Post by Visit Neom on Oct 17, 2022 8:32:22 GMT -5
(We see Marty Donovan, arms crossed and scowling, looking directly into the camera.)
Marty: Since the dawn of time, man has feared the end of days. I am not like other men! I welcome Ragnarok. On that final day I will ascend to my rightful place as X*Crown…
(Marty sighs and shakes his head.)
Marty: I’m sorry. I simply cannot fake interest in this tournament. I was able to lie about that horrifying new Pinocchio, but this is a bridge too far.
Camera Man: I’m thinking you already made some plans.
Marty: Yeah, how’d you guess?
(We zoom out to see Marty’s location. He is in one of the shops at Disney Springs. This store is filled with Disney Cruise branded clothing, beach towels, and suitcases.)
Marty: You know what the worst part is? Johnnie didn’t even ask me if I was interested. He never checked my schedule. He just declared that I was Hardkore World’s entrant at the last second possible. It feels like a total punishment. What did I ever do to him?
(The shot cuts to old footage from a Hardkore World media scrum. A livid Marty, covered in sweat and blood, ravenously devours a box of Animal Kingdom pumpkin cheesecake muffins. He wears a towel around his neck and Mighty Thor themed Mickey ears on his head. Marty glares at the reporters.)
Marty: Okay, so you fancy yourself a journalist? Would you say you’re friends with Megatron?
Reporter: Well, I took my son to meet him on our last vacation.
Marty: My point is if you claim to be a journalist then you should disclose which Universal Studios IPs you are taking selfies with. It is bad enough that I have to deal with Johnnie Valentine. That moron couldn’t book a room at a Red Roof Inn, never mind a wrestling card. I refuse to take questions from some Minions fanboys.
(We cut back to the store. Marty watches nervously as Olivia Oldham shops a few rows over. He turns to the camera man.)
Marty: Can you give me a few minutes? I still haven’t told my best bud / CAR driver and I think it will go smoother off camera. Why don’t you just shoot some b-roll of those luggage tags that are reasonably priced at 12.00?
( The camera turns towards the luggage tags, but then shifts over to record Marty in the background. He approaches Olivia who is holding his/hers Frozen shirts that each have a drawing of a turkey sub on them. The male shirt says “WE FINISH EACH OTHER’S” and the female shirt says “SANDWICHES”. Olivia’s lip trembles and she gives Marty a puppy dog look.)
Ollie: Tintin, before you say no, I need you to really look at these. Did you notice that they are the exact same color as Anna’s dress and that the sandwich swords have Mickey ears? Have you considered what cute uniforms they would be for trivia night?
Marty: Those are great. We’ll have to take a picture in them too.
(Ollie’s jaw drops before she spins in excitement like Mary Tyler Moore. Marty struggles to get his next words out. )
Marty: There is the slightest chance we might have to cancel the cruise though. I’m booked in a month-long XHF tournament.
(Ollie stumbles over her own feet and falls to the floor. She slowly lurches back up, with her hair in her face, like the ghost from The Ring. Marty shivers.)
Ollie: What did you just say?
Marty: How do I explain this? XHF is like Disney and Hardkore World is Pixar. I’m a CGI artist on Toy Story 19 and had a vacation scheduled, but then Disney said they need to borrow me to improve She-Hulk’s twerking.
Ollie: You promised we would go on this cruise, Martin. I won the bet fair and square.
Marty: It was neither fair nor square.
Ollie: You said “Ollie, I will wager anything that your race car can’t beat me in a 100 meter dash”. I lapped you!
Marty: My legs weren’t fully stretched. Things would have gone differently in a best of seven. Even the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead!
( Olivia chokes back tears. Panicked, Marty pulls her into a hug.)
Marty: Don’t cry. This is only a problem if I advance to the next round and that ain’t happening. I will do everything humanly possible to lose this match.
Ollie: You promise?
Marty: Olivia, I promise. I’m hitting the mat as soon as somebody lands one half decent uppercut. There will be no kickouts. I might wear jeans. Lose equals cruise! You think I enjoy wrestling?
Ollie: No, you do it to hurt Syberus.
Marty: Yes, once that score is settled I will retire. Why don’t you look at some overpriced golf balls while I promo?
( The shot changes to an interview with Marty as he views videos on a tablet.)
Marty: Alright, here are my first reactions to the EOD opponents.
( Video highlights of El Rey play. Marty rolls his eyes.)
Marty: What a little prick. He probably thinks the Cowboys are superbowl bound. I bet his jeep has 33” tires and is covered in Barstool stickers. I am going to wreck him.
(Marty suddenly remembers he can’t win.)
Marty: I mean, the Society Killer is a dangerous move. It wouldn’t be suspicious at all if this prodigy knocks me out within seconds of the bell ringing.
(The tablet shows Bloodied Fox clips. Marty shakes his head.)
