The Gun Show III: Bearpocalypse
Mar 22, 2018 21:38:00 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Curtis D. Kanyon, and 5 more like this
Post by jamesmueller on Mar 22, 2018 21:38:00 GMT -5
James Mueller can be seen walking backstage as stagehands move past him pushing crates and supplies getting ready for the event. Mueller dodges the stagehands and agents preparing for the show, and he makes his way into the loading dock of Venom's Gym. He approaches a big white van, back-end facing him, and Mueller is approached by their resident intern.
: What was so important that you wanted me to come down here for?
: Your bears arrived, Mr. Mueller.
: Great, where are they?
: Right here.
The intern motions to the van. Mueller looks perplexed.
: There's... a dozen bears... in that van?
: One could say so. Maybe you should take a look.
Mueller still looks confused, but he walks to the backdoor of the van. He slowly pulls the handle, opens the door slightly and sticks his head inside. A couple seconds past and he pulls his head back out, shutting the door.
: That's... Not what I wanted.
: That's what you ordered.. through Craigslist.
: ...Well.. I guess the show must go on... We'll make it work. Speaking of which...
James Mueller reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a Mongo the Destroyer rubber mask. He tosses it into the chest and hands of the GUNS Intern.
: You're up tonight.
: No I'm not.
The intern tosses it back into James hands.
: Not after I looked into that van... Mr. Mueller, I quit.
The intern walks past James Mueller and out of sight. James stands there with the mask in his hands, still perplexed. He turns to see where the intern headed but notices someone else...
: There's the man I wanted to see! My best buddy! Hey man, you want to make some extra money tonight?
James walks off screen as well, leaving the mysterious white van behind him. Before we fade out, a hot pink Cadillac sedan with dark purple tinted windows pulls up next to the van. Instead, we fade out to the license plate of the Cadillac, 'LOVEDOC.'
Inside of Venom's Gym in Atlanta, GA, small pyros explode on a small stage in the corner of the gym. Steps leading to the concrete floor and a dirty red carpet leading straight to the wrestling ring in the middle. Surrounding the ring is a small group of fans behind guard rails, some sitting in folding chairs and some in lawn chairs they brought from home.
The Gun Royal!
A 5-10 man over the top battle royal featuring XHF legends (from left to right) Ryan and Christopher Velez, Death Trap, Ken in the Box, Tony Geoff, Lord Dominicus, Paul Smackage, Watchdogs and Wombat.
The Wombat is in the ring, ready to go for the Guns Royale. He stands as the number one entrant awaiting his first challenger.
Queen’s “We Are the Champions” begins to play and Tony Geoff steps out onto the ramp. The super-heavyweight begins to walk towards the ring.
Venom: This is gonna be fun. Tiny Wombat against the monster Geoff.
Mueller: Isn’t he like the dumbest guy in the company.
Venom: That makes him my favorite to win this match.
Geoff rolls in the ring and the match is officially underway. Wombat’s eyes are wide and he drops to his knees begging for mercy. Geoff does not oblige and kicks Wombat in the face. Wombat falls back and crumbles by the ropes and Geoff walks over to him, grabs the top rope and begins to stomp away at Wombat.
Mueller: He should pick him up and throw him over.
Venom: He’s too dumb to know how to win. I change my pick.
Mueller: This is lame.
Venom: Yeah, let’s make someone else come in.
Mueller: Don’t we have to wait for the time to be up?
Venom: No, I installed a button, I just hit it and the next person comes out.
Mueller: What?
Venom smacks the announcers table and Death Trap’s music hits and he comes running out. He slides into the ring. He stops, looks around, and scratches his head. He doesn’t seem to know where he is. Meanwhile, Geoff is still stomping away at Wombat.
Venom: That…doesn’t seem to have helped.
Mueller: I think something is wrong with DT. He’s reading a grocery list he pulled out of his pocket.
Death Trap is indeed reading what appears to be a grocery list. He doesn’t know where he is and seems to think he is shopping. Meanwhile, Geoff is still murdering Wombat with stomps. SMACK! The music of Ken in the Box hits and Ken comes walking out. He walks down the ramp heading towards the ring and he slips and falls on his back. He’s stuck, he can’t get up.
Venom: Damn it.
SMACK! The music of the New Deal hits and Chris Velez comes running out. He slides into the ring and spins Death Trap around and kicks him in the stomach. He drops DT with a DDT and then turns his attention towards Geoff, who has no idea what is going on around him. Velez runs and drop kicks Geoff in the back with a drop kick. Geoff tumbles over the top ropes.
ELIMINATED: Tony Geoff
Chris tries to reach down and grab Wombat, but Wombat has clung onto the bottom rope and will not let go. Death Trap is back to his feet, and he seems like he has realized where he is and knows what’s going on. The DDT knocked something back into him. He grabs Chris from behind and spins him around and connects with a right hand, and another, and another. Chris is reeling and stumbles back into the corner. DT takes a step back and runs and strikes with a running knee lift. Chris crumbles to the mat and DT begins to taunt the crowd. He knows he’s wrestling again, but doesn’t seem to know he’s in a battle royal. No one is really doing anything until SMACK. Leon Chant’s theme hits and the friend of Rob Arnold comes walking down the ramp. He climbs up the stairs and gets in the ring. He looks around at the carnage of the royal and shakes his head and yells “No way” and steps over the top rope and drops down eliminating himself.
ELIMINATED: Leon Chant.
Venom: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Mueller: So much for Rob Arnold getting us a competitor.
SMACK!
Venom: Ow! That was my hand.
Mueller: My bad, I should’ve looked before I slapped for the button.
SMACK! New Deal’s music hits again and Ryan Velez runs out and quickly strikes DT with a stiff kick to the side of the knee, then another to the other knee. DT stumbles and Ryan steps up on the leg of DT and takes him out with an enziguri. DT hits the mat, but is quickly back up to his feet and wipes Ryan out with a stiff clothesline.
Venom: Out of it or not, DT’s still got the power.
Mueller: He’s aight.
SMACK! The music of the dark lord Lord Dominicus hits and he begins waltzing down to the ring. He passes Ken in the Box who is being helped up to his feet and he drops to his knee and punches Ken in what would be his dick.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
Lord Dominicus slides into the ring and DT waves wildly at LD with a clothesline attempt, but LD ducks and when DT turns back around LD punches him right in the dick.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
DT crumbles and both members of the New Deal are now to their feet. They stand behind the dark lord waiting for him to turn around. When he does they both attack with punches knocking LD to his knees. The cousins in unison left to kick LD down, but before they can strike LD strikes in defense with a double dick punch.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
Both Velez’ crumble to the ground and LD stands tall over the fallen warriors in the ring. He smirks as he notices the one remaining member not to be punched in the dick, Wombat. Wombat is up to his feet, still clinging to the ropes and LD runs at him, Wombat drops and pulls down the top rope and LD tumbles over the top and tumbles to the outside.
ELIMINATED: Lord Dominicus
Mueller: Damn it. I loved everything he just did.
Venom: Me too.
SMACK! The music of the Watchdogs hits and the group of super heros run out to the ring. They all hit the ring and pose in super hero poses looking for a villain to defeat. They don’t seem to see anyone of interest, and they leave.
ELIMINATED? Watchdogs
Venom: Why did they even come here?
Mueller: Who even were they?
Venom: I don’t know. At least this train wreak is almost over.
SMACK! The music to the final entrant Paul Smackage hits. He runs out to the ring and slides in and runs right into the New Deal who lay him out with a double drop kick. The Velez’ stand back up over Paul Smackage and go to lift him up, but Smackage counters and rolls Ryan up with a small package! Why? Who knows, but Chris breaks the worthless attempt. Ryan rolls away and Chris reaches down to pick up Smackage and again Smackage rolls him up into a small package! Smackage holds the pin attempt for no reason and Death Trap stands, again looking like he has no clue where he is. Chris kicks out of the small package and gets to his feet. The Velez’ are again standing next to each other, this time instead of just reaching down to pick up Smackage they stomp at his face first and then pick him up. They hold him up and walk him over the ropes and toss him over the top.
ELIMINATED! Paul Smackage
The Velez’ turn around after throwing out Smackage and are clotheslined by DT! Both go tumbling over the top rope and out onto the floor on top of Smackage.
ELIMINATED! The New Deal
Venom: What an elimination by DT
Mueller: Concussed or not he’s still the only half decent wrestler in this match.
DT stands alone in the ring with Wombat. Wombat doesn’t know what to do. He runs at DT and DT lifts his foot and Wombat runs right into it. Wombat hits the mat hard. He’s out cold in the center of the ring and the crowd is screaming for Death Trap. He seems to be over taken by the crowd and points at the corner turnbuckle. He walks over to the corner and climbs up top. He taunts to the crowd.
Mueller: I didn’t know DT was a high flyer.
Venom: I don’t think he is.
Mueller: Then what the hell is he doing up there?
DT suddenly grabs for his head. He looks dizzy and he falls out of the ring.
ELIMINATED! Death Trap
Wombat slowly stands up, No one is in the ring but him and he begins to celebrate. He runs over to the corner and climbs up. He screams as tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn’t see that Ken in the Box has finally gotten up and is in the ring. He runs and hits the corner colliding with the back of Wombat’s legs and Wombat falls off of the turnbuckles and to the outside.
ELIMINATED: Wombat
WINNER: Ken in the Box
Venom: What a great match.
Mueller: I love a good Royal.
Venom: Don’t we all, should we tell him what he won?
