BREAKING: AWF kinda superstar Mad Dog Smith arrested!
Sept 5, 2017 17:25:40 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, ForeverKuroi, and 2 more like this
Post by Mad Dog Smith on Sept 5, 2017 17:25:40 GMT -5
WBOH was Bethesda’s independent TV station. Every morning from 6-8 they had a morning news station hosted by Dick Matlock and Jennifer Gonzalez.
Dick Matlock was a skinny guy with shocking blonde hair and a shit eating grin. He looked into the camera with eyes that said, “Why me, Lord! Why was I never taken by the local CBS affiliate? Why, God! Why!?
And as he did that he began the news broadcast.
“I mean, you think you know somebody, right Jennifer?”
Jennifer shook her head, clearly devastated. “For nine years he played the beloved school teacher, George Feeny on Boy Meets World …”
Dick closed his eyes. “And then he goes and does something like this. That sick bastard. Anyway! In local news, Mad Dog Smith, a pro wrestler for our very own Ascension Wrestling Federation has been arrested at the notorious Gay Bathhouse just outside of Bethesda. I’m talking about the infamous, “STOP TICKLING ME!”
“Stop Tickling Me?” Jennifer asked. “Is that the place by the airport?”
“No Jennifer,” Dick said. “That’s Oh! Hi! Yo! Stop Tickling Me is just past the city limits, right on I-71 West.”
Jennifer laughed. “Ho, ho! How do you know where the local Gay Bathhouse is, Dick? Haha.”
Dick’s face went red even as Jennifer playfully brushed his shoulder. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT! YOU’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE YOUR DEAD OWNS THE STATION!”
Silence fell over the studio as Dick’s lip trembled. It was a terrible silence. Unless you were watching it at home. Then it was hilarious.
“I-I’m sorry, Jennifer …”
Jennifer finally closed her mouth. “Okay. That’s cool. So tell us about this Mad Dog Smith story, Dick.”
“Sure.” Dick turned back to the camera. “Young pro wrestler Mad Dog Smith was arrested among dozens of other Bethesda residents, including our mayor. Police planned a raid on the seedy bathhouse weeks in advanced on reports of drug dealing and prostitution. Though they couldn’t have expected to pull out so many prominent members of our community!”
“Yeah, my Dad was in there!”
“That’s right, Jennifer. He was!” Dick nodded vigorously. “And reports say when the cops found him, he was on the bottom! But back to Mad Dog? The young grappler was pulled out buck naked screaming, ‘Don’t you know who I am? I’m Mad Dog God Damn Smith! Let me go or I’ll sue you!’ He really said that.”
“You never wanna hear somebody say that,” Jennifer said.
“He did say it. Now, he was released on bail earlier this morning, our own Charles Akiyama, who also does interviews for the AWF, caught up to Mad Dog. Let’s go to that footage.”
The news cast jumped to a still-dark Bethesda morning as a haggard Mad Dog Smith is pulled down courtroom steps by Felix Ziko.
“Mad Dog! It’s me, Charles Akiyama! Mad Dog! Did you really get arrested in that gay bathhouse! Were you there for gay sex!? Are you gay!?”
Felix Ziko put a massive hand in front of the camera. “Mad Dog isn’t taking questions right now.
But Dog jumped in the way. “Hold on, Zeeky Baby, I’m always doing interviews. I’m in a perpetual state of doing interviews! Wooo! Chuck! Get over here, pal!”
Dog grabbed Chuck around the shoulder and squeezed him tight as he looked into the camera.
“Chuckles! Let me tell you what happened! I was just wrestling Lancer Cobalt. And it was a tough match, brother! So I was feeling pretty down on myself! Thinking I wasn’t good enough for the good people of Bethesda! Thinking like maybe I need to work harder at being a pro wrestler! So I went down to one of the greatest establishments Bethesda has to offer brother! I’m talking about “Stop Tickling Me!” I went there to have my shoulders rubbed, to get my back rubbed and to visit that world famous suana, brother!”
“What about Gay sex?” Charles asked.
