mosler
Special GUNS Acess
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Post by mosler on Feb 23, 2023 14:24:57 GMT -5
First NLW, then Champoon, it seems like there are less and less federations on the Network these days...
...that would appreciate the wit of Al Jabroni. At least that's the perspective of Al Jabroni. He would join GUNS, but the Crinky Bottom Boys are already there - and there is a sidekick hierarchy that needs to be maintained. They get work because of his star power, not the otherway around. Options are slim. So you can only imagine how fast he filled out an application form when an advertisement in the back of The Squared Circle Observatory announced the XHF was looking to hire displaced Next Level talent. Approaching a fly-by-night studio space with a paper taped to the door reading "ODDITIONS" - Jabroni puts on his game face.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! "COME IN." The door confidently opens into a closet space that has somehow managed to set up a table, leg lamp, and what suspiciously looks like a casting couch. The recruiter is wearing a cardigan and red barret, and is puffing away at a fume-cigerette to gives that Cruella Deville look. The amount of smoke in the small room makes it impossible to tell the ladies' age, but her giant black eyes practically sparkle at the Jabroni's meaty appearance - and she musters an impossibly toothy smile. Al Jabroni: Afternoon - NLW ace reporting for duty. Recruiter: AL, THANKS FOR COMING - WHEN WE SAW YOUR NAME ON THE APPLICATION LIST WE WERE POSITIVELY DROOLING- Al Jabroni: I have that effect- Recruiter: THIS IS CLEARLY A FORMALITY, BUT WE HAVE SOME TRUST EXERCISES WE NEED TO GO THROUGH AS PART OF THE AUDITION PROCESS. IF YOU WOULDNT MIND BLINDFOLDING YOURSELF WITH THIS... A boney hand holds out a pink scarf. Grabbing the rag, Jabroni wraps it around his head - covering the eyes. Al Jabroni: Certainly - this isn't my first rodeo- #CRUNCH#
THE BATTLE OF OLIVE GARDEN
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 11:24:23 GMT -5
The image lumbers across a parking lot, towards a building in the distance.“You positive about this, Bonesy?”The haggard figure of the Dread Lord’s elderly cowboy manager wheezes into frame.“IT’S THE SUPPING HOUR, IS IT NOT?”The frame shifts to incorporate the massive dracolich.“Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: I ain’t sayin’ we aren’t getting grub, just questioning the venue. All carbs. You’ll just be hungry again in an hour, hombre. Why don’t we go to a nice steak joint? The destroyer of worlds lumbers up to the entrance of the building, before looking up at the sign.
Olive Garden.
The T-Rex skeleton shapes it up for a second, before hanging his skull in shame – then turns to Stokes. Dinosaur Bones: FLESH IS FOR WINNERS. AFTER BEING HUMBLED BY THAT MONSTEROUS APE KOBAYASHI – I AM UNWORTHY OF BOVINE, AND WILL DEGRADE MYSELF WITH GREENS.“Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Don’t be so hard on yourself Bonesy; the way that Kobayashi puts food away ain’t natural. And even if you are feeling down… (cringes at the sign) why am I gettin’ punished? Dinosaur Bones: YOU ARE MY RIDE.With that, the Dread Lord pushes his way through the front door. Stokes shakes his head as he looks back at the car. Hardly a Dominicruiser. Then he notices something odd... there are a good eight Austin Allegros parked in the lot. All rusty and generally worse for wear, but still, that has to be some kind of record. Is the Garden hosting a convention of discontinued, garbage, British automobiles? No, all the drivers are still in their “cars.” A dozen eyes look back at Stokes. Malnourished faces following his every movement, while communicating to each other with walkie talkies... you know, the kind that are actually Dixie cups with strings attached?
