Race: Sippy Cup Qualifier 1 - August 2023
Aug 27, 2023 20:22:23 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by h2f on Aug 27, 2023 20:22:23 GMT -5
Sippy Cup Qualifier 1 - August 2023
Nestled in the loving embrace of a thicc mountain,
Uncle:: Mother, what are you doing?
Grandma Mary: Well, with the dreary weather, I’m just welcoming our fans and preparing them for things to cum.
Uncle:: No. please, no. The clouds are holding back for now. This is CAR, the wholesome family - my gracious, what is he wearing?
Grandma Mary: CARnies, please welcome the famed wrestler Death Trap in the Bowler Hat Brigade!
Uncle: I understand the name but does he have to wear the hat?
Grandma Mary: Yes, well. His normal hat was sabotaged by that monster Zoran - this is part of the new outfit. Speaking of changes in outfit, please welcome Olivia with Reedy Creek. As I understand it, they are thinking about a name change soon.
Uncle: Was that changed name CAR? I read a rumor that Marty is pulling out.
Grandma Mary: Speaking of pulling out-
Uncle: NO!
Grandma Mary: Please welcome Greg! Team Wood is pulling out onto the starting line!
Uncle: Weren’t they also changing things up?
Grandma Mary: Maybe, but you haven’t updated their application so by your own rules, that’s a Greg. Now for our final entrant, my granddaughter, Abby in the Tiger Beetle!
Uncle: That’s everyone on the starting line and we will begin short-
Shots fired on the starting line!
Uncle: -Lee. Team Wood is the first off the line but Tiger Beetle is fast on their heels.
Grandma Mary: Reedy Creek and the Hats are sticking with them. It’s a pack mentality down there
Uncle: Wow! Did you see that? That’s some aggressive driving!
Grandma Mary: Ooff. That’s a hard hit that’s going to leave a mark!
Uncle: And they’re approaching the first obstacle!
Grandma Mary: Prepare the wieners!
Uncle: Hot dogs. We have-
Grandma Mary: True ‘merican sausage! Right at their windshield! Fire!
Radio:
Greg: I’m down with this meaty goodness that a hot dog represents… and am ok with the food too.
Death Trap: Ugh, processed meat tubes ... I suppose I deserve this punishment after this month of feeble performances ... I bet the crew won't mind if I gain 50 pounds and lose my abs righ-
Grandma Mary: That’s the spirit! Fire the ketchup!
Uncle: Oh! That. That doesn’t look right. Somehow. At least they’re using their wipers. Probably thought they’d be driving in a rain storm with these purple clouds about.
Grandma Mary: And now the mustard!
Uncle: Yep. That’s what some people put on their hot dogs. Well. except for the-
Grandma Mary: Fire the buns!
Uncle: I withdraw my previous comment. Reedy Creek swerves right and nearly hits Greg.
Grandma Mary: Greg didn’t seem to notice. Nice save by Reedy Creek. They are approaching the second obstacle and still a tight package.
Uncle: Still a close race, you mean. Yes, it is. Sadly, the vehicles are absolutely covered in condiments.
Grandma Mary: They may be dirty little CARs but not for long! Wash ‘em boys!
Uncle: The Forest Force, armed with fire fighting hoses, is kindly washing- ahh minor hydroplane. Oh, good save. Oops another. Found their tires, all good.
Grandma Mary: All competitors are still in this as we head for the umbrellas!
Uncle: Right. We live in fear what this final obstacle could mean. Are we launching umbrellas at people? Will they pop underneath the vehicles as they drive overhead? What’s up your sleeve?
Grandma Mary: Huh. Those are good ideas. I didn’t think of those though. We figured since we washed the vehicles, it was only right for us to-
Audible pop as a rainbow of beach umbrellas open at once. The air displaced by the simultaneous actions blows and rocks the vehicles.
Uncle: That was like hurricane force wind that ripped through the racers! With the clouds we have today, it fits!
Grandma Mary: Maybe a cat 1. Don’t be a baby. CAR has washed and dried the racers as they head towards the finish line!
Uncle: Here it comes! Oh! It’s going to be a close one. And. And.
A sudden down burst of rain blocks the sight line to the finish.
Grandma Mary: Well… poop. Figures we wash the CARs and then it rains.
Uncle: And who won?
Grandma Mary: First of all, big shout out to Reedy Creek for another fan favorite, the Fan Belt is yours!
Uncle: And this race? Do we have a photo finish?
Grandma Mary: Sure, sure. I’m whipping out my-
Uncle: Phone! There it is. Look at that photo! Such a clear photo of rain. Wow. That is terrible.
Grandma Mary: This is clearly a very close race! Everyone did a fantastic job! But only one person will be in first place this month. In order: Team Wood, Bowler Hat Brigade, Reedy Creek, Tiger Beetle.
Uncle: A wonderful showing by all the CAR Crews! Thank you!
Grandma Mary: Please join us next month for another great Sippy Cup Qualifier.