“What about Gay sex!? Mad Dog asked. I mean, sure I’m all hot and shit and walking around with my dick out! Is it my fault that all those guys automatically turned gay and starting fucking? Not at all! I’ve been turning people gay for years! You know, I really gotta watch out. I’m so God Damn good looking I very well might turn the entire human race gay and make every woman on the planet infertile on account nobody wants to have sex with ‘em! But don’t worry ladies! In that Mad Max type of situation, I’ll have sex with all of you because I’m Mad Dog Smith! The hottest bitch in the business! And straight as an arrow! I am not gay! Nor have I ever been gay! Now let’s talk about Nelly Angel!”
“Your opponent at Prestige 5?”
“That’s right, Chuck! Nelly! I don’t know anything about you. Ya basic! I could go on AWF’s roster page at anytime and find out who you are but I won’t! Because you’re boring! And I have Candy Crush! Woooooo! Candy Crush, bitches! Bright colors! Flashing lights! A fantasy world of adventure! You think Imma take time out of my life to learn about Nelly Angel when I was just wrongfully arrested but the local, corrupt Bethesda police force!? Chuck! This incident has opened my eyes! Here I was feeling sorry for myself! When I should have felt angry that my fellow Bethesdans have to live in a town where the police can just walk right into your bathhouse when you’re getting rubbed down by a Puerto Rican guy named Dave and pulled out of there wearing nothing! Not even your tiny white towel!”
“Are you in a sexual relationship with Dave?” Charles asked.
“Hell yeah, I do cocaine!” Mad Dog responded. “And yes, I’m high right now because it ain’t wore off yet! But let me tell you something! Since when is cocaine illegal, Charles Akiyama! Huh! Yeah! I just blew your mind! Think about that shit! ADubyaF!!!! September 8th! 2017! Morristown Baseball Field! I’m gonna wrestle Nelly Angel! And I’m doing it for all my Bethesda brothers and sisters who have felt the rock hard oppression of the BPD! We’re gonna let those fascists know that we will not be silenced! And that I’m not gay! USA! USA! USA! I’m not Gay! USA! USA! USA!”
That’s when Mr. Ziko finally hand enough and started pulling Dog toward his car. Dog kept the chant going and a homeless guy lounging on the steps eventually joined in.
Dick Matlock was a skinny guy with shocking blonde hair and a shit eating grin. He looked into the camera with eyes that said, “Why me, Lord! Why was I never taken by the local CBS affiliate? Why, God! Why!?
And as he did that he began the news broadcast.
“I mean, you think you know somebody, right Jennifer?”
Jennifer shook her head, clearly devastated. “For nine years he played the beloved school teacher, George Feeny on Boy Meets World …”
Dick closed his eyes. “And then he goes and does something like this. That sick bastard. Anyway! In local news, Mad Dog Smith, a pro wrestler for our very own Ascension Wrestling Federation has been arrested at the notorious Gay Bathhouse just outside of Bethesda. I’m talking about the infamous, “STOP TICKLING ME!”
“Stop Tickling Me?” Jennifer asked. “Is that the place by the airport?”
“No Jennifer,” Dick said. “That’s Oh! Hi! Yo! Stop Tickling Me is just past the city limits, right on I-71 West.”
Jennifer laughed. “Ho, ho! How do you know where the local Gay Bathhouse is, Dick? Haha.”
Dick’s face went red even as Jennifer playfully brushed his shoulder. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT! YOU’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE YOUR DEAD OWNS THE STATION!”
Silence fell over the studio as Dick’s lip trembled. It was a terrible silence. Unless you were watching it at home. Then it was hilarious.
“I-I’m sorry, Jennifer …”
Jennifer finally closed her mouth. “Okay. That’s cool. So tell us about this Mad Dog Smith story, Dick.”
“Sure.” Dick turned back to the camera. “Young pro wrestler Mad Dog Smith was arrested among dozens of other Bethesda residents, including our mayor. Police planned a raid on the seedy bathhouse weeks in advanced on reports of drug dealing and prostitution. Though they couldn’t have expected to pull out so many prominent members of our community!”