Mueller: Go for it.
Venom climbs into the ring with the boxed man as he celebrates his victory. Venom has a mic in hand.
“Congratulations Ken. You have won. You are going to get the first major opportunity in the Guns. You will compete on the next Gun Show for the GUNS first ever championship.”
Ken pumps his fist excited to have an opportunity to be champion.
“You will face off against Goldbear II to crown the first ever Bear Necessities Championship.”
Ken suddenly isn’t as happy and he drops to his knees as Venom drops and rolls out of the ring.
*The lights in the arena go down as vaguely disco-ish music starts to play. Clearly this is confusing for everyone. But worry not; it’s Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round.” As the song starts up the tron screens play a music video*
*We see Charlie Velez on the phone inside of his office. He’s saying something, probably not these lyrics, that’d be super weird and creepy*
*We get a whole lot of quick shots of Venom holding up tag team titles with Charlie Velez and James Mueller. Every time the focus on the shot is on Venom and his love of tag titles.*
*Goldbear II’s behind wiggles as he draws ever closer to a steaks set out for him. He’s gonna get that steak and love every moment of it*
*We watch as the unknown figure previously known as “NudeDragon” creeps around, flashing his gun everywhere and taking shots at a shooting range. Finally him unmasking, revealing himself to be James Mueller and shooting a “bang” flag at Mongo the Destroyer, who’s nearly floored from the shock*
*As the chorus plays we see a lot of shots using that forward-reverse-forward-reverse thing that people do in music videos sometimes. The Guns walk away from Mongo together, then backwards toward him then forward again etc. Charlie signs off from a video call and signs back on, off etc. The Guns click their titles together back and forth etc.*
*Here we get some rather disturbing footage of Venom rubbing his face on the XHF Tag Team Championships. Is this real, or is it just a scene shot for this video? Either way the camera zooms out to see a rather concerned looking Mueller and Goldbear II. Finally he turns to the camera and smiles darkly, it was a joke. BUT COME AND TRY TO TAKE THE TITLE OUT OF HIS HANDS JUST YOU TRY IT*
*We cut to shots of Goldbear II chasing his tail, relaxing with his legs spread, sleeping, eating fish and whatnot. All with that somewhat obnoxious forward/backward/forward effect.*
*The scene switches to Venom and Mueller on their thrones at Supremacy, judging their opponents as they watch them wrestle for the right to chase the tag titles. Their faces suggest they do not indeed need your love at all.*
*In another shot Venom and Mueller are back to back looking and pointing at the camera with gun fingers, a nice little taunt that matches their name. As the “Watch out, here I come” part hits we see Goldbear II pouncing on poor intern “Mongo.”*
*As the chorus plays ad nauseam we see other adventures with the Guns, including drinking coffee, launching a rocket, Charlie Velez wrestling a bunch of tangled cords, wearing funny hats, holding press conferences and whatnot. All of this being played, rewound, and played again of course. Finally the images fade out and writing comes onto the screen…*
Backstage again, we still the white van backing through a pair of double doors that lead out into the gymnasium. Nearby, James Mueller is talking to Magnus who is in wrestling gear.
: Trust me, man, you will be alright.
: Are you sure about this?
: I'm absolutely... s... sure.
: That didn't sound too confident.
: I'm fully confident in you tonight, man. But we promised these people Mongo tonight, and he may have a knack for letting people down but we do not. They want Mongo in a ring surrounded by bears?
Mueller hands Magnus the Mongo rubber mask.
: They're going to get Mongo in a ring surrounded by bears.
: Alright, boss.
Magnus sighs and slips the mask on over his face.
: How do I look.
: ...You look good.
Magnus nods, and then walks towards the stage entrance.
: Good luck.
The lights dim again as "Bad Mongo" by Turbonegro kicks off. The crowd starts booing and as soon as "Mongo" walks out, but then the crowd stops as they realize who "Mongo" is this time. Some of them cheer, some of them still boo, and some start to chant "N-Dub-S!" at "Mongo." Mag- I mean "Mongo" pumps his fists at the crowd and jogs down the stairs from the stage. He smacks some hands on the way down to the ring and then rolls in. "Mongo" get to his feet and begins jumping around to pump up the crowd.
James: There he is! That dirty son of a bitch, it's Mongo!
Venom: Absolutely disgusting.
James: What a sick son of a bitch.
The lights dim down across the gymnasium. A bunch of pink lights shine throughout the gym from the stage and some pink mist bellow from the middle of the stage. "Gigantic" by The Pixies begins to play. Out of the pink mist is a skinny white guy with spike blonde hair and oh my god
: OOOOOH MYYY GAAAAWWWWWWD
Venom: No.
James: Yep.
Venom: Nooo.
: DOCTOR STRANGELOVE!! IS!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!
The crowd cheers to Dr. Strangelove's delight. He slightly bends with his legs together and blows kisses into the crowd. He slowly makes his way down the steps and then skips down to the ring. He pushes himself up on to the apron, winks to someone in the crowd and then looks over to the ref.
: COULD YOU PLEEAAASE??
The ref walks over and sits on the middle rope to make more room between the middle and top rope.
: OH MY GOSH... ACTUALLY!!
Dr. Strangelove motions for the ref to go lower. The ref stands up and puts a foot on the bottom rope and hoists up the middle. Dr. Strangelove gets really low and in one motion limbos into the ring with his hands on the middle rope, but nearly coming face-to-crotch with the referee. Dr. Strangelove straightens up on his feet and twirls around. He jumps up to the middle rope on the opposite side of the ring and leans over. He starts blowing kisses out to the crowd. "Mongo" stands there confused but he starts stretching. Dr. Strangelove then walks over to "Mongo," gives him a big hug and a smooch on the cheek. "Mongo" pushes him away and begins to rub his mask where Strangelove kissed him. The referee seperates them away.
: It's ok, he's a big boy, he can handle a big wet kiss.
The pink lights fade out and the house lights return. The small audience begins chanting "STRANGE-LOVE! STRANGE-LOVE!"
: THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I KNOW! I MISSED YOU AAALLLLLLLLL!
The white van begins to back into the gymnasium. There's no animal wranglers present, oddly enough, but the van stops near the stage. The crowd begins to back away from the van, anticipating a riot though the van is quite small for a dozen bears. A brave stagehand walks up the back of the van, fiddles with the van door, and pops it open, though not fully. Out steps a shirtless hairy grown man. He looks around the gymnasium and then at the ring. He then turns back to the van and swings the doors open.
: LET'S GET 'EM, BOYS!
Out climb another 11 shirtless dudes, all muscular and hairy. They fill the ringside area and surround the ring. Dr. Strangelove looks bewildered and amused. "Mongo" looks uncomfortable and confused.
: WHAT IS GOING ON?
Venom: What IS going on, James?
James: Yeah, so... That Craigslist ad... Should've clarified some things.
Venom: Who are these people, James?
James: So we ordered a dozen bears.
Venom: Yeah? And?
James: ...Well... these are the dozen bears...
Venom: ....You mean...
James: Yeah. We didn't elaborate that we meant actual animals. Not... Not these ga-
Venom: Guys.
James: -These guys, right.
BEARS AS LUMBERJACKS MATCH
"MONGO" THE DESTROYER VS. XHF LIVING LEGEND DOCTOR STRANGELOVE
The bell rings, "Mongo" keeps looking around at the shirtless hairy men surrounding them, and then focuses his attention on Dr. Strangelove. "Mongo" motions his arms out in confusion about how to start this with the bears surrounding the ring constantly trying to grab his feet. Dr. Strangelove waves at "Mongo" before blowing him a kiss. "Mongo" dodges the kiss! Dr. Strangelove stamps his feet in anger and then blows "Mongo" another kiss, but "Mongo" dodges another one. Dr. Strangelove clinches his fists before calming himself down, and then burrages "Mongo" by blowing a dozen quick kisses towards him. "Mongo" bends back, still on his feet, trying to dodge each and every kiss blown his way. However, "Mongo" falls on his back onto the mat. A few guys at ringside start grabbing "Mongo" by the arms but "Mongo" strugggles to get away and gets back to his feet. The "bears" growl at him, but also wink. "Mongo" backs right into Dr. Strangelove, who puts his arms around "Mongo" in an embrace.
Venom: Interesting start.
James: For those that don't know or remember Dr. Strangelove-
Venom: How could you forget him?
James: -He was a friend of the infamous Rat Bastard in the old XHF. He also dated Mongo the Destroyer during his experimental years that ranged from 2004-2008.
Venom: Is that accurate?
James: One hundred perfect not made up I promise.
Dr. Strangelove puts his hands on "Mongo's" chest and abs but "Mongo" pushes away. "Mongo" turns back to face Dr. Strangelove.
: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
: Just tryin' to wrestle you, baby.
: Shut up and let's go, tie up!
: Oh I'd love to tie you up, let's get some rope involved.
"Mongo" rolls his eyes and gets his hands up for a tie up. Dr. Strangelove goes to lock up but then ducks the tie up, moves past "Mongo," and pats him on the butt as he moves to the other side of the ring. "Mongo" puts his hands on his hips. He looks concerned, scratches his chin, turns back around and puts his hands back up. He mouths 'lets go' and Dr. Strangelove puts his hands up as well. Dr. Strangelove ducks again and pats "Mongo" on the butt as he moves past him. "Mongo" starts looking aggrevated and then motions to try again. Both men put their hands up to tie up, Dr. Strangelove again ducks put "Mongo" quickly wraps his arm around Dr. Strangelove's head into a headlock next to his waist. Dr. Strangelove starts to struggle but then starts patting "Mongo's" butt as much as he can, playing them like a pair of tight bongos.
