring, and thinking about those days when I don't feel myself.
(Shootfighter asks Blak Lung if he's up for a game of tennis. Sadly, Blak Lung must decline.)
Blak Lung: When the horror overtakes you, try Serenitee. Serenitee is the natural way to defeat PMS in your monthly strap match. And for bloating try Serenitee Plus, because sometimes a woman like you needs extra relief.
**commerical**
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out of how many entries?
Phil Blauer: One. He's picked his title shot to be against the winner of the Syberus & Jeremiah Vastrix match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title at America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surpluss jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt. His receeding hair line is covered by scar tissue. His black, nappy hair is long and
unkept with a patchy beard.
(Opening bell chimes, and the audience claps and whistles)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Ulster Hall. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World presents tonight's show of Hardkore America action. Tonight's first match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by Judge Death. From Accra in The Republic of Ghana; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Pockets of fans applaud but most of Ulster boos Blak Lung. Some air horns go off. Then "Chilly Water" by Widespread Panic plays and the fans applaud. Sinclair walks out, and steps up on the apron. He surveys the small but rowdy crowd and then steps through the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair is our biggest free agent pick up of the year. He's a star from IWA having some big money feuds with such familiar names as Kilroy Evans and Robert Hunglestien III. he also won the Curt Henning Memorial Cup.
Phil Blauer: When's Crash gettin a Cup? Or Randy Savage?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Randy Savage isn't dead.
Phil Blauer: And Crash is? When did this happen??
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Sacramento, California; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 228 pounds...ANDREW SINCLAIR!!!"
(Peters signals for the bell and Judge Death & Bill Kasal leave the ring. Andrew Sinclair tattoos him with an elbow smash. He smacks him with a second)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair pops Blak Lung Lung with another elbow. Lung answers with a kick but Sinclair catches his leg. He takes him over in a dragon screw leg whip. Blak Lung rushes him and gets taken over in a judo toss!
(Crowd applauds and random air horns go off. He grabs Blak Lung comes at him a second time and Sinclair takes him down in a wakigatame armbar. Blak Lung shouts out in pain as Sinclair pulls up on his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair grounds his feet and pulls up on Lung’s arm some more. Lung rolls over and pulls Sinclair back by the hair into a cradle!
Referee Mike Powers: 1...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung irish whips Sinclair into the ropes and rams his knee in Sinclair’s stomach. He drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
(The Northern Irish crowd boos Blak Lung as he sits up. Blak Lung applies a reverse chinlock. He wratchets Sinclair’s head and then pulls him over his back in a bridging version)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung turning that into a choke but Peters is missing it. He finally sees it and forces Lung to break the hold. Andrew Sinclair gets to his feet and kicks Lung, but Blak Lung catches his boot. Sinclair answers with a stiff enzuigiri!
(Audience applauds and Sinclair applies a jujigatame cross armbar on Blak Lung. Judge Death shouts out instructions while Sinclair clamps down on his arm. Lung reaches out for the ropes but Sinclair drags him into the center of the ring and reapplies the jujigatame)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair claws his eyes before releasing the armbar. He pulls Lung onto his shoulders, then runs into the center of the ring with a death valley driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair irish whips Lung into the ropes and nails him with a jumping kneelift! He scoops Lung up but Blak Lung lands behind him with an inverted facelock. He drops the back of his head onto his knee, then elbows him in the exposed windpipe!
Phil Blauer: Yikes, the soccer hooligans don’t like that.
(Ulster Hall boos and throws beer cups and debris into the ring. Blak Lung hooks Sinclair and cradles the leg)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung fisherman’s busters Andrew Sinclair!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Sinclair kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung hooks him for another suplex, but Sinclair blocks it and reverses with a uranage! He stands over Blak Lung and cranes his head to the side.
(Blak Lung grimaches as Andrew Sinclair tries to twist his head off. Sinclair then runs to the ropes and soccer kicks him in the chest. The sound echoes through Ulster Hall and the drunk crowd loudly applauds)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair irish whips Blak Lung into the ropes. He dips down for a backdrop but Blak Lung reverses with a swinging hangman’s neckbreaker!
(Blak Lung shakily climbs to the top turnbuckle at Judge Death’s urging. He somersaults off into a leg drop across Sinclair’s face! The audience boos while Blak Lung hooks his leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Sinclair kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung irish whips Sinclair into the ropes but Sinclair duck under a clothesline, he dragon suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair whacks Blak Lung in the chest with a side kick, then backs him off with a high kick. He bounces into the ropes then tumbles into a abisegiri kick!
(Belfast crowd applauds, Lung ducks under another kick and tornado punches him. He applies a claw on Sinclair and the Irish crowd boos)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung hits Sinclair with another discus punch, then threads his own arm through his legs...pumphandle tombstone!!
(Booing gets louder, and suddenly Blak Lung fishes his trusty rusty coat hanger out of the waistband of his pants. He walks over to Sinclair, but Sinclair catches his wrists before he can stab him with the coat hanger)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair kicks Lung in the stomach, then floors him with a running high kick! He takes Lung down with a reverse drop toe hold into a achilles hold submission.
(The audience applauds the combination while Blak Lung cries out in pain. Sinclair wrenches his leg again and he comes close to tapping. The Irish fans blurt out with those air horns during the break in action)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair adjust his legs and then applies a hizajugigatame cross kneebar on Blak Lung’s aching leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if he taps out but Blak Lung refusing.
(Judge Death pounds on the apron, encouraging Blak Lung. Sinclair releases the hizajugigatame and then pulls him up into a hanging suplex. Ulster Hall lights up like daylight from all the flashbulbs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair gourdbusters Lung’s face forward onto his knee with the Go to (the) ER!! He rolls Blak Lung over into a pinning positon!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Judge Death puts Blak Lung’s foot on the bottom rope)
Phil Blauer: Judge Death saves the match for Blak Lung and Sinclair has some choice words with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung rolls out of the way of Sinclair’s knee drop and grabs a handful of his hair. He tosses Sinclair over the top rope to the apron! Blak Lung steps through the ropes onto the apron. He pulls Sinclair’s head into his legs then hops off into a piledriver off the apron!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a huge pop and chants “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” When Blak Lung pulls Sinclair up again, he’s busted wide open. He pulls Sinclair onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung death valley drivers Sinclair’s bloody skull into the floor!! He rolls him into the ring and retrieves his rusty coat hanger. He stabs it into Sinclair’s forehead and tears it back out again, making the blood even worse!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung front facelocks him and runs up the turnbuckles but Sinclair reverses the tornado DDT into a spinebuster! He dumps him over into an exploder!
(Andrew Sinclair comes off the top rope with a kneedrop right between the eyes!! He sits Blak Lung up and full nelson’s both his arms applying a modified version of the cattle mutilation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Straight Shot!! Sinclair plants both his feet and pulls back on Blak Lung's head & arms, and Blak Lung has to give up!
(The bell rings and the Irish fans applaud Andrew Sinclair's impressive singles debut. "Chilly Water" by Widespread Panic plays as Sinclair holds onto The Straight Shot for a few moments before releasing it)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 10 minutes 21 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...ANDREW SINCLAIR!!!"
(The audience gives him another round of applause and as a bleeding Andrew Sinclair walks back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung has to try and dust himself off and look towards facing the winner of tonight's marathon match between Syberus and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix in Phoenix, Arizona. Andrew Sinclair however looks to be one of the bright new stars of 2005.
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Palm Springs we had quite a surprise when not one but two women from Extreme World Wrestling made an appearence to stake their claim to Hardkore World Champion Big Bad Bill.
Phil Blauer: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't.
Yolanda Ando: A physique? A vocabulary? The Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship? No mustard dripping from his chin?
Phil Blauer: It's gotta be the trenchcoat. Boone!!!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I'm standing right here, sir.
Phil Blauer: Get me a trenchcoat.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Black, sir?
Phil Blauer: Bill's got the black market cornered. I need something different, something sexy, something...Phil?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Cream, sir?
Phil Blauer: No, I already ate. Orange...no, too Taz-hanging-on-to-the-last-of-his-dignity. Yellow!
Yolanda Ando: Your gonna look like a big banana.
Phil Blauer: Puts chicks in the right frame of mind.
(“So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays on the Ulster Hall public address system. Ashley walks out with her hands raised over her head to acknowledge the crowd and then is all focus as she walks down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: She has her hands in the air. But it's unclear wether she just don't care.
Guillermo O'Bannon: This two time EWW Women's Champion Ashley ran Extreme World Wrestling and managed Big Bad Bill. They became very intimate, and feuded with Alley over him so she believes she's got the most claim to him. But none of that matters tonight, because a shot at the Hardkore World Women's Championship is on the line. Ashley will take on old foes, Vagabond and Alley to earn the right to go back to the States to take on the winner of tonight's match with Tamara Sanchez and champion "Sexy" Anjanette Turner.
Yolanda Ando: Ashley wears red stretch pants with a red loose fitting blouse over a black tank top. She has short curled hair with reddish highlights. Very cute.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Threeway Dance. A 30 minute time limit and your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 140 pounds...ASHLEY!!!"
(The audience cheers her, blowing their air horns. She waves back to the fans and then the lights get dim as “Negasonic Teenage Warhead” by Monster Magnet plays over the loud speakers. Alley walks out smiling)
Phil Blauer: Black lipstick? I dated a chick wearing black lipstick once. She used to cut little love notes to me in her thigh.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's sweet, Phil. Alley is also a very accomplished wrestler, winning the EWW World Women's Championship and the IWO Women's Championship, a title she never lost. Alley is a little dark and she practices Wicca, so she’s not really evil.
Phil Blauer: No, not REALLY. She just hates her parents.
Guillermo O'Bannon: She also has a pet tiger that waits for her in the locker room named Snuggles.
Phil Blauer: Is that who that is? I thought Seigfield & Roy were doing a run-in.
Yolanda Ando: Alley wears black pants with a gray pullover. Her black hair is shoulder length and she has a single white braid on the right side.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Her opponent hails from Lacey Springs, Virginia; Standing 5 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 105 pounds...ALLEY!!!"
(Crowd gives her a good ovation, while a fan waves the Irish tri-color flag in the front row. Then "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf plays as the curtains part and Vagabond walks out with her hands up for the crowd. She walks to the ring with her long legs and a little smile)
Phil Blauer: You know, I gotta say, for Hardkore World standards, these ladies sure did go about this dispute politely. Nobody cost anybody their title, nobody threw anybody in the trunk of Yolanda's car and backed into a wall. Death Gojira would kill for this feud...well, you know what I mean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond's undefeated streak ended in Palm Springs when she faced former Hardkore World Champion Tamara Sanchez at Hardkore Hall. Now tonight here in her first match in Northern Ireland, she hopes to defeat her old rivals so she can face either Sanchez or Anjanette Turner in Arizona next month.
(She climbs up into the ring and gives the “come on” gesture to Ashley & Alley)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from The Home of Champions, Bethany Beach, Delaware; Standing 5 feet even; Weighing 102 pounds...VAGABOND!!!"
(Crowd pops for Vagabond as she tries not take her eyes off either of her opponents)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: These girls sure are light, I think one of my legs weighs 102 pounds. (nudges Yolanda) That's the one with the growth I can't figure out that I showed you.
Yolanda Ando: Yeah, I remember, Matt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley walks over and slaps Ashley in the face! Ashley fires back with a forearm smash to Alley's chin! Alley staggers back into a monkey flip by Vagabond!
(Ashley clotheslines Vagabond hard to the mat. She bounces into the ropes but Vagabond rolls out of the way of a leg drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley flips over into a liger kick to the face of Ashley! Vagabond waits for Alley to turn around and then nails her in the midsection with a spear!
(The Ulster crowd cheers, and Vagabond pulls Alley up by her single white braid. She cracks her in the head with a tornado punch, and Alley staggers back into a widow's peak by Ashley!! The audience applauds)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley scoops Vagabond up and slams her down hard to the mat. Vagbond ducks under some sweet chin music, and responds with a superkick upside her jaw!
(Vagabond atomic drops Ashley on the top turnbuckle, then pulls her upside down into a tree of woe. She backs into the corner and pumps up the audience, they blow their air horns into "Charge" tune)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond gets a running start and baseball slide kicks Ashley in her unprotected face! Alley comes in next with a dropkick to Ashley's stomach!
(The crowd cheers as Ashley crumples to the mat, clutching her stomach. Alley rakes Vagabond's face with her nails then hammerlocks her arm with a half nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley release tiger suplexes Vagabond but Vagabond backflips onto her feet. Ashley & Vagabond double DDT Alley!
(Ashley t-bone suplexes Alley! She bounces into the ropes and drops an elbow on Alley's face. Vagabond grabs Ashley by the hair and tosses her over the top rope to the floor below)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits Ashley with a tope suicida!!
(The Belfast crowd chants "VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!!" Vagabond climbs back into the ring, slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond moonsaults Ashley into the guardrail!!
Phil Blauer: It was only a matter of time before Vagabond turned this into her style of match.
(Ulster Hall rocks with chants of "VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!!" Alley climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley comes off the top with a skytwister press on top of Vagabond on the Ulster Hall floor!!
(Crowd pops, and Alley rolls Vagabond into the ring. She applies an STF with a grapevine once back in the ring. Alley clamps down on Vagabond's throat while Ron Reid checks in to see if she taps out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley pulls up on Vagabond's head while Vagabond grunts in pain, trying to hang on. Ashley pulls herself up onto the apron. She slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope and springboards off into a plancha on both Alley & Vagabond!!
(Ashley pulls Alley up by the hair, and drives her into the mat with a rock bottom! She turns her attention to Vagabond and pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls Vagabond up into a powerbomb but Vagabond reverses with a huracanrana! She runs into the ropes and hits Alley with a lou thez press!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle but Alley shakes the ropes and crotches her on the turnbuckle. Alley climbs to the top rope and sits down facing her. She wraps her legs around the ropes and front waistlocks Vagabond. She dumps Vagabond over with a spider belly to belly superplex!!
(The Belfast crowd applauds as Alley soaks it in, hanging upside down from the top rope. She then sits back up on to the top turnbuckle. She comes off the top rope with a quebrada on Ashley)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley pulls Ashley's head into her legs but Ashley blocks a piledriver. She pulls Alley up over her back and drives her into the mat with an alabama slammer!!
(Ulster Hall groans at the impact that the back of her head makes against the ring. She applies a sleeper hold on Alley. Alley tries to fight her way up to her feet, but Ashley squeezes down on her neck and forces her back down to her knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid checks in, raising Alley's arm. Alley rises to her feet and drops down to her knees, driving the top of her head through Ashley's chin! Vagabond drives Ashley's head into the mat with an impaler DDT! Vagabond rolls her over into a pinning position!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond applies a crippler crossface on Ashley, pulling her head & arm up with her locked fingers! Ashley screaming in pain, but refusing to tap out to Ron Reid.
(Ulster Hall is silent except for Ashley's cries of pain. Alley comes from behind Vagabond and rakes her eyes again, forcing her to break the crippler crossface. Vagabond tries to get to her feet, but Alley yanks her back down to the mat by the hair. The Irish fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley grabs Vagabond by her leg and turns her over into a tequila sunrise armbar. She pulls back on Vagabond's arm & leg.
Phil Blauer: This is the same move that Vagabond almost tapped out to in Palm Springs, now Alley hoping it works for her as well.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The three women now exchanging submission holds.
(Vagabond shouts out in pain as Ashley staggers to her feet. Ashley runs and bulldogs Alley from behind! She irish whips Vagabond into the corner, then climbs up to the second turnbuckle, straddling her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pummeling Vagabond as the crowd counts along!
Audience: 1!
Audience: 2!
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Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley monkey flips Vagabond across the ring! She stands up right into a huracanrana by Alley!
(Crowd applauds this fast paced match-up, Alley then pulls Ashley onto her shoulders in a human torture rack. Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap out but she tries to hang on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley spins her around into a diamond cutter! She makes the cover!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a yang time back twisting splash but Ashley rolls out of the way! Vagabond spins Alley around with a flying head scissors!
(Vagabond climbs up to the second turnbuckle, her heads hit the top rope and she backflips into a split legged moonsault!! Ulster Hall applauds, and Vagabond hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Alley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley tries to interfere but Vagabond has a savatte kick waiting for her! The fans are on their feet!
Phil Blauer: Even though most of them are barefooted!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top but Alley shakes the ropes, and crotching her on the top turnbuckle! Ashley grabs the second rope in the corner and does a handstand into a stratusfaction rana off the top! She covers Vagabond!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls Vagabond into her legs, pulling her up onto her shoulders and slams her down into a powerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Alley and drops her with a suplex. She pulls her up into a powerbomb as well, but Alley spins around on her shoulders and pulls her over into a victory roll!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
(Ulster Hall applauds all the close counts. Alley half nelson hammerlocks Vagabond and release tiger plexes her! She runs into the ropes and hops onto the middle of the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley backflips into her asai DDT but Ashley catches her and powerslams her! Ashley grabs her in a three quarter nelson & quickly runs up the ropes into her acid drop!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 17 seconds, Alley has been eliminated."
(Audience applauds Alley's performance as she gingerly rolls out of the ring and walks to the back. Ashley mockingly waves goodbye to Alley and turns around into a cartwheel kick from Vagabond! The crowd loves it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley has been eliminated but Vagabond and Ashley are still in it. Vagabond grabs Ashley's foot and turns her over into an anklelock. Ashley in some pain already from fifteen minutes of action, and this ankle lock not helping.
(Vagabond wraps her legs around Ashley's thigh & drops down into an on-the-mat variation. She wrenches Ashley's foot to the side, over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs the bottom rope and Ron Reid forces Vagabond to break the hold. She instead drags her into the center of the ring. Ashley gets up to where she's standing on one leg, but Vagabond smacks her in the nose with a dragon whip kick!
(Belfast crowd applauds and those loud air horns make another appearence. Vagabond runs into the ropes but Ashley catches her and drills her headfirst into the ring with an emerald frosion!! The audience gasps at the impact. Ashley fireman's carries Vagabond up onto her shoulders and then walks her over to the corner. She sits Vagabond on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley steps up onto the second rope and scoops Vagabond up...
Phil Blauer: I don't like where this is going...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley drills Vagabond's head into the mat with air juvi!!
(Fans leap to their feet again, chanting "ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!!" Ashley crawls over and makes the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Vagabond gets her foot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: An eighth of an inch and Ashley would be fighting for the Hardkore World Women's Championship, a title going back to 1994, in Phoenix next month. Ashley applies a full nelson, linking her fingers and pushing down on the back of her neck.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Vagabond submits, she shakes her head so Ashley pushes down even further. She pushes her down and runs into the ropes. Vagabond catches her coming in with a spinning armdrag takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle then backflips into a spectacular shooting star press!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
(Ashley rolls over to her side, clutching her stomach and trying to get some of her air back. The audience gives these two another round of applause and some more air horns for such a good match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into a lionsault!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond runs into the ropes and flips into a senton splash, not letting Ashley get any of her air back. She climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrew 450 splashes Ashley's upraised knees!!
(Vagabond covers her stomach and turns over, coughing. Ashley gets to her feet, and gets her bearings. She pulls Vagabond's head into her legs and lifts her up into a piledriver!! She hooks Vagabond's limp leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley scoops Vagabond up and drops down to one knee with a shoulderbreaker. She picks Vagabond up and shows off her impressive strength by pressing her over her head.
Phil Blauer: Who can't press 100 pounds?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I'm standing right here, sir.
(Ashley drops Vagabond behind her, making her land chest first. Vagabond clutches her bosoms and rolls over. Ashley sits on her back, hooks Vagabond's arms around her legs and pulls her back into a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley rocks back & forth with Vagabond's head in her hands. Ron Reid checking in to see if she wants to tap out, after Ashley has been working down her chest and ribs.
(Vagabond slips out and behind Ashley grabbing her hands, flipping the former EWW owner over onto her back. Vagabond runs into the ropes and bulldogs her face into the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond slides out of the ring and grabs a chair. She rolls back into the ring and sets the chair up in front of the ropes. She runs into the ropes, vaults off the standing chair onto the middle of the top rope, triple jump moonsault!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond tosses her over the top rope onto the apron. She hooks the chair's legs under Ashley's arms and pulls her legs back with her back against the ropes.
Phil Blauer: It's a tarantula with a chair! She's twisting Ashley in places she didn't know she had places.
(Ashley cries out in pain as Vagabond pulls up on her legs. She bounces on the ropes with that chair poking in to her arms with the seat against her back. Ashley finally crumples to the mat and Vagabond pulls the chair back and holds the chair up while the fans applaud)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls herself up on to the middle of the top rope and springboard dropkicks that chair into Vagabond's face!! She sticks her knee into Vagabond's back and pulls her back into a surfer suplex!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Vagabond by her legs and drops down into a catapult facefirst. She hops onto her back, wraps her legs around Vagabond's sides and clamps down on her throat with a Shining Triangle!
(Some factions of the audience root Ashley on, while others urge Vagabond not to tap out. Vagabond's face turns red as Ashley chokes her out, squeezing all the air out of her chest with her powerful legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond gets close to the ropes but Ashley rolls her over into the center of the ring in the shining triangle choke. Ashley then takes Vagabond's legs, bends them at the knees, and crosses the feet. She then turns around so that she is facing away from Vagabond and hooks her one foot into the gap of her own feet. Ashley then does a backwards bridge to reach over her head and grasp Vagabond's neck. She then twists so Vagabond is in the air instead of lying down, similar to a surfboard. The FTS!!
Phil Blauer: Masahiro Chono invented it but Ashley's is sexier!
(Vagabond cries out while being stretched backwards from the neck and legs. She grows more & more weary, with her arms flailing wildly. Ron Reid keeps asking her if she wants to give it up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Vagabond's head into a three quarter nelson, then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(“So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays through Ulster Hall as the fans celebrate. Ashley only has enough energy to roll off of Vagabond with one arm raised)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 22 minutes 33 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...ASHLEY!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley will now go on to Phoenix at America West Arena to wrestle the winner of tonight's Hardkore World Women's Championship title match between "Sexy" Anjanette Turner and Tamara Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: But who's gonna get Big Bad Bill? This whole drama has me more enthralled than Batman. I love that movie..."Who you gonna call?"
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's Ghostbusters.
(The ring crew lowers the old skool WWF blue bar steel cage and hooks it to the cornerposts & apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Next up is a match sure to test both men's endurance and tolerance for pain.
Phil Blauer: And that's just here in the commentator booth.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones was being attacked for months by a man posing in his dead father's red mask. When that man was revealed to be Dan Stein, the two traded barbs and attacked each other for months. Then in Palm Springs, they wrestled in a leather studded strap match. Dan Stein was able to convince not just The Un-Stable to attack Jones, but had Cobryn break his arm as well. Now they fight here in Belfast, Northern Ireland in an old skool blue bar cage where there are no pins, no submissions, just survival.
(Ulster Hall falls abruptly dark. Overhead, on the tron, 3 symbols flash in and fade out slowly to the sound of a heartbeat:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<The Punisher skull>
[Over the sound system, “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie is heard starting to play. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising his Peacemaker in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein getting a lukewarm reaction, if only he's not English like Lucifer Jones. But fans back home in the States can't wait to let him know how disappointed they are with him for hanging out with Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: We have a crowd full of disapproving mothers.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Our fans are assholes.
Phil Blauer: Serious.
Yolanda Ando: "The Punisher" Dan Stein is wearing a simple tight black t-shirt, and plain black shorts, with black leather wrestling boots. Stein also wears black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Steel Cage Match. The winner is the first wrestler's feet to hit the floor. Featuring first, from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Audience applauds, Dan Stein shakes the cage in frustration. Then the lights turn a deep shade of blood red, and the sound of white noise blasts over the PA...then suddenly "Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 plays and Lucifer Jones bursts through the curtains with a heavy plaster cast on his arm. He starts looking out over the fans, and getting involved with the one's by the security railings; talking shit back to them and laughing at crippled children. He eyes the ring and smiles sadistically, his gold teeth bling blingin' under the lights)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones nervously walking into the cage with that broken arm. He's looking to put this whole sordid affair behind him after tonight and go on to Phoenix to wrestle the Hardkore America Champion.
Phil Blauer: How'd you know that?
Guillermo O'Bannon : It's in my notes.
Phil Blauer: Why isn't it in mine?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You mean your Denny's Kids' placemat?
Phil Blauer: Yes, I mean my Denny's Kids' placemat. Now help me figure out this maze, I keep going in the lion's mouth.
Yolanda Ando: Lucifer Jones is wearing snake skin leather pants tucked into a pair of well worn combat boots. He's shirtless and his ripped frame is covered in various tattoos, most notably "Pro-Pain" tattooed across his stomach and "HARD KORE" on his knuckles. His hair is buzzed tight to his skull and most of his teeth are capped with gold. A long nasty scar wraps around his throat with a large plaster cast around his forearm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from White Chapel, England; Standing 6 feeet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Lucifer Jones seems reluctant to enter the cage and is arguing with Mike Peters about it. Dan grabs Lucifer by the hair and pulls him through the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein tosses Lucifer Jones across the ring! Jones scoots away, begging Stein with his good arm not to hurt him. Dan Stein picks him up and gut wrench suplexes him!
(Dan Stein full nelsons Jones and smashes his face into the cold steel bars! Stein then drops him assfirst into the mat. A bleeding Lucifer Jones hits Dan Stein low, and Ulster Hall boos him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pulls Stein up on his shoulder, then uses all his strength to lift Stein up into a crucifix! He runs into the side and razor's edges Stein's head into the cage wall!! He backs up and does it a second time!!
(The fans continue to boo as Dan Stein collapses to the mat, clutching the back of his head. He pulls his hand back and there's blood on it. Meanwhile, Lucifer Jones is climbing to the top turnbuckle. Dan Stein sees him and climbs up there with him to stop him from escaping already)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones has had enough of Dan Stein and is trying to get out of that cage. Dan Stein stops him cold with a hard right hand. He stands on the top turnbuckle, pressing Jones over his head. He drops Jones' throat on the top bar of the steel cage!! "The Punisher" Dan Stein grabs Jones by the head and comes off the top turnbuckle with a stunner!!
(Crowd roars and then starts up the "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" chant. Dan Stein then lifts Jones up in a hanging suplex. Flashbulbs go off all over The Ulster Hall as Stein holds Lucifer Jones in the air. A close-up shot reveals blood dripping from Jones' head into a pool underneath him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Instead of dropping him, Stein tosses his back into the blue cage wall! Dan Stein then begins climbing up to the top turnbuckle, but Lucifer Jones climbs up right behind him. Stein tries to stop him with a right hand, but Lucifer ducks under it and atomic drops him on the top of the cage!
(A bleeding Lucifer Jones waistlocks Dan Stein then german suplexes him off the top turnbuckle!! He gets up into spits at the cage wall towards the fans, getting a heel pop in return. He grabs him by the hair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones slugs Stein in the nose with his cast, then lets Dan get up to hands and knees. Jones runs into the ropes and soccer kicks him in the nose!
Phil Blauer: Lucifer is one of the most vicious ground & pound wrestlers we have.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein gets to his feet and blocks another punch, countering with a kick to the stomach. He double underhooks Jones' arms and butterfly suplexes him!
(Dan Stein grabs him and throws him facefirst into the cage wall!! The crowd cheers wildly, and Stein steps through the ropes and russian leg sweeps the back of Lucifer's head into the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein suplexes Jones over the ropes and drops him in a jackhammer! He grabs Jones head and tries to twist it right off in a neck vice! Jones growling in pain, and Stein punches his laceration to make it bleed more.
(A trickle of blood runs down Stein's back. He climbs to the top turnbuckle but Jones gets up and shakes the ropes. Stein slips off the turnbuckle and is crotched on the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones release dragon suplexes The Punisher on to the back of the neck! He backs Stein into the corner, and starts mugging him with closed fists from that plaster cast.
Phil Blauer: Don't they usually use fiberglass for casts now?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He goes to Bob Orton's doctor.
("Fuckin cunt!" Jones screams, then backhands him with the cast. He irish whips Stein into the ropes and back body drops Dan Stein into the cage wall!! Stein pulls himself up between the ropes and the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein tries to punch Jones but Lucifer ducks and snap backdrop drivers him over the ropes back into the ring! Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle, and comes off with a leg drop but Stein rolls out of the way!
(Stein full nelsons Lucifer again, and again rams Jones' face into the cage bars! Dan Stein pulls him up on his shoulders then powerbombs him into the cage!! Lucifer Jones slides down the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein front facelocks Lucifer Jones and drops his bloody skull into the canvas with a DDT!
(Stein is climbing up the cage, looking to escape. Jones stands on the top turnbuckle, and grabs his ankle, but Stein boots Jones in the face, knocking him back to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein looking to put this feud of the year behind him and has a leg over the edge. Jones runs, springboards off the middle of the top rope, grabs onto Stein, pushes off the cage with his legs, and drops Stein on the top of his head with a backdrop driver off the top of the cage!!!
Phil Blauer: I don't believe it! That looked painful and I can't believe I saw it, like Constantine!
(The audience gives it up for that gorgeous move. He pulls up by Dan Stein and shoots him into the ropes, but Jones drop toe holds his face into the cage wall! He climbs up on Stein's back, he punches the back of his head, pressing his face into the cage bars)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Stein into the ropes and flapjacks him up into an emerald frosion into the cage bars!! Dan Stein now showing some color as well, he grabs him and headbutts Jones over & over until his blood is mixed with Stein's.
("The Punisher" Dan Stein lifts Jones up by the throat and throttles him, choking the very life out of him. He hammerlocks Jones' injured arm behind him and chicken wing suplexes him on his broken arm! The Ulster crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein lifts Jones up by his injured arm in a flying chicken wing!! Jones shrieking in a bloodcurdling pitch, as The Punisher bounces him up & down on his broken arm!
(Stein then runs and smashes Jones facefirst into a cage wall!! He yells some obscenities at Jones then gets the cage door unlocked. Right as he's trying to get through, Jones runs, springboards off the middle rope that's parallel to Stein with a moonsault legdrop fame-asser, crushing Stein between the cage and the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones saves the match there for himself.
(Jones kicks Stein back into the ring, looks at the open door, looks at Stein, looks back at the open door...then says "Fuck it." and locks the door and proceeds to kick Stein over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones putting the boots to The Punisher, neglecting to walk out of the cage and win. That shows you what kind of hatred these two have for one another.
Phil Blauer: Like me and Keanu Reeves, for making Constantine!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones cracks Dan with that big cast again and then pulls him up so he can butterfly Stein's arms. He pulls him up on to his shoulders in a double underhook Canadian backbreaker. Lucifer then drops him headfirst with a Death Driver!!
(The Belfast crowd jeers and pelts the blue bar steel cage with beer cups and water bottles. He pulls a bloody Stein up by the hair and backhands him with the hand with the cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein gets kicked square in the nuts and then Jones lifts him up in an electric chair. He walks near the ropes and then drops the back of Stein's head into the blue bar cage with a japanese ocean suplex!
(Lucifer Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle and tries to go over the cage. The audience comes alive when Dan Stein climbs up the ropes and grabs Jones by the back of his leather pants. He slams Jones face into the top of the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein headlocks Jones and hops off the top turnbuckle with a flying bulldog!! You can't hear yourself think in this small hall!
(The fans chant "PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!!" as Stein tries to pull himself up by the ropes. His back & shoulders are covered in blood from the seemingly deep cut on the back of his head. The laceration over his eye takes care of the front of his body. Dan Stein shakes the cage wall and then butterflies Jones arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein drives Lucifer Jones' head into the mat with a michinoku driver! He inverted facelocks The White Chapel Horror and then twists it into a test drive!!
(Dan Stein wipes some blood out of his eyes and then begins climbing out of the cage. He gets one leg over before Lucifer Jones climbs up high enough to grab hold of one leg. Jones climbs up to the top turnbuckle, but Stein slugs him a few times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones returns a few shots of his own with that illegal cast!
Phil Blauer: Illegal? Cobryn broke his arm! What do you want him to do?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein hammers away at Jones' bloody face. Dan Stein stands up on the corner of the cage!
(Ulster Hall stands on their feet preparing for a huge spot. Dan Stein gets Jones up on his shoulders as if he is about powerbomb him, the crowd pops huge, but Jones bashes him in the face with his cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones jumps off his shoulders, lands feet first on top of the cage...
Phil Blauer Both men are a wobbly...if both of them fall we could have a draw and two parking spaces freeing up!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones regains his balance quicker, and gives Stein a fisherman's buster back down into the ring!!!
(The force of the move actually pops back up both men to their feet, with Jones falling back towards the ropes, Stein standing around in a complete daze, and Jones rebounds back off the ropes and bashes Stein in the face with a running Axe Bomber clothesline, using the cast for that extra added "ooomph", busting Stein's nose open! The crowd chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Phil Blauer: Lucifer Jones and Dan Stein putting on a match of the year candidate here in Belfast, Northern Ireland!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones sits on Dan Stein's back and pulls back on his head with one of his fingers fish hooked in his eyes, and then other scratching Stein's large laceration over his eye! Blood runs down The Punisher's face like a faucet!
(Jones tiredly staggers up to his feet and then climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He looks behind him and a smile breaks through his crimson mask. He then steps up onto the top of the giant cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones comes off the cage with a leg drop across Dan Stein's face!!! The impact turns Stein over on to his side, with blood pouring down into a small pool by his face. Lucifer Jones front facelocks him but Stein spins out of the DDT behind him into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Stein inverted facelocks Lucifer Jones and then drops him into an inverted neckbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein nails Twilight Hammer on Lucifer Jones!! He presses Jones over his head and runs him facefirst into the cage wall!!
(The crowd roars as a blood drenched Lucifer Jones staggers around the ring. Stein crotch-ties Jones arm through his legs and then pumphandles him up into a sit-down slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Final Solution!!! Dan Stein walks over to the cage door and demands Mike Peters to open it.
(Robert Hunglestien III, Kilroy Evans, and Andrew Karnage pop up in front of the door. They beckon Dan Stein to walk through the cage door into their clutches)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable blocking the door, but Dan Stein not looking too concerned. He turns around to make sure Lucifer Jones is still down and gets hit flush in the face with some powder Jones had hidden in his cast!!
(Stein is blinded and clutching his face in pain, and Jones grabs him in a hangman's neckbreaker then spins him around into a facebuster with a modified Yankee Cracker on Stein!! The crowd goes crazy with boo's, and Jones pulls out a pair of steel handcuffs hidden in his boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones handcuffs Stein to the steel cage! Lucifer Jones making a run for it over that cage!
(Lucifer climbs to the top of the cage, and right before he's about to make it over, he looks down at Stein, and smiles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's he doing?
Phil Blauer: He's doing the same thing Boone does when he straddles the cage.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: All you people ask is for me to take down the ring at night. Until someone says "Don't rub your bare genitals on the steel cage" I'm not gonna interupt a good thing.
(Lucifer Jones then proceeds to piss all over Stein from the top of the cage!!! The fans are rabid now with hatred towards Lucifer Jones. The Un-Stable leaves in disgust)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's disgusting!
Yolanda Ando: I really hate working here. I'm calling my agent and see if he can get me out of here.
Phil Blauer: Good luck, honey. Well, at least it took care of the powder on his face.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones continuing to set this industry back farther than the latest Diva search!
(Lucifer Jones finishes pissing on Stein, flips everyone off, and climbs down to the floor for the win! The bell rings and Ulster Hall showers him with beer, garbage, and spit as "Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 plays)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones wins this brutal old skool cage match, but then does himself a disservice before it's over.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 36 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Amidst all the boos, Lucifer Jones stops in the aisle, looks back at the piss covered and handcuffed Stein, laughs to himself, then runs back towards the cage door. Jones then grabs a bottle of Guinness from one of the fans, re-enters the cage, throws the referee out, and re-locks the door)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones back in the ring with a livid yet helpless Dan Stein. Jones just stands in front of him laughing, then downs half the beer, fills up his mouth, and spits all over Stein!
(The Belfast crowd jeers and boos a maniacally laughing Lucifer Jones as he bleeds down his front)
Lucifer Jones: "This bloody stout ain't fit for a REAL man to drink! Typical Irish swill..."
(Crowd freaks out again, Jones just laughs, and cracks Stein in the FACE with the bottle as hard as he can!! Stein's face explodes with blood as his nose gets broken)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Johnny Lee Harley run down to the ring to try and rescue Stein, but Lucifer Jones is too quick and the door is locked. Jones quickly climbs up the cage, leaps off onto the floor, and escapes to live another day!
(Cobryn and Harley help free Stein from the ropes with the use of some bull cutters while EMT's attend to his wounds. The fans are mostly numb and quiet. Cobryn's demands that the medical personnel be quicker are the only thing peircing the eerie silence)
(The Hardkore World Cameraman enters a dark locker room the only light comes from the outside in the corridor that is shining inside but when the door closes. The room is again dark. There is a figure sitting on the bench. The figure turns out to be The Shootfighter. The Hardkore World Cameraman has to adjust the camera so that the light can show The Shootfighter's face.
There is a look of hate, rage and fury on his face. The Shootfighter is all dressed and prepared for his three way West Coast Title Match with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and the Mystery Man.)
The Shootfighter: "I'm the West Coast Champion an yet in this lockerroom I don't get any light to either prepare or even see where I'm going! Well I could care less! I guess it was O'Reilly's idea seeing he thinks he can tell everyone what to do! Then again he probably paid the whole venue staff a lot of beer and whiskey to make sure I'm disrespected!"
(There is a demented giggling in the background.)
Voice: "I respect you Shootfighter! You treat me well!"
The Shootfighter: "Quiet over there."
Voice: "Okay."
(The Hardkore World Cameraman attempts to find where the voice came from but can't see the person.)
The Shootfighter: "Hey! I'm still talking or are you being paid by O'Reilly!"
(The Hardkore World Cameraman swirls back around to The Shootfighter.)
The Shootfighter: "As I was saying O'Reilly declaring yourself champion before the match begins isn't a bright idea! Then again you're so illiterate and uneducated that you think Ireland is a colonial power and that Canada is one of it's provinces! Well it isn't is it?! You think the only places you'll defend the title IF you win and you won't is in Ireland!"
Voice (Giggling): "you'll win Shootfighter."
(The Shootfighter growls angrily.)
Voice: "Sorry."
The Shootfighter: "So O'Reilly I'm going to teach you the worst lesson about being in the ring with me! One you don't disrespect me! Two you don't declare yourself a national hero! Finally you don't win titles before you actually won the match!"
(The Shootfighter slowly gets up.)
The Shootfighter: "The most important thing O'Reilly is this and you'd better listen good! You better stop predicting who the other opponent is and better do it now! I don't care who it is and I don't care if it's some veangence seeker or Nick Knight! I don't care! I'm going to be defending the title with such zeal and fury! You both won't know what hit you!"
(The Shootfighter looks like he's going to explode.)
The Shootfighter: "Mystery Man if you were the one that attacked me in Hardkore Hall! Then you signed your final contract in the promotion! I shall deal with you quite harshly! I'm one hundred percent and more! If you weren't just the same! Your manager and martial arts teacher is saying you want revenge! What did I do to you is beyond me! I shall be the one
gaining the revenge! I shall be the one who shall teach you a lesson for these false accusations!"
(The Shootfighter's stalks towards the Hardkore World Cameraman.)
The Shootfighter: "You see I don't like being accused of doing something I don't know anything about! Who was it I don't know! I do know I hate mindgames and when someone plays mindgames with me! hose who do get hurt really bad!"
Voice (Laughing): "Real bad!"
The Shootfighter (Exploding): "Didn't I tell you to be quiet! You want your electric shocks or not!"
