Post by Visit Neom on Oct 17, 2022 8:36:22 GMT -5
(We see security footage from Disney World. The time stamp indicates this was recorded several years ago. A group of children hold hands and dance with Rapunzel and Flynn. As the circle moves we see that the characters are Ollie and a clean shaven Marty. This footage is being played on a TV in the Reedy Creek garage. George Lucas faces the camera solemnly, dressed in a black robe.)
George: It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the deaths of two of the finest cast members Disney has ever known. Earlier this week, Olivia Oldham and Martin Donovan were sensessly murdered by Zoran Sainovic at an XHF show.
(George lowers his head.)
George: I know what you’re thinking. Was Zoran Sainovic that werewolf in the cantina scene? No, this is one terrible name you can’t blame on me. Zoran is real and so are his knives.
(George watches the video fondly.)
George: Technically, no one has found their bodies. Still, those strong with the force often fade away and there is no other explanation for why I can’t get in touch with them.
(George walks by a white board with a list titled “THINGS TO PACK FOR OUR CRUISE” in huge block letters.)
George: We have to face the facts. Marty got Qui-Gon’d. Olivia? You don’t have to be a GH-7 analysis droid to know she died of a broken heart. Reedy Creek Racing is in shambles. That leaves me no choice, but to…
(George raises the hood on his robe.)
GEORGE: EXECUTE ORDER 66!
(Disney employees wearing cheap Halloween store clone trooper masks storm in. They tear down anything that says Reedy Creek Racing on it.)
George: To honor our fallen friends, Disney has provided their finest Orwellian footage. Please enjoy these clips while I bring peace, freedom, justice and security to this rubber tire empire.
(The troopers unfurl a banner that reads BAD BATCH TO THE BONE RACING. We see old footage of Marty and Ollie standing on a Tangled parade float designed to look like a Viking longship. They are “backstage” waiting in line for the parade to start.)
Ollie: I heard they might be raising pay to 12 dollars soon.
Marty: 12 a minute or a second?
Ollie: An hour…
Marty: I actually don’t get paid. You see, I was a famous wrestler. I am trying to get Disney to buy the rights to me like they did with Marvel. It could be a great cross promotion to wrestle dressed as Gaston. There is a natural synergy. Both fan bases love wasting money.
Ollie: So they’re making you audition?
Marty: Yeah, wrestler is a dirty word. The higher ups are nervous just because Lucifer Jones turned out to be England’s most heinous serial killer. They’re afraid I’m gonna suplex a rude tourist into the wishing well or something. Not giving up yet though, just like our song says, I’ve got a dream!
Ollie: You’re a great Flynn, they’ll see it eventually. Did you make a lot of money in wrestling?
( Marty whispers to her. Ollie stumbles back in shock and Marty grabs the Rapunzel braid to keep her from falling off the boat. The shot changes to George looking off screen.)
George: Now THIS is Competitive Automotive Racing.
(We see the Lightning McQueen car has been repainted to have the blue and silver stripes of Anakin’s podracer. Old footage of Marty and Ollie eating in the cafeteria play.)
Marty: Why are you watching the petals fall off The Enchanted Flower?
Ollie: This is a Disney app that lets me know when I’m too old to be a princess. Usually at 27 they make the women play haunted mansion ghosts.
Marty: That is stupid. Nobody swings a frying pan like you!
Ollie: Being Rapunzel was what I loved. Without that this is just a minimum wage job and I might have to go back to Montana. I’ve applied to be a VIP tour guide since the rich families tip tons, but that's one of the most coveted positions. It won’t happen.
Marty: Yes it will. The kids love you. You’re like Kilory Evans without the barbed wire scars.
Ollie: I don’t know what that means, but thank you.
( George sits at a desk and admires a shot of the gold athletic cup on a laptop.)
George: This jockstrap will make a fine addition to my collection.
(The shot zooms out to reveal the cod pieces for Boba Fett and a stormtrooper on the wall. We see footage of a brutally hot and crowded day at Disney World. A smug tourist, wearing a shirt of a Union Jack airship that says “THE GREAT SYBERUS”, shoves a cellphone in Marty’s face.)
Tourist: Look who hit rock bottom! The Setting Sun, Marty Donovan is slumming it at Disney.
Marty: Who’s Marty? I’m Flynn!
Tourist: You’re Marty Donovan. The sod who is 0-3 against my countryman. Glory glory!
( Marty tries to leave, but the tourist blocks his exit.)
Tourist: Why don’t you show off your smolder. Only fitting since Syberus left your career a smoldering wreck.
(The tourist turns around for a mean selfie. Livid, Marty notices the wishing well behind them and wraps his arms around the jerks waist. He lifts for suplex when Ollie jumps in. She wraps herself around the other side of the tourist and turns the attack into a group hug. She sings.)
Ollie: I’ve got a dream!
(She desperately stares at Marty who suddenly has an epiphany and sings too.)
Marty: I’ve got a dream!
(The characters sing their song while hugging and dancing with the rude guest. Befuddled, the tourist scurries off. Marty mouths a thank you to Ollie. George watches as a giant mural of JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson is constructed. They hold up a document that says “BAD SCRIPT”.)
George: This is for the Cannon Fire event. We’re going to shoot Anthony Daniels through this to show everyone who’s boss.
(We see Marty in a fancy suit proudly holding his new Disney contract. He races over to show Rapunzel, but then realizes it is a new, teenage cast member. He just watches them depressed for a moment when someone taps his shoulder. It is Olivia in her new flannel uniform. Thrilled, they hug. Finally, George watches as C-3PO is loaded into a cannon facing EPCOT lake.)