Uncomfortable, Stokes quickly follows his alpha predator friend into the lobby. “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Hey Bonesy – you’ll never believe- Thoughts of the poorly equipped barbarians at the gates quickly disappear, as Stokes is greeted by the restaurant’s hostess... who looks suspiciously a super model. Hostess: Table for two? “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Uh, y-yeah m’am. Dinosaur Bones: STOP DROOLING BILL - I WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT.Hostess: Your child’s costume is very cute. “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: I like to think so- Dinosaur Bones: COSTUME? FOR SUCH DISRESPECT, MAY YOU BE SKINNED ALIVE IN THE HELL OF YOUR OWN JU- YES, endless breadsticks!Taking this as a challenge, Bones mood seems to shift. His tail almost knocks out eight patrons, as the two characters take a seat. Hostess: Your wait staff, Tony, will be with you in a moment. “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Mighty kind of you miss – (picking up a menu) guess I can go for some lasagne- Dinosaur Bones: SALAD BAR ONLY. WE ARE ON A PILGRIMAGE!“Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Dang it. Suddenly the lights dim- a single spotlight hits a stage area. Hostess: It’s time for the BATTLE OF OLIVE GARDEN! Do you dare challenge our bottomless Salad bar? The rules are simple, anyone who wants to participate is welcome, and the person who eats the most salad in the allotted time – eats for free! But the losers... have to pay for what they consumed. The crowd oooo and aaaa at this sadistic challenge... Dinosaur Bones: WHAT A STUPID REWARD, DO THE REST OF THIS UNWASHED RABBLE NOT HAVE APES TO PAY FOR THEM? “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes (raising Bones’ tiny t-rex arm): We got a contestant over here! Dinosaur Bones: AFTER HOBBS FARM, I AM A BROKEN DRACOLICH – MY COMPETITIVE EATING DAYS ARE OVER- “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Hogwash! I ain’t gonna sit here and see you waste your god given gifts, Bonesy. You fall off that horse – you climb right back on! The crowd start cheering on the destroyer of worlds. Embarrassed, but not wanting to look weak in front of the apes – Dinosaur Bones slowly lumbers up to the stage. LiLi: 长生不老的关键首先是过一种值得铭记的生活。不要去想,去感受!它就像一个指向月亮的手指!!!!! Most of the crowd don’t speak Mandarin, but are extremely impressed at how nuanced the Panda language is – which they always assumed to be grunts. A large panda makes what we can only assume is a declaration of war, before heading up to the stage. The beast is wearing a red and yellow hat, as cute as it is stylish. Man: What are you waiting for- Another of the patrons – wearing a black trenchcoat, shades, and a fedora on top of his crown, since he clearly doesn’t want to be recognized – kicks his dining companion, Mutt, towards the stage. Man: EAT like you were eating for all of Suprem- that was close. Still incognito. Check. (Inhuman garble)A bizarre looking alien creature backflips out of the kitchen area! His bizarre appearance doesn’t inspire confidence in the eatery’s cleanliness. Undeterred by how many of the human’s stop eating, Kudor continues to cartwheel towards the stage. The last grotesque face in a strange competitive eating contest...
OLIVE GARDEN Salad Eating Contest Dinosaur Bones vs. LiLi vs. Refrigerator Mann vs. Constance Daniels vs. Hoss Aklund vs. Mutt vs. Carmine Minecari vs. Angry Vegetarian #41 vs. Kudor DING! DING! DING!LiLi sucks down some bean sprouts like they were human babies. Dinosaur Bones looks down into his plate of iceberg lettuce and feels an enormous weight on his chest. Mutt is eating like they don’t have food in Supremia. Angry Vegetarian #41 desperately wishes the fistful of green pepper she just forced down was veal. Refrigerator Mann puts away some fennel for later. Carmine Minecari bites into a whole onion, it’s hard to watch. Constance Daniels is already on her second plate. Kudor seems confused by why the salad isn’t moving. Takes the sport out of it. Dinosaur Bones adjusts his imaginary shirt collar, SERIOUSLY DOES NO ONE ELSE FIND IT WARM IN HERE? Angry Vegetarian #41 remembers a hotdog fondly, while forcing down some black olives. LiLi is chowing down on spinach like she needs eighty-four pounds of bamboo a day. Mutt remembers all those that died of hunger in his country, but can’t stop eating for all the tears – because he doesn’t want to make his king look bad. Dinosaur Bones can’t breathe. Kudor pokes at a piece of arugula, confused at its lack of fight. The room is getting a lot smaller for Dinosaur Bones who is feeling a tight pain in his chest. Kudor finally takes a forkful of arugula up to it’s mouth – and no sooner does the green touch his lips, then he starts leaking a blue substance from his eyes. “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Is he vomiting from his eyes? Kudor: BLA-bla-blaaaa! Apparently Kudor’s alien appetite doesn’t respond well to vegetables. Even in extreme discomfort, the creature still only moves through elaborate gymnastics, back flipping away from the table while shooting a stream of blue fluid from his eyes. While the prospect of strange alien vomit covering half the crowd might discourage an appetite, none of the other contestants are slowing down. They really don’t want to pay for what they’ve already eaten. The wait staff chases after Kudor, trying to help it, or at least control the area it’s spewing in. Back on the stage, LiLi and Mutt are neck and neck- while Bones hasn’t even started- Dinosaur Bones: ... I FORGOT I’M ALREADY FULL!Having a full on panic attack, clearly dealing with post-traumatic stress from his Kobayashi loss – the distraught dracolich makes up an excuse before lumbering out of the restaurant.