Voice (Whimpering): "Sorry teacher."
The Shootfighter: "Good. Like I was saying I hurt people real badly when it comes to those who play mindgames with me! The hate, rage and fury shall explode and when it does it's going to leave people's bodies broken! Yours and O'Reilly no matter who it is I shall teach a lesson that you shall never forget! The West Coast Title shall be remaining with me for a while! I shall make sure that you both lose! Mystery Man you have the element of surprise on your side but I like that! It brings the best out in me and I shall be at my best! The two of you had better beware,
because The Shootfighter shall not play around! Prepare for a permanent stay in the hospital!
Prepare for Mortal Kombat!"
(The Shootfighter leads the Hardkore World Cameraman out of the lockerroom and shoves him out before closing the door as the scene fades to Guillermo & Phil)
Phil Blauer: Were you as creeped out by that as I was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: More. Get ready for the roof about to blow off. Tonight, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly wrestles in front of his hometown against the man that broke his leg in San Francisco, The Shootfighter.
(video fades to the Cow Palace with the date stamped: 3/3/05)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 1 second, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(Lucius Morgan hold up Tarrasque, Vastrix, and Bower's arms in victory. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly helps Moondog Dook to his feet and The Shootfighter walks up behind them with his singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacks "Giant" Baba O'Reilly in the back of the leg with his stainless steel singapore cane!!
(Fans cheer, and Shootfighter knocks Moondog Dook out with the singapore cane! Judge Death holds out O'Reilly's leg and Shootfighter cracks him in the leg with it again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks O'Reilly's leg with several muy thai kicks to his leg & ankle! The Shootfighter then grabs O'Reilly's leg and applies an ankle lock!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly shrieks in agony, clutching his leg. Shootfighter wrenches it as hard as he can, and Baba goes limp for a second. He pounds his balled up fists into the mat in pain. Marty Bower leaves the ring but The Warhammer Corporation approaches The Shootfighter. He sees them out of the corner of his eye and releases the ankle lock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter, a decade long enemy of The Warhammer Corporation sees them coming and backs off of Baba. He gets into his fighting stance but Jeremiah Vastrix tells him to take it easy. Vastrix picks up his stainless steel cane and Shootfighter gets ready to take it back, but Vastrix smashes Baba in the mouth with the cane!!
(Crowd cheers and Baba covers his mouth as blood runs through his fingers. Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and Vastrix rolls Baba over onto his stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix holding Baba's legs and he instructs Shootfighter to hold his arms as well. He hesitantly complies and Tarrasque hops off the top rope with a ribbreaker stomp to the back of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head!!
Phil Blauer: And people always get pissed at me when I insist you do have ribs in your head.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's possibly broken leg and applies a figure four leglock!! That woke up the passed out Giant, and he rocks back & forth trying to escape the pain, but nothing's helping!
(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps O'Reilly's head in as Shootfighter sits up to increase the pressure on his broken leg! O'Reilly passes out again, but Vastrix, Tarrasque, and now even Lucius Morgan stomp the big man in the face & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook has hit the ring again with that chain, he swings it round & round! Shootfighter, Judge Death, and The Warhammer Corporation head for the hills!
(Moondog Dook confusedly tries to stir the unconcious Irishman. He waves for EMTs. The video fades back to Ulster Hall, present day)
Phil Blauer: (shudders) I always hate it when we go to San Francisco.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Why?
Phil Blauer: You know why. Those people are everywhere. The way they dress. Waving their lifestyle in your face. Forcing me to just smile and tolerate their depraved behavior. Worse yet, they'd just love it if the whole country was just like them. How am I supposed to explain that to any of my illegitimate children?? MY CHILDREN, Guillermo. It's disgusting.
Guillermo O'Bannon: God, Phil, calm down. Gay people aren't hurting anybody.
Phil Blauer: Gay people? I'm talking about Niners fans. Jeez, Guillermo, what a homophobe.
Yolanda Ando: Yeah, Guillermo. Why do you always have to be so judgemental?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Not cool, dude. Not cool at all. My Dad's gay.
("Real Solution #9" by White Zombie plays and the audience buzzes with confusion. The lights go out and BOOM! Fireworks go off and out comes a man with a hood over his head. He puts a thumb under it and looks to the left, then looks to the right and then forward as he quickly jerks the hood back and stretches both his arms outward)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Zack Daniels! Former AWF Champion!
Phil Blauer: Right...who?
Guillermo O'Bannon: WMW & GPW star Zack Daniels was trained by his uncle Nick Knight and apparantly has handed over his West Coast title shot to him. Nick felt that Hardkore World had no code of conduct and no order so he gave his title shot to his young nephew who is more suitable in this environment. He's also the current PWA Hell Belt Champion.
Phil Blauer: Hell Belt?
Yolanda Ando: Nick Knight wears blue and red medium sized tights with his initals "ZD" written on his ass. The design is the "Z" overlapping the "D". His ring attire is AJ Styles's entrance attire. Same colors as the tights and it says "Excellent" on the back of the hoodie with a big "Z" under it.
Phil Blauer: You know with all the initials, you'd think we would have figured it out earlier.
Guillermo O'Bannon: (shrugs) I thought it was Ziggy Diaz.
Phil Blauer: Who's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I dunno.
(Daniels then slowly saunters to the ring ignoring the Belfast fans and then rolls in where he sits in one corner and awaits his opponents)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Belfast Death Match for the HARDKORE WEST COAST TITLE! When a man is pinned and cannot answer the 10 count he will be eliminated. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 216 pounds...'THE ELEGANCE OF EXCELLENCE' ZACK DANIELS!!!"
(The fans give him a mixed reaction. Then U2 rips into their version of The Who's "Baba O'Reilly". The Belfast audience nearly blows the roof off of Ulster Hall. Giant Baba O'Reilly and Moondog Dook step through the curtain and make their way to ringside. The Belfast fans chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly slaps the hands of his countrymen then steps over the ropes into the ring. He recently scored his first Hardkore win in Iawata, Japan over Bakemono Bokuden. He's also said he's going to back up Syberus in his match later on tonight with "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix.
(The fans continue to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Phil Blauer: Listen to this crowd, this guy's bigger than whiskey out here!
Yolanda Ando: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly wears an old school giant black one peice singlet, with a big green shamrock on the back. He's got a red hair and a bushy mustache. He's got a tattoo of the Ireland flag on his left arm with the word "mother" written underneath it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Moon...Dog...Dook! From Dublin, Ireland standing 7 foot 1, weigh-
(O'Reilly inturrupts Kasal and furiously whispers something in his ear. Meanwhile the audience continues to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Standing 7 foot 1 and 3/4 inches, weighing 325 pounds...'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY!!!"
(The Ulster Hall fans applaud and chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!" Then "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays and the fans boo. Judge Death walks out and gets blasted with a full cup of beer. He tries to ignore it and keep walking. The Shootfighter steps out next and is hit with loogies, full cups of beer, and wadded up programs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans really letting Shootfighter have it for fighting their countrymen.
Phil Blauer: I thought we were in NORTHERN Ireland. Jeez, if I said that you would have been all over me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Since winning the Hardkore West Coast title from Big Bad Bill in Seattle, Washington in April he has defended that title against "The Extremist" Tony Thunder in a brutal match. But I don't think he's ever had to defend any title he's ever had in such hostile conditions.
Yolanda Ando: The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. Underneath the robe, he proudly wears the Hardkore West Coast title belt around his waist. Judge Death wears a Salem witch trial style wig & robe, a gargoyles mask and black boots & wields a cane with a gargoyles head on it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And accompanied to the ring by Judge Death; He hails from Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The Belfast crowd boos, tossing full cups of beer at the ring, drenching Judge Death, Kasal, Peters, Daniels, Dook & O'Reilly. Mike Peters signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter comes up from behind "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and hits him with a forearm to his groin! Zack Daniels DDTs O'Reilly!
(Zack Daniels kips up to his feet and catches some boos. The Shootfighter hits Daniels in the throat with a knife edge chop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter hits Daniels in the throat with another chop. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly double ax handles Daniels from behind. The Shootfighter german suplexes Daniels!
(The Shootfighter turns around into a knee into his stomach from "Giant" Baba O'Reilly! The audience cheers. He scoops The Shootfighter up and walks him around the ring, charging the drunken rowdy crowd up to a fever pitch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly slams The Shootfighter from seven feet in the air! He turns around into a clothesline from Zack Daniels but he no sells it.
(The fans reach a fever pitch as O'Reilly beats his chest like an animal. Zack Daniels handsprings into a back elbow that knocks him back a little. O'Reilly staggers back and Daniels whacks him with a running enzuigiri)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly still not going down. The Shootfighter now takes over on him with some muy thai strikes over & over to his nose. He bounces into the ropes with a studded forearm pad with a russian sickle, and O'Reilly goes down like a redwood!
(The Shootfighter smacks Daniels in the chest with a few dragon claw strikes. Daniels catches one of his dragon claw strikes and arm drags The Shootfighter over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels runs into the ropes and spinning head scissors "Giant" Baba O'Reilly over and then pulls him back up into a russian leg sweep!
(Shootfighter swings at him with a muy thai strike but Daniels ducks and back suplexes him around into a blue thunder bomb!! Daniels runs into the ropes and hits O'Reilly with a flying body press but the giant catches him and powerslams him! The crowd leaps up and celebrates chanting "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly holds The Shootfighter up in a hanging suplex, showing off that awesome power!
Phil Blauer: He's not dropping him!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience counting how long O'Reilly can hold him up.
Audience: 1!
Audience: 2!
Audience: 3!
Audience: 4!
Audience: 5!
Audience: 6!
Audience: 7!
Audience: 8!
Audience: 9!
Audience: 10!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly drops The Shootfighter in a hightower suplex! Daniels tries to attack O'Reilly but he's ready for him with another knee in Daniels' stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly scoops Daniels up but Zack falls behind him in a reverse DDT! The Shootfighter takes advantage and bludgeons O'Reilly with some forearm smashes to the back of his head.
(The Shootfighter wraps up O'Reilly's legs with an inverted indian deathlock. Zack Daniels stomps O'Reilly about the head & face. Shootfighter pushes himself off the mat to get better leverage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter working down that leg he broke in April.
Phil Blauer: That healed fast.
"Giant" Baba O'Reilly: (from inside the ring) "I'm a giant!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter releases The Shootfighter Leglock. He turns around and hits Daniels in the armpit with a muy thai kick, then another one down by his kidneys. Shootfighter irish whips Daniels into the ropes, but Zack reverses it into a monkey flip!
(Zack Daniels t-bone suplexes Shootfighter! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes off the second turnbuckle with a double ax handle to both Daniels & Shootfighter. He applies a sleeper hold to Zack Daniels)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly lifts Daniels off his feet with a sleeper! Daniels beginning to go limp as O'Reilly uses those giant tattooed arms to choke off all of his air. He releases it and pulls Daniels' head into his legs. He pulls him up into a piledriver!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Ulster Hall cheers wildly as Mike Peters lays in the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly starts laying in to The Shootfighter with lefts and rights)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly, a former boxer, peppering Shootfighter with hard jabs.
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up by the ropes then steps through the ropes out on to the apron. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly sticks Shootfighter with a jab but Shootfighter misses one and returns the volley with a muy thai strike to his breastplate)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter muy thai strikes O'Reilly in his lower ribs. He then pounds O'Reilly in his chest with several heart punches. Then he goes to work with several muy thai kicks to the back.
(Zack pulls himself on to the middle of the top rope and springboards off into a spinning wheel kick to "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's face!! The crowd boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels smacks The Shootfighter upside the head with a Heartbreaker superkick! He butterflies The Shootfighter's arms and then drives him facefirst into the mat with a pedigree!
(The fans cheer, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Shootfighter up onto his shoulder. He drops Zack from seven feet in the air with a giant powerbomb!! The crowd leaps to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You can hardly hear yourself think in here while the referee makes the count!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(Judge Death pounds on the apron trying to wake Shootfighter up)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
(Shootfighter pulls himself up by the corner. Zack Daniels grabs him in a three quarter nelson and runs up the turnbuckles flipping into a Sliced Bread #2!! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly runs into the ropes and drops a big leg drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly irish whips Zack Daniels into the ropes and cracks him in the face with My Left Foot big foot!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop, chanting "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Judge Death rolls the stainless steel singapore cane over to Shootfighter and he picks it up. Shootfighter smashes Giant Baba O'Reilly over the head with the cane!! He goes down like a ton of bricks! Shootfighter covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters counting both Baba and Daniels down!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(The Shootfighter leans against the corner, trying to recover from the sliced bread & leg drop)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Zack Daniels both stir a little and try to get back to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The first man to his feet will stay in the hunt for Hardkore West Coast Championship!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up to his feet, and stands up. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's injured leg buckles under his massive size)
Referee Mike Peters: 10!
(The bell rings and Ulster Hall rocks with boos)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 13 minutes 5 seconds; 'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans trying their best to get into the ring.
Phil Blauer: Mike Peters looks like he's gonna wet himself...some more.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacked his hated nemesis with that singapore cane and nearly eliminated both men! He begins whackin Daniels in the ankles with some muy thai kicks. He trips Daniels with a double leg takedown, then turns him over into a sharpshooter!
(Daniels balls his fists up in pain while The Shootfighter rocks back as far as he can. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly rolls out of the ring, while the audience continues to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!" He waves at them as he limps back to the locker room with Moondog Dook's help)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter plants his foot as he continues to lean back almost in a liontamer position with that scorpion deathlock.
Phil Blauer: What's he doing? He can't win by submission. He may as well be climbing a ladder or getting someone's tuxedo off first.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter turns it into an ankle lock! He stands over Daniels wrenching his foot to the side.
(Zack Daniels rolls over onto his back and works his way back up to hopping on one foot. He swings around into an enzuigiri but Shootfighter ducks and reapplies the anklelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels fights his way up to one foot again and this time is succesful with a monkey flip. He shoots himself into the ropes and comes back with a spinning DDT!!
(Audience applauds, adapting to Zack more than Shootfighter. Zack Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckles and comes off with a float over leg drop!! Ulster Hall applauds, and Daniels bounces into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter catches him in a high cross body and drops him in a backbreaker! He hangs onto him and flips him over into a powerslam. The Shootfighter spinning toe holds him and drops down into a figure four leglock to the leg he's been working down all night.
(Shootfighter clamps down on Daniels' twisted legs. He sits up and grunts his teeth in pain. Mike Peters looks on helplessly, while Judge Death applauds on the outside. Shootfighter then grabs on to the second rope for leverage)
Phil Blauer: Shootfighter using the ropes but that's legal in Belfast Death Match. Anything goes. In fact, you can park in a handicap zone during this match.
Yolanda Ando: You're already parked there.
Phil Blauer: That's cause I'm handicapped. Being ticklish is nothing to laugh about.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Malaysian Giant hoping if Zack Daniels can't stand, he can't answer the bell. The Shootfighter releases the figure four and pulls him up into a lightning quick snap suplex.
(Shootfighter pops his hips and pulls him up into a second snap suplex. He rolls him up into a hard third getting the audience to boo. Judge Death slides a table into the ring and Shootfighter leans it up against the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter belly to belly suplexes Zack Daniels through the press table in the corner!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(Shootfighter stands in the corner with his arms folded, as Daniels lies in a pile of rubble)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up by the ropes, and The Shootfighter irish whips Daniels into the ropes. Daniels hops onto the middle of the second rope, and backflips into an asai DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels waistlocks Shootfighter and drops him on his head with a dangerous backdrop driver!! He climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrews into a 450 splash!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
(The Shootfighter pulls himself up, and Zack drop toe holds Shootfighter's throat on the second rope. Daniels runs into the ropes and jumps through the ropes into a 619 dropkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle, and backflips into a shooting star press but Shootfighter puts his knees up into his stomach!! SHe picks Zack up into a human torture rack!
(Shootfighter spins around and round, bending Daniels' spine across his shoulders. He then drops down into a samoan drop. Shootfighter applies a cobra clutch and wraps his legs around Zack Daniels wraps his legs around Shootfighter's body)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter arches his back backwards while squeezing all the air out of Daniels' body! Meanwhile on the outside, Judge Death is setting up another table on the arena floor. Shootfighter releases The ShootClutch and pulls him through the ropes on to the apron. Shootfighter half nelsons Daniels and t-bone suplexes him off the apron through the table on the floor!!
(Fans boo and jeer, throwing beer cups at Death & Shootfighter. Blak Lung comes out from the dressing room, with a spool of barbed wire. He uses it to bat away the garbage and debris thrown at him by the Belfast crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter wraps the barbed wire around Zack Daniels' face and blood runs freely from the barbs! He rakes the jagged edges across The Elegance of Excellence's forehead!!
Phil Blauer: Nick Knight's Knephew is a bloody mess!
(The Shootfighter pulls Daniels up by his hair, but Daniels hits him low. He butterflies Shootfighter's arms and double underhook powerbombs him on The Ulster Hall floor!! The fans cheer and a bloody Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels flips off the top with a corkscrew shooting star press on the floor!!! Unbelievable!
(Fans cheer, chanting "ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!!" He wipes the blood out of his eyes and rolls Shootfighter into the ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels rolls into the ring and knocks his lights out with a shining wizard kick!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
(The Shootfighter pulls himself up by the ropes, but Zack Daniels arm drags him over. Shootfighter staggers up again and armdrags him a second time)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle and spins off with a spiral tap but there's no water in the pool!! The Shootfighter double underhooks Daniels up and then down across his back with The ShootBreaker!! He pins him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
Referee Mike Peters: 10!
(The bell rings and Ulster Hall rains garbage down on the ring as "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays on the PA system. Judge Death and Blak Lung enter the ring with Shootfighter's Hardkore West Coast title belt)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has outlast "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & "The Elegance of Excellence" Zack Daniels to retain his Hardkore West Coast Championship.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 6 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(Blak Lung and Judge Death congratulate The Shootfighter as he straps the title belt around his waist. Cups, balled up programs, and water bottles bounce off the three men)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter continues his reign as Hardkore West Coast Champion in some of the harshest conditions in the World!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is the match to determine who will leave Northern Ireland bald. Cobryn has had a nightmare lately with two time former Hardkore World Champion Cyrus Williams. After kidnapping Cyrus' personal ring announcer Paul Mannetti, Cyrus cost him the Hardkore America Championship in Palm Springs. Now he teams up with Johnny Lee Harley to take on Cyrus Williams & "Saikyo Terrorist" Tatsuya Arakawa, and the losing team will be shaved bald.
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Out of the curtain first is his cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back. Blaze, Bludd, and Charleston all carry large towels while Arakawa & Maxwell sport a can of cold spray and a bucket of ice respectively. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in a sharp suit . Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[Finally, Cyrus Williams steps out into the arena, through the pyros. He wears a long black and grey ring robe with a hood, which he flips up once he's completely out in the arena.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Trash begins to get hurled at Cyrus as he walks down the aisle, his cocky smile never fading from his face.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
Guillermo O'Bannon: A chair comes flying out from the audience to Tatsuya Arakawa's head! It's Cobryn! Johnny Lee Harley is next over the railing with his branding iron, and takes it to Cyrus' skull!!
(The audience boos, "The Punisher" Dan Stein runs out from the audience with medical gauze wrapped around his head & forehead. Cobryn pulls Cyrus up onto the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Cyrus up into a suplex then jackhammers him off the apron to The Ulster Hall floor!!
(The fans continue to boo, Dan Stein powerbombs Tatsuya Arakawa on the guardrail!! Johnny Lee Harley butterflies Cyrus' arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley double arm DDTs Cyrus Williams skull into the concrete!! Cobryn lifts Arakawa up into a crucifix and then drops him headfirst into The Ulster Hall floor with a DDT!!
(Ulster Hall boos as Cobryn, Stein, and Harley have laid out their foes. Johnny Lee Harley then chases his entourage to the back with his branding iron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein hands Cobryn a pair of electric clippers. The Punisher holds Cyrus Williams down while Cobryn grabs some of his long shaggy hair and begins buzzing it.
Phil Blauer: He's getting the dessert without eating his dinner!
(The crowd boos as Stein uses his awesome power to hold Williams down with his powerful arms as Cobryn shaves his head bald)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn picks up clumps of Cyrus' hair and throws it up in the air!
(Johnny Lee Harley and "The Punisher" Dan Stein walk up and see if Cobryn's ready to go. He's still gleefully dancing around in Cyrus Williams' hair, and oblivious)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams seems like he's coming to, and so Cobryn is suddenly done dancing. The three leave a bald Cyrus Williams and a bloody Tatsuya Arakawa in the aisleway.
(Cobryn, "The Punisher" Dan Stein, and Johnny Lee Harley walk out under a rain of garbage and beer cups. Cobryn tosses peices of hair back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn afraid of actually wrestling Cyrus Williams in a match, so just attacks him and shaves his head anyway. That's disgusting.
Phil Blauer: Cobryn has a very important title match for the Hardkore World Championship in Phoenix next month! He can't risk injury in a hair vs. hair match in this god forsaken swamp land. Who is he, Beefcake?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience & "The Extremist" Tony Thunder won the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Title from The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter at Palm Springs Punishment in a controversial scaffold match. Tonight, they put those titles on the line against three time former Hardkore World Champion "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, Big Bad Bill, and The Microshocker: The Dark Ryderz Movement.
("Block Rockin Beats" by Chemical Brothers plays and smoke fills the entrance ramp and black lights cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Big Bad Bill, Rally Jackson, and The Microshocker appears through the smoke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill won the Hardkore World Heavyweight title over Cyrus Williams in Palm Springs last month. On that same show, Rally Jackson interrupted the Hall of Fame ceremony to put himself over and call out Andrew Sinclair.
Phil Blauer: Quite a night for the Dark Ryderz Movement. It was like Emmy night for The Sopranos.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker makes his return to the ring tonight as well, replacing the often misplaced Boss Rotten. Tonight they hope to take their place among the company's top stable. When Big Bad Bill heads back to the States, he has his first title defense against Cobryn at America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona.
Yolanda Ando: Big Bad Bill wears indigo cotton pants with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship wrapped around his waist. Black boots that go to mid-shin, and a black belt with an indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves. Rally Jackson wears a green capoeira gui with yellow trim. Boss Rotten wears a similar one and is also barefoot.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!! His partner is accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Bad Boy King Kong; From Seattle, Washington; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds...THE MICROSHOCKER!! And from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!! They are THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
(The audience gives them a mixed reaction, and then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays. "The Extremist" Tony Thunder skateboards down the ramp followed by Bruno and Stan "The Tank" Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience recently on a losing streak, losing to the Miracle Violence Combination in San Diego, then losing a threeway dance in Palm Springs with them and High Maintenance.
Yolanda Ando: Tony Thunder wears wears a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt around his waist, blue elbow and knee pads. Stan Wilson wears black leather trunks with the words "Big Tank" embroided on the back, and an image of a small tank on the front with the six man belt slung over his shoulder. Black elbow pad, as well as black wrist tape on the left arm. Black hand and wrist tape on his Chokeslam Hand. Black kneepads, with ankle length black leather boots to complete the outfit. Bruno wears red tight with the six man title belt around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents; first from Malibu Beach, California; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!! And from Compton, California; Standing an amazing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!! His partner is from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...BRUNO!! They are THE HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE BLACK EXPERIENCE!!"
(The fans cheer and Bruno, Thunder, & Wilson hand Ron Reid their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts. He holds them up and then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill goes to lock up with Thunder, but he fireman's carries Bill over. He irish whips Bill into the ropes and then drives him into the mat with a spinebuster!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill gets up and begins whacking at Tony Thunder's chest with karate chops.
Phil Blauer: The audience "Woo"ing like Ric Flair when Baby Doll had one too many.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill irish whips Thunder into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Thunder catches him and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulders up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder tags in Bruno. Bruno irish whips Big Bad Bill into the ropes and flapjacks him in the air and Thunder comes off the other side of the ropes and drops down into a hangman's neckbreaker!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno german suplexes Big Bad Bill!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Bill up by the arm and twists it. He stands up onto the top turnbuckle. He tightrope walks using his arm for balance, but Boss Rotten shakes the ropes and crotches Bruno on the top strand!
(Big Bad Bill knocks Bruno off with a yakuza kick! The audience boos, and Big Bad Bill grabs him in a three quarter nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill runs up the turnbuckles in an acid drop! Bill pulls Bruno up and tries to toss him over his shoulder in a judo toss, but Bruno's still big. Bruno turns it into an unprettier!!
(Bruno tags in Stan "The Tank" Wilson and they both climb to the top turnbuckle. Bruno comes off with a big splash and then rolls out of the way so that Stan Wilson can come off with a leg drop off the top rope!! Stan Wilson hooks Bill's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson raises his arm, signalling for the chokeslam, but Bill chop blocks the back of his knee. He spinning toe holds Wilson's legs down into a figure four leglock where he's sitting on Stan's limbs!! The Jailhouse Lock!!
(The crowd boos, and Bill bounces up & down on Wilson's twisted legs. Ron Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out, but Stan shakes his head "no". The 6'10 Wilson lays back and is able to grab the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid forces Big Bad Bill to release The Jailhouse Lock. Big Bad Bill bounces into the ropes, Stan Wilson staggers to his feet, catches Bill with a black hole slam!! Wilson bounces into the ropes and leg drops him.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson irish whips Bill, but Bill reverses it and shoots Wilson into the turnbuckles. He hops onto the middle of the second rope and then hops back into a DDT!!
(Big Bad Bill tags in The Microshocker who climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He comes off the top with a butt bomb to Stan Wilson's chest)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker applies an STF to Stan Wilson! He pulls up on Stan's giant head, but looks like he's having a hard time hanging on to that bucking bronco. Wilson powers out of it and then pulls The Shock up over his shoulders than slams him down headfirst in an alabama slammer!
(Stan Wilson irish whips The Microshocker and then knocks him out with a flying shoulder tackle! The Microshocker pokes Stan Wilson in the eye and tags in "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson. Big Bad Bill comes in as well and grabs Stan in a waistlock. Rally Jackson comes off the ropes with a mafia kick, which Bill turns into a release german suplex!! The Belfast crowd applauds and Rally covers Stan)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally Jackson climbs to the top turnbuckle. Stan Wilson gets to his feet and Rally backflips into a shooting star senton!! The audience applauds louder! Rally irish whips Stan into the ropes and Stan comes back with a big boot to the face! Stan presses Rally over his head and then drops him into a spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilson irish whips Jackson into the corner. He follows him in with an avalanche, but Rally’s ready for him with a kick to the head. Rally leans him in the corner and then cartwheels into a pinwheel roundhouse tidal wave kick! Stan staggers out and tags in Tony Thunder. Thunder runs up to Rally and flips him across the ring with a monkey flip! He applies an abdominal stretch.
Phil Blauer: : These two had a brutal cage match in Las Vegas back in January. They’ve yet to kiss and make up so the heat still exists between them and you can tell whenever they are in the same match.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thunder uses those three inches he has on Jackson to hook this abdominalo stretch in extra snug. Jackson hiptosses out of it! He half nelsons Thunder then drops him in a storm cradle driver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally gets behind Thunder then drops him into a gory driver!! He lifts him up into a burning hammer but The Extremist lands on his feet behind him. Belly to back suplex by Tony Thunder!
(Thunder tags in Bruno, and the giant comes in and lifts Rally up in an electric chair. Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle and then clotheslines Jackson off Bruno’s shoulders!! The crowd roars, and Bruno makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bruno lifts up Rally by the throat and chokeslams him hard into the mat, and the fans are deafening! He flexes for the crowd, then lifts Rally up in a suplex, he tries to drop him in a uranage but Rally reverses on the way down with a flatliner!!
(The crowd applauds the reversal and Rally takes over on Tony Thunder. Rally sits on him with a cattle mutilation! He pulls back on Bruno’s neck, head, & arms while Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps. Stan and Tony Thunder root him on from the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tigerheart has control of the big man with the cattle mutilation submission. He releases him just long enough to pull him to his knees and tattoo him with a stiff shining wizard!
(Fans wince at the impact of Rally’s bare foot cracking Bruno’s face. Rally climbs to the top rope and waists for Bruno to walk into his killzone. He then front flips over into a rocker dropper from the top rope)
Guillermo O’Bannon: From Rio With Love!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally inverted facelocks Bruno then steps up on to the second turnbuckle. He twists off the ropes into an inverted tornado DDT!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Tony Thunder comes in and stomps the back of Rally’s head)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stan Wilson steps over the ropes as well and we have a pier six brawl! Tony Thunder superkicks Big Bad Bill he turns around...and Stan Wilson has Thunder by the throat!!
(Audience reacts with shock as Stan Wilson chokeslams his partner Tony Thunder into oblivion! Scattered fans boo Stan, and The Dark Ryderz Movement look on in shock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan just chokeslammed his own partner! He fireman's carries the giant Bruno onto his shoulders then drops him into an implant DDT he calls The Tank Drop!!!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos as Stan Wilson steps over the ropes and begins walking back to the locker room. He bats away water bottles and beer cups being thrown at him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe what I just saw, Stan Wilson just turned his back on The Black Experience!
Phil Blauer: Well, technically he turned his back on The Black Experience and the big goofy white guy that hung out with them, but it's shocking just the same.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, Big Bad Bill side backbreakers Bruno and Rally climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rally backflips into a shooting star elbow drop to Bruno’s face, bending him in half on Bill’s knee!!! The audience gives a standing ovation for that move and Rally covers Bruno!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: We have new champions!
("Headless Children" by WASP fills Ulster Hall as the audience gives a mixed reaction, but mostly cheers. The Microshocker grabs the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Title belts and Big Bad Bill's Hardkore World Heavyweight title belt and hands them to his partners)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 10 minutes 55 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dark Ryderz Movement hold up their new Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts and the Northern Ireland gives them their respect.
Phil Blauer: Someone who gets no respect is Stan Wilson, who sold out his boys, for what? It's disgusting.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, you sell out your boys all the time. You told the airline that Boone was chanting the koran in the bathroom just so you could get more room on your flight.
Phil Blauer: I need somewhere to put my fondue set!
(Big Bad Bill slings both title belts over his shoulder while Rally and The Microshocker stand on opposing turnbuckles with the belts lofted over their heads in celebration. Suddenly the audiences attention is directed to the entranceway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable are standing in the wings, applauding.
Phil Blauer: I think that's sarcasm, Guillermo. I can't tell.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is, Phil. Robert Hunglestien motioning that those titles are his with that "waisty" motion.
Phil Blauer: The Un-Stable are pooping on their parade!
(Fade out as the two groups hurl insults at one another from safe distances)
(Eagerly awaiting word from her absent-minded manager, Mister Fame, Horror Girl paces back and forth in the backstage locker room. Bernice Biggs, well-endowed assistant to Mister Fame, enters the stage, sipping on her foamy latte. Yes, we’d all like to sip on her foamy latte, but that’s not what this promo’s about. Well, give me a few beers and I’ll probably be drunk enough to post one up next month.)
(Horror Girl pauses, looking up to Bernice, half expecting the sound of those high heel footsteps to be that of Mister Fame’s. Again, give me a few beers and I’ll probably be able to explain that one. Horror lets out a frustrated zombie groan before turning away and going back to her pacing.)
Bernice Biggs: That’s odd… (She says, glancing around) Where is Mister Fame? After we got off the plane, he said he needed to take care of some business and we haven’t seen him since.
(Horror Girl stops in her steps and then looks to Bernice with a malicious glare. Uncomfortably, Biggs turns around to advert her eyes and stares off screen.)
Bernice Biggs: Ya know, you shouldn’t be so hard on Mister Fame.
(Horror Girl tilts her head; half interested what she has to say this time.)
Bernice Biggs: After all, he did get you that title shot against Ayame. It was you who lost it to Turner.
(Before Bernice could feel the cold and stinging touch of steel chair against her head, Fame comes running down the hall, dressed only in his boxer shorts. Fame quickly snags the chair from Horror’s grip and turns her around. Bernice looks back only to see a near naked Fame holding back an enraged Horror Girl.)
Bernice Biggs: Mister Fame… for the last time, I told you that the only way I’m going to have a threesome with you and Horror is if Black Lung actually wins the lightweight title. In other words, never…..
…
<___< >___>
(Fans across the world suddenly become Blak Lung marks. Seriously, I’ll write it if he wins. Hell, Xyrynth has a porno written out on another site. If she can do it, I can do it too. Only it won’t bore you to tears. Oh shit, I’m breaking the fourth wall! Back to the promo…)
Mister Fame: Huh? Oh, this? No, no! This is what Jonnie Valentine ordered me to do.
Bernice Biggs: Is that… make-up on your face? And look at your arms. They’re all bitten up.
Mister Fame: Y-eah. Jonnie said I had to buy Death Gojira a PSP… I had to deliver it to him dressed up as a clown while being attacked by wild dogs. I…really need to sit down.
Horror Girl: Did you say, Gojira? Did you have a chance to talk with him?
Mister Fame: Well… I couldn’t really get a word in with all the laughing and… being unconscious from all the pain.
(Horror Girl shakes her head and starts to walk away, but just then, bumps into Death Gojira, who's playing with his brand new PSP. Horror Girl hisses, but then realizes who he is and backs up just a little. Gojira “skreeornghks” and dusts his chest off from the living dead Horror Girl left on him and looks up.)
Death Gojira: Skreeeooorrnnnghk! Really ladies… When Jonnie said we could invite a guest to watch the show from backstage, but I don’t think he meant to invite just any hobo from the streets. That is, unless he’s here to audition for Jonnie’s Hardkore World Bum Fight division.
Mister Fame: Gojira? What are you doing here? You said that Valentine would be here waiting to give me the news on what he has planned.
Death Gojira: You know… I’ve known some really stupid people in my life, but you really take the cake. Literally. You take the cake, and you run. And I want my fucking cake back.
Mister Fame: I don’t get what you’re saying.
Death Gojira: (insanely) Skreeeooornghk! Baka! Baka! Baka! BAAAAKKAAAAAA! I was the one that called you, pretending to be Jonnie Valentine! Me! Death Gojira! Desu Gojillllaaaaaah! Muahahaha!
Mister Fame: Ooohhh… that would explain all the skreeornking. Hey wait a minute! You tricked me!
Death Gojira: (calmly) Really? When did you figure this out?
Mister Fame: Not cool, Gojira. I got rabies because of you.
Death Gojira: Relax, Billy Gunn. I just talked with Mister Valentine.
Mister Fame: Really? Are you serious? What did he say?
Death Gojira: Hell if I should know. I was too busy getting my NecroMage-Warrior to level 80 when he was talking. Look, if Hardkore Jonnie has anything planned, he'll do it. Trust me, I've worked for him for years. Just go back to whatever the hell you had planned to do tonight and stop worrying about it.
Mister Fame: Oh… well… okay.
(Gojira nods and takes a few steps back before turning around and heading down the hall.)
Death Gojira: And take your hand out of your fucking pants!
(Fame nearly doubles over as he quickly pulls out his hand from out of his boxers. “How does he fucking do it?” he shouts as Bernice and Horror give Fame a really troubled look.)
Bernice Biggs: Really, do you need to do that in public?
Mister Fame: I… think I have a problem.
(Horror Girl shakes her head and shoves Fame aside as she goes follow Gojira. Scene cuts to Michael Heath standing in the center of the ring)
Michael Heath: "Good evening. Whenever Hardkore World comes to Northern Ireland it is an excellent chance to see the type of action only Hardkore World can present. Since Rotterdam Wrestling Superstars closed it's doors in 2001, the United Kingdom has not been able to see Hardkore wrestling, save for tonight's event. That is however, until now. I am happy to announce that I am opening Hardkore Britan!!"
(Ulster Hall lets out a huge pop and the air horns begin going off)
Michael Heath: "That is correct, for the first time ever. England has it's very own Hardkore World region, and I'd like to thank you here tonight because it is because of your attendance and enthusiasm that Jonnie Valentine has decided to come here to stay!"
(Michael Heath nods in appreciation to the fans as they chant "HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!!" He leaves the ring, waving back to the cheering audience)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow, what an announcement! Hardkore World is expanding to the United Kingdom! It's sure to be a different style of Hardkore! But coming up,...
Phil Blauer: Wait a minute, Boone looks glum! What is it, Matt?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (sighs) Nothin, Unkey Phil.
Phil Blauer: I'm not your uncle, Matthew.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Unkey Phil, it's just that Tammy said some pretty mean things about me in one of her promos from Mexico...
Guillermo O'Bannon: ...actually she did that down the street.
Phil Blauer: Matt, come sit on my lap.
Yolanda Ando: Don't fall for it, Matt.
(Matt sits on Phil's knee, Phil's eyes bulge out from the weight)
Phil Blauer: First of all, Mexico is a very, VERY dirty word. It's for Mommys and Daddy's to say and I never want to hear it coming out of your mouth ever again.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (Shrugs) Yessir.
Phil Blauer: And third of all, always remember that Tammy is a very, VERY nasty girl. She lets very, VERY dirty men put very, VERY filthy things in her very, VERY private place. And when girls do that, they get very, VERY painful infections in very, VERY bad areas of their body. So sometimes they get very, VERY cranky and say very, VERY mean things about very, VERY nice boys. You understand, slugger?
(Phil slides his fist along Boone's chin)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yeah, I think I do.
Phil Blauer: Ok, now run along and get me Ashley's cell number.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (salutes) Yessir!
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Palm Springs, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner defeated Horror Girl in a steel cage match to win the Hardkore World Women's Championship in a match she wasn't even supposed to be in. On the same show, Tamara Sanchez defeated Vagabond to win the first shot at that title. Tonight, in Northern Ireland, they meet in a rematch from San Francisco...
(Video fades out to Tamara Sanchez's title defense against Anjanette Turner in San Francisco, dated 3/7/05)
(Tamara Sanchez climbs out to the apron and slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy hits Turner with a springboard bulldog!! Turner jumps on the second rope and spits on some fans in the front row!
Phil Blauer: Normally they pay for that kind of treatment. I recognize them from group.
---
(Turner fireman's carries Sanchez on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. Anjanette climbs up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner goes for the gut wrench but Sanchez back elbows out of it. She facelocks Turner and delivers a twist of fate off the top rope!!!
--
(Tamara Sanchez pulls something out of her boot and puts her fingers through it. Turner pulls her up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slugs Anjanette Turner across the face with those brass knuckles!
(The Cow Palace crowd cries bloody murder and Sanchez tosses the knucks out of the ring. She covers a ko'd Turner)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
---
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner comes off the second rope with an inverted tornado DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
---
(Anjanette atomic drops Tammy on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Turner steps up onto the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner with a super splash mountain!! She runs into the ropes and handsprings into a moonsault splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Tamara Sanchez puts her foot on the bottom rope)
---
(Horror Girl comes up from behind Tammy and locks in an inverted facelock. She lifts Tammy up and then drops a reversed ace crusher)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl delivers a Oh, The Horror to Sanchez knocking her unconcious!! This is Turner's match for the taking...but Turner isn't covering Tammy. She looks at Horror Girl leaving the ring and grabs her by the waist. She drops Horror Girl back with a backdrop driver!!
---
(Brandi smashes Horror Girl behind the head with her chair, knocking her senseless. She helps Anjanette Turner up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi now here to even up the odds, eliminating Horror Girl from this environment.
(Brandi picks up her chair and bashes Turner in the back of the head with it!! The audience boos)
Phil Blauer: What was that for? Bitch-y.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi ambushes Anjanette Turner! What possible problem could she have with Turner? Or is there something going on between her and Sanchez?
(Brandi atomic drops Turner on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Brandi climbs up to the second rope and waistlocks her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi super backdrop drivers Anjanette Turner on the chair!!
