Getting Back On... (Simon Cruise)
Mar 29, 2024 23:37:11 GMT -5
Jonnie Valentine, Kilroy, and 3 more like this
Post by scruise on Mar 29, 2024 23:37:11 GMT -5
Five-year-olds play in shallow waters, outfitted with body boards as they learn the basics of surfing. The children seem more interested in the ability to splash one another with the objects, than the opportunity to float on them. One boy drifts away from the group, making an attempt to kneel on his board - only to slip off in slightly deeper water than he was expecting. Head submerges long enough that when it comes back there is almost as much water dripping from the nose as there is running out of the eyes. A long shadow falls across the child, as an adult looms over. Hysterics soon give way to anger, with the child smacking the unreliable board. The adult reaches down, steading the object and keeping it from floating away. After a few beats the tantrum passes - the child looks at the board sheepishly, but held in place by the adult, climbs back up.
The child will fall again.
And again.
The allure of just splashing with the object is strong - other children's voices pulling like a siren, suggesting that far more fun can be had. For all the temptations, the boy sticks to it... getting slightly more confident with each pass. No longer looking to the adult to recover the board, the child charges after it.
With an approving nod, the adult turns to larger waves.
Racing into a wall of water, the experienced surfer starts to climb- turning his board with artful precision, rising higher, not noticing the dark shadow beneath the surface of the wave... drawing ever closer.
A beast emerges.
All that is clear are sharp teeth... then wiping out, the cave of water crashing in... and then darkness.
Simon Cruise wakes in a cold sweat.
Startled by a night terror, the former ring boy sits upright-
Simon Cruise: Aa-ugh.
Stopping in mid-lift, Cruise grabs his exposed abdomen. Is that blood?
Simon Cruise: What the-
A light turns on.
Donnie Valentine: You alright, Drift?
The head of Hardkore World's ring crew throws open the door, entering Cruise's bedroom. Regular viewers might wonder why Donnie has started living with the former West Coast champion. The answer? Donnie decided to add a shelf to his man cave, and since his home is no longer structurally sound, Cruise is letting him stay in his guest room. One would think Donnie's home could have been fixed by now, but there is also the fact that Donnie has an unhealthy obsession with Cruise's manager, would do anything to spend more time with it, and is practically joined at the hip. Case in point, Donnie enters the room carrying Robinson - the demonically possessed surfboard.
Robinson: Did the little (bleep)ing baby have a nightmare? Grow a (bleep)ing pair!
Valentine hits the light switch to reveal-
Simon Cruise: Teeth marks.
Is this inception? The surfer's midsection is covered in deep gashes like a shark tried to bite him in half.
Donnie Valentine (looking around nervously): Landsharks.
Simon Cruise: Those don't exist, Donnie. Only one person we know has razor sharp teeth and a tendency to bite people.
Robinson: What exactly are you (bleep)ing implying?
Donnie Valentine: -You did have that match against the alligator man.
Simon Cruise: Florida Dude might have wanted to bite me in half, but only one person lives under this roof that could do it.
Robinson: I'm a (bleep)ing angel!
Donnie Valentine: That's right, Robbie wouldn't hurt a fly! A child maybe, but not a fly!
Simon Cruise: Donnie, we both know what he's capable of-
Donnie Valentine: Drift, I know you're upset about Florida Man running HKW into the ground, and you being unable to stop him, but that is no reason to lash out at your friends. There is no proof-
It should be noted that Robinson flashes a shit eating grin, and has blood all over his mouth.
Simon Cruise: You know I'm right!
Donnie Valentine: You owe Robbie here an apology-
Simon Cruise: NEVER!
Donnie Valentine: I'm sorry you feel that way-
Robinson: Come on, Donnie - let's go play the Knock Out game at the mall.
Simon flinches. That board is a bad influence on his elderly friend... time to end this.
Simon Cruise: You're right, bro. I'm just pissed at that gator dude, and taking it out on you guys.
Robinson: Way to state the (bleep)ing obvious. No wonder I won that manager award, the (bleep) I got to put up with.
Simon Cruise: You're right dude. Hey, by way of apology, I thought you could give all of HKW some management pointers, let them know what a pro you are-
Robinson: Those (bleep) (bleep) clowns could use the help. You see that (bleep) MXG? What a (bleep).