James: Oh man.
Venom: Nice rhythm at least.
"Mongo" pushes Dr. Strangelove away. Dr. Strangelove catches his balance and stays on his feet. He looks at "Mongo" and winks at him BUT then catches a kick to the face by "Mongo!" Dr. Strangelove falls to his back and "Mongo" quickly rushes over to pin him, 1....2...KICKOUT. "Mongo" yells in anger, Dr. Strangelove still seems dazed as "Mongo" grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him up. "Mongo" throws Dr. Strangelove into the turnbuckle and begins to stomp him in the stomach. He starts driving his knee into Dr. Strangelove's chest and then starts to choke Dr. Strangelove with his hands. The referee starts to count, 1....2....3...
: Oooh yeah, tiiiighter.
"Mongo" quickly lets go and walks away. He starts wiping his hands off in disgust. With his back turned to the corner, Dr. Strangelove pulls himself up out of the turnbuckle and then charges "Mongo" from behind. "Mongo" turns around and gets caught with a Lou Thesz Press. "Mongo" comes down hard on his back with the doctor on top of him. Dr. Strangelove quickly pops back up to his feet and then runs to the ropes with "Mongo" down. He comes back, stands on one leg and lifts his other out and then comes down onto "Mongo's" chest while doing the splits. Dr. Strangelove stays there for a pinfall, 1...2.. "Mongo" lifts his shoulder to break the fall. Dr. Strangelove tussles "Mongo's" hair and then hops off of him. Dr. Strangelove skips over to a corner as "Mongo" quickly pushes himself back up to his feet. He looks annoyed and turns to Dr. Strangelove, who has propped himself laying down on top of the turnbuckle. Dr. Strangelove waves his fingers at him.
Venom: You think Dr. Strangelove is trying to get into his head?
James: I think he's almost paid off the mortgage at this point, he's definitely made himself at home.
"Mongo" quickly charges the corner, but Dr. Strangelove pops off the turnbuckle to the apron. "Mongo" stops himself at the turnbuckle with his foot, turns to Dr. Strangelove who winks back at him. "Mongo" elbows Dr. Strangelove hard across the jaw. Dr. Strangelove dramatically throws his arms up, spins on the apron, and then falls back first into a group of bears, hairy muscular gay men, standing at ringside. The bears catch them in their collective hands, yell "PUSH HIM UP, GIRLS," and then hoist Dr. Strangelove back up to his feet onto the apron. The bears start cheering for themselves as Dr. Strangelove smiles and winks at them. "Mongo" quickly grabs Dr. Strangelove and hip tosses him back into the ring over the ropes. "Mongo" then turns to the bears at ringside and points at them.
: You're not supposed to help him! You're supposed to hurt him!
: We're lovers not fighters, babe.
"Mongo" yells 'huh?' at him and looks even more confused. He turns back to Dr. Strangelove who catches him off guard with a clothesline that sends "Mongo" out of the ring! "Mongo" tumbles to the floor and quickly finds himself surrounded by the bears. "Mongo" puts his hands up as if to say he surrenders. He gets to his feet and stands surrounded. They make a path for him back to the ring, however, and "Mongo" looks up at Dr. Strangelove who's taunting him from the ropes. "Mongo" points at Dr. Strangelove but then does a little hop in surprise. He rubs his butt and turns around to face the bears, somebody pinced him. He hops again and again as he gets more pinches. "Mongo" turns and slides into the ring away from the bears.
James: Disclaimer, we do not support sexual harassment here.
Venom: Mongo shouldn't have dressed that way though.
"Mongo" grabs his ass as he gets back to his feet and tries to walk it off. Dr. Strangelove is quickly on him however, grabbing "Mongo" by the tights and hair and then throws him through the ropes. "Mongo" spills back out onto the floor and into a group of bears. The bears start pulling "Mongo" up off the floor and they begin to straighten out his clothes and straighten out his hair. "Mongo" thanks them before rolling back into the ring. Dr. Strangelove kicks "Mongo" in the stomach and then forearms him across the face. He quickly locks in a headlock on "Mongo." "Mongo" struggles for a second but then Dr. Strangelove gives him a big wet kiss on the cheek of his mask.
: Oh God!
Dr. Strangelove tears off "Mongo's" mask to expose Magnus' face, and gives him a big wet kiss on his real cheek!
: OH MY GOD!
Magnus wraps his arms around Dr. Strangelove's waist, still in his headlock, and lifts him off his feet and slams Dr. Strangelove down with a back body suplex! Dr. Strangelove bounces off the back of his neck and flips over to his stomach. Magnus turns to his hands and pushes himself up, grabs the Mongo mask off the mat and puts it back on. Dr. Strangelove gets back to his feet. They charge each other and "Mongo" ducks a clothesline. Dr. Strangelove stops himself in the middle of the ring as "Mongo" runs and bounces off the ropes. "Mongo" ducks a spinning clothesline from Dr. Strangelove and bounces off the opposite ropes. Dr. Strangelove gets low and pops up "Mongo" onto his shoulders for a powerbomb! However, instead of powerbombing "Mongo," he holds him on his shoulders with his face right in "Mongo's" crotch. "Mongo" balances himself and readies for a powerbomb that doesn't come, so instead he gets angry and starts punching down on Dr. Strangelove's head. Dr. Strangelove then runs to the ropes and throws "Mongo" into the bears around ringside! One of the men catches "Mongo" in his arms and holds him like a baby. "Mongo" thanks him but then gets nuzzled by the guy.
James: Still a better love story than Twilight.
Venom: Dead meme.
"Mongo" struggles for a minute but then the bear tosses him back up to the apron. "Mongo" turns and thanks him for the help, and turns his attention back to Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove lunges at him but "Mongo" catches him with a knee to the face from the apron. "Mongo" flips himself over the top rope and behind Dr. Strangelove. He locks in a full-nelson and then quickly hits Dr. Strangelove with a full-nelson suplex and holds for a pin, 1.....2... KICKOUT! Dr. Strangelove shakes his head as he struggles to get to his feet. "Mongo" is fairly quickly up and circles around Dr. Strangelove. He wraps his arms around Dr. Strangelove's waist for a german suplex. He gets Dr. Strangelove off his feet briefly, but the Dr. blocks it and then circles around to "Mongo's" backside for a german suplex hug. Instead of german suplexing "Mongo" though he starts humping him vigorously. He then goes for a german suplex but "Mongo" spins out of it and wraps Dr Strangelove for another german suplex attempt. "Mongo" frees one arm though and starts forearming Dr. Strangelove in the back of the head repeatedly until Dr. Strangelove almost collapses. "Mongo" then locks in again and finally hits Dr. Strangelove with a german suplex onto the back of his head again!
Venom: Oh man, Magnu- I mean Mongo is stepping his game up!
James: He's done playing around!
"Mongo" gets up to his feet quickly as Dr. Strangelove struggles to get up himself. "Mongo" turns back to Dr. Strangelove and lunges at him with a superkick! Dr. Strangelove ducks it however and catches "Mongo's" legs and attempts to roll him up for a pin! Dr. Strangelove pulls the tights, exposing some of "Mongo's" backside and the bears at ringside start going crazy for it. The pin, 1.....2...KICKOUT by "Mongo!" "Mongo" rolls over his shoulders and back to his feet. He then lunges at Dr. Strangelove again and pulls the legs out from under Dr. Strangelove and drops him to his back. "Mongo" mounts Dr. Strangelove and starts punching away at him. Dr. Strangelove blocks the punches but locks his legs around "Mongo"s legs and "Mongo" suddenly finds himself stuck to Dr. Strangelove in the missionary position. "Mongo" struggles trying to free himself as Dr. Strangelove just laughs as he has him stuck in the most intimate of positions.
James: Jesus christ...
Venom: I'm done. I'm taking a break. Call me when this is over.
"Mongo" finally pushes himself away and off of Dr. Strangelove. "Mongo" sends himself back on his back and then pulls himself up as Dr. Strangelove continues to lay there. Dr. Strangelove could get up but he doesn't want to. Instead he lays there with his legs wide open for him and motions for "Mongo" to come back to him. "Mongo" walks over his hands on his hips and then just stomps Dr. Strangelove in the chest! Dr. Strangelove turns himself over and starts coughing in pain. "Mongo" motions for the end and starts to pull Dr. Strangelove up. Dr. Strangelove quickly rolls "Mongo" in a small package, 1....2....KICKOUT! They break away, "Mongo" loses his mask in the process, both get to their feet, and the Magnus CRACKS Dr. Strangelove in the jaw with a superkick! Magnus falls on top of him, 1.....2......3! Magnus raises his arms in victory! He rolls out of the ring and jumps onto the barricade to celebrate his win.
Winner by Pinfall: Magnus the Destroyer
James: WOW!
Venom: What a victory by... Magnus?
James: Technically?
Dr. Strangelove lays on the mat in pain as Magnus continues to celebrate. He hops back off the barricade and turns to find himself surrounded by the dozen bears. Magnus puts his hand up for high fives and gets a couple. However, one of them refuses to let go of Magnus' hand and won't let him go. Magnus' smile quickly fades as he tries to pull himself away but can't. Suddenly, they all start mobbing Magnus and quickly lift the victor over their heads.