(Tamara Sanchez finally wakes up, and pulls herself up to her feet with the ropes. She surveys the damage. Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner unconcious in the ring and her old enemy Brandi staring at her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi steps out of Sanchez's way, and Tammy climbs to the top rope. She backflips into The 7 Year Inch shooting star press!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The video fades out to present day Belfast when "Operation Midnight" by DJ Shadow plays on the Ulster Hall public address system)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's Jonnie doing here?
Phil Blauer: Maybe he thinks this where the bathroom is again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Still it can't be anything worse than what Bruno does in it.
Phil Blauer: Oh no, I didn't mean to imply that at all.
(Hardkore Jonnie Valentine steps into the ring and takes the house microphone from "Wild" Bill Kasal)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Recently I've been hounded by phone calls from an Arthur Fame. He claims to work for me although I've seen no proof of this. At any rate, this probably deranged fan of Horror Girl has repeatedly asked that she be given a rematch against Hardkore World Women's Champion 'Sexy' Anjanette Turner."
(The Belfast audience boos that idea)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Now normally I would just get my cell phone number changed. But he learned of the new one and filled up my voice mail with those messages too. I wanted to send the little shit to prison for terrorist threats or whatever you can trump charges up to in Bush's America. But some of those on the board say this Arthur Fame kid could be one of those dying children with cancer or SARS or worse. It seems they hold all the power in today's wrestling, and are the only reason John Cena is champion. (addresses the camera) So little Artie, if your watching, I couldn't get your favorite wrestler a title match tonight but don't go runnin in to that white light just yet. I've done the next best thing."
("Haunted" by Evanescance plays and Horror Girl begins walking down to the ring with her mummy wrapping painted with black stripes to make it look like a referee outfit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl getting to be the special referee for tonight's match?
Phil Blauer: Nothing get's past you, eh?
(Horror Girl steps into the ring and passes an Hardkore Jonnie Valentine. Jonnie pats her on the shoulder and a cloud of dust rises up. He smiles and wipes his hand off on her. Suddenly the lights in Ulster Hall start to flicker, the pyros explode and “Alive” by Saliva hits)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy won that match and is hoping to win tonight's to reclaim her Hardkore World Women's Championship. But in that match she had some help from Horror Girl and Brandi. Can she do it on her own with Horror Girl as the referee?
(A red spotlight points on the entrance showing a Tamara Sanchez who’s not moving. The Belfast fans boo her as she lifts her head presenting the 2 crosses painted under her eyes)
Yolanda Ando: She walks down the ramp slowly in her new outfit consisting of ripped jeans, a black shirt saying “fuck me” on the front and “fuck you” on the back. She’s wearing her hair in black dreadlocks, with hazelnut-brown eyes. On her left biceps she has a snake-tattoo, on her back a broken heart.
Phil Blauer: She got that tattoo for Bruno, but I think Bruno's got the broken heart after what Stan "The Tank" Wilson did to him earlier tonight. Not to mention the guy selling all those "Black Xperience" t-shirts.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez has just as much of a history with Horror Girl as Anjanette does, defeating her in a tables, ladders, and chairs match in Vegas and a fourway triple cage match with Xyrynth & Anj they had in Los Angeles.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Horror Girl. Featuring first, from New York City, New York; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Ulster Hall louts a loud wave of boos, and Sanchez flips them off. Then "GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the jeers turn to cheers. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner walks out with the Hardkore World Championship strapped around her waist, slapping the fans' hands on the way down the aisle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The first ever four time Hardkore World Women's Champion Anjanette Turner had some fierce battles here with Makoto Jupiter and Velvet and the locals remember those matches well.
Phil Blauer: These people don't remember where the hell they're parked.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner defeated Horror Girl for the title she wears right now not to mention the cat collar steel cage match they had at Palm Springs Punishment. Plus they had that triple cage match in Los Angeles. She can't feel good about her being the referee in this match.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anj Turner is a light skinned African American female with shoulder length dark brown hair. She wears a red two peice bathing suit, red boots, hair in a pony tail.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, now residing in Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(Ulster Hall roars as Anjanette Turner holds her belt up over her head while standing on the second rope. She nervously hands the belt to Horror Girl, who holds it up for the crowd and then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy and Anj lock up and Turner does a go behind. She runs her into the ropes and falls back into a backroll press cradle!
Referee Horror Girl: 1...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner gets behind her with a kataha-jime choke, and spins her around. Peters checks in to see if she taps but can't get around to her since Anj is spinning her so fast!
(Anjanette drops to the mat and wraps her legs around Tammy's body, reapplying the tazmission. After a few agonizing moments, she stands up and grabs Tammy by the legs. She turns her over into a scorpion deathlock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner bridges backwards into a crossface while maintaing the sharpshooter! Turner rocks back & forth, pulling her head back towards her toes.
(The Northern Irish crowd roots Anjanette on as she bends Tamara in half. Anjanette Turner then releases her legs and pulls her head into her legs. She pulls her up into a powerbomb but Sanchez rolls out of it into an RKO!! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez took advantage of the natural high Turner's riding on with this audience. She irish whips Anjanette into the ropes and belly to belly suplexes her!
Referee Horror Girl: 1...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez twists Turner's arm. She braces her wrist and then gives it another turn to force a begging Anjanette on her knees.
Phil Blauer: That's kinda hot.
Yolanda Ando: Shut up, Phil...actually, you're right.
(Sanchez grabs Turner by her ponytail and yanks her back to the mat. The audience boos. Sanchez climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner shakes the ropes and crotches Sanchez on the top turnbuckle. Turner climbs to the second rope and gut wrench superplexes her!! She makes the cover!
Referee Horror Girl: 1........2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner gets a slow count from Horror Girl and snarls at her. She applies an STF with an armbar to Sanchez! Sanchez screams out in pain while Turner pulls up on her arm. Horror Girl stalks the two of them, surely making them nervous.
Phil Blauer: Not as nervous as Ron Reid can make you. Just staring at you with those beady eyes and coffee & smokes breath...
(Anjanette yanks up on Tammy's chicken winged arm and yells at Horror Girl, "Ask her!" Horror Girl just snarls back at her. So Anjanette then pulls Sanchez up to her feet and double chicken wings her arms into a full nelson then lifts her up in the air. The Belfast audience pops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner going after Tammy's arms, bouncing her up & down on her hammerlocked arms!
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl's not asking her if she wants to submit, but if Anj breaks both her arms I doubt there's gonna be any doubt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner hoists her up even higher on her bent arms, and then pitches her forward onto her bosoms, which is a uniquely painful bump for women wrestlers.
Phil Blauer: How so?
Yolanda Ando: Imagine being dropped on your balls.
Phil Blauer: Oh, ok, so like what I refer to as a "tuesday night at Denny's"?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez ducks under a right hand from Turner and atomic drops her facefirst into the turnbuckle! She turns Anj around, grabs the ropes and rams her shoulder into her stomach. Tammy climbs to the second rope and hops off with a tornado DDT!
(The fans boo Tammy as she irish whips Turner into the ropes. Sanchez dips down for a backdrop but Anjanette double underhooks her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls her up into a running michinoku driver I!! She front facelocks Sanchez's face and wraps her legs around Tammy's hurting arm and drops down to the mat in a grounded facelock.
Phil Blauer: You have to hand it to Anj.
Yolanda Ando: She's really wearing down the arm of the former champion.
Phil Blauer: Is she? I was talking to how well her butt has held up to being unemployed for three years. You can bounce a quarter off that thing! Guillermo, hand me a quarter!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Quarter?? I work here, dude.
Phil Blauer: Boone!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (going through his prized coin collection) What commemorative state edition?
Phil Blauer: Texas! (Boone hands him the quarter) Hmm, it says "If you can read this, You don't live here." And it's only worth 17 cents.
(Phil flicks the quarter at Anjanette's ass, she shoots a look at Phil, who points at Boone. Anjanette clamps down on Sanchez's windpipe and squeezes Tammy's arm between her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy lurches forward and pushes Anj's shoulders to the mat.
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2...(Anjanette rolls forward in the grounded facelock with arm scissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy gets a fast count there from Horror Girl but Anjanette still able to reapply the submission hold. She releases her and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Tammy stands up and Anj flips over her in a blockbuster!! She covers her!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette grabs Tammy by the leg Brandi broke in Seattle, and spins around & down into a figure four leglock!
(Sanchez sits up in agony, her fists balled up in pain. She clutches at her injured leg, and tries to pull Anj's legs loose. Turner rocks back on Tammy's twisted legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy rolls over on to her stomach and reverses the figure four. She squeezes on Anj's leg for a change until Turner gets to the ropes. Sanchez pulls her up onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry and spins her forward into a samoan driver!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez gut wrenches Sanchez into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl:1-2...thr-(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez turns Anjanette over into a canadian maple leaf half crab! She pulls back on Turner's leg as Horror Girl keeps asking her if she wants to tap out, and slapping her!
(The audience boos. Sanchez plants her boot and yanks backwards on Turner's leg. Horror Girl gives Turner a stomp and breaks up the canadian maple leaf. Sanchez pulls Turner up onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry and walks her over to the corner. She sits her on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the second rope and lifts her up on her shoulders, super death valley driver!! She covers Turner!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez grabs Turner by her leg again, but Anjanette works her way up to her feet. She swings her other leg around into an enzuigiri kick to Tamara's temple!
(The audience comes alive and Anjanette Turner scoops her up and then drops down into a corkscrew tombstone piledriver! She climbs back up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette comes off the top with a huracanrana and cradles the leg on the way down!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner pulls Tammy up in a suplex then drops her down into a falcon arrow!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner applies another kataha-jime crossface choke. She ties up their legs and drops back into a tazmission legsweep! She then wraps her legs around Sanchez with another kataha-jime!
(The crowd cheers as Tammy's face turns red from lack of oxygen. Horror Girl doesn't ask Sanchez if she wants to tap out, just points and threatens some of the fans. Anjanette releases the chokehold and gets up. She walks over to Horror Girl and spins her around, asking "What the hell is going on here??")
Phil Blauer: Anjanette giving Horror Girl the what-for!
Guillermo O'Bannon: She turns around into a spear from Tamara Sanchez! Sanchez drives Turner's face into the mat with a rocker dropper! She climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a headbutt to Turner's face!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-thr-(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette almost lost the match there due to Horror Girl's increasingly fast counts. Sanchez scoops her up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker.
(Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle. Anjanette Turner gets to her feet and slugs her in the stomach, crotching Sanchez on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook. The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner climbs to the second rope and belly to belly superplexes her!! She shoots Tammy into the ropes and drops her on her head with a belly to belly brainbuster!!
(The crowd is electric, and Anjanette Turner climbs up to the top rope from inside the ring. She backflips into a moonsault splash!! Ulster Hall is deafening)
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls her up into a powerbomb but Sanchez reverses it into a huracanrana!! She scoops Anjanette up and body slams her. Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope and then flips her six ways from sunday with a flying headscissors!
(The audience boos, and Sanchez scoops Turner up but Anj falls behind her in an inverted facelock. Anjanette whips her around into a test drive neckbreaker! The fans are back to cheering)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette handsprings into a backflip splash!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner powerbombs Sanchez then uses his arms & legs to pull her up into a second powerbomb!! A third powerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner shoots her into the ropes, and back body drops her high in the air but Sanchez lands on her feet behind her. Sanchez blasts her upside her head with a superkick!
(The crowd jeers and boos, while Sanchez climbs out to the apron. She jumps up onto the middle of the top rope and springboard bulldogs her!! She pulls her up into a side suplex)
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope but Anjanette Turner shakes the ropes and crotches her on the top turnbuckle. Turner steps up to the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez. She lifts her up into an inverted crucifix and pitches her forward into a reverse splash mountain off the second rope!!
(Audience comes alive, cheering wildly. Anjanette Turner pulls Sanchez up by her dreadlocks and then waistlocks her. Anjanette drops her on the back of the head with a backdrop driver!! Tammy folds like an accordian, and then Anj steps on the back of Sanchez's knees and pulls her up into an inverted surfboard)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner bounces Tamara Sanchez's calves on her own, while pulling her head back towards her. Horror Girl turns her back to Sanchez's screams of pain, not caring if she wants to submit. Anjanette sees the futility of trying to make Tammy tap and gut wrenches her up into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off the top with a leaping roundhouse kick!
(Fans chant "ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!" Turner grabs two handfuls of Sanchez's hair and tosses her over the top rope to the floor. Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner comes off the top with a huracanrana but Sanchez catches her by the legs and powerbombs her on the concrete!! Tammy steps up on the apron, hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault that rocks Turner into the railing!!
(Ulster Hall boos as Tamara Sanchez slides into the front row audience. Tammy rolls into the ring and runs into the ropes. Tammy baseball slides under the ropes, hooks her head with her feet, and takes her over into a helicopter rana on the cement!! The crowd continues to jeer while Tammy pulls a table out and sets it up on The Ulster Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls Turner on the table and stands up there with her. Tamara DDTs Anjanette Turner through the table!!
(Audience continues to yell obscenities at Tamara Sanchez. She pulls Turner up into a waistlock, and then belly to back suplexes the back of her head into the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls back into the ring and sits Anjanette on the top turnbuckle. She climbs up to the second turnbuckles, but Anjanette blasts her with a forearm smash that sends her back to the mat! Anjanette comes off the top rope with a spinning rana!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle again and somersault leg drops her!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......thr- (Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sexy Anj would have had her there if Horror Girl wouldn't count like, like...
Phil Blauer: A zombie?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Tammy's head into her legs and lifts her up into a gory special. She then pitches her forward into a gory bomb!! She covers her but Horror Girl isn't counting!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos and Horror Girl pulls her up in a front facelock. She runs up the turnbuckles into a spinning DDT!! The fans boo even louder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl attacking "Sexy" Anjanette Turner!
Phil Blauer: Mike Peters would never do this unless Turner was too drunk to resist!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl gut wrenches Anjanette into a tigerbomb!! She lifts her up into a crucifix then drops her chestfirst into a flapjack!!
(Horror Girl chomps down on Anjanette's ear, and then begins headbutting her bloody ear! Horror Girl then shoots her into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts her up into a spinebuster and turns it into a DDT!
(The audience comes alive, and Horror Girl rolls out of the ring. Turner rolls out of the ring and retrieves a chair. She rolls back in and measures Horror Girl)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner blasts Horror Girl with that chair, putting a dent in the frame!!
(Horror Girl drops like a sack of hammers and rolls out of the ring. Anjanette Turner spikes the chair down and starts yelling at an unconcious Horror Girl lying on the Ulster Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez whacks Turner in the back of the head with that chair!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed, 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez sets the chair up in the center of the ring and then shoots her into the ropes. Tammy tiltawhirls her into a powerslam on that standing chair!!
(Audience pops and Tamara hooks Anjanette's leg, but there's no referee to count. Sanchez pounds the mat in frustration, then pulls her onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez drops Turner in an FU on the chair!! Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle, she front flips into a 450 splash!! Again, no one to count!
(Tamara Sanchez curses in english, spanish, german, and ancient Egyptian. She sits Anjanette Turner on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner cracks Sanchez in the nose with a stiff shot and then inverted facelocks her while standing on the second rope. She jumps off with The Turner Tornado reverse DDT!!!
(Mike Peters runs down from the dressing room and slides into the ring. Anjanette sees him and hooks Tammy's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays as the fans in Ulster Hall jump up to their feet in celebration. Mike Peters hands Anjanette the title belt, and she holds it up for the cheering fans)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: After some dubious problems with the referee, Turner has won this match after twenty minutes of feirce battling with the former champion. The score is now tied between the two of them!
(Tamara Sanchez argues with Mike Peters about the two pinfall attempts she had that no one counted. His answers don't satisfy her so she hits him low, gaining boos from the Northern Irish crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy, as usual, not taking this too well. But Anjanette Turner hangs the title over her shoulder and points at Tammy...Horror Girl comes up behind Anjanette with Oh, the Horror!!
(Sanchez gets out of the ring, smacking fans' hands away from her. Horror Girl pumphandles Anjanette on her shoulder and drops her down onto knee with a shoulderbreaker! Turner cries out in pain and clutches her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner had her arm worked down by Tamara Sanchez all night and that pumphandle shoulderbreaker may have done some major damage to it!
(Mr. Fame and Bernice Biggs run down to the ring and drag Horror Girl back to the locker room. Anjanette Turner rolls around the mat, holding her shoulder. EMTs try to attend to it but she's moving too much)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hope you pissed and did your last beer run for the night, because our next match is sure to go an hour. It's a sixty minute marathon match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship. It all started in a threeway dance between Nick Cairo, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, and current Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Syberus. Syberus pinned Vastrix to win the Ring Syndicate World Cruiserweight title then defeated him in a subsequent title defense.
Phil Blauer: As we all know, Vastrix greatest weapon, besides the nut shots, is his armada of hangers-on.
Guillermo O'Bannon: So Syberus has enlisted the help of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly. But will he be able to after the vicious shot he took from that stainless steel singapore cane earlier tonight against The Shootfighter?
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and Ulster Hall becomes a warzone as fans begin throwing beer cups, water bottles, and full soda cans. Redheaded freckled children cry as their parents hold their hands over their ears. Tarrasque walks out eating some corned beef and makes sure it's safe first. He catches a full cup of soda to the chest and the ice goes everywhere. He waves Lucius Morgan and Jeremiah Vastrix on and tries to make himself a human umbrella from all the beer, garbage, and spit coming from the fans. One guy gets lucky and pours a full beer over Morgan's head & expensive suit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Northern Ireland has always hated The Warhammer Corporation since it's founder wore a leprechaun suit and threw Lucky Charms at the audience during Takeda Yokusuda's match with Rex Rampage. Yokusuda won the match when Allen used a super soaker filled with immonia to blind him. Tonight he tries to shut these screaming drunk maniacs for an entire hour, if he hopes to win the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
Phil Blauer: With all that spit hanging from his eyebrows, they kind of look like icicles. It's almost Christmasy.
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix wearing an orange formfitting bodysuit looking to enrage the catholic members of the audience.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following is a 60 Minute Marathon Match is for the HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Tarrasque, and his manager, Lucius Morgan; (Ulster Hall boos) from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
(The crowd boos and continues to throw cup and wadded up programs at the ring. Then “This Celluloid Dream” by AFI plays and the audience celebrates. Syberus steps out through the curtain with the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship title belt strapped around his waist. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly limps behind him with a bandage over his eye)
Guillermo O'Bannon: An Englishman usually wouldn't get this good an ovation here...
Phil Blauer: Yeah, they pantsed Davey Boy and made him wrestle the entire match with a beer can in his ass.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Still it was his best match ever. But the fact that Syberus is wrestling Vastrix and has buddied up with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly has endeared him to these Belfast fans. Syberus definately has the endurance for this type of match, which he proved when he won that title in an eightway match in Seattle.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus is wearing dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. The Light Heavyweight title is around his waist.
Phil Blauer: In a sport so bent on divisive attitudes, like Russians who still hate the US, and Vince's continuing project to get us to resent French Canadians for talking funny, it's inspiring to finally meet a wrestler calling for unity. (wipes a tear) Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (dabs Phil's eye) Your sensitivity is your strength, and your curse, sir.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Accompanied to the ring by 'Giant' Baba O'Reilly, (Ulster Hall pops) from The Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 232 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
(Crowd cheers Syberus. Syberus hands his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title belt to Ron Reid. He holds it up and then signals for the bell. After well wishing their men, Tarrasque, O'Reilly, and Morgan join Kasal leaving the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus locks up with Jeremiah Vastrix and then drives a knee into his stomach. He bangs some forearm smashes across Vastrix's back & neck.
(Syberus grabs Vastrix's arm and hammerlocks it behind him. Vastrix tries to back elbow him, but Syberus ducks and wrenches on Jeremiah's arm some more. Lucius Morgan shouts instructions from ringside on how to escape)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus yanks Vastrix down to the mat by the hair and applies a keylock to his arm. He holds his arm down and then kneedrops it. Vastrix tries to get to his knees, but Syberus keeps him down with a knee to the back of his head and cinches in an armbar even harder.
(Air horns go off all over Ulster Hall. Ron Reid checks to see if Vastrix wants to tap out while Syberus cranks up on his arm. Vastrix works his way to his feet, but Syberus hangs on to his arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus clamps down on Vastrix's armbarred arm. Vastrix grabs a hold of Syberus' hair and Ron Reid gives him to the count of five to let go.
Phil Blauer: Syberus should call his bluff and see if Ron can get that high.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix instead scoops him up and bodyslams him to get free of the armbar. Vastrix runs up the turnbuckles, hops onto the middle of the top rope and comes off with the Monkey's Kick of the Western Sigil!!
(Ulster Hall boos while Lucius Morgan & Tarrasque applaud on the outside. Vastrix kips up and chops Syberus in the throat with a knife edge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix inside cradles a gurgling Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix then applies an armbar of his own. Syberus works his way to his feet, so Vastrix turns it into an arm twist. He then hooks back with a thrust kick to Syberus' face!
(The Belfast crowd boos Vastrix. Jeremiah goes for a suplex but Syberus floats behind him and runs him into the ropes. The both roll back into a bridging backroll press)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2....(Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus down by the tights into a backroll press)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix reverses Syberus' reversal but Syberus fixes that with a hard spear to his guts!
(Syberus applies a half Nelson with one arm, with the other a hammerlock is held in place. Vastrix is flat, face down in the canvas. Syberus grinds Vastrix's face into the mat while pulling up on his aching arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus continuing to wear down Vastrix's arm with the European Three-Quarter Nelson. He presses Vastrix's face into the canvas while chicken winging that arm. He releases the one arm while holding on to the hammerlocked one and applies a dragon sleeper.
(Syberus bends his face back and wrenches up on his chicken winged arm, making Vastrix cry out in pain. Tarrasque pounds on the apron, trying to root him on and the fans boo him. When he's satisfied with the damage he's done lets him loose just long enough to apply a figure four armlock)
Phil Blauer: Syberus trying to make good on his threat to break Jeremiah's arm!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He didn't threaten to do that.
Phil Blauer: Oh wait, that was me he threatened. A little free advice from your Uncle Phil folks, "Tea Time" might sound silly & adorable to us but Englophiles take it very seriously. When I made a harmless joke, I thought Cyrus was gonna choke on his biscotti biscuits.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus.
Phil Blauer: What did I say?
(Syberus clamps down on Vastrix's twisted arms and Jeremiah kicks his heels into the mat in pain. Ron Reid asks Jeremiah if he wants to give up and he shakes his head. The audience cheers Syberus. Syberus locks his legs around Vastrix's head while maintaining the udi-garami on his arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus switches it up with a St. George Double Hold.
Phil Blauer: So named for the King of England that lost Ireland.
Guillermo O'Bannon: King George lost the American colonies.
Phil Blauer: I don't think so. King Ralph lost those, but deep down he meant well so everyone loved him anyway.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I still have the collector's glass that Burger King gave out of him. I collect all John Goodman memorabilia. Sometimes when my friends come for sleepovers we sleep in a tent I made out of his suit from Blues Brothers 2000.
Phil Blauer: Is that what that was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus squeezes Vastrix's head between those powerful thighs while continuing the figure four leglock on those aching arms of God's Gift. Syberus clamps down on his head even harder, but Vastrix rolls him onto his shoulders!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Syberus releases the St. George double hold)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix knife edge punches Syberus in the ribs several times. He grabs Syberus by the hair from behind and pulls the back of his head into his knee!
(The crowd boos and Jeremiah Vastrix tries to shake some feeling into his arm. After getting some blood back in there, he presses Syberus over his head. He angles him just so, then drops him into a diamond cutter!! The Belfast fans boo even louder while Vastrix covers him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix atomic drops Syberus on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. He climbs to the second turnbuckle behind him but Syberus elbows him in the face. Vastrix crashes to the mat, and Syberus wobbily stands on his feet. He hops backwards to nail Vastrix in the face with a flying back elbow!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop!! Vastrix gets back to his knees, but Syberus gets behind him with a double keylock to both his arms. Vastrix growls in pain, looking for an escape)
Phil Blauer: Syberus going to the arm like Vince goes to the race card. Automatic.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix may want to give up here, and live to fight another day...or the rest of the hour as it were. Syberus now turns it into a double chicken wing. Ron Reid right in position to see if Vastrix wants to give up.
(With Vastrix on his knees, Syberus pulls up on both of his wrists trying to get a submission out of God's Gift. He then lets it go and slaps Jeremiah on the back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with a few karate chops to Vastrix's back as he gets back up to his feet. He irish whips him but Vastrix reverses it and shoots him into the ropes. He sweep kicks Syberus in the ankle and sends him tumbling through the ropes to the floor!
(The crowd boos, and Tarrasque spears him into the ringsteps! Lucius Morgan then fireman's carries Syberus up on his shoulders. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes over to interfere but Tarrasque clips his knee out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix's manager, Lucius Morgan drops Syberus' throat on the guardrail! Tarrasque rolls him back into the ring and Vastrix double chicken wings him. He then sweep kicks his ankle and drives him facefirst to the mat with a Sage's Slam of the Ancient Ring!!
(Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus' head into his legs but Syberus backdrops him! He slugs Vastrix in the stomach, then hits him with a text book suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix blocks another closed fist and counters with a palm strike to Syberus' nose. Vastrix presses him in the air, drops him in a Stock Market Crash spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a hanging suplex then drops his head on his knee with a Uber Knee Lift!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes even, JEREMIAH VASTRIX HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 1-0 VASTRIX."
(Vastrix holds up his good arm, while the over two thousand drunken, rowdy Irishmen boo. Lucius Morgan does motions for Vastrix to slow the match down)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix is in the beginning stages of a sleeper hold but Syberus drops down to his knees in a jawbreaker. He quickly takes advantage with an abdominal stretch.
(Vastrix shakes his head when Ron Reid asks him if he wants to tap out. Syberus sticks his foot down and wrenches back on Jeremiah's lower body)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus turns the abdominal stretch into a backslide!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus smacks Jeremiah Vastrix upside the head with a shining wizard! He kicks Vastrix in the back of the leg, and another one to the back of his knee, and a third one takes Vastrix off his feet. He spins Vastrix's leg around into a figure four leglock! Vastrix broke that leg last year against Kilroy Evans!
(Ulster Hall fills with "WOOOO"s as Syberus rocks back on the figure four. Vastrix sits up and tries to loosen Syberus' legs but they are locked in. Vastrix reaches out for help from Morgan or Tarrasque, but Syberus tightening the hold gets Jeremiah's attention back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix is finally able to get to the ropes and Syberus breaks the figure four. Vastrix limps up to his feet, and Syberus kicks him right in the ass!
(The fans all roar with laughter, while Vastrix tries to limp away. Syberus dropkicks Vastrix in the kneecap to stop his progress. Vastrix limps up to his feet again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus goes to kick Vastrix's knee again but Jeremiah blocks it and counters with a roundhouse kick of his own! He grabs Syberus' leg and turns it around into a spinning toe hold.
Phil Blauer: Vastrix looking to do some Nature Boying of his own. And I don't mean leaving a dead hooker in Jimmy Snuka's trunk as a rib.
(The audience "WOOO"s again but then Vastrix just stomps on Syberus' knee and flips them off with his good arm. Ulster Hall rocks with boos. Syberus gets to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix blasts Syberus in the jaw with a knife edge uppercut. Syberus responds with an elbow to Syberus' stomach and then an uppercut of his own!
(The air horns make their appearence again from the loud audience. Syberus twists Vastrix over into a neckbreaker. He grabs Vastrix's hurting leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulls back on Vastrix's leg while Jeremiah reaches out for the ropes. He plants his foot and yanks Jeremiah's leg backwards. Jeremiah grabs Syberus' leg and trips him. Vastrix gets up and pops Syberus under the chin with a uppercut kick!
(Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a hanging suplex. He spins him around and then drops him in a sidewider suplex! Belfast has some boos for him. Vastrix headlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix runs out to the center of the ring and bulldogs Syberus' stomach on his knee! He irish whips Syberus into the ropes, but Syberus ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker!
(Crowd cheers, and Syberus squeezes him with a bearhug from behind. He attempts to squeeze all the air out of Vastrix's chest and not give him any ability to get any new air)
Phil Blauer: What's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bearhug.
Phil Blauer: Why's he doing it...from the back?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I guess that's how they do it in England.
Phil Blauer: That explains alot.
(Vastrix tries to back elbow him but Syberus ducks it, and falls behind with a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus drags Vastrix over to the side of the cornerpost, crotching him into the ringpost. He rams Vastrix's leg into the post! He grabs a chair and smashes it into Vastrix's leg!!
(Vastrix clutches his leg and howls in pain. Syberus rolls back into the ring and comes at Jeremiah with a thez press but Vastrix catches him and drops his throat on the top rope! Syberus' head snaps back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix wheelbarrows Syberus up by the legs then punt kicks him in the balls! The fans get on his case a little, and he irish whips Syberus only to just yank him down by the arm again.
Phil Blauer: That was mean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a side suplex and drops his back across his knee. He loops his leg around his own and drops down to his knee into a vertical Trap of the One Thousand Purgatories STF!! Vastrix tries to choke off all of Syberus' air while pulling him back by the head.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Syberus wants to tap out but the Englishman refuses. Ulster Hall boos while Lucius Morgan & Tarrasque tries to unsuccessfully drown them out with his applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls Syberus up into a front facelock but Syberus turns it into a northern lights suplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus headlocks Vastrix. This is good he needs to slow this match down to last the entire hour. He grinds his forearm into Vastrix's temple, then takes him over onto the mat. He then goes back to that worn down arm with another hammerlock.
(Syberus works down his aching arm pulling up on his chicken winged arm. Vastrix slaps his shoulder trying to get some feeling back in it. Syberus then locked in double under-hook stretch and then drops to one knee, burying the other into Vastrix's abdomen. He then tweaks their arms upward)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sunday Morning!! Syberus has his submission finisher locked in on those weakened arms of Jeremiah Vastrix! He leans back with Vastrix's arms double underhooked in his arms. Lucius Morgan jumps on the apron to distract Ron Reid!
(Ron Reid demands that Morgan get down from the apron. Meanwhile, Jeremiah Vastrix is giving up with no one to hear it. Syberus turns his head to call Reid over and Vastrix uses the distraction to backdrop him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix runs into the ropes but Syberus takes him out with a gorgeous dropkick! He gets behind God's Gift and applies a dragon sleeper. He plants his feet and leans back on Vastrix's head.
(Tarrasque tries to jump into interfere but Lucius Morgan stops him. Jeremiah Vastrix refuses to submit, so Syberus readjusts and gets a better grip. After a few agonizing moments, Vastrix releases the dragon sleeper and sits on his back. He wraps Vastrix's arms around his legs and then pulls his head back into a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: After successfully wearing down all of Jeremiah's extremities, it seems the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion is now going after Jeremiah's neck. Syberus rocking back with his opponent's face in his hands. He then pulls him up and shoots him into the ropes, powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
(Syberus looks up hesitantly at the top turnbuckle, then climbs up to the top. Suddenly from out of the audience, Blak Lung hops out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung up on the apron and pulls Syberus down by the leg, crotching him on the top rope steel cable hook! Jeremiah Vastrix climbs up to the second turnbuckle and piledrives him off the second rope with the Pogostick!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 35 minutes 3 seconds; JEREMIAH VASTRIX HAS SCORED ANOTHER FALL. THE SCORE IS 2-0 VASTRIX."
Phil Blauer: And just like that the overconfident champion is down two falls with less than twenty five minutes to go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung costs him that fall.
Phil Blauer: Maybe he still thinks they have a match together tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a fireman's carry but Syberus flips around in a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus applies a full nelson while Vastrix is on his side. He presses down on Vastrix's neck and then sits on his back turning it into a cattle mutilation!
(Syberus sticks his feet and arches back with Vastrix's head & arms. He then pulls him up into an inverted facelock. Then he drops him in a reverse DDT)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus grabs Vastrix by the leg and turns him over into a texas cloverleaf.
Phil Blauer: Syberus popping every disc in Vastrix's back but no happy ending here!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus gets low and pulls back on Vastrix's twisted legs, and Blak Lung makes another appearence, but "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes to cut him off.
(The Ulster Hall roars, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly folds his arms in front of Syberus while he continues the texas cloverleaf. Blak Lung backs down, and he leaves the ring. The fans throw garbage at Blak Lung as he tries to escape through the audience. He thinks better of it and goes out through the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly turns around and grabs Syberus by the throat!
(Fans react with a gasp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Syberus up on his shoulder, then powerbombs him from seven feet in the air!! Syberus brought him in to help!
Phil Blauer: That doesn't seem to be working out.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a bearhug while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes off the ropes with My Left Foot to the head!!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly waves back at them then screams "England is the REAL enemy!")
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix single underhooks Syberus into a Pure Confidence DDT!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vastrix knife edge chops Syberus in the jaw, and then again in the throat! He runs into the ropes and sunset flips Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus claps his legs together on Vastrix’s head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus ducks under another karate chop and german suplexes Vastrix!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus sits Vastrix up on the top turnbuckle, and climbs to the second rope. Superplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus half nelson crossfaces him and drops back to the mat with a body scissors. Kataha-jime!! Jeremiah Vastrix reaching out for help but no ones there! He's starting to fade out...he taps!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 43 minutes 27 seconds; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 2-1 VASTRIX."
(The audience cheers while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks out of the ring area up the aisleway. He points at Syberus who screams obscenities at him from the ring. Vastrix sneaks up begind him and school boy cradles him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix stomps Syberus in the mouth. Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle, backflips into a moonsault double ax handle smash to his face!! He holds his face down with his forearm for another pin attempt.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix hooks him up in a russian leg sweep, but Syberus blocks it and reverses it into a half nelson facebuster! Syberus grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(Syberus pulls back by both legs, getting low. Vastrix does a push up, but Syberus yanks his legs back further to cut off any escape. He releases the crab and pulls him up into a hanging suplex. Syberus drops it down into a brainbuster! The confused Belfast audience cheers, as Syberus covers Vastrix)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus punches Vastrix in the face then blasts him with a blistering series of chops. He lands a few kicks and knees that send Vastrix to his knees, but Vastrix springs up with a heart punch uppercut! Vastrix then fires back with a palm strike to the nose.
Phil Blauer: It's a slugfest!
(Jeremiah Vastrix knife edge chops his fingers into Syberus' floating ribs. Syberus then cracks Vastrix with three karate chops to his chest that you can hear throughout Ulster Hall. He thumbs Vastrix in the eye, and slaps him in the face! The Northern Irish crowd gives out an "Oooooh")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix charges him but Syberus catches him with a flapjack! He gets on top of him with a Hadaka-jimi choke. Vastrix's face turns red from lack of oxygen as Syberus attempts to choke him out a second time.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out, while Vastrix tries to get his fingers underneath Syberus' arm. He pulls Vastrix up and shoots him into the ropes, and Vastrix comes back with a leaping roundhouse kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix military presses Syberus over his head, then drops him on his shoulder, into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus up on his shoulder and then hits him with a stiff powerbomb!! Jeremiah cradles his legs!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix climbs to the second rope, but Syberus runs and catches his face in a three quarter nelson and Highlight Cutters him off the second rope!!
(Belfast nearly blows the roof off of Ulster Hall, and Syberus clotheslines Vastrix! He runs into the ropes and knocks him down a second time with another clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with another clothesline that sends Vastrix down to one knee. Syberus kicks him down to the mat with one foot. He hooks him up and dumps him behind with a vertical exploder!!
(Syberus sits Vastrix on the top turnbuckle and then climbs outside onto the apron. He gets up on the top turnbuckle behind Jeremiah Vastrix and half nelsons him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus half nelson facebusters Jeremiah Vastrix off the top rope!! He rolls him over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The Ulster crowd cheers, and Syberus weakly holds his arm up in triumph)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 51 minutes 1 second; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS NOW TIED."
Phil Blauer: With less than nine minutes to go, Syberus has tied things up!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He pulls Vastrix up by the hair and goes for a punch, but Vastrix blocks it and uses his momentum to punch back in Syberus' sternum. He lifts Syberus up into a vertical suplex then brainbusters him on his knee!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He headlocks Syberus and then runs into the center of the ring with a bulldog! He wheelbarrows Syberus' legs and kicks him in the balls again!
(Vastrix climbs to the top rope from inside the ring, but Syberus pushes him forward and crotches him on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Syberus climbs to the second rope and waistlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with a super backdrop driver!! He covers Jeremiah Vastrix!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus crotch ties his arm through Vastrix's own legs and pumphandle slams him. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle with wobbly legs...moonsault!!
(Ulster Hall gives Syberus a standding ovation as he hooks Vastrix's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus grabs Vastrix by his aching arm and twisting it. Vastrix then twists it back and superkicks Syberus!
(Audience boos, and Vastrix pulls his head back by the hair on to his knee. He then double chicken wings Syberus and drives him facefirst into the mat! Jeremiah Vastrix then climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix comes off the top with Corparate Heels but Syberus moves out of the way of the stomp! Syberus gets behind him with a cobra clutch. Jeremiah Vastrix is fading fast!
(The fans are on their feet, as Syberus squeezes the back of Vastrix's neck. Vastrix goes down to one knee, as Syberus tries to get him to tap before the time limit expires)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus lifts Vastrix up in a suplex then drops him into a neckbreaker! He climbs to the top rope and comes down across Vastrix's neck with a leg drop!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus front facelock gutbusters Vastrix's stomach on his knee, then turns it into a single underhook for The Pure Confidence DDT!! He covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 57 minutes 13 seconds; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 3-2 SYBERUS."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus has pulled ahead, he sets up Jeremiah Vastrix for a suplex. But Vastrix blocks it with his calf, and responds with a suplex of his own. He climbs up to the top rope and moonsaults him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pops Syberus in the face with an ankle uppercut! Vastrix irish whips Syberus into the ropes and dips down for a backdrop, but Syberus DDTs him!
(Syberus full nelsons him and then drives his ass into the mat with a bubbabomb! Vastrix staggers up, clutching his ass and Syberus small packages him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "One Minute Remaining in the Match!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix must get a fall to send this into overtime! Syberus runs into the ropes, but Lucius Morgan trips him. Vastrix presses Syberus over his head and drops him in an another ace crusher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls him up into another powerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a double stomp to Syberus' face with his Corporate Heels finisher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr-(The bell rings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus is saved by the bell!
(The audience cheers as Jeremiah Vastrix rises to his feet with his good arm raised, thinking he won)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "THE WINNER OF THE MARATHON MATCH, WITH THE SCORE AT 3-2, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
("This Celluloid Dream" by AFI plays while Lucius Morgan and Tarrasque argue with Ron Reid. Syberus grabs his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title belt and lofts it over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus was able to win it in the last ten minutes, but one wonders if Ron Reid's count had been a little faster...
Phil Blauer: Then we'd be listening to R. Kelly. Count your blessings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus now goes back to Phoenix, Arizona to defend his Light Heavyweight title against Blak Lung.
***commercial***
Phil Blauer Records Presents...
DJ Weak
The man who brought you such chart topping dance singles like It's "Time to Get Weak", "Only the Weakest", "Weak Rhymes", and "Are You Weak Enough?" brings you his most anticipated record yet.
New Album: "It's Gettin Weak in Here" drops August 14th
***commercial***
(Fade out to Yolanda Ando backstage)
Yolanda Ando: Ya know alot of people ask me, as the only girl on the Hardkore World announce team, are you treated differently? If by "differently" you mean great, than you'd be right.