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 11:33:41 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEASTAfter an impossible series of caverns, Harsh Winter Pilgrim and Marmaduke Matters wander into an area that doesn’t even enjoy the glow of fungus. Marmaduke Matters: You know when I said I’d kill myself before eating another hot dog? Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Indeed I do, your flippant attitude towards life was most disheartening that day, Brother Marmaduke. Marmaduke Matters: Well I take it back; I’d kill for a hotdog! Harsh Winter Pilgrim: A lesson learned. Even in this inhospitable place, the Lord provides, yet for his bounty, turn not away from any form of sustenance. Marmaduke Matters: You know I’m getting mighty sick of your sermo- Feeling around against the cave wall, Matters hits a switch – which suddenly lights up the place. Both men are shocked to discover... flood lights, walls that seem to be made out of titanium, with dozens of panels which all look quasi-futuristic. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: What devilry is this? Marmaduke Matters: Did he eat a space ship? Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Perhaps we did not find ourselves in the beast at all... Marmaduke Matters: That’s it! The Totally Terrible Turtle, Agis, thought we were in Dimension X! If that’s the case, there has to be a practical way to get home- like a transporter or something. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: You appear to be speaking in tongues; I myself have been known to enter such fits. Marmaduke Matters: Follow me! Before HWP can retrieve his wooden spoon to keep MM from biting his own tongue off in an epileptic seizure, Duke races off down the well-lit corridor. A door slides open. What is this, the Enterprise? Duke charges into a laboratory. A transporter-looking pad is next to a complex button panel. When the only survivalist in this federation catches up to his foundling, HWP is disappointed to find Duke hitting buttons. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Best not to tease fates, Brother Marmaduke. Marmaduke Matters: This could be our ticket home! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-Apparently one of the buttons worked, as lights start to flash throughout the room. The circular panel on the floor does not appear to be a transporter, instead acting as a display stand. As panels open, they let off steam, obscuring the platform. A figure seems to rise up from the floor. Soon all that can be made out is a silhouette of the impressive figure, which is getting increasingly larger. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: This is an ominous portent- The lights stop blinking. The smoke clears. An impressive creature lies before them. COMPUTER: REACTIVATED. ARM815H1 MK.69 opens its eyes. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: What hairy witchcraft is this? ARM815H1 MK.69 vs. Harsh Winter Pilgrim HWP hits the intergalactic progen sex machine on the head with a wooden spoon. It might only do one point of damage, but without establishing a safe word, it’s a heck of a rude awakening. A groggy ARM815H1 MK.69 instinctively reacts with a titanium claw. 108 points of damage! Pilgrim is knocked out. Winner: ARM815H1 MK.69Gained 3 exp and 1 skillpoint. SKILL LEVEL UP! ARM815H1 MK.69 is now a LEVEL 2 Somnambulist! Spoils: Wooden spoon.Fortunately Marmaduke Matters had a phoenix down on him.
Harsh Winter Pilgrim (coming to): JES- (catches himself) ARM815H1 MK.69: APOLOGIES. YOU NAUGHTY FELLAS TOOK THIS UNIT BY SURPRISE.Harsh Winter Pilgrim (shoving Duke towards the exit): RUN! The party escapes. ARM815H1 MK.69: ... THIS UNIT WAS NOT COMPLAINING.A very social robot furry, ARM815H1 MK.69 pursues.
HWP & MM charge out into the hallway.
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 11:40:15 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEASTNot part of the competitive eating contest, Margaret Rashforte sits in a far corner of the restaurant where she enjoys a shrimp alfredo that looks good enough to be pictured on the menu. At least until an energetic extraterrestrial being hops over, and starts VOMITING OUT OF HIS EYES a blue sludge substance that quickly covers the meal, then the disgusted patron.Kudor: Na… no… na… nu. No longer able to contain this grotesque menace, the wait staff decide to get physical.
Kudor vs. Olive Garden Waiters x 3 Waiter #2 politely asks Kudor to leave. The alien responds with a series of clicking noises that can only suggest he believes the establishment has poisoned him. Waiter #3 quietly suggests that they continue their conversation outside. Unable to get the taste of arugula from his lips, the alien vomits a stream of blue slime out of his eyes into the face of Waiter #1. The young man never stood a chance. Waiter #2 tries to intervene, only to get a mouth full of the horrific slop. It looks like Gatorade. Why can’t they put more electrolytes into the flavours that don’t taste like alien eye vomit? The remaining waiter hides behind Margaret Rashforte – only for the stream to be so intense that she collapses on top of him for the TKO. Winner: KudorGaining 8 exp and 3 skill points. SKILL LEVEL UP! Kudor became a LEVEL 2 Malcontent Customer. Learned “Fly in my Soup” Spoils: Olive Garden Nametag x 2. Arugula x 4.Anger Vegetarian #41 can cram just as many mushrooms into her mouth as a panda, but questions some life choices. As the competitive contest rages, and the alien outburst provides a distraction, the Hostess gestures for the mysterious stranger rocking both a non-descript disguise and crown – to follow her. Shadowed by a number of waiters, the two make their way up a staircase to the second floor.