: Tonight, you're one of us!
: Nooo!
The bears carry Magnus over their heads back towards the stage. A few climb back into the van, a few toss Magnus in with them, and the rest climb in. The last one shuts the van door behind him and the van spins it's tires before leaving the gymnasium with Magnus as a prisoner.
James: ....
Venom: ....
James: ...and next up, we have... Oh, Charlie Velez with an important message...
LIVE! Via sattalite Charlie Velez’ office undergoes an active shooter drill
Charlie Velez sits alone at his desk. He shuffles some papers around pretending to do work. He straightens out the papers, lifts them up to make sure they are all perfectly aligned. When he sees one out of place he straightens them again. As he straightens them the lights go out and then begin to flash and alarms begin to blare. Velez is shocked and the papers go flying.
"Damn it."
He exclaims as the papers fall through the air.
"What the hell is going on here."
He gets up pushing in his chair calmly and begins to walk towards the door to leave his office. The camera moves behind him as he moves towards the door to his office. He stops in his tracks as the door knob begins to slowly turn. Velez quickly moves with his back to the wall waiting for the door to open. When it does a man steps in wearing a ski mask with an automatic rifle in his hands. He steps in and closes the door behind him. When he closes the door Velez strikes from where he was hiding behind the door with a superkick to the jaw. The gun goes flying and the gunman falls to his knees.
"You come into my office with a gun?"
Velez reaches down and grabs the masked man. He lifts him up on his shoulders in the fireman's carry position. He walks with the man on his shoulders over to his desk and rises him up and drops him face first onto the hard mahogany desk. The masked man bounces off of the hardwood top of the desk screaming in pain as he does.
"Don't ever come into my place of business like that."
Just then the door bursts back open. It's Becky from HR.
"Oh no, Mr. Velez, what have you done."
"I've saved us all."
"That was just a drill. That's Rick from accounting. Don't you read your email? You were suppose to go into your panic room."
"Uh, my computer is broken."
Velez points to his melted computer and shrugs as Rick from accounting moans in pain and we cut.
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg come out together and Heavymetal-Borg is air guitaring to the music. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal head bangs until the match starts.
Venom: These two weirdos.
Mueller: Don’t you dress up and pla…
Venom: Shut up.
The lights to the gym shut off and the crowd begins to get on their feet in anticipation. The projection lights up on the main stage, showing the skyline of Atlanta and Ennio Morricone's "Ecstacy of Gold" begins to pour out of the gym speakers. Shots of Goldbear II trying to feast on salmon and cowboys riding horseback through the American West fill the projection. The crowd begins to sing with the music cheer for Goldbear II's appearances on the big screen. The final shot of "Ecstacy of Gold" has Goldbear catching and devouring a salmon in his mouth. Crowd massive pops for their favorite carnivore.
A lone harmonica for "Man with a Harmonica," by Morricone as well, begins to play while showing Goldbear II dining on a bloody feast of salmon. As the harmonica begins to the pick up and is accompanied by an electric guitar, Venom is shown in the video, and then James Mueller, and even Charlie Velez. It cuts back to Goldbear II and then action shots of Venom, Mueller and Velez. Eventually the song breaks down and goes right into "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood. More action shots of the Guns are shown before "THE YOUNG GUNS" come up in text on the projection. The "Young" flickers off and it now reads "THE GUNS."
The crowd pops as Venom and Mueller walk out in front of the projection and onto the main stage. The lights flash with every drum pop in the song. Both men look amped to be here and begin to walk down to the ring. Behind them on the main stage, Goldbear II comes out, dick and balls exposed, to the delight of every fan in attendance and watching at home. Mueller jogs up the stairs to the corner of the ring and pauses on the apron. He sways a little as he approaches the middle of the apron, one hand on the top rope. He leans towards the crowd, looks out, shakes his head at them with a smirk on his face, and then throws himself through the middle ropes on his feet. He spins around on his feet with his arms out to bit of nostalgic cheer. He jerks his arms to his sides and then calms himself down. Venom gets up to his feet and begins walking towards the ring and stops in front of the ring and looks from left to right with his hood still on and then enters the ring. Venom walks to the stairs with Goldbear II close behind walks up the stairs and across the ring apron to the middle. He and Goldbear enter the ring one at a time and walk to the center where he drops to one knee again and points to the sky. Venom and Mueller both meet up in the ring with a fist bump as they begin to take off their jackets and any accessories before the match starts.
Mueller: The champs are here.
Venom: That is a copyrighted phrase and we have received a cease and desist.
Mueller: Already?
Venom: Unfortunately.
The champs hand the titles to the ref and he hooks them onto the clip. The clip raises into the sky and when it is in place the ref calls for the bell and instantly the champions strike. Both borgs stumble backwards from the surprising shots. They hold themselves up on the ropes and Mueller runs at them and clotheslines them both over the top and to the outside. Venom meanwhile runs and slides out of the other side of the ring and grabs a ladder from the outside that was guarded by Goldbear II. Venom slides the ladder into the ring where Mueller is waiting to receive it while on the other side of the ring the Borgs pull themselves up to their feet on Mecha-Goldbear. The Borgs look up to see Mueller set up the ladder and begin to climb. They both quickly slide into the ring and run towards Mueller who is on the ladder, but Mueller hears them coming and jumps off of the ladder and knocks them both down with a cross body.
Venom: What a leap.
Mueller: That Mueller is so athletic.
While all three men are now down Venom slides back in the ring and runs to the ladder. He begins to climb while the Borgs and Mueller get back to their feet. He gets to the top of the ladder and has ahold of the titles when something sweeps the ladder out from under him and Venom crashes to the mat. It wasn’t the Borgs, it wasn’t Mueller, Mecha-Goldbear reached out with one of his arms go-go-gadget style and swept the ladder out from under Venom. Venom rolls on the mat in pain.
Mueller: What I fall. I don’t know how Venom can recover from that.
Venom: At his age it might take him longer to recover, but never count him out.
The interference but Mecha-Goldbear enrages Goldbear II and the bear runs at full bear speed around the ring and leaps on the large machine. Mecha-Goldbear just wipes him away like a booger hanging from his nose, though, and Goldbear II hits the ground. In the ring Venom is out on the mat with his hands on his back as the Borgs are up to their feet. Mueller doesn’t wait for them to recover fully and charges and knocks them each with a right hand. First heavymetal is rocked then evil is rocked, then heavymetal, then evil, then heavymetal, then evil and it continues until both Borgs are barely standing. Mueller lifts up heavymetal and lands him with a vertical drop brainbuster he calls Cult of Personality. Heavymetal is nailed and rolls out of the ring. Mueller moves over to the dazed Evil Borg, but he jumps back when a laser strike flies right passed his face.
Mueller: What the hell was that?
Venom: I think a laser just shot from Mecha-Goldbear.
Mueller: Good thing they prepared for this.
They didn’t prepare for this and Mueller looks shook. These are real lasers and Mueller has no clue what to do. He is looking around trying to figure out what just happened and another laser shoots in his direction. He narrowly avoids the shot and Evil Borg uses the distraction to blindside Mueller with a running leaping knee strike. Mueller is hit hard and hits the ladder face first. He stumbles back and Evil Borg grabs him and throws him over the top rope. Evil begins to climb the ladder, but Venom has recovered and he climbs up the other side. The two meet at the top of the ladder and Venom quickly gains the advantage landing a right hand on Evil and then another, and another. Evil is dazed and Venom grabs him by the head. He begins to pull Evil up and grabs him to toss him off of the top of the ladder, but he lets go and jumps off when a laser strike flies by his head. Venom lands on his feet on the mat. On the outside Goldbear II has recovered and had enough of Mecha-Goldbear and climbs on his back and begins to claw at Mecha-Goldbear’s shoulders ripping parts off. Venom is on his feet and grabs the ladder to shake Evil off, but before he can Evil recovers and grabs the titles. He pulls on them as Venom shakes the ladder and Venom pulls it out from under Evil, but before he does Evil unhooks the belts and falls to the mat with them in hand.
Winners and NEW XHF Tag Team Champions: The Borgs
Mueller: They did it. The Borgs won.
Venom: They’re going to take the titles back to the Afterward.
Mueller: The where?
Confetti begins to fall from the ceiling as Evil gets up to his knees and looks like he might be crying under his helmet mask thing. Heavymetal slides into the ring and takes his title from Evil and begins to air guitar with his title. Meanwhile Venom is too his feet and he’s yelling towards the announcers table.
Venom: Venom is yelling at us. What could we want? He, he is asking my partner, the commissioner to allow their rematch, right now! My partner has agreed. The rematch will start, right now!
A ref slides in the ring and calls for the bell. The Borgs have no idea what is going on. Heavymetal continues to air guitar until Mueller runs at him and nails him with a clothesline. Venom runs and nails Evil with a shinning wizard. Venom reaches down and lifts Evil up and picks him up and pops up Evil and Mueller catches Evil on the way down to nail the pop-up codebreaker. Venom dives on Evil for the pin and the three count.
Winners and NEW XHF Tag Team Champions: The Guns
Mueller: They did it, they won the gold, again.
Venom: The Champions have regained their gold and now will turn their attention to the XHF Rumble.
Mueller: Who will they face?
Venom: Probably some scrubs, but that’s another day. Tonight they celebrate.
Mueller: See you next time on the best show on the Network, the Gun Show.
: What was so important that you wanted me to come down here for?
: Your bears arrived, Mr. Mueller.
: Great, where are they?