Simon Cruise: So I was thinking... you could be a guest on my show.
Donnie Valentine: No!
Robinson: No problem.
Donnie Valentine: Absolutely not!
Robinson: You on the rag, moron?
Simon Cruise: I think Robinson would be the best guest ever.
Robinson: And how! It's not even a (bleep)ing competition.
Donnie Valentine: It's a DEATH SENTENCE, Robbie! His guests all have horrible things happen!
Simon Cruise: Dude isn't afraid of a curse, bro!
Robinson: I AIN'T SCARED OF NOTHING!
Simon Cruise: And guests get a free towel.
Robinson: WELL (Bleep) SON - YOU BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME-
Before this idea can further geminate, Donnie runs for the door.
Donnie Valentine: We'll be too busy doing tide pod challenges!
Robinson: (Bleep) tide, I'm there!
Dragging the surfboard with him, Donnie charges out of the room.
Simon Cruise: Sorry bro... this is the only way to save you... to save us.
Turning to a night stand, Cruise picks up his phone and sets it to record. No sleeping now. Might as well cut a promo.
Simon Cruise: Evening HKW.
Groaning, the surfer reaches under his bed, and lifts out a first aid kit. Pulling out some heavy gauze, Cruise begins to tape up his bruised and bloody ribs, while addressing his West Coast nemesis.
Simon Cruise: Palm Springs Punishment.
Looks like we're both coming off pretty intense losses, huh, Sheik? Me failing to capture the world title, you losing the West Coast championship to that Syberus. Seems like we could both use a win, dude. Like I tell the little dudes that I train, you fall off the board, you get back up. Last month's defeats will not define us, unless we let them. Get back up. Climb back on the board. Doesn't mean we won't immediately fall back off again... where is your head at dude?
Tables, Ladders, Chairs.
There are matches on the show with more extreme stipulation than that... but I feel like two stars of our caliber could steal the show with the TLC, after all, we have a history.
West Coast contender three way. Me. Helloween Cup, heavy gator dude assist went your way. Singles match? All you, buddy.
Round 4! This is gonna be something else.
See win or lose, I already have what I want. I wanted the West Coast division to be its own thing, and the fact that we have a rivalry in it? That we are permanent fixtures of it? Yes, dude - that is radical! You beat me again? Good luck with Syberus! Maybe you'll avenge your loss and become champion again? I hope so, cause I'll be gunning for you in round 5! OH, you'll beat me so bad that officials will be scared to pair us up again? Sheik, pal, nothing is going to get me off this high. Whether you beat me and get revenge on Syberus, or I beat you and get that dream match opponent? Three months from now it will once again be me and you for the West Coast strap.... because we're the cornerstones of OUR division. A loss doesn't get us down, it just builds the story... and that's beautiful.
Sometimes Robinson can get a little harsh on my opponents. I sometimes wonder if MXG properly represents your rage...
When you won the West Coast off me, I figured you were going to retire with our jewel, eating all opponents - you were a beast. Only to immediately lose it to Syberus? Now I was a ring boy back in the day, I know that Syb is the goods... and can beat anyone on any given night. ...But I still have to wonder if your heart is in it? I see your pal, Kilroy Evans getting double teamed into oblivion... picked on so badly that he has to have Andrew Karnage come in. Feels like you should be the one headlining, destroying Phil's army with Evans? The fact that you aren't running out to his aid? Like you were tired of fighting the good fight? Again, it feels like you're throwing the towel in. So bitter that the West Coast championship isn't the world title, that you've forgotten that the WEST COAST is the BEST COAST. Think of it as the West Coast WORLD title, if that helps. I hope you aren't sleeping on this match, going through the motions, because you're sick to death of wrestling me? You need to suck it up, get back up, brush yourself off, and get your head back in the game, DUDE.
We could be one of the greatest rivalries in the history of Hardkore World! As far as I'm concerned, we already are, dude! I want your head in the game - because this might be the most stacked Palm Springs Punishment in the history of the company. We're like third from the bottom - this is a stacked show! And all those guys above us? Those are the enemies! So dig in to me, like a rematch with Syberus is your hearts desire! We're in this together, dude! No need to be bitter! WE. GOT. THIS.