Entering a room labelled “manager,” the hostess takes a few steps in before letting her hair down. Hostess: Olive Garden... from the exterior it offers reasonably priced mock-Italian cuisine, warm and inviting to families gatherings – no one would ever suspect ...that it was actually a front for world domination. The super model looking hostess turns around, with her hair down she really does look like Gigi Hadid. AMG: Welcome to my lair, your majesty. Anne-Mae Griffith’s guest takes the fedora off his crown, to the shock of no one. King Edmund IV: Spare the pleasantries commoner, do you have the merchandise?
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 11:47:35 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEASTPilgrim and Matters run to the end of a long corridor, only to find a door that doesn’t slide.“DO NOT BE SUCH TEASES.”The seductive dot matrix sounding flirtations of an alien robot that desperately wants to be the OG Armbishi echo down the corridor. Confronted with strange desires to duo continue to panic.Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Get it open, Brother Marmaduke! Marmaduke Matters (pushing buttons): Me? You’re the guy to go to in a pinch. There is only one survivalist here! Harsh Winter Pilgrim: 1500s American survivalist! Sexy mechanical wolf-man is more of a 1600s French thing! I don’t even have my spoon! ARM815H1 MK.69: WHY HELLO BOYS.The Furminator appears at the end of the hallway, as Marmaduke frantically pushes more buttons. Something causes an alarm. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!Security drones emerge from the walls.ARM815H1 MK.69 vs. Security Drone x 2 Security Drone #1 runs into ARM815H1 MK.69 – who takes no damage. ARM815H1 MK.69 tells it to play nice. Security Drone #2 runs into ARM815H1 MK.69, but his pelt it too thick and luxurious to take any damage. ARM815H1 MK.69 warns the drones that he can bump and grind too. Security Drone #2 uses LASER CANNON on ARM815H1 MK.69, causing eight points of damage and singeing his hair. Steam shoots out of ARM815H1 MK.69’s ears. A second LASER CANNON misses. ARM815H1 MK.69 slashes both drones with his titanium claws, tearing them to shreds. Winner: ARM815H1 MK.69Gained 4 exp, and 2 skill points. SKILL LEVEL UP! ARM815H1 MK.69 is now a LEVEL 3 Somnambulist! Learned “Sleep” Spoils: Nuts x 2, Bolts x 4ARM815H1 MK.69: CHECKING STATUS OF HAIR. STILL FABULOUS. Finally a button combination opens the door – Duke and Pilgrim don’t stop to compliment ARM815H1 MK.69’s hair. Running out into a more organic looking cavern...
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:02:02 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEASTFrom the second floor of the Olive Garden, King Edmund IV looks out the window, down at the dinosaur skeleton that seems to be barking threats at the heavens in an existential crisis.AMG: From this secret base, I can operate without fear of authorities- King Edmund IV: We can play this dance all day, but I’d rather do it in my ballroom. Do you have the merchandise or not? AMG: Is this what you’re looking for? The Supervillain holds up an otherworldly pink gem, larger than her hand. AMG: It wasn’t easy getting hold of the fabled Supremia Stone, and it has been priced accordingly. King Edmund IV: Don’t get ahead of yourself, commoner; it is nothing more than a cubic zirconia. AMG: Do you really think the crown jewel of Supremia is worth nothing? The Supervillain has the noble king over a barrel. Gaze narrowing, Edmund speaks down into his lapel. King Edmund IV: I have eyes on target. AMG: Who are you- King Edmund IV: EYES ON TARGET- AMG: You fool! The King looks back out the window, where the Supremia secret service is sitting in style. Why can’t they hear their monarch with the Dixie cup string system? Oh. Right. If only Edmund had invested into actual walkie-talkies, instead of that fashionable fleet of Austin Allegros. The Supremia secret service are too busy watching the Dread Lord weep about his failing appetite to effectively protect their leader. The ingrates. THIS is why the people of Supremia can’t have nice things! MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE OLIVE GARDENDinosaur Bones: MY NEMESIS HAS A NAME… CRIPPLING DOUBT! THERE IS NO WHERE YOU CAN ESCAPE, THAT I WON’T FIND YOU! RUN TO THE CORNERS OF THE EARTH, CRIPPLING DOUBT, BUT KNOW THAT I AM DESTINED TO FEAST ON YOUR INNARDS! The Dread Lord seems ill equipped to deal with emotions.Beyond the dozen malnourished men that make up the Supremia secret service, another pair of eyes watches this sorry scene unfold. A pair of binoculars sticks out from a bush, tracking the beast’s movements.