RACE: Atheltic Cup - April 2024
Apr 28, 2024 14:49:05 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by h2f on Apr 28, 2024 14:49:05 GMT -5
April 2024 Athletic Cup
Grandma Mary: Dogs may not be able to win the X*Crown, but they can win the Athletic Cup!
Uncle: Non-dogs are also welcome to race for today’s Athletic Cup.
Grandma Mary: And we are seeing it down on the starting line. This has turned into a nice pregame for the rumble.
Uncle: That’s an interesting take. Down on the starting line we have.
Grandma Mary: My boy: Bruce Whine, a doberman with a truly athletic build. Funaki the Foodle.
Uncle: The what?
Grandma Mary: That’s what the notes say. Who are we to kink shame him?
Uncle: Sure. Next to him is-
Grandma Mary: EOD represented by Phil.
Uncle: My, those are some… tentacles. Are we allowed to show these?
Grandma Mary: That’s just the way his face looks. And rounding out the group is the fan favorite: Tinto!
Uncle: That boy is busy!
Grandma Mary: Aren’t we all! Down at the starting line we have the standard dog track “white rabbit”. The racers will chase it for the finish lines.
Uncle: You realize there is only one actual dog on that dog track.
Grandma Mary: Racers! On my Markus!
Uncle: And dogs are capable of running much faster than humans.
Grandma Mary: Get a sextant.
Uncle: Of course, not all our runners identify as human.
Grandma Mary: BANG!
Uncle: Release the rabbit!
Grandma Mary: The small plastic white rabbit has begun its difficult journey. Bruce is in the lead!
Uncle: Huh. The Dog is winning the dog race. Who would’ve seen this coming?
Grandma Mary: Funaki is still in the race. Look at him… trying. He is trying. The trying would work a lot better were he not on all fours… Did we instruct him to do that?
Uncle: Doubtful. Phil seems to be stalking him with Tinto bringing up the rear.
Grandma Mary: Is Tinto armed?
Uncle: He certainly seems more concerned about Phil than the race.
Grandma Mary: Well, it will be over soon. Bruce is halfway around the track.
Uncle: He’s a dog, maw. You have a bunch of bipeds chasing a dog.
Grandma Mary: Funaki is really trying.
Uncle: At this point, I think he’s trying to outrun Phil.
Grandma Mary: He is not succeeding. Phil is gaining on him. Funaki, run faster!
Uncle: Oh!! Phil has tackled “The Foodle” to the ground.
As heard from the racetrack:
Funaki: Be silent. Be Silent. BE SILENT!
Phil gestures to his face, implying he cannot speak, and looks sharply to his right as Tinto takes a leap onto his back.
Grandma Mary: Perhaps Tinto is holding a grudge from the Cheesiest Junior Heavyweight Championship Match.
Uncle: Either way, Funaki is back on his feet and moving fast.
Grandma Mary: Phil has thrown Tinto back towards the starting line.
Uncle: Bruce is approaching the finish line.
Grandma Mary: My boy!!
Uncle: Again, a dog. At a dog race.
Grandma Mary: Bruce Whine wins gold for CAR! Funaki can take second, that’s fine. Ever notice we only win when it isn’t my lovely granddaughters racing?
Uncle: The race isn’t over yet.
Grandma Mary: Yes it is! We’ve got to get ready for the rumble. Bruce in First and Funaki in second. Way to go!
Uncle: But Phil is approaching the finish line.
Grandma Mary: Good job Phil. You get nothing! On to the rumble.
Uncle: But, but…
Grandma Mary: Join us next month for…Sippy Cup Qualifier 3