Marty: This one is Mouseketeer sized too. Are there no men left in wrestling? Wow, a vaping furry who can barely grow a beard. This guy just screams money.
(Marty sighs.)
Marty: What I’m trying to say is that the mask is so scary that I will faint during introductions. Don’t be surprised if Fox squashes me.
(The tablet shows a video of Zoran. There is legit surprise and anger on Marty’s face. A clip from an old SWAT event plays where Zoran tosses Marty into the Sarlacc Pit. The shot changes to the camera shooting from behind a rack of Donald Duck Hawaiian shirts as Marty and Ollie speak in private again.)
Marty: Tiniest change in plans. This match has two eliminations, so I am going to avenge a loss to this jerk named Zoran. After that I will make sure to lose.
Ollie: No, just lose right away to be safe! The cruise is on the line. What happened to only being in wrestling to hurt Syberus?
Marty: This guy is like a worse version of him. Picture Syberus, but with an accent!
Ollie: Syberus has an accent!
Marty: You just don’t get it. ZORAN HURT BABY YODA! I have to teach him a lesson.
Ollie: Baby Yoda isn’t real.
(Marty gasps in horror.)
Ollie: You know what is real, our seats at The Arendelle dinner theater. They are in real jeopardy if you mess this up
Marty: I told you I will lose the second fall. Is it the end of the world if I don’t? Honestly, you shouldn't going on vacation this close to the next race.
Ollie: Fine! How about this? I will go for a practice drive right now and you can take your precious Zoran on the boat instead!
Marty: I DID ALREADY! IT WAS JABBA’S BARGE AND I HATED IT!
(They storm off in opposite directions. Marty bumps into the camera and glares.)
Marty: Sainovic. I’ve been waiting a long time to settle the score. You had to use every dirty trick in the book to win last time. I can take cheating, but a line was crossed when you let Grogu plummet into the Great Pit of Carkoon. Do you have any idea how many units that kid moves?
(The camera follows Marty as he walks out of the store.)
Marty: You’re in trouble now. There are no tricks or props to hide behind now. This time we settle it in the ring. I am a Hardkore World legend and even 22 world titles can’t measure up to that. Zoran, you don’t have a prayer against me…unless somebody else has already eaten a pin.
(Marty steps into the parking lot and stares confused at an empty space.)
Marty: I could have sworn this is where she parked. Did I go out the wrong exit?
(Marty dials a number. The Love Boat theme is faintly heard through his phone. The shot fades out as Marty waits for his call to be answered in vain.)
Marty: Since the dawn of time, man has feared the end of days. I am not like other men! I welcome Ragnarok. On that final day I will ascend to my rightful place as X*Crown…
(Marty sighs and shakes his head.)
Marty: I’m sorry. I simply cannot fake interest in this tournament. I was able to lie about that horrifying new Pinocchio, but this is a bridge too far.
Camera Man: I’m thinking you already made some plans.
Marty: Yeah, how’d you guess?
(We zoom out to see Marty’s location. He is in one of the shops at Disney Springs. This store is filled with Disney Cruise branded clothing, beach towels, and suitcases.)
Marty: You know what the worst part is? Johnnie didn’t even ask me if I was interested. He never checked my schedule. He just declared that I was Hardkore World’s entrant at the last second possible. It feels like a total punishment. What did I ever do to him?
(The shot cuts to old footage from a Hardkore World media scrum. A livid Marty, covered in sweat and blood, ravenously devours a box of Animal Kingdom pumpkin cheesecake muffins. He wears a towel around his neck and Mighty Thor themed Mickey ears on his head. Marty glares at the reporters.)
Marty: Okay, so you fancy yourself a journalist? Would you say you’re friends with Megatron?
Reporter: Well, I took my son to meet him on our last vacation.
Marty: My point is if you claim to be a journalist then you should disclose which Universal Studios IPs you are taking selfies with. It is bad enough that I have to deal with Johnnie Valentine. That moron couldn’t book a room at a Red Roof Inn, never mind a wrestling card. I refuse to take questions from some Minions fanboys.
(We cut back to the store. Marty watches nervously as Olivia Oldham shops a few rows over. He turns to the camera man.)
Marty: Can you give me a few minutes? I still haven’t told my best bud / CAR driver and I think it will go smoother off camera. Why don’t you just shoot some b-roll of those luggage tags that are reasonably priced at 12.00?
( The camera turns towards the luggage tags, but then shifts over to record Marty in the background. He approaches Olivia who is holding his/hers Frozen shirts that each have a drawing of a turkey sub on them. The male shirt says “WE FINISH EACH OTHER’S” and the female shirt says “SANDWICHES”. Olivia’s lip trembles and she gives Marty a puppy dog look.)
Ollie: Tintin, before you say no, I need you to really look at these. Did you notice that they are the exact same color as Anna’s dress and that the sandwich swords have Mickey ears? Have you considered what cute uniforms they would be for trivia night?