“That’s it... just a little to the left.”There is a trapwire two feet from Dinosaur Bones’ giant foot. The wire leads to what looks like a flamethrower hidden in a street lamp, which is pointed at a different rope connected to a fire hydrant. Literally every object in frame seems to be connected in some sort of ridiculous mouse-trap that all leads to a giant weight that has been labeled 5 tons, which is precariously hanging above the Olive Garden back entrance. “Almost there...”Suddenly an empty carton of Bud Light caught in a draft is pushed overhead. Dinosaur Bones: THE HEAVENS LAUGH. DO YOU MOCK ME TOO? The Bud Light carton blows around in circles. Dinosaur Bones: PUNY UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT, WE’LL SEE WHO IS LAUGHING WHEN YOU ARE IN MY STOMACH! How did ARM815H1 MK.69’s space ship get inside Dinosaur Bones? Apparently the Dread Lord takes anything overhead personally. Mistaking the wind thrown garbage for a UFO, the dracolich charges after it – away from the well-placed trap. “Damn it.”The bush ruffles, as a familiar face, who isn’t familiar enough for Mongo to claim he’s a GUNS star, emerges from hiding. Venöm The Dinosaur Hunter: The best-laid plans... Before our Dinosaur Hunter can go back to the drawing board, he’s approached by an Indigenous person in a similar costume. Turok, Dinosaur Hunter: ... Venöm The Dinosaur Hunter: What? Turok, Dinosaur Hunter: This is kind of my thing... Venöm The Dinosaur Hunter: There are enough dinosaurs in the world for there to be more than one person hunting them... Turok Dinosaur Hunter: ... Venöm The Dinosaur Hunter: Fine, so there is only ONE dinosaur – and he’s more of a zombie than an actual reptile. That doesn’t change the fact that he turned my home into his feeding grounds, and I’m here to get revenge. Turok Dinosaur Hunter: And where is home? Trying to trick Venöm into saying GUNS, huh? Nice try, Turok. But not fast enough. Rather than explain the umlauts, Venöm decides to settle this DB style.
Venöm The Dinosaur Hunter vs. Turok Dinosaur Hunter
Turok pulls out his knife. Jesus. That’s not wrestling. A little disturbed, Venöm hits a dropkick without getting stabbed. That is a win. Kicking the knife away, Venöm leans over to keep Turok down with a stiff chops. A DDT on the concrete lets the established Dinosaur Hunter know whose turf this is. Building momentum, Venöm hits an X-ed Out! KA-BOOM!The only problem is that Turok keeps a quiver of exploding arrows on his back, which are subsequently set off by the cross armed German suplex. Winner: Venöm the Dinosaur HunterGains 10 exp, 5 skill points, and loses 20 mental health points SKILL LEVEL UP! Venöm is now a LEVEL 4 Dinosaur Hunter. Optional Title Unlocked: Amateur Turok Spoils: Bow x 1, Used Exploding Arrows x 2, 2 for 1 Olive Garden CouponThe smell of charbroiled Turok might coax Dinosaur Bones back to the killing zone, but Venöm is a little more concerned that his “wrestling match broke out in a parking lot” defence might not fly with the cops, and subsequently leaves. Maybe Rob Arnold knows a good lawyer. If only he was the Venom without umlauts, he might know Rob Arnold’s phone number.Dinosaur Bones (biting at air): YOU’LL HAVE TO COME DOWN EVENTUALLY!
Dinosaur Bones vs. Bud Lightbeer (spaceship mode) The cardboard box continues to fly higher on a strong gust of wind, escaping the contest. NO CONTEST.Bud Lightbeer gains 0 exp, and 1 skill point. SKILL LEVEL UP! Bud Lightbeer is now a LEVEL 2 UFO. Learned “Camouflage – TRASH”Dinosaur Bones (howling mad): THIS ISN’T OVER! The Dread Lord shakes his tiny t-rex fist at the empty Bud Light carton.
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:09:49 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEASTHarsh Winter Pilgrim and Marmaduke Matters continue into the darkness, the light of the door growing dim.Marmaduke Matters: HOLD ON! Harsh Winter Pilgrim: If you have any survival instincts, Brother Marmaduke – you need to put as much distance between you and that enticing creature as possible! Marmaduke Matters: But if that was a space ship, we have a much better chance of escape that way, then if we continue stumbling in the dark. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: When I meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates, I’d rather tell him I went by starvation, than got humped to death by an alluring space wolf. Marmaduke Matters: Point tak- The ground shakes.
Both men fall over.
A single circular light appears at the top of the cavern, some hundred feet above the two men. Marmaduke Matters: Oh my god – Agis was right. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Keep it togeth- Marmaduke Matters: We’re in Dimension X. The light seems to blink.