“Yeah, my Dad was in there!”
“That’s right, Jennifer. He was!” Dick nodded vigorously. “And reports say when the cops found him, he was on the bottom! But back to Mad Dog? The young grappler was pulled out buck naked screaming, ‘Don’t you know who I am? I’m Mad Dog God Damn Smith! Let me go or I’ll sue you!’ He really said that.”
“You never wanna hear somebody say that,” Jennifer said.
“He did say it. Now, he was released on bail earlier this morning, our own Charles Akiyama, who also does interviews for the AWF, caught up to Mad Dog. Let’s go to that footage.”
The news cast jumped to a still-dark Bethesda morning as a haggard Mad Dog Smith is pulled down courtroom steps by Felix Ziko.
“Mad Dog! It’s me, Charles Akiyama! Mad Dog! Did you really get arrested in that gay bathhouse! Were you there for gay sex!? Are you gay!?”
Felix Ziko put a massive hand in front of the camera. “Mad Dog isn’t taking questions right now.
But Dog jumped in the way. “Hold on, Zeeky Baby, I’m always doing interviews. I’m in a perpetual state of doing interviews! Wooo! Chuck! Get over here, pal!”
Dog grabbed Chuck around the shoulder and squeezed him tight as he looked into the camera.
“Chuckles! Let me tell you what happened! I was just wrestling Lancer Cobalt. And it was a tough match, brother! So I was feeling pretty down on myself! Thinking I wasn’t good enough for the good people of Bethesda! Thinking like maybe I need to work harder at being a pro wrestler! So I went down to one of the greatest establishments Bethesda has to offer brother! I’m talking about “Stop Tickling Me!” I went there to have my shoulders rubbed, to get my back rubbed and to visit that world famous suana, brother!”
“What about Gay sex?” Charles asked.
“What about Gay sex!? Mad Dog asked. I mean, sure I’m all hot and shit and walking around with my dick out! Is it my fault that all those guys automatically turned gay and starting fucking? Not at all! I’ve been turning people gay for years! You know, I really gotta watch out. I’m so God Damn good looking I very well might turn the entire human race gay and make every woman on the planet infertile on account nobody wants to have sex with ‘em! But don’t worry ladies! In that Mad Max type of situation, I’ll have sex with all of you because I’m Mad Dog Smith! The hottest bitch in the business! And straight as an arrow! I am not gay! Nor have I ever been gay! Now let’s talk about Nelly Angel!”
“Your opponent at Prestige 5?”
“That’s right, Chuck! Nelly! I don’t know anything about you. Ya basic! I could go on AWF’s roster page at anytime and find out who you are but I won’t! Because you’re boring! And I have Candy Crush! Woooooo! Candy Crush, bitches! Bright colors! Flashing lights! A fantasy world of adventure! You think Imma take time out of my life to learn about Nelly Angel when I was just wrongfully arrested but the local, corrupt Bethesda police force!? Chuck! This incident has opened my eyes! Here I was feeling sorry for myself! When I should have felt angry that my fellow Bethesdans have to live in a town where the police can just walk right into your bathhouse when you’re getting rubbed down by a Puerto Rican guy named Dave and pulled out of there wearing nothing! Not even your tiny white towel!”
“Are you in a sexual relationship with Dave?” Charles asked.
“Hell yeah, I do cocaine!” Mad Dog responded. “And yes, I’m high right now because it ain’t wore off yet! But let me tell you something! Since when is cocaine illegal, Charles Akiyama! Huh! Yeah! I just blew your mind! Think about that shit! ADubyaF!!!! September 8th! 2017! Morristown Baseball Field! I’m gonna wrestle Nelly Angel! And I’m doing it for all my Bethesda brothers and sisters who have felt the rock hard oppression of the BPD! We’re gonna let those fascists know that we will not be silenced! And that I’m not gay! USA! USA! USA! I’m not Gay! USA! USA! USA!”
That’s when Mr. Ziko finally hand enough and started pulling Dog toward his car. Dog kept the chant going and a homeless guy lounging on the steps eventually joined in.