(Cut to the breakfast table. Guillermo's hungover and spooning oatmeal into his mouth but most of it gets on his shirt & lap. Matt Boone's wearing ducky PJs with feet on them and a hatch. Phil sits at the table, reading...naked)
Voiceover: "I wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to make sure my Hardkore America announce team has a healthy & hearty breakfast."
Phil Blauer: I said I wanted my eggs, over easy! EASY!!
(Phil throws the plate of eggs at the wall shattering it. Boone screams like a girl and hides under the table, rocking himself back & forth)
Phil Blauer: Is that so hard to remember?!?
Voiceover: "Then it's time to make their lunches, or in Guillermo's case, sewing small airline bottles of liquor into his jacket. Once their packed and ready to go, I have a little time for myself...to put on make-up!"
(Camera cuts to Yolanda putting on her make-up in the mirror, she turns around to the camera)
Yolanda Ando: You knows us girls, fellas. We take forever to get ready.
Phil Blauer: Are you using my foundation?! (smacks it out of her hand) Is there nothing I can have that's mine?!?! Use the sheap shit you buy
Voiceover: "Then I go to work, where I have the proud job of describing what professional wrestlers are wearing for the blind fashion enthusiaists that Jonnie Valentine insists watch our show religiously."
(Cut to a shot of Yolanda Ando giving the fashion report before the match)
Yolanda Ando: ...there also seems to be some fringe hanging off the boots as well. Not seen since the last Cherokee warparty or John Cougar Mellancamp concert.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one but Dan Stein and Big Bad Bill are gonna get that.
(Cut to Yolanda tucking in Phil, Guillermo, and Matt. All three of them are in the same bed with nightcaps on)
Voiceover: "After a long day of describing men fighting over purses, belts, and the right to cut one another's hair I tuck my guys in for a good night's rest."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yolanda, make Matt sleep on the end. He wets the bed!
Yolanda Ando: Now boys, you know the rules. It's Matt's turn to sleep in the middle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ew, he's going already!!!
Phil Blauer: That's me.
Voiceover: "Then it's finally time for a little me-time. I curl up with a good movie like Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen or The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Ya-Ya always makes me cry. It's just like me and my friends. If I had any."
(Cut to a shot of Yolanda shooing Phil out of her room with a broom)
Voiceover: "After getting Phil out of my room for the third or fourth time, it's time to hit the hay. The secret is to seem bigger then him, so I stand on the bed with my arms in the air. Fire works better, but it's hard to come by at 2am. After two and a half hours of sleep, it's back at it again at the toughest job you'll ever love."
(Cut back to Yolanda, now at ringside)
Yolanda Ando: I hope you've enjoyed that little glimpse into the life of the only girl on the Hardkore America announce team. And I hope you've enjoyed watching it, as much fun as we had making it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I can't believe you showed us in bed.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yeah, you said the camera wasn't on.
Phil Blauer: And the sound guy wasn't rolling.
Guillermo O'Bannon: And the flood lights were on just for atmosphere.
Phil Blauer: And that we had to do a retake because you liked tucking us in so much. Why is she getting her own segments? When are we gonna get a glimpse into my life?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We did. It was called 8mm. Tonight High Maintenance defend their Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the man they won them from, Andrew Karnage and his other un-Stable partner, Robert Hunglestien III. Who do you like in this one, Phil? PHIL??
Phil Blauer: (pulls his earphones out) Huh? Sorry I was just listening to this dope new album from DJ Weak. It's slammin! Here read this.
(Phil hands Guillermo an index card)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Gee, Phil when can I get that slammin album?"
Phil Blauer: August 14th, playa.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anyway, Andrew Karnage is a tag team machine but Robert Hunglestien III is a new take on his normal tag team...
Phil Blauer: Read the back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil we have a-
(Phil gives his puppy dog look)
Guillermo O'Bannon: (reads the card) "So Phil who would you say DJ Weak most reminds you of?"
Phil Blauer: Well, Guillermo we should really talk about the match, but if you have to know I would say Public Enemy meets Erasure meets Heavy D. Listening to a DJ Weak CD is like getting a blowjob in a very warm ocean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maitenance have been working on their timing to try and...
Phil Blauer: And the girl giving you head would have gills, so she could breathe underwater.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I figured.
Phil Blauer: Not like Yolanda.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I almost drowned, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Just two more minutes, that's all I asked!
(The Ulster Hall goes dark, purple lights flash and a purple spotlight shines on Robert Hunglestein III and Andrew Karnage standing at the top of the ramp way. The purple lights turn to gold as a voice says "You wish you could be me ...... It must suck to be you!" then purple and gold begin to alternate and run all over arena as "Everyone wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears hits. RHIII heads down to ring with a slow cocky strut with Andrew Karnage following behind)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III is a former XGW & UEA tag team champion with Cobryn. Andrew Karnage is a two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion and the UWA & IWA tag team titles. Now they try and pair up to bring the Hardkore World titles back to The Un-Stable.
Yolanda Ando: Andrew Karnage wears black knee length basketball shorts with AK-47 down the outsides of each leg in dark red. Dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow. Robert Hunglestien III is wearing a black wrestling singlet that has "Hunglestein" wrapping across the front diagonally from top to bottom in dark purple with gold outline. And on the back of the singlet there’s three slashes in gold which obviously symbolize the 3 from the end of his name. Also wears black elbow pads, and has his wrist taped with black tape. He also wears black boots and black kneepads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Cleveland, Ohio; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 265 pounds...ROBERT HUNGLESTIEN III!! His partner is from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are THE UN-STABLE!!!"
(The Belfast audience cheers. "Get Down" by Everlast plays and the cheers turn to jeers. Gavin Slater moves through the curtain and presents the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions)
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance is looking to get some revenge for their mentor, Paul Soutter. Robert Hunglestien III made a challenge that if he lasted longer than Soutter in last year's Hardkore Helloween than Soutter had to leave Hardkore America. Hans Schmutzhausen cut Paul Soutter's hamstrings with a razor bladed swastika medallion so that ended any hopes of the Aussie Mad Dog of lasting longer than that year's eventual winner.
Yolanda Ando: Jonathan Richards is lookin fine all oiled up, wearing a sleeveless unbuttoned red silk shirt and black denim pants, red wrestling boots with "Rolls Royce" written on them. Nathan Slater wears an unbuttoned black silk shirt and parachute red track pants and black wrestling boots with "New Sensation" written on them.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Finally, someone else wears parachute pants. I should tell him about group on Thursdays.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Their opponents are accompanied to the ring by their manager, Gavin Slater; Both men hail from Melbourne, Australia; First standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 290 pounds...'ROLLS ROYCE' JONATHAN RICHARDS!! His partner is standing 6 feet even; Weighing 222 pounds...'NEW SENSATION' NATHAN SLATER!! They are THE HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
(The Northern Irish crowd boos while Gavin tries to quiet them down. Richards and Nathan Slater hand their tag team title belts to Mike Peters and he holds them up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage and Jonathan Richards, the two tanks of the match, start off first. Richards battering Karnage with some hard forearm smashes. Richards scoops him up and drops his shoulder on his knee with a shoulderbreaker.
(Richards twists Karnage's arm. Karnage then grabs Richards by the wrist and turns it into a chicken wing. He scoops Rolls Royce up on his shoulder then runs into the center of the ring and running powerslams him on his hammerlocked arm. Andrew Karnage applies a crippler crossface and chicken wings his other arm)
Phil Blauer: Jonathan Richards started all this arm stuff, look where it got him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: AK-47 pulls up on Richards' face while trying to break both of the Aussie's arms! Mike Peters checks in but Jonathan refusing to submit. Nathan Slater runs into the ring and stomps the back of Karnage's head to break The Pain Killer EX. Karnage chases him out, but Jonathan Richards takes him out with his version of The Nightmare Lariot!
(The Belfast audience jeers and boos, while Gavin Slater applauds on the outside. Jonathan Richards pulls Andrew Karnage's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage reverses a piledriver with an alabama slammer!! He tags in Robert Hunglestien III and shoots Richards into the ropes. Andrew Karnage tiltawhirl backbreakers him and then holds him across his knee! Hunglestien runs across the ring drops a knee to his face, bending him in half!
(Robert Hunglestien III drops Richards with a fireman's carry takedown. Hunglestien then floors him with a lightning fast snap suplex. He pulls the big man up and shoots him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards comes back with a shouldertackle that floors him. Richards presses him over his head!
(The fans boo as Richards bench presses him three times then drops his stomach on his knee! He scoops him up and drops him into another gut buster, then tags in Nathan Slater)
Guillermo O'Bannon: They irish whip Robert Hunglestien III into the ropes and High Maintenance double back body drop him! Nathan Slater armdrags Hunglestien. Hunglestien gets up and gets hiptossed back over. Slater headlocks him but Hunglestien pulls him by the hair into a headlock of his own. He flips Slater over into a headlock takedown.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Nathan Slater rolls Hunglestien into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Hunglestien rolls back down into a headlock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III releases the headlock then drops a couple elbows to Slater's lower back. Slater grabs him by the legs and inverted atomic drops him. He tags in Jonathan Richards who applies an abdominal stretch as Slater runs into the ropes. Slater blasts Hunglestien upside the head with a superkick!
(The audience boos and Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. He tiltawhirls him into a backbreaker!! He grabs Hunglestien by the legs and wheelbarrows him up then starts spinning him around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards drops Hunglestien with a spinning wheelbarrow slam! He pulls Hunglestien up by the arm, but Hunglestien pulls him into a shortarm knee to his stomach. He drops to the mat with a DDT!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drops a double ax handle smash to Richards' back and then tags in Andrew Karnage. The Un-Stable hit Richards with a double uranage!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage lifts Richards up on his shoulder and then runs across the ring with a death valley driver!
(Karnage grabs Jonathan Richards by the throat and the Belfast fans jump to their feet. He lifts Richards up and chokeslams him across his knee!! The audience pops louder. Karnage runs into the ropes but Slater sticks his knee out into Andrew's kidneys)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards grabs two handfuls of Karnage's hair and rams his face into the mat with an x factor! He lifts him up into a hanging suplex, to show off his power, then brainbusters him!! He makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards scoops Karnage up and swings him around into a catatonic!! He tags in Nathan Slater, then lifts Karnage up on to his shoulders with a powerbomb on to Nathan's knee!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Meanwhile, Nathan Slater is climbing to the top turnbuckle. He comes down across Karnage's face with a floating leg drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater climbs to the top turnbuckles from the inside, but before he can moonsault him, Karnage grabs his legs and drops him with a tigerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage t-bone suplexes Slater across the ring! He shoots Slater across the ropes and back body drops him into the air, Slater lands on his feet and takes Karnage out with a standing dropkick!
(Ulster Hall boos as Nathan Slater climbs up to the top rope. He comes off with a flying body press, but Karnage catches him and powerslams him! The impact makes Karnage bounce up to his feet and he tags in Robert Hunglestien III. Hunglestien grabs Slater by the legs, while Karnage runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien catapults Slater into a Nightmare Lariot from Andrew Karnage back on to Hunglestien's bent knees!! Hunglestien covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards stomps the back of Hunglestien's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards saves the match for his partner there. Robert Hunglestien grabs Slater by the hair and cracks him in the chin with an elbow. He half nelsons him then pitches him over his head with a hardway suplex!
(Hunglestien walks over to Slater but Slater takes him down with a drop toe hold. He applies a crucifix kneebar on Hunglestien and drops down to the mat, wrenching his leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hunglestien submits, but Robert ignores him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience letting High Maintenance have it while Slater attempts to end the match with this kneebar. Slater releases it and shoots Hunglestien into the ropes. Spinning heel kick by Nathan Slater!
(Slater tags in Jonathan Richards. They shoot Hunglestien into the ropes again and this time and double clothesline him. Jonathan Richards pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs and piledrives him!! The crowd boos)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes but RHIII comes back with a spinning head scissors! He inverted facelocks Richards, but Rolls Royce grabs Hunglestien underneath the armpits. He lifts him up into an inverted crucifix. He drops Hunglestien facefirst with an inverted razor's edge!! He rolls Hunglestien over into a pin!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien grabs Richards' by the leg and dragon screws him to the mat. Hunglestien then applies an inverted indian deathlock! He gets a good stance and then stands up, posing for the fans.
(The crowd applauds Hunglestien as Richards balls his fists up in pain. Mike Peters asks him if he wants to tap out but Jonathan refuses. Hunglestien reaches out and tags in Andrew Karnage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: While Robert Hunglestien III maintains the inverted indian deathlock while Andrew Karnage steps over Richards and applies a cobra clutch!! Jonathan Richards is being bent in half by a dual Sphinx Clutch and inverted indian deathlock! Jonathan Richards is three stages of hell all at once!
(Nathan Slater runs into the ring and punches both Karnage & Hunglestien to break the submission move. Robert Hunglestien III clubs Slater back and tosses him over the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gut wrenches Jonathan Richards up on his shoulder, and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage german suplexes Richards!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage full nelsons Jonathan Richards and then drops him backwards into a dragon suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards lifts his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage straightjackets Richards' arms and then Pride Cycle suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage goes for a powerbomb but Richards blocks it and back body drops him. He nails Karnage with a diamond cutter!
(The fans boo, and Jonathan Richards irish whips Karnage in to the turnbuckles so hard he bounces out. Richards moves in but Karnage catches him with an exploder '98!! The Ulster Hall pops, and Karnage tags in Robert Hunglestien III, who climbs to the top rope. Karnage crotch-ties Richards' arm through his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage pumphandles Jonathan Richards up into an owendriver that Robert Hunglestien III spikes from the top rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Wasn't that like...
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is double team version their trainer's finisher, The Soutter Special.
Phil Blauer: No, I mean the way Richards is twitching just like Terri Gar!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think you mean Terri Schiavo.
Phil Blauer: The chick that did Mr. Mom?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III scoops Jonathan Richards up and drops him on his skull with a michinoku driver II!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien goes for a DDT but Richards blocks it, and back drops him. Jonathan Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and knocks him silly with a big boot to the head!
(Jonathan Richards applies a cobra clutch to Hunglestien. Richards pulls back on Hunglestien's arm while pressing his hand into the back of his neck. Jonathan Richards gets his feet in front of Hunglestien's)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards cobra clutch bulldogs Robert Hunglestien! He pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes, when Hunglestien comes back he gets pounded into the mat with a powerslam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards tags in Nathan Slater who climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Jonathan Richards wheelbarrows Hunglestien up in the air and Slater comes off the turnbuckles with a vegamatic legdrop to the back of Hunglestien's head!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Andrew Karnage stomps Slater's back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater climbs up to the top turnbuckle and flinches well enough to make Hunglestien think he's going for that flying body press so he ducks. Slater instead comes off with a sunset flip!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien claps his legs together on Slater's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater goes to twist his arm, but Hunglestien pulls him in with a shortarm elbow smash to the face, then hangs on to his arm and shortarm clotheslines him.
(Robert Hunglestien irish whips Slater into the ropes but Slater comes back with a handspring into a body press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater tags in Jonathan Richards, and Rolls Royce electric chairs him up. Slater comes off the top rope with a flying bulldog!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater t-bone suplexes Robert Hunglestien III on the head! Slater headlocks Hunglestien but Robert reverses it with an angle slam!
(Robert Hunglestien waistlocks Slater and german suplexes him. He picks Slater up and drops him a second time with a german suplex. Hunglestien drops him with two more)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien goes for a fifth german suplex but Slater flips back onto his feet. He punishes Hunglestien with a superkick under the jaw! He goes to DDT but Hunglestien blocks it and lifts Slater up into a fireman's carry then slams him!
(Hunglestien tags in Andrew Karnage and climbs to the second rope. Karnage waistlocks Slater and lifts him into a dangerous backdrop driver near the turnbuckle with Hunglestien standing on the middle rope. Hunglestien hooks an inverted face lock with Nathan Slater on Karnage's shoulder and swings out with an inverted DDT while Karnage drops a spinning Dangerous Backdrop Driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Golden Ticket!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards stomps the back of his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage sits Nathan Slater on the top turnbuckle. He then grabs Slater by the arms and flips him over into a owendriver iconoclasm!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed; 5 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage shoots Slater into the ropes and drops his head for a backdrop only for Nate to corkscrew neckbreaker him! Slater grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a scorpion deathlock. Slater attempting to bend the two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion in half!
(Gavin Slater pounds on the apron, rooting on Nathan Slater. He pulls back on Andrew Karnage's twisted legs, but he's not tapping. He releases the scorpion deathlock, and climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "New Sensation" Nathan Slater flying body presses Andrew Karnage off the top rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater applies a front facelock choke and lies down on top of Karnage's back. He clamps down against Karnage's windpipe with all that Aussie might!
(Mike Peters checks in to see if Karnage wants to tap out, but he's not answering. Robert Hunglestien III runs into the ring and stomps Nathan Slater in the head. Suddenly a buzz crosses Ulster Hall as a man makes his way to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Who is that??
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Andrew Sinclair, Phil. He wrestled less than two hours ago. Robert Hunglestien sees him and doesn't look good at all.
Phil Blauer: Well, he's been out of action for a while on a strict double chili burger diet.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, I mean he's scared. Andrew Sinclair and Robert Hunglestien have had some brutal wars over the years. Sinclair grabs a chair and enters the ring!
(Robert Hunglestien III begs off and backs away from a livid Andrew Sinclair. He backs right into Nathan Slater who grabs him in a full nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair cocks back but Hunglestien slips out of the full nelson and The Straight Shooter clubs Slater in the head with the chair!! Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot that flips him head over heels!!
(Karnage covers Slater while Hunglestien knocks Jonathan Richards off the apron with an elbow shot. Andrew Sinclair shrugs it off and rolls out of the ring)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: After close to a half hour of some of the best tag team action we've seen this year, the World Tag Team titles are back in the hands of The Un-Stable!
("Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears plays and the Belfast fans go ballistic. Kilroy Evans runs down to the ring and grabs the World Tag Team title belts off of Ron De La O's timekeeper's table)
Ron De La O: Fuck Youuuuuuuuuuuuu Man!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 27 minutes 16 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE UN-STABLE!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair had a chair shot scheduled for Robert Hunglestien's head but Nathan Slater bumped him.
Phil Blauer: He didn't seem to care either way.
(Robert Hunglestien and Andrew Karnage celebrate in the center of the ring with Kilroy Evans. They both strap the titles around their waist, while Andrew Sinclair backs away from the ring, staring a hole through Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair making an impact here tonight far beyond what defeating Blak Lung can do for him.
(Camera opens up on the ring crew as they take the ropes off of the cornerposts and ditch the turnbuckles. They string up barbed wire on two sides. On the other two sides you can just fall out. On one side a slanted razor wire wrapped platform. The other is a C4 rigged platform)
Phil Blauer: I've never been more scared my life.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one's gonna hurt you, Phil. That's for our upcoming Double Hell Match, a match invented by "The Prophet" Matt Creamer to end his feud with The Darkstar Brothers.
Phil Blauer: I'm talking about those teamsters handling all that C4. I barely trust those guys to remember to pack the cage at night. We could all go up in a huge boom and fufil all these people's inescapable destiny.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil...
Phil Blauer: What? Too soon? I meant by the IRA, not Al Queda! They're the lovable terrorists!
("Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays and Kilroy Evans walks out through the curtain. The audience cheers and stretches their hands out over the railing to slap his hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans looking to finally defeat Death Gojira after a year of trying. He got close many times, including two draws in San Diego and Hardkore Helloween. But since then he has dominated the tag team scene on the West Coast, and now looks to win the Hardkore America Championship.
Phil Blauer: I now look to get a sandwhich. Boone!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yes sir!
(Boone runs to the back, Kilroy Evans slides under the barbed wire into the ring)
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans wears a black Bloodhound Gang t-shirt, a brown belt, and blue jeans with red, white, & blue wristbands.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following Double Hell Match is the Main Event of the Evening!"
(Ulster Hall cheers)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "It is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!!!"
(The crowd cheers wildly, and Kilroy waves back at them. The lights in Ulster Hall begin to flicker as thunderous footsteps are heard echoing from the PA system. The Belfast crowd leaps to their feet and begin to cheer loudly as suddenly the lights go off and Godzilla's roar booms across the arena, causing several sparks to go off from the ceiling. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube begins to play as a giant pyro in the shape of a mushroom cloud explodes near the entrance ramp. When the smoke clears, Death Gojira appears, letting loose an defiant SKREEOOOORNGHK! with the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship belt over his head)
Phil Blauer: Death Gojira worked long and hard to regain that title belt from Cobryn in a ladder match with a bigger cast of characters than that road trip movie.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which one?
Phil Blauer: Any of em.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira has warred with Kilroy Evans in every match you can think of.
Phil Blauer: Except...
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know Phil, bra & panties, I think we've done that joke. Neither of these men are afraid to bleed, they've proved that. So that advantage is out the window. One has to be the better survivor tonight.
Yolanda Ando: Gojira wears tightly wrapped bandages around his face, chest and arms. The only place we do get to see a part of Gojira is his eyes, which are now maroon, serpentine, and terrifying! Aside from his wrappings, Gojira wears a Haori Japanese Vest over his chest with long black shorts and boots. On the back of his Haori is the symbol for Godzilla, with the Japanese characters for "Hageshiimaru" encircling it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent hails from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(The Belfast fans roar and air horns go off all over Ulster Hall. Gojira lofts his wooden chair over his head and lets out a mighty "Reee-ornk". Kilroy Evans gets behind Gojira and german suplexes him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans german suplexes him and he almost rolls in the C4 pit but Gojira holds on by his fingernails! Kilroy Evans putting the boots to him, but Gojira grabs his leg. Kilroy sticks a couple of fingers in Gojira's eyes!
(Kilroy digs his nails in Gojira's eyes and makes him scream. When his mouth is open, Evans sticks his thumb in DG's mouth and uses it to pull him to his feet. He drops down to knees with a jawbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pokes Kilroy in the eye and then snow plows him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira crotch-ties Evans arm through his leg and pumphandles him up into a stiener screwdriver!!
(Ulster Hall leaps to their feet, and Gojira stomps around the ring Ree-ornking. Kilroy Evans struggles up to his feet and lands a hard punch to Gojira's throat. He pulls Gojira's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans piledrives Death Gojira in the center of the ring!! He grabs Gojira by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(Kilroy shouts over his shoulder "Remember this Gojira? Huh, you ree-ornkin sonofabitch?" He yanks back on Gojira's legs and Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out)
Phil Blauer: Gojira still has pain lifting heavy things because of all the boston crabs he's endured from Kilroy Evans.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans sitting low on the small of Gojira's back, the Beastie Boys advice on the boston crab still holds true today. Slow & low, that's the tempo. Death Gojira powers out of it with those strong legs. Death Gojira scoops Kilroy on his shoulder then drops him into a reverse bulldog!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Kilroy up into a hanging suplex then swings it around into an ace crusher!! He sits on Kilroy's back and straightjackets his arms into a crossarm camel clutch.
(Gojira grabs Evans' hands and pulls back, using his own arms to put pressure on Kilroy's head & neck. Air horns go off around the Ulster Hall from the Northern Irish fans)
Phil Blauer: Both men choosing to go this match on their own; without The Cupcake Crew or The Un-Stable. We'll see how long that lasts. Probably about as long as Fantastic Four being in theatres.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulling back on Kilroy's hands, trying to force a submission without either of them having a nick on them. He gives up and pulls Kilroy up to his feet. But Kilroy grabs Gojira in a bearhug! Kilroy trying to use all of his strength to break his ribs.
(Kilroy walks over to the barbed wire and then rams Gojira's back into the barbed wire!! Ulster Hall lets out a major pop, and Gojira cries out in pain)
Phil Blauer: Finally, someone's finally bleeding!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's only been four minutes, Phil. Hangman's neckbreaker to a staggering Death Gojira by Kilroy Evans!
(Kilroy Evans mounts Gojira and begins bludgeoning him with hatefilled punches. He pulls Gojira to his feet and belly to belly suplexes him across the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Gojira up in a suplex then drops his bloody back into the canvas with a falcon arrow!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy twists Gojira's arm. He goes for another twist, but Gojira pokes him in the eye again. He returns the favor by twisting Kilroy's arm. He bends it behind Evans' back and reverse DDTs him on his arm!
(Death Gojira grabs him by his Bloodhound Gang t-shirt and tosses him into the barbed wire!! The fans cheer and Kilroy Evans has new lacerations over his eye and under his ear)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira rakes Kilroy's face back & forth across the barbed wire, horribly bloodying him! Gojira gut wrenches Evans on to his shoulder and then drops the back of his neck on the horrible wire!!
(Death Gojira lifts Kilroy up in a hanging suplex and then drops down into a sitting position into a shoulderbreaker! Kilroy rolls around the mat clutching his arm. Gojira pulls his Goji Chair out of the corner, then stands it up in the center of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira working that arm down, he pulls Kilroy Evans up into a cradle suplex but then drops his head on the barbed wire wrapped seat of the chair with a fisherman's buster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira butterflies Kilroy's arms, but Evans backdrops out of it! Gojira rushes him and Evans catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Death Gojira up in a suplex but then just drops his chest onto the barbed wire!!
(The medical gauze on Death Gojira's chest runs pink with blood. Kilroy Evans then applies a chicken wing crossface. Gojira growls in pain as Kilroy pulls up on his hammerlocked arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy pitches Gojira's face forward into an inverted russian legsweep! Kilroy stomps his boot into the mat a few times to load the boot. Gojira staggers up to his feet, and Kilroy superkicks him!
(Kilroy stands the Goji Chair up in the center of the ring and then stands him up in front of the chair. Gojira blocks the russian legsweep and pitches Kilroy forward onto his his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits an ace crusher, dropping his throat on the back of the chair!! Gojira butterflies his arms, and then lifts him up into a reverse tigerbomb!
(Gojira lies the Goji Chair down on the ground, then front facelocks him. He runs up the barbed wire into a tornado DDT on the chair!! The audience pops and Gojira hooks his leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy's head into his legs. He lifts him up into a powerbomb! He hangs onto his arms & legs and lifts him up into a second powerbomb onto the barbed wire!!
(The Belfast crowd cheers, and Gojira lifts him up on his shoulders again. He runs over to the cliff's edge and powerbombs him on the razor wire platform!!! The Ulster Hall lets out an ear splitting pop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira just powerbombed Kilroy Evans on the razor wire!!
Phil Blauer: These guys are looking to murder one another over 10 pounds of gold!
(The audience chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" while airhorns play out a few tunes. Evans tries to writhe in pain but everywhere he goes is more razor wire. He finally has to bite the bullet and just roll over onto the razors to get back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pulls Kilroy into the ring and pulls his head into his legs. But a bloodsoaked Kilroy reverses it into an alabama slammer!!
(Kilroy Evans drops an elbow drop on Gojira's face. Kilroy then sits on Gojira's back, and wraps his arms around his legs. Evans then pulls his head back with a camel clutch, as blood runs red down his wrappings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy working down the lacerated back & chest of Gojira, sitting tight & low in the camel clutch. Gojira is not submitting so he releases it and pulls him up to his feet. Kilroy Evans irish whips him, but Gojira reverses the irish whip and sends Kilroy into the barbed wire, but Evans puts on the breaks!
(Kilroy stops just an inch away from getting torn open again, he lets out a sigh of relief and turns around... only to get t-boned by Gojira into his Goji-chair! The audience leaps to their feet and cheers. Gojira butterflies Kilroy’s arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits him with a double underhook brainbuster!! He pulls Kilroy’s head into his legs and lifts him up into an argentinean backbreaker. Kilroy’s upside down head & neck are bleeding like a faucet!
(Gojira bounces Kilroy’s back on his shoulder up & down as Ron Reid checks to see if Evans wants to submit. Gojira walks him over to the barbed wire and drops his neck on the barbs a second time!! The fans wince, and Kilroy rolls around the mat covering the back of his neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira poses in front of the barbed wire for some flash photography, holding up his Goji Chair. Kilroy Evans spears him into it hard!!
(Ulster Hall pops again, and a blood drenched Kilroy Evans double underhook DDTs him on the way out! He hooks Death Gojira’s leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira towards the edge of the ring and half nelsons him. Kilroy t-bone suplexes Gojira off the edge of the ring onto the razor wire platform!!!
(The Belfast crowd leaps to their feet, roaring at the spectacle. Gojira is bleeding from his back, arms, legs, and face. The fans chant “KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!!” Meanwhile Evans is balancing himself on the top of the ringpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy jumps off the ringpost and elbow drops Gojira on the razor wire!!!
Phil Blauer: He sliced and diced himself worse than he did to Gojira!!
(Ulster Hall continues to chant “KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!!” as both men writhe around in the razor wire. Gojira rolls off the platform on the the arena floor. He pulls a spool of barbed wire out from underneath the ring and rolls it into the ring. He pulls the ring steps loose and tosses them over the barbed wire into the ring as well. Gojira then peels Kilroy off of the razor wire onto the floor with him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and then airplane spins his head into the cornerpost! He then airplane spins his face into the barbed wire, catching him quite nasty on the cheek!
(Gojira grabs Kilroy by the blood stained Bloodhound Gang t-shirt and rams his face into the guardrail so hard his head pops through the rails. Gojira then retrieves his Goji Chair from the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira takes that barbed wire wrapped chair and smashes Kilroy in the head with it to pop his head out of the railing!!
Phil Blauer: That was nice. He didn’t have to do that. Boone would have stayed here till next year if he did that again. I warned him this time.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira rolls Kilroy back into the ring and hits an unprettier on that spool of barbed wire!! He covers Kilroy!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Kilroy up and drills his bloody head into the mat with a tombstone piledriver. He slides the ringsteps over into the corner of the ring, but while he has his back turned Kilroy thez presses his back and pitches him into the steel steps!!
(Kilroy Evans applies a cobra clutch on a bloody Death Gojira. Gojira tries to fight out of it but Kilroy’s much too strong for him and he soon begins to fade)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In their classic barbed wire match in San Diego, this move wound up causing a draw when neither man could answer the bell. Gojira due to the cobra clutch, and Kilroy due to blood loss.
Phil Blauer: They were stumped by the bell.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not really. Gojira trying to back Kilroy on to that C4 as a latch ditch effort to get out of the cobra clutch before unconciousness sets in. Kilroy puts the breaks on, releases the clutch, and headbutts his way out of danger. Gojira responds with a kick to the nuts. and straightjackets his arm into a tigerbomb in the center of the ring!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Kilroy Evans rolls his shoulder up)
(Death Gojira walks over to that spool of barbed wire and pulls off a long strand, still attached to the rest of the spool)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira gives Kilroy Evans a torture shock using the barbed wire to pull down his neck!!
former prowrestling.com internet Matt Boone: According to my research, Gojira was at Level 84 before that. He has 12,543EXP until the Next Level.
(Gojira gets up and points to Kilroy's body and says "Ding! Level 85, Bitch!")
former prowrestling.com internet Matt Boone: I stand corrected.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy up with him on those steel steps and pulls his head into his legs. Oh my god, what’s he doing??
(Death Gojira uses the stairs for balance to spinning superbomb Kilroy Evans on the razor wire platform from the top rope!!! Ulster Hall lights up like daytime from all the flashbulbs. Phil and Guillermo are stunned into silence as all that can be heard is the chant “GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!”)
Phil Blauer: Death Gojira super spinning bombs Kilroy on that razor wire and if he’s not dead, he needs to be!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blood coming out of about a dozen places on Kilroy’s body! Gojira peels him off the razors onto the arena floor, and whether it’s instinct or not, Evans feebly hammering away at Gojira trying to stay in this match.
(Gojira grabs Kilroy, but Kilroy takes a huge chomp out of Gojira’s nose! Kilroy stands up on the apron and flying spears Gojira into the guardrail! He rolls Gojira under the barbed wire into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans picks Death Gojira up and powerbombs him on the barbed wire!! He then covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Death Gojira kicks out)
(Kilroy walks over to grab the steel steps but Gojira staggers behind him and lifts him up into an electric chair. He walks him over to the side of the ring and spinning ocean cyclone suplexes Kilroy off his shoulders into the C4 explosive triggered platform)
BOOM!!!![/U]
(The explosives go off with a huge bang, making children cry and cover their ears. Smoke fills Ulster Hall and the sulfur smell is nearly unbearable)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't know if we can get a camera on the action in the ring, as the smoke is basically covering everything.
Phil Blauer: Get a man on that, Mann!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans is motionless on that platform, as Mike Peters and Bill Kasal put out a small fire on his Bloodhound Gang t-shirt.
Phil Blauer: I think that shirt, and the band are officially retired.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy slowly starting to come to, and crawls back towards the ring. Kilroy has no clue where he is and could even be deaf right now from that loud concussion of the blast. Gojira shakes his head in pity and delivers a spinning tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And mercifully this is over!
(The audience cheers as Death Gojira raises his arms in victory. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays over the PA system)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 18 minutes 57 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable come out and they are none too happy about what just happened to their boy Kilroy. Andrew Karnage comes running into the ring, ready to charge Gojira, but Goji side steps it and shoves the three time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion Karnage head first into a rising Kilroy's stomach, pushing them both into the barbed wire!!
(Audience pops as The Miracle Violence Combination II lie on the mat, covering their fresh wounds from the wicked wire. Robert Hunglestien III makes his way to the ring)
Phil Blauer: After The Un-Stable ruined his victory party in Palm Springs, Death Gojira had to expect this.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III grabs The Goji Chair and slides into the ring. He sneaks up on Gojira from behind, ready to bean the Hardkore American Champion with his own chair!
(Hunglestien swings, but Gojira drops down onto his back and mule kicks the chair into Hunglestein's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien staggers back off the edge of the ring into the...
BOOM!!!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop as they get a second explosion!! Hunglestien is motionless on the platform. Death Gojira gives a "Skreeeornghk!!!" point to Robert Hunglestien III and says "Ding! Level 86, BITCH!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira gets some revenge on The Un-Stable and gives these fans two bombs for the price of one.
Phil Blauer: Like these people need more bombs...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira next goes back to Phoenix to defend that title against Lucifer Jones! Until then, it's time to leave these lush Irish greens for 120 degrees in the desert. We're off to Arizona fans, where the death toll this year for heat related deaths are 13 people so far, if you don't count Mohammad Hassan & Daivari! We'll see you there!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Erin go brah, everybody and welcome to Northern Ireland, a land that's rightfully Ireland's but was taken by England for it's rich textile based economy. It's like Diet America! I'm Guillermo O'Bannon, back in the motherland...and next to me is my partner, my zima drinkin buddy, Phil Blauer.
Phil Blauer: Anything's better than roasting in 112 degrees in Palm Springs, but does this place have any other weather system other than "drizzlin shits"?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We've had great pay-per-views on this island before, take a look.
("Back from the Dead" by House of the Pain plays as "Superstar" Joe Jeffries backflipped into a Nazi slam off the second rope to pin Thrash and win a barbed wire battle royal...In a double hell match, Matthew X, The Necrologist and Wasp Man toss all three Darkstar Brothers on to the C4 explosive strapped platform at the same time causing a giant explosion..."Golden Boy" Johnny Vision makes Gorgeous Greg tap to a figure four leglock...Da Bomb scoops up the 450 pound Big Brute ACE and powerslams him to shock the world and win the Hardkore America TV title...Velvet makes Ms. Alexandria Macabre tap to The Velvet Rope camel clutch to win the Hardkore World Women's title..."The Brain" Allen Anderson nearly causes a riot when he comes out to the ring with The Warhammer Corporation dressed as a leprechaun throwing lucky charms at the fans....Omega spinebusters Beast and Alpha comes off the top turnbuckle with a sommersault leg drop to win the Hardkore World Tag Team title)
Guillermo O'Bannon: But tonight's action could top them all. We have a Double Hell Match match between Kilroy Evans & Death Gojira. These two have tore through the West Coast in barbed wire matches, bomb matches, LA Freeway matches, and dog collar matches. In Palm Springs, Death Gojira defeated Cobryn in one of his greatest victories of his career. But he didn't have long to celebrate before The Un-Stable attacked him, most of all Kilroy Evans. Now tonight they engage in a match that the Irish fans are all too familiar with, The Double Hell match. A match thought up by Matthew X to end his feud with Jonathan Darkstar and his brothers, we take the ropes down and string barbed wire along two sides. The other two you can just fall out, on one side it's a razor wire slanted platform that you slide all the way down. On the other is a giant platform rigged with C4 explosive.
Phil Blauer: There's gonna be a winner...and a dead guy.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Also tonight, The Un-Stable shuffles up their order a little bit in a rematch from Palm Springs upset loss to High Maintenance.
Phil Blauer: I was blown away...BLOWN...when I saw that.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Phil, there's little shamrock cookies in the backstage area.
Phil Blauer: I know, I was blown away...BLOWN...when I saw that.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then, make sure to take your piss breaks from all the guinness early because Syberus and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix will be going a full hour. A sixty minute marathon match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title. At Hardkore Hall, Syberus wrestled a classic match with The Shootfighter and on his way back to the locker room to "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix and his bodyguard, Tarrasque attacked him and gave him his own Pure Confidence DDT on the arena floor. Now the two veterans will wrestle for an hour to see who is the better wrestler.
Phil Blauer: Vastrix is going to have to put these 1850 fans all howling for his Warhammer blood out of his head, and focus on bringing his first Hardkore World singles title back home. But can he do it without the leprechaun suit that have brought this stable so much luck?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's time to see another big rematch, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner puts her newly one World Championship on the line against Tamara Sanchez. In Palm Springs, Anjanette refereed a match between Tammy and Vagabond. When Tammy refused to break the tequila sunrise, Anj got into a shoving match with her that eventually led to a beating from Turner that nearly cost Sanchez the match. Later that evening, Anj won a steel cage match with Horror Girl that she wasn't even supposed to be in to get her unprecedented fourth Hardkore World Women's title. She also tied The Warhammer Corporation for the record of holding a title the most times.
Phil Blauer: The past meets the present when Tamara Sanchez tries to win the title she lost in April at Palm Springs Punishment.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then the fan favorites, The Black Experience & Tony Thunder defend those Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles against The Dark Ryderz Movement with The Microshocker. The Microshocker has had some infamously bad losses here on this island, but will tonight be any different? The Black Experience & Tony Thunder have taken the fans hearts but will The Dark Ryderz Movement take their titles?
Phil Blauer: No? Or was that rhetorical? Then it's time for The Shootfighter to put his Hardkore West Coast title on the line against mystery man and local "Giant" Baba O'Reilly.
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly's from Dublin.
Phil Blauer: So?
Guillermo O'Bannon: So he's not from here.
Phil Blauer: What's the difference?
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's a different country for one.
Phil Blauer: You guys are never gonna get over that, are you? Look at it like this, the English gave us everything but Canada at the end of the Revolution. You don't see us car bombing Quizno's to get that back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, it's...(calms down) point taken. The Shootfighter must try and figure out who this masked mystery man is if he'll hope to come out of Northern Ireland with the title. So far his best guesses are that he's Tony Thunder, Rally Jackson, or Nick Knight.
Phil Blauer: I hope it's Ned.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know you do, Phil. Then we get international when Cyrus Williams teams up with Hardkore Nippon's Tatsuya Arakawa to take on Cobryn and SWAT's Johnny Lee Harley. Cobryn kidnapped Cobryn's personal ring announcer Paul Mannetti and may have cost Cyrus his shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title in Palm Springs. Now it's time to pay the piper, and what's at stake? Their hair!
Phil Blauer: That's a fate worse than death. (pets his hair and soothes it) It's ok, he wasn't talking about you. I love you too...
