Race: Sippy Cup Qualifier - March 2024
Mar 31, 2024 19:12:49 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by h2f on Mar 31, 2024 19:12:49 GMT -5
Sippy Cup Qualifier
Grandma Mary: Happy Easter! I didn’t realize we would be coming to you on this blessed day.
Uncle: Because you haven’t been to church in… a while?
Grandma Mary: Time moves differently at my age. Who does Easter in March?
Uncle: The church.
Grandma Mary: And on the starting line we have our three best crews!
Uncle: You mean the only ones who signed up this month.
Grandma Mary: Might as well be an invitational except this time with The Punch Buggy! Soon to be known as the tag team champs, Bearly There.
Uncle: You didn’t.
Grandma Mary: And next to them is the ever popular AMC!
Uncle: They’re a popular champ now? Did they start up a machine or two again?
Grandma Mary: And rounding out the starting line is Reedy Creek. Tinto is ready to bring the furry!
Uncle: Fiery furry or fur furry?
Grandma Mary: What?
Uncle: I think this may be like tear and tear.
Grandma Mary: But you can hear the difference. And Tinto is a seven year old boy.
Uncle: True. Right. Also running for vice president. Which… can he do that under the age of thirty-five?
Grandma Mary: We are starting a race here. Forest? You ready?
Down on the field, the Forest Force has set up a drum set. The shorter of the two sits on the seat and gives a thumbs up.
Uncle: How will they know when to go?
Grandma Mary: Racers! On my mark.
Forest starts a roll on the snare drum.
Grandma Mary: Get set.
Forest smashes the bass and bangs on the open cymbals.
Grandma Mary: Go!
Uncle: And they’re off! Tiger Beetle is in an early lead with AMC on their fender and Reedy creek on their tail pipe!
Grandma Mary: This is going to be a close one! All three deserve to win. It’s a shame it will be me.
Uncle: You aren’t in a vehicle Maw.
Grandma Mary: And they are approaching the March Hair zone.
Uncle: A whole zone?
Grandma Mary: Start the fans!
Four large electric fans whirl to life as hair is dumped into them.
Uncle: Hair?
Grandma Mary: All March long I went to every hair salon and dog groomer in the valley to collect their offerings.
Uncle: To blow it on vehicles?
Grandma Mary: Suck it doof floof!
Uncle: And now we can’t see. But we can hear the vehicles charging through this shampoo commercial.
Grandma Mary: This is why this one went first. They should be blowing through in a minute.
Uncle: Then let’s take that minute to discuss April. It’s only a day away.
Grandma Mary: Right! The grumblings for the rumblings have started! We at CAR fully support the XHF community and the need to participate. That’s why we will be running an athletic cup in April. It's an alternative that is totally optional. We’ll see who’s willing to put a dog in the race.
Uncle: Right. No pressure on our crews. And here they come past the fans.
Grandma Mary: And onto the next!
Uncle checks his notes.
Uncle: March Madness?
Grandma Mary: It’s a basketball reference.
Uncle: Right. You’re throwing basketballs at them?
Grandma Mary: With a cannon! Reedy Creek is pulling ahead of Tiger Beetle. Fire ze basketballs!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCpjgl2baLs&themeRefresh=1
Uncle: Basketballs have been launched, via a CAR cannon, at the vehicles. Oohh! Reedy Creek has swerved right as Tiger Beetle swerved left.
Grandma Mary: The Ball bounces off AME’s stupid, shiny, front bumper.
Uncle: The first two cars are swerving more basketballs.
Grandma Mary: That beetle has reinforced curves for days! What gives?
Uncle: Safety First!
Grandma Mary: AMC is gaining ground as they approach the march to the finish line.
Uncle: It’s neck and neck, folks. It’s going to be a tight one. All three are right there. We’re going to need a photo finish. I’m not sure who has this. Boy look at those cars. So close to the finish line. And it looks like-
Grandma Mary: Oh! Shut up.
Uncle: It has to be reported.
Grandma Mary: But. But I didn’t win. We should-
Uncle: Thank each crew for joining in this month’s race. You put out great things.
Grandma Mary: But there is only one winner.
Uncle: Only one winner this month but there is also next month! This month, the first place will go to-
Grandma Mary: I’ll say it, give me a moment.
The vehicles circle around to the starting line as the radio crackles to life:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: EXCELLENT! The plan is working! It’s all coming together!
Uncle: This month-
Grandma Mary: Tiger Beetle has won!
Uncle: Third place. Second place was a close call and awarded to Reedy Creek. AMC has been-
Grandma Mary: Yes, fine. They win. Happy?
Uncle: Please join us for next month’s race.
Grandma Mary: It’s a lotta bit different. But there will be a rabbit!