...That said, friendly piece of advice, after you screw your head on straight, leave your manager at home - cause if I get my hands on that gnarly dude, I'm going to surf him!
With that, the former West Coast champion nods, concluding the promo, and puts his phone back on the night stand. The angle of the phone looks out his bedroom window....
Here Hardkore World Champion Florida Man can be seen looking through the glass with gore all over his mouth - apparently trying to eat the surfer in his sleep.
...So Cruise owes Robinson an apology? Don't let Simon know!
The child will fall again.
And again.
The allure of just splashing with the object is strong - other children's voices pulling like a siren, suggesting that far more fun can be had. For all the temptations, the boy sticks to it... getting slightly more confident with each pass. No longer looking to the adult to recover the board, the child charges after it.
With an approving nod, the adult turns to larger waves.
Racing into a wall of water, the experienced surfer starts to climb- turning his board with artful precision, rising higher, not noticing the dark shadow beneath the surface of the wave... drawing ever closer.
A beast emerges.
All that is clear are sharp teeth... then wiping out, the cave of water crashing in... and then darkness.
Simon Cruise wakes in a cold sweat.
Startled by a night terror, the former ring boy sits upright-
Simon Cruise: Aa-ugh.
Stopping in mid-lift, Cruise grabs his exposed abdomen. Is that blood?
Simon Cruise: What the-
A light turns on.
Donnie Valentine: You alright, Drift?
The head of Hardkore World's ring crew throws open the door, entering Cruise's bedroom. Regular viewers might wonder why Donnie has started living with the former West Coast champion. The answer? Donnie decided to add a shelf to his man cave, and since his home is no longer structurally sound, Cruise is letting him stay in his guest room. One would think Donnie's home could have been fixed by now, but there is also the fact that Donnie has an unhealthy obsession with Cruise's manager, would do anything to spend more time with it, and is practically joined at the hip. Case in point, Donnie enters the room carrying Robinson - the demonically possessed surfboard.
Robinson: Did the little (bleep)ing baby have a nightmare? Grow a (bleep)ing pair!
Valentine hits the light switch to reveal-
Simon Cruise: Teeth marks.
Is this inception? The surfer's midsection is covered in deep gashes like a shark tried to bite him in half.
Donnie Valentine (looking around nervously): Landsharks.
Simon Cruise: Those don't exist, Donnie. Only one person we know has razor sharp teeth and a tendency to bite people.
Robinson: What exactly are you (bleep)ing implying?
Donnie Valentine: -You did have that match against the alligator man.
Simon Cruise: Florida Dude might have wanted to bite me in half, but only one person lives under this roof that could do it.
Robinson: I'm a (bleep)ing angel!
Donnie Valentine: That's right, Robbie wouldn't hurt a fly! A child maybe, but not a fly!
Simon Cruise: Donnie, we both know what he's capable of-
Donnie Valentine: Drift, I know you're upset about Florida Man running HKW into the ground, and you being unable to stop him, but that is no reason to lash out at your friends. There is no proof-
It should be noted that Robinson flashes a shit eating grin, and has blood all over his mouth.
Simon Cruise: You know I'm right!
Donnie Valentine: You owe Robbie here an apology-
Simon Cruise: NEVER!
Donnie Valentine: I'm sorry you feel that way-
Robinson: Come on, Donnie - let's go play the Knock Out game at the mall.
Simon flinches. That board is a bad influence on his elderly friend... time to end this.
Simon Cruise: You're right, bro. I'm just pissed at that gator dude, and taking it out on you guys.
Robinson: Way to state the (bleep)ing obvious. No wonder I won that manager award, the (bleep) I got to put up with.
Simon Cruise: You're right dude. Hey, by way of apology, I thought you could give all of HKW some management pointers, let them know what a pro you are-
Robinson: Those (bleep) (bleep) clowns could use the help. You see that (bleep) MXG? What a (bleep).
Simon Cruise: So I was thinking... you could be a guest on my show.
Donnie Valentine: No!
Robinson: No problem.
Donnie Valentine: Absolutely not!
Robinson: You on the rag, moron?
Simon Cruise: I think Robinson would be the best guest ever.
Robinson: And how! It's not even a (bleep)ing competition.
Donnie Valentine: It's a DEATH SENTENCE, Robbie! His guests all have horrible things happen!