: Right here.
The intern motions to the van. Mueller looks perplexed.
: There's... a dozen bears... in that van?
: One could say so. Maybe you should take a look.
Mueller still looks confused, but he walks to the backdoor of the van. He slowly pulls the handle, opens the door slightly and sticks his head inside. A couple seconds past and he pulls his head back out, shutting the door.
: That's... Not what I wanted.
: That's what you ordered.. through Craigslist.
: ...Well.. I guess the show must go on... We'll make it work. Speaking of which...
James Mueller reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a Mongo the Destroyer rubber mask. He tosses it into the chest and hands of the GUNS Intern.
: You're up tonight.
: No I'm not.
The intern tosses it back into James hands.
: Not after I looked into that van... Mr. Mueller, I quit.
The intern walks past James Mueller and out of sight. James stands there with the mask in his hands, still perplexed. He turns to see where the intern headed but notices someone else...
: There's the man I wanted to see! My best buddy! Hey man, you want to make some extra money tonight?
James walks off screen as well, leaving the mysterious white van behind him. Before we fade out, a hot pink Cadillac sedan with dark purple tinted windows pulls up next to the van. Instead, we fade out to the license plate of the Cadillac, 'LOVEDOC.'
LIVE! Prerecorded from Venom’s gym in Atlanta, Georgia the third edition of the GUN Show, March 22, 2018
Inside of Venom's Gym in Atlanta, GA, small pyros explode on a small stage in the corner of the gym. Steps leading to the concrete floor and a dirty red carpet leading straight to the wrestling ring in the middle. Surrounding the ring is a small group of fans behind guard rails, some sitting in folding chairs and some in lawn chairs they brought from home.
The Gun Royal!
A 5-10 man over the top battle royal featuring XHF legends (from left to right) Ryan and Christopher Velez, Death Trap, Ken in the Box, Tony Geoff, Lord Dominicus, Paul Smackage, Watchdogs and Wombat.
The Wombat is in the ring, ready to go for the Guns Royale. He stands as the number one entrant awaiting his first challenger.
Queen’s “We Are the Champions” begins to play and Tony Geoff steps out onto the ramp. The super-heavyweight begins to walk towards the ring.
Venom: This is gonna be fun. Tiny Wombat against the monster Geoff.
Mueller: Isn’t he like the dumbest guy in the company.
Venom: That makes him my favorite to win this match.
Geoff rolls in the ring and the match is officially underway. Wombat’s eyes are wide and he drops to his knees begging for mercy. Geoff does not oblige and kicks Wombat in the face. Wombat falls back and crumbles by the ropes and Geoff walks over to him, grabs the top rope and begins to stomp away at Wombat.
Mueller: He should pick him up and throw him over.
Venom: He’s too dumb to know how to win. I change my pick.
Mueller: This is lame.
Venom: Yeah, let’s make someone else come in.
Mueller: Don’t we have to wait for the time to be up?
Venom: No, I installed a button, I just hit it and the next person comes out.
Mueller: What?
Venom smacks the announcers table and Death Trap’s music hits and he comes running out. He slides into the ring. He stops, looks around, and scratches his head. He doesn’t seem to know where he is. Meanwhile, Geoff is still stomping away at Wombat.
Venom: That…doesn’t seem to have helped.
Mueller: I think something is wrong with DT. He’s reading a grocery list he pulled out of his pocket.
Death Trap is indeed reading what appears to be a grocery list. He doesn’t know where he is and seems to think he is shopping. Meanwhile, Geoff is still murdering Wombat with stomps. SMACK! The music of Ken in the Box hits and Ken comes walking out. He walks down the ramp heading towards the ring and he slips and falls on his back. He’s stuck, he can’t get up.
Venom: Damn it.
SMACK! The music of the New Deal hits and Chris Velez comes running out. He slides into the ring and spins Death Trap around and kicks him in the stomach. He drops DT with a DDT and then turns his attention towards Geoff, who has no idea what is going on around him. Velez runs and drop kicks Geoff in the back with a drop kick. Geoff tumbles over the top ropes.
ELIMINATED: Tony Geoff
Chris tries to reach down and grab Wombat, but Wombat has clung onto the bottom rope and will not let go. Death Trap is back to his feet, and he seems like he has realized where he is and knows what’s going on. The DDT knocked something back into him. He grabs Chris from behind and spins him around and connects with a right hand, and another, and another. Chris is reeling and stumbles back into the corner. DT takes a step back and runs and strikes with a running knee lift. Chris crumbles to the mat and DT begins to taunt the crowd. He knows he’s wrestling again, but doesn’t seem to know he’s in a battle royal. No one is really doing anything until SMACK. Leon Chant’s theme hits and the friend of Rob Arnold comes walking down the ramp. He climbs up the stairs and gets in the ring. He looks around at the carnage of the royal and shakes his head and yells “No way” and steps over the top rope and drops down eliminating himself.
ELIMINATED: Leon Chant.
Venom: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Mueller: So much for Rob Arnold getting us a competitor.
SMACK!
Venom: Ow! That was my hand.
Mueller: My bad, I should’ve looked before I slapped for the button.
SMACK! New Deal’s music hits again and Ryan Velez runs out and quickly strikes DT with a stiff kick to the side of the knee, then another to the other knee. DT stumbles and Ryan steps up on the leg of DT and takes him out with an enziguri. DT hits the mat, but is quickly back up to his feet and wipes Ryan out with a stiff clothesline.
Venom: Out of it or not, DT’s still got the power.
Mueller: He’s aight.
SMACK! The music of the dark lord Lord Dominicus hits and he begins waltzing down to the ring. He passes Ken in the Box who is being helped up to his feet and he drops to his knee and punches Ken in what would be his dick.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
Lord Dominicus slides into the ring and DT waves wildly at LD with a clothesline attempt, but LD ducks and when DT turns back around LD punches him right in the dick.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
DT crumbles and both members of the New Deal are now to their feet. They stand behind the dark lord waiting for him to turn around. When he does they both attack with punches knocking LD to his knees. The cousins in unison left to kick LD down, but before they can strike LD strikes in defense with a double dick punch.
Venom and Mueller: OW!
Both Velez’ crumble to the ground and LD stands tall over the fallen warriors in the ring. He smirks as he notices the one remaining member not to be punched in the dick, Wombat. Wombat is up to his feet, still clinging to the ropes and LD runs at him, Wombat drops and pulls down the top rope and LD tumbles over the top and tumbles to the outside.
ELIMINATED: Lord Dominicus
Mueller: Damn it. I loved everything he just did.
Venom: Me too.
SMACK! The music of the Watchdogs hits and the group of super heros run out to the ring. They all hit the ring and pose in super hero poses looking for a villain to defeat. They don’t seem to see anyone of interest, and they leave.
ELIMINATED? Watchdogs
Venom: Why did they even come here?
Mueller: Who even were they?
Venom: I don’t know. At least this train wreak is almost over.
SMACK! The music to the final entrant Paul Smackage hits. He runs out to the ring and slides in and runs right into the New Deal who lay him out with a double drop kick. The Velez’ stand back up over Paul Smackage and go to lift him up, but Smackage counters and rolls Ryan up with a small package! Why? Who knows, but Chris breaks the worthless attempt. Ryan rolls away and Chris reaches down to pick up Smackage and again Smackage rolls him up into a small package! Smackage holds the pin attempt for no reason and Death Trap stands, again looking like he has no clue where he is. Chris kicks out of the small package and gets to his feet. The Velez’ are again standing next to each other, this time instead of just reaching down to pick up Smackage they stomp at his face first and then pick him up. They hold him up and walk him over the ropes and toss him over the top.
ELIMINATED! Paul Smackage
The Velez’ turn around after throwing out Smackage and are clotheslined by DT! Both go tumbling over the top rope and out onto the floor on top of Smackage.
ELIMINATED! The New Deal
Venom: What an elimination by DT
Mueller: Concussed or not he’s still the only half decent wrestler in this match.
DT stands alone in the ring with Wombat. Wombat doesn’t know what to do. He runs at DT and DT lifts his foot and Wombat runs right into it. Wombat hits the mat hard. He’s out cold in the center of the ring and the crowd is screaming for Death Trap. He seems to be over taken by the crowd and points at the corner turnbuckle. He walks over to the corner and climbs up top. He taunts to the crowd.
Mueller: I didn’t know DT was a high flyer.
Venom: I don’t think he is.
Mueller: Then what the hell is he doing up there?
DT suddenly grabs for his head. He looks dizzy and he falls out of the ring.
ELIMINATED! Death Trap
Wombat slowly stands up, No one is in the ring but him and he begins to celebrate. He runs over to the corner and climbs up. He screams as tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn’t see that Ken in the Box has finally gotten up and is in the ring. He runs and hits the corner colliding with the back of Wombat’s legs and Wombat falls off of the turnbuckles and to the outside.
ELIMINATED: Wombat
WINNER: Ken in the Box
Venom: What a great match.
Mueller: I love a good Royal.
Venom: Don’t we all, should we tell him what he won?
Mueller: Go for it.
Venom climbs into the ring with the boxed man as he celebrates his victory. Venom has a mic in hand.
“Congratulations Ken. You have won. You are going to get the first major opportunity in the Guns. You will compete on the next Gun Show for the GUNS first ever championship.”
Ken pumps his fist excited to have an opportunity to be champion.
“You will face off against Goldbear II to crown the first ever Bear Necessities Championship.”
