Post by Visit Neom on Oct 17, 2022 8:45:13 GMT -5
(The shot opens on a shirtless Marty Donovan lounging by a pool. His right shoulder is still taped up from the knife attack. He wears circular, rhinestone sunglasses, each lens having little Mickey ears above them.)
Marty: My loyal locker room, I hope you are all excited for the taping tonight in Prescott. I wish I could be there with you, performing in front of 400 unvaccinated truckers. Alas, I will be stuck on a Disney cruise. Bummer! You get to enjoy a venue with 2 yelp stars while I am here packing.
(Three Space Mountain employees pack suitcases in the background as Marty relaxes.)
Marty: Sorry, I’ll catch hell if I miss this cruise. Check the EOD archives. It was a whole ordeal. I’m sure many of you are nervous about what the future holds with me as champion. Will Disney’s growing influence completely erase Hardkore World’s identity? Nonsense!
(Marty stands up and we see he is wearing dress pants. The Hardkore World Heavyweight championship is around his waist. A vibrant blue paint has been added to the gold plate details. The belt strap has been replaced with a rose pink one. The new color scheme seems familiar.)
Marty: I promise nothing around here is going to change.
( Marty lights a cigar.)
Marty: I’m still the same humble, grounded person I always have been.
(He snaps his fingers and one of the helpers brings over a dalmatian fur coat. The champion slips it on and puffs away.)
Marty: Thank you all for the kind messages. The sheer number of people racing to congratulate me crashed the internet, so I haven’t received any yet. It is the thought that counts though.
( Marty steps inside. One wall is covered in giant canvas prints of him defeating Syberus.)
Marty: I will never forget that magic night in Phoenix. It took just 28 minutes and 56 seconds to prove I am the greatest to ever do this. While 33 other men have won the title, none of them did it a week after being stabbed. This was a handicap match. Zoran Sainovic’s specter hovered over it and aided Syberus’ torture. Yet, neither was man enough to stop me.
(Marty stands in front of a picture of Wesley Crane attacking Syberus.)
Marty: The high roller is in charge until I get back. Big brain Wes Crane! This guy is amazing. Picture David Sadler’s mind in Lucifer Jones’ body. He rose from poverty to build a gambling empire. Wes is going to run this place once Johnnie overdoses. Actually, the sooner he can see the books the better. I have my doubts about Andy Valentine’s accounting prowess.
(Marty holds up a golden hand of the king pin, but this one is a Mickey Mouse glove.)
Marty: I am the king of Cinderella’s castle and Wes is my hand. Treat him with the same respect you would me. You listen when the hand of the king tells you to clean the locker room, drop the poetry gimmick, or stop wearing cringey Bill McNeal shirts. Those orders come from me.
(Marty puts down the brooch and holds up a gaudy gold necklace.)
Marty: I need you all to keep an eye on AVB, the heir apparent. He’s the next Cobryn. One day I will be too rich and famous for wrestling. Alexander will take my place, but for now he is still young. Have patience when he forgets to shake your hand, cuts in the catering line, or impregnates your wife.
(The camera zooms in on the jewel covered necklace. It shows Rafiki holding up a baby AVB who is holding up an Arby’s sandwich.)
Marty: I didn’t just bring gifts for The Anointed. The whole roster has been entered into a special raffle. The winner shall receive a free stay at the Contemporary Resort and tickets to Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party! Time to draw a winner.
(An assistant walks over with a Tangled themed candy bowl. Marty draws a name from it.)
Marty: Congrats to Kelly O’Connell! She also did a great job officiating the main event. I should ask Johnnie to make Kelly my personal referee. No, this is too important. I’m going to bring it straight to Wesley.
(The assistant takes back the bowl and hands Marty a velvet belt bag.)
Marty: Did you hear that idiot Guillermo claim that I verbally submitted? Thankfully, there is still one real reporter who didn’t fall for the clickbait. It gives me great pride to award the Hardkore World Heavyweight Journalism Championship to Phil Blauer!
(Marty pulls out the belt. It is the old Hardkore World title strap with new plates. The center one shows a desert hawk swooping down. On the right side is a swift water rescue boat. The left has an erotic napkin.)