The light moves towards them. The ground shakes. More lights emerge, illuminating the giant globe that rolls towards them.
TECHNODROM vs. Harsh Winter Pilgrim & Marmaduke Matters The party runs away. Winner: TechnodromGained Exp 0. Skill Points 0. SKILL LVL UP! Technodrom became a LEVEL 99 playset. Earned title: “Vintage Condition”Marmaduke Matters: If only Agis was here- Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Just keep running!
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:15:39 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... NOT IN DIMENSION X, BUT RATHER AN OLIVE GARDEN...The salad-eating contest continues. Refrigerator Mann is starting to run out of space. LiLi is just getting started. As the only person there that isn’t an animal, supernatural, or as big as a house – Mutt is doing an incredible job packing the food away. Not bad for a human. It’s almost like Supremia had left him with an appreciation for the simple things in life. Even if some of these greens have earthy tones, they are a lot more palatable than the Supremia food group of literal mud. This Mutt might just have this contest won- The management door is thrown open.King Edmund IV: MUTT! GET UP HERE! All good things.
Abandoning the contest, Mutt charges upstairs to defend his liege against-AGM: MINIONS- TO ARMS! Mutt vs. Minions x 3 One of the Minions tries to kick King Edmund IV, but Mutt throws himself in the way – absorbing it. King Edmund IV tries to flag down the secret service from the window, but they are too fixed on their Dixie cups awaiting his glorious directions. Two of the Minions take turns kicking Mutt. The free Minion goes after King Edmund IV, only for Mutt to power through the beating and spinebuster one of his assailants into the odd man out. The Lord of Silvercrest throws his arms up with the impact, to let everyone know who is responsible for the impact. The only upright Minion sees this braggart as an obvious target – fortunately, Mutt throws himself in the way of a thrust kick. That was too close for comfort, King Edmund IV chastises Mutt – even as the mute wrestler is kicked around by the Minion. Grabbing a leg, Mutt corkscrew legwhips the Minion out the window. Winner: MuttGained 8 Exp, and 4 Skill points – but King Edmund IV takes the credit. SKILL LEVEL UP! King Edmund IV is now a LVL 43 Despot. Learned “Chinese Democracy” Spoils: Henchmen Mask x 3, 2 for 1 Olive Garden Coupon x 9AGM: And here I thought you were a businessman... Anne-Mae Griffith holds up the Supremia Stone.King Edmund IV: No more lackeys to keep you from feeling my royal wra- AGM runs through a doorway, which has a metal shutter close behind it.King Edmund IV: She’s getting away! Get after her- Mutt can’t figure out a way through the metal plate.King Edmund IV: Use your head if you have to! It has to be good for something! Wait, did you forfeit the eating contest? I’M NOT PAYING FOR THAT!
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:21:05 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACELegs that haven’t seen food, or even a giant hot dog, in weeks – have a hard time keeping ahead of giant torrents, as the Technodrom threatens to squash our unlikely heroes. Suddenly the cavern seems to come to a dead end.Marmaduke Matters: This is it! Harsh Winter Pilgrim gets on his knees, and begins to pray. Both men have their backs against the wall, awaiting the inevitable crush.
...when a lone figure exits the Technodrom door. “WHY THE RUSH, BOYS?”Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Fortunately, no sooner does ARM815H1 MK.69 exit the dimension-hopping fortress, then it bumps into him. ARM815H1 MK.69: YOU ARE A BIG ONE, AREN’T YOU?...The Technodrom will not be intimidated.
ARM815H1 MK.69 vs. TECHNODROM The Technodrom tries to run over ARM815H1 MK.69, but the Furminator is too quick, and lunges out of the way. Brimming with confidence, ARM815H1 MK.69 uses his titanium claws. Zero damage. That can’t be right. The Furminator uses his titanium claws for a double slash, again nothing. The Technodrom tries to run over the space sex robot again, and almost crushes his tail. Uncouth. ARM815H1 MK.69 uses a razor sharp uppercut, which causes sparks but Technodrom isn’t seeing them. A second uppercut confirms no damage. The eye shoots a laser beam, which hits ARM815H1 MK.69 for enough damage that the mechanical beast is almost knocked out. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: While they’re distracted, maybe we can get back inside-
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:29:56 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... in the Inner Sanctum of Olive Garden...AGM starts preparing her escape pod.