Yolanda Ando: That's creepy. Right, Matt?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (petting his hand) ....and later on, I'm gonna take you home. I'm gonna lay you down and love you like you deserve to be loved. Huh? No, you nasty.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then we dust off that blue bar steel cage we bought at Vince's tag sale to continue the bloody feud between Lucifer Jones and Cobryn's newest insurance policy, "The Punisher" Dan Stein. The Un-Stable interrupted their studded strap match at Hardkore Hall, so tonight they settle it. Also, a threeway dance between three of Hardkore World's newest female wrestlers. Ashley, Vagabond, and Alley will wrestle not only for the next title shot against "Sexy" Anjanette Turner & Tamara Sanchez but also to settle who deserves to be Big Bad Bill's "friend".
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Can I be his friend?
Phil Blauer: I don't think he mean's that kind of friend, Boone.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (shrugs) Whatever.
("Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays and the audience gives Blak Lung a mixed reaction. Blak Lung walks out with Judge Death. Judge Death waves his gavel around while Blak Lung sneers towards the audience, threatening them with the back of his hand)
Phil Blauer: Blak Lung was the winner of the first ever Hardkore contest with his commercial about Serenitee. Roll that beautiful bean footage!
**commerical**
Blak Lung: I sit in my four cornered room staring at candles. Sitting, staring, and thinking about those days when I don't feel myself.
(Shootfighter asks Blak Lung if he's up for a game of tennis. Sadly, Blak Lung must decline.)
Blak Lung: When the horror overtakes you, try Serenitee. Serenitee is the natural way to defeat PMS in your monthly strap match. And for bloating try Serenitee Plus, because sometimes a woman like you needs extra relief.
**commerical**
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out of how many entries?
Phil Blauer: One. He's picked his title shot to be against the winner of the Syberus & Jeremiah Vastrix match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title at America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surpluss jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt. His receeding hair line is covered by scar tissue. His black, nappy hair is long and
unkept with a patchy beard.
(Opening bell chimes, and the audience claps and whistles)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Ulster Hall. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World presents tonight's show of Hardkore America action. Tonight's first match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by Judge Death. From Accra in The Republic of Ghana; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Pockets of fans applaud but most of Ulster boos Blak Lung. Some air horns go off. Then "Chilly Water" by Widespread Panic plays and the fans applaud. Sinclair walks out, and steps up on the apron. He surveys the small but rowdy crowd and then steps through the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair is our biggest free agent pick up of the year. He's a star from IWA having some big money feuds with such familiar names as Kilroy Evans and Robert Hunglestien III. he also won the Curt Henning Memorial Cup.
Phil Blauer: When's Crash gettin a Cup? Or Randy Savage?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Randy Savage isn't dead.
Phil Blauer: And Crash is? When did this happen??
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Sacramento, California; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 228 pounds...ANDREW SINCLAIR!!!"
(Peters signals for the bell and Judge Death & Bill Kasal leave the ring. Andrew Sinclair tattoos him with an elbow smash. He smacks him with a second)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair pops Blak Lung Lung with another elbow. Lung answers with a kick but Sinclair catches his leg. He takes him over in a dragon screw leg whip. Blak Lung rushes him and gets taken over in a judo toss!
(Crowd applauds and random air horns go off. He grabs Blak Lung comes at him a second time and Sinclair takes him down in a wakigatame armbar. Blak Lung shouts out in pain as Sinclair pulls up on his arm)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair grounds his feet and pulls up on Lung’s arm some more. Lung rolls over and pulls Sinclair back by the hair into a cradle!
Referee Mike Powers: 1...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung irish whips Sinclair into the ropes and rams his knee in Sinclair’s stomach. He drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
(The Northern Irish crowd boos Blak Lung as he sits up. Blak Lung applies a reverse chinlock. He wratchets Sinclair’s head and then pulls him over his back in a bridging version)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung turning that into a choke but Peters is missing it. He finally sees it and forces Lung to break the hold. Andrew Sinclair gets to his feet and kicks Lung, but Blak Lung catches his boot. Sinclair answers with a stiff enzuigiri!
(Audience applauds and Sinclair applies a jujigatame cross armbar on Blak Lung. Judge Death shouts out instructions while Sinclair clamps down on his arm. Lung reaches out for the ropes but Sinclair drags him into the center of the ring and reapplies the jujigatame)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair claws his eyes before releasing the armbar. He pulls Lung onto his shoulders, then runs into the center of the ring with a death valley driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair irish whips Lung into the ropes and nails him with a jumping kneelift! He scoops Lung up but Blak Lung lands behind him with an inverted facelock. He drops the back of his head onto his knee, then elbows him in the exposed windpipe!
Phil Blauer: Yikes, the soccer hooligans don’t like that.
(Ulster Hall boos and throws beer cups and debris into the ring. Blak Lung hooks Sinclair and cradles the leg)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung fisherman’s busters Andrew Sinclair!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Sinclair kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung hooks him for another suplex, but Sinclair blocks it and reverses with a uranage! He stands over Blak Lung and cranes his head to the side.
(Blak Lung grimaches as Andrew Sinclair tries to twist his head off. Sinclair then runs to the ropes and soccer kicks him in the chest. The sound echoes through Ulster Hall and the drunk crowd loudly applauds)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Sinclair irish whips Blak Lung into the ropes. He dips down for a backdrop but Blak Lung reverses with a swinging hangman’s neckbreaker!
(Blak Lung shakily climbs to the top turnbuckle at Judge Death’s urging. He somersaults off into a leg drop across Sinclair’s face! The audience boos while Blak Lung hooks his leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Sinclair kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung irish whips Sinclair into the ropes but Sinclair duck under a clothesline, he dragon suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair whacks Blak Lung in the chest with a side kick, then backs him off with a high kick. He bounces into the ropes then tumbles into a abisegiri kick!
(Belfast crowd applauds, Lung ducks under another kick and tornado punches him. He applies a claw on Sinclair and the Irish crowd boos)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung hits Sinclair with another discus punch, then threads his own arm through his legs...pumphandle tombstone!!
(Booing gets louder, and suddenly Blak Lung fishes his trusty rusty coat hanger out of the waistband of his pants. He walks over to Sinclair, but Sinclair catches his wrists before he can stab him with the coat hanger)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair kicks Lung in the stomach, then floors him with a running high kick! He takes Lung down with a reverse drop toe hold into a achilles hold submission.
(The audience applauds the combination while Blak Lung cries out in pain. Sinclair wrenches his leg again and he comes close to tapping. The Irish fans blurt out with those air horns during the break in action)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair adjust his legs and then applies a hizajugigatame cross kneebar on Blak Lung’s aching leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if he taps out but Blak Lung refusing.
(Judge Death pounds on the apron, encouraging Blak Lung. Sinclair releases the hizajugigatame and then pulls him up into a hanging suplex. Ulster Hall lights up like daylight from all the flashbulbs)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Sinclair gourdbusters Lung’s face forward onto his knee with the Go to (the) ER!! He rolls Blak Lung over into a pinning positon!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Judge Death puts Blak Lung’s foot on the bottom rope)
Phil Blauer: Judge Death saves the match for Blak Lung and Sinclair has some choice words with him.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung rolls out of the way of Sinclair’s knee drop and grabs a handful of his hair. He tosses Sinclair over the top rope to the apron! Blak Lung steps through the ropes onto the apron. He pulls Sinclair’s head into his legs then hops off into a piledriver off the apron!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a huge pop and chants “HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!” When Blak Lung pulls Sinclair up again, he’s busted wide open. He pulls Sinclair onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung death valley drivers Sinclair’s bloody skull into the floor!! He rolls him into the ring and retrieves his rusty coat hanger. He stabs it into Sinclair’s forehead and tears it back out again, making the blood even worse!
Guillermo O’Bannon: Blak Lung front facelocks him and runs up the turnbuckles but Sinclair reverses the tornado DDT into a spinebuster! He dumps him over into an exploder!
(Andrew Sinclair comes off the top rope with a kneedrop right between the eyes!! He sits Blak Lung up and full nelson’s both his arms applying a modified version of the cattle mutilation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Straight Shot!! Sinclair plants both his feet and pulls back on Blak Lung's head & arms, and Blak Lung has to give up!
(The bell rings and the Irish fans applaud Andrew Sinclair's impressive singles debut. "Chilly Water" by Widespread Panic plays as Sinclair holds onto The Straight Shot for a few moments before releasing it)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 10 minutes 21 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...ANDREW SINCLAIR!!!"
(The audience gives him another round of applause and as a bleeding Andrew Sinclair walks back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung has to try and dust himself off and look towards facing the winner of tonight's marathon match between Syberus and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix in Phoenix, Arizona. Andrew Sinclair however looks to be one of the bright new stars of 2005.
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Palm Springs we had quite a surprise when not one but two women from Extreme World Wrestling made an appearence to stake their claim to Hardkore World Champion Big Bad Bill.
Phil Blauer: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't.
Yolanda Ando: A physique? A vocabulary? The Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship? No mustard dripping from his chin?
Phil Blauer: It's gotta be the trenchcoat. Boone!!!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I'm standing right here, sir.
Phil Blauer: Get me a trenchcoat.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Black, sir?
Phil Blauer: Bill's got the black market cornered. I need something different, something sexy, something...Phil?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Cream, sir?
Phil Blauer: No, I already ate. Orange...no, too Taz-hanging-on-to-the-last-of-his-dignity. Yellow!
Yolanda Ando: Your gonna look like a big banana.
Phil Blauer: Puts chicks in the right frame of mind.
(“So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays on the Ulster Hall public address system. Ashley walks out with her hands raised over her head to acknowledge the crowd and then is all focus as she walks down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: She has her hands in the air. But it's unclear wether she just don't care.
Guillermo O'Bannon: This two time EWW Women's Champion Ashley ran Extreme World Wrestling and managed Big Bad Bill. They became very intimate, and feuded with Alley over him so she believes she's got the most claim to him. But none of that matters tonight, because a shot at the Hardkore World Women's Championship is on the line. Ashley will take on old foes, Vagabond and Alley to earn the right to go back to the States to take on the winner of tonight's match with Tamara Sanchez and champion "Sexy" Anjanette Turner.
Yolanda Ando: Ashley wears red stretch pants with a red loose fitting blouse over a black tank top. She has short curled hair with reddish highlights. Very cute.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Threeway Dance. A 30 minute time limit and your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 140 pounds...ASHLEY!!!"
(The audience cheers her, blowing their air horns. She waves back to the fans and then the lights get dim as “Negasonic Teenage Warhead” by Monster Magnet plays over the loud speakers. Alley walks out smiling)
Phil Blauer: Black lipstick? I dated a chick wearing black lipstick once. She used to cut little love notes to me in her thigh.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's sweet, Phil. Alley is also a very accomplished wrestler, winning the EWW World Women's Championship and the IWO Women's Championship, a title she never lost. Alley is a little dark and she practices Wicca, so she’s not really evil.
Phil Blauer: No, not REALLY. She just hates her parents.
Guillermo O'Bannon: She also has a pet tiger that waits for her in the locker room named Snuggles.
Phil Blauer: Is that who that is? I thought Seigfield & Roy were doing a run-in.
Yolanda Ando: Alley wears black pants with a gray pullover. Her black hair is shoulder length and she has a single white braid on the right side.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Her opponent hails from Lacey Springs, Virginia; Standing 5 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 105 pounds...ALLEY!!!"
(Crowd gives her a good ovation, while a fan waves the Irish tri-color flag in the front row. Then "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf plays as the curtains part and Vagabond walks out with her hands up for the crowd. She walks to the ring with her long legs and a little smile)
Phil Blauer: You know, I gotta say, for Hardkore World standards, these ladies sure did go about this dispute politely. Nobody cost anybody their title, nobody threw anybody in the trunk of Yolanda's car and backed into a wall. Death Gojira would kill for this feud...well, you know what I mean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond's undefeated streak ended in Palm Springs when she faced former Hardkore World Champion Tamara Sanchez at Hardkore Hall. Now tonight here in her first match in Northern Ireland, she hopes to defeat her old rivals so she can face either Sanchez or Anjanette Turner in Arizona next month.
(She climbs up into the ring and gives the “come on” gesture to Ashley & Alley)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from The Home of Champions, Bethany Beach, Delaware; Standing 5 feet even; Weighing 102 pounds...VAGABOND!!!"
(Crowd pops for Vagabond as she tries not take her eyes off either of her opponents)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: These girls sure are light, I think one of my legs weighs 102 pounds. (nudges Yolanda) That's the one with the growth I can't figure out that I showed you.
Yolanda Ando: Yeah, I remember, Matt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley walks over and slaps Ashley in the face! Ashley fires back with a forearm smash to Alley's chin! Alley staggers back into a monkey flip by Vagabond!
(Ashley clotheslines Vagabond hard to the mat. She bounces into the ropes but Vagabond rolls out of the way of a leg drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley flips over into a liger kick to the face of Ashley! Vagabond waits for Alley to turn around and then nails her in the midsection with a spear!
(The Ulster crowd cheers, and Vagabond pulls Alley up by her single white braid. She cracks her in the head with a tornado punch, and Alley staggers back into a widow's peak by Ashley!! The audience applauds)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley scoops Vagabond up and slams her down hard to the mat. Vagbond ducks under some sweet chin music, and responds with a superkick upside her jaw!
(Vagabond atomic drops Ashley on the top turnbuckle, then pulls her upside down into a tree of woe. She backs into the corner and pumps up the audience, they blow their air horns into "Charge" tune)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond gets a running start and baseball slide kicks Ashley in her unprotected face! Alley comes in next with a dropkick to Ashley's stomach!
(The crowd cheers as Ashley crumples to the mat, clutching her stomach. Alley rakes Vagabond's face with her nails then hammerlocks her arm with a half nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley release tiger suplexes Vagabond but Vagabond backflips onto her feet. Ashley & Vagabond double DDT Alley!
(Ashley t-bone suplexes Alley! She bounces into the ropes and drops an elbow on Alley's face. Vagabond grabs Ashley by the hair and tosses her over the top rope to the floor below)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits Ashley with a tope suicida!!
(The Belfast crowd chants "VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!!" Vagabond climbs back into the ring, slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond moonsaults Ashley into the guardrail!!
Phil Blauer: It was only a matter of time before Vagabond turned this into her style of match.
(Ulster Hall rocks with chants of "VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!! VAG-A-BOND!!" Alley climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley comes off the top with a skytwister press on top of Vagabond on the Ulster Hall floor!!
(Crowd pops, and Alley rolls Vagabond into the ring. She applies an STF with a grapevine once back in the ring. Alley clamps down on Vagabond's throat while Ron Reid checks in to see if she taps out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley pulls up on Vagabond's head while Vagabond grunts in pain, trying to hang on. Ashley pulls herself up onto the apron. She slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope and springboards off into a plancha on both Alley & Vagabond!!
(Ashley pulls Alley up by the hair, and drives her into the mat with a rock bottom! She turns her attention to Vagabond and pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls Vagabond up into a powerbomb but Vagabond reverses with a huracanrana! She runs into the ropes and hits Alley with a lou thez press!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle but Alley shakes the ropes and crotches her on the turnbuckle. Alley climbs to the top rope and sits down facing her. She wraps her legs around the ropes and front waistlocks Vagabond. She dumps Vagabond over with a spider belly to belly superplex!!
(The Belfast crowd applauds as Alley soaks it in, hanging upside down from the top rope. She then sits back up on to the top turnbuckle. She comes off the top rope with a quebrada on Ashley)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley pulls Ashley's head into her legs but Ashley blocks a piledriver. She pulls Alley up over her back and drives her into the mat with an alabama slammer!!
(Ulster Hall groans at the impact that the back of her head makes against the ring. She applies a sleeper hold on Alley. Alley tries to fight her way up to her feet, but Ashley squeezes down on her neck and forces her back down to her knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid checks in, raising Alley's arm. Alley rises to her feet and drops down to her knees, driving the top of her head through Ashley's chin! Vagabond drives Ashley's head into the mat with an impaler DDT! Vagabond rolls her over into a pinning position!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond applies a crippler crossface on Ashley, pulling her head & arm up with her locked fingers! Ashley screaming in pain, but refusing to tap out to Ron Reid.
(Ulster Hall is silent except for Ashley's cries of pain. Alley comes from behind Vagabond and rakes her eyes again, forcing her to break the crippler crossface. Vagabond tries to get to her feet, but Alley yanks her back down to the mat by the hair. The Irish fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley grabs Vagabond by her leg and turns her over into a tequila sunrise armbar. She pulls back on Vagabond's arm & leg.
Phil Blauer: This is the same move that Vagabond almost tapped out to in Palm Springs, now Alley hoping it works for her as well.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The three women now exchanging submission holds.
(Vagabond shouts out in pain as Ashley staggers to her feet. Ashley runs and bulldogs Alley from behind! She irish whips Vagabond into the corner, then climbs up to the second turnbuckle, straddling her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pummeling Vagabond as the crowd counts along!
Audience: 1!
Audience: 2!
Audience: 3!
Audience: 4!
Audience: 5!
Audience: 6!
Audience: 7!
Audience: 8!
Audience: 9!
Audience: 10!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley monkey flips Vagabond across the ring! She stands up right into a huracanrana by Alley!
(Crowd applauds this fast paced match-up, Alley then pulls Ashley onto her shoulders in a human torture rack. Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap out but she tries to hang on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley spins her around into a diamond cutter! She makes the cover!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a yang time back twisting splash but Ashley rolls out of the way! Vagabond spins Alley around with a flying head scissors!
(Vagabond climbs up to the second turnbuckle, her heads hit the top rope and she backflips into a split legged moonsault!! Ulster Hall applauds, and Vagabond hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Alley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley tries to interfere but Vagabond has a savatte kick waiting for her! The fans are on their feet!
Phil Blauer: Even though most of them are barefooted!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top but Alley shakes the ropes, and crotching her on the top turnbuckle! Ashley grabs the second rope in the corner and does a handstand into a stratusfaction rana off the top! She covers Vagabond!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls Vagabond into her legs, pulling her up onto her shoulders and slams her down into a powerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Alley and drops her with a suplex. She pulls her up into a powerbomb as well, but Alley spins around on her shoulders and pulls her over into a victory roll!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
(Ulster Hall applauds all the close counts. Alley half nelson hammerlocks Vagabond and release tiger plexes her! She runs into the ropes and hops onto the middle of the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley backflips into her asai DDT but Ashley catches her and powerslams her! Ashley grabs her in a three quarter nelson & quickly runs up the ropes into her acid drop!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 15 minutes 17 seconds, Alley has been eliminated."
(Audience applauds Alley's performance as she gingerly rolls out of the ring and walks to the back. Ashley mockingly waves goodbye to Alley and turns around into a cartwheel kick from Vagabond! The crowd loves it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Alley has been eliminated but Vagabond and Ashley are still in it. Vagabond grabs Ashley's foot and turns her over into an anklelock. Ashley in some pain already from fifteen minutes of action, and this ankle lock not helping.
(Vagabond wraps her legs around Ashley's thigh & drops down into an on-the-mat variation. She wrenches Ashley's foot to the side, over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs the bottom rope and Ron Reid forces Vagabond to break the hold. She instead drags her into the center of the ring. Ashley gets up to where she's standing on one leg, but Vagabond smacks her in the nose with a dragon whip kick!
(Belfast crowd applauds and those loud air horns make another appearence. Vagabond runs into the ropes but Ashley catches her and drills her headfirst into the ring with an emerald frosion!! The audience gasps at the impact. Ashley fireman's carries Vagabond up onto her shoulders and then walks her over to the corner. She sits Vagabond on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley steps up onto the second rope and scoops Vagabond up...
Phil Blauer: I don't like where this is going...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley drills Vagabond's head into the mat with air juvi!!
(Fans leap to their feet again, chanting "ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!! ASH-LEY!!!" Ashley crawls over and makes the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Vagabond gets her foot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: An eighth of an inch and Ashley would be fighting for the Hardkore World Women's Championship, a title going back to 1994, in Phoenix next month. Ashley applies a full nelson, linking her fingers and pushing down on the back of her neck.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Vagabond submits, she shakes her head so Ashley pushes down even further. She pushes her down and runs into the ropes. Vagabond catches her coming in with a spinning armdrag takedown)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond climbs to the top turnbuckle then backflips into a spectacular shooting star press!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
(Ashley rolls over to her side, clutching her stomach and trying to get some of her air back. The audience gives these two another round of applause and some more air horns for such a good match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into a lionsault!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond runs into the ropes and flips into a senton splash, not letting Ashley get any of her air back. She climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrew 450 splashes Ashley's upraised knees!!
(Vagabond covers her stomach and turns over, coughing. Ashley gets to her feet, and gets her bearings. She pulls Vagabond's head into her legs and lifts her up into a piledriver!! She hooks Vagabond's limp leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley scoops Vagabond up and drops down to one knee with a shoulderbreaker. She picks Vagabond up and shows off her impressive strength by pressing her over her head.
Phil Blauer: Who can't press 100 pounds?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I'm standing right here, sir.
(Ashley drops Vagabond behind her, making her land chest first. Vagabond clutches her bosoms and rolls over. Ashley sits on her back, hooks Vagabond's arms around her legs and pulls her back into a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley rocks back & forth with Vagabond's head in her hands. Ron Reid checking in to see if she wants to tap out, after Ashley has been working down her chest and ribs.
(Vagabond slips out and behind Ashley grabbing her hands, flipping the former EWW owner over onto her back. Vagabond runs into the ropes and bulldogs her face into the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond slides out of the ring and grabs a chair. She rolls back into the ring and sets the chair up in front of the ropes. She runs into the ropes, vaults off the standing chair onto the middle of the top rope, triple jump moonsault!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Ashley kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond tosses her over the top rope onto the apron. She hooks the chair's legs under Ashley's arms and pulls her legs back with her back against the ropes.
Phil Blauer: It's a tarantula with a chair! She's twisting Ashley in places she didn't know she had places.
(Ashley cries out in pain as Vagabond pulls up on her legs. She bounces on the ropes with that chair poking in to her arms with the seat against her back. Ashley finally crumples to the mat and Vagabond pulls the chair back and holds the chair up while the fans applaud)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley pulls herself up on to the middle of the top rope and springboard dropkicks that chair into Vagabond's face!! She sticks her knee into Vagabond's back and pulls her back into a surfer suplex!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Vagabond gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Vagabond by her legs and drops down into a catapult facefirst. She hops onto her back, wraps her legs around Vagabond's sides and clamps down on her throat with a Shining Triangle!
(Some factions of the audience root Ashley on, while others urge Vagabond not to tap out. Vagabond's face turns red as Ashley chokes her out, squeezing all the air out of her chest with her powerful legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vagabond gets close to the ropes but Ashley rolls her over into the center of the ring in the shining triangle choke. Ashley then takes Vagabond's legs, bends them at the knees, and crosses the feet. She then turns around so that she is facing away from Vagabond and hooks her one foot into the gap of her own feet. Ashley then does a backwards bridge to reach over her head and grasp Vagabond's neck. She then twists so Vagabond is in the air instead of lying down, similar to a surfboard. The FTS!!
Phil Blauer: Masahiro Chono invented it but Ashley's is sexier!
(Vagabond cries out while being stretched backwards from the neck and legs. She grows more & more weary, with her arms flailing wildly. Ron Reid keeps asking her if she wants to give it up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley grabs Vagabond's head into a three quarter nelson, then runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(“So Smooth” by Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas plays through Ulster Hall as the fans celebrate. Ashley only has enough energy to roll off of Vagabond with one arm raised)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 22 minutes 33 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...ASHLEY!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ashley will now go on to Phoenix at America West Arena to wrestle the winner of tonight's Hardkore World Women's Championship title match between "Sexy" Anjanette Turner and Tamara Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: But who's gonna get Big Bad Bill? This whole drama has me more enthralled than Batman. I love that movie..."Who you gonna call?"
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's Ghostbusters.
(The ring crew lowers the old skool WWF blue bar steel cage and hooks it to the cornerposts & apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Next up is a match sure to test both men's endurance and tolerance for pain.
Phil Blauer: And that's just here in the commentator booth.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones was being attacked for months by a man posing in his dead father's red mask. When that man was revealed to be Dan Stein, the two traded barbs and attacked each other for months. Then in Palm Springs, they wrestled in a leather studded strap match. Dan Stein was able to convince not just The Un-Stable to attack Jones, but had Cobryn break his arm as well. Now they fight here in Belfast, Northern Ireland in an old skool blue bar cage where there are no pins, no submissions, just survival.
(Ulster Hall falls abruptly dark. Overhead, on the tron, 3 symbols flash in and fade out slowly to the sound of a heartbeat:
<ALPHA>
<OMEGA>
<The Punisher skull>
[Over the sound system, “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie is heard starting to play. As the skull fades out, the arena lights up again, and standing there is “The Punisher” Dan Stein, raising his Peacemaker in the air over his head to the crowd’s approval]
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein getting a lukewarm reaction, if only he's not English like Lucifer Jones. But fans back home in the States can't wait to let him know how disappointed they are with him for hanging out with Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: We have a crowd full of disapproving mothers.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Our fans are assholes.
Phil Blauer: Serious.
Yolanda Ando: "The Punisher" Dan Stein is wearing a simple tight black t-shirt, and plain black shorts, with black leather wrestling boots. Stein also wears black leather gloves with the fingers ripped out.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Steel Cage Match. The winner is the first wrestler's feet to hit the floor. Featuring first, from Detroit, Michigan; Standing 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 285 pounds...'THE PUNISHER' DAN STEIN!!!"
(Audience applauds, Dan Stein shakes the cage in frustration. Then the lights turn a deep shade of blood red, and the sound of white noise blasts over the PA...then suddenly "Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 plays and Lucifer Jones bursts through the curtains with a heavy plaster cast on his arm. He starts looking out over the fans, and getting involved with the one's by the security railings; talking shit back to them and laughing at crippled children. He eyes the ring and smiles sadistically, his gold teeth bling blingin' under the lights)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones nervously walking into the cage with that broken arm. He's looking to put this whole sordid affair behind him after tonight and go on to Phoenix to wrestle the Hardkore America Champion.
Phil Blauer: How'd you know that?
Guillermo O'Bannon : It's in my notes.
Phil Blauer: Why isn't it in mine?
Guillermo O'Bannon: You mean your Denny's Kids' placemat?
Phil Blauer: Yes, I mean my Denny's Kids' placemat. Now help me figure out this maze, I keep going in the lion's mouth.
Yolanda Ando: Lucifer Jones is wearing snake skin leather pants tucked into a pair of well worn combat boots. He's shirtless and his ripped frame is covered in various tattoos, most notably "Pro-Pain" tattooed across his stomach and "HARD KORE" on his knuckles. His hair is buzzed tight to his skull and most of his teeth are capped with gold. A long nasty scar wraps around his throat with a large plaster cast around his forearm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from White Chapel, England; Standing 6 feeet 2 inches tall; Weighing 220 pounds...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Lucifer Jones seems reluctant to enter the cage and is arguing with Mike Peters about it. Dan grabs Lucifer by the hair and pulls him through the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein tosses Lucifer Jones across the ring! Jones scoots away, begging Stein with his good arm not to hurt him. Dan Stein picks him up and gut wrench suplexes him!
(Dan Stein full nelsons Jones and smashes his face into the cold steel bars! Stein then drops him assfirst into the mat. A bleeding Lucifer Jones hits Dan Stein low, and Ulster Hall boos him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pulls Stein up on his shoulder, then uses all his strength to lift Stein up into a crucifix! He runs into the side and razor's edges Stein's head into the cage wall!! He backs up and does it a second time!!
(The fans continue to boo as Dan Stein collapses to the mat, clutching the back of his head. He pulls his hand back and there's blood on it. Meanwhile, Lucifer Jones is climbing to the top turnbuckle. Dan Stein sees him and climbs up there with him to stop him from escaping already)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones has had enough of Dan Stein and is trying to get out of that cage. Dan Stein stops him cold with a hard right hand. He stands on the top turnbuckle, pressing Jones over his head. He drops Jones' throat on the top bar of the steel cage!! "The Punisher" Dan Stein grabs Jones by the head and comes off the top turnbuckle with a stunner!!
(Crowd roars and then starts up the "PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!! PUN!!" chant. Dan Stein then lifts Jones up in a hanging suplex. Flashbulbs go off all over The Ulster Hall as Stein holds Lucifer Jones in the air. A close-up shot reveals blood dripping from Jones' head into a pool underneath him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Instead of dropping him, Stein tosses his back into the blue cage wall! Dan Stein then begins climbing up to the top turnbuckle, but Lucifer Jones climbs up right behind him. Stein tries to stop him with a right hand, but Lucifer ducks under it and atomic drops him on the top of the cage!
(A bleeding Lucifer Jones waistlocks Dan Stein then german suplexes him off the top turnbuckle!! He gets up into spits at the cage wall towards the fans, getting a heel pop in return. He grabs him by the hair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones slugs Stein in the nose with his cast, then lets Dan get up to hands and knees. Jones runs into the ropes and soccer kicks him in the nose!
Phil Blauer: Lucifer is one of the most vicious ground & pound wrestlers we have.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein gets to his feet and blocks another punch, countering with a kick to the stomach. He double underhooks Jones' arms and butterfly suplexes him!
(Dan Stein grabs him and throws him facefirst into the cage wall!! The crowd cheers wildly, and Stein steps through the ropes and russian leg sweeps the back of Lucifer's head into the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein suplexes Jones over the ropes and drops him in a jackhammer! He grabs Jones head and tries to twist it right off in a neck vice! Jones growling in pain, and Stein punches his laceration to make it bleed more.
(A trickle of blood runs down Stein's back. He climbs to the top turnbuckle but Jones gets up and shakes the ropes. Stein slips off the turnbuckle and is crotched on the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones release dragon suplexes The Punisher on to the back of the neck! He backs Stein into the corner, and starts mugging him with closed fists from that plaster cast.
Phil Blauer: Don't they usually use fiberglass for casts now?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He goes to Bob Orton's doctor.
("Fuckin cunt!" Jones screams, then backhands him with the cast. He irish whips Stein into the ropes and back body drops Dan Stein into the cage wall!! Stein pulls himself up between the ropes and the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein tries to punch Jones but Lucifer ducks and snap backdrop drivers him over the ropes back into the ring! Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle, and comes off with a leg drop but Stein rolls out of the way!
(Stein full nelsons Lucifer again, and again rams Jones' face into the cage bars! Dan Stein pulls him up on his shoulders then powerbombs him into the cage!! Lucifer Jones slides down the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein front facelocks Lucifer Jones and drops his bloody skull into the canvas with a DDT!
(Stein is climbing up the cage, looking to escape. Jones stands on the top turnbuckle, and grabs his ankle, but Stein boots Jones in the face, knocking him back to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein looking to put this feud of the year behind him and has a leg over the edge. Jones runs, springboards off the middle of the top rope, grabs onto Stein, pushes off the cage with his legs, and drops Stein on the top of his head with a backdrop driver off the top of the cage!!!
Phil Blauer: I don't believe it! That looked painful and I can't believe I saw it, like Constantine!
(The audience gives it up for that gorgeous move. He pulls up by Dan Stein and shoots him into the ropes, but Jones drop toe holds his face into the cage wall! He climbs up on Stein's back, he punches the back of his head, pressing his face into the cage bars)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Stein into the ropes and flapjacks him up into an emerald frosion into the cage bars!! Dan Stein now showing some color as well, he grabs him and headbutts Jones over & over until his blood is mixed with Stein's.
("The Punisher" Dan Stein lifts Jones up by the throat and throttles him, choking the very life out of him. He hammerlocks Jones' injured arm behind him and chicken wing suplexes him on his broken arm! The Ulster crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein lifts Jones up by his injured arm in a flying chicken wing!! Jones shrieking in a bloodcurdling pitch, as The Punisher bounces him up & down on his broken arm!
(Stein then runs and smashes Jones facefirst into a cage wall!! He yells some obscenities at Jones then gets the cage door unlocked. Right as he's trying to get through, Jones runs, springboards off the middle rope that's parallel to Stein with a moonsault legdrop fame-asser, crushing Stein between the cage and the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones saves the match there for himself.
(Jones kicks Stein back into the ring, looks at the open door, looks at Stein, looks back at the open door...then says "Fuck it." and locks the door and proceeds to kick Stein over & over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones putting the boots to The Punisher, neglecting to walk out of the cage and win. That shows you what kind of hatred these two have for one another.
Phil Blauer: Like me and Keanu Reeves, for making Constantine!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones cracks Dan with that big cast again and then pulls him up so he can butterfly Stein's arms. He pulls him up on to his shoulders in a double underhook Canadian backbreaker. Lucifer then drops him headfirst with a Death Driver!!
(The Belfast crowd jeers and pelts the blue bar steel cage with beer cups and water bottles. He pulls a bloody Stein up by the hair and backhands him with the hand with the cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein gets kicked square in the nuts and then Jones lifts him up in an electric chair. He walks near the ropes and then drops the back of Stein's head into the blue bar cage with a japanese ocean suplex!
(Lucifer Jones climbs to the top turnbuckle and tries to go over the cage. The audience comes alive when Dan Stein climbs up the ropes and grabs Jones by the back of his leather pants. He slams Jones face into the top of the cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stein headlocks Jones and hops off the top turnbuckle with a flying bulldog!! You can't hear yourself think in this small hall!
(The fans chant "PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!! PUN!!!" as Stein tries to pull himself up by the ropes. His back & shoulders are covered in blood from the seemingly deep cut on the back of his head. The laceration over his eye takes care of the front of his body. Dan Stein shakes the cage wall and then butterflies Jones arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein drives Lucifer Jones' head into the mat with a michinoku driver! He inverted facelocks The White Chapel Horror and then twists it into a test drive!!
(Dan Stein wipes some blood out of his eyes and then begins climbing out of the cage. He gets one leg over before Lucifer Jones climbs up high enough to grab hold of one leg. Jones climbs up to the top turnbuckle, but Stein slugs him a few times)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones returns a few shots of his own with that illegal cast!
Phil Blauer: Illegal? Cobryn broke his arm! What do you want him to do?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein hammers away at Jones' bloody face. Dan Stein stands up on the corner of the cage!
(Ulster Hall stands on their feet preparing for a huge spot. Dan Stein gets Jones up on his shoulders as if he is about powerbomb him, the crowd pops huge, but Jones bashes him in the face with his cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones jumps off his shoulders, lands feet first on top of the cage...
Phil Blauer Both men are a wobbly...if both of them fall we could have a draw and two parking spaces freeing up!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones regains his balance quicker, and gives Stein a fisherman's buster back down into the ring!!!
(The force of the move actually pops back up both men to their feet, with Jones falling back towards the ropes, Stein standing around in a complete daze, and Jones rebounds back off the ropes and bashes Stein in the face with a running Axe Bomber clothesline, using the cast for that extra added "ooomph", busting Stein's nose open! The crowd chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Phil Blauer: Lucifer Jones and Dan Stein putting on a match of the year candidate here in Belfast, Northern Ireland!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones sits on Dan Stein's back and pulls back on his head with one of his fingers fish hooked in his eyes, and then other scratching Stein's large laceration over his eye! Blood runs down The Punisher's face like a faucet!
(Jones tiredly staggers up to his feet and then climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He looks behind him and a smile breaks through his crimson mask. He then steps up onto the top of the giant cage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones comes off the cage with a leg drop across Dan Stein's face!!! The impact turns Stein over on to his side, with blood pouring down into a small pool by his face. Lucifer Jones front facelocks him but Stein spins out of the DDT behind him into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(Stein inverted facelocks Lucifer Jones and then drops him into an inverted neckbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "The Punisher" Dan Stein nails Twilight Hammer on Lucifer Jones!! He presses Jones over his head and runs him facefirst into the cage wall!!
(The crowd roars as a blood drenched Lucifer Jones staggers around the ring. Stein crotch-ties Jones arm through his legs and then pumphandles him up into a sit-down slam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Final Solution!!! Dan Stein walks over to the cage door and demands Mike Peters to open it.
(Robert Hunglestien III, Kilroy Evans, and Andrew Karnage pop up in front of the door. They beckon Dan Stein to walk through the cage door into their clutches)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable blocking the door, but Dan Stein not looking too concerned. He turns around to make sure Lucifer Jones is still down and gets hit flush in the face with some powder Jones had hidden in his cast!!
(Stein is blinded and clutching his face in pain, and Jones grabs him in a hangman's neckbreaker then spins him around into a facebuster with a modified Yankee Cracker on Stein!! The crowd goes crazy with boo's, and Jones pulls out a pair of steel handcuffs hidden in his boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones handcuffs Stein to the steel cage! Lucifer Jones making a run for it over that cage!
(Lucifer climbs to the top of the cage, and right before he's about to make it over, he looks down at Stein, and smiles)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's he doing?
Phil Blauer: He's doing the same thing Boone does when he straddles the cage.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: All you people ask is for me to take down the ring at night. Until someone says "Don't rub your bare genitals on the steel cage" I'm not gonna interupt a good thing.
(Lucifer Jones then proceeds to piss all over Stein from the top of the cage!!! The fans are rabid now with hatred towards Lucifer Jones. The Un-Stable leaves in disgust)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's disgusting!
Yolanda Ando: I really hate working here. I'm calling my agent and see if he can get me out of here.
Phil Blauer: Good luck, honey. Well, at least it took care of the powder on his face.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones continuing to set this industry back farther than the latest Diva search!
(Lucifer Jones finishes pissing on Stein, flips everyone off, and climbs down to the floor for the win! The bell rings and Ulster Hall showers him with beer, garbage, and spit as "Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 plays)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones wins this brutal old skool cage match, but then does himself a disservice before it's over.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 36 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Amidst all the boos, Lucifer Jones stops in the aisle, looks back at the piss covered and handcuffed Stein, laughs to himself, then runs back towards the cage door. Jones then grabs a bottle of Guinness from one of the fans, re-enters the cage, throws the referee out, and re-locks the door)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones back in the ring with a livid yet helpless Dan Stein. Jones just stands in front of him laughing, then downs half the beer, fills up his mouth, and spits all over Stein!
(The Belfast crowd jeers and boos a maniacally laughing Lucifer Jones as he bleeds down his front)
Lucifer Jones: "This bloody stout ain't fit for a REAL man to drink! Typical Irish swill..."
(Crowd freaks out again, Jones just laughs, and cracks Stein in the FACE with the bottle as hard as he can!! Stein's face explodes with blood as his nose gets broken)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn and Johnny Lee Harley run down to the ring to try and rescue Stein, but Lucifer Jones is too quick and the door is locked. Jones quickly climbs up the cage, leaps off onto the floor, and escapes to live another day!
(Cobryn and Harley help free Stein from the ropes with the use of some bull cutters while EMT's attend to his wounds. The fans are mostly numb and quiet. Cobryn's demands that the medical personnel be quicker are the only thing peircing the eerie silence)
(The Hardkore World Cameraman enters a dark locker room the only light comes from the outside in the corridor that is shining inside but when the door closes. The room is again dark. There is a figure sitting on the bench. The figure turns out to be The Shootfighter. The Hardkore World Cameraman has to adjust the camera so that the light can show The Shootfighter's face.
There is a look of hate, rage and fury on his face. The Shootfighter is all dressed and prepared for his three way West Coast Title Match with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and the Mystery Man.)
The Shootfighter: "I'm the West Coast Champion an yet in this lockerroom I don't get any light to either prepare or even see where I'm going! Well I could care less! I guess it was O'Reilly's idea seeing he thinks he can tell everyone what to do! Then again he probably paid the whole venue staff a lot of beer and whiskey to make sure I'm disrespected!"
(There is a demented giggling in the background.)
Voice: "I respect you Shootfighter! You treat me well!"
The Shootfighter: "Quiet over there."
Voice: "Okay."
(The Hardkore World Cameraman attempts to find where the voice came from but can't see the person.)