Marty: Those are great. We’ll have to take a picture in them too.
(Ollie’s jaw drops before she spins in excitement like Mary Tyler Moore. Marty struggles to get his next words out. )
Marty: There is the slightest chance we might have to cancel the cruise though. I’m booked in a month-long XHF tournament.
(Ollie stumbles over her own feet and falls to the floor. She slowly lurches back up, with her hair in her face, like the ghost from The Ring. Marty shivers.)
Ollie: What did you just say?
Marty: How do I explain this? XHF is like Disney and Hardkore World is Pixar. I’m a CGI artist on Toy Story 19 and had a vacation scheduled, but then Disney said they need to borrow me to improve She-Hulk’s twerking.
Ollie: You promised we would go on this cruise, Martin. I won the bet fair and square.
Marty: It was neither fair nor square.
Ollie: You said “Ollie, I will wager anything that your race car can’t beat me in a 100 meter dash”. I lapped you!
Marty: My legs weren’t fully stretched. Things would have gone differently in a best of seven. Even the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead!
( Olivia chokes back tears. Panicked, Marty pulls her into a hug.)
Marty: Don’t cry. This is only a problem if I advance to the next round and that ain’t happening. I will do everything humanly possible to lose this match.
Ollie: You promise?
Marty: Olivia, I promise. I’m hitting the mat as soon as somebody lands one half decent uppercut. There will be no kickouts. I might wear jeans. Lose equals cruise! You think I enjoy wrestling?
Ollie: No, you do it to hurt Syberus.
Marty: Yes, once that score is settled I will retire. Why don’t you look at some overpriced golf balls while I promo?
( The shot changes to an interview with Marty as he views videos on a tablet.)
Marty: Alright, here are my first reactions to the EOD opponents.
( Video highlights of El Rey play. Marty rolls his eyes.)
Marty: What a little prick. He probably thinks the Cowboys are superbowl bound. I bet his jeep has 33” tires and is covered in Barstool stickers. I am going to wreck him.
(Marty suddenly remembers he can’t win.)
Marty: I mean, the Society Killer is a dangerous move. It wouldn’t be suspicious at all if this prodigy knocks me out within seconds of the bell ringing.
(The tablet shows Bloodied Fox clips. Marty shakes his head.)
Marty: This one is Mouseketeer sized too. Are there no men left in wrestling? Wow, a vaping furry who can barely grow a beard. This guy just screams money.
(Marty sighs.)
Marty: What I’m trying to say is that the mask is so scary that I will faint during introductions. Don’t be surprised if Fox squashes me.
(The tablet shows a video of Zoran. There is legit surprise and anger on Marty’s face. A clip from an old SWAT event plays where Zoran tosses Marty into the Sarlacc Pit. The shot changes to the camera shooting from behind a rack of Donald Duck Hawaiian shirts as Marty and Ollie speak in private again.)
Marty: Tiniest change in plans. This match has two eliminations, so I am going to avenge a loss to this jerk named Zoran. After that I will make sure to lose.
Ollie: No, just lose right away to be safe! The cruise is on the line. What happened to only being in wrestling to hurt Syberus?
Marty: This guy is like a worse version of him. Picture Syberus, but with an accent!
Ollie: Syberus has an accent!
Marty: You just don’t get it. ZORAN HURT BABY YODA! I have to teach him a lesson.
Ollie: Baby Yoda isn’t real.
(Marty gasps in horror.)
Ollie: You know what is real, our seats at The Arendelle dinner theater. They are in real jeopardy if you mess this up
Marty: I told you I will lose the second fall. Is it the end of the world if I don’t? Honestly, you shouldn't going on vacation this close to the next race.
Ollie: Fine! How about this? I will go for a practice drive right now and you can take your precious Zoran on the boat instead!
Marty: I DID ALREADY! IT WAS JABBA’S BARGE AND I HATED IT!
(They storm off in opposite directions. Marty bumps into the camera and glares.)
Marty: Sainovic. I’ve been waiting a long time to settle the score. You had to use every dirty trick in the book to win last time. I can take cheating, but a line was crossed when you let Grogu plummet into the Great Pit of Carkoon. Do you have any idea how many units that kid moves?
(The camera follows Marty as he walks out of the store.)
Marty: You’re in trouble now. There are no tricks or props to hide behind now. This time we settle it in the ring. I am a Hardkore World legend and even 22 world titles can’t measure up to that. Zoran, you don’t have a prayer against me…unless somebody else has already eaten a pin.
(Marty steps into the parking lot and stares confused at an empty space.)
Marty: I could have sworn this is where she parked. Did I go out the wrong exit?
(Marty dials a number. The Love Boat theme is faintly heard through his phone. The shot fades out as Marty waits for his call to be answered in vain.)