CRASH. A Bud Light carton blows through a window.AGM: This base was supposed to be impenetrable- and perfectly clandestine for all my nefarious needs. “TO INTOXICATION, AND BEYOND!”Bud Lightbeer crawls up from the floor. Was he inside that carton? I wasn’t really paying attention when he climbed out, but it would be physically impossible. The wannabe alcohol mascot, decked out in a number of light beer boxes, strikes a pose for the villainess.Bud Lightbeer: If you wanted to stay off government radar, you might want to cut down on how many extraterrestrials your restaurant caters too! AGM: Thank you for the advice, Lightbeer. You happen to be one, I don’t mind cutting down to size- Bud Lightbeer vs. AGM AGM pulls out her death ray, only for Bud to take it out of her hand, wanting to get a good look, and accidentally break it. He starts to apologize profusely, when she scratches his face. Blinded, he staggers around the inner sanctum, breaking more stolen artefacts. AGM goes for an Emma Peel high kick – but its just enough contact for the semi-inebriated non-alcoholic mascot to get her in a headlock. In typical frat boy fashion, Bud busts out the noogies. If you thought anyone was more annoyed than ARM815H1 MK.69 to have their hair messed with, it’s AGM who promptly belly-to-back suplexes the cardboard clad cad through a glass desk. SHATTER!
THUMP!The metal screen falls over, as a concussed Mutt enters the room, followed by his liege. King Edmund IV: Give up to the Supremia Stone, peasant – and I’ll only see you executed once! Bud Lightbeer: First she has to answer for her crimes against- Giant teeth poke out through the ceiling. That’s odd. Suddenly half the room disappeared into a giant mouth. The one thing about Dinosaur Bones... like certain kaiju films, he doesn’t believe in maintaining scale. So while it was fine for him to appear in the lower area of the eating venue at a manageable ten-feet-tall, he would have to be closer to fifty for his mouth to consume half the room. Bud Lightbeer: TO INTOXI- Before he can finish his catchphrase, Dinosaur Bones swallows. NO CONTESTGained 1 exp, 1 skill point. SKILL LEVEL UP AGM became a level 3 Olive Garden Hostess. Learned "Short Change"The room is left crumbling apart, as King Edmund IV charges at AGM. AGM: My beautiful base- King Edmund IV: GIVE THAT OVER YOU CRAZED HARPY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA- The teeth come down again.
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:46:38 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... INSIDE THE BEASTThe epic battle between a Space Sex Robot, and the giant moving fortress that constantly vexed the Ninja Turtles, continues to rage. Marmaduke Matters: There’s an opening- Duke and Pilgrim start to run back towards’ the Technodrom’s open door.
ARM815H1 MK.69 uses it’s razor sharp claws. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Repeat. Nothing. Maybe if 69 starts with a run? Nothing. The Technodrom fails to run over the energetic space sex robot on a number of passes, then unleashes another eye beam. A direct hit knocks ARM815H1 MK.69 out. Winner: TechnodromGained Exp 1, Skill Points 1. Spoils: A Bad Dragon Dildo.Seeing ARM815H1 MK.69 in trouble, Pilgrim stops in his tracks. Marmaduke Matters: WRONG WAY ‘GRIM - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Harsh Winter Pilgrim: ...The right thing. HWP uses a phoenix down on ARM815H1 MK.69, reviving him. ARM815H1 MK.69: PASS THE PARTY FAVOURS, BECAUSE THIS UNIT IS GOOD TO GO – ALL NIGHT LONG!Marmaduke Matters: This is a huge mis- TECHNODROM vs. ARM815H1 MK.69, Harsh Winter Pilgrim & Marmaduke Matters ARM815H1 MK.69 and Harsh Winter Pilgrim hit a DOUBLE CLOSELINE! Which hurts their faces, because even with two arms, they don’t really cover the length of a giant fortress. Marmaduke Matters reads the Technodrom’s fortune. It’s intrigued by the prospect of a mysterious stranger. Harsh Winter Pilgrim tries to bite the Technodrom, only to a lose a tooth to its metal hide. ARM815H1 MK.69 goes for a triple slash, which again fails to scratch the hide. Marmaduke Matters tries to go for a palm reading, but the Technodrom’s arms are too far up in the air. ARM815H1 MK.69 busts out his new skill – SLEEP. This proves completely ineffective, and Harsh Winter Pilgrim has to drag a sleeping ARM815H1 MK.69 out from under the drom’s caterpillar treads. Marmaduke Matters mentions a relative that wants to make contact with Technodrom from the other side – does he know a Debbie? Technodrom does not know Debbie, and feels taken advantage of. Furious, the Technodrom starts to build up it’s laser again... Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Sorry Brother Marmaduke... Marmaduke Matters: Don’t sweat it. Hell ‘Grim, I’d have died in here weeks ago without you... The Technodrom starts to fire it’s laser- ...When a large section of an Olive Garden falls on it. Part of the cave wall restricts, squeezing the treads on the fortress, and further pinning it under the rubble, and essentially cutting the room in half. NO CONTEST.Gained 30 Exp. 2 skill points. 