Captain Righteous...I'm Your Huckleberry
Mar 29, 2024 12:18:59 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604, Jonnie Valentine, and 5 more like this
Post by Punisher on Mar 29, 2024 12:18:59 GMT -5
(The place: No Name Pub, Big Pine Key, Florida. It’s notably warm and humid this particular evening, and Dan Stein is sitting at the open air bar drinking Yuengling, sunglasses on at night. He’s perusing an email of a Hardkore World promo on his phone sent from Domino, of Black Tiger speaking. The title of the email is, “I thought you’d get a kick out of this…”. Stein clicks on the attachment.)
Black Tiger: …Women such as Anjanette Turner, Ae Eun Ri and the greatest women's champion in Hardkore World, Yuku Shiro.
(Stein instantly does a spit-take all over the bar. The bartender walks up to clean up the mess, unamused.)
Dan Stein: (still trying to clear his throat): Yeah, I need another beer. And sorry about that.
(Stein cleans off his phone and puts it away, then promptly pulls out a fat Cubano and starts to light it. The bartender returns with the new beer, even less amused.)
Bartender: C’mon man, you know you can’t smoke that in here!
(Stein stares at the bartender with his sunglasses on, and pulls out a $100 bill.)
Dan Stein: My friend Ben says that I can.
Bartender: The state of Florida will fine the bar $500 if I allow it. I don’t want to lose my job, man!
(Stein, mildly annoyed, pulls out 4 more bills and slams the wad on the counter, then puffs away on his cigar. The bartender shakes his head and walks off. He brings back a plastic cup for Stein to put his ashes into, realizing he’s not winning this argument, then goes about his business. A couple of redneck meth heads walk in. Is it Florida Man? Probably not, but it’s unclear- Florida meth heads all look the same. Stein brightens up a bit as the 2 men approach him, he smells conflict in the air as they walk up to him at the bar.)
Meth Head #1: You know you ain’t supposed to smoke in here, right?
Dan Stein: Well… you must be the police! You boys look like you know the cops real well, with those sunken cheeks and wild eyes. Do you know what a meth head’s favorite Christmas song is? “All I Want For Christmas Is To Keep My Two Front Teeth.”
(Stein smiles at his own dumb joke, then stands up as Meth Head #1 stares him down. Stein promptly slams his head into the bar and puts out his cigar out on the guy’s face. As he screams, the other meth head moves in but the bartender grabs his arm to stop him.)
Bartender: Dude, you don’t want to do that. That’s him.
(Meth Head #2’s eyes get wide, as he realized something profound. He grabs his friend who is groaning from the concussion and 2nd degree burn to his face. Stein looks nonplussed.)
Dan Stein: Do you realize that was a Partagas 898?
Meth Head #2: Uhhh, a what?
Dan Stein: That cigar, you crack whore. Your friend’s face wrecked a perfectly good Cuban cigar! You owe me $70 or you’ve got 30 seconds for you to get you and your friend’s scrawny ass out of here, across that bridge and off this island.
(Stein nonchalantly pulls out another Partagas 898 and lights it, and sits back down at the bar. He looks directly at the camera as the meth heads scramble out of the bar for their own safety.)
Dan Stein: Righteous, you called down the thunder, and now you got it. You took the Peacemaker from me, and a debt needs to be repaid. The time is coming soon for you to repay that debt…and for me to now take something from you. There are plenty of things I could take from you, things like- walking without a permanent limp, or being able to chew solid food, or maybe, just something as simple as looking someone in the eye without them looking at you and saying, “Oh my God! Did he just have his bottom lip pulled over his entire head?”.
(Stein puffs away at his cigar, and continues.)
Dan Stein: I intend to take from you what you took from me, and repay it with very, very unfavorable interest terms.
(Stein gets up and walks toward the camera, which pans outward, matching Stein’s movement.)
Dan Stein: And when this bloodbath is all said and done, you are going to re-think this whole caped crusader bit and realize that bat-shit crazy comes in many forms… for example, a whiskey-drinking, cigar-smoking middle-aged asshole, whose relatively calm demeanor belies his only only goal in life: to forsake his own health to invent new ways to make people scream. Crazy comes in many forms, Righteous…a lesson you will soon learn.
(The camera stops moving backward, and Stein gets right into it, finally taking off his sunglasses.)
Dan Stein: You f***ed with the wrong man, my friend. Palm Springs Punishment is my event. It bears my name. And you, willingly or not, are going to join me in a dance of blood and pain that will culminate in me grinding up that ladder to reclaim what is rightfully mine. And even if you defy the odds and cheat your way to win, I’ll make it so bloody and excruciating you’ll wish you’d never took my Peacemaker, then I will just keep coming at you anyway…relentlessly, endlessly, until I get back what is rightfully mine. Either way… you lose.