George: Wait, I’m not sure if he’ll be able to swim in that costume. Oh well, at least he signed the voice rights over.
(The shot fades out as the cannon fires.)
George: It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the deaths of two of the finest cast members Disney has ever known. Earlier this week, Olivia Oldham and Martin Donovan were sensessly murdered by Zoran Sainovic at an XHF show.
(George lowers his head.)
George: I know what you’re thinking. Was Zoran Sainovic that werewolf in the cantina scene? No, this is one terrible name you can’t blame on me. Zoran is real and so are his knives.
(George watches the video fondly.)
George: Technically, no one has found their bodies. Still, those strong with the force often fade away and there is no other explanation for why I can’t get in touch with them.
(George walks by a white board with a list titled “THINGS TO PACK FOR OUR CRUISE” in huge block letters.)
George: We have to face the facts. Marty got Qui-Gon’d. Olivia? You don’t have to be a GH-7 analysis droid to know she died of a broken heart. Reedy Creek Racing is in shambles. That leaves me no choice, but to…
(George raises the hood on his robe.)
GEORGE: EXECUTE ORDER 66!
(Disney employees wearing cheap Halloween store clone trooper masks storm in. They tear down anything that says Reedy Creek Racing on it.)
George: To honor our fallen friends, Disney has provided their finest Orwellian footage. Please enjoy these clips while I bring peace, freedom, justice and security to this rubber tire empire.
(The troopers unfurl a banner that reads BAD BATCH TO THE BONE RACING. We see old footage of Marty and Ollie standing on a Tangled parade float designed to look like a Viking longship. They are “backstage” waiting in line for the parade to start.)
Ollie: I heard they might be raising pay to 12 dollars soon.
Marty: 12 a minute or a second?
Ollie: An hour…
Marty: I actually don’t get paid. You see, I was a famous wrestler. I am trying to get Disney to buy the rights to me like they did with Marvel. It could be a great cross promotion to wrestle dressed as Gaston. There is a natural synergy. Both fan bases love wasting money.
Ollie: So they’re making you audition?
Marty: Yeah, wrestler is a dirty word. The higher ups are nervous just because Lucifer Jones turned out to be England’s most heinous serial killer. They’re afraid I’m gonna suplex a rude tourist into the wishing well or something. Not giving up yet though, just like our song says, I’ve got a dream!
Ollie: You’re a great Flynn, they’ll see it eventually. Did you make a lot of money in wrestling?
( Marty whispers to her. Ollie stumbles back in shock and Marty grabs the Rapunzel braid to keep her from falling off the boat. The shot changes to George looking off screen.)
George: Now THIS is Competitive Automotive Racing.
(We see the Lightning McQueen car has been repainted to have the blue and silver stripes of Anakin’s podracer. Old footage of Marty and Ollie eating in the cafeteria play.)
Marty: Why are you watching the petals fall off The Enchanted Flower?
Ollie: This is a Disney app that lets me know when I’m too old to be a princess. Usually at 27 they make the women play haunted mansion ghosts.
Marty: That is stupid. Nobody swings a frying pan like you!
Ollie: Being Rapunzel was what I loved. Without that this is just a minimum wage job and I might have to go back to Montana. I’ve applied to be a VIP tour guide since the rich families tip tons, but that's one of the most coveted positions. It won’t happen.
Marty: Yes it will. The kids love you. You’re like Kilory Evans without the barbed wire scars.
Ollie: I don’t know what that means, but thank you.
( George sits at a desk and admires a shot of the gold athletic cup on a laptop.)
George: This jockstrap will make a fine addition to my collection.
(The shot zooms out to reveal the cod pieces for Boba Fett and a stormtrooper on the wall. We see footage of a brutally hot and crowded day at Disney World. A smug tourist, wearing a shirt of a Union Jack airship that says “THE GREAT SYBERUS”, shoves a cellphone in Marty’s face.)
Tourist: Look who hit rock bottom! The Setting Sun, Marty Donovan is slumming it at Disney.
Marty: Who’s Marty? I’m Flynn!
Tourist: You’re Marty Donovan. The sod who is 0-3 against my countryman. Glory glory!
( Marty tries to leave, but the tourist blocks his exit.)
Tourist: Why don’t you show off your smolder. Only fitting since Syberus left your career a smoldering wreck.
(The tourist turns around for a mean selfie. Livid, Marty notices the wishing well behind them and wraps his arms around the jerks waist. He lifts for suplex when Ollie jumps in. She wraps herself around the other side of the tourist and turns the attack into a group hug. She sings.)
Ollie: I’ve got a dream!
(She desperately stares at Marty who suddenly has an epiphany and sings too.)
Marty: I’ve got a dream!
(The characters sing their song while hugging and dancing with the rude guest. Befuddled, the tourist scurries off. Marty mouths a thank you to Ollie. George watches as a giant mural of JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson is constructed. They hold up a document that says “BAD SCRIPT”.)
George: This is for the Cannon Fire event. We’re going to shoot Anthony Daniels through this to show everyone who’s boss.
(We see Marty in a fancy suit proudly holding his new Disney contract. He races over to show Rapunzel, but then realizes it is a new, teenage cast member. He just watches them depressed for a moment when someone taps his shoulder. It is Olivia in her new flannel uniform. Thrilled, they hug. Finally, George watches as C-3PO is loaded into a cannon facing EPCOT lake.)
George: Wait, I’m not sure if he’ll be able to swim in that costume. Oh well, at least he signed the voice rights over.
(The shot fades out as the cannon fires.)