5 mental trauma. ARM815H1 MK.69 gained a level. Harsh Winter Pilgrim gained a level. Marmaduke Matters gained a level. SKILL LEVEL UP! ARM815H1 MK.69 is now a Level 4 Somnambulist! LEARNED “BEDHEAD” ... Harsh Winter Pilgrim is now a Level 9 Christian Youth Pastor! LEARNED “Equip Devil Sticks” Marmaduke Matters is now a Level 1 Veggie Burger. Spoils: 61% of an Olive Garden (Overburdened)Marmaduke Matters: I don’t think I’m doing this job thing right. The olive garden sign flickers on and off.Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Once again, the lord provides! ARM815H1 MK.69: THANKS FOR THE HAND BOYS, LET THIS UNIT KNOW IF YOU NEED HAND RELIEF.Marmaduke Matters: No offense horny robot furry, but your ship is kind of a dick. ARM815H1 MK.69: THIS UNIT WOULD RIDE IT, BUT IT’S NOT OUR SHIP.Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Then how did you- The tracks start trying to dislodge themselves. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: Nevermind, perhaps there is something inside that can help us. The trio return to the innards of the Technodrom. Turning down a few hallways before finding another room that looks a lot closer to a transporter than the last one. The end of the battle appears to have caused some damage, as the ceiling is sparking. Marmaduke Matters: Now this looks more like a teleporter- ARM815H1 MK.69: THIS UNIT IS UP FOR ANYTHING.Matters starts to hit buttons and use a slider- after a few attempts, an energy signal starts to appear in the middle of the platform. Star Trekker: Captain the anomaly has returned- Before the late addition to the roster can join this episode, the signal is lost. Harsh Winter Pilgrim: What was that- Marmaduke Matters: It’s definitely a transporter – but I don’t know where it goes, or if there is enough juice to get us all there. “Then let me volunteer.”Al Jabroni enters, having avoided the whole episode. Al Jabroni: You three are already such a tight knit group, I’d just feel like a forth wheel sticking around here, and besides, as the most established wrestler here – we can all trust me to get the word out, when I return to non-dinosaur stomach world. People would certainly take me seriously. Yes, the choice is clear. So I will heroically be your guinea pig. Marmaduke Matters: Wow, thanks Mister Jabroni. Al Jabroni: Think nothing of it. You can owe me one. I’ll make sure the outside world sends help. Before anyone can interrupt, Jabroni hits the obvious power button and dives onto the transporter. He begins to digitize, star trek style, before disappearing. Seconds after Jabroni’s exit, the machine powers down. Marmaduke Matters: What a nice guy- Harsh Winter Pilgrim: You bought that? ARM815H1 MK.69: THIS UNIT WASN’T ASSEMBLED YESTERDAY.Marmaduke Matters: What? Who wouldn’t believe Al Jabroni when he tells them about this... The trio are in for a long adventure.
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mosler
Special GUNS Acess
Mosler's not here man.
Posts: 2,339
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Post by mosler on Mar 16, 2023 12:53:28 GMT -5
MEANWHILE... OUTSIDE THE BEASTDinosaur Bones finishes swallowing half of the Olive Garden.“Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Now that is what I call a comeback! Before this physically impossible feat can build Bones’ confidence back up, a scene plays out in the now open patio restaurant. Olive Garden Minion: The winner of this eating contest, by a landslide- LILI!!! The giant panda adjusts its red and yellow hat, content with its salad victory. The patrons that weren’t just consumed by Bones are quick to chant the panda’s name. Eating Contest Winner: LiLiGained 15 Exp, 5 Skill Points SKILL LEVEL UP! LiLi became a LEVEL 3 Bruce Lee Impersonator! Learned “Haaaa kick” Spoils: Olive Garden Salad Cup, Birthday Eat Free Voucher x 14, Stale Breadstick x 4Seeing the bear celebrate, Dinosaur Bones again lowers his head in defeat... stomping away from the scene of his latest failure. Exiting their questionable cars, the Supremia Secret Service look around desperately for their King.Supremia Secret Service #2: Freedom, horrible freedom! This is going to be a tough incident to write up. Meanwhile the elderly cowboy chases after his slightly older friend. “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes: Don’t be like that Bonesy. This was an incredible gourmet feat- Dinosaur Bones: PLEASE BILL-“Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes (throwing his arm back at the example): I’d like to see that Takeru Kobayashi eat half an Olive Garden... Dinosaur Bones: THAT’S JUST IT... (long pause) TAKERU KOBAYASHI WOULD HAVE EATEN THE WHOLE THING.The Dread Lord looks ready to cry.
Is this the end of Dinosaur Bones’ appetite?
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