(Stein continues to speak calmly, but his eyes are burning red hot.)
Dan Stein: I’m coming for my Peacemaker, Captain Righteous…and in Palm Springs, hell is coming with me. The Punisher has spoken.
(Fade out.)
Black Tiger: …Women such as Anjanette Turner, Ae Eun Ri and the greatest women's champion in Hardkore World, Yuku Shiro.
(Stein instantly does a spit-take all over the bar. The bartender walks up to clean up the mess, unamused.)
Dan Stein: (still trying to clear his throat): Yeah, I need another beer. And sorry about that.
(Stein cleans off his phone and puts it away, then promptly pulls out a fat Cubano and starts to light it. The bartender returns with the new beer, even less amused.)
Bartender: C’mon man, you know you can’t smoke that in here!
(Stein stares at the bartender with his sunglasses on, and pulls out a $100 bill.)
Dan Stein: My friend Ben says that I can.
Bartender: The state of Florida will fine the bar $500 if I allow it. I don’t want to lose my job, man!
(Stein, mildly annoyed, pulls out 4 more bills and slams the wad on the counter, then puffs away on his cigar. The bartender shakes his head and walks off. He brings back a plastic cup for Stein to put his ashes into, realizing he’s not winning this argument, then goes about his business. A couple of redneck meth heads walk in. Is it Florida Man? Probably not, but it’s unclear- Florida meth heads all look the same. Stein brightens up a bit as the 2 men approach him, he smells conflict in the air as they walk up to him at the bar.)
Meth Head #1: You know you ain’t supposed to smoke in here, right?
Dan Stein: Well… you must be the police! You boys look like you know the cops real well, with those sunken cheeks and wild eyes. Do you know what a meth head’s favorite Christmas song is? “All I Want For Christmas Is To Keep My Two Front Teeth.”
(Stein smiles at his own dumb joke, then stands up as Meth Head #1 stares him down. Stein promptly slams his head into the bar and puts out his cigar out on the guy’s face. As he screams, the other meth head moves in but the bartender grabs his arm to stop him.)
Bartender: Dude, you don’t want to do that. That’s him.
(Meth Head #2’s eyes get wide, as he realized something profound. He grabs his friend who is groaning from the concussion and 2nd degree burn to his face. Stein looks nonplussed.)
Dan Stein: Do you realize that was a Partagas 898?
Meth Head #2: Uhhh, a what?
Dan Stein: That cigar, you crack whore. Your friend’s face wrecked a perfectly good Cuban cigar! You owe me $70 or you’ve got 30 seconds for you to get you and your friend’s scrawny ass out of here, across that bridge and off this island.
(Stein nonchalantly pulls out another Partagas 898 and lights it, and sits back down at the bar. He looks directly at the camera as the meth heads scramble out of the bar for their own safety.)
Dan Stein: Righteous, you called down the thunder, and now you got it. You took the Peacemaker from me, and a debt needs to be repaid. The time is coming soon for you to repay that debt…and for me to now take something from you. There are plenty of things I could take from you, things like- walking without a permanent limp, or being able to chew solid food, or maybe, just something as simple as looking someone in the eye without them looking at you and saying, “Oh my God! Did he just have his bottom lip pulled over his entire head?”.
(Stein puffs away at his cigar, and continues.)
Dan Stein: I intend to take from you what you took from me, and repay it with very, very unfavorable interest terms.
(Stein gets up and walks toward the camera, which pans outward, matching Stein’s movement.)
Dan Stein: And when this bloodbath is all said and done, you are going to re-think this whole caped crusader bit and realize that bat-shit crazy comes in many forms… for example, a whiskey-drinking, cigar-smoking middle-aged asshole, whose relatively calm demeanor belies his only only goal in life: to forsake his own health to invent new ways to make people scream. Crazy comes in many forms, Righteous…a lesson you will soon learn.
(The camera stops moving backward, and Stein gets right into it, finally taking off his sunglasses.)
Dan Stein: You f***ed with the wrong man, my friend. Palm Springs Punishment is my event. It bears my name. And you, willingly or not, are going to join me in a dance of blood and pain that will culminate in me grinding up that ladder to reclaim what is rightfully mine. And even if you defy the odds and cheat your way to win, I’ll make it so bloody and excruciating you’ll wish you’d never took my Peacemaker, then I will just keep coming at you anyway…relentlessly, endlessly, until I get back what is rightfully mine. Either way… you lose.
(Stein continues to speak calmly, but his eyes are burning red hot.)
Dan Stein: I’m coming for my Peacemaker, Captain Righteous…and in Palm Springs, hell is coming with me. The Punisher has spoken.
(Fade out.)