Ken suddenly isn’t as happy and he drops to his knees as Venom drops and rolls out of the ring.
*The lights in the arena go down as vaguely disco-ish music starts to play. Clearly this is confusing for everyone. But worry not; it’s Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round.” As the song starts up the tron screens play a music video*
If I, I get to know your name
Well if I, could trace your private number, baby
Well if I, could trace your private number, baby
*We see Charlie Velez on the phone inside of his office. He’s saying something, probably not these lyrics, that’d be super weird and creepy*
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
I want some, want some
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
I want some, want some
*We get a whole lot of quick shots of Venom holding up tag team titles with Charlie Velez and James Mueller. Every time the focus on the shot is on Venom and his love of tag titles.*
I set my sights on you (and no one else will do)
And I, I've got to have my way now, baby
And I, I've got to have my way now, baby
*Goldbear II’s behind wiggles as he draws ever closer to a steaks set out for him. He’s gonna get that steak and love every moment of it*
All I know is that to me
You look like you're having fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out here I come
You look like you're having fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out here I come
*We watch as the unknown figure previously known as “NudeDragon” creeps around, flashing his gun everywhere and taking shots at a shooting range. Finally him unmasking, revealing himself to be James Mueller and shooting a “bang” flag at Mongo the Destroyer, who’s nearly floored from the shock*
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
*As the chorus plays we see a lot of shots using that forward-reverse-forward-reverse thing that people do in music videos sometimes. The Guns walk away from Mongo together, then backwards toward him then forward again etc. Charlie signs off from a video call and signs back on, off etc. The Guns click their titles together back and forth etc.*
I got to be your friend now, baby
And I would like to move in just a little bit closer
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
And I would like to move in just a little bit closer
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
*Here we get some rather disturbing footage of Venom rubbing his face on the XHF Tag Team Championships. Is this real, or is it just a scene shot for this video? Either way the camera zooms out to see a rather concerned looking Mueller and Goldbear II. Finally he turns to the camera and smiles darkly, it was a joke. BUT COME AND TRY TO TAKE THE TITLE OUT OF HIS HANDS JUST YOU TRY IT*
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
*We cut to shots of Goldbear II chasing his tail, relaxing with his legs spread, sleeping, eating fish and whatnot. All with that somewhat obnoxious forward/backward/forward effect.*
I want your love
I want your love
I want your love
*The scene switches to Venom and Mueller on their thrones at Supremacy, judging their opponents as they watch them wrestle for the right to chase the tag titles. Their faces suggest they do not indeed need your love at all.*
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
*In another shot Venom and Mueller are back to back looking and pointing at the camera with gun fingers, a nice little taunt that matches their name. As the “Watch out, here I come” part hits we see Goldbear II pouncing on poor intern “Mongo.”*
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
*As the chorus plays ad nauseam we see other adventures with the Guns, including drinking coffee, launching a rocket, Charlie Velez wrestling a bunch of tangled cords, wearing funny hats, holding press conferences and whatnot. All of this being played, rewound, and played again of course. Finally the images fade out and writing comes onto the screen…*
HOW WILL GUNS FARE AT….
Backstage again, we still the white van backing through a pair of double doors that lead out into the gymnasium. Nearby, James Mueller is talking to Magnus who is in wrestling gear.
: Trust me, man, you will be alright.
: Are you sure about this?
: I'm absolutely... s... sure.
: That didn't sound too confident.
: I'm fully confident in you tonight, man. But we promised these people Mongo tonight, and he may have a knack for letting people down but we do not. They want Mongo in a ring surrounded by bears?
Mueller hands Magnus the Mongo rubber mask.
: They're going to get Mongo in a ring surrounded by bears.
: Alright, boss.
Magnus sighs and slips the mask on over his face.
: How do I look.
: ...You look good.
Magnus nods, and then walks towards the stage entrance.
: Good luck.
The lights dim again as "Bad Mongo" by Turbonegro kicks off. The crowd starts booing and as soon as "Mongo" walks out, but then the crowd stops as they realize who "Mongo" is this time. Some of them cheer, some of them still boo, and some start to chant "N-Dub-S!" at "Mongo." Mag- I mean "Mongo" pumps his fists at the crowd and jogs down the stairs from the stage. He smacks some hands on the way down to the ring and then rolls in. "Mongo" get to his feet and begins jumping around to pump up the crowd.
James: There he is! That dirty son of a bitch, it's Mongo!
Venom: Absolutely disgusting.
James: What a sick son of a bitch.
The lights dim down across the gymnasium. A bunch of pink lights shine throughout the gym from the stage and some pink mist bellow from the middle of the stage. "Gigantic" by The Pixies begins to play. Out of the pink mist is a skinny white guy with spike blonde hair and oh my god
: OOOOOH MYYY GAAAAWWWWWWD
Venom: No.
James: Yep.
Venom: Nooo.
: DOCTOR STRANGELOVE!! IS!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!
The crowd cheers to Dr. Strangelove's delight. He slightly bends with his legs together and blows kisses into the crowd. He slowly makes his way down the steps and then skips down to the ring. He pushes himself up on to the apron, winks to someone in the crowd and then looks over to the ref.
: COULD YOU PLEEAAASE??
The ref walks over and sits on the middle rope to make more room between the middle and top rope.
: OH MY GOSH... ACTUALLY!!
Dr. Strangelove motions for the ref to go lower. The ref stands up and puts a foot on the bottom rope and hoists up the middle. Dr. Strangelove gets really low and in one motion limbos into the ring with his hands on the middle rope, but nearly coming face-to-crotch with the referee. Dr. Strangelove straightens up on his feet and twirls around. He jumps up to the middle rope on the opposite side of the ring and leans over. He starts blowing kisses out to the crowd. "Mongo" stands there confused but he starts stretching. Dr. Strangelove then walks over to "Mongo," gives him a big hug and a smooch on the cheek. "Mongo" pushes him away and begins to rub his mask where Strangelove kissed him. The referee seperates them away.
: It's ok, he's a big boy, he can handle a big wet kiss.
The pink lights fade out and the house lights return. The small audience begins chanting "STRANGE-LOVE! STRANGE-LOVE!"
: THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I KNOW! I MISSED YOU AAALLLLLLLLL!
The white van begins to back into the gymnasium. There's no animal wranglers present, oddly enough, but the van stops near the stage. The crowd begins to back away from the van, anticipating a riot though the van is quite small for a dozen bears. A brave stagehand walks up the back of the van, fiddles with the van door, and pops it open, though not fully. Out steps a shirtless hairy grown man. He looks around the gymnasium and then at the ring. He then turns back to the van and swings the doors open.
: LET'S GET 'EM, BOYS!
Out climb another 11 shirtless dudes, all muscular and hairy. They fill the ringside area and surround the ring. Dr. Strangelove looks bewildered and amused. "Mongo" looks uncomfortable and confused.
: WHAT IS GOING ON?
Venom: What IS going on, James?
James: Yeah, so... That Craigslist ad... Should've clarified some things.
Venom: Who are these people, James?
James: So we ordered a dozen bears.
Venom: Yeah? And?
James: ...Well... these are the dozen bears...
Venom: ....You mean...
James: Yeah. We didn't elaborate that we meant actual animals. Not... Not these ga-
Venom: Guys.
James: -These guys, right.
BEARS AS LUMBERJACKS MATCH
"MONGO" THE DESTROYER VS. XHF LIVING LEGEND DOCTOR STRANGELOVE
The bell rings, "Mongo" keeps looking around at the shirtless hairy men surrounding them, and then focuses his attention on Dr. Strangelove. "Mongo" motions his arms out in confusion about how to start this with the bears surrounding the ring constantly trying to grab his feet. Dr. Strangelove waves at "Mongo" before blowing him a kiss. "Mongo" dodges the kiss! Dr. Strangelove stamps his feet in anger and then blows "Mongo" another kiss, but "Mongo" dodges another one. Dr. Strangelove clinches his fists before calming himself down, and then burrages "Mongo" by blowing a dozen quick kisses towards him. "Mongo" bends back, still on his feet, trying to dodge each and every kiss blown his way. However, "Mongo" falls on his back onto the mat. A few guys at ringside start grabbing "Mongo" by the arms but "Mongo" strugggles to get away and gets back to his feet. The "bears" growl at him, but also wink. "Mongo" backs right into Dr. Strangelove, who puts his arms around "Mongo" in an embrace.
Venom: Interesting start.
James: For those that don't know or remember Dr. Strangelove-
Venom: How could you forget him?
James: -He was a friend of the infamous Rat Bastard in the old XHF. He also dated Mongo the Destroyer during his experimental years that ranged from 2004-2008.
Venom: Is that accurate?
James: One hundred perfect not made up I promise.
Dr. Strangelove puts his hands on "Mongo's" chest and abs but "Mongo" pushes away. "Mongo" turns back to face Dr. Strangelove.
: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
: Just tryin' to wrestle you, baby.
: Shut up and let's go, tie up!
: Oh I'd love to tie you up, let's get some rope involved.
"Mongo" rolls his eyes and gets his hands up for a tie up. Dr. Strangelove goes to lock up but then ducks the tie up, moves past "Mongo," and pats him on the butt as he moves to the other side of the ring. "Mongo" puts his hands on his hips. He looks concerned, scratches his chin, turns back around and puts his hands back up. He mouths 'lets go' and Dr. Strangelove puts his hands up as well. Dr. Strangelove ducks again and pats "Mongo" on the butt as he moves past him. "Mongo" starts looking aggrevated and then motions to try again. Both men put their hands up to tie up, Dr. Strangelove again ducks put "Mongo" quickly wraps his arm around Dr. Strangelove's head into a headlock next to his waist. Dr. Strangelove starts to struggle but then starts patting "Mongo's" butt as much as he can, playing them like a pair of tight bongos.