The Shootfighter: "Hey! I'm still talking or are you being paid by O'Reilly!"
(The Hardkore World Cameraman swirls back around to The Shootfighter.)
The Shootfighter: "As I was saying O'Reilly declaring yourself champion before the match begins isn't a bright idea! Then again you're so illiterate and uneducated that you think Ireland is a colonial power and that Canada is one of it's provinces! Well it isn't is it?! You think the only places you'll defend the title IF you win and you won't is in Ireland!"
Voice (Giggling): "you'll win Shootfighter."
(The Shootfighter growls angrily.)
Voice: "Sorry."
The Shootfighter: "So O'Reilly I'm going to teach you the worst lesson about being in the ring with me! One you don't disrespect me! Two you don't declare yourself a national hero! Finally you don't win titles before you actually won the match!"
(The Shootfighter slowly gets up.)
The Shootfighter: "The most important thing O'Reilly is this and you'd better listen good! You better stop predicting who the other opponent is and better do it now! I don't care who it is and I don't care if it's some veangence seeker or Nick Knight! I don't care! I'm going to be defending the title with such zeal and fury! You both won't know what hit you!"
(The Shootfighter looks like he's going to explode.)
The Shootfighter: "Mystery Man if you were the one that attacked me in Hardkore Hall! Then you signed your final contract in the promotion! I shall deal with you quite harshly! I'm one hundred percent and more! If you weren't just the same! Your manager and martial arts teacher is saying you want revenge! What did I do to you is beyond me! I shall be the one
gaining the revenge! I shall be the one who shall teach you a lesson for these false accusations!"
(The Shootfighter's stalks towards the Hardkore World Cameraman.)
The Shootfighter: "You see I don't like being accused of doing something I don't know anything about! Who was it I don't know! I do know I hate mindgames and when someone plays mindgames with me! hose who do get hurt really bad!"
Voice (Laughing): "Real bad!"
The Shootfighter (Exploding): "Didn't I tell you to be quiet! You want your electric shocks or not!"
Voice (Whimpering): "Sorry teacher."
The Shootfighter: "Good. Like I was saying I hurt people real badly when it comes to those who play mindgames with me! The hate, rage and fury shall explode and when it does it's going to leave people's bodies broken! Yours and O'Reilly no matter who it is I shall teach a lesson that you shall never forget! The West Coast Title shall be remaining with me for a while! I shall make sure that you both lose! Mystery Man you have the element of surprise on your side but I like that! It brings the best out in me and I shall be at my best! The two of you had better beware,
because The Shootfighter shall not play around! Prepare for a permanent stay in the hospital!
Prepare for Mortal Kombat!"
(The Shootfighter leads the Hardkore World Cameraman out of the lockerroom and shoves him out before closing the door as the scene fades to Guillermo & Phil)
Phil Blauer: Were you as creeped out by that as I was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: More. Get ready for the roof about to blow off. Tonight, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly wrestles in front of his hometown against the man that broke his leg in San Francisco, The Shootfighter.
(video fades to the Cow Palace with the date stamped: 3/3/05)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 1 second, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(Lucius Morgan hold up Tarrasque, Vastrix, and Bower's arms in victory. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly helps Moondog Dook to his feet and The Shootfighter walks up behind them with his singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacks "Giant" Baba O'Reilly in the back of the leg with his stainless steel singapore cane!!
(Fans cheer, and Shootfighter knocks Moondog Dook out with the singapore cane! Judge Death holds out O'Reilly's leg and Shootfighter cracks him in the leg with it again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks O'Reilly's leg with several muy thai kicks to his leg & ankle! The Shootfighter then grabs O'Reilly's leg and applies an ankle lock!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly shrieks in agony, clutching his leg. Shootfighter wrenches it as hard as he can, and Baba goes limp for a second. He pounds his balled up fists into the mat in pain. Marty Bower leaves the ring but The Warhammer Corporation approaches The Shootfighter. He sees them out of the corner of his eye and releases the ankle lock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter, a decade long enemy of The Warhammer Corporation sees them coming and backs off of Baba. He gets into his fighting stance but Jeremiah Vastrix tells him to take it easy. Vastrix picks up his stainless steel cane and Shootfighter gets ready to take it back, but Vastrix smashes Baba in the mouth with the cane!!
(Crowd cheers and Baba covers his mouth as blood runs through his fingers. Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and Vastrix rolls Baba over onto his stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix holding Baba's legs and he instructs Shootfighter to hold his arms as well. He hesitantly complies and Tarrasque hops off the top rope with a ribbreaker stomp to the back of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head!!
Phil Blauer: And people always get pissed at me when I insist you do have ribs in your head.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's possibly broken leg and applies a figure four leglock!! That woke up the passed out Giant, and he rocks back & forth trying to escape the pain, but nothing's helping!
(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps O'Reilly's head in as Shootfighter sits up to increase the pressure on his broken leg! O'Reilly passes out again, but Vastrix, Tarrasque, and now even Lucius Morgan stomp the big man in the face & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook has hit the ring again with that chain, he swings it round & round! Shootfighter, Judge Death, and The Warhammer Corporation head for the hills!
(Moondog Dook confusedly tries to stir the unconcious Irishman. He waves for EMTs. The video fades back to Ulster Hall, present day)
Phil Blauer: (shudders) I always hate it when we go to San Francisco.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Why?
Phil Blauer: You know why. Those people are everywhere. The way they dress. Waving their lifestyle in your face. Forcing me to just smile and tolerate their depraved behavior. Worse yet, they'd just love it if the whole country was just like them. How am I supposed to explain that to any of my illegitimate children?? MY CHILDREN, Guillermo. It's disgusting.
Guillermo O'Bannon: God, Phil, calm down. Gay people aren't hurting anybody.
Phil Blauer: Gay people? I'm talking about Niners fans. Jeez, Guillermo, what a homophobe.
Yolanda Ando: Yeah, Guillermo. Why do you always have to be so judgemental?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Not cool, dude. Not cool at all. My Dad's gay.
("Real Solution #9" by White Zombie plays and the audience buzzes with confusion. The lights go out and BOOM! Fireworks go off and out comes a man with a hood over his head. He puts a thumb under it and looks to the left, then looks to the right and then forward as he quickly jerks the hood back and stretches both his arms outward)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Zack Daniels! Former AWF Champion!
Phil Blauer: Right...who?
Guillermo O'Bannon: WMW & GPW star Zack Daniels was trained by his uncle Nick Knight and apparantly has handed over his West Coast title shot to him. Nick felt that Hardkore World had no code of conduct and no order so he gave his title shot to his young nephew who is more suitable in this environment. He's also the current PWA Hell Belt Champion.
Phil Blauer: Hell Belt?
Yolanda Ando: Nick Knight wears blue and red medium sized tights with his initals "ZD" written on his ass. The design is the "Z" overlapping the "D". His ring attire is AJ Styles's entrance attire. Same colors as the tights and it says "Excellent" on the back of the hoodie with a big "Z" under it.
Phil Blauer: You know with all the initials, you'd think we would have figured it out earlier.
Guillermo O'Bannon: (shrugs) I thought it was Ziggy Diaz.
Phil Blauer: Who's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I dunno.
(Daniels then slowly saunters to the ring ignoring the Belfast fans and then rolls in where he sits in one corner and awaits his opponents)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Belfast Death Match for the HARDKORE WEST COAST TITLE! When a man is pinned and cannot answer the 10 count he will be eliminated. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 216 pounds...'THE ELEGANCE OF EXCELLENCE' ZACK DANIELS!!!"
(The fans give him a mixed reaction. Then U2 rips into their version of The Who's "Baba O'Reilly". The Belfast audience nearly blows the roof off of Ulster Hall. Giant Baba O'Reilly and Moondog Dook step through the curtain and make their way to ringside. The Belfast fans chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly slaps the hands of his countrymen then steps over the ropes into the ring. He recently scored his first Hardkore win in Iawata, Japan over Bakemono Bokuden. He's also said he's going to back up Syberus in his match later on tonight with "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix.
(The fans continue to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Phil Blauer: Listen to this crowd, this guy's bigger than whiskey out here!
Yolanda Ando: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly wears an old school giant black one peice singlet, with a big green shamrock on the back. He's got a red hair and a bushy mustache. He's got a tattoo of the Ireland flag on his left arm with the word "mother" written underneath it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Moon...Dog...Dook! From Dublin, Ireland standing 7 foot 1, weigh-
(O'Reilly inturrupts Kasal and furiously whispers something in his ear. Meanwhile the audience continues to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Standing 7 foot 1 and 3/4 inches, weighing 325 pounds...'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY!!!"
(The Ulster Hall fans applaud and chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!" Then "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays and the fans boo. Judge Death walks out and gets blasted with a full cup of beer. He tries to ignore it and keep walking. The Shootfighter steps out next and is hit with loogies, full cups of beer, and wadded up programs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans really letting Shootfighter have it for fighting their countrymen.
Phil Blauer: I thought we were in NORTHERN Ireland. Jeez, if I said that you would have been all over me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Since winning the Hardkore West Coast title from Big Bad Bill in Seattle, Washington in April he has defended that title against "The Extremist" Tony Thunder in a brutal match. But I don't think he's ever had to defend any title he's ever had in such hostile conditions.
Yolanda Ando: The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. Underneath the robe, he proudly wears the Hardkore West Coast title belt around his waist. Judge Death wears a Salem witch trial style wig & robe, a gargoyles mask and black boots & wields a cane with a gargoyles head on it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And accompanied to the ring by Judge Death; He hails from Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(The Belfast crowd boos, tossing full cups of beer at the ring, drenching Judge Death, Kasal, Peters, Daniels, Dook & O'Reilly. Mike Peters signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter comes up from behind "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and hits him with a forearm to his groin! Zack Daniels DDTs O'Reilly!
(Zack Daniels kips up to his feet and catches some boos. The Shootfighter hits Daniels in the throat with a knife edge chop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter hits Daniels in the throat with another chop. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly double ax handles Daniels from behind. The Shootfighter german suplexes Daniels!
(The Shootfighter turns around into a knee into his stomach from "Giant" Baba O'Reilly! The audience cheers. He scoops The Shootfighter up and walks him around the ring, charging the drunken rowdy crowd up to a fever pitch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly slams The Shootfighter from seven feet in the air! He turns around into a clothesline from Zack Daniels but he no sells it.
(The fans reach a fever pitch as O'Reilly beats his chest like an animal. Zack Daniels handsprings into a back elbow that knocks him back a little. O'Reilly staggers back and Daniels whacks him with a running enzuigiri)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly still not going down. The Shootfighter now takes over on him with some muy thai strikes over & over to his nose. He bounces into the ropes with a studded forearm pad with a russian sickle, and O'Reilly goes down like a redwood!
(The Shootfighter smacks Daniels in the chest with a few dragon claw strikes. Daniels catches one of his dragon claw strikes and arm drags The Shootfighter over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels runs into the ropes and spinning head scissors "Giant" Baba O'Reilly over and then pulls him back up into a russian leg sweep!
(Shootfighter swings at him with a muy thai strike but Daniels ducks and back suplexes him around into a blue thunder bomb!! Daniels runs into the ropes and hits O'Reilly with a flying body press but the giant catches him and powerslams him! The crowd leaps up and celebrates chanting "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly holds The Shootfighter up in a hanging suplex, showing off that awesome power!
Phil Blauer: He's not dropping him!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience counting how long O'Reilly can hold him up.
Audience: 1!
Audience: 2!
Audience: 3!
Audience: 4!
Audience: 5!
Audience: 6!
Audience: 7!
Audience: 8!
Audience: 9!
Audience: 10!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly drops The Shootfighter in a hightower suplex! Daniels tries to attack O'Reilly but he's ready for him with another knee in Daniels' stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly scoops Daniels up but Zack falls behind him in a reverse DDT! The Shootfighter takes advantage and bludgeons O'Reilly with some forearm smashes to the back of his head.
(The Shootfighter wraps up O'Reilly's legs with an inverted indian deathlock. Zack Daniels stomps O'Reilly about the head & face. Shootfighter pushes himself off the mat to get better leverage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter working down that leg he broke in April.
Phil Blauer: That healed fast.
"Giant" Baba O'Reilly: (from inside the ring) "I'm a giant!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter releases The Shootfighter Leglock. He turns around and hits Daniels in the armpit with a muy thai kick, then another one down by his kidneys. Shootfighter irish whips Daniels into the ropes, but Zack reverses it into a monkey flip!
(Zack Daniels t-bone suplexes Shootfighter! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes off the second turnbuckle with a double ax handle to both Daniels & Shootfighter. He applies a sleeper hold to Zack Daniels)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly lifts Daniels off his feet with a sleeper! Daniels beginning to go limp as O'Reilly uses those giant tattooed arms to choke off all of his air. He releases it and pulls Daniels' head into his legs. He pulls him up into a piledriver!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The Ulster Hall cheers wildly as Mike Peters lays in the count)
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly starts laying in to The Shootfighter with lefts and rights)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly, a former boxer, peppering Shootfighter with hard jabs.
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up by the ropes then steps through the ropes out on to the apron. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly sticks Shootfighter with a jab but Shootfighter misses one and returns the volley with a muy thai strike to his breastplate)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter muy thai strikes O'Reilly in his lower ribs. He then pounds O'Reilly in his chest with several heart punches. Then he goes to work with several muy thai kicks to the back.
(Zack pulls himself on to the middle of the top rope and springboards off into a spinning wheel kick to "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's face!! The crowd boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels smacks The Shootfighter upside the head with a Heartbreaker superkick! He butterflies The Shootfighter's arms and then drives him facefirst into the mat with a pedigree!
(The fans cheer, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Shootfighter up onto his shoulder. He drops Zack from seven feet in the air with a giant powerbomb!! The crowd leaps to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: You can hardly hear yourself think in here while the referee makes the count!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(Judge Death pounds on the apron trying to wake Shootfighter up)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
(Shootfighter pulls himself up by the corner. Zack Daniels grabs him in a three quarter nelson and runs up the turnbuckles flipping into a Sliced Bread #2!! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly runs into the ropes and drops a big leg drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly irish whips Zack Daniels into the ropes and cracks him in the face with My Left Foot big foot!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop, chanting "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!")
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Judge Death rolls the stainless steel singapore cane over to Shootfighter and he picks it up. Shootfighter smashes Giant Baba O'Reilly over the head with the cane!! He goes down like a ton of bricks! Shootfighter covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters counting both Baba and Daniels down!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(The Shootfighter leans against the corner, trying to recover from the sliced bread & leg drop)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Zack Daniels both stir a little and try to get back to their feet)
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Guillermo O'Bannon: The first man to his feet will stay in the hunt for Hardkore West Coast Championship!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up to his feet, and stands up. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's injured leg buckles under his massive size)
Referee Mike Peters: 10!
(The bell rings and Ulster Hall rocks with boos)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 13 minutes 5 seconds; 'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans trying their best to get into the ring.
Phil Blauer: Mike Peters looks like he's gonna wet himself...some more.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacked his hated nemesis with that singapore cane and nearly eliminated both men! He begins whackin Daniels in the ankles with some muy thai kicks. He trips Daniels with a double leg takedown, then turns him over into a sharpshooter!
(Daniels balls his fists up in pain while The Shootfighter rocks back as far as he can. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly rolls out of the ring, while the audience continues to chant "BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!! BABA!!" He waves at them as he limps back to the locker room with Moondog Dook's help)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter plants his foot as he continues to lean back almost in a liontamer position with that scorpion deathlock.
Phil Blauer: What's he doing? He can't win by submission. He may as well be climbing a ladder or getting someone's tuxedo off first.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter turns it into an ankle lock! He stands over Daniels wrenching his foot to the side.
(Zack Daniels rolls over onto his back and works his way back up to hopping on one foot. He swings around into an enzuigiri but Shootfighter ducks and reapplies the anklelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels fights his way up to one foot again and this time is succesful with a monkey flip. He shoots himself into the ropes and comes back with a spinning DDT!!
(Audience applauds, adapting to Zack more than Shootfighter. Zack Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckles and comes off with a float over leg drop!! Ulster Hall applauds, and Daniels bounces into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter catches him in a high cross body and drops him in a backbreaker! He hangs onto him and flips him over into a powerslam. The Shootfighter spinning toe holds him and drops down into a figure four leglock to the leg he's been working down all night.
(Shootfighter clamps down on Daniels' twisted legs. He sits up and grunts his teeth in pain. Mike Peters looks on helplessly, while Judge Death applauds on the outside. Shootfighter then grabs on to the second rope for leverage)
Phil Blauer: Shootfighter using the ropes but that's legal in Belfast Death Match. Anything goes. In fact, you can park in a handicap zone during this match.
Yolanda Ando: You're already parked there.
Phil Blauer: That's cause I'm handicapped. Being ticklish is nothing to laugh about.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Malaysian Giant hoping if Zack Daniels can't stand, he can't answer the bell. The Shootfighter releases the figure four and pulls him up into a lightning quick snap suplex.
(Shootfighter pops his hips and pulls him up into a second snap suplex. He rolls him up into a hard third getting the audience to boo. Judge Death slides a table into the ring and Shootfighter leans it up against the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter belly to belly suplexes Zack Daniels through the press table in the corner!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
(Shootfighter stands in the corner with his arms folded, as Daniels lies in a pile of rubble)
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
(Zack Daniels pulls himself up by the ropes, and The Shootfighter irish whips Daniels into the ropes. Daniels hops onto the middle of the second rope, and backflips into an asai DDT)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels waistlocks Shootfighter and drops him on his head with a dangerous backdrop driver!! He climbs to the top turnbuckle and corkscrews into a 450 splash!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
(The Shootfighter pulls himself up, and Zack drop toe holds Shootfighter's throat on the second rope. Daniels runs into the ropes and jumps through the ropes into a 619 dropkick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle, and backflips into a shooting star press but Shootfighter puts his knees up into his stomach!! SHe picks Zack up into a human torture rack!
(Shootfighter spins around and round, bending Daniels' spine across his shoulders. He then drops down into a samoan drop. Shootfighter applies a cobra clutch and wraps his legs around Zack Daniels wraps his legs around Shootfighter's body)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter arches his back backwards while squeezing all the air out of Daniels' body! Meanwhile on the outside, Judge Death is setting up another table on the arena floor. Shootfighter releases The ShootClutch and pulls him through the ropes on to the apron. Shootfighter half nelsons Daniels and t-bone suplexes him off the apron through the table on the floor!!
(Fans boo and jeer, throwing beer cups at Death & Shootfighter. Blak Lung comes out from the dressing room, with a spool of barbed wire. He uses it to bat away the garbage and debris thrown at him by the Belfast crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter wraps the barbed wire around Zack Daniels' face and blood runs freely from the barbs! He rakes the jagged edges across The Elegance of Excellence's forehead!!
Phil Blauer: Nick Knight's Knephew is a bloody mess!
(The Shootfighter pulls Daniels up by his hair, but Daniels hits him low. He butterflies Shootfighter's arms and double underhook powerbombs him on The Ulster Hall floor!! The fans cheer and a bloody Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels flips off the top with a corkscrew shooting star press on the floor!!! Unbelievable!
(Fans cheer, chanting "ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!! ZACK!!" He wipes the blood out of his eyes and rolls Shootfighter into the ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Daniels rolls into the ring and knocks his lights out with a shining wizard kick!! He covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
(The Shootfighter pulls himself up by the ropes, but Zack Daniels arm drags him over. Shootfighter staggers up again and armdrags him a second time)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Zack Daniels climbs to the top turnbuckle and spins off with a spiral tap but there's no water in the pool!! The Shootfighter double underhooks Daniels up and then down across his back with The ShootBreaker!! He pins him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1!
Referee Mike Peters: 2!
Referee Mike Peters: 3!
Referee Mike Peters: 4!
Referee Mike Peters: 5!
Referee Mike Peters: 6!
Referee Mike Peters: 7!
Referee Mike Peters: 8!
Referee Mike Peters: 9!
Referee Mike Peters: 10!
(The bell rings and Ulster Hall rains garbage down on the ring as "Mortal Kombat" by The Immortals plays on the PA system. Judge Death and Blak Lung enter the ring with Shootfighter's Hardkore West Coast title belt)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter has outlast "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & "The Elegance of Excellence" Zack Daniels to retain his Hardkore West Coast Championship.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 6 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH AND STILL HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!"
(Blak Lung and Judge Death congratulate The Shootfighter as he straps the title belt around his waist. Cups, balled up programs, and water bottles bounce off the three men)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter continues his reign as Hardkore West Coast Champion in some of the harshest conditions in the World!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is the match to determine who will leave Northern Ireland bald. Cobryn has had a nightmare lately with two time former Hardkore World Champion Cyrus Williams. After kidnapping Cyrus' personal ring announcer Paul Mannetti, Cyrus cost him the Hardkore America Championship in Palm Springs. Now he teams up with Johnny Lee Harley to take on Cyrus Williams & "Saikyo Terrorist" Tatsuya Arakawa, and the losing team will be shaved bald.
[The arena lights cut out completely. Over the PA comes a chant from the Muhammed Ali movie accompanied by a war drum beat. Intelligent white lights bounce along to the chant itself. As this happens, six young men dressed in in black t-shirts and grey athletic pants walk into the arena and roll a red carpet down the aisle, all the way to the ring.]
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE
#THE CHAMP IS HERE.
[The chant stops completely, as do the intelligent lights. The carpet rollers line the aisles as "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode begins to play.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Out of the curtain first is his cornermen, Jinn Blaze, Michael Maxwell, Bludd, Tatsuya Arakawa, and Joe Charleston, clad in grey and black velour sweatsuits with "REVIVE STRONG STYLE" written on the back. Blaze, Bludd, and Charleston all carry large towels while Arakawa & Maxwell sport a can of cold spray and a bucket of ice respectively. They begin to make their way down the aisle, past the carpet rollers.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
[Next comes Tom Lux, power broker and agent, dressed in a sharp suit . Black coat, red shirt, black tie. He carries a briefcase. He follows the cornermen. Suddenly, a large shower of grey pyros come down from the ceiling as the first verse begins.]
#Feeling unknown when you're all alone
#Flesh and bone by the telephone
#Pick up the receiver I'll make you a believer
#Take second best, put me to the test
#Things on your chest you need to confess
#I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver
[Finally, Cyrus Williams steps out into the arena, through the pyros. He wears a long black and grey ring robe with a hood, which he flips up once he's completely out in the arena.]
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
#REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH
[Trash begins to get hurled at Cyrus as he walks down the aisle, his cocky smile never fading from his face.]
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who cares
#Your own personal Jesus
#Someone to hear your prayers
#Someone who's there
Guillermo O'Bannon: A chair comes flying out from the audience to Tatsuya Arakawa's head! It's Cobryn! Johnny Lee Harley is next over the railing with his branding iron, and takes it to Cyrus' skull!!
(The audience boos, "The Punisher" Dan Stein runs out from the audience with medical gauze wrapped around his head & forehead. Cobryn pulls Cyrus up onto the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Cyrus up into a suplex then jackhammers him off the apron to The Ulster Hall floor!!
(The fans continue to boo, Dan Stein powerbombs Tatsuya Arakawa on the guardrail!! Johnny Lee Harley butterflies Cyrus' arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Johnny Lee Harley double arm DDTs Cyrus Williams skull into the concrete!! Cobryn lifts Arakawa up into a crucifix and then drops him headfirst into The Ulster Hall floor with a DDT!!
(Ulster Hall boos as Cobryn, Stein, and Harley have laid out their foes. Johnny Lee Harley then chases his entourage to the back with his branding iron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Dan Stein hands Cobryn a pair of electric clippers. The Punisher holds Cyrus Williams down while Cobryn grabs some of his long shaggy hair and begins buzzing it.
Phil Blauer: He's getting the dessert without eating his dinner!
(The crowd boos as Stein uses his awesome power to hold Williams down with his powerful arms as Cobryn shaves his head bald)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn picks up clumps of Cyrus' hair and throws it up in the air!
(Johnny Lee Harley and "The Punisher" Dan Stein walk up and see if Cobryn's ready to go. He's still gleefully dancing around in Cyrus Williams' hair, and oblivious)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cyrus Williams seems like he's coming to, and so Cobryn is suddenly done dancing. The three leave a bald Cyrus Williams and a bloody Tatsuya Arakawa in the aisleway.
(Cobryn, "The Punisher" Dan Stein, and Johnny Lee Harley walk out under a rain of garbage and beer cups. Cobryn tosses peices of hair back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn afraid of actually wrestling Cyrus Williams in a match, so just attacks him and shaves his head anyway. That's disgusting.
Phil Blauer: Cobryn has a very important title match for the Hardkore World Championship in Phoenix next month! He can't risk injury in a hair vs. hair match in this god forsaken swamp land. Who is he, Beefcake?
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience & "The Extremist" Tony Thunder won the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Title from The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter at Palm Springs Punishment in a controversial scaffold match. Tonight, they put those titles on the line against three time former Hardkore World Champion "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, Big Bad Bill, and The Microshocker: The Dark Ryderz Movement.
("Block Rockin Beats" by Chemical Brothers plays and smoke fills the entrance ramp and black lights cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Big Bad Bill, Rally Jackson, and The Microshocker appears through the smoke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill won the Hardkore World Heavyweight title over Cyrus Williams in Palm Springs last month. On that same show, Rally Jackson interrupted the Hall of Fame ceremony to put himself over and call out Andrew Sinclair.
Phil Blauer: Quite a night for the Dark Ryderz Movement. It was like Emmy night for The Sopranos.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker makes his return to the ring tonight as well, replacing the often misplaced Boss Rotten. Tonight they hope to take their place among the company's top stable. When Big Bad Bill heads back to the States, he has his first title defense against Cobryn at America West Arena in Phoenix, Arizona.
Yolanda Ando: Big Bad Bill wears indigo cotton pants with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship wrapped around his waist. Black boots that go to mid-shin, and a black belt with an indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves. Rally Jackson wears a green capoeira gui with yellow trim. Boss Rotten wears a similar one and is also barefoot.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!! His partner is accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Bad Boy King Kong; From Seattle, Washington; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds...THE MICROSHOCKER!! And from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!! They are THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
(The audience gives them a mixed reaction, and then "Go To Sleep" by Eminem, Obie Trice, and DMX plays. "The Extremist" Tony Thunder skateboards down the ramp followed by Bruno and Stan "The Tank" Wilson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Black Experience recently on a losing streak, losing to the Miracle Violence Combination in San Diego, then losing a threeway dance in Palm Springs with them and High Maintenance.
Yolanda Ando: Tony Thunder wears wears a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belt around his waist, blue elbow and knee pads. Stan Wilson wears black leather trunks with the words "Big Tank" embroided on the back, and an image of a small tank on the front with the six man belt slung over his shoulder. Black elbow pad, as well as black wrist tape on the left arm. Black hand and wrist tape on his Chokeslam Hand. Black kneepads, with ankle length black leather boots to complete the outfit. Bruno wears red tight with the six man title belt around his waist.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents; first from Malibu Beach, California; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!! And from Compton, California; Standing an amazing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!! His partner is from Birmingham, Alabama; Standing 6 feet 10 inches tall; Weighing 325 pounds...BRUNO!! They are THE HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE BLACK EXPERIENCE!!"
(The fans cheer and Bruno, Thunder, & Wilson hand Ron Reid their Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts. He holds them up and then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill goes to lock up with Thunder, but he fireman's carries Bill over. He irish whips Bill into the ropes and then drives him into the mat with a spinebuster!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill gets up and begins whacking at Tony Thunder's chest with karate chops.
Phil Blauer: The audience "Woo"ing like Ric Flair when Baby Doll had one too many.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill irish whips Thunder into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Thunder catches him and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulders up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder tags in Bruno. Bruno irish whips Big Bad Bill into the ropes and flapjacks him in the air and Thunder comes off the other side of the ropes and drops down into a hangman's neckbreaker!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno german suplexes Big Bad Bill!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Bill up by the arm and twists it. He stands up onto the top turnbuckle. He tightrope walks using his arm for balance, but Boss Rotten shakes the ropes and crotches Bruno on the top strand!
(Big Bad Bill knocks Bruno off with a yakuza kick! The audience boos, and Big Bad Bill grabs him in a three quarter nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill runs up the turnbuckles in an acid drop! Bill pulls Bruno up and tries to toss him over his shoulder in a judo toss, but Bruno's still big. Bruno turns it into an unprettier!!
(Bruno tags in Stan "The Tank" Wilson and they both climb to the top turnbuckle. Bruno comes off with a big splash and then rolls out of the way so that Stan Wilson can come off with a leg drop off the top rope!! Stan Wilson hooks Bill's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson raises his arm, signalling for the chokeslam, but Bill chop blocks the back of his knee. He spinning toe holds Wilson's legs down into a figure four leglock where he's sitting on Stan's limbs!! The Jailhouse Lock!!
(The crowd boos, and Bill bounces up & down on Wilson's twisted legs. Ron Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out, but Stan shakes his head "no". The 6'10 Wilson lays back and is able to grab the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid forces Big Bad Bill to release The Jailhouse Lock. Big Bad Bill bounces into the ropes, Stan Wilson staggers to his feet, catches Bill with a black hole slam!! Wilson bounces into the ropes and leg drops him.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wilson irish whips Bill, but Bill reverses it and shoots Wilson into the turnbuckles. He hops onto the middle of the second rope and then hops back into a DDT!!
(Big Bad Bill tags in The Microshocker who climbs up to the top turnbuckle. He comes off the top with a butt bomb to Stan Wilson's chest)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker applies an STF to Stan Wilson! He pulls up on Stan's giant head, but looks like he's having a hard time hanging on to that bucking bronco. Wilson powers out of it and then pulls The Shock up over his shoulders than slams him down headfirst in an alabama slammer!
(Stan Wilson irish whips The Microshocker and then knocks him out with a flying shoulder tackle! The Microshocker pokes Stan Wilson in the eye and tags in "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson. Big Bad Bill comes in as well and grabs Stan in a waistlock. Rally Jackson comes off the ropes with a mafia kick, which Bill turns into a release german suplex!! The Belfast crowd applauds and Rally covers Stan)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Stan Wilson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally Jackson climbs to the top turnbuckle. Stan Wilson gets to his feet and Rally backflips into a shooting star senton!! The audience applauds louder! Rally irish whips Stan into the ropes and Stan comes back with a big boot to the face! Stan presses Rally over his head and then drops him into a spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Wilson irish whips Jackson into the corner. He follows him in with an avalanche, but Rally’s ready for him with a kick to the head. Rally leans him in the corner and then cartwheels into a pinwheel roundhouse tidal wave kick! Stan staggers out and tags in Tony Thunder. Thunder runs up to Rally and flips him across the ring with a monkey flip! He applies an abdominal stretch.
Phil Blauer: : These two had a brutal cage match in Las Vegas back in January. They’ve yet to kiss and make up so the heat still exists between them and you can tell whenever they are in the same match.
Guillermo O’Bannon: Thunder uses those three inches he has on Jackson to hook this abdominalo stretch in extra snug. Jackson hiptosses out of it! He half nelsons Thunder then drops him in a storm cradle driver!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally gets behind Thunder then drops him into a gory driver!! He lifts him up into a burning hammer but The Extremist lands on his feet behind him. Belly to back suplex by Tony Thunder!
(Thunder tags in Bruno, and the giant comes in and lifts Rally up in an electric chair. Tony Thunder climbs to the top turnbuckle and then clotheslines Jackson off Bruno’s shoulders!! The crowd roars, and Bruno makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Bruno lifts up Rally by the throat and chokeslams him hard into the mat, and the fans are deafening! He flexes for the crowd, then lifts Rally up in a suplex, he tries to drop him in a uranage but Rally reverses on the way down with a flatliner!!
(The crowd applauds the reversal and Rally takes over on Tony Thunder. Rally sits on him with a cattle mutilation! He pulls back on Bruno’s neck, head, & arms while Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps. Stan and Tony Thunder root him on from the apron)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Tigerheart has control of the big man with the cattle mutilation submission. He releases him just long enough to pull him to his knees and tattoo him with a stiff shining wizard!
(Fans wince at the impact of Rally’s bare foot cracking Bruno’s face. Rally climbs to the top rope and waists for Bruno to walk into his killzone. He then front flips over into a rocker dropper from the top rope)
Guillermo O’Bannon: From Rio With Love!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Rally inverted facelocks Bruno then steps up on to the second turnbuckle. He twists off the ropes into an inverted tornado DDT!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Tony Thunder comes in and stomps the back of Rally’s head)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Stan Wilson steps over the ropes as well and we have a pier six brawl! Tony Thunder superkicks Big Bad Bill he turns around...and Stan Wilson has Thunder by the throat!!
(Audience reacts with shock as Stan Wilson chokeslams his partner Tony Thunder into oblivion! Scattered fans boo Stan, and The Dark Ryderz Movement look on in shock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan just chokeslammed his own partner! He fireman's carries the giant Bruno onto his shoulders then drops him into an implant DDT he calls The Tank Drop!!!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos as Stan Wilson steps over the ropes and begins walking back to the locker room. He bats away water bottles and beer cups being thrown at him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe what I just saw, Stan Wilson just turned his back on The Black Experience!
Phil Blauer: Well, technically he turned his back on The Black Experience and the big goofy white guy that hung out with them, but it's shocking just the same.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Meanwhile, inside the ring, Big Bad Bill side backbreakers Bruno and Rally climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rally backflips into a shooting star elbow drop to Bruno’s face, bending him in half on Bill’s knee!!! The audience gives a standing ovation for that move and Rally covers Bruno!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: We have new champions!
("Headless Children" by WASP fills Ulster Hall as the audience gives a mixed reaction, but mostly cheers. The Microshocker grabs the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Title belts and Big Bad Bill's Hardkore World Heavyweight title belt and hands them to his partners)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 10 minutes 55 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dark Ryderz Movement hold up their new Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title belts and the Northern Ireland gives them their respect.
Phil Blauer: Someone who gets no respect is Stan Wilson, who sold out his boys, for what? It's disgusting.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, you sell out your boys all the time. You told the airline that Boone was chanting the koran in the bathroom just so you could get more room on your flight.
Phil Blauer: I need somewhere to put my fondue set!
(Big Bad Bill slings both title belts over his shoulder while Rally and The Microshocker stand on opposing turnbuckles with the belts lofted over their heads in celebration. Suddenly the audiences attention is directed to the entranceway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable are standing in the wings, applauding.
Phil Blauer: I think that's sarcasm, Guillermo. I can't tell.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is, Phil. Robert Hunglestien motioning that those titles are his with that "waisty" motion.
Phil Blauer: The Un-Stable are pooping on their parade!
(Fade out as the two groups hurl insults at one another from safe distances)
(Eagerly awaiting word from her absent-minded manager, Mister Fame, Horror Girl paces back and forth in the backstage locker room. Bernice Biggs, well-endowed assistant to Mister Fame, enters the stage, sipping on her foamy latte. Yes, we’d all like to sip on her foamy latte, but that’s not what this promo’s about. Well, give me a few beers and I’ll probably be drunk enough to post one up next month.)
(Horror Girl pauses, looking up to Bernice, half expecting the sound of those high heel footsteps to be that of Mister Fame’s. Again, give me a few beers and I’ll probably be able to explain that one. Horror lets out a frustrated zombie groan before turning away and going back to her pacing.)
Bernice Biggs: That’s odd… (She says, glancing around) Where is Mister Fame? After we got off the plane, he said he needed to take care of some business and we haven’t seen him since.
(Horror Girl stops in her steps and then looks to Bernice with a malicious glare. Uncomfortably, Biggs turns around to advert her eyes and stares off screen.)
Bernice Biggs: Ya know, you shouldn’t be so hard on Mister Fame.
(Horror Girl tilts her head; half interested what she has to say this time.)
Bernice Biggs: After all, he did get you that title shot against Ayame. It was you who lost it to Turner.
(Before Bernice could feel the cold and stinging touch of steel chair against her head, Fame comes running down the hall, dressed only in his boxer shorts. Fame quickly snags the chair from Horror’s grip and turns her around. Bernice looks back only to see a near naked Fame holding back an enraged Horror Girl.)
Bernice Biggs: Mister Fame… for the last time, I told you that the only way I’m going to have a threesome with you and Horror is if Black Lung actually wins the lightweight title. In other words, never…..
…
<___< >___>
(Fans across the world suddenly become Blak Lung marks. Seriously, I’ll write it if he wins. Hell, Xyrynth has a porno written out on another site. If she can do it, I can do it too. Only it won’t bore you to tears. Oh shit, I’m breaking the fourth wall! Back to the promo…)
Mister Fame: Huh? Oh, this? No, no! This is what Jonnie Valentine ordered me to do.
Bernice Biggs: Is that… make-up on your face? And look at your arms. They’re all bitten up.
Mister Fame: Y-eah. Jonnie said I had to buy Death Gojira a PSP… I had to deliver it to him dressed up as a clown while being attacked by wild dogs. I…really need to sit down.
Horror Girl: Did you say, Gojira? Did you have a chance to talk with him?
Mister Fame: Well… I couldn’t really get a word in with all the laughing and… being unconscious from all the pain.
(Horror Girl shakes her head and starts to walk away, but just then, bumps into Death Gojira, who's playing with his brand new PSP. Horror Girl hisses, but then realizes who he is and backs up just a little. Gojira “skreeornghks” and dusts his chest off from the living dead Horror Girl left on him and looks up.)
Death Gojira: Skreeeooorrnnnghk! Really ladies… When Jonnie said we could invite a guest to watch the show from backstage, but I don’t think he meant to invite just any hobo from the streets. That is, unless he’s here to audition for Jonnie’s Hardkore World Bum Fight division.
Mister Fame: Gojira? What are you doing here? You said that Valentine would be here waiting to give me the news on what he has planned.
Death Gojira: You know… I’ve known some really stupid people in my life, but you really take the cake. Literally. You take the cake, and you run. And I want my fucking cake back.
Mister Fame: I don’t get what you’re saying.
Death Gojira: (insanely) Skreeeooornghk! Baka! Baka! Baka! BAAAAKKAAAAAA! I was the one that called you, pretending to be Jonnie Valentine! Me! Death Gojira! Desu Gojillllaaaaaah! Muahahaha!
Mister Fame: Ooohhh… that would explain all the skreeornking. Hey wait a minute! You tricked me!
Death Gojira: (calmly) Really? When did you figure this out?
Mister Fame: Not cool, Gojira. I got rabies because of you.
Death Gojira: Relax, Billy Gunn. I just talked with Mister Valentine.
Mister Fame: Really? Are you serious? What did he say?
Death Gojira: Hell if I should know. I was too busy getting my NecroMage-Warrior to level 80 when he was talking. Look, if Hardkore Jonnie has anything planned, he'll do it. Trust me, I've worked for him for years. Just go back to whatever the hell you had planned to do tonight and stop worrying about it.
Mister Fame: Oh… well… okay.
(Gojira nods and takes a few steps back before turning around and heading down the hall.)
Death Gojira: And take your hand out of your fucking pants!
(Fame nearly doubles over as he quickly pulls out his hand from out of his boxers. “How does he fucking do it?” he shouts as Bernice and Horror give Fame a really troubled look.)
Bernice Biggs: Really, do you need to do that in public?
Mister Fame: I… think I have a problem.
(Horror Girl shakes her head and shoves Fame aside as she goes follow Gojira. Scene cuts to Michael Heath standing in the center of the ring)
Michael Heath: "Good evening. Whenever Hardkore World comes to Northern Ireland it is an excellent chance to see the type of action only Hardkore World can present. Since Rotterdam Wrestling Superstars closed it's doors in 2001, the United Kingdom has not been able to see Hardkore wrestling, save for tonight's event. That is however, until now. I am happy to announce that I am opening Hardkore Britan!!"