Marty: Finally, you can all breathe a little easier now. Doctor Donovan has performed surgery and removed a backstage cancer. I am officially banning Kilroy Evans from the locker room. Be extra vigilant for he has a history of using disguises.
(Lowes security footage plays. Kilroy, with a fake mustache and monocle, fills a shopping cart with light tubes. He takes a meatball sub out of his coat and bites it.)
Marty: I am ordering Kilroy to change in the supply closet, not that he owns wrestling gear. He might not even own a tie. It’s more a symbolic decree.
(Marty passes by a wall of old, framed photos from his career. In them Marty has pasted over Kilroy with pictures of various members of the Country Bears Jamboree.)
Marty: In my younger days I considered Kilroy Evans my best friend. I was just being used. The Un-Stable were a successful group, but they were never easy on the eyes. They needed “The Rising Sun” to bring in the female demo. None of them cared about me beyond that.
(Marty shakes his head.)
Marty: Kilroy claimed we were best friends, but he always had another tag partner when The Frank rolled around. He never offered to defend against me during his title runs. He never gave a word of advice during my 2007 slump.
(Marty takes off his shades and looks straight into the camera.)
Marty: You know what hurt the most, Kilroy? When Syberus had me in that butterfly lock. When that cheater was targeting my stab wound and you slid in the ring. For a second I thought my best friend was coming to save me. I was wrong. You knew what that win would mean to me and were still rooting for Trafford Tommy. That hurts more than Zoran’s knives.
(Marty puts his shades back on before anyone can see him get emotional.)
Marty: Two decades in and I finally have a match in Boston. I can’t even enjoy it because I have to see you. Don’t show up. You’ve never had to deal with a hostile crowd before. Your only skill is feeding off the fan's energy and they will all be firmly behind the boy from Jeffries Point. Most of all, don’t show up because I will take it personally. Kilroy Evans, I hate your guts. If you step one foot in my city, in my ring, I will fucking murder you.
(Marty catches himself getting worked up and takes a deep breath.)
Marty: Sorry gang! I got wound up. Have a great taping. Act excited even though it is a smaller crowd. Nobody likes the wrestlers who only care about big events.
(The shot fades out as Marty grabs his suitcases and heads off for his cruise.)
Marty: My loyal locker room, I hope you are all excited for the taping tonight in Prescott. I wish I could be there with you, performing in front of 400 unvaccinated truckers. Alas, I will be stuck on a Disney cruise. Bummer! You get to enjoy a venue with 2 yelp stars while I am here packing.
(Three Space Mountain employees pack suitcases in the background as Marty relaxes.)
Marty: Sorry, I’ll catch hell if I miss this cruise. Check the EOD archives. It was a whole ordeal. I’m sure many of you are nervous about what the future holds with me as champion. Will Disney’s growing influence completely erase Hardkore World’s identity? Nonsense!
(Marty stands up and we see he is wearing dress pants. The Hardkore World Heavyweight championship is around his waist. A vibrant blue paint has been added to the gold plate details. The belt strap has been replaced with a rose pink one. The new color scheme seems familiar.)
Marty: I promise nothing around here is going to change.
( Marty lights a cigar.)
Marty: I’m still the same humble, grounded person I always have been.
(He snaps his fingers and one of the helpers brings over a dalmatian fur coat. The champion slips it on and puffs away.)
Marty: Thank you all for the kind messages. The sheer number of people racing to congratulate me crashed the internet, so I haven’t received any yet. It is the thought that counts though.
( Marty steps inside. One wall is covered in giant canvas prints of him defeating Syberus.)
Marty: I will never forget that magic night in Phoenix. It took just 28 minutes and 56 seconds to prove I am the greatest to ever do this. While 33 other men have won the title, none of them did it a week after being stabbed. This was a handicap match. Zoran Sainovic’s specter hovered over it and aided Syberus’ torture. Yet, neither was man enough to stop me.
(Marty stands in front of a picture of Wesley Crane attacking Syberus.)
Marty: The high roller is in charge until I get back. Big brain Wes Crane! This guy is amazing. Picture David Sadler’s mind in Lucifer Jones’ body. He rose from poverty to build a gambling empire. Wes is going to run this place once Johnnie overdoses. Actually, the sooner he can see the books the better. I have my doubts about Andy Valentine’s accounting prowess.