Simon Cruise: Dude isn't afraid of a curse, bro!
Robinson: I AIN'T SCARED OF NOTHING!
Simon Cruise: And guests get a free towel.
Robinson: WELL (Bleep) SON - YOU BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME-
Before this idea can further geminate, Donnie runs for the door.
Donnie Valentine: We'll be too busy doing tide pod challenges!
Robinson: (Bleep) tide, I'm there!
Dragging the surfboard with him, Donnie charges out of the room.
Simon Cruise: Sorry bro... this is the only way to save you... to save us.
Turning to a night stand, Cruise picks up his phone and sets it to record. No sleeping now. Might as well cut a promo.
Simon Cruise: Evening HKW.
Groaning, the surfer reaches under his bed, and lifts out a first aid kit. Pulling out some heavy gauze, Cruise begins to tape up his bruised and bloody ribs, while addressing his West Coast nemesis.
Simon Cruise: Palm Springs Punishment.
Looks like we're both coming off pretty intense losses, huh, Sheik? Me failing to capture the world title, you losing the West Coast championship to that Syberus. Seems like we could both use a win, dude. Like I tell the little dudes that I train, you fall off the board, you get back up. Last month's defeats will not define us, unless we let them. Get back up. Climb back on the board. Doesn't mean we won't immediately fall back off again... where is your head at dude?
Tables, Ladders, Chairs.
There are matches on the show with more extreme stipulation than that... but I feel like two stars of our caliber could steal the show with the TLC, after all, we have a history.
West Coast contender three way. Me. Helloween Cup, heavy gator dude assist went your way. Singles match? All you, buddy.
Round 4! This is gonna be something else.
See win or lose, I already have what I want. I wanted the West Coast division to be its own thing, and the fact that we have a rivalry in it? That we are permanent fixtures of it? Yes, dude - that is radical! You beat me again? Good luck with Syberus! Maybe you'll avenge your loss and become champion again? I hope so, cause I'll be gunning for you in round 5! OH, you'll beat me so bad that officials will be scared to pair us up again? Sheik, pal, nothing is going to get me off this high. Whether you beat me and get revenge on Syberus, or I beat you and get that dream match opponent? Three months from now it will once again be me and you for the West Coast strap.... because we're the cornerstones of OUR division. A loss doesn't get us down, it just builds the story... and that's beautiful.
Sometimes Robinson can get a little harsh on my opponents. I sometimes wonder if MXG properly represents your rage...
When you won the West Coast off me, I figured you were going to retire with our jewel, eating all opponents - you were a beast. Only to immediately lose it to Syberus? Now I was a ring boy back in the day, I know that Syb is the goods... and can beat anyone on any given night. ...But I still have to wonder if your heart is in it? I see your pal, Kilroy Evans getting double teamed into oblivion... picked on so badly that he has to have Andrew Karnage come in. Feels like you should be the one headlining, destroying Phil's army with Evans? The fact that you aren't running out to his aid? Like you were tired of fighting the good fight? Again, it feels like you're throwing the towel in. So bitter that the West Coast championship isn't the world title, that you've forgotten that the WEST COAST is the BEST COAST. Think of it as the West Coast WORLD title, if that helps. I hope you aren't sleeping on this match, going through the motions, because you're sick to death of wrestling me? You need to suck it up, get back up, brush yourself off, and get your head back in the game, DUDE.
We could be one of the greatest rivalries in the history of Hardkore World! As far as I'm concerned, we already are, dude! I want your head in the game - because this might be the most stacked Palm Springs Punishment in the history of the company. We're like third from the bottom - this is a stacked show! And all those guys above us? Those are the enemies! So dig in to me, like a rematch with Syberus is your hearts desire! We're in this together, dude! No need to be bitter! WE. GOT. THIS.
...That said, friendly piece of advice, after you screw your head on straight, leave your manager at home - cause if I get my hands on that gnarly dude, I'm going to surf him!
With that, the former West Coast champion nods, concluding the promo, and puts his phone back on the night stand. The angle of the phone looks out his bedroom window....
Here Hardkore World Champion Florida Man can be seen looking through the glass with gore all over his mouth - apparently trying to eat the surfer in his sleep.
...So Cruise owes Robinson an apology? Don't let Simon know!