(Ulster Hall lets out a huge pop and the air horns begin going off)
Michael Heath: "That is correct, for the first time ever. England has it's very own Hardkore World region, and I'd like to thank you here tonight because it is because of your attendance and enthusiasm that Jonnie Valentine has decided to come here to stay!"
(Michael Heath nods in appreciation to the fans as they chant "HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!! HARD-KORE BRITAIN!!" He leaves the ring, waving back to the cheering audience)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow, what an announcement! Hardkore World is expanding to the United Kingdom! It's sure to be a different style of Hardkore! But coming up,...
Phil Blauer: Wait a minute, Boone looks glum! What is it, Matt?
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (sighs) Nothin, Unkey Phil.
Phil Blauer: I'm not your uncle, Matthew.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Unkey Phil, it's just that Tammy said some pretty mean things about me in one of her promos from Mexico...
Guillermo O'Bannon: ...actually she did that down the street.
Phil Blauer: Matt, come sit on my lap.
Yolanda Ando: Don't fall for it, Matt.
(Matt sits on Phil's knee, Phil's eyes bulge out from the weight)
Phil Blauer: First of all, Mexico is a very, VERY dirty word. It's for Mommys and Daddy's to say and I never want to hear it coming out of your mouth ever again.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (Shrugs) Yessir.
Phil Blauer: And third of all, always remember that Tammy is a very, VERY nasty girl. She lets very, VERY dirty men put very, VERY filthy things in her very, VERY private place. And when girls do that, they get very, VERY painful infections in very, VERY bad areas of their body. So sometimes they get very, VERY cranky and say very, VERY mean things about very, VERY nice boys. You understand, slugger?
(Phil slides his fist along Boone's chin)
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yeah, I think I do.
Phil Blauer: Ok, now run along and get me Ashley's cell number.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (salutes) Yessir!
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Palm Springs, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner defeated Horror Girl in a steel cage match to win the Hardkore World Women's Championship in a match she wasn't even supposed to be in. On the same show, Tamara Sanchez defeated Vagabond to win the first shot at that title. Tonight, in Northern Ireland, they meet in a rematch from San Francisco...
(Video fades out to Tamara Sanchez's title defense against Anjanette Turner in San Francisco, dated 3/7/05)
(Tamara Sanchez climbs out to the apron and slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy hits Turner with a springboard bulldog!! Turner jumps on the second rope and spits on some fans in the front row!
Phil Blauer: Normally they pay for that kind of treatment. I recognize them from group.
---
(Turner fireman's carries Sanchez on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. Anjanette climbs up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner goes for the gut wrench but Sanchez back elbows out of it. She facelocks Turner and delivers a twist of fate off the top rope!!!
--
(Tamara Sanchez pulls something out of her boot and puts her fingers through it. Turner pulls her up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slugs Anjanette Turner across the face with those brass knuckles!
(The Cow Palace crowd cries bloody murder and Sanchez tosses the knucks out of the ring. She covers a ko'd Turner)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
---
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner comes off the second rope with an inverted tornado DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
---
(Anjanette atomic drops Tammy on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Turner steps up onto the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner with a super splash mountain!! She runs into the ropes and handsprings into a moonsault splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Tamara Sanchez puts her foot on the bottom rope)
---
(Horror Girl comes up from behind Tammy and locks in an inverted facelock. She lifts Tammy up and then drops a reversed ace crusher)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl delivers a Oh, The Horror to Sanchez knocking her unconcious!! This is Turner's match for the taking...but Turner isn't covering Tammy. She looks at Horror Girl leaving the ring and grabs her by the waist. She drops Horror Girl back with a backdrop driver!!
---
(Brandi smashes Horror Girl behind the head with her chair, knocking her senseless. She helps Anjanette Turner up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi now here to even up the odds, eliminating Horror Girl from this environment.
(Brandi picks up her chair and bashes Turner in the back of the head with it!! The audience boos)
Phil Blauer: What was that for? Bitch-y.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi ambushes Anjanette Turner! What possible problem could she have with Turner? Or is there something going on between her and Sanchez?
(Brandi atomic drops Turner on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Brandi climbs up to the second rope and waistlocks her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi super backdrop drivers Anjanette Turner on the chair!!
(Tamara Sanchez finally wakes up, and pulls herself up to her feet with the ropes. She surveys the damage. Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner unconcious in the ring and her old enemy Brandi staring at her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi steps out of Sanchez's way, and Tammy climbs to the top rope. She backflips into The 7 Year Inch shooting star press!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The video fades out to present day Belfast when "Operation Midnight" by DJ Shadow plays on the Ulster Hall public address system)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What's Jonnie doing here?
Phil Blauer: Maybe he thinks this where the bathroom is again.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Still it can't be anything worse than what Bruno does in it.
Phil Blauer: Oh no, I didn't mean to imply that at all.
(Hardkore Jonnie Valentine steps into the ring and takes the house microphone from "Wild" Bill Kasal)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Recently I've been hounded by phone calls from an Arthur Fame. He claims to work for me although I've seen no proof of this. At any rate, this probably deranged fan of Horror Girl has repeatedly asked that she be given a rematch against Hardkore World Women's Champion 'Sexy' Anjanette Turner."
(The Belfast audience boos that idea)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Now normally I would just get my cell phone number changed. But he learned of the new one and filled up my voice mail with those messages too. I wanted to send the little shit to prison for terrorist threats or whatever you can trump charges up to in Bush's America. But some of those on the board say this Arthur Fame kid could be one of those dying children with cancer or SARS or worse. It seems they hold all the power in today's wrestling, and are the only reason John Cena is champion. (addresses the camera) So little Artie, if your watching, I couldn't get your favorite wrestler a title match tonight but don't go runnin in to that white light just yet. I've done the next best thing."
("Haunted" by Evanescance plays and Horror Girl begins walking down to the ring with her mummy wrapping painted with black stripes to make it look like a referee outfit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl getting to be the special referee for tonight's match?
Phil Blauer: Nothing get's past you, eh?
(Horror Girl steps into the ring and passes an Hardkore Jonnie Valentine. Jonnie pats her on the shoulder and a cloud of dust rises up. He smiles and wipes his hand off on her. Suddenly the lights in Ulster Hall start to flicker, the pyros explode and “Alive” by Saliva hits)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy won that match and is hoping to win tonight's to reclaim her Hardkore World Women's Championship. But in that match she had some help from Horror Girl and Brandi. Can she do it on her own with Horror Girl as the referee?
(A red spotlight points on the entrance showing a Tamara Sanchez who’s not moving. The Belfast fans boo her as she lifts her head presenting the 2 crosses painted under her eyes)
Yolanda Ando: She walks down the ramp slowly in her new outfit consisting of ripped jeans, a black shirt saying “fuck me” on the front and “fuck you” on the back. She’s wearing her hair in black dreadlocks, with hazelnut-brown eyes. On her left biceps she has a snake-tattoo, on her back a broken heart.
Phil Blauer: She got that tattoo for Bruno, but I think Bruno's got the broken heart after what Stan "The Tank" Wilson did to him earlier tonight. Not to mention the guy selling all those "Black Xperience" t-shirts.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez has just as much of a history with Horror Girl as Anjanette does, defeating her in a tables, ladders, and chairs match in Vegas and a fourway triple cage match with Xyrynth & Anj they had in Los Angeles.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Your referee is Horror Girl. Featuring first, from New York City, New York; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Ulster Hall louts a loud wave of boos, and Sanchez flips them off. Then "GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays and the jeers turn to cheers. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner walks out with the Hardkore World Championship strapped around her waist, slapping the fans' hands on the way down the aisle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The first ever four time Hardkore World Women's Champion Anjanette Turner had some fierce battles here with Makoto Jupiter and Velvet and the locals remember those matches well.
Phil Blauer: These people don't remember where the hell they're parked.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner defeated Horror Girl for the title she wears right now not to mention the cat collar steel cage match they had at Palm Springs Punishment. Plus they had that triple cage match in Los Angeles. She can't feel good about her being the referee in this match.
Yolanda Ando: "Sexy" Anj Turner is a light skinned African American female with shoulder length dark brown hair. She wears a red two peice bathing suit, red boots, hair in a pony tail.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, now residing in Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 130 pounds; She is The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
(Ulster Hall roars as Anjanette Turner holds her belt up over her head while standing on the second rope. She nervously hands the belt to Horror Girl, who holds it up for the crowd and then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy and Anj lock up and Turner does a go behind. She runs her into the ropes and falls back into a backroll press cradle!
Referee Horror Girl: 1...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner gets behind her with a kataha-jime choke, and spins her around. Peters checks in to see if she taps but can't get around to her since Anj is spinning her so fast!
(Anjanette drops to the mat and wraps her legs around Tammy's body, reapplying the tazmission. After a few agonizing moments, she stands up and grabs Tammy by the legs. She turns her over into a scorpion deathlock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner bridges backwards into a crossface while maintaing the sharpshooter! Turner rocks back & forth, pulling her head back towards her toes.
(The Northern Irish crowd roots Anjanette on as she bends Tamara in half. Anjanette Turner then releases her legs and pulls her head into her legs. She pulls her up into a powerbomb but Sanchez rolls out of it into an RKO!! The fans boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez took advantage of the natural high Turner's riding on with this audience. She irish whips Anjanette into the ropes and belly to belly suplexes her!
Referee Horror Girl: 1...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez twists Turner's arm. She braces her wrist and then gives it another turn to force a begging Anjanette on her knees.
Phil Blauer: That's kinda hot.
Yolanda Ando: Shut up, Phil...actually, you're right.
(Sanchez grabs Turner by her ponytail and yanks her back to the mat. The audience boos. Sanchez climbs up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner shakes the ropes and crotches Sanchez on the top turnbuckle. Turner climbs to the second rope and gut wrench superplexes her!! She makes the cover!
Referee Horror Girl: 1........2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner gets a slow count from Horror Girl and snarls at her. She applies an STF with an armbar to Sanchez! Sanchez screams out in pain while Turner pulls up on her arm. Horror Girl stalks the two of them, surely making them nervous.
Phil Blauer: Not as nervous as Ron Reid can make you. Just staring at you with those beady eyes and coffee & smokes breath...
(Anjanette yanks up on Tammy's chicken winged arm and yells at Horror Girl, "Ask her!" Horror Girl just snarls back at her. So Anjanette then pulls Sanchez up to her feet and double chicken wings her arms into a full nelson then lifts her up in the air. The Belfast audience pops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner going after Tammy's arms, bouncing her up & down on her hammerlocked arms!
Phil Blauer: Horror Girl's not asking her if she wants to submit, but if Anj breaks both her arms I doubt there's gonna be any doubt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner hoists her up even higher on her bent arms, and then pitches her forward onto her bosoms, which is a uniquely painful bump for women wrestlers.
Phil Blauer: How so?
Yolanda Ando: Imagine being dropped on your balls.
Phil Blauer: Oh, ok, so like what I refer to as a "tuesday night at Denny's"?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez ducks under a right hand from Turner and atomic drops her facefirst into the turnbuckle! She turns Anj around, grabs the ropes and rams her shoulder into her stomach. Tammy climbs to the second rope and hops off with a tornado DDT!
(The fans boo Tammy as she irish whips Turner into the ropes. Sanchez dips down for a backdrop but Anjanette double underhooks her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls her up into a running michinoku driver I!! She front facelocks Sanchez's face and wraps her legs around Tammy's hurting arm and drops down to the mat in a grounded facelock.
Phil Blauer: You have to hand it to Anj.
Yolanda Ando: She's really wearing down the arm of the former champion.
Phil Blauer: Is she? I was talking to how well her butt has held up to being unemployed for three years. You can bounce a quarter off that thing! Guillermo, hand me a quarter!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Quarter?? I work here, dude.
Phil Blauer: Boone!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (going through his prized coin collection) What commemorative state edition?
Phil Blauer: Texas! (Boone hands him the quarter) Hmm, it says "If you can read this, You don't live here." And it's only worth 17 cents.
(Phil flicks the quarter at Anjanette's ass, she shoots a look at Phil, who points at Boone. Anjanette clamps down on Sanchez's windpipe and squeezes Tammy's arm between her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy lurches forward and pushes Anj's shoulders to the mat.
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2...(Anjanette rolls forward in the grounded facelock with arm scissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy gets a fast count there from Horror Girl but Anjanette still able to reapply the submission hold. She releases her and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Tammy stands up and Anj flips over her in a blockbuster!! She covers her!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette grabs Tammy by the leg Brandi broke in Seattle, and spins around & down into a figure four leglock!
(Sanchez sits up in agony, her fists balled up in pain. She clutches at her injured leg, and tries to pull Anj's legs loose. Turner rocks back on Tammy's twisted legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy rolls over on to her stomach and reverses the figure four. She squeezes on Anj's leg for a change until Turner gets to the ropes. Sanchez pulls her up onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry and spins her forward into a samoan driver!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez gut wrenches Sanchez into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl:1-2...thr-(Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez turns Anjanette over into a canadian maple leaf half crab! She pulls back on Turner's leg as Horror Girl keeps asking her if she wants to tap out, and slapping her!
(The audience boos. Sanchez plants her boot and yanks backwards on Turner's leg. Horror Girl gives Turner a stomp and breaks up the canadian maple leaf. Sanchez pulls Turner up onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry and walks her over to the corner. She sits her on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the second rope and lifts her up on her shoulders, super death valley driver!! She covers Turner!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez grabs Turner by her leg again, but Anjanette works her way up to her feet. She swings her other leg around into an enzuigiri kick to Tamara's temple!
(The audience comes alive and Anjanette Turner scoops her up and then drops down into a corkscrew tombstone piledriver! She climbs back up to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette comes off the top with a huracanrana and cradles the leg on the way down!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner pulls Tammy up in a suplex then drops her down into a falcon arrow!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner applies another kataha-jime crossface choke. She ties up their legs and drops back into a tazmission legsweep! She then wraps her legs around Sanchez with another kataha-jime!
(The crowd cheers as Tammy's face turns red from lack of oxygen. Horror Girl doesn't ask Sanchez if she wants to tap out, just points and threatens some of the fans. Anjanette releases the chokehold and gets up. She walks over to Horror Girl and spins her around, asking "What the hell is going on here??")
Phil Blauer: Anjanette giving Horror Girl the what-for!
Guillermo O'Bannon: She turns around into a spear from Tamara Sanchez! Sanchez drives Turner's face into the mat with a rocker dropper! She climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a headbutt to Turner's face!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-thr-(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette almost lost the match there due to Horror Girl's increasingly fast counts. Sanchez scoops her up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker.
(Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle. Anjanette Turner gets to her feet and slugs her in the stomach, crotching Sanchez on the top turnbuckle steel cable hook. The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner climbs to the second rope and belly to belly superplexes her!! She shoots Tammy into the ropes and drops her on her head with a belly to belly brainbuster!!
(The crowd is electric, and Anjanette Turner climbs up to the top rope from inside the ring. She backflips into a moonsault splash!! Ulster Hall is deafening)
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls her up into a powerbomb but Sanchez reverses it into a huracanrana!! She scoops Anjanette up and body slams her. Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope and then flips her six ways from sunday with a flying headscissors!
(The audience boos, and Sanchez scoops Turner up but Anj falls behind her in an inverted facelock. Anjanette whips her around into a test drive neckbreaker! The fans are back to cheering)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette handsprings into a backflip splash!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner powerbombs Sanchez then uses his arms & legs to pull her up into a second powerbomb!! A third powerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner shoots her into the ropes, and back body drops her high in the air but Sanchez lands on her feet behind her. Sanchez blasts her upside her head with a superkick!
(The crowd jeers and boos, while Sanchez climbs out to the apron. She jumps up onto the middle of the top rope and springboard bulldogs her!! She pulls her up into a side suplex)
Referee Horror Girl: 1-2-...(Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope but Anjanette Turner shakes the ropes and crotches her on the top turnbuckle. Turner steps up to the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez. She lifts her up into an inverted crucifix and pitches her forward into a reverse splash mountain off the second rope!!
(Audience comes alive, cheering wildly. Anjanette Turner pulls Sanchez up by her dreadlocks and then waistlocks her. Anjanette drops her on the back of the head with a backdrop driver!! Tammy folds like an accordian, and then Anj steps on the back of Sanchez's knees and pulls her up into an inverted surfboard)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner bounces Tamara Sanchez's calves on her own, while pulling her head back towards her. Horror Girl turns her back to Sanchez's screams of pain, not caring if she wants to submit. Anjanette sees the futility of trying to make Tammy tap and gut wrenches her up into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1......2......(Tamara Sanchez rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off the top with a leaping roundhouse kick!
(Fans chant "ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!! ANJ!!" Turner grabs two handfuls of Sanchez's hair and tosses her over the top rope to the floor. Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner comes off the top with a huracanrana but Sanchez catches her by the legs and powerbombs her on the concrete!! Tammy steps up on the apron, hops on to the middle of the second rope and backflips into an asai moonsault that rocks Turner into the railing!!
(Ulster Hall boos as Tamara Sanchez slides into the front row audience. Tammy rolls into the ring and runs into the ropes. Tammy baseball slides under the ropes, hooks her head with her feet, and takes her over into a helicopter rana on the cement!! The crowd continues to jeer while Tammy pulls a table out and sets it up on The Ulster Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls Turner on the table and stands up there with her. Tamara DDTs Anjanette Turner through the table!!
(Audience continues to yell obscenities at Tamara Sanchez. She pulls Turner up into a waistlock, and then belly to back suplexes the back of her head into the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls back into the ring and sits Anjanette on the top turnbuckle. She climbs up to the second turnbuckles, but Anjanette blasts her with a forearm smash that sends her back to the mat! Anjanette comes off the top rope with a spinning rana!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle again and somersault leg drops her!!
Referee Horror Girl: 1.......2.......thr- (Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sexy Anj would have had her there if Horror Girl wouldn't count like, like...
Phil Blauer: A zombie?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner pulls Tammy's head into her legs and lifts her up into a gory special. She then pitches her forward into a gory bomb!! She covers her but Horror Girl isn't counting!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos and Horror Girl pulls her up in a front facelock. She runs up the turnbuckles into a spinning DDT!! The fans boo even louder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl attacking "Sexy" Anjanette Turner!
Phil Blauer: Mike Peters would never do this unless Turner was too drunk to resist!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl gut wrenches Anjanette into a tigerbomb!! She lifts her up into a crucifix then drops her chestfirst into a flapjack!!
(Horror Girl chomps down on Anjanette's ear, and then begins headbutting her bloody ear! Horror Girl then shoots her into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts her up into a spinebuster and turns it into a DDT!
(The audience comes alive, and Horror Girl rolls out of the ring. Turner rolls out of the ring and retrieves a chair. She rolls back in and measures Horror Girl)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner blasts Horror Girl with that chair, putting a dent in the frame!!
(Horror Girl drops like a sack of hammers and rolls out of the ring. Anjanette Turner spikes the chair down and starts yelling at an unconcious Horror Girl lying on the Ulster Hall floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez whacks Turner in the back of the head with that chair!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed, 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez sets the chair up in the center of the ring and then shoots her into the ropes. Tammy tiltawhirls her into a powerslam on that standing chair!!
(Audience pops and Tamara hooks Anjanette's leg, but there's no referee to count. Sanchez pounds the mat in frustration, then pulls her onto her shoulders in a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez drops Turner in an FU on the chair!! Sanchez climbs to the top turnbuckle, she front flips into a 450 splash!! Again, no one to count!
(Tamara Sanchez curses in english, spanish, german, and ancient Egyptian. She sits Anjanette Turner on the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner cracks Sanchez in the nose with a stiff shot and then inverted facelocks her while standing on the second rope. She jumps off with The Turner Tornado reverse DDT!!!
(Mike Peters runs down from the dressing room and slides into the ring. Anjanette sees him and hooks Tammy's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
("GirlFight" by Brooke Valentine plays as the fans in Ulster Hall jump up to their feet in celebration. Mike Peters hands Anjanette the title belt, and she holds it up for the cheering fans)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 21 minutes 50 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: After some dubious problems with the referee, Turner has won this match after twenty minutes of feirce battling with the former champion. The score is now tied between the two of them!
(Tamara Sanchez argues with Mike Peters about the two pinfall attempts she had that no one counted. His answers don't satisfy her so she hits him low, gaining boos from the Northern Irish crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy, as usual, not taking this too well. But Anjanette Turner hangs the title over her shoulder and points at Tammy...Horror Girl comes up behind Anjanette with Oh, the Horror!!
(Sanchez gets out of the ring, smacking fans' hands away from her. Horror Girl pumphandles Anjanette on her shoulder and drops her down onto knee with a shoulderbreaker! Turner cries out in pain and clutches her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner had her arm worked down by Tamara Sanchez all night and that pumphandle shoulderbreaker may have done some major damage to it!
(Mr. Fame and Bernice Biggs run down to the ring and drag Horror Girl back to the locker room. Anjanette Turner rolls around the mat, holding her shoulder. EMTs try to attend to it but she's moving too much)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hope you pissed and did your last beer run for the night, because our next match is sure to go an hour. It's a sixty minute marathon match for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship. It all started in a threeway dance between Nick Cairo, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, and current Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Syberus. Syberus pinned Vastrix to win the Ring Syndicate World Cruiserweight title then defeated him in a subsequent title defense.
Phil Blauer: As we all know, Vastrix greatest weapon, besides the nut shots, is his armada of hangers-on.
Guillermo O'Bannon: So Syberus has enlisted the help of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly. But will he be able to after the vicious shot he took from that stainless steel singapore cane earlier tonight against The Shootfighter?
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and Ulster Hall becomes a warzone as fans begin throwing beer cups, water bottles, and full soda cans. Redheaded freckled children cry as their parents hold their hands over their ears. Tarrasque walks out eating some corned beef and makes sure it's safe first. He catches a full cup of soda to the chest and the ice goes everywhere. He waves Lucius Morgan and Jeremiah Vastrix on and tries to make himself a human umbrella from all the beer, garbage, and spit coming from the fans. One guy gets lucky and pours a full beer over Morgan's head & expensive suit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Northern Ireland has always hated The Warhammer Corporation since it's founder wore a leprechaun suit and threw Lucky Charms at the audience during Takeda Yokusuda's match with Rex Rampage. Yokusuda won the match when Allen used a super soaker filled with immonia to blind him. Tonight he tries to shut these screaming drunk maniacs for an entire hour, if he hopes to win the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Title.
Phil Blauer: With all that spit hanging from his eyebrows, they kind of look like icicles. It's almost Christmasy.
Yolanda Ando: Jeremiah Vastrix wearing an orange formfitting bodysuit looking to enrage the catholic members of the audience.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following is a 60 Minute Marathon Match is for the HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his bodyguard, Tarrasque, and his manager, Lucius Morgan; (Ulster Hall boos) from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!!!"
(The crowd boos and continues to throw cup and wadded up programs at the ring. Then “This Celluloid Dream” by AFI plays and the audience celebrates. Syberus steps out through the curtain with the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship title belt strapped around his waist. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly limps behind him with a bandage over his eye)
Guillermo O'Bannon: An Englishman usually wouldn't get this good an ovation here...
Phil Blauer: Yeah, they pantsed Davey Boy and made him wrestle the entire match with a beer can in his ass.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Still it was his best match ever. But the fact that Syberus is wrestling Vastrix and has buddied up with "Giant" Baba O'Reilly has endeared him to these Belfast fans. Syberus definately has the endurance for this type of match, which he proved when he won that title in an eightway match in Seattle.
Yolanda Ando: Syberus is wearing dark blue vinyl-look shorts with a circle of yellow stars on the back depicting the European Union. The Light Heavyweight title is around his waist.
Phil Blauer: In a sport so bent on divisive attitudes, like Russians who still hate the US, and Vince's continuing project to get us to resent French Canadians for talking funny, it's inspiring to finally meet a wrestler calling for unity. (wipes a tear) Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: (dabs Phil's eye) Your sensitivity is your strength, and your curse, sir.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Accompanied to the ring by 'Giant' Baba O'Reilly, (Ulster Hall pops) from The Continent of Europe; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 232 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
(Crowd cheers Syberus. Syberus hands his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title belt to Ron Reid. He holds it up and then signals for the bell. After well wishing their men, Tarrasque, O'Reilly, and Morgan join Kasal leaving the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus locks up with Jeremiah Vastrix and then drives a knee into his stomach. He bangs some forearm smashes across Vastrix's back & neck.
(Syberus grabs Vastrix's arm and hammerlocks it behind him. Vastrix tries to back elbow him, but Syberus ducks and wrenches on Jeremiah's arm some more. Lucius Morgan shouts instructions from ringside on how to escape)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus yanks Vastrix down to the mat by the hair and applies a keylock to his arm. He holds his arm down and then kneedrops it. Vastrix tries to get to his knees, but Syberus keeps him down with a knee to the back of his head and cinches in an armbar even harder.
(Air horns go off all over Ulster Hall. Ron Reid checks to see if Vastrix wants to tap out while Syberus cranks up on his arm. Vastrix works his way to his feet, but Syberus hangs on to his arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus clamps down on Vastrix's armbarred arm. Vastrix grabs a hold of Syberus' hair and Ron Reid gives him to the count of five to let go.
Phil Blauer: Syberus should call his bluff and see if Ron can get that high.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix instead scoops him up and bodyslams him to get free of the armbar. Vastrix runs up the turnbuckles, hops onto the middle of the top rope and comes off with the Monkey's Kick of the Western Sigil!!
(Ulster Hall boos while Lucius Morgan & Tarrasque applaud on the outside. Vastrix kips up and chops Syberus in the throat with a knife edge)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix inside cradles a gurgling Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix then applies an armbar of his own. Syberus works his way to his feet, so Vastrix turns it into an arm twist. He then hooks back with a thrust kick to Syberus' face!
(The Belfast crowd boos Vastrix. Jeremiah goes for a suplex but Syberus floats behind him and runs him into the ropes. The both roll back into a bridging backroll press)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2....(Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus down by the tights into a backroll press)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix reverses Syberus' reversal but Syberus fixes that with a hard spear to his guts!
(Syberus applies a half Nelson with one arm, with the other a hammerlock is held in place. Vastrix is flat, face down in the canvas. Syberus grinds Vastrix's face into the mat while pulling up on his aching arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus continuing to wear down Vastrix's arm with the European Three-Quarter Nelson. He presses Vastrix's face into the canvas while chicken winging that arm. He releases the one arm while holding on to the hammerlocked one and applies a dragon sleeper.
(Syberus bends his face back and wrenches up on his chicken winged arm, making Vastrix cry out in pain. Tarrasque pounds on the apron, trying to root him on and the fans boo him. When he's satisfied with the damage he's done lets him loose just long enough to apply a figure four armlock)
Phil Blauer: Syberus trying to make good on his threat to break Jeremiah's arm!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He didn't threaten to do that.
Phil Blauer: Oh wait, that was me he threatened. A little free advice from your Uncle Phil folks, "Tea Time" might sound silly & adorable to us but Englophiles take it very seriously. When I made a harmless joke, I thought Cyrus was gonna choke on his biscotti biscuits.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus.
Phil Blauer: What did I say?
(Syberus clamps down on Vastrix's twisted arms and Jeremiah kicks his heels into the mat in pain. Ron Reid asks Jeremiah if he wants to give up and he shakes his head. The audience cheers Syberus. Syberus locks his legs around Vastrix's head while maintaining the udi-garami on his arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus switches it up with a St. George Double Hold.
Phil Blauer: So named for the King of England that lost Ireland.
Guillermo O'Bannon: King George lost the American colonies.
Phil Blauer: I don't think so. King Ralph lost those, but deep down he meant well so everyone loved him anyway.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I still have the collector's glass that Burger King gave out of him. I collect all John Goodman memorabilia. Sometimes when my friends come for sleepovers we sleep in a tent I made out of his suit from Blues Brothers 2000.
Phil Blauer: Is that what that was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus squeezes Vastrix's head between those powerful thighs while continuing the figure four leglock on those aching arms of God's Gift. Syberus clamps down on his head even harder, but Vastrix rolls him onto his shoulders!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Syberus releases the St. George double hold)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix knife edge punches Syberus in the ribs several times. He grabs Syberus by the hair from behind and pulls the back of his head into his knee!
(The crowd boos and Jeremiah Vastrix tries to shake some feeling into his arm. After getting some blood back in there, he presses Syberus over his head. He angles him just so, then drops him into a diamond cutter!! The Belfast fans boo even louder while Vastrix covers him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix atomic drops Syberus on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. He climbs to the second turnbuckle behind him but Syberus elbows him in the face. Vastrix crashes to the mat, and Syberus wobbily stands on his feet. He hops backwards to nail Vastrix in the face with a flying back elbow!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop!! Vastrix gets back to his knees, but Syberus gets behind him with a double keylock to both his arms. Vastrix growls in pain, looking for an escape)
Phil Blauer: Syberus going to the arm like Vince goes to the race card. Automatic.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix may want to give up here, and live to fight another day...or the rest of the hour as it were. Syberus now turns it into a double chicken wing. Ron Reid right in position to see if Vastrix wants to give up.
(With Vastrix on his knees, Syberus pulls up on both of his wrists trying to get a submission out of God's Gift. He then lets it go and slaps Jeremiah on the back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with a few karate chops to Vastrix's back as he gets back up to his feet. He irish whips him but Vastrix reverses it and shoots him into the ropes. He sweep kicks Syberus in the ankle and sends him tumbling through the ropes to the floor!
(The crowd boos, and Tarrasque spears him into the ringsteps! Lucius Morgan then fireman's carries Syberus up on his shoulders. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes over to interfere but Tarrasque clips his knee out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix's manager, Lucius Morgan drops Syberus' throat on the guardrail! Tarrasque rolls him back into the ring and Vastrix double chicken wings him. He then sweep kicks his ankle and drives him facefirst to the mat with a Sage's Slam of the Ancient Ring!!
(Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus' head into his legs but Syberus backdrops him! He slugs Vastrix in the stomach, then hits him with a text book suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix blocks another closed fist and counters with a palm strike to Syberus' nose. Vastrix presses him in the air, drops him in a Stock Market Crash spinebuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a hanging suplex then drops his head on his knee with a Uber Knee Lift!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 16 minutes even, JEREMIAH VASTRIX HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 1-0 VASTRIX."
(Vastrix holds up his good arm, while the over two thousand drunken, rowdy Irishmen boo. Lucius Morgan does motions for Vastrix to slow the match down)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix is in the beginning stages of a sleeper hold but Syberus drops down to his knees in a jawbreaker. He quickly takes advantage with an abdominal stretch.
(Vastrix shakes his head when Ron Reid asks him if he wants to tap out. Syberus sticks his foot down and wrenches back on Jeremiah's lower body)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus turns the abdominal stretch into a backslide!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus smacks Jeremiah Vastrix upside the head with a shining wizard! He kicks Vastrix in the back of the leg, and another one to the back of his knee, and a third one takes Vastrix off his feet. He spins Vastrix's leg around into a figure four leglock! Vastrix broke that leg last year against Kilroy Evans!
(Ulster Hall fills with "WOOOO"s as Syberus rocks back on the figure four. Vastrix sits up and tries to loosen Syberus' legs but they are locked in. Vastrix reaches out for help from Morgan or Tarrasque, but Syberus tightening the hold gets Jeremiah's attention back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix is finally able to get to the ropes and Syberus breaks the figure four. Vastrix limps up to his feet, and Syberus kicks him right in the ass!
(The fans all roar with laughter, while Vastrix tries to limp away. Syberus dropkicks Vastrix in the kneecap to stop his progress. Vastrix limps up to his feet again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus goes to kick Vastrix's knee again but Jeremiah blocks it and counters with a roundhouse kick of his own! He grabs Syberus' leg and turns it around into a spinning toe hold.
Phil Blauer: Vastrix looking to do some Nature Boying of his own. And I don't mean leaving a dead hooker in Jimmy Snuka's trunk as a rib.
(The audience "WOOO"s again but then Vastrix just stomps on Syberus' knee and flips them off with his good arm. Ulster Hall rocks with boos. Syberus gets to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix blasts Syberus in the jaw with a knife edge uppercut. Syberus responds with an elbow to Syberus' stomach and then an uppercut of his own!
(The air horns make their appearence again from the loud audience. Syberus twists Vastrix over into a neckbreaker. He grabs Vastrix's hurting leg and turns him over into a single leg boston crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pulls back on Vastrix's leg while Jeremiah reaches out for the ropes. He plants his foot and yanks Jeremiah's leg backwards. Jeremiah grabs Syberus' leg and trips him. Vastrix gets up and pops Syberus under the chin with a uppercut kick!
(Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a hanging suplex. He spins him around and then drops him in a sidewider suplex! Belfast has some boos for him. Vastrix headlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix runs out to the center of the ring and bulldogs Syberus' stomach on his knee! He irish whips Syberus into the ropes, but Syberus ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker!
(Crowd cheers, and Syberus squeezes him with a bearhug from behind. He attempts to squeeze all the air out of Vastrix's chest and not give him any ability to get any new air)
Phil Blauer: What's that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bearhug.
Phil Blauer: Why's he doing it...from the back?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I guess that's how they do it in England.
Phil Blauer: That explains alot.
(Vastrix tries to back elbow him but Syberus ducks it, and falls behind with a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus drags Vastrix over to the side of the cornerpost, crotching him into the ringpost. He rams Vastrix's leg into the post! He grabs a chair and smashes it into Vastrix's leg!!
(Vastrix clutches his leg and howls in pain. Syberus rolls back into the ring and comes at Jeremiah with a thez press but Vastrix catches him and drops his throat on the top rope! Syberus' head snaps back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix wheelbarrows Syberus up by the legs then punt kicks him in the balls! The fans get on his case a little, and he irish whips Syberus only to just yank him down by the arm again.
Phil Blauer: That was mean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a side suplex and drops his back across his knee. He loops his leg around his own and drops down to his knee into a vertical Trap of the One Thousand Purgatories STF!! Vastrix tries to choke off all of Syberus' air while pulling him back by the head.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if Syberus wants to tap out but the Englishman refuses. Ulster Hall boos while Lucius Morgan & Tarrasque tries to unsuccessfully drown them out with his applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls Syberus up into a front facelock but Syberus turns it into a northern lights suplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus headlocks Vastrix. This is good he needs to slow this match down to last the entire hour. He grinds his forearm into Vastrix's temple, then takes him over onto the mat. He then goes back to that worn down arm with another hammerlock.
(Syberus works down his aching arm pulling up on his chicken winged arm. Vastrix slaps his shoulder trying to get some feeling back in it. Syberus then locked in double under-hook stretch and then drops to one knee, burying the other into Vastrix's abdomen. He then tweaks their arms upward)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sunday Morning!! Syberus has his submission finisher locked in on those weakened arms of Jeremiah Vastrix! He leans back with Vastrix's arms double underhooked in his arms. Lucius Morgan jumps on the apron to distract Ron Reid!
(Ron Reid demands that Morgan get down from the apron. Meanwhile, Jeremiah Vastrix is giving up with no one to hear it. Syberus turns his head to call Reid over and Vastrix uses the distraction to backdrop him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix runs into the ropes but Syberus takes him out with a gorgeous dropkick! He gets behind God's Gift and applies a dragon sleeper. He plants his feet and leans back on Vastrix's head.
(Tarrasque tries to jump into interfere but Lucius Morgan stops him. Jeremiah Vastrix refuses to submit, so Syberus readjusts and gets a better grip. After a few agonizing moments, Vastrix releases the dragon sleeper and sits on his back. He wraps Vastrix's arms around his legs and then pulls his head back into a camel clutch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: After successfully wearing down all of Jeremiah's extremities, it seems the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion is now going after Jeremiah's neck. Syberus rocking back with his opponent's face in his hands. He then pulls him up and shoots him into the ropes, powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
(Syberus looks up hesitantly at the top turnbuckle, then climbs up to the top. Suddenly from out of the audience, Blak Lung hops out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung up on the apron and pulls Syberus down by the leg, crotching him on the top rope steel cable hook! Jeremiah Vastrix climbs up to the second turnbuckle and piledrives him off the second rope with the Pogostick!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 35 minutes 3 seconds; JEREMIAH VASTRIX HAS SCORED ANOTHER FALL. THE SCORE IS 2-0 VASTRIX."
Phil Blauer: And just like that the overconfident champion is down two falls with less than twenty five minutes to go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung costs him that fall.
Phil Blauer: Maybe he still thinks they have a match together tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a fireman's carry but Syberus flips around in a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus applies a full nelson while Vastrix is on his side. He presses down on Vastrix's neck and then sits on his back turning it into a cattle mutilation!
(Syberus sticks his feet and arches back with Vastrix's head & arms. He then pulls him up into an inverted facelock. Then he drops him in a reverse DDT)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus grabs Vastrix by the leg and turns him over into a texas cloverleaf.
Phil Blauer: Syberus popping every disc in Vastrix's back but no happy ending here!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus gets low and pulls back on Vastrix's twisted legs, and Blak Lung makes another appearence, but "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes to cut him off.
(The Ulster Hall roars, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly folds his arms in front of Syberus while he continues the texas cloverleaf. Blak Lung backs down, and he leaves the ring. The fans throw garbage at Blak Lung as he tries to escape through the audience. He thinks better of it and goes out through the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly turns around and grabs Syberus by the throat!
(Fans react with a gasp)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Syberus up on his shoulder, then powerbombs him from seven feet in the air!! Syberus brought him in to help!
Phil Blauer: That doesn't seem to be working out.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix lifts Syberus up in a bearhug while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly comes off the ropes with My Left Foot to the head!!
(Ulster Hall rocks with boos, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly waves back at them then screams "England is the REAL enemy!")
Guillermo O’Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix single underhooks Syberus into a Pure Confidence DDT!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O’Bannon: Vastrix knife edge chops Syberus in the jaw, and then again in the throat! He runs into the ropes and sunset flips Syberus!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus claps his legs together on Vastrix’s head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus ducks under another karate chop and german suplexes Vastrix!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus sits Vastrix up on the top turnbuckle, and climbs to the second rope. Superplex!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus half nelson crossfaces him and drops back to the mat with a body scissors. Kataha-jime!! Jeremiah Vastrix reaching out for help but no ones there! He's starting to fade out...he taps!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 43 minutes 27 seconds; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 2-1 VASTRIX."
(The audience cheers while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks out of the ring area up the aisleway. He points at Syberus who screams obscenities at him from the ring. Vastrix sneaks up begind him and school boy cradles him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix stomps Syberus in the mouth. Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle, backflips into a moonsault double ax handle smash to his face!! He holds his face down with his forearm for another pin attempt.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix hooks him up in a russian leg sweep, but Syberus blocks it and reverses it into a half nelson facebuster! Syberus grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(Syberus pulls back by both legs, getting low. Vastrix does a push up, but Syberus yanks his legs back further to cut off any escape. He releases the crab and pulls him up into a hanging suplex. Syberus drops it down into a brainbuster! The confused Belfast audience cheers, as Syberus covers Vastrix)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus punches Vastrix in the face then blasts him with a blistering series of chops. He lands a few kicks and knees that send Vastrix to his knees, but Vastrix springs up with a heart punch uppercut! Vastrix then fires back with a palm strike to the nose.
Phil Blauer: It's a slugfest!
(Jeremiah Vastrix knife edge chops his fingers into Syberus' floating ribs. Syberus then cracks Vastrix with three karate chops to his chest that you can hear throughout Ulster Hall. He thumbs Vastrix in the eye, and slaps him in the face! The Northern Irish crowd gives out an "Oooooh")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix charges him but Syberus catches him with a flapjack! He gets on top of him with a Hadaka-jimi choke. Vastrix's face turns red from lack of oxygen as Syberus attempts to choke him out a second time.
(Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out, while Vastrix tries to get his fingers underneath Syberus' arm. He pulls Vastrix up and shoots him into the ropes, and Vastrix comes back with a leaping roundhouse kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix military presses Syberus over his head, then drops him on his shoulder, into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Syberus up on his shoulder and then hits him with a stiff powerbomb!! Jeremiah cradles his legs!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix climbs to the second rope, but Syberus runs and catches his face in a three quarter nelson and Highlight Cutters him off the second rope!!
(Belfast nearly blows the roof off of Ulster Hall, and Syberus clotheslines Vastrix! He runs into the ropes and knocks him down a second time with another clothesline)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with another clothesline that sends Vastrix down to one knee. Syberus kicks him down to the mat with one foot. He hooks him up and dumps him behind with a vertical exploder!!
(Syberus sits Vastrix on the top turnbuckle and then climbs outside onto the apron. He gets up on the top turnbuckle behind Jeremiah Vastrix and half nelsons him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus half nelson facebusters Jeremiah Vastrix off the top rope!! He rolls him over into a pin!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
(The Ulster crowd cheers, and Syberus weakly holds his arm up in triumph)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 51 minutes 1 second; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS NOW TIED."
Phil Blauer: With less than nine minutes to go, Syberus has tied things up!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He pulls Vastrix up by the hair and goes for a punch, but Vastrix blocks it and uses his momentum to punch back in Syberus' sternum. He lifts Syberus up into a vertical suplex then brainbusters him on his knee!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He headlocks Syberus and then runs into the center of the ring with a bulldog! He wheelbarrows Syberus' legs and kicks him in the balls again!
(Vastrix climbs to the top rope from inside the ring, but Syberus pushes him forward and crotches him on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Syberus climbs to the second rope and waistlocks him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus with a super backdrop driver!! He covers Jeremiah Vastrix!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus crotch ties his arm through Vastrix's own legs and pumphandle slams him. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle with wobbly legs...moonsault!!
(Ulster Hall gives Syberus a standding ovation as he hooks Vastrix's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus grabs Vastrix by his aching arm and twisting it. Vastrix then twists it back and superkicks Syberus!
(Audience boos, and Vastrix pulls his head back by the hair on to his knee. He then double chicken wings Syberus and drives him facefirst into the mat! Jeremiah Vastrix then climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix comes off the top with Corparate Heels but Syberus moves out of the way of the stomp! Syberus gets behind him with a cobra clutch. Jeremiah Vastrix is fading fast!
(The fans are on their feet, as Syberus squeezes the back of Vastrix's neck. Vastrix goes down to one knee, as Syberus tries to get him to tap before the time limit expires)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus lifts Vastrix up in a suplex then drops him into a neckbreaker! He climbs to the top rope and comes down across Vastrix's neck with a leg drop!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus front facelock gutbusters Vastrix's stomach on his knee, then turns it into a single underhook for The Pure Confidence DDT!! He covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 57 minutes 13 seconds; SYBERUS HAS SCORED A FALL. THE SCORE IS 3-2 SYBERUS."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus has pulled ahead, he sets up Jeremiah Vastrix for a suplex. But Vastrix blocks it with his calf, and responds with a suplex of his own. He climbs up to the top rope and moonsaults him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pops Syberus in the face with an ankle uppercut! Vastrix irish whips Syberus into the ropes and dips down for a backdrop, but Syberus DDTs him!
(Syberus full nelsons him and then drives his ass into the mat with a bubbabomb! Vastrix staggers up, clutching his ass and Syberus small packages him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "One Minute Remaining in the Match!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix must get a fall to send this into overtime! Syberus runs into the ropes, but Lucius Morgan trips him. Vastrix presses Syberus over his head and drops him in an another ace crusher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix pulls him up into another powerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Syberus rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a double stomp to Syberus' face with his Corporate Heels finisher!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr-(The bell rings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus is saved by the bell!
(The audience cheers as Jeremiah Vastrix rises to his feet with his good arm raised, thinking he won)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "THE WINNER OF THE MARATHON MATCH, WITH THE SCORE AT 3-2, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...SYBERUS!!!"
("This Celluloid Dream" by AFI plays while Lucius Morgan and Tarrasque argue with Ron Reid. Syberus grabs his Hardkore World Light Heavyweight title belt and lofts it over his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus was able to win it in the last ten minutes, but one wonders if Ron Reid's count had been a little faster...
Phil Blauer: Then we'd be listening to R. Kelly. Count your blessings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus now goes back to Phoenix, Arizona to defend his Light Heavyweight title against Blak Lung.
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(Fade out to Yolanda Ando backstage)
Yolanda Ando: Ya know alot of people ask me, as the only girl on the Hardkore World announce team, are you treated differently? If by "differently" you mean great, than you'd be right.
(Cut to the breakfast table. Guillermo's hungover and spooning oatmeal into his mouth but most of it gets on his shirt & lap. Matt Boone's wearing ducky PJs with feet on them and a hatch. Phil sits at the table, reading...naked)
Voiceover: "I wake up at the crack of dawn every morning to make sure my Hardkore America announce team has a healthy & hearty breakfast."
Phil Blauer: I said I wanted my eggs, over easy! EASY!!
(Phil throws the plate of eggs at the wall shattering it. Boone screams like a girl and hides under the table, rocking himself back & forth)
Phil Blauer: Is that so hard to remember?!?
Voiceover: "Then it's time to make their lunches, or in Guillermo's case, sewing small airline bottles of liquor into his jacket. Once their packed and ready to go, I have a little time for myself...to put on make-up!"
(Camera cuts to Yolanda putting on her make-up in the mirror, she turns around to the camera)
Yolanda Ando: You knows us girls, fellas. We take forever to get ready.
Phil Blauer: Are you using my foundation?! (smacks it out of her hand) Is there nothing I can have that's mine?!?! Use the sheap shit you buy
Voiceover: "Then I go to work, where I have the proud job of describing what professional wrestlers are wearing for the blind fashion enthusiaists that Jonnie Valentine insists watch our show religiously."
(Cut to a shot of Yolanda Ando giving the fashion report before the match)
Yolanda Ando: ...there also seems to be some fringe hanging off the boots as well. Not seen since the last Cherokee warparty or John Cougar Mellancamp concert.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one but Dan Stein and Big Bad Bill are gonna get that.
(Cut to Yolanda tucking in Phil, Guillermo, and Matt. All three of them are in the same bed with nightcaps on)
Voiceover: "After a long day of describing men fighting over purses, belts, and the right to cut one another's hair I tuck my guys in for a good night's rest."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yolanda, make Matt sleep on the end. He wets the bed!
Yolanda Ando: Now boys, you know the rules. It's Matt's turn to sleep in the middle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ew, he's going already!!!
Phil Blauer: That's me.
Voiceover: "Then it's finally time for a little me-time. I curl up with a good movie like Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen or The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Ya-Ya always makes me cry. It's just like me and my friends. If I had any."
(Cut to a shot of Yolanda shooing Phil out of her room with a broom)
Voiceover: "After getting Phil out of my room for the third or fourth time, it's time to hit the hay. The secret is to seem bigger then him, so I stand on the bed with my arms in the air. Fire works better, but it's hard to come by at 2am. After two and a half hours of sleep, it's back at it again at the toughest job you'll ever love."
(Cut back to Yolanda, now at ringside)
Yolanda Ando: I hope you've enjoyed that little glimpse into the life of the only girl on the Hardkore America announce team. And I hope you've enjoyed watching it, as much fun as we had making it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I can't believe you showed us in bed.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yeah, you said the camera wasn't on.
Phil Blauer: And the sound guy wasn't rolling.
Guillermo O'Bannon: And the flood lights were on just for atmosphere.
Phil Blauer: And that we had to do a retake because you liked tucking us in so much. Why is she getting her own segments? When are we gonna get a glimpse into my life?
Guillermo O'Bannon: We did. It was called 8mm. Tonight High Maintenance defend their Hardkore World Tag Team titles against the man they won them from, Andrew Karnage and his other un-Stable partner, Robert Hunglestien III. Who do you like in this one, Phil? PHIL??
Phil Blauer: (pulls his earphones out) Huh? Sorry I was just listening to this dope new album from DJ Weak. It's slammin! Here read this.
(Phil hands Guillermo an index card)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Gee, Phil when can I get that slammin album?"
Phil Blauer: August 14th, playa.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anyway, Andrew Karnage is a tag team machine but Robert Hunglestien III is a new take on his normal tag team...
Phil Blauer: Read the back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil we have a-
(Phil gives his puppy dog look)
Guillermo O'Bannon: (reads the card) "So Phil who would you say DJ Weak most reminds you of?"
Phil Blauer: Well, Guillermo we should really talk about the match, but if you have to know I would say Public Enemy meets Erasure meets Heavy D. Listening to a DJ Weak CD is like getting a blowjob in a very warm ocean.
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maitenance have been working on their timing to try and...
Phil Blauer: And the girl giving you head would have gills, so she could breathe underwater.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I figured.
Phil Blauer: Not like Yolanda.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I almost drowned, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Just two more minutes, that's all I asked!
(The Ulster Hall goes dark, purple lights flash and a purple spotlight shines on Robert Hunglestein III and Andrew Karnage standing at the top of the ramp way. The purple lights turn to gold as a voice says "You wish you could be me ...... It must suck to be you!" then purple and gold begin to alternate and run all over arena as "Everyone wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears hits. RHIII heads down to ring with a slow cocky strut with Andrew Karnage following behind)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III is a former XGW & UEA tag team champion with Cobryn. Andrew Karnage is a two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion and the UWA & IWA tag team titles. Now they try and pair up to bring the Hardkore World titles back to The Un-Stable.
Yolanda Ando: Andrew Karnage wears black knee length basketball shorts with AK-47 down the outsides of each leg in dark red. Dark red kneepads, and black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow. Robert Hunglestien III is wearing a black wrestling singlet that has "Hunglestein" wrapping across the front diagonally from top to bottom in dark purple with gold outline. And on the back of the singlet there’s three slashes in gold which obviously symbolize the 3 from the end of his name. Also wears black elbow pads, and has his wrist taped with black tape. He also wears black boots and black kneepads.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit for the HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Cleveland, Ohio; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 265 pounds...ROBERT HUNGLESTIEN III!! His partner is from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! They are THE UN-STABLE!!!"
(The Belfast audience cheers. "Get Down" by Everlast plays and the cheers turn to jeers. Gavin Slater moves through the curtain and presents the Hardkore World Tag Team Champions)
Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance is looking to get some revenge for their mentor, Paul Soutter. Robert Hunglestien III made a challenge that if he lasted longer than Soutter in last year's Hardkore Helloween than Soutter had to leave Hardkore America. Hans Schmutzhausen cut Paul Soutter's hamstrings with a razor bladed swastika medallion so that ended any hopes of the Aussie Mad Dog of lasting longer than that year's eventual winner.
Yolanda Ando: Jonathan Richards is lookin fine all oiled up, wearing a sleeveless unbuttoned red silk shirt and black denim pants, red wrestling boots with "Rolls Royce" written on them. Nathan Slater wears an unbuttoned black silk shirt and parachute red track pants and black wrestling boots with "New Sensation" written on them.
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Finally, someone else wears parachute pants. I should tell him about group on Thursdays.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Their opponents are accompanied to the ring by their manager, Gavin Slater; Both men hail from Melbourne, Australia; First standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 290 pounds...'ROLLS ROYCE' JONATHAN RICHARDS!! His partner is standing 6 feet even; Weighing 222 pounds...'NEW SENSATION' NATHAN SLATER!! They are THE HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"
(The Northern Irish crowd boos while Gavin tries to quiet them down. Richards and Nathan Slater hand their tag team title belts to Mike Peters and he holds them up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage and Jonathan Richards, the two tanks of the match, start off first. Richards battering Karnage with some hard forearm smashes. Richards scoops him up and drops his shoulder on his knee with a shoulderbreaker.
(Richards twists Karnage's arm. Karnage then grabs Richards by the wrist and turns it into a chicken wing. He scoops Rolls Royce up on his shoulder then runs into the center of the ring and running powerslams him on his hammerlocked arm. Andrew Karnage applies a crippler crossface and chicken wings his other arm)
Phil Blauer: Jonathan Richards started all this arm stuff, look where it got him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: AK-47 pulls up on Richards' face while trying to break both of the Aussie's arms! Mike Peters checks in but Jonathan refusing to submit. Nathan Slater runs into the ring and stomps the back of Karnage's head to break The Pain Killer EX. Karnage chases him out, but Jonathan Richards takes him out with his version of The Nightmare Lariot!
(The Belfast audience jeers and boos, while Gavin Slater applauds on the outside. Jonathan Richards pulls Andrew Karnage's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage reverses a piledriver with an alabama slammer!! He tags in Robert Hunglestien III and shoots Richards into the ropes. Andrew Karnage tiltawhirl backbreakers him and then holds him across his knee! Hunglestien runs across the ring drops a knee to his face, bending him in half!
(Robert Hunglestien III drops Richards with a fireman's carry takedown. Hunglestien then floors him with a lightning fast snap suplex. He pulls the big man up and shoots him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards comes back with a shouldertackle that floors him. Richards presses him over his head!
(The fans boo as Richards bench presses him three times then drops his stomach on his knee! He scoops him up and drops him into another gut buster, then tags in Nathan Slater)
Guillermo O'Bannon: They irish whip Robert Hunglestien III into the ropes and High Maintenance double back body drop him! Nathan Slater armdrags Hunglestien. Hunglestien gets up and gets hiptossed back over. Slater headlocks him but Hunglestien pulls him by the hair into a headlock of his own. He flips Slater over into a headlock takedown.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Nathan Slater rolls Hunglestien into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Hunglestien rolls back down into a headlock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III releases the headlock then drops a couple elbows to Slater's lower back. Slater grabs him by the legs and inverted atomic drops him. He tags in Jonathan Richards who applies an abdominal stretch as Slater runs into the ropes. Slater blasts Hunglestien upside the head with a superkick!
(The audience boos and Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. He tiltawhirls him into a backbreaker!! He grabs Hunglestien by the legs and wheelbarrows him up then starts spinning him around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards drops Hunglestien with a spinning wheelbarrow slam! He pulls Hunglestien up by the arm, but Hunglestien pulls him into a shortarm knee to his stomach. He drops to the mat with a DDT!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drops a double ax handle smash to Richards' back and then tags in Andrew Karnage. The Un-Stable hit Richards with a double uranage!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage lifts Richards up on his shoulder and then runs across the ring with a death valley driver!
(Karnage grabs Jonathan Richards by the throat and the Belfast fans jump to their feet. He lifts Richards up and chokeslams him across his knee!! The audience pops louder. Karnage runs into the ropes but Slater sticks his knee out into Andrew's kidneys)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards grabs two handfuls of Karnage's hair and rams his face into the mat with an x factor! He lifts him up into a hanging suplex, to show off his power, then brainbusters him!! He makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards scoops Karnage up and swings him around into a catatonic!! He tags in Nathan Slater, then lifts Karnage up on to his shoulders with a powerbomb on to Nathan's knee!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Meanwhile, Nathan Slater is climbing to the top turnbuckle. He comes down across Karnage's face with a floating leg drop!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater climbs to the top turnbuckles from the inside, but before he can moonsault him, Karnage grabs his legs and drops him with a tigerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage t-bone suplexes Slater across the ring! He shoots Slater across the ropes and back body drops him into the air, Slater lands on his feet and takes Karnage out with a standing dropkick!
(Ulster Hall boos as Nathan Slater climbs up to the top rope. He comes off with a flying body press, but Karnage catches him and powerslams him! The impact makes Karnage bounce up to his feet and he tags in Robert Hunglestien III. Hunglestien grabs Slater by the legs, while Karnage runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien catapults Slater into a Nightmare Lariot from Andrew Karnage back on to Hunglestien's bent knees!! Hunglestien covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards stomps the back of Hunglestien's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards saves the match for his partner there. Robert Hunglestien grabs Slater by the hair and cracks him in the chin with an elbow. He half nelsons him then pitches him over his head with a hardway suplex!
(Hunglestien walks over to Slater but Slater takes him down with a drop toe hold. He applies a crucifix kneebar on Hunglestien and drops down to the mat, wrenching his leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hunglestien submits, but Robert ignores him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The audience letting High Maintenance have it while Slater attempts to end the match with this kneebar. Slater releases it and shoots Hunglestien into the ropes. Spinning heel kick by Nathan Slater!
(Slater tags in Jonathan Richards. They shoot Hunglestien into the ropes again and this time and double clothesline him. Jonathan Richards pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs and piledrives him!! The crowd boos)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes but RHIII comes back with a spinning head scissors! He inverted facelocks Richards, but Rolls Royce grabs Hunglestien underneath the armpits. He lifts him up into an inverted crucifix. He drops Hunglestien facefirst with an inverted razor's edge!! He rolls Hunglestien over into a pin!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien grabs Richards' by the leg and dragon screws him to the mat. Hunglestien then applies an inverted indian deathlock! He gets a good stance and then stands up, posing for the fans.
(The crowd applauds Hunglestien as Richards balls his fists up in pain. Mike Peters asks him if he wants to tap out but Jonathan refuses. Hunglestien reaches out and tags in Andrew Karnage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: While Robert Hunglestien III maintains the inverted indian deathlock while Andrew Karnage steps over Richards and applies a cobra clutch!! Jonathan Richards is being bent in half by a dual Sphinx Clutch and inverted indian deathlock! Jonathan Richards is three stages of hell all at once!
(Nathan Slater runs into the ring and punches both Karnage & Hunglestien to break the submission move. Robert Hunglestien III clubs Slater back and tosses him over the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gut wrenches Jonathan Richards up on his shoulder, and runs across the ring into a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage german suplexes Richards!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage full nelsons Jonathan Richards and then drops him backwards into a dragon suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards lifts his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage straightjackets Richards' arms and then Pride Cycle suplexes him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage goes for a powerbomb but Richards blocks it and back body drops him. He nails Karnage with a diamond cutter!
(The fans boo, and Jonathan Richards irish whips Karnage in to the turnbuckles so hard he bounces out. Richards moves in but Karnage catches him with an exploder '98!! The Ulster Hall pops, and Karnage tags in Robert Hunglestien III, who climbs to the top rope. Karnage crotch-ties Richards' arm through his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage pumphandles Jonathan Richards up into an owendriver that Robert Hunglestien III spikes from the top rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Wasn't that like...
Guillermo O'Bannon: It is double team version their trainer's finisher, The Soutter Special.
Phil Blauer: No, I mean the way Richards is twitching just like Terri Gar!
Guillermo O'Bannon: I think you mean Terri Schiavo.
Phil Blauer: The chick that did Mr. Mom?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III scoops Jonathan Richards up and drops him on his skull with a michinoku driver II!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien goes for a DDT but Richards blocks it, and back drops him. Jonathan Richards irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and knocks him silly with a big boot to the head!
(Jonathan Richards applies a cobra clutch to Hunglestien. Richards pulls back on Hunglestien's arm while pressing his hand into the back of his neck. Jonathan Richards gets his feet in front of Hunglestien's)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed; 10 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards cobra clutch bulldogs Robert Hunglestien! He pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes, when Hunglestien comes back he gets pounded into the mat with a powerslam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards tags in Nathan Slater who climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Jonathan Richards wheelbarrows Hunglestien up in the air and Slater comes off the turnbuckles with a vegamatic legdrop to the back of Hunglestien's head!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Andrew Karnage stomps Slater's back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater climbs up to the top turnbuckle and flinches well enough to make Hunglestien think he's going for that flying body press so he ducks. Slater instead comes off with a sunset flip!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien claps his legs together on Slater's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater goes to twist his arm, but Hunglestien pulls him in with a shortarm elbow smash to the face, then hangs on to his arm and shortarm clotheslines him.
(Robert Hunglestien irish whips Slater into the ropes but Slater comes back with a handspring into a body press)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater tags in Jonathan Richards, and Rolls Royce electric chairs him up. Slater comes off the top rope with a flying bulldog!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater t-bone suplexes Robert Hunglestien III on the head! Slater headlocks Hunglestien but Robert reverses it with an angle slam!
(Robert Hunglestien waistlocks Slater and german suplexes him. He picks Slater up and drops him a second time with a german suplex. Hunglestien drops him with two more)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien goes for a fifth german suplex but Slater flips back onto his feet. He punishes Hunglestien with a superkick under the jaw! He goes to DDT but Hunglestien blocks it and lifts Slater up into a fireman's carry then slams him!
(Hunglestien tags in Andrew Karnage and climbs to the second rope. Karnage waistlocks Slater and lifts him into a dangerous backdrop driver near the turnbuckle with Hunglestien standing on the middle rope. Hunglestien hooks an inverted face lock with Nathan Slater on Karnage's shoulder and swings out with an inverted DDT while Karnage drops a spinning Dangerous Backdrop Driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Golden Ticket!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards stomps the back of his head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage sits Nathan Slater on the top turnbuckle. He then grabs Slater by the arms and flips him over into a owendriver iconoclasm!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Five Minutes Have Elapsed; 5 Minutes Remaining."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage shoots Slater into the ropes and drops his head for a backdrop only for Nate to corkscrew neckbreaker him! Slater grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a scorpion deathlock. Slater attempting to bend the two time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion in half!
(Gavin Slater pounds on the apron, rooting on Nathan Slater. He pulls back on Andrew Karnage's twisted legs, but he's not tapping. He releases the scorpion deathlock, and climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "New Sensation" Nathan Slater flying body presses Andrew Karnage off the top rope!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater applies a front facelock choke and lies down on top of Karnage's back. He clamps down against Karnage's windpipe with all that Aussie might!
(Mike Peters checks in to see if Karnage wants to tap out, but he's not answering. Robert Hunglestien III runs into the ring and stomps Nathan Slater in the head. Suddenly a buzz crosses Ulster Hall as a man makes his way to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Who is that??
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Andrew Sinclair, Phil. He wrestled less than two hours ago. Robert Hunglestien sees him and doesn't look good at all.
Phil Blauer: Well, he's been out of action for a while on a strict double chili burger diet.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No, I mean he's scared. Andrew Sinclair and Robert Hunglestien have had some brutal wars over the years. Sinclair grabs a chair and enters the ring!
(Robert Hunglestien III begs off and backs away from a livid Andrew Sinclair. He backs right into Nathan Slater who grabs him in a full nelson)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair cocks back but Hunglestien slips out of the full nelson and The Straight Shooter clubs Slater in the head with the chair!! Andrew Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot that flips him head over heels!!
(Karnage covers Slater while Hunglestien knocks Jonathan Richards off the apron with an elbow shot. Andrew Sinclair shrugs it off and rolls out of the ring)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: After close to a half hour of some of the best tag team action we've seen this year, the World Tag Team titles are back in the hands of The Un-Stable!
("Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears plays and the Belfast fans go ballistic. Kilroy Evans runs down to the ring and grabs the World Tag Team title belts off of Ron De La O's timekeeper's table)
Ron De La O: Fuck Youuuuuuuuuuuuu Man!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 27 minutes 16 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH; AND NEW HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE UN-STABLE!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair had a chair shot scheduled for Robert Hunglestien's head but Nathan Slater bumped him.
Phil Blauer: He didn't seem to care either way.
(Robert Hunglestien and Andrew Karnage celebrate in the center of the ring with Kilroy Evans. They both strap the titles around their waist, while Andrew Sinclair backs away from the ring, staring a hole through Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair making an impact here tonight far beyond what defeating Blak Lung can do for him.
(Camera opens up on the ring crew as they take the ropes off of the cornerposts and ditch the turnbuckles. They string up barbed wire on two sides. On the other two sides you can just fall out. On one side a slanted razor wire wrapped platform. The other is a C4 rigged platform)
Phil Blauer: I've never been more scared my life.
Guillermo O'Bannon: No one's gonna hurt you, Phil. That's for our upcoming Double Hell Match, a match invented by "The Prophet" Matt Creamer to end his feud with The Darkstar Brothers.
Phil Blauer: I'm talking about those teamsters handling all that C4. I barely trust those guys to remember to pack the cage at night. We could all go up in a huge boom and fufil all these people's inescapable destiny.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil...
Phil Blauer: What? Too soon? I meant by the IRA, not Al Queda! They're the lovable terrorists!
("Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays and Kilroy Evans walks out through the curtain. The audience cheers and stretches their hands out over the railing to slap his hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans looking to finally defeat Death Gojira after a year of trying. He got close many times, including two draws in San Diego and Hardkore Helloween. But since then he has dominated the tag team scene on the West Coast, and now looks to win the Hardkore America Championship.
Phil Blauer: I now look to get a sandwhich. Boone!
former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Yes sir!
(Boone runs to the back, Kilroy Evans slides under the barbed wire into the ring)
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans wears a black Bloodhound Gang t-shirt, a brown belt, and blue jeans with red, white, & blue wristbands.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following Double Hell Match is the Main Event of the Evening!"
(Ulster Hall cheers)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "It is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!!!"
(The crowd cheers wildly, and Kilroy waves back at them. The lights in Ulster Hall begin to flicker as thunderous footsteps are heard echoing from the PA system. The Belfast crowd leaps to their feet and begin to cheer loudly as suddenly the lights go off and Godzilla's roar booms across the arena, causing several sparks to go off from the ceiling. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube begins to play as a giant pyro in the shape of a mushroom cloud explodes near the entrance ramp. When the smoke clears, Death Gojira appears, letting loose an defiant SKREEOOOORNGHK! with the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship belt over his head)
Phil Blauer: Death Gojira worked long and hard to regain that title belt from Cobryn in a ladder match with a bigger cast of characters than that road trip movie.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which one?
Phil Blauer: Any of em.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira has warred with Kilroy Evans in every match you can think of.
Phil Blauer: Except...
Guillermo O'Bannon: I know Phil, bra & panties, I think we've done that joke. Neither of these men are afraid to bleed, they've proved that. So that advantage is out the window. One has to be the better survivor tonight.
Yolanda Ando: Gojira wears tightly wrapped bandages around his face, chest and arms. The only place we do get to see a part of Gojira is his eyes, which are now maroon, serpentine, and terrifying! Aside from his wrappings, Gojira wears a Haori Japanese Vest over his chest with long black shorts and boots. On the back of his Haori is the symbol for Godzilla, with the Japanese characters for "Hageshiimaru" encircling it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent hails from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(The Belfast fans roar and air horns go off all over Ulster Hall. Gojira lofts his wooden chair over his head and lets out a mighty "Reee-ornk". Kilroy Evans gets behind Gojira and german suplexes him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans german suplexes him and he almost rolls in the C4 pit but Gojira holds on by his fingernails! Kilroy Evans putting the boots to him, but Gojira grabs his leg. Kilroy sticks a couple of fingers in Gojira's eyes!
(Kilroy digs his nails in Gojira's eyes and makes him scream. When his mouth is open, Evans sticks his thumb in DG's mouth and uses it to pull him to his feet. He drops down to knees with a jawbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pokes Kilroy in the eye and then snow plows him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira crotch-ties Evans arm through his leg and pumphandles him up into a stiener screwdriver!!
(Ulster Hall leaps to their feet, and Gojira stomps around the ring Ree-ornking. Kilroy Evans struggles up to his feet and lands a hard punch to Gojira's throat. He pulls Gojira's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans piledrives Death Gojira in the center of the ring!! He grabs Gojira by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(Kilroy shouts over his shoulder "Remember this Gojira? Huh, you ree-ornkin sonofabitch?" He yanks back on Gojira's legs and Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out)
Phil Blauer: Gojira still has pain lifting heavy things because of all the boston crabs he's endured from Kilroy Evans.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans sitting low on the small of Gojira's back, the Beastie Boys advice on the boston crab still holds true today. Slow & low, that's the tempo. Death Gojira powers out of it with those strong legs. Death Gojira scoops Kilroy on his shoulder then drops him into a reverse bulldog!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts Kilroy up into a hanging suplex then swings it around into an ace crusher!! He sits on Kilroy's back and straightjackets his arms into a crossarm camel clutch.
(Gojira grabs Evans' hands and pulls back, using his own arms to put pressure on Kilroy's head & neck. Air horns go off around the Ulster Hall from the Northern Irish fans)
Phil Blauer: Both men choosing to go this match on their own; without The Cupcake Crew or The Un-Stable. We'll see how long that lasts. Probably about as long as Fantastic Four being in theatres.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulling back on Kilroy's hands, trying to force a submission without either of them having a nick on them. He gives up and pulls Kilroy up to his feet. But Kilroy grabs Gojira in a bearhug! Kilroy trying to use all of his strength to break his ribs.
(Kilroy walks over to the barbed wire and then rams Gojira's back into the barbed wire!! Ulster Hall lets out a major pop, and Gojira cries out in pain)
Phil Blauer: Finally, someone's finally bleeding!
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's only been four minutes, Phil. Hangman's neckbreaker to a staggering Death Gojira by Kilroy Evans!
(Kilroy Evans mounts Gojira and begins bludgeoning him with hatefilled punches. He pulls Gojira to his feet and belly to belly suplexes him across the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Gojira up in a suplex then drops his bloody back into the canvas with a falcon arrow!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy twists Gojira's arm. He goes for another twist, but Gojira pokes him in the eye again. He returns the favor by twisting Kilroy's arm. He bends it behind Evans' back and reverse DDTs him on his arm!
(Death Gojira grabs him by his Bloodhound Gang t-shirt and tosses him into the barbed wire!! The fans cheer and Kilroy Evans has new lacerations over his eye and under his ear)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira rakes Kilroy's face back & forth across the barbed wire, horribly bloodying him! Gojira gut wrenches Evans on to his shoulder and then drops the back of his neck on the horrible wire!!
(Death Gojira lifts Kilroy up in a hanging suplex and then drops down into a sitting position into a shoulderbreaker! Kilroy rolls around the mat clutching his arm. Gojira pulls his Goji Chair out of the corner, then stands it up in the center of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira working that arm down, he pulls Kilroy Evans up into a cradle suplex but then drops his head on the barbed wire wrapped seat of the chair with a fisherman's buster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira butterflies Kilroy's arms, but Evans backdrops out of it! Gojira rushes him and Evans catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Death Gojira up in a suplex but then just drops his chest onto the barbed wire!!
(The medical gauze on Death Gojira's chest runs pink with blood. Kilroy Evans then applies a chicken wing crossface. Gojira growls in pain as Kilroy pulls up on his hammerlocked arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy pitches Gojira's face forward into an inverted russian legsweep! Kilroy stomps his boot into the mat a few times to load the boot. Gojira staggers up to his feet, and Kilroy superkicks him!
(Kilroy stands the Goji Chair up in the center of the ring and then stands him up in front of the chair. Gojira blocks the russian legsweep and pitches Kilroy forward onto his his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits an ace crusher, dropping his throat on the back of the chair!! Gojira butterflies his arms, and then lifts him up into a reverse tigerbomb!
(Gojira lies the Goji Chair down on the ground, then front facelocks him. He runs up the barbed wire into a tornado DDT on the chair!! The audience pops and Gojira hooks his leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy's head into his legs. He lifts him up into a powerbomb! He hangs onto his arms & legs and lifts him up into a second powerbomb onto the barbed wire!!
(The Belfast crowd cheers, and Gojira lifts him up on his shoulders again. He runs over to the cliff's edge and powerbombs him on the razor wire platform!!! The Ulster Hall lets out an ear splitting pop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira just powerbombed Kilroy Evans on the razor wire!!
Phil Blauer: These guys are looking to murder one another over 10 pounds of gold!
(The audience chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" while airhorns play out a few tunes. Evans tries to writhe in pain but everywhere he goes is more razor wire. He finally has to bite the bullet and just roll over onto the razors to get back into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pulls Kilroy into the ring and pulls his head into his legs. But a bloodsoaked Kilroy reverses it into an alabama slammer!!
(Kilroy Evans drops an elbow drop on Gojira's face. Kilroy then sits on Gojira's back, and wraps his arms around his legs. Evans then pulls his head back with a camel clutch, as blood runs red down his wrappings)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy working down the lacerated back & chest of Gojira, sitting tight & low in the camel clutch. Gojira is not submitting so he releases it and pulls him up to his feet. Kilroy Evans irish whips him, but Gojira reverses the irish whip and sends Kilroy into the barbed wire, but Evans puts on the breaks!
(Kilroy stops just an inch away from getting torn open again, he lets out a sigh of relief and turns around... only to get t-boned by Gojira into his Goji-chair! The audience leaps to their feet and cheers. Gojira butterflies Kilroy’s arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits him with a double underhook brainbuster!! He pulls Kilroy’s head into his legs and lifts him up into an argentinean backbreaker. Kilroy’s upside down head & neck are bleeding like a faucet!
(Gojira bounces Kilroy’s back on his shoulder up & down as Ron Reid checks to see if Evans wants to submit. Gojira walks him over to the barbed wire and drops his neck on the barbs a second time!! The fans wince, and Kilroy rolls around the mat covering the back of his neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira poses in front of the barbed wire for some flash photography, holding up his Goji Chair. Kilroy Evans spears him into it hard!!
(Ulster Hall pops again, and a blood drenched Kilroy Evans double underhook DDTs him on the way out! He hooks Death Gojira’s leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Death Gojira towards the edge of the ring and half nelsons him. Kilroy t-bone suplexes Gojira off the edge of the ring onto the razor wire platform!!!
(The Belfast crowd leaps to their feet, roaring at the spectacle. Gojira is bleeding from his back, arms, legs, and face. The fans chant “KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!!” Meanwhile Evans is balancing himself on the top of the ringpost)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy jumps off the ringpost and elbow drops Gojira on the razor wire!!!
Phil Blauer: He sliced and diced himself worse than he did to Gojira!!
(Ulster Hall continues to chant “KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!! KIL-ROY!!” as both men writhe around in the razor wire. Gojira rolls off the platform on the the arena floor. He pulls a spool of barbed wire out from underneath the ring and rolls it into the ring. He pulls the ring steps loose and tosses them over the barbed wire into the ring as well. Gojira then peels Kilroy off of the razor wire onto the floor with him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and then airplane spins his head into the cornerpost! He then airplane spins his face into the barbed wire, catching him quite nasty on the cheek!
(Gojira grabs Kilroy by the blood stained Bloodhound Gang t-shirt and rams his face into the guardrail so hard his head pops through the rails. Gojira then retrieves his Goji Chair from the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira takes that barbed wire wrapped chair and smashes Kilroy in the head with it to pop his head out of the railing!!
Phil Blauer: That was nice. He didn’t have to do that. Boone would have stayed here till next year if he did that again. I warned him this time.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira rolls Kilroy back into the ring and hits an unprettier on that spool of barbed wire!! He covers Kilroy!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Kilroy Evans gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira scoops Kilroy up and drills his bloody head into the mat with a tombstone piledriver. He slides the ringsteps over into the corner of the ring, but while he has his back turned Kilroy thez presses his back and pitches him into the steel steps!!
(Kilroy Evans applies a cobra clutch on a bloody Death Gojira. Gojira tries to fight out of it but Kilroy’s much too strong for him and he soon begins to fade)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In their classic barbed wire match in San Diego, this move wound up causing a draw when neither man could answer the bell. Gojira due to the cobra clutch, and Kilroy due to blood loss.
Phil Blauer: They were stumped by the bell.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not really. Gojira trying to back Kilroy on to that C4 as a latch ditch effort to get out of the cobra clutch before unconciousness sets in. Kilroy puts the breaks on, releases the clutch, and headbutts his way out of danger. Gojira responds with a kick to the nuts. and straightjackets his arm into a tigerbomb in the center of the ring!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Kilroy Evans rolls his shoulder up)
(Death Gojira walks over to that spool of barbed wire and pulls off a long strand, still attached to the rest of the spool)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira gives Kilroy Evans a torture shock using the barbed wire to pull down his neck!!
former prowrestling.com internet Matt Boone: According to my research, Gojira was at Level 84 before that. He has 12,543EXP until the Next Level.
(Gojira gets up and points to Kilroy's body and says "Ding! Level 85, Bitch!")
former prowrestling.com internet Matt Boone: I stand corrected.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls Kilroy up with him on those steel steps and pulls his head into his legs. Oh my god, what’s he doing??
(Death Gojira uses the stairs for balance to spinning superbomb Kilroy Evans on the razor wire platform from the top rope!!! Ulster Hall lights up like daytime from all the flashbulbs. Phil and Guillermo are stunned into silence as all that can be heard is the chant “GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!”)
Phil Blauer: Death Gojira super spinning bombs Kilroy on that razor wire and if he’s not dead, he needs to be!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blood coming out of about a dozen places on Kilroy’s body! Gojira peels him off the razors onto the arena floor, and whether it’s instinct or not, Evans feebly hammering away at Gojira trying to stay in this match.
(Gojira grabs Kilroy, but Kilroy takes a huge chomp out of Gojira’s nose! Kilroy stands up on the apron and flying spears Gojira into the guardrail! He rolls Gojira under the barbed wire into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans picks Death Gojira up and powerbombs him on the barbed wire!! He then covers him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Death Gojira kicks out)
(Kilroy walks over to grab the steel steps but Gojira staggers behind him and lifts him up into an electric chair. He walks him over to the side of the ring and spinning ocean cyclone suplexes Kilroy off his shoulders into the C4 explosive triggered platform)
BOOM!!!![/U]
(The explosives go off with a huge bang, making children cry and cover their ears. Smoke fills Ulster Hall and the sulfur smell is nearly unbearable)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't know if we can get a camera on the action in the ring, as the smoke is basically covering everything.
Phil Blauer: Get a man on that, Mann!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans is motionless on that platform, as Mike Peters and Bill Kasal put out a small fire on his Bloodhound Gang t-shirt.
Phil Blauer: I think that shirt, and the band are officially retired.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy slowly starting to come to, and crawls back towards the ring. Kilroy has no clue where he is and could even be deaf right now from that loud concussion of the blast. Gojira shakes his head in pity and delivers a spinning tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And mercifully this is over!
(The audience cheers as Death Gojira raises his arms in victory. "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays over the PA system)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 18 minutes 57 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable come out and they are none too happy about what just happened to their boy Kilroy. Andrew Karnage comes running into the ring, ready to charge Gojira, but Goji side steps it and shoves the three time Hardkore World Tag Team Champion Karnage head first into a rising Kilroy's stomach, pushing them both into the barbed wire!!
(Audience pops as The Miracle Violence Combination II lie on the mat, covering their fresh wounds from the wicked wire. Robert Hunglestien III makes his way to the ring)
Phil Blauer: After The Un-Stable ruined his victory party in Palm Springs, Death Gojira had to expect this.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III grabs The Goji Chair and slides into the ring. He sneaks up on Gojira from behind, ready to bean the Hardkore American Champion with his own chair!
(Hunglestien swings, but Gojira drops down onto his back and mule kicks the chair into Hunglestein's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien staggers back off the edge of the ring into the...
BOOM!!!!
(Ulster Hall lets out a monster pop as they get a second explosion!! Hunglestien is motionless on the platform. Death Gojira gives a "Skreeeornghk!!!" point to Robert Hunglestien III and says "Ding! Level 86, BITCH!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira gets some revenge on The Un-Stable and gives these fans two bombs for the price of one.
Phil Blauer: Like these people need more bombs...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira next goes back to Phoenix to defend that title against Lucifer Jones! Until then, it's time to leave these lush Irish greens for 120 degrees in the desert. We're off to Arizona fans, where the death toll this year for heat related deaths are 13 people so far, if you don't count Mohammad Hassan & Daivari! We'll see you there!