James: Oh man.
Venom: Nice rhythm at least.
"Mongo" pushes Dr. Strangelove away. Dr. Strangelove catches his balance and stays on his feet. He looks at "Mongo" and winks at him BUT then catches a kick to the face by "Mongo!" Dr. Strangelove falls to his back and "Mongo" quickly rushes over to pin him, 1....2...KICKOUT. "Mongo" yells in anger, Dr. Strangelove still seems dazed as "Mongo" grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him up. "Mongo" throws Dr. Strangelove into the turnbuckle and begins to stomp him in the stomach. He starts driving his knee into Dr. Strangelove's chest and then starts to choke Dr. Strangelove with his hands. The referee starts to count, 1....2....3...
: Oooh yeah, tiiiighter.
"Mongo" quickly lets go and walks away. He starts wiping his hands off in disgust. With his back turned to the corner, Dr. Strangelove pulls himself up out of the turnbuckle and then charges "Mongo" from behind. "Mongo" turns around and gets caught with a Lou Thesz Press. "Mongo" comes down hard on his back with the doctor on top of him. Dr. Strangelove quickly pops back up to his feet and then runs to the ropes with "Mongo" down. He comes back, stands on one leg and lifts his other out and then comes down onto "Mongo's" chest while doing the splits. Dr. Strangelove stays there for a pinfall, 1...2.. "Mongo" lifts his shoulder to break the fall. Dr. Strangelove tussles "Mongo's" hair and then hops off of him. Dr. Strangelove skips over to a corner as "Mongo" quickly pushes himself back up to his feet. He looks annoyed and turns to Dr. Strangelove, who has propped himself laying down on top of the turnbuckle. Dr. Strangelove waves his fingers at him.
Venom: You think Dr. Strangelove is trying to get into his head?
James: I think he's almost paid off the mortgage at this point, he's definitely made himself at home.
"Mongo" quickly charges the corner, but Dr. Strangelove pops off the turnbuckle to the apron. "Mongo" stops himself at the turnbuckle with his foot, turns to Dr. Strangelove who winks back at him. "Mongo" elbows Dr. Strangelove hard across the jaw. Dr. Strangelove dramatically throws his arms up, spins on the apron, and then falls back first into a group of bears, hairy muscular gay men, standing at ringside. The bears catch them in their collective hands, yell "PUSH HIM UP, GIRLS," and then hoist Dr. Strangelove back up to his feet onto the apron. The bears start cheering for themselves as Dr. Strangelove smiles and winks at them. "Mongo" quickly grabs Dr. Strangelove and hip tosses him back into the ring over the ropes. "Mongo" then turns to the bears at ringside and points at them.
: You're not supposed to help him! You're supposed to hurt him!
: We're lovers not fighters, babe.
"Mongo" yells 'huh?' at him and looks even more confused. He turns back to Dr. Strangelove who catches him off guard with a clothesline that sends "Mongo" out of the ring! "Mongo" tumbles to the floor and quickly finds himself surrounded by the bears. "Mongo" puts his hands up as if to say he surrenders. He gets to his feet and stands surrounded. They make a path for him back to the ring, however, and "Mongo" looks up at Dr. Strangelove who's taunting him from the ropes. "Mongo" points at Dr. Strangelove but then does a little hop in surprise. He rubs his butt and turns around to face the bears, somebody pinced him. He hops again and again as he gets more pinches. "Mongo" turns and slides into the ring away from the bears.
James: Disclaimer, we do not support sexual harassment here.
Venom: Mongo shouldn't have dressed that way though.
"Mongo" grabs his ass as he gets back to his feet and tries to walk it off. Dr. Strangelove is quickly on him however, grabbing "Mongo" by the tights and hair and then throws him through the ropes. "Mongo" spills back out onto the floor and into a group of bears. The bears start pulling "Mongo" up off the floor and they begin to straighten out his clothes and straighten out his hair. "Mongo" thanks them before rolling back into the ring. Dr. Strangelove kicks "Mongo" in the stomach and then forearms him across the face. He quickly locks in a headlock on "Mongo." "Mongo" struggles for a second but then Dr. Strangelove gives him a big wet kiss on the cheek of his mask.
: Oh God!
Dr. Strangelove tears off "Mongo's" mask to expose Magnus' face, and gives him a big wet kiss on his real cheek!
: OH MY GOD!
Magnus wraps his arms around Dr. Strangelove's waist, still in his headlock, and lifts him off his feet and slams Dr. Strangelove down with a back body suplex! Dr. Strangelove bounces off the back of his neck and flips over to his stomach. Magnus turns to his hands and pushes himself up, grabs the Mongo mask off the mat and puts it back on. Dr. Strangelove gets back to his feet. They charge each other and "Mongo" ducks a clothesline. Dr. Strangelove stops himself in the middle of the ring as "Mongo" runs and bounces off the ropes. "Mongo" ducks a spinning clothesline from Dr. Strangelove and bounces off the opposite ropes. Dr. Strangelove gets low and pops up "Mongo" onto his shoulders for a powerbomb! However, instead of powerbombing "Mongo," he holds him on his shoulders with his face right in "Mongo's" crotch. "Mongo" balances himself and readies for a powerbomb that doesn't come, so instead he gets angry and starts punching down on Dr. Strangelove's head. Dr. Strangelove then runs to the ropes and throws "Mongo" into the bears around ringside! One of the men catches "Mongo" in his arms and holds him like a baby. "Mongo" thanks him but then gets nuzzled by the guy.
James: Still a better love story than Twilight.
Venom: Dead meme.
"Mongo" struggles for a minute but then the bear tosses him back up to the apron. "Mongo" turns and thanks him for the help, and turns his attention back to Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove lunges at him but "Mongo" catches him with a knee to the face from the apron. "Mongo" flips himself over the top rope and behind Dr. Strangelove. He locks in a full-nelson and then quickly hits Dr. Strangelove with a full-nelson suplex and holds for a pin, 1.....2... KICKOUT! Dr. Strangelove shakes his head as he struggles to get to his feet. "Mongo" is fairly quickly up and circles around Dr. Strangelove. He wraps his arms around Dr. Strangelove's waist for a german suplex. He gets Dr. Strangelove off his feet briefly, but the Dr. blocks it and then circles around to "Mongo's" backside for a german suplex hug. Instead of german suplexing "Mongo" though he starts humping him vigorously. He then goes for a german suplex but "Mongo" spins out of it and wraps Dr Strangelove for another german suplex attempt. "Mongo" frees one arm though and starts forearming Dr. Strangelove in the back of the head repeatedly until Dr. Strangelove almost collapses. "Mongo" then locks in again and finally hits Dr. Strangelove with a german suplex onto the back of his head again!
Venom: Oh man, Magnu- I mean Mongo is stepping his game up!
James: He's done playing around!
"Mongo" gets up to his feet quickly as Dr. Strangelove struggles to get up himself. "Mongo" turns back to Dr. Strangelove and lunges at him with a superkick! Dr. Strangelove ducks it however and catches "Mongo's" legs and attempts to roll him up for a pin! Dr. Strangelove pulls the tights, exposing some of "Mongo's" backside and the bears at ringside start going crazy for it. The pin, 1.....2...KICKOUT by "Mongo!" "Mongo" rolls over his shoulders and back to his feet. He then lunges at Dr. Strangelove again and pulls the legs out from under Dr. Strangelove and drops him to his back. "Mongo" mounts Dr. Strangelove and starts punching away at him. Dr. Strangelove blocks the punches but locks his legs around "Mongo"s legs and "Mongo" suddenly finds himself stuck to Dr. Strangelove in the missionary position. "Mongo" struggles trying to free himself as Dr. Strangelove just laughs as he has him stuck in the most intimate of positions.
James: Jesus christ...
Venom: I'm done. I'm taking a break. Call me when this is over.
"Mongo" finally pushes himself away and off of Dr. Strangelove. "Mongo" sends himself back on his back and then pulls himself up as Dr. Strangelove continues to lay there. Dr. Strangelove could get up but he doesn't want to. Instead he lays there with his legs wide open for him and motions for "Mongo" to come back to him. "Mongo" walks over his hands on his hips and then just stomps Dr. Strangelove in the chest! Dr. Strangelove turns himself over and starts coughing in pain. "Mongo" motions for the end and starts to pull Dr. Strangelove up. Dr. Strangelove quickly rolls "Mongo" in a small package, 1....2....KICKOUT! They break away, "Mongo" loses his mask in the process, both get to their feet, and the Magnus CRACKS Dr. Strangelove in the jaw with a superkick! Magnus falls on top of him, 1.....2......3! Magnus raises his arms in victory! He rolls out of the ring and jumps onto the barricade to celebrate his win.
Winner by Pinfall: Magnus the Destroyer
James: WOW!
Venom: What a victory by... Magnus?
James: Technically?
Dr. Strangelove lays on the mat in pain as Magnus continues to celebrate. He hops back off the barricade and turns to find himself surrounded by the dozen bears. Magnus puts his hand up for high fives and gets a couple. However, one of them refuses to let go of Magnus' hand and won't let him go. Magnus' smile quickly fades as he tries to pull himself away but can't. Suddenly, they all start mobbing Magnus and quickly lift the victor over their heads.