(Marty holds up a golden hand of the king pin, but this one is a Mickey Mouse glove.)
Marty: I am the king of Cinderella’s castle and Wes is my hand. Treat him with the same respect you would me. You listen when the hand of the king tells you to clean the locker room, drop the poetry gimmick, or stop wearing cringey Bill McNeal shirts. Those orders come from me.
(Marty puts down the brooch and holds up a gaudy gold necklace.)
Marty: I need you all to keep an eye on AVB, the heir apparent. He’s the next Cobryn. One day I will be too rich and famous for wrestling. Alexander will take my place, but for now he is still young. Have patience when he forgets to shake your hand, cuts in the catering line, or impregnates your wife.
(The camera zooms in on the jewel covered necklace. It shows Rafiki holding up a baby AVB who is holding up an Arby’s sandwich.)
Marty: I didn’t just bring gifts for The Anointed. The whole roster has been entered into a special raffle. The winner shall receive a free stay at the Contemporary Resort and tickets to Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party! Time to draw a winner.
(An assistant walks over with a Tangled themed candy bowl. Marty draws a name from it.)
Marty: Congrats to Kelly O’Connell! She also did a great job officiating the main event. I should ask Johnnie to make Kelly my personal referee. No, this is too important. I’m going to bring it straight to Wesley.
(The assistant takes back the bowl and hands Marty a velvet belt bag.)
Marty: Did you hear that idiot Guillermo claim that I verbally submitted? Thankfully, there is still one real reporter who didn’t fall for the clickbait. It gives me great pride to award the Hardkore World Heavyweight Journalism Championship to Phil Blauer!
(Marty pulls out the belt. It is the old Hardkore World title strap with new plates. The center one shows a desert hawk swooping down. On the right side is a swift water rescue boat. The left has an erotic napkin.)
Marty: Finally, you can all breathe a little easier now. Doctor Donovan has performed surgery and removed a backstage cancer. I am officially banning Kilroy Evans from the locker room. Be extra vigilant for he has a history of using disguises.
(Lowes security footage plays. Kilroy, with a fake mustache and monocle, fills a shopping cart with light tubes. He takes a meatball sub out of his coat and bites it.)
Marty: I am ordering Kilroy to change in the supply closet, not that he owns wrestling gear. He might not even own a tie. It’s more a symbolic decree.
(Marty passes by a wall of old, framed photos from his career. In them Marty has pasted over Kilroy with pictures of various members of the Country Bears Jamboree.)
Marty: In my younger days I considered Kilroy Evans my best friend. I was just being used. The Un-Stable were a successful group, but they were never easy on the eyes. They needed “The Rising Sun” to bring in the female demo. None of them cared about me beyond that.
(Marty shakes his head.)
Marty: Kilroy claimed we were best friends, but he always had another tag partner when The Frank rolled around. He never offered to defend against me during his title runs. He never gave a word of advice during my 2007 slump.
(Marty takes off his shades and looks straight into the camera.)
Marty: You know what hurt the most, Kilroy? When Syberus had me in that butterfly lock. When that cheater was targeting my stab wound and you slid in the ring. For a second I thought my best friend was coming to save me. I was wrong. You knew what that win would mean to me and were still rooting for Trafford Tommy. That hurts more than Zoran’s knives.
(Marty puts his shades back on before anyone can see him get emotional.)
Marty: Two decades in and I finally have a match in Boston. I can’t even enjoy it because I have to see you. Don’t show up. You’ve never had to deal with a hostile crowd before. Your only skill is feeding off the fan's energy and they will all be firmly behind the boy from Jeffries Point. Most of all, don’t show up because I will take it personally. Kilroy Evans, I hate your guts. If you step one foot in my city, in my ring, I will fucking murder you.
(Marty catches himself getting worked up and takes a deep breath.)
Marty: Sorry gang! I got wound up. Have a great taping. Act excited even though it is a smaller crowd. Nobody likes the wrestlers who only care about big events.
(The shot fades out as Marty grabs his suitcases and heads off for his cruise.)