: Tonight, you're one of us!
: Nooo!
The bears carry Magnus over their heads back towards the stage. A few climb back into the van, a few toss Magnus in with them, and the rest climb in. The last one shuts the van door behind him and the van spins it's tires before leaving the gymnasium with Magnus as a prisoner.
James: ....
Venom: ....
James: ...and next up, we have... Oh, Charlie Velez with an important message...
LIVE! Via sattalite Charlie Velez’ office undergoes an active shooter drill
Charlie Velez sits alone at his desk. He shuffles some papers around pretending to do work. He straightens out the papers, lifts them up to make sure they are all perfectly aligned. When he sees one out of place he straightens them again. As he straightens them the lights go out and then begin to flash and alarms begin to blare. Velez is shocked and the papers go flying.
"Damn it."
He exclaims as the papers fall through the air.
"What the hell is going on here."
He gets up pushing in his chair calmly and begins to walk towards the door to leave his office. The camera moves behind him as he moves towards the door to his office. He stops in his tracks as the door knob begins to slowly turn. Velez quickly moves with his back to the wall waiting for the door to open. When it does a man steps in wearing a ski mask with an automatic rifle in his hands. He steps in and closes the door behind him. When he closes the door Velez strikes from where he was hiding behind the door with a superkick to the jaw. The gun goes flying and the gunman falls to his knees.
"You come into my office with a gun?"
Velez reaches down and grabs the masked man. He lifts him up on his shoulders in the fireman's carry position. He walks with the man on his shoulders over to his desk and rises him up and drops him face first onto the hard mahogany desk. The masked man bounces off of the hardwood top of the desk screaming in pain as he does.
"Don't ever come into my place of business like that."
Just then the door bursts back open. It's Becky from HR.
"Oh no, Mr. Velez, what have you done."
"I've saved us all."
"That was just a drill. That's Rick from accounting. Don't you read your email? You were suppose to go into your panic room."
"Uh, my computer is broken."
Velez points to his melted computer and shrugs as Rick from accounting moans in pain and we cut.
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg come out together and Heavymetal-Borg is air guitaring to the music. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal head bangs until the match starts.
Venom: These two weirdos.
Mueller: Don’t you dress up and pla…
Venom: Shut up.
The lights to the gym shut off and the crowd begins to get on their feet in anticipation. The projection lights up on the main stage, showing the skyline of Atlanta and Ennio Morricone's "Ecstacy of Gold" begins to pour out of the gym speakers. Shots of Goldbear II trying to feast on salmon and cowboys riding horseback through the American West fill the projection. The crowd begins to sing with the music cheer for Goldbear II's appearances on the big screen. The final shot of "Ecstacy of Gold" has Goldbear catching and devouring a salmon in his mouth. Crowd massive pops for their favorite carnivore.
A lone harmonica for "Man with a Harmonica," by Morricone as well, begins to play while showing Goldbear II dining on a bloody feast of salmon. As the harmonica begins to the pick up and is accompanied by an electric guitar, Venom is shown in the video, and then James Mueller, and even Charlie Velez. It cuts back to Goldbear II and then action shots of Venom, Mueller and Velez. Eventually the song breaks down and goes right into "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood. More action shots of the Guns are shown before "THE YOUNG GUNS" come up in text on the projection. The "Young" flickers off and it now reads "THE GUNS."
The crowd pops as Venom and Mueller walk out in front of the projection and onto the main stage. The lights flash with every drum pop in the song. Both men look amped to be here and begin to walk down to the ring. Behind them on the main stage, Goldbear II comes out, dick and balls exposed, to the delight of every fan in attendance and watching at home. Mueller jogs up the stairs to the corner of the ring and pauses on the apron. He sways a little as he approaches the middle of the apron, one hand on the top rope. He leans towards the crowd, looks out, shakes his head at them with a smirk on his face, and then throws himself through the middle ropes on his feet. He spins around on his feet with his arms out to bit of nostalgic cheer. He jerks his arms to his sides and then calms himself down. Venom gets up to his feet and begins walking towards the ring and stops in front of the ring and looks from left to right with his hood still on and then enters the ring. Venom walks to the stairs with Goldbear II close behind walks up the stairs and across the ring apron to the middle. He and Goldbear enter the ring one at a time and walk to the center where he drops to one knee again and points to the sky. Venom and Mueller both meet up in the ring with a fist bump as they begin to take off their jackets and any accessories before the match starts.
Mueller: The champs are here.
Venom: That is a copyrighted phrase and we have received a cease and desist.
Mueller: Already?
Venom: Unfortunately.
The champs hand the titles to the ref and he hooks them onto the clip. The clip raises into the sky and when it is in place the ref calls for the bell and instantly the champions strike. Both borgs stumble backwards from the surprising shots. They hold themselves up on the ropes and Mueller runs at them and clotheslines them both over the top and to the outside. Venom meanwhile runs and slides out of the other side of the ring and grabs a ladder from the outside that was guarded by Goldbear II. Venom slides the ladder into the ring where Mueller is waiting to receive it while on the other side of the ring the Borgs pull themselves up to their feet on Mecha-Goldbear. The Borgs look up to see Mueller set up the ladder and begin to climb. They both quickly slide into the ring and run towards Mueller who is on the ladder, but Mueller hears them coming and jumps off of the ladder and knocks them both down with a cross body.
Venom: What a leap.
Mueller: That Mueller is so athletic.
While all three men are now down Venom slides back in the ring and runs to the ladder. He begins to climb while the Borgs and Mueller get back to their feet. He gets to the top of the ladder and has ahold of the titles when something sweeps the ladder out from under him and Venom crashes to the mat. It wasn’t the Borgs, it wasn’t Mueller, Mecha-Goldbear reached out with one of his arms go-go-gadget style and swept the ladder out from under Venom. Venom rolls on the mat in pain.
Mueller: What I fall. I don’t know how Venom can recover from that.
Venom: At his age it might take him longer to recover, but never count him out.
The interference but Mecha-Goldbear enrages Goldbear II and the bear runs at full bear speed around the ring and leaps on the large machine. Mecha-Goldbear just wipes him away like a booger hanging from his nose, though, and Goldbear II hits the ground. In the ring Venom is out on the mat with his hands on his back as the Borgs are up to their feet. Mueller doesn’t wait for them to recover fully and charges and knocks them each with a right hand. First heavymetal is rocked then evil is rocked, then heavymetal, then evil, then heavymetal, then evil and it continues until both Borgs are barely standing. Mueller lifts up heavymetal and lands him with a vertical drop brainbuster he calls Cult of Personality. Heavymetal is nailed and rolls out of the ring. Mueller moves over to the dazed Evil Borg, but he jumps back when a laser strike flies right passed his face.
Mueller: What the hell was that?
Venom: I think a laser just shot from Mecha-Goldbear.
Mueller: Good thing they prepared for this.
They didn’t prepare for this and Mueller looks shook. These are real lasers and Mueller has no clue what to do. He is looking around trying to figure out what just happened and another laser shoots in his direction. He narrowly avoids the shot and Evil Borg uses the distraction to blindside Mueller with a running leaping knee strike. Mueller is hit hard and hits the ladder face first. He stumbles back and Evil Borg grabs him and throws him over the top rope. Evil begins to climb the ladder, but Venom has recovered and he climbs up the other side. The two meet at the top of the ladder and Venom quickly gains the advantage landing a right hand on Evil and then another, and another. Evil is dazed and Venom grabs him by the head. He begins to pull Evil up and grabs him to toss him off of the top of the ladder, but he lets go and jumps off when a laser strike flies by his head. Venom lands on his feet on the mat. On the outside Goldbear II has recovered and had enough of Mecha-Goldbear and climbs on his back and begins to claw at Mecha-Goldbear’s shoulders ripping parts off. Venom is on his feet and grabs the ladder to shake Evil off, but before he can Evil recovers and grabs the titles. He pulls on them as Venom shakes the ladder and Venom pulls it out from under Evil, but before he does Evil unhooks the belts and falls to the mat with them in hand.
Winners and NEW XHF Tag Team Champions: The Borgs
Mueller: They did it. The Borgs won.
Venom: They’re going to take the titles back to the Afterward.
Mueller: The where?
Confetti begins to fall from the ceiling as Evil gets up to his knees and looks like he might be crying under his helmet mask thing. Heavymetal slides into the ring and takes his title from Evil and begins to air guitar with his title. Meanwhile Venom is too his feet and he’s yelling towards the announcers table.
Venom: Venom is yelling at us. What could we want? He, he is asking my partner, the commissioner to allow their rematch, right now! My partner has agreed. The rematch will start, right now!
A ref slides in the ring and calls for the bell. The Borgs have no idea what is going on. Heavymetal continues to air guitar until Mueller runs at him and nails him with a clothesline. Venom runs and nails Evil with a shinning wizard. Venom reaches down and lifts Evil up and picks him up and pops up Evil and Mueller catches Evil on the way down to nail the pop-up codebreaker. Venom dives on Evil for the pin and the three count.
Winners and NEW XHF Tag Team Champions: The Guns
Mueller: They did it, they won the gold, again.
Venom: The Champions have regained their gold and now will turn their attention to the XHF Rumble.
Mueller: Who will they face?
Venom: Probably some scrubs, but that’s another day. Tonight they celebrate.
Mueller: See you next time on the best show on the Network, the Gun Show.